How to Speak More Effectively

How to use your voice to be a magnetic communicator.

This is a short PDF designed to teach you the mechanics of speech and how we can adjust our speech to be more effective communicators.

Steven Handel

The Mechanics of Speech

So much about our relationships is dependent on communication. And more and more research is showing that how we say something can be just as important as what we say. Two people can choose the same set of words, but their volume, tone, pitch, rhythm, and pace of speaking can completely alter the message that is being conveyed. Take for example the phrase, I love you. People repeat these 3 simple words in a variety of different ways depending on the social context, and in each way these words take on an entirely different meaning. In one situation, I love you can be said in a slow, sensual, and intimate tone, commonly signaling affection toward a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. In another situation, I love you can be said in a more playful and joking tone, usually toward someone who is just a good friend. And in another situation, I love you may even be said sarcastically and with malicious intent,

such as to someone who we actually dont like at all. ______________________________________ Im sure you can reflect on certain times in your life where you have heard the phrase I love you used in a variety of different contexts. Take the time right now to think of a few examples. And if you cant think of any, just imagine different social situations where this phrase may be used to take on different meanings. Now reflect on some of the ways these different contexts affect the volume, tone, pitch, rhythm, and pace at which the words were said. Youre probably going to find that these speech cues play a huge role in the underlying message being communicated ______________________________________ Hopefully the examples you thought of illustrate just how important these speech cues are in effective communication. Imagine you wanted to say I love you to a platonic friend after they beat you in a videogame

(a friendly gesture), but instead you repeated those words in a seductive and sexual tone? Clearly, the tone of how you said those words isnt congruent with the social context. Youre sending information to that person which you dont want to communicate (or information which isnt appropriate to communicate in that situation). Because your tone doesnt match the message, it comes off socially awkward. If youre tone is always a bit off, it may inhibit your ability to be an effective communicator. The big lesson is to be more aware of how you say what you say. The right words with the wrong tone will ultimately communicate the wrong message. Im going to now cover all the main mechanics that affect our speech, and how we can use them to be better communicators. Volume The volume at which we speak communicates different things in different situations.

A louder voice is typically more authoritative and more demanding of attention. For example, yelling at a small child to stop doing something bad will probably be more effective than if we chose to speak really softly. A quiet voice can be used to demand attention in some situations (such as whispering something important into someones ear), but someone who always speaks too softly may have a hard time getting people to pay attention and listen to them (especially in group settings). Its important to know when to speak up. On the other hand, someone who speaks too loudly all the time may start being perceived as annoying or aggressive. Because a loud voice often demands our full attention, it can quickly drain us if we have to listen to it for an extended period of time - and no one likes to constantly be yelled at. The key is to be able to adjust the volume of your voice when appropriate. Know when to speak up and demand attention, and also know when to be more casual and relaxed.

This is going to greatly depend on who you are talking to and what the situation is. Obviously speaking louder at a crowded bar is more appropriate than speaking louder at a library. Be aware of the social context (and what you are trying to communicate) when determining the volume of your voice. Pitch The pitch of your voice (high-pitched vs. lowpitched) can also affect how people perceive your communication. On average, a deeper voice is usually seen as more commanding and authoritative. Good leaders sometimes intentionally lower the pitch of their voice when speaking to their audience in order to be more persuasive. This has shown to be a particularly effective strategy for males (variations of pitch in females doesnt make as much of a difference). On the other hand, higher pitched voices usually signal a more submissive role in situations. Our voices tend to rise when we are anxious or

scared. A high-pitched scream is a common sign that someone is helpless and feels threatened. Our pitch is going to vary depending on the situation (and that is healthy), but its important to be aware of some of the ways these changes can affect what is being communicated. If you find your voice is too high-pitched, but you want to have a stronger command over your audience, then practice lowering your pitch until it becomes more natural. This doesnt mean dropping your voice 2-3 octaves overnight - that would just sound fake. Instead, make small and subtle changes over time (we will talk about how to practice naturally adjusting your speech later in this document). Pace and Rhythm An often underestimated aspect of our speech is the pace and rhythm behind it. Those who talk too fast may be seen as untrustworthy and manipulative, while those who talk too slow may be seen as stupid or pedantic. Studies have shown that people who speak moderately fast, at a rate of about 3.5 words per

second, were more effective communicators than those who spoke above or below this rate. (For example, salesmen who spoke at this rate were shown to convert more sales.) Its important to find a rhythm to your speech that comes naturally but also keeps the energy flowing throughout the conversation. Research has shown that the average person pauses between 4-5 times per minute. Chunking your speech with the occasional pause can be a great way to allow your listener to digest what youre saying. A person who never pauses will often lose their audience, because they leave no space for the listener to process everything that is being said. Quick Tip: Try to make pauses in your speech without resorting to ums or uhs. Learn to be comfortable with some silence. Also keep in mind, it is probably best to adjust the rhythm and pace at which you speak with whoever your audience is. A child may need you to speak slower and pause more often than an adult. And a person of high intellect may be able to process faster speech

with fewer pauses better than someone who may not be as bright (or just not good at listening). Always keep the listener in mind when adjusting the pace and rhythm of your speech, and dont be afraid to speed up or slow down if you think youre losing them. Also, there are cases where someone may intentionally slow down their speech when making a particular point. This change in pace helps the listener focus in on what the speaker is saying because their slowed speech signals that they are stating something really important that they want you to remember. This tactic is also used a lot when sharing stories or telling jokes. Slowing down your speech (or taking an extended pause before delivering a punch line) is a great way to add suspense and an element of surprise to whatever it is youre talking about. In some cases, the right pace and rhythm of speaking can make all the difference between a successful story/joke versus an unsuccessful one.

Tone Tone can be a difficult thing to define, but often it refers to the overall attitude with which you speak. The tone of our voice can often be affected by the previously defined speech cues (volume, pitch, rhythm and pace) but it also includes a distinctly emotional component to our communication. There can be happy and uplifting tones, sad and somber tones, angry and aggressive tones, and a variety of other tones that span the full spectrum of our emotions - all reflected in our speech. If you are experiencing a certain feeling or emotion while speaking, it is very likely that other people are picking up on that same feeling and emotion while listening to you. Try to be aware of the tone of your voice by paying closer attention to the emotions and feelings you are expressing. Make sure they align with the message you want to get across. Because if what you are trying to communicate isnt congruent with the emotions you feel,

people are probably going to dismiss what you say (because itll come off fake or inauthentic). One simple example: If you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend that you arent angry at them, but you say it in an aggressive tone, they are going to sense a mismatch between what you say and the tone you use. Our tone of voice can be very revealing about our true feelings and intentions. So being honest with our emotions, and learning how to express and manage them in healthy ways, is key to maintain authenticity in our speech. Animated Speech Its important that our speech is animated and dynamic in a healthy way. People who only talk in a flat and monotone voice often lose peoples attention quickly. They just dont sound interested in what they are talking about, and there is no emotional expression behind their words. Effective communication has to have some sense of animation and variation in it. Its like telling a good story - with a beginning, middle, and end.

If you watched a movie that never went anywhere interesting (say it was a 2 hour long scene, in the same room with one person talking about the same thing over and over again), then you probably wouldnt want to watch the whole movie. Thats because there is nothing dynamic going on. Its just one scene, but nothing is developing no story, no conflict, no character development, no action, no romance, no comic relief, no climactic scene - nothing. It just stays flat. In the same way, our speech can also be like that if it is never animated or varied. If we emphasize all our words the same way, our speech becomes dry and boring. But if our speech is varied we can better hook someones attention, and keep them on the edge of their seat waiting for whats next. This sense of animation in our speech is absolutely crucial for telling a compelling story or joke.

One caveat, however, is that we have to be aware not to be too dynamic, which may come off as superficial or putting an act. (Ever talk to someone from your schools drama club who is overly-expressive with everything they say? Thats something you need to be aware of and try to avoid if you become too animated. For many people, this can be offputting.) Research has shown that those who achieve an appropriate balance of speech variation are the most effective communicators.

Practicing Your Speech

Now that you have a better understanding of the mechanics behind your speech and how they work, its time to put this stuff into practice. The simple truth is that the only way youll improve your speaking is through conscious practice and experience. Here are some suggestions of things you can start doing today in order to become a better speaker:

 Record yourself reading an article in a newspaper, then re-listen to it. Find things about your speech that you can try to improve upon. Does your voice match the tone of the article? Are you reading too fast or too slow? Hows your pitch? Rhythm? Make note of anything about your speaking that pops into your mind. Often having this third-person perspective can help us hear a new side of our speech that we arent aware of while doing it. Record a second take, this time experimenting with different variables of your speech. For example, try reading once really slowly, carefully enunciating every syllable. Then try again, but this time reading super fast while still sounding intelligible. Also try experimenting with higher pitches and lower pitches, higher volumes and lower volumes. Have fun with it and test your boundaries. How loud and soft can you really get? How high-pitched or low-pitched can you really get? Think of it as a process of self-discovery. Another important thing you can do is practice reading/speaking in front of a small group, then have them offer

constructive criticism. Find ways you can apply this criticism to future speaking opportunities, and always be willing to learn from other peoples feedback. Try to be more mindful of your speech on a daily basis. When having conversations throughout your day, try to step back and be a little more aware of your pitch, volume, pace, rhythm, tone, and animation in your voice. Make small adjustments and see how they suit you. Willingly engage in more conversation throughout the day. The more you practice, the better youll get. Start by sparking a small conversation with the cashier at the grocery store, or complimenting a strangers shirt, or calling up someone you havent spoken to in awhile. These are just some suggestions you can keep in mind while improving your speech. Often we have many opportunities throughout the day to be more conscious of our speaking; its just about putting this stuff into practice. Be deliberate about improving yourself in this area of your life, and youll start seeing changes.

Thank you.
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Do you suffer from shyness and social anxiety?

It can be difficult to start building positive relationships in your life if you have a deepseated fear of interacting with other people. This is known as social anxiety disorder (SAD), and it can affect a wide range of different areas in your life: Relationships One of the most obvious things our social anxiety affects is our relationships with others. Those with social anxiety have extreme difficulty making new friends, asking someone out on a date, and being friendly in social situations. This really hurts their ability to build a social circle and also find a boyfriend or girlfriend. Work and school In order to avoid uncomfortable social interactions, many individuals with social anxiety will call out sick even when they arent really ill. And when they do muster up some courage to go to work or school, they often experience a level of discomfort that severely inhibits their ability to learn and be productive.

Happiness and well-being It only follows that when an individual has a difficult time building relationships and enjoying their job/career, they are going to start being psychologically affected by it. Those with social anxiety are much more like to be depressed, because they arent capable of finding the satisfaction they need in important areas of their life. Health Social anxiety also affects our health. Those with SAD are much more likely to be tense and stressed throughout the day, and this can often cause high blood pressure, as well as other negative effects on our cardiovascular system and nervous system. There are many potential treatments for social anxiety disorder, but one of the most common is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. Sean Coopers The Shyness and Social Anxiety System is a great and affordable workbook on how to use CBT techniques to start overcoming social anxiety today.