How to Practice Self-Compassion

Sarah Winnig, MA

La autocompasión significa mostrar bondad hacia uno mismo. Significa

aceptarte a ti mismo por lo que eres, con imperfecciones y todo.

La autocompasión no significa renunciar al crecimiento y la superación

personal. En cambio, se trata de comprender que eres un trabajo en progreso,
con fortalezas y debilidades, y saber que eso está bien.

Probablemente muestres compasión a los demás sin pensarlo dos veces.

Imagina que tu mejor amigo acaba de pasar por una ruptura. Ellos te cuentan la
historia y tú escuchas de principio a fin. Tu amigo no es perfecto, pero merece ser
feliz. Les aseguras que superarán esto, que son un partido y que estarán bien.

No juzgues a tu amigo. No les dices que no son dignos o que necesitan cambiar. Le
muestras compasión a tu amigo.
Para muchas personas, es fácil mostrar compasión por los demás. La familia, los

amigos, las mascotas, los extraños e incluso los personajes de la televisión son

recibidos con amabilidad y comprensión, a pesar de sus defectos.

Al mismo tiempo, muchas personas compasivas son críticas y no se perdonan a sí

mismas. Se atienen a un estándar que nunca exigirían de otros. Luchan por practicar

la autocompasión.

No existen trucos sencillos para desarrollar la autocompasión, pero existen varios

hábitos saludables que pueden ayudar

. Ten una actitud justa hacia ti mismo

(en lugar de una actitud crítica o de juicio)

Practicar la autocompasión significa tratarte a ti mismo con calidez, gentileza y justicia. Se

trata de tener una actitud de aceptación hacia uno mismo, en lugar de juicio, y tratarse en

consecuencia.
Imagina recibir una crítica constructiva de tu jefe. Viniendo de un lugar de juicio, solo

escuchas lo negativo y te dices a ti mismo: “Soy un idiota. No puedo hacer nada bien.

Viniendo de un lugar de equidad y aceptación, escuchas el mensaje completo y te dices a ti

mismo: "Definitivamente hay cosas en las que puedo trabajar, pero estoy haciendo un buen

trabajo en general".

Las personas autocompasivas creen que son buenas, bien intencionadas y competentes.

Cuando cometen un error en el trabajo, es solo eso, un solo error. Las personas que no son

compasivas consigo mismas a menudo asumen lo peor de sí mismas. Un error en el trabajo

es visto como algo mucho más grande, como una falla personal.

Cuando eres crítico y te juzgas a ti mismo, es más probable que experimentes infelicidad,

inseguridad y ansiedad. Cuando te tratas a ti mismo de manera justa, puedes manejar mejor

estos sentimientos incómodos.

Challenging Negative Thoughts
worksheet

Having a fair attitude toward yourself looks like...

 “I may have said the wrong thing. I’ll get it right next time.” vs. “I may have
said the wrong thing. I’m the worst!”

 “I made a mistake. I’m only human.” vs. “I made a mistake. I always mess
up.”
Accept Yourself for Who You Are
(rather than trying to be someone else)
Muchos de nosotros tenemos ideas sobre quiénes "deberíamos" ser. Un hombre
puede creer que tiene que ser fuerte, valiente y extrovertido. Una madre puede creer
que siempre debe anteponer sus necesidades al último. un defecto.
En realidad, los humanos no son tan simples. Mientras que algunos hombres son
fuertes, valientes y extrovertidos, otros son tímidos, emocionales y cautelosos.
Mientras que algunas madres anteponen sus necesidades al último, otras valoran su
carrera tanto como su vida familiar. Suena a cliché, pero todos somos diferentes... y
está bien.
Las personas que son autocompasivas se aceptan a sí mismas por lo que son, en
lugar de por lo que "deberían" ser. No solo eso, sino que a menudo se enorgullecen
de sus características únicas. Por ejemplo, un hombre autocompasivo que es
emocional podría verse a sí mismo como profundamente conectado con los demás,
en lugar de tener una debilidad.
La autoaceptación no significa amar cada pequeña cosa sobre ti mismo o creer que
eres perfecto. Significa aceptarte a ti mismo por lo que eres, en lugar de por lo que
no eres.
Note: Self-acceptance isn’t just about gender roles. It includes personality, interests,
sexuality, religion, abilities, appearance, and anything else that makes you who you
are.
Accepting yourself looks like...
 A mother who values her career highly could view herself as highly
motivated, a role model, and recognize how she provides for her family.

 A person who wishes they had straight hair could see examples of beautiful
curly hair like their own, and learn to appreciate what they have. They might
still wish to have straight hair, but they learn to like their curly hair, too.
 A person who is not athletic but loves sports could find themself fitting into
coaching or support roles.
Take Care of Yourself
(rather than denying your needs or overindulging)
Even when life gets busy, it’s important to look out for your own health and
happiness, and take care of your needs. This means eating regular meals, getting
enough sleep, taking time for fun and relaxation, or whatever it is you need.

Taking care of yourself is not the same as spoiling or overindulging. For example,
taking a break to eat a healthy meal is not the same as eating whatever you want,
whenever you want.

This might be easier to understand when you think about caring for someone else. If
you’re caring for a young child, you don’t ignore them when they're hungry. But
that doesn’t mean you give them an ice cream sundae for breakfast. You think about
what’s best for them, and take care of their needs accordingly.

Caring for yourself requires a balance between immediate needs and long-term
goals. For example, if you’ve been studying for hours, it’s reasonable to take a
break. However, if you want to pass an exam, you do need to study at some point.

Sometimes long-term goals will require discomfort, such as studying or exercising

when you’d rather relax on the couch. There’s no simple answer for how much
discomfort or sacrifice a person should make—it depends on the individual and their
goals. But it’s important to have an awareness of your own needs, and a balance that
works for you.

Self-Care Tips
worksheet

Self-care habits might include...

 Taking a day off work to relax.
  Eating a healthy meal when you’re hungry.
 Exercising regularly, but taking rest days as needed.
 Rewarding yourself with a treat when you meet a goal.

Accept That Struggle is Normal

(rather than feeling uniquely bad)
You have a front-row seat to your own imperfections and mistakes. While others can
hide their insecurities, you can’t hide from yourself. When you feel bad about
yourself, or when you make a mistake, it might seem like you’re the only one.

Remember that no one is perfect. Being imperfect is part of being human. Everyone
has bad days, loses their temper, and makes mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes are
really big.

Whatever your struggle, try to put it in perspective. Know that it’s normal to have
flaws and make mistakes, even if you don’t always see them in others.

Recognizing that your struggles are normal gives you permission to feel self-
compassion, despite any shortcomings.

The language of accepting struggle...

 “No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes.”

 “Everyone feels sad sometimes. This is normal.”

 “I’m not the first person to make this mistake.”

Practice Mindful Awareness

(rather than getting caught up in thoughts and feelings)
Mindfulness means taking a step back from your thoughts and emotions, and seeing
them objectively. This is how you see others’ thoughts and feelings: logically and
from a distance. Creating distance from your own thoughts and feelings lessens the
power they have over you.

In addition to creating distance, mindfulness will help you become accepting of your
feelings. It’s common to think “I shouldn’t be sad” or “I shouldn’t be angry.”
Mindfulness lets you acknowledge your feelings, without the need to change them.
“I shouldn’t be angry” becomes “I am angry, and that is okay.”
Mindfulness builds self-compassion by creating perspective and acceptance of your
thoughts and feelings. This lets you take control of your life, rather than being at the
whim of your emotions. Additionally, mindfulness will help you practice other self-
compassion habits, like recognizing when you are being judgmental toward yourself,
ignoring your needs, or failing to see your struggles as normal.

Learning to view your experiences mindfully makes everything else easier. When
you take a step back, you can see things more clearly.

The language of mindful awareness...

 “I am treating myself judgmentally. I know I'm not being fair to myself.”

 “I feel angry at myself, but that does not mean I am a bad person.”
 “I am caught up in this problem, but it is not the end of the world.”

In Summary
Unsurprisingly, practicing self-compassion is easier said than done. Many people
focus on their flaws and feel that they are not worthy of kindness. Others set
unrealistic goals, demanding nothing less than perfection.

After a lifetime of self-judgment, the habit is difficult to break. It becomes reflexive.

But with practice, these reflexes can be unlearned, and replaced with self-
compassion.