Quid nobis dederunt Romani?

Grupo Chiron Ángel Luis Gallego Real

The life of Bryan: Quid nobis dederunt Romani?
Personae: Reg Francis Xerxes Matthias Stan Masked Activist 1 Masked Activist 2 Masked Activist 3 Masked Activist 4 Masked Activist 5 Masked Activist 6 Masked Activist 7

Francis: We get in through the underground heating system here... up through to the main audience chamber here... and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions? Xerxes: What exactly are the demands? Reg: We're giving Pilate two days to dismantle the entire apparatus of the Roman Imperialist State and if he doesn't agree immediately we execute her. Matthias: Cut her head off?

Francis: Intramus per subterraneam calefactionem hic ... per principale auditorium hic ... et Pilati uxoris cubiculum hic est. Prehensa eius uxore, Pilatum certiorem facimus de sua prehensione a nobis atque exponimus nostras petitiones. Aliqua quaestio?

Xerxes : Quae sunt nostrae petitiones? Reg: Pilato duos dabimus dies ut diruat apparatum Imperii Romani. Si nobiscum non convenit, statim eam supplicio afficimus. Mathias: Eius caput amputamus?

Francis: Cut all her bits off, send 'em Francis: In partibus amputabimus et back every hour on the hour... show ei haec mittamus in horas. Hoc ei him we're not to be trifled with. probabit nos non ludere velle.

Quid nobis dederunt Romani?
Grupo Chiron Ángel Luis Gallego Real

Reg: And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we chop her up, and... that we shall not submit to blackmail. Omnes: (Applause) No blackmail! Reg: They've bled us white, the bastards. They've taken everything we had, not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers' fathers. Stan: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers. Reg: Yes. Stan: And from our fathers' fathers' fathers' fathers Reg: All right, Stan. Don't labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return? Xerxes: The aqueduct. Reg: what? Xerxes: The aqueduct Reg: Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That's true.

Reg: Et, procul dubio, notabimus eos totam responsabilitatem habere cum eam truncemus, et... non extorsionem cedemus. Omnes: (plausus) Non extorsionem! Reg: Nobis sanguinem exhauserunt hirci. Omnia quae habuimus ab eis expoliata sunt, non solum omnia nostra sed etiam nostrorum patrum et patrum patrum. Stan: Et etiam patrum patrum patrum. Reg: ita . Stan: Et etiam patrum patrum patrum patrum. Reg: Certe, Stane, noli insistere in re. Sed, quid nobis dederunt Romani pro hac re? Xerxes: Aquaeductum... Reg: Quid? Xerxes: Aquaeductum Reg: Certe, certe, ita vero, dederunt, certum est...

Quid nobis dederunt Romani?
Grupo Chiron Ángel Luis Gallego Real

Masked Activist 1: And the sanitation! Stan: Oh yes... sanitation, Reg, you remember what the city used to be like. Reg: All right, I'll grant you that the aqueduct and the sanitation are two things that the Romans have done... Matthias: And the roads... Reg: (sharply) Well yes obviously the roads... the roads go without saying. But apart from the aqueduct, the sanitation and the roads... Masked Activist 2: Irrigation... Masked Activist 3: Medicine... Masked Activist 4: Education... Masked Activist 5: Health... Reg: Yes... all right, fair enough... Masked Activist 6: And the wine... Omnes: Oh yes! True! Francis: Yeah. That's something we'd really miss if the Romans left, Reg. Masked Activist 7: Public baths!

Personatus activitas 1: Et cloacas! Stan: Sane, cloacas! Meministi quomodo prius oppidum odorabatur? Reg: Ita prorsus, concedo Romanos nobis Aquaeductum et Cloacas tantum dedisse. Mathias: Et vias... Reg: (Graviter) Certe, perspicue vias. De hoc necesse non est mentionem facere. Sed praeter cloacas, aquaeductum et vias ... Personatus activitas 2: Irrigationem ... Personatus activitas 3: Medicinam ... Personatus activitas 4: Institutionem ... Personatus activitas 5: Valetudinem ... Reg: Certe, certe, concedo... Personatus activitas 6: Et vinum... Omnes: Ita vero, certe! Francis: Non dubie, aliquid desiderabimus, si Romani afuerint, Rege... Personatus activitas 7: Et

Quid nobis dederunt Romani?
Grupo Chiron Ángel Luis Gallego Real

thermas... Stan: And it's safe to walk in the streets at night now. Francis: Yes, they certainly know how to keep order... (general nodding)... let's face it, they're the only ones who could in a place like this. (more general murmurs of agreement) Reg: All right... all right... but apart from better sanitation and medicine and education and irrigation and public health and roads and a freshwater system and baths and public order... what have the Romans done for us? Xerxes: Brought peace! Reg: (very angry) What!? Oh... (scornfully) Peace, yes... shut up! Stan: Et nunc noctu sine periculo abire possumus, Rege. Francis: Ita vero, sciunt imperium tenere. Certum est eos unos ex omnibus qui noverunt id tenere.

(Admurmuratio) Reg: Certe, sed, praeter cloacas, valetudinem, institutionem, vinum, imperium, irrigationem, vias, thermas...Quae egerunt Romani pro nobis?

Xerxes: Pacem dederunt. Reg: (iratus) Pacem? (fastidiose) Tibi Priapum... Tace!

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