Confessions at Dusk

a dialogue essay for ENGL221 Masterpieces in World Literature II San Diego Mesa Community College

by Heath Hines

CHARACTERS JEAN-JACQUES ROUSSEAU 18th-century Romantic philosopher, writer, and composer. Author of Confessions (1712-1736 AD). The main character of Leo Tolstoy's short story, The Death of Ivan Ilyich. Characterized by a period of intense existential angst of both the criticism of society and, contrarily, criticism and self-doubt preceding his physical death. Founder of psychoanalysis. Developed theories about the unconscious and mechanisms of repression, and created psychoanalysis as a clinical method for treating psychopathology through dialogue between a patient and a psychoanalyst in a therapeutic environment established as safe to facilitate the patients most private revelations of his/her life, opinions, and self. College student of writing and literature.

IVAN ILYICH

SIGMUND FREUD

HEATH HINES

SETTING A dive bar in San Diego named Cheers. TIME A point in time wherein the fictional Ivan Ilyich, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Sigmund Freud, and Heath Hines have somehow space-time traveled to meet for cocktails. But, basically dusk.

Hines 1 HEATH Im telling you youre all crazy. Ive been aghast at how loony you all were. Not that you all werent geniuses, either. Hermits, liars, hypocrites the whole lot o ya! Hahaha. JEAN-JACQUES I wasnt crazy. Everybody else was! HEATH Uh-huh. Right, Mr. Hermit. Its so easy being green. Didnt seem like it, if yask me! JEAN-JACQUES Dont make fun of me because I was kind of hippie-crunchy. Just because you know that one of my true loves, from my youth, throughout my life, to the years I wrote my Confessions, was botany (Noyes 424, 425, 427). HEATH Yes you would take long expeditions in search of new plants and then, in the later years of your life, the only books you read were on botany and, at times, talked only of botany with your friends. And your passion became more intense with each day (Noyes 426, 427). JEAN-JACQUES Ah, yes. I wouldnt return from my walks until nightfall (Noyes 428). Even from my youth, I found myself so contented, if not in states of reverie and ecstasy (Noyes 411). HEATH Yeah, you wrote about that in Book III of your Confessions. It was when you had been pining for Mme. de Warens, with a burning desire in your heart. But it wasnt gonna be a love connection, as they say, so you had the sense enough to see that [it] was impossible, and that the happiness which [you] enjoyed so deeply could only be short (Rousseau 670). And so, you went for a walk outside of town. JEAN-JACQUES Yes oh, yes And I was transported. From pain to reverie. Such reverie! HEATH It seems you were elevated by the song of the birds, the beauty of the daylight, the enchanting landscape (671). JEAN-JACQUES Ah, yes they produced upon me an impression so vivid, tender, melancholy and touching, that I saw myself transported, as it were, in ecstasy, into that happy time and place, wherein my heart, possessing all the happiness it could desire, tasted it with inexpressive rapture (Rousseau 671). SIGMUND (In thick German accent) Indeed, when zee Dr. William Noyes, in 1891, researched your medical histories and writings,

Hines 2 and published zee findings in his article, The Insanity of Rousseau, in zee American Journal of Psychology, he reported: These ecstasies usually took place in the woods zaht you said you vurr in search of some wild and desert spot in the forest, where there was nothing to show the hand of man or to speak of servitude and domination (Noyes 412). HEATH Wow Nothing to show the hand of man or to speak of servitude and domination! So, then it wasnt just the illuminating, dazzling reveries, and a passion for botany that compelled you from the cities and into the countryside? Yet, youve lived many years, multiple times, in the city, right? (Damrosch 497). JEAN-JACQUES Yes Paris, specifically. But I was never at home in the city. At one point, having (in Paris) been fifteen years out of my element, [my] return to the country filled [me] with transports of delight. [] This exaltation was in a different direction from that which had seized [me] half a dozen years before, when [I] had discarded the usage and costume of polite society, and prejudices of [my] time (Noyes 411). SIGMUND Ah, I see. Veddy interesting! You seem to be indicating a disdained relationship between yourself und society, fearing a subjugation und exploitation by society. In fact Dr. Noyes, in his journal article, addresses your mental state, stating zaht, No longer having the vices of a great city before his eyes he no longer cherished the wrath which they had inspired in him (Noyes 411). JEANJ-JACQUES Yes, When I did not see men I did not despise them, and when I had not the bad before my eyes I ceased to hate them. (Noyes 411). SIGMUND Indeed. Your nature was zehn, for a moment, not exalted by nature but, zehn, fairly balanced (Morley 184). So your relationship to society seems to have been quite complicated. JEAN-JACQUES Yes, that is true. At night I lay in the open air, and, stretched on the ground or on a bench, slept as calmly as upon a bed of roses. [] Raised gardens, with terraces, bordered the other side of the road. It had been very hot during the day; the evening was delightful; the dew moistened the parched grass, the night was calm, without a breath of wind; the air was fresh, without being cold; the sun, having gone down, had left in the sky red vapours, the reflection of which cast a rose-red tint upon the water; the trees on the terraces were full of nightingales answering one another (Rousseau 675). SIGMUND Indeed. Beautiful. Vaht is veddy interesting

Hines 3 SIGMUND Vhat is interesting is zaht vhile yours are indeed confessions, it is ironic zaht zee tone vith vhich you wrote your Confessions does not have zee tone of tone of psychological guilt vith vhich confessions are typically confessed, such as is contained in St. Augustines Confessions, or in Leo Tolstoys biography of Ivan, here. HEATH I noticed that, too. SIGMUND Yes, so let us take a closer look at Ivan Ilyich, here. IVAN Oh, please, dont talk about me. For Christs sake let me live in peace! (Tolstoy 1457). SIGMUND But, you see zee great anxiety zaht you feel is exactly vaht I seenk ees appropriate for confession. HEATH His psychology, though, was a little confusing. SIGMUND Vhy do you say zaht? HEATH Well, all that good, ol Ivan ever did was talk about everyone elses sins, noting everyone elses dishonesty everyone elses incongruence with truth, with accuracy. IVAN Why is everyone always picking on me? And, now et tu? HEATH Oh, cmon! Dont be like that! SIGMUND Yes, und I vould like to hear more of your analysis of Mr. Ilyich. Please go on. HEATH Lets see when I.I. was in painful decline, when he was taking his medicine, he made certain commentary of the medicine. In fact, he made commentary negative accusation, really of the whole practice of medicine, as a field! Accusations of lies. He says, No, it wont help. Its all tomfoolery, all deception (Tolstoy 1449). But thats just one accusation amongst many. IVAN

Hines 4 Oh, cmon that wasnt that bad! HEATH But, please! You were so suspicious of everyone! Leo Tolstoy, in his biography of you, wrote about your experiences your observations of your colleagues after your health had already become ill. He reported, It sometimes seemed to him that people were watching him inquisitively as a man whose place might soon be vacant (Tolstoy 1441). The suggestion here is that their interest is not your declining health but that their focus is the position that your death will leave vacant. And the friendships of your colleagues were, or at least, had become false. SIGMUND Veddy interesting. HEATH You see, Sigmund, Ivan suggests that his colleagues are lying. But, in another scene, when he his being examined by Dr. Fedorova, his words really reveal that his disdain is truly on the level of accusation, if not knowledge, of his colleagues. He admits he has thought that way of his colleagues for years! Leo wrote, Ivan Ilyich knows quite well and definitely that all this is nonsense and pure deception, but [] Ivan Ilyich submits to it all as he used to submit to the speeches of the lawyers, though he knew very well that they were all lying and why they were lying (Tolstoy 1451). Yet, these suspicions and accusations on Ivans part still seem to be only perceptions. SIGMUND So his colleagues verr, indeed, not simply being opportunistic? HEATH Well, despite Ivans insistence that they are, in reality, true we never really see that they are ever substantiated, just as we see with his suspicions and accusations of his wifes falseness. In fact, in all of her appearances, she appears to be a somewhat caring wife indeed. Ivan is suspicious that his wife possesses more interest in his pension and estate than sincere love for him, yet she hires a specialist to in an attempt to regain her husbands health, when his death would actually award her with the pension that Ivan insists is her only interest. (Tolstoy 1451). SIGMUND So vahs it then injustice by society, to vhich Ivan vahs reacting? HEATH It may have been so. But while his suspicions of others manifested such angry angst and anxiety in him, it seemed to have been sourced in guilt, rather than anger towards injustice. His angst developed during the slow un-surfacing, the slow un-repressing the reversing of the repression of his own guilt. During his final physical decline, when his minds eye traveled through the hole of the dark bag into which he had been stuffed, possibly by his own mind, he saw the light and it was revealed to him that though his life had not been what it should have

Hines 5 been, this could still be rectified (Tolstoy 1459). For, it was he who had been in error. His life and view of the world had been false. And it was only then, when he made his confessions, was sorry, and wanted forgiveness, that the anger, angst, and anxiety are finally released from him (Tolstoy 1459). IVAN Yes. I finally realized, What is the right thing? (Tolstoy 1459). As I caught sight of the light, I then saw that I had been so blinded. It was only then that I truly saw my beloveds un-dried tears and despair on her face, as she had stood, in faithful watch over my bed. [He closes his eyes, beginning to cry, confess] Forgive me! Regardless of whether or not I held only mere, unsubstantiated suspicions or, indeed, the true sins of others against me, I had blinded myself to how I had been hurting others! Oh! I found others so impure, so imperfect, thinking only, Im perfect, Im the one whos sinless that I had blinded myself to my own sins! For me! Because of my contemptuous contempt! HEATH But, you see, I think I know the source of your blindness, which was the cause of your angst. IVAN Yes? SIGMUND Go on. HEATH Ivan, you had fallen out of awareness of your own sins because you had already fallen out of congruence with reality. Even if your suspicions of your wifes evil were substantiated evil was pretty much the only thing you ever acknowledged. SIGMUND But vaht else vould there be to acknowledge, if zehr is only evil? HEATH Well, lets say that Ivan believed that all of his wifes attempts to show her love for him were secretly veiled movements to lend to his death. SIGMUND Yes? HEATH Remember, Ivans suspicions were never or had yet to be substantiated. Yet he allowed mere suspicion to prevent him from treating his own wife with common courtesy with even the most basic level of human respect. For example, rather than being steeped only in suspicion and

Hines 6 disdain, Ivan could have spoken phrases such as, Thank you for bringing me my medicine but I believe that the medicine is all tom-foolery and despicable lying. But rather than resolve the matters through discussion or action, working towards resolution, he steeped himself in only suspicion and increasingly treated people as poorly as he believed they treated him. More importantly, within that statement, there is, at least, both a neutral acknowledgment of his wifes action, and a suspicion of destructiveness but it is anchored in reality, in both the good and the bad. IVAN But how could that affect anything in reality? HEATH Well, lets see how your death played out, moment-for-moment. On the last day of the three days of screaming that preceded your death with each confession you made you found greater peace and enlightenment. SIGMUND Yes, he vahs very much in great terror. HEATH Indeed. But in the final hours of his life, he admits to himself, Yes, it was all not the right thing, also confessing that he did not know what the right thing is. It is then revealed to him, as his son is kissing his hand, that, though his life had not been what it should have been, this could still be rectified (Tolstoy 1459). Next, he opens his eyes sees to his son and wife crying. But Ivan speaks no suspicion, no insult, no accusation, as he had been wont to do, and, though he still does not behave affectionately, he is at least neutral, thereby accepting the action without admonishment not rejecting an act that has existed in reality. Instead, he even confesses to himself that, Yes, I am making them wretched (Tolstoy 1459). Further, he even wants to ask for their forgiveness, confessing his wrong, but he is too weak to speak so he again speaks the confession to himself, knowing that He whose understanding mattered would understand (Tolstoy 1459). It then, after this final confession does it become clear to him that what had been oppressing him was finally falling away and he was able to then conclude that he must act so as not to hurt them: release them and free himself from these sufferings (Tolstoy 1459). SIGMUND Ah, very good. Zehre could also be, however, statements of reality v. artifice / zee material world, or even religious inspiration zee Holy sprit, as it vehr at verk in zohse events. In fact, vehn his wife begs him to take confession, he vahs softened and seemed to feel a relief from his doubts and consequently from his sufferings, and for a moment there came a ray of hope (Tolstoy 1458). But your analysis is veddy interesting because his formal confession brought a similar peace zaht you assert in his final, zhough informal, confessions brought forth. In his final therapy confessions, as it vehr, vehn he finally admits zee first mistake Yes, it was all not

Hines 7 the right thing zees naturally leaves zee path open for zee next deception zaht had been maintained to be revealed, und so forth, und he indeed was increasingly enlightened. HEATH But, you see I think that Ivan had already established his incongruence with reality long ago. You know when he, because he had been guiding himself by materialism, had accepted positions which he otherwise did not desire. Or, even when he married a woman that he didnt love. His actions were disingenuous and not true. And not only did they result in a life he didnt want to live he was metaphorically blinded both in life and blinded in the imaginary bag into which he, or his minds eye, was thrust. It was Ivan, not necessarily those around him, who had been, all along, living the wrong life. And that is why he experienced such anguish. Because his knowledge of that could not be completely hidden from himself. That knowledge remained alive and present somewhere within his consciousness. Siggie, just as you understood about the human mind, asserting that all sickness is created by repression the repression of memories, of facts. SIGMUND Indeed! If I may: Patients consciously and intentionally keep back part of what they ought to tellthings that are perfectly well known to thembecause they have not got over their feelings of timidity and shame (or discretion, where what they say concerns other people); this is the share taken by conscious disingenuousness. In the second place, part of the anamnestic [recollected, remembered] knowledge which the patients have at their disposal at other times, disappears while they are actually telling their story but without their making any deliberate reservations: the share taken by unconscious disingenuousness. In the third place, there are invariably true amnesiasgaps in the memory into which not only old recollections but even quite recent ones have fallenand paramnesias formed secondarily so as to fill in those gaps (Freud 1617). HEATH In other words, there are three degrees of disingenuousness: the conscious, the unconscious, and, further, the truly amnesiatic. SIGMUND But, when [sic] events themselves have been kept in mind, the purpose underlying the amnesias can be fulfilled just as surely by destroying a connection, and a connection is most surely broken by altering the chronological order of events (Freud 1617). HEATH You mean lying, basically, right? There is a continuum from conscious lies and omissions to unconscious lies and omissions the chronological order of events referring to the recollection by a patient of their life or particular events.

Hines 8 SIGMUND Yes. HEATH And so, depending on whether or not Ivan was consciously placing curtains over the truths of his life, or if they instead existed somewhere between the second level of consciousness and the third that you describe, as thats where I personally believe his disingenuousnesses existed, we would find Ivan to suffer on a level of sickness congruent to the depth or extent to which he had repressed these unexposed truths. In fact, thats why the tension in him was so great. He already, early on, resolved to try to refuse to look at It, as it were, invisible as it was then (Tolstoy 1445-1446) SIGMUND Yes. Zees ees because, as I have written in my verk, paramnesias prove to be untenable difficult to maintain (Freud 1617). HEATH Or maintained at significant cost. For Ivan, it was easily maintained over the course of his life a life a quiet desperation, as it were but upon his death, what must have been an innate desire in Ivan to not die as a false man brought these untruths to the level of his emotions. Hence, his transition from honky-dory to a depth of angst he had never before known to exist an existential angst. SIGMUND Ivan vahs fortunate, though because he vahs able to, before his death, see the light. In psychoanalysis, a patient, together vith an analyst, supplies the facts which, though he had known them all along, had been kept back by him or had not occurred to his mind (Freud 1617). But in treatment, the aim is to remove all possible symptoms and replace them by conscious thoughts and a second aim is to repair all the damages to the patients memory but these aims are coincident, so vehn vahn is achieved, zee other is as vell (Freud 1617). HEATH In other words, vehnn either zee symptoms are replaced vith conscious thought; or, the facts of reality, and truth, are acknowledged or accepted then the goal of treatment is then achieved. That goal, being healing. SIGMUND Correct. HEATH This is the same as the goal of confessing. Because, once you confess both all of your sins and all of your virtues, but also (in addition to acknowledging the sins of others, almost as per civic duty) to duly praise others virtue and, most importantly, confess no false accusation against anothers virtue you then no longer live with blindness, nor madness, nor even fear terror.

Hines 9 You see, immediately after Ivan decides, realizes, that he now must act so as to not hurt others, he moves from feeling unbearable pain and agony to exclaiming joy! (Tolstoy 1459). SIGMUND Und so, zees is brings us back to Jean. JEAN-JACQUES How is that? SIGMUND Vell, not only, as Mr. Hines has compared Ivans verds to confessions very vell, Ivans life und biography has also been typified by zee scholars as reflecting a deeply felt conviction that the life of civilized man stands in flagrant opposition to human life as created by God and nature. The death of a civilized and conscious man is painful and ugly because he lives a false life, filled with lies, artificiality, and corruption of modern cities (Pachmuss 76). JEAN-JACQUES That sounds exactly almost like I feel! HEATH Tru dat, JJ! SIGMUND But I vould like to come back to zee tone of confessions. JEAN-JACQUES Fine. HEATH Well, I think we should. I could learn something from this, if youre okay with him continuing. JEAN-JACQUES Its fine. SIGMUND So, segueing from isolating vahns self from society, to confession and zee tone of confession JEAN-JACQUES Yes, yes, yesgo on. SIGMUND Zee tone of your confession seems, for vahnt of a better verd lacking. HEATH Well it has been popularly reported that he had been nearly pathologically suspicious of some of

Hines 10 his contemporaries in Paris, as attacks came from Protestant ministers, the philosopher David Hume, and other writers (Damrosch 497). So, when he began work on Confessions, he believed that Hume was plotting against him (Damrosch 497). Naturally, as popularly assessed, his Confessions were actually Justifications, in fact exuding the tone of justification, as well. He was even ordered by the police to stop his readings of Confessions his attempts at reviving his reputation, and then he began his more formal justifications of his choices and life in his Dialogues: Rousseau Judge of Jean-Jacques (Damrosch 497). What I think is missing here what he so sadly longed for were the confessions of his enemies. But, similar to the layer-by-layer confessions of Ivan, had his enemies made their confessions to him, an alternating series of confessions might have ensued the productive discussion towards the goal of resolution. And he might well have died a more settled soul. But with possibility of an alternating series of confessions almost as in negotiations stopped on the side of his enemies his progression towards the peace that Ivan found was unattainable for Jean. And this is where the intermingled cooperation of all of our confessions each of us can serve as ways of manifesting another command of us, as brethren to each other: not only must we act so as to not hurt each other we must act so as to love each other. And confessing to someone for their forgiveness is an act of both confession and love that, in turn, asks for love in return. IVAN And I would expect that his enemies had committed at least some contribution to the conflict or confusion. Indeed if Im not perfect than, no one is! Hahaha! HEATH Yeah they should have at least thrown him a bone. But since they never did nor did society, until after his death I hate to say it, but he died a crazy man, his reputation only being restored after his death. And, ironically, for his most famous work The Social Contract. Life is crazy, man! But at least he died tryin! SIGMUND So, zehn how should vee live our lives, Grasshopper? HEATH Oh, me? I heart it when you call me that, Sig. Well, in order to maintain positive relationships with our brethren and the ones that we love I believe that Ivan failed in his realization. While his biographer Leo may have been imparting his own more mystic, asecetic, and Eastern spiritual beliefs onto Christianity by having Ivan speak his confessions only to himself, with the final knowledge that God understood these confessions despite not being spoken aloud or to the church, I believe that Ivans absence of apology to his wife and son is a gross omission in how to properly live, for the absence of apology to those who

Hines 11 have been hurt is yet another hurt. This is what happened to Jean. And so, we must act so as not to hurt others, as Ivan had realized, but we must also act so as to love others by confessing to them for their forgiveness, which then saves them from the second hurt of the absence of apology. And so, to confess to another that we have hurt them is an act of care and love. And as we confess both all of our sins and all of our virtues (for self-esteem :p !), we must also (in addition to acknowledging the sins of others in the interest of civic duty) duly praise others virtue. And, most importantly confess, or make, no false accusation against anothers virtue. This the bridging of layers of diametrically opposed opposites, bringing one to a whole and objective grasp of self, others, life, and reality. Wholeness. All must live with absolute accuracy and complete congruency to reality, striving for an untiring ability to do so, atom for atom, value for value, A for A. For only then will we know every atom of truth every sin, every transaction atoned for in complete balance, in the beautiful, thus bearable, stillness of being. To be congruence to be balance will then, finally, allow us to simply be. And then, maybe live free of madness and fear. SIGMUND And, so you see all zees sings zaht remain repressed vithin us vill destroy us und split us into two selves: I und I. HEATH Yes rather than being allowed to live in peace as you had pleaded, Ivan we will have to live with both peace and war within us. But then maybe all of us here Ivan, Sig, Jean were all just crazy men! I can at least attest for myself :p ! SIGMUND Zehn again, Grasshopper zehre is alvays lobotomy. *** THE END ***

Hines 12 WORKS CITED Damrosch, Leopold. Jean-Jacques Rousseau: Restless Genius. Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 2007. Print. Freud, Sigmund. Dora. The Norton Anthology of World Literature, 2nd ed. Vol. F. Ed. Lawall, Sarah N., and Maynard Mack. 1617. Print. "How To Have A German Accent - YouTube." YouTube - Broadcast Yourself. 12 Apr. 2011. Web. 13 Dec. 2011. <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gr7Q_GZlvis>. Rousseau, Jean-Jacques. Confessions. The Norton Anthology of World Literature, 2nd ed. Vol. F. Ed. Lawall, Sarah N., and Maynard Mack. 1441-1460. Print. Tolstoy, Leo. The Death of Ivan Ilyich. The Norton Anthology of World Literature, 2nd ed. Vol. E. Ed. Lawall, Sarah N., and Maynard Mack. 1441-1460. Print. Morley, Lord John. The Works of Lord Morely. London: MacMillan and Company, 1921. 184. Print. Noyes, Dr. Willliam, ed. "The Insanity of Jean-Jacques Rousseau." The American Journal of Psychology 3.3 (1890): 406-429. Print. J. J. Rousseau's Krankheitsgeschichte by P. J. Mbius; Rousseau by John Morley; The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau by Hdouin Edition. Pachmuss, Temira. The Theme of Love and Death in Tolstoy's The Death of Ivan Ilyich. American Slavic and East European Review 20.1 (Feb., 1961): 72-83. Print.