WAITING FOR DEATH Tonight my life ends as it began, Misery was my family Hate of my father...

Unloved as a child, Life was painful as wild. Never loved,never cared. Always alone.... No So No As love, I'm running away, want to be loved, i always pushed away...

Every single moment is like throes, Can't speak,can't look My eyes are covered with tears. Life is boring now.. Death!! I don't care... This is my life, A life where pain and sorrow have become the habit, Soulless since conception, All emotions are gone, They are empty since birth, My heart is as black as night, I'm happy in dark No need of light.... The demons control me now, The thought of death welcomes me. When will tomorrow end? Cause tomorrow won't be a better day for me. Difference between heaven and hell I can't see I wish i died to be free... Darkness is our Friend The wind blew crisp this rainy morning. Sound of thunder is over whelming. I saw the rain did fall and the leaves scurried about to find hidden corners to safely tuck themselves away. I have felt Life many time, I have felt Death all the same. Living amongst the dead, along with those that let go and now wander through the streets. And names don't matter anymore. People in a hurry, running from something, running to something. But I can see the difference with those that lost their way and those that look ahead. And the pain runs down my shoulders searching to find peace. Everything is distorted yet insists on destruction. And I look at your eyes and I see the many faces all searching for the same thin g. And none of us have the answers.

The wind blew through the trees and when the leaves descended in their season, I knew they would come again. And I remembered, there are times we want to let go, when silence is serenity and Darkness is our friend. The Beauty of You Beauty is on my mind right now, the beauty of you. But the beauty that I speak o f transcends the physical limitations of this realm, cascading into the soul. Yo ur beauty is an unspoken, unseen beauty. Because words can't describe the intens ity of your radiance, and eyes can't capture the essence of your elegance, your beauty can only be felt, for the thought of your illustrious eloquence soothes m y soul, and deeply massages the chambers of my heart, when I look in your eyes, the windows to your soul, all I see is purity, your desires are decent, yet plea singly enticing to any man's soul, what any man desires to see in a woman can be seen in you, you'd be a completion of me because you are a completion of yourse lf. You've been casted through time into the clutches of heartache and pain, onl y to be reborn a creature of pleasure, wisdom and joy. You've gracefully matured into a woman of Ideal divinity, and the physical beauty of your face, stunning though it may be, pales in comparison to the refined cultivation of the deep rec esses of your sweet spirit. The fairness of your face brings a smile to mine, bu t the remembrance of your inner substance brings tears to my eyes because the jo y I experience when thinking of you cannot be contained. Whenever I wish to witn ess beauty in it's entirety, I look to you, you're beautiful regardless of the o pinions of others, and if you don't see this beauty that I speak of, then just l ook within yourself. Above Dark Water As I stand proud on the platform above the Dark Water and all of the people waddling in it, I see right through the waterwith piercing clarity and distinction. I begin to ponder on why someone would allow themselves to succumb to such a fate, me with all of my God-given wisdom and strength that I have been bestowed with would never allow such a fate upon myself. Then in that instantI felt an ominously apposing force against my back and in that moment I was thrusted into the dark water. As I'm submerged in these foul fluids, I find myself dismayed, the waters that we're once so see through have now become, thick, deep, dreary, and dark, so dark one could lose his very soul in it. I turn to my left and my right the people that seemed so fated in these waters now seem to have hordes of life In comparison to my pathetic strokes. With all of my wisdom I can't figure out how to escape this trap, with all of strength I find myself inferior to the strength of the waves of the dark water. The putrid liquid then begins to fill my lungs, Instead of breathing sweet life I inhale the influx of death as it begins to deteriorate me from the inside,

and it's killing me anything but softly. Then I begin to see a light shining through the dark water with piercing clarity, and I feel strong arms lifting me up as i'm rescued from the dark water. The experience opened my eyes, my pride was stripped, my diginity hanging on by a thread, I realize that I can now never go back to who I was before the water but maybe I can move back up on a different platform. Instead of looking down, I can reach down pulling others out of the water as I was pulled out. A voice then said unto me, that He had been watching me the entire time, He also said that I was not pushed into the water but that I willingly dived into it. He continued to say that because of my 'choice' he couldn't allow me His strength which is why I couldn't swim, and in choosing evil which is the opposite of wisdom I lost my ability to see clearly. I realize now that I am better than no one, and what happened to me can happen to anyone, and if it were'nt for him. I would've lost my soul, and the sad thing is.... I wouldn't have been the only one. This Lady When I think of who you are, what you are and the thought of you being with me, I begin to challenge myself. If I were you looking at me and I asked myself, "What can he do for me?" I'd like to have a good answer Not just what I can do for a woman of your effervescent eloquence, but merely how would a man such as I enhance your life. When I touch you I want to be able to feel your back curl, not because I've mastered some sensual technique, but because I've already touched your heart I'll admit in my younger days my mindset was jacked up, the same reason why alot of these guys are backed up, But i'd never want to be the guy that causes you to act up, Instead i'd rather be the guy that you can call for back up Alot of fellas know what they want from a woman and usually it's not much...But I know you have so much more to offer, so excuse me for checking my account to see if I can offer you just as much in return, and I'm not talking about an account of monetary value, I'm talking about the potential accounts that we can reflect upon when we've spent hours together in mere minutes of getting lost in the conception that is me and you

The thought of us may be a bit much, but just think, it can all happen with just one touch. For me to explain the euphoric rush of emotions. I experience when I allow my soul to touch yours via those soft brown eyes of yours, it would be an impossible feat.... Holding counsel with you is sublime, your voice massages my ears with your melodic accent. I love the fact that you're so genuine, you're no actor but you have plenty of character. I've never heard you sing but my heart gives you a standing ovation everytime you speak I'm expressing myself because i'm a grown man, even though I act a little silly every once in a while, I only do it to make you laugh, you know I love seeing you smile. And though it may take awhile I'm willing to put the time in, because you're more than just a prospect.... Your'e a Woman I respect...... Alone Again Some find pleasure in being with company of joyous laughter from other people, enjoying the simplicities of casual conversation and embracing the human experience in it's entirety along with all of its necessities, but for those whose minds have ascended their times solitude is equally essential. Companionship is a basic human need everyone needs it at some point and time in their life, but when the frailties of the human condition become too much to bear and your spirit begins to pain. Isolation is the sweet soothing melody that resonates within the soul. To be able to understand and comprehend everything and everyone around you and yet still not be understood yourself is a very taxing ordeal an enlightened one must endure. Some think of being lonely as being in despair, I see it as fresh air, In reality who is ever truly alone? There's always someone watching.....There's always someone listening.... There's always someone talking.....Regardless of the fact that you may be oblivious to any of these things happening around you put trust in the fact that it does transpire. To be truly alone is not in realizing you have no one to talk to, no, to truly be alone one can feel it. The closing of the walls gradually evaporating your already limited space, one would think he'd have ample space considering he's alone, then feeling the air steadily being coerced out of your lungs convinced never to return again, this type of loneliness is so quiet the loudness of it is maddening. This is why we seek the love of others, a love hardly worth receiving.

I can only imagine God's pain, to have supreme understanding and unconditional love of and for us, so much he can count the hairs on our heads and know our hearts before they are made. Yet we know nothing of Him and our form of love is a ridiculous gesture of reciprocation. We're constantly hurting the ones we love and often neglecting them, funny how we seem to be more civil to the ones we would hate, not to mention they have more of our attention and we wonder why one would isolate Himself from such a thing. In my living I haven't experience a percent of the pain and frustration He endures, but I'm all too aware of the snares that come along with the burden of being entangled with our form of love. To be created to understand and never be understood takes it's toll on a man and the sad thing is this paradox lies within more than just one man yet these men don't even understand each other or themselves. Is it deception? Is it ignorance? Is it our own selfishness that can't allow us to fully sympathize or understand the full condition of our fellow man, even though we have a mirror reflection of their condition within us, yet we choose to see each other as opposites, as enemies instead of friends. We see one another as someone who needs to be torn down instead of built up, afraid of someone towering over you instead of considering a hand that may one day pull you out of the dark water. Constantly running from our own humanity which is why were so threatened when another reminds us of it, even if done obliviously. Instead of embracing our humanity, flaws and all we tend convince ourselves that somehow or someway we're better than the person next to us, Lord forbid we may actually be worse.... To speak these words of wisdom to one with a mind would be a tasteful, fulfilling meal to him or her, but to a sea of vain men and iniquitous women it would be a bitter substance of regurgitation.....And they wonder why one would rather be alone.....