Three Styles of Emotional Behavior

agine for a moment that you're trapped with several other people in
the elevator of a 50-story skyscraper. The alarm is bellowing as the
elevator occasionally jerks and bounces, unsettling its passengers.
What would be your most likely response to the situation just
described? Would you:

• frantically begin to search the elevator for possible escape

routes?
• read a book or engage in a conversation with another passenger
while waiting for help?
• thoroughly read the safety instructions posted in the elevator or
provided by the emergency phone?

Your response to intense emotional experiences identifies your

preferred emotional stance to stress and duress. Generally, there are
three distinctive styles people use for dealing with their emotions.
These three styles are described below.

1. Feeling engulfed
People who are engulfed by their emotions often feel as if they have no
control over their moods. They let their emotions "run wild," and are
prone to overreacting and thinking the worst. People engulfed by their
emotions are the ones "freaking out," frantically searching for an
escape from a stuck elevator before evaluating options.

2. Being accepting
Individuals who are accepting of their emotions do little to change how
they feel. These people are aware of their feelings, but don't believe
they can or aren't willing to do anything about them. One type of
"acceptor" is the person who is always in a good mood, and therefore
has no need or motivation to change. The other type is the person who
is always in a bad mood, accepts it, and does nothing about it. This is
the type of person who might read a book during a crisis, knowing
there is nothing else he or she can do.

3. Being self-aware
The third style of dealing with emotions is to be self-aware. Individuals
who are self-aware have conscious thoughts about their moods as they
experience them. There's a difference, for example, between acting
frustrated with someone and just thinking, "I'm really feeling
frustrated." When trapped in an elevator, the self-aware person
recognizes his fear and begins to explore the options available. That
might include reading safety instructions.

Being self-aware is a basic emotional competency that enables

individuals to step back from an experience and observe what's
happening, as opposed to being totally immersed in it. Self-awareness
is the first step in gaining some control over a situation. You're not
only aware of your mood, but also aware of your thoughts about that
mood. This leads to good psychological health and an overall positive
outlook on life.

Overall, some degree of emotional self-awareness is crucial to

emotional intelligence. Therefore, strive to be aware of your emotions
during difficult situations, as well as during your daily activities. Being
aware of your emotions is the first step to improving your overall
emotional health.

Course: What Is Emotional Intelligence

Topic: Knowing Yourself