Avenida Q

Avenida Q Mxico
Msica: Robert Lopez y Jeff Marx

Letra: Robert Lopez y Jeff Marx
Libreto: Jeff Whitty
Acto I
Acto II
El Tema de la Avenida Q
Propsito (Reprise)
Qu voy a hacer con mi
Hay Vida Afuera de tu
Licenciatura?
Apartamento
Que Pinche ser Yo
Mientras ms lo Amas
Si Fueras Gay
Schadenfreude
Propsito
Quisiera volver a la
Racistas
Universidad
Porno
La cancin
Mixtape: Un Disco
Escuela para los Monstruos
Hoy no traigo Ropa Interior
Dame un Pesito (Reprise)
Especial
Hay una Lnea (Reprise)
Hay que Portarse Mal (Cuando
Qu voy a hacer con mi
Haces el Amor)
Fantasias se Hacen Realidad
Mi Novia, que Vive en Canad
Hay una Lnea Muy, Muy
Delgada
Licenciatura (Reprise)
Solo por Hoy
PRIMER ACTO
EL TEMA DE AVENIDA Q
[La Compaa]
EL SOL SALIO,
UN NUEVO DIA EMPEZO,
EL DIA ES PERFECTO
PARA IRTE A JUGAR.
MAS TIENES DEUDAS QUE PAGAR
HAY QUE TRABAJAR.
TRABAJAS DURO
Y TE PAGAN MAL
LAS HORAS PASAN
Y MUY LENTO VAN
Y CUANDO LLEGUE EL FINAL
HAY QUE REGRESAR
A LA AVENIDA Q
QUE QUEDA EN CASA DE Q
TUS CUATES Y TU
TU, TU Y TU VIVEN EN CASA DEL CU
VIVES EN CASA DEL CU
VIVES EN CASA DEL CU!
QUE VOY A HACER CON MI LICENCIATURA?

Eugenio aparece, en toga de graduacin, sosteniendo su diploma.
[Eugenio]
What do you do with a B.A. in English?
What is my life going to be?
4 years of college,
And plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree!
I cant pay the bills yet,
Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place!
But somehow I cant shake,
The feeling I might make,
A difference to the human race!
Sale corriendo mientras las luces de se van encendiendo en Avenida

Q, una calle en ruinas pero hogarea, en las muy afueras de la Ciudad
de New York. En un edificio cuelga el letrero de Se Renta
Apartamento.
QUE PINCHE SER YO

[Katy Monster]
Buenos das Brian!
[Brian]
Hola, Katy Monster
[Katy Monster]
Cmo te va?
[Brian]
Desepcionado
[Katy Monster]
Qu pasa?
[Brian]
Me despidieron de la empresa para la que trabajaba
[Katy Monster]
Que pena! Lo siento mucho!
[Brian]
No pues yo ms!
Mrame, hace 10 aos que
sal de la universidad,
Yo siempre pens...
[Katy Monster]
Qu?
[Brian]
No, no no puedo
[Katy Monster]
Orale dmelo!
[Brian]
Es que
CUANDO ERA NIO,
SOABA CON SER
[Katy Monster]
Qu?
[Brian]
UN COMEDIANTE QUE SALE EN TV!
[Katy Monster]
hahahahaha oooh
[Brian]
AH PERO MI SUEO
VEO QUE NO SE CUMPLIO
NO SOY
[Katy Monster]
no
[Brian]
AY NO,
[Katy Monster]
mmmmmm
[Brian]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
[Katy Monster]
nooooooo
[Brian]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
[Katy Monster]
nooooooo
[Katy Monster]
QUE PINCHE ESTAR ROTO, DESEMPLEADO Y TENER 32!
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
[Katy Monster]
T piensas que tu vida es una mierda?
[Brian]
Ajaaa!
[Katy Monster]
Tus problemas no son nada!
YO SOY BONITA
BONITA Y SAGAZ.
[Brian]
Y muuy
[Katy Monster]
Gracias!
ME GUSTA EL ARTE Y SALIR A PASEAR
SIGO MODALES, TENGO UN GRAN CORAZON
PORQUE? NO ENCUENTRO UN GALAN?
Chin!
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
[Brian]
Nooo, Yo!
[Katy Monster]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
[Brian]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
QUE PINCHE SER BRIAN!
[Katy Monster]
Y YO KATE!
[Brian]
NO TENER QUE HACER
[Katy Monster]
DIETAS SIN UN DATE
[Ambos]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
[Rodri/Nicky alegando]
Ya, ya, ya (No eres mi mama!)
[Brian]
Hola Nicky y Rodri Nos pueden aclarar una duda?
[Rodri]
Claro!
[Katy Monster]
Qu vida les parece ms pinche, la de Brian o la ma?
[Rodri y Nicky]
La nuestra!
[Rodri]
VIVIMOS JUNTOS
[Nicky]
Y MI SIAMES PODRIA SER
[Rodri]
INSEPARABLES SIEMPRE
[Nicky]
DESDE QUE LO SALUDE
[Rodri]
ASI QUE EL SABE MIL MANERAS DE HACERME RABIAR!!
[Nicky]
Qu?
[Rodri]
OH! CADA DIA ES UNA PINCHE FRIEGA
[Nicky]
NO ES CIERTO EL EXAGERA
[Rodri]
NO HALZAS TU ROPA,
Y A TI TE APESTAN LOS PIES
[Nicky]
A si? TU ERES RARITO Y HASTA TE DESCUBRI UN BRASIERE!

[Rodri]
LOGRASTE CONVERTIR MI CASA EN UN MULADAR INFERNAL!
[Nicky]
YO TAMBIEN!
[Rodri]
INFERNAL!
[Nicky]
VIVO AHI!
[Rodri]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
[Nicky]
NO QUE PINCHE SER YO!
[Katy Monster]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!!
[Brian]
QUE PINCHE SER YO!!
[Todos]
SI HAY ALGUIEN QUE AQU VIVA Y NO PIENSE ASI?
QUE PINCHE SER YO!
LA RA LA LA LA
LA RA LA LA LA
LA RA LA LA LA
LA RA LA LA LA
[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]
Brian Qu haces?
[Brian]
Mierda!
[Todos]
LA RA LA LA LA
LA RA LA LA LA

Y ustedes Polqu tan contentos?
[Nicky]
Porque nuestras vidas son una mierda!
SU VIDA UNA MIELDA?
LO ESCUCHO COLECTO? JA!
YO LLEGUE PAIS, POL OPOLTUNIDAD
TLABAJO DE DIA EN CAF DE CHINOS
Y YO SOY DE JAPN!
ESTUDIAL DULO POL TITULO PLOFESIONAL
TELAPIA YO DOY
Y NO TENGO CLIENTES
PLOMETIDO ES INUTIL,
Y TENGO DEUDAS QUE PAGAL!
QUE PINCHE SEL YO!
QUE PINCHE SEL YO!
YO DIGO PINCHE, PINCHE,
PINCHE, PINCHE, PINCHE,
PINCHE, PINCHE, PINCHE
PINCHE, PINCHE, PINCHE
COMO VE?
QUE PINCHE SEL YO!
[Eugenio]
Ah, disculpen,
[Brian]
Hola
[Eugenio]
hola estoy buscando un lugar para rentar
Polqu buscal pol estos lumbos?
[Eugenio]
Bueno, empec por la Avenida A,
Pero hasta ahorita todo est fuera de mi presupuesto,
y este barrio se ve bastante barato.
Ah y ah se ve un letrero de Se Renta!
[Brian]
Ah tienes que hablar con el portero,
esprame ahorita le hablo!
[Eugenio]
Gracias!
[Brian]
Carlitos!!
[Carlitos Espejel]
Ya voy Ya voy!
[Eugenio]
No mames es el Carlitos!
[Carlitos Espejel]
Pa servir a usted!
SOY EL PORTERO,
Y ESTRELLA INFANTIL.
ROBARON MI DINERO
PAPA SE HIZO UN JARDIN
NO SALGO DE DIA
TODOS SE RIEN DE MI
PERO AQU PORTERO YO SOY
EN CASA DEL Q!
[Todos]
QUE PINCHE SER TU!
[Katy Monster]
Tu ganas!
[Todos]
QUE PINCHE SER TU!
[Brian]
Ya me siento menos pinche!
[Carlitos Espejel]
Intenta vivir subiendo
videos en la red diciendo
Uyyy que mello
Ya chole no?
[Todos]
QUE PINCHE SER TU!
EN CASA DE Q!!
(QUE PINCHE SER YO!)
EN CASA DE Q!
(QUE PINCHE SER TU!)
EN CASA DE Q
(QUE PINCHE SER YO!)
ESTAMOS JUNTOS!
ESTAMOS JUNTOS! SI!
EN CASA DE Q
VIVIMOS EN CASA DE Q
TU Y TU
TU, TU, SUEOS Y TU!
VIVIMOS EN CASA DE Q
[Eugenio]
Esta es la realidad!
[Todos]
VIVIMOS EN CASA DE TU
[Nicky]
Te va a encantar!
[Todos]
VIVIMOS EN CASA DE TU
[Carlitos Espejel]
Aqu estn las llaves!
[Todos]
Bienvenido a la Avenida Q!
ESCENA 1
BRIAN
So... Whats your name?
PRINCETON
Im Princeton.
BRIAN
Hey! Buddy! Im Brian, and this is my fianc...
CHRISTMAS EVE
My name Christmas Eve. You so cute... very handsome... you single?
PRINCETON
Yeah!
CE
Because she single...
KATE
OH! Christmas Eve!
BRIAN
Thats Kate Monster. She lives in our building
PRINCETON
Oh! Hi!
KATE
Hi!
(Trekkie monster throws a garbage bag out of his window).
GARY COLEMAN
Trekkie!
TREKKIE
Ooooh!
BRIAN
Morning, Trekkie!
TREKKIE
Oh!, me no time to talk. Me busy... (He closes the window)
BRIAN
And thats Trekkie Monster
CE
He a pervert. You no spending time with him
GARY
Come on inside, kiddo! Ill show you the place
PRINCETON
Oh! Great!
GARY
We have many distinguished people on their best interest in this one, I
trust?
PRINCETON
No kidding!
GARY
Mmmmm...!!!
(Princeton and Gary leave.)
CE
So, what you think, Kate Monster? He cute, right?
KATE
Yeah!
CE
Ha, ha,ha... You go get him. A man responds to an agressive woman.
(To Brian) You! Go get job!
BRIAN
Ok, Im going! (He leaves)
CE
See?
(They leave).
SI FUERAS GAY
En el departamento de Rodri y Nicky
[Rodri]
Ahhh!
Una tarde a solas con mi libro favorito
"Musicales de Broadway de 1940"
No hay nadie que me moleste
Que podra ser mejor que esto?
[Nicky]
Hola Rodri!
[Rodri]
Hola Nicky
[Nicky]
Rodri, no vas a imaginar
lo que me paso
en el metro esta maana
Estaba este wey sonrindome,
queriendo hablar conmigo.
[Rodri]
Oh... que interesante
[Nicky]
Ujum!
El era muuuy amigable
hasta creo que intento ligarme,
tal vez haba pensado
que yo era gay...!
[Rodri]
Y porque me estas contando esto?
Qu me importara?
No me importa
Qu vamos a comer hoy?
[Nicky]
Nu tienes por qu estar a la defensiva
[Rodri]
No estoy a la defensiva!
Por qu crees que me va a importar
que conociste a un gay?
estoy tratando de leer
[Nicky]
Bueno no quise
molestarte con eso Rodri,
solo pens que sera
un buen tema de conversacin
eso es todo
[Rodri]
Pues no quiero hablar de eso
asi que esta conversacin se acab
[Nicky]
Si, pero...
[Rodri]
Se acabo!
[Nicky]
Bueno, okay,
pero nada ms para que lo sepas
SI FUERAS GAY
ESTARIA OKAY.
HAY NO SEAS GUEY,
SEGUIRIAS SIENDO EL REY.
[Rodri]
Ahhhh!!!
[Nicky]
SI FUERA ASI,
YO ESTARIA AQUI,
DECIR SOY GAY
Y NO SOY GAY
[Rodri]
Nicky, por favor!
estoy tratando de leer....
Queee?!
[Nicky]
SI FUERAS PUAL
NO ESTARIA MAL
ERES MI CARNAL
AUNQUE SEAS
CONTROVERSIAL
[Rodri]
Ay, Nicols!
[Nicky]
SI FUERA REAL,
DIRIA QUE ANORMAL
SI DIJERAS SIN CHISTAR
HEY QUE CREES
QUE SOY GAY
(AUNQUE NO SOY GAY)
[Nicky]
DISFRUTO
CONTIGO ESTAR
PORQUE ME HA DE IMPORTAR
QUE TE GUSTE POR ATRS
[Rodri]
Nicols que asco!
[Nicky]
No, no, no no, no!
[Nicky]
SI FUERAS GAY
[Rodri]
lara lara lara lara!
[Nicky]
UNO FUERA CULEY
POR HACERME GUEY
Y SALIRTE DEL POPOTE
SI FUERA ASI
YO ESTARIA AQU
APOYANDOTE SIN CESAR
Y DECIR QUE NO ESTA MAL
NO ES PECADO CAPITAL
QUE NACISTE HOMOSEXUAL
SI FUERAS GAY
[Rodri]
Argh!
ESCENA 2
[Eugenio]
Hey Gary! Thanks for helping me move in
GARY
No sweat! And look, you got your first ...mail .Whats in these boxes?
Anything good?
[Eugenio]
Well, my parents sent my stuff from home
GARY
How nice! And you also got your rent bill, your utility bill, your student
loan bill,
your credit card bill, your phone bill, your cell phone bill...
[Eugenio]
Oh, my god!
GARY
You gotta get money
[Eugenio]
Oh, Ill start work tomorrow(The phone rings).
GARY
Gaaaaary Coleman! Oh, its for you.
[Eugenio]
Oh, thank you. Hello? Oh, hi! (To Gary) Its my job. (Into the phone)
I cant wait to meet all of you tomorrow... oh, Im sorry, I can barely
hear you.
Whats that sound in the background? A paper shredder! But... the
company cant be folding!
Well, how am I suppose to live? Hello?
GARY
Oh, kid! Dont look so long in the face! You know what they say?
If you rearrange the letters in unemployed it spells opportunity.
[Eugenio]
What?!
GARY
Heres a bit of advice. Never underestimate the power of long range
plan.
If life gets you down just sit on your ass and let it pass goodbye.
Take it from someone who learnt it the hard way. Gary Coleman. (He
leaves)
[Eugenio]
Maybe this is an opportunity.
Maybe Im not meant to work in some damn office for the rest of my
life.
Maybe... maybe I have a higher purpose!
VIDEO VOICE
Whats a purpose? A purpose is direction to your life.
It could be a job, a family. It could be the persuit of knowledge or
wealth.
Everybodys purpose is different. The best thing about a purpose is
that it gives your life... meaning.
[Eugenio]
I want a purpose!
PROPOSITO
[Eugenio]
PURPOSE,
IT'S THAT LITTLE FLAME
THAT LIGHTS A FIRE
UNDER YOUR ASS.
PURPOSE,
IT KEEPS YOU GOING STRONG
LIKE A CAR WITH A FULL
TANK OF GAS.
EVERYONE ELSE HAS
A PURPOSE
SO WHAT'S MINE?
Oh, look! Here's a penny!
It's from the year I was born!
IT'S A SIGN!
BA-BA-BA-BA
DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO
I DON'T KNOW HOW I KNOW,
BUT I'M GONNA FIND
MY PURPOSE.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE

I'M GONNA LOOK,
BUT I'M GONNA FIND
MY PURPOSE.
GOTTA FIND OUT,
DON'T WANNA WAIT!
GOT TO MAKE SURE THAT MY
LIFE WILL BE GREAT!
GOTTA FIND MY PURPOSE
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
[Moving Boxes and Others]
HE'S GONNA FIND HIS PURPOSE
[Eugenio]
WHOA OOH OH
[Eugenio]
I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE

GONNA FIND HIS PURPOSE

HE'S GONNA FIND HIS PURPOSE
[Eugenio]
YEAAAH YEAH YEA
[Princeton]

GONNA FIND HIS PURPOSE
[Eugenio]
COULD BE FAR.
COULD BE NEAR.
COULD TAKE A WEEK
A MONTH
A YEAR
AT A JOB.
OR SMOKING GRASS.
HA!
MAYBE YET
A POTTERY CLASS
COULD IT BE?
YES IT COULD!
SOMETHING IS COMING
SOMETHING GOOD!

UUUUUH
UUUUUH
UUUUUH
UUH
MAYBE MORE
AT A JOB.
SMOKING GRASS
A POTTERY CLASS
WOULD BE COOL...
UUH YES IT COULD!
SOMETHING GOOD!

WHOA OOH OH
[Eugenio]
I'M GONNA FIND MY PURPOSE YEAH!

GONNA FIND YOUR PURPOSE

YOURE GONNA FIND YOUR PURPOSE FOR
[Eugenio]
WHOA OOH OH
[Eugenio]
I'M GONNA FIND IT

GONNA FIND YOUR PURPOSE
[Eugenio]
WHAT WILL IT BE?
WHERE WILL IT BE?
MY PURPOSE IN LIFE IS A
MYSTERY
GOTTA FIND MY
PURPOSE
GOTTA FIND ME
PURPOSE IS A MYSTERY
GOTA FIND-GOTTA FIND IT!

[Eugenio]
WHOA OOH OH
[Eugenio]

YOURE GONNA FIND IT

[Eugenio]
PURPOSE PURPOSE PURPOSE YEAH
[Eugenio]
I GOTTA FIND ME!

YOURE GONNA FIND
ESCENA 3
My purpose in life is to help people find themselves.
BRIAN
My purpose in life is to make people laugh and make money doing it.
GARY
My greatest fear is that Ive already achieved my damn purpose in life
and
from then on Ive been on a slow tiresome walk to the grave.
(Kate Monster comes in).
PRINCETON
Oh, hey Kate Monster!
KATE
Princeton! Hi!
PRINCETON
See, Kate. Can I ask you a question?
KATE
Sure
PRINCETON
Whats your purpose in life?
KATE
Oh! Well.. Im a kindergarten teaching assistant
PRINCETON
Right. But whats your purpose, your dream, your mission?
KATE
Nobody ever wants to know that
PRINCETON
I do
KATE
Well, since you ask... I... oh, no, I cant. I barely know you.
PRINCETON
Oh, come on!
KATE
Ok. When I was a little monster I always wished I had a special place I
could go.
A special school, only for monsters. Sure its important to learn about
the great favors of
western civilization but so much of the canon leaves out monster art
and history.
And we? Our donation? It was always my dream to start that special
school for monsters.
So that, in short, is my purpose.
PRINCETON
He!
KATE
Oh, but Im not an ed kid. I like to have fun and... party!
PRINCETON
So, you are eager on the monster stuff.
KATE MONSTER
Aha.
RACISTAS
[Eugenio]
Oye Katy, Te puedo preguntar algo?
[Katy Monster]
Claro!
[Eugenio]
Bueno, Conoces a Trekkie Monster del Segundo piso?
[Katy Monster]
Ah ja!
[Eugenio]
Bueno, el es Trekkie Monster, y tu eres Kate Monster.
[Katy Monster]
As es
[Eugenio]
Los dos son Monster
[Kate Monster]
Siii
[Eugenio]
Son parientes?
[Katy Monster]
Quee? Eugenio, me sorprendes!
Eso me parece un poco racista!
[Eugenio]
Oh, lo siento!
Solo preguntaba!
[Katy Monster]
Mira, ese es un tema muy delicado
No, no todos los Monsters somos parientes
Que tratas de decir, eh?
Que todos somos iguales para t?
Eh, eh, eeeeh?
[Eugenio]
No, no, no, para nada. Lo siento,
Creo que eso fue un poco racista.
[Katy Monster]
Yo dira.
Deberas de tener
ms cuidado con lo que dices
sobre el sensible tema de las razas
[Eugenio]
Pues mira quin habla!
[Katy Monster]
Que quieres decir?
[Eugenio]
Que tal con la
Escuela para Monstruos
de la que me hablaste?
[Katy Monster]
Qu con eso?
[Eugenio]
Podra alguien como yo
ir a esa escuela?
[Katy Monster]
No, no queremos gente como ustedes[Eugenio]
Ha ha ha ha Ya viste?!
TU ERES UNA RACISTA.
[Katy Monster]
IGUALITA QUE TU.
[Eugenio]
LOS DOS SOMOS ALGO RACISTAS.
[Katy Monster]
Y NO ES TAN FACIL ACEPTARLO
ASUMELO TU...
[Eugenio]
ASUMELO TU.
[Katy Monster]
A VER DIME TU
[Ambos]
QUE SER UN POQUITITO RACISTA
ES NORMAL
Y NO ES QUE SEA UN CRIMEN
CONTRA LA HUMANIDAD
OBSERVA AL MUNDO Y ENCONTRARAS
NADIE ESTA EXENTO DE ESTE MAL
TAL VEZ SEA UN HECHO ENCARAR
POR LA RAZA SIEMPRE
JUZGARAS.
[Eugenio]
Nada trascendente, como el decir
Porqu los negros huelen tan mal?
[Katy Monster]
Ja ja ja ja!
[Eugenio]
O Porqu las viejas manejan horrible?
[Katy Monster]
Hey no!
[Eugenio]
Cosas sin importancia como el pensar
Porqu los choferes de las peseras, manejan como nacos?
[Katy Monster]
Exacto!
[Ambos]
SER UN POQUITITO RACISTA
ES NORMAL
TODO MUNDO ES ALGO RACISTA
QUE MAL
CHISTES A COSTA DEL COLOR
PONEN SIEMPRE DE BUEN HUMOR
NO SON UN ATAQUE PERSONAL
TODO EL MUNDO RIE, ES NORMAL
[Eugenio]
Te sabes este chiste?
[Katy Monster]
A ver!
[Eugenio]
En un avin que est a punto de caerse
Y solo tiene un paracadas va
un norteo, una nia fresa
[Katy Monster]
Y un naco!
[Eugenio]
Exacto!
[Katy Monster]
Ay es buensimo!
[Eugenio]
Buensimo!
[Carlitos Espejel]
Katy De qu hablan o qu?
[Katy Monster]
Estbamos contando chistes de nacos
[Eugenio]
Pero no tiene nada de malo Carlitos
Todo el mundo cuenta chistes de nacos!
[Carlitos Espejel]
Yo no!
[Eugenio]
Ya veo que no,
Porque t eres un pinche naco
[Carlitos Espejel]
A pero vas a ve
[Eugenio]
Pero qu tal cuentas de argentino?
[Carlitos Espejel]
Claro pero si los argentinos son re-mamones!
[Eugenio]
No te parece que eso es un poquitito racista?
[Carlitos Espejel]
Mierda creo que tiene razn!
[Katy Monster]
Viste? Eres racista!

[Carlitos Espejel]
Y TAMBIN LO ERES T!
[Eugenio]
TODOS SOMOS RACISTAS
[Carlitos Espejel]
TENGO QUE ACEPTARLO Y PIENSO IGUAL QUE T!
[Katy Monster]
Como t!
[Eugenio]
Y t!
[Carlitos Espejel]
BIENVENIDOS AL CLUB
TODOS SOMOS UNOS RACISTAS
Que mal!
[Kate Monster]
Que mal!
[Eugenio]
Que mal!
[Carlitos Espejel]
Que mal!
LA DISCRIMINACION
ES MUY NOCIVA
E INMORAL
[Todos]
Y AL MENOS ADMITIR
QUE SOMOS RACISTAS
Y SIN FINGIR
ACEPTANDO TODOS
QUE ESTA MAL
AL MUNDO AYUDARIAMOS
A CAMBIAR
[Eugenio]
Oh, Christ do I feel good.
[Carlitos Espejel]
Now there was a fine upstanding black man!
[Eugenio]
Who?
[Carlitos Espejel]
Jesus Christ.
[Katy Monster]
But, Gary, Jesus was white.
[Carlitos Espejel]
No, Jesus was black.
[Katy Monster]
No, Jesus was white.
[Carlitos Espejel]
No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black[Eugenio]
Guys, guys...Jesus was Jewish!
[Todos]
Ha ha ha ha ha!
[Brian]
Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
[Carlitos Espejel]
Racism!
[Brian]
Cool.
BRIAN! Come back here!
You take out lecycuraburs!
[Eugenio]
What's that mean?

[Brian]
Um, recyclables.
Hey, don't laugh at her!
How many languages do you speak?
[Katy Monster]
Oh, come off it, Brian!
EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT RACIST.
[Brian]
I'm not!
[Eugenio]
Oh no?
[Brian]
Nope!
[Eugenio]
ha!
[Brian]
HOW MANY ORIENTAL WIVES
HAVE YOU GOT?
What? Brian!
[Eugenio]
BRIAN, BUDDY, WHERE YOU BEEN?
THE TERM IS ASIAN-AMERICAN!
I KNOW YOU ARE NO
INTENDING TO BE
BUT CALLING ME ORIENTAL OFFENSIVE TO ME!
[Brian]
I'm sorry, honey, I love you.
And I love you.

[Brian]
But you're racist, too.
Yes, I know.
THE JEWS HAVE ALL
THE MONEY
AND THE WHITES HAVE ALL
THE POWER.
AND I'M ALWAYS IN TAXI-CAB
WITH DRIVER WHO NO SHOWER!
[Eugenio]
Me too!
[Katy Monster]
Me too!
[Carlitos Espejel]
I can't even get a taxi!
[Todos]
EVERYONE'S A LITTLE BIT RACIST
IT'S TRUE.
BUT EVERYONE IS JUST ABOUT
AS RACIST AS YOU!
IF WE ALL COULD JUST ADMIT
THAT WE ARE RACIST A LITTLE BIT,
AND EVERYONE STOPPED BEING
SO PC
MAYBE WE COULD LIVE IN HARMONY!
Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!
ESCENA 4
[Eugenio]
This time I feel that Im getting closer to my purpose.
[Voz de Video]
School crossing guard.

[Eugenio]
No, thats not me.
[Voz de Video]
Beauty salon technician.
[Eugenio]
Mmmm... not quite it.
[Voz de Video]
Birthday party clown
[Eugenio]
Closer, but still no. Wait a minute. I feel that is right here on the corner
of my mind.
My purpose... its... its...
Los Ositos Malositos entran
[Ositos Malositos]
Hola Eugenio!! Somos nosotros.
[Eugenio]
Pero quines son ustedes?
[Ositos Malositos]
Los osos malosos
de las malas ideas!
[Osito Malosito 1]
Somos tus amigos!
[Osito Malosito 2]
A dnde vas?
[Eugenio]
Estoy en bancarrota
as que voy a buscar un empleo
mientras busco
cul es mi meta en la vida
[Osito Malosito 1]
Y ese cheque te lo dieron tus paps?

[Eugenio]
Mjjj...
[Osito Malosito 1]
Entonces eres rico!
[Osito Malosito 2]
Deberias celebrar!
[Osito Malosito 1]
Tienes que hacer
algo por t Eugenio
comprate mmm..
unas chelas!
[Ositos Malositos]
Siii, unas chelas!
[Eugenio]
No creo que gastarme
el dinero de mis papas
en cerveza sea
lo ms conveniente.
[Osito Malosito 2]
Uuuyy qu pena!
[Osito Malosito 1]
Que tristeza me da
pensar que no te la pasas bien.
[Osito Malosito 2]
Creo que voy a llorar!
El osito malosito llora.
[Osito Malosito 1]
A veces me gustaria estar muerta
[Eugenio]
Nooo... Oigan, creo que
no pasara nada
si me compro un six!
[Ositos Malositos]
Yuuuppiiii
[Osito Malosito 1]
Oye y si mejor
te lo compras
de caguama?
[Eugenio]
No de ninguna manera
[Osito Malosito 1]
Recuerda que tienes
un presupuesto li-mi-ta-do!
[Osito Malosito 2]
Estas tirando el dinero
a la basura
[Eugenio]
Creo que tienen razn
mejor compro caguamas
[Ositos Malositos]
Yuupiii, nos estamos viendo Eugenio
Los Ositos Malositos salen.
[Eugenio]
Nos vemos chicos! Ahhh no son adorables?
Es bueno saber que mis nuevos amigos
Realmente se preocupan por m.
Eugenio sale.
ESCENA 5
Suena el telfono
[Katy Monster]
Bueno?
Voz en off.
[Maestra Gordillo]
Buenas tardes,
Catalina?
Le habla su jefa.
[Katy Monster]
Si hola
Maestra Gordillo
[Maestra Gordillo]
Como bien lo sabe la prxima semana tengo una cita para hacerme un
transplante de corazn.
Y qu entre nos tengo, voy a aprovechar para que me recorran la
costura de la cintura y me den una restiradita de felpa. Por lo que
necesito que me sustituya la clase de la maana. Tal vez necesite lka
maana complete para recuperarme. Pero seguro estare lista para la
hora de la comida.
[Katy Monster]
Quiere que de la clase yo solita?
[Maestra Gordillo]
Confio en usted Catalina. Adems es libre de escoger el tema.
[Katy Monster]
Gracias Esthelita!
Se oye que la Maestra carraspea y tira una bola de pelos.
[Maestra Gordillo]
Catalina!
[Katy Monster]
Siii?
[Maestra Gordillo]
Cuando se refiere a m por mi nombre de pila
Los maestros no me respetan!
[Katy Monster]
Ayy sii, perdone Maestra Gordillo.
[Maestra Gordillo]
Gracias.
PORNO
[Katy Monster]
Finalmente, mi oportunidad de dar una clase yo solita.
Y voy a escoger un tema importante, de gran relevancia,
Algo moderno, voy a hablar del internet!
[Katy Monster]
EL INTERNET TE SIRVE PA ENCONTRAR
[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO!
[Katy Monster]
CON GRAN VELOCIDAD INVESTIGAR
[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO!
[Katy Monster]
ES PLENA NOVEDAD
Y HORAS TRABAJAR,
[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO!
[Katy Monster]
A UNA GRAN VELOCIDAD SURFEAR
[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO!
[Trekkie Monster]
HAY PORNO EN EL INTERNET!
[Katy Monster]
Trekkie!
[Trekkie Monster]
VER PORNO EN INTERNET!
[Katy Monster]
Qu haces?
[Trekkie Monster]
INVENTAR EL INTERNET
PORNO! PORNO! PORNO!
[Katy Monster]
Trekkie Monster!
Baja inmediatamente
[Trekkie Monster]
Oh Hola Katy Monster
[Katy Monster]
Ests arruinando mi cancin
[Trekkie Monster]
Oh perdn, no mi intencin
[Katy Monster]
Podras callarte un minuto para que yo termine?
[Trekkie Monster]
Sale y vale!
[Katy Monster]
Perfecto!
ME ALEGRA TENER COMUNICACION
[Trekkie Monster]
PORNO Aahhhop!
[Katy Monster]
TECNLOGIA DE GRAN PENETRACION.
[Trekkie Monster]
PORNOAyyy!
[Katy Monster]
DESDE TU MONITOR
[Trekkie Monster]
POR --- mm
[Katy Monster]
BUSCAR, COMPRAR , CHATEAR.
[Trekkie Monster]
mmmpmm!!
[Katy Monster]
HASTA QUE TE HARTAS Y TIENES QUE PARAR.
[Trekkie Monster]
DEL PORNO!!
[Katy Monster]
Trekkie!
[Trekkie Monster]
EL PORNO EN EL INTERNET!
[Katy Monster]
Noooo
[Trekkie Monster]
YO ME QUEDO SIN DORMIR!
PORNO PORNO SIIIIII!
[Katy Monster]
Que asco! Eres un degenerado!
[Trekkie Monster]
Boootellita de Jerez Katy Monsterrrr!
[Katy Monster]
No, en serio eres un degenerado!
La gente normal
no se sienta frente
a su computadora
a ver pornografa
en internet.
[Trekkie Monster]
Ohhhh?
[Katy Monster]
Qu?!
[Trekkie Monster]
Ni te imaginas
Listos gente normal?
[Gente Normal]
Listo--- listo ----listo
[Trekkie Monster]
Arranquense!
[Trekkie Monster y los Chicos]
[Eugenio]
Te tocas!
EL PORNO EN INTERNET!
[Eugenio]
Yo me la jalo!
DOBLE CLICK Y A ACABAR
PORNO, PORNO, PORNO!
[Katy Monster]
El internet no es pal porno!!
PORNO!, PORNO, P--[Katy Monster]
Esperen un minuto!
[Trekkie Monster]
Qu pasa?
[Katy Monster]
Yo s de buena fuente
que tu Rodri
checas tus acciones en lnea
[Rodri]
Correcto!
[Katy Monster]
Y tu Brian compras cosas en Amazon.com
[Brian]
Claro!
[Katy Monster]
Tu Carlitos,
vendiste todo tu vestuario
de estrella infantil en Ebay
[Carlistos Espejel]
Por supuesto!
[Katy Monster]
Y tu Eugenio,
me mandaste una tarjeta
de cumpleaos por face
[Eugenio]
Sip!
[Katy Monster]
hmmm?
[Trekkie Monster]
Pero KatyQu crees que hacen despus? hmm?
[Gente Normal]
He he he he!
[Eugenio]
Siii
[Katy Monster]
Eeewwwww!
[Trekkie Monster y la Gente Normal]
HAY PORNO EN EL INTERENT!
[Katy Monster]
Que asco!
EL PORNO EN EL INTERENT!
[Katy Monster]
Odio el porno!
HA JALARMELA AL CHATEAR
PORNO TE DA
[Katy Monster]
Odio el internet!
Armonizando.
PORNO, PORNO, PORNO!
[Katy Monster]
Odio a los hombres!
Armonizando.
PORNO, PORN, PORN!
[Katy Monster]
Yo me voy!
EN EL INTERNET! EN EL INTERNET
[Trekkie Monster]
THE INTERNET IS FOR
[Trekkie Monster y Algunos]
THE INTERNET IS FOR
[Trekkie Monster y Todos]

THE INTERNET IS FOR PORN!
[Trekkie Monster]
YEAH!
Salen.
ESCENA 6
Hey Rod! How is hanging?
[Rodri]
Hey Christmas Eve! I got you wedding invitation
Are you coming?
[Rodri]
Yeah heres my RSVP.
BRIAN
(off stage) Hey Honey! Whats all this about us getting married?
Just think of it as a surprise party
BRIAN
Cool!
[Rodri]
I think its wonderful you have someone so special in your life
Are you ok Rod?
ROD
Christmas Eve You are a therapist, right?
I have two Master Degrees.
[Rodri]
So you help people who have all kinds of problems
Nobody wants to come to me for helping... I meet with people, we are
talking for an hour,
then they go away and never come back. And I wonder why?
Am I fixing them in one appointment?
Maybe Im too efficient, maybe I should spread my helping out.
Why Rod? Do you need some helping?
[Rodri]
Well... I have this friend...
Nicky?
[Rodri]
No, other friend. And I think he has a very big problem. I think hes...
gay.
Whats wrong with that? You know Rod,
gay people make major contributions to arts,
philosophy and literature for many hundreds of years now...
[Rodri]
Oh but, my friend isnt an artist. He is a Republican.... and an
investment banker.
Oh! Tell him to stay in closet then, hes good for nothing.
[Rodri]
Ok... great!... Thanks for the advice...
Yeah! Ha, ha! I wouldnt want a friend like that...
[Rodri]
No! ... Thanks again...
Sale Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena.
[Rodri]
Mierda!
MIXTAPE: UN DISCO
[Katy Monster]
Ahhhh Eugenio ahhh
Le gusto
Creo que le gusto
Ser del mismo modo
que el a mi
ser amistad
o algo ms
tendr algn inters
ay no lo se
Suena el timbre.
Adelante!
[Eugenio]
Hola Katy!
[Katy Monster]
Eugenio! Hola!
[Eugenio]
Hola! Mira, ayer andaba buscando entre mis CDs y
Me encontr con algunas canciones que
pens te gustaran as que
te quem un disco
[Katy Monster]
Wow! Gracias!
Te puedo ofrecer algo de comer
O algo de beber?
[Eugenio]
La verdad mejor Te importa si paso a tu bao?
[Katy Monster]
No, adelante!
UN DISCO, ME HIZO UN DISCO
SE ACORDO DE MI, TIENE INTERES

ALGUNAS VECES
SI LE LATES A ALGUIEN
TE QUEMAN UN DISCO
UNA PISTA TE DAN
Veamos!
LA PAPA SIN CATSUP,
SOY UN DESASTRE,
SE ME OLVIDO OTRA VEZ
Ahh! Mierda!
Pero esperen!
SIEMPRE EN MI MENTE,
BESAME MUCHO, LA INCONDICIONAL
Ayyy Luismi!! Digo Eugenio!
LA CUCARACHA, DOCTOR PSIQUIATRA
CU-CURRUCUCU! QUE QUIERE DECIR?
[Eugenio]
Ahh Katy?
[Katy Monster]
Si?
[Eugenio]
Oye, tal vez sea mejor que no entres ah
en un bueeeen rato!
[Katy Monster]
OK!
Ah Eugenio, muchas gracias por el disco
Estaba viendo unas canciones
estn bien padres!
[Eugenio]
Ya las viste todas?
[Katy Monster]
No!
[Eugenio]
Pues ve, te van a encantar!
[Katy Monster]
Si?
[Eugenio]
Mira!
[Katy Monster]
SABOR A MI
[Eugenio]
CONTIGO APRENDI
[Katy Monster]
ELECTRICIDAD
Ayyy me encanta Lucero
[Eugenio]
Ms o menos!
TODA LA VIDA
[Katy Monster]
RBD
[Ambos]
TONTO CORAZON
[Eugenio]
Del concierto de Benny en el Zcalo
[Katy Monster]
Wooow!!! No lo vi!
AMOR PRIMERO
[Eugenio]
NO TENGO DINERO
[Katy Monster]
HISTORIA DE UN AMOR
Qu lindo cd!
[Eugenio]
Pero hay ms!
[Katy Monster]
Si?
[Eugenio]
Mira!
QUIERO DECIR DE MI ENAMORATE
[Katy Monster]
MIRA QUE EEEEE EEEEEEE EEEEEE
La golpea en la cabeza.
Disculpa, me dej ir
muchas gracias por el disco Eugenio
Nadie haba tenido
un detalle as conmigo
[Eugenio]
Que bueno que te gust
Pero ya me tengo que ir
porque le tengo que hacer uno
a Jackie, y a Brian, y a Nicky
Y a Trekkie y a Carlitos y a todos
Oye?
[Katy Monster]
Mmm?
[Eugenio]
Yqu vas a hacer en la noche?
[Katy Monster]
Voy a calificar exmenes
Pero son de knder as que es muy rpido por?
[Eugenio]
Porque los muchachos estaban viendo
si bamos al Bar Noche y Da
y yo estaba pensando que tal vez
te gustara ir conmigo
[Katy Monster]
Me estas invitando
como si fuera una cita?
[Eugenio]
Si,claro como una cita
[Katy Monster]
Me encantara!
[Eugenio]
Qu bueno,
vas a ver que no la vamos a pasar bomba
Puuuuuf!
[Katy Monster]
Mj mj mjj mj!
Estubo bueno!
[Eugenio]
Si, nunca falla
OK, ya me voy
[Katy Monster]
Bye!
[Eugenio]
Bueno, hay nos vemos!
[Katy Monster]
Sii!
[Eugenio]
Bye!
[Katy Monster]
Bye!
Le gusto
ESCENA 7
HOY NO LLEVO ROPA INTERIOR
En el Bar Noche y Da.
[Brian]
Seoras y seores
a continuacin el derroche de ingenio
de la persona ms divertida que conozco

Un servidor
HOY NO LLEVO ROPA INTERIOR,
HOY NO LLEVO ROPA INTERIOR,
NO ES QUE IMPORTE LA VERDAD
SI LA LLEVO EN REALIDAD
Y A PESAR DE TODO DIGO YO
QUE HOY NO LLEVO ROPA INTERIOR
Ponte a tlabajal!
[Brian]
Gracias..amorcito?
But... aah... dont move a muscle, ladies and gentlemen,
well be right back with our headline performer.
GARY
So, Trekkie, you never leave your apartment.
What made you drag your furry ass down here?
TREKKIE
Mmmm... Me see pictures of next singer on the internet. Ho, ho, ho.
(Kate and Princeton come in).
PRINCETON
Look, theres an empty table.
KATE
Lets grab it.
PRINCETON
Ladies first.
KATE
Oh... youre such a gentleman, Princeton.
PRINCETON
Oh, you too. I mean... you look a knock out tonight.
KATE
You...
BRIAN
So heres the woman you all came to see.
The Around the Clock is proud to present fresh from her world tour,
headlining in Amsterdam,
Bangkok, and Celebration Florida please give a warm hand to the star
of Girls Gone Wild parts two,
five and seven Lucy the Slut!
ESPECIAL
[Lucy la Zorra]
SI TAN PINCHE TE SIENTES
PUEDO HACERTE ESPECIAL
PUEDO HACERTE BONITO
UN RATITO O DOS
TU VIDA ABURRIDA RUTINA ES
ACA NO IMPORTA COMO ESTES
NI COMO FUE
INSIGNIFICANTE PARECES SER
PERO CONMIGO ESO ES ALREVES
[Eugenio]
Wow!
[Lucy la Zorra]
Si, son de a deveras!
ESTANDO JUNTOS TU GIRARAS
LA TIERRA SU ORBITA PERDERA
PEGA UN CHILLIDO Y ATREVETE
SI TU NOVIA NO MIRA DE EN PAGOS TE DOY
PUEDO VER CLARAMENTE
QUE SE TE PARO
EL CORAZON!
POR MIIIII
POR MIIIII
POR MI
POR MI
POR MI
POR MI
PUEDO VER CLARAMENTE
QUE SE TE PARO EL CORAZON
POR MIIIII!
[Lucy la Zorra]
Con tono argentine.
Gracias cabacheros! Y estorbos que los acompaan. Espero que sigan
disfrutando sus tragos y les hacha encantado mi nmero.
Ella sale. Trekkie la sigue y Brian lo detiene.
BRIAN
No, Trekkie
TREKKIE
Oh, but Brian...
BRIAN
No....
TREKKIE
Oh... me I can hardly hold! Oh!!! (He leaves).
PRINCETON
That Lucy is something, isnt she?
KATE
She is something...
PRINCETON
Oh, Kate, can I get you a drink?
KATE
Ill get a water. I got a class to teach tomorrow. Its a big day!
The teacher Im assisting is going into the hospital tomorrow morning
so I have the entire class to myself.
And if I do well it could mean a big carreer boost.
(The bad idea bears come in).
BIBS
Hey guys!
BIB
We brought you some Long Island iced tea!
KATE
Oh! You are so adorable! Who are you?
BIB
(Bender!)
BIB
(Brad!)
BIB
Have a drink, Kate.
KATE
Oh... no, thank you.
BIB
Just a little, little sip.
KATE
I really shouldnt.
BIB
But its only a Long Island iced tea.
BIB
Theyre so sweet and delicious.
BIBS
Please!!!
KATE
Oh, one sip cant hurt. Cheers, Princeton!
PRINCETON
Cheers! Heres to you, Kate Monster!
BIBS
Yeah!!
KATE
Thats delicious!
BIB
Porqu no jugamos un juego con bebidas?
[Osito Malosito #2]
Qu Buena idea!
[Osito Malosito #1]
Es la receta perfecta para la diversin.
[Katy Monster]
Ay yo no me s ningn juego. T te sabes alguno Eugenio?
[Eugenio]
A veces la matatena
[Osito Malosito #2]
Yo, yo yo yo yo!
Yo me s uno buensimo, se llama el juego del Hidalgo
Chinge a su madre el que deje algo!
[Ositos Malositos]
Uno, dos, tres!
Katy y Eugenio empiezan a tomarse la bebida mientras los Ositos
Malositos les empujan las cabezas hasta que se las acaban.
[Ositos Malositos]
Fondo, fondo , fondo!
[Katy Monster]
Est fuertsima!
[Eugenio]
Siiiii!
[Ositos Malositos]
Empateeeee!
[Osito Malosito #2]
Va la revancha!
[Ositos Malositos]
Otra ronda, otra ronda!
[Katy Monster]
Okay, pero esta vez yo la invito
[Osito Malosito #2]
Esta vez pdelas dobles.
[Katy Monster]
Oooookeeeyy!!!!
Regreso en un Segundo.
BIB
Ok, Princeton, hows the date going? Ha!
PRINCETON
Pretty well, I think...
BIB
Well, you just hang in there, little man. Youre gonna get something,
you gotta keep working at it.
Just keep your eye on the prize. Ha,ha, ha. Uuhh, wow! Look whos
coming!
(Lucy comes in).
LUCY
Whats up?
PRINCETON
Hi, Im Princeton.
LUCY
Lucy. Man, Im beat! I still havent figured out where Im gonna crash
tonight...
BIB
In a bush!
LUCY
All I need is a warm mattress, you know.
PRINCETON
Well, mines pretty cold usually.
LUCY
It wouldnt be cold for long.
(Kate comes back).

KATE
Aha, ha... The drinks will be here right over, Princeton. Ha, ha..
ahaaa...
LUCY
Ill have a Scotch on the rocks.
KATE
Im not a waitress.
PRINCETON
Oh, Lucy, Id like you to meet Kate Monster.
LUCY
Oh, youre dating a monster. I dated a monster once, but I got sick of
picking the fur out of my teeth.
KATE
Well, if your teeth are the problem, I could take out a couple.
PRINCETON
Ok, Lucy, it was nice talking to you.
LUCY
Ok, have fun with your monster.
But when you are ready for a real woman you know where to find me.
(She leaves).
PRINCETON
Oh, man, Kate, Im sorry.
KATE
No, I understand. Youre irresistible.
PRINCETON
She just knows she cant compare to you.
KATE
I think you are wonderful, Princeton.
PRINCETON
You are not bad yourself, Kate.
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL

(Cuando Haces el Amor)
[Osito Malosito #1]
Llvatela a tu casa!
[Osito Malosito #2]
Est hasta las chanclas!
[Ositos Malositos]
Yaaaajuuuuu!
[Katy y Eugenio]
Aah, aaah, aaah, mmmmh!
[Katy Monster]
Eugenio, Eugenio!
[Eugenio]
Qu, que, que?
[Katy Monster]
Ms a la derecha!
[Eugenio]
OK!
[Katy y Eugenio]
[Katy Monster]
Eugenio, Eugenio!
[Eugenio]
Qu, que, que?
[Katy Monster]
Mi derecha!
[Eugenio]
OK!
Ayy, oye no puedes poner tu dedo ah
Mmm, bueno, pon tu dedo ah!
[Katy Monster]
Aaaaaaahhhh!
[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
Y PUEDES GRITAR
SI HACES EL AMOR!
[Ositos Malositos]
SI HACES EL AMOR EEAAAA!
[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
Y PORTARTE MAL
SI HACES EL AMOR!
[Ositos Malositos]
[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
Y PUEDES GRITAR
SI HACES EL AMOR!
[Ositos Malositos]
SI-HA-CES-EL-AMOR!
[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
[Ositos Malositos]
Y PUEDES GRITAR YEEAAH!
[Katy y Eugenio]
[Katy Monster]
Estamos haciendo mucho ruido?
[Eugenio]
Estamos molestando a alguien?
[Carlitos Espejel]
No, para nada eeeh!

Ustedes dos sganle poniendo!
[Ositos Malositos]
Yeeeaaah!
[Carlitos Espejel]
NO HAY QUE HABLAR
NI GRITAR EN UN FUNERAL
EN LA OPERA O EN UN ESTAND
Y SI TU Y TU CHICA
ESTAN EN UN BAR
NO IMPORTA
QUE NO ES EL BALLET
[Ositos Malositos]
MAS MAS MAS!
[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
Y PUEDES GRITAR
SI HACES EL AMOR!
[Ositos Malositos]
[Carlitos Espejel]
TU PUEDES CALLAR
Y PORTARTE MAL
SI HACES EL AMOR!
[Ositos Malositos]
HAY QUE PORTARSE,
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL!
[Carlitos Espejel]
LOS VECINOS TE VIGILEN
TU REVENTON
NO SABRAN ACABAR
SU ACOSTON
[Todos]
A ACABAR A PORTARSE MAL!
EN UN ACOSTON
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL
[Katy Monster]
Ms rpido!
[Jacky]
Ms lespacio no son calelas!
[Todos]
HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL...
[Eugenio]
Ay ayayyy, ay ayayyy!
[Brian]
Ayyy tus colmillos!
[Todos]
[Carlitos Espejel]
Lmbelo, fuerte frtalo, muerdelo!
[Todos]
[Jacky]
Eso dale como
[Todos]
HAY QUE PORTARSE...
Kate Monster:
Chpame!
Brian:
Ooh, babe!
Trekkie Monster:
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
All:
HAY QUE
HAY QUE
HAY QUE
HAY QUE
HAY QUE
HAY QUE
HAY QUE
HAY QUE
HAY QUE
MAL!
PORTARSE
PORTARSE
PORTARSE
PORTARSE
PORTARSE
PORTARSE
PORTARSE
PORTARSE
PORTARSE
ESCENA 8
SUEOS REALIDAD
Rodri est despierto en cama, mientras Nicky ronca en su cama.
[Rodri]
It sure can get lonely at night. Nicky, you awake?
[Nicky]
(asleep)
Is that a unicorn?
ROD
Oh, he's talking in his sleep again.
NICKY
No, I'll wear the purple shoes. Who painted the kitten?
ROD
Maybe I should just shake him.
NICKY
I love you, Rod.
ROD
What did you say?
NICKY
I love your little laugh.

ROD
Nicky, are you awake?
NICKY
Take off your shirt.
ROD
Oh Nicholas! Have you been shy all this time?
Have we been hiding from each other? I wonder...
(sung)
All those nights I lay in bed,
thoughts of you
running through my head...
NICKY
I know -- put my earmuffs on the cookie...
ROD
But I never thought the things in my head
could really happen in my bed.
NICKY
You look like David Hasselhoff...
ROD
-All those years
I missed the signs,
couldn't read
between the lines.
Who'd have thought
I would see the day
where I'd hear you say
what I heard you say?
And now I find
what was always in my mind
was in your mind, too.
Fantasies come true!
-And now I see that what I've always
dreamed of was meant to be...
you and me, me and you!
Fantasies come true!

MUSICAL INTERLUDE
-You and me lived in fantasy,
but soon we'll be a reality.
(The scene switches to Kate house. Shes with Princeton in bed)..
PRINCETON
(Spoken)
Kate, that was amazing.
KATE MONSTER
You're amazing.
PRINCETON
I want you to have this. It's a penny I carry around with me for good
luck.
It's from the year I was born, see? Who knows, maybe it'll bring
you good luck. It did for me! I found you.
(sung)
I want you to know
the time that we've spent,
how great it's been,
how much it's meant.
[Katy Monster]
DIOS QUE AFORTUNADA SOY
ME HACE FELIZ QUE ESTES AQUI
ME GUSTAS MAS QUE NADIE
A QUIEN HAYA AMADO
HASTA EL DIA DE HOY
[Rodri]
PUES HOY
MI AMOR
[Katy Monster]
PUES HOY
MI AMOR
[Rodri y Katy Monster]

HOY TENGO ENTRE MIS MANOS
LO QUE SOE
[Rodri]
TU TAMBIEN!
[Katy Monster]
UHH, BABY!
TU SUEO REALIDAD
[Katy Monster]
Y YO
ESTARE
[Rodri]
Y YO
ESTARE

TE LO JURO
QUE A TU LADO ME QUEDARE
[Rodri]
POR TI
LO HAREEEEEEEE
[Rodri]
Y HACER TU SUEO REAAAAA
[Katy Monster]
POR TI
LO HARE
ESO ES LO QUE HARE...
[Katy Monster]
HACER TU SUEO REA

LIDAD
[Rodri]
SUEOS REALIDAD.
(The scene switches back to Rods bedroom. Rod awakens, Nicky is
poking him)
NICKY
Hey, Rod buddy! You were talking in your sleep.
ROD
I thought you were talking in YOUR sleep!
NICKY
No, I just came to bed. You were dreaming, is all.
ROD
Oh.
NICKY
It sounded like a nice dream, though.
ROD
Yes. It was a nice dream.
NICKY
Good night.
ROD
Good night, Nicky.
ESCENA 9
En el departamento de Katy. Ella est en cama con Eugenio. El
telfono suena, Katy contesta. Es la Sra T.
[Katy Monster]
Bueno?...
[Maestra Gordillo]
Buenas tardes Catalina.
No s si recuerde pero
usted iba a dar mi clase esta maana
mientras me hacan
un trasplante de corazn!!!
[Katy Monster]
Chiin!
[Maestra Gordillo]
Dejo a dos nios solos por 3 horas
Crearon su propia sociedad tribal
y estuvieron a punto
de sacrificar a la pobrecita Josefina
Dnde diablos estaba?
[Katy Monster]
Disculpe, me quede dormida
[Maestra Gordillo]
Nunca deb de haber contratado a un monstruo!
KATE
Que?!
[Maestra Gordillo]
Su raza, nia, es floja!
[Katy Monster]
Pues mejor ser monstruo
que una perra amargada
[Maestra Gordillo]
Pues las perras amargadas
somos los cimientos y la fortaleza
de esta nacin.
Me arrepiento
de haberla contratado
[Katy Monster]
Pues no se preocupe
porque yo renuncio
[Maestra Gordillo]
No Catalina.
Esta despedida
[Katy Monster]
No me puede despedir
porque yo renuncie primero
[Maestra Gordillo]
Se va a ir al infierno
[Katy Monster]
Pues ah nos vemos
Cuelga.
Was I too mean?
PRINCETON
Good for you!
KATE
I hate it working for her! I can get by on my savings for a while,
and pursue what I really want in my life.
PRINCETON
Your school!
KATE
Yes.
PRINCETON
I think you are really brave Kate.
KATE
Yeah!
PRINCETON (nods)
Listen... Are you going to Brian and Christmas Eves wedding?
KATE
Of course.
PRINCETON
I was thinking...... we could... you know... go together.
KATE
Oh my gosh! Well it seems like I always go to weddings alone...
I dont know what Id do if I went with a... a...
PRINCETON
...with a boyfriend?
KATE
Yeah...
PRINCETON
Well, come with me...
KATE
Well that would be great! (She starts sobbing).
PRINCETON
Well, are you ok Kate?
KATE
Yeah... Yeah... I just get fur in my eyes sometimes...
Se besan.
ESCENA 10
La boda.
[Rodri]
Did you bring a cap?
NICKY
What?!
ROD
Were off to mass...
NICKY
But...
ROD
Christ!
PRINCETON
Kate, you look beautiful tonight!
KATE
Thank you!
GARY
And by the power invested in me... Gary Coleman, I now pronounce
you husband and wife.
CE
--ALL
Mazeltov!
NICKY
That was beautiful! Wasnt it, Rod?
ROD
Gee, theyre so lucky to have each other!
NICKY
Are you upset, Rod?
ROD
Nicky... I need a moment to myself, ok?
NICKY
No, buddy, talk to me! Tell me whats the matter.
BRIAN
Hey, whats up with Rod?
GARY
Yeah! He sure has been down in the dumps lately.
CE
Hey, Rodney! You need a girlfriend.
GARY
A girlfriend? You got to be kidding, right?
CE
He not so ugly.
GARY
No, but I was thinking Rod was one of those gays.
CE
Rod is gay?
BRIAN
I bet, Nicky would know. Hey, Nicky! Come over here!
NICKY
Sure, guys, whats up?
CE
We wondering if Rod is a gay.
NICKY
Well, its funny you should ask because I do think Rod is gay.
I always have. But, you know, I figured if he wanted to tell me, he
would.
So, yes, definitely, I would say that my buddy Rod is a closeted
homosexual.
ROD
Nicky! How could you say that about me?
NICKY
Oh, hi, Rod! All I said was that, yes, definitely, my buddy Rod has an
undescended testicle.
ROD
Aaahhh!! Nooo!!!! I heard you!
NICKY
I... Im sorry, Rod.
ROD
Mmm... mmm... mmm... Well I am not a closeted homowhatever.
Well, Ive a whole life that none of youd know about. Not even you,
Nicky.
NICKY
You do, Rod?
ROD
Sure I do. For example... I...
MI NOVIA QUE VIVE EN CANADA

[Rodri]
Ohhhh...
I wish you could meet my girlfriend, my girlfriend who lives in Canada.
She couldn't be sweeter
I wish you could meet her,
My girlfriend who lives in Canada!
Her name is Alberta
She live in Vancouver
She cooks like my mother
And sucks like a Hoover.
I e-mail her every single day
Just to make sure that everything's okay.
It's a pity she lives so far away, in Canada!
Last week she was here, but she had the flu.
Too bad
'Cause I wanted to introduce her to you
It's so sad
There wasn't a thing that she could do
But stay in bed with her legs up over her head!
Oh!
I wish you could meet my girlfriend,

But you can't because she is in Canada.
I love her, I miss her, I can't wait to kiss her,
So soon I'll be off to Alberta!
I mean Vancouver!
Shit! Her name is Alberta, she lives in VancouShe's my girlfriend!
My wonderful girlfriend!
Yes I have a girlfriend, who lives in Canada!!
And I can't wait to eat her pussy again!
[Carlitos Espejel]
Well, everyone shake that movin, yes sir. What a busy day ahead for
Gary Coleman. (He leaves).
CE
Maybe we go to buffet.
BRIAN
Yeah! Im starving!
KATE
Well join you.
NICKY
Oh... What do you have to say Rod? Cause Id still be your buddy even
if you were gay.
ROD
Nicky, I want you out of the appartment when I get there.
NICKY
What? You are... kicking me out?! He he!!
ROD
You can live in the park for all I care!
NICKY
Oh, but Rod... I... oh... I didnt make you mad on purpose.
PRINCETON
Purpose!
CE
I throw bouquet in few minutes, Kate Monster, I have a younger
husband for you...
KATE
Oh, Christmas Eve!
CE
I might throw bouquet to you on purpose.
PRINCETON
Purpose!
KATE
Oh, Princeton, I have so much fun with you!
PRINCETON
Yeah, me too.
KATE
Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?
PRINCETON
Gosh, it feels like Im forgetting something?
KATE
Oh, shes throwing the bouquet! Ill be right back! (She leaves)
PRINCETON
Purpose! Purpose!(Princetons nightmare about marriage). (Kate
comes back).
KATE
I caught the bouquet, Princeton! Well, some little girl caught it, but she
wasnt very strong!
PRINCETON
Yeah...
KATE
Are you alright?
PRINCETON
Oh...Kate, I have something I need to say.

KATE
Princeton, you can tell me anything.
PRINCETON
Listen, when I moved to Avenue Q, I was looking for my purpose.
KATE
I remember.
PRINCETON
And... Weve been spending so much time together and I lost track to
finding it.
KATE
Aha...
PRINCETON
I dont wanna be no man who looks back and realize Ive never found
my reason to be alive.
KATE
So...
PRINCETON
Yeah...
KATE
So you dont want to spend time with me anymore?
PRINCETON
No, no, I love being with you.
KATE
Oh, good, because I thought you meant...
PRINCETON
But I dont want a girlfriend before I find my mission in life.
KATE
But you said...
PRINCETON
Look, I cant, Im tied down now, Kate. If we stay together, believe me,
well never even be friends in the end.
KATE
But Im not looking for friends. I have plenty on friends.
PRINCETON
You like me, dont you?
KATE
Well... yes I do. And I think thats why you should get out of here.
PRINCETON
You mean, leave?
KATE
Unless you have another definition for get out of here.(He leaves)
HAY UNA LINEA MUY, MUY DELGADA

[Katy Monster]
QUE DIFICIL VER
ENTRE UN AMIGO
Y EL AMOR
Y RECONOCER
LO QUE ES EN SERIO
DE LO QUE NO
Y NO SABRAS SI LO VALIO
SI NO LLEGAS AL FINAL
HAY GRAN FRUSTACION
DE QUIEN AMO
Y SU TIEMPO PERDIO
COMO DISTINGUIR
LO QUE ES MENTIRA
O FICCION
DIFICIL ACEPTAR
SI ES QUE SE QUEDA
O SE VA
EL QUE NO TE QUIEREN IGUAL TAL VEZ
NO ESTA DEL TODO MAL
PERO HAY GRAN FRUSTACION
DE QUIEN AMO
Y SU TIEMPO PERDIO
NO PUEDO YA PERDER
NI UN MINUTO MS
NI SIQUIERA SABES
QUE PRETENDES ENCONTRAR
POR MI SALUD MENTAL
LA PUERTA HE DE CERRAR
Y OLVIDAR JALAR
DURO ES TRANSITAR
ENTRE ESTAR JUNTOS
Y NO ESTAR
TENER QUE ENFRENTAR
Y RESIGNARSE A LA VERDAD
TIENES QUE PERSEGUIR
TU IDEAL SI ENAMORADO ESTAS
QUE GRAN FRUSTACION
DE QUIEN AMO
Y SU TIEMPO PERDIO.
Se cierra el teln. Fin del Primer Acto.
SEGUNDO ACTO
ESCENA 1
[Eugenio]
Purpose! Puuuuurpose!
BIB
...Less
PRINCETON
Who said that? Purpose!
BIB
Less!
BIB
Purposeless!
PRINCETON
Purpose!
BIBS
Purpose.... less
PRINCETON
Ok, whos doing that?
BIB
Hi, Princeton! You have to come around!
BIB
Yeah... You look so blue!
BIB
Try a little smile!
BIB
I want to see a little smile!
BIB
Oh, come on, Princeton!
PRINCETON
Sorry, guys, its not gonna work.
BIB
Just do it as a friend
BIB
Yeah, just do it or well be sad!
PRINCETON
Its not working
BIB
Well, you can always hang yourself!
BIB
(Looks for a rope backstage) Yeah! We found this rope.
PRINCETON
Im not going to hang myself!
BIBS
Oohh!
PRINCETON
Can you just go away?
BIB
Well, hes not in a good day. Well, well leave the rope. Just in case.
Salen.
Entra Brian.
HAY VIDA AFUERA DE TU DEPARTAMENTO

[Brian]
Eugenio!
[Eugenio]
Si.
Brian:
Listen, buddy, nobodys seen ya for two weeks.
Whats up with that?
Princeton:
I went to work for a temp agency, and they
fired me for being too depressing on the phone.
I maxed out my cards, Im two months behind
in rent, I totally messed up my personal life.
Oh, and Brian - I still havent found my purpose!
Brian:
All right. Get off your ass and stop worrying!
Everyones getting together to mess around the city today.
Princeton:
Have fun!
Brian:
When I say everyone, that includes you!
THERE IS LIFE OUTSIDE YOUR APARTMENT.
I KNOW ITS HARD TO CONCEIVE.
BUT THERES LIFE OUTSIDE YOUR APARTMENT.
AND YOURE ONLY GONNA SEE IT IF YOU LEAVE.
There is cool shit to do,

But it cant come to you,
And who knows, dude
You might even score!
There is life outside your apartment.
But you gotta open the door!
Princeton:
No, thanks, Im staying in!
Brian:
Dont tell me I gotta force you.
Princeton:
Sorry!
Brian:
All right, everyone! Hes resisting!
Entre Nochebuena, Trekkie Monster, Carlitos y Nicky levantan a
Eugenio y lo llevan hacia afuera.
All but Princeton:
There is life outside...
There is life outside your apartment!
Theres a pigeon
Squashed on the street.
Christmas Eve:
Ew.
Brian:
Theres a girl passing by
Nicky:
No I think its a guy
All but Princeton:
And a homeless man
Who only wants to
Buy something to eat!
Sorry, cant help you.

We could go to the zoo!
Trekkie Monster:
Pick up girls at NYU!
Brian:
We could sit in the park smoking pot!
Christmas Eve:
Or not.
All but Princeton:
Princeton:
Well, I guess Ill give it a shot.
Se escucha un disparo. Todos gritan y corren.
All:
I know Se oyen fuertes martilleos. Todos se tapan los oidos y gritan grocerias.
Ven con horror hacia arriba.
Voice #1:
Im gonna jump!
All:
Dont do it!
Voice #1:
Okay.
All:
There is cool shit to do
But it cant come to you
So come on Se escucha el rechinar de un carro que frena.

Voice #2:
Get out of the way asshole!
Princeton:
Fuck you!
All:
Oh, you never know
Whats around the bend.
You could win the lotto
Or make a friend...
Entra Lucy. Los chicos la observan y voltean a ver a Eugenio.
Guys:
Take her home to see your apartment!
Lucy:
Do you wanna feel special?
I can see that you do.
Well, I can make you feel
Special.
If you let me feel you.
Guys:
Shell feel you!
Lucy:
Wheres your pad?
Princeton:
Not too far.
Guys:
We could call you a car.
Princeton:
Well be fine, thank you! See ya!
Christmas Eve:
Hope you dont get gonorrhea!

All:
Princeton/Lucy:
But now its time to go home.
All:
Trekkie Monster:
Me going home now.
Princeton/Lucy:
Its time to go home!
Trekkie Monster:
Thats where me gonna go!
Lucy:
I can make you feel special
Trekkie Monster:
All:
Trekkie Monster:
Me going home now,
Princeton/Lucy:
But now its time to go home
Trekkie Monster:
For porn!
ESCENA 2
[Eugenio]
Oh, hi, Kate Monster!
[Katy Monster]
Good evening.
PRINCETON
Hi... I havent seen you around...
KATE
Mm... ha!
LUCY
Youre gonna show me upstairs?
PRINCETON
Yeah, one second, ok, Lucy?
LUCY
Sure, baby! Dont let my motor idle too long!(She leaves)
KATE
She a friend of yours?
PRINCETON
Yeah...
KATE
Is her name Purpose?
PRINCETON
Aah... listen, Kate... I gotta go.
KATE
Have fun!
(Princeton leaves. Christmas Eve comes in)
CE
Whats the matter, Kate monster?
KATE
I hate Princeton. Hes with that Lucy!
CE
Oh, that evil girl? Shes skanky. But that dont make Princeton bad
person, Kate monster.
KATE
I dont know anymore.
CE
But you still feeling for him, dont you?
KATE
I do feeling for him.
CE
Sometimes person need time for learning.
People always learning, all through their lives. Look at mama bird.
She push baby out of nest and thats it. If baby bird fly, good for baby!
If baby bird fall and cracks head on ground and gets eaten
by a cat then he need to do better next time.
MIENTRAS MAS LO AMAS

[Katy Monster]
Jacky Por qu la gente no se puede llevar bien
y amarse el uno al otro?
Tu cles que lleval bien igual a amal?
A veces amol est
donde mas enojalte,
Katy Monster.
[Katy Monster]
Ehh?
MIENTLAS MAS LO AMAS
FACIL ES VOLVELTE LOCA
MIENTLAS MAS LO AMAS
MAS PLANEAS SU FUNELAL
ALGUNA VEZ LO VEZ
Y SOLO VEZ SU PANZA
[Katy Monster]
Ja!

QUIELES UN PLAN
PALA MANDALO
AL MAS ALLA
ODIO
[Katy Monster]
ODIO!
Y AMOL
[Katy Monster]
Y AMOR!
SON COMO HELMANOS
[Katy Monster]
HERMANOS!
QUE BUSCAN PLACEL!
[Katy Monster]
QUE Ehhhh?
DONDE UNO VA
EL OTLO LO SIGUE
UNO ENCUENTLA AMOL
Y EL OTLO LA MISELIA
[Katy Monster]
Oh sii!
ENTLE MAS LO AMAS
DE MATALO
TE DAN GANAS
[Katy Monster]
AAAAAH AAAAH AAAAAH!

AMAL Y ODIAL
COMO ANILLO
AL DEDO VAN
[Katy Monster]
AMAR Y ODIAR
NO SIGUE
SI ALGUIEN
TE DAN GANAS DE MATALO
VAS Y LO BUSCAS
Y SI LO ENCUENTLAS
NOOOORO MATES
[Katy Monster]
Noo jajaja!
POLQUE TALVEZ
[Ambas]
EL SEA TU AMOL
[Katy Monster]
Dear Princeton,
it was good to see you yesterday.
Princeton, Im sorry about what happened
but Id love to work things out with you.
Im going to visit the viewing platform
at the Empire State building at midnight tonight
and Id love for you to come.
Can you meet me there?
If not, please call and let me know.
Otherwise, guess Ill see you there.
Yours, Kate Monster.
VIDEO VOICE
Five Knights stand.
Four Knights Stand
Three Knights Stand
Two Knights Stand
One Knight Stands

One-night stands!!
ESCENA 3
[Katy Monster]
Oh! Its you!
[Lucy]
Are you the cleaning lady?
KATE
I will not rise to your bait. Where is Princeton?
LUCY
He is... finishing up in the shower. You need somethin ?
KATE
I want to leave him this note. Thats all.
LUCY
Ha! Oh, that kid can be busy all night... Hey girl!
Do you mind checking up to see if there are any scratch marks on my
back?
KATE
Oh! Yes! I see them. It looks like they say, help me!
Se va.
[Lucy]
A Eugenio fuera de escena.
Hey kid, almost done in there?
PRINCETON
Yeah... Im drying up.
LUCY
He doesnt need to be messing with some monster!
Rompe la carta.
ESCENA 4
Entran Brian and Nicky.

[Nicky]
Its been a hard few weeks, Brian, after Rod kicked me out.
I wanted to say, thank you for letting me staying with you and your
lovely bride.
BRIAN
Actually, I wanted to talk with you about that.
(CE comes in)
CE
Brian, you tell him to go!
BRIAN
Honey...
CE
I no do your housework! I no cook for you and clean for you and pick
up all your messing!
What if he think us are his cleaning lady! This morning I take a shower
and I pick
up soap and I say: who put the strange green pubic hairs on soap?
It dont belong to me, it dont belong to Brian, who then could it be? I
about to kill him! Go away!
(She leaves)
NICKY
But... but...I...
BRIAN
Sorry, buddy.
NICKY
I dont know where to go!
BRIAN
Well, you can stay with Princeton! Or... Kate?
NICKY
I did already, and they kicked me out too.
BRIAN
Theres got to be someone who can help you out, buddy. Sorry. (He
leaves)
(Gary has come in)

NICKY
Well... ha, ha... Good evening there, Gary!
GARY
Hi, Nicky!
NICKY
Listen, Gary, Ive no place to stay and I was wondering if
I could just, you know, sleep on your floor, just for the night...
GARY
I see.. how about ... NO!
NICKY
Oh, Ive asked everyone and if you dont take me, where will I live?
GARY
How about on the street?
NICKY
You mean I should be homeless?
GARY
Sure
NICKY
Oh, thats a terrible way to live!
GARY
Oh, yeah? Try being that on age fifteen. Look, kid, I know about living
in the dumps.
But look at the bright side. Think of all the joy youll bring to others if
they find
out just how miserable you are.
NICKY
What?
SCHADENFREUDE
GARY COLEMAN:
Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy
NICKY:
I'll say.
GARY COLEMAN:
And when I see how sad you are
It sort of makes me...
Happy!
NICKY:
Happy?!
GARY COLEMAN:
Sorry, Nicky, human natureNothing I can do!
It's...
Schadenfreude!
Making me feel glad that I'm not you.
NICKY:
Well that's not very nice, Gary!
GARY COLEMAN:
I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!
D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?
NICKY:
Yeah...
GARY COLEMAN:
And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?
NICKY:
Sure!
GARY COLEMAN:
And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy,
Watching people out in the rain!
NICKY:
You bet!
GARY COLEMAN:
That's...
GARY AND NICKY:

Schadenfreude!
GARY COLEMAN:
People taking pleasure in your pain!
NICKY:
Oh, Schadenfreude, huh?
What's that, some kinda Nazi word?
GARY COLEMAN:
Yup! It's German for "happiness at the misfortune of others!"
NICKY:
"Happiness at the misfortune of others." That is German!
Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken
GARY COLEMAN:
Or watching a frat boy realize just what he put his dick in!
NICKY:
Being on the elevator when somebody shouts "Hold the door!"
GARY AND NICKY:
"No!!!"
Schadenfreude!
GARY COLEMAN:
"Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"
NICKY:
Ooh, how about...
Straight-A students getting Bs?
GARY COLEMAN:
Exes getting STDs!
NICKY:
Waking doormen from their naps!
GARY COLEMAN:
Watching tourists reading maps!
NICKY:
Football players getting tackled!
GARY COLEMAN:
CEOs getting shackled!
NICKY:
Watching actors never reach
GARY AND NICKY:
The ending of their oscar speech!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
Schadenfreude!
GARY COLEMAN:
The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around
by fate.
'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us, and that makes
them feel great.
NICKY:
Sure!
We provide a vital service to society!
GARY AND NICKY:
You and me!
Schadenfreude!
Making the world a better place...
To be!
GARY COLEMAN:
S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!
ESCENA 5
Desde la cima del Empire State.
[Katy Monster]
All those people look like ants down there
and their parts look about as tiny as the ones inside the men I dated.
Princeton gave me this penny once, he said it was a symbol of his

hopes and dreams.
And he never called though I asked him to and I dont see him
anywhere.
Pretty soon hell be an hour late if he comes at all.
(Lucy and Princeton come in)
PRINCETON
Hey, Lucy! Where did you go this morning? Ive been looking all over
for you!
LUCY
Oh, man! Why do I always get the clingy guys?
PRINCETON
No, you left, thats all. And I didnt say goodbye.
LUCY
Listen, kid, sorry to be honest, but look at me! I can have my pick of
the litter!
If I wanted a relationship Id find a guy with a good job, who has a
future and some money.
And not some well bone babyface kid who need to run his parents and
cant get his act together.
(She leaves)
PRINCETON
I think I heard a compliment there, somewhere. (He leaves)
KATE
Im gonna get rid of this stupid penny. And Ill make a wish.
I hope, more than anything, I hope I find someone who I love,
someone who loves me back.
(She throws the penny).
Somehow I dont feel any better.
(Princeton and Lucy come in)
PRINCETON
Lucy, Im only looking for my purpose. My big break, my big
revelation.
LUCY
You know the only revelation people had in life, kiddo? Theyre not
special.
Youre not special. Youre not luckier or more gifted than anyone else.
PRINCETON
You dont think so.
LUCY
No!
PRINCETON
Well, Im gonna run past by this place, Ill think about what you said
just now.
LUCY
Whats so special about this place?
PRINCETON
Oh, you mean, here, on 34tth an 5th, at the entrance of the Empire
State building?
El penny cae justo en la cabeza de Lucy. Cae al suelo inconsciente.
PRINCETON
Lucy?
ESCENA 6
En el hospital.
[Eugenio]
Lucy, can you hear me?
KATE
Princeton, I... I heard your friend had an accident. How is she?
PRINCETON
Her head fell off in the ambulance. And the doctors spent the night
sewing it back on.
But the prognosis is good.
KATE
What happened to her?
PRINCETON
Some idiot threw a penny from the Empire State building.

KATE
... Shit!...
PRINCETON
Kate, what are you doing here?
KATE
Why didnt you bother in saying you werent coming?
PRINCETON
What?
KATE
I told you, in my note...
PRINCETON
What note?
KATE
The one I left with... Oh! I feel better now!
PRINCETON
How are you, Kate?
KATE
Honestly?
PRINCETON
Of course!
KATE
Im working in Starbucks. I miss my students. I work all day and Im
poorer than ever.
PRINCETON
And what about your dream?
KATE
Some peoples dreams come true, but I dont think Im one of those
people.
PRINCETON
Dont say that.

KATE
But thats the way life is, Princeton. Nobody teaches you that when
you are a kid,
because if you knew, no one would ever dream or want to grow up.
But you cant stop growing
up. Im late for work.
PRINCETON
Kate, listen! I wish you were happy. And I wish I had my life together,
but I dont and I dont know whats gonna happen.
And Im so sorry for hurting your feelings because I
think youre so special. Sorry, that wasnt more articulate.
KATE
It was perfectly articulate. I should go.
Sale.
ESCENA 7
[Nicky]
Help the homeless! Help the homeless! Oh, hi, Rod!
ROD
Is that the wind I hear wrestling through the branches?
NICKY
Listen, Rod, for now on Ill believe anything you say about yourself.
And I apologize for being such a messy roommate.
And now that I have a place on my own, right that dumpster over
there,
I appreciate how hard it is to keep things nice! Well...?
(Christmas Eve comes in)
Ok Rod, buddy, I see you around.
CE
Rod. Are you Ok?
ROD
Christmas Eve... Can I get soft with you briefly? (He lies on CEs lap).
CE
Sure. What the problem today?

ROD
Well... it sad... its really... I cant...
CE
Go on...
ROD
Well, I look at my friends who are married now, and... well...
I look at you and Brian... and...
CE
Go on...
ROD
Why dont I have someone by my side who makes me feel special and
safe?
Someone who... loves me the way I love them...
CE
Rod... you special... Rod... you safe.
ROD
I miss Nicky.
CE
I know you do.
Obscuro.
ESCENA 8
Katy est en el rea del observatorio del edificio Empire State.
I WISH I COULD GO BACK TO COLLEGE

[Katy Monster]
I wish I could go back to college.
Life was so simple back then.

Nicky aparece temblando en una esquina obscura.
NICKY:
What would I give to go back and live in a dorm with a meal plan
again!
Nicky y Katy suspiran. La luz se enciende con Eugenio, en el hospital
sentado junto a la cama de Lucy.
PRINCETON:
I wish I could go back to college.
In college you know who you are.
You sit in the quad, and think, "Oh my God!
I am totally gonna go far!"
ALL:
How do I go back to college?
I don't know who I am anymore!
PRINCETON:
I wanna go back to my room and find a message in dry-erase pen on
the door!
Ohhh...
I wish I could just drop a class...
NICKY:
Or get into a play...
KATE MONSTER:
Or change my major...
PRINCETON:
Or fuck my T.A.
ALL:
I need an academic advisor to point the way!
We could be...
Sitting in the computer lab,
4 A.M. before the final paper is due,
Cursing the world 'cause I didn't start sooner,
And seeing the rest of the class there, too!
PRINCETON:
I wish I could go back to college!
ALL:
How do I go back to college?!
AHHHH...
PRINCETON:
I wish I had taken more pictures.
NICKY:
But if I were to go back to college,
Think what a loser I'd beI'd walk through the quad,
And think "Oh my God..."
ALL:
"These kids are so much younger than me."
ESCENA 9
[Nicky]
Ayuda al desamparado!
Ayuda al desamparado
Hey Eugenio
[Eugenio]
Ohh hola..
[Nicky]
Uuy te vez fatal!
[Eugenio]
Mmm he tenido mejores das.
[Nicky]
Yo tambin estoy como para la basura.
Es ms vivo en la basura!
Eit podras hacer algo por mi?
[Eugenio]
Como qu?
[Nicky]
Dame un pesito!
[Eugenio]
Ohh Nicky.. ahorita no.
[Nicky]
Hay ndale que mueres de ganas!
Dame un pesito!
[Eugenio]
En verdad Nicky, necesito estar solo.
[Nicky]
Sabes qu?
Deberas de dejar de pensar en ti
y empezar a ayudar a los dems
Como a m por ejemplo!
Dame un pesito!
DAME UN PESITO
[Nicky]
QUE MAS TE DA
VERAS QUE BONITO
TENER CARIDAD
DAR AYUDA
NOS ACERCA MAS A DIOS!
DAME UN PESITO
Princeton:
Mmm.. No tengo cambio.
Nicky:
Hmmm....okay.
DAME UN BILLETE
EMITETE UN CHEQUE
ENTRE MAS DAS
RECIBES MAS
Y VIVO ESTAS
TODO LO QUE SIEMPRE
SI SIGUES EL EJEMPLO DE JESUS
EL TE LO DABA
ASI QUE HAZLO TU

[Eugenio]
Okay, okay, okay, aqu tienes.
[Nicky]
Uff bien gracias!
[Eugenio]
Ya que te vaya bien.
Wow!
[Nicky]
Chin Qu pasa?
[Eugenio]
De repente me siento compasivo y generoso.
[Nicky]
Y si me das uno de 20 te vas a sentir mucho mejor!
[Eugenio]
Ayudar a los dems te hace sentir increble!
Todo esta vida me la he pasado pensando
en mi, en mi, en mi, y mira a donde me ha llevado
Y ahora voy a ser algo por alguien ms.
[Nicky]
Por miiiii!
[Eugenio]
No, por Katy.
Voy a ayudarla a construir
su estpida escuela para monstruos
de la que siempre me ha hablado.
DAME DINERO
[Nicky]
Queeee?
[Eugenio]
ES PARA KATY.
[Nicky]
Es para un sndwich!
[Eugenio]
VAMOS NICKY
TE HARA SENTIR BIEN.
[Nicky]
Lo mismo el sndwich!
[Eugenio]
VOY CON ETRAGON
SU SUEO SE VUELVE REALIDAD
ASI QUE DAME DINERO.
[Nicky]
Me gustara hacerlo pero no puedo
[Eugenio]
DAME DINERO.
[Nicky]
Me encantara pero no tengo
[Eugenio]
DIJE QUE DAME DINERO!
[Nicky]
Aaay es que no puedo, soy pobre, no tengo aaay!
Eugenio le da una bofetada a Nicky.
[Nicky]
Okay, ahi te va.
Cambia el sentir de Nicky.
[Nicky]
AHHH
DE REPENTE HOY ME SIENTO
MAS CERCA DE DIOS
YA NO HAY QUE PEDIR MAS
ES TIEMPO DE DAR
QUE LE PUEDO A RODRI DAR?
Algo que le guste tanto que me vuelva a invitar a vivir con l.

Ooh, ya s que! Un novioooo!
[Eugenio]
Esa es la tocada!
[Ambos]
CUANDO DAS TODO
TE SIENTES MUCHO MEJOR
CUANDO DAS TODO
AYUDAR DISFRUTARAS
Y A TI TE AYUDARAS
CUANDO DAS TODO
[Carlitos Espejel]
Hey muchachos Qu estn haciendo?
[Nicky]
Estamos juntando dinero!
[Eugenio]
Estamos juntando dinero
Para una escuela para monstruos!
Christmas Eve:
Es tamos tan felices
Acabamos de cambial
todo legalitos de boda
pol cash!
[Brian]
Mi amor, no les digas eso a ellos.
Christmas Eve:
Hagalamos como 2,000 pesos!
[Brian]
Muchas gracias!
Christmas Eve:
Somos ricos!
[Eugenio]
Y no les gustara donar para una noble causa?
Christmas Eve:
Tipo?
[Eugenio]
Estamos ayudando a Katy
a construir su escuela
para monstruos.
Christmas Eve:
escuela pala monstuos?
[Brian]
Suena como un buen pretexto eehh!
[Eugenio]
Y lo es!
Christmas Eve:
Caltela!
Le da algo de dinero a Carlitos.
[Carlitos Espejel]
$15 pesos?
[Nicky]
$15 pesos?
[Eugenio]
Queee$15 pesos?
Christmas Eve:
Todo cuenta.
[Nicky]
Se me hace que le vamos
A pedir a ms gente!
Voltean hacia el pblico y pasan el sombrero.
All:
Hey!
DENOS DINERO!
TODO EL QUE TRAE!
NO SEA TACAO...
[Carlitos Espejel]
Amagando a Eugenio.
O EL LO SUFRIRA!
[Eugenio]
Hey!
[Todos]
ES HORA DE AFLOJAR
[Carlitos Espejel]
QUE NO HAY NADA
QUE LE IMPIDA
[Todos]
DAME DINERO
DENNOS DINERO
DAME DINERO
CUANDO DAS TODO
CUANDO DAS TODO
AYUDAR DISFRUTARAS
Y A TI TE AYUDARAS
CUANDO DAS TODO
Eugenio cuenta el dinero.
SCHOOL FOR MONSTERS\THE MONEY SONG (REPRISE)

CE
(spoken)
How much do we get?
PRINCETON
Dependiendo cuanto haya puesto el pblico en el sombrero.

Boy, it's not very much at all, is it?
CE
Those people bunch of cheap snakes!
Al pblico.
BRIAN
Never say never, Princeton,
there's still one more person
we have to hit up!
Se asoma Trekkie por la ventana.
TREKKIE MONSTER
No! No! No! Go away. Me busy.
CHRISTMAS EVE
But it for good cause!
TREKKIE MONSTER
What in it for me? Go away!
PRINCETON
I guess Kate'll never get her school for Monsters.
TREKKIE MONSTER
What you say?
BRIAN
Kate wants to open a school for Monsters.
TREKKIE MONSTER
School for Monsters?
Me never hear of that!
UNA ESCUELA
PARA MONSTRUOS CHIQUITITOS
DE PEQUEO
IR A ESTUDIAR
OTROS NIOS
SIEMPRE INSULTAR
Y MI PELAJE MALTRATAR
IR A TERAPIA
TRATAR DE SUPERAR
TERAPIA NO NECESITAR
Y ESCUELA SER UNA REALIDAD
jajajajja Oki Dokkie!
mmm mi dar
10 millones de dlares
Princeton:
Trekkie! where did you get all that money??
Trekkie Monster:
In volatile market, only stable investment is porn!
All:
When you help others,
You cant help helping yourself!
You cant help helping yourself!
Every time you
Do good deeds
Youre also serving
Your own needs.
You cant
Help
Helping yourself!
CE
Its your school Kate!
BRIAN
And heres a check with enough money to run it, and buy the
building...
CE
And you can hire teachers,
and cafeteria delis and make a real looking school for monsters! We all
raise the money!
KATE
You mean... all that money... for me?
BRIAN
Most of it came form a donor who wishes to remain anonymous.
GARY
Well... lets just say I joined in too...
KATE
Well... I dont know what to say!
BRIAN
Just say thanks!
KATE
Thank you! Thank you everybody! The entire monster community
thanks all of you!
BRIAN
Listen! Now that everybodys all gathered here, Christmas Eve and I
have an announcement!
CE
We getting divorce
ALL
What!
CE
I Only kidding! But... we leaving Avenue Q...
KATE
What?
CE
We married now... and try to move on... so we move to nicer
neighbourhood... to lower east side!
KATE
But you cant leave!
BRIAN
Oh! Come on guys! Well still keep in touch! Oh! And theres another
reason...
Im starting a new career!
ALL
Yeah!!
BRIAN
Im a consultant!
(silence)
CE
I not know what that is... but I so proud of him! And I have good news
too!
I finally get a regular client! I a paid therapist!
NICKY
Oh! Who is your client?
CE
Oh! I not allowed to say, but I see him seven times a week at 1.25 an
hour... he need a lot of help...
Me work through his issues, and he become this integrated person!
KATE
I bet I know who he is!
CE
He much better!
NICKY
Who!? You mean Rod!?
CE
I not aRod to say.
BRIAN
Say... where is he anyway? Get him out here!
(A gunshot is heard)
ALL
Ohhh!
CE
Oh! Damn it!!!
(Rod comes out with a bottle of Champaign)
ROD
Yoohoo!! Champaign for everybody! Ive got some news!
CE
Oh Rod! You OK...
ROD
You are Ok too. Haaaaaa... Oh everyone!
I have confronted my fears at last, so I have a few things Id like to
say.
Number one: I apologize for being so ... it was all
because... well... this is number two: hold you applause everybody...
because
I Rod... am GAY! (silence)Ok. And three: Nicky... Oh Nicky.... Im so
sorry... youre my best
friend...Ive missed you so much... Will you move back in with me?
NICKY
Oh!!! Well!! Id be too happy Rod!!
ROD
All right!!
NICKY
Yeahh!! (They hug) Hey Rod! Guess what I did!
Ive put a persona add all over the Internet with your picture on it!
ROD
You did what?!
NICKY
And... Ive found someone veeery special!! Wait here...
ROD
Whaaaaat!!! Hoooo!! Hooo!! Hoooo!!
NICKY
Rod! Id like you to meet Ricky!
RICKY
Hi! Rodney, its nice to meet you.
NICKY
I think I know your type.

ROD
Ohhh! Sweet suffering Jesus!! Nicky and Ricky! My karma its over---thats cute!
(He goes inside with Ricky, jumping and shouting)
GARY
Everybodys dreams are coming true and then theres Gary Coleman...
BRIAN
Ohh come on Gary!
KATE
You still got all of us!
GARY
Yeah... well, since you two are leaving, Id better go put that damn
for rent sign back up
HAY UNA LINEA MUY, MUY DELGADA (REPRISE)

[Katy Monster]
Mirando a su edificio.
The Monsterssori School...
I dont even know where to start!
Christmas Eve:
Do you know who get idea and collect
All the money and buy building for you?
Kate Monster:
Was it you?
Christmas Eve:
No. It Princeton.
Kate Monster:
Princeton? For me?
Entra Eugenio.
Princeton:
You said you couldnt make your dreams come
True by yourself, so I shot for the stars.
YOUVE GOTTA GO AFTER THE THINGS YOU WANT
WHILE YOURE STILL IN YOUR PRIME.
Kate Monster:
Theres a fine, fine line
Between love...
Thank you Princeton.
Princeton:
So will you take me back, Kate?
Kate Monster:
Ill be so busy now, with all of the contractors
And inspections and hiring teachers and choosing textbooks...
Princeton:
Well, I could help you.
Kate Monster:
Can we take it one day at a time?
Carlitos cuelga el anuncio de Se Renta. Un joven ttere de apariencia
optimista aparece.
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A B.A. IN ENGLISH? (REPRISE)

Newcomer:
What do you do
With a B.A. in English?
Oh, look! A "for rent" sign!
Oh, my God! Youre Gary Coleman!
Gary Coleman:
Yes, I am!
Newcomer:
Say, can you tell me where to find the super?
Gary Coleman:
I am the super.
Newcomer:
Well, listen - I wanna ask you about the apartment for rent?
Gary Coleman:
Oh, sure!
Princeton:
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, thats it!
Kate Monster:
What?
[Eugenio]
My PURPOSE!
Viendo as a este norteito
todo inocente e ingenuo
cree que le ha pasado todo
pero, para nada!
Lo peor est por venir,
tal vez necesita ayuda
tal vez mi meta en la vida
es utilizar todos mis conocimientos
y aprendizajes y ponerlos
en un MUSICAL!
[Brian]
Ests Pacheco?
[Recien llegado]
Ha huevo!
y para tu informacin
yo no soy ningn morrito pendejo
As que vas y chingas a tu madre!
Pinche enano mamn!
POR HOY
[Eugenio]
Por qu todo tiene que ser tan difcil?
[Carlitos Espejel]
Tal vez, nunca encuentres tu propsito.
[Jacky]
Hay mucha gente que nunca lo hace.
[Eugenio]
Entonces ni siquiera se para que estoy vivo!
[Katy Monster]
Y quin lo sabe?
ALGO INSATISFECHOS
VIVIMOS QUE MAL!
[Brian]
TODO EL MUNDO TIENE
UN VACIO ESPIRITUAL
[Carlitos Espejel]
NO HAY QUE HABLAR,
OBSERVAR,
[Brian]
SOLO HUMILDAD,
[Katy Monster]
POR HOY...
[Brian, Katy, Carlitos, Jacky]
POR HOY...
[Nicky]
NADA DURA,
[Rodri]
LA VIDA ES DURA,
[Nicky]
POR MAS QUE MADRUGAS.
[Rodri]
ENFRENTAR PROBLEMAS
CON MUCHA BRAVURA
[Jacky]
UN SACLIFICIO HACEL
Y ACTUAL CON COLDULA
POL HOY
[Trekkie Monster]
POR HOY...
[Todos]
SOLO POR
SOLO POR
SOLO POR
SOLO POR
HOY! (POR HOY!)

HOY! (POR HOY!)
HOY! (POR HOY!)
HOY!
[Lucy]
Chicos, Chicos,
sal corriendo de mi clase de Biblia
para alcanzarlos en el gran final
[Katy Monster]
Lucy Eres t?
[Lucy]
Soy la nueva yo,
Fui salvada por nuestro Seor
y hasta me devolvi la virginidad
Chicos, soy virgen de nuevo!
[Ositos Malositos]
Nosotros tambin
nos hemos regenerado
Nos dieron de alta
en Ocenica!
Yupiiiii!!!!
[Lucy]
MUY SALUDABLES
[Brian]
CON CHAMBA POR HOY
[Ositos Malositos]
POR HOY FELICES,
[Katy Monster]
SIN EXAGERAR,
[Eugenio]
Y ACEPTAR LO QUE NO PUEDO CAMBIAR
POR HOY
[Carlitos Espejel]
POR HOY
[Trekkie Monster]
POR HOY
[Katy Monster]
POR HOY
[Todos]
SOLO POR
SOLO POR
SOLO POR
SOLO POR
HOY! (POR HOY!)

HOY! (POR HOY!)
HOY! (POR HOY!)
HOY!
SOLO POR HOY!

(PODER VIVIR!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(PODER AMAR!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(PODER CHAMBEAR!)
SOLO POR FELICIDAD!
SOLO POR HOY!
(POR HOY LA HUEVA!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(POR LA AMISTAD!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(POR HOY!)
SOLO POR HOY!
SOLO POR HOY!
(SEXO!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(PELOS!)
SOLO POR HOY!
(EL PAN!)
SOLO POR HOY!
NO HAY MAS
REGLAS
DEJANDOLO ATRAS
INEVITABLE ES MORIR
PAGAR IMPUESTOS
Y CUMPLIR
[Todos]
TAN SOLO POR
HOOOOOY
[Nicky] SIEMPRE SONRIE
SOLO POR
HOOOOOY
[Katy Monster]
HASTA QUE EL CUERPO SE ESTIRE
SOLO POR
HOOOOOY
[Eugenio] LA VIDA ASUSTA
SOLO POR
HOOOOOY
[Eugenio] PERO QUE IMPORTA
LO DURA
[Todos]
BA-DUM BA-DUM,
BA-DUM BA-DUM
BA DUM BA-DUM
BA-DA DA DA DA
BA-DA DA-DA DA DA-DA
BA-DUM BA-DA, BA-DUM
BA-DA, OOOOOH[Eugenio]
ESTA VIDA ES
TAN SOLO POR HOY!
Cae el teln. Fin del Segundo Acto.
Fin de la Obra.

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Avenida Q Mxico

Msica: Robert Lopez y Jeff Marx

Qu voy a hacer con mi

Hay Vida Afuera de tu

Que Pinche ser Yo

Escuela para los Monstruos

Hoy no traigo Ropa Interior

Dame un Pesito (Reprise)

Hay una Lnea (Reprise)

Hay que Portarse Mal (Cuando

Qu voy a hacer con mi

QUE VOY A HACER CON MI LICENCIATURA?

Sale corriendo mientras las luces de se van encendiendo en Avenida

QUE PINCHE SER YO

A si? TU ERES RARITO Y HASTA TE DESCUBRI UN BRASIERE!

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

I DON'T KNOW WHERE

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

[Moving Boxes and Others]

Viste? Eres racista!

What's that mean?

And I love you.

School crossing guard.

Y ese cheque te lo dieron tus paps?

[Trekkie Monster y Todos]

SE ACORDO DE MI, TIENE INTERES

de la persona ms divertida que conozco

(Kate comes back).

HAY QUE PORTARSE MAL

No, para nada eeeh!

I love your little laugh.

Fantasies come true!

[Rodri y Katy Monster]

[Rodri y Katy Monster]

[Rodri y Katy Monster]

MI NOVIA QUE VIVE EN CANADA

I wish you could meet my girlfriend,

Oh...Kate, I have something I need to say.

HAY UNA LINEA MUY, MUY DELGADA

HAY VIDA AFUERA DE TU DEPARTAMENTO

There is cool shit to do,

Sorry, cant help you.

So come on Se escucha el rechinar de un carro que frena.

Hope you dont get gonorrhea!

MIENTRAS MAS LO AMAS

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

[Jacky Kabuky Nochebuena]

One Knight Stands

Entran Brian and Nicky.

(Gary has come in)

GARY AND NICKY:

Princeton gave me this penny once, he said it was a symbol of his