Friendship Values

Before you read:

 How would you define ―a friend‖?
 Make a list of the different activities that you have done with friends in the past week.
 How many close friends do you have? Do you have a close friend of the opposite sex?

Now read a text about this topic.

Valores de amistad

Antes de leer:
• ¿Cómo definirías "un amigo"?
• Haga una lista de las diferentes actividades que ha hecho con amigos en la última semana.
• ¿Cuantos amigos cercanos tienes? ¿Tienes un amigo cercano del sexo opuesto?

Ahora lea un texto sobre este tema.

NEED SATISFACTION
Friendships develop and are maintained to satisfy our needs. Selecting friends on the basis of need
satisfaction is similar to choosing a marriage partner, an employee, or any person who may be in a position
to satisfy our needs. Thus, for example, if we have the need to be the center of attention or to be popular, we
choose friends who fulfill these needs—that is, people who allow us, and even encourage us, to be the center
of attention or who tell us, verbally and nonverbally, that we are popular. As we grow older or develop in
different ways, our needs change, and in many instances old friends are dropped from our close circle to be
replaced by new friends who better serve our new needs.

NECESITA SATISFACCION
Las amistades se desarrollan y se mantienen para satisfacer nuestras necesidades. La selección de amigos en
función de la satisfacción de sus necesidades es similar a la elección de un compañero de matrimonio, un
empleado o cualquier persona que pueda estar en condiciones de satisfacer nuestras necesidades. Así, por
ejemplo, si tenemos la necesidad de ser el centro de atención o de ser populares, elegimos amigos que
satisfacen estas necesidades, es decir, personas que nos permiten, e incluso nos alientan, que seamos el centro
de atención o que dígannos, verbalmente y no verbalmente, que somos populares. A medida que envejecemos o
nos desarrollamos de diferentes maneras, nuestras necesidades cambian, y en muchos casos, los viejos amigos
son eliminados de nuestro círculo para ser reemplazados por nuevos amigos que sirven mejor a nuestras nuevas
necesidades.

FIVE FRIENDSHIP VALUES

Interpersonal researcher Paul H. Wright (1978, 1984) has identified more specifically the needs that
we seek to have satisfied through friendships. We establish and maintain friendships, Wright observes,
because they provide us with certain “direct rewards.”

1. Friends have a utility value. A friend may have special talents, skills, or resources that may prove
useful to us in achieving our specific goals and needs. We may, for example, become friends with
someone who is particularly bright because such a person might assist us in getting better grades, in
solving our personal problems, or in getting a better job.
2. Friends have an affirmation value. The behavior of a friend toward us acts as a mirror that serves to
affirm our personal value and enables us to recognize our attributes. A friend may, for example, help
 us to recognize more clearly our leadership abilities, our athletic prowess, or our sense of humor.
3. Friends have an ego-support value. By behaving in a supportive, encouraging, and helpful manner,
friends enable us more easily to view ourselves as worthy and competent individuals.
4. Friends have a stimulation value. A friend introduces us to new ideas and new ways of seeing the
world and helps us to expand world view. A friend enables us to come into contact with issues and
concepts with which we were not previously familiar—modern art, foreign cultures, new foods, and
hundreds of other new, different, and stimulating things.
5. Friends have a security value. A friend does nothing to hurt the other person or to emphasize or call
attention to the other person's inadequacies or weaknesses. Because of this security value, friends
can interact freely and openly without having to worry about betrayal or negative responses.

1. Los amigos tienen un valor de utilidad. Un amigo puede tener talentos, habilidades o
recursos especiales que pueden resultar útiles para lograr nuestros objetivos y necesidades
específicos. Podemos, por ejemplo, hacernos amigos de alguien que es particularmente
brillante porque esa persona podría ayudarnos a obtener mejores calificaciones, a resolver
nuestros problemas personales o a obtener un mejor trabajo.
2. Los amigos tienen un valor de afirmación. El comportamiento de un amigo hacia nosotros
actúa como un espejo que sirve para afirmar nuestro valor personal y nos permite reconocer
nuestros atributos. Un amigo puede, por ejemplo, ayudarnos a reconocer más claramente
nuestras habilidades de liderazgo, nuestra destreza atlética o nuestro sentido del humor.
3. Los amigos tienen un valor de apoyo al ego. Al comportarse de manera solidaria,
alentadora y útil, los amigos nos permiten vernos a nosotros mismos como individuos dignos
y competentes.
4. Los amigos tienen un valor de estimulación. Un amigo nos presenta nuevas ideas y nuevas
formas de ver el mundo y nos ayuda a ampliar la visión del mundo. Un amigo nos permite
entrar en contacto con temas y conceptos con los que no estábamos familiarizados
anteriormente: arte moderno, culturas extranjeras, alimentos nuevos y cientos de otras cosas
nuevas, diferentes y estimulantes.
5. Los amigos tienen un valor de seguridad. Un amigo no hace nada para lastimar a la otra
persona o para enfatizar o llamar la atención sobre las deficiencias o debilidades de la otra
persona. Debido a este valor de seguridad, los amigos pueden interactuar de forma libre y
abierta sin tener que preocuparse por la traición o las respuestas negativas.

PLEASURE AND PAIN FUNCTIONS

The other function of friendship is to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. This is actually a special
case of the need-satisfaction function.

If you were to ask people to complete the statement “I most need a friend when...,” they would
probably answer in one of two ways. One would be to say, “I most need a friend when I'm down.” Such
statement exemplifies the function that a friendship can serve when it helps us to avoid or lessen the pain.

FUNCIONES DE PLACER Y DOLOR

La otra función de la amistad es maximizar el placer y minimizar el dolor. Este es en realidad un caso especial
de la función de satisfacción de necesidades.

Si pidiera a la gente que completara la afirmación "La mayoría de las personas que necesito un amigo
cuando ...", probablemente responderían de una de dos maneras. Una de ellas sería decir: "Lo que más
necesito es un amigo cuando estoy deprimido". Tal declaración ejemplifica la función que una amistad puede
cumplir cuando nos ayuda a evitar o disminuir el dolor.
 We want a friend to be around when we are feeling down so that he or she will make us feel a little better, lift
our spirits, or in some way alleviate the pain we are feeling.

The other way to complete the statement would be to say, “I most need a friend when I'm happy,”
because this type of statement typifies the general function friendships serve to augment one's pleasure. A
great part of the pleasure in winning a game, or in experiencing good fortune is in telling someone else about
it and in many cases sharing it with them.
Queremos que haya un amigo cerca cuando nos sentimos deprimidos para que él o ella nos haga sentir un
poco mejor, nos levante el ánimo o alivie de alguna manera el dolor que sentimos.

La otra forma de completar la declaración sería decir: "La mayoría necesito un amigo cuando estoy feliz",
porque este tipo de declaración tipifica la función general que las amistades sirven para aumentar el placer.
Una gran parte del placer de ganar un juego, o de experimentar la buena fortuna es contárselo a alguien
más y, en muchos casos, compartirlo con ellos.

Look at the box and fill in the blanks with words that appear in the text. Use the similar expressions that
appear on the right side of the box.
Mire el cuadro y complete los espacios en blanco con las palabras que aparecen en el texto. Use las
expresiones similares que aparecen en el lado derecho del cuadro.

 To what extent do your personal experiences support the ideas expressed in this text? Choose one
of the five friendship values and talk about one personal example to illustrate that value.

Hasta qué punto sus experiencias personales apoyan las ideas expresadas en este texto? Elige uno de los
cinco valores de amistad y habla sobre un ejemplo personal para ilustrar ese valor.
Grammar Spot
Prepositions of time

1) IN ON AT

2) FROM … TO UNTIL SINCE FOR

3) BEFORE AFTER DURING WHILE
A) Where were you on February 28?

B) I got up At 7 o'clock this morning

C) I don't like getting up early in the morning.

D) Did you go out on Tuesday?

E) Did you go out on last Tuesday?

F) I often go away at the weekend.

G) Do you work on Saturdays?

H) I like to look at the stars at night.

I) Julia's birthday is in May.

J) Are you coming to the party next Friday?

2. Read the information about these people and complete the sentences using from... to/ until/ since.

i. (Alex/Canada/1982-1990) Alex lived in Canada from 1982 to 1990.

ii. (Alex/Canada/―> 1990) Alex lived in Canada until 1990.

iii. (Alex/England/1990 ―>) Alex has lived in England simce 1990.

iv. (Alice/France/―> 1991) Alice lived in France until 1991 .

v. (Alice/Switzerland/1991 ―>) Alice has lived in Switzerland simce 1991 .

vi. (Carol/a hotel/1990-1993) carol worked in a hotel from 1990- 1993 .

vii. (Carol/a restaurant/1993 ―>) carol has worked in a restaurant simce 1993 .

viii.(Gerry/a teacher/1983-1989) Gerry was a teacher from 1983 to 1989 .

ix. (Gerry/a salesman/1989 ―>) Gerry has been a salesman simce 1989 .

Now use the same information to write sentences using for.

i. (Alex/Canada) Alex lived in Canada for eight years.

ii. (Alex/England) alex has lived in England for 18 years .

iii. (Alice/Switzerland) alice has lived in switxerland for 17 years .

iv. (Carol/restaurant) carol has worked In a restaurant for 15 years .

v. (Gerry/a salesman) gerry has been a salesman for 19 years .

 3. Complete the sentences using before/after/during/while and the information from the
box.

the concert the course the end lunch the exam class

they went to Australia you are waiting

i. Everybody was nervous before the exam .

ii. I usually work four hours in the morning, and another two hours after
lunch
.

iii. The film was very boring. We left before the end .

iv. Ann went to evening classes to learn German. She learned a lot during the
course
.

v. My aunt and uncle lived in London before they went to Australia. .

vi. We're going to the movies after class . Would like to join us?

vii. Would you like to sit down while you are watting .

viii.―Are you going home after the concert ?‖ ―No, we're going to a
restaurant.‖

4. Complete the sentences using a verb in -ing.

i. I felt sick after eating too much chocolate.

ii. I'm going to ask you a question. Think carefully before anwering it.

iii. After finishing the exam, we went to a bar.

iv. Before going to a foreign country, it's a good idea to learn a few

words of the language.