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The Tao of Inter-relatedness and Personal Transformation a/k/a How can I be who I am and be OK with that? Jeanne Bowers, M.A.
Be Impeccable with your Word Dont take anything personally Dont make assumptions Always do your best
What matters more, what you say to others, or what you say to yourself? Do you spread poison or truth? Do you create or destroy?
Trust is a fragile thing. Once it is broken, it is impossible to return it to its original pristine state. Major life lesson from Dr. Kim. Things are easy to fix. Broken relationships not so easy to fix.
Through our words we manifest. What does your internal and external dialogue manifest in your life? First, be present; Second, tell the truth; Third, let go of the consequences of telling the truth.
Surprise, its not all about you. Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Their point of view comes from all the programming they received during domestication (Ruiz, p. 49).
Contemplation
Ouch, why am I so defensive when I am corrected? Is it because instead of understanding I made a mistake, I truly believe I AM a mistake? What do I have to prove anyway, and to whom? In the face of correction or criticism, first consider the source. If it is valid, take a deep breath, listen deeply, and remind yourself it is nothing personal, just an opportunity to become more self aware, correct faulty behavior or thinking, and put the correction to use in your life.
News Flash!
Personal transformation is not a bed of roses. It oftentimes feels like the thorns. You are worth the effort.
Youve heard it before. When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.
How about the trouble we get into assuming that those closest to us know what we think, feel, believe? How unfair of us is it to place that burden on the people we love?
Does this sound familiar? How about the assumption that your love will change someone or their love for you will make them want to change? Just imagine the day that you stop making assumptions with your partner and eventually with everyone else in your life. Your way of communicating will change completely, and your relationships will no longer suffer from conflicts created by mistaken assumptions (Ruiz, pp. 71-72).
The Cure?
Coming home
Know the Tao Without leaving your doorstep. See its face Reflected in the window. To seek it outside Is to leave it behind. (Tao Te Ching 47)
The way of peace begins with self-acceptance. To seek peace outside is to leave it behind (Reher, p. 49).
Personal Authenticity
The Tao person knows himself And makes no display. Accepts himself, And is not arrogant. Tao Te Ching 72) Tao people have no need to hide behind artifice and ostentation. Living the simple truth of who they are, theyre beyond envy, competition, and artificial display (Reher p. 50).
Self-acceptance versus perfectionistic torture (loving oneself versus never quite being good enough). BREATHE. Slow down and pay attention versus multi-tasking mistake-making pseudo efficiency. When you do your best you learn to accept yourself. But you have to be aware and learn from your mistakes. Learning from your mistakes means you practice, look honestly at the results, and keep practicing. This increases your awareness (Ruiz, p. 81).
Harmony
The Tao Te Ching teaches us to cooperate with the natural patterns in our world. This is the principle of harmonious action or wu wei: blending with the energies around us without imposing our will on other life forms (Dreher, p. 35).
Forgiveness
If you err with your word or deed, remember that apology is only partially about repair. To make an apology real, we have to follow through with commitment not to repeat the offense. Remember, forgiveness is for-giving.
CONCLUSION
Its OK to look at the big picture, but remember it is made up of small details and pay attention to them first. Small things become big things very rapidly. Pay attention to what you think, what you say, and the effect it has on you and those around you. Dont assume you know a damn thing, and when someone else makes an assumption about you, dont take it personally. They cant see you. Not really. And lastly, do your best. When you feel you havent done your best, then do your best at forgiving, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do it all over again, only better.