Spring Weekend Issue

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012
2 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012
Editor-in-Chief Sam Knowles Managing Editor of Features Charles Pletcher Managing Editor of Arts & Culture Clayton Aldern Managing Editor of Lifestyle Jane Brendlinger Features Editor Zo Hoffman Arts & Culture Editors Anita Badejo Ben Resnik Lifestyle Editors Jen Harlan Alexa Trearchis Pencil Pusher Phil Lai Chief Layout Editor Clara Beyer Contributing Editors Emeriti Kate Doyle Marshall Katheder Copy Chiefs Kristina Petersen Kathy Nguyen Copy Editors Lucas Huh Caroline Bologna Blake Cecil Chris Anderson Claire Luchette Staff Writers Lily Goodspeed Ben Wofford Ethan Beal-Brown Staff Illustrators Madeleine Denman Marissa Ilardi Kirby Lowenstein Sheila Sitaram Caroline Washburn Adela Wu Kah Yangni
TOP TEN THINGS WE WISH WE WERE DANCING IN INSTEAD OF FOAM

1. Poppies. 2. Job offers. 3. Beer. 4. Donald Glover. 5. Our underpants.
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
The Spring Weekend guide is my favorite issue. Its the issue when the word magazine following Postseems least presumptuousa chance to show what we can do with beautiful, dazzling color and the glossiest stock in all the land. We hope you enjoy what follows.Youll find our signature profiles of the performers, along with some new featureslike an hour-by-hour ingestion timeline and a board game sure to get any and all participants completely shitfaced. Spring Weekend is the time of the year when we can truly live up to the Brunonian ideala glorious three days when our reputation for effortless cool and beauty doesnt give way to the decidedly less glamorous reality of the SciLi and Gmail and those classes we occasionally grace with our presence. Come April 20, the books go under the bed; the neon apparel comes on. Theres no going back. To those lucid enough to read our print, we hope you enjoy our guide to the most epic of all Brown weekends. To those feeling a little more sloppy and a little less literate, just take a look at the pretty pictures. Over and out,
6. Christina Paxons scarf. 7. F*cking cocaine. 8. Somebody elses underpants. 9. Blue Room artichoke hummus. 10. The moonlight.
sam
BCA Concert Featuring FREE BAGELS The Glitch Mob, The Walk- 11AM Wayland Arch men, Camron, Twin Shadow Doors open at 2 PM, Main Greek Council presents Green Dave Binder 1 PM Wriston Quad Greek Councils Fratty in Black Student Union the Ratty A Perfect Wedding Spring Weekend Party 9 PM The Ratty 2PM Leeds Theatre 11 PM Andrews Dining Capture the Flag Hall Silent Rave 10PM Pembroke Field 11 PM Lincoln Field
Wednesday Thursday
Class Boards Mr. and SPEC Day Carnival Ms. Brown 5PM Main Green 8PM Sayles Hall A Perfect Wedding Dirty Talk: A Sexy 8PM Leeds Theater Spring Weekend Kickoff Nothing Productive 7PM Barus & Holley Premiere 166 9PM Kassar FOX
Friday
BCA Concert Featuring Childish Gambino, Sepalcure, and What Cheer? Brigade Doors open at 6 PM, Main Green
Saturday
Sunday
CONTENTS
FEATURES
6 GREAT ExPECTATIONS Michael Weinstein Phil Lai 8 REMEMBER ThAT TIME? The Editors Kah Yangni 12 SPRING WEEKEND ThROUGh ThE AGES The Editors Lucas Huh 14 IN DEFENSE OF ThE BCA Ben Wofford Madeleine Denman 16 FIND YOUR BINDER Zo Hoffman Phil Lai
ARTIST PROFILES
20 ChILDISh GAMBINO Clayton Aldern Kah Yangni 22 ThE GLITCh MOB Ben Resnik Marissa Ilardi 24 CAMRON Marshall Katheder Marissa Ilardi 26 ThE WALKMEN Raj Sidhu Kirby Lowenstein 28 TWIN ShADOW Anita Badejo Carolyn Shasha 30 SEPALCURE Jordan Mainzer Phil Lai 32 WhAT ChEER? BRIGADE Zo Hoffman Phil Lai 34 FIND YOUR BINDER Zo Hoffman Phil Lai
Meet Josh, Erin, Clara, Craig, K.J., Robbie, Lizzie, and Emmettall learning the hard way the things that can happen when you get stuck in a room with your peers eight crazy people for an hour each week ... and try to accomplish something make it out alive. Its a little thing known as the weekly meeting phenomenon. Watch Nothing Productive, an all-new mockumentary web series, premiering Episodes 1 and 2 this Thursday, 4/19 at 9 pm in Kassar Fox Auditorium.
LIFESTYLE
36 SExICON MM 38 BAD SEx beej 38 ThOU ShALT (NOT)... Anita Badejo 39 EMILY POST- Emily Post40 SPRING WEEKEND BOARD GAME The Editors Clayton Aldern 42 SPRING WEEKEND INGESTION TIMELINE Jane Brendlinger and Rmy Robert Jane Brendlinger 43 CLASSY vS. TRAShY Alexa Trearchis and Zo Hoffman Alexa Trearchis SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 5
GREAT EXPECTATIONS
michael WEINSTEIN contributing writer
Every year, thousands of Brown students get to go to their first Spring Weekend all over again. I actually havent been, because Im a freshman. But anyone who has already attended can probably recount less of their weekend than I canthats how you know they were there. Im pretty sure I know more about whats going to happen this weekend than any experienced Spring Weekender (and everything I know I read about on the Traditions at Brown University Wikipedia page). So naturally, even some upperclassmen may be curious about what actually happens on that weekend. Here are my expectations for our first Spring Weekend, related to me by some seriously damaged upperclassmen from whatever memory is left after two days (or a week) of keg stands, gravity bongs and orgies. These are the myths of Spring Weekend. Myth #1: Everything in Excess Youre drunk while reading this, Im sure. If I could sum up the legends I have heard about Spring Weekend, it would sound something like a-a-a-a-a-alcohol (you know the tune). From what I understand, the Ratty breakfast special will be beerios. I expect morning drinking. A lot of it. I expect breakfast drinking, and then second breakfast drinking, and then elevenses drinking, followed by drinking luncheon, afternoon tea drinking, dinner drinking, supper drinking, and then of course the actual drinking begins. We like our ale. Ive even heard that one fraternity constructs a Beer Throne. (Note: Im still not sure whether this is a throne for beer, in order to bow and grovel to our beer, or a throne made of beer cans, which would really just be an excuse to drink enough beer to make a throne out of.) I just hope EMS has a morning shift. Myth #2: Trippin Ballz Spring Weekend is also notorious for traveling, though most students take their trips on the Main Green, where the study abroad office is actually some guy in a Grateful Dead hoodie from Zete. I expect the entire spectrum of psychedelic substances to facilitate our travels. In fact, as Spring Weekend approaches, the number of times I am offered drugs on any given day increases. The only thing thats going to be cognitively present on the Main Green on Saturday afternoon is smoke. But I mean, come on. April 20 doesnt always fall on Spring Weekend. This is like a solar eclipse, but only we get to witness it. That is, if you can even see anything through the miasma-esque haze that will coat the Main Green as if it were a swamp in Scooby Doo. I expect cloud coverage so thick it may rain. Acid rain. Ive heard some questionable things about April 20 at Brown. One junior insisted that at 4:20 p.m. (maybe a.m., too), the Brown police make a perimeter around hundreds of students smoking on the Main Green to protect them from the Providence Police. Im a little skeptical. I mean, they didnt form a perimeter around me while they were writing me up for smoking on the steps of Sayles last week. Well, actually they sort of did, but still. And because BCA put Glitch Mob on the bill, we cant not roll. For all the adults and CS majors out there, rolling is the term used to indicate the high achieved from Ecstasy or Molly. Consequently, I can only hope for a local performance la that hooking up with a tree girl at Ultra. Myth #3: Clothing Optional Trees wont be the only thing well try to have sex with on Spring Weekend. I expect Sex Power God meets Woodstock. Childish Gambino might not be able to hook up with all of those Asian girls hes always talking about, but I bet he likes to watch. And if those few hot days before Spring Break were any indication, clothing is to be loosely defined all weekend. No shirts, no problem. And actually, shirts, problem. Shirts may be a discourtesy at Spring Weekend. The only sufficient alternative seems to be bro tanks. The number one reason Im looking forward to Spring Weekend is that those Facebook invites will finally stop. However, bro tanks may be too
losing my spring weekend virginity

conservative for some; the Main Green on any given sunny day already has more shirtless guys than a Madonna video. Myth #4: Theres a Concert (Or Two) What music? Myth #5: Death by Santa Beard Ive heard a lot about the fateful 2011 Foam Party, but a cursory Google search suggests it might not happen this year. As if students wont have enough reason to drink, the Foam Party is something for us to pregame after an entire day of drinking. Its the closest thing we have to a Battle Royale, so I can only hope we all get to experience it together again. Anyway, itll probably be the closest thing to a shower some students will get all weekend. Thats assuming you dont suffocate while making Santa beards (or perhaps some full-body Yeti suits) with foam. RIP to all those students who drowned in their beards last year. Of course, I will be sorely disappointed if I dont witness a flash mobhopefully not the literal kind at some point this weekend. Ive also heard something about a Bizarre Bazaar, a Tricycle race and even an all-you-caneat ice cream truck. Then again, any event to take place this weekend is likely to be a hallucination, so how will we ever figure out which of these myths are based in reality? As much as Brown students may try to act like Alabama frat bros this weekend, we may not have it in us. In all seriousness, I could be asleep by Saturday afternoon. No matter what expectations I have for this weekend, I cant imagine a reality where they all come to fruition. Either way, this is a weekend of extreme bodily harm and self-disregard. Its a weekend to check off a bunch of things on your college to-do list. Its the culmination of a years worth of work and a last chance to injure yourself severely enough to get out of finals. Its a last attempt to kill all of those brain cells you spent every weekday night of the semester trying to develop. Because its f*cking Spring Weekend. F*ck yeah.
REMEMbER THAT TIME?

... neither do we
the EDITORS
Ahh, Spring Weekend. For seniors, a lastditch effort to forget that graduation looms and a time to find ecstasy in a PBR or a succinctly rolled joint. For freshman, an elusive ideal that combines fraternity tank tops with the enigma of Dave Binder. For everyone, sort of a mess. In anticipation of a wonderfully fuzzy weekend, we present you with some favorite Spring Weekend memories of the Post- editorial staff. And in the spirit of complete honesty, we probably dont remember them any more than you do. Freshman year: my first and last experience with a foam party. I neither had the appropriate attire (bikini top and shorts in brisk 40-degree weather), nor was I adequately intoxicated (I was very, very drunk). There I was, waist deep in foam, in my soaked jeans and a soiled top, trying to stay upright amid the drunken mix of Brown society waffling around me. Music was playing, so my friend and I shifted our hips in a way to suggest dancing. This primal movement apparently attracted the attention of a very short, strange man-boy, who maneuvered towards us. We moved away as quickly as one can in a sea of sticky foam. Moments later, disaster struck. My flipflop! I dreaded the thought of reaching under the bubbles. I had written off my shoe as lost when our small-statured friend showed up. Before I knew what was what, hed taken a breath and dived under, returning triumphantly with the missing flip flop. Perhaps the gallant knight expected a token for his sacrifice, a peck on his foam-covered head, but I could only thank him profusely and hope that he was satisfied with his random act of kindness. JB Its a beautiful spring day at Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut. The 100-year-old elm trees stand tall and proud in the center of the main quad, coined the Long Walk by TrinColl residents due to the quintessentially collegiate cobblestones and Gothic-inspired dormitories circling the green. The sun shines on the shoulders and legs of students walking across campus; they have donned sunglasses and shorts in joyous celebration of the warm weather. Eager to join the masses of students enjoying the day, I step outside into the sunlight and into the world of Trinity College Spring Weekend. Among the elms gracing the main green, hundreds of students are playing beer pong outside, enjoying smoke circles, and generally running around completely wasted. A sippy cup full of whiskey in my hand, I look around and notice my friends collecting in a certain corner of the quad. Hanging from the third-floor window of one of the historic dorms is a white PVC pipe. My roommates boyfriend, in his best fraternity attire, is gripping the bottom of the pipe with both hands, chugging and soaking himself with beer. Everyone laughs and clamors about who gets to drink next. I turn around and smile sweetly as a prospective student tour group passes through a nearby arch. AT When I was a student at Codumbia Uniperversity, I tried to avoid mass gatherings. But Of Montreal was coming for the annual Bacchanal music festival, and so, because it was at no cost to me and because my ex boyfriend LOVED Kevin Barnes, we elected to bop around in front of the library on a Saturday night. Codumbias Butler Library was rated one of the nations most beautiful (probably in Stupid magazine), and that April night it did look pretty damn pretty, glowing and stately. I remember looking out at the library, taking a hit from a strangers doobie, and wondering what all was so great about Homer. Id take Hissing Fauna over The Iliad any day! AMIRIGHT? I exclaimed to a skinny girl next to me, taking the chance that she was on the same page but she just kept taking swigs of something muddy to wash down a tablet. Oh well. I took another hit and flicked off the library, wanting like hell to get out of New Yuck Shitty. But then I got some perspective: I was just one awkwardly haired girl taking a hit in the worlds most populous city, and I was among the blearyeyed college students standing closest to Kevin Barnes. CL For my very first article for Post-, I recounted the sad tale of my freshman-year Spring Weekend, spent in a dark, black box theater, cozying up to a fire extinguisher while the concerts raged on just a few yards away. Needless to say, by the time sophomore spring rolled around, I was ready to make up for lost time. Thursday afternoon, I buzzed with excitement (and a sugar high from massive amounts of free cotton candy) as I bounced from the SPEC carnival to Fiction I, the last class I would attend before the festivities began. The whole class was antsy, flipping through Kafka half heartedly as sunshine streamed through the J. Walter Wilson windows. Our TA, a supremely mellow individual who started off each class with incense and celebrated the
end of the semester by bringing us pizza and beer, kicked back in his chair, took a deep breath, and proceeded to give us some words of wisdom. Advice to make us better writers and, he claimed, better human beings. Just do everything, he said. We nodded alonglife experience makes for writing material, wed heard the spiel before. But this was not your typical lecture: He then proceeded to tell us that we should be spending our time drinking as much as possible, having plentiful and imaginative sex, and doing hallucinogens to open our minds. He later claimed that the timing was serendipitous, that he had no idea he was telling us to be heathens on the most debaucherous weekend of the year. But regardless, we took his timely advice to heart. As the weekend proceeded (in a very satisfactory fashiontake that, Spring Weekend 2009!), I bumped into several of my classmates in various states of sobriety. And with knowing smiles, we congratulated each other: I see youre doing your homework. S with distinction for you. JH Big hats. Lilly dresses. Croakies. And copious amounts of alcohol. Add these together and you get the general idea of the Foxfield Races in Charlottesville, Virginia. The day starts early: 6 a.m. alarm, 7:30 shots, then the traffic-ridden ride to the racecourse. The horses are present, yet elusive. The main point is to get to the concession stand fast, buy a Jumbo Size Lemonade, and proceed to the closest fraternity plot to saturate your sugary drink with an excessive amount of vodka (or gin or whiskeypick your poison). From there the idea is simple: take pictures (usually pointing at horses with feigned surprise), run around looking for people you vaguely know to give them overly enthusiastic hugs, and lie on the ground, gazing at the sky as you contemplate whether or not you can rally after a four-hour nap. Most make it through, but some let the sun and the booze get the best of them. I personally had to elbow through a drunken line
to the Porta-Potty on behalf of one of my friends who had fallen victim to a generous pour. Luckily she made it out alive, beating out all those boys in seersucker who managed to get themselves arrested. And me? Well, I had a grand ol time. My lemonade may have been a little too strong, but I ended up safe and sound (and a little burnt) back in my bed for a good afternoons sleep followed by a couple episodes of SVU. ZH Music festivals arent my natural habitat. For starters, Im scared of dirt and sweat. So as my friends drove off to Coachella, most of them already high on shrooms, I stayed at Pomona and hit the stacks. When I first heard about Treasure Island, it sounded more up my alley. Held off the coast of San Francisco, it is far from the sweltering deserts of Coachella and closer to the thrift and coffee shops I like most about California. The proximity to my roommates house, complete with running water, clean linens, and doting grandparents, made it an unbeatable choicethe perfect trainingwheeled transition into the dirty wilderness of music festivals. But six hours into the first day, my relaxed and blissful expectations had given way to the sweaty and miserable reality. The line for the shuttle stretched across several city blocks, each unshaven, musky concertgoer blending into the next. By the time we were past security and in sight of the stage, I was unbearably nauseous and wanted to go home. But then it all changed. In the corner of my eye, I made out a shortish man carrying a ukulele, walking to the center of the stage. And then he began to play the most soothing notes I had ever heard, joined by an accordion, a few trumpets, and his own voice, delicate as sand. (The song, I later learned, was Beiruts Elephant Gun.) I began to forget the eight-hour drive, the long lines, the lingering metallic tint of the bootlegged vodka. Now I simply swayed, back and forth, unusually grateful to be outside, next to friends, and listening to music. SK
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bLAMING THE VICTIM?

ben WOFFORD staff writer
The Bishop Law, you ask? Dont Google the phraseI made it up. But the Bishop experiments were very real, still taught in any introductory Psych, Anthro, or PoliSci class youll find. In 1975, when asked about a made-up piece of federal legislation, two-thirds of respondents gave a surefire opinion in support or opposition. Hence, if you will, the Bishop Law: Strength of conviction correlates inversely to ones knowledge of fact. Nobody has learned that lesson harder than the 13 volunteers who make up the Brown Concert Agency, the student organization responsible for Spring Weekends musical lineups. Sitting at the intersection of the Bishop Laws furthermost extremesthe peerless emotionality of student music tastes, bred with a near-total ignorance of the logistical BCA, which conducts almost all its affairs in secret the Concert Agency has to anticipate the unavoidable collision of a matchstick truck and a massive oil tanker, every single year. BCA just wants to make sure that, in the end, the explosion looks pretty. True, BCAs secrecy doesnt make its job any easier. But unless youre blackmailing a BCA Chair, its essentially impossible to know what goes on in those committee meetings. No oneand truly no onetalks specifics to outsiders. Yet theyre jumping to tell anyone who will listen about their philosophy. After interviews with the Chairs and staff alike, Im more convinced than ever not just that our Spring Weekend is in good hands, but also that Brown might (might) have the most qualified and thoughtful concert chairs of nearly any schoolwho just happen to work on the toughest campus imaginable. So yes, I think we should all have a bit more respect for the BCA. My reasoning is simple. Maybe Im a dick, but Id wager that everything you know about BCA is wrong. *** The BCA staff is extremely small, and theyre not exactly powerful. They have one big responsibility each spring: putting
in defense of the bca
For all of Spring Weekends days-long revelry and euphoric insanity, its the fairly reliable dozen of EMS calls and the far-more-reliable dozen of queues of hurling dipsomaniacs (exbibers?) that remind us not all Ivy League students pay the highest level of deference to logic and wisdom around here. But I was still pretty shocked last week when hundreds of Brunos fell victim to the Bishop Law.
on an amazing Spring Weekend for 6,000 students. Its the kind of power thats difficult to abuseno one plots to join BCA just to invite his or her favorite artist, for instance. But their mission is nearly impossible to execute without near or complete confidentiality. There are very concrete reasons for the levels of secrecy, Booking Chair Gillian Brassil tells me as we sit in the basement of Faunce. Its not just the element of surprise, she stresses. It affects other artists, who might learn they were second choice. She then noted the risk that if fees were ever made public, artists might manipulate that information for price gouging. Colleges are also routinely overquoted, she added. Its amazing that this kind of rational fear doesnt turn obsessive, in light of the mind-numbing logistical ballet that never really ends, even over the summer. BCA may be (in)famous for arranging the annual musical lineup, but they also coordinate the entirety of Spring Weekend. That includes the big stuff, like produc-
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tion, sound, talent, food vendors, and ticketing agencies. But also a lot of bureaucratic nonsensejust things you would never think of, says Brassilharrowing trivialities such as wireless function in Meehan, fire safety meetings, security passes, Tshirts, and food in dressing rooms. Its just a really huge event that happens to have music, she says. The music is really just ten percent of what we do. But as long as the music remains the most visible element of BCAs work, the lineup will remain a ludicrously complex ten percent. Names start getting seriously discussed by the end of October, and November is when the push really starts, says Brassil. The UCS Poll, larger musical trends, and the need for a campus-wide balance of genres, prices, and availability each mesh into a deliberative melting pot. Its about who they can afford, whos available, and most importantly, whatever it takes to just make Brown students happy, a refrain from BCA I heard more times than I can count. Thinking about this logistical tightrope departs headache and enters nausea when you factor in the nature of the job. As if a major concert werent hard enough to pull off, there are still student expectations, tradition, and a budgetdown $30K from 180K last yearto fret over. Never in the process can you reassure yourself that its just Spring Weekend. That 13 students pull this off is kind of unthinkable. But for the BCA staff, their unfazed disposition seemed as genuine as impenetrable. We used to have to set up the entire stage ourselves, as students, laughs Publicity Chair Emma Ramadan when I ask her about the workload. The upside is that its really incredible to put this together. Ramadans enthusiasm is especially enigmatic, because her job bears the brunt of BCAs worst enemies: itself and its perception among the student body. As long as there has been a Spring Weekend, there has been a student segment, vocalized by campus media, to criticize it. Anything from the lineup, to the setup, to the getupeverything seems fair game. Last years performance was a windfall for BCA shit-talk, but suffice it to say that much of that flakmoving the show
indoors, herding students into bleachers, Diddys late appearancehad nothing to do with BCA. It didnt stop students from lambasting BCA for things out of their control. Or as one colorful and oddly specific BDH editorial claimed in February, arranging concerts about as fun as having your toenail hair removed by Rosie ODonnell. Even in a year when BCA has received unusual praise for their handling of the lineup on a reduced budget, media coverage of lineup rollouts remains as predictable as the debauchery that the Weekend is famous for. Reactions to BCA Lineup Mixed, read last months Herald headline that could have been from any year. But its not just criticism that Ramadan and BCA deal with. On the whole, student reaction at best appears evasive, at worst fickle. One year, BDH reported students were upset about Diddy because of his being a hired name, the next its the relative obscurity of the acts becoming a common complaint among students. For BCA, it would seem theres solace in those contradictionsWe try so hard, but we cant make everyone happy, concedes Agency Chair Raillan Brooksbut it can breed a casual blame BCA reversion that leaves the facts wanting. When a fall editorial attacked the BCA for moving students onto the bleachers, it neglected to mention that BCA was adhering to the non-negotiable fire code, a sore spot for the Chairs that they expressed with significant grief. Its worth noting that secondsemester coverage on the whole has been more generous to BCA, and numerous Chairs stressed they would describe this years coverage of BCA events as fair. *** Theres one final element that makes the Concert Agencys job unthinkably difficult. The human species has been defensive about music tastes for the better part of civilization, but Brown is one of the few colleges that can give that standard a run for its money. From the first days of lineup deliberation, this diversity is what haunts a Booking Chairs dreams. Do we want a dance act or a throwback rap as a headline? What
about student desire for R&B? says Brassil. This year we spent a lot of time talking about electronic, which is huge. But its less nailing a trendy genre or the proportion of music cliques than the consequences of what happens when you get it wrong. With any lineup the BCA can put together, some segment of the campus will be unhappy, wrote Matt Klimmerman the managing editor of BlogDailyHerald, which often coordinates with BCA in its coverage of Spring Weekend. Klimmerman added he knew a student furious at BCA for neglecting to book a heavy metal band. With a campus as diverse and opinionated as Brown is, you are never going to have a consensus. Though the desire for a Least Common Denominator fuels the temptation for a pop performer with superstar status, the concept is a nonstarter. The budget is limited, Brassil reminds meEven with pooling it wouldnt happen, she addsbut more to the point, its the eclectic student body that wouldnt allow it. We have a legacy of a sort of festival mindset, adds Brooks, noting that the goal isnt a famous name but that everyone coming this year has a killer live show. Buried in there is a reliable pathology for some students irrational disdain for BCA. By no fault of its own, BCA suffers the original sin of elitism. If Brown convened a 400-person committee, it still wouldnt adequately capture the variety of music tastes on College Hill. So a self-selecting, bakersdozen coterie can easily set imaginations ablaze. Who are these assholes who think they can pick music for everyone else? When people dont know the faces of the people, it seems easier to hate the monolith of an organization, wrote BlogDailyHerald Editorin-Chief Jenny Bloom in an email, addressing my question: Why do people shit on BCA? She added that blame becomes a substitute for actually knowing the people and understanding the nuances. Though Klimmerman wrote that he felt that this year proves that the BCA is intent on listening to student opinion, he said he still felt that BCA gets written off too often as a secret ... group of ultrahipsters who read Pitchfork religiously
and ignore mere mortals (namely other students). Theres an irony here that you have to see to believe. Yes, BCAs application process is ridiculously exclusive, and yes, their turnover is highbut what they filter for is the antithesis of musical elitism. Agency staff still have to demonstrate a superlative ability to debate the merits of artists who would garner wide appeal at Spring Weekend and to check their musical allegiances at the door. The most crucial question on the application? We ask people to say what genre they do not like and why, says Brassil. You have to be really open-minded on BCA. Thats part of what it means to pick seven bands with a large catchment, adds Brooks. At the core of every stereotype is admittedly a grain of truth. The most vocal complaint of BCA is the so-called nepotism they choose only their friends, goes the logic, and then they never leave. The reality, as usual, is more blurry. Yes, theres high turnover; thats the way BCA is designed. We will never, ever take a senior, says Brassil, her tone anticipating accusations Im not making. Look, institutional memory is so important in BCA. No one is prepared to deal with a $250K event. You get one shot to get it right. Meanwhile, the charge of hiring from within BCA bubble resembles shoot-firstask-later reasoning. The Agency will take about three or four freshmen each year freshmen, as in, no one knows themand they do their best to choose on merit. Last year, we had someone apply who was someone I knew, one of my best friends, says Ramadan, whos had to deal with the nepotism charge more often than once. He applied last year for the board, and even though I knew him and pushed for him, he still didnt get on. Because the board didnt think he was the best. Ramadan added that the year before the Agency also took on four unknowns; meanwhile, an applicant whose roommate was an Agency Chair got a rejection letter. The nepotism charge, Ramadan theorizes, stems from the intense camaraderie in the organization. It gives the impression were all friends, and somehow thats why we were chosen, she says.
In that sense, I guess nepotism isnt the right charge; something like institutional incest probably strikes a truer note. But is that such a bad thing? Yes, it might be ideal to pretend things would be more fair if BCA were elected by students and not selfselecting. But 13 people put in a pressure cooker for four years are going to become friends. The way I see it, there are enough booby traps in the Spring Weekend setup as is, and the stakes are already so high would anyone really prefer 13 people so furious at each other that they sabotage their own lineup process? Or dont share notes? Or just hate each other? For those who think elections are too egalitarian to produce this result, I suggest they pay attention to the US Senate. When I asked her about the espirit, Ramadan nailed it. Yeah, we argue, we fight, she said, conjuring a memory while she stared at the ground. But during Spring Weekend, were backstage and just hugging. Memo to Brunonia: Thats the sign of a group that works hard and cares. Fine by me. Who knows how rigorous the BCA application process really is? But in one sense that debate is the wrong one, since the most rigid meritocracy still pales in comparison to the real factor that keeps BCA open-minded: its down-to-earth, straightforward, and goal-oriented demeanor. No one came to BCA to prove anything, except to make sure Brown students are happy a message Ramadan stressed repeatedly. During one of our conversations, she stopstarted her way through an emotional recount of reading snarky Facebook comments on the ticket-sales crash (not BCAs faulttheyve been lobbying to dump TouchNet for years). Kind of astonished, I asked her if an anonymous comment can actually affect her. It does hurt my feelings, she admitted, even though I know it shouldnt. BCAs ability to communicate that message has been steadily improving. This year the Agency set up a table on the Main Green to address student questions and concerns. Its the transparency thing, says Brooks. Tabling helped us hype the lineups. But also, if you have anything to say, come say it to our faces, because we will take it seriously. The dividends have been palpable.
Weve gotten a lot of sweet emails, saying thank you for all the hard work, Gillian tells me. We didnt get any of that last year or the year before. If that cant convince you, then take it on faith from me. If BCA can have a conversation with me about music and I can understand all of it, then its about as likely that BCA staff are masturbatory hipsters as my Irish-Catholic recruited-athlete roommate is Little Richard. *** Im reminded of a great meme during the Healthcare Reform Debate from 2010. A stern Obama stares a hole into the viewers face. Saving Your Ass, Whether You Like It or Not, reads the text. Slightly amended, that could be BCAs motto: Rocking Spring Weekend, Whether You Accept It or Not. Under unimaginable pressure and rarely willing to take the limelight, BCA is a student agency that almost never responds directly to criticism but internalizes it. It concocts Spring Weekend; lays claim to yearlong accolades, then downplays it; books phenomenal performers including Gambino, who sandwiched Brown between two California shows and cant brag about it. Thats a professional and social equation that makes us very, very lucky. I think that even if they got the perfect lineup, they wouldnt get the credit they deserve, wrote Bloom. We criticize so many things on campus, think critically about so many ideas, I just dont see this as something worth pulling apart. Blooms point seems clear: Analyze, probe, and pillory, but dont take yourself too seriously, and dont let it ruin your Weekend. Her advice to Brunonia first-timers: Just go with it, let your hair loose, throw your head back. And enjoy. She may have borrowed her enthusiasm from Brassil, whose eyes lit up as she painted a vision of a Spring Weekend of legend. She sounded like a kid dying to show off an art project. Our main goal is to get you through and make sure that when youre there youll have a blast. Im so fuckin excited. Me too.
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FIND YOUR bINDER

zo HOFFMAN features editor
been coming back ever since. Hes still trying to work out how he became such a Brown legend. Every year I think, Oh, I wonder if theyre going to do it again. Yep, they are. According to Binder, his Spring Weekend concert has stayed much the same throughout his time at Brown. One difference he has noticed, however, fits into a larger trend of increased security crackdowns at college campuses across the country. Back when he started there was no security on stage, it was much more looseopen containers were fine. Everybody would have a keg or two and have a cup. The university eventually banned kegs, prompting a slew of creative student solutions. Binder remembers one fraternity that hollowed out the cushions of a couch, buried kegs in the ground below it, and ran the hose up under the cushions so they could fill beers all day without reprimand from the authorities. Another year, he says, They actually emptied [a garbage can] out, put a keg in there, threw garbage on top, and had a hose running out. Even after attempted University lockdowns, he says, People seem to find a way to get around things. Before the strict drinking regulations were put in place, the atmosphere of the Binder shows matched the tone of his musicthey were fun, relaxing, and viewed as a way to recharge after a crazy couple of days. I mean, yeah, people were doing some drinking, but it was more about getting together and having fun, he explains. Things feel different now. Binder has noticed that getting drunk for his shows has become an event in and of itself a quality readily apparent in Spring Weekend sayings like Bender til Binder. Now, its almost a survival of the drunkestwho can keep their BAC highest throughout the weekend, through Sunday afternoon? The notion that his show would be the last chance to get plastered after two full days of heavy drinking was not what Binder hoped for when he started performing at Brown. The original idea was, Be out, be happy, sing along, see your friends, visit people you probably havent seen all year because youve been too busy, and then crunch time. I It starts off slow. Through the mid-afternoon haze of residual hangover and stale PBR, you lift your hands and chantor yell, or screechaaaaaa Burger King, a Burger King/ Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Burger King. Your fearless leader, the one directing the crowd of bro tanks and neon shades on Wriston, reassures you: Your brains know how to do it. Trust yourself. You believe himafter all, why shouldnt you? Hes been telling generations of Brunonians the same thing for 25 years. For the past quarter of a century, Dave Binder has been a constant in the ever-changing Spring Weekend line-up, strumming his guitar to a repertoire of lighthearted numbers at the Sunday show. Speaking on the phone, he is humble despite his iconic status. Its not easy being a legend, he says jokingly. He started playing music when he was young: picked up the guitar at 7, started writing songs at 10, formed a band at 11. His extended family was a performing group in its own right at various holidays and celebrations. Everybody could play piano or sing a song. My moms sister was a dance therapist, so shed do a dance. Another was a storyteller, another was an opera singer. As kids you see all this stuff going on and you think this is pretty normal. These memories helped shape Binders identity as a performer, and encouraged him to continue playing music and, eventually, to turn his hobby into a career. In college, his musical abilities helped pay the bills. Binder played at bars around his original school, Clark University. These smaller shows were a welcome distraction to his pre-med major, so much so that he decided to transfer schools in order to pursue a career in music. He ended up graduating from Lowell University (now UMass Lowell) with a music degree and an enthusiastic fan base. A friends agent-brother noticed his popularity and asked to book him at other schools as well. From there, the success kept coming. Ill do it for a few more years and see what happens, he recalled thinking. Ive just been doing it ever since. Eventually someone from Brown approached him about playing a show, and hes
an interview with the legend
dont like that its just all about drinking. And for the most part, students used to agree. Its almost a challenge, he says. Its more like, Lets challenge the authority; well figure out a cool way to do this. He recognizes the catch-22 of seemingly all University interactions with alcohol and binge drinking, noting, If you let them [drink], they probably wont as much. But even if day drinking has gone from casual sipping to an all-out chugging contest, the mood of the show has largely stayed the same. Binder couldnt choose a favorite memory from his 25 years here. Instead, he says, The stuff thats memorable to me is that you see all these people that would never hang out together in any other circumstance. Like you see the jocks and the geeks, [people from] different areas of campusall of them come together and sing and dance and smile and have a really great time. No one fights at the Binder show; the music and the feeling of community counteract any animosity that might come about at a liquor-fueled rock concert, for instance. In the purest sense, thats what college should be about. If youre going to remember things, youre going to remember a community of people at a particular point in your life, and youll never have that again. For many, Binders shows are the most prominent memory of their time at Brown, making him a Unicorn Songsinging god of sorts. In spite of his status, one thing has eluded Binder: a Brown diploma. How many Brown students have been influenced and, yet, nothing? Dave wants to know when hes getting his honorary degree. When I suggested his name should have been tossed around as a replacement for Ruth, he laughed. Imagine thatpresident of Brown. Thatd be way too political. No thanks.
PROFILES
ARTIST
2012
19
CHILDISH GAMbINO
clayton ALDERN managing editor
and downplayed production, Childish drops punchline after punchline, driving the beat and accentuating his aggression. He asserts his power by showing that there is a place in the game for Comic-Con flow and, more relevantly, Comic-Con kids with afros. But where the EP that fueled last years IAMDONALD tour was triumphant, his newest album, Camp, is cocky. Donald Glover is clever, but he might actually be too clever for his own good. If, as Glover contends, the message of Camp is one of personal growth and racial hope, the concept is muddledand not only by the obligatory hyper-masculinity of mainstream rap and Gambinos adherence to this template. Song by song, the concept album is jarring. This is where Glovers contradictory personality gets him in trouble. There are three voices on Camp, and each delivers different content. Growly Gambino is hot, bothered, and all about UCLA girls (or LSU girls). There is also a squeaky, childish Childish. This is the Gambino thats most like his stand-up self, dropping one metaphorical Molotov cocktail after another. Occasionally, though, he takes it down a notch. Soft, emotional Donald is vulnerable: Sometimes I feel like I aint supposed to be here / Sometimes I wake up, I dont want to be here. / My mom loved to text me Psalm verses / She dont look at me like Im the same person. The record is comprised of all three voices, so the disjointed whole is exactly the sum of its parts: nothing more, nothing less. In Backpackers, Childish gives us an encouraging shout-out: I wrote on rape culture my junior year at Brown / So Im allowed to say what all his raps are about / You better shut your mouth before I f*ck it. Ah. Open-mouthd SW12 fans, beware. When aggressive Gambino comes out to play, there is more Odd Future than Talib Kweli presentalthough it may be for the better. His over exaggerated style lends itself to crossing boundaries. Over the course of a few songs, for example, he references 9/11 and hashtags Virginia Tech and Casey Anthony. Aside from his self-proclaimed role model status, this is where the rest of his power lies. If painful phrases are ever to emerge from the shadows of hushed tones and the political arena, over-the-top artists like Childish Gambino will be their ushers. Those obsessed with political correctness (heres lookin at you, us) have something to learn from Glover: Sometimes the politically incorrect decision is the best decision to make. We, especially, are eager students for Gambinos lessons. Look at the man: He has thick glasses and short shorts, a hefty vocabulary and a handful of snark. He is prone to Twitter and Tumblr references and probably looks foxy in a Hipstamatic polaroid. Sound like anyone you know? We like Childish because he is one of usand despite the threat of mouth-f*cking, he is aware of and cares about this relationship. After all, he is sandwiching a Friday night Brown University show between a Camp Gambino tour stop in Oakland on Thursday and Coachella on Sunday. As much as he indicates otherwise on his I AM JUST A RAPPER and I AM JUST A RAPPER 2 mixtapes, Donald Glover is not just a rapper. He is not just a comedian, nor just a screenwriter. He is something new: an amalgam of careers and concepts, the likes of which do not immediately mix well. But they are not supposed to, and he anticipated this. Glovers self-awareness is his crown jewel. Camps multiple personalities reflect his own contradictions, and even when he gets whiny, his complaints are not superficial. In All The Shine, Glover raps, Im a role model, I am not these other guys / I rap about my dick and talk about what girls is fly / I know its dumb, thats the fucking reason Im doing it / So why does everyone have a problem with talking stupid shit? His work in popular media bleeds together, but all of it bleeds Donald Glover. Even if he is not totally cognizant of the influence he has and the way it manifests itself, he is still changing the game. In a 2011 interview with MTV, Glover stated that his goal was to be a cultural controller, and, for more often better than worse, he is well positioned to do precisely that. Childish Gambino is not just a rapper. He is Donald. He stays whiskey neat, and nobody is going to cancel his clique anytime soon. Donald Glover is clever. A little over one year ago, the screenwriter-turned-stand-upcomedian-turned-actor released a devilishly crisp rap track called Freaks and Geeks, and the popular culture sphere imploded. In three-and-a-half minutes, he sold us on his dopeness and convinced us he was in it to win it (the recently awarded Emmy had somehow shortchanged him). Over the course of the following months, he would tweet, leak, and otherwise socially engineer his way to the top of the pop culture food chain. Friday night, Glover takes the College Hill stage under his rap sobriquet, Childish Gambino, and attendees can expect quite the performance. Everything about the man is performativehe has been crafting the theatrics of his career since his days in NYUs Derrick Comedy group. Accept him as such. His rap blurs the line between comedy and hip-hop, a fact that has garnered plenty of criticism from other artists and the popular press. Most often, the hate is in reference to a question: Which Donald should we take for the real Donald? Glovers persona now seems largely dominated by Childish Gambinonot Troy from Community, not the stand-up comedian, and not the 30 Rock writer. His personal blog, iamdonald.com, mostly reflects his endeavors as Childish. But iamdonald is not iamdiddy. His comedic past lends itself to hyperbolic lyricism; when Gambino gambols on a track, puns are in no short supply. A brief scan through the Childish Gambino catalogue highlights his unique brand of punchline rap: My dick is like an accent mark / Its all about the over-Es. Im heading west like Im f*cking blowing Kanye. But these girls Im kissing chase the blues away like Gargamel. Yes, that was a Smurfs reference. Gambino tracks are like rounds of slapjack: solid, rhythmic flow punctuated by twitchy false alarms and the occasional table-bashing bomb. Freaks and Geeks remains Gambinos magnum opus, but not just because the song is great (and it is). Rather, the track epitomizes everything Childish Gambino is able to bring to the table. Over a bed of clean
21
THE GLITCH MOb

ben RESNIK arts and culture editor
breakout single: Their claim to fame is the entire genre. Exactly like its music, the trio has integrated itself so far into pop culture that it has merged with the very concept of pop culture cool. That smoothly powerful beat at the end of the Captain America trailer? Glitch Mob. The background music in the NBA 2K12 ad? Glitch Mob. That dangerously danceable remix of The White Stripes Seven Nation Army? Oh, hello there, Glitch Mob. But that hasnt made them some distant electronic diva. The group makes a point of soliciting fan feedback, and their live performances are as impressive as their recordings. Composed of three legendary DJs (Boreta, Ooah, andmost notably edIT, whose album Certified Air Raid Material is a testament to the power of glitch music), GM knows how to put on a show. Their performances incorporate real instruments and heavy tech alike, mixing live bass with beats from a MacBook. Brunonians should expect no less. Whether inside or out, the Glitch Mobs Spring Weekend performance will turn the venue into a swirling, jumping, dancing, light-strewn party. And for a lot of those partygoers, its going to be the first time the Glitch Mobs name and music have linked up. The Mobsters are preceded by their reputation, yet concrete knowledge about them is lackingquick, name their album. Name a song of theirs you sat down and listened to before their appearance in the lineup. Of course, the Glitch Mob isnt sit down and listen type music, which accounts for their nameless virtuosity. The three-piece belongs to the ethereal ranks of dance music makers: always sampling, always sampled, not so often recognized in their own right. Not that going unrecognized has done them any harm. The Glitch Mob is less about name recognition and more about feeling. And it does very, very well on that front. The group is the opposite of background music. You know a song by the Glitch Mob when you hear itit makes you feel powerful in a way that is unique to them. With its erratic but undeniable tonality and its distinctive ability to manipulate your emotions with electrified sound, the Glitchy elixir makes your every physical motion seem epic. Whats more, every songs title, abstract as it may be, is impressively fitting to that songs mood. Fistful of Silence, for instance, seems like a strange choice for an electro piece. And yet it worksthe beat holds and drops in such away that the silent space between notes feels like literal impact. Their pieces are not overly bass-and-fuzz-heavy stock for the sample mill; they are musical stories in their own right. Those stories speak for themselves, and their authors are wise to let them. The majority of the shows attendees wont be able to explain how the Glitch Mobs music is better than most other electronica. Some will be too out of their heads to discern anything but the basic beat. But thats not the point. The Glitch Mob isnt good for being famous; its famous for being good. Whether or not name and accomplishments line up on Saturday, April 21, it wont matterthey will be pumping out the same awe-inspiring sound regardless, and the audience will be too busy dancing. You know the Glitch Mob. Even if you dont recognize the name, if youve heard a good electro song or remix in the past five years, you know the Glitch Mob. But that doesnt apply to every gushing groupie: The Mob has fans that cant name a single song. Such is the groups circumstancetheir name and their accomplishments were separated at birth. Which is unjust, as there are many accomplishments to be celebrated. The Los Angeles three-piece became an institution in the world of electronic music in no time flat. Despite only forming in 2006 and not dropping a debut LP until after Snoop Dogg dropped beats during Spring Weekend 2010, the Glitch Mob has become one of the most prominent sounds on the scene. Theyre constantly ahead of the curve: They helped make weird beats and synthesizer fuzz cool for a new generation of ravers; they were wubbing while the dubbers were still learning to step. And while they may have revitalized electro, they certainly arent rehashing old materialthe Glitch Mob has given much to the subgenre that shares its name, and to electro as a whole. Glitch music is a strange beast. Born just after the end of the Cold War, glitch is not trance. Spring Weekend enhancers aside, glitch is a trip in its own right, one that leaves you wondering whether it was good or bad. Glitch pieces are designed to seem on the verge of disintegrating into formless, beatless noise. If dialup connections could sing, they would sound like glitch. The Mob took that writhing, jerky mess of sound and made it danceable. Its how theyve become the musical megalith that they are without a
23
CAMRON
marshall KATHEDER editor emeritus
Rapper Camron flickers, a wistful flame in the darkness of Spring Weekends sort of obscure lineup. His one well-known track, Hey Ma, is a song that will no doubt trigger a frenzy of familiarity, a chorus of pitchy voices hollering, I know this song, and foggy memories of eighth-grade school dances and fumbling to navigate others mouths with nervous tongues (just me?). But who is Camronaka Killa Cam? Is he just another washed-up hip-hop performer past his prime? (The Ghost of Spring Weekend Past taps us on the shoulder with his phantom finger and whispers a chilly reminder in our ear: Snoop Dogg, Nas, and P. Diddy.) Is the BCA betting that the stoned and sloshed masses will just be grateful to recognize a tune andif for only a momentbe tethered back to reality? The short answer is: YES. On the real, Camron would prefer this sort of succinctness. The hallmark of his character, if one exists, is efficiency. For one, his stage name is a syllable-saving contraction of his given name, Cameron. His breakout CD cuts to the chase, too: its titled Come Home With Me. Camron does not have time to say please. His knack for being a timesaving thug is demonstrated on Come Home With Me. In the lyrics of Hey Ma, he spits, So, Ma, whats up? Lets slide. Alright. And we gon get it on tonight. In other words: Hello, how are you, lets leave, were going to have sex. If thats not economical clerbin, then I dont know what is. Fortunately, Camron still looks to raise his streetwise reputation to a new plateau, and hes managed to squeeze emceeing at an Ivy League concert into his packed schedule. Hes been busy. Camron starred in and produced the next great hope for American film, called Killa Season, which came out (along with his album by the same name) for two days of special release in April 2003. After knocking back some Colt 45s and absorbing the grainy footage of Killa Season, we feel strongly that Camron hits his stride in a scene in which he stacks up drug-won dollars at a kitchen table, expressing his hankering for Chinese chicken, and adding, with a chuckle, We gonna need some mo rubber bands, son. Outside of documenting his hustlin and kerfufflin, Camron ruffled a few feathers in 2007 on 60 Minutes. He told silver fox Anderson Cooper that he would keep his lips buttoned if a neighbor was a known serial killer (but, he added, he would definitely move). This comment came in response to an incident outside Washington D.C. two years earlier. After performing a show, Camron stopped his Lambo at an intersection when a would-be hijacker pulled up next to him and demanded that he relinquish his spankin-new whip. Camron refused, and the unknown gunman responded by shooting him. Known not to waste time, the rapper swerved around and drove his car down the wrong side of the road, flashing his brights until a fan drove him to the nearest hospital. Camron, also known not to call on the cops, did not pursue the case. No snitchin. Camrons upbringing is unremarkable, but only for a gangster rapper. He grew up in Harlem and attended the competitive Manhattan School for Science and Mathematics. While many of its graduates have gone on to top schools (including Brown), Camrons poor grades forced him to turn down several attractive basketball scholarships. Even without a diploma, he went to some bumf*ck school in Texas but soon dropped out and returned to Harlem to sell drugs. His music career began to take shape in 1997 when he was introduced to The Notorious B.I.G., whose partner produced Camrons first album, Confessions of Fire. The album went Gold and garnered top 10 positions on both R&B and pop charts. Nearly a decade later in 2006, Camron went on The OReilly Factor to discuss the impact of his musical genre on youngsters in the inner city, particularly in places like Harlem. While its worthwhile to hear BillO get his mouth around Camron, with all the stiffness of his stout selfimportance, one of their exchanges stands out. What if an 11-year-old kid imitates you, Camron? What if he uses four-letter words? What if he develops a lifestyle thats based upon the street, he gets tattooed? Do you feel badly about that? Ever the lover of brevity, Camron replies, No, I dont. And as long as you sing Hey Ma this weekend, neither do we.
25
THE WALKMEN
If youve often caught yourself standing awkwardly at concerts in the midst of semi-enthusiastic groupies dancing to semi-enthusiastic music, then youve sadly been attending the wrong shows. And if you thought that indie rock was all neck scarves and instantly forgettable synth hooks, then youve been f*cking lied to. Dont let a single person tell you that The Walkmen play the indie rock of disappointing concerts and flowery Target commercials, of hip irreverence and sardonic indifference. Because they dont. And if you ever happen to find yourselves before them with the notion that this is something youve seen beforethat this is just another band playing just another showthen you are not prepared. Prepare for sweating and jumping and punching and feelings you havent felt since high school. Prepare for music that is less a pleasant arrangement of notes and more a force of nature, for the coming of spring has brought with it the renewed promise of a band that delivers equal measures of seething rage and withering regret. Context, even after studying The Walkmens discography, is impossible without attending one of their live shows. So think gritted teeth and blurred vision. Think clenching fists and trying but failing to forget about your ex-girlfriend. Think vintage instruments given to teenagers from the 90s and the children of grunge. Think primal, masculine aggression and angst set to the eerie tones of upright pianos, humming organs, and the melodic fury of a singer who is virulent and vitriolic and wants the world to know it. Frontman Hamilton Leithauser
will tear through your eardrums with vocal chords forged of iron and spit and dark beer, with lyrics born of resentment. The frenetic cacophony of jangly guitars clashes with throbbing, tribal percussion, all set over the acoustic drone of an organ. A wall of distortion delivers itself in waves of satisfaction but belies the haunting, lilting melodies that drift from the amplifiers. Everything smells of cigarettes and spilled beer, and everything sounds like the loneliness of an old cowboy movie or a desolate Bukowski novel. Think Cormac McCarthy meets a guitar and writes a book about it. While Leithauser stalks the stage with microphone and guitar in hand and drummer Matt Barick beats the living hell out of his shakers, bandmates Paul Maroon, Walter Martin, and Peter Bauer rotate from guitar to bass to piano with unflinching dexterity. Born in D.C. and bred in Brooklyn, The Walkmen have been recording and touring since 2000 and have released four studio albums to date. Their fifth, Heaven, will be hitting shelves come June and follows an international tour. The bands consistent evolution over the years has contributed to a loyal fan base and warm critical reception; The Rat, a single off of Bows + Arrows, snagged the #20 spot on Pitchforks Top 500 Tracks of the 2000s, and Lisbon received a healthy 8.6/10 from the same publication, while You & Me peaked at #29 on Billboards Top Digital Album charts. As is always the case with The Walkmen, however, seeing is believing. Luckily for you, theyre coming to Spring Weekendand it will be like no concert youve ever experienced before.
raj SIDHU contributing writer
27
TWIN SHADOW
anita BADEJO arts & culture editor
hotel room with little else besides a synthesizer, electric guitar, and drum machine, is one of those rare albums that manages to get one hooked on first listen. At barely 40 minutes long, it offers a quick-tempo, high-emotion foray into Lewiss lonely, angst-filled childhood. The tracks range in tone and mood, some dreamy, dark, and ethereal (Tyrant Destroyed, Tether Beat), and others infectiously upbeat and dance-worthy (I Cant Wait, At My Heels). The end result is beautifully balanced: a concept album that tempers the complexity and confusion of learning from ones past while simultaneously attempting to let go of it. However, based on the haunting effect of songs such as Yellow BalloonSecret handshake / The swimming hole / Keep awake / And we will not grow oldLewis may not be forgetting anytime soon. Perhaps its best he doesnt. Much of Forgets success also lies in that Lewiss talents as a lyricist allow him to pack a hefty punch into verses and choruses that are unfussy and down to earth. Over half of Castles in the Snow, the albums lead single, is comprised of the same five lines: Youre my favorite daydream / Im your famous nightmare / Everything I see looks like gold / Everything I touch turns cold / Castles in the snow. Similarly, most of Slow, another standout track, consists of Lewiss repeated chanting of some subtle variation of the same plea: I dont wanna, believe, or be, in love/ I dont wanna, be, believe, in love. The seeming simplicity of these lyrics doesnt render them any less poignant. Plus, it means Twin Shadows songs are easy to sing along toeven drunkenly. Since releasing Forget less than two years ago, Lewis has played at several major music festivals, including Austin City Limits, Bonnaroo, Coachella, Pitchfork, and Sasquatch. In addition, hes guest-performed on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, opened on tour for Florence + the Machine, and conducted a national tour of his own. Not bad for a kid who once told Rolling Stone he grew up in a place thats just swampland covered in mini-malls and whose only access to music, or most forms of culture, was the local radio. Currently, Lewis is recording Twin Shadows second album, which is to be released sometime in the J months, he told the MP3 blog Stereogum. Otherwise, he professes to living the same life supposed of many people in our generation. Youre back at home and thinking, Well what do I do? So usually you go to a bar and get wasted and make terrible mistakes that you shouldnt make. Or maybe thats just me, he said. Its not. An attractive, brooding, talented twentysomething with a penchant for finding himself in compromising drunken situations? Twin Shadow: Welcome to Brown. The label sexy is slapped on most successful musicians today, given they meet a baseline of physical attractiveness and can somewhat effectively croon about love, heartache, and the like. However, George Lewis Jr. is not just sexyhe is Sex-y. With a capital, curly, cursive S. The Dominican born, Florida bred indie rocker, who performs under the pseudonym Twin Shadow, began making music at the age of 14, as a troubled youth trying to cope with the stifling suburbs of the Sunshine State. Tall, dark, and handsome with a jet-black mound of pompadour hair, Magnum P.I. moustache, and coal-colored eyeshe is every bit as elusive as his dim, dusky stage name would suggest. And we havent even gotten to his music. Lewis was a composer for a touring dance company and fronted a punk band called Mad Man Films in Boston before eventually moving to Brooklyn to jump-start his career in 2006. It was there that he became Twin Shadow, revitalizing 1980s New Wave in a way even Morrissey himself could be proud of. His debut album, Forget, was co-produced by Grizzly Bear bass guitarist Chris Taylor and released in 2010quickly garnering Twin Shadow Best New Music props from Pitchfork (who later named Forget #26 of its Top 50 Albums of 2010) and a spotlight as Band of the Week from Rolling Stone. Forget, which was recorded in a
29
SEPALCURE
jordan MAINZER contributing writer
BCA not only fulfilled our desires to dance with this years Spring Weekend lineup but also managed to cater to different dance music niches. They have certainly pleased classic bass music aficionados by booking Sepalcure, whose brand of electronic music defies the dubstep, or generally dance-heavy, lineup one might have expected based on BCAs published list of the most common student suggestions. The Brooklyn duo doesnt attempt to capitalize on the yearly trends within the electronic music world that tend to dominate each Spring Weekend. Rather, Sepalcure attempt to make dance music that is as fun for us to listen to as it was for them to make, with bits of their trademark moody atmospherics spliced in. The duo consists of Travis Stewart, who hails from North Carolina, and Praveen Sharma, from Hyde Park in upstate New York. They met on the Interneta fitting starting point for todays rising electronic artists. Though Stewart and Sharma had known each other for about seven years, the two had only released music independently before collaborating in 2010. Sepalcure released their first two EPs, Love Pressure and Fleur, before releasing their selftitled debut album in 2011 to critical acclaim. Electronic music website XLR8R placed it 10th on its list of the 30 Best Albums of 2011, while Pitchfork gave the album its influential stamp of approval with a Best New Music designation and a spot at number 47 on its Top 50 Albums of 2011. The critical consensus surrounding Sepalcures downtempo yet danceable music praises the duos ability to incorporate staples of bass musicsuch as pitched vocal samplesinto contemporary atmospheric textures, ultimately creating a brand of dance music that defies any subgenre. This phenomenon is reflected on album highlights such as Pencil Pimp, a sensual and skittering track that not only pays homage to recent bass music but is also consistent with the duos intricate textures. Sepalcure have combined respect for the past with a pickand-choose attitude toward present trends, making something unique in the process. In line with the danceability of Sepalcures songs, the group has quickly developed a live reputation for blasting its bass and getting crowds to move. A joonbug.com write-up of the duos opening set for SBTRKT earlier this year describes Sepalcures vibrations as threatening structural integrity. For a Spring Weekend concertindoors or outdoorsthis is surely a good thing. Although the groups future is perhaps questionable, as Stewart is moving to Berlin, a group as resourceful as Sepalcure will most certainly find ways to record. After all, Stewart and Sharma are used to working over the web. Not only did the two meet on the Internet, but also visual artist Sougwen Chung, Sharmas girlfriend, designed the groups visuals while studying abroad (including the music video for Pencil Pimp). On April 17, Sepalcure is scheduled to release a new EP, Eternally Yrs, consisting of the album cut of the same name, remixes of two songs off of their self-titled debut, and a new song entitled Dont Cry. While the rapid rate of recording the duo has exemplified thus far may slow down in the future, Sepalcure definitely seem to have a bright road ahead of them. Whether they play new material or old, Brown will experience firsthand Sepalcures looped vocals, minimal synths, and sentimental, moody beats. In a November 2011 interview with Pitchfork, Sharma, in response to the writers observation that fun is often a derogatory term used by dance-music purists to condemn certain strains of electronic music, aptly stated: When we do a Sepalcure live set, its a blast. Its amazing. You have an opportunity to play music to these people, and theyre going to enjoy it. Lets hope hes right.
31
eric SUN
WHAT CHEER? bRIGADE

contributing writer
Best Rambling Pack of Hooligans from Spin Magazine for their ecstatic, dynamic performances. In true street band fashion, WCB hardly ever seem content confined to a stage. They are most comfortable when theyre on the move and in the middle of big, rowdy crowds. Whether its Mardi Gras or a cramped Manhattan club, WCB shine when surrounded by drunken, dancing revelers, making this Friday an ideal setting for them to strut their stuff. They know how to work a crowd, infusing their collective enthusiasm into fierce drum lines, chaotic dancing, and primal screams. Their punk aesthetic and frequently copious body paint belie an earnest and thoroughly engaged group of performers intent on making sure everyone is enjoying themselves. WCBs music also allows them to channel their abundant energy. Their songs combine funk, hip hop, and Eastern European influences, creating insanely catchy tunes. Take Disco Bhangra, an uptempo, funk-laden track off their first record We Blow You Suck. It features an off-kilter yet intoxicating rhythm overlaid by ominous trumpet and trombone tones. WCBs tracks frequently contrast melancholy tones with upbeat rhythms, adding a depth of tone not often exhibited by ragtag street bands. The effect is to force you on your feet and propel you mindlessly into motionand to lodge the catchy rhythms in your head for hours afterward. Beyond their musical prowess, WCB is a group born out of and dedicated to community activism, using music to construct and enrich public spaces by uniting people through funk and dance. The left-leaning group can often be found supporting causes like public education or progressive politicians with their performances. At its core, the band embodies a countercultural sentiment, resisting popular conceptions of music and self-expression. They revel in spontaneity and the release that their music brings, and briefly caught the national spotlight when a YouTube video of themin which one of the band members quits his job by having his band mates ambush his boss at work with a loud and obnoxious letter of resignationwent viral. Everything about WCBfrom their counter-cultural bent, to their impassioned style of community activism, to their hodgepodge mashup of musical styles ranging from Bollywood to New Orleans funkmirrors Browns own eclectic community. That, along with their local origins, will make them feel right at home when they take over the stage Friday, offering a chaotic, sweaty, and trippy warm-up to the evening.
Take your high school marching band, then take shrooms, and youll get What Cheer? Brigade. With costumes as brash as their beats (including a gorilla-masked snare drummer), the heavily tattooed, often shirtless, aggressively energetic group are what youd imagine your marching band would look and sound like after a bad trip or when cast in a Zack Snyder movie. Theyve taken their energypacked show around the world (including impromptu performances in Times Square and on a Canadian ferry). This Friday, the homegrown troupe brings their signature brand of brass up to College Hill for what is guaranteed to be a one-of-a-kind, incredibly animated performance. What Cheer? Brigade consists of a 19-piece brass outfit based right here in the 401, and their name originates from an old legend concerning Roger Williamss arrival to the Ocean State. (He was supposedly greeted by an exceptionally friendly and hip group of Narragansett natives with the colloquial salutation, What cheer?) Formed in 2005, the band has grown in number and notoriety over the years and has collaborated with indie darlings like Matt & Kim, Okkervil River, and Wolf Parade. Theyve also played festivals like the Newport Folk Festival and Lollapalooza. The band has racked up plenty of critical acclaim, including
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SPIFFY
MM sexpert
What do you get when you combine two fearless rappers, three MIDI-masters, five indie rockers, one smooth synth-player, two bass producers, and nineteen raucous brass players? Answer: a wet crotch. The pertinent question, though, is what to do with your Spring-Weekend-induced panty puddle (or, in the case, of all you peen-owners, your indie-rock-hard schlong). You have exactly two options: 1) go to the concerts and pray that Camron notices your bioluminescent miniskirt, or 2) give your tickets to your JWU friends and find a laundry room to screw in. Seriously, nothing says spring like a used condom in the trashcan. Luckily for us, Vice Magazine published a list of the top five people that Twin Shadows George Lewis, Jr. wants to have sex with. So if you like a moustache, like so many Brown students do, and a chillwave soundtrack, like so many Brown students do, you can dress yourself up like one of Lewiss preferred hotties. If hes as good with his fingers in bed as he is on the synth, youll end up in a great mood for Binder. Lewiss sex list comprises Me-
1. n. a spring-weekend-inspired stiffy. 2. adj. how youll look in your beerstained neon tube top.
Theyre the kind of dudes who love it when a lady quotes their lyrics back to them, so remember to drop the line, My hearts in the strangest place, before you tongue-kiss. Sex with Camron would be rad, because youd get to hook up with the body of an eighteen-yearold who has the experience of a thirty-sixyear-old. What Cheer? would make a great orgy, but remember that those dudes are local, so chances are youll see them all the next time youre biking through Olneyville. And fooling around with any of the members of Glitch Mob would be like living out the NextGen version of your third-grade dream of snagging Lance Bass. If you choose to forgo the concerts in lieu of private sex, I totally understand. But make sure youre within earshot of the show, because the rest of us are paying a lot of money to get these guys to come. (Hah.) I recommend a gender-neutral bathroom, the roof of Wilson, or a couch by the big window in the Leung Gallery. That way, we can watch you, too.
gan Fox, Javier Bardem, young Diane Lane, Ke$ha, and Helen Slater. Since the majority of Brown kids look a lot like Ke$ha to begin with, you might want to distinguish yourself by impersonating Javier Bardemyou know, by walking up to George Lewis, Jr. and shooting him point-blank with a captive bolt cowslaughtering pistol. If youre more into rap than dreampop, all you have to do to impress Childish Gambino is perform a brief exegesis on his lyrics. As he says in Unregistered Sex Offender, hes really into getting his shirts ripped and acquiring scars. In Heartbeat, he asserts that, Sixtynine is the only dinner for two. And Love is Crazy makes it clear that Gambino has a huge dick, an enticing O-face, and the ability to have sex for hours on end. The Walkmen will probably want to have rootsy sixties sex with you, so wear your maxi dress and espadrilles (like you werent already going to). Borrow your friends record player so you can spin some crackly vinyl while you drink Irish coffee and smoke American Spirits when you invite them back to your dorm.
TOP TEN ITEMS WE WISH CAME IN NEON

1. Significant others. 2. The crew team. 3. Beer. 4. Freckles. 5. The stars.
6. Heteronormativity. 7. Small housepets. 8. Dave Binder. 9. Three-piece suits. 10. Pubic hair.
READ. WRITE. EDIT.
POSTSPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 37
bAD SEX
BEEJ unqualified
Dear Beej, My boyfriend and I are very excited for Spring Weekend. We have a lot of mutual friends and enjoy partying together, so theres no question well have a good time. However, my boyfriends rather a heavy drinker, and Im afraid he might overdo it this year (last year we spent most of Saturday night in the dorm bathroom). I love my boyfriend dearly and want to be there for him, but Im not looking forward to playing babysitter. Is there anyway around this girlfriendly duty? Sincerely, Striving for a Pleasant, Easy Weekend Dear SPEW, Might I repeat to you the wedding vows? For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. Is there an exception for Spring Weekend here? That being said, heres the good news: youre not married. You have absolutely no legal obligation to this person, who insists on ruining your quality party time with his incessant vomming. Cut loose, leave him to wallow in the filth of Chipotle and
terrible advice for legitimate questions

stomach acid. Most likely his roommate will take pity on him and shove him into bed. The best part about your desertion? He probably wont remember it. Make up some story: I was holding back your shaggy bangs while you vommed, got you a damp towel, and helped you to sleep. I sang a song to make you feel better! Hell love you all the more, and youll have a great Spring Weekend. No guilt, Beej Dear Beej, Im in love with my best friend, and I have a feeling that somethings going to happen soon between us. With Spring Weekend coming up, I wouldnt be surprised if something went downalcohol and close quarters seem to spur emotions. Problem is, Im afraid shell write off anything that occurs that weekend as a drunken mistake. How can I get her to view me as a viable romantic option in the face of a drunken hookup? Thanks for the help, Waiting, Hoping, and Otherwise Openly and Profoundly Smitten Dear WHOOPS, I cant count on one hand the number of deep, meaningful relationships Ive had that found their beginnings in drunk sex. Its hard not to find a man who takes advantage of a woman in a vulnerable state irresistible, especially if this is someone she already loves and trusts. What a great story for the grandkids: Bubba and I, well, we were really drunk on Spring Weekend, totally f*cked upand we banged! The stuff of Ruby Wedding speeches, the marrow of a great Shakespearean romance. Spring is the season of love, so what better way to celebrate than a sloppy tribute to the birds and the bees? Forget that valuable friendship you might be ruining, a trust and understanding youre bound to violate, and go to pleasure town. While youre at it, throw caution to the wind and forgo protectionyoull get to tell that story to your grandkids a bit sooner. God bless ya, Beej
THOU SHALT (NOT)...

anita BADEJO arts & culture editor
Listen: I love a good excuse to lose my sartorial sanity as much as the next person. Freshman year, back when I was young and didnt know any better, my favorite pair of shoes was a set of glittery, hot pink, Mary Janestyle Converse I bought in the kids section of Target. Also, my most recent clothing purchase may or may not have been a zebra print romper with sheer sleeves and a cut-out back I bought because it was on sale. However, after three and a half years at Brown and two Spring Weekends (I was abroad last spring. Lets
the ten commandments of spring weekend fashion

not talk about it), Ive learned that its best we lay down some fashion laws in Brunoniaeven during the one time we all go bat-shit insane. You may not like them and you may not agree with them, but believe me: you and I will both be better off after the next four days are over if we follow them. Or not. Whatever. 1. Thou shalt not wear neon at the same time all of thy friends are wearing neon. You know how it hurts your eyes to stare at a glow stick for too long? Try blowing it up 100 times in size. Then multiplying it by four. Or six. Or ten. Beginning to see the problem? Spring Weekend wont be as fun if multiple groups of people are blinding one another. Plus, hate to break it to you, but you wont want an extra reason to find it hard to focus once real life hits again. 2. Thou shalt wear something, anything, under thy dress. Oh yesit happens. 3. Thou shalt not wear heels. Youd think this would be a no-brainer but, alas, no. If you want to wear your heels because you like themdont. Spring Week-
Emily Postetiquette advice for the socially awkward and their victims
Dear Emily, Im a freshman and looking forward to my first Spring Weekend. I was wondering if you had any sort of advice for someone who is not totally familiar with the term day drinking. After a semester and a half of college life, I am definitely acquainted with drinking when the sun has already set, but Im feeling intimidated by the idea of drinking in the daylight for all the world to see. Do you have any advice about how to have a good time while remaining sunlight acceptable? Thank you! Spring Weekend Virgin Dearest Virgin, As I begin writing my response to your plea, I am filled with a deep and impermeable sense of dismay concerning the sharp and obvious decline in the quality of questions I have been receiving as of late. Why, when I first began this column, a young, Vivienne Westwood clutch-toting undergraduate English concentrator, I was veritably bombarded by a vast number of intellectually stimulating and etiquette-centered inquiries. Yet now, as I sit at my writing desk and dip pen to ink with immaculately manicured hands, I tirelessly endeavor to extend my aid to a young and nave woman who desperately needs my guidance. And now let me give this advice: please, please, dear freshman, please be wary of the practice of ingesting alcohol during the day. There is something dangerous about the combination of springtime outfits, blossoming flowers on campus trees, warm and sleepy sunshine, and alcoholic beverages. The sweet taste of rum and Coke (although, of course, Emily never drinks anything so common as cola) seduces the young student and leads to impaired decision making processes, often finally resulting in horrific offenses. The thereby-intoxicated person will then begin to sing Bon Jovi songs too loudly (of course, Emily never sings in public), rush to the nearest novelty store and purchase neon accessories (of course, Emily does not own neon accessories... with the exception of that one bright Birkin bag. Ahh, the decisions one makes while young), and bestow upon his or her equally-intoxicated friends many wellmeant yet sloppily-executed kisses on the cheek. I shudder at the image, and yet I feel that I have painted a rather mild picture of what may happen when you allow yourself to drink during the daytime. Still, in the spirit of complete fairness, I happen to be drinking during the daytime right now. Next to my inkwell is a Tiffany highball glass filled with 100-year-old Bourbon, and I fully intend to consume it as soon as I finish this reply. Suffice to say that you may be partially responsible for this. In solidarity, Emily
end is as rough on a sole as it is riveting for the soul (hardy har har). And if youre wearing heels because you want someone to like youdont. Trust me, they will most likely be too out of it to notice. Not to mention, if they know whats good for them, they probably already do! 4. Thou shalt wear sunglasses. A) They protect your eyeshooray for some semblance of responsibility! B) They make you look like a BAMF. Which you are. 5. Thou shalt not cover thy torso with anything besides a bro tank at Dave Binder. Freshmen: you will understand. Everyone else: like, duh. 6. Thou shalt only bring a bag if it is small and can go across thy body. If youve been to a music festival, you
know how annoying it is to have to lug a bag around with you all day. You constantly worry about whether youve left it somewhere or if somethings been stolen from it. You have to make sure a friend watches it for you if you leave your sitting area. You incur death glares from the people you inevitably hit with it because everywhere is crowded. Dont be that person. 7. Thou shalt wear shorts that cover thine ass. I know your butt is great and Im generally not about policing people, but please, at least try not to make me have to avoid playing peek-a-boo with your posterior all weekend. Its distracting. And thats what SPG is for. 8. Thou shalt not wear jewelry to the foam
party. I guarantee you will either lose it or impale someone as youre forced to grind with people while being unable to see any of their body parts. Stay cautious. Stay safe. 9. Thou shalt not wear only thy birthday suit on the Wriston Slip n Slide. Again, Im not into the whole policing thing but you are not the only one who wants the chance to hurl yourself toward Caesars statue. What do you call lots o naked people wriggling on the same, wet plastic tarp? Unhygienic. 10. Thou shalt do whatever makes thou happy. Basically, take these rules, read em, chew em, digest emand then do whatever the f*ck you want. Its Spring Weekend, kiddos. Use the opportunity as you will.
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SPRING WEEKEND INGESTION TIMELINE

jane BRENDLINGER and rmy ROBERT
Spring Weekend is like Christmastime for Brown students. Its the most wonderful time of the year, when that one song from that one headliner pours out of dorm windows incessantly ... and people dont even mind. The Spring Weekend tank, like the holiday sweater, becomes wholly appropriate for a seven-day span, only to be relegated to a wasteland of ironic garb and pajama layers come Monday morning. To top it off, all judiciousness is wholeheartedly jettisoned: this is the time to drink all day, attend a foam party with hundreds of strangers, and experiment with new ways to ingest drugs, all with the celebratory YOLO fervor of Buddy the Elf. Roughly speaking, the idea is to wake up, start drinking, and eat the kinds of drunchies that make it possible for you to keep drinking. Rinse, repeat. If you find yourself in need of guidance through this debaucherous wonderland, here is a road map to the food and drink stops along the coming weekend. Disclaimer: Parts of this article contain adult themes. We do not and would never endorse the use of marijuana, on this or any other weekend. Think of this simply as an anthropological study: a Spring Weekend in the life of a typical Spring Weekender. Hugs not drugs, kids. Friday, 4/20 4:15 a.m. Wake and bake. Roll out of bed and roll up a joint. The Main Green is a magical place for all 24 hours of April 20, and waiting to celebrate until the afternoon is for scrooges. Set your alarm (or stay up all night) to celebrate the first goround in true holiday spirit. In the minutes beforehand, people awkwardly mill about, not really sure why theyre outside in the middle of the night and not functioning at a level high (cough) enough for human interactions. Once the clock strikes 4:20, though, shit goes down. A cloud of smoke takes flight over the pitchblack green, transforming it into the set of a Bob Marley music video. 5 a.m. Louis. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Start it off right with a well-balanced breakfast: lots of bacon, lots of eggs, lots of pancakes. Side of toast. Side of homefries. Grilled muffin for dessert. Oh yeah, did we mention carbs? Start padding your tummy early, because they will be clutch later. 6 a.m. PTFO. 12 p.m. Its a brand-new day! But ITS STILL FRIDAY! We hope your nap was excellent, because its the last one youll be taking all weekend. Wake up and smell the coffee at BYOB Chicken Finger Friday. This is Spring Weekend, so go all out to kick off the bender. Chicken and waffles, Jack and Coke. Alternatively, if youre more of a marathoner than a sprinter, tow in some beers to wash down the chicken. 1 p.m. Grab a Meeting Street cookie for the road. Dont think twice about it. When have you ever regretted getting a Meeting Street cookie? (Conveniently located above Spiritus for your other ingestion needs). 1:30 p.m. Swing by Wriston for a go on the Slip n Slide. Pop open a can of Natty (or several) before you hurl yourself down a sudsy tarp. 3:30 p.m. Its a (hopefully) gorgeous day out, youre hungry, and you want to eat, fast. Luck is on your sidethe food truck gods are smiling down on you. Yes, they provide perfectly marvelous grab-and-go lunches to be consumed at any other time of year when your BAC is a perfect 0.0, but they also provide myriad variations on the drunchies theme. Mama Kims is the mother of them all, and bulgogi sliders make a clever complement to day drinking. Rocket has all the classics, done up nicely so you can still feel like a real human. Fancheezicals grilled cheeses are as crispy-gooeymelty-marvelous as their puns are embarrassing, and Mijos has tacos (need we say more?). Really, who are we to be prescriptive? Drunchies are in the eye of the beholder. Werq it. 4:20 p.m. You know what to do. 5 p.m. Pregame Concert Number One. The goal is to be more drunk than the person next to you. If youve been following our advice thus far, you should already have a good buzz on. However, if youre one of those lame people with responsibilities, like class, work, or watching small children, you might have some catching up to do. SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS. If, like me, youre not so hard-core and prefer drinking a few beers to down-
ing Karkov, time is not on your side. My recommendation for gunning them down: Find the fun and *snap*, its a game! Make up a drinking game to your favorite TV show, or watch the last hour of Titanic and drink every time they say Jack or Rose. Youll be drowning faster than the people on that boat. Too soon? 6 p.m. Concert Number One. As per the aforementioned goal, you may need to do some sneaking of substances past the watchful eyes of the Spring Weekend Guard. Fortunately, modern science has come up with a host of devious ways to conceal liquor. Clever options include the Beer Bladder (a bag suspended by a belt around the midsection), cell phone flasks, and my personal favorite for all you ladies out there, the Wine Rack (a snazzy number that not only carries 750 mL of liquor but also increases your bust to a DD!). But a surefire way to guarantee intoxication at an event, without any
gadgets or deception, is by edibles. Lets take a brief pause from this rigorous schedule and go over the fine points of baking with cannabis. Mary Jane, take it away. A good edible comes from a quality butter. This is determined both by quantity and quality of your product, as well as the length of time the butter has been cooked. For one recipe (generally enough to adequately stone 30 people), five to seven ounces of good quality ganja is recommended. Simmer in melted butter or oil (the required amount for whatever baked good recipe youre making), until the weed has turned brown, usually about an hour. Dip your finger in the butter and place a drop on the very tip of your tongue to testyoull know its ready if your tongue feels numb and tingly. Strain through a tea strainer and press out all of the oil (so thats what those are for!). Once you have your butter or oil, use your imagination. Anything with butter or oil is fair game, so skys the limit! I recommend a flourless chocolate weed cakefabulously smooth texture, and an intense chocolate that hides the taste of weed completely. A bit dangerous to have around, though, since youre bound to get a bit hungry ... After concert: Do you even know what time it is? Or where you got that calzone? Do you care? Dance the night away. Avoid illness. Saturday, 4/21 11 a.m. Wake up. Pour yourself a screwdriver. Don bro tank #2.
11:15 a.m. Hit up Bagel Gourmet for a bagel with your Blue Moon. Hate to sound like a broken record, but do you see a theme? Drink, carbs, drink, carbs. This weekend is long, and part of the fun is staying upright. 2 p.m. Doors open for Concert Number Two. You know the drill from the night before, so you should be a pro. Pre-game, sneak in your drank, nosh an edible in line. Find that joint your past self rolled for you in your pocket (thanks, past self !). And bring some cash to treat yourself at any number of the delicious vendors at the concerts. Taste of India, a restaurant called Mexico, BuDS (selling hot dogs and nachos), Ben and Jerrys, Dominos, and if were all lucky, Duck and Bunny cupcakes. Im saving my cash for D and BIve challenged myself to try all cupcake flavors before graduation, and I will not fail. Sunday, 4/22 11 a.m. Wake up. Pour yourself a mimosa (Sunday brunch!). Don bro tank #3, a very large and comfy dress, or a Snuggie, depending on your comfort level. 11:30 a.m. Ratty. Goal: consume every cereal available. 12:30 p.m. Did you know that Sigma grills lobsters on Binder Sunday? Pay your respects to the brothers of Sigma Chi. 1 p.m. Binder. I will be representing my home state with an ice-cold bottle (or six) of Louisiana-brewed Abita Strawberry, only the best beer ever and the greatest thing about springtime. Madeiras has it in limited stock, and Ive heard rumors of spottings at Spiritus. If you find it, call me. 3 p.m. Take the rest of the day to bask in the remaining hours of Spring Weekend glory. Finish whatever alcohol you have, take the last few hits of the weed crumbles lying on your dresser. Work can start tomorrow, that life-changing diet youve intended to begin can wait a day. Tonight, we are young.
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what should we put here? what about, this space is left intentionally blank like in the SATs? and then on the opposite page we could just do bubbles. then wed have to make a quiz. NO WE WOULDNT! just bubbles? JUST bubbles. clara wants to like, liveblog our conversation. okay, one full page can be READ and then the logo, and then POST- clara, were like, not doing that. just say one page can be the post logo... oh f*ck. did that events thing get done? that can be a thing. i dont think what youre writing can be a thing. but were always masturbatory. so what, do you want to make this a whole page? is that the idea? in really big font? STOP WRITING WHAT IM SAYING!!! sam, i dont know why you havent just stopped talking. this is what happens at a quarter to one. its like the quiet game. the stakes are high. somebodys gonna read this and be like, damn, they really do get high at post- during production night.* can we do this for all of our issues from now on? just get a stenographer and talk? someone should livetweet post-! i do that every time! yeah, but you can do better. okay, just make it take up the whole page. i dont care anymore. what if we leave the rest blank. will you just lay it out and see how much space it takes? no, PAUSE, PAUSE! on the opposite side it can just be the post- logo, like, this is what youre missing! people are like, going to want to join this publication. did you guys know that april was grilled cheese month?! that needs to be, like, poignantly felt by me. i didnt know you had a poignant relationship with grilled cheese. *we dont. 46 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012
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SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012

2 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012

TOP TEN THINGS WE WISH WE WERE DANCING IN INSTEAD OF FOAM

4 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012

6 SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012

losing my spring weekend virginity

SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012

REMEMbER THAT TIME?

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bLAMING THE VICTIM?

in defense of the bca

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SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012

FIND YOUR bINDER

an interview with the legend

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THE GLITCH MOb

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raj SIDHU contributing writer

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WHAT CHEER? bRIGADE

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SPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012

TOP TEN ITEMS WE WISH CAME IN NEON

READ. WRITE. EDIT.

POSTSPRING WEEKEND GUIDE APRIL 2012 37

terrible advice for legitimate questions

THOU SHALT (NOT)...

the ten commandments of spring weekend fashion

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SPRING WEEKEND INGESTION TIMELINE

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