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  • MAD Magazine 122 (1968)

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    124 vistas52 páginas

    MAD Magazine 122 (1968)

    Cargado por

    juan
    revista mad

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Descargue como PDF o lea en línea desde Scribd
    Marcar por contenido inapropiado
    de 52
    piece Modern Fee ae GG. Ges Manufacturer, ven’ cICE eg ONCE HAD SUCH ABABSEASON ee eee & AND CONTINUE - a Greed vs se 15 YEARS 7) IP A ViTHOUT i] STOPPING « i) eco C= at Ringe, ( awrite and reporter, LIVED WITH THE PITTSBURG STEELERS FOR'SIX MONTHS WHILE POSING. ASONE OF THEM A y (ON FEB. 12,1967, A DESPONGENT WAN SICOD ON A 12 FLOOR LEDGE (OF THE BOSTON HILTON, AeOUT TO GOWMIT SUICIDE... AND YET, THE CROWD DID NOT YELL FOR Ra HIM TO JUMP! ATS LIKELY THAT EITHER BE COMMITTED” OR Evewruacey >< jounrcAan $A08 | 1A 35 STORY LUKURY RESORT fi teh. WAS ERECTED IN 1965, ANO TO THE "AMAZEMENT OF ALL, WAS WOT" OSTENTATIOUS ox GAUDY. - Sitter NUMBER 122 OCTOBER 1968 VITAL FEATURES “GENTEEL é % BEN" “A kiss isvalid proof that toe heade are better than one! {MAD TV Alfred E. Neuman SATIRE) Pg.7 WILLIAM M, GAINES puilisher ALBERT B, FELDSTEIN editor JOHN PUTNAM ort diveciar LEONARD BRENNER predtion JERRY DeFUCCIO, NICK MEGLIN atoctne eters JACK ALBERT lewenie GLORIA ORLANDO, CELIA MORLLI ‘CUIETIS ANDERSON sybscrinriany (CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS. the usual sara-of Bate IOANZECCA, DEPARTMENTS BERG'S-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENT The Lighter Side of Hair see... ec ceeeeeee -38 BUTT OUT! DEPARTMENT When We Havo The Future “Leng-Long” Cigarette ........29 CORN ON THE MACABRE DEPARTMENT DEADLY cwveauars DEPARTENT pero FAMOUS FUNNIES DEPARTMENT Pg. 23 MAD's Updated Comic Strip Heroes JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT Spy Ve. Spy... eee oe LETTERS DEPARTMENT Random Samplings Of Reader Mail ., MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT** iM i" FUTURE Vs. "Gad Guy" Pennants “LONG-LONG" PIECE CANDIDATE DEPARTMENT CIGARETTE MAD's Ideal Presidential Candidate Pg.23 76 SITARS DEPARTMENT ‘The Hippie Man ‘SPOOKING FROM PICTURES DEPARTMENT Horrifying Clichés . TAKE THREE! DEPARTMENT Mo Ne utes jugss Who's Throwing Up Dinner?" ... “In Cold Blaceh" 2... SIDE OF “The Post-Graduate”, Bea HAIR Po. 36 TOM, DICK AND HARRIED DEPARTMENT A.CBS Summer Memo Ta The Smothored Brothers ........13 ‘TROUBLE!S A-BRUIN DEPARTMENT “Gentecl Ben” (A MAD TV Satire)... eee ceeeceeeee 7 WIN, PLACE AND SNOW DEPARTMENT You May Have Alroady Read This ...... 80 “*Various Places Around The Magazine we SMa td a Rogar UPTIGHT? TRY LOSING YOUR eon ee BLOW YOUR MIND WITH ANY (OR ALL 36 MAD PAPERBACK BOOKS! ‘ON SALE AT ALL BOOKSTANDS— ‘OR YOURS BY MAIL FOR SO¢ EACH _----- use coupon or duplicate ~ MAD 495 MADison Avenue New ¥ork, N.¥.10022 PLEASE SEND ME: ig Ez aE 25 Fie = i ‘coooono at HE EE Ee E MAD Saxepler or et. MAD rl is Seah vg ea ART Barra Bek ARATINape 18 Sees ye copia ie AVE BERG Looks At The USA. AVE BERE Looks At People span S94 Ealow Uy fie PAMAD Leck at Gia Meaies ‘AUATFEE Shape Roawers viva maa I ENCLOSE SOc FOR BAGH! ‘Plum 260 Fontage & Packaging, ‘on alt orders under $2.00 NAME. as Mponesss mo Cengage Bee, Waa AY. GEE iam, vee wip BLUE-EYED KOOK With regard to your satire, "Blue-Eyed Kook” in MAD #120, whar we have there isa failure to communicate Kelly Canoe Burhank, Calif Only Communiats, atheists, of MAD would have the audacity man Tike Paul Newman, who is the epit- fome of all that i¢ sacred in. the world. Let ite knows: T have sacrificed sy last cheeseburger to purchase your masazi ‘Monica L.Cloutiee 1 Falls, Wisc ‘Without a dovbt, “Bluc-Byed Kook was one of youe greatest satires. Tt wis perfect, And anyone wha doesn’t think so ‘goes inte the “Box”! ‘Howaed Franklin No, Hollywood, Calif ‘THE MAD HATE BOOK—VOI “the MAD Hate Book—Vel. your July issue (2120) was really funny thar is, if you compare ie x0 the rest fof she junk i your magazine Katya Goncharolt Brooklya, N.Y. Don't you hate magazines that print stupendous articles (ike “The MAD Hate Book" ) and then waic one Full year to print sequels to them? Pepin Marti San Joan, PR. {really broke up over "The MAD Hate Book Val. II" Don you hate grit artie «les thataren't Long enough? Chris Shcewood Smograwn (P'gh.) Pa “The MAD Hate Book—Vel was “The MAD Hate Book minded. of all the things you hate by some stupid article in some stupid magazine? Geol Miller Pulacki, N.Y Bont you hate being BO YOU KENTA THIS? on ‘Waru wengi ends MAD mauri sana hapa Kenya, Sisi soma MAD mbili kes Kwaheri ‘Africa [ee el THE GREAT SOCIETY ALPHABET BOOK ‘The Jacohe & Brindle! masteepicces “The Great Society Alphabet Book,” alls to MAD's repucation a8 being one af the 20th Century's greatest moral publica Bruce H. oggess Colorade Seate Penitentia Saif you've been reading this arte! meraf Publication, what ara you deing there? —Ed. From the “American Flas” to the "Zl lions of Wasted Dollars,” i¢ was a work of Rober Githoot Tamia, Florida BULLING YOUR WAY THROUGH EXAMS ‘Thank your fine article MAD's ‘ABC Method of fa ing Your Way ‘Through Final Exams You haw is for using MAD don't have to send heave wrapper any anere. MAD ARTICLES YOU NEVER GOT TO SEE With *Some MAD Acticles You Never Got To Sce” you have reached your peat. You have sitirized yourself, You are probably the firse magazine to.de-this, and I doube whether any otbie will have the nerve to follow. Congratulations! Sandie Hleachel Faie Laven... cx of "Some Gor To 5: Tim ghd we dida'e! Mack Raymond Harrison, own As far a3 those examp MAD Arce: (We) Never MAD Antsles (We) Never Got Tam seriously letiog the possibility of cancelling setiption to your magisine aml subscribing to your érash eas of the SPECIAL GROSS SUBSCRIPTION RATE Alsbough other prices have inceeased though the yours, F would lke to kaow if your “Special Gross Subscription” rate as stated in MAD oc? You know! "24,000 istues for only $3000 ‘Michael Gold Lincolnwood, It Neve York, New York 10022 WHY NOT HAVE THE NEXT ISSUE SENT DIRECTLY TO YOUR HOME? ARTIST: PAUL COKER, 48, SUBSCRIBE TO 5 MADicon Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10023 ‘enclose $5.00*. Enter my name om your subscription list, and mail me the next 19 issues af MAD Magazine, NAMG SR ADDRESS. city. ‘STATE zip-coae —__ iY ale Money Gi hh ge a a ahaa, pa itahal Went de et NO THROUGH TRUCKING baie ute ab, a trom or repua 2a ioe an te cae et men fen Avene: Rew Yorke Fart 8003 FAMOUS FUNNIES DEPT. ‘knioy MAD'S UPDATE CLARKE eee oe LYNDON BUMSTEAD D COMIC STRIP HEROES segue BEE? 20. a_i TSS = |EANWHILE, BACK AT THE HOUSE. eS ees Tiusted you the LAST time «when | posed as (] wtagsiowt De you have any (| ioe now hummiating it was to stop al avery hydrant when that €ap sot suspicious? That's tho bear, aig ‘The plan is perfect! Ew ‘ime we pull a job, we the bear first! Afte ‘we set humm free, pl some of the loat an Oh, Ben... you grunt ty Got him! Now hurry . eraed PU | scscset er ae eae i h, Ban = => ~<7_{ THE NEXT MORNING ...|" << Chicas HK spur RON SPAZAT yey PoP: SPOP, Spop \V NED Hal sae OF ROBBERIES FS, EVERGLADES ANDOM Jane BROKER INTO FLORIDA TRUST co. OBBED ONLY CL! -LUES: BEAR PR Lie AND eres a CROOK with FUNNY: | - ED = AND SWEET Quite frankly, Ms yet] | means ete Suman You're right, jarabl Von Bent It guess I sd wher o 24 | [0st my bead on sent sorry wake hands wit eatd that tne Everglades Jewelry mahlion eme ‘ar even su orn pecting you Store was robbed afew hours a30 ..- Soe Taen't Believe yout! ‘A geod opening, maybel Gut what's he ot for avtinisht yeunever io teveh ‘vaunontl you've fat'some sears! TOM, DICK AND HARRIED DEPT. CONSIDERING THE PROBLEMS THEY HAD LAST SEASON, HERE IS MAD'S VERSION OF. A CBS-TV SUMMER MEMO TO MICTSMOMIEREDISROMIERS) ARTIST: JAGK RICKARD. WRITTEN GY; RONNIE NATHAN WHEN YOU RETURN THIS FALL... taney, nore, bat don't offo0d ReeTtponer who's your network's friend Bo run, bays, tut coupronize thh these she pay to aarertine. bout conseretaia ao not Joke, Sea cut the. coughing whom you" sxoke. pon‘ quip about eoupetere, ploaze, Grrida the ante companies, Gent teugh aatergents down the drat Gr ject about tne Donte kid the cor ted ia you ot tho tolennene. Beet dah the nan move Bottae=tanned, Gate the wit that ites the Aaa... ET ©) boys, but dor n't offend '& On hon we dopeca art hid the mp: tes, vil Rightg,.. 0? Bo funny, boys, but not too edd, For heaven's sake, don't mention God. Be funny, boys, but its tabao To clown with Catholic or Jew. You uay not spoof, it's understeed, The sacredness of ‘Motherhood Rofrain fron cracks that might conpél Such blasphenies as Gaga or Holl, Don't speak of sex in your routine, Recenter you must keep it elean. Refer to breast as chest instead, And couch in other words, 9 bed. Won in the coursa, of cur employ, Nio interJectien 1ika "Belshoi!™, Aside from that, boys, do feel froo To knock "ex ond for old C.D. (CORN ON THE MACABRE DEPT, A MAD para Aegis ESrS¥s, Niaws wavlinere er oni Inte neve 1 ibaa Wa Mbtowton MANE (hee i pul w Hoy ede x 3 zl 3 é a 5 gi 3 3 4 a a 2 q P| g Q DEADLY GIVEAWAYS DEPT. What's the worst part of being hame sick during the day? Why, it’s having to watch "Daytime TY”, of coursel Not that the “Soap Operas” are so bad, tn fact, even the fiftieth re-run af “My Little Margie” has a cer- ‘ain historical value, What's really tough to take, especially in that weakened condition, are those stupid Wy “Gome Shows"! Who is responsible for these time-wasting, nauseating spectacles? Come along as we visit... 4 \ MAD’s “TV Game Show” ; i Originator Of TheYear | JG) Hoito, I'm Frank MeGeek far MAD Magazine, | Tell vs, Mr Well, Frank, laiways | | no, HUMILIATION! Ifa wife ean make eo ane thing ir nind. —) her husband look like an iit, ar bie The F¥ public ioves— [~]can make his parent out to be 2 dunder- r [_pesd, that show has got to succeed! rts sce | [Foca irieyess tin maps [Sours si aoe Well, that They're taping certainly another one of I What's buriliating! what se the! contestants chuck Ob, that's too bad, Mrs, Dingle! Your poofed! You Fiaish [] On—hotvheb—i seal And [You mean you the |i] which one da you choose ually een question, ‘Albect! ‘aUNdS Tik9 ge hax no ‘moral character at alll ee Prag ver, || trsbeomse Chuck, te | | thayee wained foticed th at my spect ‘allofyeur_| | TV Game Show Game Show | |Emeses 1oox, act, and sound allked Wav! Look at those prizes | | bring wnewted inta that lEmeee School «. More smite, Brad! More ‘smite still ean't see your 12year molars! eel What elael? Prazticing ‘mueh fun ae we had “That's the way. thebalt ounces!” Manutacturers || Are you kidding?! We MAKE a forunegiving [| that stuth away! ‘Toll me, Mr, Barris? saverrt tastes changing? Isn't nice, homey tyne Brogrammning a litle RESET Aron'E Talks icemanding more controversy on thele PAY us to giveaway their products! Plage, my boy. Plugs!’ | "em |controversial” TV Game Shows! ‘Let me run off @ few prot ‘films ta shaw yau what | neon! Congratulations, Mrs Just one! We Glick! You have just ‘don't waste wor an RCA ColaeTV ‘ime asking ‘ct, aWestinghouse Ihave to. [M questions! It Washer Dryer, oG.£. [Ml anewer to f tokes time win all fM) away from ‘naming Products... Welcome, Ladies ang Gentlemen, to Gnuck M, Borris’s new television arte show «the show ‘at pits Husband against wile in one of the most ‘pressing problems af ‘our tines | “Sonal inadequacy"! You ain'tseen nothin’ yet, Frank! Skip to the next one, a fons"! Only Pm Naving a litle ling Ht toa sponsor! SENATOR EUGENE McCARTHY VICE-PRESIDENT. HUBERT HUMPHREY GOVERNOR NELSON ROCKEFELLER, SENATOR CHARLES H. PERCY PRESIDENT. GOVERNOR LYNDON B. JOHNSON: RONALD REAGAN PIECE CANDIDATE DEPT. In November, America will choose between the candi- dates of the two major political parties, and one of them will become President of the United States But what about the other fine men wha have vied for their Party's choice at recent National Conventions? And what about the othee great men who weren't even in the running? IF only we could take the best qual- ities of each and forge them into ane ideal Presi- dential Candidate! If we could, we'd come up with MAGAZINE’S sina IDEAL PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE Conceived by Lou Silverstone Researched by Max Brandel EX-PRESIDENT DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER MAYOR, EX-VICE PRESIDENT JOHN V. LINDSAY RICHARD M. NIXON HERE IS JX,AVANIDS IDEAL “TALK-TO~-HIGHBROW" EYEBROWS President Hubert Humphrey ‘THE “EAR-TO-THE-RIGHT” RIGHT EAR OF Mayor John ¥. Lindsay : yp THE “UNMITIGATED CHEEK” CHEEKS OF... THE “LAUGHING. UP.HIS.SLEEVE™ GRIN OF THEE “CREDIBILN Governor Nelson Rockefeller Ex-Fres. Dwight D. Eisenhower ally} PRESIDENTIAL GANDIDATE! a4 THE “CONSERVATIVE HEAD” OF HAIR OF Governor Ronald Reagan ‘THE “EYES-ON-THE-WHITE-HOUSE* EYES OF Governor Mark Hatfield y : \ ’ p} THE “ERR-TO-THE-LEFT™ LEFT LAR OF President Lyndon B. Johnson FAP CREATED BY THE “STICK-YOUR-CHIN-WAT-OUT” CHIN OF ‘THE MSHILING LINES" SMILE-LINES OF .. I Politicians Senator Eugene McCarthy Senator Charles H. Percy Either you're tuning yourselves out to a situation you dan’ wish 10 lig. or you re ust ot hip to the magnitude of disastec incicated by the eppearance-ef a bathtul in this hore Hippie Community! Well _] Ya got wouble; my friends aight here, fe right here in Haight-Ashbury! ima Flower Child— Certainly mighty proud—t say I'm always mighty proud tosay itt Veonider the tepe take with acubein.my hand tobe golden Help you te achieve a blown mind, a hot head and an Dijever try ‘take a Leary-eyed trip in.a tub-all foamed with Dist But just as say it takes loft dit, sun and manure, my fiends, To grow flowersin your hair— {say that any square in his binhday suitcan turn on a faucet ‘And [call that "Clean"! ‘The first weong step on the road to the depths of Sanitation! Isay first comes medicinal “tea from a keto ‘Then “coke” fram a bo ile—And the next thing you know oor pak ae gli ther air cutina Barber chart fenin' to some television Loudmouth — in’ him tell about spray deodorant the wholesome smell of sweat, No! Butan aerosol spray that comes ina cant «i Like to have your “Love-t” date smelling’ like Katy Winters? That rattle yaur beads? Well, | should hope! Friends, le'me make it very clear— Ya gotone—two-hot and cold water faucetson a bathtub! Faucets that make the dif'rence beiveen any Hippie and Me. Clean Witla capital °C” and that rhymes with "B” and that stands for BATH And all week long, our Haight-Ashbury youth'l he scrubbin away {say all cur youth il be scrubbin’ Scrubbin’ away their Mareh-time, Riot-time, Trip-time, tool Got the “Dash in the washer, never mind gettin’ necklaces strung, ‘Or the flowers watered, or the burlap sewed! And never mind filehin’ any "Acid Till the Communes are caught with thelr Sugar Cubes dry ‘Ona Saturday night'cause of bubbles! ‘Them soap-smellin’, hell-raisin’ Beelzebub-les! Hay thinkin’ af the boys in thei blue jeans ‘An’ miniskirted girls Climbing into tubs just to take a BATH! ‘Ya got trouble, gang-right here in Haight-Ashbury! Trouble! w capital “1 and that rhymes with "@" and that stands for BATH! Now | knaw all you cats are the right kind of Hippies Sa 'm gonna be perfectly frank Would you like to know what’ gonna happen Once the kids start soakin’ in a tub? They start thinkin’ about schoo!-thinkin’ about work Smokin® buts you ean buy in a store legal! An’ braggin® about the material things they'll get from the coupnnst he bad night, they'll leave our“Sit-in’— Headin’ for their own prevate bathtubs— ‘Clean-cut men and well-serubbed women and LATHER! Horrible stuff thar'l have yout sans and your daughters Up to their necks in soap and water! DISINFECTION Friends, a clean fant is the White Knight's tool! 1d Fathers of Haight Aghbury! Heed my ‘warnin’ before it's !90 tate! Wateh for the tell tala signs of Clean Living! The minute your Wis feavestha pad. dows he stick his indian Beads in his packet? Are there regular loater-type shoes on his feet? "TV Guide" hidden in hist Ching? he startin’ tormemorize lines from Ronald Resgan'= ‘speeches? Are certain phraseserceping into vocabulany—tike "getting a job’ and "making some thing of mysell"F ifs9, my friends TREN 1 Man, we got trouble! Rightheve in Haight-Ashbury! Right here it San Francisco! With a capital "We" ard that shymes with “B And thatstands for BATH! That stands for BATH! We gotta figure out away To keep-our Hippies off the twery path! ARTIST: GEORGE WOODBRIDGE — WAITER: CONKIE DEL VENTO MEmEEE seco co comm eco comme cme Mann PSUS JOKE AND DAGGER DEPT. PART II meee momm BUTT OUT! DEPT. Once upon a time, all the cigarettes were “Regular” guys, and each one enjoyed his own fair share of the market. Then one of them got ambitious So he grew a few mill longer and crowned himself “King”. And soon, “King” was gathering more than his share of the market. Which made the other cigarettes angry. So they all revolted and added enough millimeters to become “Kings” too. Then things finally settled down, and everyone had his fair share ef the market once more. Until one of them got ambitious again. This time, he grew and grew until he was a neat, clean 100 millimeters long. So of course, all the other cigarettes grew to be 100 millimeters long. And it looked like things would settle down again, But they didn't. Now, there's real trouble this time! Chester- field has opened the door to what promises to be a full-scale escalation of the Cigarette ‘War. They've come out with the “Chesterfield 101” —just a silly millimeter longer, but oh the chaos it promises! Already there are rumors that Lucky Strike is planning a 102” . . . Tareyton is experimenting with a “103”... Old Gold is working on a “105”... and others are doubtlessly designing “108’s,” “110's,” “120’s’, and so forth . So now, let's take a look at the consequences of this mad race and see what is bound to happen WHEN WE HAVE THE FUTURE “LONG-LONG’ CIGARETTE ARTIST & WAITER: AL JarrcE Te —=r DIED OF LUNG CANCER ey ee SAREE illimeters Long 14 RTE 5 EERE TY ee ERS sees 85 Millimeters Long The “100”. 100 Millimeters Long The “01, - . 101 Millimeters Long Lee 1,000, 000,0 q SOLVING THE PROBLEMS CREATED BY Ia mild weather, this simple, attractive, collapsible, enjoy developing fancy steering datioatore Long-Long Cigarette Suppecter will noi will take Walter Mitty-type pleasure in daydreaming burton 20 use. Many smokers will that they are operating an exciting craft of some sor. ‘only be functio waterproof plastic tube. Controls in the pusher-handle ‘will activate rudder and clevators, and wide wheel base ‘vill prevent tipping while maneuvering in strong Busts. In foul or inclement weather, this more complex Long~ ite Supporter will prevent any wind oF rain gareite will rest snbg and safe in flreproof, Retailing The “Long: Long” 000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 THE FUTURE “LONG-LONG” CIGARETTE Lighting Up The “Long-Long” cial “Long-Long” would! suddenly ght to delight fuiure advertisers who covers in which ‘And lighters would have to be designed with special telescoping devices for extending fume to end of cigarette (===> —=<=I Carrying The “Long-Long 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000, ADVANTAGES OF SMOKING THE F inthe fre, working people Wl joy cleat 000, 000,000, 0,000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 00, 00, 00, ono, 100, 000,000,000,000, 000,000,004 UTURE “LONG-LONG” CIGARETTE : oe a Noone will want ta bum a Long (Of course, you happen to be on the other end of jo pretend that they're “fresh out” when: so a firadvat 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 MILLIMETERS LONG 2 SPOOKING FROM PICTURES DEPT. Hey, gang] It's time once again for MAD's nutty old “Cliché Monster” game. Here's how it works: Take any familiar phrase or colloquial expression, give it an eerie setting so you create a new-lype monster, and you're playing it. Mainly, you're— i 7 Dissolving a PARTNERSHIP a Ro-arranging a SCHEDULE ga Curbinga VORACIOUS APPETITE TacklingaTOUGHASSIGNMENT = 35 BERG'S-EVE VIEW DEPT. THE — Cutting Brushing LIGHTER CiStana straightening Shampooing Faking SIDE OF Sia Curling Removing... iTyau tink that's oP Wi, Paull TAM turned around rigs, you cuehe 9 "| Tum arour (antes secur) face Je solean see you! [Look They've ot saleon| ~~ ‘OH, MY GOODNESS! ISNT wigs! Jurtforthefun of | | THIS RIDICULOUS! WHY, | it, think CIty ane ant /OULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD| 1N ONE OF THESE THINGS! wHATa Hom co r FTmreeeupe) [_rmreally touched ‘you lke that? | just about |__| that you're suddenly 1 [My itis ie 3 i ‘ematies | | xo thoughtful about has suddenty thaean! your Daddy! own UPE - HAIR ARTIST & WRITER; DAVE BERG ‘A least those stupid hss Look st you! Hair dowa to who started itail had a yourshoulderst Hair hanging in thal ideale ang ai cause’, foolish as it was! ‘Over your fate! Hair sticking Tdon't knew whether I've. I They were thumbing their ‘ut ail over! You're nothit inoses at the Establishment! 23 Butyou don't even have a ‘cauco? You're just because everyone ef How vain") ( So—everybody doesn't Jean you get?| | have to know! By letting So whatit || my halr grow long on one yau're || sideand flapping it over, aiding? || neane ever suspects! cleopatha. I worry about my daughter— and that érowd she's running ‘aroun wien. with their icons ew Moray" ‘And worry about my zon—| ‘nith hishotshot driving! Eveey time he borrows the car, he turns inte 3 eowbeyt Okay! Just 33 BATHING CAP? Are you kidding? Tknow! But this way, people THINK Ido! soon as! puton "You naven't getenauigi hair to fy bathing e2p! keep catof your eves! Te PPLE a TooemaGshe) [Myeeadeaa!) (Tatevenanearay Wall you cont Wearesyeu | | vnlcey aut you Soy they act cu Tooke | | surcheveritgves make a ose ove slasiineushcat| | “Yous tector sal Sod Hontoe Hl : marly sed she make you tel? Tdeay youre betterlooking ow woth gray hairthan you a tell them Iwas going #9 the Better Business Bureau! Fd germane my money back in ‘ull Ard Td theeaten them with a lat gut! That's what Twouldda il ware you! theblamethaahe should find out that I usedt that inde fve oF ax } otter THEY should get (Bay, thee agvertisors area bunch TFT were you, Fa (| offakers! they guerantee at east | | write that campany ten shaves from one of their stain 2 resi nasty etter! lea shel blades only used this at mas an already i WHAT KIND OF A PHONY PLACE 15 THIS, ANYWAYE. WanrER THERE'S ‘A DISGUSTING HAIRY INSECT IN MY SOUP! sa phony yearn, Maced) Yept still want ta run through my} hairs? You Dboautifal | could ul i. barofeatod! iehairis in throwst iia Why shouldnt ike nT bee you in every other ey! ou changed tha) [De ou realways complaining Sotorofyour hate | [tka nates when | color yu dl Ad thee V —= ime noticed i ich that never naties when you change the calor af irhalt, and this time sway, eisn'k IF ‘Veah, butwith ‘shoes onl |lehanged the color of fy hae 2 weak po! TLL RAISE MP ON WHOIS THIS OTHER ‘WOMAN You WERE WITH? You wece wearing your Blonde wig'! Wall far one thing, to be DIFFERENT! ustdian't want olook like one of those 9405 squares! Aisa, it made me look fiiso, Itgave-me a certain OLDER... .and WISER! ‘AIR OF DISTINCTION! ‘But mostiy, grew 8 beard becauseit makes ime look se MASCULINE WIN, PLACE AND SNOW DEPT. YOU MAY HAVE ALREAD ‘The newest thing in junk mail is the “You May Have Already Won . ..” gimmick! Supposedly, the results of 2 contest have already heen decided, and all you have to do Is rush down to ‘2 store, or mail in your lucky umber, and collect your loot! Although your chance of being a winner is stil 2 zillion to ane, the gimmick is a success hhecause it manages to hook you into falling for the rest of the advertising pitch. MAD can see the day when this type of approach will be carried a bit too far, like frinstance: SELECTIVE SERVICE SYSTEM Washington, D.C. eam, SESTTT-ONEE YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY BEEN EXEMPT FROM THE DRAFT! Greetings! every month, countless thousands of young wan are turned away by the Selective Service Syste, op dawn to your Local Induction conter, snow Sgt. Chick N. Nuncos your nucber [above] , ahd find eut if you're one of the tucky ones? ny tine after 6:00 A.M. on Tuesday, waren dth, ¥il1 be fine, as long as it isn't after 6:05 A-l ind Just in case you're not a winner, bo sure to bring your Loothbrush and ehaving Qquipeent with you,. .because you nay be Staying with us a while. Sincerely yours, stlvester Seott, Director 0 Local Draft Board 5 YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY A 1968 CADILLAC or a luxurious full-length MINK COAT cor ony of 12,000 ater scoush TStTE @ 12218 sob Se Pont uae HAB inthe mae ea Golden Sweepstakes snd hy can: own TO YOUR NEAREST RETCHALL DRUGSTORE ante SHne HE WICH ROMUCRED ALESLERK ‘YOUR LUCKY NUMBER: FX 96002287 jury, youre only ping, te (e's rummy pseu Oa Tourbe too mbar asd te lane Bee gre weiner Suyng ome TUL IN TOUR KAME AND. ADDRESS BEFORE CLALMING YOUR PRIZE SWE CAN SEL TE ‘70 OTHER COMPANIES LOOSING FOR SUCKERS NAME, ADDNESE ery ZONE. start — sl eee we YOU MAY HAVE ALREADY — | HEARD THIS MOVIE IS A BOMB! | But w intellectual’ snub, Se EOD Elife ee ‘STARRING: Elia Dee & Mary Whana The Preak-outs | iweasonm | Y READ THIS! ARTIST: JO ORLANDO D> MOTOR COMPANY Dearborn, Michigan WRITER: EL1 STEIN S67G585456 Wo. Dear Custone YOU MAY ALREADY BE SUING US! However, if you are the ownar of the ni car vith the serial nusber inserted abow and you haven't had your accident pot rush your car By ‘down to your local ‘Furd Dealer's Serviea Doparteent. (Whatever you de, don't try to drive tt ini fa'll pay for ‘the towing!) neq about your defective brakes, and we're doing our bast to contact {he owsers of all 60,759 cara that slipped. past our Brake Aeseably Inapaction Dépt. merve gotten to you in tine, your Pure De {i overhaul your brake system ab- solutely free. But Af sofre too late, wo hope that you are new fully recovered and back on your foat. Just have your Lawyer got fn touch with Us and wa"l1 settle out of court Wo Just Let Respectfully yours, Charles Finucane Vieo President, Recall Dept. LICERSE NUMBER: SUMMONS R-1768 You MAY BE NOT GUILTY OF THE FOLLOWING CHARGES: [CU DRWING WHILE DRUNK oy Exeeeoine THE SPEED LIMIT [Cy PARKING ILLEGALLY + PASSING THROUGH A REO LIGHT [PASSING a FUL sTORSion (STOPPING AT AOREEN LT Pomme Beezeses [Ey MAKING AN ILLEGAL TURK hy not show up st Central Traffic Court ane woek trom th Sa GE St Aland fina cut Homover, | youll IME date ot 5500 Mj poner to plead “Not Gully aul only Be tor amore gaye Im court, and tho Jugae will stil dae eter you Remember, #2 jour word against mine! EAST CA. NATION. BONNIE NARSIE AL BANK br tien SPECIAL CHECKING ACCOUNT NO 588 03 2890387 Z YOU MAY AL READY BE OVERDRAWN? ET you're the t: you arey vont tee YP tcal achnook we ES Sean We zreinbly aiveaay welticn ance can cover” ecks than your bal~ Maybe you made a ais: tlonlfPe,ven made « ais Yeu haa core ther ako 4a subtra 8 tack, and yo Fiaured He ack and yor Tieure your wite pasa toc Wardrobe by check om or para tire nev Spring aot te enter fe Th any ease, yeu! So why nat drop s 99 possible, and die des with Mr, Pinste: m to arrange a lean for (hich Cieures out to Your math}. Hots alae Fect Line te the Pott Rene conareie. Fens and ror. fo te as op ve ig akon na. Ae, fe iae ie wee ber, You have a friend at East OU TVG ALREADY BE SAVED! pa | a 3 Once again, we proudly present our ‘Annual Summer Cinema- tic Satire Special” which saves you the trouble and expense of seeing several movies at one time. (Too bad if you al- ready saw them!) Mainly, here we go with three idiotic You mean when he sees ‘Skdney io, when he | (transplants, prc Prize, and he's a great kisser FF) with my hed in the oven! Okay, Fatneri] | rate you matwe || Whot fs thist wo wr need atleast three | | A movie abaut you ALSO don't naw what's members of | | milion mare tor our | |Racla! probs fing on in your Church, | Buding Fund to put] | .--2r a mo the Catholic wnat would’ | | us aver the topo | [about Religious Ghueehtt Youtallus? | [fork over your share!| | problem? y J] rorammes—~ — a ‘Yeah? How many T Saet? A kid docs || What made Be Did you te imes has he” [i] something wrone| you tues your father? done THAT? |) |joat onco snc you a When twas tid. | 1 deys never iet of came [ugg oy meter nutsine | Pin rere one sates disgusting old mant father! KG ie — Me 7 Teart D_Silyeconl Forni synbott authority nk = Se sorter acahegs atatet ane cae, he contcaiont || omkbact TEL eae. thet nies pole = grey |e trae | ‘smiyrossied tive nccebecateestscar AIM Gade cia: «|| emia: | JMET Horanon evens rence uty eu , 3] see naar so conleed nd Ca YO y envated have eomntied sur sony onl (FAME oe 5 | _ FAS. THE POST-GRADUAT Now that you've practuated, we have it ‘all planed First, you get » good job! | Then'you work yourwayrto the topt Then, ey Some nice girland have "yhome and = mortgeze! 7 ‘Gea, Mra. Robinhood, ‘the party, but | never expected THIS! Let's not ge anything we'll be seery for later on! Couldn't we jst sit here and talld Tenant MY idea. totske eut your |{twarnyou! Dont] | very ‘daughter! My Old] | try anything eexy| | protective! Man insisted! [or diety with her! ‘Wonhy should | be? Vareve you home from| ‘ean eee you're snot earrying ary canceled weapons! Jerk | want you ta save those things ‘$0 | should ‘la this weit [Saat =

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