Secciones de textos

Seccion 1:respestas anzuelo ... 4

Seccion2:da siguiente ............ 10
Seccion3:haciendo planes. ..... 13
Section4:respuestas doradas . 18
Seccion 5:ponindolo sexual ... 25
Seccion 6:situacionales .......... 30
Seccion 7:humor aleatorio ...... 35

2012, todos los derechos reservados primera edicion The 99 Best Texts of ALL TIME
by Bobby Rio (TSB Magazine) and Rob Judge (Date Hotter Girls, LLC) 2012, All

Right Reserved

Este libro incluye copyright 2012 con todos los derechos

reservados. Es ilegal copiar, distribuir, o crear obras
derivadas de este libro integro o en parte o contribuir a la
copia, distribucin, o creacin de obras derivadas de este
libro. Cuando usted compro este libro, usted acepto esta
declaracin:
2012, todos los derechos reservados usted
entiende que la informacin contenida en este libro es
una opinin, y debe ser utilizada exclusivamente con
fines de entretenimiento personal. Usted es
responsable del uso adecuado, y nada en este libro
deber ser considerado para uso legal o personal.

Seccion

Respuestas anzuelo

e x T

# 9 9

Texto de un hit asombroso

te gustan las pias coladas y/o

correr bajo la lluvia?

e x T

# 9 8

eL geNeRadOr dE peQueos

Cules son tus sentimientos a

cerca tener un pequeo?

R es p o ns e Bait

e x T

# 9 7

roJo o bLanCo ?
Cul es tu vino favorito?

e x T

GirLs

# 9 6

GOt

taLent

I have a sneaking suspicion that youre an in-the-closet

creative nerd. What secret talent do you possess?

e x T

PuPPy

# 9 5

eyes

text

Most important question ever: do you

prefer big dogs or small dogs?

R es p o ns e Bait

e x T

# 9 4

absurd Weekend PLans

Weekends here! Finally time to smoke some crack, steal
some cars, get busted on a few counts of racketeering, and
maybe bake some gingerbread cookieswhat you up to?

e x T

# 9 3

M u s i c P i r a t e F i r s t M at e
Bored at workgive me a good jam to illegally download on the company computer

e x T

textinG

# 9 2
FOreiGner

Even your texts have a weird accent

where are they from?

R es p o ns e Bait

e x T

# 9 1

LauGHinG @ bad MOvies

Please tell me that you DONT secretly
go to the Twilight movies

We

e x T
aLL

# 9 0

tHink

it

Am I the only one who finds perverse pleasure when

assholes from high school get fat? (Thank you Facebook!)

e x T

inked

# 8 9

dOGGy

st

yLe

Im considering getting my dog a tramp

stamp do you know any good tattoo artists?

R es p o ns e Bait

e x T

# 8 8

d e a d a n y W ay , L a s t r e s O r t

I feel like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense lol am I

a ghost? Do you respond to texts from dead people?

e x T

GOOd

# 8 7

Luck

cHarM

Red or black? Quick!

e x T

# 8 6

L ea rn t O s P e a k WOMan
I just overheard a girl calling some guy a random creeper. Can you translate this womanese
for me?

R es p o ns e Bait

e x T

# 8 5

sHes a cHarMinG Lass

What sorts of things do you do when you arent
charming the pants off dreamy guys named [your
name]?

Section

The Day After

e x T

attack

# 8 4

OF tHe

cOuGars

Things got pretty wild after you left last nightsome aggressive cougar grabbed my butt! And I have the handprints to prove it! Rob, that dashing man from [venue]

e x T

POr

# 8 3

L at i n a

LOve

Hola! Encantado de concorele! Mucho

gusto ;) Rob

10

The Day A fter

# 8 2

e x T

bad GirL, GOOd text

Hey badasswhen you get bailed out

of jail, hit me up

# 8 1

e x T

u n d e r s tat e d aWesOMe

For lack of a more Shakespearean first text, just

wanted to say its Rob and enjoyed meeting you
last night!

e x T

textinG

# 8 0

anOnyMOus

I was trying to kick my text addiction,

but decided to relapse just for you

11

The Day A fter

e x T

WiLd

# 7 9

niGHt

After last night we owe a large debt

to karma. Im a little scared.

e x T

# 7 8

sOuL-destrOyinG Fun
I think I sprained my soul last night

12

Section

Making Plans

e x T

# 7 7

d i v e b a r M at H e q u at i O n

Monday night = dive bar night. You = my

date. Lets get a drink later!

e x T

rOMantic

# 7 6
exPLOrer

Come join me for a romantic adventure. Will be funlet me know ;]

13

M a ki n g P l an s

# 7 5

e x T

PHOne b O O k nOstaLGia

Wow, just scrolling through my phone and realize

we never met up. So tragic. Lets do something
about that; what you doing later?

e x T

siMPLe

# 7 4

directness

Drinks? Later?

e x T

nerd

LOve

# 7 3
FOr

tWO

Theres a nerdy movie I want to see, but I need

a cute nerdy girl to watch it withknow any?

14

M a ki n g P l an s

# 7 2

e x T

back

tO

tHe

O L d d ay s

Lets be traditional and enjoy an old

fashioned drink together

# 7 1

e x T

tHe irOn cHeF

OF

LOve

Cancel your plans tonightI am preparing

you a culinary experience that will rock your
face off

e x T

deLiciOus

# 7 0
surPrise

Tonight I will plan everything. All I need to know

is if you have peanut allergies everything else
will be a surprise!

15

S ectio n Title

e x T

cOOkinG

# 6 9

uP

LOve

Slaving over a hot oven for you lady!

What time are you free tonight?

e x T

GirL

WitH

# 6 8
a

dOG

How about me, you, my dog, and your

dog go on a double date?

e x T

take

# 6 7

tHe

PLunGe

Shark weeks over. Its safe to go out

again. Meet for drinks? Later?

16

M a ki n g P l an s

e x T

MOck

GanG

# 6 6

banGers

Yo gangsta, when are we gonna go on

that crime spree?

e x T

# 6 5

d at e P L a n n e r c O M P L i M e n t
Will your wit and charm be making an
appearance tonight at [venue]?

17

Section

Golden Responses

# 6 4

e x T

dOnt drink

tHe

H at e r a i d

Dont. Hate.

e x T

i n s u Lt

# 6 3

turnarOund

If by inappropriate you mean utterly

charming, then youre right ;]

18

G o ld e n R es p o n s es

# 6 2

e x T

Hear tHru

tHe

GraPevine

Can only tell you over a glass of wine.

sO

# 6 1

e x T
MucH

in

cOMMOn

You like (something you like)?! Its as

if you know my soul!

e x T

# 6 0

GOOd babisMs

tO

knOW

These are good [girls name]-isms to

know

19

G o ld e n R es p o n s es

# 5 9

e x T

MisunderstOOd HuMOr
You thought I was serious. Wow. Let me
explain absurdity over a strong drink

# 5 8

e x T

textuaL

WisdOM

Your texts are always packed with

Confucius-esque wisdom

e x T

# 5 7

nO resPOnse breaker

You know I love shy girls and here you

are acting like one!

20

G o ld e n R es p o n s es

e x T

text

# 5 6

cOMPLiMent

You know, our text convos are so good that

100 years from now high school kids will
study them like they now read Shakespeare

# 5 5

e x T

aMazinG

texts

Where did you learn to text like this? Its

like you channel the ghost of Voltaire with
your thumbs

e x T

Hard

tO

# 5 4

Get

text

Why you always playing hard to get

lady?

21

G o ld e n R es p o n s es

# 5 3

e x T

aFter

bOMb

On a scale from 1 to 10, that text was

abysmal

# 5 2

e x T

FLake

bustinG

101

Youre sick? Heres the cureSTRONG DRINKS

WITH HOT GUYS NAMED [your name]. See you
at 8?

e x T

Mass

# 5 1

text

H at e r

Mass texts are about as polite as

punches in the face

22

G o ld e n R es p o n s es

# 5 0

e x T

aFter

HiLarit y

Hilarious! I wish my phone had a

laugh trackthat was comedy gold!

e x T

aFter

# 4 9

sWeetness

How many other guys did you text

that to? ;]

e x T

aFter

# 4 8

buLLsHit

The lady doth protest too much methinks

23

G o ld e n R es p o n s es

e x T

sLOW

# 4 7
texter

Is the Pony Express delivering your texts?! You

take forever to respond! Dont think so much
about itjust text!

e x T

request

# 4 6

Line

Wear the black dress you know I love!

24

Section

Getting Sexual

e x T

# 4 5

e x T

# 4 4

sexy
cOMMandO
Wish you were here to cuddle under a
blanket, drink wine, and watch a Rambo
movie

PiLLOW FiGHt cHaLLenGe

On a scale from 1 to awesome, how would
you rate your pillow fighting ability?

25

G e t ting S ex ual

# 4 3

e x T

sHes sick, yOure s ick e r

Youre sick? Well Id still make out with you
shamelessly. Even if you had the Ebola virus.

# 4 2

e x T

HOtness

requst

The question is sexy lingerie? and

the answer is yes!

e x T

H O L i d ay

# 4 1

cHeer

Tis the season to be cuddlingdont

be a Grinch with your cuddles!

26

G e t ting S ex ual

# 4 0

e x T

cHddLe

caLL-Out

How good are your cuddling skills?

e x T

sexy

Or

# 3 9

traditiOnaL

Needed: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline.

It will be a night of greatness or tragedy. Orrrrrrrr
we can just go out to dinner ;]

e x T

Funny

&

# 3 8

sexuaL

I just want to cradle you in my arms

and feed you applesauce

27

G e t ting S ex ual

# 3 7

e x T

neW

years

trends

I heard making out with dreamy guys

named [your name] is IN for 2012

# 3 6

e x T

O b v i O u s Ly

sexuaL

Wont answer that. I prefer to have an aura

of mystique surrounding me and my penis

e x T

cuddLe

# 3 5
tiMe

What are you doing right now and how

can we add some cuddling to that?

28

G e t ting S ex ual

# 3 4

e x T

back

tO

tHe

d ay s . . .

Lets take a field trip back to the days when

making out was considered risqu

e x T

MassaGe

# 3 3
tHearPy

Its 10:23 on a Monday morning and Im in

the mood to give some charming lady a massage

29

Section

Situational

# 3 2

e x T

arrivinG

tO

d at e

Just got here look for man holding the bushel of

flowers in front of the Mexican string quartet playing love ballads in your honor

e x T

bad

drunk

# 3 1
beHaviOr

Drunk me was misbehaving last night. My apologies

for the poor behavior. Sober me gave him a stern
lecture this morning and it WONT happen again

30

S it uatio n al

# 3 0

e x T

Out

tOucH

OF

Sorry Ive been MIAworking hard so we

can have that house in the hills, white picket
fence, and 2.5 children

# 2 9

e x T

Funny neW years text

My New Years Resolution is to start texting in the
third person. [Your name] wants to see you later
for some hot magic at the [venue] .

e x T

WOrkinG ,

# 2 8
WitH

LOve

I have to work tonight but if you end up going

out drinking I would like one courtesy peer
pressure text.

31

S it uatio n al

e x T

Winter

# 2 7

d at e

text

The colder it gets, the better hot chocolate

tastes. Meet me later for a winter wonderdate.

# 2 6

e x T

best

b i r t H d ay

text

Its birthday season! Act surprised when the midget pops out of the cake I sent youmy way of saying happy birfday!

e x T

Pre-GaMe

# 2 5
text

WARNING: This is the last sober text you will receive

from me for the night. Admire the grammar, spelling,
and punctuation while it lasts!

32

S it uatio n al

# 2 4

e x T

aFter

MessinG

uP

What are you doing Sunday? My lackluster performance last night was intentional: it can only
go up from here!

# 2 3

e x T

cHristMas

JOker

I just realized how bossy the guy who sings We Wish

You a Merry Christmas comes off. Hope he never got
that figgy pudding, what a demanding prick!

e x T

neW

years

# 2 2

HiLarit y

Text from the future (dont open until next year)

wanted to say Happy New Years to you before
youre bombarded with mass texts

33

S it uatio n al

T
r

e x T

# 2 1

e s P O n s i b L e

i F t s

Im just gonna stay home for my birthday. Its my b-day gift to my liver.

nO

e x T

s u b t Ly

# 2 0
at

aLL

Heres a hint of the gift I got you: its

hard to gift-wrap an orgasm.

34

Section

Random Humor

e x T

bad

Face

# 1 9

Hair

d ay

My friend just tried to convince me to grow a handlebar mustache. He was overwhelmingly unsuccessful. Do you have any feelings on mustaches?

e x T

# 1 8

O L d c r e e P e r c O M M e n ta r y
Just saw an old man on a scooter w/ kneepads
checking out babes. Made my morning

35

R and o m Hu m o r

e x T

# 1 7

e x T

# 1 6

MOckinG
c O r P O r at e
Sweatpants to job interview = poor
life decision

beinG

an

a r i s t O c r at

In the penthouse, listening to Mozart,

sipping aged Scotch, thinking of you

e x T

distant

# 1 5
MeMOries

I was just reminded me of you.

Wow

36

R and o m Hu m o r

e x T

based

On a

# 1 4

true stOry

Confession: The Twilight films are

loosely based on my life

e x T

F a M i Ly

# 1 3

Weirdness

My grandfather just slipped me a condom.

Our relationship went from 0 to awkward
FAST!

e x T

# 1 2

best LOOkinG cHiLdren

Lets spawn some Zoolander-looking children togetherkeep your day planner open!

37

R and o m Hu m o r

T
r

# 1 1

e x T
O

Lets start a rock band. Can you learn

the drums by Tuesday?

e x T

sHOOtGun

# 1 0
textinG

Is it possible to get married over text? Because

if I have another beer, that might sound like a
great life decision

e x T

Fear

OF

ninJas

There may or may not be a ninja in my

room right now

38

R and o m Hu m o r

e x T

s ta r b u c ks Music s u c k s
The music in Starbucks makes me want to slit my
wrists. Please tell me you will join me in my hatred of
sappy Starbucks music!

e x T

# 7

s at u r d ay n i G H t Fe ve r
Tonight you will see the greatest dance moves
from a heterosexual manOF ALL TIME

e x T

# 6

F u n n y s e L F - d e P r e c at i n G
Actually, you dont want to see me. I reached an all
time low drinking 4loco out of a Gatorade bottle

39

R and o m Hu m o r

e x T

HOLd

On tO

# 5

t H at FeeLinG

Please tell me you havent stopped

believing per the advice of Journey

e x T

d ay d r e a M s

# 4
OF

Her

Ahh, bored at work. Would much rather be wrestling alligators with you

e x T

cOFFee

# 3

addict

I need Starbucks rehab. 3 times today, and

Im STILL craving some vente love

40

R and o m Hu m o r

e x T

# 2

e x T

# 1

breakFast OF cHaMPs
Just ate a pancake that changed my
life

tHuMb

LOve

Texting you makes my thumbs happy

41