yet figured aut ho the ravagesNUMBER 71 JUNE 1962 oul never get rid of a bad temper by losing sty” —Alfred E. Neuman PUBLISHER: Willian M.Gaines EDITOR: Albert B. Feldstein ART DIRECTOR: John Putnam PRODUCTION: Leonard Brenner EDITORIAL ASSOCIATES: Jerry De Fuceio, Nick Meglin LAWSUITS: Martin J Scheiman PUBLICITY STUNTS: Dick Bernstein SUBSCRIPTIONS: Glaria Griande, Celia Movaili, Anthony Glardano CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS: “The Usual Gang of Idiots DEPARTMENTS ARTIFICIAL DISSEMINATION DEPARTMENT ‘The Birth af a Brand Namo... % 38 BERLIN AIRLIFT DEPARTMENT The Big Bad Wall,..... 48 BETTER READ THAN OREAD DEPARTMENT AMAD Guide to Rugia.. ec eeccos igen Ts BITTER-PATTER DEPARTMENT The Lighter Sido of Rain... i : 14 CHAIRMAN OF THE BROAD DEPARTMENT ‘Colobritiog’ Wallets (Frank Sinatra's) Berra COPS AND RODGERS DEPARTMENT ‘Seuth Chieago ...... : 3 DAMES AND DOZE DEPARTMENT ‘Oream Girls Gebietes Zi 0 JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT Spy vs. Spy es ar ooo 18, 42 LETTERS DEPARTMENT Random Samplings of Roador Mail... iad MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT We Knew Them When... 02.0. .2s0000e am PADDING AND PENCIL DEPARTMENT Famous Test Papers... - weet ROBIN HOGD-WINKED DEPARTMENT Don Marlin in Sherwood Forost........2..00ccsceeccee eed THE WAGERS OF SIN DEPARTMENT Gambling... - on ota UP FOR ADAPTION DEPARTMENT Future Physical Afflictions, .,.c+.s.eseseeeseseseeeceeeee 32 “Various Piacos Around The Magazine = fy ae Vol, Rune 71 bleh aonb ec, Terry, Nay ee. te rcs ae Cibo ae ae VITAL FEATURES GAMBLING 2... Is raining! ts pouring}! This * atigle will leave you snoring! AMAD GUIDE TO RUSSIA... 10 ate eens "Goto Red Than snd? Well, ths Guide tothe USSR paves, there's LN very itl ilerancel Logond has it shat when Richard hoard it mas (group that had raized hie sam, he offered twice ‘az much te stay in prion, CELEBRITIES! WALLETS ..............30 ‘Obtaining the wallets for this serias has bean vary tough. To get Sinatra's, wa had to go about It ia a very “clan"=cestine way, FUTURE PHYSICAL AFFLICTIONS .....52 [AMAD glance at physteal changes thal could evolve © IG (on ce way of Ma. Ae Fe or mantal changos é slang at MAD i ‘THE BIRTH OF A BRAND NANE.........38 How product nanee spring rors Madlaon Ave brene slorming sessions, whore the thinking is. all wot and the Martinis are dry. ried In MAD's parody musical about the gangster ara of the "20's, the *Stoolies” do their singing on atage instead of to the police,LETTERS DEPT. MAD BABIES . Far sone strange reaton, this deponment : thas been eecelving © llead of ynopnhots of Babies reading WMAD, probably a snide r Anywoy, we hope this rendam sampling f MAD WRITER MAKES GOOD e Astute MAD readers may nate the abonee of Lorry Sivgale Biine In this Iaue. We ots prod land edo emovses at o vast ht Here ek fr om ba You get that. .. and two big ears, iSieete “Tet Howher Show Bota and-a missing tooth, and lats of fel chete, here a ard we other funny features when you order men be eens froop HG wor A BISQUE-CHINA BUST OF ae Hollywood, Calif ALFRED E NEUMAN this town changing = guy. Ite noc He, 8 sweetheart. Fim the same as always, baby ‘Caueht yout latest issue: Laved itl LOVED. ie Its YOU,sweetie! Regardsto the gane. et AU babyy T mean eis with all sin erity: No mance whe happens, acthi ‘will change our sclatioaship. a HOLL cercly, Mr Siegel STATE AIDE When the delegates to the Citizenship Insticwte for Girle at Douglas College toured the Seate House at Trenton ane afcernoon, what do you think we found jin the Governor's offce? An atte of MAD! Elizabeth Leppoan ‘Moorestown, N. J HIGHER EDUCATION MAD is renitized reading for sy chile ddeeo. Te taught th feos, bt MADD is “Pon Gra GW. Wilson Vancouver, Cauda MAD REACTION ‘My mother thinks MAD is scream Every tiame | buy it, she sereams at se MAD TaUST. wethg zune 850 Third Avenue, New York 22, N.Y. Lexington, Muse eanan= Uso ceupan or duplicate =. Please rush my bust of Allved E. Newman, Net st | wanna noes, Fa [URk lke to fee you guys “make out —for a change! OVER 30 MILLION SOLD! Yep. ver thirty million people are oid an the idea that this item Isn't worth half the twe bits we're charging for It | ENCLOSE $_ FOR: [Dy 5%" Bust(s) at $2.00 each [E] 3%” Bust(s) at $1.00 each NAME. Whieh still Iaaver sbeut 150 miion who might be conned into buying one, So, if ADDRESS, you'd like © full-color plcture of Alfred E, Neuman, MAD's "Wnat—Me Worry?” Ki, erry zone STATE. mail 260 to: MAD, Dopt. “wmat—Colar? 4850 Third venue, New York 22, New Yorkee ee Aer IT WAS teat am sinners tie | A CASE OF MIND OVER jame and show tunes ar WBWC. Naros Sco") READING-MATTER! J's eternal companion! -_ . ern borer New, plctres of “babes” ae ME DOESN'T Ger iT [Everyone around my house Hikes MAD. lexcepe my uncle. He pst eeade what Task him to in MAD, and says —T con't gee i How ean U get ima to get it? NilesNotlin fes, the patient had a history sloaploss nights and undue mental AngulzN: wandering when the no igeue wae due to hit the stands! Get him @ subscription. Then be's get fim Ed, MY PRESCRIPTION... Av SUBSCRIBE TO ebtesariy eem MAD maioly che whole dart magazine! JeieDoliie,. | _ - — cuse coupan or duplicated — i MAD SUBSCRIPTIONS. DON MARTIN: BOOK. 850 Third Avenue, New York 22, N. Y. ‘While reading the latcse Doo Martin | Okay! tm coughing up ay $2.0, Pease enter my caroons the tue opurradan ss hat | ve ex you sobiaptan tat ana gene mathe 4 collection of the best from Don Martin oest nine issues of MAD. | know this ian't ty hat the doctor ecered. but oat trade headache far an upset stomach. Geel Suilering om a sudden toes of apie altedy! ‘Magatine of pockes beck fore wauld bea wonderful tet ton Rapp Union Cir. NJ. 1 occurred fo wt, toa! See the invde-boek over af this lanval—Ed nppRess—————_____ NAME. Pesta addros all carrecpondance tor | OFTY¥ ZONE ‘AD, Dept. 71, 850 Third Avenee STATE, Outre U8. 258 New York Ciny 22,8. - TE: Al Beas or siete ob poset DON'T SAY WE DIDN’T WARN YOU! THE GOLDEN TRASHERY OF MAD ‘WAS BOUND TO SELL OUT! Unfortunately, it didn't! MAD ANTHOLOGY 850 Third Avenue, New York 22, N. ¥ Lenclose $2.95, Please rush THE GOLDEN TRASHERY OF MAD. But they stil did a nice bind Ge lune hard-cover onthology of the best from RANE MAD, You get 136 pages af humor, satire, and fareagedmanyin etary iy tis permanent ADORESS, election of past articles ... “permanent,” in thatwe havea whole“colleetion’'of these b2oks corrr. 20NE— ‘we're trying to wet #id of, Plonso hela us, hah 1 1 1 1 1 ' 1 1 1g job on this: i 1 It I ' ' 1 1MAD pocs on sale UN Security Counc! ae gar aa™™"] == | Samson elas his inal performance for . in specs emereeney session: Frulstnes rigs doun nous, 1088 6 ‘ 7 OB |28 ts S Peers) itm moon turn waar aregn onion vm [anche Dia rooster wie Mexean-Oaek Fine = | Howara Johnson waitreas, Lita Dus, a In 31 | ice-cream freezer, creates new 29th flavor, 1959. WALTER AU ASC i Fool vavcabe nies “= | two ome placed in Atos Meee bocome ==] PRCA ee |b | Medcreeaster etna ht wcrc, See swes | Court Jester to Richard Ilf contracts Bubonic =| ™0> | American Elms attacked by Zz Ci 3 | See eerie eee. ER) a | aan te i PLA RAS | P| wane ae Fate pcenee ee egg | | Jae Fert amo reaunce ont verarceing a | vault steals 150,000 roy, 1955 G | watery of US nwt. ae? words tenth, 1528, OH 35 | oe wie sic on evosoesns FER, | oe | Kermit Rooney plc up 13 diamonds curing J | makes spectacle of himselt-= GB | 5 | cree, 7 | Besierjals Hanaibal 24 clephanis at are atiaia | 7 | “Tha move you eatvate people + Ge Y | ofhcignts, originates Planned Obsotescence, 217 8.C. | 10 the more you turn up clogs! oagn <3 Sens Thurston YoucyTwerisS7 new ues GD [TAN] Missing Link discovered when Hooded reer Tig ‘or broccollall others immoral, 1926 12| recedes trom GreenbriarGo Gis 1856 WD, we’ | Goad day to play stock market, Rp Se" | Svan Johansson slatoms down wrong slope at 13 | mabe parachute jump, get married, 14] Lake Placid and invents Water Skiing, 1808, wom [Panama Canal Ss x | “wile wo feads uiband bed ireatea coon 15 |Gmoveredrtoer, SRE Fe BL [7G | steccchnwtngronstordvecel™ ok onal wo | Gar Gaboa alacovers tae Gulf Stream ater avine PR, | Ta | Settee Sion get ray roseteg sh ene 19 Peer cninene Emperor extonsspecal favor en Murer | m= | tester of "Rete Romer” drowns 19 | Concubine, intracuces the first Ming Coat, 457 6. |'2Q| during test run in Paris Sewer, 1937. <== ‘Amalaamated winden Washers Unan pcs gant | se | Easter Sunday, Dr, P,Wous Harta work on ayaa corn Seatttaats A Crtecauvoens Fewer Toaks | 39 | teostoomecisncon ey me catrea oa ed ‘tis moran man ont na way mia" Women), |= | “Miss Amevicn” Winner I guaiied when and Children Onty'’ lifeboat on S.S. Titanic, 1913. 24 | it's discovered she isa Siamese Twin, 1929, Dual Anniversary: wery at Hudson Bay by raues| Sir Arthur Sullivan discovers last cord, Henry Huceon, aod Tarren Bey ty eet Precucer, © |-26 | Istnaly abla teup buns 1200, wa] "A man wha marries a fashian expert s 1 | Mozart's Minuet in "D" places 4th in 27 | wi end up with a deeigring woman 88 | 2B| vienna Dizedeckey's Top-Tan Pull, 1788, To | tews of rch Boulaer = | arhimedes tes his Greek students tat 29 | Dam weons wo Press, 1986, ae oe ee ee F Ta | Etnwoth vinbieysuccontely vents Eas 1 | “instant Belly Button Lint,” 1955, fi | “Aman who smokes in bed wil Veopittig |u| india purchases rights to “My Fair Lady’ > Py ages 43 [vacate ees fA ee | Time Magazine editorial assistant, Mildred zz sat | Chinese Boy Scout rubs two pieces af woad togethor— | Wasser lastanaan [appa | | arn Seog ers eons a sum | Louis Pastour fires assistant after asking for (Bpy| 2" | A Pretty ‘Gold-Digger’ wha lives near an ay. | toa tebe arc getting tray Fetor ster 1097. GAY] | aieFanes cae wise ate est Tat | icky sie vents "Tre Colloo Gus ma | MADGSH alsa Tusinn we EROS Break" and fs immediately fired, 1891 "9 | in major capitats of wort S308THE WAGERS OF SIN DEPT. MAD INVESTIGATES THE SORDID BUSINESS OF GAMBLING ARTIST: WALLACE WOOD The characterization by mov it easy for um ordinary ppersan to spot a typical gambler. GAMBLER Fa(queiooa Sun a6 yw igh nok 2330p #408} 3] Wuop os “Aung suey Sea 2 214 SEK 91 890 sin porn sug ne eva su ee 30 PSD © aD ‘ aimuop jo spueog -nore3SIPHt ac FuMLON Some pee se 5g (pm ‘out “a 914 30. 80 JO} pend. Huqeav- aH USE “Soo Suyenpano ig seu xoreipuy "vy Supis a cl tele GAMBLER Yes No mg 29 6) 199 SNL AEE ump wear agi "2szn03 10. 40m spo 31p oO] puT ‘3M aun noj9 mpioe sated 2a “AEH 30} sf UDR ‘pemeseg — IF (aU. Aru SET weg “IEG HOW Bf [eI 51 Gage Fungens ys igi "éreoruupey "yoo Swanemueza0 staring 49 und saggiu awezeg Buy quyd ‘seagi Jo sso. sion us s5ypeag (dicy OWL) Uns, made Using thie Kran geambleramong those below. Tri page over ta cheek anmwer: THE GAMBLER TYPE GAMBLER vex No pIAGTES us} 1y7fnoq PA ay! 40. puRTaNT fo ye 1038 sf favour snot vey) are oq, s9x30 urs nok ‘eneoq Suseus “Buyquies 1 aapsuoa am ng. stendso yf eit of of spacoud 34 a ) apmuos oy wnenjad ve aidoed woyy "V's “Tl O41 BE SPN AREAS HLT Jo ‘sesjas tayssasone sou 2 J0 auo SI soy Ema SHIM sige, try tm prick ont the rotten no-gaoe GAMBLER Yes No_ aureten AWE 1 Aunyquues you sou ‘sipng adosp =p ‘9 sry 514 pat — 3404 sys 3 "apm soss0K) SHE Jo 2UH09 J) LINED, TF yepuSeeLS AN LES ap inom 240: ON Aata8 TU Siodgh geaupuny yo J2qUINE povsadeas-s(gdty © 8! 3H Suizee — $9039 jo. UeMs, yt aay Seto pangysNOWD S25 TIE USIPYONEI “OTHE ANATOMY OF A GAMBLER Recent exhaustive teste by 5 leading N.Y. doctors reveal as “A' that the expression “Gamblin, blood” is really the bse 8 medical fact. Gambling actually bests such good things and physilog and even “Fast-Acting Alka Seluer" into it goes oft to: make violent emotional changes in the gambler’s mind and body. DESIRE TO GET DESIRE To GET WHAT BELONGS: SOMETHING ‘TO OTHERS FOR NOTHING | besine ne a To AVOID SHARP EYES [woRKING. DESIRE TO BE LIKE GLAMOROUS TW STAR MAVERICK FOR FINDING. BOOKIES, AND SPOTTING COPS (ats NOSE FOR SMELLING A SURE DEAF EAR THING. TO STARVING | FAMILY'S LONG NECK PLEADING FROM ALWAYS: STICKING. iT OUT. DROOPED SHOULDERS FROM ‘CARRYING BURDEN. | ‘OF HEAVY BUTTERFLIES EXTENDED FINGERS FOR PUTTING THE TOUCH ON |_FRIENOS Tey FINGERS FOR DIPPING INTO PETTY |cas orawens AND WIFE'S. POCKETEOO! WEAK-KNEED i i i E FAST FEET FOR STAYING ‘ONE JUMP. AHEAD OF CREDITORS DESIRE TO ST ESCAPE DOWN-TO-EARTH REALITIES.THE DEVELOPMENT OF A GAMBERR ‘outand-out gambling game is usually run by 2 rin hopes of aking + profit, And sual Steck buyers hope stacks wil ge up, so they # Roughly Wanslated, "ParlsMutuel” means that betting the Stocks go down, they lose. Biggest gamble is In knowing emily savings with a “Bookio™ is very bad, but betting it ly because tho State ble Public Servants. nothing about guys who run eempanies they buy stock in, at a race track is very geo: and even less about guys whe talked them into buying Hl takes @ cut, and se do manyHero. i= atypical American Mother we some typical American farbling at Canasta when she should gaming at Baschal Cards when they hemonplaring bets witha Bookie. He EX"home with her Pushord nd kiddies, Should be home wih mother and lather. should’ be at ‘wack wero. ifs. legall ‘Our colleges work hard to buil athletes every inducement, including fraw tuiti jobs with high pay, passing grades and free rcom & board. Wwhare athletes learn rotten kusiness of accepting bribes, salaries by visions of GAMBLING TAKES FROM THE POOR, GIVES TO RICH Wii!) | Sa : earners are enticed A prafessional gambler knews all the Gut fortunately, gamblers aren't all into gambling away their hard-earned tricks, and hard-working wege-earners bad; They do THE EVILS OF GAMBLING mument officials consider gam il is But worst evil of all in the eyes of government officials |, degrading, depressing, dest a it's Impossible to calleet Income Taxes from gamblers! S = Hore is a typical American father at E my y 4 ‘toams, Thay effer lage athletes huge a es te theaw gama... .and cellages ean't understand a few hard-working have small chance of seeing any profit, wage-carmers like cops to make m buck,MAD REVEALS SECRETS OF DETECTING CROOKED GAMBLING EQUIPMENT MARKED CARDS NORMAL CARD MARKED CARD ‘only . to fool us. Nate how normal card at leit has perlect even the rest. Obviously this means i's @ three of same kind! DOCTORED DICE NORMAL DICE DOCTORED DICE “dactored" dice al right have tiny tiny beveled carners— ns ean easily 208 ‘almost everytime, is spolting a “Controlled” roulette wheel, But lunble MAD hints, it wh should be simple, N der “Normal” whee! i1180989 SETEAA NOSED He | WORLD LEADERS CONCERNED OVER GROWING NUMBERS OF PEOPLE VICTIMIZED BY GAMBLING Basically, gambling is an unsavory, slo ess. Notice how true this is in our photo of atmosphere. Notiee the unhappiness aders concerned with the growing re concerned mainly because to get to the tables to place bets. If you have never gambled, consider yourself fortunate! Try at all cep could lead to “Gambling Fever”, which in turn could mean your we're willing to bet you 1010 1 it’s tue! Do we have any takers?PADDING AND PENCIL DEPT. It's "Exam" time again, the time when they ask you al those questions you didn't study for, and don't know the answers te. But that won't stop yau, will it? Nah You'll go sheed and fill in the answers anyway—even though you don’t really naw what you're talking about, thus indulging in that great scholastic art: “Throwing the bull”. This art consists of ‘writing the iongest answer possible ebaut a subject, even though it has nathing to do with the question involved. hoping ‘hat the teacher will be impressed, Undoubtedly, many of you MAD readers have perfected this art (We know MAD writers have!) but you miay be surprised to leare that this practice has not been limited to cleds like us, Mainly, just about everybody did it when he was in school In fact, here are some examples which reveal that even “Famous Celeb hhave “Thrown the bull"....each in his own distinctive style. So let us look at a typical exam, and compare it to... FAMOUS TEST PAPERS TE. Hey Hadi Bata HERE IS A 15 A SIMPLE a) Hiuty Hudson we ane STANDARD ENOUGH QUESTION, Snplrie idl ais Sue i ears tide AND: ALL THAT AY Hea ae eae IATHAS (8) ho was Henry Hodeon? || THE TEACHER “The Holl Mao” HENASKED (6) tie tre Eadlon'a: two sont EXPECTS ARE c) He pigiat abil ON AMERICAN significant contributions? ‘ONE-SENTENCE aud ipl, diet Bo, more Riera wane MEWS 2 lu fy ann BXAMS FOR (o) Elst tho 4 great qacgraphicat ARE DIRECT AND 7) Hullson Riste, thudser THE PAST core * TO THE Por — eirait, Hisduar Bolg, SO YEARS LIME THESE ad Rese Tapes: a you Birjnain Funk tages ee eae HHistoyp Post Poorchast Sant TL. faung Hadas - twos THAT'S WHAT THE yea al le oes en ee TEACHER EXPECTS. fan nlan—Derhaps one of the most in e+ BUT THATS: ost impostant figures: HARDLY WHAT SHE etal I A skill ‘of nowhere, Rigy TYPICAL TEST Se a Ia oe ted tk Wea, THAT PAPER THAT WAS n. Hudsan and his men filled him with beer, And that’s ‘THE KIND OF ee ertriies sien ent erp rey as a oy Se ae IN BY ATYPICAL Hudson les, but he overcame ARE HANDING STUDENT THO DID. ttnsterer he nes deny, nd eh peat geographical DOE AT NOT KNOW ANY OF Muncie neorsiarhitepeitee meoee cesarean BUT iF You ‘THE ANSWERS, BUT history. And ¥ arn i WILL TURN THOUGHT HE COULD ‘THE PAGE, PUT IT OVER ON YOU'LL SEE ‘THE TEACHER BY THE KIND OF “THROWING ITH" BULL“ THEY JUST LOOK AT WERE HANDING: THIS MESS! (IN YESTERDAY! an =(Klaas! Benson LP of Hebe ib Dasshcan Zita LA Bie A dah L Blin Badan. —Busuree a aay His name has.arhythrie sipping m ariving ab ay c+ should, im = rece is conto". , ; once east al Ueeune ane 3 mighty good one 2 that. is alent wae al faire eto te eves 1 Why wa hean explorer? Wht made him an-out tse pcan a ee jeal anemarks he as been : pinrer-ard nals musician ors coerpose cea ‘wheter an ex pactarce of the geograp! oe Rach syllable rings with genius, surges vith heroic siaivee, and throb sath ra 3 the there of discovery, Aad right abaut now, you're making rmoraly a8 2 the diseavevy that ! dont know verpmatch about Henny Tn whch ease, fr the me Maven: Well | gues I have to face thems, and : Kop pir Grameen Hal T gud Goo df lin Buse Ta Kappan tae daa 00 F aanicane Venting T 32 3° Rau Sat !ooves me to comme belare Ittehooves me to come before you on this grand is youn th “oceaion—my final enant toda eet ang glorins oecasion—mry fil exam ee ee Sith yau a man sho truly 2k AM a a Tie of al Fie. aan og ABE © nd west, north and foc in hi a a plishnents f Fame the gravest of hase a, ships ‘3 man wha, despite many fro significant comtibutiens—bath Vn sure Anidan an explorers oo = angi captgeingthat I was tempted to shi ‘ively and go on to thee feat one. Epler, to near aclutely wien. deve no se we maee | eal foean ‘ef tunction ices iunation except wo be my ile by usta i 0 ep lar haleoar ia archaea hme nfo beat winevey ad Sa yw ea low pitty ‘Colinas, vie hrs been asthe eect that asad When Hudson set out in 1609 leon, hawew in, becauco my G ly. | happen to be Pacha He crew he had elected afd Thee nm outarene ed Ships on sae nde ‘Keanican Hue, 2 Few 2A Sea La tenmy Hudson Baha kW. Wren ubfuatkinn High Sele me Seperate iene The sa ane ya od ae ol 8 ee rey auto Tesi hep ean A ee uh aa he com DUO vastson tach Sie mode fo ts seman ways. ne served [hese he struggled to meet Sprtacier-ike Raving ee efer schon to make ent ner ad nota or ae acca [EO Tmo to every sl A Hadhon srg ge oe on a EPP Se. Its not fie: was absent thedlay thie reviewed, and | 3 Onthisexar. ‘know st 838 BOE Wins any honest Lor knaurs, ve 8 my Best. But hve had it harder thaw th Fi vere Ions, Teachers keen pickin Flite me to study. Ne inks jams. C4 sent ene, Pve spent 2 ard, hoe tried t0 make Sot going io sce UP, a ack: No, don't try te-stop me. tay in tt won’ dea . PETE tka keke nto’ ve a 04 64 80108 HOW DUKREDEA HOH Heemest Wes perad DSrIE EEE? ang 30 ayo pees Bue ‘way 94 fg aiOsUDES Om pus at cry Fupeeduwaa Aq pomssapren 3q 1599 UE vast jo 300 208 eye Ae MO, BEY [2834 Uo: Pan sUSKNED AO po Us 31d03d NVISSNY 3HL ean ai 40, ru Ue 129 OF eDLsOGUY UT amsUN ang “utd sy atpesSoH, PT seas a poqusap 9q ay s L “nuwrrg pono “sapped yp “tensur are o4f—suessyunuso.,, Sq pains 2p Up SOMMONTY MOIST OAL IyE ure way, “5m, fq PEAT seis pow ‘andar oe fem BMY “£161 007g SOLLITOd CNW LNSWNH3A09 NVISSNY ajpmossttenp aq uv ay asnexoq, i pg? surngmag Y (bY Ssquiog ustoupHr ‘uo[sfa3ppa ESHOWY 94] 521 ‘saougs Uy spa useo aro a 7 i ANSWNIVLU3LNA sare et dee asa ay wagNnog uno GOR XIWO —GTTTIASIO_ LAN: ai sae inposrepeay py fi seg at “Aqureu “oa pu ‘gugus 01 punnss sau JUNLVYsLIT AYNLINS |NVISSNYS Tr | ce d 3ONaIOS AYULSNGNI ONY JON3IOS NVISSNYcu say of ea Soe 90) ef qo. dQ 3H BIER} fp Sons NIW1S Hdasor “a'S'S'N FHL ONINNOL Sua7NY NVISSNY SNOWROBIN HOOD-WINKED DEPT. PRESENTING... A SPECIAL “MAD” VERSION OF THOSE FAMILIAR TALES OF | ROpRy HOOD AND HIS MERRY MEN” BY THAT OLD BANDIT FROM WAY BAC! FNce upon rE, @ atime, a band : of Merry Men lived deep in Sherwood Forest. They were all hale and hearty fellows — who always enjoyed a rousing good. song... he leader JJ of this band of Merry Men was a dashing rogue named Robin Hood ..who was by far the best bowman in all Nottingham...@ obin Hood. KR and his * Merry Men | i} were ingenious \)} in the methods they devised to- send lightning- fast messages across miles of dense overgrowth to their hide-out deep in Sherwoodnother A method of quick communication was the horn Often, even a single note of the horn would bring instant. action... Bi Eloed RK was well loved by the simple folk and despised by the nobility — because it was known throughout the countryside that what he stole from the rich he gave to the poor..“Robin Hood and his Merry Men” is the one in which Robin Hood first encounters 4s Little John... on a narrow foothen there was the Cg time Robin Hood won the King’s private archery match in one of his clever disguises fei OWEVET, ch every now and then, one of Rabin Hood’s Merry Men was captured, and sentenced to death on the gallows... ce Et Ph; oe a?CHAIRMAN OF THE BROAD DEPT. Here we go again with our fictionalized version of things we'd probably find if we were to examine the contents of Cl following portorsancos HR at THE SANDS, t5 LAE HESS JOE, thas ab Dis Sareneese, iets sRITIES’ WALLETS _ THMGE 10 fe Buy pdhy ae wre , 2 wor: Tima aco hee ig Se ale) foe rtn tO oF as : : fecoy iia bap Saagp ite —— : THE WHITE HOUSE TEL aoe enhanc a ‘nhingpr. BLUE CROSS HOSPITALIZATION PLAN Los Angeles, California 1 Went ater hae dite sles) Medea Pine Under 2 "Group If you and your desire Hespitarizat mill have te become Seeosiaied " established corporation in Gublify fer any "Group Plan, ‘may cannot, however, Join as mextors of "The Clan." a yours, Your Local Blue Cross Reprosoatat ive LAN COR Cds, 380, 000 Lees ee ab boat ee = TRAFFIC VIOLATION SUMMONS: CITY OF LOS ANGELES DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLES 2S. 54 LICENSE Ko: VIOLATION: i puct Onlopofa “me _4P 2500 | WM. Bits | OFFICIATING OFFICER: , MODEL CAR: Dual Ghia, rials SANDRA DEE annat a paeikadiel acdicommennaaasiaa: A IDENTIFICATION 4 f NAME: 2 aeesegle Spero, & Li ADDRESS: Henne? goeeh leciettta / PHONE: 240 ssc Linassnan OCCUPATION: Z 2 IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, NOTIFY: yk MORRIS GELSTON, MD. ee ute tee wennwod Mess Ball ‘to Whom It vay 60% je to cortily Soe ee Yaa jas in the best soteree 20 a aL here, | and no" under poy <3! Moria Cebster— : worris Gelstons WP. SELECTIVE SERVICE SYSTEM NOTICE OF CLASSIFICATION fhe Jack Daniels Distilling Corp. SPECIAL 10% DISCOUNT CARD “This special 10% discount is limited to. quantity, users of Jack Daniels Tennessee Sour Mash Whiskey. ween clase in Class TU peetnted fo Restaurants, Liquor Slorer ac Hotel who Kave purchased more than two Hocsand Bec. 10, 1948 ‘hae E-Ferves. tive ldred pallens daring te pt fecal pene : = 10x Discount is Authorized to: FRANCIS ALSEAT SINATRAUP FOR ADAPTION DEPT. History will one day note that the greatest contradiction of our age was the fantastic race te pre- pare man far those align conditions of space which could destroy him, while paying no attention to those alien conditions on Earth which were doing the very same thing. The fact is, pure and simple, that the human body cannot long endure our new scientifically advanced way of life without suffering MADS JO FUTURE PHYSIC BOWLER’S DROOPITIS A common occupational disease of the constant bowler, in ‘which one asm begins to hang noticeably longer than the ‘other, Nothing can be done for this condition, except 10 stare bowling sith the other arm uncil both arms ate of ‘equal Feogih—shen. teke up ping-pong, You'll be a champ! CYCLOPS EYE-ITIS Persistent viewing of one selevision channel can lead tw this condition, caused by excessive ‘dentiieation with fiat chanel. This situation can be easily recified by channel-switchiog or, in the ease ‘more authori families, sh the darn see off altogether! ‘An excreme condition in which thumbs and forefingers are ened by 2 highly-rense, nervous method of gripping coins in a neurocic, rebellious and unrealistic. atcicude toward parking meters, turnstiles, and other coin devicessome physical effects, Already this: new age is taking its toll. Witness the recent medical reports of “TV Legs"—caused by the lack of circulation in the lower extremities resulting from prolonged dally watching of TV while sitting in cheirs. Other, more serious concitions are sure to arise, and if we all live and he well—we may someday be Seeing the following . . . as fully reported in URNAL OF' nr RN AL AFFLICTIONS STUDENTS NECK ANVIL NOSE This disease is becoming sore and more Prevalent ia our modern society, and is the divect resule of the increased use of all-glass, eleccric-eye doors in new buildings that don't always work! HAPPY PILLITIS ew DINAH SHORE bslore ‘This coadision arses ia students assigned to do book zeparts who, quite naturally, search libeury shelves forthe thinnest books posible. However, chin books all har tiles printed sideways along the edge This means long hours of searching-with the head tiled oo one side, The lngge amount of cases of “Studeats Neck” reported indicates the reed for fattet book reports, This disease is nox to be confused with a recent repre entitled... ‘The progresive softening of the facial fearures ond the viral disappearance of the bony structure of the head, caused by the frequeet and improper use of tranquilizers DO STUDENTS NECK ? Q sSUBWAY CAR-CINOMA OF THE ELBOW ‘The sbaormal development of this painful elbow calfous isa result of siaay years of infighting in subway cars and crowded. busses Nore close-up photo of elbow In some cases this callous forms oa the knee, in which case, patient should really. be locked up for fighting dizty! HIGHBALL LIP Advanced distortion of the upper lip caused by excessive drinking ac cocktail parties and social gatherings, ‘The ‘consanr slamming of highball ice cubes aginst the upper lip causes large formations of scar tissue and callouses. MIAMI SQUINT Overexposure to an excessive amount af plain blondes seflecring, brilliaae sunlighe ac wincer resors can lead to this tare disease... form of sropical soowblindness ACUTE DECIBELITIS Severe changes in the bony stewcture of the head caused by Frequent artcks of clearer, louder and shazper “High Fidelis” systems, resulting in «sort of “Stereophoaic Bludg. coning”. Condition can be checked by placing "Hi-Fi" speakers directly above and below misshapen music lover. SW nw INDY HOLUDAY bate she wis Caleb icinUNDERARM WILDLIFE Vigorous and continuous applicarion of va relled-on, poured-on, rubled-on and sprayed-on culcivares lazge vatietics of wildlife in that nacurally-moist area. STUFFED DERMA-TITIS ‘The consistent daily routine of logging long hours before the TV set ina clair can, over the years, resule in this condition, Circulation to legs is curtailed, and finally by-passed alzogether. The rest of the body gets more chan its share, which. brings on this “Jelly Apple an a Stick appearance, Ik is suggested thar sufferess develop habit Of stomping around room during the commercials. A better suggestion is r0 develap habit of stomping television set ENLARGED DENTURE BREADTH Jaugh hysterically — plus the prowing Acpeadency on. the Iarest liquid Ford diets —just docs not igivethe upper eeth enough chances co comeincontacewith the lower teeth, for ‘he oarural grinding process, Therefore, the teeth contiue to grow to this, ridiculous lengeh! This frightening disease is ciused by consistene bolding of transistor radio to only ong side ead. As a resulc, the car stares ro grow uusil it engulfs the sadio, This condition is desired by most transistor radio fans, since it eventually leaves both hands free. However, there is a danger involved if his condition is allowed to persis.— ‘mainly, once it fas cogulfed and digeseed the radio, the feat will now devour anpthing ft can seach! Like the bend a3ARTIFICIAL DISSEMINATION DEPT. once na while. we ge to wondering just what n of some ef THE BIRTH OF A Gentlemen, our client has come up with 2 new | | ousehold product designed to-lean out sinks. ‘ile, porcelain, and mainly the consumer's pocketbook! We've get to think of a catehy name for it Something newt and aifferentt Point of view! Smedley_—esk that window washer to come inside... Choke! Keep tryine— Coogh-Coughl Worl got kt Men—we've gat to ereate a brillant name for our client's new siray deodarsnt 9 ve decided to ty something different this time. Narmaly, we're going to stay in this sealed room, lahaline Ws fragrance, In hopes that it wil Inspire d= Okay Charlie... open uptthat valveRAN D NAM E anvisy: aeonae woooonpoe writer: wi aa | Bishes out sf te Ravephats 96THE HAND SOAP Men, our client has spared no expense to] [How anout Loring ue he is we might come up| “Wave .- How abou “Two Roses”! Women like tobe ashoshiated with tus t dream up some: hing which will appeal to the wall as the mant $3 ‘get ta work! THE NATIONAL MAGAZINE “The Saturday ‘Better Homes | It con't knaw! wa were fl Evening Zorbti"tt916106 | quer eosin Sie | get the distinct impression that we Better Subject. But |) with us completely in this &) forget this brainstorming aim] |! ave looked | ainstormming sessien! ust 3) session hotore eto | ¢ ‘what bothering Y2U? 2) att ataniy oeauce at [) waleano there is about to ea a = | Amolgt what's going on erot "You're suppased to bewarking... not getting, stoned with those drunken | employees af yours! Get Weays, “This new magazine javoted #3 Mumee &DAMES AND DOZE DEPT. There's an old adage vibich says: “In the Spring, @ young man’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of what he's been thinking abaut all Winter... Lovet" Well, we figure this goes for older men, too! Except that an older man is usually “set” in his way, and when his fancy lightly tuins to thoughts of love . .. it's usually @ pretty personal fancy. In other words, it reflects his own standards of beauty. You will see what we mean when you examine this portfolio of DREAM GSUP cevision pam BOD SEPAIS | efJOKE AND DAGGER DEPT. PART II Here’s another installment of that friendly rivalry between the man in black and the man in white, both dedicated to the “cause” . . . of outwitting each other as —COPS AND RODGERS DEPT. For a long time now, we've been wondering why Broadway doesn't do a musical dealing with the Prohi- bition Era in Chicago, when racketeers ran wild, and people were killed every day. The reason we've been wondering about this is not because it's such a hot idea, but because we got this parody of “South Pacific” kicking around—and it's our sneaky way of palming it off on you. So here goes with OLTH CHICAGO ARTIST: MGRTBRUCKER —-WRITER: FRANK Jacoms ACT |, SCENE I: The gangster hideout of “Southside Looey”—during the “Rearing "20's" 1 Ff Teri a torstop oo [te walrabunde poi bole sel i duh town's top baa | ‘Okay, Charlie! WM |[” No dice, Leoeyt yuh wanna keep on || Northside Ch ie rt || never squeated on[PL etter aa ‘Th with you welt have 2 iti un! I me dot hae your spe reg wl ate ut Talk stout the ops How they rave eight Jus bore me start [ [stop it Preoset stop it ‘can't stand it! a ‘aa. c'mon, Chhactie! Teil us how dun cops always get wind of ‘ur plans! After Dat's ale! Dats a rotten stinkin le! Why Flossie wouldn't ‘wartime me! ‘Orwould she... ACT, SCENE II: Asmall park on the edge of the city Shout yet, ant tis is my one big chance ‘vo find happiness! rey (Sletten a nea Fy te Bren tossed Uae a sacle sugar 1 Fam ted and sick ‘ar ‘Why wouldn't it work? Why can'tACT II, SCENE |; That night, in Sidney's Speakeasy Wihatza matter, || F got troubles, Sianayt Man Troubles! And ‘tere’ only one wos 12 pet him out my system! |] Far thinking aerial nought! (hat be earetully tugs yess Me Suia the Waal VE gum nny __ 22 arin tat fink ight fel SE es Yow gt nat a (ut ot your ming 5 Yeah, si Wi sat Him “Big Mike”—Northside |{ You can'tdo tnista me, You ain't fallin’ Wireio anywhere tut are Charlie's "Nureber-One Haoe"!|] you erumby punk! Kichapping || musical is straight aut We decided to sorta protoct Is against the law! against duh law! ‘you—ike und! Southside here, Flossie! Lovey gives us back our boss!ACTII, SCENE II: lpramealaroe Back at Southside Looey's hideout \™* Sugee tan Dat sy trusty Tommy Gust Wanca use my Tory Gun tight! ‘ie beater i realy sumpin da! wean Istart in papi’, i san dose pure Catenin’ slugs Slupin’ an thump Whenever some raf Whudeiawe gonna ‘do, Boss? time for fun and ioaty tule a aig! at we hari pets aim! |] We can lt go wit a blast! We gt blacxjachs sx" ease kowckies|| ut-now an’ don... || We con Cup “em in duh ier Mata shotgun dat’s api! We try2 fame! ma ‘cement say ah fast 1F 6 awl Dis ain't no An 1 3 We aot Tory Guns dat fire We pst telescopic rifles. || We can take ‘em fr aie! ike dis. requires, somethin’ speclalt Nothing Thave made a eaefal {Thee sri’ tha a tamed snd lent sty! | Mathai te wie Murders ied eecept it | There i hin you can name als te place all bloody! 1 got it all wolked out First, we let Nacthside Chaclle go free, first makin’ sure dat he swears by duh Criminol's Code nis gang, an" we ain't got no murder ap on OUF hands! New, untic Charli, bring him here, an lemme alone with bir![4p witn your [on wnat grounds? t || hanes, Charlie! |] “gota permit to ‘You're under || carpe eunl An arrest! by duh way—nowd | “Yuh held me here i ‘Aa’ Veotona tor youse! | | Arrahiht sit day. Lovey! le 2p Maing ois revetver, wnich Ainchaabaut f) ump you of, 1 hep concealed in my truss ready to bump ‘me off? ‘you manage to bust Aes tn here at duh exact critical mament? Fue Yer, Flossial 1 had my men fallow Flossie, enon ‘and when yaur boys kidnapped By rer, we raves! into your hideout |) ‘sh nabbed your whole gang. "Then Flossie led Us here Jurt ons, copper! Mainly Gat | am unable, because cof duh two sings in my gut, deliver yy big sola number, “Serve Explosive Evening” vwtieh Ig sung t' dub tune of “Some Enchanted Evening"! You, Chartic, re going 1 ‘er up somewhere alsa: Matra is calling Hear i shat hough the loom! “you don't nee 2, “Your spac ive got room! 3 fae lide wee eat roan latent Neatat! Rea ite 3.3 "# Sung fo the bane of “Bahk Ha IBERLIN AIRLIFT DEPT. THE BIG BAD WALL ARTIST: WALLAGE woop “won © Bucu Bo 4 Un ZOWEIE APOE =O RoeNO LONGER A FARCE IN THE CROWD! (Mainly, the crowd here at MAD!) NOW... mos! DON MADDEST ‘mm | MARTIN STEPS OUT ‘Yes, MAD's maddest artist puts his best foot forward (and his ‘other foot in his mouth) as he steps out on his awn with this book of all-new, never-before published Don Martin cartoons. = (( cube, = ON SALE NOW AT YOUR FAVORITE NEWSSTAND OR YOURS BY MAIL FOR 40¢ Pees pees anes ara ae ale 130, PLEASE Beh ME 1 mnctose: MAD (The MAD Reader (140e fort POCKET COMAD Strikes Back (75s for2 O Inside MAD 0 $1.05 for 3 DEPARTMENT = Utterly MAD $1.40 for 4 850 Third Avenue, [The Brothers MAD =) $4.75 for Oi The Bedside MAD $2.10 for 6 Bee or (Son of MAD ($245 for? N.Y. (The OrganizationMAD = [_] $2.80 for PLEASE OLike MAD $3.15for9 NAME. SEND ME: (O The Ides of MAD (0 $3.50 for 10 GFighting MAD ($385for11 ADDRESS 0 the MAD Front | Di stabfor'2 i ‘re re 34.55 for Sor And if you're really foaded Cl city. ZONE__ ‘STEPS OUT herder vn WALA. ad wr. STATE.Fle thought he would rest in peace. cloned his eyes for dhe as me, Be did with the stisftetion of owing that he would belnid to rest Bese ig old cevohusonttbaddy, Nikolai Lenin, in that Reastifl tomb in Red Saute under the shalow of the Krein, paelbeeseats emer Tap ice to think that his rest would not cterral and undisturbed. Esce Ali , “Progress” a quick switck a hurried re-writing of history books, When Joe alin became a “better Re when dead”, he never J catch up with him and eject fH place... If iteauld happen ta a big shot like Joseph Stalin over there in the U.S.S.R., it could happen to a litele exknoske like you over heve ess rneusarcd by ether things the population explosion—citiesand towns epreading out over the eaunteyside—new super land—buge jet ports thunde sat wan't cateb up cour final resting place to make room for “Progress Te