SPECIAL |@ RACIAL | ~©BORED OF INQUIRY? TRY OUR OUTRAGEOUS ANSWERING SERVICE! LRA a U2 Te ae ete It contains Satirical Suggestions Exaggerated Explanations . . . Ridiculous Retorts .. . Comic Comebacks and Idiotic Inferences to the "Problems of Our Times"! TOO BAD IT DON'T SOLVE ANY OF TH \ { BUT IT WILL GIVE YOU A FEW LAUGHS! THE QUESTIONABLE MAD ON SALE SOON AT YOUR FAVORITE BOOKSTAND—OR YOURS BY MAIL FOR 50c use coupon or duplicate ~ IXWVANID) —— wane——______ 485 MADison Avenue, “PPRESS_—_— a New York, N. ¥. firs a: ei pica 10022 SRAM. os cal Gene PLEASE SEND ME: ALSO PLEASE SEND ME THE BOOKS CHECKED BELOW: THE 1 The AD toner The ées tH 1 Mord on ete. a 5 MAO Sas Bock Fling MAD earn QUESTIONABLE tts wo CO frenmtroster eae MAD Ute Md 3 tas or baw hth tos Oot MAD (The Brat ko Ey Ta Veodoo wan IM MARTIN aouces ask 1 he pease wD 1 Gracy MAM Suth——UOMMARTIN regs 13 Stein oO 1D Sonat NA (2 Thee fing aD (5) DAVE BERS Looks Toe USA {Efe Cpststion aD Seed uD [5 Rave BEE Leak Peale I ENCLOSE 50¢ E tine wo Fy Thewamsinaler 5 TheiNew Seta SPY I ENGLOSE 50: FOR EACH BeesonNUMBER 111 JUNE 1967 "A elock-twateher is able to wind sp ag just another one of the hands!" Alfred E. Newman WILLIAM M4 Gattrs publisier ALBERT. rRLDSTELN editor TO PUTAS at director LEONARD MAERNER Production Hany ae reezi, mex naa aatelde editors ‘euonin oRLAME®, CILIA MOMnELA,sieMARD ewan subreviptoont “GOSTRIRUYENG ARYESES AMD WRITERS ke winal gang of idiots DEPARTMENTS ACKNOWLEDGE-MINT DEPARTMENT Where QurTax Dollars Go ...eseseeeeeeeseceeesseeeecer AB: BERG'S-EYE VIEW DEPARTMENT Tha Lighter Side Of Relatives ..... CAUSTIC AGENTS DEPARTMENT Why Spy? (A MAD TV Satina) 5 -2--00--ceeeeceeeeeee el DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT One Evening At Home The Smartest Ape In Captivi Gambliag In The Amazon «+. ESPRIT DE CORE DEPARTMENT Stokely And Tess (A MAD Musical) FAMOUS FUNNIES DEPARTMENT Comic Strip Heroos From Real Life .... HOME-BODY-BUILDING DEPARTMENT ‘Outdoor Sports—indoors .... ear ees? JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT [By Vas Spy icaatcasntags alr yaeVay-ser= sees eT, BB LETTERS DEPARTMENT Random Samplings Of Reader Mail ....- se Peccunc LOCALE COLOR DEPARTMENT MAD Placelies ....... we aiteeneacll MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT Songs That Never Made It ......0..2ccsscerseseeeeeeee MILLINERY PARADE DEPARTMENT MAD's Easter Bonnats Designod For Malo Golabritios «... MINLHA-HA'S DEPARTMENT Fantastic Voyages Based On Everyday Experiences «.. PAST AND UNPLEASANT DEPARTMENT A. MAD Guidebook Ta Vanishing Human Types . .. POE-MORTEM DEPARTMENT The Rating (A MAD Poem Satire)... sseeseeees **Vatious Places Around The Magazine VITAL FEATURES STOKELY AND TESS (MAD MUSICAL Pg.4 ‘COMIC STRII HEROES: FROM REAL LIFE BRINGING oUuTDOOR SPORTS INDOORS Pq. 22 FANTASTIC VOYAGES: BASED ON EVERYDAY EXPERIENCES: Pg. 32 AGUIDETO VANISHING HUMAN, TYPES Pg. 38‘THE PREAMBLE REVISITED “The. Prssmble Revisited” is exactly ind of shocking satire needed eo fog "Americans feom ear complaccacy and remind a3 of our hat ideals. If, Like the suit of MAD, all of oar colaerymte Heoptly sid the resdoma ur one fctuen guarantees, we could soore josie fuably call out cuntey “The Lapa OF The Free’ Dennis R Pollock Ohio Scare University Columbus, Ohio Lele se thc yon ae wig io less gentle methods of Juvenal, Swift and the Hebrew Prophes. [-ooly” hupe that your readers recognize just who hus trav- Stied the Constitution of the United States, and who has defended at, Your odese “eevisit” should serve to rei lis how noble a starcment the Preamble is, and bow far we enuse jo to full the noble ideals expressed init Richaed D.Eelich (Champaign, I. Never hive [ laughed so hand apd ried so much at the same tinve. This oracle was too much. My beater congratulations tw you, AS long as “We The People OF The United Sexes can cake an boncst hard look ar ourelves and laugh at our faults and shortcomings, we cant be thot bad od Gren Kay ‘North Hollywood, Cal YS 1 was geen inflamed over “The Preamble ‘Revisked’. It was the matt disgusting acticle you have ever printed You kno our ea nun ear pect and you don't seem to aypeniate wr Beiog lucky enough ro live in dhe Untied: Saces which happens co be the fecatest COuGIEY Ho eeet eEisE ON this paper Howard Kirsbenbaumn ‘Flushing, NAY “The Preamble Revisited” was a work of art and expression of truth. I salure Jou lnproious inwighe imo ose “Gren a Chrscine Elle Pueblo, Cote. (ne of the sharpest comments pou have ever made ia your wonderful magazine. "Nattuan Raransky ‘Yookers, N. Being loyal American and a. Souths ener, Feannce help but take olflense 20 ‘The Preamble “Revisted™. There ase some things thir should be trested with Giscreetoess, tater chan emocked ina — Anne Swanson McDonooghGa, Bevoriful! Aa absolute astespiece! 1 may aot agec with all of your azdcles, bor 1 do admire your courage and dar- ing: MAD, mote than any other rxagarine lor new:paper, represents One of abe tase precious freedoms, that of the Press. Boosaliad Sorbello ‘New Cumberland, Pa, 11 you can’ find anything: beer ea sat- Than the Presaibl, then fou Must really be scraping ee bekyom wo the bar fel We DO have our fyeeernc and rights, but an aruide like this shows disespact foe what ol coueey stand Ft. Mary Wrorors Urbana, Although your magazine has achieved ‘excellence many tithes I feel chaz yea have ‘outdone yourselves and rendered America & gseat service by publishing “The Pre- amble Revisited . It shows clearly whit ‘Amorica is today, aot what je was meant tobe. [Dennis W. Seaptes ‘Anderson, Cait What evgr happened to che “homer in MAD! "The Preamble Revisited” iz anezample of the ype of "hate literature you've ben turning aut lately. T felt it ‘was revalting, Elliote WW. MeDonald Bowesmoar, ND. “The most startling aie 1 have seen i aay onsaioe ih long tive, Thanks te MAD and Max Brandel for this omir evs eroopcner 1 Koo ie wil mvaken funy Fondo, but lets hope i acates cham Cheis Donovan ‘Scoside, Cait “The Feeumble Revised” tone of he sacks enuneal pieces of dlenic site cory pouloa slot! be framed ant ng Tae Sliven Tost apt jutlsons gemleme : Fea aki M. Ward Nevis ve Aftee reading “The Preamble Revisit. cu wil never agin doubt the alae of your magazine, ‘The article was distreste ingly realistic and thought provoking. ‘eb Kea vet, Colo, Ie deserves Pulitzer Prize. Talia Satheriand New York City ADVERTISING ENDORSEMENTS Your article “Advertising Endorsce meats Well Probably Never Get To Sco" was superb, Ir never ceates to amaze me how “the cual ging of idee” can {Keep on creating such clever xod curing, satirical masterpieces Menomoaie, Ws. In the seven years that I bave been reading MAD hae never been offered by an article in your superior magazine, In face, I have often been amused by the indignacion and outrage with which maay caf your seaders have grected satirical ar- ticles, However, [was shocked the poor taste displayed in the March issue in the article “Advertising Endorsements Well Neser Ger To See" Hfesl titan apology te Me. & Mrs. Samiay Davie is in order. ‘Alan Sires University of Mass Amherst, Mass, In reference to yaur “Advenising Eo- dlorementr article please be avied that Dean Marin HAS advecused cule. A Derive of this a is rater conspieaously Msployedor ibeHaechorn-Mellod Farms, Liberryill HL Whar happens oo writer: feho ke tha ype of misake a tires Cae William $., Hodcornts ‘Waukegan i le them 12 Howthoemtelledy Farr, ANNOUNCEMENT FOR EVERYTHING Miss Victoria Vang of Tomruce, California i Hap 10 Anwoaines that ‘The Fastors xed Writers of ACAD Magazine Have Completely Flipped ar Beidenced by the Ariece: "Announcements For Everythiag™ Lirwe Nember One Hundred and Nine Masel, Nineteen Hundred and Sisty Seven Ma SCHOOL SONGS Tsgefrarnyoursong purest, "TheLunch: Room March” (MAD School Songs For Everyday Activigies#109) that th Messrs. Woodbridge and Jacobs have ed i the cafeteria of the High School attend. Alchoagh {am delighted. that this sinister eatablishment has been €x ppored, 1 must ask that you gestrain your {Employes from using aur cafeterix There ‘not suiicient supply of the few items which ate-edible to feed US, letalone any ues! Kay Killimer ‘Long Beach, Calif My congratulations to Frank Jacobs and George Woodbridge for the mast idictie, rockem, sockemex School. Soags Ive ever beard, Yeu folks sure know how £0 make a guy lth. Andrew Jace Dearboray Mich,DRUG MENACE Not ealy ate you people "Mai ase obviously foolish, refer to the is ack cover Folddn of the March [eve and its cbvious jab at Drug Stores and Pharmsscivts, Do yes ktow what % of your siles ate handled ehrough Deg Hotes? The biggese menace in the Drag Store today is the amount of depraved and objectionable literature we are asked to sell tothe public. As of now, this bien Bind Iie removed MAD fram the eae and -vill refuse 10 sell ic as we do. with all other magarines we consider trash, Gos M. LaMorex Avellone Berea P Berea, Oho rms ‘Up to this time, 1 have enjosed your smagizine and it crazy contents, Butwhen you “ake it out" on my Proiession, 1 ‘ust protest, T arm iramediately pulling. fof sale all MAD: Maguzinas, and shall inform our Association of my action. The Draggics of America try earnestly hard t0 promote clean literature and good read: ‘Guy B. Rice Jr. Registered Pharmacist, Migr. Azalea Pharmacy Richmond, Va. cs of MAD are nor going 1a be sold this month oF next month of next! How could you beso dumb? BY-Kurlander "You Leadee Dew! Independenee, Ohio CIGARETTE AD SATIRES Jose 2 note to let you know bow much we abisteciate yon “KENT, Society” ad finite inthe MGreh issue (#109), a2 ‘well as the ocher eatices om eigarere ade vertising thae you bave run foam time © fime in the pust, One of these full-page fatircal take-afycan_acually offser the Appell of an entre cigatette advertisiog. compaige, Roherta Matteson, Co-Oxdinator Idaho Smoking and Health Project Health Edocitionand Training Section Department of Heat State of dao Being kind of burot up about your cigarette ad satires on. the backs covers, I (would like co add something in defense Of those who courageously smoke, despite All those cancer seporss. Anyone Gam ve fap smoking, But it takes areal maa" vo face lungeancer! Jen Simon ‘Wemtera Reserve University Cleveland, Ohio A eo! mon with 2 deoth wi ined, Fleote eddreu all coreipondence 1: MAD, Dept 111, 445 MADIan Avenue "Naw ere City, New Yerk 10022 Pull Some Folding Money Out Of Your KITTY ... And Avoid A CAT-TASTROPHE At Your Newsstand! sent directly to your pad by mail ‘the next 21 Issues of MAD Magazine. ‘igen! br B99) Protnprapy By Wing Sens SUBSCRIBE TO and have your purr-Sonal copies NAME, 485 MADison Avenue, New York, N.¥.10022 ADDRESS, CC —— —————————— e ‘enclose $5.00°, Eater my name on yoer subscription list, and mail me STATE, zip-coaeESPRIT DE CORE DEPT. Now, we're all “Oh, we've made plenty of progress, ‘And progress's making us {tee Weve. zi ‘There has been talk lately that “Porgy And Bess" may be brought back to Broadway. for a revival of that clas America's Folk Heritage for over 30 years, But we honestly wonder: In view of the drastic changes that have taken place in this country recently in the area of Race STOKELY A MODERN MAD VERSION BT wie folks with plenty of bias Have ered t0 bolt up our door, i¢ Negro opera which has been part of No, we'rein.no mood for locked doors, We're a brand new breed. ‘We are plunging on by the scores, Planting treedom's seed (Chute the Court dif, ‘Said ta move with dell rate sped, Trai the Negro se ‘Mowing tao quickly Mane ee ‘You keep away from that grt Stokely! She wants no.part of Tike you is mixed up with this tired old she sings with me. man and big ancient she prays with me philezopy. Marching... singing - praying ... HAH Luther. baby, you and your buneh fenve hag itt Fim the future!Relations and Civil Rights... who's going to sit still long enough to watch a charming, naive, and — let's face it—badly dated portrait of Negro Life in ‘America? No, we think that if they really intend to revive “Porgy And Bess” today, they're going to have to do a few revisions and come up with something like... AND TESS OF “PORGY AND BESS" “ivecccses ww ‘Oh, you don't scare us, George Willace, De. King, I'm proud to ‘And whois afta of Lasison? bbe part of your great Weve... gotthe i movement. | bolieve in We're getting ms I J everything you advocate ‘We gat Cone Wits they can't for aur peopte—squality, Tenoee! | “freedom, dignity put J) throug lawful means! "Take My Hang, mA Stranger Meckeneass, (Ob, theyll never stop ws! ‘We got the raopst \We know our rights! roto vos, : fours gonna start isi’? |) sou ean ourseit Then eat ater rman il pis pile igh | otEgua tice, A wise any are ed Hue Lo Spin Fechit realy ore! ceo Stop Fetch ‘ya rely ar to[res tay ever | [pone worm, | [stoke to] [stony rtninkyaure | [anay, AI*OR, tte aol Sokal warn yout from ths mon. |. Bekiags |_| you, baby. sarong about bering | | tetme. |]!msure thee words wll make You think fictsna good’ |B] wnthvyou Bat |p] Lots take and think you see’ | | sive you | {White men ete you for you, and Tae tin |i] wal Soineuntairte atct | | the real | | fox to corte yout he's mo ‘good |B] ate. Carmichact | of white people. after || story | |For. for cur peopite |) is kind of ute. ail they've contented | | stout | | white man isa two-time Fink? Yes, who man is 3 bwo-time Fink! ‘Acwhite man isa guy whorl Break you in as quickly 2s Weleame, neighbor "Cause. Asbite man isa two-time Fink! Yes, white man isa tivo-tie Fi than al sell Out? [Fis sonngrs ont | [Found e rims moras and | [eyed eae covezenctty | | memuet ca Pere ceed eine ea | = ‘Baby. the worid ien't ‘as simple as black and white, And when re going t0 4 lot of changes rose!‘Although wore planning to take char ‘And break a for of white necks, We da no deinking Or snaking oF eursing In memayod Rlleolm x *0h, Ive got plenty of Muslims, ‘And each one's ready to fight We. ate all mi Tess, ve bown teohing al over | for you. The bus is ready ta tane ‘5.08 dur Freedom Rie to lanai ‘where we gat there, we'll make 2 plarsaus three-day march though the wenteyeide, Come on. The UR ants peaple are ready. | ‘Tess, don't gn on another meaningless,Weegeta hosin!frora Sherif fra Clark [knew this wou happen on ‘Wiel go down farbtddon sroets thew in the heart of ald Ab-acbar’. Ad hci Selma wel i wel ie pan nil our people, so proud that we aredark, You'll lave the route Ive chosen, and just supposia Bide and march with us, ‘Theee’s a bus tha's pulling marae Is And we'll covk out, Sane | There'll be Nuns and Rabbis “There ate roads for ue to “March on in the South Murch with me. ‘Well sing hymns £0 Brest, Hygsngings Campi! Cooking ot! THAT'S my soa of re up th jey're getting nowher ‘egal marches and demonstrations handwriting oa the wall, GUL see ‘And | wart YOU ta see it, too... ‘And you mast arm and march and hate with us And nat Kings ras “ Mav-Man! And how! ‘Oh, Tes OfeTeay Ht Brocboshnod™ it mess Istor the bled Tess... Black Power's “in” tight now! fist itis! mon your se now! L arn! tarat ‘plannin'to join forces wi in Modoration’s square comehow! But, woe! going! You hear me saying? With you Tm going! Here I'm nat staying? Stokely... mon your sie naw: Nove and forever. Sitting-in, and Knecling-a, ‘and Lying’in.and Dying.int ae Test. Im wien you, Stokely! Igetyou now! ff rm with you, Stoke! = Fare... gary‘and 50 beautiful fall for | thot uely philosophy? TRot time And I'm here in Watts County. Heads are cracking, and the tempers are high| ‘Oh, the troops have come ‘And wee all dodging bullets: ‘Nbotie just hit me Togs. Black Poses stil an" ‘And we must arm and mareh and hata, we to, ust le belore. To... the white folks wewen'thow, | yaw! Forget tre battes ofthe past ‘Now, Total War! Gh, Tess! Oh Tess, we just made Waste 3 mess ‘Next, Bal-th-masatl Since early morning ‘Thefalks have heen out They've picked Woslworth Someone exploded ‘A big bomen Watts County ‘Gaps, there goes Watts County Flying byt ‘Well, Stokely promised me h ‘afd there's been plenty veost all track of time. = Laing his movement in'tha Winter, ve bees with Spring, and now... cauldit be? ¥es, I do bal i's Summer. And Summer means only one thing + ent Sears theyll Hy, jj happening. All that wlotence! Ag tok lChaining-a, and baling, Stoke... Black Pow't made “Backlas Ane Stal Tri edict And while we [Are getting sore! Take. those Poles in Cicero! Oh, abt Fimo confused now! You hear mie saying? You gat me mised up! Should Ie staying? Stokely, "Blacklash” hurt us sof and march and hate, some whites rm mived up, Stokely! Fin mived up, Stokely!‘Oh, Or. King. Heame to || That's something yout seg you because fm more Tewidred than aver Which direction shoul we ‘move in? Who isthe best reader for aur people? ana itm trying to do. elae, But it's nat necessarily Stoket Eat een) Dick Greg is good for our fol, Buti ein bret mast fist fet A Sas tn agen, a tees [i] We vores ad buchy, see Lh naticoto told yokes ‘well, Adam isan the righ tack, Burts he theane tshould back? When Negroes are light men “They're passing for white men, ae Adam bs possing For black? nave to decide for yourself things the right wayeH fe pot me, maybe it's someone! “No, i¢s not necessarily Stake! P| is hot necessarily Stoke Singe he's been aut leading ‘There's een ots of bleeding! Iesnat necessarily Stoke! aad 4 That’ ‘Now [ackiewas great with a bat! ‘Yes, lackie was greatwith a bal! ‘ad he het that ball set Dir now he's on Wall Street! We shout get a good demacrat! DO) they say he's quite a whe, King’s wiling to lead Negro Falk] But It you stil don't think i'm the right man, Please ‘don't forget— Now, Yes, Stokely, he said "| eommand™ As he burned his Oraft Car! see , Stokely, he said "l command!” thea fe just laughed hard 7 aa ‘say ta lead in this lan bbe quite right! Just don't forget - 5 not necessarily Snot necessarily No, bien you can't Just ack Bayard Rut Oh, ite not necessa =a an’ quit Just keep punchio"t oy oct al tp Buns Isat nece— Notaece-Not nece-Not nece— | Not accessaity phe!ONE EVENING AT HOMEA PORTFOLIO OF NA AID) | MM, RITZ SAN FRANCISCO [\ ROME MIDDLE EL 41ST os Ala HENS HOLLAND P/SA alesPLAS ARIS A L | aN M hy os JAPAN | BrTRLN | 50 LAS vec INDIA, oo foce — HAWAIL“1 Gauls are Gencad For Two-And-A-HaIeHoure FAMOUS FUNNIES DEPT, Eight years ago, MAD came up with a great idea—namely that Newspaper Syndicates might do well to create Comic Strips based on real people! Naturally, like most of the great ideas in MAD, it was completely ignored! Well, we still think it’s a great idea — and even though we know we'll be ignored again, here's a brand new, up-to-date-selection of Comic Strip Heroes TAKEN FROM REAL LIFE BIG LYNDON [7 me counmey ie is Peeing Seve Eo NEGOTIATE! 0 3 7 7 err RICHARD GUIRTON , Arvo oc’ “) way, aR. atamoncus ACTRESS Wire, ) BURTON, iN —2 "| ALL READ ey BoP fenomsnpus oN PUTTING More ENVELCReTWAL thitaginn IN? "PeAvECY't ANY EGWNENTS F“Tea For Three THEY UnpeRstan ) ni STRENGTH? THEY SEEM AWFULLY Tepe T vain?) So mucH FoR THE | GH on y TERE MeWRe a ‘Sar WEE GOT paouT ie Tey Suet GIVE UPT WON'T BURGE! Yio BE IRM--ANC NOT ONE AN IMEH! os Le =e WHERE THE ze evens! TBE SoU SEALY Tans ue READERS wee Bem RUDE LINE Yur IDEA oe SETTING ast pare FOLP-CuT GF AWN RANG = ico) He sor sortaseCHARLIE DE GAULLE IN PARIS [xu ane even ) "5 eaearcs hay WAPOLEON L aoe Gq PRESIDENT DE GAULLE, Ol aRe A GREATER MAN THAN ANY. FRENEH kines? "in You Singers HIS GUITAR F aume AME EM WORKIN UP aN CABUM OF COLE PORTER, Rican Bur Boe | Tee sons zm Nor GLoRievIN" LOVELY LIBERACE r (FLUO, FINGTER CLEANERS F Listen sriceTeas «EU DELNERED THEBARBRA, THE BELTER wear ver say 2 iB l= WHAT PiP Z Say2 = 1p with you, Ringo, b a Lic might mot be able to tell usapart! cassius, you Y" IDIOT! rm Nor SHcuUONE Gay Y TALKIN TD ANY THOSE THINGS HT gh PROMOTER! PROMOTER ! :ACKNOWLEDGE.MINT DEPT, { ANNOUNCING THE MAD PLAN WHICH LETS US *) WHERE OUR TAX THE NEXT TWELVE FEET OF THIS SUPER HIGHWAY | 1S PRESENTED TO THE AMERICAN PUBLIC THROUGH | ‘THE COURTESY AND PAID-UP INCOME TAXES OF: MISS GLORIA GLINK 429 POTRZEBIE RD. UPPER PLATE, MO. Ladies and gentlemen of the TY audience, Hello? Mrs, Gladys Storch of ‘wleometo the launching of the U.S.'s 214 Mulberry Street, Canton, Test Space Probe, the “Apotlot¥" ‘Ohia? This fe the President ig naw zera-haur minus £40 minutes, ‘of the United States. just just enough tine to thank all the folks called ta thank you for my ‘ho made this effort posseble, Qur thar salary fortaday Til do my arian Grunch for the Heat Srield, best to see that you get ‘Bernie Brooks for the Oxygen Supply, ‘your money's warth -« Millan Finster and AM The Guys in the Mail Ream at the Vopue Plumbing SUPBty Company for the Upper Stage Fuel, Ernie Zitsaff for the Guidance Systerm, Martin Blomp forthe Starboerd Parthale, Sid Pusher” MeCartny for ne Booster Section, | Fran Biakle for the Glue THE UNITED NATIONS GENERAL ASSEMBLY Confidential Inter-Government Mema TO: The U.S.5.R. FROM: The U.S.A. SUBJECT: Delinquent U.N. Dues Gentlawan: once again, wo fine £2 naccasary to remind you to bring your Uaited uations Buca Payments op to dite. ciincy Muamucher, Hereaa isanie, Wyre laren, Sansy Kouta, Ur, and ira. Sean fiyany fhe flespio Fishing aad Pruvethe. Club, EAcel Ziten, Goat Buetrces, Bilge Mercier, Gorge Conmings” J. F. Forbes, Henrietta buib'e Gaby-sittine sorvige, Riexis Kernan, Laura iets light, oborto'é Beauty garters able Station Rowaeiard, Heinta a, Ranks tliassetn fosder sha Ail tha Enpioyons. af Sha 'Pivoiods Frock Brens Company ore ronoine out cf paltence thoy. rozeat the fast that tev are payion spre than thelr shu cite coat of cusatoy thio Rorid Organisation, Ficnse altead fo thie cateer inaeaiately. Singoroly yours, Aut Set iz ‘Arthur J. Goldserg US. Anasgader t6 the UW.TAXPAYERS KNOW EXACTL' DOLLARS Gd Do you find it annoying to pay Income Taxes ... to have all that money disappear... . and mever really know what it Is used for? Well, now MAD proudly unveils a plan which lets you knew exactly where your Tax Dollar has gone, Unlike the present system, your Tax does not go ia to the US. Treasury. It goes into a cookie jar—with your name, and the exact amaunt written on it. Then, when the Government wants ta purchase something, the person who paid In that exact antount in taxes (or the clasest to it) in effect, buys the article for "Uncle Sam,” and the credit ean'be given ta that individual as follows: Washington ‘Sp ar, on Wis tour of Tha White Hause, talks, you've seen the Georke loom, tie Abraham Lincoln Room, anc the Teddy Roosevelt Room. Now we-come tothe New Wing. and the Silvia Goldfarb Roden. ‘Tony Glick Canopy Bed, the Kate Reilly Chalse Lounge, the Wareen Hull crystal Chandolier, ad Uie Seven Santini Brothers Oriantal Rug. with the in the name of Equal Justice Inthe narve of Constiutiana| Law ‘and mainly inthe name of | Ponolope Pooperdink, today's session of this Faersl District ar ‘omplain 1a me, Killer ‘f CCoruplain to Sam Huck of 817 FA Ez Court is new in order Sth Street, Chicago, Illini! He vought this meal for you! Lui [on behalf af the Prasicent ‘and the Seeratary of the Navy. Upowehristen ie) <4 i) » tegoTe, Jonas, myname i Jackson—Depertment of Agriculture, Since ‘ce havea surplus of wheat, hove been uthaetted ty a tic old Indy schooltgacher--Mrs, Erily Prund-to 53) Yau Mkt row any this year. She Wig Sugeest, however, that since you'll have nothing to de, jou might come ia and help her with he hausework, A couple of times anal ‘YOU ARE NOW birecnc THE AMERICAN SECTOR. |SHOW YOUR CREDENTIALS. ‘This checkpoint és maintained today byt MA MRS, WARD ELLIS ‘| and ALL THE BOYS at the WBE HOBBA BOWLING LANES | F.B.L. OFFICIAL IDENTIFICATION CARD ‘This isto certify that ERSKINE ZIMBALIST isa duly trained and authorized Agent for che Federal Bureau of Investigation (Thanks to Sid and Fle Plotzman, whose Income Taxes are paying his salary!) Bi 7 seg ta belon iat Sau 3 sight pl oor ie MANY THANKS, CARL, FOR YOUR ny DIA RS om its tagal Tender and ip Reger ih ot ine reavurys ov a Shy Fooeral Reserve Wank, aHOMEBODY-BUILDING DEPT. ONCE UPON A TIME...BEFORE Today, buildings have filled the vacant lots and the only there were plenty of vacant sandiots available if you baseball you cin enjoy i what's broadcast on television ‘wanted to gel a pang together and play a lite baseball, oe... = THAT'S WHY SMART SPORTING EQUIPMENT OUTDOO INIDO® sschall player, there are plastic: bate For the gatfer, special clubs, balls, cups are now jor playing the game in the house. aviilable tor enjoying the game oa the lh“tack, The Fork THE POPULATION EXPLOSION... the golf courses available to anyone Today, the few golf courses that ‘wasted to pursue that litle white ball for 18" holes. MANUFACTURERS ARE SLOWLY BRINGING RSPORTS <> ie &- eos For the cystist, the “Exereyele” eliminates the hazard of traffie jammed highways, and permits bike riding indoors For ie bewing eninsias, there are rowing machi enjoying the exercise and thrille of this sport atA MAD LOOK AT SOME FUTURE SKIN DIVING ‘SWIMMING Suspended indoor pool, swimming enthisiast will be able to perform ang stroke he feels like, except maybe perhaps sunstroke, Ih countecweights ever snail, plastie-lined SKY DIVING _ = Sky Diver & held aloft in ¥ powerful jet of air, When buzzer sounds, he pulls rip-cord of tiny ‘chute and gently lands as the air jet slowly twrns isett of, POLE VAULTING Special pole with enclosed tension spring efiminates. need for 20-foot headroom, “Jump-Meter registers pressure on spring ard reports equivalent height to an “oULdoor jump, 28 ‘Skin Diving bull will wear water-filled plostis, bubble to simulace underwater effect while di spearing plastic fish .. or real TOBOGGANING » for authenticity Scenery rushes blindly by as toboggan tilts 4 its aNis. Realism is added when tear makes.a wrong tum— and is violently ejected from sled by special mechanism. qT Tums, the faster the belt moves. Special eantral, set for Jength of ruse, automatically stops belt and reports time.“OUTDOOR SPORTS—INDOORS" WATER SKIING a FANCY DIVING Water Skiing tills are recreated by skis mounted upon Diving fan ean try any fancy dive he chooses, knowing the wobbling hase while machine anks on tow rope and sprays Sopett sl slop him in te and the atomic tine val SIL water inio the Tuce of the eager’ skiing crilusiat pull hime back onto Beard for anather ty before he drowns DEEP SEA FISHING HORSEBACK RIDING e he same thrill a the real Mechanical horse can be set 1o perform any action ef real thing as he sits in fighting chair and machine works horse, including walk, trot, canter, gallop and buck. All following pre-set iosirictons as t0 what type fst this ‘without cereals Unpleasant ‘aspects of real horses! BROAD-JUMPING ATHLETE'S FOOT ‘s*Bmoke Gets In Your Hose As toad-jumper lea ‘him from going too. shat registers how f spring keeps i For those who want to asd vital realism and atmosphere to eter” Outdoor Sports — Indoors, here's a Fungus-covered plastic ‘doors. foot that walks around exercise area just like real’ onesPGE-MORTEM DEPT. Once upon a weeknight dreary, While I stared with vision bleary At my Zenith TV that [ hought on time at Gimbel’s store— While I sat with eyelids burning, Suddenly | was disce That some shows were not eetuerning—shows I'd seen just woeks before. “What goes on,” I wondered, “with these shows [saw just weeks before? ‘Are they gone for evermore?” Thereupon t said, “Dear Rating, Thave sat here, watching, waiting For those splendid p: in weeks of yore; Though I've twisted knob and dial, I don't see Jean Arthur's smile; ‘Will sho get anather trial? Will she comeback witha rvar? Tell me, please, O Wondrous Rating, that she'll come back with a roar! Quoth the Rating, “Nevermore.” ne-time programs that premiered When heard his words so gloomy, ‘Waves of sorrow ran right through me; Still | hoped he might say something that would make my spirits soars ‘So | asked, in expectation, “What of Tammy Grimes’ salvation? ‘Surely she’s just on vacation and will win new praise galore; Let me hear, O Mighty Rating, that she'll win new praise galore!” ‘Quoth the Rating, “Nevermore.”ATING With apologies to Edgar Alian Poe As I spoke, the screen grew dimmer ‘And [ caught the first faine glinimer Of a strange, fantastic creature that my eyes could not Short and round and roly-poly, He was made of numbers wholyy "Gosh!" I shauted, “Holy Maley! What are all those numbers for?" “Hush!” he spoke, “and | will tell you what my numbers all ace for= “rma R. , nothing more.” Loud he spoke, with perfect diction, And I had the strong conviction ‘That his words were laden with a meaning [ could not ignore: ‘So. asked him, heavy-hearted, “Is it true that Shane’s departed? ‘Will he finish what he started, killing bad men by the score? Reassure me, Rating, that he'll Quoth the Rating, “Nevermore.” kill bad men by the score!"” (Glum I was and pessimistic ‘From his words so fatalistic: How I wished some note of hupe woud fram his gloomy lips coxttpour! But [ knew no hope existed, fi ‘So, in sadness, [ persisted; ‘Are there any athers listed for your bleak and barren shore? "Tell me, O Great Rating, whos destined for your barren shore!” Quoth the Rating, “Carry Moore.” *7The Poeeiptation in Portugal Pelle Primarily On Ths PistaBERG'S-EYE VIEW DEPT, "THE LIGH TEHER SIDE OF Tatas] frente) (Fora waning ne) [MRqowt) (Hey, at) [What ntanee reortne || ustvom | |"Banmyhe gets he | | eetie | {maaan intancin | lorourt whey, ser||brevapt} | “emcees eerie” || Feet | [intone ” | [res soweriht owayt_) Let — c € [: _o | | | 1S | mm [E i aN ty Lt ‘salve My Regards Te Tha Avenue OF The Americas find rey Uncle Laut] (Yer! You He's another gemt| | certainly Always mixed up | | come tram in one shady deal | one or anather « "a ‘and my brother, Marty, ithe world's biggest moochert He's ‘Siways looting for sornothing ‘WHAT! Who ASKED YOUTT WHAT DO ‘YoU KNOW? YOU'RE! AN QUTSIDER! YOU ONLY MARRIED INTO My FAMILY! HOW DARE YOU TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT sine is really something! She's the kind who builds | herseif up by knocking ‘dawn everyone eizat ‘ow | Pave wealth and statis and Ure whale world respects me. ‘exbapt ry brothers and slater and aunts and uncles! THEY DESPISE ME! fea | was very Youn TY So Idocided to min their brothers and sistorsand |. | joyeand respect By working aunts and uncles thaught very hard apd becoming rich Twos. bie nothing! fand successfull And... ‘BHD iT! son-of a gun‘soa His Are Alva Wh Tha Sound of Bhatguee LATIVES hy Bernard [came home| Big deal oy Mitchel ‘with 0 962 Very funny might interest ‘you te know my Billy war enozen ‘Valedictorian ot his Graduating Class! Got a smart eetort on inate Taw can there be ‘what any hope for peace | -|naighborst? |. ‘Between nations “They're “{ sisters has the leat Ts that sot wel, my Joany Viera your pale ara seyou Rave ne ciara onion and ast)‘ (Youdoliete aay! mer sane ant emperatre Yu £3) Tordhenest lt hourst Yau \Tewnento meaianer te : one slomech onset Shulbe eng eee homanginet sing : . tren pa cy te Daddy, he's been watching the TV programs hewanted lo watch] all night! Now, | wanna-wateh ‘to watent So shouldn't my turn tonight? Across a a woah, indecisive Oth NE! ‘Shoulda'tyou-take a stand and stick toi?Hey, “Newtywca™) (veces Hew’ pont he - Hub? Gut thought you said you ware marrying tho ‘wore ful gil in the world! laid Then whats eating you, buddy boy? Tim finding aut hat when you Twant to warn you about Uneie Maxi He's [sn obnoxious braggartl ‘According to hit, PIS Fs alerays the best his things, nis family you know the typet i U,t AWE Haha | ike that new” Uncle! Listen, "now Nephew! ve been bragging fo eve absut what swandeeful man my niece found fr er sei, nd Diet sorta tatkto you! *Thewe Coins la The Hote And thee brother, 1 ‘woul’ talk to him! Charlee... Fm In trouble Dick! way oie't yeu) ‘say someting’? 4 ‘Well, lean’ help it t's ered ‘ann You're just tke your Methert a product ofthe persanalty nave responsible fr what | am than by ging me tel So why condemn something | had no control overt? Boy, did mat wd fst put you ir your piace!‘Recording to the Bible, | am net my brother's heeyert SAS What are you TALKING about? Your Uncle Max is 8 GREAT GUY Vay. we'd better aiew (down or he'll Tao Knew what 3 people-are all fighting about? GRAN'MA! GRAN'PA!D DADDY'S GONNA HIT MEI! ight aeay, you) [Why dant you have to hit} | try'reasoning iti rst?DEPT, Recognize the picture at the lefl? Its a scene fcom the movie, “Fantastic Voyage.” In the film, @ teom of tiny, minicturized, molecule-sized men and wornen enter the bloodstream of scientist to destroy a blood clo! on his brvin, Ridiculous? You / FANTASTIC ARTIST: SACK DAVIE SOMEWHERE, DEEP INSIDE, WERE HER LOST OUTNUMBERED TWO MILLION TO ONE, HE FOUGHT THEME HOUSE-KEYS! WOULD THE LITTLE BAND DARE TO He Coushed Them He Blasted Them He Destayed These ENTER THE DARK ABYSS? Go The Scalp!" Betwees The Hair! Oa The Police! AND YET THE CURSED FLAKES REFUSED TO DIE! JOURNEY TO THE BOTTOM Sec OF AWOMAN'S PURSE =©6s,- (IPERATION Ov etal RUFF ‘The Lethal LPST that earned their ski ‘strange sick color! me bs ‘The Deadly COMPACT ‘The Grotesque NLEENEX— belching huge clouds of wad after wad after wad choking lethal pink dust! of wer, impassable gook! WITH (hax BARGER ® CURL LOCKS @HAIRY © Ferry © ichoel HAIRISOM Stonwryek Maldes Sorker Carey Jr, COMB WHLDROOT PLUS! COUNTLESS HORRORS NEVER BEFORE SEEN BY MAN! WITH wail & Tar “IWant A Thaméay Kind Ot Love DONT REVEAL THE INCREDIBLE ENDING TO YOUR FRIENDS!bet! After all, haw many scentists do you know with blood dots on the brain? Why tin’ the produces put thie tiny, pre-shronk people to work selving the problems of veryday folks? Problems that common cleds like us ean idontfy with! Here are: BASED ON VOYAGES °*3:3:33: EXPERIENCES They Plunged Into A Warld of Stagnant, Murky Horror! METRO-GOLDWYN-MIRE presents Descent Into A Clogged Sink-Trap WITH Crstpher © Thekta @ SOWA @ Tammy © FAIS © biel @ PIPE AOMOER = OUTER Sales GRIME Dancino CARBAGE Laut and in their first movie roles: The TRAP Family Singers The Special "Key" was lost! And the opener Wouldn't work! Could they do the Jab in Time? ‘STARRING: es Eddie FISHER THE GREAT SARDINE CAN OPENING A o TUNA Louise MARLIN Brando > SALMON Signoret} Edmund O'BRINE eee ANCHOVY Newly Produced by Newton Virgil @ Minow PERCH sreton oy museby tart ile Teor * PoRcT Dirgstes by ‘ites FISHCAKE Narrated byho Fath Wen hie Ma Blocked © ug. Tincotened By GIANT BUNTON! INFLAMED CUTICLE! (And Beorruhere Ther 5959 pr ‘OVERPOWERING SME STILL—THEY MARCHED ON TO RELIEVE THE PAIN! STARRING: Maria. At @ Victor @ Fradoic @ cattous © corny © sunion © ‘aRcH Howard g INGROWN @ Maxim HEEL @ Stevens @ J. Arthur Reek presents: @ ATE AUR] TO AN INGROWN TOENAIL Seno & FEATURING THE TITLE SONG: “| Went Right Up And Kissed Her Oa That Big Enormous Blister!” THEY WERE WILLING TO DIE—SO geAG AN ENGINE MIGHT LIVED Auto Preminger Presents: VOYAGE so. wipe own et, nod the fob, when fe lone his beariags! ANN... shocked the ohrers when shestrared soanearahoesperkplus! OR. VERRY... who was shot outaf the ailpipe, sod coded up exhausted imself explorins the, STARRING: Deborsh ROD’ Witoris mg FILTER | Alexander aR © Teyisr ® casrune © wotiman ® Foster ® KnOOCS ‘ity A New High In Thrill, Adventare anal GreasePackine!™ “Road # Track ‘+yhat De Thay De On A Rainy Might in ersey Cily THE TELEPHONE OPERATOR WOULD NOT RETURN THE DIME! ‘THERE WAS ONLY ONE WAY TO GET IT BACK! CALL IN. THE PAY- Buia Tse aa Perse ee nar GIANT SLUG! Per Cont Te atl) ES ae Seek Gra orra eu cr WRONG NUMBER! WITH Borbors 4 Fronchet » DIAL, Michoel , SELL NICKEL ® TONE * Betiger ® COIN ® Barth starr Based on Story by BOOTH TARKINGTON Directed by CALL FOREMANDON MARTIN DEPT, P, THE SMARTEST APE IN CAPTIVITY LLMILLINARY PARADE DEPT. Every Easter, we're treated to (and nauseated by) the wild Easter Bonnets women celebrities EASTER THE MARTIN THE KOUFAX Turban THE CASSIUS Chigaon THE MacNAMARA THE HEFNER 3 Floradora Tamwear. Just for a change, what we'd really like to see are these... BONNETS 222 am, : THE CHAMBERLAIN aK a aL Straw THE GOLDBERG "Loew Lettre in The Cament ‘opper aJOKE AND DAGGER DEPT, PART It sn09g ON 01 POE MOIS Y HONEA HE BL SHIT PAsPAST AND UNPLEASANT DEPT. a ae ‘Why wait around a thousand years for Man to make it so miserable for some gentle, harmless species of animal that it finally becomes extinct? See it happening today—right in your own town—vour own neighborhood! Yes, Man, with his inherent qualities of greed and sloth, is fouling up the simple social orders to such an extent that even some Human types are actually becoming extinct. You'll see what we mean as we now present some excerpts from. THE MAD GUIDEBOOK TO VANISHING HUMAN TYPES AWD) THEIR MODERN SEL ASANO (ABTIST: GEORGE WOODBRIDGE WRITER: ELIZABETH WRIGHT, sm. THE INEXPENSIVE HANDYMAN THE SPECIALIZED SERVICE TECHNICIAN | (Fixit Domestiens} (Con Jobus Maximus} warunat wanizat By ares ee tet PeAvURAL AADLTAY | AINSI Sop acelin fa CEA te mae naa seve Tecan ly a . RECOGNIZABLE FeaTURES on a job with his head bui le was casily | hour waka ie ae eae? screwdriver jutting out of his bulging eis, and the ol far enll ‘defect paris he's removed ftom one SHUR AME Gmina Rea Aga hak | silanes besa a “Ew whno sarc acer RECOGNIZABLE FEATURES CHARACTER TRAITS He was known 19 tke a modest pride in his ability to save | HE easily idenitied by the till he presenis containing 8 eustonier money by improvising apart to replace the one | Mesiby-eriwed double-ilk and a huge "Serviee Charge". | fo Tonger mule for an outmoded ut well-bule appliance. CHARACTER TRAITS USUALLY HEARD SAVINGr He js known to talk ike an expert on sports, politics and. | As, I should pay YOU for g% INO ce ro work | World affairs (—of anything but his own field!) to keep a lr wonderful old thing. A ii-a-half is cron customer from asking questions he really couldn't answer, USUALLY HEARD SAYING: ‘We “TNERPENSIVE HANOYMAN' i iy beng rpised by “its ia preity bad shape! Hs gotta g0 back to the shop!THE OLD-FASHIONED GRANDMOTHER (Nana Affeetionatus) NATURAL HABITAT “The gentle Old-Fashioned Grandiother was most aften seen nears stove, producing & variety of now-entinet foods itke fufy hoine-made bread, fried chicken and gooey apple ple—all of which the was fond of sharing with Foung folks. RECGGNIZAGLE FEATURES “The “Granny” was exsily identified by her billowing Aguce, her neat baie piled back ina bun, her wrinkled tace— free of greasy make-up. and her huge’elean Rowered apien. CHARACTER TRAITS 3 She was sam to parc in an emergency; she belicwed that a wonvan’'s place was in the hoe! and she devoted hx Iife to caring for er one mate—"TME Rrsrecri GRANDPA". USUALLY HEARD SAYING: “Come int Pm happy 10-see yout Have some Chicken Soup! ‘The “OLD-FASHIONED GRANNY" is rapidly being replaced by: THE FACE-LIFTED DOWAGER (Haggis Newroticus) NATURAL HABITAT ‘The Modern Grandmorker is usually found nt resorts, bingo parlors o¢ bats... any place but her ome. [oes not ike if be seen with children tho might exll her “Grandma” or jana or anything elke thst would disclose her real age. RECOGNIZABLE FEATURES She is easily identified by her setawny, emacinted figure “the. resulls of eating low-calorie, dietfad foods—and ber belilianily colored and stjled hair, whieh looks as if she's just left a Beauty. Parlor—which, of course, she has. CHARACTER TRAITS She is known to panic and become unsirung whenever sh Nisied by grandchildren, resorting to tranquilizers ui they leave, She often survives her mate, who isso bused ‘by Her incessant nagging demands that he finally Kicks off, leaving the inuge Insurance policy she now USUALLY HEARD SAYING: 0 you know, they think my daughter and 1 are Sisters?” THE G.P. FAMILY DOCTOR (Servum infirmus) NATURAL HABI AE the genial General Practitioner was not out oa a house- call, be Was always found keeping long hours in his olfiee. RECOGNIZABLE FEATURES He was easily identified by his wrinkled suit, which often Thidland a He was known ta tke his Hippocratic Oath seriously, to history of each member of the family, and imes a day to check on progress USUALLY HEARD SAYING: “Please don't worry abaut it! You'll pay me when yee cant” ‘The “BP. FAMILY DOCTOR" is being rapidly replaced by THE UNAPPROACHABLE SPECIALIST (Prestigius et Wealthum) NATURAL HABITAT ‘The moslern Spesiatist is most eften found on golf courses, in banks, in courts, defending himself against malpractice sults, or’at meetings organized to fight against Medicare, (RECOGNIZABLE FEATURES He is easily identified roosting in his sterile glaseand- Siecl medical tuite where strict eifice hours are observed, CHARACTER TRAITS ‘waivering faith in the rallying-powers ‘nuing to fosist that they: jours.” and there to wait for him... and wait...and wait. ..and die waiting. USUALLY HEARD SATING: “Take neo aspirins, drink plenty of liquids, stay in bed, and call me in about a week If You dont feel any better! make their way to his office duringTHE SWEET LITTLE KID (Cutus Tylas) NATURAL HABITAT ‘The Sweet Elutie Kid was usually found running down to the Grocery Store for his mother ot washing the family car for hhis father of helping some poor old lady cross the street RECOGNIZABLE FEATURES He was easily identified by that brave, bright smle he'd always display, despite adversities—and’ his ‘neat, combed, scrubbed appearance, despite his family's financial status CHARACTER TRAITS ‘He was know to shaw a deep sense of gratitude when taken te the Cireus once a year or treated vo a Malt—addressing ‘grownups with such now-extinct words a8 "Sic" and "Ma'am" USUALLY HEARD SAYING: “No, thank sau! F eaueldn’t take maney for daiae a favor” "The “SHEET LITTLE IO is rapidly being replaced by. THE SPOILED BRAT (Obnaxious Harribilis) NATURAL HABITAT He Js easily identified by his mean, nasty expression and bis habit of spitting at anyone who mentions good manners, RECOGNIZABLE FLATURES ‘The madern obnoxious Spoiled Brat can offen be seen on the Living Room floor, kicking and screaming and having one of, his typical temper tantrums when he's not getting his way. CHARACTER TRAITS He not only aecepts money, butt takes it without asking—is, Happiest when snitching on someane or Licking ervieher out from Cripples—and hasncver bocn known o say" Thank You" USUALLY HEARD SAYING: “You mean this jink fg ALL Fm getting for my Birthday?" = a Suaineas tik The Wasa Gar Qusinens THE EFFICIENT SALESPERSON (Customers Semper Rightius) ine ag cates BES Say east Tid Wisin ie! Seger oad Cee ee ee ee ae couwmexnititnients cua far cai San Hee EEUU Siac aera aaa, alee Sree sid cece TUR RE Beet a eee gene eo cameee would show concern and personally see to it that the item meunuirneace nine Da ee ne ee suede ‘The “EFFICIENT SALESPERSON" is being capil replaced by THE INDIFFERENT CLOCKWATCHER (Ugnorus Ee Non Coopevativus) NATURAL HABITAT ‘The moctern Indifferent Clockwatcher ean usually be spotted gathered in clumps behind courters, gossiping and giggling, RECOGNIZABLE FEATURES She is easily identified by the back of her head, whieh is quickly turned toward you if she sees you looking for her- CHARACTER TRAITS She is known te adhere to some honor-bound cade to impart hp information whalsoever about merchandise, to possess an abllty to make every customer wha approushes fee lie am intruder upon hee privacy, and to move st an invtatingly slow pacs, especially when a parking meter i ticking flow. USUALLY HEARD SAYING: ‘Sorry, i's not my deparnmentf” or “Fn on my hurch Rourt” €Rren enacts per, “Tha st Be Lave Decnune | Feel So Sick ‘Well, let's see. We have “Super” Secret Agents, like James Bond...and then we have “Stupid” Secret Agents, like Maxwell Smart. So what's left? How about Se- cret Agents who don't do anything but talk? Oh? You say you don’t think the idea will work? Then you haven't caught the TV series that opens each week like Cali lait ret = CAV eon {Li WAIL‘This's Louise LaFlesche, please! Let the West's most important i ‘the plot out ‘Atomnie Physicist The. rece age ‘way before chinese Rede have kedeapped | |‘ they” || you startwith yaur er, and they've eomsletely | | shouts have || timhe-sasting, clever brainwashed het? Seed remarks! hee! Ss om oa ese itsnysthat Mise LaFiecche wil bein |))[ But he po When he's asleen, Hong Kong to attend the Internationa! |} is awake! he hangs. a ‘onventian of Atomic Physicists! t= 0p fot Disturb” unto youve oe nar away trom the Ep sign around Reds! Wake-up Kill. and tate offt tot fis neck! you tellt es l y We lust ot ts itertss | ax you know man J Eo inenge |] supe in 2 onan, Read it! a) Wane 1} [No wonder! Got DEAD Tanguoges! Hane! | sont seem tobe able to. || ST mesbagee ‘ransiate this net in Sanne Twander why the I's abvioue! ‘Chie picked US ‘We're smartt We've ‘Yo cone on this ‘got Intative! secret mission? ‘And most important— HONG Ks ARM A YF +n Toe Bora The veto We ean 6 You are “withost even more atrscting ty eatin) | insertable Sentoat “re que remarkable! wnat sy? | [than we art : a 1‘and now, wauid | | Okay... but remember, we eg se. and a6 a fe5ulR, we you care to never use any of those dette stutfings beaten Join us ia that Bond” gimmicks, ut of us each week! ley ower there? eke OF course, Fi talk to you! Winat else cp we do on this show? Right! And do you know how to waste 10 mintes ‘en a TV Show?wet fal wrong! fo Inta your room, ‘to 00001 Z Bk B 2 4 A e Z| |‘sbve Grown Accottomed To Her Breath Now epmes the But tome | | ren taking coe or aren Fa eccmes Sa soe ig me mgm a teen cease | saree |e mien =e ‘ticle episode wos, done in Hong Kong! Fremember, Klly, ‘ur jet is nat ‘only to find the We all do! ‘We're barn wath Abvhat American Agents! Now, we have you botht ‘You will be surprised {to laarn that tis is nt the raal Atomie Physicist!hhaney! That's our plant We happen toWHAT HERE WE GO WITH ANOTHER RIDICULOUS pEADY MAD FOLD-IN Behind this tranquil Spring scene, danger KILLER lurks. A deadly killer is at work, quietly THREATENS claiming one victim after another. Can you 9 spot him? Fold page in as shown, and you'll US ALL : find out whe this insidious, unseen enemy is. FOLD THIS SECTION avER LEFT <0 FORD BACK SOA” MEETS“B" foe ies SS bose POLICEMEN ALONE CANNOT HELP IN THE SOLUTION OF THIS PROBLEM. IT’S EVERYONE'S AFFAIR AND WE EITHER FIGHT NOW... OR WE DIE LATER ab 4B, The Super Sete Drunk: ‘We put one together to show: you the effects of Scoteh, ‘Recently, we set dhe stage for another of our ridiculous MAD "Ad Sates” We wear dawa to Skid Row and gathered wp fe Celeste Tat Coo peed ne ats finally ended up oa the rocks. ‘The wobbling knees of 4 Gre 3 Poatenie Ba tae A I Demat i. When You Indulge In ees : et Scotch To Excess SC we og You Eventually Have To é PAY THE PIPER