Avenida Q México
Música: Robert Lopez y Jeff Marx
Letra: Robert Lopez y Jeff Marx
Libreto: Jeff Whitty
Acto I
 El Tema de la Avenida Q
 ¿Qué voy a hacer con mi
Licenciatura?
 Que Pinche ser Yo
 Si Fueras Gay
 Propósito
 Racistas
 Porno
 Mixtape: “Un Disco”
 Hoy no traigo Ropa Interior
 Especial
 Hay que Portarse Mal (Cuando
Haces el Amor)
 Fantasias se Hacen Realidad
 Mi Novia, que Vive en Canadá
 Hay una Línea Muy, Muy
Delgada
Acto II
 Propósito (Reprise)
 Hay Vida Afuera de tu
Apartamento
 Mientras más lo Amas
 Schadenfreude
 Quisiera volver a la
Universidad
 La canción
 Escuela para los Monstruos
 Dame un Pesito (Reprise)
 Hay una Línea (Reprise)
 Qué voy a hacer con mi
Licenciatura (Reprise)
 Solo por Hoy
 PRIMER ACTO
EL TEMA DE AVENIDA Q

[La Compañía]
EL SOL SALIO,
UN NUEVO DIA EMPEZO,
EL DIA ES PERFECTO
PARA IRTE A JUGAR.
MAS TIENES DEUDAS QUE PAGAR
HAY QUE TRABAJAR.

TRABAJAS DURO
Y TE PAGAN MAL
LAS HORAS PASAN
Y MUY LENTO VAN
Y CUANDO LLEGUE EL FINAL
HAY QUE REGRESAR
A LA AVENIDA Q
QUE QUEDA EN CASA DE Q
TUS CUATES Y TU
TU, TU Y TU VIVEN EN CASA DEL CU
VIVES EN CASA DEL CU
VIVES EN CASA DEL CU!

¿QUE VOY A HACER CON MI LICENCIATURA?

Eugenio aparece, en toga de graduación, sosteniendo su diploma.

[Eugenio]
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
4 years of college,
And plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree!
I can’t pay the bills yet,
‘Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place!
But somehow I can’t shake,
The feeling I might make,
A difference to the human race!
Sale corriendo mientras las luces de se van encendiendo en Avenida Q,
una calle en ruinas pero hogareña, en las muy afueras de la Ciudad de
New York. En un edificio cuelga el letrero de “Se Renta Apartamento.”

QUE PINCHE SER YO

[Katy Monster]
Buenos días Brian!

[Brian]
Hola, Katy Monster

[Katy Monster]
¿Cómo te va?

[Brian]
Desepcionado

[Katy Monster]
¿Qué pasa?

[Brian]
Me despidieron de la empresa para la que trabajaba

[Katy Monster]
Que pena! Lo siento mucho!

[Brian]
No pues yo más!
Mírame, hace 10 años que
salí de la universidad,
Yo siempre pensé...

[Katy Monster]
¿Qué?

[Brian]
No, no no puedo…

[Katy Monster]
Orale dímelo!

[Brian]
Es que…
CUANDO ERA NIÑO,
SOÑABA CON SER

[Katy Monster]
¿Qué?

[Brian]
UN COMEDIANTE QUE SALE EN TV!

[Katy Monster]
hahahahaha oooh

[Brian]
AH PERO MI SUEÑO
VEO QUE NO SE CUMPLIO
NO SOY…

[Katy Monster]
no

[Brian]
AY NO,

[Katy Monster]
mmmmmm

[Brian]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!

[Katy Monster]
nooooooo

[Brian]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!

[Katy Monster]
nooooooo

[Katy Monster]
QUE PINCHE ESTAR ROTO, DESEMPLEADO Y TENER 32!
QUE PINCHE SER YO!

[Katy Monster]
¿Tú piensas que tu vida es una mierda?
[Brian]
Ajaaa!

[Katy Monster]
Tus problemas no son nada!
YO SOY BONITA
BONITA Y SAGAZ.

[Brian]
Y muuy…

[Katy Monster]
Gracias!
ME GUSTA EL ARTE Y SALIR A PASEAR
SIGO MODALES, TENGO UN GRAN CORAZON
PORQUE? NO ENCUENTRO UN GALAN?
Chin!
QUE PINCHE SER YO!

[Brian]
Nooo, Yo!

[Katy Monster]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!

[Brian]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
QUE PINCHE SER BRIAN!

[Katy Monster]
Y YO KATE!

[Brian]
NO TENER QUE HACER

[Katy Monster]
DIETAS SIN UN “DATE”

[Ambos]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!

[Rodri/Nicky alegando]
Ya, ya, ya (No eres mi mama!)

[Brian]
Hola Nicky y Rodri ¿Nos pueden aclarar una duda?

[Rodri]
Claro!

[Katy Monster]
¿Qué vida les parece más pinche, la de Brian o la mía?

[Rodri y Nicky]
La nuestra!

[Rodri]
VIVIMOS JUNTOS

[Nicky]
Y MI SIAMES PODRIA SER

[Rodri]
INSEPARABLES SIEMPRE

[Nicky]
DESDE QUE LO SALUDE

[Rodri]
ASI QUE EL SABE MIL MANERAS DE HACERME RABIAR!!

[Nicky]
¿Qué?

[Rodri]
OH! CADA DIA ES UNA PINCHE FRIEGA

[Nicky]
NO ES CIERTO EL EXAGERA

[Rodri]
NO HALZAS TU ROPA,
Y A TI TE APESTAN LOS PIES

[Nicky]
¿A si? TU ERES RARITO Y HASTA TE DESCUBRI UN BRASIERE!

[Rodri]
LOGRASTE CONVERTIR MI CASA EN UN MULADAR INFERNAL!

[Nicky]
YO TAMBIEN!

[Rodri]
INFERNAL!

[Nicky]
VIVO AHI!

[Rodri]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!

[Nicky]
NO QUE PINCHE SER YO!

[Katy Monster]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!!

[Brian]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!!

[Todos]
¿SI HAY ALGUIEN QUE AQUÍ VIVA Y NO PIENSE ASI?
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
LA RA LA LA LA
LA RA LA LA LA
LA RA LA LA LA
LA RA LA LA LA

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Brian ¿Qué haces?

[Brian]
Mierda!

[Todos]
LA RA LA LA LA
LA RA LA LA LA
[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]
Y ustedes ¿Polqué tan contentos?

[Nicky]
Porque nuestras vidas son una mierda!

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

SU VIDA UNA MIELDA?
LO ESCUCHO COLECTO? JA!
YO LLEGUE PAIS, POL OPOLTUNIDAD
TLABAJO DE DIA EN CAFÉ DE CHINOS
Y YO SOY DE JAPÓN!
ESTUDIAL DULO POL TITULO PLOFESIONAL
TELAPIA YO DOY
Y NO TENGO CLIENTES
PLOMETIDO ES INUTIL,
Y TENGO DEUDAS QUE PAGAL!
QUE PINCHE SEL YO!
QUE PINCHE SEL YO!
YO DIGO PINCHE, PINCHE,
PINCHE, PINCHE, PINCHE,
PINCHE, PINCHE, PINCHE
PINCHE, PINCHE, PINCHE
COMO VE?
QUE PINCHE SEL YO!

[Eugenio]
Ah, disculpen,

[Brian]
Hola

[Eugenio]
hola estoy buscando un lugar para rentar

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

¿Polqué buscal pol estos lumbos?

[Eugenio]
Bueno, empecé por la Avenida A,
Pero hasta ahorita todo está fuera de mi presupuesto,
y este barrio se ve bastante barato.
Ah y ahí se ve un letrero de “Se Renta”!
[Brian]
Ah tienes que hablar con el portero,
espérame ahorita le hablo!

[Eugenio]
Gracias!

[Brian]
Carlitos!!

[Carlitos Espejel]
Ya voy Ya voy!

[Eugenio]
No mames es el Carlitos!

[Carlitos Espejel]
Pa’ servir a usted!
SOY EL PORTERO,
Y ESTRELLA INFANTIL.
ROBARON MI DINERO
PAPA SE HIZO UN JARDIN
NO SALGO DE DIA
TODOS SE RIEN DE MI
PERO AQUÍ PORTERO YO SOY
EN CASA DEL Q!

[Todos]
QUE PINCHE SER TU!

[Katy Monster]
Tu ganas!

[Todos]
QUE PINCHE SER TU!

[Brian]
Ya me siento menos pinche!

[Carlitos Espejel]
Intenta vivir subiendo
videos en la red diciendo
“Uyyy que mello”
Ya chole no?

[Todos]
QUE PINCHE SER TU!
EN CASA DE Q!!
(QUE PINCHE SER YO!)
EN CASA DE Q!
(QUE PINCHE SER TU!)
EN CASA DE Q
(QUE PINCHE SER YO!)
ESTAMOS JUNTOS!
ESTAMOS JUNTOS! SI!
EN CASA DE Q
VIVIMOS EN CASA DE Q
TU Y TU
TU, TU, SUEÑOS Y TU!
VIVIMOS EN CASA DE Q

[Eugenio]
Esta es la realidad!

[Todos]
VIVIMOS EN CASA DE TU

[Nicky]
Te va a encantar!

[Todos]
VIVIMOS EN CASA DE TU

[Carlitos Espejel]
Aquí están las llaves!

[Todos]
Bienvenido a la Avenida Q!

ESCENA 1

BRIAN
So... What’s your name?

PRINCETON
I’m Princeton.
BRIAN
Hey! Buddy! I’m Brian, and this is my fiancé...

CHRISTMAS EVE
My name Christmas Eve. You so cute... very handsome... you single?

PRINCETON
Yeah!

CE
Because she single...

KATE
OH! Christmas Eve!

BRIAN
That’s Kate Monster. She lives in our building

PRINCETON
Oh! Hi!

KATE
Hi!
(Trekkie monster throws a garbage bag out of his window).

GARY COLEMAN
Trekkie!

TREKKIE
Ooooh!

BRIAN
Morning, Trekkie!

TREKKIE
Oh!, me no time to talk. Me busy... (He closes the window)

BRIAN
And that’s Trekkie Monster

CE
He a pervert. You no spending time with him
GARY
Come on inside, kiddo! I’ll show you the place
PRINCETON
Oh! Great!

GARY
We have many distinguished people on their best interest in this one, I
trust?

PRINCETON
No kidding!

GARY
Mmmmm...!!!
(Princeton and Gary leave.)

CE
So, what you think, Kate Monster? He cute, right?

KATE
Yeah!

CE
Ha, ha,ha... You go get him. A man responds to an agressive woman.
(To Brian) You! Go get job!

BRIAN
Ok, I’m going! (He leaves)

CE
See?
(They leave).

SI FUERAS GAY

En el departamento de Rodri y Nicky

[Rodri]
Ahhh!
Una tarde a solas con mi libro favorito
"Musicales de Broadway de 1940"
¡No hay nadie que me moleste
¿Que podría ser mejor que esto?

[Nicky]
¡Hola Rodri!

[Rodri]
Hola Nicky

[Nicky]
Rodri, no vas a imaginar
lo que me paso
en el metro esta mañana
Estaba este wey sonriéndome,
queriendo hablar conmigo.

[Rodri]
Oh... que interesante

[Nicky]
¡Ujum!
El era muuuy amigable
hasta creo que intento ligarme,
tal vez había pensado
que yo era gay...!

[Rodri]
¿Y porque me estas contando esto?
¿Qué me importaría?
No me importa
¿Qué vamos a comer hoy?

[Nicky]
Nu tienes por qué estar a la defensiva

[Rodri]
¡No estoy a la defensiva!
¿Por qué crees que me va a importar
que conociste a un gay?
estoy tratando de leer

[Nicky]
Bueno… no quise
molestarte con eso Rodri,
solo pensé que sería
un buen tema de conversación
eso es todo
[Rodri]
Pues no quiero hablar de eso
asi que esta conversación se acabó

[Nicky]
Si, pero...

[Rodri]
¡Se acabo!

[Nicky]
Bueno, okay,
pero nada más para que lo sepas —
SI FUERAS GAY
ESTARIA OKAY.
HAY NO SEAS GUEY,
SEGUIRIAS SIENDO EL REY.

[Rodri]
Ahhhh!!!

[Nicky]
SI FUERA ASI,
YO ESTARIA AQUI,

DECIR SOY GAY

Y NO SOY GAY

[Rodri]
Nicky, por favor!
estoy tratando de leer....
Queee?!

[Nicky]
SI FUERAS PUÑAL
NO ESTARIA MAL
ERES MI CARNAL
AUNQUE SEAS
CONTROVERSIAL

[Rodri]
Ay, Nicolás!
[Nicky]
SI FUERA REAL,
DIRIA QUE ANORMAL
SI DIJERAS SIN CHISTAR
HEY QUE CREES
QUE SOY GAY
(AUNQUE NO SOY GAY)

[Nicky]
DISFRUTO
CONTIGO ESTAR
PORQUE ME HA DE IMPORTAR
QUE TE GUSTE POR ATRÁS

[Rodri]
Nicolás que asco!

[Nicky]
No, no, no no, no!

[Nicky]
SI FUERAS GAY

[Rodri]
lara lara lara lara!

[Nicky]
UNO FUERA CULEY
POR HACERME GUEY
Y SALIRTE DEL POPOTE

SI FUERA ASI
YO ESTARIA AQUÍ
APOYANDOTE SIN CESAR
Y DECIR QUE NO ESTA MAL
NO ES PECADO CAPITAL
QUE NACISTE HOMOSEXUAL
SI FUERAS GAY

[Rodri]
Argh!

ESCENA 2
[Eugenio]
Hey Gary! Thanks for helping me move in

GARY
No sweat! And look, you got your first ...mail .What’s in these boxes?
Anything good?

[Eugenio]
Well, my parents sent my stuff from home

GARY
How nice! And you also got your rent bill, your utility bill, your student
loan bill,
your credit card bill, your phone bill, your cell phone bill...

[Eugenio]
Oh, my god!
GARY
You gotta get money

[Eugenio]
Oh, I’ll start work tomorrow(The phone rings).

GARY
Gaaaaary Coleman! Oh, it’s for you.

[Eugenio]
Oh, thank you. Hello? Oh, hi! (To Gary) It’s my job. (Into the phone)
I can’t wait to meet all of you tomorrow... oh, I’m sorry, I can barely
hear you.
What’s that sound in the background? A paper shredder! But... the
company can’t be folding!
Well, how am I suppose to live? Hello?

GARY
Oh, kid! Don’t look so long in the face! You know what they say?
If you rearrange the letters in “unemployed” it spells “opportunity”.

[Eugenio]
What?!

GARY
Here’s a bit of advice. Never underestimate the power of long range
plan.
If life gets you down just sit on your ass and let it pass goodbye.
Take it from someone who learnt it the hard way. Gary Coleman. (He
leaves)

[Eugenio]
Maybe this is an opportunity.
Maybe I’m not meant to work in some damn office for the rest of my
life.
Maybe... maybe I have a higher purpose!

VIDEO VOICE
What’s a purpose? A purpose is direction to your life.
It could be a job, a family. It could be the persuit of knowledge or
wealth.
Everybody’s purpose is different. The best thing about a purpose is
that it gives your life... meaning.

[Eugenio]
I want a purpose!

PROPOSITO

[Eugenio]
PURPOSE,
IT'S THAT LITTLE FLAME
THAT LIGHTS A FIRE
UNDER YOUR ASS.
PURPOSE,
IT KEEPS YOU GOING STRONG
LIKE A CAR WITH A FULL
TANK OF GAS.
EVERYONE ELSE HAS
A PURPOSE
SO WHAT'S MINE?
Oh, look! Here's a penny!
It's from the year I was born!
IT'S A SIGN!
BA-BA-BA-BA
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO
I DON'T KNOW HOW I KNOW,
BUT I'M GONNA FIND
MY PURPOSE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE
I'M GONNA LOOK,
BUT I'M GONNA FIND
MY PURPOSE.
GOTTA FIND OUT,
DON'T WANNA WAIT!
GOT TO MAKE SURE THAT MY
LIFE WILL BE GREAT!
GOTTA FIND MY PURPOSE
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

[Moving Boxes and Others]

HE'S GONNA FIND HIS PURPOSE

[Eugenio]
WHOA OOH OH

[Eugenio] [Moving Boxes and Others]

I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE GONNA FIND HIS PURPOSE

[Moving Boxes and Others]

HE'S GONNA FIND HIS PURPOSE

[Eugenio]
YEAAAH YEAH YEA

[Princeton] [Moving Boxes and Others]

I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE GONNA FIND HIS PURPOSE

[Eugenio] [Moving Boxes and Others]

COULD BE FAR. UUUUUH
COULD BE NEAR. UUUUUH
COULD TAKE A WEEK UUUUUH
A MONTH UUH
A YEAR MAYBE MORE
AT A JOB. AT A JOB.
OR SMOKING GRASS. SMOKING GRASS
HA!
MAYBE YET
A POTTERY CLASS A POTTERY CLASS
COULD IT BE? WOULD BE COOL...
YES IT COULD! UUH YES IT COULD!
SOMETHING IS COMING
SOMETHING GOOD! SOMETHING GOOD!
[Moving Boxes and Others]
WHOA OOH OH

[Eugenio] [Moving Boxes and Others]

I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE YEAH! GONNA FIND YOUR PURPOSE

[Moving Boxes and Others]

YOU’RE GONNA FIND YOUR PURPOSE FOR

[Eugenio]
WHOA OOH OH

[Eugenio] [Moving Boxes and Others]

I'M GONNA FIND IT GONNA FIND YOUR PURPOSE

[Eugenio] [Moving Boxes and Others]

WHAT WILL IT BE?
WHERE WILL IT BE?
MY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS A
MYSTERY PURPOSE IS A MYSTERY
GOTTA FIND MY
PURPOSE GOTA FIND-GOTTA FIND IT!
GOTTA FIND ME

[Moving Boxes and Others]

YOU’RE GONNA FIND YOUR PURPOSE FOR

[Eugenio]
WHOA OOH OH

[Eugenio] [Moving Boxes and Others]

I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE YOU’RE GONNA FIND IT

[Moving Boxes and Others]

YOU’RE GONNA FIND YOUR PURPOSE FOR

[Eugenio] [Moving Boxes and Others]

PURPOSE PURPOSE PURPOSE YEAH YOU’RE GONNA FIND

[Eugenio]
I GOTTA FIND ME!
 ESCENA 3

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

My purpose in life is to help people find themselves.

BRIAN
My purpose in life is to make people laugh and make money doing it.

GARY
My greatest fear is that I’ve already achieved my damn purpose in life
and
from then on I’ve been on a slow tiresome walk to the grave.
(Kate Monster comes in).

PRINCETON
Oh, hey Kate Monster!

KATE
Princeton! Hi!

PRINCETON
See, Kate. Can I ask you a question?

KATE
Sure

PRINCETON
What’s your purpose in life?

KATE
Oh! Well.. I’m a kindergarten teaching assistant

PRINCETON
Right. But what’s your purpose, your dream, your mission?

KATE
Nobody ever wants to know that

PRINCETON
I do

KATE
Well, since you ask... I... oh, no, I can’t. I barely know you.
PRINCETON
Oh, come on!

KATE
Ok. When I was a little monster I always wished I had a special place I
could go.
A special school, only for monsters. Sure it’s important to learn about
the great favors of
western civilization but so much of the canon leaves out monster art
and history.
And we? Our donation? It was always my dream to start that special
school for monsters.
So that, in short, is my purpose.

PRINCETON
He!

KATE
Oh, but I’m not an “ed kid”. I like to have fun and... party!

PRINCETON
So, you are eager on the monster stuff.

KATE MONSTER
Aha.

RACISTAS

[Eugenio]
Oye Katy, ¿Te puedo preguntar algo?

[Katy Monster]
¡Claro!

[Eugenio]
Bueno, ¿Conoces a Trekkie Monster del Segundo piso?

[Katy Monster]
¡Ah ja!

[Eugenio]
Bueno, el es Trekkie Monster, y tu eres Kate Monster.
[Katy Monster]
Así es

[Eugenio]
Los dos son Monster

[Kate Monster]
Siii…

[Eugenio]
¿Son parientes?

[Katy Monster]
¿Quee? ¡Eugenio, me sorprendes!
¡Eso me parece un poco racista!

[Eugenio]
¡Oh, lo siento!
¡Solo preguntaba!

[Katy Monster]
Mira, ese es un tema muy delicado
No, no todos los Monsters somos parientes
¿Que tratas de decir, eh?
¿Que todos somos iguales para tí?
¿Eh, eh, eeeeh?

[Eugenio]
No, no, no, para nada. Lo siento,
Creo que eso fue un poco racista.

[Katy Monster]
Yo diría.
Deberías de tener
más cuidado con lo que dices
sobre el sensible tema de las razas

[Eugenio]
¡Pues mira quién habla!

[Katy Monster]
¿Que quieres decir?
[Eugenio]
¿Que tal con la
Escuela para Monstruos
de la que me hablaste?

[Katy Monster]
¿Qué con eso?

[Eugenio]
¿Podría alguien como yo
ir a esa escuela?

[Katy Monster]
No, no queremos gente como ustedes-

[Eugenio]
Ha ha ha ha ¿Ya viste?!
TU ERES UNA RACISTA.

[Katy Monster]
IGUALITA QUE TU.

[Eugenio]
LOS DOS SOMOS ALGO RACISTAS.

[Katy Monster]
Y NO ES TAN FACIL ACEPTARLO
ASUMELO TU...

[Eugenio]
ASUMELO TU.

[Katy Monster]
A VER DIME TU

[Ambos]
QUE SER UN POQUITITO RACISTA
ES NORMAL
Y NO ES QUE SEA UN CRIMEN
CONTRA LA HUMANIDAD
OBSERVA AL MUNDO Y ENCONTRARAS
NADIE ESTA EXENTO DE ESTE MAL
TAL VEZ SEA UN HECHO ENCARAR
POR LA RAZA SIEMPRE
JUZGARAS.

[Eugenio]
Nada trascendente, como el decir
¿Porqué los negros huelen tan mal?

[Katy Monster]
Ja ja ja ja!

[Eugenio]
O ¿Porqué las viejas manejan horrible?

[Katy Monster]
Hey no!

[Eugenio]
Cosas sin importancia como el pensar
¿Porqué los choferes de las peseras, manejan como nacos?

[Katy Monster]
Exacto!

[Ambos]
SER UN POQUITITO RACISTA
ES NORMAL
TODO MUNDO ES ALGO RACISTA
QUE MAL
CHISTES A COSTA DEL COLOR
PONEN SIEMPRE DE BUEN HUMOR
NO SON UN ATAQUE PERSONAL
TODO EL MUNDO RIE, ES NORMAL

[Eugenio]
¿Te sabes este chiste?

[Katy Monster]
A ver!

[Eugenio]
En un avión que está a punto de caerse
Y solo tiene un paracaídas va
un norteño, una niña fresa…

[Katy Monster]
Y un naco!

[Eugenio]
Exacto!

[Katy Monster]
Ay es buenísimo!

[Eugenio]
Buenísimo!

[Carlitos Espejel]
Katy… ¿De qué hablan o qué?

[Katy Monster]
Estábamos contando chistes de nacos

[Eugenio]
Pero no tiene nada de malo Carlitos
Todo el mundo cuenta chistes de nacos!

[Carlitos Espejel]
Yo no!

[Eugenio]
Ya veo que no,
Porque tú eres un pinche naco

[Carlitos Espejel]
A pero vas a ve…

[Eugenio]
¿Pero qué tal cuentas de argentino?

[Carlitos Espejel]
Claro… pero si los argentinos son re-mamones!

[Eugenio]
¿No te parece que eso es un poquitito racista?

[Carlitos Espejel]
Mierda… creo que tiene razón!

[Katy Monster]
¿Viste? Eres racista!

[Carlitos Espejel]
Y TAMBIÉN LO ERES TÚ!

[Eugenio]
TODOS SOMOS RACISTAS

[Carlitos Espejel]
TENGO QUE ACEPTARLO Y PIENSO IGUAL QUE TÚ!

[Katy Monster]
Como tú!

[Eugenio]
Y tú!

[Carlitos Espejel]
BIENVENIDOS AL CLUB
TODOS SOMOS UNOS RACISTAS
Que mal!

[Kate Monster]
Que mal!

[Eugenio]
Que mal!

[Carlitos Espejel]
Que mal!
LA DISCRIMINACION
ES MUY NOCIVA
E INMORAL

[Todos]
Y AL MENOS ADMITIR
QUE SOMOS RACISTAS
Y SIN FINGIR
ACEPTANDO TODOS
QUE ESTA MAL
AL MUNDO AYUDARIAMOS
A CAMBIAR
[Eugenio]
Oh, Christ do I feel good.

[Carlitos Espejel]
Now there was a fine upstanding black man!

[Eugenio]
Who?

[Carlitos Espejel]
Jesus Christ.

[Katy Monster]
But, Gary, Jesus was white.

[Carlitos Espejel]
No, Jesus was black.

[Katy Monster]
No, Jesus was white.

[Carlitos Espejel]
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black-

[Eugenio]
Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!

[Todos]
Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Brian]
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

[Carlitos Espejel]
Racism!

[Brian]
Cool.

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

BRIAN! Come back here!
You take out lecycuraburs!

[Eugenio]
What's that mean?

[Brian]
Um, recyclables.
Hey, don't laugh at her!
How many languages do you speak?

[Katy Monster]
Oh, come off it, Brian!
EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT RACIST.

[Brian]
I'm not!

[Eugenio]
Oh no?

[Brian]
Nope!

[Eugenio]
ha!

[Brian]
HOW MANY ORIENTAL WIVES
HAVE YOU GOT?

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

What? Brian!

[Eugenio]
BRIAN, BUDDY, WHERE YOU BEEN?
THE TERM IS ASIAN-AMERICAN!

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

I KNOW YOU ARE NO
INTENDING TO BE
BUT CALLING ME ORIENTAL -
OFFENSIVE TO ME!

[Brian]
I'm sorry, honey, I love you.

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

And I love you.

[Brian]
But you're racist, too.

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Yes, I know.
THE JEWS HAVE ALL
THE MONEY
AND THE WHITES HAVE ALL
THE POWER.
AND I'M ALWAYS IN TAXI-CAB
WITH DRIVER WHO NO SHOWER!

[Eugenio]
Me too!

[Katy Monster]
Me too!

[Carlitos Espejel]
I can't even get a taxi!

[Todos]
EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT RACIST
IT'S TRUE.
BUT EVERYONE IS JUST ABOUT
AS RACIST AS YOU!
IF WE ALL COULD JUST ADMIT
THAT WE ARE RACIST A LITTLE BIT,
AND EVERYONE STOPPED BEING
SO PC
MAYBE WE COULD LIVE IN -
HARMONY!

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!

ESCENA 4

[Eugenio]
This time I feel that I’m getting closer to my purpose.

[Voz de Video]
“School crossing guard”.

[Eugenio]
No, that’s not me.

[Voz de Video]
“Beauty salon technician”.

[Eugenio]
Mmmm... not quite it.

[Voz de Video]
“Birthday party clown”

[Eugenio]
Closer, but still no. Wait a minute. I feel that is right here on the
corner of my mind.
My purpose... it’s... it’s...

Los Ositos Malositos entran

[Ositos Malositos]
Hola Eugenio!! Somos nosotros.

[Eugenio]
¿Pero quiénes son ustedes?

[Ositos Malositos]
Los osos malosos
de las malas ideas!

[Osito Malosito 1]
Somos tus amigos!

[Osito Malosito 2]
¿A dónde vas?

[Eugenio]
Estoy en bancarrota
así que voy a buscar un empleo
mientras busco
cuál es mi meta en la vida

[Osito Malosito 1]
Y ese cheque… te lo dieron tus papás?

[Eugenio]
Mjjj...

[Osito Malosito 1]
Entonces eres rico!

[Osito Malosito 2]
Deberias celebrar!

[Osito Malosito 1]
Tienes que hacer
algo por tí Eugenio…
comprate… mmm..
unas chelas!

[Ositos Malositos]
Siii, unas chelas!

[Eugenio]
No creo que gastarme
el dinero de mis papas
en cerveza sea
lo más conveniente.

[Osito Malosito 2]
Uuuyy qué pena!

[Osito Malosito 1]
Que tristeza me da
pensar que no te la pasas bien.

[Osito Malosito 2]
Creo que voy a llorar!

El osito malosito llora.

[Osito Malosito 1]
A veces me gustaria estar muerta

[Eugenio]
Nooo... Oigan, creo que
no pasaría nada
si me compro un six!

[Ositos Malositos]
Yuuuppiiii

[Osito Malosito 1]
Oye y si mejor
te lo compras
de caguama?

[Eugenio]
No de ninguna manera

[Osito Malosito 1]
Recuerda que tienes
un presupuesto li-mi-ta-do!

[Osito Malosito 2]
Estas tirando el dinero
a la basura

[Eugenio]
Creo que tienen razón
mejor compro caguamas

[Ositos Malositos]
Yuupiii, nos estamos viendo Eugenio

Los Ositos Malositos salen.

[Eugenio]
Nos vemos chicos! Ahhh no son adorables?
Es bueno saber que mis nuevos amigos
Realmente se preocupan por mí.

Eugenio sale.

ESCENA 5

Suena el teléfono

[Katy Monster]
¿Bueno?
Voz en off.

[Maestra Gordillo]
Buenas tardes,
¿Catalina?
Le habla su jefa.

[Katy Monster]
Si hola
Maestra Gordillo

[Maestra Gordillo]
Como bien lo sabe la próxima semana tengo una cita para hacerme un
transplante de corazón.
Y quí entre nos tengo, voy a aprovechar para que me recorran la
costura de la cintura y me den una restiradita de felpa. Por lo que
necesito que me sustituya la clase de la mañana. Tal vez necesite lka
mañana complete para recuperarme. Pero seguro estare lista para la
hora de la comida.

[Katy Monster]
¿Quiere que de la clase yo solita?

[Maestra Gordillo]
Confio en usted Catalina. Además es libre de escoger el tema.

[Katy Monster]
¡Gracias Esthelita!

Se oye que la Maestra carraspea y tira una bola de pelos.

[Maestra Gordillo]
¡Catalina!

[Katy Monster]
¿Siii?

[Maestra Gordillo]
Cuando se refiere a mí por mi nombre de pila…
¡Los maestros no me respetan!

[Katy Monster]
Ayy sii, perdone… Maestra Gordillo.
[Maestra Gordillo]
Gracias.

PORNO

[Katy Monster]
Finalmente, mi oportunidad de dar una clase yo solita.
Y voy a escoger un tema importante, de gran relevancia,
Algo moderno, voy a hablar del internet!

[Katy Monster]
EL INTERNET TE SIRVE PA ENCONTRAR

[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO!

[Katy Monster]
CON GRAN VELOCIDAD INVESTIGAR

[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO!

[Katy Monster]
ES PLENA NOVEDAD
Y HORAS TRABAJAR,

[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO!

[Katy Monster]
A UNA GRAN VELOCIDAD SURFEAR

[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO!

[Trekkie Monster]
HAY PORNO EN EL INTERNET!

[Katy Monster]
Trekkie!

[Trekkie Monster]
VER PORNO EN INTERNET!
[Katy Monster]
¿Qué haces?

[Trekkie Monster]
INVENTAR EL INTERNET
PORNO! PORNO! PORNO!

[Katy Monster]
Trekkie Monster!
Baja inmediatamente

[Trekkie Monster]
Oh… Hola Katy Monster

[Katy Monster]
Estás arruinando mi canción

[Trekkie Monster]
Oh perdón, no mi intención

[Katy Monster]
¿Podrías callarte un minuto para que yo termine?

[Trekkie Monster]
Sale y vale!

[Katy Monster]
Perfecto!

ME ALEGRA TENER COMUNICACION

[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO… Aahhhop!

[Katy Monster]
TECNLOGIA DE GRAN PENETRACION.

[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO—Ayyy!

[Katy Monster]
DESDE TU MONITOR
[Trekkie Monster]
POR --- mm

[Katy Monster]
BUSCAR, COMPRAR , CHATEAR.

[Trekkie Monster]
mmmpmm!!

[Katy Monster]
HASTA QUE TE HARTAS Y TIENES QUE PARAR.

[Trekkie Monster]
DEL PORNO!!
HAY PORNO EN EL INTERNET!

[Katy Monster]
Trekkie!

[Trekkie Monster]
EL PORNO EN EL INTERNET!

[Katy Monster]
Noooo

[Trekkie Monster]
YO ME QUEDO SIN DORMIR!
PORNO PORNO SIIIIII!

[Katy Monster]
Que asco! Eres un degenerado!

[Trekkie Monster]
Boootellita de Jerez… Katy Monsterrrr!

[Katy Monster]
No, en serio… eres un degenerado!
La gente normal
no se sienta frente
a su computadora
a ver pornografía
en internet.
[Trekkie Monster]
Ohhhh?

[Katy Monster]
¿Qué?!

[Trekkie Monster]
Ni te imaginas
¿Listos gente normal?

[Gente Normal]
Listo--- listo ----listo

[Trekkie Monster]
Arranquense!

[Trekkie Monster y los Chicos]

HAY PORNO EN EL INTERNET!

[Eugenio]
¡Te tocas!

[Trekkie Monster y los Chicos]

EL PORNO EN INTERNET!

[Eugenio]
¡Yo me la jalo!

[Trekkie Monster y los Chicos]

DOBLE CLICK Y A ACABAR
PORNO, PORNO, PORNO!

[Katy Monster]
El internet no es pal porno!!

[Trekkie Monster y los Chicos]

PORNO!, PORNO, P---

[Katy Monster]
Esperen un minuto!

[Trekkie Monster]
¿Qué pasa?
[Katy Monster]
Yo sé de buena fuente
que tu Rodri
checas tus acciones en línea

[Rodri]
Correcto!

[Katy Monster]
Y tu Brian compras cosas en Amazon.com

[Brian]
Claro!

[Katy Monster]
Tu Carlitos,
vendiste todo tu vestuario
de estrella infantil en Ebay

[Carlistos Espejel]
Por supuesto!

[Katy Monster]
Y tu Eugenio,
me mandaste una tarjeta
de cumpleaños por face

[Eugenio]
Sip!

[Katy Monster]
hmmm?

[Trekkie Monster]
Pero Katy-
¿Qué crees que hacen después? hmm?

[Gente Normal]
He he he he!

[Eugenio]
Siii

[Katy Monster]
Eeewwwww!

[Trekkie Monster y la Gente Normal]

HAY PORNO EN EL INTERENT!

[Katy Monster]
Que asco!

[Trekkie Monster y la Gente Normal]

EL PORNO EN EL INTERENT!

[Katy Monster]
Odio el porno!

[Trekkie Monster y la Gente Normal]

HA JALARMELA AL CHATEAR
PORNO TE DA

[Katy Monster]
Odio el internet!

[Trekkie Monster y la Gente Normal]

Armonizando.
PORNO, PORNO, PORNO!

[Katy Monster]
Odio a los hombres!

[Trekkie Monster y la Gente Normal]

Armonizando.
PORNO, PORN, PORN!

[Katy Monster]
Yo me voy!

[Trekkie Monster y la Gente Normal]

EN EL INTERNET! EN EL INTERNET

[Trekkie Monster]
THE INTERNET IS FOR

[Trekkie Monster y Algunos]

THE INTERNET IS FOR
[Trekkie Monster y Todos]
THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN!

[Trekkie Monster]
YEAH!

Salen.

ESCENA 6

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Hey Rod! How is hanging?

[Rodri]
Hey Christmas Eve! I got you wedding invitation…

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Are you coming?

[Rodri]
Yeah… here’s my RSVP.

BRIAN
(off stage) Hey Honey! What’s all this about us getting married?

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Just think of it as a surprise party…

BRIAN
Cool!

[Rodri]
I think it’s wonderful you have someone so special in your life…

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Are you ok Rod?

ROD
Christmas Eve… You are a therapist, right?

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

I have two Master Degrees.
[Rodri]
So you help people who have all kinds of problems…

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Nobody wants to come to me for helping... I meet with people, we are
talking for an hour,
then they go away and never come back. And I wonder why?
Am I fixing them in one appointment?
Maybe I’m too efficient, maybe I should spread my helping out.
Why Rod? Do you need some helping?

[Rodri]
Well... I have this friend...

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Nicky?

[Rodri]
No, other friend. And I think he has a very big problem. I think he’s...
gay.

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

What’s wrong with that? You know Rod,
gay people make major contributions to arts,
philosophy and literature for many hundreds of years now...

[Rodri]
Oh but, my friend isn’t an artist. He is a Republican.... and an
investment banker.

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Oh! Tell him to stay in closet then, he’s good for nothing.

[Rodri]
Ok... great!... Thanks for the advice...

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Yeah! Ha, ha! I wouldn’t want a friend like that...

[Rodri]
No! ... Thanks again...

Sale Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena.

[Rodri]
Mierda!

MIXTAPE: UN DISCO

[Katy Monster]
Ahhhh Eugenio ahhh
Le gusto
Creo que le gusto
Será del mismo modo
que el a mi
será amistad
o algo más
tendrá algún interés
ay no lo se

Suena el timbre.

Adelante!

[Eugenio]
Hola Katy!

[Katy Monster]
Eugenio! Hola!

[Eugenio]
Hola! Mira, ayer andaba buscando entre mis CDs y…
Me encontré con algunas canciones que
pensé te gustarían así que
te quemé un disco

[Katy Monster]
Wow! Gracias!
¿Te puedo ofrecer algo de comer
O algo de beber?

[Eugenio]
La verdad mejor ¿Te importa si paso a tu baño?

[Katy Monster]
No, adelante!
UN DISCO, ME HIZO UN DISCO
SE ACORDO DE MI, TIENE INTERES
ALGUNAS VECES
SI LE LATES A ALGUIEN
TE QUEMAN UN DISCO
UNA PISTA TE DAN

Veamos!
LA PAPA SIN CATSUP,
SOY UN DESASTRE,
SE ME OLVIDO OTRA VEZ
Ahh! Mierda!

Pero esperen!
SIEMPRE EN MI MENTE,
BESAME MUCHO, LA INCONDICIONAL
Ayyy Luismi!! Digo… Eugenio!
LA CUCARACHA, DOCTOR PSIQUIATRA
CU-CURRUCUCU! ¿QUE QUIERE DECIR?

[Eugenio]
Ahh ¿Katy?

[Katy Monster]
¿Si?

[Eugenio]
Oye, tal vez sea mejor que no entres ahí
en un bueeeen rato!

[Katy Monster]
OK!
Ah Eugenio, muchas gracias por el disco
Estaba viendo unas canciones
están bien padres!

[Eugenio]
¿Ya las viste todas?

[Katy Monster]
No!

[Eugenio]
Pues ve, te van a encantar!
[Katy Monster]
¿Si?

[Eugenio]
Mira!

[Katy Monster]
SABOR A MI

[Eugenio]
CONTIGO APRENDI

[Katy Monster]
ELECTRICIDAD
Ayyy me encanta Lucero

[Eugenio]
Más o menos!
TODA LA VIDA

[Katy Monster]
RBD

[Ambos]
TONTO CORAZON

[Eugenio]
Del concierto de Benny en el Zócalo

[Katy Monster]
Wooow!!! No lo vi!
AMOR PRIMERO

[Eugenio]
NO TENGO DINERO

[Katy Monster]
HISTORIA DE UN AMOR
Qué lindo cd!

[Eugenio]
Pero hay más!

[Katy Monster]
¿Si?

[Eugenio]
Mira!
QUIERO DECIR DE MI ENAMORATE

[Katy Monster]
MIRA QUE EEEEE EEEEEEE EEEEEE

La golpea en la cabeza.

Disculpa, me dejé ir
muchas gracias por el disco Eugenio
Nadie había tenido
un detalle así conmigo

[Eugenio]
Que bueno que te gustó
Pero ya me tengo que ir
porque le tengo que hacer uno
a Jackie, y a Brian, y a Nicky
Y a Trekkie y a Carlitos y a todos
¿Oye?

[Katy Monster]
¿Mmm?

[Eugenio]
¿Y…qué vas a hacer en la noche?

[Katy Monster]
Voy a calificar exámenes…
Pero son de kínder así que es muy rápido ¿por?

[Eugenio]
Porque… los muchachos estaban viendo
si íbamos al Bar Noche y Día
y yo estaba pensando que… tal vez
te gustaría ir… conmigo…

[Katy Monster]
¿Me estas invitando
como si fuera una cita?
[Eugenio]
Si,claro… como una cita

[Katy Monster]
Me encantaría!

[Eugenio]
Qué bueno,
vas a ver que no la vamos a pasar bomba
Puuuuuf!

[Katy Monster]
Mj mj mjj mj!
Estubo bueno!

[Eugenio]
Si, nunca falla
OK, ya me voy

[Katy Monster]
Bye!

[Eugenio]
Bueno, hay nos vemos!

[Katy Monster]
Sii!

[Eugenio]
Bye!

[Katy Monster]
Bye!
Le gusto

ESCENA 7

HOY NO LLEVO ROPA INTERIOR

En el Bar Noche y Día.

[Brian]
Señoras y señores
a continuación el derroche de ingenio
de la persona más divertida que conozco
Un servidor

HOY NO LLEVO ROPA INTERIOR,

HOY NO LLEVO ROPA INTERIOR,
NO ES QUE IMPORTE LA VERDAD
SI LA LLEVO EN REALIDAD
Y A PESAR DE TODO DIGO YO
QUE HOY NO LLEVO ROPA INTERIOR

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Ponte a tlabajal!

[Brian]
Gracias..amorcito?

But... aah... don’t move a muscle, ladies and gentlemen,

we’ll be right back with our headline performer.

GARY
So, Trekkie, you never leave your apartment.
What made you drag your furry ass down here?

TREKKIE
Mmmm... Me see pictures of next singer on the internet. Ho, ho, ho.

(Kate and Princeton come in).

PRINCETON
Look, there’s an empty table.
KATE
Let’s grab it.

PRINCETON
Ladies first.

KATE
Oh... you’re such a gentleman, Princeton.

PRINCETON
Oh, you too. I mean... you look a knock out tonight.

KATE
You...
BRIAN

So here’s the woman you all came to see.

The Around the Clock is proud to present fresh from her world tour,
headlining in Amsterdam,
Bangkok, and Celebration Florida please give a warm hand to the star
of “Girls Gone Wild” parts two,
five and seven Lucy the Slut!

ESPECIAL

[Lucy la Zorra]
SI TAN PINCHE TE SIENTES
PUEDO HACERTE ESPECIAL
PUEDO HACERTE BONITO
UN RATITO O DOS
TU VIDA ABURRIDA RUTINA ES
ACA NO IMPORTA COMO ESTES
NI COMO FUE
INSIGNIFICANTE PARECES SER
PERO CONMIGO ESO ES ALREVES

[Eugenio]
Wow!

[Lucy la Zorra]
Si, son de a deveras!

ESTANDO JUNTOS TU GIRARAS

LA TIERRA SU ORBITA PERDERA
PEGA UN CHILLIDO Y ATREVETE
SI TU NOVIA NO MIRA DE EN PAGOS TE DOY
PUEDO VER CLARAMENTE
QUE SE TE PARO…
EL CORAZON!
POR MIIIII
POR MIIIII
POR MI
POR MI
POR MI
POR MI
PUEDO VER CLARAMENTE
QUE SE TE PARO EL CORAZON
POR MIIIII!

[Lucy la Zorra]
Con tono argentine.
Gracias cabacheros! Y estorbos que los acompañan. Espero que sigan
disfrutando sus tragos y les hacha encantado… mi número.

Ella sale. Trekkie la sigue y Brian lo detiene.

BRIAN
No, Trekkie

TREKKIE
Oh, but Brian...

BRIAN
No....

TREKKIE
Oh... me I can hardly hold! Oh!!! (He leaves).

PRINCETON
That Lucy is something, isn’t she?

KATE
She is something...

PRINCETON
Oh, Kate, can I get you a drink?

KATE
I’ll get a water. I got a class to teach tomorrow. It’s a big day!
The teacher I’m assisting is going into the hospital tomorrow morning
so I have the entire class to myself.
And if I do well it could mean a big carreer boost.

(The bad idea bears come in).

BIBS
Hey guys!

BIB
We brought you some Long Island iced tea!
KATE
Oh! You are so adorable! Who are you?

BIB
(Bender!)

BIB
(Brad!)

BIB
Have a drink, Kate.

KATE
Oh... no, thank you.

BIB
Just a little, little sip.

KATE
I really shouldn’t.

BIB
But it’s only a Long Island iced tea.

BIB
They’re so sweet and delicious.

BIBS
Please!!!

KATE
Oh, one sip can’t hurt. Cheers, Princeton!

PRINCETON
Cheers! Here’s to you, Kate Monster!

BIBS
Yeah!!

KATE
That’s delicious!
BIB
¿Porqué no jugamos un juego con bebidas?

[Osito Malosito #2]

¡Qué Buena idea!

[Osito Malosito #1]

Es la receta perfecta para la diversión.

[Katy Monster]
Ay yo no me sé ningún juego. ¿Tú te sabes alguno Eugenio?

[Eugenio]
A veces la matatena

[Osito Malosito #2]

¡Yo, yo yo yo yo!
Yo me sé uno buenísimo, se llama el juego del Hidalgo
¡Chinge a su madre el que deje algo!

[Ositos Malositos]
¡Uno, dos, tres!

Katy y Eugenio empiezan a tomarse la bebida mientras los Ositos

Malositos les empujan las cabezas hasta que se las acaban.

[Ositos Malositos]
¡Fondo, fondo , fondo!

[Katy Monster]
¡Está fuertísima!

[Eugenio]
¡Siiiii!

[Ositos Malositos]
¡Empateeeee!

[Osito Malosito #2]

¡Va la revancha!

[Ositos Malositos]
¡Otra ronda, otra ronda!
[Katy Monster]
Okay, pero esta vez yo la invito

[Osito Malosito #2]

Esta vez pídelas dobles.

[Katy Monster]
Oooookeeeyy!!!!
Regreso en un Segundo.

BIB
Ok, Princeton, how’s the date going? Ha!

PRINCETON
Pretty well, I think...

BIB
Well, you just hang in there, little man. You’re gonna get something,
you gotta keep working at it.
Just keep your eye on the prize. Ha,ha, ha. Uuhh, wow! Look who’s
coming!

(Lucy comes in).

LUCY
What’s up?

PRINCETON
Hi, I’m Princeton.
LUCY
Lucy. Man, I’m beat! I still haven’t figured out where I’m gonna crash
tonight...

BIB
In a bush!

LUCY
All I need is a warm mattress, you know.

PRINCETON
Well, mine’s pretty cold usually.

LUCY
It wouldn’t be cold for long.
(Kate comes back).

KATE
Aha, ha... The drinks will be here right over, Princeton. Ha, ha..
ahaaa...

LUCY
I’ll have a Scotch on the rocks.

KATE
I’m not a waitress.

PRINCETON
Oh, Lucy, I’d like you to meet Kate Monster.

LUCY
Oh, you’re dating a monster. I dated a monster once, but I got sick of
picking the fur out of my teeth.

KATE
Well, if your teeth are the problem, I could take out a couple.

PRINCETON
Ok, Lucy, it was nice talking to you.

LUCY
Ok, have fun with your monster.
But when you are ready for a real woman you know where to find me.
(She leaves).

PRINCETON
Oh, man, Kate, I’m sorry.

KATE
No, I understand. You’re irresistible.

PRINCETON
She just knows she can’t compare to you.

KATE
I think you are wonderful, Princeton.

PRINCETON
You are not bad yourself, Kate.
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL
(Cuando Haces el Amor)

[Osito Malosito #1]

Llévatela a tu casa!

[Osito Malosito #2]

Está hasta las chanclas!

[Ositos Malositos]
Yaaaajuuuuu!

[Katy y Eugenio]
Aah, aaah, aaah, mmmmh!

[Katy Monster]
Eugenio, Eugenio!

[Eugenio]
¿Qué, que, que?

[Katy Monster]
Más a la derecha!

[Eugenio]
OK!

[Katy y Eugenio]
Aah, aaah, aaah, mmmmh!

[Katy Monster]
Eugenio, Eugenio!

[Eugenio]
¿Qué, que, que?

[Katy Monster]
Mi… derecha!

[Eugenio]
OK!
Ayy, oye no puedes poner tu dedo ahí
Mmm, bueno, pon tu dedo ahí!
[Katy Monster]
Aaaaaaahhhh!

[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
Y PUEDES GRITAR
SI HACES EL AMOR!

[Ositos Malositos]
SI HACES EL AMOR EEAAAA!

[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
Y PORTARTE MAL
SI HACES EL AMOR!

[Ositos Malositos]
SI HACES EL AMOR EEAAAA!

[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
Y PUEDES GRITAR
SI HACES EL AMOR!

[Ositos Malositos]
SI-HA-CES-EL-AMOR!

[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR

[Ositos Malositos]
Y PUEDES GRITAR YEEAAH!

[Katy y Eugenio]
Aah, aaah, aaah, mmmmh!

[Katy Monster]
¿Estamos haciendo mucho ruido?

[Eugenio]
¿Estamos molestando a alguien?

[Carlitos Espejel]
No, para nada eeeh!
Ustedes dos síganle poniendo!

[Ositos Malositos]
Yeeeaaah!

[Carlitos Espejel]
NO HAY QUE HABLAR
NI GRITAR EN UN FUNERAL
EN LA OPERA O EN UN ESTAND
Y SI TU Y TU CHICA
ESTAN EN UN BAR
NO IMPORTA
QUE NO ES EL BALLET

[Ositos Malositos]
MAS MAS MAS!

[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
Y PUEDES GRITAR
SI HACES EL AMOR!

[Ositos Malositos]
SI HACES EL AMOR EEAAAA!

[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
Y PORTARTE MAL
SI HACES EL AMOR!

[Ositos Malositos]
HAY QUE PORTARSE,
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL!

[Carlitos Espejel]
LOS VECINOS TE VIGILEN
TU REVENTON
NO SABRAN ACABAR
SU ACOSTON
[Todos]
A ACABAR A PORTARSE MAL!
EN UN ACOSTON
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL…

[Katy Monster]
Más rápido!

[Jacky]
Más lespacio no son calelas!

[Todos]
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL...

[Eugenio]
Ay ayayyy, ay ayayyy!

[Brian]
Ayyy tus colmillos!

[Todos]
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL...
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL...

[Carlitos Espejel]
Lámbelo, fuerte frótalo, muerdelo!

[Todos]
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL...

[Jacky]
Eso dale como

[Todos]
HAY QUE PORTARSE...

Kate Monster:
Chúpame!

Brian:
Ooh, babe!

Trekkie Monster:
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

All:
HAY QUE PORTARSE
HAY QUE PORTARSE
HAY QUE PORTARSE
HAY QUE PORTARSE
HAY QUE PORTARSE
HAY QUE PORTARSE
HAY QUE PORTARSE
HAY QUE PORTARSE
HAY QUE PORTARSE
MAL!

ESCENA 8

SUEÑOS REALIDAD

Rodri está despierto en cama, mientras Nicky ronca en su cama.

[Rodri]
It sure can get lonely at night. Nicky, you awake?

[Nicky]
(asleep)
Is that a unicorn?

ROD
Oh, he's talking in his sleep again.

NICKY
No, I'll wear the purple shoes. Who painted the kitten?

ROD
Maybe I should just shake him.

NICKY
I love you, Rod.

ROD
What did you say?

NICKY
I love your little laugh.

ROD
Nicky, are you awake?

NICKY
Take off your shirt.

ROD
Oh Nicholas! Have you been shy all this time?
Have we been hiding from each other? I wonder...

(sung)
All those nights I lay in bed,
thoughts of you
running through my head...

NICKY
I know -- put my earmuffs on the cookie...

ROD
But I never thought the things in my head
could really happen in my bed.

NICKY
You look like David Hasselhoff...

ROD
-All those years
I missed the signs,
couldn't read
between the lines.
Who'd have thought
I would see the day
where I'd hear you say
what I heard you say?
And now I find
what was always in my mind
was in your mind, too.
Fantasies come true!
-And now I see that what I've always
dreamed of was meant to be...
you and me, me and you!
Fantasies come true!

MUSICAL INTERLUDE

-You and me lived in fantasy,

but soon we'll be a reality.

(The scene switches to Kate’ house. She’s with Princeton in bed)..

PRINCETON
(Spoken)
Kate, that was amazing.

KATE MONSTER
You're amazing.

PRINCETON
I want you to have this. It's a penny I carry around with me for good
luck.
It's from the year I was born, see? Who knows, maybe it'll bring
you good luck. It did for me! I found you.
(sung)
I want you to know
the time that we've spent,
how great it's been,
how much it's meant.

[Katy Monster]
DIOS QUE AFORTUNADA SOY
ME HACE FELIZ QUE ESTES AQUI
ME GUSTAS MAS QUE NADIE
A QUIEN HAYA AMADO
HASTA EL DIA DE HOY

[Rodri]
PUES HOY [Katy Monster]
MI AMOR PUES HOY
MI AMOR
[Rodri y Katy Monster]
HOY TENGO ENTRE MIS MANOS
LO QUE SOÑE

[Rodri]
TU TAMBIEN! [Katy Monster]
 UHH, BABY!
[Rodri y Katy Monster]
TU SUEÑO REALIDAD

[Katy Monster]
Y YO [Rodri]
ESTARE Y YO
ESTARE
[Rodri y Katy Monster]
TE LO JURO
QUE A TU LADO ME QUEDARE

[Rodri]
POR TI [Katy Monster]
POR TI
LO HAREEEEEEEE LO HARE
ESO ES LO QUE HARE...
[Rodri]
Y HACER TU SUEÑO REAAAAA [Katy Monster]
HACER TU SUEÑO REA

[Rodri y Katy Monster]

…LIDAD

[Rodri]
SUEÑOS REALIDAD.

(The scene switches back to Rod’s bedroom. Rod awakens, Nicky is

poking him)

NICKY
Hey, Rod buddy! You were talking in your sleep.

ROD
I thought you were talking in YOUR sleep!

NICKY
No, I just came to bed. You were dreaming, is all.

ROD
Oh.

NICKY
It sounded like a nice dream, though.
ROD
Yes. It was a nice dream.

NICKY
Good night.

ROD
Good night, Nicky.

ESCENA 9

En el departamento de Katy. Ella está en cama con Eugenio. El

teléfono suena, Katy contesta. Es la Sra T.

[Katy Monster]
Bueno?...

[Maestra Gordillo]
Buenas tardes Catalina.
No sé si recuerde pero
usted iba a dar mi clase esta mañana
mientras me hacían
un trasplante de corazón!!!

[Katy Monster]
¡Chiin!

[Maestra Gordillo]
Dejo a dos niños solos por 3 horas
Crearon su propia sociedad tribal
y estuvieron a punto
de sacrificar a la pobrecita Josefina
¿Dónde diablos estaba?

[Katy Monster]
Disculpe, me quede dormida

[Maestra Gordillo]
Nunca debí de haber contratado a un monstruo!

KATE
¿Que?!
[Maestra Gordillo]
Su raza, niña, es floja!

[Katy Monster]
Pues mejor ser monstruo
que una perra amargada

[Maestra Gordillo]
Pues las perras amargadas
somos los cimientos y la fortaleza
de esta nación.
Me arrepiento
de haberla contratado

[Katy Monster]
Pues no se preocupe
porque yo renuncio

[Maestra Gordillo]
No Catalina….
Esta despedida

[Katy Monster]
No me puede despedir
porque yo renuncie primero

[Maestra Gordillo]
Se va a ir al infierno

[Katy Monster]
Pues ahí nos vemos

Cuelga.

Was I too mean?

PRINCETON
Good for you!

KATE
I hate it working for her! I can get by on my savings for a while,
and pursue what I really want in my life.
PRINCETON
Your school!

KATE
Yes.
PRINCETON
I think you are really brave Kate.

KATE
Yeah!

PRINCETON (nods)
Listen... Are you going to Brian and Christmas Eve’s wedding?

KATE
Of course.

PRINCETON
I was thinking...... we could... you know... go together.

KATE
Oh my gosh! Well it seems like I always go to weddings alone...
I don’t know what I’d do if I went with a... a...

PRINCETON
...with a boyfriend?

KATE
Yeah...

PRINCETON
Well, come with me...

KATE
Well that would be great! (She starts sobbing).
PRINCETON
Well, are you ok Kate?

KATE
Yeah... Yeah... I just get fur in my eyes sometimes...

Se besan.

ESCENA 10
La boda.

[Rodri]
Did you bring a cap?

NICKY
What?!

ROD
We’re off to mass...

NICKY
But...

ROD
Christ!

PRINCETON
Kate, you look beautiful tonight!

KATE
Thank you!

GARY
And by the power invested in me... Gary Coleman, I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

CE
---

ALL
Mazeltov!

NICKY
That was beautiful! Wasn’t it, Rod?

ROD
Gee, they’re so lucky to have each other!
NICKY
Are you upset, Rod?

ROD
Nicky... I need a moment to myself, ok?
NICKY
No, buddy, talk to me! Tell me what’s the matter.

BRIAN
Hey, what’s up with Rod?

GARY
Yeah! He sure has been down in the dumps lately.

CE
Hey, Rodney! You need a girlfriend.

GARY
A girlfriend? You got to be kidding, right?

CE
He not so ugly.

GARY
No, but I was thinking Rod was one of those gays.

CE
Rod is gay?

BRIAN
I bet, Nicky would know. Hey, Nicky! Come over here!

NICKY
Sure, guys, what’s up?
CE
We wondering if Rod is a gay.

NICKY
Well, it’s funny you should ask because I do think Rod is gay.
I always have. But, you know, I figured if he wanted to tell me, he
would.
So, yes, definitely, I would say that my buddy Rod is a closeted
homosexual.
ROD
Nicky! How could you say that about me?

NICKY
Oh, hi, Rod! All I said was that, yes, definitely, my buddy Rod has an
undescended testicle.

ROD
Aaahhh!! Nooo!!!! I heard you!

NICKY
I... I’m sorry, Rod.

ROD
Mmm... mmm... mmm... Well I am not a closeted homowhatever.
Well, I’ve a whole life that none of you’d know about. Not even you,
Nicky.

NICKY
You do, Rod?

ROD
Sure I do. For example... I...

MI NOVIA QUE VIVE EN CANADA

[Rodri]
Ohhhh...
I wish you could meet my girlfriend, my girlfriend who lives in Canada.
She couldn't be sweeter
I wish you could meet her,
My girlfriend who lives in Canada!

Her name is Alberta

She live in Vancouver
She cooks like my mother
And sucks like a Hoover.

I e-mail her every single day

Just to make sure that everything's okay.
It's a pity she lives so far away, in Canada!

Last week she was here, but she had the flu.
Too bad
'Cause I wanted to introduce her to you
It's so sad
There wasn't a thing that she could do
But stay in bed with her legs up over her head!
Oh!
I wish you could meet my girlfriend,
But you can't because she is in Canada.
I love her, I miss her, I can't wait to kiss her,
So soon I'll be off to Alberta!
I mean Vancouver!
Shit! Her name is Alberta, she lives in Vancou-

She's my girlfriend!
My wonderful girlfriend!
Yes I have a girlfriend, who lives in Canada!!

And I can't wait to eat her pussy again!

[Carlitos Espejel]
Well, everyone shake that movin’, yes sir. What a busy day ahead for
Gary Coleman. (He leaves).

CE
Maybe we go to buffet.

BRIAN
Yeah! I’m starving!

KATE
We’ll join you.

NICKY
Oh... What do you have to say Rod? Cause I’d still be your buddy even
if you were gay.

ROD
Nicky, I want you out of the appartment when I get there.

NICKY
What? You are... kicking me out?! He he!!

ROD
You can live in the park for all I care!

NICKY
Oh, but Rod... I... oh... I didn’t make you mad on purpose.

PRINCETON
Purpose!

CE
I throw bouquet in few minutes, Kate Monster, I have a younger
husband for you...

KATE
Oh, Christmas Eve!

CE
I might throw bouquet to you on purpose.

PRINCETON
Purpose!

KATE
Oh, Princeton, I have so much fun with you!

PRINCETON
Yeah, me too.

KATE
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?

PRINCETON
Gosh, it feels like I’m forgetting something?

KATE
Oh, she’s throwing the bouquet! I’ll be right back! (She leaves)

PRINCETON
Purpose! Purpose!(Princeton’s nightmare about marriage). (Kate
comes back).

KATE
I caught the bouquet, Princeton! Well, some little girl caught it, but
she wasn’t very strong!
PRINCETON
Yeah...

KATE
Are you alright?

PRINCETON
Oh...Kate, I have something I need to say.

KATE
Princeton, you can tell me anything.

PRINCETON
Listen, when I moved to Avenue Q, I was looking for my purpose.

KATE
I remember.

PRINCETON
And... We’ve been spending so much time together and I lost track to
finding it.

KATE
Aha...
PRINCETON
I don’t wanna be no man who looks back and realize I’ve never found
my reason to be alive.

KATE
So...

PRINCETON
Yeah...

KATE
So you don’t want to spend time with me anymore?

PRINCETON
No, no, I love being with you.

KATE
Oh, good, because I thought you meant...

PRINCETON
But I don’t want a girlfriend before I find my mission in life.

KATE
But you said...

PRINCETON
Look, I can’t, I’m tied down now, Kate. If we stay together, believe
me,
we’ll never even be friends in the end.

KATE
But I’m not looking for friends. I have plenty on friends.

PRINCETON
You like me, don’t you?

KATE
Well... yes I do. And I think that’s why you should get out of here.

PRINCETON
You mean, “leave”?

KATE
Unless you have another definition for “get out of here”.(He leaves)

HAY UNA LINEA MUY, MUY DELGADA

[Katy Monster]
QUE DIFICIL VER
ENTRE UN AMIGO
Y EL AMOR
Y RECONOCER
LO QUE ES EN SERIO
DE LO QUE NO
Y NO SABRAS SI LO VALIO
SI NO LLEGAS AL FINAL
HAY GRAN FRUSTACION
DE QUIEN AMO
Y SU TIEMPO PERDIO
COMO DISTINGUIR
LO QUE ES MENTIRA
O FICCION
DIFICIL ACEPTAR
SI ES QUE SE QUEDA
O SE VA
EL QUE NO TE QUIEREN IGUAL TAL VEZ
NO ESTA DEL TODO MAL
PERO HAY GRAN FRUSTACION
DE QUIEN AMO
Y SU TIEMPO PERDIO
NO PUEDO YA PERDER
NI UN MINUTO MÁS
NI SIQUIERA SABES
QUE PRETENDES ENCONTRAR
POR MI SALUD MENTAL
LA PUERTA HE DE CERRAR
Y OLVIDAR JALAR
DURO ES TRANSITAR
ENTRE ESTAR JUNTOS
Y NO ESTAR
TENER QUE ENFRENTAR
Y RESIGNARSE A LA VERDAD
TIENES QUE PERSEGUIR
TU IDEAL SI ENAMORADO ESTAS
QUE GRAN FRUSTACION
DE QUIEN AMO
Y SU TIEMPO PERDIO.

Se cierra el telón. Fin del Primer Acto.

SEGUNDO ACTO
ESCENA 1

[Eugenio]
Purpose! Puuuuurpose!

BIB
...Less

PRINCETON
Who said that? Purpose!

BIB
Less!

BIB
Purposeless!

PRINCETON
Purpose!
BIBS
Purpose.... less

PRINCETON
Ok, who’s doing that?

BIB
Hi, Princeton! You have to come around!
BIB
Yeah... You look so blue!

BIB
Try a little smile!

BIB
I want to see a little smile!

BIB
Oh, come on, Princeton!

PRINCETON
Sorry, guys, it’s not gonna work.

BIB
Just do it as a friend

BIB
Yeah, just do it or we’ll be sad!

PRINCETON
It’s not working

BIB
Well, you can always hang yourself!

BIB
(Looks for a rope backstage) Yeah! We found this rope.

PRINCETON
I’m not going to hang myself!

BIBS
Oohh!
PRINCETON
Can you just go away?

BIB
Well, he’s not in a good day. Well, we’ll leave the rope. Just in case.

Salen.

Entra Brian.

HAY VIDA AFUERA DE TU DEPARTAMENTO

[Brian]
Eugenio!

[Eugenio]
Si.

Brian:
Listen, buddy, nobody’s seen ya for two weeks.
What’s up with that?

Princeton:
I went to work for a temp agency, and they
fired me for being too depressing on the phone.
I maxed out my cards, I’m two months behind
in rent, I totally messed up my personal life.
Oh, and Brian - I still haven’t found my purpose!

Brian:
All right. Get off your ass and stop worrying!
Everyone’s getting together to mess around the city today.

Princeton:
Have fun!

Brian:
When I say everyone, that includes you!

THERE IS LIFE OUTSIDE YOUR APARTMENT.

I KNOW IT’S HARD TO CONCEIVE.
BUT THERE’S LIFE OUTSIDE YOUR APARTMENT.
AND YOU’RE ONLY GONNA SEE IT IF YOU LEAVE.
There is cool shit to do,
But it can’t come to you,
And who knows, dude
You might even score!

There is life outside your apartment.

But you gotta open the door!

Princeton:
No, thanks, I’m staying in!

Brian:
Don’t tell me I gotta force you.

Princeton:
Sorry!

Brian:
All right, everyone! He’s resisting!

Entre Nochebuena, Trekkie Monster, Carlitos y Nicky levantan a

Eugenio y lo llevan hacia afuera.

All but Princeton:

There is life outside...
There is life outside...
There is life outside...
There is life outside your apartment!
There’s a pigeon
Squashed on the street.

Christmas Eve:
Ew.

Brian:
There’s a girl passing by

Nicky:
No I think it’s a guy

All but Princeton:

And a homeless man
Who only wants to
Buy something to eat!
Sorry, can’t help you.

We could go to the zoo!

Trekkie Monster:
Pick up girls at NYU!

Brian:
We could sit in the park smoking pot!

Christmas Eve:
Or not.

All but Princeton:

There is life outside your apartment.

Princeton:
Well, I guess I’ll give it a shot.

Se escucha un disparo. Todos gritan y corren.

All:
There is life outside your apartment.
I know -

Se oyen fuertes martilleos. Todos se tapan los oidos y gritan grocerias.

There is life outside your apartment.

Ven con horror hacia arriba.

Voice #1:
I’m gonna jump!

All:
Don’t do it!

Voice #1:
Okay.

All:
There is cool shit to do
But it can’t come to you
So come on -

Se escucha el rechinar de un carro que frena.

Voice #2:
Get out of the way asshole!

Princeton:
Fuck you!

All:
There is life outside your apartment.
Oh, you never know
What’s around the bend.
You could win the lotto
Or make a friend...

Entra Lucy. Los chicos la observan y voltean a ver a Eugenio.

Guys:
Take her home to see your apartment!

Lucy:
Do you wanna feel special?
I can see that you do.
Well, I can make you feel
Special.
If you let me feel you.

Guys:
She’ll feel you!

Lucy:
Where’s your pad?

Princeton:
Not too far.

Guys:
We could call you a car.

Princeton:
We’ll be fine, thank you! See ya!
Christmas Eve:
Hope you don’t get gonorrhea!

All:
There is life outside your apartment.

Princeton/Lucy:
But now it’s time to go home.

All:
There is life outside your apartment.

Trekkie Monster:
Me going home now.

Princeton/Lucy:
It’s time to go home!

Trekkie Monster:
That’s where me gonna go!

Lucy:
I can make you feel special

Trekkie Monster:
That’s where me gonna go!

All:
There is life outside your apartment.

Trekkie Monster:
Me going home now,
That’s where me gonna go!

Princeton/Lucy:
But now it’s time to go home

Trekkie Monster:
For porn!

ESCENA 2

[Eugenio]
Oh, hi, Kate Monster!
[Katy Monster]
Good evening.

PRINCETON
Hi... I haven’t seen you around...

KATE
Mm... ha!

LUCY
You’re gonna show me upstairs?

PRINCETON
Yeah, one second, ok, Lucy?

LUCY
Sure, baby! Don’t let my motor idle too long!(She leaves)

KATE
She a friend of yours?

PRINCETON
Yeah...

KATE
Is her name “Purpose”?

PRINCETON
Aah... listen, Kate... I gotta go.

KATE
Have fun!
(Princeton leaves. Christmas Eve comes in)

CE
What’s the matter, Kate monster?

KATE
I hate Princeton. He’s with that Lucy!

CE
Oh, that evil girl? She’s skanky. But that don’t make Princeton bad
person, Kate monster.
KATE
I don’t know anymore.

CE
But you still feeling for him, don’t you?

KATE
I do feeling for him.

CE
Sometimes person need time for learning.
People always learning, all through their lives. Look at mama bird.
She push baby out of nest and that’s it. If baby bird fly, good for baby!

If baby bird fall and cracks head on ground and gets eaten
by a cat then he need to do better next time.

MIENTRAS MAS LO AMAS

[Katy Monster]
Jacky ¿Por qué la gente no se puede llevar bien
y amarse el uno al otro?

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

¿Tu cles que lleval bien igual a amal?
A veces amol está
donde mas enojalte,
Katy Monster.

[Katy Monster]
¿Ehh?

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

MIENTLAS MAS LO AMAS
FACIL ES VOLVELTE LOCA
MIENTLAS MAS LO AMAS
MAS PLANEAS SU FUNELAL

ALGUNA VEZ LO VEZ

Y SOLO VEZ SU PANZA

[Katy Monster]
Ja!
[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]
QUIELES UN PLAN
PALA MANDALO
AL MAS ALLA
ODIO

[Katy Monster]
ODIO!

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

Y AMOL

[Katy Monster]
Y AMOR!

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

SON COMO HELMANOS

[Katy Monster]
HERMANOS!

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

QUE BUSCAN PLACEL!

[Katy Monster]
QUE… ¿Ehhhh?

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

DONDE UNO VA
EL OTLO LO SIGUE
UNO ENCUENTLA AMOL
Y EL OTLO LA MISELIA

[Katy Monster]
Oh sii!

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

ENTLE MAS LO AMAS
DE MATALO
TE DAN GANAS

[Katy Monster]
AAAAAH AAAAH AAAAAH!
[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]
AMAL Y ODIAL
COMO ANILLO
AL DEDO VAN

[Katy Monster]
AMAR Y ODIAR

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

NO SIGUE
SI ALGUIEN
TE DAN GANAS DE MATALO
VAS Y LO BUSCAS
Y SI LO ENCUENTLAS
NOOOORO MATES

[Katy Monster]
Noo jajaja!

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

POLQUE TALVEZ

[Ambas]
EL SEA TU AMOL

[Katy Monster]
Dear Princeton,
it was good to see you yesterday.
Princeton, I’m sorry about what happened
but I’d love to work things out with you.
I’m going to visit the viewing platform
at the Empire State building at midnight tonight
and I’d love for you to come.
Can you meet me there?
If not, please call and let me know.
Otherwise, guess I’ll see you there.
Yours, Kate Monster.

VIDEO VOICE
Five Knights stand.
Four Knights Stand
Three Knights Stand
Two Knights Stand
One Knight Stands
One-night stands!!

ESCENA 3

[Katy Monster]
Oh! It’s you!

[Lucy]
Are you the cleaning lady?

KATE
I will not rise to your bait. Where is Princeton?

LUCY
He is... finishing up in the shower. You need somethin’ ?

KATE
I want to leave him this note. That’s all.

LUCY
Ha! Oh, that kid can be busy all night... Hey girl!
Do you mind checking up to see if there are any scratch marks on my
back?

KATE
Oh! Yes! I see them. It looks like they say, “help me”!

Se va.

[Lucy]
A Eugenio fuera de escena.
Hey kid, almost done in there?

PRINCETON
Yeah... I’m drying up.

LUCY
He doesn’t need to be messing with some monster!
Rompe la carta.

ESCENA 4
Entran Brian and Nicky.

[Nicky]
It’s been a hard few weeks, Brian, after Rod kicked me out.
I wanted to say, thank you for letting me staying with you and your
lovely bride.

BRIAN
Actually, I wanted to talk with you about that.
(CE comes in)

CE
Brian, you tell him to go!

BRIAN
Honey...
CE
I no do your housework! I no cook for you and clean for you and pick
up all your messing!
What if he think us are his cleaning lady! This morning I take a shower
and I pick
up soap and I say: who put the strange green pubic hairs on soap?
It don’t belong to me, it don’t belong to Brian, who then could it be? I
about to kill him! Go away!
(She leaves)

NICKY
But... but...I...

BRIAN
Sorry, buddy.

NICKY
I don’t know where to go!

BRIAN
Well, you can stay with Princeton! Or... Kate?

NICKY
I did already, and they kicked me out too.

BRIAN
There’s got to be someone who can help you out, buddy. Sorry. (He
leaves)
(Gary has come in)

NICKY
Well... ha, ha... Good evening there, Gary!

GARY
Hi, Nicky!

NICKY
Listen, Gary, I’ve no place to stay and I was wondering if
I could just, you know, sleep on your floor, just for the night...

GARY
I see.. how about ... NO!

NICKY
Oh, I’ve asked everyone and if you don’t take me, where will I live?

GARY
How about on the street?

NICKY
You mean I should be homeless?
GARY
Sure

NICKY
Oh, that’s a terrible way to live!

GARY
Oh, yeah? Try being that on age fifteen. Look, kid, I know about living
in the dumps.
But look at the bright side. Think of all the joy you’ll bring to others if
they find
out just how miserable you are.

NICKY
What?

SCHADENFREUDE

GARY COLEMAN:
Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy
NICKY:
I'll say.

GARY COLEMAN:
And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me...
Happy!

NICKY:
Happy?!

GARY COLEMAN:
Sorry, Nicky, human nature-
Nothing I can do!
It's...
Schadenfreude!
Making me feel glad that I'm not you.

NICKY:
Well that's not very nice, Gary!

GARY COLEMAN:
I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!

D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?

NICKY:
Yeah...

GARY COLEMAN:
And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?

NICKY:
Sure!

GARY COLEMAN:
And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy,
Watching people out in the rain!

NICKY:
You bet!

GARY COLEMAN:
That's...
GARY AND NICKY:
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
People taking pleasure in your pain!

NICKY:
Oh, Schadenfreude, huh?
What's that, some kinda Nazi word?

GARY COLEMAN:
Yup! It's German for "happiness at the misfortune of others!"

NICKY:
"Happiness at the misfortune of others." That is German!

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken

GARY COLEMAN:
Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!

NICKY:
Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"

GARY AND NICKY:

"No!!!"
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"

NICKY:
Ooh, how about...
Straight-A students getting Bs?

GARY COLEMAN:
Exes getting STDs!

NICKY:
Waking doormen from their naps!

GARY COLEMAN:
Watching tourists reading maps!
NICKY:
Football players getting tackled!

GARY COLEMAN:
CEOs getting shackled!

NICKY:
Watching actors never reach

GARY AND NICKY:

The ending of their oscar speech!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!

GARY COLEMAN:
The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around
by fate.
'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us, and that makes
them feel great.

NICKY:
Sure!
We provide a vital service to society!

GARY AND NICKY:

You and me!
Schadenfreude!
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
Making the world a better place...
To be!

GARY COLEMAN:
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!

ESCENA 5

Desde la cima del Empire State.

[Katy Monster]
All those people look like ants down there
and their parts look about as tiny as the ones inside the men I dated.
Princeton gave me this penny once, he said it was a symbol of his
hopes and dreams.
And he never called though I asked him to and I don’t see him
anywhere.
Pretty soon he’ll be an hour late if he comes at all.

(Lucy and Princeton come in)

PRINCETON
Hey, Lucy! Where did you go this morning? I’ve been looking all over
for you!

LUCY
Oh, man! Why do I always get the clingy guys?

PRINCETON
No, you left, that’s all. And I didn’t say goodbye.

LUCY
Listen, kid, sorry to be honest, but look at me! I can have my pick of
the litter!
If I wanted a relationship I’d find a guy with a good job, who has a
future and some money.
And not some well bone babyface kid who need to run his parents and
cant get his act together.
(She leaves)

PRINCETON
I think I heard a compliment there, somewhere. (He leaves)

KATE
I’m gonna get rid of this stupid penny. And I’ll make a wish.
I hope, more than anything, I hope I find someone who I love,
someone who loves me back.
(She throws the penny).
Somehow I don’t feel any better.
(Princeton and Lucy come in)

PRINCETON
Lucy, I’m only looking for my purpose. My big break, my big
revelation.

LUCY
You know the only revelation people had in life, kiddo? They’re not
special.
You’re not special. You’re not luckier or more gifted than anyone else.

PRINCETON
You don’t think so.

LUCY
No!

PRINCETON
Well, Im gonna run past by this place, I’ll think about what you said
just now.

LUCY
What’s so special about this place?

PRINCETON
Oh, you mean, here, on 34tth an 5th, at the entrance of the Empire
State building?

El penny cae justo en la cabeza de Lucy. Cae al suelo inconsciente.

PRINCETON
Lucy?

ESCENA 6

En el hospital.

[Eugenio]
Lucy, can you hear me?

KATE
Princeton, I... I heard your friend had an accident. How is she?

PRINCETON
Her head fell off in the ambulance. And the doctors spent the night
sewing it back on.
But the prognosis is good.

KATE
What happened to her?

PRINCETON
Some idiot threw a penny from the Empire State building.

KATE
... Shit!...

PRINCETON
Kate, what are you doing here?

KATE
Why didn’t you bother in saying you weren’t coming?

PRINCETON
What?

KATE
I told you, in my note...

PRINCETON
What note?

KATE
The one I left with... Oh! I feel better now!

PRINCETON
How are you, Kate?

KATE
Honestly?

PRINCETON
Of course!

KATE
I’m working in Starbucks. I miss my students. I work all day and I’m
poorer than ever.

PRINCETON
And what about your dream?

KATE
Some people’s dreams come true, but I don’t think I’m one of those
people.

PRINCETON
Don’t say that.

KATE
But that’s the way life is, Princeton. Nobody teaches you that when
you are a kid,
because if you knew, no one would ever dream or want to grow up.
But you can’t stop growing
up. I’m late for work.

PRINCETON
Kate, listen! I wish you were happy. And I wish I had my life together,
but I don’t and I don’t know what’s gonna happen.
And I’m so sorry for hurting your feelings because I
think you’re so special. Sorry, that wasn’t more articulate.

KATE
It was perfectly articulate. I should go.

Sale.

ESCENA 7

[Nicky]
Help the homeless! Help the homeless! Oh, hi, Rod!

ROD
Is that the wind I hear wrestling through the branches?

NICKY
Listen, Rod, for now on I’ll believe anything you say about yourself.
And I apologize for being such a messy roommate.
And now that I have a place on my own, right that dumpster over
there,
I appreciate how hard it is to keep things nice! Well...?
(Christmas Eve comes in)
Ok Rod, buddy, I see you around.

CE
Rod. Are you Ok?

ROD
Christmas Eve... Can I get soft with you briefly? (He lies on CE’s lap).

CE
Sure. What the problem today?

ROD
Well... it’ sad... it’s really... I can’t...

CE
Go on...

ROD
Well, I look at my friends who are married now, and... well...
I look at you and Brian... and...

CE
Go on...

ROD
Why don’t I have someone by my side who makes me feel special and
safe?
Someone who... loves me the way I love them...

CE
Rod... you special... Rod... you safe.

ROD
I miss Nicky.

CE
I know you do.

Obscuro.

ESCENA 8

Katy está en el área del observatorio del edificio Empire State.

I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO COLLEGE

[Katy Monster]
I wish I could go back to college.
Life was so simple back then.

Nicky aparece temblando en una esquina obscura.

NICKY:
What would I give to go back and live in a dorm with a meal plan
again!

Nicky y Katy suspiran. La luz se enciende con Eugenio, en el hospital

sentado junto a la cama de Lucy.

PRINCETON:
I wish I could go back to college.
In college you know who you are.
You sit in the quad, and think, "Oh my God!
I am totally gonna go far!"

ALL:
How do I go back to college?
I don't know who I am anymore!

PRINCETON:
I wanna go back to my room and find a message in dry-erase pen on
the door!
Ohhh...
I wish I could just drop a class...

NICKY:
Or get into a play...

KATE MONSTER:
Or change my major...

PRINCETON:
Or fuck my T.A.

ALL:
I need an academic advisor to point the way!
We could be...
Sitting in the computer lab,
4 A.M. before the final paper is due,
Cursing the world 'cause I didn't start sooner,
And seeing the rest of the class there, too!
PRINCETON:
I wish I could go back to college!

ALL:
How do I go back to college?!
AHHHH...

PRINCETON:
I wish I had taken more pictures.

NICKY:
But if I were to go back to college,
Think what a loser I'd be-
I'd walk through the quad,
And think "Oh my God..."

ALL:
"These kids are so much younger than me."

ESCENA 9

[Nicky]
Ayuda al desamparado!
Ayuda al desamparado
Hey Eugenio…

[Eugenio]
Ohh hola..

[Nicky]
Uuy te vez fatal!

[Eugenio]
Mmm he tenido mejores días.

[Nicky]
Yo también estoy como para la basura.
Es más… ¡vivo en la basura!
¿Eit… podrías hacer algo por mi?

[Eugenio]
¿Como qué?
[Nicky]
¡Dame un pesito!

[Eugenio]
Ohh Nicky.. ahorita no.

[Nicky]
¡Hay ándale que mueres de ganas!
¡Dame un pesito!

[Eugenio]
En verdad Nicky, necesito estar solo.

[Nicky]
¿Sabes qué?
Deberías de dejar de pensar en ti
y empezar a ayudar a los demás
¡Como a mí por ejemplo!
¡Dame un pesito!

DAME UN PESITO

[Nicky]
QUE MAS TE DA
VERAS QUE BONITO
TENER CARIDAD
DAR AYUDA
NOS ACERCA MAS A DIOS!
DAME UN PESITO

Princeton:
Mmm.. No tengo cambio.

Nicky:
Hmmm....okay.

DAME UN BILLETE
EMITETE UN CHEQUE
ENTRE MAS DAS
RECIBES MAS
Y VIVO ESTAS
TODO LO QUE SIEMPRE
SI SIGUES EL EJEMPLO DE JESUS
EL TE LO DABA
ASI QUE HAZLO TU

[Eugenio]
Okay, okay, okay, aquí tienes.

[Nicky]
Uff bien gracias!

[Eugenio]
Ya que te vaya bien.
Wow!

[Nicky]
Chin… ¿Qué pasa?

[Eugenio]
De repente me siento compasivo y generoso.

[Nicky]
Y si me das uno de 20 te vas a sentir mucho mejor!

[Eugenio]
Ayudar a los demás te hace sentir increíble!
Todo esta vida me la he pasado pensando
en mi, en mi, en mi, y mira a donde me ha llevado
Y ahora voy a ser algo por alguien más.

[Nicky]
Por miiiii!

[Eugenio]
No, por Katy.
Voy a ayudarla a construir
su estúpida escuela para monstruos
de la que siempre me ha hablado.

DAME DINERO

[Nicky]
¿Queeee?

[Eugenio]
ES PARA KATY.
[Nicky]
¡Es para un sándwich!

[Eugenio]
VAMOS NICKY
TE HARA SENTIR BIEN.

[Nicky]
¡Lo mismo el sándwich!

[Eugenio]
VOY CON ETRAGON
SU SUEÑO SE VUELVE REALIDAD
ASI QUE DAME DINERO.

[Nicky]
Me gustaría hacerlo pero no puedo

[Eugenio]
DAME DINERO.

[Nicky]
Me encantaría pero no tengo…

[Eugenio]
DIJE QUE DAME DINERO!

[Nicky]
Aaay es que no puedo, soy pobre, no tengo… aaay!

Eugenio le da una bofetada a Nicky.

[Nicky]
Okay, ahi te va.

Cambia el sentir de Nicky.

[Nicky]
AHHH
DE REPENTE HOY ME SIENTO
MAS CERCA DE DIOS
YA NO HAY QUE PEDIR MAS
ES TIEMPO DE DAR
QUE LE PUEDO A RODRI DAR?
Algo que le guste tanto que me vuelva a invitar a vivir con él.
Ooh, ya sé que! Un novioooo!

[Eugenio]
Esa es la tocada!

[Ambos]
CUANDO DAS TODO
TE SIENTES MUCHO MEJOR
CUANDO DAS TODO
TE SIENTES MUCHO MEJOR

AYUDAR DISFRUTARAS
Y A TI TE AYUDARAS
CUANDO DAS TODO
TE SIENTES MUCHO MEJOR

[Carlitos Espejel]
Hey muchachos… ¿Qué están haciendo?

[Nicky]
Estamos juntando dinero!

[Eugenio]
Estamos juntando dinero
Para una escuela para monstruos!

Christmas Eve:
Es tamos tan felices
Acabamos de cambial
todo legalitos de boda
pol cash!

[Brian]
Mi amor, no les digas eso a ellos.

Christmas Eve:
Hagalamos como 2,000 pesos!

[Brian]
¡Muchas gracias!

Christmas Eve:
¡Somos ricos!

[Eugenio]
Y no les gustaría donar para una noble causa?

Christmas Eve:
¿Tipo?

[Eugenio]
Estamos ayudando a Katy
a construir su escuela
para monstruos.

Christmas Eve:
¿escuela pala monstuos?

[Brian]
¡Suena como un buen pretexto eehh!

[Eugenio]
¡Y lo es!

Christmas Eve:
¡Caltela!

Le da algo de dinero a Carlitos.

[Carlitos Espejel]
¿$15 pesos?

[Nicky]
¿$15 pesos?

[Eugenio]
¿Queee…$15 pesos?

Christmas Eve:
Todo cuenta.

[Nicky]
Se me hace que le vamos
A pedir a más gente!

Voltean hacia el público y pasan el sombrero.

All:
Hey!
DENOS DINERO!
TODO EL QUE TRAE!
NO SEA TACAÑO...

[Carlitos Espejel]
Amagando a Eugenio.
O EL LO SUFRIRA!

[Eugenio]
Hey!

[Todos]
ES HORA DE AFLOJAR

[Carlitos Espejel]
QUE NO HAY NADA
QUE LE IMPIDA

[Todos]
DAME DINERO
DENNOS DINERO
DAME DINERO
CUANDO DAS TODO
TE SIENTES MUCHO MEJOR
CUANDO DAS TODO
TE SIENTES MUCHO MEJOR

AYUDAR DISFRUTARAS
Y A TI TE AYUDARAS
CUANDO DAS TODO
TE SIENTES MUCHO MEJOR

Eugenio cuenta el dinero.

SCHOOL FOR MONSTERS\THE MONEY SONG (REPRISE)

CE
(spoken)
How much do we get?

PRINCETON
Dependiendo cuanto haya puesto el público en el sombrero.
Boy, it's not very much at all, is it?

CE
Those people bunch of cheap snakes!

Al público.

BRIAN
Never say never, Princeton,
there's still one more person
we have to hit up!

Se asoma Trekkie por la ventana.

TREKKIE MONSTER
No! No! No! Go away. Me busy.

CHRISTMAS EVE
But it for good cause!

TREKKIE MONSTER
What in it for me? Go away!

PRINCETON
I guess Kate'll never get her school for Monsters.

TREKKIE MONSTER
What you say?

BRIAN
Kate wants to open a school for Monsters.

TREKKIE MONSTER
School for Monsters?
Me never hear of that!

UNA ESCUELA
PARA MONSTRUOS CHIQUITITOS
DE PEQUEÑO
IR A ESTUDIAR
OTROS NIÑOS
SIEMPRE INSULTAR
Y MI PELAJE MALTRATAR
IR A TERAPIA
TRATAR DE SUPERAR
TERAPIA NO NECESITAR
Y ESCUELA SER UNA REALIDAD

jajajajja Oki Dokkie!

mmm mi dar
10 millones de dólares

Princeton:
Trekkie! where did you get all that money??

Trekkie Monster:
In volatile market, only stable investment is porn!

All:
When you help others,
You can’t help helping yourself!
When you help others,
You can’t help helping yourself!
Every time you
Do good deeds
You’re also serving
Your own needs.
When you help others,
You can’t
Help
Helping yourself!

CE
It’s your school Kate!

BRIAN
And here’s a check with enough money to run it, and buy the
building...

CE
And you can hire teachers,
and cafeteria delis and make a real looking school for monsters! We all
raise the money!

KATE
You mean... all that money... for me?
BRIAN
Most of it came form a donor who wishes to remain anonymous.

GARY
Well... let’s just say I joined in too...

KATE
Well... I don’t know what to say!

BRIAN
Just say thanks!

KATE
Thank you! Thank you everybody! The entire monster community
thanks all of you!

BRIAN
Listen! Now that everybody’s all gathered here, Christmas Eve and I
have an announcement!

CE
We getting divorce

ALL
What!

CE
I Only kidding! But... we leaving Avenue Q...

KATE
What?

CE
We married now... and try to move on... so we move to nicer
neighbourhood... to lower east side!

KATE
But you can’t leave!

BRIAN
Oh! Come on guys! We’ll still keep in touch! Oh! And there’s another
reason...
I’m starting a new career!
ALL
Yeah!!

BRIAN
I’m a consultant!
(silence)

CE
I not know what that is... but I so proud of him! And I have good news
too!
I finally get a regular client! I a paid therapist!

NICKY
Oh! Who is your client?

CE
Oh! I not allowed to say, but I see him seven times a week at 1.25 an
hour... he need a lot of help...
Me work through his issues, and he become this integrated person!

KATE
I bet I know who he is!

CE
He much better!

NICKY
Who!? You mean Rod!?

CE
I not aRod to say.

BRIAN
Say... where is he anyway? Get him out here!

(A gunshot is heard)

ALL
Ohhh!

CE
Oh! Damn it!!!

(Rod comes out with a bottle of Champaign)

ROD
Yoohoo!! Champaign for everybody! I’ve got some news!

CE
Oh Rod! You OK...

ROD
You are Ok too. Haaaaaa... Oh everyone!
I have confronted my fears at last, so I have a few things I’d like to
say.
Number one: I apologize for being so ... it was all
because... well... this is number two: hold you applause everybody...
because
I Rod... am GAY! (silence)Ok. And three: Nicky... Oh Nicky.... I’m so
sorry... you’re my best
friend...I’ve missed you so much... Will you move back in with me?

NICKY
Oh!!! Well!! I’d be too happy Rod!!

ROD
All right!!

NICKY
Yeahh!! (They hug) Hey Rod! Guess what I did!
I’ve put a persona add all over the Internet with your picture on it!

ROD
You did what?!

NICKY
And... I’ve found someone veeery special!! Wait here...

ROD
Whaaaaat!!! Hoooo!! Hooo!! Hoooo!!

NICKY
Rod! I’d like you to meet Ricky!

RICKY
Hi! Rodney, it’s nice to meet you.

NICKY
I think I know your type.

ROD
Ohhh! Sweet suffering Jesus!! Nicky and Ricky! My karma it’s over----
that’s cute!

(He goes inside with Ricky, jumping and shouting)

GARY
Everybody’s dreams are coming true and then there’s Gary Coleman...

BRIAN
Ohh come on Gary!

KATE
You still got all of us!

GARY
Yeah... well, since you two are leaving, I’d better go put that damn
“for rent” sign back up

HAY UNA LINEA MUY, MUY DELGADA (REPRISE)

[Katy Monster]
Mirando a su edificio.
The Monsterssori School...
I don’t even know where to start!

Christmas Eve:
Do you know who get idea and collect
All the money and buy building for you?

Kate Monster:
Was it you?

Christmas Eve:
No. It Princeton.

Kate Monster:
Princeton? For me?

Entra Eugenio.
Princeton:
You said you couldn’t make your dreams come
True by yourself, so I shot for the stars.

YOU’VE GOTTA GO AFTER THE THINGS YOU WANT

WHILE YOU’RE STILL IN YOUR PRIME.

Kate Monster:
There’s a fine, fine line
Between love...

Thank you Princeton.

Princeton:
So will you take me back, Kate?

Kate Monster:
I’ll be so busy now, with all of the contractors
And inspections and hiring teachers and choosing textbooks...

Princeton:
Well, I could help you.

Kate Monster:
Can we take it one day at a time?

Carlitos cuelga el anuncio de “Se Renta”. Un joven títere de apariencia

optimista aparece.

WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A B.A. IN ENGLISH? (REPRISE)

Newcomer:
What do you do
With a B.A. in English?

Oh, look! A "for rent" sign!

Oh, my God! You’re Gary Coleman!

Gary Coleman:
Yes, I am!

Newcomer:
Say, can you tell me where to find the super?
Gary Coleman:
I am the super.

Newcomer:
Well, listen - I wanna ask you about the apartment for rent?

Gary Coleman:
Oh, sure!

Princeton:
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, that’s it!

Kate Monster:
What?

[Eugenio]
My PURPOSE!
Viendo así a este norteñito
todo inocente e ingenuo
cree que le ha pasado todo
pero, para nada!
Lo peor está por venir,
tal vez necesita ayuda
tal vez mi meta en la vida
es utilizar todos mis conocimientos
y aprendizajes y ponerlos
en un MUSICAL!

[Brian]
Estás Pacheco?

[Recien llegado]
Ha huevo!
y para tu información
yo no soy ningún morrito pendejo
¡Así que vas y chingas a tu madre!
¡Pinche enano mamón!

POR HOY

[Eugenio]
¿Por qué todo tiene que ser tan difícil?
[Carlitos Espejel]
Tal vez, nunca encuentres tu propósito.

[Jacky]
Hay mucha gente que nunca lo hace.

[Eugenio]
Entonces ni siquiera se para que estoy vivo!

[Katy Monster]
¿Y quién lo sabe?
ALGO INSATISFECHOS
VIVIMOS QUE MAL!

[Brian]
TODO EL MUNDO TIENE
UN VACIO ESPIRITUAL

[Carlitos Espejel]
NO HAY QUE HABLAR,
OBSERVAR,

[Brian]
SOLO HUMILDAD,

[Katy Monster]
POR HOY...

[Brian, Katy, Carlitos, Jacky]

POR HOY...

[Nicky]
NADA DURA,

[Rodri]
LA VIDA ES DURA,

[Nicky]
POR MAS QUE MADRUGAS.

[Rodri]
ENFRENTAR PROBLEMAS
CON MUCHA BRAVURA
[Jacky]
UN SACLIFICIO HACEL
Y ACTUAL CON COLDULA
POL HOY…

[Trekkie Monster]
POR HOY...

[Todos]
SOLO POR HOY! (POR HOY!)
SOLO POR HOY! (POR HOY!)
SOLO POR HOY! (POR HOY!)
SOLO POR HOY!

[Lucy]
Chicos, Chicos,
salí corriendo de mi clase de Biblia
para alcanzarlos en el gran final

[Katy Monster]
Lucy… ¿Eres tú?

[Lucy]
Soy la nueva yo,
Fui salvada por nuestro Señor
y hasta me devolvió la virginidad
Chicos, soy virgen de nuevo!

[Ositos Malositos]
Nosotros también
nos hemos regenerado
Nos dieron de alta
en Oceánica!
Yupiiiii!!!!

[Lucy]
MUY SALUDABLES

[Brian]
CON CHAMBA POR HOY

[Ositos Malositos]
POR HOY FELICES,
[Katy Monster]
SIN EXAGERAR,

[Eugenio]
Y ACEPTAR LO QUE NO PUEDO CAMBIAR
POR HOY…

[Carlitos Espejel]
POR HOY…

[Trekkie Monster]
POR HOY…

[Katy Monster]
POR HOY…

[Todos]
SOLO POR HOY! (POR HOY!)
SOLO POR HOY! (POR HOY!)
SOLO POR HOY! (POR HOY!)
SOLO POR HOY!

SOLO POR HOY!

(PODER VIVIR!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(PODER AMAR!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(PODER CHAMBEAR!)
SOLO POR FELICIDAD!

SOLO POR HOY!

(POR HOY LA HUEVA!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(POR LA AMISTAD!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(POR HOY!)
SOLO POR HOY!

SOLO POR HOY!

(SEXO!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(PELOS!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(EL PAN!)
SOLO POR HOY!

NO HAY MAS
REGLAS
DEJANDOLO ATRAS
INEVITABLE ES MORIR
PAGAR IMPUESTOS
Y CUMPLIR

[Todos]
TAN SOLO POR
HOOOOOY [Nicky] SIEMPRE SONRIE

SOLO POR [Katy Monster]

HOOOOOY HASTA QUE EL CUERPO SE ESTIRE

SOLO POR
HOOOOOY [Eugenio] LA VIDA ASUSTA

SOLO POR
HOOOOOY [Eugenio] PERO QUE IMPORTA

LO DURA

[Todos]
BA-DUM BA-DUM,
BA-DUM BA-DUM
BA DUM BA-DUM
BA-DA DA DA DA
BA-DA DA-DA DA DA-DA
BA-DUM BA-DA, BA-DUM
BA-DA, OOOOOH-

[Eugenio]
ESTA VIDA ES
TAN SOLO POR HOY!

Cae el telón. Fin del Segundo Acto.

Fin de la Obra.