The Fairly OddParents

“Smarty Pants”
(AN 11 MINUTE SCRIPT) #120 Written By: Tracy Berna First Draft: 1/30/01 Second Draft: 2/9/01 Third Draft: 2/21/01 Final Draft: 2/22/01
Nickelodeon Animation Studios c 2000 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

The Fairly OddParents: “Smarty Pants” by Tracy Berna Recording Script

6/14/01

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FADE IN: EXT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL – ESTABLISHING Normal day. Class is in session. Push in over… 1 CROCKER (OS) Well, class, the test results are in-INT. CROCKER’S CLASS – DAY 2 CROCKER And, as always, AJ gets an A. Crocker places A TEST down in front of AJ. 3 AJ Alright! Another “A!” I’m gonna add this to my “A” collection! AJ picks up the test and does an “End Zone Dance.” ANGLE ON TIMMY - Cosmo and Wanda - as PENCILS - sit on Timmy’s desk. TIMMY <<MOANS>> 4 WANDA What’s wrong, Timmy? 5 TIMMY Aw... I didn’t study. 6 WANDA I thought you were studying all week with Cosmo? What were you guys doing? RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO: INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - A COUPLE OF NIGHTS EARLIER Timmy prepares to crack open some BOOKS for an intense night of work. Cosmo flies up next to him. 7 COSMO Hey! Wanna play the “Not Study Game?” 8 TIMMY How do you play? Cosmo shoves all the books onto the floor. 9 COSMO You’re already playing!!!

The Fairly OddParents: “Smarty Pants” by Tracy Berna Recording Script

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10 Yaaayyy!!!!!!

COSMO/TIMMY

Cosmo pulls out FRUIT PIES and they start chowin’. RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO: BACK IN THE CLASSROOM Crocker hands Timmy his test. A big fat “F”. 11 TIMMY An “F!!!” I failed? My parents are gonna totally kill me!!! AJ runs in front of Timmy, spikes his test and BREAKDANCES around on his hand gleefully. 12 AJ Go AJ! Go AJ! Go AJ! Go AJ! DISSOLVE TO: INT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL - A HALLWAY - LATER Timmy, AJ, CHESTER and other KIDS mull about. Timmy stares at his paper with disbelief. AJ holds his out. 13 AJ Go AJ! Go AJ! Uh huh! Uh huh! 14 TIMMY Awright, I heard! The whole school heard you! Give it a rest! 15 AJ There’s no need for jealousy, Timmy! 16 TIMMY I’m not jealous, I’m just sick of Crocker failing me. 17 AJ If you studied, you probably wouldn’t fail. I’ll bet I could help you get that “F” all the way up to a “D!” 18 TIMMY Thanks, Supernerd, but shouldn’t you be rescuing a calculator from a tree? 19 AJ (coldly) Spell “calculator.”

The Fairly OddParents: “Smarty Pants” by Tracy Berna Recording Script

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20 TIMMY C...A... L... Q... LATER! Timmy runs. DISSOLVE TO: EXT. TIMMY’S HOUSE – EVENING Push in over… 21 DAD (OS) Son, do you know why we’re disappointed in this “F?” INT. TIMMY’S HOUSE – SAME TIME MOM and DAD lecture Timmy at the dinner table. 22 TIMMY Because I can do better than that? 23 What / You can? MOM / DAD

24 MOM What a relief! We were going to blame ourselves! 25 DAD You march right up to your room and apply yourself! DISSOLVE TO: INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - EVENING Cosmo and Wanda float in the fishbowl. Timmy sits at his desk and begrudgingly opens a BOOK. 26 TIMMY (Sigh)Chapter one. (beat; then) I’m done! Let’s play the “Not Study Game!” Cosmo shoves all the books off Timmy’s desk. 27 TIMMY Now let’s play Crash Nebula! POOF! Cosmo whips up a big screen TV and poofs a VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER in his hand. 28 WANDA Shouldn’t you be studying?

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29 COSMO That’s not how you play the not study game! ON SCREEN - A CRASH NEBULA VIDEO GAME. Timmy’s thumbs are a blur as he plays. 30 TIMMY All I have to do is get the turbo-laser hyperbole generator to process Bubba’s Principle of Zoom... and create a plot 31 TIMMY (CONT.) hole large enough to travel through the time-space continuum! Almost... almost... The PHONE rings. Then again... 32 DARN IT! SPLIT SCREEN - It’s AJ. 33 Hi Timmy! I... SFX: CRASH! Game over whine. 34 CRASH NEBULA ON VIDEO GAME Game over! But I shall return! 35 AJ Are you playing the Crash Nebula video game? Shouldn’t you be studying? 36 TIMMY What are you, my Mom? 37 AJ Genealogically, Timmy, that would be impossible. “Genealogically” means... 38 TIMMY I KNOW WHAT GENEA... GENIE... 39 Genealogically. AJ AJ TIMMY

40 TIMMY I KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS! Timmy hangs up angrily.

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41 AJ (VO) Hey, Genius! You missed the receiver! Timmy looks down. Sure enough... he missed hanging up properly! Timmy picks up the phone and slams it down again. 42 TIMMY Darn it! Just ‘cuz AJ gets A’s all the time, he thinks he knows everything! But he doesn’t. (beat) Hey, but I could! Right? I could wish that I knew everything!

43 COSMO We can’t help you cheat on any tests, Timmy... 44 TIMMY But I’m not asking you to help me cheat on a test! All I’m doing is wishing that I knew EVERYTHING! 45 WANDA Somebody deserves an “A” in loopholes! Wanda and Cosmo look at each other, nod, and grant the wish. POOF! Timmy’s head flips open like a trash lid and every book in the room opens up. The WORDS fly off the pages, and into his head. 46 WANDA Okay! Let’s see how smart you are! A quick JEOPARDY- LIKE GAME SHOW SET appears in Timmy’s room, with Timmy and Cosmo behind game-show PODIUMS. And Wanda in an ALEX TREBEC-LIKE DISGUISE. 47 What flammable... Cosmo BUZZES in instantly. 48 Pudding! 49 WANDA Sorry. (beat; then) What flammable gas is the most abundant element in the universe?’ 50 TIMMY COSMO WANDA

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Hydrogen! And the study of fish? Ichthyology. And a Chinese mammal who eats mainly bamboo is the giant panda! 51 WANDA Correct! It’s official! You know everything! Cosmo Buzzes in. Wanda and Timmy stare. 52 COSMO I like making the buzzy noise. DISSOLVE TO: INT. TIMMY’S KITCHEN – THE NEXT MORNING Mom and Dad are having breakfast as Timmy waltzes in. 53 Hey, Sweetie. MOM How’d the studying go?

54 TIMMY My supplemental erudition session came off exceedingly propitious. Mom and Dad’s jaws hit the floor. Timmy hands his shocked mother a neatly bound NOTEBOOK. 55 TIMMY Mother, I took the liberty of calibrating the time it takes you to apply your make-up and realized, if applied in a counter-clockwise motion, you could conclude your ritual in half the time, thus, saving 51.6 seconds. 56 MOM What would I do with the extra time? Timmy grabs a piece of BURNT TOAST and looks at it. 57 Not burn the toast? TIMMY

He jams it in his mouth and heads out the door. Okay! 58 TIMMY Time for school! Ciao!

Timmy exits. Mom and Dad blink incredulously. 59 MOM

The Fairly OddParents: “Smarty Pants” by Tracy Berna Recording Script

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Who is that kid and what did he do with our Timmy? 60 DAD I don’t know, but can we keep him? DISSOLVE TO: EXT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL’S PLAYGROUND - MORNING DISSOLVE TO: INT. CROCKER’S CLASS – MOMENTS LATER Timmy walks into class, very cocky. He takes his usual seat near AJ. They glare at each other. 61 AJ Anything you want to say, like “I’m sorry?” Or “I should study more?”

62 TIMMY Hope you brought your good brain, Poindexter. CROCKER walks to the head of the class. 63 CROCKER Well, we’re two days away from the Academic Brainathon. I don’t suppose anyone other than AJ read... 64 TIMMY About the Texans’ war for independence from Mexico? 65 AJ (totally shocked) Wha? Timmy leans over and smugly fills him in. 66 TIMMY Remember? The Alamo. The class watches in rapt suspense as AJ tries to get a word in edgewise, but Timmy just keeps firing answers. 67 TIMMY Yes, the Alamo. Circa 1836. 13 days. Gained Texas it’s independence and added more than... 68 AJ

The Fairly OddParents: “Smarty Pants” by Tracy Berna Recording Script

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(interrupting) ...a million square miles to America! 69 TIMMY Actually a million, five thousand and two. AJ checks an ENCYCLOPEDIA. 70 (crushed) He’s right. AJ

All the kids CHEER! CONFETTI streams down and a LEGGY MODEL appears and gives Timmy a TOASTER OVEN. 71 CROCKER May I borrow your “A?” (takes one out of AJ’s desk and gives it to Timmy) Here you go! AJ fumes silently. CUT TO: EXT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL - LATER AJ strides angrily over to meet Timmy after class. 72 AJ What was that about? 73 TIMMY What’s the most intellectual way I can phrase this? Oh yeah! Just smokin’ you at your own game. (in AJ’s face) Go Timmy! Go Timmy! Go Timmy! 74 AJ (Very sarcastic) Yeah, Timmy, Go. You’re smart for a day. You think anybody’s impressed? NEW ANGLE. MRS. WAXELPLAX approaches, having caught the whole exchange. 75 WAXELPLAX Wow, Timmy, I’m impressed! Word on the street is that you got really smart really quick! How’dja do that? 76 (beat) Internet. TIMMY

Waxelplax pulls out an INVITATION and hands it to Timmy. 77 WAXELPLAX

The Fairly OddParents: “Smarty Pants” by Tracy Berna Recording Script

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Okeedokee! How would you like to be in our Academic Brainathon? We could sure use you as first chair! Nearby, AJ’s eyes go wide. 78 AJ But... I’ve always been first chair! 79 WAXELPLAX Oh, AJ, you’re still on the team! You’ll just be in second chair! 80 AJ What’s the difference? 81 One chair. DUH! TIMMY

Waxelplax and Timmy share a laugh. AJ sinks his head and storms off. Timmy opens his locker to pull out his book bag -- Cosmo and Wanda are on the locker as “posters” of... well... Cosmo and Wanda. 82 TIMMY Oh, man, this is awesome! 83 WANDA I don’t know, Timmy... AJ seems pretty miffed. 84 TIMMY Yeah... you’re right. Maybe I should say something to him... HEY AJ! 85 Yeah? Timmy pulls out the certificate and spikes it, doing his own end-zone dance. 86 TIMMY Go Timmy! You’re the first chair! Go Timmy! Go Timmy! ON AJ as he fumes. DISSOLVE TO: INT. TIMMY’S LIVING ROOM – EVENING Timmy lounges, flipping through the television, bored. Timmy’s Dad sits stiffly on the couch. 87 DAD AJ (OS)

The Fairly OddParents: “Smarty Pants” by Tracy Berna Recording Script

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Ooo! The game! 88 Drek. Changes the channel. 89 DAD Ooo! The other game! 90 Garbage. Changes the channel. 91 TIMMY Ooo! Government Funded Television! 92 DAD (disappointed) Awwww... ON TV - We see a dejected AJ. 93 ANNOUNCER (VO) He was once the smartest kid in school... until his best friend smoked 94 ANNOUNCER (VO) (CONT.) him at his own game. AJ. Portrait of Second Chair. On TV, Timmy does his end-zone dance in front of AJ. Mom enters with a big SUNDAE. His folks are tense around their new, genius son. 95 MOM Hi, Timmy... I made you... 96 TIMMY (grabs sundae w/out looking) A hot fudge sundae with 16 nuts on it instead of the standard 25. 97 DAD Uh... Son? I was going over your college fund and... 98 TIMMY (grabs papers)...you spelled college wrong. 99 DAD TIMMY TIMMY

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(beat; looks at watch) Wow, It sure is late! Time for bed, champ! 100 TIMMY Geniuses get to stay up late. 101 MOM (chuckles) Not when they’re 10 years old, they don’t. 102 TIMMY How would you guys know? If YOUR math is as good as his spelling I’m probably already 18! ON COSMO AND WANDA AS MICE - Who GASP! 103 DAD Alright, Mister! Those Gasping Mice are right! You’re out of line! 104 MOM You can make fun of my math skills until it’s 13 o’clock, but you do NOT act like a smarty pants! 105 TIMMY Can you prove I was a smarty pants? 106 Huh? 107 TIMMY Do you have any evidence of my smartyness? And where are these pants you speak of? 108 I... uh... His parents are shocked, nonplussed even! 109 TIMMY I can out-think my parents! Timmy exits as Cosmo and Wanda gasp again. 110 DAD (re: mice) Exactly! DISSOLVE TO: EXT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL - THE DAY OF THE BRAINATHON We push in... Cool! MOM / DAD DAD

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DISSOLVE TO: INT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL - MULTIPURPOSE ROOM - SAME TIME There are TWO TABLES. One reads “Dimmsdale,” the other “Mortimer Snerd.” THREE STUDENTS sit at the Snerd table. AJ sits in the center chair of the Dimmsdale table, desperately flipping through books. 111 TIMMY A little last minute cramming? Up late last night playing video games? AJ slams his book down. 112 AJ That’s it! I challenge you to a fact off! WIDE SHOT... each boy standing like a gun slinger. 113 AJ The Atomic weight of Hydrogen! 114 TIMMY One! Crude device that fires electric sparks! 115 AJ Tesla Coil! The Capitol of Idaho! 116 Who cares? 117 AJ You’re right! Who cares about any of this? 118 TIMMY No, I meant who cares about the capitol of Idaho? 119 AJ All I was trying to do was be a pal. If being smart is the one thing I’m good at, then I should be able to share it with my friends! If I had any! AJ storms off angrily. Timmy softens. AJ’s words hit home. Timmy opens his backpack. Cosmo and Wanda are in it, small. 120 TIMMY (softly) Guys? Is he right? Have I been a jerk lately? 121 COSMO Well, how do we put this? TIMMY

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122 WANDA That’s a big ol’ 10-4, Big Jerky! TIMMY’S POV - we see AJ sadly sitting by himself. 123 Guys, I’m sorry. TIMMY

124 COSMO Well... Apology accepted! 125 TIMMY And as soon as the competition’s over, I wanna go back to being plain, old, ordinary me! 126 WANDA After? Timmy! Wait! 127 ANNOUNCER (OS) Welcome to the annual Dimmsdale Academic Brainathon! ON AN ANNOUNCER standing in front of a CROWD OF PARENTS. 128 ANNOUNCER Today’s contest is between Mortimer Snerd Elementary... ON three kids from Mortimer Snerd. 129 (CHEER) CROWD OF PARENTS

130 ANNOUNCER (OS) And Dimmsdale Elementary! 131 (CHEER) 132 ANNOUNCER As you know, this is a knowledge competition, where knowing everything means you win! ON TIMMY 133 ANNOUNCER (OS) Here’s your first question: This Pacific Northwest insect can grow to a length of 8 inches. Name it. CROWD OF GEEK ADMIRERS

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AJ reaches for the buzzer but Timmy is lightening quick and beats him. SFX: DING DING! 134 TIMMY Well, it’s very obvious. The answer is... uh... (beat) ...Duh? SFX: BZZT! 135 ANNOUNCER I’m sorry... Duh is not the right answer. SFX: DING DING! 136 ANNOUNCER Mortimer Snerd! 137 RIVAL KID The banana slug. 138 WAXELPLAX First point goes to Snerd! AJ Wheels to look at Timmy. 139 AJ What are you doing? 140 TIMMY Um... building dramatic tension? 141 ANNOUNCER Next question. What is the capitol of Idaho? AJ reaches again... but Timmy beats him and buzzes in first again. BEAT. 142 TIMMY (beat) Uh... who cares? SFX: BZZT BZZT! 143 ANNOUNCER Sorry! Mortimer Snerd? 144 Tuscaloosa? SFX: BZZT BZZT! AJ gives Timmy a look – what the heck? 145 I gotta go. TIMMY SNERD KID

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He dashes off. Boise!

AJ buzzes in. 146 AJ

147 ANNOUNCER Correct! Point for Dimmsdale! Timmy leaves the room as the competition continues. CUT TO: EXT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - CONTINUOUS Timmy paces, feeling his head, looking around. Wanda poof in as TRASH BINS. 148 TIMMY Guys, I don’t know anything anymore! 149 COSMO Welcome to my world! 150 WANDA Now that you’re in a competition, you can’t use the knowledge to win! That’s cheating! The wish is off! What? 151 TIMMY Why didn’t you tell me that? Cosmo and

152 COSMO It’s not like you were listening to us anyway, Mr. “I know everything in the whole wide world!” 153 TIMMY Oh, man... I’ve been such a jerk... TIMMY’S POV -- AJ at the chair, answering questions. little green light goes off. SFX: DING DING! 154 TIMMY Look at how happy he is now. Jeez...I just had all this success because of a wish. AJ worked hard for it – and I took it away from him! SFX: BUZZZT! 155 ANNOUNCER A

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And that completes the first round! We’ll be back after this commercial break! 156 AJ But we’re not on television! 157 ANNOUNCER You don’t know that. Timmy walks up. 158 Hey. 159 AJ What. Did you get the questions wrong so you can look like the big hero with a come from behind victory? 160 TIMMY Uh... No, and I’m sorry I was a jerk to you. I was just jealous. And, in an impossible-to-explain way, I sorta cheated to make myself look good and you look bad. 161 AJ Yeah well... maybe you would have let me help you study if I hadn’t been so busy gloating. 162 TIMMY You deserve to gloat! Everybody’s got one thing they’re good at. You’re good at studying, I’m good at uh... uh... 163 AJ Playing video games! Did you see how much faster you were than me on the buzzer? TIMMY

164 TIMMY Yeah... but it doesn’t matter. I can’t win by cheating. I’m gonna disqualify myself. Timmy walks up to the announcer. 165 Hi... I... TIMMY

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AJ zips in. 166 AJ ...he wanted to tell you that he wants to switch chairs with me and get back in the game. Right? AJ winks and smiles. 167 TIMMY Uh... yeah! What he said. He’s the smart one! 168 AJ And you’re the fast one! I’ll be the brains, you be the thumb. Deal? 169 Deal! DISSOLVE TO: MONTAGE OF DIMMSDALE DOING BETTER. We see, in the Brainathon hall, various shots of: • • AJ huddling with Timmy. Timmy hitting AJ’s button for him. 170 It’s Arachnid. 171 Correct! 172 AJ Nice button hitting, Timmy. 173 TIMMY Don’t thank me! Thank the not study game! • The scoreboard piles up points in a neck-and-neck race. DISSOLVE TO: INT. ACADEMIC DECATHLON HALL - LATER ON THE SCOREBOARD - The teams are tied. 174 ANNOUNCER (OS) And the last category is... Potpourri. Timmy leans and stage-whispers to AJ. AJ ANNOUNCER TIMMY

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175 TIMMY A question about that smelly stuff? 176 AJ A question that can be about anything. 177 ANNOUNCER Describe the propulsion system used on… (surprised) …the spaceship of Crash Nebula? AJ looks horrified. 178 AJ I don’t know the answer! I’m always studying! I... Timmy hits the button. 179 TIMMY Crash Nebula’s Cross-dimensional propulsion system uses a turbo-laser hyperbole generator and Bubba’s Principle of Zoom, creating plot holes large enough to allow them to travel throughout the time-space continuum. 180 ANNOUNCER Correct! Dimmsdale wins! The crowd goes wild! TIMMY AND AJ Are buffeted around by a CROWD OF FRIENDS. Waxelplax hands them a huge TROPHY. 181 TIMMY Actually, I’d like this to go to AJ. He did the work. I just made the buzzy noises. 182 AJ That’s why we’re a great team. AJ’s grabs the trophy, lifts it in the air... and spikes it, shattering it into a million pieces. The cheering INSTANTLY stops.

183 AJ I need to work on the gloating. Timmy lifts AJ over his head. The crowd of admirers zips in to lift him up and carry him out. 184 TIMMY

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Three cheers for AJ! Hip Hip! 185 Hurray! 186 Hip Hip! 187 Hurray! 188 TIMMY Hip Hip Hoo -- DOOR! 189 What? BAM! AJ hits the top of the door frame and falls. 190 WAXELPLAX His brain! His precious brain! Timmy smiles as we... DISSOLVE TO: INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - LATER Cosmo and Wanda are in the fishbowl, floating. 191 WANDA We’re glad you’re back to normal, Timmy! 192 COSMO We missed the more nice, less smart you! 193 HA! Mom and Dad kick the door open. 194 DAD After re-reading our parenting books, we think we’ve got a reply to your sassiness. And we’ve brought along a lawyer. He’s right. REVEAL There’s a LAWYER with them. 195 TIMMY I think you have grounds to... ground me. I was a creep. 196 LAWYER DAD (OS) CROWD CROWD TIMMY CROWD

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You figured that out on your own? (beat; to parents) Well, I still get paid! He storms off. Timmy’s parents are touched.

197 DAD Ha! We did it, we did it! 198 MOM We grounded the smart kid! the smart kid! We grounded

They leave, dancing and singing “We grounded the smart kid.” Timmy looks at the Fishbowl. 199 TIMMY (sighs) Well... nothing to do now except study. 200 WANDA Good idea, Timmy! 201 Cosmo? Cosmo shoves all the books off Timmy’s desk, and poofs up the video game. A JOYSTICK appears in Timmy’s hand and he starts blasting away. Cosmo pulls out fruit pies and starts eatin’ as Wanda sighs and we... FADE OUT. THE END TIMMY

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