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  • MAD Magazine 175 (1975)

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    134 vistas53 páginas

    MAD Magazine 175 (1975)

    Cargado por

    juan
    revista mad

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Descargue como PDF o lea en línea desde Scribd
    Marcar por contenido inapropiado
    de 53
    aa, SCENES WE'D sm LIKE TO SEE Be FROG ERICH NUMBER 175 neand effort io make Income ‘make the income!"™—Alfred E. Neuman Today. it tl Tax Farm the: WILLIAM M. GAINES publisier ALBERT B. FELDSTEIN editor JOHN PUTNAM art director LEONARD BRENNER production JERRY De FUCCIO, NICK MEGLIN associate editors JACK ALBERT lawsuits GLORIA ORLANDO, CELIA MORELLI, ERIKA HOLTON, DAVID FRAZIER subscriptions CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS tie usual garg of idlors DEPARTMENTS ADVICE TO THE FORLOAN DEPARTMENT hat ls A Guidance Counselor? . = 5 14 BERG’S-EVE VIEW DEPARTMENT The Lighter Side of Chores... .00ccccceseeeeeeee 16 BEST FOOTAGE FORWARD DEPARTMENT “What's Entertainment?” (A MAD Movie Satira) - roa (CREDIT-ABILITY GAP DEPARTMENT Rich Is Beller . q att 1 DOIN' THE VARSITY DRAGON DEPARTMENT MAD’S Collage Football Coach Of The Year ..............33 DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT P ‘One Morning On An Assembly Lino ees. sssecrccveetseeeTl ‘The Prisoner's Last Request .....- _ | One Moming In A Hospital < 42 FATE AGCOMPLI DEPARTMENT Ws Bad Timing When . ss =a88 FILM-FLAM DEPARTMENT “Photo Monotony" (A MAD Magazine Satire)... 20. 2......27 JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT SPY VE SPY eseseseceeeserseee LETTERS DEPARTMENT Random Samplings O1 Reader Mall .....2.6eseeceeesene 2 MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT Drawn-Out Dramas” By Aragonés OUND-TRIP-SCHTICK DEPARTMENT AMAD Look At Commuting .. 222 SHOE BIZ DEPARTMENT Footnotes To History . bees vee TIRED BLOODHOUND DEPARTMENT "Barnacle Groans” (A MAD TV Satire) .......- cee VANISHING AMERICANISMS DEPARTMENT Has Anybody Ever Fieally Seen... A foes oe “*Various Places round The Magazine JUNE 1976 VITAL FEATURES WHATS ENTERTAINMENT? ‘Mavis ISA GUIDANCE COUNSELOR? THE LIGHTER SIDE OF CHORES Pg. 16 PHOTO MONOTONY (Magazine Satire) FOOTBALL COACH OF THE YEAR Pg. 33 BARNACLE ‘GROANS WHY KILL YOURSELF? JUST BECAUSE YOU MISSED THE LAST ISSUE AT THE NEWSSTAND? SUBSCRIBE TO ‘AND HAVE IT MAILED TO YOUR HOME! pananeene==— use coupan or duplicate MAD 485 MADison Avenue New York, N.Y. 10022 enclose $10.00". Enter my name on your subscription list, and mail me ‘he next 20 issues of MAD Magazine, NAME. scosseei ADDRESS. TVs STATE. con ZIP sty cane. $1008 In Us. Fe Usery Bete whet ed arate $12.85, par Ser Sits te 97 er eat fer aD {ts hltian Boer, MD md ‘ett dete ese natal Maney Gr 91 LETTERS DEPT. {MAD RUSSIAN ROULETTE I recently went ta Moscow ata Ua 2 copy af sour so-alled agizine ia. my Site. Adter much looking, by ro Sov vice cil 4 was confscared and I was told ie seas ot allows! inthe country So... "You Really Kaow, Youve Made yonire combucated by the ANNUAL REPORTS TO FAMILY MEMBERS T thought yoor "Annual Repors To Family Member was sch a 0d idea 1 Stale ito ey fami. Pm not psn it $00 a week for a mare! room. That David Hovis Keyser, W. Vac MAGAZINES FOR WAITING ROOMS ‘Your article om “Specialized Mags ines For Office Waiting. Rooms” re- ‘minded the about any event visit tou. psy~ Chiatets T shatgee muy mind and dete ‘when | saw 2 copy af MAD io his waite ing room. David Wile Dartmouth, Nowa. Scotia, Cama wOuERK Rogen's “Kojerk" was « hatr-razoring sexperience!! Steve Stein Montreal, Quebee Canada I laughed so hard while resding “Kojeti, Tebokel on my lollipop? Dousighe Mt Sale, NH Greek wom "Ric Truss Fe Lawiesdale, Fl ‘Kojetk MAD LOOK AT MODEL-BUILDING Sergio Aragonés! "A MAD Look At Model-Beilding” puss it all together! Jef Soot Mounesin City, Team, After reading Sergia Aragonés’ “A MAD Look At Modet-Barlding,” Cm convinced your Mexican MADmun has come unglued! Eugenia King Baton Regge, La. CHINACLOWN Jack Nicholson's "Chinatowa” took an sew shart vin Siggel and Decher. Gesat Joles from such lichee nuts grow! Barbara King Daton Rouge, La Your susie an “Chinatown lacked the sting and fnsinity of yor uswl movie Jowrs, What's the matter? Ate you ning YELLOW David F.tyoch Drexel Hil, Pa ‘Carnal Knowlalge” was "Five Easy Piceet” as cornpared vo your tctlul haa. si of “Choa "Mort Drake land your waiters sce «0. Know Jac ‘Nicholson so “The Last Dei.” ‘Nova Shechas Rumuon, NJ. ‘Mare Drucker does emsisenty percep tive Heenestes of Jack Nichol. (sap frente most hare a vase fle oa ts Star, Just how far back dss his Nicholson reseukch go? Teal $u Jer Bethy, Conn (As for back 4 Nichalsan’s graduation he te ond jariteup in his yearback et Wall Townehip Migh School, N-=Ed oman JOHN NICHOLSON ‘ally ond good nevwrad . 2 ioe of thaue Eeglth com hit pomigation added 10 ‘lie ond Gray 1. 2, 4; Rules Chib frosiders 1, 2 fostball 1; Basketball Manoger 2 Study Club 3; Junior Play 3 Taba Tennis Ci 31 Ploy 4; Class Vice Provider MAD AID TO MARITAL BLISS? 1 see from a post cand you sent me that ‘my husband is giving me a subseription te MAD. Now all our friends are asking, ran this marriage be saved?" ‘Mes John Meehan Sanecusville, B- ‘CHRISTMAS CHEER MAGNIFIED DOUBLE UP WITH LAUGHTER FROM OUR LATEST “ONE-TWO” PUNCH AIMED BELOW YOUR BELT—YOUR MONEY BELT, THAT IS! YOU RNOW YOU'RE A PET OWNER ou Know You're Really A PecOwne er When Bestoa, Mass, FIRST, A. DR. JEKYLL MR. aaa OF ALL NEW “SOCKO” ARAGONES: CARTOONS! THEN, & RIGHT GROSS COLLECTION OF GREAT OLD Your "Pet Owners” was right on! Bot Gola | when dog docs "glitch" (a yout ows AI Jafice) an your copy of MAD, and | Jona Dare | tes | Afier reading Lloyd Gola’s article on pet owners Ih spaience my Ether | st huve i Pareents ny Hather Terug Veta SuiceOno | “SMASH HITS”! Lowe ioe oF coureTING GUARANTEED TO KNOCK YOU OUT! Pet acmeeitaall cela OR AT LEAST BEAT YOU OUT OF YOUR CASH! collectian Ds while reading Dave ale At Your Favorite Bookatand—Or Yours By Mail Borg’s "The Lighter Side Of Collecting sone oN OL “use eeupen or duplicate Oveawa, Ontario, MAD Canady 485 MADison Avenue ‘Both Berg and Gols were writing about New York, N.Y, 10022 ‘seventp-five of them, at last count. ...and (NAMB Boroctelat es ADDRESS: Sino Danvers, Mass. ed Ogee poet ote oe STATE z ar Yau KNOW “Collsing PEASE [-] MADASTHE 7] DRAJERYLL | AGO nase eno wee et pay PRE Bows ceca arto lee Be peelufatcoleeg fs bound to become a collector’ The Bedside MAD o ie, Portable MAD Ci The Alb Nem SPY vs, SPY inetnan owe See lon Fiinetrpecton man Theory than ES Saadoesecshr ser Fue ia raves a SS AmANO Gusaed Pt rt eis fas Ciera Sands Lota ures Fifteen Cie toate AD etn hooves Frei Fane Steteot tap Stno'urise Site ot lie ae CANAD okt Gi The Woodog MAD Ihe Pocket MRD ALIRFFEE’s Snappy Answers Fi etay at set oie recieue Sitar et eo ie foe aD Ht RAAT Spo Ht ACME raya ia ann |DONNHRTN Eee: sckCJAUMEES ho mnctotes CJ The MAB Senmpler DON MARTIN reps 13 Stan (Cj) Aragones's “Viva MAD!" iW wan Asta it yaroness Mk tot an nants ests Five wan ite a ss laos HAD a Mg saber woe eck 3caD wes | CR TOON ARTI Gses0n Sone CLARE RA He Tr ahha wo think AD as |S Sanaa Cos Or SA eae foe went of eat iy aad Sonenaatedeathe USA Bnedlee Mh wa ; ncggesthle WO /OMERENG atl rope ad ane Spor Samba SONESGenmsatthte —— OMGETingtanst yo0d 'n MAD DAVE BERG Moder Thinking: MAD Word Power oan ae SHNERERGOu Seales” El he MID me Bok SIDE SER ket tiie EL ae Pie Psi Aros Al Corpodece To Tia, oon 17245 ckacn Areas terns fr ‘ rch Yo 002 siete ENCLOSE 754 FOR FAG BEST FOOTAGE FORWARD DEPT, WHATS them outdated songs fr em corny old MGM Mi RiAINMENT? boys Datore they injured for seriously! Ce nua +, os Beta ey a sy oma ‘No dismal hesdlines, A No people in breadlines; ‘As for the Depression, I just an expression, The times they are aood, dear, Becauce this i Hoh 'm Elizabeth Taylae! lworked AByears fer Math, and'this appearance re ataken of their | fo. ot for my work here, but for | ‘with “Chea Folks have said The country’s dead ‘And badly fed ‘And in the re They're all misled — How weons can sk Wedd en “ln these MGM successes, The ges keep om thes dresses, ‘nd nothing's rated °X EAR I ‘Wher a dance Gets stripped di | True, i's hard to con Inthe future, wh That we've done = eS ~ Ah £ — fe tune of “if Only Had A ee ¥ Tr Peter Lawioniit was never a “Big” Yeu ne ‘ay Frank Sinatra Think pursicty Is best for everyone ‘Of course, wre don’t talk abo ‘That film stare have When work is dane! ‘The piel calwaye grooy ‘Sometimes she even But alone she ts sleoping Her virginity she's keepin ‘Cause we've done av out in low-budget productionst Every time that you see Cyd Charisse baseher knee, Though we're dancing. together, ‘You're not watching me! Teva a chaiee between me and Franeis the Talking Mule! Unfortunataty, | wor ie. "Dangerous When Wet"! And i these scenes aren't risieulous enaup”| Tot you, here's Mickey Rooney --- arvel Street, whare ‘Andy Hardy lovee? 1's nok bused! uth ta incl st toaay, Dat Don't then neither fs my career! ae Mostot up at MGM started factory! FF to make me do So Tan andl Got To the spot On that lot Where each plot Looked the same ~ Justa diffecent name! ‘They announced # Film would start — That Imust take the STRIKE Heeoce GIP MEE Te © (SAINI ELD FOLLIES Frank always Knew ‘eve thatty years lymotsa | [Since when have imag I! *l am very big with 4) wevbic citing sta [J] screening adolescents, frant mare tts! |] tur the eutioe, they 9 FaL only alk of "Bing Pl snes ra prewat fe S21 ot sre oF wottvwooon Al WE the owt [free cartirneme Today tn rade picture {waillrun this place! T will rub tin thelr Face Till they've never hoard of Bing! “And then youl eee that TIL Be Tean‘t wait until that day arrives, When the moguls change theie views; f) They'll be trembling when that B| offer comes ‘That they know they can’t refuse Where I'm loved like anything — King’! ne Hilf Jimmy Stewart, ‘here's mo pictures, Like ove pictures! ach ane was a gem, What's mare, they're THIS one's a-rip-olf from MGM! Rated °G"| ‘you could be seeing them ive. of YOU y at home -_GREDIT-ABILITY GAP DEPT, (RUKOLET LE > A ADVICE TO THE FORLORN DEPT. WHAT IS AGUIDA you want te be, and you first enter school wondering wh ‘you graduate wondering why you hhe spotted in a flash because they are the only adults smart to he janitors, and a little foo dumb to be icachers. enerally speaking, a Guidance Counselor is a person who spends four-years studying. psyeh from ten to midnight. And his idea of fe season's Hig G ive your chess club play a mateh apainst School. . by mail ‘ut dsp shortcomings, Guidance Counselors perform unique fune- ‘tion in aur educational s hhave the nerve to conch you kia the same ‘on getting # Who else would orce with a green necktic and brown tude tests after his own aptitude And who clse would rush through a guidance session development of onal relationships, just so lhe could hurry home for an evening of solitaire in the apartment he shares with his mother? ualified or not, Guidance Counselors seem to feel a compulsion (0 wherever they go. Even in their spare time, they ean be observed ly guiding their rclatives info: nervous breakdowns « «. guiding antic senrebing for me eros town ing their i ssute ss + when can be seni back to reform school, The = Whenever they can sereani af a cood they find a juveni often feel a sense of Deep Fi nor af John Mitchell, the Sensitive L ‘Quiet Patience of Muhammed AK, the Unswe: ination of Johnny Mann, the 9 key Rooney and the Calm Maturity of Jerry Lewis, appen to: hav ot married because the praspect of going aut on = at age 46. ride in their Vocational Guidance techniques, ing you up for all the courses, you'll ever don’t want and they don't understand, en every course and graduated with very honor, a Guidance fc to find you a job as a New York Dise Jockey or a Scout or a Boston Symphony Conductor, More likely, his Placer you work as a Super Market Hox May or a Steel Mill Fursnce Stoker or a Shepherd. eet cleaning appr ) ing Remedial Multiptication, he'll spot you as a goad prospect for nuclear physics, But no matter how ill-suited you are for the career he's r | " ' picked, you'd betier Follow his advice, After all, get a lot worse if you force hin (a fall back om his second choice, and that every student dreads to hear: “YOU'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES TO BECOME A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR!" BERG'S-EYE VIEW DEPT. THE LIGHTER SIDE OF... YEAH! THIS WHOLE PowwuTes | | 2m q z e Oh, my goodness! Look at that fubll OKAY! WHO. WAS. THE SLOB THAT. eee - | =O ee F] [Youknow wnat you're supposed) [Yean.) [So how do yeu | {You should hove seen it Sit} [tooo ateryou take a bath J | 2nd ‘account for BEFORE | washed i! Ted || marainy ring it} [around the tats Heyl What What's happened to the lights?! Pienty! Frinstanes, if there's any wateron tne flogr, and you touch ‘he wrang part of the fuse box. you ea a ‘WILL YOU SHUT OFF THAT ft [DARNED SteREO!?: | we) AA 4 @ THE PRIS PRISONER'S LAST ae ROUND TRIP-SCHTICK DEPT. A MAD LOOK AT C j Une ; mais EA =e TO [This ie your WMAD Trattie Reporter! I'm happy to say SS i) that averything is moving mootny, aut any day =A MMUTING Off the record, guys... Ia, we bath agreed to ‘ARE ! ‘Semebady|| Wes Ta sme avy || should Cop who's ‘all abandoned hie car How come we're F Those poor jerks wil be ueky “Ine he's running || “a }] 3revnd ronan I aiound, cessing] capt _|| screaming accident foes ap for hela 1 = i jal ‘Yeah! Yuh No, he's giving | = i take 3 guy ferarige [i any morel VANISHING AMERIGANISMS DEPT, TIED TO THE END OF A STICK be ae IN ADOOR »| » OR TWO DRUNKS STAGGERING UP THE STREET SINGING “'S' a se , OR A BILLY GOAT EATING A TIN CAN e ey OR THE “LIFE OF THE PARTY" WI ED OUT WITH SOAP <=“ te Pe ‘OR A REPORTER WITH ER REALLY SEEN... ARTIST: OEORGE WOODBRIDGE WRITER: LARRY SHANE Z Oe OR SOMEONE THROWING AN OLD SHOE AT A CAT ON A FENCE ssc OR A HOBO WITH HIS BELONGINGS xp Bb oe pe a i OR “STARS” WHEN YOU'RE HIT ON THE HEAD YM 5) OR A WIFE VED (Aes nical eat Cy “PRESS” CARD STUCK IN HIS HAT BAND SRT OR A FUNNY ARTICLE IN MAD? eI abn JOKE AND DAGGER DEPT, Se 5 _rihtebia| z REPRE ene [FILM-FLAM DEPT. ONE PICTURE, SO THE EXPRESSION GOES WORDS, BUT IT’S WORTH BRS OES, IS WORTH A 1000 ra ! MORE IF YOU' OF A TYPICAL CAMERA-BUI G-CATERING SE RODICAL LIKE LISHER MONOTONY. THE MAGAZINE FOR PHOTOGRAPHIC Evie ty Pearse Perens el A ee ues ele Pee Pe Lenco Sue : z prasad tear kt das Reva Peete Ge ie Perera as eer ai Soria Kodiak Introduces The New Gere diem Rei iecoee menus Pee eee) colts (including The 200!) PeeeCr Rc culray esr eee a) Breeton kan otha eau ruc atu Your Subject Rather Than Risk Spoiling Those Preerte ih sriuoe Peeve wire Be auc ee uC cea) OTT Nea ea CL Photographer Milton Elnick Reveals... | PHOTOGRAPHED FRANK SINATRA, JACKIE ONASSIS, HOWARD HUGHES, AND MARLON BRANDO—ANI VED!" CLASSIFIED ADS FOR SALE Cannonfodder 100 with 12.5 lene. Regularly $100.00,” Brand new, HOO5 Sold only with ease, Case, $4095. Honest John's Camera Angles, Box 756, Shaft, Oro, LENS RIOT! Thousands of fim ensue at a fraction of their original eu $10 each. Domnot specify camera Myopic, Nev 5 mom lenanthe widest angle lone fever made! So ‘wide Ya'll be ks ry picture su take! Grab it at lame! ByeC-U, Box 43, Image Mina, Hib NE 2 PRF bely, PLUS © 12 M tf, sync & sth, $295.00 Explan tion of this ad, $2.50. Write Camby, 56MM 0, Bid, NEE _— BUSIHESS OPPORTUNITIES Taam the thrilling profession of amore repair at hare, $500 Camera eepair Schock simon includes ee Lyaen eamera to practice on. Write FoM, Hox L72tor details Cameras repaired for Cammen Te * pir Schou eropouts. Listen, dont feel fuel! Not everson is mechan ically inclined? If you doa’ want be ple ta know you're a laser, for an nal $900 we will send you tficale of Completion.” wrap ping paper, railing labels, and uerything il tend thove oken cameras to ne for vepaie. We ‘nil them bck Bred, and yo charge 10% ever what we chars you! Soe above ad Box nun Earn big bucks with the mule of candid "photography! ‘Thi Book, written by an expert in the field, de tails all seul have te knew; sup plics, locations of motels ind lover's Eanes, tells how to approach the stential customer with your abs how much to charge for how many yearn how (0 deatroy negatives £0 1 they're really not cleat raved, ee. utler Hugging” by ‘at your neighbo peddle OTHER OPPORTUNITIES: expited film date snd you fet the pictures may wf terrible, but at these Up.ark 2eweck African Photo Safart leaves New York the txt of every month We supply overs sulle, toe re ‘00 by ju ‘Pictures. which you ean pass olf as your own willl fever leaving your Hing room! Write Nairobi Drug Store, Film Dept Kenya, East Africa DEAR ASA Tye Been taking iny years with my funge finder camera and | Sail forget te take off the lens cup before iE, As a eesall 1 have misc oh several Mitevah shows social conse ‘quiene ‘anything I can do abort fF swiching to a reflex camera’? Art Charney Fast Meadow NY. DEAR ART, Yer! Focus Productions has ji with @remarkable Lent Cap Alera System which is Tinked efectrenivally to he st ter releare of veut camera, A foud «laren ocr off when you Jarger ta tenon the Teas cap, 30 4011 don’t Jose any shots, Ua ortunatels. the lond elarm alzo produces (EW cnibateasting social cone neces, aspectay alyring the Weileing ‘and Has Mirzvah cereimon i! came wut DEARASA T have to admit that 1 have been te many times aver the years t0 buy hot era equipment. Bit [have a problem, While Tve 30-t0-500 £004 twenty bucks, tougher. Its not A question of morals have Hone. I just that F ‘with that sisted Buying Tike a Just as Murea ‘work im photography (or some rel: INFAMOUS PHOTOG ADVICE TO THE LENS LORN Need we say more? You heard it right from the horse's mouth, You ean le: nkelens learned from 12 leading photographers who actually new serial number system on tile in every Police Dept. in the cnuntry. What should Edo? Red Spine Sauth Boston, Wa, DEAR RED, Keep resis Moe gor no sue Brableie, Sered your fricnd artund 10 see fe ag my-offiee at DEAR AS A T have ave problem—t keep falling asleep during my own color side shows, What tan Ida? DEAR SID, Steep and like your b se ¢ pale De you bi fe any suuges Erie Wessel, Phoenix, Atizons DEAR ERIC, W takes mantic of hard work and patience. but If sot tick ou Can probabls train your dag 10 sake wood pleneres, Te wanld be easter, however, if you learmed how yourself! sold a photo fo the Flatbush Post Dispatch: 1968 for $7,00 and another one te the ‘Times-Herald in 1973 for $11,001" says MURRAY TINKELINS, Freelance Photagropher ond Siudent of the INFAMOUS PHOTOGRAPHER'S ScHOOL “hnd whats so great about iti | dda’ have ‘0 quit my jb Wo a i. Az & mutter of fst, rave te bmop my cegulr je, plus hl down sight job smeeping tennis courts 9 pay or The coat af my lessons, ap equipment and 29 Dstage bil, But any year now, arate Bie shock may jest pesibly come rll a” d field) FULL TIME! Enroll today! Write RAPHER’S SCHOOL Obvious, Conn OTTO ESS What's the difference between the amateur and the pro, the slob and the snob? Often, very little, More often—none! It's not the quality of the pictures, it's the quality of the person taking the pictures that could mean the difference between enjoying a suecess- ful career as @ Professional Photographer or ending up as a Dark Roam Assistant! And it all starts APPEARANCE! Do you realize that most tourists today are better equipped than most pros? The only way you're going to succeed as a pro is to LOOK like a pro...instead of aSHMO! And now, PHOTO-MONOTONY shows how ta spot the difference THE SHMO THE PRO Weace straw hate wie gistey Asstaan ear sacplas Heianes ete sparing rgd {my tat with one Bde flare ek Bia by noses sed Suvaen Fer Fisica t fot fr eanp, But eros ‘Buph jacket with many pockets wilt setauserite feat necessarily camera equipmestt ve old ertam fats tat can a hid cat he exis Tenses. Chases well tallored sp tes i shy ei fo wear caer welHiored ‘nits shier tans bad elahing ears Cawies 2 dozen Wearsatia, pane and martes Fest pocket Wears Swank clasp, earing” bit at Wearsan Auth Carries cameraand esses ie" fied facto ape saree at. Equipment but et his Sathe shiny leather gutta ex pear that be bear eeps larger ecuipment In war ep eas maak ae ee ee poe Image et Word Fraveier ane "gher Oe ane ab To: Get The Shot” Gel eat ih Teather Ba Watergeaot,_ ant eagortc, peadution Bt Sheclgrool ines From nis" aunt, fondled evan er ee lg bet el he time, fshmoe is never wile Aways caries tech manuals Waly eoeryieg eames, ' Ms cats oe men ij trea ipa cae art ge the feet Trossess sre permanent Sie prafesce demande rete, conta eeare that match colegeaus ea and guody shir. than est gping a shlt i ‘Worse ae peomanent pa a a ith Fa imate te epee ane shi a enn ererwoin ‘seeks are fut o ta oot telah nih ‘Sher garments, andar ‘salt by a iat aris pater, Bromo and white sade ox ‘ove are not an atempl ‘win current nostea ‘islam crare= the shea as wie them orm it ——— 9 chore, if andewnen i feaks ke might roa) Earatyomer femp Borts Pravge place to emener, a pros equip ‘nent shows at alte! Let's face it, pal—yau didn't ‘spend five big ones on phate equipment just to ‘snap pictures of your wite! T's what yau wish your wife looked like that you vant te capture an tilt And VOYEUR PLUS has the answer! By taking our Pin-Up Photography Course you now have an excuse to snap away al beach beauties as well ag starting up a pin-up file to siudy from! Get the picture? From “dirty old man" to “respectable student” for just $20.00 a lesson! VOYEUR PLUS Oggle, Illinois photos are Lorn Laas en for hewing 8 Boar (oan SURES by Gidget Bagg PHONUS BALONIS DEPT. That rumored 8 ma movie foot a TV star cavorting with “se ont to be tr was, the “s 2 popu we understa anyway ser spaniel from the bitch’s owner is suing 1k about interest rate, people are al shots taken with those surveil: lance cameras at a certain bank after | Robbery not the subject, whieh may explain the red faces behind the teller lows late! TWO-BIT PHOTOGRAPHER DEPT, Rumor has itt Schyld, wha recently won the $500 first prize money in the "Sc Portrait” division of PHOTOMONOTONY's Annual Photography Contest, did so by submitting a shot from a coin-operated machinel Ir Heads all over the country are in an upro: at reeently announced age top film m turers to coat the inside of their film eans with a noxious, but harmle ¢ that would rendler the empty cans unsuitable for illegal that in your waterspipes and sm tees INSIDE DOPE DEPT. And speaking of dopes, are still chueKling over the Trainee Ta Angeles’ Airport who arrested a tourist for sm hidden inside a 40 pound hag of heroin! Bye, now—say cheese! ment am subst storage of pat! F COMING NEXT MONTH: @Plans to build a complete darkroom in your bathroom! ‘®Plans to build a complete bathroom in your basement! @Plans to convert your garage into a bedroom where your wite will make you sleep after you've converted bath- rooms to darkrooms and basements to bathrooms! @NASA asks “How many flashbulbs do we need to light up the dark side of the moon?” @ Should you use a tri-ped or hand-hold a camera during an earthquake? PLUS @New equipment reports that makes EVERYTHING you read about in this issue OBSOLETE! DOU Oe coe TEC Leal CoV Ta ys ay le SY ‘CAMERA STABLE: America’s Mail Order Bargain, BUY ANY ITEM ON THIS PAGE Center Shows You How To Beat Dollar Devaluat AND RECEIVE 20 ROLLS OF ‘We offer TRADE-UP deals you can’t afford to ignore! | KODIAK* FILM FOR JUST $1.00! PAD ae eee What's the story? Trade-up to your dream camera! With things the way they are today, you might 2s well live it up a little before you go under! So come into any J.D. branch, show the man your credit card, and charge the balance between your crummy old camera and ane of ‘our great new or used jobs! That's the sto-reeee!! KAMIKAZE 400 fy dtied abe ee any cee decoy ie Yours for ‘Yours for ONLY ONE DOLLAR! ONLY ONE DOLLAR! retorted i Was $150.00 quality! Gr, you con ole buy te Maw and sove oven more! Wes $150.00 Now, only 57495) gq gy) 's74,9511 [i ONLY ONE DOLLAR! = Pius any Lika M5 elleredin tate! 4D. All “click and no “shtick makes photograpy a dull sport! Try some SAYS... of my hilarious gag attachments on your camera and get big laughs! Squirt-Em-Inno-Eye Attachment -Em-Inna-Eye Attachment —$5.95 ‘Quart of Pure Water—$6.79 AFRAID OF A CAMERA RIP-OFF? HIDE YOUR EXPENSIVE. IMPORTED CAMERA INSIDE OUR HOLLOW, PLASTIC ARGO CAMOUFLAGE Why of your wits that same murderous Sutikie wil leap ont of the bushes pene” your allowing you full access to all controls, Walk safe Ceven if you can't walk proud) with the sensational. - ARGO CAMOUFLAGE OW “it you care eneph tah the very Bezt?™ DS aa a Ls Hints, Tips, and Obvious Sales Pitches tor Gul Taiwanic Ill Doesn't Make It! Taiwotie I As aust be expected fro didn't expect 1 Tints for St much, except maybe a fe for yourself! Pictures were blurred andl y with nodetall. Proof p' ‘what you pay for! Read Bettina CR Makes | ht the Bettina BQ was a , wait you handle the which lists rch, 126 am the artiest ean see by rst prize winner in 1 Photo-Anss Festival Proof positive that you get whae you pay for! bettas CR Pcture ofa flames taken with the Toinani I “tn A wid Ree by Lee Mactowet Hello, Ultra8, Goodbye, Super 8! equipment pufaccurers a enol ing tecir brains to findl some= sw to kill off the Super 8 stall. Bavll and, Howl las donc Are you tired af those amused, condescending glances ct around your ne should be! Everyone knows that the good cameras are all im= parted cameras! i CO sg fer und esta ‘Convincingly “up-grades” your CRE piece of junk to look. ike the te ee Eo ities of this page: Milt isement in the upper ARGO CAMOUFLAGE III "Yeu t's Argai™ Hi! I'm Mason Reach, this issue's ‘Sports Personality Interviewer!" Why Me... and not somebody more suitable, like Howard Cosell? Because! So there!! Now, let's get on with it, and meet Royal “‘Bear"’ Hades, who's been chosen as. . MAD’S COLLEGE FOOTBALL fed how a crummy emoraline an opp See we top] | _Nepe! One min eharge ™ just UJ of fixing the High Schoo! ‘euiavt funtion 7) wansepin 0 (op pigs NY Twinout theme | | can got int curechaot... [8 fninister punishing ‘re they in charge of iat Ise ry specialty fence and Defense? | Hedoesa’t play! He ny They're net! Tey zall is my be programs, hot dogs tad = first team players 1 py therestol the pordiest woh | | when they have to tf) ey tomactentster Dbeger than me!| | aie exams! He ery ats of the concessions! | vat position | | only megh 230, but Tethers the] Cimon, you slots! Lets does fe playt eam, they don't ‘see tome hurtiel There's oak’ much like Here'sane "reamed uD. ee ridden Key! Nah! 290 schools | offered hien THAT! | Strate ie wth | my Secret Weapon Teme tl you senethina. Wr Peanut Ry] teupnest gnme iste "reeuitine Barer? nin thts Gort pay onthe ‘What do you “miy surectire ‘0 [atin || a Seeabinerres | | sae on, Coaches are famous far their Inspirational speeches! Can {au recall your best one? | gon’ bother wath ‘hose silly things Sure, "Ifyou wanta station wagon that's taugh, ecomamieal anc roomy, try the te reat Shige 3 Then the j Butdan't | athiotic they scalp” ‘the wehets MONEY? ‘All ofthe stupid restrictions they Mann K cores aut of the pockets ef wnat they do] Sn theie aw ‘ime 2 thelr ‘hough he natty! ee 2 3 = | © [were | [want to call HIT HIT! CMON Best Flo, because it mi ‘and that makes] | avews | | onanot High You SLogs! YOU NY thine a ROBOT st of youl 34 ‘ing | | Schoo! prospect! | | CALL YOURSELVES fergenred| [Im the ‘Orie sensan under a raw But frst let's "MEN?! LET'S football || world] | it makes} | *"Kil-Tein" Coach oech | | waten te Pecweel | SEE SOME HITTING iagoed || fora] a MAN || is alls toy needs Hades?) | Lesgue game ‘OUT THERE. sora toy|| wat |] ter [| s0be evokes. | Taw a FY of aura Tae hp ee anemone Somesduae Wa] [eats =] ees] | seach: |) Seen eeatag Tilgeiemechget can] | wie Bee This 8a || iste know the earrect ‘hens young Brinn decies on Statel | | ta'you, Wr. Hales! repartan | | way to appreseh the Butifte doesn’t, |certainly nope | | Those ath hispareatst| | parents which ‘unat he chooses ANOTHER university that mere here like ours where education comes fir! olfered Brian alt ‘You mes uttered ue always fen that playing foetal! | | ines of maney and the parents ‘Ymat’s more Amatiean than playing ‘America's number one college tearm a cage er KAGEV SSeS tans ae —— working bay! [| Then Heitmake 8 |! whyd | great back-up || you tik quarterback! |) him into} $f West Point || coming he mauts have || to been a STAR! || State? are you Hing? | We draw 60,000 | Sees eaple every Saturcay! How Abhi Those creeps cont bother melt ost] #igned a en year, neu, ironclad contract Tocoach here at Sate! want apena the reat of ry erenr at tis grat hoa AIF Vevee get marred and Nate sans, [wont them {o come ta State ue recruted ever bay on F this team personally, ard thay raya ne An that wnat kein aby LOYALTY! throwin "Adhetie Director Bd yous gota deal! Fino I'l eattle up my Business here, and Fi be there taster than you can say "Beat State"? (Contracts ware mate bbe broken, hi fj si the clayers You recruited, coal with aprest | tradition, and if ever have sons, tra want tam to go 40 Midwaatern | But what about | FATE ACCOMPLI DEPT. jib IT'S BAD TIMING WHEN .. . “IT'S BAD TIMING WHEN ... you Finally spot the ansmer ta 2 twogh (question en your neighbor's Eram Paper IT'S BAD TIMING WHEN... . you've fillag yoer Water Gon at the All drinking fountsin in your sebect the same day your toeal weed fecides: to quit showing pore movies because of the Supreme Court ruling. that’ he's thirsty and) wants ain TIM IT'S BAD TIMING WHEN... . you've played right field all season, and nt one ball has bees nit ta yuu IT'S BAD TIMING WHEN . . . you ga ta the bank to make a depesit | SSL (T'S BAD TIMING WHEN . . . yaw finally try your frst pult of pot es st ING WHEN... ‘ARTIST! JACK MICKAT IT'S BAD TIMING WHEN . alter spending the season on the bench, vee Pas oak re Lat rae ntl i's tne lt en me ot tt ‘hampionshig Game, and bases IT'S BAD TIMING WHEN... you finally get tickets to a Hit Show and any cede Yo ald up vile you're standing in line with your cash «+ the night the Cops best your Dorm. 0 “Okay, Mr. Chisholm... which way do we go now?” tu ep SR ONE DAY IN A HOSPITAL TIRED BLOODHOUNDS DEPT. Despite its shortcomings, Television has given us a wide variety of prog At the mere flick of a channel selector, you can have your choive of a black detective or a d ‘with the physical handic: icredible experience, MAD recommends you tune in TV's 0 ns Lo suit every taste. detective, an Indian joy most. But for ior Citizen detective BARNACLE GROANS a truly [Bamacte, you're | But you've slowed > [ee We'd prefer | | Peay coed

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