The Sighs of Suzumiya Haruhi

第二巻: 涼宮ハルヒの溜息

Volume 2

Tanagawa Naga
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Contents
Contents ....................................................................................................................... iii
Prologue ........................................................................................................................ 1
Chapter 1....................................................................................................................... 8
Chapter 2..................................................................................................................... 39
Chapter 3..................................................................................................................... 80
Chapter 4................................................................................................................... 124
Chapter 5................................................................................................................... 173
Epilogue .................................................................................................................... 219
Author’s Notes .......................................................................................................... 224
Translators Notes ...................................................................................................... 226
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 Page 1

Prologue

Haruhi seems like the kind of person who shouldn't have any worries. But, she

does. Only the thing that's bothering her is that "The world is too mundane."

To her, the "Non-mundane things" are any kind of supernatural phenomena,

meaning she often thinks things like "I can't believe there's not even half a ghost

appearing before me."

I should also let you know that the word "ghost" can be replaced with "aliens",

"time-travelers", or "espers." However, it is common knowledge that these things

only appear in fiction novels. They simply don't exist in reality. Which means, as long

as Haruhi continues to live in this world, she will continue to be bothered by this fact.

The world is supposed to be like this; nothing out of the ordinary. However, recent

events in my life have made it very hard for me to have confidence in this fact; I'm

also bothered.

Because I know these aliens, time-travelers, and espers do exist.

"Listen to me, I need to tell you something very important."

"What?"

"Haven't you always wished for the existence of aliens or time-travelers or

espers?"

"That's right. So what?"

"In other words, the purpose of our SOS Brigade is to find these people. Right?"
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"Not only to find them, we have to be able to play together. Just finding them isn't

good enough, I want to participate in the act, not just be part of the audience."

"But I always wish I was watching from the sidelines... sigh, whatever. But have

you ever thought that these aliens, time-travelers, or espers might be surprisingly

close to us?"

"Ah? What do you mean? Don't tell me you mean Yuki, Mikuru, or Itsuki? If it's

them, then that's not really a 'surprise'."

"Umm... actually I meant to tell you that it was them all along."

"Are you an idiot? It can't be that easy."

"That's true, this would be too simple by normal standards."

"Then tell me, who's the alien?"

"You would be very glad to hear this. Nagato Yuki is the alien. Hmm, how should

I put it? Should be Integrated something entity... or Data something entity...

something like that. Basically created by aliens and given a body."

"Hm, then what about Mikuru?"

"Asahina-san is easy to explain: she's a time-traveler. She comes from the future.

There's no problem calling her a time-traveler right?"

"Then how many years into the future is she from?"

"I don't know this, she didn't tell me that."

"Oh, I see."

"Really?"

"That means Itsuki is an esper? Were you planning on telling me that from the

start?"

"That is correct."

"Ahh."
 Page 3

Haruhi twitched her eyebrows while she spoke, then slowly breathed in some air,

and screamed:

"DON'T MESS WITH ME!"

Just like that, Haruhi completely discarded the truth that took me so much effort

to get out. Oh well, this was expected of her. Even after the three of them each used

their own way to show me that they were indeed an alien, a time-traveler, and an

esper, I still had doubts in my mind. To make Haruhi believe this, especially

considering that she hadn't seen what I had seen, was almost impossible.

But what else could I say? I had told her the absolute truth. Even though I don't

look like a very credible guy, when I know there's no benefit to be gained from lying,

I will tell the truth.

But in fact Haruhi wasn't at fault either. If a nice guy came up to me and said

"This person you know is actually someone unbelievable..." I believe I would also

lose my temper and start yelling at him. If some guy said that kind of stuff to me with

a straight face, I would probably think that his brain had been infected by some virus,

or had been addled by poisonous waves. Perhaps I'd even feel sorry for the guy. I

don't think I would continue to talk to that guy in any case.

Hmm, right now, isn't "that guy" me?

"Kyon, get your ears over here and listen carefully."

Haruhi stared at me with fire in her eyes.

"It doesn't matter whether it's an alien, a time-traveler, or a esper. They're not

going to casually appear in front of us just like that! Do you know how precious they

are? If we find them, we have to grab them by the neck, tie them up, and hang them
 Page 4

up so they can't escape! The people that I randomly grabbed off the streets to join our

club can't be that rare and precious!"

Wow, that actually made some sense. But other than me, the other three really are

blessed with supernatural characteristics. I'm the only normal human being. Wait a

minute, did she say that she just grabbed random people to be in her club?

Sigh, why does this dumb girl only have common sense when it comes to strange

topics? If she would only believe me, everything would be much simpler. At least this

bogus SOS Brigade could disband, since it was formed for the sole purpose of finding

aliens et al for Haruhi. Once she finds those things, there won't be any point in

keeping this club around. After that, she can play with those unnatural beings all she

likes, while I stay to the side and add a few laughs here and there. I hope this happens

soon, because right now I feel like a circus animal being forced to perform.

However, if Haruhi had any sense of what was happening around her, I don't

know what the world would be like.

Ah yes. I should let you know that only two people participated in this dialogue,

from the beginning. It happened during the second "SOS Brigade wandering around

in the city (temporary name)" club event, when I talked with Haruhi inside the

restaurant by the station. I didn't have any doubts that Haruhi would pay for the meal;

I'd explained all that to her very naturally as I was sipping my coffee. But she didn't

take me seriously at all. I'm fine with that though. Whoever believes in that stuff

needs to have their brain examined.

As for me, I didn't bother to tell her the specifics, since details in things like this

would only cause more suspicion. Since all this was coming from me: the guy who

got dragged to Nagato's apartment and had to listen to a long series of unclear

explanations, there was no reason to suspect anything funny.

 Page 5

"I don't ever want to hear lame jokes like this again."

Haruhi drained all the yellow-greenish vegetable juice from her glass, and said:

"Let's go! We can't separate into two groups today, so let's just wander around! Oh

yeah, I forgot to bring my wallet today. Here's the bill."

While I was still staring at the eight hundred and thirty yen bill, thinking about

how to protest this atrocity, Haruhi grabbed my coffee and finished it. That left me

with the impression that she wasn't going to accept any protests. She then marched

out of the restaurant, and stood in front of the automatic door with her arms crossed.

Half a year has already passed since then. Now that I think about it, I seem to

have experienced a lot of strange phenomena during these past six months. SOS

Brigade's official name is still "The Save our world by Overloading it with fun

Suzumiya Haruhi's Brigade" which gives me the creeps. I have no idea where in the

world this club brought more excitement to. I think only Haruhi felt whatever

excitement it was supposed to bring. Also, the club's reason for existence is still a

mystery. The original goal was something about playing with aliens, kidnapping time

travelers, and battling alongside espers. However from Haruhi's perspective, this goal

still hasn't been reached.

This is all because Haruhi believes she hasn't met any aliens, time travelers or

espers. Coming to that conclusion isn't something I can help. I've already told her the

other three members' true identities, but she just won't believe me. So this shouldn't

be my responsibility anymore, right?

Even though the SOS Brigade has failed to reach its intended goal, thus losing its

primary reason for existence, it still hasn't disbanded. Even now, this unrecognized

organization still secretly exists in the Old Shack.

 Page 6

Of course, our five members, including myself, still choose to hang out in our

clubroom every day. The student council, after several meetings and different levels

of analysis, seems to have chosen to ignore us. They didn't approve our club initiation

documents, but they didn't say anything regarding our forced takeover of the

Literature Club either. Maybe it's because the club's only member, Nagato Yuki, has

no problem with us being here. However, I personally believe that the student council

simply does not want to get into an argument with Haruhi, so they've decided to feign

ignorance.

I don't think anyone in the world would intentionally step on something that says

"Warning: explodes when stepped on" in red neon lights. Even I don't have the

courage to do that. If I had only known, I would not have talked to that stubborn girl

who put up that unfriendly expression every day.

A normal high schooler who accidentally pressed a button that activated a time

bomb, and is now being forced to carry that bomb like a moron - that's me. And this

time bomb labeled "Suzumiya Haruhi" doesn't even have a counter on it. I have no

idea when it's going to explode, how much damage it will cause, or what else is

inside. Even more importantly, I don't even know if this bomb is real. Maybe it's just

a toy used to fool little kids.

I can't seem to find the trash bin labeled "Hazardous Materials Only" no matter

how hard I try. Which means, this dangerous entity that I've activated is essentially

covered with superglue, stuck to my hand harder than anything else could be.

Sigh... Where am I gonna find a place to dump it?

Page 7
 Page 8

Chapter 1

High schools organize certain activities from time to time, and the high school

that I attend held a sports day last month. When Haruhi suggested that the SOS

Brigade participate in the inter-club relay race, one of the many competitive events

held that day, I felt quite dubious. To make things worse, we ended up actually

beating the Athletics club and the Rugby club in the relay race in which Haruhi

overwhelmed the second place runner by a whole thirteen horses' length!

So as a result, our club went from being an unspoken taboo, only discussed in the
shadows (with the exception of me), towards being the current fad at school,

reminiscent of a troublemaker who pulls fire alarms. I was already at a total loss on

how to deal with this but there was more. Of course Haruhi was the main instigator in

all this, but Nagato, who had run the second leg of the race, was just as guilty. I could

never forget her speed, which could only be described as instantaneous movement.

Nagato, you should at least tell me before you do that!

 Page 9

When I asked Nagato what sort of magic she used this time, the stoic, alien-

created living humanoid interface replied with explanatory terms such as "energy

positioning", "molecular dispersion" and other jargon. Of course, such explanations

meant nothing to me since I had already decided to embrace the artistic subjects and

abandon the scientific ones, of which I gave absolutely no effort in comprehending or

trying to comprehend.

After that tumultuous sports day ended, a month passed by and the school festival

came up. So at this moment, this insignificant prefectural high school is busily

preparing for this festival... though the only people who are really doing anything are

the teachers and members from the organizing committee and the art-related clubs,

since it is their only chance to flex their muscles.

Now when it came to club-related contributions to the festival, the as-yet

unrecognized SOS Brigade was not required to provide any creative attactions.

Actually, if it was allowed as our club contribution, I wouldn't mind locking up a

stray cat in a cage, adding a sign indicating "Extraterrestrial alien" and displaying it as

a sideshow attaction to make money just like in a circus. Though I think that would

be unwise because people without a sense of humour would be terribly offended

while others with a sense of humour would only laugh despicably.

This sort of attraction wouldn't require any serious consideration for values and

success--it didn't even require any real effort. The same could be said for the rest of

the attractions. High school festivals in real life can be that gritty. If you think I'm

joking, visit any school holding festivities. When you do, you will realize by then that

such attractions are pretty much considered a regular expectation of school festivals.

On the other hand, what did class 1-5, the class Haruhi and I belong to, intend to

do that day? It turns out that we will be preparing some sort of lame questionnaire. I
 Page 10

see it only as a cover to appear to be organizing something for the festival. Ever since

Asakura Ryouko disappeared this spring, our class had been devoid of a student with

leadership quality. So due to the lack of student participation, this uncreative idea was

painstakingly brainstormed by Okabe-sensei during the long and boring homeroom

session. Without anyone consenting or objecting, the motion passed and the long

homeroom session was over. But what kind of questionnaire? Who would actually be

interested in doing this?

Probably no one, I suppose. But since it's been decided, keep up the great work

guys!

And so, suffering from apathy syndrome, I walked wearily towards the club room.

Why did I go, you ask?

Naturally, this is because of a domineering girl coming towards me and rambling

endlessly, "What questionnaire? This is so retarded!"

She said with an outraged expression on her face, "I mean where's the fun in that?

I totally don't get it!"

Then why didn't you suggest something better? Weren't you there as well, looking

at Okabe-sensei standing like a lonely ghost, not knowing what to do?

"Forget it, I never intended to join any of the class's activities anyway. There's no

fun in organizing an activity with these guys."

But didn't you contribute to the class by winning all of the inter-class races on

sports day? I thought it was you who won as the last baton in the short, medium, and

long distance relays. Or has my memory served me wrong?

"That was different."

What was different?

 Page 11

"A school festival is a school festival, or in other words, a campus festival.

Though public schools are seldom called campuses, but that doesn't matter. After all,

isn't the school festival the most important activity of the whole school year?"

Is that so?

"Absolutely!" She nodded vigorously, then faced me and announced the

following, "The SOS Brigade will do something very interesting!"

The face of Suzumiya Haruhi now shone with the same determined look as

Hannibal, who had decided to cross the Alps during the Second Punic War.

Shining she may be, but......

For the past six months, whatever Haruhi thought was "interesting" was anything

but interesting to me, and her interests have all resulted in me being exhausted. At

least for me and Asahina, but that's because we're normal human beings after all.

From what I see, it is common knowledge that Haruhi isn't a normal person, while

Koizumi possesses a state of mind not present in ordinary humans. As for Nagato,

she's not even human to begin with.

Hanging out with this bunch, how am I supposed to live peacefully through this

extraordinary high school life of mine? I really don't want to get involved in silly stuff

anymore. Just thinking about it is enough to give me an urge to aim a gun at my

forehead, or extract and burn the brain cells containing those memories. Though I

don't know what Haruhi would say about that.

Maybe I was too busy thinking how to erase those memories of the past because I

wasn't aware what the annoying girl next to me was raving about.

"Hey, Kyon, are you even listening?"

"I wasn't, where were you again?"

 Page 12

"The school festival! You ought to be more excited! We only get a school festival

once a year!"

"That may be true, but you don't have to be so concerned about it."

"Of course I have to be concerned! It won't be a school festival if it isn't exciting

enough. It should be like the campus festivals that I know of."

"Did you do something ridiculous while in junior high?"

"No, it wasn't fun at all. So it won't be reasonable if the high school festival isn't

fun as well."

"Then what is it that you find interesting?"

"Like real monsters appearing in a haunted house; the number of steps in a flight

of stairs suddenly increasing; the number of school mysteries jumping from seven to

thirteen; an Afro hairstyle three times the size of a normal head appearing on the

principal's head; the school transforming into a giant robot and doing battle with the

monster from under the sea; or even why autumn is represented by the plum
blossom..."

After listening halfway, I stopped paying attention to Haruhi, so I forgot what was

said after she mentioned how many number of steps there are in a flight of stairs. If

anyone was paying attention, please do let me know.

"......Sigh, forget it. I'll tell you more when we get to the club room."

Haruhi strode in large footsteps towards the club room in a bad mood, and in a

moment's time, we arrived at the door. The sign above the door read, "Literature

Club," and cellotaped under that sign was a piece of paper with scribbling that read

"with the SOS Brigade."

"Since we've stayed here for half a year already, I don't suppose anyone would

mind if we claimed this room for ourselves." Haruhi unilaterally declared her
 Page 13

sovereignty over the use of the room and had wanted to remove the original sign, but

I stopped her. After all, it's important for humans to maintain a certain amount of

caution in their actions.

Haruhi opened the door without knocking, and standing inside was a fairy girl.

When her eyes met with mine, she smiled like a lily blossoming.

"Oh... hello."

Wearing a maid costume and sweeping the room with a broomstick is the best tea

girl ever, the pride of the SOS Brigade - Asahina Mikuru-san. As usual, she carried a

sweet smile befitting of a fairy residing in the club room and welcomed my arrival.

Maybe she is a fairy in disguise. She feels more like a fairy than a time traveller from

the future.

Asahina was forcefully dragged over by Haruhi at the founding of the brigade, as

Haruhi explained, "we needed a mascot." Then under Haruhi's demands, she was

forced to put on a maid costume and has since become the SOS Brigade's official

maid. Every day after school she would transform into the perfect maid. This is not

because of any loose screws in her brain, but more like she was so honest and so

sincere that I could almost cry.

Asahina has dressed as a bunny girl, a nurse and all other sorts of costumes for the

SOS Brigade. Yet I felt the maid costume suited her best. To put it simply, it's because

this costume has no hidden meaning or innuendo, which was why I hoped she would

go on like that. Maybe I should emphasize something: Haruhi's actions rarely have

any meaning to them.

Yet her actions often become the trigger for something else, and have put us into a

lot of trouble. So I actually felt it would be better for her actions to be truly

meaningless.
 Page 14

The often eccentric Haruhi has very rarely done anything correctly, or I should

say she's only ever done one correct thing, and that is in picking Asahina's maid

costume. Since it suited her too well, it's enough to make people dizzy. It is only this

alone that I give credit to Haruhi's eccentric behavior. I don't know where she bought

it and how much she bought it for, but Haruhi does have some taste when it comes to

elegant costumes. Though I believe Asahina would look great in anything she wears,

just like a professional model. And my favorite costume of them all is the maid

costume. There must be some meaning with this costume, for it was always able to

satiate my visual senses.

"I'll go brew some tea."

Asahina said with her soft adorable voice. She placed the broomstick into the

cleaning cabinet and walked frantically towards the kitchen cupboard, taking out

everyone's cups.

My abdomen suddenly suffered an intense pain, and when I came to my senses, I

realized Haruhi had thrusted her elbow into me.

"Your eyes have squinted as thin as a line now."

Maybe I was too moved by Asahina's cute movements, so naturally I squinted my

eyes leaving only a narrow gap. I believe everyone would have the same reaction

after seeing the adorably elegant and shy Asahina.

Haruhi walked towards the desk with a black triangular spike that read

"Commander," and took out an armband that also read "Commander" from the drawer

and put it on. She then kicked the steel chair out from the desk and sat on it,

overlooking the club room.

Sitting by the corner of a table reading a thick book was another member of the

brigade.
 Page 15

"......"

Sitting there fully concentrated on reading her book is none other than Nagato

Yuki, the first year Literature Club student, who to Haruhi would be like "a bonus gift

that comes along with occupying the Literature Club room."

Her existence is as sparse as nitrogen in the atmosphere, yet of all the first years

in the brigade she is the most extraordinary. Her extraordinariness far exceeds that of

Haruhi. I know absolutely nothing about Haruhi, yet while I do know something

about Nagato, this only makes me even more confused about her. If what Nagato said

was correct, then this silent short-haired little schoolgirl lacking of expression,

emotion, and empathy is not a human but a living humanoid interface created by

aliens to interact with humans. It still sounds very absurd. But since she herself has

said so, I do not want to ask any further since it does sound real. Of course, Haruhi

doesn't know about this; Haruhi still treats her as "quite a weird bookworm."

Though objectively speaking, "quite" is an understatement.

"Where's Koizumi-kun?"

Haruhi glared at Asahina with her sharp glare. Asahina shuddered for a moment,

then said, "Eh...h...he's not here yet, he's quite late today......"

Asahina carefully brought out the tea leaves from the tin and placed it in the little

teapot. I casually looked at the hanging rack by the corner of the club room. All sorts

of costumes hung on top of it, like a theatre resting room. From the left hung a nurse

costume, a bunny girl costume, a summer maid costume, a yukata, a white blouse, a

leopard skin costume, a woolen frog puppet costume, and all other sorts of

unidentifiable costumes.
For the past six months these costumes have all graced the warm skin of Asahina. Let
me explain further, there is absolutely no reason for Asahina to wear these
 Page 16

Haruhi: "When carrying tea over, you need to accidentally trip the tea cup over
once every three times! You don't look like a clumsy maid at all!"
 Page 17

costumes, apart from satisfying Haruhi's own ego. Maybe she suffered some sort

of trauma in the past? Like not getting the dress-up doll she wanted when she was

young, so now she sees Asahina as a large doll to play around with. Thanks to this,

Asahina's emotional scars increased as the days go by, while my visual senses got

stimulated as a result, creating a sense of happiness for me. Sigh, overall, I don't think

a lot of people benefitted from this, so I'd best not say anything about it.

"Mikuru-chan, tea!"

"Ah...yes! Right away!"

Asahina hurriedly poured the green tea into the cup marked "Haruhi" with a felt-

tip pen, and carried it over on a tray.

Haruhi received the teacup and blew the steam off and took a sip. She then spoke

like a flower arrangement master berating her disciple for not being diligent enough,

"Mikuru-chan, I remember telling you before. Have you forgotten?"

"Huh?" Asahina grabbed the tray with trepidation. "W...what is it?"

She tilted her head like a Java Sparrow reminiscing over the taste of the seeds it
ate the day before.

Haruhi placed her cup on the table.

"When carrying tea over, you need to accidentally trip the tea cup over once every

three times! You don't look like a clumsy maid at all!"

"Ah, erm......s...sorry."

Asahina shrugged her small shoulders. This is the first time I heard of such a rule;

does this girl really believe that maids are supposed to be clumsy?

"Ah, erm......s...sorry."

Asahina shrugged her small shoulders. This is the first time I heard of such a rule;

does this girl really believe that maids are supposed to be clumsy?
 Page 18

"You've got a chance now. Mikuru-chan, go use Kyon as practice. When carrying

the tea over, make sure you spill the tea over his head."

"Huh?"

Asahina said then looked at me. I would really like to drill a hole in Haruhi's head

and replace the contents within. Sadly, I could find nothing inside and can only sigh.

"Asahina, only someone with a damaged brain could think of something like what

Haruhi just said."

So keep up the good work! I had wanted to add that, but decided not to in the end.

Haruhi heard and rolled her eyes.

"That idiot over there, I'm not joking! I'm always serious."

Then that's even more problematic; you probably need a CT scan. Besides, I

wonder if getting mad at you for calling me an idiot means I lack a sense of humour?

"Forget it, allow me to demonstrate. Then you follow what I do, Mikuru-chan."

Haruhi leaped off the steel chair and swiped the tray from the stuttering Asahina.

She then lifted the teapot and began to pour tea into the cup with my name written on

it.

As I watched this scene unfold with stunned silence, Haruhi roughly placed the

cup on the tray, splashing the tea all over, then stared at where I was sitting and

nodded to signal she was about to come over. I promptly picked up the teacup.

"Hey! Don't get in the way!"

What do you mean don't get in the way? The only people who would gladly sit

there and wait for someone to pour hot tea over their heads are either being too nice

or are trying to con the insurance company.

And so I stood and drank the green tea Haruhi brewed for me and thought to

myself: why is it that even though they brewed with the same tea leaves, Asahina's tea
 Page 19

tasted so much different from Haruhi's? The answer was obvious even without

thinking. The difference between them was a flavouring called "love." If Asahina was

a white rose blooming in the wild, then Haruhi would be a special breed of rose that

doesn't even blossom and is full of thorns; it probably doesn't even have seeds.

Haruhi looked at me with admonishment as I drank my tea.

"Hmph."

She flicked her hair heavily and returned to her seat. The look on her face was as

though she had just swallowed some bitter herbal medicine.

Asahina gave a sigh of relief and went back to her usual serving mode, pouring

tea into Nagato's cup and placing it in front of the reading girl.

Nagato didn't move, keeping her head transfixed on the hardcover book. You

should try and express some sort of gratitude! If it were Taniguchi, he'd probably

want to wait three days before drinking Asahina's tea.

"......"

Nagato flicked the pages without lifting her head. As she's usually like that,

Asahina didn't really mind and went to prepare her own cup.

At this moment, the fifth member arrived, though no one would really mind if he

hadn't have come.

"Sorry, I was delayed. Since our class's meeting was longer than expected."

Revealing his charmingly harmless smile and standing by the door is Koizumi

Itsuki, Haruhi's mysterious transfer student. His handsome face, which I wouldn't

introduce my girlfriend to if I had one, carrying a smile as usual.

"Looks like I'm the last to arrive. If the meeting's delayed because of me, then I

sincerely apologize. Maybe it would be better if we grab a bite first?"

Meeting? What meeting? I never knew of any meeting.

 Page 20

"I'd really have forgotten about it if you didn't mention it."

Putting her face on the table, Haruhi said to me, "I told everyone else about it

during lunch break already. I thought I can tell you any time anyway."

You had the time to go to other classrooms, yet you never bothered to tell me,

who happened to sit right in front of you in the same classroom?

"Does it really matter? It's the same anyway. The issue is not when you get the

message, but what we're doing now."

That's her way of putting things around. No matter what Haruhi says, I'd never

feel any better. This is now common knowledge.

"What's more important, we need to discuss what we need to be doing soon!"

Please! Distinguish your present and future tenses! You don't even specify who

you are referring to.

"All of us of course! Since this is an SOS Brigade activity."

What activity?

"Didn't I just say it? When else can we hold an activity besides during the school

festival?"

Then it's not a brigade activity, but a school activity. If you really want to make

the school festival more lively, then you ought to apply to join the festival executive

committee. By then you'll have plenty of menial tasks to take care of.

"That won't be meaningful at all. What we need is an SOS Brigade-styled

activity! It took us a lot of work to develop the brigade to its present state! There's no

one in this school that doesn't know who we are! Don't you understand?"

What on earth is an SOS Brigade-styled activity? Thinking back on the activities

that the SOS Brigade has held for the past six months, I suddenly felt melancholic.
 Page 21

You are only saying whatever your mind comes up with, that's easy for you, but

do you know how much me and Asahina had to suffer these past six months? All

Koizumi can do is smile like an idiot, while Nagato couldn't provide much help, you

should be more considerate at people like me, who are by your side all the time. Oh,

and Asahina's probably not normal as well, but since she's so cute, that's fine with me.

Because all she needs to do is just stand there and let my eyes savour the scenery and

caress the barren field in my heart.

"We need to do something that suits everyone's expectations."

Haruhi mumbled looking distressed. Speaking of which, just who would expect

anything from the SOS Brigade? Now that's something worthy for a questionnaire!

The SOS Brigade has not even grown, the number of members have still remained the

same, let alone being promoted into an Association. So it's best to maintain the status

quo, but sooner or later, the Haruhi Express is going to derail someday. There're only

five passengers on this train, at least find a replacement for me. Or perhaps just give

me an hourly salary, even 100 yen would do.

Haruhi spent thirty seconds finishing her cup of tea, then asked Asahina for a

second cup.

"What about you Mikuru-chan? Do you have any plans?"

"Umm......You mean our class......We're planning on selling noodles and tea......"

"Mikuru-chan is probably a waitress, right?"

Asahina widened her eyes.

"How did you know? I had wanted to do the cooking, but everyone else wanted

me to......"
 Page 22

Haruhi's eyes now looked intrigued, the sort of cunning eyes that are up to no

good. Her eyes drifted towards the hanging rack, making it obvious she's thinking she

hasn't had Asahina dressed as a waitress yet.

Haruhi's expression was now full of thought.

"What about Koizumi-kun's class?"

Koizumi lifted his eyebrow.

"We've decided to stage a play, but opinions in the class were split. Some wanted

an original script, while others wanted a classic play. The school festival's coming up

but we're still debating intensely about it. It's going to be sometime before things can

be decided."

Ah, a lively class sure is so much better, though it can be troublesome.

"Hmm."

Haruhi's eyes now moved towards the remaining unspoken member.

"What about Yuki?"

The alien who loved reading now lifted her head like a badger sensing the rain.

"Divinations."

She replied without any emotion as usual.

"Divinations?"

I now cut in and asked.

"Yes."

Nagato, whose face doesn't even look like it's breathing, nodded her head.

"You're in charge of divinations?"

"Yes."

Nagato doing divinations? Is she going to make prophecies? I can imagine Nagato

in a black pointed cap, wearing a black cape and carrying a crystal ball, then imagine
 Page 23

a scene where she tells a couple, "You two will break up in fifty-eight days three

hours and five minutes."

Couldn't you come up with a better lie? Whether Nagato can predict the future is

another mystery I can never know.

Asahina's class is opening a stall, Koizumi's staging a play, while Nagato's class is

doing divinations? Why do other classes activities sound so much more interesting

than our dull questionnaire activity? Oh yeah, what do you think? Why don't we

combine all of the above and have a staged divination tea party play?

"Enough with the idiotic talk, the meeting starts now."

My previous opinion was kicked off cruelly by Haruhi, who walked towards the

white board. She pulled the conductor staff until it became as long as a radio antenna

and whipped it on the white board.

There's nothing written on it, what do you want me to look at?

"There'll be something written in a while. Mikuru-chan, you're in charge of the

records. Carefully write down everything I say."

When did Asahina become the record keeper? I'm afraid no one knows, since

Haruhi has just decided that a while ago.

Asahina, teagirl and record keeper, picked up a felt-tip pen and sat by the board,

looking up at Haruhi's face.

Haruhi said in an excited tone, "The SOS Brigade is going to make a movie!"

I really don't understand how Haruhi's brain works. That doesn't really matter,

since she's always like that. But then this won't be a meeting, but rather an

opportunity to showcase your personal beliefs.

"Hasn't it always been that way?" Koizumi said softly to me, carrying a smile so

dashing one has an urge to go draw it. Koizumi elegantly opened his mouth,
 Page 24

"Suzumiya-san probably decided what she wanted to do since the beginning, so I

don't think there's much to discuss. Did you tell her something you're not supposed

to?"

I don't remember telling her anything about movies today. Maybe she saw a

terrible C-movie last night and found it too boring and now she's looking for a way to

vent her frustration?

Yet Haruhi was convinced her speech has moved the entire audience and looked

very excited. "I bet you all have questions right now?"

I only have questions about how your brain works.

"When a TV series ends, they usually end with the main character dying, but

wouldn't that be too unnatural? Why would he die right at the end? It doesn't make

any sense, so I hate stories where someone dies at the end. I'd never make movies like

that!"

Are we talking about movies or TV series?

"Didn't I just say we're making a movie? Even the ears of the haniwa figures are
larger than yours. Go and memorize every single word of what I just said."

I'd rather memorize all the station names of the nearby railway than memorize

your crap rhetoric.

Asahina, who doesn't look like she's actually from the Calligraphy Club, elegantly

wrote the words "Movie Release" on the board, Haruhi nodded her head in

satisfaction.

"That's about it, you understand now?"

Haruhi talked like a weather forecaster cheerfully predicting that the monsoon

rain would be over soon.

"What about it?"

 Page 25

I asked, which was natural of course. I only understood "Movie Release". Where

does she intend to find a movie studio to endorse her movie? Could she have found a

studio already?

Yet Haruhi's dark pupils glittered as she smiled brightly,

"Kyon, has your intelligence deteriorated? Of course we are going to make the

movie. The movie is going to be shown in the school festival, with the caption 'SOS

Brigade Presents' at the beginning."

"When did we become the Movie Study Group?"

"What are you rambling about? This will always be the SOS Brigade! I don't

remember any Movie Study Group around here."

Haruhi callously said something which would probably piss the Movie Study

Group if they heard about it.

"This has been decided long ago! There will be no retrial! Further appeals will be

rejected!"

Since the leader of the SOS Brigade jury says so, I don't suppose it can be

overturned? Just who on earth shoved Haruhi to the SOS Brigade commander throne?

No, wait a minute, come to think of it, it was she who claimed the throne for herself.

No matter what world you're in, it's always the loud and pretentious people that have

ever inflating egos. Thanks to this, people like me and Asahina, who tend to follow

the flow, will always feel confused. This is the conflict of this cold and cruel reality; it

is also the truth.

As my mind delved into the philosophical question of what counts as an ideal

society......

"So that's how it is." Koizumi said, as though he understood everything. He

shared his smile equally between me and Haruhi and said, "I understand now."
 Page 26

Hey, Koizumi, don't just gracefully accept the bomb that Haruhi just dropped!

Don't you have your own opinions on this?

Koizumi flicked his parting lightly with his finger, "From what I see, we're

making a self-made movie to attract visitors to come watch it. Is that right?"

"Exactly!"

Haruhi whipped her "antenna" on the board.

Asahina shuddered, yet she still took the courage and said, "But......why decide to

make a movie?"

"Last night, I found I couldn't sleep." Haruhi brought the antenna before her eyes

and swung it like a windscreen wiper. "So I turned on the TV and ended up watching

a weird movie. I wasn't interested at first, but as I had nothing else to do, I decided to

give it a watch."

Just as I thought.

"That was a really boring movie, so boring I had an urge to make an international

prank call to the director's house, that's why I came up with this idea."

The tip of the conductor staff pointed towards Asahina's tiny face.

"If this kind of movie can exist, then I can definitely make one better than that!"

Haruhi puffed her chest confidently and said, "That's why I wanted to give it a try, do

you have anything to say about that?"

Asahina shook her head vigorously as if in fear. Even if she did have an opinion,

Asahina probably wouldn't say anything, while Koizumi is a nodding yes-man, and

Nagato never talks anyway, so the only one doing the talking would always be me.

"You seem determined to be a movie director or producer, that's fine with us, it's

your choice and you can pursue that dream as you desire. That means we can now go

ahead and pursue our own dreams as well."

 Page 27

"I don't get what you mean."

Haruhi had her lips stuck out like a duck. I patiently explained my detailed

analysis to her.

"You say you want to make a movie, yet we never said anything about it. What if

we don't like this suggestion? A movie can't be made with just a director alone."

"Relax, I've come up with a script already."

"No, that's not what I meant......"

"There's nothing to worry about. You just do what I tell you to, so don't worry."

I'm very worried.

"Let me do the planning, I'll take care of everything."

I'm even more worried now.

"Man, you sure are annoying! I'm gonna go ahead with what I said I'm gonna do.

The aim is to get first place in the school festival activities poll! Who knows, those

ignorant idiots at the Student Council may finally recognize the SOS Brigade as an

official club......No! I'll make them recognize us. To achieve this goal, we must bring

public opinion to our side first!"

Public opinion and exit polls aren't necessarily in direct proportion with each

other, you know.

I tried resisting.

"What about the production costs?"

"If you're talking about a budget, we have one."

Where? I don't believe the Student Council will grant a budget to this

underground organization that openly conducts its activities.

"Isn't the Literature Club granted a budget as well?"

"That's the Literature Club's budget! You can't use that!"

 Page 28

"But Yuki said it was OK."

Oh boy. I looked at Nagato's face, while Nagato lifted her head in slow motion to

look at me, then without saying anything, slowly went back to reading her book.

Won't there be people that want to join the Literature Club? I didn't intend to ask

this question, since it's possible that Nagato deliberately arranged for the Literature

Club to be on the brink of being cancelled. She seems to already know what Haruhi is

up to; it'll be a pity if someone else wants to join the Literature Club now. How I wish

someone would reclaim the Literature Club from the clutches of Haruhi.

Haruhi didn't notice what I was thinking, waving her antenna in excitement, "Is

everyone clear now? Treat this activity as more important than the one at your

classes! If anyone has any dissenting opinions, they can tell me after the school

festival, OK? The director's orders are absolute!"

Haruhi declared passionately, like a grizzly bear in a zoo holding on to an ice cube

during the hot summer, the surroundings no longer concern her.

First she's a brigade commander, now she wants to be a director? What career

does she intend to be in? ......And don't tell me you want to be a God.

"That's it for today! Since I need to think of how to choose the cast and crew and

find sponsors. There's a lot of stuff involved in making a movie."

I'm not really sure what making a movie involves, but what on earth is she up to?

Sponsors?

Slam!

A loud noise echoed across the room. I turned and found Nagato closing her book.

That sound has now become the unofficial signal for the SOS Brigade to end its

business for the day.

"We'll discuss the details tomorrow!"

 Page 29

After leaving this sentence, Haruhi fled the room like a cat hearing a can of cat

food being opened. I don't think there are any details left to explain.

"But isn't that fine?"

The only person who would say that is definitely Koizumi.

"As long as it's not hunting for aliens for a circus freak show, or shooting down a

UFO and displaying its contents, then I'm relieved."

Where have I heard this before?

The smiling esper covered his mouth and laughed.

"Besides, I'm quite interested in what movie Suzumiya-san is making, I feel I can

imagine more or less what's on her mind."

Koizumi glanced towards Asahina, who was cleaning the teacups.

"This could be an interesting school festival, it'll be fun."

Influenced by him, my eyes also turned towards Asahina. Just as we were staring

at the headpiece bouncing with her hair......

"Ah! W...what are you looking at?"

Noticing two horny guys staring at her, Asahina stopped what she was doing and

blushed furiously.

I answered inside my heart.

Oh no, it's nothing. I was just thinking, what costume would Haruhi be bringing

this time?

Preparing to go home......or rather, simply placing the book into her bag, Nagato

stood up silently and headed towards the door. Could Nagato be reading a book about

divinations? Because it's written in a foreign language that I couldn't understand.

"But......" I mumbled.

A movie......huh?
 Page 30

To be honest, I'm a bit interested as well, of course my interest is not as deep as

Koizumi's, probably just as deep as those marine plankton living off the continental

shelf.

Perhaps I should look forward to it?

Since no one else is expecting anything from it.

I take back everything I just said, I don't look forward to anything.

Because after school the next day, I was already suffering.

- Presented by: The SOS Brigade

- Executive Producer / Director / Screenwriter: Suzumiya Haruhi

- Female Lead: Asahina Mikuru

- Male Lead: Koizumi Itsuki

- Supporting Character: Nagato Yuki

- Assistant Director / Cinematography / Editing / Equipment / Information Gathering /

Other Menial Tasks: Kyon

When I saw what was written in the notebook, I only thought of one thing,

"So what is it exactly that I'm doing?"

"What was written on it, of course."

Like an orchestra conductor, Haruhi waved her conductor staff.

"You're the backstage staff, just as the cast and crew allocation has described.

We've got a formidable cast, right?"

"A...am I the lead?"

 Page 31

Asahina asked in a soft voice. Today she wore her usual school uniform instead of

her maid costume, since Haruhi said she didn't need to change today. Looks like

Haruhi's going to bring Asahina to someplace today.

"If possible, can I just have a minor role......"

Asahina pleaded with Haruhi with a sad look.

"No," Haruhi replied. "I'm going to make Mikuru-chan famous, after all, you're

like the registered trademark of our brigade. All you need to do is practice signing

autographs. Since when the movie premieres, the fans will be queueing up for your

signature."

Movie premiere? Where does she intend to hold such an event?

Asahina doesn't seem too comfortable with this.

"......But I can't act."

"Don't worry, I'll guide you well."

Asahina lifted her head in trepidation and looked at me, and sadly lowered her

eyebrows.

There were only three of us here right now, since Nagato and Koizumi had

meetings for their classes' festival activities, they were going to be late today. I never

thought there would be people who would stay behind after school to prepare these

things; I mean, all they needed to do was just sit there and get it over with. I was

amazed there were quite a number of people who were serious about it.

"On the other hand, Yuki and Koizumi-kun aren't serious about this," Haruhi said

annoyingly. Not knowing how to vent her anger, she pointed her finger at me, "I

clearly said this activity takes priority over the rest. Yet they chose to be late so they

can attend their classes' activities. I really need to give them a warning."
 Page 32

Maybe Nagato and Koizumi-kun had a better sense of belonging with their classes

than me and Haruhi. From a certain perspective, it's actually more strange for the

three of us to be here at this time.

I suddenly thought of something.

"Asahina-san, don't you need to attend your class's meeting?"

"Um, I'm only on the staff responsible for serving the customers, so all that's left

is to design the costumes. I still don't know what costume I'm going to wear, but I'm

looking forward to it."

Asahina blushed and smiled, she already seemed to be used to cosplaying now.

Instead of sticking around with the SOS Brigade and being forced to wear all sorts of

meaningless costumes without any reasons at all, wouldn't it be better for her to wear

something appropriate for the right occasion? It's perfectly normal for waitresses to

appear in a noodle stall, more so than a maid in the Literature Club room.

I never knew how Haruhi managed to include that in the discussion topic.

"So, Mikuru-chan, you wanted to dress up as a waitress? Why didn't you say so?

That'll make things easy, I'll find a costume for you."

I don't really mind you making these sort of witty remarks, but don't you think

that it's inappropriate for people in the Literature Club room to wear all sorts of

costumes besides their uniform? Even the nurse costume before was questionable, if

she has to wear a costume, I still find the maid costume the best......Is this a personal

fetish of mine?

"Oh, all right."

Haruhi turned towards me,

"Kyon, do you know what's the most important thing when making a movie?"
 Page 33

Hmm......Well, I tried to recall every movie scene that has moved me which is

worthy for reference. When I finished thinking, I confidently answered,

"Innovation and passion?"

"It's nothing that abstract!"

Haruhi rejected my thinking.

"It's a camera, of course! How are we going to shoot a movie without one?"

You may be right, but I wasn't talking about something so pragmatic......Forget it,

it's not like I have a lot of innovative ideas or passion for movie making and movie

theories, so I wasn't going to argue.

"It's decided."

Haruhi retracted her conductor staff and threw it on the commander's desk.

"We will now go obtain a camera."

Thud! The sound of a chair backtracking can be heard. I turned and saw that

Asahina's face had gone pale. Can't really blame her; after all, Haruhi had savagely

looted the computer in this room from the Computer Study Group, using poor

Asahina as a sacrifice.

Asahina's brown hair shivered, she slowly opened her cherry blossom lips and

said,

"U...umm......S...Suzumiya-san, I just remembered something, I need to go back

to the classroom."

"Be quiet."

Haruhi wore a horrible expression. Asahina shuddered and instantly sat back on

her chair wearily. Haruhi then smiled gently.

"Don't worry."
 Page 34

Just because you said "don't worry" doesn't guarantee anything worth worrying

about wouldn't happen.

"This time I won't be using Mikuru-chan's body as an offering, I only need your

help this time."

Asahina looked at me with eyes as sad as a calf being sent on a truck to the

slaughterhouse. Without shouting loudly, I said to Haruhi,

"At least tell us what you want us to help on! Or both Asahina-san and I won't

leave this place."

Haruhi's expression read, "What's with these two?"

She said, "I'm going to find a sponsor, it's easier to make an impression if I bring

the female lead along, right? You come too! Since you have to carry the equipment."
Page 35
Page 38
 Page 39

Chapter 2

It's already autumn, yet for some reason, the weather's hardly cool. It's as if the

planet has its seasons all wrong and had forgotten to bring autumn over to Japan. The

summer heat has now been indefinitely extended, and unless someone comes and hits

a home run, it's unlikely this will end soon. Even if it does, one gets the feeling that

autumn would still be shoved aside by winter anyway when it comes.

"We might be late already." Haruhi said, so we packed our bags and left the

school. Haruhi hurriedly ran along the long winding slope. Just where is she headed?
I would understand if we were headed for the Computer Study Group since, after all,

we're a mysterious club that has existed for six months without anyone even knowing

what the founding principle is. Being driven out would be a logical end for us.

We descended from the hill and rode on the local suburban railway. Three stops

later, we've arrived at the area with the cherry blossom path that Asahina and I had

walked along together at one time. This place contains a very complex supermarket

and a shopping street, and because of such, is quite a busy and crowded spot.
 Page 40

"Right here."

Haruhi finally stopped and pointed to an electronics store.

"I see." I replied.

She's probably going to blackmail the store for their movie equipment.

I wonder how she's going to do it?

"You two wait here, while I go in and negotiate."

Haruhi shoved her bag at me and walked into the glass-covered store without any

hesitation.

Asahina hid behind me, constantly peeking at the store, which was illuminated by

all the lighting equipment. She was like a shy elementary school kid visiting her

friend's place for the first time. As I look at the back of Haruhi, waving her arms and

talking to what seemed to be the store manager, my desire to protect Asahina became

strong. If Haruhi tries anything funny, I'm going to carry Asahina under my arms and

run off at once.

Through the glass, Haruhi talked and pointed her finger first at the equipment,

then at herself, and then at the manager. Meanwhile the manager nodded nonstop. I

wonder whether I should warn him to not believe what she says so easily?

After a while, Haruhi turned around and pointed her finger towards us, who were

already prepared to escape if anything went wrong. She then gave a warm smile,

waved her arms, and continued her presentation.

"What is she doing...?"

Asahina asked, as she stood behind me, sticking her head out and retracting it

again. If even Asahina, a time traveler from the future, doesn't know the answer, then

there's no chance that I would know.

 Page 41

"Who knows? Probably demanding for them to hand her their best digital camera

for free."

She's the sort of person who can do such a thing without even flinching. Since she

truly believes herself to be the center of the universe with everything else revolving

around her.

"What a bother."

I remember discussing something similar with Nagato before.

Haruhi believes her values and judgment to be absolute. She does not understand

what others think, or realize that they may think differently, or rather, it has never

occurred to her that her way of thinking may be completely different from others’

since the beginning.

If people want to achieve time travel, just put Haruhi on a spaceship. Since she

probably wouldn't give a damn about the Theory of Relativity anyway.

As I mentioned this to Nagato, all that the silent alien said was,

"Your opinion may be correct."

For Nagato, this is very meaningful. For others, Suzumiya Haruhi is a joke.

"Oh, it seems like they're done."

Asahina's whisper brought me back to reality from my daydreams.

Haruhi emerged from the electronics store with a satisfied look, carrying a small

box in her arms. There was a picture of the product by the side of the box with a

brand name. If I'm not mistaken, that was a camera all right.

Just what threats did she use to intimidate the opposition?

Did she threaten to burn the store down? Or maybe start a boycott campaign? Or

perhaps to send them prank faxes all night? Or to start a tantrum right there? Could

she even have threatened to blow herself up along with the store?
 Page 42

I was forced to carry the box containing the camera while I followed Haruhi.
 Page 43

"Don't be ridiculous! I'm not the sort to resort to blackmail!"

Haruhi walked along happily, under the glass roof of the shopping street.

"We've now completed the first step! This is too easy!"

I was forced to carry the box containing the camera while I followed Haruhi. I

looked at Haruhi's hair flowing behind her back and asked,

"How did you manage to obtain such an expensive item? Is it because you

discovered the manager's dirty secrets?"

Indeed, the first words Haruhi said when she emerged from the store were, "We

got it!" If the manager was so willing to give things away, I'm willing to queue up as

well. So please, tell me the magic words you used!

Haruhi turned and smiled,

"It was nothing really! I said I wanted to make a movie and needed a camera, and

he said ‘Okay.’ There was no problem at all."

I felt that even though things were going smoothly now, it wouldn't end so easily.

Could I be worrying too much?

"Don't sweat the small stuff, just happily be my servant and things will be fine!"

Unfortunately, up until now, I still held the uneasy feeling from this spring, of

boarding a cruise ship called the Titanic. I wanted to send out an SOS signal, but

sadly, I don't know Morse code, and I'm not the sort of person who can be glad at

being called a servant.

"All right! Now for the next store!"

In the bustling crowd, Haruhi waved her arms and strode forward. I exchanged

glances with Asahina, and then hurriedly followed along behind Haruhi.

Haruhi next visited a toy model store.

 Page 44

As with before, Asahina and I were left outside while she went in to negotiate. I

was beginning to have an idea of what she was up to, since every time she pointed out

towards us, her finger was always directed towards Asahina. If I’m guessing

correctly, she must be using Asahina as some sort of bargaining chip. Asahina has yet

to realize this, as she was curiously studying a globe on display in the window.

A few minutes later, Haruhi came out carrying a huge box with her. What is it this

time?

"A weapon."

Haruhi replied, and shoved the box to me. I looked carefully and saw it was a

plastic model; it looks like a gun-shaped weapon. What does she want with this stuff?

"We'll need this for the action scenes, the gun fights that is! An intense battle is

the basic ingredient for any entertaining movie. If it's possible, I want to blow up an

entire building as well. Do you know where they sell explosives? I wonder if the

hardware store has them."

How the hell should I know? At least I know you won't find them in the

convenience stores or on the internet. Maybe they have some in the stone quarry... I

had wanted to remind Haruhi of this, but quickly dispelled the thought, mainly

because she would probably go there in the middle of the night and steal some

dynamite and wires for herself.

I lowered the camera and plastic model boxes and shook my head.

"What should we do with these boxes?"

"You take them home first, and then bring them to the club room tomorrow. It's

too troublesome taking it back to school now."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."
 Page 45

Haruhi crossed her arms and gave a benevolent expression. That was a smile

rarely seen in the classroom, and reserved only for the SOS Brigade, and every time

Haruhi makes such a smile, I always had to take care of the rest. Just what was I to

her?

"Excuse me..."

Asahina politely raised her arm,

"What should I be doing...?"

"You can go home now, Mikuru-chan. Your work is done for today."

Asahina blinked her eyes and had the look of a little fox that had just been

possessed. Since all Asahina ever did today was blindly follow Haruhi and me, she

probably doesn't know why Haruhi had asked her to come along, though I could

guess what Haruhi was up to.

Haruhi walked energetically like a gym instructor and led us to the station. It

seems like today's Haruhi-ist activity was coming to an end. The loot included a

camera and a few toy guns. Rather than by skillful negotiation, Haruhi probably

obtained these through very unorthodox means. The expenses were zero. In other

words, we got them for free.

There used to be a saying, "There's nothing more terrifying than not needing to

pay." The thing is, Haruhi doesn't seem to care. If someone knows something that

would make her terrified, please, do let me know.

The next day, besides my bag, I had to carry some excess baggage up the slope.

"Hey, Kyon! What are you carrying? Some present for a certain model student?"

Running towards my side is Taniguchi, a classmate of Haruhi's and mine, a very

simple single-celled organism, and as normal a high school student as you can find
 Page 46

anywhere. Normal is such a great description for him. Right now, for me, normality is

a rare commodity since this word represents the magic of the language used in reality.

I hesitated for a while, and then stuffed the lighter of the two supermarket bags

into Taniguchi's arms.

"What the hell's this, a toy gun? I didn't know you had such hobbies."

"It's not my hobby, it's Haruhi's."

I then gave Taniguchi a brief explanation, but Taniguchi was quite right in treating

this as an odd hobby.

"I find it hard to imagine Suzumiya breaking this up and then reassembling and

preserving it."

I too, found it hard to imagine, so who else besides Haruhi can break up and

reassemble these things? I might as well tell everyone that when I was young, I

attempted to assemble a toy robot, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't

attach its right shoulder and I threw it away out of frustration.

"You sure have it tough."

Taniguchi said in a tone that didn't sound sympathetic at all,

"Up to now, the only person capable of protecting Suzumiya has been you. This I

can guarantee, so you'd better stick with her."

What the hell are you talking about? There's no way I would want to stick with

Haruhi! The one I should be sticking around with is Asahina. I'm sure everyone

would feel the same.

Taniguchi giggled like a gremlin.

"Ah, that won't do, after all, she's the little angel of North High, the solace for the

hearts of all the guys. If you don't want to be stuffed in a sack by half of the school, I
 Page 47

suggest that you'd better watch your step. I don't suppose you'd like for me to stab

you in the back with a knife, would you?"

All right, then I'll go with the second best and pick Nagato.

"That won't do either. She may not look like it, but she has a lot of hidden

admirers. How come she stopped wearing glasses? Has she switched to contacts?"

"Hmm… why don't you ask her yourself?"

"Ask? Up to now, no matter how hard I tried, she has ignored everything I've said.

Everyone in Nagato's class firmly believes that every-single-word-she-says is enough

to determine the fate of the day."

Stop treating Nagato like a god. What sort of superstition is this? She may not be

ordinary, but for her standards, she's actually quite normal. Though I don't really

know what her standards are.

"Anyway, you fit well with Suzumiya. Only you can carry out a decent

conversation with that idiot. So keep a good eye on her and minimize the casualties to

as low as possible. Oh yeah, the school festival is coming up, what huge event are

you guys planning for then?"

"Don't ask me."

I'm not the spokesperson for the SOS Brigade, but Taniguchi continued,

"Even if I asked Suzumiya, she would just answer with something cryptic, and if I

don't time my question correctly, I might even get attacked by her. As for Nagato

Yuki, you won't get anything out of her no matter what’s being asked, while Asahina

is off limits, as I'll probably be lynched by a mob if I tried to talk with her. So in the

end, I had to ask you."

He sure is good at making excuses. According to him, I'm just mister nice guy.
 Page 48

"Aren't you? You look like the sort of person who would continue walking

forward with her, even when you know a cliff awaits you ahead."

As we got near the school entrance, I snatched the bag from Taniguchi's arms

while looking quite irritated.

I don't know what lies ahead in the midst of Haruhi's madness, but I don't think it

can be anything good. Yet, I'm not the only one walking with Haruhi in this perilous

journey. There are at least three others with me. Two of them can probably take care

of themselves, but Asahina would be in great danger since she has no idea what to

expect. It's as though she isn't from the future at all. But that's also where her charm

lies.

"Which is why," I explained to Taniguchi, "Someone needs to protect her."

Ah, that's more like what a male protagonist should be saying. Though I'm just

protecting her from Haruhi's sexual harassment. That's all.

I calmly continued,

"Since I was given this chance, I have to protect her. I don't care what the rest of

the guys in school say, be my guest if you want to form a gentleman's alliance or

something like that."

Taniguchi continued to giggle like a gremlin.

"You'd better tread carefully, since every month is a new month."

After leaving the sort of blackmail threat a conniving thief would use, Taniguchi

walked past the school entrance.

As I carried my baggage and headed towards the corridor outside the classroom, I

saw Haruhi stuffing her things into her locker. I proceeded to put the camera

equipment and model toy guns into my stainless steel locker as well.

"Kyon, we're gonna be busy today."

 Page 49

Without even saying good morning, Haruhi slammed her locker door and gave me

a smile as warm as early spring.

"Mikuru-chan, Yuki, and even Koizumi-kun, I won't allow you guys to have any

complaints! The movie script in my mind has now neared completion. I can even hear

it rumble; now all that remains is to just put it on screen."

"Really?"

I casually replied, and entered the classroom. My seat is the second from last of

the row. Since the school term began, we've changed seats many times already, but so

far I've never been allocated the seat in the back since Haruhi always ends up sitting

there behind me. I'm beginning to feel that it's too unnatural to be coincidental, yet I

still wanted to believe that it was all just a coincidence.

If I don't tell myself that, I would lose faith in the word "coincidence," I sure am

kind. I'm sure anyone who gets involved with Haruhi would believe the same as I do.

I'm like a midfielder in charge of intercepting any ball that's not controlled by either

side, while Haruhi is a hyper-attacking striker standing in an offside position and

running towards the goal. She's probably so offside that the nearest opponent is miles

away, so even if she does get the ball, the linesman would have no choice but to raise

the offside flag.

For Haruhi, she'd probably say that's the linesman's mistake. She would say with a

straight face that something is wrong with the rules and then proceed to pick up the

ball, run past the goal posts, and declare that she's scored a point. If that's the case, I

suggest she stay away from rugby.

In order to deal with her inconsiderate attitude, the best way is to just pretend

nothing ever happened and quietly leave the crime scene. Or to just give up on

struggling and obey whatever she says.

 Page 50

Besides me, most of the classmates have chosen the former option.

So after the sixth session, with one more class to go, Okabe-sensei and the other

students all had nothing to say about the seat behind me being empty. Did they not

notice? Or did they choose not to notice? Or perhaps they just couldn't be bothered to

waste their time worrying about such things? At any rate, everyone has agreed that it's

best to leave her alone, so it's no longer important to know why.

I walked towards the clubroom with an ominous feeling, carrying the bag

containing the boxes, and stopping before the Literature Club room.

I thought I heard something. The "Ahh’s!" are the cute screams of Asahina, while

the "Waah’s!" are the chilling yells of Haruhi. Here we go again.

If I opened the door now, I would probably see very pleasant scenery, but as a

man with common sense, I held back my desires and quietly waited outside.

After about five minutes, the soft screams of resistance have finally subsided, as it

always ends with Haruhi putting her arms on her waist and smiling victoriously. Like

a rabbit that can never defeat a snake, there's no way Asahina can ever defeat Haruhi.

I knocked the door.

"Come in!"

Haruhi's energetic reply echoed through the door. I tried to guess what was

contained within the paper bags that she brought this morning, while opening the

door, and entering the clubroom. As expected, Haruhi's victorious smile greeted me,

but I was already tired of that expression. I turned my gaze towards the person sitting

before Haruhi on a steel chair, and I felt my temperature rising instantly.

A waitress was sitting right there, looking at me with watery eyes.

"..."
 Page 51

Her hair a bit messy, the waitress lowered her head and kept silent like Nagato.

Haruhi had the waitress's brown hair tied into two ponytails. Amazingly, Nagato was

nowhere to be seen.

"So how is it?"

Haruhi snorted and asked me. What's with that face telling me it's all thanks to

you? Asahina's cuteness is a god-given gift, yet...

I actually think she looks great in this costume. I wonder what Asahina thinks?

She wouldn't disagree with me having such thoughts, would she? Though, isn't her

skirt a bit too short?

Like 100% pure fruit juice, Asahina the waitress clutched her hands and placed

them tightly on her fists and sat stiffly.

This costume looks perfect on you; it's as if it was made especially for you.

Thanks to this, I silently stared at Asahina for thirty seconds. Suddenly someone

patted my shoulders and nearly had me jumping in fright.

"Sorry about yesterday. We still have to revise the script today, but I insisted on

leaving early since I didn't have the opportunity to prepare with you guys from

beginning to end yesterday."

Koizumi smiled with his handsome face and then glanced in the clubroom over

my shoulder.

"Hi."

He smiled cheerfully.

"This costume..."

Koizumi walked past me, placed his bag on the table and sat down on one of the

steel chairs.

"Suits you wonderfully."

 Page 52

He gave his most direct opinion. Well, everyone knows about that. What I don't

understand is what is a waitress is doing here in a crummy old room instead of in a

cafe or restaurant.

"That's because," Haruhi said, "I wanted Mikuru-chan to wear this costume in the

movie."

What’s wrong with the maid costume?

"Maids only do certain tasks for the rich in their mansions. Waitresses are

different, they appear on the street corner, or in some store, and provide all sorts of

services to the mass public at an hourly rate of 730 Yen."

I don't know if that hourly rate is considered high or low, but at any rate, I don't

think Asahina would dress up as a maid just so she can work in some mansion. It's a

different story if Haruhi actually pays for her services though.

"Stop picking at the small details! It all has to do with how you feel, and I feel this

looks good." You may think so, but what about Asahina?

"Umm... Suzumiya-san... I think this costume is a bit small for me..."

Asahina's probably worried about her panties showing, since she's tightly pressing

the edge of her skirt down. But doing this only serves to unsettle me further, and

before I knew it, my eyes were transfixed upon that spot.

"I think this suits you just fine."

It took a lot of effort to move my gaze away and fix it towards Haruhi, who was

smiling like a beautiful flower blossoming in the middle of a forest. Haruhi aimed her

pupils, which can only see what's before them, to me.

"The concept for our movie this time is..."

She pointed towards Asahina's shivering back.

"This."
 Page 53

What do you mean "this”? You want to make a documentary of a girl working

part-time in a teashop?

"No! There's not much fun in making a candid camera show of Mikuru-chan's

daily life. We've got to make a movie about the daily life of an extraordinary person,

only then can the movie be attractive. Making a documentary about the daily life of

an ordinary high school student is just satisfying one's ego."

I don't think that Asahina would be satisfied by making this movie. I believe

someone else needs to have their ego satisfied, and I believe that Asahina's daily life

is already extraordinary enough, but I decided to keep quiet.

"As the director of the SOS Brigade, I will carry out the mission to entertain the

masses. Just you wait! I will make everyone give me a standing ovation!"

Looking carefully, I realized Haruhi's "Commander" armband had now been

replaced with the words "Director." Such a meticulous person.

An excited female director, a depressed lead actress, and a lead actor smiling

enigmatically as though he's only a bystander, I really don't know how to describe this

scene. At this moment, the clubroom door opened.

“…”

I thought it was someone else, and for a moment my mind was filled with terror. I

had thought my short life has finally come to an end, since even Death had come to

receive me. I even thought I was in the backstage of the movie where Salieri slowly

destroyed Mozart as he composed his Requiem.

“…”

Nagato's usual pale face silently emerged from the door. She only showed her

face, while her body was shrouded in darkness.

 Page 54

I wasn't the only one frightened into silence, Haruhi and Asahina weren't any

better, even Koizumi's usual smile carried a bit of fearfulness in it. Nagato was

wearing a strange costume that even Asahina would feel startled in. She covered

herself with a black cloak, wearing an equally pitch black pointed hat, a recognizable

witch outfit.

Under our petrified gaze, Nagato, who was dressed like Death, silently walked to

her reserved seat by the corner, took out her bag and hard-back book from under her

cloak, and placed it on the table.

Ignoring our stunned glances, she began to read her book.

Looks like this would be the costume used for divinations for her class during the

school festival.

Being the first to recover from the shock, Haruhi bombarded Nagato with a series

of questions. From her monosyllabic replies, we came to this conclusion: there must

be a talented fashion designer in her class to be able to make Nagato enjoy wearing

this costume around.

Nagato entered the room in such a terrifying doll-like costume, has she secretly

decided to compete with Asahina-san in her own way? Her logic is even harder to

understand than Haruhi's!

Under this silent atmosphere which no dared to speak, only Haruhi exclaimed

excitedly,

"So you've finally got the hang of it, Yuki? This costume is excellent!"

Nagato slowly moved her eyes towards Haruhi and then returned her gaze to her

book.
 Page 55

"This costume matches exactly with my character concept! Do tell me later who

designed this costume for you, I'd like to send him a telegraph to thank him for his

efforts!"

Oh please, sending him a congratulatory telegraph would just make him even

more suspicious, worrying whether if there's some hidden meaning to it. Can't you

objectively notice how everyone else thinks of you?

Haruhi was already in seventh heaven. Humming the Turkish Rondo, she opened

her bag and took out a few pieces of printed paper. She then handed the papers to

each of us, while beaming like Kintarou who had just beaten the black bear.
I had no choice but to direct my gaze towards the piece of paper.

On it was scribbled the following:

"Battle Waitress - The Adventures of Asahina Mikuru (Working Title)"

- Cast
- Asahina Mikuru - the Battle Waitress from the future
- Koizumi Itsuki - the Esper youth
- Nagato Yuki - the evil alien
- Extras – everyone else

......Oh god, what on earth is this? She actually guessed them all correctly.

I was totally shocked. I did not know whether she had amazing skills of

deductions, or she simply guessed blindly and got them all correct. I even suspected

that she pretended not to know. To be able to make such correct judgments out of the

blue, just what kind of powers was that?

I was speechless for a moment, and only came to my senses when I heard

someone giggling besides me. That could only be Koizumi,

"Oh, I see......"
 Page 56

He seemed rather pleased; I really am envious of him.

"How should I say this? As expected from Suzumiya-san perhaps? Only

Suzumiya-san could have come up with such characters, simply amazing."

Don't smile at me like that, you're making me uncomfortable.

Asahina-san gripped the stack of A4 paper with her hands, which were trembling

as she stared at the contents.

"Ah......"

She exclaimed softly and looked at me, carrying an expression as though asking

to be rescued. I looked carefully and noticed her eyes carried a sense of extreme

sadness with a bit of reproachfulness, like a kind big sister berating a young kid for

pulling a naughty prank......Ah, now I remember. After what happened six months

ago, I told Haruhi about their true identities.

Um, oh dear. Was it my fault?

I frantically looked at Nagato, and saw that the alien-created Living Humanoid

Interface, wearing her black cloak and pointy hat......

"......"

Was still silently reading her book.

"It's not that big of a problem."

Koizumi said optimistically, I wasn't even in the mood to laugh.

"I know it's not funny, but it's not all that gloomy."

"How do you know?"

"Because this is only a character allocation for the movie. Suzumiya-san doesn't

really believe that I'm an esper, it's only in the fictional movie world that the character

Koizumi Itsuki, played by me, happens to be an esper."

 Page 57

Koizumi sounded like a personal tutor lecturing at a student with short-term

memory.

"The Koizumi Itsuki in the real world and this 'Koizumi Itsuki' are two different

people. I don't suppose you could confuse me with the character that I play. Even if

someone were to confuse between the two, it wouldn't be Suzumiya-san."

"I just can't relax. No one can guarantee that what you say is correct."

"If she had mixed the real world with a fictional one, this world would have

become a science fiction realm already. I've said it before, Suzumiya-san may not

look like it, but she does think logically within the confines of reality."

Of course I knew that, because Haruhi's way of thinking was always in half-

fantasy mode, which was why I always got involved in all sorts of peculiar events. To

top it all, the perpetrator Haruhi was not even aware of it herself.

"Because we had no proof."

Koizumi said calmly,

"Perhaps one day things will develop to an extent where it will become inevitable,

but it is not now. It's good that the forces Asahina-san and Nagato-san represent think

the same way as well, so I believe it's fine if we keep it like this forever."

I thought so too, since I don't want to see the world being messed up. It would be

a pity if the world ends before I could even have a chance of beating the video game

that comes out next week.

Koizumi continued smiling,

"Instead of worrying about the world, you should take care of yourself more. It's

possible for me and Nagato-san to be replaced with someone else easily, but not you."

In order not to let Koizumi see my now complex thoughts, I pretended to

concentrate on filling up the toy gun.

 Page 58

Today, Haruhi spent the day having Asahina-san try out the costume, announced

the character allocation for everyone, and called it a day. In fact, she had planned to

drag Asahina-san, dressed in her waitress costume, everywhere around school, and

then open a press conference to promote her movie. But as Asahina-san was close to

tears, I tried everything to make her drop that idea. I told her in this high school, there

was no News Society, or Journalist Society, and definitely no Advertising Society.

Haruhi looked at me, her lips sticking out like a bird's beak, and looked down and

said,

"Yeah, you're right."

I never thought she would back off so quickly.

"It's better to keep things secret until the last moment. Kyon, you're quite smart

for your level of intelligence. It'll be troublesome if things were to leak out

beforehand."

This isn't some Hollywood or Hong Kong action movie; no one would be

interested in stealing your weird ideas.

"Then Kyon, you're responsible for making sure that gun is up and ready by

today, because shooting starts tomorrow. You need to learn how to use a camera as

well. Oh yeah, you need to look for software that could upload the video clip onto the

computer for digital editing, and......"

And so, Haruhi shoved a whole load of work to me and went home humming the

tune of "The Great Escape."

She really knows how to give people a lot of trouble no matter how they are

feeling. Seriously!

So right now, Koizumi and I are busy reading the instruction manual and figuring

out how to fire the BB bullets from the toy gun.

 Page 59

After changing, Asahina-san went home with her shoulders drooped low. Nagato

also disappeared without even taking her bag in that witch costume as though being

invited for the Sabbath. Looks like Nagato only came to show us her costume.

Judging by her style, there may be some meaning for her to do that, though it's also

possible she only came just to visit. She's probably busy doing something in her

classroom, like predicting the future with her crystal ball.

I had a feeling the school was getting livelier day after day. Every day after

school, the trumpets in the third-rate orchestra stopped going out of tune and began to

be in synch; there were also people cutting up plywood and balsas in every hidden

corner of the school; while the number of students dressed up in weird costumes like

Nagato's were increasing every day.

Yet, this was only a school activity held by a simple prefectural high school, it

doesn't seem like it would be shocking. In my opinion, only half the school at most

had not given up on working hard to make their school life more enjoyable. Our class,

1-5, on the other hand, had long abandoned trying to have fun at the festival. Those

students without any club affiliations would probably have plenty of time to spare by

then, and Taniguchi and Kunikida were perfect representatives of the "Go Home After

School Club."

"This school festival,"

Taniguchi said.

It was during lunch break, I hung out with these two insignificant side characters

and ate our boxed lunches.

"What about the school festival?"

Kunikida asked, Taniguchi revealed a smile that was pathetically hideous

compared to Koizumi's elegant smile,

 Page 60

"Sure is a super event."

Could you please not sound like Haruhi!? The smile from Taniguchi's face faded

suddenly,

"Yet it has nothing to do with me, that sure pisses me off."

"Why is that?"

Kunikida asked.

"I don't think it's fun at all. And those people that looked busy sure ticks me off,

especially those where the guys are paired with the girls. Makes me want to kill

them!"

I guess this is what they call a jealous rage?

"What about our class? Holding a survey? Hmph! That's way too boring! It's just

going to be stupid questions about what's your favourite colours! What's the point of

collecting such information anyway?"

If you're so dissatisfied, why don't you suggest something else then? Maybe then

Haruhi wouldn't have had the time to go make a movie.

Taniguchi swallowed a sausage and said,

"I'm not going to get myself in trouble by making such suggestions. Sigh, I don't

mind making suggestions, it's just that I'll be put in charge of the event when that

happens."

Kunikida stopped cutting his rolled cake and said, "You're right."

"It's only the foolish that would dare come out with any suggestions, or those with

a strong sense of responsibility, that is if Asakura-san was still here."

He mentioned the name of the student that had moved to Canada. I would still

break a cold sweat every time I hear that name. Though it was Nagato that made
 Page 61

Asakura disappear, I was the cause of her departure. I also did nothing to prevent her

from disappearing back then, so it's too late to regret it now.

"Man, this is such a pity," Taniguchi said, "Why did the perfect bright student

leave us? She was the sole reason I felt grateful for being in this class. Damn, I

wonder if it's too late to request to move to a different class?"

"Which class do you have in mind?" Kunikida asked, "Nagato's class? Oh,

speaking of which, I saw her wandering around dressed like a wizard, just what was

that all about?"

Well, I'm not sure myself.

"Nagato, huh......"

Taniguchi looked at me, his face suddenly looked as though he had to face a math

pop quiz, and said as though realizing something,

"So when did it begin? I saw you embracing her in the classroom back then.

That's probably one of Suzumiya's scripts. You did that to scare me on purpose, right?

You can't fool me."

It's a good thing Taniguchi misinterpreted the whole thing, the weight on my

shoulders was instantly lifted at once. ......Wait a minute, didn't you come in the

classroom because you forgot to bring something? How were we supposed to know

you were coming? ......Of course, I didn't tell him about this. Taniguchi is an idiot, and

there's really no point in telling an idiot that he's an idiot. Sometimes I'm even

grateful that the gods have made Taniguchi an idiot at birth.

"Speaking of which, that sure was nonsense,"

Taniguchi said gratefully, Kunikida was busy eating, while I looked behind me.

Haruhi's seat was empty, just what was she up to now?

 Page 62

"I was looking around the school for places where I could shoot the movie,"

Haruhi said,

"But there was no suitable location. There's just no way we could create any

atmosphere inside the school, let's go outside!"

She may not like the atmosphere in the school, but she didn't have to go through

the trouble of finding a lively spot outside just because of that. She seemed

determined to make it big.

"Um...... D... Do I have to go, too?"

Asahina-san asked in a terrified tone.

"Of course. We can't be without our star."

"I... In this costume?"

Asahina-san shivered, since yesterday, today she was again forced to wear that

waitress costume, which I had no idea how Haruhi obtained it.

"Well, of course."

Haruhi nodded as a matter-of-factly, Asahina-san embraced herself and squirmed.

"Wouldn't it be too bothersome if you have to change all the time? We might not

be able to find a place to change there anyway. So you might as well wear that all day,

right? C'mon! Let's go!"

"At least let me wear something on top......"

Asahina-san pleaded.

"No!"

"But it's too embarrassing."

"You have to feel embarassed in order to portray that subtle shy feeling! How do

you expect to win the Golden Globe like that?"

Wasn't our objective just to win the best event for the school festival?
 Page 63

Today everyone in the brigade gathered in the club room. Koizumi came as well,

his class' theatre script being sorted out already, smiling at the one-sided interaction

between Haruhi and Asahina-san. Nagato was here as well, though she posed another

problem.

"......"

She was silent as usual, that was nothing, but she looked strange today. For some

reason, she was again dressed in that wizard outfit that she came to show us

yesterday. Actually she could just wear that on the day of the school festival, she

didn't have to start wearing it now.

Haruhi looked really fond of Nagato's black cloak and pointed hat.

"Your role is now the 'Evil Alien Magician!'"

In no time she had already altered the script. I watched as Haruhi stuffed into

Nagato's hand a conductor rod, which on its tip was fitted a decorative star, the sort

usually used to decorate Christmas trees, while Nagato stood motionless. For some

reason, even I had no problem with this silent bookworm playing the role of an alien

magician. Maybe this role would suit Nagato better than the so-called Integrated Data

Entity, because she could indeed wield magical powers, at least for my eyes, so it

can't be wrong.

Nagato suddenly pushed up the tip of her hat and looked at me with her

expressionless eyes.

"......"

I had concerns about how Haruhi decided on her own to use costumes originally

designed for other classes' activities for her movie, but for her, such problems simply

do not exist.
 Page 64

Asahina-san's weak resistance was futile. Haruhi simply grabbed the back of the
waitress's collar and dragged her tiny figure towards the door as she whimpered
nonstop. Nagato followed behind dragging the tail of her cloak...
 Page 65

"Kyon! Have you prepared the camera? Koizumi-kun, I'm counting on you to

carry the equipment there. Mikuru-chan! Why are you still grabbing the table? Hurry

up and move on!"

Asahina-san's weak resistance was futile. Haruhi simply grabbed the back of the

waitress's collar and dragged her tiny figure towards the door as she whimpered

nonstop. Nagato followed behind dragging the tail of her cloak, while Koizumi went

last, winked at me, and then disappeared into the corridor.

Just as I was thinking whether it was still possible for me to not go......

"Hey! We can't make a movie without a cameraman!"

Haruhi stuck her upper torso in the opened door and yelled loudly at me with her

mouth wide open. Seeing the words "Great Director" written on the armband on

Haruhi's left arm, I suddenly had an ominous feeling.

It seemed this girl was dead serious about it.

Haruhi the self-proclaimed "Great Director," despite not having any prior

directorial experience before, led the way; the cute waitress lowered her head and

followed her behind; the gloomy young witch trailed behind like a shadow; while

Koizumi carried the paper bags and smiled brightly...... I tried my best to stay as far

away as possible while following this eccentric group.

Already capturing the attention of the school as it walked along, this Halloween

costume entourage became the focus of attention as it stepped outside of school.

Asahina walked dejectedly amongst them, after two minutes of walking, she hung her

head down lowly, three minutes and she was already blushing furiously, five minutes

later, she was basically floating on thin air like a depressed ghost.
 Page 66

Haruhi walked ahead beaming brightly as though the heavens are about to shake,

humming the theme song of "Heaven and Hell." I don't know when she had it

prepared, as I saw her carrying in her right hand a yellow loudspeaker, and in her left

hand a director's chair, walking gallantly like the Mongol hordes marching west

across the grassy plains. As I was wondering where she was about to strike next, I

noticed we had reached the train station. Haruhi bought five tickets and handed one to

each of us, then marched on as a matter-of-factly towards the ticket turnstiles.

"Hold it."

I gave my objection before Asahina-san could even speak. I pointed towards the

waitress in a mini-skirt, who was drawing all the gazes from everywhere, and the

black cloaked witch, who was standing like a bystander, and said,

"You're going to let them ride the train dressed like that?"

"Is there a problem?" Haruhi pretended not to know and countered, "If they didn't

wear anything, they might get arrested. But they're dressed just fine! Or are you

thinking that a bunny-girl costume would be better? Then why didn't you say so

earlier? I wouldn't mind changing the working title to 'Battle Bunny-Girl!'"

This shouldn't come from someone deliberately bringing a person in a waitress

costume...... By the way, I thought you said you had the concept of the movie thought

out already? I'm not too sure about this, but could you just alter the concept of the

movie whenever you please?

I tried my hardest to guess what on earth our director was thinking.

"The ability to adapt to circumstances is vital. That's how life on earth evolved to

this day through survival of the fittest. You'll go extinct if you stop thinking! We must

learn how to adapt in order to survive!"

 Page 67

Adapt to what? If mother nature was sentient, I'm sure the first thing she would do

was to drive Haruhi off the atmosphere of the earth.

Koizumi was reduced to a smiling slave in charge of carrying the equipment,

Nagato remained silent, while Asahina-san was too worn out to say anything. In other

words, I was the only one doing all the talking.

How I wish someone would think of a way out of this.

It now looks like Haruhi had interpreted our silence as us being moved to deep

thought by her speech.

"Ah, here comes the train! Mikuru-chan, let's go! The show's about to begin!"

Like a police officer dragging a female criminal whose motive was worthy of

sympathy, Haruhi pushed Asahina-san's shoulders towards the turnstiles.

Coming out of the station, I noticed it was the station we had been to the other day, as

the shopping street was right ahead. Before I could even suspect, I realized Haruhi

had even come to the exact same store that she had visited. It was the electronic store

where she managed to obtain the camera.

"I came as promised!"

Haruhi entered energetically, the owner stuck his head out and landed his gaze

onto Asahina-san.

"Hoho."

The owner stared at the lead actress with a horny looking smile, while Asahina-

san stood stiff like one of those combat game characters who had just used up all her

special moves. The owner then said,

"She's the girl from the day before? She really looks different today, hoho. Then

we're counting on you."

 Page 68

Counting on what? I had instinctively wanted to move forward one step and

shield Asahina-san, who was trembling, behind my back, but I got pushed back by

Haruhi before I could do that.

"The meeting would now begin, everyone listen up."

With the same smile that she had after winning the inter-class relay race during

sports day, Haruhi announced,

"We shall now start shooting the commercials!"

"T... the owner of this store, um, he's very generous and kind. This store has been

opened by the owner Eijirou-san's grandfather, and they sell everything from dry

batteries to refrigerators. Oh, and...... um......"

The waitress smiled stiffly as she tried her best to read from the script, while

Nagato stood beside her holding up a plastic banner that read "Oomori Electronics."

The two of them were now captured into the viewing window of my camera.

Asahina-san gave a very clumsy looking smile, carrying a microphone which was

not even plugged.

Koizumi stood beside me and smiled squeamishly as he carried the placards with

the script written on them. The placards were basically a sketch book in which Haruhi

wrote the script without even thinking a while ago. Koizumi flipped the pages of the

sketch book in accordance with Asahina-san's reading speed.

We stood outside the entrance to the electronic store, which was right in the

middle of the shopping street.

Haruhi sat on the director's chair crossing her legs, and frowned at Asahina-san's

acting.

"OK, cut!"

She slapped her loudspeaker onto her palm and said,

 Page 69

"That was entirely devoid of any emotion. Why can't you convey it? There's just

no feeling of 'that's it.'"

She said while biting her nails.

Looking stunned, I stopped recording. Clutching the microphone with both her

hands, Asahina-san also stopped what she was doing. Nagato was motionless since

the beginning, while all Koizumi could do was smile.

The pedestrians walking on the shopping street have now gathered behind us out

of curiosity.

"Mikuru-chan, your expression was too stiff. You need to smile more naturally

from the bottom of your heart. Think of something happy, aren't you happy right

now? You're chosen as the female lead after all! There can't be anything happier than

this in your whole life!"

I really wanted to just tell her, Stop being ridiculous already!

If I had to compress the conversation between Haruhi and the store owner into

two lines, I believe it would be like this:

"During the shooting of the movie, we'll make a commercial for this store as well.

So can you lend us a camera?"

"Sure, no problem."

The owner was deluded to actually believing Haruhi's sweet words, while Haruhi

was simply nuts to think of putting a commercial inside a movie. I had never seen a

movie where the female lead had to become a spokesperson for a commercial

product. I wouldn't have minded if it were just simple product placement by shooting

the name of the store in the background of some scenes, but now we're shooting an

advertisement instead of a movie.

"I know!"
 Page 70

Haruhi suddenly shouted. What is it that you know now!?

"It just feels strange to see a waitress coming out of an electronic store."

Maybe it's because of the costume you chose?

"Koizumi-kun, give me that bag. The smaller one over there."

Haruhi received the paper bag Koizumi handed her, then grabbed the dreamy

Asahina-san by the hand and strode towards the store.

"Manager! Is there a place where you can change? Um, anywhere would do. Even

the bathroom. Really? Then we'll use the storeroom!"

Without even flinching, she then dragged Asahina-san and disappeared into the

store. Poor Asahina-san didn't even have the strength to resist, and could only follow

awkwardly as she got dragged by Haruhi's incredible strength. Maybe she was

prepared to do anything Haruhi asked as long as she could get out of this costume.

Koizumi, Nagato and I were left standing outside with nothing to do. Nagato wore

her black costume and continued to raise her plastic banner while staring at the

camera. It's quite amazing that her arms never get tired.

Koizumi smiled softly at me.

"It seems like I won't be performing anytime soon. I was only in the class play

because everyone voted to have me in, it's already exhausting trying to memorize all

the lines, so I do hope there aren't that many lines for this role I'm playing. ......How

about it? Why don't you try being the male lead?"

Haruhi's the one who decides who plays what, so you'll have to go ask her.

"Do you think I am capable of doing such a frightening task? I dare not imagine

an actor telling the executive producer and director what to do, since Suzumiya-san's

orders are absolute. I don't even want to think what retaliatory moves she would have

against me if I did that."

 Page 71

Well, neither do I! Are you saying that's the reason why I'm willing to be a

cameraman? Besides, we aren't even shooting a movie, but a regional advert for a

local store. There's a limit to showing your sense of belonging to the neighbourhood.

I'm guessing a frantic scene was being played right now at the back of the store. I

can imagine the look on Haruhi's face as she strips the clothes off a defenseless

Asahina-san. I wonder what she would have Asahina-san wear this time, why doesn't

she wear them herself? Her figure is just as stunning as Asahina-san's anyway, has she

never thought of starring in the movie herself?

"Sorry to keep you waiting!"

Of the two people coming out of the store, Haruhi remained in her uniform of

course, while the sight of the other instantly gave me a trip down memory lane. Has it

been six months already? How time flies by! So many things have happened since

then! Amateur baseball tournament, lone island mansion...... Now that I think about it,

this has all become happy memories. ......How was this possible?

That was Asahina-san's debut performance, the one that made Asahina-san and

Haruhi the talk of the school instantly. It was the extremely revealing costume that

left Asahina-san emotionally scarred.

The impeccable, perfect bunny-girl blushed bright red with tears in her eyes, and

followed timidly behind Haruhi as her bunny ears swung to and fro.

"Yes, now that's perfect. It's better after all to do an advertisement in a bunny-girl

costume."

Haruhi said ambiguously and studied Asahina-san, giving a satisfied smile.

Asahina-san simply looked traumatized, as though half of her soul had flown out of

her half-opened cherry red lips.

 Page 72

"Mikuru-chan, let's start over again. You've memorized the script already, I'm

sure. Kyon, roll the tape."

Who would have the mood to listen to her when she's dressed like that? When this

movie plays, I'm sure the audience would be paying attention to the bunny-girl played

by Asahina-san instead. It would be fortunate if the screen didn't get burned by the

staring gazes of the audiences.

"And, take 2!"

Haruhi yelled and slapped her loudspeaker hardly.

Finally, the shooting of the electronic store advertisement starring Asahina-san, who

was smiling and crying at the same time while being toyed around by Haruhi, was

complete. The whole thing felt like watching a foreign wrestler being manipulated by

an evil agent on every match.

But, as things have developed to such an extent, I realized we had visited another

store before. I didn't even need to speculate, as Haruhi was already thinking of

making a commercial for them as well.

Asahina went "Ah~!" and "Kyaa~!" cutely as she got dragged along by Haruhi

down the shopping street. All this time Nagato followed slowly behind me and

Koizumi like a phantom in her usual flat wizard expression.

I placed my jacket over Asahina-san's exposed back, trying to console her.

Perhaps doing so only increased the attention from the onlookers even more. After all,

this world is populated by people with strange tastes. Let me make it clear by the way,

those are not my tastes.

We went to the second model toy store and repeated what we had done before.

Under the watchful eyes of the curious bystanders, Asahina-san looked tearfully at me

- the lens of the camera, that is.

 Page 73

"Th... This model toy store was opened by Yamatsuchi Keiji-san, age 28, who

ignored the objections of his parents and left his life as a white-collar worker...... In

order to fulfill his dreams...... As expected, the sales didn't grow as planned. Sales for

the first half of this year was only 80% of last year's, and the sales curve have fallen

towards the lower right corner of the chart...... That's why... Please do come and take a

look around!"

Asahina-san's speech was totally unconvincing. Would the owner Yamatsuchi-san

even accept such an advertisement? He would probably be even more dejected than

he was now. Who would want to be treated to such a speech by a high school student

anyway?

The bunny-girl was now being forced to aim the model rifle she was holding

upwards.

"Please don't aim this at people, try it on empty cans instead!"

Nagato stood behind staring blankly forward, carrying a plastic banner that read

"Yamatsuchi Model Store." It was such a surreal sight. As Asakura Ryoko looked like

a normal person with emotions, that meant not all the alien-created humanoid

interfaces behaved like robots. I think Nagato only behaved like that simply because

she was set-up that way in the beginning.

Asahina-san now aimed the rifle towards the empty cans laying on the ground and

fired at them.

"Ah! I think this would hurt if you get hit! Ahhh~~!!!"

Asahina-san yelled timidly as the aluminum cans slowly became dented like a

beehive, this shooting demonstration caused a commotion among the crowd that was

watching, though Asahina-san's aim accuracy was only 1%.

 Page 74

Somehow I just felt that shooting all these scenes into the DV recording camera

was a complete waste. I felt sorry for both Asahina-san and the guy that designed this

camera, since this camera wasn't supposed to be made to shoot such silly scenes.

And so the day ended when shooting of the stupid commercials have ended.

We returned to school first to listen to Haruhi announce the upcoming shooting

schedule.

"As tomorrow, Saturday, is a holiday, everyone must come early. We meet at nine

in front of Kitaguchi station, you hear?"

But, the commercials alone were already 15 minutes long. Just how long was the

movie going to be? No one is going to be able to finish a three-hour movie shown in a

school festival, and I'm not optimistic about the box-office receipts either.

I thought to myself while noticing how depressed Asahina-san was. She rode the

train dressed as a waitress when going out, and returned as a bunny-girl. Right now,

changed back into her uniform, she now knelt on the ground looking completely worn

out. At this rate, the female lead is going to fall asleep during shooting.

I finished drinking the Genbi tea that Koizumi made in place of Asahina-san, who

rested her head on the table looking tired, and said,

"Haruhi, can't you think of any other costumes Asahina-san can wear? Aren't there

any other battle costumes that suit the occasion better? Like some military costumes

or cheerleader costumes?"

Haruhi waved her conductor rod which was fitted with a star at its end and said,

"There's no originality in wearing such costumes. It is only by dressing as a

waitress can the audience go 'Ooohhh~~~!' It's important to grasp what the audience

is thinking. That's what they call concept!"

 Page 75

I really wonder whether she even understood what a concept is, as all I could do

was sigh.

"Forget it...... Let's leave that aside. Why must the female protagonist be set as

coming from the future? I don't see what difference it makes to the story!"

Asahina-san shuddered a bit while lying on the table. Haruhi didn't notice that,

obviously she's not giving up,

"We'll consider that sort of stuff later, we'll worry about it when someone voices a

concern."

Didn't I just voice a concern!? Answer the question!!!

"If an answer can't be thought out after consideration, then it's best to leave it

alone! It doesn't matter anyway. What matters is that it's interesting!"

Provided you can make it interesting. What are the chances of you making a

movie that's interesting? What's the point in making a movie in which only the

director feels interested in? Are you trying to get nominated for the Golden Raspberry
Awards?

"What on earth's that? I only have one objective, that is to get voted the best event

of the school festival! If possible, I wouldn't mind getting a Golden Globe. In order to

achieve that goal, it's important that Mikuru-chan wears the right costumes!"

I don't think anyone would fret over such stuff. I have a feeling Haruhi was

compelled to do this after getting pissed watching a crap movie that somehow won

the Golden Globe awards.

I sighed again and looked towards the side. Dressed all in black, Nagato returned

to her corner in the club room and once again indulged herself in her world of books.

What was wrong with her? Would she die if she did not read something in this room?

"Hang on."
 Page 76

Looking at the alien who loved reading, I suddenly thought of something,

"Hey, I still haven't seen the script yet."

It's not just the script that's missing, I don't even know what the story is. All I

knew was that Asahina-san was a waitress from the future, Koizumi was an esper

youth, while Nagato was an evil alien magician.

"It's not necessary."

Just what was Haruhi thinking!? She suddenly closed her eyes and pointed her

forehead with the star on her conductor's staff,

"Because e~~verything is in here, the script and the storyboard. You don't have to

worry about anything, I'll think of all the scenes that need to be filmed for you."

A bold statement. You should be the one who need not do any thinking and just

stare out the window. If you had looked a bit more gentle and serious, you can

compete with Asahina-san with no problem at all.

"Tomorrow guys! Let's march bravely forward. In order to obtain glory, one must

start on the mental side. It is the fastest way to victory without ever spending any

money! When you free yourself from the cage of your mind, you'll be able release

your potential that you never even knew you had. That's the way!"

That would probably work in those combat comics, but no matter how hard you

try to spew out how to control your state of mind or getting internationalized, it's still

going to be a long way before the Japanese soccer team could win the World Cup.

"That's it for today! Let's look forward to tomorrow! Kyon, don't forget the

camera, equipment and costumes. Be punctual everyone!"

Haruhi then grabbed up her bag with all her force and bolted out of the room. As

the humming of the "Rocky" theme song diminished down the corridor, I looked
 Page 77

resentfully at the pile of equipment that I had to carry. Just to which society do I

complain of the tyrannical actions of this director?

Until today, our school life had been as normal as it gets, just that it got spiced up,

to the level of nearly losing control, by Haruhi's over-enthusiasm in the making of her

movie. If a survey was conducted on the high schools on the whole nation, I'm sure

there are people who are as eccentric as us. In other words, they're all living a

"normal" life.

I wasn't attacked by Nagato's people; I didn't go time traveling with Asahina-san;

and I didn't encounter any giants which shone like a glowing piece of blue mold;

lastly, I never experienced any murder mysteries with a ridiculous truth hidden to it.

It was a normal school life.

As the school festival approaches, Haruhi's excitement was now reaching boiling

point. The endorphins in her mind now spun as quickly as a hamster on a carousel,

being whipped to run at near Mach speed.

Anyway, all that was normal.

......Until today, that is.

Thinking carefully, I'm sure Haruhi had probably began to control herself in her

own way. Thinking further, I realized we hadn't even shot a single frame for the

movie. All the digital camera contained were video clips of Asahina-san dressed as a

bunny-girl advertising for the local electronics and toy model stores. The SOS

Brigade movie directed by Haruhi did not even have a framework; even the story was

a mystery.

Perhaps it was better if it remained a mystery.

Even if we ended up showing a documentary of Asahina-san introducing the shops in

the local shopping district, it would not be a problem at all. Actually, wouldn't this
 Page 78

sort of movie attract audiences better? Besides, it's beneficial to the local economy of

the shopping district, so that's two birds in one stone. Ah yes, let's make an Asahina

Mikuru advertisement special! I think I'd like this better. As her cameraman, I meant

what I said.

But, knowing Haruhi better than anyone, she's not going to be satisfied with that.

She's going to go ahead doing what she said she intends to do. She's not the sort of

person to give up halfway. Such a troublesome girl who sticks to her principles!

And so, from the second day onwards, we once again found ourselves in a strange

and dire situation. I don't know how to describe this... How did Haruhi phrase it

again?

When you free yourself from the boundaries of your mind, you'll be able release

your potential that you never even knew you had. ......Something like that.

Makes sense.

But, Haruhi,

Why is it that you are the only one whose potential got released?

And you aren't even aware of it yourself.

Page 79
 Page 80

Chapter 3

Saturday came.

We were to meet at the station. When I arrived carrying all the equipment using

the largest backpack I could find in my house, I discovered that the other four were

already waiting for me.

The sight of Haruhi in her casual clothes and Asahina-san in her usual cuteness

was just as captivating as usual. They looked like a pair of mismatched sisters.

Asahina-san, who looked more like the younger sister despite being older, wore some
mature styled clothing.

Surrounded by three weird people, Asahina-san breathed a sigh of relief as she

saw me and nodded while waving at me. Ah, that feels good.

"You're late!"

Haruhi may be yelling at me, but she was obviously quite happy. The reason her

hands were empty was because she had stuffed the loudspeaker and director's chair

into my baggage as well.

 Page 81

"It's not even nine yet."

I frowned and said. I looked aside and saw Nagato's porcelain statue-like

expression and Koizumi's relaxed smile. Speaking of which, today's a holiday. While

it was normal for Nagato to still wear her uniform as she always did, why was

Koizumi wearing his uniform as well today?

"This is my costume for the movie, apparently,"

Koizumi replied,

"She told me that yesterday. I would be playing an esper disguised as a high

school student."

Isn't that what you are!?

I put down the bags which were stuffed with the camera and all other shooting

equipment and wiped the sweat off my forehead. Haruhi showed an excited face like

an elementary school kid ready to set off on a field trip and said,

"Kyon, you'll have to pay a fine since you're the last to arrive, but not now. Right

now we need to ride a bus, I'll be paying for the bus fares, as that's part of the

expenses anyway, but you'll have to treat everyone to a meal."

After unilaterally making this decision, she waved her hand,

"Everyone! The bus stop is this way! Follow me!"

I now noticed the armband on her arm was now labelled "Ultra Director." Looks

like Haruhi thinks she's above even a Great Director. Was she about to make an

awesome movie?

Let me clarify once more, I still believe making an Asahina-san video special

would be more fun than this.

 Page 82

After a bumpy thirty minute bus ride, we got off at the bus stop at the bottom of

the hill, we then spent another thirty minutes arduously climbing up the mountain

path.

We arrived at a forest park which can be found anywhere in the countryside. This

was a place I was very familiar with ever since I was in elementary school, because

every year when it comes to going out on a field trip, we always end up going hiking

at the nearest mountain.

This was only a park in name, since all the authorities did was open up an empty

patch on the hill and build a fountain over it. It was so empty that I can't help but

wonder why on earth did I climb so high here anyway. It was only the little kids, who

have no concept of what entertainment is, who felt happy coming here. And bringing

those little kids here were most likely their parents.

Using the fountain in the center of the plaza as a starting point, we decided to

make this our base for today's filming. Haruhi, who was empty handed, had an

unlimited amount of energy oozing out, while I was nearly worked out like a dog. If I

hadn't shoved half of my baggage to Koizumi, I was sure I would be lying dead on

the mountain path already. So once we arrived at the park, I leaned against the

equipment bag which was mainly used for backpacking journeys, trying to catch my

breath.

"Would you like a drink?"

A plastic bottle appeared before my eyes, Asahina-san was holding it.

"I drank half of it already, so if you don't mind......"

As this Oolong tea was made by the gods, it must be as sweet as all the heavenly

elixirs combined. This has nothing to do with whether she had drank it or not,

because I would probably be condemned if I refused this. Before I could gracefully

 Page 83

accept this gift, a hand from the evil devil pushed off the hand of the angel, as Haruhi

grabbed the Oolong tea from Asahina-san and said,

"Leave this for later! Mikuru-chan, now is not the time to give water to these

servants in charge of menial tasks. If we don't start soon, we'll be wasting all this

good weather. So let's start the filming already."

Asahina-san opened her eyes widely,

"Eh......? Right here?"

"Of course. What did you think we came here for?"

"But don't I have to change? There's no where here I can change......"

"That won't be a problem. Look, everywhere is full of these."

Haruhi's finger was now pointed towards the green forest surrounding the park.

"No one would come if you change in the forest, it's like a natural changing room.

Come, let's go!"

"Eh?...KYAA~~!!! H...HEEEEEELP~~!!!"

Before any help could be made, Asahina-san was dragged away by Haruhi and

disappeared into the forest.

Asahina-san reappeared wearing her lively waitress costume, and tying two

ponytails behind the back of her head. Her eyes looked shyly at the wild flowers

growing by the side of the road.

One of her eye colors looked very strange, truly. Only her left eye was blue, just

what was in her eye?

"That's a colored contact lens."

Haruhi explained,
 Page 84

"Having different colors for each eye is also an important factor. Just look at her,

isn't her aura of mystery even greater now? All it takes is a little trick. That's a

marking!"

She grabbed Asahina-san's chin from behind her back and tilted her little face

slightly sideways. Asahina-san can only look perplexed while being toyed around by

Haruhi.

"There's a secret hidden with this blue eye," Haruhi said.

"Because if we don't provide any meaning to this, then there's no big deal in

having different colored eyes."

Seeing Asahina-san's exhausted, worn-out look was already quite a big deal.

"Then what's the secret with that colored contact lens?"

"Right now it's still a secret."

Haruhi smiled and replied.

"Hey, Mikuru-chan! How long are you going to daydream for? You're the star of

the show! Your greatness is only second to that of the executive producer and

director! Now straighten your back!"

"KYAA~~!"

Asahina-san made an eerie scream, and was forced by Haruhi to make a pose.

Next Haruhi made Asahina-san carry a gun (a toy gun, that is).

"Show the feel of a female assassin! Make people strongly feel you're from the

future!"

Haruhi began making all sorts of unreasonable requests, while Asahina-san tried

frantically to make all sorts of poses towards me - the camera that is. She didn't really

need to work this hard. Seriously.

 Page 85

In the meantime, Haruhi has shown an abnormally high amount of enthusiasm in

this. I too have seen movies that bored the hell out of me. But never once did I think

"I could do better than that," then proceeded to try and make a movie myself, and I

don't even know how a movie is made anyway. Even if I did shoot a movie, I don't

believe I could make it any better myself. Yet Haruhi really thought she had the talent

to be a director. At least she believed she could make a movie better than the cheap B-

movies shown on late nights. Just where did such confidence come from?

Haruhi waved her yellow loudspeaker and yelled,

"Mikuru-chan! Don't be so shy! Set yourself free! Immerse yourself into the

character's role and you'll do fine! Right now you're the female protagonist Asahina

Mikuru!"

......Of course I knew there was nothing to show for Haruhi's confidence. She was

born with that groundless confidence, which causes the world to constantly fall into

chaos. Otherwise she wouldn't be wearing such a ridiculous armband and smiling so

boastfully.

Under the instructions of Haruhi the director, we began the filming of the

memorable "Action 1."

The scene was named as such, but all it involved was me carrying a camera and

filming Asahina-san running across the plaza. I was told this was the opening scene. I

felt we should at least have a script, but Haruhi said as a matter-of-factly that there

was no such thing.

"It would be troublesome if what we wrote gets leaked out."

That was her reason. It looked as though she was going along the style of those

Hong Kong action movies (making it up as you go along). To be honest, I was already
 Page 86

exhausted, but compared to Asahina-san, who had to run breathlessly carrying two

guns in her hands, my situation wasn't too bad.

Under our watchful gazes, Asahina-san continued to run, wavering left and right

along the way. It wasn't until "Action 5" when the director signalled an "OK" gesture

that she slumped tiredly onto the ground.

"Huff...... huff......"

Ignoring the waitress who held her hands on the ground and catching her breath,

Haruhi turned and gave her orders to Nagato, who had been waiting aside all this

time,

"We now begin the battle scene between Yuki and Mikuru-chan."

Wearing her favorite black costume, Nagato stepped in front of the camera. As all

she did was put a black cloak over her uniform and wear a black pointed hat on her

head, she didn't have to be dragged out to the forest to change, so she should count

herself lucky. But Nagato looked like the sort of girl who wouldn't flinch a bit no

matter where she changed. I wonder what it would be like if their roles were

switched? With Nagato as the waitress while Asahina-san would be the magician. It

would be a surreal sight, but it sounds good.

Haruhi had Asahina-san and Nagato stand three meters apart facing each other.

"Mikuru-chan, I want you to shoot mercilessly at Yuki."

"Eh?" Asahina-san looked shocked. She shook her untidy hair, which was messed

up after running for so long, and said, "But we can't use this to shoot people......"

"Don't worry! Mikuru-chan, you're bound to miss anyway with your skills. Even

if you do shoot on target, Yuki would be able dodge easily."

Nagato stood still, silently holding the rod with a decorative star attached to its

end.
 Page 87

I thought to myself - even if you were to pull the trigger on Nagato at point blank

range, she would still be able to dodge it faster than the speed of lightning.

"Well......"

Asahina-san looked timidly at Nagato like a rookie waitress who had just broken

a plate and was reporting to a scary looking chef and said,

"It's fine," Nagato replied, then spun the rod in her hand, "Go ahead and shoot."

"Mikuru-chan, even Yuki says she's fine with it, so fire all you like. Let me just

make this clear, don't fire both guns at the same time, but one by one simultaneously!

That's the basic skill of a double barrelled gunman."

Koizumi lifted the light reflector board high above his head, I had no idea where

Haruhi got her hands on this one. The Movie Club was probably reporting a theft to

the police right now. By the way, Koizumi, aren't you supposed to be the male lead?

"I'm not confident of adapting to any changes that would come along during

filming, so instead of being filmed, I much prefer doing this. Yesterday I've been

wondering, can't I just remain as a backroom crew......"

"Huh?"

Asahina-san carried a bulky model machine gun and fired ceaselessly with her

eyes closed. Standing aside, I had this scene recorded into my camera. I wasn't able to

see clearly where the BB bullets went, but from the sight of Nagato standing still

without even flinching, it seems she wasn't even hit. Was it because of her magic......

When I began to suspect that, Nagato slowly lifted her wand, she then waved it

swiftly and the bullets just fell on the ground in clinking sounds. She wasn't wearing

her glasses, yet her keen eyesight continues to amaze me.

Nagato never moved her gaze away from the gun. She was rarely like that, it's as

though she wasn't thinking "It wouldn't be natural if I don't blink," yet she was only
 Page 88

making herself stand out even more. I don't think I would be surprised whether she

walks without blinking or smash through the ceiling and moving instantaneously. So I

wasn't at all fazed by that.

Nagato was like a broken windshield wiper, swinging her wand occasionally.

Every time she waved her wand, the BB bullets would make a clattering noise as they

hit on the ground.

But, this was a pretty monotonic battle scene. Nagato was busy waving her wand,

while Asahina-san simply fired the two guns on her hand, without a single bullet

hitting its target, as Haruhi only told her to "fire all you like," she didn't even provide

a script. The only lines of dialogue I could hear were Asahina-san going "Ah~~!

Kyaa~~!! It's so scary!!"

When Asahina-san used up all the bullets in her guns, Haruhi tapped her shoulder

with her loudspeaker. I put down my hand-held camera and walked towards Haruhi,

who was sitting on the director's chair,

"Hey, Haruhi. Just what kind of movie is this? I don't see any story in it at all."

The Ultra Director glanced at me and said,

"It doesn't matter, since I plan to edit the scenes during post-production anyway."

Who's going to do that? I meant the editing of course. Of course, I did sort of

remember part of my duties involved editing.

"At least have some sort of dialogue!"

"When there's a problem, we'll just remove the background sound and dub them

over during editing. We'll add the sound effects and background music as well then.

We don't have to worry about those now!"

Now that I think about it, as the story only exists in your head, there's no room for

us to do any thinking anyway. But I must at least make sure that Haruhi's sexual
 Page 89

harassment of Asahina-san gets reduced to a minimum, as well as forbidding any

other guys besides myself to touch her body. That's my bottom line, surely no one has

a problem with that, right?

"Now for the next scene! Yuki's counter-attack. Yuki, use your magic and attack

Mikuru-chan with all your might!"

Nagato didn't move, save her dark eyes staring out at me from under her black

hat, and tilted her head in an angle only I could notice. I think Nagato was trying to

ask me "Is it really OK?"

The answer was of course "No." There was no way I would let anyone injure

Asahina-san in any way, let alone by magic. Just look at Asahina-san, don't you see

her trembling with a pale face already?

Of course Haruhi had no idea Nagato could wield such incredible magic, I think

what she meant was to have Nagato perform something that looks like magic.

Nagato seemed to understand what I thought of as well, she said nothing and

lifted her wand, then waved it like how fans in a pop concert would wave their

fluorescent tubes.

"Forget it," Haruhi said, "I'll add in the visual effects later on. Kyon, remember to

create effects that has rays coming out from Yuki's wand during post-production."

How should I know how to make such visual effects? It would be a different story

if we could borrow some assistance from Industrial Light & Magic, though.

"Mikuru-chan, scream in agony and then fall on the ground looking tormented."

Asahina-san hesitated for a moment, then she then muttered "......AH" and fell

forward face down with her hands lifted up. Standing besides her was Nagato, like the

God of Death who had just claimed Asahina-san's soul. I had this scene recorded,

while Koizumi stood besides me holding the reflector board.

 Page 90

The staring glances of the bystanders who had stood around us now felt like

needles on my back.

Haruhi finally decided to have mercy on us and granted us a break. We all sat

down together on the ground exhausted.

Haruhi rewound the video I just recorded and played it again, muttering

something to herself with a concerned look.

A few curious kids ran towards Asahina-san and Nagato and asked, "What TV

program is this?" Asahina-san could only smile weakly and shake her head, while

Nagato had completely ignored their presence and blended in with the background.

From beginning to end, Haruhi never once explained what the scenes that we shot

were going to come out as. So I was completely in the dark when the Ultra Director

announced that our next location would be the shrine nearby. Was the break over

already!?

"There're pigeons there,"

Haruhi said,

"We need a scene with Mikuru-chan running with the pigeons flying in the

background! If possible, I'd prefer all the pigeons to be white, but I guess I can't be

picky now."

I guess we'll just have to find some domestic pigeons. Haruhi wrapped her arm

around an already exhausted Asahina-san's arm (probably to prevent her from

escaping), and walked through the forest park towards the main road. I carried the

equipment with Koizumi and followed them, like the local sherpas hired to handle the

baggage of a filming crew sent to do a documentary. We arrived at a large shrine in

the middle of the mountain, it's been a while since I last came, not since the field trip

in elementary school.
 Page 91

Haruhi stood in front of a sign that says "Don't feed the pigeons," she then began

to openly throw bread crumbs around like a gardener determined to make the wilting

flowers blossom again. All I could say about this is that she's probably illiterate.

Nearly covering the ground completely, the swarm of pigeons now gathered over

at once, further more landed from the air. A shrine that is covered by feathers just

doesn't feel comfortable at all. Asahina-san followed instructions and stood within the

sea of pigeons. Standing in front of the waitress, I recorded her legs being pecked at

by various beaks as her lips shivered nonstop. Just what was I doing?

Haruhi stood offscreen carrying the gun Asahina-san was holding and turned off

the safety switch. Before I could wonder what she was up to, she suddenly began

shooting like mad towards the side of Asahina-san's legs.

"KYAAA~~!!!"

Asahina-san's terrified look was so real, I've never seen such an expression

before. Due to Haruhi's insane action, which was enough to drive the Society for the

Prevention of Cruelty to Animals into a fit of rage, the symbols of peace were now

goggling and flying off all at once after such a scare.

"That's it! That's the scene I want! Kyon, make sure you get it all in!"

The camera's rolling, so it should be working, right? Standing among the torrent

of flying pigeons, Asahina-san squatted down and covered her head with her hands.

"Mikuru-chan! Why are you squatting? You need to use the flying pigeons as a

background and run towards here! Hurry up and get up!"

Looks like now was not the time to idly shoot a movie, as in stead of the SPCA,

an old geezer that seemed like the shrine priest now bolted out from behind the

interior of the shrine. He was dressed in a hakama, which would suggest he had
 Page 92

something to do with the priest. I was already prepared to be berated by him, at this

time Haruhi, without hesitation, used her secret weapon.

She fired her CZ (or was it SIG) toy pistol towards the old geezer. I then saw the

image of a priest (I think he's one) who seemed to be dancing non-stop on the sizzling

hot ground. There's no doubt the Respect for the Elderly Society would protest

strongly.

"Retreat!"

Haruhi yelled and then ran off at once. As for Nagato, I don't know when she left,

as she was already waiting for us by the torii far ahead. Seeing as Asahina-san won't
be able to escape quickly, Koizumi and I lifted each side of her arm and carried her

off along with the equipment.

Since the director had ran away, we couldn't just leave the female lead behind as

the scapegoat.

Ten minutes later, we were now having a meal in a fast food restaurant, which for

some reason I have to pay for.

"Perhaps I've missed something. I was thinking maybe it would be better if we

cast that old priest as a villain,"

Haruhi said about stuff that borderlines on the criminal side.

After sipping three strings of noodles, Asahina-san lay flat on the table.

"Mikuru-chan, you eat too little. How are you going to grow that way? You'll only

attract a specific set of fans if all you got to offer are your breasts. You gotta

straighten your back."

Haruhi said as she snatched Asahina-san's noodles and began munching on them.
 Page 93

I knew. I don't know in how many years, but I just know that Asahina-san's face

and figure would eventually grow to Miss World standards. Although she doesn't

know that herself.

Koizumi only smiled squeamishly, while Nagato silently brought her club

sandwich to her mouth and began munching. I pushed my emptied plate aside and

said to Haruhi, who had just eaten two sets of lunch,

"What are you going to do if that priest decides to complain to the school? Our

cover's been blown by Koizumi's uniform."

"That shouldn't be a problem,"

Haruhi sure is optimistic,

"We were standing quite far from him, plus you see that sort of school jacket

everywhere. We'll just deny any knowledge of it and pretend it has nothing to do with

us. The BB bullets won't be much of an evidence against us."

I looked at the video camera that carried all the evidence and thought, wouldn't

everything be out in the open once this movie gets shown? I simply do not believe

that there were two waitresses out there at the same moment being surrounded by

pigeons in a shrine.

"So where are we going next?"

"We need to go back to the plaza. I've been thinking, such a location alone won't

be sufficient in creating an intense battle scene. In order to captivate the audience, we

need something more drastic. Well, I have a lot of ideas, like Mikuru-chan running

like mad in the forest, while being chased by Yuki. And then Mikuru-chan would fall

off the cliff, only to be rescued by Koizumi-kun, who happened to walk by. What do

you think of such a story development?"

 Page 94

That was such a retarded story development. Where can you find a male high

school student who just happened to walk by a forest in his uniform? Wouldn't that be

too unnatural? Being the "wild card" that she is, Haruhi may really just push Asahina-

san off the cliff. If that's the case, Haruhi, why don't you jump down yourself?

Become Asahina-san's stunt double and don that costume as well. Hmm, though the

breast size may be a bit different......

Just as I was thinking about that, Haruhi lifted her eyebrow and stared at me,

"What are you thinking? Don't tell me you're having illusions of how I'd look in

that waitress costume."

Indeed, you've guessed correctly.

"I'm the director, after all. I can't just happily appear in front of the camera. If I

had to chase two rabbits around, I'd just trip over the tree roots and break my nose."

Aren't you the Executive Producer as well?

"The crew can have as many titles as they want, but it's not too bad to play a

character that only appears once in a while like precious jewelry. We need to add in

factors that can make those fanatics excited."

Just what fanatics were you intending this movie for? Asahina fanatics? Up till

now, the whole movie has been nothing but an Asahina Mikuru uniform special!

......But then again, that was good enough.

Koizumi very elegantly placed a cup of milk back on the table and said,

"Are the three of us the only characters in this movie?"

You idiot! Stop asking unnecessary questions!

"Well......"

Haruhi now winced her mouth as she did whenever she was in deep thought.

Shouldn't you consider things like these beforehand?

 Page 95

"Three people doesn't seem like a lot. Indeed, it's too few. We need some extras to

better reflect the protagonist's energetic spirit. Thanks for reminding me of that,

Koizumi-kun. As a token of my gratitude, I'm going to increase your screen time."

"Ah...... why, thank you."

The smile on Koizumi's face now read "Oh shit." Serves you right! I knew

nothing good would ever come out of this, therefore I said nothing.

On the other hand, where does she expect to find new characters? There's a 75%

chance that the people that she finds randomly are queer characters. According to the

order, the next person would probably be a dimensional slider, but I have a feeling

that such a person probably wouldn't want to come to this world in the first place.

"Before the boss is defeated, we need to have minions to beat first. Minions,

minions......"

Haruhi placed her finger under her lips and glanced at me.

"Those guys would do, right?"

I too have guessed who Haruhi was thinking of. Taniguchi and Kunikida. They

were the only two who could be brought along without creating too many problems.

They're the safest choice, the ultimate minions who're even more insignificant than

mere extras. More harmless than a lone wandering ghost.

"I guess so."

I turned my gaze away from the director, who was thinking of whom else to bring

over, and took a glance at Asahina-san lying on the table with closed eyes. She looked

so cute even when sleeping, she was mesmerizing even if she was only pretending to

sleep.

I then turned my sight towards Nagato, who was sipping her soda deeply with her

straw. Admiring her wooden expression, I then asked,

 Page 96

"Then, what're we filming next?"

Haruhi gulped the bowl of noodle soup down her stomach, it took quite a while

for her to finish,

"At any rate, I want Mikuru-chan to suffer as much as possible. Since the theme

of this movie is about a girl who have to face all sorts of adversity, then against all

odds managed to overturn them at the end and live happily ever after. The more

Mikuru-chan suffers, the more catharsis she would have. Don't worry, Mikuru-chan,

this is going to be a 'happy ending.'"

So only the final bit is "happy?" Before that, Asahina-san could only accept

Haruhi's tyrannical abuse. What kind of script did Haruhi prepare anyway? Seems

like I was the only who could apply a brake to her derailing behavior, I need to be

more careful and watch over her constantly. And what the hell is this catharsis thing?
Asahina-san had her tightly shut eyes opened half way, she looked at me with a

pair of unique eyes, with the left eye blue in color, as though asking me to save her.

But she then sighed softly and slowly closed her eyes. What's that supposed to mean?

That I'm not reliable enough?

Right now, when Koizumi and Nagato could not provide a barrier to the

oncoming tsunami, only I am on your side.

Yet, for the past six months, no matter what I do, I just couldn't put a stop to

Haruhi's insanity. I know very well that what I'm doing is very futile, yet I'd like her

to at least appreciate my chivalric passion.

Frankly speaking, I don't think I've ever tried stopping Haruhi. Half a year ago, I

thought that even if I had to cut off Haruhi's arms, I must have her give up the thought

of creating the SOS Brigade. Yet judging from the outcome, when I was still looking
 Page 97

confused, Haruhi had already prepared the club room and members, in the end, even I

had fallen into her trap and became a member myself...... That is the outcome today.

But if I had whacked the back of that girl's head with a baseball bat, or maybe

stopped her with a surprise attack, I probably wouldn't have met Asahina-san, or

Nagato and Koizumi. I would probably know them through other means. In other

words, maybe I would never find out that they possess ridiculous true identities as

aliens or time travellers. I would just know them as normal schoolmates, as we walk

past each other in the corridor.

Don't ask me which path I would have preferred myself. As I have already heard

the other three members declare their identities, and I've seen Nagato's terrifying

powers, Asahina-san who has grown up into another person, and Koizumi's eyes

turning red. If I visited a parallel world, maybe I'll come across another version of

myself who has never spoken to Haruhi or the other three members. So if you have

any questions, go ask that other "me," I don't know anything myself.

Yet right now, I was in a situation where I can't say with confidence that I don't

know anything. Hmm, making a movie from scratch for the school festival, there's

nothing strange with that. What was strange is Haruhi's head, but that was a known

fact, so there's nothing astonishing here either. Haruhi spouting idiotic stuff like

suddenly wanting to make a movie was nothing new. To me, it was just another

routine job, all I needed to do was just go along with what she says and hope

everything goes well......

That's what I thought, which was why I didn't stop her from making this movie. I

don't care if you're the director or whatever, just do whatever you like! Manipulate

everyone around you to your heart's content! If that makes you feel better, then I'm
 Page 98

willing to suppress the endless sighs within my heart and go with you to the end.

Because the last thing I want is to be trapped with you inside an unknown dimension.

I thought about all this while looking at the boastful Haruhi and worn-out

Asahina-san, the smiling Koizumi and the mask-like expression of Nagato.

I had no idea that the moment I regretted not stopping Haruhi would arrive so

quickly.

We returned to the plaza in the forest park. Couldn't we do something about this

lack of planning? If we had known about this, we should've done all the filming

before going to the shrine! The biggest problem was that the script only existed inside

Haruhi's head. It was important after all to convey meanings into words, preserving

information down in paper has got to be the greatest idea ever.

"I think we should give up on the guns. I had thought the bullets would be

impressive, yet there was no flare or sound at all, that really takes the intensity away.

I don't think they're useful at all, they're just toy models after all."

Haruhi seemed to just treat the Yamatsuchi Model Store as a mere sponsor. She

then proceeded to mark two large crosses on the ground with the tip of her sneakers.

She was probably marking the spots where Asahina-san and Nagato should be

standing.

"Mikuru-chan stands here, Yuki stands over there."

"Um."

Being spun around in circles, Asahina-san now treaded heavily as though she had

just burnt a whole day's worth of calories. She was too mentally exhausted to resist as

she walked onto the stage in her sexy waitress costume. She was now beyond shame,

and has mentally regressed to that of a young child, moving like a doll.
 Page 99

Nagato, who was already like a doll, walked quietly towards her designated spot

and stood silently. Her black cloak fluttered along the mountain breeze blowing

downhill.

Haruhi pointed her finger towards the toy gun she had snatched from Asahina-san

and said,

"Don't leave that position, I want to film you two standing off to each other.

Koizumi-kun, prepare the reflector board."

Haruhi then returned to her director's chair, she aimed the gun in the air and

pulled the trigger,

"ACTION!"

She yelled with the top of her voice.

I quickly held my camera up, but Asahina-san was probably more confused than I

was. Action? Haruhi only told them to stand still, she didn't specify what other action

they should make.

"......"

Nagato and Asahina-san stood silently and looked at each other's expression.

"Um......"

Asahina-san was the first to turn her gaze away.

"......"

Nagato continued to stare at Asahina-san.

"......"

Asahina-san went silent as well.

And so, this staring scene under the mountain breeze went on endlessly.

"That's enough!"

For some reason Haruhi became pissed.

 Page 100

"How can you have a battle like this?"

Because the two of them were just standing still.

Replacing the gun with a loudspeaker, Haruhi walked towards Asahina-san and

knocked her on the head, which had two soft brown ponytails tied by Haruhi herself.

"Mikuru-chan, listen up. No matter how cute you are, you must never let your

guard down. Cute girls can be found everywhere! If you lived your life peacefully,

you'll be surpassed by other younger girls in no time!"

What are you trying to say?

Asahina-san rubbed her head innocently, Haruhi then said in a sagely manner,

"Which is why, Mikuru-chan, you need to fire laser beams from your eye!"

"Eh?"

Asahina-san widened her eyes in astonishment.

"But that's impossible!"

"This is the reason why that left eye has a different color! I didn't just change your

eye color blue just because I felt like it! Hidden in that eye is an incredible power, the

ability to shoot laser beams. So fire your Mikuru Beam!"

"I... I can't!"

"Try your hardest!"

Haruhi wrapped Asahina-san's head under her arms and smacked Asahina-san's

head with her yellow loudspeaker.

The scene of Asahina-san yelling out in pain was just too tragic. I handed the

camera over to Koizumi, who had put down the reflector board and was looking

bemused at this scene, and grabbed Haruhi's collar.

"Stop it, you idiot!"

I pulled the little waitress away from the tyrannical Ultra Director.
 Page 101

"Normal humans can't just fire laser beams from their eyes. Are you a moron?"

Just look at Asahina-san rubbing her head with her hands! Look at how crestfallen

she's become, she's now weeping pearl-like tears down her face already.

"Hmph,"

With her collar still being grabbed by me, she turned her head away and muttered,

"Of course I know that."

I let go of her, Haruhi knocked her own neck softly with her loudspeaker,

"I just wanted her to give an awesome impression of firing out laser beams, since

she doesn't have the aura that a protagonist should have. You sure are lacking a sense

of humor."

That's because your humor isn't even funny, and that's a big problem. What are

you going to do if Asahina-san really could fire laser beams?

......It's not possible, is it?

I turned my eyes uncomfortably towards Asahina-san and tried to gesture to her.

Asahina-san looked at me with her teary eyes. She blinked her large round eyes while

tilting her neck slightly. Looks like I just can't communicate with Asahina-san with

my eyes. While I was thinking that, Koizumi came forward and shamelessly gave his

advice,

"I'm sure we could take care of that by using CG effects during editing?"

Koizumi smiled gently like a con man and handed a box of tissues over to

Asahina-san.

"Hasn't Suzumiya-san planned to do that since the beginning?""

"Of course I have," Haruhi said.

Like hell you have. I thought to myself.

 Page 102

Asahina-san, who was blushing furiously as she shouted loudly, was now being
forced by Haruhi to shout with her abdomen.
 Page 103

Asahina-san rubbed her eyes dry with the tissue and blew her nose, then looked

suspiciously at both Haruhi and me.

Nagato was like a puppetmaster who stood out a lot and stood quietly in the wind.

How come the sun hasn't gone down yet? Because I can't wait any longer for the time

when filming has to stop due to insufficient light.

"We'll redo that scene again,"

Haruhi said and began to discuss how to perform the important pose.

"Mikuru Beam! You need to shout that and make this pose."

"L... Like this?"

"No, like this! And, close your right eye."

Haruhi's concept was to place the left hand over the left eye in a V-shaped sign,

then fire the beam upon the blink of the eye.

"Mikuru-chan, try saying it out."

"......Mi,Mi,Mi,Mikuru Beam!"

"Louder!"

"Mikuru Beam!"

"Don't be shy, louder!"

"Um...... Mikuru Be~~~am!"

"Amplify your voice with your abdomen!"

What the hell was that?

Asahina-san, who was blushing furiously as she shouted loudly, was now being

forced by Haruhi to shout with her abdomen.

The staring glances of the kids passing by on the plaza along with their parents

was becoming unbearable, I really wanted to tell them that there's nothing to see here.
 Page 104

But as we were making a movie, we were basically like a travelling circus troupe

attracting attention. Actually it wasn't too bad to just shoot these well prepared scenes.

I had no idea how happy Haruhi's happy story can get, but if it were used to promote

Asahina-san, then this was too much.

A moment later, Asahina-san and Nagato returned to their battle positions;

Koizumi stood aside and held the reflector boards with his hands held up as if

preparing to yell Banzai; while Haruhi sat proudly on her director's chair. I stood

about two meters behind Nagato's black silhouette and filmed Asahina-san over her

shoulders - this was the filming angle that Haruhi demanded.

The change that followed came very suddenly.

"OK, now fire the beam!"

Haruhi shouted, Asahina-san made her pose without any confidence,

"Mi...... Mikuru Beam!"

The camera recorded her unnatural dejected voice as she shouted cutely and

blinked.

At that moment, the camera lens which I was looking through suddenly went

pitch black.

"Huh?"

I didn't know what was going on, I even thought the camera must have broken

down. I moved my eye away from the camera and saw an ominous black costume and

pointed hat standing before me.

"......"

Nagato made a fist-like gesture in front of my eyes. So she was the culprit who

caused the lens to go pitch black by covering it with her right hand.

"Huh?" Haruhi also opened her mouth looking astonished.

 Page 105

The large cross that Haruhi drew was two meters in front of me, all this time

Nagato was indeed standing over there. When Haruhi shouted "Action" and Asahina-

san made her cute shout, the video camera did in fact show Nagato's back. So how

did Nagato manage to stand before my eyes in less than a second, as though grabbing

something in her fist? I can only use spatial distortion to explain this phenomenon.

"Huh?" Haruhi also looked confused and said, "Yuki, when did you run over

there?"

Nagato didn't answer, and just aimed her obsidian-like eyes towards Asahina-san.

Asahina-san widened her eyes and gave a terrified expression, she then slowly

blinked......

Nagato's hands once again moved in the speed of light, and grabbed something in

the air as though catching a flying mosquito. What happened to the star-shaped magic

wand she was holding?

Huh? I thought I just heard something strange, like a match that got lighted and

then swiftly thrown into the drain.

"Eh......?"

Making a confused sounding exclamation was Asahina-san, she probably had no

idea what was going on. Neither did I. What was Nagato doing?

As if asking for help, Asahina-san turned her eyes towards the side...... and a

strange noise came from Koizumi's direction. I can't be mistaken, it sounded like a

broken car tire that was leaking gas......

The reflector board that Koizumi was holding - which was basically a piece of

cheap white polystyrene board - was now sliced diagonally in half. It was rare to see

the usually quiet Koizumi looking stunned at the half of the reflector that got sliced

off. But I didn't have the time to enjoy such a scene.

 Page 106

Nagato made her move, and it was only Nagato.

The black figure leaped and softly landed in front of Asahina-san. Nagato then

took her right hand from under her cloak and grabbed Asahina-san's face, the little

fingers pressed against Asahina-san's forehead as though covering up her eye.

"Kyaa...... Na... Nagato-san......!"

Nagato hooked Asahina-san's leg and pushed the female-lead waitress down onto

the ground. The God of Death now sat on top of those voluptuous breasts like riding a

horse. Asahina-san yelled wailfully, grabbing Nagato's slim arms, which were doing

the attack.

"Ah!"

I finally came to my senses, what on earth was going on? At first I thought Nagato

merely obstructed my recording instantaneously, but I never thought what followed

was Koizumi's reflector board being sliced in half, and then the time traveller got

attacked by the alien. Just when did Haruhi tell them to act that way...... It doesn't

seem like it, since the director was just as stunned to silence as Koizumi and I were. I

don't think it has anything to do with their superb acting?

"......Cut!"

Haruhi stood up and slapped her loudspeaker against the chair.

"Hold it, Yuki, what are you doing? This wasn't in the script!"

Nagato quietly sat on Asahina-san, whose smooth white legs were now exposed

as she struggled to get off as Nagato grabbed her face.

I heard someone muttering behind me, I turned and found Koizumi staring at the

sliced edge of the reflector board and twisted his mouth. Noticing I was looking at

him, he gave me a strange glance. What's that supposed to mean?

 Page 107

Forget it, I don't care about Koizumi's enigmatic stare. What's important now was

to stop Nagato, who had suddenly made her attack for no reason. I held my camera

and ran towards the waitress and black-cloaked magician, who were huddled in one

piece.

"Hey, Nagato, what are you doing?"

The pointed hat turned slowly towards me. Nagato looked at me with her black

hole-like eyes, her small lips looked as though they were about to open,

"......"

I expected her to say something, but in the end nothing was being said. Nagato

looked as though she didn't know which words to use and closed her lips, and then

slowly stood up. The black cloak waved slightly on the right side as she stuck her arm

back inside.

"Sob......"

Lying on the ground, Asahina-san looked traumatized. Of course she would be, if

Nagato suddenly ran towards me without any emotion and then pushed me down, I

think I'd be scared silly as well. Because right now Nagato was like those Dark

Wizards that people would last want to see when walking at night. A pre-schooler

would probably piss in his pants at the sight of her.

"......"

Nagato tilted the rim of her large pointed hat towards her brow and stood still

looking at me.

I lifted Asahina-san, who was trembling all over, by the arm and helped her up.

Asahina-san sobbed as tears trickled down her face, her eyes, which were covered by

long eyelashes, were now soaked wet with tears, which further increased her

charm...... Huh?
 Page 108

"That's ridiculous, just what were you two doing? Stop doing stuff that isn't

written on the script."

The director who didn't even write a script came over, then both her and myself

exclaimed at the same time, "Huh?"

"Mikuru-chan, what happened to your contact lens?"

"Ah......"

Asahina-san, who was now clutching my arm tightly, placed her finger under her

left eye.

"Eh?"

It was natural for the three of us to look confused, we'll just have to ask the person

who knows the full details.

"Nagato, have you seen Asahina-san's contact lens?"

"I haven't."

Nagato replied without flinching, I had a feeling she's lying.

"Could it have dropped off during the brawl just now?"

Haruhi guessed incorrectly and began to look around the ground.

"Kyon, come help look for it as well. That lens isn't cheap, you know, it's the best

of its kind."

I knelt down on all fours and began to help Haruhi look for it. Though I knew it

was a waste of time, since I saw Nagato was grabbing something in her right hand

when backing off from Asahina-san and then hid it away. She then pushed Asahina-

san down on the ground and grabbed her face.

"I can't find anything."

Haruhi twitched her mouth. I felt sorry for her, since I wasn't seriously searching.

I turned around and saw Koizumi toying around with the two sliced pieces of the
 Page 109

reflector board, sticking them together then splitting them apart. You should at least

come over and help!

Koizumi smiled and said,

"Maybe it got blown by the wind, since it's very light."

Koizumi spouted his bullshit, then showed me the broken reflector board. Haruhi

stood up from the ground and snatched it away.

"What happened? It's broken? Hmph, as expected from a cheap product. Man, the

school's Movie Club sure knows how to buy crappy stuff. Koizumi-kun, try and stick

them back together with sellotape."

Haruhi said in an unconcerned way, then turned her crocodile like eyes towards an

awestruck Asahina-san, whose tears had stopped by now,

"We can't continue the scene without the colored contact lens, what should we

do?"

She seemed to be thinking seriously, then snapped her fingers as though a light

bulb in her head had lit up,

"That's it! We'll change it so that the eyes would change color after

transformation!"

"T, Transformation?" Asahina-san asked.

"That's right. It would be too inappropriate for you to wear a waitress costume.

We'll designate this as the costume after transformation, you'll wear something more

natural the rest of the time."

I found it utterly ridiculous for someone to look for realism in an already

ridiculously fictional world, Haruhi sounded as though she has admitted herself that a

waitress costume was too inappropriate. Asahina-san nodded her head quickly,

"S, sure! I'd like to wear something normal as well."

 Page 110

"So during normal periods, Mikuru-chan would be wearing a bunny-girl

costume."

"EH!? W,w,why?"

"Because we only have that costume. If you wore some normal costume, it

wouldn't look attractive enough. Hang on! As for the setting, I just thought about it as

well. Normally, Mikuru would be a bunny-girl attracting customers in the shopping

street, yet in times of danger, she would transform into the Battle Waitress! What do

you think? It's perfect, right?"

Didn't you just say it was too inappropriate?

"OK, let's go."

Haruhi now revealed a sinister looking, crescent moon-shaped smile. She grabbed

Asahina-san's arms and carried Asahina-san on her back. "Eh? W...wait! Owww!!!"

The waitress screamed distressfully as she got carried away into the forest.

Hmm.

......Well, that's fine with me. I can only clasp my hands together and show my

apologies to Asahina-san, because I've been waiting for Haruhi to leave for some time

already. I'll be looking forward to your bunny-girl costume, I won't let your sacrifice

go in vain.

......That's right, I must go and ask Nagato about the whole affair.

"Well, what was that instant performance all about?"

Nagato held the rim of her pointed hat down with her left hand. She hid half of

her face under the shadow of the hat, then slowly stuck out her right hand. Though

she was covered completely by the cloak, I could still see the white sleeve of her

sailor uniform. Nagato then stuck out her right forefinger, and there was rested the

blue contact lens.

 Page 111

So it really was you who took it away.

"This."

Nagato said slowly,

"Laser."

She then stopped talking again.

......

Hey, I've been wanting to tell you this for some time, you have not reached the

minimum standards required for conveying messages clearly! At least speak for about

ten seconds!

Nagato stared at her finger and said,

"A high intensity pulse transparent ray."

She said in a very slow speed. I see, it's a highly intensity pulse transparent......

I'm sorry, I'm getting even more confused now.

"A laser?" I asked.

"Yes." Nagato replied.

"Now that's amazing." Koizumi said.

Koizumi picked up the contact lens from Nagato's finger and examined it under

the sunlight.

"It looks like a very normal piece of lens."

He said something "really impressive," but I didn't see how I should be awed by

this, and so I was hardly "impressed."

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

Koizumi smiled and said,

"Could I please have a look at your right palm? Not yours, I meant Nagato-san's."
 Page 112

The black cloaked girl looked at me, as though asking for my permission, and so I

nodded back at her. After obtaining my permission, Nagato opened up her remaining

four fingers, which were shut tightly a while ago. I gasped at what I saw.

"......"

A silent breeze blew past the three of us. I suddenly felt a sense of shiver, as I

finally understood. So that explains everything.

On the surface of Nagato's near wrinkle-less palm were a few black holes, which

looked as though it was burnt by a red hot pincers. There were about five of them.

"I was not able to contain it."

Don't talk in such a relaxed manner, it looked painful enough just looking at it.

"It was very powerful and happened in an instant."

"Did the lasers come from Asahina-san's left eye?" Koizumi asked.

"Yes."

What do you mean "yes?" Has Koizumi gone nuts as well? Have they figured out

what was going on already?

"Commencing recovery at once."

Nagato said, then we looked as the black holes began to shrink and disappear in

the speed of light and her palm returned to its usual white smoothness.

"Just what was going on?"

I could only look astonished,

"Did Asahina-san really shoot beams from her eye?"

"Those were not particle accelerators, but intensified rays."

What difference does it make? I don't care whether it's lasers, masers or atomic

heat rays used to destroy Mothra's cocoon, it's all the same to an outsider like me.
 Page 113

What's the difference between an ion cannon and an antiproton cannon anyway when

both can be used to defeat the monster?

The problem was, why did Asahina-san fire atomic heat rays even when there're

no monsters around?

"It's intensified rays, not atomic heat rays."

Didn't I just say it makes no difference? I don't need such scientific verification.

Nagato quietly retracted her right hand, I rubbed the back of my head, while

Koizumi flicked the piece of contact lens lightly with his finger.

"Did Asahina-san originally come with this ability?"

"No," Nagato swiftly rejected that hypothesis, "Presently Asahina Mikuru is a

normal human being, with her body, she is no different from other people."

"Does this colored contact-lens have any special features in it?" Koizumi

continued to ask.

"No, it is just a decoration."

It has to be, since Haruhi was the one who brought the piece of contact lens. Yet

that was exactly where the problem was, it was because she was the one who had

bought it that made it even more significant.

This was something which had to be throughly investigated. If Nagato hadn't

dodged for me, then the laser from Asahina-san's eye would go through the camera

lens and straight into my eye, then exit from the back of my head after burning

everything inside, especially my brain, which would probably stink like hell after

being burned badly. That wouldn't be a good sight.

Speaking of which, I feel pretty embarrassed at having Nagato come and save my

life again.

"In that case,"

 Page 114

Koizumi rubbed his chin and smiled squeamishly,

"This was the work of Suzumiya-san, right? Since she had wanted a Mikuru

Beam, so in reality it had been altered in accordance with her wishes."

"That is correct."

Nagato's expression remained blank when making such a guaranteed response. I

could never be as calm as her.

"Hang on! There's no magic inside this piece of contact lens, right? So why did a

killer laser appear just because Haruhi wished for it?"

"Suzumiya-san does not require magic or any sort of science. As long as she

believed something 'exists,' then it would truly 'exist.'"

I don't think I could accept such an inverted way of thinking.

"Haruhi doesn't really wish for Asahina-san to fire beams from her eye. That was

just the setting for the movie, didn't she say so herself? It was just a joke."

"Indeed."

Koizumi nodded his head. Don't just accept my rebuke so easily, how am I

supposed to continue like that?

"We all know that Suzumiya-san does possess some form of common sense, but it

is also a known fact that the common sense of this world doesn't apply to her. Perhaps

it was probably due to some extraordinary event this time...... Ah, they've returned.

Let us discuss this later."

Koizumi casually placed the piece of contact lens into his shirt pocket.

This is such a bother.

Using human intelligence to do battle with a mysterious force that threatens to

destroy the Earth; beating down the bad guys; having a supernatural battle as though

it were a daily routine; interspersed with some drama within......

 Page 115

To be honest, I much prefer being in that sort of story. If I didn't have to face such

circumstances now, I'd rather be involved in a totally fictional setting, the more

ridiculous the better.

But look at me now. All because I spoke to a certain classmate, I ended up

triggering the source for all these disasters, meeting all sorts of weird people, and

doing all sorts of strange stuff. Firing beams from the eye? Just what the hell was

that? Does it have any meaning to it?

Thinking back at the strange trio, neither Asahina-san, Nagato, or Koizumi could

really prove their identities. The three of them all casually introduced themselves, yet

I was crazy enough to actually believe them. While I may have experienced events

that I have no choice but to believe had happened, there was a limit to everything, and

I have my own sets of standards as well. Though these standards have become more

and more strange lately.

According to their statements: Asahina-san is a time traveller from the future. She

never said which year she's from, I only know the reason she came here - to observe

Suzumiya Haruhi.

Nagato was an artificially created Living Humanoid Interface by some alien

entity. "What the hell is that?" You ask, you wouldn't understand even if I told you.

I'm sure half of us wouldn't be able to understand, myself included. What were these

people like her doing on this planet then? Nagato said it's because her boss,

something called the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, was very interested in Suzumiya

Haruhi.

As for Koizumi, he's an esper sent by a group calling themselves "the

Organization." One of his missions involved him being transferred to this school and

observing Suzumiya Haruhi.

 Page 116

Although Haruhi, who plays a central role in all of this, has known this trio with

extraordinary backgrounds for some time already, she has no idea of their true

identities. Asahina-san described her as a "temporal distortion'" Nagato said she was a

"self-evolution possibility'" Koizumi was even more ridiculous, simply calling her

"God."

Thanks for the hard work, guys.

I know this is asking a lot, but please do something about Haruhi! Otherwise this

female brigade commander is going to remain an enigma and have us forever trapped

within her enormous gravitational field like a neutron star. It was still fine now, but

think about what would happen in ten years time! What would happen if Haruhi still

behaved as she did today? It would be very troublesome. Illegally occupying the club

room, walking in strides with a scowl on her face, starting a ruckus for no reason, and

being moody all the time. People would still tolerate her during her teens, but they

wouldn't be so easy on her once she gets older. She won't be able to fit into society by

then. Do Asahina-san, Nagato and Koizumi intend to still stay with her and doing the

same stuff then?

Allow me to leave first then. I'm sorry, I have no intention of staying behind.

Since time doesn't wait. You can't just reset a life easily, and there are no save points

lying around in some back alley allowing you to save your progress.

This has nothing to do with Haruhi distorting time, creating a data explosion, or

destroying and creating worlds. She and I are two different people. There's just no

way I can play cat and mouse with a kid forever. Even if I wanted to, in the end I still

have to go home. It may be in a few years, or a few decades away, but it will

eventually come, no matter what.

"How long are you going to moan for? You're used to this already!"
 Page 117

I turned and saw Haruhi dragging Asahina-san out from the forest.

"Show some dignity as a professional actress! Changing without hesitation is the

fastest way to the Blue Ribbon Rookie Award! And it's not like I'm asking you to strip

naked, after all, one needs to keep their precious dignity intact."

Haruhi now sounded like a foxhound who had just caught a rabbit. Haruhi

dragged the bunny-girl Asahina-san out, whose high-heeled shoes doesn't seem

suitable for walking on the dirt, and revealed a smile so bright it could make a person

sneeze.

"If this movie's a success, I'll take everyone to a hot springs trip using the box

office receipts. Think of it as a reward for all the hard work! You want to go too, don't

you, Mikuru-chan?"

But...... Forget it. Before this ends, I might as well ride on her train of madness for

now. The reason I hang out with you was because I too am involved in this movie plot

that you have set up. If I stand in Koizumi's shoes, then I have nothing to lose, sadly I

don't possess any unknown powers.

So allow me to happily be your backroom staff for now.

Maybe in a few years time I would look back and laugh at this, saying, "Wow, has

this really happened?"

I think.

Dressed in her bunny-girl costume, Asahina-san now looked even more

embarrassed than when she was wearing the waitress costume. Haruhi on the other

hand, was beaming brightly. What are you so giddy about?

I pretended to adjust the focus of the camera and zoomed in onto Asahina-san's

breasts. I needed to confirm that thing first.

 Page 118

There on the left of Asahina-san's white bosom was a small birthmark, looking

carefully, it was in the shape of a star. Confirmation complete, this is indeed my

Asahina-san, and not an impostor.

"What are you doing?"

Haruhi's face suddenly appeared in front of the lens.

"Don't shoot scenes that I don't want. This isn't your private video camera, you

know."

Of course I know that! I didn't even press the record button yet, I was merely

looking.

"All right, everybody! Listen up! Next we'll be filming the daily life of Mikuru.

Mikuru-chan, you'll need to walk naturally around over there while the camera

follows you behind."

What kind of daily life involves walking around in a bunny-girl costume in this

kind of park?

"It doesn't matter. In this movie this is absolutely normal. It doesn't make sense to

ask for realism in a fictional world!"

That's supposed to be my line! It's because you've brought in fictional elements

into this reality that things are getting messed up now!

Afterwards, unaware that she could now fire killer beams, Asahina-san underwent

acting lessons under Haruhi's supervision, as she went around picking up flowers,

blowing brown leaves off the palm of her hand, and running around on the grass.

Slowly but surely she was falling apart with fatigue.

Then Haruhi delivered the knock-out blow,

"Hmm, it doesn't seem right to have a bunny-girl running around in the

mountains. This background just doesn't fit at all. Let's go back to the streets!"
 Page 119

Without flinching, Haruhi completely overthrew what she just said. As a result,

we had to ride the bus again to return to the city.

No longer having to do any lighting work for now, Koizumi carried under his arm

the reflector board, sloppily repaired with sellotape, as well as half of the equipment

that I stuffed to him, while his other arm held the handrail.

I stood next to him, while standing like a shadow besides us was Nagato. Only

Haruhi and Asahina-san sat on the empty seats. Haruhi snatched the camera on my

hands and sat on the double seats, filming Asahina-san from her side.

Asahina-san lowered her head and softly answered Haruhi's questions. I'm

guessing the lead actress was being interviewed by the director right now.

The bus meandered down the winding hill road and towards the residential area. I

secretly prayed that the driver would concentrate on driving safely instead of glancing

at the rear-view mirror all the time.

Perhaps my prayers were heard, since the bus had finally arrived safely at the

terminal. All this time, the other passengers have been sitting from a distance, nearly

all of them were staring at Haruhi, Asahina-san and Nagato. The wobbling bunny ears

and the smooth white exposed shoulders were just too deadly. By now rumors of

Asahina the Bunny-Girl have probably spread to the whole town, not just in North

High.

Maybe that's exactly what Haruhi had in mind. "I heard there was a pretty bunny-

girl riding a bus yesterday." "Oh, I've seen them." "What are you discussing about?"

"I hear there's a club in North High called the SOS Brigade." "The SOS Brigade?"

"That's right, the SOS Brigade." "SOS Brigade huh? I'll remember that." Was she

aiming for such a development? Asahina-san isn't the SOS Brigade's cover girl! In a
 Page 120

way, she's supposed to be the tea maid and my anti-depressant. I'm sure she thinks the

same as I do, definitely.

Of course, for Haruhi, she wouldn't be able to hear the thoughts of other people.

Because she is built with an amazing device that would eject any unfavorable opinion

out the moment it enters her ears. If I could find out the secret to how this device

works, I'm pretty sure the Selection Committee for the Nobel Prize in Physiology

would nominate me in their shortlist. Anyone here want to give it a try? (The secret is

to just make up some bullshit.)

Until the sun has set, Asahina-san spent the rest of the day as a bunny-girl. What

did she do in that outfit, you ask? Well, not much, apart from running around in this

costume. This was no different from those Hunt for Mysterious Events activities, but

this time she was even more worn out as she has to put up with the stares from other

people, worrying if someone might call the police. Haruhi has no concept of what a

filming permit is, it was Haruhi's freedom to shoot wherever she liked. Her freedom

was as unrestrained as that of the Pope Innocent III in the third century - I think. In
fact, she's completely misinterpreted the true meaning of freedom.

"That's it for today."

Finally, Haruhi had the expression of having a hard day's work done. Besides

Nagato, the rest of us all breathed a sigh of relief. What a long day, I'm going to take a

break at Sunday tomorrow.

"Then see you tomorrow. We meet at the same time and place as today."

She sure doesn't know when to stop. I didn't know you had the power to ask the

school to compensate for our holidays.

 Page 121

"What are you talking about? We're already lagging behind in our filming

schedule! Now is not the time to rest idly! You can relax all you like once the school

festival is over! Before that, just pretend the red numbers don't exist on the calendar!"

We're only on the second day of filming. Can't you do something about the poor

time planning? What do you mean by lagging behind? Does that mean all the hours

worth of filming today won't be used at all? Was Haruhi trying to make a series

franchise? This is just a movie made specifically for a school festival, not a big

budget production.

Yet Haruhi doesn't look worried at all. She stuffed all the equipment to me, and

wearing only her armband, she gave an impeccable smile,

"Then we'll meet tomorrow! I'll make sure this movie is a success. No, since I'm

the director, success is already guaranteed. The rest is up to you. Make sure you're

punctual! Absentees will be personally executed by me!"

After making this announcement, she left humming the tune of "Rock is Dead" by

Marilyn Manson.

"I'll inform Asahina-san about it."

Koizumi whispered softly to my ear before leaving, Asahina-san was covered in

Koizumi's school jacket. If it were winter, I would have brought my own jacket. Sadly

the weather now was still stuck in the end of summer. I frustratingly looked at the

equipment piled up by my feet.

"Inform her of what?"

"About the laser. As long as there's no change in eye color, then no strange beams

would be fired. I think that's how Suzumiya-san's rules work. So there won't be a

problem if she doesn't wear any colored contact lens."

 Page 122

The lighting assistant, whose job was just to hold up the reflector board, now gave

me a professional smile like one of those insurance agents.

"Just to be safe, I think we should take some precautionary measures. I'm sure she

would cooperate. After all, those beams are dangerous stuff."

Koizumi then walked towards the black cloaked Nagato, standing like an

anthropomorphized piece of glass.

As I returned home carrying various sized bags of equipment, my sister looked

astonished at me as though she had seen a strange creature. This elementary

schoolgirl, the culprit responsible for spreading that stupid "Kyon" nickname around,

now jumped around yelling, "Is that a camera? Wow! Can I play with it, too?" I yelled

"Get lost, idiot!" And promptly returned to my room.

I was so exhausted already, the thoughts of becoming a voyeur cameraman had

long evaporated from my head. Of course it would be a different story if it involved

Asahina-san, but I'm not that sick as to want to preserve video images of my own

sister! I mean, where's the fun in that?

After putting down all the bags on the floor, I laid down on my bed at once. I had

a brief moment of peace, before my sister, under my mom's orders to call me down

for dinner, attacked me with her deadly elbow strike.

Page 123
 Page 124

Chapter 4

The following day, we once again reluctantly waited in front of the station. This

time, however, instead of the three SOS Brigade members, I found myself standing

alongside some new faces. The so-called "minions" that Haruhi had described,

"Hey, Kyon, this is different from what you told us,"

Taniguchi protested and said,

"Where's the beautiful Asahina-san? We only came because you said she would

come pick us up! But I don't see her anywhere."

Sure enough, it's already past the appointed time and Asahina-san has yet to
arrive. She's probably hiding in her house wanting to skip class today, after going

through so much during the past two days.

"I only came so that I could satiate my visual appetite, but what is this? So far all

I've seen is Suzumiya looking pissed. This is a rip off!"

Stop complaining! Why don't you observe Nagato as well then?

"Now that you mention it, Nagato-san's costume sure suits her,"
 Page 125

Kunikida said casually, as he was chosen as minion number two after Taniguchi.

Haruhi had called me on the phone last night while I was taking a shower. Taking the

phone receiver my sister handed to me, I washed my hair as I heard her saying over

the phone,

"That idiot Taniguchi and that other guy…. I can't remember his name…

Anyways, they're your friends. Bring those two over tomorrow. I want to use them as

minions."

After saying that, she promptly hung up. You should at least say "Hi!", and when

making requests you should ask people in a polite way, not order people around! Just

like how Asahina-san makes her requests.

I didn't know what plans Taniguchi and Kunikida had for their vacation, so I

called their cell phones after my shower. The two extras with a lot of free time agreed

to come right away. Just what do they do on their holidays anyway?

Maybe she thought two guys weren't enough, because Haruhi brought another

extra. This extra bent forward as though she was bowing and examined Nagato,

whose eyes were covered by her wide-rimmed hat. She hung her very long hair and

smiled at me,

"Kyon-kun, how's Mikuru?"

Tsuruya is this energetic girl's name, who happens to be Asahina-san's classmate.

According to Asahina-san, she’s… "A friend I've met in this age", so I guess there

shouldn't be anything queer about her. Back in June, when Haruhi wanted to enter the

baseball tournament, Asahina-san brought this second year schoolgirl to help make up

the numbers. Oh yeah, Taniguchi and Kunikida were there as well, and even my sister

came.

Tsuruya-san generously revealed her shining white teeth and said,

 Page 126

She bombarded me with question after question. Just as I was about to answer her,
Tsuruya-san had already walked off towards Koizumi...
 Page 127

"So what are we doing today? She told me to come over if I had time, so I came.

What's that armband on Suzumiya-san's arm about? What's that handheld camera for?

And what's with Yuki's costume?"

She bombarded me with question after question. Just as I was about to answer her,

Tsuruya-san had already walked off towards Koizumi,

"Wow, Itsuki-kun! You look awesome as usual today!"

She sure is a busy person.

Haruhi was just as energetic, as she shouted in a deafening tone towards her cell

phone early in the morning,

"What!? You're the protagonist! 30% of the success of this movie depends on you!

Of course, I'm responsible for the remaining 70%, but that doesn't matter! What'd you

say? A stomachache? Stop kidding me! Only an elementary school kid would use

such an excuse! I give you thirty seconds to come here at once!"

It seems Asahina-san has begun to lock herself in, like a hikkikomori. When she
realized she had to go through the same thing again today, it's only natural for her to

suffer a mentally induced stomachache. She is a faint-hearted person, after all.

"Really!"

Haruhi furiously hung up her phone, then revealed a menacing glare that looked

like that of a butler about to scold a child who doesn't know her table manners,

"She deserves some punishment!"

You shouldn't be saying that. Asahina-san isn't like you. She only wants to live her

life peacefully, or at least take a break on Sunday when there's no school. Even I too

thought so.
 Page 128

Of course, Haruhi wasn't going to allow the female lead to go AWOL. The

director who demanded so much from the lead actress without even paying her

anything said,

"I'll go fetch her. Lend me that bag for now."

Haruhi snatched the bag containing the clothes and rushed straight towards the

taxi stand. She then knocked on the window of the taxi parked in front, had the driver

open the door, and after she quickly dove into the car, the taxi drove off immediately.

Now that I think about it, I don't even know where Asahina-san lives, though I've

been to Nagato's place many times...

"I can understand how Asahina-san feels."

Without my even noticing, Koizumi was standing by my side and talking to me.

Tsuruya-san now greeted the two bozos from my class non-stop and said, "Yo,

long time no see!" Koizumi smiled at the sight, then said,

"I have a feeling she really will become a transforming magical girl if things

continue going the way they are now. After all, she's even fired laser beams. It's

getting ridiculous already."

"What can be more ridiculous than this?"

"You're right. If she were told to spit fire from her mouth, it wouldn't be too hard

to train..."

Asahina-san isn't a monster. Neither is she a circus performer, or even some evil

wrestler. What'll happen if she burns those cute lips of hers? Who's going to be

responsible for that? Don't tell me you're going to take responsibility.

"No, if there were something that I would have to be responsible for, it would be

standing idly until the 'Avatars' begin to wreak havoc. Fortunately, things still haven't
 Page 129

deteriorated to such a level... That has only happened once, I believe. I'm really

grateful of you back then. Thanks to you, the disaster was averted and contained."

About half a year ago, the world was nearly destroyed thanks to Haruhi. It was

thanks to my hard work and mental exhaustion that mankind was able to survive. I

felt it wouldn't be too much if all the heads of state around the world were to give me

a thank you letter. So far I have yet to be visited by any foreign diplomatic envoy.

Sigh, on the other hand, even if they had come they would have only increased my

woes, so I didn't expect them to come. The only reward I received was being

embraced by a teary-eyed Asahina-san, yet when I think about it, that’s more than

enough for me. So I didn't feel any gladness at being thanked by Koizumi.

"As for that Mikuru Be..."

Stop calling her by her first name; it pisses me off.

"I'm sorry. Right now we should be able to prevent Asahina-san from firing

anymore strange beams."

How did you do it? Should you be this optimistic just because Haruhi didn't bring

any colored contact lens this time?

"No, we've eliminated that factor already. I asked Nagato-san to help out a bit."

I turned my gaze towards the girl who was standing still and staring at the shops

in front of the station, and then looked back at Koizumi again,

"What did you do to Asahina-san?"

"Don't be so nervous, we merely removed her ability to fire lasers. I'm not too

sure myself, unlike the other TFEI interfaces, Nagato-san wouldn't say anything. I

only told her to reduce the threat posed by Asahina-san to zero."

"What on earth is a TFEI?"

 Page 130

"It's just an abbreviation we use amongst ourselves, you don't have to know what

it stands for. I feel that Nagato-san is the most outstanding one among all of 'them'.

I've been thinking, what else is she responsible for besides being a simple

communication interface?"

What he meant was - What else does this silent girl that loves reading do besides

observing Haruhi? Some people still find it a pity that Asakura Ryouko had

disappeared, though personally I don't feel sad at all.

About thirty minutes later, the taxi carrying Haruhi had returned, also inside was

Asahina-san wearing her waitress costume. Like yesterday, she still looked very

gloomy. Haruhi asked the driver for a receipt, she probably wanted reimbursements

for her expenses.

Taniguchi and Kunikida looked at them and muttered,

"One night when coming home from the convenient store, I came across a taxi,"

"And?"

"And instead of a 'For Hire' lamp on top, I saw that the taxi lamp read 'Love Car'."

"You must’ve been surprised?"

"Before I could confirm, the taxi had driven off. It was then that I realized, isn't

love what I'm lacking right now?"

"Did that taxi really have a 'Love Car' lamp on it? That must've been some custom

made taxi."

I can't help but be amazed by the conversation made by these two idiots, and I had

a feeling that the shortage of talent was becoming very serious. If Taniguchi and

Kunikida were titanium alloys, then Tsuruya-san would be plastic. Their difference

would be between that of a firework and the Apollo 11 spacecraft.

"Ah, Mikuru has come by taxi! Eh? Who are you?"

 Page 131

Tsuruya-san's pitch was very high, her slightly medium-high pitch voice was

probably just a pitch lower than Haruhi's abnormally natural high pitch. Though

Tsuruya-san should be within the bounds of the normal world.

"Wow! You're so sexy! Where does Mikuru work at? Don't you have to be at least

eighteen? Huh? Aren't you just seventeen? Oh, don't worry, since we're not customers

anyway."

Asahina-san's teary eyes now reveal their natural colors, it seems there's a

shortage of colored contact lens.

Haruhi now dragged the tiny waitress out of the car,

"What do you mean sick? I won't let you use such an excuse! We're going to

continue filming! Next would be the exciting scenes of Mikuru-chan! This is all for

the SOS Brigade! No matter what age it is, the audience will always be moved by acts

of self-sacrifice!"

Then go sacrifice yourself!

"In this world, there's only one female protagonist. To be honest, I'd like to be that

person, but this time I've generously allowed you to play that role, at least until the

school festival ends!"

In this world, no one would acknowledge you as a female protagonist!

Tsuruya-san clapped her hands against Asahina-san's shoulders, causing her to

cough frantically.

"What's this costume? A racing girl? What role are you playing? That's it! You can

wear that at the fried noodle store during the school festival! I'm sure that it'll attract

lots of customers!"
 Page 132

I really do understand Asahina-san’s wanting to become a hermit. When faced

with continuously fierce attacks, no one is going to stand on the pitcher's mound and

be the pitcher.

Asahina-san slowly lifted her head, then with the look of someone about to die for

her religion, she looked at me as though begging for help, and then looked away. She

slowly breathed a soft sigh, but she still managed to give a weak smile and walk in

strides towards me.

"Sorry I'm late."

I looked at the top of Asahina-san's head, which was lowered down, and said,

"It's alright, I don't really mind."

"I'll treat you to lunch..."

"There's no need to, don't worry about it."

"I'm so sorry about yesterday, it seems like I unexpectedly fired an optical

weapon..."

"It's fine, I'm not hurt anyway..."

I took a peek at my surroundings. Nagato stood while staring blankly and holding

her staff with a star attached to its end. Asahina-san looked at me, lowered her already

soft voice and said,

"I was bitten."

She rubbed her left wrist.

"Bitten by what?"

"By Nagato-san. I heard it was for the injection of some nanomachines... But, my

eyes don't seem to be able to fire anything anymore, so I'm relieved."

 Page 133

Thanks to this, I don't have to worry about being sliced into pieces... Right?

Speaking of which, I find the sight of Nagato biting Asahina-san rather hard to

visualize. What did she inject?

"It was yesterday night, when she came with Koizumi-kun to my place..."

Koizumi, who was in charge of looking after the equipment, was now talking to

Haruhi. I would have wanted to go last night! He should have asked me to come

along! Paying Asahina-san a visit was definitely more fun than being tricked into a

Sealed Dimension.

"What are you two chatting about?"

Tsuruya-san wrapped her small soft arm around Asahina-san's neck,

"Mikuru, you're so cute! How I want to keep you as a pet! Kyon-kun, do you two

get along well?"

Now really…

The two bozos Taniguchi and Kunikida were now looking at Asahina-san with

their mouths wide opened. Hey, stop looking! What are you going to do if she loses a

piece of her costume? As I was thinking this, Haruhi yelled,

"The place has been decided!"

What place?

"For outdoor shooting!"

Is that so? I keep forgetting that we're making a movie. I don't know why, I just

wanted to forget about it. Also, for some reason, I can't help but feel that this is the

filming location for some low-cost pop-idol DVD.

"There's a huge pond near Koizumi-kun's place, so let's begin our filming there

today!"
 Page 134

In almost the blink of an eye, Haruhi quickly picked up a plastic flag that read

"filming cast and crew" and led the way forward.

I called over Taniguchi and Kunikida; who were still staring at Asahina-san with

their dirty looking eyes, and generously shared the bags and equipment that I carried

with them.

We walked for about thirty minutes before coming to the side of a pond. The

location was somewhere in the middle of the hill, which was basically right at the

center of the residential district. While it might be called a pond, it’s a pretty massive

pond. So big that migratory birds would probably come flocking over during winter.

According to Koizumi, the ducks and swallows should be flying in anytime soon.

The pond was surrounded by a metal fence, which pretty much tells people not to

trespass. That's common knowledge, isn't it? Maybe it has to do with how a person is

brought up. Lately, even elementary school kids won't play around here, except for

those who are mentally insane.

"What're you waiting for? Hurry up and climb over!"

I'd forgotten that Haruhi is, in fact, a seriously insane person; as she placed her

foot over the fence and waved her hand. Asahina-san placed her hands on her

extremely short skirt and seemed to become very despaired. Tsuruya-san stood beside

and giggled,

"Huh? What did we come here for? Hey! Is Mikuru going to swim?"

Asahina-san shook her head very quickly, sighed, and stared at the green pond

surface as though she'd just seen blood.

"Don't you think this fence is a bit too tall for us to climb over?"
 Page 135

Koizumi wasn't talking to me, but to Nagato. You're wasting your time trying to

start a proper conversation with her. She’ll either give you a simple "yes" or "no"

answer, or she’ll begin a series of incomprehensible jargon.

"..."

Though Nagato remained silent, she made a peculiar reaction. She placed her

finger on the top of the fence and slowly pulled it outwards. For some reason, the

metallic fence, which was supposed to be firmly stuck to the ground, now bent softly

like toffee placed under the sun, and then it slowly coagulated in its bent form.

She was as elegant as usual. I frantically turned and looked at the others'

reactions, perhaps I was worrying too much.

"Huh? This fence looks quite old."

Kunikida said as though he knew everything.

"Just what am I playing? She can't have me play a kappa…"

Taniguchi mumbled as he walked past the opening caused by the bent fence and

towards the pond.

Tsuruya-san followed behind him, holding hands with Asahina-san, who was

reluctantly led towards the pond where Haruhi was waiting.

I'm so relieved that the extra trio didn't have that much intelligence.

Koizumi smiled at me and Nagato, then slid his body through the fence opening,

while Nagato, the black mage, also walked past me like a phantom.

Oh well, let's hurry up and get this over with! Before anyone discovers that public

property has been vandalized, that is.

 Page 136

Asahina-san and Nagato stood facing each other again, looks like it's yet another

battle scene. I really wonder whether Haruhi had even seriously written the script.

When is Koizumi going to come on? Still wearing his school uniform today, Koizumi

stood behind me and continued his role as the reflector board holder.

Haruhi placed the director's chair on the dirt and scribbled, what might be the

dialogue, in her sketchbook.

"This scene will show Mikuru being forced into a desperate situation, with her

blue eye beams having been nullified."

Haruhi stopped writing with her pen and smiled, looking satisfied.

"Yes, this'll do. You there, hold this and stand over there."

And so, Taniguchi was put in charge of holding up the dialogue placards. The two

actresses began reading the placards held up by an obviously disgruntled Taniguchi:

"I won't be deterred by this set back! Y-you evil alien Yuki! H-h-hurry up and

leave Earth at once...! Umm... Sorry..."

Asahina-san couldn't help but apologize for no reason after reading her lines,

Nagato Yuki the evil alien magician then said,

"...Is that so?"

She nonchalantly nodded her head and read her lines following Haruhi's

instructions,

"You should be the one who should disappear from this time period. He is ours.

That is how much he is worth to us. Though he has not discovered his powers yet,

those are very precious powers. We will need those powers in order to invade Earth."

Moving in tandem with Haruhi waving her loudspeaker, Nagato waved her star-

shaped wand and pointed it towards Asahina-san's face.

"I-I-I won't let you have your way! Even if it means risking my life."
 Page 137

"If that is so, then prepare to die."

"Cut!" Haruhi yelled and stood up, she then ran between the two of them and said,

"You girls need to create an atmosphere! Yes, the sort of atmosphere like now, but

don't stray from the script. And Mikuru-chan, come over here."

The director and female lead abandoned us and turned over. I put down my

camera and scratched my neck. Just what were they discussing about?

Tsuruya-san could take it no more and began to laugh out loud,

"What kind of movie is this? Can this even be called a movie? Nyahahaha! This is

too funny!"

Besides you, I guess only Haruhi would find this funny.

Taniguchi and Kunikida stood aimlessly with a "What the hell were we called

here for?" expression. Nagato stood by the side, as though she has nothing to do with

it. While Koizumi stood naturally and looked at the edge of the pond. I took out the

tape, which was nearly full, and replaced it with a new tape. I had the feeling that I

was creating useless trash.

Tsuruya-san looked at the equipment I was carrying with interest,

"Hmm, is this what they use to make videos these days? It's full of Mikuru's funny

images, right? Can I please have a look at them later? I think it'll be pretty funny."

It's nothing funny, really. Handing out flyers dressed as a bunny girl took only a

day, though this ridiculously hilarious movie would last until the day before the

school festival. We could go from skipping classes to skipping school altogether. This

would be very bothersome for me, since I wouldn't be able to drink any fine tea.

Nagato's tea would be tasteless, while Haruhi's tea would be bitter due to the laws of

physics. Leaving Koizumi's tea aside, if I have to end up brewing tea for myself, then

I'd rather drink tap water.

 Page 138

"Sorry to keep you guys waiting!"

Indeed, we have waited for quite some time. About time you returned, because I

don't want to ruin the nice natural scenery by the pond anymore.

"The real climax is about to start, look carefully guys!"

Haruhi pushed Asahina-san forward. Even if you didn't ask, I would look at her

everyday with my eyes wide open anyway! See? As usual, Asahina-san looks just as

cute, pretty and...

"Huh?"

The color of one of her eyes has changed, this time it's the right eye. The silver-

colored eye looked at me apologetically and moved between me and the ground

below.

"Now, Mikuru-chan, fire your amazing Mikuru Beam R and shoot out some

incredible stuff or whatever, just attack!"

There was no way I could stop this in time, even if I could, I would have already

been sliced into pieces. By the way, this happened all too suddenly, Haruhi giving her

terrible command, Asahina-san blinking her eyes looking horrified, and...

Nagato pushed Asahina-san down by the side of pond; the appearance of her

black silhouette was just too sudden.

Yesterday's scene was repeated again today, it was like watching a tape recording

all over. Nagato showed off her amazing instantaneous movement skills.

In an instant, only her hat remained where she had once stood, and then slowly

fluttered down towards the ground. The body which was wearing the hat had moved

off yards away in just the blink of an eye (about 0.2 seconds), and climbed on top of

Asahina-san, grabbing her on the forehead...

"Na-Na-Nagato-sa... KYAA!!!"
 Page 139

With a blank expression, Nagato ignored the pitiful screams of Asahina-san, her

short hair waved back and forth as she sat on top of Asahina-san.

"Wait a minute!" Haruhi quickly came to her senses.

"Yuki! You're a magician! You aren't supposed to be good at close-quarter combat

according to my script! Mud-wrestling in this place..."

Haruhi said that, and then shut her mouth. She thought for about three seconds

then said,

"Ah, well, I guess this could do as well. It could be another selling point, right?

Kyon! Record all of this! This is Yuki's rare moment of glory!"

I don't think it's any moment of glory at all. She's just reacting out of instinct to

counter the threat caused by the contact lens. Asahina-san probably understood as

well, but she couldn't help but scream and shake her legs nonstop as a result of shock.

I'm such a sick person. Now’s not the time for me to stare at such scenery.

At this moment, a thudding noise was heard. Besides the two actresses, the others

all turned and looked behind.

The sound came from the pond fence opening where Haruhi leapt over and where

we walked through. The opening created by Nagato now revealed a large hole, the

fence was cut into a V-shape and fell outwards towards the road, as though it had

been hit by an invisible laser.

I turned my eyes back to the scene of crime, and saw Nagato biting Asahina-san's

wrist like an anemic vampire.

"I was careless,"

Nagato surprisingly said, as though she had made a mistake,

"I had originally allowed the laser to disperse without causing harm to humans,

but this time the beam was composed of hyper-vibration particles..."

 Page 140

She said all of this in one single breath. Koizumi handed her the hat he picked up

on the ground and said,

"Something like optic fiber? But this sort of particle blade is invisible and

weightless, right?"

Nagato received the hat and promptly placed it on her head and said,

"I sensed a tiny amount of mass, about ten to the power of negative forty-one

grams."

"Even smaller than neutrons?"

Nagato said nothing and only looked at Asahina-san's eye, the waitress's right eye

was still silver in color.

"Umm..."

Asahina-san rubbed her bitten wrist and asked terrifyingly,

"What did you just inject into my body...?"

The tip of the pointed hat tilted five centimeters forward. For me, that's a sign of

Nagato looking troubled. Maybe she was thinking of how to convey this properly. As

expected, Nagato then said,

"By alternating the dimensional vibration periods, a gravitational field can then be

created on the surface of the object."

Looks like she's trying very hard to explain this difficult to understand fact. While

I can understand that she has probably nullified the invisible killer beams, what I can't

understand is how the other two seem to be able to get what she had just said.

Koizumi said, "I see, so the tremors are caused by gravity?" He was asking questions

that didn't seem to be relevant at all. Nagato probably thought so as well, since she

remained silent.

Koizumi shrugged his shoulders as though it was his trademark gesture,

 Page 141

"But we really were careless, I guess I should be partly responsible as well. I

always thought that eyes could only fire laser beams. Could it really fire anything as

Suzumiya-san has described, as long as it's out of this world? It sure is impossible to

catch up with Suzumiya-san's way of thinking, I'm amazed."

There's no way we could catch up, she has run far ahead of the whole human race

by three whole rounds. I could even feel her coming back behind me now, though

when I look carefully, it's as though she's running in the same circle, giving one the

illusion that she hasn't run forward at all, which is exactly what she is good at. And

that's not all, only those of us who were forced to run on this circular track with her

could understand this feeling.

The reason why Haruhi runs so fast is that she doesn't care whether the track is an

S-shaped track or a crisscrossed three-dimensional track, she just would have charged

forward without thinking. Not to mention, she's fitted with a compressed engine,

meaning that she could go on forever. She can quickly make up rules that are just

impossible to follow, no matter how much one wants to, and she, herself, doesn't

realize that this isn't a real race. She is just simply beyond control.

"It's not too bad," Koizumi said, "We'll let the local authorities take the blame for

neglecting to maintain the quality of the fence, I'm sure people will buy this story.

What's important is that no one was hurt."

I took a peek at the pale face hiding under the wide-rimmed hat. Just a moment

ago I saw a huge gash on Nagato's palm as though she had just grabbed a sickle with

her bare hands. How I'd like to show this to the troublemaker, though that gash has

now been healed as though it had never existed.

 Page 142

I looked at the second group standing not far from us. Haruhi and the three extras

were now looking at the video on the camera, and then they screamed... sorry, it was

only Tsuruya-san that screamed.

"What should we do? I have a feeling something terrible will happen if we keep

on filming."

"But we can't just stop here. If we refuse to comply, what do you think Suzumiya-

san will do?"

"She'll go ballistic."

"I thought so as well. Even if she doesn't go ballistic herself, I'm sure the 'Avatars'

will in the Sealed Dimension."

Stop reminding me of that horrible place again. I don't want to go there again, and

I don't want to do that ever again.

"Perhaps Suzumiya-san is happy with how things are now. She's making her own

movie using her own imagination, and her every move is like that of a god. You

should know as well, she's very frustrated at how reality doesn't conform to her way

of thinking. Though she doesn't show it on the outside, since she isn't aware of it

herself, the end result would be the same. However, in the movie world, the story

moves according to her wishes, so anything is possible. Suzumiya-san is trying to

create another world using movies as a medium."

As expected from a self-centered person, unless she has a certain amount of

money and power, it's near impossible to have everything go her way. She might as

well become a politician.

As I switched from various frowning faces, Koizumi kept smiling and continued,

"Of course, Suzumiya-san is not aware of all of this. Since the beginning she has

been creating this fictional world, which shows how much passion she has with this
 Page 143

movie. I think she may be a bit too passionate, and she has unwittingly affected the

real world as a result of that."

Like a dice with only negative points, no matter how much you throw, you'd still

lose in the end. The longer this movie goes on, the more Haruhi will go out of control,

but it’s a worse idea to have her give up on this idea, so I'll pick the lesser of two

evils.

"If I have no choice but to throw the dice, then I would choose to go on

throwing."

And why is that?

"Because I'm tired of destroying 'Avatars' already... Just kidding… Sorry about

that. Anyway, instead of allowing the world to be rebuilt all over, our chances of

survival would be higher if we allow some minor changes to occur to this world."

You mean a world where Asahina-san would become someone like Wonder

Woman?

"This time, the changes are small in scale compared with the appearance of

'Avatars'. And Nagato-san would place remedy measures for us, so it's not that much

of a problem, right? Don't you think that solving these paranormal events one at a

time is a better alternative than trying to save the world from being recreated from

scratch?"

It's still problematic no matter which way you look at it. How about ambushing

Haruhi from behind and knocking her unconscious until the school festival?

"That would be too unimaginable. If you're willing to take responsibility for that,

then I won't stop you."

"Just holding the fate of the world would be too heavy for my shoulders."
 Page 144

I replied and looked at Asahina-san, who was picking the dirt off her waitress

uniform with her fingers. Seems like she's pretty much given up, but when she

noticed I was looking at her, she said frantically,

"Oh, please don't worry about me, I'm all right. I'll think of a way to endure

this..."

She's just too adorable, though she doesn't look well at all. She probably has to

face the prospect of getting bitten by Nagato everytime something happens. Though

the teeth-marks would disappear over time, it's just uncomfortable getting bitten by

her. Because, if Nagato were to carry a sickle instead of a magic wand in that

costume, then she would be like the thirteenth Tarot card - Death. Either that, or she

would be an ageless space vampire. Just being bitten by someone in that costume is

enough to send one's soul to the other world.

Even though Asahina-san was dragged into all this against her will, for a time

traveler from the future, she sure lacks a sense of danger. Or maybe it's because she

never really told me what she really thought about this, since her world is full of

classified restrictions.

Forget it. I'm sure she'll tell me eventually. How I wish we’ll be in a narrow space

together when she does that.

It was finally time for Taniguchi and Kunikida, as well as Tsuruya-san to make

their first appearance.

Haruhi announced the roles they would be playing in the movie; it was long

decided the three of them would be mere bystanders. They would be playing "humans

who have been turned into mindless zombies by the evil alien magician".

"In other words," Haruhi said in a discomforting smile, "As Mikuru represents the

side of justice, there's no way she would lay a finger on harmless civilians, and Yuki
 Page 145

has taken advantage of that weakness. She has controlled these humans using

hypnosis, and Mikuru would end up getting badly beaten, as she is unable to strike

back at the humans that attacked her."

I thought to myself, Just how much more do you want to torture Asahina-san?

Haruhi then said,

“You guys will start by pushing Mikuru into the pond."

"EH!?"

Only Asahina-san yelled in terror, while Tsuruya-san giggled uncontrollably.

Taniguchi and Kunikida exchanged glances with each other, then looked at Asahina-

san with very troubled expressions.

"Hey,"

Taniguchi asked with a half-smiling face,

"Push her into the pond? The weather may be warm, but it's autumn already! As

for the water quality, no matter how you look at it, it just doesn't look clean."

"Su-Su-Suzumiya-san, we should at least find a warm indoor pool or

something..."

Asahina-san also protested with all her strength, her eyes were close to tears.

Even Kunikida sided with Asahina-san.

"She's right! What'll happen if this is a bottomless swamp? She won't be able to

float back up once she falls in. And look, there're a lot of black basses swimming

around in there."

Stop saying stuff that'll make Asahina-san faint! But from past experience, the

more one resists, the more stubborn Haruhi would get. She gave a very Haruhi-like

response,
 Page 146

"Silence! Listen up! Sacrifices need to be made for the sake of realism. I had

originally wanted to shoot this scene with the Loch Ness Monster! But we lack the

time and budget to do that. It is our mission as humans to create the best stuff under

limited time and resources, so we have no choice but to use this pond instead."

What sort of logic is that!? Do you intend to have Asahina-san drown anyway?

Can't you substitute this with other backgrounds?

As I was considering whether to join the argument as well, someone patted me on

the shoulder from behind. I turned and saw Koizumi smile and shake his head quietly.

I knew. I knew if Haruhi didn't have her way, something queer might happen. If

Asahina-san ends up spitting out plasma, the Self-Defence Force might have to

consider her as a hostile being.

"I-I-I'll do it!"

Asahina-san announced with a very mournful expression, she was beyond despair

now. A poor girl has decided to sacrifice herself for world peace. Things have

developed to a stage where it is no longer possible to stop. But this is probably the

most climatic moment of the movie, right? I'd better record this on film.

Haruhi was absolutely delighted,

"Well done, Mikuru-chan! You look awesome right now! That's the SOS Brigade

member that I've chosen! How you've grown!"

I don't think this has anything to do with growing up, but the result of learning

from past experience.

"Now then, you two over there hold Mikuru-chan's arms, Tsuruya-san, you grab

her legs. Prepare yourselves, once I make the command, toss her into the pond with

all your might."

The following scene ensued under Haruhi's direction.

 Page 147

The three minions start by standing in a neat row in front of Nagato, when the

black mage waved her wand, they would lower their heads as though making a prayer

in a Shinto shrine. Nagato waved her wand like a priest waving away bad spirits with

a blank expression, in a way, she looked just like a shrine maiden.

Then, after receiving Nagato's psychic waves, the three minions started to move

stiffly towards Asahina-san as though they were zombies seeking living flesh.

"I'm sorry, Mikuru, I don't want to do this. But I can't control myself, I'm really

sorry."

Tsuruya-san said looking very happy as she walked towards the waitress.

Taniguchi, who would cower at the event of an emergency, had no idea what to say,

while Kunikida scratched his head as he walked towards Asahina-san, who was

looking increasingly pale.

"You two idiots over there! Be serious!"

You're the idiot around here! I took back what I was about to say and continued to

roll the camera. Asahina-san slowly backed up towards the edge of the pond looking

terrified.

"Prepare to die~~."

Tsuruya-san happily pushed Asahina-san down and grabbed the sides of her long

fleshy legs. How should I put this? This sight looks way too dangerous.

"Kyaa..."

Asahina-san looked really scared, as Taniguchi and Kunikida grabbed hold of her

arms.

"W... wait a moment, I still... I-Is this necessary?"

Ignoring Asahina-san's cries, Haruhi nodded her head and said,

"This is for making the best scene, it's all for art!"
 Page 148

Sounds nice, but how does this crappy movie have anything to do with art!?

Haruhi gave her command,

"Ready! NOW!"

Splash! Water foams splashed out from the surface, disturbing the aquatic life

living in the pond.

"Ah... Help... Wah..."

This drowning act is just too realistic, Asahina-san. No, wait... How come it looks

as though she's really drowning?

"My legs... Can't reach... Kya...!"

It was fortunate that this isn't the Amazon River, or she would be an ideal target

for piranhas, shaking the surface of the water so frantically like that. I wonder if black

basses attack humans? I thought as I looked through the camera lens. It was now I

realized it wasn't just Asahina-san splashing the water.

"Argh! I've swallowed water!"

Taniguchi was also drowning. He probably tossed Asahina-san too strongly and

fell into the pond himself as well. I decided to ignore this idiot.

"What's that moron doing?"

Haruhi came to the same conclusion as I had. Ignoring the moron, she pointed the

loudspeaker towards Koizumi.

"Koizumi-kun, it's your turn to appear! Go and save Mikuru!"

The male lead, who was responsible for the lighting since the beginning, gave an

elegant smile and handed the reflector board over to Nagato. He then walked to the

side of the pond and stuck out his hand.

"Grab my hand. Calm down, make sure you don't pull me down as well."
 Page 149

Like a victim of a shipwreck, Asahina-san grabbed tightly onto Koizumi's arm

like a piece of wooden plank. Koizumi casually pulled the completely soaked battle

waitress up from the water. He then supported her by holding tight onto her. Hey!

You're holding her too closely!

"Are you okay?"

"...Uuuu... Cold..."

As a result of being soaked wet by water, the tight waitress uniform was now even

more tightly wrapped around Asahina-san's body. If I were a member of the Motion

Picture Association, I wouldn't hesitate to give this movie a R-15 rating. To be honest,

I have a feeling we might get arrested for this.

"Yes, perfect."

Haruhi slapped the loudspeaker loudly and gave a sigh of satisfaction. Not paying

any attention to Taniguchi, who was still splashing the water, I pushed down the

"stop" button on the camera.

We now had enough junk to open a stall, yet there was not a single towel to be

found. Just what's going on?

Asahina-san let Tsuruya-san wipe her face with a handkerchief as she kept her

eyes shut. I held my breath as I stood by Haruhi, who was studying the taped footage

with a serious look.

"Hmm, not bad."

After watching Asahina-san fall into the water three times, Haruhi nodded and

continued,

"Not a bad scene for the male and female protagonist to meet for the first time.

Itsuki and Mikuru have perfectly conveyed that shy, clumsy feeling. Excellent."

Oh really? Koizumi looked ordinary to me in that scene.

 Page 150

"We'll go to the next scene, where after rescuing Mikuru, Itsuki decides to hide

her in his house. The next scene will start there."

Wouldn't that disrupt the continuity of the story? Where did Nagato run off to

after controlling Taniguchi and the others? What about the zombies then? How were

they beaten off? Even though they're just minions, if their whereabouts aren't properly

taken care of, the audience won't buy the story.

"You sure are annoying! People are going to guess what happened anyway even if

that scene wasn't filmed! We can just skip the unimportant bits!"

Damn it! You mean all this time you just wanted to film Asahina-san being

pushed into the water!?

As I was about to respond, Tsuruya-san raised her hand and said,

"Um, Mikuru might catch a cold, so can I bring her to my place so she can get

changed? My house is just nearby."

"That's excellent!" Haruhi said to Tsuruya-san with glittering eyes,

"Can I borrow Tsuruya-san's room? I'd like to film a scene where Itsuki and

Mikuru get intimate together. This is going too smoothly! This movie is going to be a

great success!"

For someone who prefers things to be convenient, things have been going

smoothly for Haruhi. Yet I can't cast away a doubt in my mind, I suspect Tsuruya-san

knew Haruhi had wanted to film such a scene before making that suggestion. As

Haruhi had cast Tsuruya-san as a minion, so I believe Tsuruya-san should be a normal

person like us, but...

"What about us?"

Kunikida asked. Taniguchi stood aside trembling while wrapping himself with his

wet jacket.
 Page 151

"You can go home now."

Haruhi announced coldly.

"Good job. See ya, we'll probably not meet again."

And so, the names and existence of these two classmates disappeared from

Haruhi's consciousness. Without looking at the stunned Kunikida and Taniguchi, who

shook his wet hair like a dog, Haruhi appointed Tsuruya-san as our guide and walked

off in large strides. You two sure are lucky, no longer needing to endure any more

disasters. For Haruhi, you're probably as useful as a used BB bullet. You can't get any

more fortunate than that.

For some reason, Tsuruya-san yelled happily,

"All right~~! Everybody, this way!"

She went to the front of the entourage and waved a flag.

Haruhi's unruly behavior didn't begin yesterday. I believe she was born that way.

In fact, in five hundred years, they'll probably have legends about Haruhi proclaiming

to be the only one honored by Heaven and Earth the moment she was born, but that's
another story.

I don't know when it began, but Tsuruya-san seems to get along very well with

Haruhi, as they walk together in front of the group, singing the chorus of Bryan

Adams' "18 Till I Die". Walking behind them, I feel very ashamed for knowing them.

Nagato, the black mage, trailed silently behind them, followed by Koizumi, the

lighting coordinator as well as male lead. Both don't seem to look concerned. You two

should learn from Asahina-san, hanging down her shoulders and lowering her head

slightly. And at least help me carry some of the equipment, we've been climbing the

slope all this time and I'm beginning to understand the feeling of those racing horses

trained to run uphill.

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"And we've arrived! This is my home!"

Tsuruya-san shouted and stopped outside a residence. Her voice is impressive,

even her house was impressive. Sorry, I meant extravagant. I couldn't see the whole

house from the entrance, so I had no idea how big it was, but it was enough for me to

call this house big. There was hardly any other houses to be seen from the main

entrance, which means it was quite a distance from the main entrance to the nearest

neighboring house. I took a look around and noticed that the residence was

surrounded by a huge wall, like those samurai-class mansions. Just what sort of

criminal activities was she involved in order to live in such a big house?

"Come on in!"

Haruhi and Nagato didn't seem to have any concept of common manners, as they

stepped into the house as though it were their own. Asahina-san seems to have come

here before, as she doesn't look at all awed, while being pushed inwards by Tsuruya-

san.

"Such a nostalgic looking house. Such an incredibly well built structure. So this is

what they call buildings with a sense of architecture? Quite a contemporary building."

Koizumi said in an exclaimed tone, without carrying any expression on his face.

Are you a property salesman?

We walked passed a vast space large enough to play baseball in, and then came to

the entrance hall. After taking Asahina-san to the bathroom, Tsuruya-san then led us

to her room.

My room was like a bed for a kitty cat compared with this room. We were led into

a wide Japanese-style bedroom. The room was so wide I didn't know where to sit, but

it seemed I was the only one troubled by that. Nagato, Koizumi and even Haruhi

didn't seem to look concerned.

 Page 153

"Such a great room. We can even film an outdoor shoot in here. Right, this will be

set as Koizumi-kun's room then. We'll film a scene of Koizumi-kun and Mikuru-chan

getting intimate here."

Haruhi sat on the cushion and examined the room through her fingers, which were

crossed into a rectangle. The layout of Tsuruya-san's room was simple, a simple

Japanese-style bedroom with just a tatami and a stove.

I followed Nagato's example and sat with my knees bent, but I couldn't take it

after three minutes, and had to release my legs. Haruhi sat with her legs crossed since

the beginning and whispered into Tsuruya-san's ear.

"Hee hee! Ah, now that'll be fun! Hold on!"

Tsuruya-san left the room carrying a very loud and pleasant laugh.

I kept thinking, Is Tsuruya-san really a normal person? To be able to get along

happily with Haruhi, one must either be extremely queer or literally from out of this

world. But it's also possible that they just struck chords with each other.

After waiting for a few minutes, Tsuruya-san returned. The present she brought

along was Asahina-san, and it's not just a normal Asahina-san, but an Asahina-san

who had just taken a bath. She was wearing what was possibly Tsuruya-san's loose T-

shirt. How should I say this? She was "only" wearing the T-shirt.

"Ah... S-Sorry to have kept everyone waiting..."

Asahina-san said, her hair still looked wet while her skin was bright red as she

shyly hid behind Tsuruya-san when entering the room, and then squirmed tightly as

she sat down. The shirt and the sleeves were just too long for Asahina-san, instead of

calling it a T-shirt, a one-piece dress would be a better description. This only served

to enhance her charm. The contact lens in her right eye, which she forgot to remove,

continued to glow in a silver color, causing me to be alarmed for a while. Though it

 Page 154

seems it would no longer be able to fire any beams or rays, so I was relieved. I really

wanted to place Nagato, who was still wearing her pointed-hat and kneeling, into a

Shinto temple and worship her.

"Help yourselves."

Tsuruya-san placed a tray on the tatami, which contained some glasses filled with

an orange liquid. Asahina-san gulped half of the glass that Tsuruya-san handed to her.

She probably lost quite a lot of water, as she had worked the hardest today.

I gratefully enjoyed my fruit juice, whereas Haruhi finished hers in one gulp, and

while spinning the ice inside the glass, said,

"Well, since we have the opportunity, let's do the filming in this room!"

Without any rest, filming began at once starting with the following.

Koizumi carried Asahina-san, who pretended to be asleep, into the room. For

some reason, even the futon was prepared. Koizumi slowly laid Asahina-san down

and watched her face intently.

Asahina-san's face was flushed bright red as her eyelids trembled incessantly.

Carefully and slowly Koizumi placed a blanket over a defenseless Asahina-san, then

sat by her side crossing his arms.

"Um..." Asahina-san murmured in her sleep, Koizumi began to smile as he

watched her the whole time.

Nagato, who probably didn't need to appear, was sitting behind me and Tsuruya-

san and was still sipping her juice with a straw. Through the viewing panel, I slowly

enlarged the image of Asahina-san's sleeping face. As Haruhi didn't make any

directions, I was free to indulge in my own fantasies for now. Though Haruhi

constantly gave commands to the two actors out there.

"Mikuru-chan, get up slowly, and slowly recite what I just told you."
 Page 155

"...Um."

Asahina-san gradually opened her eyes, and looked at Koizumi with eyes that

seemed oddly warm.

"You've awakened?" Koizumi said.

"Yes... Where am I...?"

"This is my house."

Struggling to move her upper body, Asahina-san's face looked conspicuously hot

as her gaze wandered around the air. She looked notably seductive; was that part of

her acting?

"Th... Thank you..."

Haruhi quickly ordered,

"Yes, that's it! Put your faces closer to each other! Mikuru-chan, close your eyes.

Koizumi-kun, place your hands on Mikuru-chan's shoulders. It's fine, just push her

down and kiss her!"

Asahina-san had her mouth half-open looking perplexed, while Koizumi followed

Haruhi's instructions and placed his hands on Asahina-san's shoulders. My patience

was already at its limit,

"Hold it! The plot's way too simplified. Why must we have this scene? What on

earth is this?"

"A scene where boy meets girl! A romantic scene! This scene is necessary for a

movie about time-travel."

Are you an idiot? Do you think this is some prime time two-hour drama shown

every week? You too, Koizumi, why are you working so hard for? If this scene ever

gets shown, your shoe locker will be filled with hundreds of letters cursing you the

next day, use your brain for a bit.

 Page 156

"Hee hee, Mikuru-chan's acting... funny…"

It's not funny at all… I had wanted to say, but something was definitely wrong

with Asahina-san. She's been looking so dreamy ever since the filming had begun.

Her eyes looked teary, while her cheeks were red, and she didn't even resist when

Koizumi grabbed her by the shoulders. It wasn't funny at all.

"Umm... Koizumi-kun, my head feels heavy..."

Asahina-san mumbled and trembled at the same time. I began to suspect whether

she'd been drugged. I naturally turned my gaze to her empty glass, and found

Tsuruya-san giggling and said,

"Sorry about that. I added a bit of Tequila into Mikuru's juice. I was told that a bit

of alcohol enhances the realism in acting."

So this was Haruhi's plan all along? I was beyond stunned, and was close to going

ballistic. How could you sneak such a thing into her drink?

"Does it really matter? Mikuru-chan looks really sexy right now. This makes

things even more exciting." Haruhi said.

This no longer has anything to do with anyone's acting. Asahina-san was already

shaking to and fro and looking dizzy. Her face was bright red under her closed eyes.

Of course it was good that she looked sexy, but I didn't like the sight of her leaning

onto Koizumi like that.

"Koizumi-kun, don't worry, just go ahead and kiss her. On the lips, of course!"

You can't do that! How could you do this to someone that's semi-conscious?

"KOIZUMI STOP!"

Koizumi went into deep thought, thinking whether to listen to the director or

cameraman. I'm seriously going to beat you up, you bastard! At any rate, I put down
 Page 157

the camera, since I refuse to shoot this scene, and I won't be forced into doing it

either.

"Director, this burden is too heavy for me. Besides, Asahina-san seems to have

reached her limit."

"...I'm fine."

Asahina-san said, but she didn't look fine at all.

"Really, you're hopeless."

Haruhi scowled and walked towards the drunken girl,

"Huh? You're still wearing that contact lens? You should take it off for now!"

She smacked the back of Asahina-san's head hardly.

"O... OUCH!" Asahina-san shook her head and yelled.

"Mikuru-chan, this won't do! When your head gets smacked, you should let your

contact lens fly out at once. Let's practice again."

Smack!

"It hurts!"

Smack!

"...KYAA!" Asahina-san shut her eyes tightly.

"STOP IT, YOU IDIOT!" I quickly grabbed Haruhi's hand and stopped her. "What

kind of practice is this? This isn't a circus! What's so fun about this?"

"What now? Don't try to stop me. I planned this long ago!"

"Nobody planned this with you! It isn't funny! This is ridiculous! Asahina-san

isn't your toy!"

"Well I've decided, Mikuru-chan is my toy!"

 Page 158

I don't care if it's an animal or a person, but anyone who won't learn deserves to
be taught a lesson, even if it means using my fists.
 Page 159

After hearing this, I could feel blood charging up to my brain, I even thought my

vision was going red. I was infuriated, suddenly my impulse overrode my reasoning,

and I made a subconscious reflex reaction.

Someone grabbed my wrist. I noticed Koizumi had closed his eyes and was

slowly shaking his head. When I saw Koizumi holding my hand, I realized I had

clutched my right fist and was about to strike at Haruhi.

"What the...?"

Haruhi's eyes flashed brightly like a constellation of stars as she stared coldly at

me,

"If you have a problem, then say it! All you need to do is just follow my orders

anyway! I'm the commander and director... In any case, I won't allow you to stand up

against me!"

My eyes went red again. You stupid girl! Koizumi let go of me! I don't care if it's

an animal or a person, but anyone who won't learn deserves to be taught a lesson,

even if it means using my fists. Otherwise she'll continue to repel people as though

she has spikes on her back, hurting everyone for her whole life.

"No... stop."

Asahina-san quickly ran over, and said, nearly incomprehensibly,

"You can't! You mustn't fight..."

Standing between me and Haruhi, Asahina-san slumped to the ground with her

face all red. She grabbed Haruhi's knees and said,

"Um... Please get along well with each other... or... we'll be..."

Asahina-san said ambiguously, then slouched wearily to the ground closing her

eyes, and then snored quietly as she fell asleep.

 Page 160

As I walked down the slope with Koizumi, we came across the pond where we

were filming just a little while ago.

As the female lead had fallen unconscious, filming had to be stopped. Koizumi,

Nagato and I decided to let Tsuruya-san take care of the sleeping Asahina-san while

we would excuse ourselves. For some reason, Haruhi said she wanted to stay behind,

and snatched the camera from my hand and turned around quickly. I remained silent

as well and quickly carried the large amount of equipment out as Tsuruya-san led us

to the door.

"I'm sorry, Kyon-kun,"

Tsuruya-san said apologetically, she then smiled again,

"I got too carried away as well! Don't worry about Mikuru, I'll send her home

later, or she could stay here for the night."

Nagato walked away the moment she stepped out of the door, as if she had no

comment at all. Nagato's probably like that all the time, she never has any comment

for anything.

We now walked shoulder to shoulder on the way home. After about five minutes

of silence, Koizumi finally spoke,

"I've always thought you were a calm person."

I thought so as well.

"Our world has already started to become erratic. I must ask you to please stop

doing things that would cause a Sealed Dimension to appear."

That's not up to me to deal with! Isn't that what your "Organization" has existed

for? You guys should be doing something!

 Page 161

"Regarding the incident just now, Suzumiya-san seems to have subconsciously

controlled herself, and there has not been any sight of a Sealed Dimension being

created. This is just my request, but please make up with her tomorrow."

What I do is my own business. This isn't something that can be settled by me

agreeing to do what you say.

"What we should consider now is how to deal with the parts of the reality that she

has affected."

Koizumi was obviously trying to change the subject. I decided to go along,

"There's no point considering, I really don't care about what things have become."

"It's very simple. Every time Suzumiya-san thinks up something, reality changes

as well. Hasn't it always been like that?"

Images of blue giants creating havoc in a gray world appeared in my mind.

"When Suzumiya-san gives an opinion on something, we would act upon it. Our

mission would be to find out the reason behind this."

I also recalled some glowing red spheres. Koizumi walked slowly while saying

confidently,

"We are basically the sedatives for Suzumiya-san's mental state, we're also her

mental stabilizers."

"That's... your business, right?"

"It is yours as well."

The mysterious ex-transfer student still gave me his never-ending smile,

"Our responsibility lies within the Sealed Dimension, while yours lies in the

outside world, because you are the only one who can keep Suzumiya-san's mental

state stable and prevent the appearance of Sealed Dimensions. Thanks to you, for the

past six months, I have been able to work less. Perhaps I should thank you properly."
 Page 162

"Don't mention it."

"Really? That would save me a lot of talking."

Coming out of the slope and into the main road, Koizumi once again broke his

silence,

"Ah yes, I'd like you to come with me to a place."

"What if I don't want to?"

"It won't take long. Besides, you don't have to do anything there. Of course, you

won't be invited into a Sealed Dimension again."

Koizumi suddenly raised his hand, and a familiar black taxi stopped in front of us.

"Now let us continue."

Koizumi said as he leaned against the back seat of the taxi, while I looked at the

back of the driver's head.

"Right now it has become a regular routine for us to be involved with Suzumiya-

san and you. Along with the other brigade members, it has become customary for us

to tackle Suzumiya-san's out of control behavior by physically manifesting them."

"What a bother."

"Maybe! But I don't know how long this routine would last. Since, repeating the

same things over and over again is one of the things Suzumiya-san hates most."

She seems to enjoy herself pretty much right now. Koizumi gave a smile that

lacked any sense of urgency and said,

"We need to find a way to limit Suzumiya-san's out of control behavior within the

confines of the movie."

To become a baseball player, one needs to start by swinging a bat and practice

running; to become a master Go or Shougi player, one needs to start by memorizing

the Go and Shougi rules; to get first place in the term-end exams, one would have a
 Page 163

chance if they spent the whole night studying the reference books. In other words,

different people may use different methods to succeed, but it all depends on effort.

But, just how much effort is needed in order to remove the destructive factors within

Haruhi's brain?

If I tried to stop her, she would become upset, and those hateful gray worlds might

start reproducing like mad; but if I let her have her way all the time, her fantasies

might just come true.

Both methods were very extreme no matter how you look at it, couldn't she have a

more moderate attitude to things? Geez… She wouldn't be named Suzumiya Haruhi if

she did things in moderation.

Outside the car, the scenery became greener as the taxi drove into the meandering

hill road. I understood at once. This was the hill that we passed by while on the bus

yesterday.

A while later, the taxi stopped by the empty parking lot, which was mainly used

by people visiting the shrine. It was here, yesterday, that Haruhi had committed the

atrocity of shooting the shrine priest and the pigeons with her gun. It was that shrine

again. Now that's strange. Today's Sunday… There should be more people around.

Getting off the taxi first, Koizumi said,

"Do you still remember what Suzumiya-san said yesterday?"

How am I supposed to remember every single piece of nonsense that she’s

spouted out?

"You'll remember when we get there, to the inside of the shrine, that is." Koizumi

then added, "It's been like this since this morning."

 Page 164

We climbed up the stone-paved stairs. We have climbed these stairs before

yesterday. At the end of the stairs would be a torii (Shrine Gateway), and then a stone

path leading to the shrine itself. On the path would be lots of pigeons...

"..." I was speechless.

There were indeed pigeons all over the path, birds that pecked at the ground while

moving around like a mobile carpet, but I wasn't sure if these pigeons were the same

as the ones from yesterday.

That’s because every pigeon's feathers had become pure white in color...

"...Did someone dye their feathers?"

...Overnight.

"These white feathers are genuinely grown from their bodies. They were not dyed,

and they were not caused by the colors running off either."

Maybe someone brought a lot of white pigeons and used them to replace the

pigeons from yesterday?

"How is this possible? Who would do such a thing?"

I was only trying to guess, yet I knew what the answer was, but I really didn't

want to say it.

Yesterday Haruhi had said,

If possible, I'd prefer all the pigeons to be white, but I guess I can't be picky now.

Seems like she was already being picky!

"Exactly. This is likely created by Suzumiya-san subconsciously. It was fortunate

enough that there was a margin of error of just one day before the effects became

apparent."

Maybe they thought we were going to feed them? The swarming pigeons gathered

under our feet. Besides us, there were no other visitors.

 Page 165

"Suzumiya-san's out of control behavior is slowly creeping from the making of

the movie, into reality."

Wasn't it enough making Asahina-san fire lasers and beams from her eye?

"Why can't we just shoot Haruhi with a tranquilizer dart and let her sleep till the

end of the school festival?"

Koizumi responded to my suggestion with a squeamish smile,

"It's a possible solution, but are you willing to take responsibility of what happens

after she has woken up?"

"No thanks."

That certainly wasn't included in my job description. Koizumi shrugged his

shoulders and said,

"So what should we do?"

"Isn't she a god? You worshippers ought to do something!"

Koizumi intentionally gave a surprised look,

"You say Suzumiya-san is a god? Who told you that?"

"You of course!"

"Oh, did I?"

I feel like beating the crap out of this guy.

Koizumi dodged this with his usual response, "Just kidding," and then said,

"In fact, I don't think there's a problem classifying Suzumiya-san as 'God.' Half of

the 'Organization' has indeed treated her as a 'God.' Of course, there are doubters.

Personally, I, myself, am skeptical as well. Because I believe that if she is a god, then

it's not possible for her to live in this world without being self-aware. Generally

speaking, a creator should be someone watching over us from someplace afar, making

miracles randomly, while calmly observing us panic over them."

 Page 166

I knelt down, picked up a feather dropped by one of the pigeons, and spun it with

my finger while remaining kneeling down. The pigeons started to rumble again, sorry

guys, I didn't bring any breadcrumbs with me today.

"This is what I think,"

Koizumi continued to ramble on,

"Someone granted Suzumiya-san omnipotent god-like powers, yet they did not

allow her to become aware of it. If there were a God, then Suzumiya-san would be the

person chosen by God. But no matter how you look at it, she's just a normal person."

I didn't have to think a lot on whether that girl's a normal person or not. But why

did Haruhi have such omnipotent power that she's unaware of? Enough power to turn

pigeon feathers white. Why? Who was behind this?

"Well, I also don't know, do you?"

He's seriously asking for a beating.

"I'm sorry," Koizumi said and then continued,

"Suzumiya-san is a creator as well as a destroyer. The reality right now may be a

failed product of creation, and perhaps Suzumiya-san was given the mission to amend

this flawed world."

Go on!

"If that's the case, then we're the ones at fault. Suzumiya-san would be the normal

one, while we would become enemies of this world by getting in her way. That's not

all. Besides Suzumiya-san, the whole human race would be at fault."

Yep, now that'd be a major problem.

"The problem lies with us who are at fault. When the world is fully amended, will

we still be a part of that world? Or would we be considered as defects and be

eliminated? This is something that no one can understand."

 Page 167

If you can't understand, then quit bullshitting as if you know everything.

"Yet from a certain perspective, so far, she has been unable to create a perfect

world, and that is a fact. This is because her consciousness is leaning towards that of

creation. Suzumiya-san is a very positive person, but what would happen if she

suddenly became negative?"

This doesn't seem like the time to remain silent, so I gave up,

"What's going to happen?"

"I don't know. But no matter what, destroying is always easier than creating. 'If I

don't believe in this, then let it disappear!' If Suzumiya-san held such an attitude, then

all would be reduced to naught, and everything would be eliminated. For example, if

a formidable enemy were to appear before us, as long as Suzumiya-san denies their

existence, then that is enough to destroy them. Be it magic or highly advanced

technology, she would be able do them away very easily."

But Haruhi hasn't denied everything. Is it because she still has hope in something?

"That is where we are concerned."

Koizumi continued without looking concerned at all,

"I think there's no way we could ever find out whether Suzumiya-san is God or a

similar omnipotent being, but there's one thing we can be sure of. If she continues to

freely use her powers and it leads to the world being changed, it's possible no one

would even realize that the world had changed. The scary thing is, even Suzumiya-

san doesn't realize that the world has been altered."

"Why's that?"

"Because Suzumiya-san is a part of this world, proof that she isn't the creator of

this world. If she is a God who has created this world, she should be in a place outside

of this world, yet here she is living with us in this world. We can only conclude that
 Page 168

she can only alter the world to a certain extent, and this is unnatural and very

strange."

"You look even stranger to me."

Ignoring my comment, Koizumi continued,

"I still prefer this world that I'm living in now. There may be all sorts of conflicts

between various societies, but it's only a matter of time before humans get these

problems sorted out. The problem lies with theories like geocentrism. We need to

make sure that Suzumiya-san doesn't begin to believe in these ideas. Weren't you able

to come out of that Sealed Dimension with these beliefs as well?"

How should I say this? I’ve forgotten about that, I decided to seal away the

memories that I no longer wish to remember.

A smile formed on Koizumi's mouth; it looked like a self-depreciating smile.

"I'm sorry. I've been talking too much of this unconstructive stuff as though I'm a

defender of this world's justice. Please do accept my apologies."

Page 169
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 Page 173

Chapter 5

It was Monday morning… A week to go before the school festival starts, and yet,

the school was still surrounded by a relaxed atmosphere. Does this school even plan

to hold a school festival at all? Shouldn't it be a bit livelier? Since the atmosphere is

just too laid back, even I’m feeling unmotivated. And there were things that would

make me become even more unmotivated as I approached the classroom.

Koizumi was waiting outside my classroom. You've already said so much

yesterday. You still have more?

"Class 1-9 has already begun rehearsals for their play. Of course, I was merely
walking by."

Your girly face was the last thing I wanted to see this early in the morning.

"What is it now? Don't tell me, that stupid dimension has finally appeared?"

"No, yesterday, it didn’t appear at all. It seems Suzumiya-san was so busy being

depressed that she didn't have the time to be frustrated."

Why?
 Page 174

"You should know... Since you don't seem to understand, then let me explain it to

you. Suzumiya-san has always thought that no matter what happened, you would be

her only companion. Even if you were to complain, you would still support her. No

matter what she did, only you could accept her."

What are you talking about? The only ones who could accept her behavior were

the Saints who have sacrificed in the name of the Lord. Let me state this for the
record, I'm neither a saint, nor a great leader, I'm just an ordinary person armed with

common sense.

"What's going on between you and Suzumiya-san?"

What do you mean, what's going on between us?

"Could you please cheer her up? The pigeons are cute now, if Suzumiya-san

continues to be this depressed, the shrine pigeons might turn into something that

wouldn't resemble pigeons at all."

"Like what?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't be this troubled. It wouldn't be a pretty sight if the shrine

were crawling with slimy tentacled creatures all over the place, would it?"

"Try spreading some salt."

"This doesn't solve the root of the problem. Right now Suzumiya-san is in Limbo;

she has been actively trying to improve her situation through the making of her

movie. But since she got into a quarrel with you yesterday, her energy is now being

channeled in the other direction - from positive to negative. It would have been

manageable if it had it ended right there, but if this were to continue, things might

become complicated."

"So, you're asking me to console her?"

"It's not that hard, is it? All you need to do is make up with her."
 Page 175

What do you mean make up with her? I've never gotten along well with her

before.

"Huh? I've always thought you were a calm and reasonable person. Could I have

been mistaken?"

I kept silent.

The reason I was so mad at her yesterday was because I couldn't stand the sight of
her bullying Asahina-san... Sort of… Or maybe I was calcium deficient. So, last

night, I drank a whole liter of milk and surprisingly, my temper had eased a lot by the

time I woke up this morning. However, milk is just a form of sedative.

Anyway, why should I swallow my pride and console her? No matter which way

you look at it, it's hard to dismiss that this girl has gone too far.

Koizumi began to purr like a kitty cat starting to nibble on its food, and patted me

on the shoulder,

"I'm counting on you because, in terms of distance, you are the closest person."

As long as I didn't turn around, I wouldn't make any eye contact with Haruhi

sitting behind me. Today, Haruhi seemed to pay rather special attention to the sky, as

she spent most of the time looking out of the window, and this lasted until lunchtime.

For some reason, even Taniguchi was full of shit today,

"What kind of movie was that? I don't even know why I wasted my time coming!"

During lunch, Taniguchi cursed as he munched on his lunch. Haruhi is usually

away from the classroom during this time, and today was no exception. He wouldn't

be saying such things if she were around. He's the sort of coward that only speaks out

loud when it's safe.

"This is all Suzumiya's fault. This is going to be a crappy movie, I'm sure of it!"
 Page 176

I really wouldn't give a damn about anyone's opinion. I don't consider myself a

great leader, and I don't intend to leave my name in the annals of history. I'm just a

small character standing in a corner and mumbling by myself. I excel at finding the

most minor fault within my mom's cooking, even though I can't cook myself.

But this was something where I had to make myself clear, so I spoke,

"The last thing I want to hear is you complaining."

Taniguchi, what have you ever done? At least Haruhi took part in the school

festival and tried her best to do something, though she would end up giving us a lot of

trouble. But at least she's way better than those idiots that do nothing but complain all

day. You moron! You ought to apologize to all the Taniguchis in Japan, for all your

namesakes out there, you're nothing but a disgrace to them!

"Forget it, Kyon."

Kunikida tried to mediate,

"He's just venting his frustration. Actually we'd like to hang out more with

Suzumiya-san. We're really envious of you, Kyon."

"Like hell we are," Taniguchi said glaring at Kunikida, "I'm not joining that

idiotic club."

"That's odd coming from you, just who was it that agreed to come right away

when asked to? Weren't you feeling giddy yesterday? You even canceled your original

plans for the day."

"Stop picking on me, dumbass!"

So that's why Taniguchi was so pissed. He specifically cancelled all his plans for

that day, just to enthusiastically come help as an extra, but he barely appeared in one

shot and even ended up nearly drowning. I see, he does deserve some sympathy, but I
didn't feel like sympathizing with him now, because I was just as pissed.
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I knew better than everyone else that Haruhi's movie was too stupid to be watched

by anyone, because she only knows how to charge forward without thinking of

consequences, and since we only filmed whatever she came up with, there was no

script to speak of. Only a genius could turn this movie into a success. And in my

opinion, Haruhi doesn't really have talent as a director, but if people start to criticize

her because of that... Wait, why am I so angry with that?

"Kyon, Suzumiya-san seems to be in a worse mood than usual, did something

happen?"

I listened to Kunikida's question while thinking.

I was the same as Taniguchi. All I ever did was follow whatever she said, and then

curse at her behind her back. I sense a bit of myself when observing this guy.

Sometimes cursing at Haruhi, sometimes feeling helpless... That was my job. But it

was a job that can only be done by me, and no one else

I was feeling so frustrated that even the food tasted bland. I feel sorry for my

mom who made this lunch for me. Damn it, Taniguchi, you idiot. If you hadn't said

some useless stuff, I wouldn't be doing things that I would later regret.

Just what have I done?

I closed the lid of my lunchbox and bolted out of the classroom.

Haruhi was in the clubroom, connecting the video camera to the computer; she

seemed to be working on something. She looked up in shock when I suddenly opened

the door. Was that a curry bun she was holding in her left hand?

She frantically threw the bun away, then put her hand behind her hair... I think. At

this point her hair opened up. I don't know why she did that, as if she was trying to

quickly untie the hair that she had tied up behind her head. I didn't notice it too
 Page 178

carefully, since I could think about that later. I then said what I needed to be say to

her,

"Hey, Haruhi."

"What?"

Haruhi went into defensive mode, looking like a kitten. I said to that face of hers,

"We need to make this movie a success!"

That’s what they call impulse, right? A person like me would probably go

emotional about twice a year, because of this, I was angry yesterday. The timing was

just perfect. And today, this impulse was caused by Koizumi's ambiguous words and

Taniguchi's stupid face. Not to mention Haruhi looking melancholic made me very

frustrated and uneasy. If I had let these feelings build up inside of me, I'd have

probably ended up smashing the classroom window, so I had to do away these

feelings right now. Why must I justify whatever I do?

"Hmph."

Haruhi then said boastfully,

"Of course we will. After all, I'm the director. Success is already guaranteed. I

don't need you to state the obvious."

Such a simple person. Just when I had thought she was beginning to show some

gentle feelings worthy of praise. Yet the enigmatic light within Haruhi's eyes was

once again reignited with flames of confidence. I have no idea where she gets her

fuel. She’s just too simple. She’s like an RPG boss that keeps casting regenerative

spells on herself, but I couldn't care less. She needs to be more balanced. She should

finish off the players in one blow and quickly bring out the "Game Over" screen...

What am I talking about? Ah yes, those sort of pressure-reducing games just don't
exist. I'm not sure what this means, since it has no meaning to begin with, but
 Page 179

anyway, I don't like seeing Haruhi looking depressed, and I don't want to see her like

that again. She was made to run aimlessly in those marathons that are endless,

pointless, and without destination. It’s just… If she were to suddenly stop in her

tracks, she might subconsciously do something totally unnecessary, that’s all.

...That was about what I was thinking then.

That same day, after school…

"Couldn't you have said it better?" Koizumi said.

"I'm sorry." I replied.

"Though you have indeed raised her spirits, I had wished you would have

expressed it... Without further obstacles."

"...Sorry."

"Instead of things going back to normal, it has now become even more extreme."

"..."

"There's no way we can conceal this."

Koizumi looked at me with his deep-colored eyes as I contemplate. He didn't

sound like he was blaming me, but his voice sounded very melancholic. Is that so?

Things have become worse, and it looks like it's because of me.

Why's that? How should I know?

There were cherry blossoms everywhere. This was the cherry blossom path by the

riverside, where Asahina-san revealed her true identity to me. Let us reconfirm the

season again: it is autumn right now. There were still some remnants of summer

within the air, but normally, Japanese cherry blossoms usually bloom in spring. It is

usually acceptable if a flower blossoms earlier than its usual season, but to blossom

half a year early was way too ridiculous. Were the cherry blossoms going as crazy as
the sun itself?
 Page 180

Under the falling cherry blossom petals, only Haruhi had her engines fired up.

Wearing her tight waitress costume, Asahina-san wavered and walked aimlessly. Was

it because she was unsettled by the flowers blossoming in the wrong season?

"I never thought things would go my way so easily. I was just thinking of filming

a scene full of cherry blossoms! This rare meteorological event sure is coincidental!"

Haruhi spouted out, while making Asahina-san stand in all sorts of poses.
It was impossible after all. Whenever people do something impulsively, it is

always their future selves that suffer. It feels like I have continually been learning this

lesson for the past six months.

And I wasn't contemplating on "I should've done that," but rather, "I shouldn't

have done that." A very negative thought indeed. Someone give me a gun! A real gun!

Not a toy gun!

The cherry blossom trees seemed to start blossoming after noon, and the petals

started to fall by evening. The local television station even reported this as a rare

event, how I wish they would just think of this as a one-off freak incident. Just blame

it all on the abnormal events caused by the climate change of recent years, OK?

"That's what Suzumiya-san seems to think."

Koizumi said while walking shoulder to shoulder with Asahina-san. The sight of

Koizumi, with his superficial good looks, and Asahina-san, who is genuinely pretty,

standing together is enough to enrage all the males in this world. I was certainly

feeling pissed by this.

Nagato had no comment about the petals floating about, as she carried her usual

blank expression and stared at the petals, whose biological clocks were completely

messed up. The pink petals landed on her black cloak, creating a strong contrasting
effect. Does she know about the pigeons?
 Page 181

"That's right! Let's grab a cat!"

Haruhi said, suddenly.

"A sorceress ought to have a henchman, and what better than a cat? Where can we

find a black cat? And we need a good looking one as well."

Hang on, wasn't Nagato supposed to be an evil alien magician?

"What's the difference? Let's go! That's what I've visualized anyway. Where can
we find a cat?"

"In the pet store of course!"

Surprisingly Haruhi made a compromise after hearing my casual suggestion,

"A wild cat would do. We probably need to borrow and return one from the pet

store. It's too bothersome. Is there an empty patch of land where we can find wild

cats? Yuki, do you know?"

"Yes."

Nagato nodded slightly, then she began to walk as though leading us to the

Promised Land like a religious leader. What else does Nagato not know? If I asked

her where the wallet I lost five years ago was, she would probably tell me, since it

contained all the wealth I had then, which was about 500 Yen.

About fifteen minutes later, we arrived at the back of the deluxe apartment block

where Nagato lived. There was a well-trimmed lawn surrounded by trees, which

obscures the view from the outside. A few cats were gathered there, they looked like

wild cats, but weren't afraid of people. When I walked towards them, they didn't try to

run away, maybe they thought we were going to feed them? Some of them even

purred under our legs. Haruhi picked up one of the cats and said,

"Aren't there any black cats? All right, we'll use this cat then!"
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It was a spotted cat, not to mention it's male. Yet Haruhi had no idea how much of

a pedigree this cat had, and she wasn't in awe by the cat she had randomly picked up,

"Here Yuki, this is your partner. Get along well with him."

Nagato received the cat with a blank expression as though she'd received a tissue

pack distributed by those street salesmen, and the cat also carried a blank expression

as it was carried over to her hands.

Filming started right away, and as this was the rear of an apartment block,

location no longer seemed to be a concern in making this movie. My camera was

already stuffed with scenes that just came out of the director's mind from time to time.

I'm not in charge of editing all these broken scenes into a coherent story, am I?

"Yuki, attack Mikuru-chan!"

At Haruhi's command, Nagato knelt in an odd manner and turned into a black

mage with a cat on her left shoulder. No matter how one looked, the cat just looked

too heavy. It was good that the cat obediently clung onto Nagato's shoulder, but

Nagato's whole body was tilted to one side as a result. She even tried her best to keep

her balance to prevent the cat from falling off. She maintained this unnatural stance

while waving her wand towards Asahina-san,

"Take this."

I believe incredible beams would be emitted from Nagato's wand in this scene,

right?

"...Kyaa!"

Asahina-san yelled as though suffering from excruciating pain.

"And, cut!"

Haruhi shouted satisfactorily, and I stopped the recording at once, while Koizumi
placed down the reflector board he was carrying.
 Page 183

"I want that cat to talk. He is the cat of a magician after all. He needs to at least

say something mean."

Now this is ridiculous.

"Your name is Shamisen. Hey, Shamisen! Say something!"

How is he supposed to talk? No, actually, I beg you, please don't speak.

Perhaps my prayers were answered, as the cat with the ominous name Shamisen
didn't start speaking Japanese, but instead licked his tail and totally ignored Haruhi's

command. This was natural, but I still breathed a sigh of relief.

"Everything is going according to plan."

Haruhi reviewed the footage taken today and smiled happily, it's as though her

depression this morning never happened at all. It was good that she cheered up so

quickly, and for once I was impressed with her.

"Kyon, you're in charge of looking after the cat."

Haruhi folded her director's chair and gave me this unreasonable command,

"Take good care of him when you bring him home, because we still need him for

further filming. Tame him well! Teach him a trick by tomorrow, like jumping through

a fire hoop or something."

If the cat can obediently cling onto Nagato's shoulders, then I guess it should be

clever enough for that, right?

"That's it for today, tomorrow will be the final day of shooting! Filming today

went smoothly, the story's about to enter its climax, and everyone's managed to

maintain their spirits! Go get some rest, we'll need that spirit for tomorrow as well!"

Haruhi waved her loudspeaker and dismissed us, then went home on her own

while humming the ending theme to "Blade."

"Phew..."
 Page 184

Both Asahina-san and I sighed, Koizumi placed the reflector board under his arms

and prepared to leave, while Nagato stared blankly at Shamisen like an inkless pen.

I knelt down and caressed the cat's head,

"Thanks for the hard work. Maybe I'll buy some cat food for you, or would you

prefer dried fish?"

"I'm fine either way."

A clear male baritone voice said the above sentence, and it wasn't spoken by

anyone here. I saw Koizumi and Asahina-san looking stunned, then turned to look at

Nagato's poker face. They all had their sights fixed on one place - my feet.

There by my feet stood the cat, who looked up at me with his round black eyes

wide open.

"Hey!" I said, "Did you just speak, Nagato? I wasn't asking you. I was asking the

cat."

"That's what I thought as well, so I answered you. Did I say something wrong?"

So said the cat…

"Now that took me by surprise…"

Koizumi said.

"It's too shocking, a cat actually speaking…"

Asahina-san said.

"..."

Nagato remained silent as she picked up Shamisen, who then spoke,

"I don't understand why you're so shocked."

He said while clinging his paws onto Nagato's shoulders.

A demon cat... Is that what cats become after living for a few years?
 Page 185

"I'm not sure myself. The concept of time does not apply to me. What is the

present? What is the past? I have no interest in that."

It was already amazing that he could speak, but little did we expect him to say

such abstract stuff as well. Now don't be getting cocky, you're just a fur ball. I wonder

if we should auction off Shamisen on the internet?

"For you, I probably have made sounds that sounded like human speech, but aren't
parrots the same? From what did you deduce that I have made sounds that conveyed

literal meaning?"

What the hell are you talking about?

"From this conversation, since you have precisely answered my question."

"Maybe the sounds that I made just happened to match the nature of your

question."

"If that's the case, then wouldn't that mean the conversations human beings make

with each other are all meaningless?"

Why on earth am I having a serious conversation with a cat? Shamisen the wild

cat licked his front paws and rubbed under his ears and said,

"Exactly. You may have carried out what seemed like a conversation with that

lady, but no one is sure if both of you have conveyed what each of you wanted to

say,"

Shamisen said with his deep voice.

"That's because each person may or may not say what's in their heart depending

on the situation," Koizumi replied.

You shut up!

"Now that you mention it... It does make sense," Asahina-san said.
I'm sorry, could you please not agree with the cat as well?
 Page 186

I examined every other cat on the lawn, besides Shamisen, all the other cats made
a "meow" or "purr" noise. Seems like it's just this cat that has gained the ability to
utter human languages.
 Page 187

I examined every other cat on the lawn, besides Shamisen, all the other cats made

a "meow" or "purr" noise. Seems like it's just this cat that has gained the ability to

utter human languages. How can this be?

It's all that stupid girl's fault.

"Looks like things have turned for the worse,"

Koizumi elegantly sipped his mocha and continued,

"It seems we have underestimated Suzumiya-san,"

"What do you mean?" Asahina-san asked in a lowered voice.

"The movie world created by Suzumiya-san has begun to become a part of this

reality. The movie contents that she visualized, have manifested themselves into this

world, and have become a part of our reality. Like how Asahina-san could fire lasers

or how the cat could talk. If she suddenly says, 'I want to film a scene of a giant

meteorite falling into Earth,' it might just happen."

Right now, besides Haruhi, the other four members of the SOS Brigade were now

gathered inside the cafe in front of the station. Koizumi proposed to have an

emergency meeting to deal with Haruhi, to which we all agreed. It looks like things

were getting serious. At first glance, we seemed like a bunch of high school students

gathering together while chatting merrily (though it was only Koizumi that smiled

merrily), but what we were actually doing sounded like a bunch of suspicious villains

plotting to stop the Defender of Justice from using her ultimate attack. By the way,

we let Shamisen wait at the grass lawn outside, and we specifically told him not to

talk to anyone, or even respond to anyone's questions. The cat did not look

displeased, and merely said, "Okay." He then sat quietly by the shade of the tree by

the roadside and watched us leave.

 Page 188

"What's going to happen from now on...?"

Asahina-san said, looking very concerned. The poor girl seemed very troubled,

since she has been permanently scarred mentally by Haruhi's movie. Nagato

maintained her blank expression and was still dressed all in black.

Koizumi slowly sipped his warm milk coffee and said,

"All I know is, we can't leave Suzumiya-san unattended like that,"

I swallowed the ice water in one gulp, since I've already finished drinking my

glass of apple tea,

"So aren't we supposed to find a way to stop Haruhi?"

"Who else can stop her from making this movie? I don't have the confidence to."

Neither did I.

Once the engine is started, as long as Haruhi doesn't turn it off, she would go on

non-stop. She would be like a dead fish if she ever stopped. If we trace her ancestral

bloodline, we could probably find traces of tuna and bonito DNA in it.

Nagato doesn't seem to be even thinking as she silently drank her almond tea.

Maybe she really wasn't thinking, or maybe because she understood everything, there

was no need to think further, it's even possible that she simply isn't good at talking.

After spending six months with her, I still find it hard to figure out what she's

thinking.

"What about you, Nagato? What do you think of this?"

"..."

Nagato placed her cup onto the tray without making a sound, then smoothly

turned her head and looked at me and said,

"Unlike last time, Suzumiya Haruhi will not disappear from this world."
Her voice is so cool and crisp.
 Page 189

"The Integrated Data Sentient Entity deduces that this is enough."

Koizumi placed a hand elegantly over his forehead and said,

"But that would be troublesome for us."

"Not for us. We look forward to seeing changes in our observation subject."

"Is that so?"

Koizumi quickly decided to ignore Nagato from then on and turned back towards
me,

"Then, which genre should we classify Suzumiya-san's movie as?"

Sigh, once again he has spoken in an ambiguous way.

"The structure of the story can be divided into three parts. First, it could occur

within a certain confinement. Second, it could break through this confinement and

create a new confinement. Third, it could repair the broken confinement back to its

original state."

As expected, he began his lengthy speech in Martian, which would lead people to

think, "What the hell is he talking about?" Asahina-san, you don't have to seriously

listen to his bullshit!

"As we exist within this confinement, if we want to understand this world, we

would need to think rationally, or understand it through observation."

What on earth is this confinement then?

"Try thinking about this 'reality' we are in now. This world exists so that we may

exist in our current state. Conversely, the movie that Suzumiya-san is making is

fiction to us."

Isn't that obvious?

"The real problem now is that things that only exist in the fictional world have
now affected our 'reality.'"
 Page 190

The eyes of Wonder Mikuru, the pigeons, the cherry blossom, and the cat.

"We must stop the fictional world from creeping further into our reality."

I always felt Koizumi looked rather enthusiastic whenever he's talking about this

stuff, he looked quite cheerful. To counter that, I decided to put out a gloomy face.

"The making of this movie acted as a filter for Suzumiya-san to manifest her

powers. To prevent this, we must let Suzumiya-san realize that 'this is all fiction.'
Because right now, she has unwittingly blurred the lines between fiction and reality."

You sure sound excited about this!

"We must find a rational way to prove that things from the fictional world aren't

real. We must make sure this movie is completed in a reasonable way."

"So how are we going to normalize the fact that a cat can now talk?"

"Normalize isn't the correct term. Because in this way, a world will be created

where cats could talk. In our 'reality,' cats can't talk. If no one finds anything wrong

with a talking cat, then the consequences could be dire, because in our world, it is

simply impossible for cats to talk."

"Then what about aliens, time travelers and espers? Is their existence just a

possibility?"

"Well, of course, since they are existing right now. In our world, this is a very

normal thing, though the catch is that we mustn't let Suzumiya-san know about this."

Really?

"Let's assume our world to be an object observed from afar. If she believes that

the 'real world' to be what you once used to believe it to be, a world without

supernatural phenomena - where aliens, time travelers and espers don't exist - then

this 'reality' we're in would be a totally fictional world."

So is this the true face of God you've been talking about?
 Page 191

"But, that is what is observed from afar. You have learned first hand that

supernatural phenomena, does, in fact, exist in this world - which includes Nagato-

san and myself. Since we're here, you can only accept this fact within the confines of

this world. I'm sure you have a different view of the world than you had one year

ago."

Perhaps I would be happier if I never knew this fact.

"How should I put it? Hmm, I can confirm this. Right now Suzumiya-san's status

is just like how you were in the past. In other words, she still hasn't changed her view

of how she views this reality. She may talk a lot about it, but deep inside she doesn't

believe that supernatural phenomena, actually exists. Let's take what she has seen as

an example; she has treated the appearance of Sealed Dimension and 'Avatars' as a

dream. As dreams are fictional, the 'reality' of this world gets to be maintained."

That's what we've been working hard to maintain all the time.

"Right, therefore there's no doubt that fiction would be manifested into reality. If

Suzumiya-san treats these occurrences as 'fact,' then the talking cat would be

incorporated into this 'reality.' As it would be strange in this world for cats to talk, in

order to allow talking cats become part of 'reality,' the world would have to be

reconstructed. Does Suzumiya-san want to create a world where cats can talk? I don't

think the world would reach the realm of science fiction completely, since judging

from her way of thinking, I don't think she would do something so troublesome.

Though it's also possible the world could become the stuff of science fiction at once,

where no reason is needed to explain why cats can talk. As long as 'talking cats'

existed, that was enough for her. There is no question as to 'why cats can talk,' since

the world would become a place where it's natural for cats to talk."
 Page 192

Koizumi put down his mocha and toyed with the edge of the mug with his fingers

as he said,

"This would be problematic, as it would overthrow all the concepts already

known to mankind. In my own way, I respect how humans make observations and

come to conclusions. Under this method, it is impossible, without any external

influences, to find a cat in this world that can talk through mere observation alone. It
is very strange to us for a talking cat to exist in this world."

Then how do you explain your existence? Aren't espers the same as talking cats?

"You're right. For this world, we're still an anomaly. Not confined to any known

rules of this reality. We only exist thanks to Suzumiya-san. This cat is the same,

because Suzumiya-san wishes to let him appear in this movie, which is why he exists.

From what I can understand, Suzumiya-san is trying to create a link with this reality

and the fictional elements of the movie she is trying to make."

Now is not the time to understand, now is the time to figure out what we should

do!

"Which is why we need to categorize which genre this movie belongs to."

How I wish he wouldn't push so far. While it may be gratifying to show off one's

ability to speak lengthily, they ought to consider the feelings of the audience as well!

Your long speech is just as annoying as the ones the principal makes in the morning

school assembly every week. Just look, even Asahina-san was looking perplexed

since the beginning.

But Koizumi did not intend to stop here,

"If all this happened in the fictional world, then no explanation is needed as to

why the cat could talk or how Asahina-san could fire beams from her eyes. Since in
that world, 'it's a matter of fact.'"
 Page 193

I turned my gaze out of the window to make sure Shamisen was still there.

"But, if there is a reason for talking cats and the Mikuru Beam to exist, then from

the moment it existed, then it's possible that it would be discovered by someone. The

reality where cats can talk and where Asahina-san fires beams actually does exist, it's

just that no one has noticed it yet - by observation, its existence will eventually be

proven. Yet at that moment, our whole world will change completely. We would now
need to readjust our knowledge of this world, from one where paranormal events

don't exist to one where it does exist, as the world we thought we once knew has now

become a fictional world."

I sighed deeply. Is there no way to shut this guy up?

So this is what you're trying to say: a sufficient reason is required to explain the

existence of talking cats. But if that's the case, how do you explain the existence of

you, Nagato and Asahina-san? Aren't you, along with the both of them, part of those

supernatural phenomena?

"It's probably like that for you, no further explanation is needed. For you, the

world has already changed. Isn't the world you knew when you first entered high

school different from the world you know now? Your concept of reality has now

changed for good. Haven't you been encountering new realities? And haven't you

confirmed that people like us really do exist?"

"What are you trying to say?"

"Let us return the subject to the movie itself, the movie Suzumiya-san is trying to

make can probably be classified into the science fiction genre. In this movie, no

reason is needed to explain why cats can talk or why Asahina-san and Nagato-san

possess magical powers. It was enough that way."

 Page 194

So, all we need to do is give some meaning to the existence of the demonic cat,

the waitress from the future and the evil alien magician?

"Not exactly, because by giving them their raison d'etre it would be bothersome

for the outside world. If the observer realizes that 'the world has changed' after

watching the movie from beginning to end, then their existence would be

acknowledged, and the world will change into one where it's not a big deal for cats to

talk. I do not wish for the world to get any more complicated than it is."

Neither did I. The only ones unbothered were probably Nagato and her people, I

guess.

"I said before that we need to decide the setting of this movie, all we need to do is

to just ask her which direction this movie is going. The setting should be able to

dispel all the questions raised by the mysteries and paranormal events created by the

movie, and through a reasonable ending, be able to pull the distorted world back into

its original form. There is one setting that allows the world to be resurrected when it

is about to end, and is able to find a reasonable answer to all sorts of mysterious

events."

What setting is that?

"The deduction setting, especially through basic deduction. Once we have made

such a setting, all surreal scenes would be responded with people saying 'I don't

believe this,' and the paranormal events would be ignored easily. All we need to do

then is just make it look like the talking cat and Asahina-san's lethal beams as some

sort of elaborate hoax, and our reality would remain intact, am I right?"

The cafe waitress was rather troubled by Asahina-san's costume, yet she

pretended not to see that while collecting our empty glasses. Koizumi waited till she

left, then continued,

 Page 195

"Obviously, a talking cat is beyond the confines of common sense, yet the talking

cat does exist. In other words, things that are not supposed to exist have now

appeared. For our world, this is a very inconvenient fact."

He flicked the water droplets on his glass with his finger and said,

"In order to solve this problem, the movie must have a reasonable ending. One

that is theoretically acceptable by everyone - or rather, by Suzumiya-san. An ending

where talking cats, time travelers and alien magicians can exist."

"Is there such an ending?"

"Of course! It's quite simple. All we need to do is to find a perfect explanation in

the ending for all the unreasonable events that have occurred before."

What's your explanation then?

"It is all but a dream."

"..."

We were all engulfed by a deafening silence. After a while, Koizumi spoke again,

"I'm not joking..."

I looked contemptuously at this gentleman toying with his hair parting with his

fingers and said,

"You think Haruhi would accept such an explanation? She's serious about getting

a prize, she wouldn't care whether the movie's real or not. And now you're saying it's

all just a dream? No matter how dumb she is, she's not going to make a movie that

stupid."

"Of course I have taken her feelings into account when making this conclusion,

this is merely the most convenient ending for us. Having her declare that the movie is

nothing but a dream, a hoax, or all made up would be the best solution possible."
 Page 196

For you maybe… It's probably not a bad solution for me either, but what would

Haruhi think of it? She has probably thought up of a very shocking ending that she

would be very pleased with.

Besides, I don't want to get involved in dream-like affairs anymore. Furthermore,

I don't want to hear you pouring out long speeches at us, which aren't fun at all

anymore.

On the way home, I decided to stop by the pet food store. I bought the cheapest

cat food bowl and some cat food at a special discount price, I even asked for a receipt

before stepping out of the store. Shamisen wiped his face with his front paws and

looked at me. The cat followed me as I began to walk.

"Now listen up. When we get home, don't say a single word and behave like how

a cat should behave."

"I don't know what you mean by how cats behave, but since you have requested,

I'll just have to obey."

"Look, just don't talk to me. And answer everything with a meow."

"Meow."

My sister and mom widened their eyes at the sight of me bringing a wild cat

home. I used the excuse that I thought up of earlier which was, "His owner needed to

go on a trip and has asked me to take care of him." To which they accepted gracefully,

especially my sister, who cheerfully caressed Shamisen, while the demon-cat simply

purred. Isn't that rather un-catlike for you?

 Page 197

After a relatively peaceful night, I still had to return to school today. I wasn't

comfortable with leaving Shamisen at home, so I brought him to school as well. As I

urged him to hide inside my bag, Shamisen replied boastfully, "All right then." And

crawled into the bag. I won't let him out till we reach the school!

It was only a few days away from the school festival, the atmosphere within the

school has begun to get more livelier as though in synchrony with Haruhi's
enthusiasm. What ever happened to yesterday's relaxed atmosphere?

The early morning was filled with the sound of musical instruments and people

singing, and there were people making signboards and notices everywhere. There

were even people wandering around in all sorts of weird costumes, I had no idea

which show they were participating in. Judging from such a situation, it wouldn't be

strange if one or two sliders from a parallel universe were to blend into this crowd. It

was only the people of Class 1-5 who had no enthusiasm whatsoever. Maybe it's

because Haruhi sucked all their enthusiasm away?

When I entered the classroom, I found Haruhi already sitting on her seat and

writing something vigorously.

"So you've finally decided to write a script?"

I walked to my desk as I asked. Haruhi hummed loudly and lifted her chin highly

as she replied,

"Of course not! This is the promotional flyer for the movie!"

"Let me see!"

She picked up her notebook and hovered it in front of my face.

 Page 198

Asahina Mikuru-chan's Precious Secret Video Collection Revealed! You'll regret it if

you miss this!

The SOS Brigade proudly presents - The most stunning movie of the year! Come see
what it's all about!

On it was written the above provocative words and some other stuff about how

the year's going to end soon, I don't really mind that, but wouldn't that mislead people

into thinking only Asahina-san would appear in this movie? If someone can actually

figure out what sort of movie this is just by reading the above promo, I'd look at him

with a new light of respect. Frankly, even as the cameraman, I wasn't sure what sort

of movie we're making, and I never had much of a chance to express my opinions on

this. She's probably not sure of it herself. By the way, she sure knows how to write

this many words for a flyer.

"I'm going to make copies for the flyers and give them out at the school entrance

during the festival. Hmm, the outcome would be great! I don't think Okabe would say

anything if I wore a bunny-girl costume during the school festival, right?"

No, I still think he would have something to say about it. This is a prefectural high

school with decently strict rules, after all. So it's better if you stop giving the school

deans any more stomachaches!

"Besides, Asahina-san has to prepare for her class's food stall. Not to mention

Koizumi and Nagato have activities with their classes as well. We'll be the only ones

free that day."

Haruhi looked at me with suspicious looking eyes,

"So you're saying you want to dress up as a bunny-girl?"

How is that even possible? Just you would be enough. As for me, I'll be standing

behind carrying the promo board for you.

 Page 199

"By the way, you do know there's only a few days left till the school festival this

Saturday and Sunday, right?"

"Of course I do."

"Oh really? Seeing as to how relaxed you are, I would have thought that you've

had the dates confused."

"How am I relaxed? Don't you see me trying to think of more provocative

words?"

"Besides advertising, shouldn't you be focused on more important matters?

When's the movie going to be finished?"

"Soon. All that's left is a few more retakes, then we'll edit the scenes together, and

then we'll just add in the background music and visual effects during post-production

and we're done."

Now that's surprising. Personally I feel that the number of retakes we require far

outnumber the scenes we have already filmed. What movie was this director trying to

make anyway? Not to mention we probably need to spend even more time in post-

production work, I just hope I'm wrong.

During recess, between the third and fourth period.

"Kyon-kun!"

Her voice was so loud it could blow everyone inside the classroom into mid-air.

Out of reflex, I turned to where the voice came from, and saw Tsuruya-san sticking

her head into the classroom door. I can barely make out Asahina-san's soft hair by her

side.

"Come over here."

 Page 200

I rushed over as though being drawn by Tsuruya-san's smile. Haruhi maintained

her habit of being out of sight from the classroom during recess, so she wasn't here

then. Probably wandering off somewhere in school. This was a great chance.

I came out to the corridor and Tsuruya-san pulled my sleeve at once and said,

"Mikuru has something to say to you!"

Asahina-san trembled as she handed me a small piece of paper,

"This... Um, it's a promotional voucher."

"That's the voucher for our class's fried noodle stall!" Tsuruya-san further

explained.

I gratuitously received it at once. It's probably a discount voucher or something

like that. According to the printed words on the chopped voucher, I could get thirty

percent off with this when ordering noodles.

"Please do come with your friends."

Asahina-san lowered her head deeply while Tsuruya-san opened her mouth as

wide as a comic book character and smiled,

"That's all for now! See ya!"

Tsuruya-san said and prepared to leave, Asahina-san also followed suit, but then

decided to come back towards me. Tsuruya-san giggled when she saw this and

stopped to wait for us.

Asahina-san clasped her fingers together and said to me,

"...Kyon-kun,"

"Yes?"

"About what Koizumi-kun said the other day, I think, it's better if you don't

believe them... Maybe you would think I have issues with Koizumi-kun if I say that...
Um, I don't like it that way as well, but..."
 Page 201

"You mean him calling Haruhi a God?"

If you mean that, don't worry, I don't believe him either.

"I, um... I have a different view on this, which means, um... It's different from

Koizumi-kun's explanation."

Asahina-san sighed and looked at me with her eyes opened wide,

"Suzumiya-san does indeed possess the power to change the 'present,' but I don't
think she has the ability to reconstruct the world. This world has been like that since

the beginning, and is not created by Suzumiya-san."

If that's the case... Does that mean her views are in contrast with Koizumi's?

"I believe Nagato-san thinks differently about it as well."

Asahina-san said while twirling the tip of her uniform with her fingers,

"Um... If I say this, people wouldn't feel comfortable about it, but..."

Tsuruya-san smiled looking at us as she stood from a distance, carrying the face

of a mother swallow looking forward to seeing her offspring leave the nest at last. I

wonder if she's got the wrong idea about this?

Asahina-san sounded very stiff as she said,

"Koizumi-san's views are different from ours. If I asked you to... Um... Not

believe Koizumi-kun so easily, I sound like I'm criticizing him, but..."

She frantically waved her hands,

"I'm sorry, I can't explain this properly. I'm no good in saying this... I mean..."

She constantly lowered her head and then looked up at me repeatedly,

"Koizumi-kun's people have their own stance and theories, and so do we. I think

Nagato-san's the same as well, so..."

Asahina-san looked at me as though finally mustering all her courage to decide

something. She's still so cute even when she looks this serious. I trembled in joy at
 Page 202

being able to observe her pretty face from such a close distance. I confidently replied

her,

"I know, how could Haruhi possibly be a god?"

Instead of donating to that jerk's religion, I'd rather have Asahina-san set up a new

religion and worship her as its founder. She'd probably attract more believers this

way. I'd probably make a seal of approval just to guarantee this.

"For me, Asahina-san's explanation is much easier to understand than Koizumi's."

Asahina-san revealed a cheerful smile; I guess this is how sweet beans would look

if they could smile.

"Um, thank you. But Koizumi-kun isn't included within myself, please

understand."

She said some very ambiguous words, then looked up at me, and then quickly

turned around as though trying to run away. I wasn't even trying to hug you.

Asahina-san waved gently at me, then she followed Tsuruya-san like a black

duckling following her mother and left.

We really ought to speed up our progress. I headed towards the clubroom while

wondering why I was thinking about this so seriously. I had wanted to use the

computer for a while, but I didn't think someone was already sitting inside, wearing

her pointed hat and black cloak while reading her book.

Before I could say anything,

"I believe this is what Asahina Mikuru thinks,"

Nagato said as though she could read my mind and spoke,

"Suzumiya Haruhi isn't the creator and was not responsible for the creation of this

world. This world has existed in this state since long ago. The supernatural existence
of espers, temporal anomalies and alien life forms wasn't created through the wishes
 Page 203

of Suzumiya Haruhi, and has existed since long before that. Suzumiya Haruhi's task is

to unconsciously discover the existence of these beings. She started using her abilities

three years ago, but her discoveries have not led her to become self-aware. She is able

to search for the paranormal, but it contradicts with her own views on the paranormal

world. This is because one faction is still preventing her from becoming self-aware."

She calmly spoke without even smiling. Nagato looked at me with her piercing
eyes as she said the above, she then said the following before closing her mouth,

"And that would be us."

"Asahina-san has different reasons from Koizumi. Would it become inconvenient

if Haruhi were to witness something extraordinary?"

"Yes."

Nagato turned her gaze back to her opened book, as though our conversation

wasn't that much of a big deal,

"She came to this time plane for the sake of protecting the future she came from."

I have a feeling that she's casually describing something that sounded very

important,

"For Asahina Mikuru's time plane, Suzumiya Haruhi is a variant. In order to

stabilize the future, it is necessary to input the correct value. Asahina Mikuru's

mission is to adjust that variant to an acceptable value."

Nagato quietly flipped the pages without making any sound. Her emotionless

black eyes didn't even blink once as she continued,

"Koizumi Itsuki and Asahina Mikuru have different approaches in their missions

regarding Suzumiya Haruhi. They will never acknowledge each other's interpretation,

since each side's theory would threaten the very meaning of the other's existence."
Wait… didn't Koizumi say he only got his powers three years ago?
 Page 204

Nagato quickly answered my question,

"No one can guarantee that Koizumi Itsuki is telling the truth."

The image of his handsome smiling face flashed by in my head, true enough, no

one can guarantee that he's trustworthy. It's just that Koizumi was able to provide a

decent explanation for all the things that I've encountered so far. Who could guarantee

that it's the right explanation? Even Asahina-san told me not to believe him, but
Asahina-san was the same, who could guarantee that Asahina-san's explanation is

correct?

I looked at Nagato and thought, maybe what Koizumi said wasn't true, and maybe

Asahina-san never realized that her opinion could be wrong, then only this calm alien

wouldn't lie.

"So what do you think? Which is the right explanation? You mentioned something

about the possibility to self-evolve, what kind of outcome would that have?"

The bookworm wrapped all in black remained emotionless and said,

"No matter how accurately I convey it, there is no way you can find solid proof

for it."

"Why's that?"

At this moment, I saw something I rarely ever see. I was stunned to see Nagato

having a confused look as she said,

"Because no one can guarantee what I say is true."

Nagato then placed down her book and left the club room, leaving this line,

"At least for you."

The chimes began to ring, signaling classes were to begin soon.

I don't get it.

How could a normal person get it?
 Page 205

Whether it's Koizumi or Nagato, they ought to explain things in a language that

people can understand! I even suspect whether they had intentionally made it hard for

me to understand. You two ought to spend more time to organize your thoughts, or

else no one is going to listen to what you say, as the words will simply enter one ear

and out the other.

As I walked with my arms crossed, a bunch of people in stateless medieval

costumes walked past me and turned into the corridor corner. If Nagato were to blend

in with these people with her black cloak, no one would suspect a thing. Maybe some

class has decided to begin filming their own science fiction movie, not wanting to let

Haruhi take all the glory. That wouldn't be too bad, at least they won't be as frustrated

as I am and would happily make their movie, led by a director with more common

sense and making sensible commands.

I sighed deeply and headed for the Class 1-5 room.

Haruhi was the only one who thought the movie production was going according

to plan, while the vertical lines just increase and darken on my face, as well as

Koizumi's and Asahina-san's.

As filming progressed, many things happened along the way. For some time, the toy

gun has been spraying water bullets instead of BB bullets; Asahina-san would tremble

everytime Haruhi brought a different colored contact lens (the gold ones could fire

rifle bullets, while the green ones would emit micro-black holes), and she would end

up getting bitten by Nagato; the cherry blossoms wilted the following day as soon as

it blossomed; and it seems the white pigeons in the shrine have now morphed into the

supposedly extinct passenger pigeons (as Koizumi secretly told me); even the Earth's

precession has shifted a bit (according to Nagato).

The normal world was slowly beginning to derail.

 Page 206

I decided to go outside the house to talk to him under the night sky. I didn't want to
invite him in, or I would end up having to hear him go on endlessly with his long
speeches.
 Page 207

As I dragged my exhausted body home, the whiskered animal opened his mouth

again,

"So is it fine as long as I keep my mouth shut in front of that energetic girl?"

The cat sat on my bed with the posture of the Sphinx.

"You sure are quite obedient," I gently grabbed on Shamisen's long tail, which

eventually slid off my fingers.

"Since that is what you wish, though even I feel that it wouldn't be a good thing to

let that girl hear me speak."

"Well, that's right according to Koizumi."

As this cat can talk, we needed to find a plausible reason to explain why it could

talk. A simple solution is to create a world where no one would find it strange to see

cats talking. But what sort of world would that be? And what kind of cats would there

be?

Shamisen yawned endlessly and tidied his tail as he said,

"There are many kinds of cats, aren't humans the same?"

I'd sure like to know what you mean by "many kinds."

"What can you do even if you knew? I don't think you can ever replace cats, nor

do I think you understand how cats think."

This is really frustrating, everything is.

As I was about to go take a bath, my sister came in saying I have a visitor.

I went downstairs wondering who it was. I never thought it would be Koizumi. I

decided to go outside the house to talk to him under the night sky.

I didn't want to invite him in, or I would end up having to hear him go on

endlessly with his long speeches. Besides, I don't want to listen to him and Shamisen
 Page 208

simultaneously lecturing me with abstract philosophies that are difficult to

understand.

Just as I thought, Koizumi flooded me with his speeches, and in the end, he even

said this,

"For Suzumiya-san, the minor details and sub-plots aren't important. I actually

find this interesting, and that was enough as well. The story lacked any resolution or
tight plotting, or any clues to a sequel, since she has after all come up with a plot in a

very short time. She did not even consider an ending, who knows, the movie might

simply end without one."

What's wrong with that? So you're saying if the movie ends in such an unresolved

way, this reality would be permanently distorted and become the new reality? Haruhi

must have an ending in mind, and it must be an ending that is in line with reality. This

is a problem that we must consider, as Haruhi would never consider such stuff, even

if she does, it would only end in destruction. So it's still better for us to do the

thinking. But why must we think of such stuff? Isn't there someone else that can carry

this cursed burden for us?

"If he even exists, then yes."

Koizumi shrugged his shoulders,

"I believe he would have appeared before us long ago if he existed. So we must

find a solution as soon as possible, especially you. I look forward to seeing you work

harder."

Work harder on what? Please be specific.

"Because once the fictional world becomes reality, our theories will be for naught.

Maybe Asahina-san would be affected as well, because her faction seems to have
their own set of theories. As for Nagato-san, I don't know much about her, but I guess
 Page 209

observers usually accept whatever outcome they obtain. Her faction would calmly

accept any outcome, even if the Earth were to disappear, as long as Suzumiya-san still

exists, that would be enough for them."

The street lamps shined on Koizumi's expressionless face within the dark,

"I can honestly tell you this, the 'Organization' and Asahina-san's faction aren't the

only people whose philosophies revolve around Suzumiya-san. There are many more
of them out there, so many that I'd want to tell you about the secret battles we have

fought behind the scenes, allies that have betrayed us, and all the conspiracy and

deceit, as well as the destruction and killings that have been going on as we speak.

Each faction has poured all their resources to battle each other in order to survive."

Koizumi continued carrying a worn-out, cynical smile,

"Even I don't find our theory to be absolutely correct, but for the current situation,

there would be no place for me if I didn't accept this theory for now. I was initially set

up to be with one side, and I am not able to switch sides. It's just like how a white

chess piece cannot become a pawn for the black side."

Why can't you use Othello and shougi as examples?

"All this probably has nothing to do with you. It's the same for Suzumiya-san,

which is a good thing, especially for Suzumiya-san. I wish that she’ll never learn

about this. I don't want to leave a scar in her heart. As for my standards, Suzumiya-

san possesses traits that are likeable. Of course, you possess them as well."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Just slipped off my mouth, there's no particular reason. Maybe I was joking, or

maybe I was possessed by a strange thought, or maybe I'm just trying to win your

sympathy. No matter, it's all unimportant."

Indeed, it wasn't funny at all.
 Page 210

"I might as well tell you something else that's not really important. Have you ever

thought why Asahina Mikuru... I'm sorry, why Asahina-san would hang out with us?

True, Asahina-san has the looks of an adorable pretty girl, and I can understand how

people can be moved to give her a helping hand. You probably sympathize with what

she's doing, right?"

"And what's wrong with that?"

Protecting the weak from the strong is what every person should aspire to

become.

"Her mission is to get close to you, which is why Asahina-san has that appearance

and personality, which happens to be your favorite type of girl - the weak and cute

type. Since you are the only person who Suzumiya-san listens to a certain extent, it

was imperative that she has your attention."

I feel as silent as a deep-sea fish, and recalled what Asahina-san told me half a

year ago. Not the Asahina-san now, but the Asahina-san from a further future, the

adult Asahina-san. Calling me out to meet her with a note, that Asahina-san told me,

"Please don't get too close with me." Did she tell me that after considering her own
position? Or is that really her genuine thought?

Seeing as I remained speechless, Koizumi continued in a deep voice that sounded

as old as the Jomon-sugi,

"If Asahina-san was merely playing the role of an innocent cute girl, but was in

fact up to something else, what are you going to do? She probably thinks it's easier to

get your sympathy that way. The way she looked innocent and helpless when having

to put up with Suzumiya-san's unreasonable demands, this was all part of her plan.

She did all that so that she could catch your attention."
 Page 211

I think this guy's totally nuts, learning from Nagato, I replied without carrying any

speck of emotion,

"I'm sick and tired of hearing your stupid jokes."

Koizumi slowly smiled and stuck out his arms in an exaggerated manner,

"Oh, I'm sorry. Looks like I still have a long way to go at making jokes. I made all

that unreasonable stuff up just so I could fool you. Just trying to say something that
would leave an impression in your mind. Have you actually taken it seriously? Well,

you've actually given me some confidence in my acting. Now I can go on the play

feeling relaxed."

He laughed deafeningly and continued,

"Our class is going to hold a Shakespearean play, 'Hamlet' to be precise. I'll be

playing Guildenstern."

Never heard of him, I'm guessing it's just a supporting character anyway.

"He was supposed to be, but half-way through rehearsals we decided to use the

Tom Stoppard version instead, so I have to appear in even more scenes now."

Well, keep up the good work. Though I had no idea there exists other versions for

Hamlet besides the Shakespearean version.

"Because of Suzumiya-san's movie and my class's play, my schedule is very tight

right now, so I'm feeling the pressure already. If I look tired, that's probably the

reason. I don't think I can take it any more if a Sealed Dimension decides to appear

now. That's why I came to ask you for help. I had to ask you to think of a way to

prevent Suzumiya-san's movie from becoming the source for further paranormal

events."

You mean a reasonable ending? Didn't you say we could just declare it all to be a

dream?
 Page 212

"Just make Haruhi think that everything within her movie is just make believe...

Right?"

"She must clearly be aware of it as well. She's a clever girl, as she knew that a

movie is fictional after all. I just feel it'll be best if things can go along that direction.

I must let you understand that things can't continue like this, and this has to be settled

before filming ends."

I'm counting on you. Koizumi bowed to me, and then disappeared into the

darkness. What the hell man? He came just so he could shove all the responsibility

onto me? Since he's already so busy, I have to take care of the rest, is that what he's

saying? If that's the case, he's found the wrong person. This isn't a card game, and I'm

not shirking responsibility either. Suzumiya Haruhi isn't the fifty-third card. She's

neither the King, nor the Ace, and she's not the Joker even.

"But..."

I mumbled to myself.

Looks like I can't leave this like that anymore. Leaving Nagato aside, Asahina-san

and Koizumi seems to be at their limits already. The world was probably the same as

well… It's just that I haven't noticed.

"Damn it..."

This is so annoying! Damn! I'm feeling frustrated as well!

I thought very hard, how could I cancel out Haruhi's wild imagination? The movie

world and our reality are two different objects, they don't interfere with each other -

what should I do to make her completely understand that? What can I do to make her

once again accept what was once taken for granted? A dream...? What else besides

that?
There wasn't much time until the school festival begins.
 Page 213

The next day, I made a suggestion to Haruhi. After debating for a while, she

finally nodded and agreed to it.

"We're done!"
Haruhi shouted loudly while slapping her loudspeaker,

"Nice job guys! All the filming is complete now! I'd like to thank everyone for

their hard work, especially myself! Hmm, sometimes I really amaze myself, great

job!"

Hearing her announcement, Asahina-san the waitress finally slumped on her

knees, and felt like weeping tears of joy. In fact, she was indeed weeping, but Haruhi

had interpreted it as Asahina-san being moved by her speech.

"Mikuru-chan, it's still too early to cry now, save your tears until we receive the

Palme d'Or or the Oscar for Best Picture! We'll reap the success together then!"

It was only a day left till the school festival. We were gathered at the rooftop of

the school complex, the filming schedule was so tight that there was no time for us to

eat.

The final battle between Mikuru and Yuki was put to an end by Koizumi Itsuki,

who, after suddenly becoming aware of his powers, used his incredible power to blast

Yuki out to the other side of the universe.

"This is perfect! A superb movie! Just as I expected! We'll attract lots of studios

wanting to buy this movie if we take it to Hollywood! But first we'll need to sign a

contract with a smart agent!"

 Page 214

Haruhi's embrace for globalization was breathtaking. I don't know who would

watch this movie, the only selling point would be its female protagonist, the other cast

and crew weren't even worth mentioning. If possible, I'd like to go as Asahina-san's

agent. I'm sure I could make a little bit of commission from this. I might as well try

and groom Haruhi as the next idol. Maybe I should start by sending their photos and

resumes.
"Is it finally over?"

Koizumi smiled cheerfully at me and said.

Now that pissed me off, though that free of charge smile of his suited him just

well, I prefer him this way instead of him looking melancholic, and that makes me

really uncomfortable.

"When you look back, now that filming is over, it feels as though it had all

happened in an instant. Some people say time passes by quickly when one is happy, I

wonder who the happy one is?"

Who knows?

"Can I count on you to take care of the rest? Right now all I'm thinking of is the

play rehearsals for my class. Unlike a movie, you can't do retakes in a play."

Koizumi carried his usual smile, and patted me on the back of my shoulder as he

whispered,

"There's one more thing I need to thank you for, on behalf of the group, as well as

myself."

He then left the rooftop. Following Koizumi, Nagato quietly left as well without

carrying any emotions.

Asahina-san had her shoulders wrapped by Haruhi's arms as they looked out
towards the sea in the distance.
 Page 215

"Our target is Hollywood and Broadway!" She was forced to shout out loudly.

While it's a good thing to have a great ambition, but if you go along the direction

you're currently facing, you'll end up in Australia instead.

"Sigh."

I sighed and sat down, putting the camera by my side. For Koizumi, Nagato and

Asahina-san, things may well be over for them; but for me, the problems have merely
begun. There were still things to do.

Someone needs to find a way to convert this massive footage, which is basically a

pile of worthless junk data, into a "movie." And who's in charge of that? I didn't even

have to guess.

On Friday evening, only Haruhi and I remained in the clubroom, while the other

three went to work on their respective classes' activities.

While it was good that filming was complete, it had dragged on for too long, and

there was little time left to deal with other matters. After uploading the footage onto

the computer and repeatedly viewing it, I came to a conclusion - this was basically a

cheap promo-video for Asahina Mikuru.

To be frank, until the very end I still have no idea what sort of movie Haruhi have

made. The waitress, the girl of death, and the young man grinning like an idiot all the

time, just what was wrong with their heads? And there simply wasn't enough time to

work on the post-production like visual effects, not to mention we don't have the

skills to do it. Looks like we'll just have to release this raw footage without going

through any editing.

Haruhi began to pout,

"How could you show something that isn't even complete? Don't you have a
solution?"
 Page 216

Are you talking to me?

"Rushing me won't help, the school festival's tomorrow, and I'm already trying my

best. It's already a headache for me to splice together all the scenes that you thought

up in an instant. I don't feel like watching any movies right now."

But Haruhi was good at quashing other people's opinions instantaneously,

"Wouldn't you be able to make it if you stayed up all night?"

Who's going to stay up? I didn't ask that, because right now there was only me,

and Haruhi looking straight at me with her black sandalwood-like eyes.

"We could just stay here tonight,"

Haruhi then said something that made me very surprised,

"I'll help you."

Judging from the result, Haruhi never helped much. For a while she stood

mumbling behind me, but within an hour, she was already lying asleep on the table.

Really, I felt like filming her in her sleep. I could place the image of her sleeping in

the movie's ending.

I might as well tell you, it seems I too have fallen asleep after a while. Because by

the time I opened my eyes, the sun had already risen, and the keyboard was imprinted

onto half of my face.

So, staying up last night had no meaning whatsoever, the movie was still

incomplete. I tried all ways to edit here and there, trying to make out a thirty minute

movie, but it still looked like a piece of pathetic trash. I guess this is what a movie

would look like when made by an impulsive amateur. It could have been fine if it

only showed Asahina-san doing the shopping street commercials in her bunny-girl

costume, but as the whole thing was cut and pasted together sloppily, pulling together
a story that was pretty much non-existent, the movie was just unbearable. In the end,
 Page 217

the movie wasn't edited, and visual effects weren't even added, it was just a

hilariously rubbish movie. I don't think even Taniguchi would want to watch that.

I wanted to throw the computer out of the window, but the sunlight shining in

caused me to squint my eyes. As I spent the whole night sleeping in an unnatural

pose, I now felt aches all over my body.

It was six-thirty when I was awakened by Haruhi, who had gotten up before me.
Now that I think about it, this was the first time I spent the night at school.

"Hey, so how'd it go?"

Haruhi looked at the screen over my shoulder, so I moved the mouse and clicked

on the screen.

"...Wow!"

Haruhi exclaimed delightfully, while I widened my jaw in shock. Our movie title

was revealed in an impressive CG background. "The Adventure of Asahina Mikuru-

chan Episode 00" then began, though the story was very inconsistent, the lines could

barely be heard, the camera could be seen shaking, even the director yelling was

shown in the footage, but it seems to have reached a certain level for a movie made

by high school students. Not only were there lasers shooting from Asahina-san's eyes,

even Nagato's wands emitted beams with strange colors.

"Heh heh."

Even Haruhi was impressed,

"Not bad at all! It's not perfect, but it shows you can still come up with something

as long as you put your heart into it."

It wasn't me. It was probably someone else who did this while I was sleeping,

there was no way I could do this. The most likely suspect was Nagato, followed by
 Page 218

Koizumi. Asahina-san was out of the question. Or it could be a mysterious person

who has yet to appear? It has to be it.

For some time, we quietly watched the movie that somehow managed to edit

itself. If it weren't for this small screen, I'm sure our impression would be even greater

if shown in a larger screen.

The movie on the screen now showed its final scene, Koizumi and Asahina-san
walked hand-in-hand under the path with cherry blossom petals fluttering about. The

camera then panned up and faced the clear blue sky, whereupon the ending theme

then began to play as the credits started rolling out.

Finally, there was Haruhi's disclaimer.

It was a disclaimer that I convinced Haruhi to do at all costs. I told her that she

must include this crucial element at the end of the movie, and it had to be done by the

director herself.

It was a magical disclaimer that would eliminate all of the problems created:

"The events depicted in this movie are fictitious. It has nothing to do with any

person, organization, and any other known terms and phenomena. It's all made up

nonsense. Any resemblance to the above is purely coincidental. Oh, the commercials

are different. Please give your support to Oomori Electronics and the Yamatsuchi

Model Store! Huh? You want me to repeat it? The events depicted in this movie are

fictitious. It has nothing to do with any person, organization... Kyon, why do I have to

say this? Isn’t it obvious?"

 Page 219

Epilogue

By the time the school's festival started, we weren't that busy any more.

Actually I think the most fun of any event occurs during the preparation stage.

Once an event starts, everyone is so busy that no one notices time passing by. Very

soon it's time to conclude and clean up. So before that happens, let's enjoy this free

time! At the very least, I'm free today and tomorrow; I hope no one will yell in my

ears during my relaxation period.

As for Haruhi, the only person who just might complain about this peaceful time,

she's in her bunny suit again, passing out flyers at the front gate. I kinda want to know

how many she'll manage to pass out before teachers and administrators step in again.

I walked out of the club room, striding towards the lively campus.

My heart, filled with unrest just a while ago, finally seemed to have settled down.

Koizumi believed that, and Nagato also promised, so there shouldn't be any problems

right now. Because Shamisen can't talk anymore, this is what I needed to confirm that

everything is back to normal. The current Shamisen is as silent as Nagato; I felt that it

would be inhumane to chase him out, so I thought I would keep him as a pet. Also,
 Page 220

my sister is very excited about having a stuffed toy that can move about on its own,

so I told my family that "the previous owner decided to move."

This male cat would sometimes make meowing noises, but that was what it

sounded like to my ears, maybe it really did talk... Eh, nevermind.

In terms of disappearances, those who were wearing weird costumes from several

days before did not actually participate in the festival.

I've seen the pamphlet passed out by the executive committee, and they weren't on

there. I've also spied on possible club rooms (such as the Theater Society), and failed

to find anything. Who were those people?

"Hmm."

I unconsciously murmured to myself, while walking leisurely in the school's

building.

What if there were supernatural people walking around the school? What if they

were also wearing futuristic clothing? Right, just like Nagato.

Had it been really like that, then Nagato-san might've dressed like that to conceal

her true identity from Haruhi, if only to give her the impression that clothing like

those only appear during festivals.

Nagato has always been the silent type, so I have no idea if any of this is true. But

it's very likely that another sort of conflict is happening outside of my knowledge,

perhaps happening in a very relaxed manner. Even if we're on the verge of Earth's

destruction, I believe she'll still remain silent. If I ask her directly, she might tell me.

But, I think she would just say something that is incomprehensible using the language

available to humans, and I don't think I have the intellect to try to comprehend what

she might say.

 Page 221

Hence, I chose to be silent myself. Especially to Haruhi, I believe I should keep

my silence.

Change of topic. Our movie is currently playing in the viewing room. I believe

only ours and the Movie Research Society's film are being played. This is after

Haruhi made a huge protest to that club, and they finally gave in and agreed to show

our movie along with their production. Hey, it couldn't be helped, only that room has
a projector. I have to admit they were looking very troubled until the very end, but

still, they, as well as anyone else in this world, don't seem to have the ability to reject

any decision from Haruhi. So in the end, they were practically forced to show our low

quality movie that has commercials in the middle.

Since we're at this topic, I should also let you know that according to the student

executive committee, the SOS Brigade still isn't an official club. So "The Adventure

of Asahina Mikuru" isn't on the official list of events. Looks like we won't be able to

win the first prize after all. I think all those votes intended for us will probably go to

the Movie Research Society instead.

Oh yeah, remember that midnight movie that supposely gave Haruhi the idea of

making our own film? After some research, I discovered that it didn't win the Golden

Globe Award. It was a black and white promotional movie which was shown in the

Cannes Film Festival called "Only." She must've been crazy to think this film would

win any award. To confirm this, I even rented the film. It turned out that I fell asleep

within the first half hour. So I have no idea whether the content is fun or boring. I

think I'll attempt it again before I return it.

Since it was a rare opportunity, I also watched the play from class 1-9.

Koizumi was smiling the whole time during the play. His character was someone
who died very stupidly at the end; the stupidity level rivaled that of Haruhi's movie.
 Page 222

But somehow it seemed to be quite popular. Maybe I was unconsciously putting it

down because the actor was Koizumi. His acting wasn't really acting, it seemed more

like him just representing himself normally. That was probably another reason why I

didn't think it was so good.

After bowing to the clapping audience, Koizumi winked at me as a reply. Of

course I ran away from his wink as it reached me. As for Nagato's class, I was going
to make fun of them too. However, I didn't expect that there was already a long line to

the fortune telling room. I took a small peek inside. Under the black drapes, in the

middle of several girls dressed in black, I saw Nagato's white and expressionless face.

She put her hands on the crystal ball, talking to the customers in a tone without much

emotion. Nagato, please, just help them search for lost items and don't do anything

else.

About all those abnormalities caused by the movie, they all seemed to be fixed by

adding "This story is a work of fiction" at the end. But this world can't just be fixed

by a simple saying like that, can it? Haruhi, Asahina-san, Nagato, Koizumi, and I are

all still here, aren't we? How is "There is no relation to any real people" even true?

Maybe someday, all of us would live out our own lives, but at least the SOS Brigade

still exists right now, both its chief and its members.

Ahh... How should I put it? Sometimes I would think, maybe all of this is a giant

lie, and Haruhi really doesn't have any powers, it's just a joke made up by Asahina,

Nagato, and Koizumi. Those doves were merely painted; Shamisen talking was just

ventriloquism or a hidden microphone; and cherry petals in Fall, plus the Mikuru

Beam were just special effects.

Even if it's really like this, I still can't say much to this.
"So there's no way that it's possible."
 Page 223

No matter what now, that kind of situation isn't exactly happy. I think everyone

being stranded together is much more relaxing than being stranded alone with Haruhi.

I'm glad I'm not the only SOS Brigade member.

Even if I'm the only normal one.

The classroom clock entered my line of sight, and this place has already become a

place to relax, just like the 1-5 classroom.

Ah yes, now is not the time to space out, it's almost time. How can I waste this

precious discount coupon? Not to mention I'm also interested in what she's wearing.

I quickly ran towards the meeting place decided with Taniguchi and Kunikida.

The plan was to visit the udon place waited upon by Asahina-san.
 Page 224

Author’s Notes

As the convenience stores nearby keep going out of business one by one, I now

have to spend fifteen minutes just to walk to the nearest one. Along the way, there lies

a large pond which would be gathered with migratory birds during winter.

It's already summer, but for some reason, there was one male wild duck

swimming idly on the surface of the pond.

I thought to myself, why would this wild duck shun his mates and choose to be

alone? I imagined him waking up one spring morning looking stunned to find that

he's all alone, being left behind just like that. I felt a sense of pity for him. But a few

days ago when I went out to buy some stuff, I found this wild duck walking

relaxingly near the center of the pond quacking away. I breathed a sigh of relief for no

reason. Turns out this duck was just an eccentric duck!

Just like there are eccentric humans who would shun society for no reason, this

duck was the same among his kind. Perhaps he had turned down his mates' offer to

fly north with them, insisting, "No thanks, I want to stay here. No particular reason,

really." And chose to stray away from his niche. As he was a strange duck that liked
 Page 225

to loiter around at night, I instinctively concluded that this was a duck that doesn't

mind living alone in a wide pond, a duck that loved solitude.

I thought and agreed with my own deduction, but later some research have

discovered that recently there were more and more migratory birds that remained here

instead of flying north once spring has arrived. In other words, as there are often

people feeding them by the pond, they didn't have to worry about starving, and would
start to feel comfortable staying here. This means this isn't some eccentric duck, but a

simple-minded duck that doesn't like to go through so much trouble. I felt dejected by

this fact, it's as though my dreams have been shattered, and so I have written this, but

I guess that duck wouldn't give a damn about it.

Let's get to the main subject, the next volume would be a compilation of short

stories published in the Sneaker magazine (currently it is the summer of 2003). The

title would be "The Boredom of Suzumiya Haruhi," I guess? But it could be subject to

change. Since I only spent less than three seconds to come up with the title of "The

Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi," so I had no idea how to name the rest of the series.

In fact, I never thought it would become a series of novels, sorry about that.

Changing the subject again, a big thanks to those that stayed on to play a long

game of mahjong with me. I'm grateful for your mercy...... Nope, nothing.

Finally, I'd like to thank Mr. S for editing this book and Ito Noiji-sensei for her

illustrations. As well as everyone involved in the publication of this book, and to the

readers reading this book, you have my deep gratitude. I look forward to seeing you

again.

Tanigawa Nagaru
 Page 226

Translators Notes

Autumn is represented by the plum blossom

The Japanese use various symbols to represent their seasons, like cherry blossoms for
spring, goldfish for summer, etc.

And I intended to elaborate a little bit. However, upon looking at this Wikipedia entry
it seems that plum blossoms represent Spring (or possibly Winter), not Autumn.

Would sombody check the origial book to make sure we have it correct? It could be
that Haruhi is spouting nonsense here, but it also might be a mistake on our part.

--BlckKnght 03:18, 1 August 2006 (PDT)

I think it might just a minor mistranslation of that portion. I took a look at Strato's
version to see how he translated it, and he interpreted it as:

"Real ghosts in a haunted house, stairs where the number of steps suddenly increase,
the seven wonders of the school turn into thirteen wonders, the principal's hair
tripling in size into an afro, the school building transforms and fights with some
monster that comes out of the ocean, or plum becoming a seasonal word for fall. That
kind of stuff"

(Note: Japanese poetry has groups of words linked to each season. Plum is linked to
the season of spring.)
 Page 227

Strato's translation seems to make sense, as all of the examples that Haruhi lists
involve changes, and that seems to be what she most craves.

--Nandeyanen 11:28, 1 August 2006 (PDT)

Return

Java Sparrow

The Java Sparrow, Padda oryzivora also known as Java Finch is a small passerine
bird. This estrildid finch is a resident breeding bird in Java, Bali and Bawean. It is a
popular cagebird, and has been introduced in a large number of other countries.
The Java Sparrow is a very gregarious bird which feeds mainly on grain and other
seeds. It frequents open grassland and cultivation, and was formerly a pest in rice
fields, hence its scientific name. The nest is constructed in a tree or building, and up
to eight eggs are laid.
The Java Sparrow is 17cm in length. The adult is unmistakable, with its grey
upperparts and breast, pink belly, white-cheeked black head and thick red bill.
The sexes are similar, but immature birds have brown upperparts and paler brown
underparts and cheeks. The rest of their head is dark grey rather than black, and the
bill is grey with a pink base.
 Page 228

The call is a chip, and the song is a rapid series of call notes
chipchipchipchipchipchip.

Java Sparrow is now uncommon in its native range, due to trapping for the cage bird
trade and for human consumption.

Return

Haniwa

A Haniwa figurine (3-5th century AD)

The Haniwa (埴輪) are funerary figures (literally, "clay rings"), found in thousands
of kofun era tombs (3rd-6th century CE) scattered throughout Japan.
During the Kofun period, a highly aristocratic society with militaristic rulers
developed. Its horse-riding warriors wore iron armor, carried swords and other
weapons, and used advanced military methods like those of Northeast Asia. Many of
them are represented in Haniwa figurines for funerary purposes.
The most important of the haniwa were found in southern Honshu--especially the
Kinai region around Nara--and northern Kyushu. Haniwa grave offerings were made
in numerous forms, such as horses, chickens, birds, fans, fish, houses, weapons,
shields, sunshades, pillows, and male and female humans. Besides decorative and
spiritual reasons of protecting the emperor in his after life, these figures also served as
retaining wall for the burial mount.

Haniwa in popular culture

In the CG-animated series Gregory Horror Show, a recurrent group of characters call
themselves the Haniwa Salary-Man, and take the form of cubic little men of clay, that
 Page 229

roam hopelessly in the world of business, salaries and promotions, not caring about
their personal and spiritual lives. As the traditional Haniwa, they are empty and
fragile.
In Kotetsu Jeeg, the initial monsters of the week were known as "Haniwa Genjin."
In the anime, Amaenaideyo!! Katsu!!, characters join a "Haniwa Research Club" and
attempt to excavate Haniwa.

In the anime Eureka Seven, the main character, Renton, sees haniwa representations
of himself and his classmates during a dream.
Haniwa have appeared in various contemportary video games. In the game Animal
Crossing, the player can dig up various haniwa (referred to as "gyroids" in the
English versions of the game). There is also a treasure in the English version Pikmin 2
that is called a "Gyroid Statue". In Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga, there are Haniwa-
like figures in various puzzles. In Goemon's Great Adventure, the haniwa are the
most common enemies in the game with many variations. In SaGa 2: Hihou
Densetsu, Final Fantasy Legend 2 in the US, Haniwa are an extremely rare enemy in
the last dungeon, that the most powerful weapon in the game, the Seven Sword, can
be attained from. In Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan, a potter featured in one of the stages
creates haniwa when a checkpoint is failed.

Return

PLANKTON
Plankton are drifting organisms that inhabit the water column of oceans, seas, and
bodies of fresh water.

Photomontage of plankton organisms

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Definitions

Tomopteris, a polychaete

The name plankton is derived from the Greek word πλανκτος ("planktos"), meaning
"wanderer" or "drifter" (Thurman, 1997). While some forms of plankton are capable
of independent movement and can swim up to several hundreds of metres vertically
in a single day (a behavior called diel vertical migration), their horizontal position is
primarily determined by currents in the body of water they inhabit. By definition,
organisms classified as "plankton" are unable to resist ocean currents. This is in
contrast to nekton organisms that can swim against the ambient flow of the water
environment and control their position (e.g. squid, fish, krill and marine mammals).

Some marine diatoms - a key phytoplankton group

 Page 231

Within the plankton itself, holoplankton are those organisms that spend their entire
life cycle as part of the plankton (e.g. most algae, copepods, salps, and jellyfish). By
contrast, meroplankton are those organisms that are only planktonic for part of their
lives (usually the larval stage), and then graduate to either the nekton or a benthic
existence. Examples of meroplankton include the larvae of sea urchins, sea stars,
crustaceans, marine worms, and most fish.
Plankton abundance and distribution are strongly dependent on factors such as
ambient nutrients concentrations, the physical state of the water column, and the
abundance of other plankton.
The study of plankton is termed planktology. Individual plankton are referred to as
plankters.

Functional groups
Plankton are primarily divided into broad functional (or trophic level) groups:
• Phytoplankton (from Greek phyton, or plant), autotrophic pro- or eukaryotic
algae that live near the water surface where there is sufficient light to support
photosynthesis. Among the more important groups are the diatoms,
cyanobacteria and dinoflagellates.
• Zooplankton (from Greek zoon, or animal), small protozoans or metazoans
(e.g. crustaceans and other animals) that feed on other plankton. Some of the
eggs and larvae of larger animals, such as fish, crustaceans, and annelids, are
included here.
• Bacterioplankton, bacteria and archaea, which play an important role in
remineralising organic material down the water column (note that many
phytoplankton are also bacterioplankton).

An amphipod (Hyperia macrocephala)

 Page 232

This scheme divides the plankton community into broad producer, consumer and
recycler groups. In reality, even the trophic level of some plankton is not
straightforward. For example, although most dinoflagellates are either photosynthetic
producers or heterotrophic consumers, many species are mixotrophic depending upon
their circumstances.

Size groups
Plankton are also often described in terms of size. Usually the following divisions are
used:
• Megaplankton, 2×10-1→2×100 m (20-200 cm)
• Macroplankton, 2×10-2→2×10-1 m (2-20 cm)
• Mesoplankton, 2×10-4→2×10-2 m (0.2 mm-2 cm)
• Microplankton, 2×10-5→2×10-4 m (20-200 µm)
• Nanoplankton, 2×10-6→2×10-5 m (2-20 µm)
• Picoplankton, 2×10-7→2×10-6 m (0.2-2 µm), mostly bacteria
• Femtoplankton, < 2×10-7 m, (< 0.2 µm), consisting of marine viruses
However, some of these terms may be used with very different boundaries, especially
on the larger end of the scale. The existence and importance of nano- and even
smaller plankton was only discovered during the 1980s, but they are thought to make
up the largest proportion of all plankton in number and diversity.

Siphonophora – the "conveyor belt" of the upgrowing larvae and the ovarium can be
seen

Distribution
Plankton are found throughout the oceans, seas and lakes of Earth. However, the local
abundance of plankton varies horizontally, vertically and seasonally. The primary
source of this variability is the availability of light. All plankton ecosystems are
 Page 233

driven by the input of solar energy (but see chemosynthesis), and this confines
primary production to surface waters, and to geographical regions and seasons when
light is abundant.
A secondary source of variability is that of nutrient availability. Although large areas
of the tropical and sub-tropical oceans have abundant light, they experience relatively
low primary production because of the poor availability of nutrients such as nitrate,
phosphate and silicate. This is a product of large-scale ocean circulation and
stratification of the water column. In such regions, primary production, still usually
occurs at greater depth, although at a reduced level (because of reduced light).

An amphipod

Studies have shown that the mineral iron (but only in the proper amounts) leads to
increased blooms of many (though not all) kinds of phytoplankton (e.g. Boyd et al.,
2000). Iron is primarily made available to oceanic phytoplankton through the
deposition of atmospheric dust on the sea surface. Oceanic areas adjacent to arid parts
of continents thus typically have abundant phytoplankton (e.g., the western Atlantic
ocean, where trade winds bring dust from the Sahara Desert in north Africa). It seems
a paradox that arid land areas may actually contribute to increased plant life
proliferation in the world's oceans. It has been theorized (but never actually
attempted) that large-scale 'seeding' of the world's oceans with iron would generate
such massive blooms of phytoplankton so as to draw enough carbon dioxide out of
the atmosphere to counteract the Greenhouse Effect (or global warming).
While plankton are found in the greatest abundance in surface waters, they occur
throughout the water column. At depths where no primary production occurs,
zooplankton and bacterioplankton instead make use of organic material sinking from
the more productive surface waters above. This flux of sinking material can be
especially high following the termination of spring blooms.
 Page 234

Biogeochemical significance
Aside from representing the bottom few levels of a food chain that leads up to
commercially important fisheries, plankton ecosystems play a role in the
biogeochemical cycles of many important elements. Of particular contemporary
significance is their role in the ocean's carbon cycle.
As stated, phytoplankton fix carbon in sunlit surface waters via photosynthesis.
Through (primarily) zooplankton grazing, this carbon enters the planktonic foodweb,
where it is either respired to provide metabolic energy, or accumulates as biomass or
detritus. As living or dead organic material is typically more dense than seawater it
tends to sink, and in open ocean ecosystems away from the coasts this leads to the
transport of carbon from surface waters to the deep. This process is known as the
biological pump, and is one of the reasons that the oceans constitute the largest
(active) pool of carbon on Earth.

A copepod (Calanoida sp.) ca. 1-2 mm long

Some researchers have even proposed that it might be possible to increase the ocean's
uptake of carbon dioxide generated through human activities by increasing the
production of plankton through fertilization, primarily with the micronutrient iron.
However, it is debatable whether this technique is practical at a large scale, and some
researchers have drawn attention to possible drawbacks such as ocean anoxia and
resultant methanogenesis (caused by the excess production remineralising at depth).

Popular Culture
In the animated television series SpongeBob SquarePants, Sheldon J. Plankton is the
name of one of the primary antagonists SpongeBob faces. His relationship to
plankton is manifested in his size, as he is much smaller than the other characters, and
also by his single, copepod-like, eye.
 Page 235

Ceratium, a dinoflagellate phytoplankter

In an episode of the animated television series The Simpsons, the family chooses to
go shopping at a 33-cent discount store which offers a variety of strange foods.
Homer purchases and eats expired canned plankton, and consequently falls ill as a
result of red tide poisoning.
The science fiction novels Timescape by Gregory Benford, and The Secret Of Life by
Paul McAuley both invoke environmental disasters caused by changes in the
ecological behaviour of plankton.
The Nintendo DS console has a videogame called Electroplankton in which they
create music.

Return

Amadeus (Movie where Salieri slowly destroyed Mozart)

Amadeus is the title of a stage play written in 1979 by Peter Shaffer, loosely based on
the lives of the composers Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Antonio Salieri. Amadeus
was inspired by Mozart and Salieri, a short play by Aleksandr Pushkin (later adapted
into an opera of the same name by Nikolay Rimsky-Korsakov), and was itself later
adapted into the film Amadeus.
The title refers to a name that Mozart often used (he was baptized as Johannes
Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart) as a pen name. It is a Latinization of
the Greek Theophilos, which Mozart sometimes also Germanized as "Gottlieb". All
three names mean "God-lover" or "Loved by God" and, aside from being a direct
reference to Mozart, the title serves as an ironic reference to Salieri's relationship with
God in the play and film (see the plot section, below, for more detail).
The play, and to a much larger extent the film, make use of Mozart's music (as well as
that of a few other composers, including Salieri). The film famously opens with the
 Page 236

powerful "Allegro con brio" from Mozart's Symphony No. 25 in G Minor, and reaches
its denouement with Mozart's inimitable Requiem. The film's score was performed by
The Academy of St. Martin-in-the-Fields, conducted by Sir Neville Marriner.

Plot
Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.
Amadeus the theatrical production tells Mozart's story from the point of view of the
court composer Antonio Salieri, who is presented as a caricature of jealous
mediocrity. Salieri speaks directly to the audience at many times during the play, his
soliloquies serving to move the timeline forward and back, and to narrate the goings
on. In the film, Shaffer employs an interlocutor (a young priest) for Salieri to achieve
this same function, but the film is told from a more neutral, third-person perspective
and there are more scenes without Salieri in them (especially in the Director's Cut).
Most of the film, and much of the play, are presented in retrospective.
At the opening of the tale, Salieri has not met Mozart in person, but has heard of him
and his music. He adores Mozart's compositions, and is thrilled at the chance to meet
Mozart in person, during a salon at which both of their compositions will be played.
When he finally does catch sight of Mozart, however, he is deeply disappointed to
find that Mozart's personality does not match the grace or charm of his compositions:
Mozart is crawling around on his hands and knees, engaging in an immature dialogue
with Constanze Weber (who would later become his wife). As Mozart himself later
explains: "I am a vulgar man. But... my music is not."
Salieri cannot reconcile Mozart's boorish behavior with the massive genius that God
has inexplicably bestowed upon him. Indeed, Salieri, who has been a devout Catholic
all his life, cannot believe that God would choose Mozart over him for such a gift.
Salieri rejects God and vows to do everything in his power to destroy Mozart.
Throughout much of the rest of the play, Salieri masquerades as Mozart's ally to his
face, while at the same time doing his utmost to destroy his reputation and any
success his compositions may have. On more than one occasion it is only the direct
intervention of the emperor himself that allows Mozart to continue (interventions
which Salieri opposes, and then is all too happy to take credit for when Mozart
assumes it was he who intervened). Salieri also humiliates Mozart's wife when she
comes to Salieri for aid, and smears Mozart's character with the emperor and the
court. A major theme in Amadeus is Mozart's repeated attempts to win over the
aristocratic "public" with increasingly brilliant compositions, which are always
frustrated either by Salieri or by the aristocracy's own inability to appreciate Mozart's
genius.
Only Baron van Swieten (who early in the story inducts Mozart into the Brotherhood
of the Freemasons) continues to support Mozart. Indeed, by the end of the play,
Mozart is surviving solely because of the charity of his brother Masons. Finally,
 Page 237

Salieri convinces Mozart (who by this time is half-crazed from frustration and
poverty) to compose an opera based on the mythos of the Masons. As a result, Mozart
produces the comedy Die Zauberflöte. Van Swieten is horrified to see that Mozart
has, in his opinion, parodied the venerated traditions of Freemasonry. He summarily
removes Mozart from the Masons. Meanwhile, Mozart's partner in the production of
Die Zauberflöte, Emanuel Schikaneder, cheats Mozart out of most of his share of the
ticket proceeds.
Now thoroughly destroyed and without recourse, Mozart simply wastes away and
dies, still at work on his Requiem.

Historicity
It is well known that Shaffer took dramatic license in his portrayals of both Mozart
and Salieri. There is some debate, however, as to just how much. Documentary
evidence suggests that there was indeed some antipathy between Mozart and Salieri,
but the idea that Salieri was in fact the instigator of Mozart's demise is not given
academic credence. In fact, while there may have been real rivalry between Mozart
and Salieri, there is also evidence that they enjoyed a relationship marked by mutual
respect. For a historical re-evaluation of this rivalry as represented in the play and the
film, musicologist A. Peter Brown's article "Amadeus and Mozart: Setting the Record
Straight"[1] may be more useful.
Mozart
Many classical music critics and experts feel that Shaffer's portrayal of Mozart as
petulant and loutish is unfair. On the other hand, surviving letters by and about
Mozart give examples of his brutal and sometimes profane sense of humor, his
arrogance, his stubbornness, and penchant for juvenile indulgences. Also, extant
records show Mozart was not a good money manager and suffered from large debts,
as portrayed in Amadeus. Finally, Mozart's relationship with his father as portrayed in
the film seems to be accurate, judging from the subtext of their letters to each other.
Another remarkable incongruence between the screenplay and real life is the fact that
Mozart's mother-in-law, Caecilia Weber, is portrayed as Mozart's landlady, and her
daughter Constanze as an innocent girl whom the composer casually met. In fact,
Mozart was in love with one of Constanze's sisters, Aloysia, when he met Constanze
for the first time, and only years later he would ask Constanze's hand in marriage. His
relationship with the Webers seems to have been normal and friendly, especially with
one of his sisters-in-law, Sophie, who was among his favourite singers and played
one of the main roles in the debut of "The Magic Flute".
Recent studies suggest that Mozart died of some form of rheumatic fever (possibly
aggravated by overwork and heavy drinking), and not from any poison. A similar fate
befell Felix Mendelssohn who also demonstrated prodigal gifts for composing - and,
like Mozart, did not survive to his 40th birthday.
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Production
The 1980 Broadway performance of the play starred Ian McKellen as Salieri and Tim
Curry as Mozart. Both actors were nominated for Tony Awards, and McKellen ended
up winning. The play itself was also nominated for costume design (John Bury), and
it also won awards for director Peter Hall, best play, lighting designer, and scenic
designer, both of which were done by John Bury as well.
Mark Hamill was cast as Mozart in the 1983 Los Angeles production.
The play was revived in 2000, and received Tony Award nominations for best revival
and best actor (David Suchet).
As part of the 250th anniversary of Mozart's birth, in March 2006 BBC Radio
broadcast an eight-part first-person adaptation (by Neville Teller) of Shaffer's play as
read by F. Murray Abraham in the narrative role of Salieri.[2]
The 1984 film version of Amadeus starred F.Murray Abraham as Salieri and Thomas
Hulce as Mozart, with Elizabeth Berridge as Constanze. The play was thoroughly
reworked for the film by Peter Shaffer in collaboration with the film's director Milos
Forman, in order to made it more cinematic, and to add scenes not found in the play.
The movie won eight Academy Awards, including Best Picture.
On July 20th, 2006, the Los Angeles Philharmonic presented a production of the
latest revision of the play at Hollywood Bowl. Neil Patrick Harris starred as Mozart,
and Michael York as Salieri; Leonard Slatkin conducted the Philharmonic.
Cast to the Play
• Ian McKellen as Antonio Salieri
• Tim Curry as Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
• Jane Seymour as Constanze Weber
• Nicholas Kepros as Joseph II
• Paul Harding as Count Johann Kilian von Strack
• Patrick Hines as Count Franz Orsini-Rosenberg
• Louis Turrenne as Gottfried van Swieten
• Gordon Gould and Edward Zang as Venticelli
• Philip Pleasants as a Majordomo and a Citizen of Vienna
• Victor Griffin as Salieri's Valet
• Haskell Gordon as Salieri's Cook and a Citizen of Vienna
• Russell Gold as Kappelmeister Bonno and a Citizen of Vienna
• Linda Robbins as Teresa Salieri and a Citizen of Vienna
 Page 239

• Caris Corfman as Katerina Cavalieri and a Citizen of Vienna

• Michele Farr as a Citizen of Vienna
• Martin LaPlatney as a Citizen of Vienna
• Warren Manzi as a Citizen of Vienna
• Michael McCarty as a Citizen of Vienna

Differences between the Play and movie

Play Movie
At the beginning of the movie, Salieri attempts suicide and is
Salieri doesn't commit suicide
brought to a mental hospital where he tells his story to Father
until end of play
Vogler
We don't get the info on Salieri's In Salieri's story, he gets to Vienna after his father's death of
father's death choking on a fishbone
In play, there is no Archbishop In movie, Mozart is chided by Colloredo after Salieri steals
Colloredo into the room and watches his and Constanze's obscene play.
There is no wigmaker's shop
In movie, Mozart tries on three wigs (in screenplay, two)
scene
In movie Cavalieri has lines, but her singing lesson is not in
In play Cavalieri is a silent part
the play
In play, there is no Leopold In movie Leopold Mozart begs Colloredo to take Mozart back
Mozart to his service
In play there is a scene with a In the movie, neither of these scenes are present (nor Salieri's
game of forfeits and Salieri riddle at the beginning) (The DVD of the extended version of
seducing Constanze the movie does have the seduction scene)
In play, Constanze offers herself In movie, this scene is replaced with Leopold's arrival in
to Salieri Vienna
In play Salieri recommends a bad
In movie the scene is cut and replaced with Mozart, Leopold
musician to teach Joseph II's
and Constanze going to a masquerade party
daughter, Princess Elizabeth

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Kintarō
This article is about the Japanese folklore hero; for the Mortal Kombat character,
see Kintaro (Mortal Kombat).
Kintarō (金太郎, often translated as "Golden Boy") is a folk hero from the Japanese
folklore tradition. A child of superhuman strength, he was raised by a mountain
ogress on Mount Ashigara. He became friendly with the animals of the mountain, and
later, after catching the terror of the region around Mount Ooe, Shutendouji, he
became a loyal follower of Minamoto no Yorimitsu, Sakata no Kintoki. Now, it is a
custom to put up a Kintarō doll on Boy's Day, in the hope that the sons of the time
will become equally brave and strong.
Kintarō is based on a real man named Kintoki Sakata who lived during the Heian
period and probably came from what is now the city of Minami-ashigara. He served
as a retainer for the samurai Yorimitsu Minamoto and became well known for his
abilities as a warrior. As with many larger-than-life individuals, however, his legend
has grown with time.

Legend
Several competing stories tell of Kintaro's childhood. In one, he was raised by his
mother, Princess Yaegiri, daughter of a wealthy man named Shiman-choja, in the
village of Jizodo, near Mt. Kintoki. In a competing legend, his mother gave birth to
him in what is now Sakata. She was forced to flee, however, due to fighting between
her husband, a samurai named Sakata, and his uncle. She finally settled in the forests
of Mt. Kintoki to raise her son. Alternatively, Kintaro's real mother left the child in
the wilds or died and left him an orphan, and he was raised by the mountain witch
Yama-uba (one tale says Kintaro's mother raised him in the wilds, but due to her
haggard appearance, she came to be called Yama-uba). In the most fanciful version of
the tale, Yama-uba was Kintaro's mother, impregnated by a clap of thunder sent from
a red dragon of Mt. Ashigara.
The legends agree that even as a toddler, Kintarō was active and indefatigable, plump
and ruddy, wearing only a bib with the Chinese character for "gold" on it. His only
other accoutrement was a hatchet (a Chinese symbol of thunder). He was bossy to
other children (or there simply were no other children in the forest), so his friends
were mainly the animals of Mt. Kintoki and Mt. Ashigara. He was also phenomenally
strong, able to smash rocks into pieces, uproot trees, and bend trunks like twigs. His
animal friends served him as messengers and mounts, and some legends say that he
even learned to speak their language. Several tales tell of Kintaro's adventures,
fighting monsters and demons, beating bears in sumo wrestling, and helping the local
woodcutters fell trees.
 Page 241

As an adult, Kintarō changed his name to Kintoki Sakata. He met the samurai
Yorimitsu Minamoto as he passed through the area around Mt. Kintoki. Minamoto
was impressed by Kintaro's enormous strength, so he took him as one of his personal
retainers to live with him in Kyoto. Kintoki studied martial arts there and eventually
became the chief of Yorimitsu's "Four Braves" and renown for his strength and
martial prowess. He eventually went back for his mother and brought her to Kyoto as
well.

Kintarō in Modern Japan

Kintarō is an extremely popular figure in Japan, and his image adorns everything
from statues to storybooks, anime, manga to action figures. For example, the anime
Golden Boy stars the character. Kintarō candy has been around since the Edo period;
no matter how the candy is cut, Kintarō's face appears inside. Japanese tradition is to
decorate the room of a newborn baby boy with Kintarō dolls on Children's Day (May
5) so that the child will grow up to be strong like the Golden Boy. A shrine dedicated
to the folk hero lies at the foot of Mt. Kintoki in the Hakone area near Tokyo. Nearby
is a giant boulder that was supposedly chopped in half by the boy hero himself.

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Golden Raspberry Awards

The Golden Raspberry Awards or Razzies were created by John Wilson in 1980,
intended to complement the Academy Awards by dishonoring the worst acting,
screenwriting, songwriting, directing, and films that the film industry had to offer.
Current awards are voted upon by the membership of the Golden Raspberry Award
Foundation (GRAF). Traditionally, nominations are announced one day before the
Motion Picture Academy announces its Oscar nominations, and the awards are
presented one day before the Oscar ceremony.
The term "raspberry" is used in its irreverent sense, as in "blowing a raspberry." In
Cockney rhyming slang, "raspberry" means flatulence, "raspberry tart" rhyming with
"fart".
Stars who have accepted the "honor"
Many quite distinguished actors, directors and producers have received the
recognition of a Golden Raspberry. However, due to the nature of the award, it is
typically not picked up by its recipients. In fact, this has only happened a handful of
times in the history of the awards:
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• 1988: Bill Cosby "won" three Razzie Awards for Worst Picture, Worst Actor
and Worst Screenplay for Leonard Part 6, a botched spoof of spy flicks that
Cosby himself had condemned on several talk shows. Cosby became the first
person to personally accept his Razzies, which he did a few weeks after the
actual ceremony on Fox's The Late Show. He did request, though, that his
trophies be a "deluxe" version of the usual Razzies. They were made out of
24-carat gold and Italian marble, at a cost of $27,000 - paid by the network.
(The regular award consists of a fake raspberry atop a Super 8 film reel that's
been spray-painted gold. The Golden Raspberry Awards Foundation estimates
its value to be $4.97.)
• 1996: Paul Verhoeven was the first person to accept a Razzie in person at the
awards ceremony when he accepted Worst Director for Showgirls.
• 1998: Screenwriter Brian Helgeland became the first person to win a Razzie
and an Oscar in the same year - in fact, on the same weekend. His Best
Adapted Screenplay Academy Award was for L.A. Confidential, and it came
the day after he "won" the Razzie for Worst Screenplay for Kevin Costner's
The Postman. While Helgeland did not attend the Razzie ceremony, he did
express a wish to get his dishonor and display it next to his Oscar to remind
him of "the Quixotic nature" of Hollywood. Soon after, he was indeed
officially presented his Razzie at his offices on the Warner Bros. lot.
• 2002: Tom Green accepted all five of his Razzie Awards, including Worst
Picture, for Freddy Got Fingered. He declared "I want to say I didn't deserve
this... dear god, I want to say that." He turned up in a white Cadillac, bringing
his own length of cheap red carpet. Green's speech included a never-ending
piece of music played on the harmonica, for which he eventually had to be
dragged off stage by the organizers.
• 2004: Ben Affleck, after winning Worst Actor for his work in Gigli, Daredevil
and Paycheck, asked why he did not get his trophy. He was presented the
Razzie live on Larry King Live a week later, which he promptly broke. The
broken Razzie sold on eBay for enough money to cover the hall rental for the
next year's ceremonies.
• 2005: Halle Berry surprised Hollywood by giving a mock breathless
acceptance speech at the Razzie ceremony, clutching her Oscar (2002 Best
Actress for Monster's Ball) in one hand and her Razzie in the other. Berry had
won the award for worst actress for her performance in Catwoman, which also
won in three other categories. Shortly after this incident, John Wilson released
a statement to the press praising Halle Berry's other performances and stating
that he looks forward to Berry giving other Oscar-worthy performances.
The only two actors to be nominated for an Oscar and Razzie for the same
performance are James Coco for Only When I Laugh in 1982 and Amy Irving for
Yentl in 1984. Neither won either award.
 Page 243

The only actors to have won both a Razzie and an Oscar for acting are Faye
Dunaway, Marlon Brando, Charlton Heston, Laurence Olivier, Roberto Benigni,
Halle Berry, and Liza Minnelli. Sofia Coppola, Ben Affleck, Kevin Costner, and
Prince are also Oscar and Razzie winners, but only one or none of the awards were in
acting.
Types of Awards
Over the years the Golden Raspberry Awards have had three different awards.
Razzie Award
The most famous award. It usually takes the form of a raspberry on a plastic base and
is spray painted gold. It was first awarded in 1981.
Worst Career Achievement Award
This award was only awarded from 1982 to 1987.

Governor's Award
This is a special award given by Razzie Award governor John Wilson to an individual
whose achievements are not covered by the Razzie's other categories. It was awarded
in 2003 to Travis Payne for "Distinguished Under-Achievement in Choreography" in
the film From Justin to Kelly.

Golden Raspberry Awards

1980 1981 1982 1983 1984 1985 1986 1987 1988 1989

1990 1991 1992 1993 1994 1995 1996 1997 1998 1999

2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005

Criticism
• Some believe that the Razzies give out "awards" based on hype, instead of
judging on film quality, or lack thereof.[1] For example, George W. Bush was
"awarded" worst actor in 2004 for appearing in the documentary Fahrenheit
9/11. The GRAF apparently addressed this in 2006, when it handed out four
Razzies to Dirty Love, a film in which the official GRAF press release
announcing the 2005 winners proclaimed as "...a little stinker that no one
but... [Razzie voters] ...even seem to know existed." [2]
The nominating of Bush and others in his cabinet for their brief appearances in the
Michael Moore documentary signaled what some believe was the Razzies' "jumping
the shark" moment.[3] They followed in 2006 (awarding the worst of 2005) with a
 Page 244

new category criticizing Tom Cruise for his odd behavior during media appearances,
most notably jumping up and down on a couch on the Oprah Winfrey talk show.
Head Razzberry John Wilson acknowledged that the Cruise-dominated nods in the
new Razzie category of Most Tiresome Tabloid Targets was the Razzies' way of
offering social satire.

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Hakama
Hakama (袴) are a type of traditional Japanese clothing. Hakama cover the lower
body and resemble a wide, pleated skirt. Hakama were originally worn only by men,
but today they are worn (albeit slightly differently) by both men and women. Hakama
are tied at the waist and fall approximately to the ankles.

Hakama worn by an aikidoka (left of the picture)

There are two types of hakama, divided (umanori 馬乗り, horse-riding hakama) and
undivided (gyōtō hakama 行灯袴). The umanori type are divided like trousers, but
nearer the bottom of the garment. This type of hakama are often called "divided
skirts". Both types are identical in outside appearance. A third type, called
"mountain" or "field" hakama, were traditionally worn by field or forest workers.
They are looser in the waist and narrower in the leg.
 Page 245

Hakama are worn over a kimono. There are four straps, a long one on either side of
the front of the garment, and a short one on either side of the rear. The rear of the
garment has a rigid board-like section and a toggle which is tucked into the rear of the
obi, and helps to keep the hakama in place.
Hakama were originally worn by samurai, and had the same function as chaps, the
leather trouser protectors worn by cowboys in the west, that is, to protect the clothing.
Hakama have seven deep pleats, two on the back and five on the front. The pleats are
supposed to represent the virtues considered essential by the samurai. Many martial
artists continue this tradition, but different sources give different meaning to these
pleats.

Men's hakama
The most formal type of hakama are made of stiff, striped silk, usually black and
white, or black and grey. These are worn with black montsuki kimono (kimono with
one, three, or five family crests on the back, chest, and shoulders), white tabi
(divided-toe socks), white under-kimono and woven straw sandals of various types.
In colder weather a montsuki haori (long jacket) with a white haori-himo (haori-
fastener) completes the outfit.
Hakama can be worn with any type of kimono except yukata (light cotton summer
kimono generally worn for relaxing, for sleeping, or at festivals or summer outings).
While striped hakama are usually worn with formal kimono, stripes in colours other
than black, grey and white may be worn with less formal wear. Solid and gradated
colours are also common. A hakama makes any outfit a little more formal.
While hakama used to be a required part of men's wear, nowadays men usually wear
hakama only on extremely formal occasions and at tea ceremonies, weddings, and
funerals. Hakama are also regularly worn by practitioners of a variety of martial arts,
such as kendo, aikido, kyudo, et cetera. It is said that the flowing fabric of the hakama
can disguise the movements of the warrior giving him an advantage in combat.
Sumo wrestlers, who do not wear hakama in the context of their sport, are, however,
required to wear traditional Japanese dress whenever they appear in public. As
hakama are one of the most important parts of traditional male formal dress, sumo
wrestlers are often seen wearing hakama when attending appropriately formal
functions.
There are many ways for men to tie hakama. First, the obi is tied in a special knot (an
"under-hakama knot") at the rear; men start with the front section, bringing the ties
around the back and crossing them over the top of the knot of the obi. The ties are
brought to the front and crossed below the waist, then tied at the back, under the knot
of the obi. The toggle is then tucked behind the obi, and the rear ties are brought to
the front and tied in a variety of ways. The most formal method results in a knot that
resembles two bow-ties in a cross shape.
 Page 246

Kamishimo, kataginu, and naga-bakama

Hakama traditionally formed part of a complete outfit called a kamishimo (上下 or
裃). Worn by samurai and court men, the outfit included a formal kimono, hakama,
and a sleeveless jacket with exaggerated shoulders called a kataginu (pictured above).

An Edo-era kamishimo outfit, consisting of a kataginu (a sleeveless jacket with

exaggerated shoulders) (left) and hakama (centre). This was typical formal attire for
samurai and court men in the Edo period.

Instead of hakama, samurai visiting the shōgun at court were sometimes required to
wear very long hakama called naga-bakama (long hakama). These resemble normal
hakama in every way except their remarkable length in both the back and front,
forming a train one or two feet long and impeding the ability to walk normally, thus
helping to prevent a surprise attack or assassination attempt (see image here).

Karusan-bakama
Some hakama during the sengoku period had the hems made narrower than the body
in imitation of the ballooning trousers worn by the Portuguese. This style carried on
into the Edo period and became called karusan-bakama. In addition to the taper, they
had a secured band of cloth — looking rather like a pants cuff — sewn around each
leg’s hem, so the ballooning fabric would not open out like regular hakama.
 Page 247

Sashinuki Hakama
Sashinuki are a type of hakama that are meant to be worn blousing over the leg and
exposing the foot. To accomplish this, they are somewhat longer than normal
hakama, and a cord is run through the hem and drawn tight, creating a "ballooning"
effect . To allow for the body required, more formal sashinuki were six-panel hakama
rather than the more low-class four-panels. Technically, this cord around the ankle
makes sashinuki a type of kukuri- (tied) bakama.The earliest form of sashinuki were
cut like normal hakama (albeit a bit longer) and have a cord running through the hem
of each leg. These cords were pulled tight and tied off at the ankle. This was the form
commonly worn during the Heian period. Sashinuki were worn by court nobles with
various types of leisure or semi-formal wear.

Women's hakama
Women's hakama differ from men's in a variety of ways, most notably fabric design
and method of tying.
While men's hakama can be worn on both formal and informal occasions, women
rarely wear hakama except at graduation ceremonies, though this is by no means a
rule. Women also wear hakama as part of their martial arts uniform. In some schools,
hakama are reserved for senior students. Only very rarely are hakama worn by
women at tea ceremony.
While formal men's hakama are made of striped fabric, women's hakama tend to be of
single-colour or gradated fabric. Women wear hakama at the true waist, while men
wear them slightly below. An Obi (sash) is considered optional for women in some
martial arts wear.
The method of tying the himo (ties) is also different, with women's hakama being tied
in a simpler knot or a bow. The front himo are first wrapped at the back, then again at
the front, then tied at the back in a knot. Then the back himo are brought around to
the front. At this point, it may be tied with a bow at the left hip, just in front of the
opening, with the ends of the himo at equal lengths. For more secure fastening, the
himo may be wrapped once at center front, then tied inside at the back.
 Page 248

Folding hakama

A folded hakama
Like all types of traditional Japanese clothing, it is important to fold and store hakama
correctly to prevent damage and prolong the life of the garment, especially those that
are made of silk. With hakama this is particularly important, since hakama have so
many pleats which can easily lose their creases; recreasing the pleats may require
specialist attention in extreme cases.
Hakama are often considered particularly challenging to learn to fold properly, in part
because of their pleats and in part because their long ties must be correctly smoothed
and gathered before being tied in specific patterns.
Various martial arts traditions in which practitioners wear them have prescribed
methods of folding the hakama. This is often considered an important part of
etiquette.

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 Page 249

Česká Zbrojovka Uhersky Brod

Česká Zbrojovka a.s. Uherský Brod (ČZUB) is a Czech firearms manufacturer also
known for making ČZ motorcycles.

CZUB logo on ČZ 75B grips

History
CZUB was established in 1919 as a branch of the Škoda Works Armament firm in the
small Moravian town of Uherský Brod in Czechoslovakia, now in the Czech
Republic.
After World War II all the firearms manufacturers were managed by a single central
agency which required that "Any firearm exported will bare the BRNO markings",
this is why there are many CZUB firearms with BRNO markings.
Throughout the Cold War CZUB manufactured a wide variety of military small arms
including the Vz 52 pistol, the CZ 58 assault rifle, the vz. 61 Škorpion, various .22
caliber training and target rifles and of course the CZ 75 family of pistols.
In 1991 the Czech weapons factories were "de-centralized" and began business as
free market companies. CZUB was the first to move into the free world economy,
establishing a small arms presence across the globe and dominating the market in
over 60 countries.
In 1991 CZUB established a permanent presence in the United States with the
founding of CZ-USA. CZUB and CZ-USA continue to expand and dominate the
small arms market world wide, with military, police, defensive, sporting and
recreational firearms of unparalleled design and quality.
The CZUB factory employs some 2000+ highly trained engineers, craftsmen and
business personnel, making it one of the largest firearms manufacturers in the world.

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Schweizerische Industrie Gesellschaft

 Page 250

SIG, (Swiss Industrial Group) or (Schweizerische Industrie Gesellschaft) is a

Swiss company that has been active in various businesses during its more than 150
years of operation. Since the year 2000 the Group has undergone strategic refocus,
concentrating on its core compentence in packaging technology. Today SIG
comprises two divisions: SIG Combibloc and SIG Beverages, specializing in aseptic
carton and PET packaging respectively.
Railways

SBB RABDe 500

In 1853, SIG was founded in Neuhausen am Rheinfall (Canton of Schaffhausen,

Switzerland), as a manufacturer of railway wagons. In the late 1970s, SIG was one of
two builders of Toronto's latest streetcar, the CLRV L1. Only the first five CLRV
cars were made by SIG, the rest by UTDC. The tilting system of the SBB RABDe
500 was developed by SIG. The railway branch of SIG was sold in 1995 to FIAT and
in 2000 to Alstom, today only components are manufactured in the Neuhausen works.

Firearms
From 1960 to 2000, SIG produced firearms. The products are imported into the USA
under the name SIGARMS.
Due to Swiss restrictions on the export of military weapons, SIG entered into a
relationship with the German company J.P. Sauer & Sohn in order to allow SIG
access to the world firearms market.
The SIG P-210 pistol was developed between 1938 and 1945, and was adopted by the
Swiss military in 1949 as the "Pistole 49". The single-action semi-automatic P-210
brought SIG much acclaim, due to the precision manufacturing processes employed
in its manufacture and its resultant accuracy and reliability. The P-210 frame design
incorporates external rails that fit closely with the slide, thus eliminating "play" in the
mechanism during firing.
 Page 251

The P-210 was replaced by the Swiss military in 1975 with the P-220, dubbed the
"Pistole 75". In a 1984 bidding contest to provide more than 300,000 sidearms to the
US military, the SIG-Sauer P-226 was narrowly defeated by the Beretta 92FS.
In 2000, the new company Swiss Arms took over the firearms branch of SIG.

Packaging
The first packaging machines were produced in 1906. Today SIG consists of two
divisions SIG Combibloc and SIG Beverages, which focuses on machines and
materials for aseptic carton and plastic packaging respectively.

Return

Torii
A torii (Japanese: 鳥居) is a traditional Japanese gate commonly found at the entry to
a Shinto shrine. It has two upright supports and two crossbars on the top, and is
frequently painted vermilion. Some torii have tablets with writing mounted between
the crossbars. Traditionally, torii are made of wood or stone. In recent times, makers
have started to use steel and even stainless steel.

A famous "floating" torii at Itsukushima Shrine

Inari shrines typically have many torii. A person who has been successful in business
often donates a torii in gratitude. The Fushimi Inari shrine in Kyoto has thousands of
torii.
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Multiple torii at Osaka shrine

As hinted by the kanji (鳥 tori: bird; 居 i: place), a torii is designed for birds to rest.
This is because in Shintoism, birds are considered messengers of the gods.
The origin of the torii is said to come from an old Japanese legend, when the sun
goddess Amaterasu became extremely annoyed with her prankster brother. She hid
herself in a cave and sealed the entrance with a rock, causing an eclipse. The people
were afraid that if the sun never returned, they all would die. So, at the advice of a
wise old man, they built a large bird perch out of wood and placed all the town's
roosters on this perch. They all started to crow noisily, causing the curious sun
goddess to peek out of her cave. Having opened the door a crack, a large sumo
wrestler from the town ran up and pushed the rock away, letting the sun out and thus
the world was saved. That bird perch was the first torii gate. From then on, the torii
became a symbol of prosperity and good fortune, and spread all over Japan.
Similar structures can be found in Tai societies. Compare also to torana, in Hindu and
Buddhist architecture (India, Nepal).

Torii are widespread in Japan, to the extent that modern architecture sometimes
emulates their form.

Return
 Page 253

Catharsis
For other uses, see Catharsis (disambiguation).
Catharsis, Latin from the Greek Katharsis meaning purification or cleansing (also
literally from the ancient Greek gerund καθαίρειν transliterated as kathairein "to
purify, purge," and adjective katharos "pure or clean " ancient and modern Greek:
καθαρός), is a sudden emotional breakdown or climax that constitutes overwhelming
feelings of great pity, sorrow, laughter, or any extreme change in emotion that results
in the renewal, restoration and revitalization for living.
Catharsis is a form of emotional cleansing first defined by the Greek philosopher
Aristotle. It refers to the sensation, or literary effect, that would ideally overcome an
audience upon finishing watching a tragedy. The fact that there existed those who
could suffer a worse fate than them was to them a relief, and at the end of the play,
they felt ekstasis (Greek: έκστασις) (literally: astonishment, meaning: trance), from
which the modern words exstasis and ecstasy are derived. While seemingly related to
schadenfreude, it is not, however, in the sense that the audience is not intentionally
led to feel happy in light of others' misfortunes; in an invariant sense, their spirits are
refreshed through having greater appreciation for life.
In literary aesthetics catharsis is developed by the conjunction of stereotyped
characters and unique or surprising actions. Throughout a play we do not expect the
nature of a character to change significantly, rather pre-existing elements are revealed
in a relatively straight-forward way as the character is confronted with unique actions
in time. This can be clearly seen in Oedipus Rex where King Oedipus is confronted
with ever more outrageous actions until emptying generated by the death of his
mother-wife and his act of self-blinding. As a literary effect, catharsis should be
compared with the equivalent effects for epic and poetic forms of kairosis and
kenosis.
In contemporary aesthetics catharsis may also refer to any emptying of emotion
experienced by an audience in relation to drama. This exstasis can be perceived in
comedy, melodrama and most other dramatic forms. Deliberate attempts, on political
or aesthetic bases, to subvert the structure of catharsis in theatre have occurred. For
example, Bertold Brecht viewed catharsis as a pap for the bourgeois theatre audience,
and designed dramas which left significant emotions unresolved, as a way to force
social action upon the audience. In Brecht's theory, the absence of a cathartic
resolving action would require the audience to take political action in the real world
in order to fill the emotional gap they experience. This technique can be seen as early
as his agit-prop play The measures taken.
Medical uses
The term catharsis has been used for centuries as a medical term meaning a
"purging." Most commonly in a medical context, it euphemistically refers to a
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purging of the bowels. A drug, herb, or other agent administered as a strong laxative
is termed a cathartic.
The term catharsis has also been adopted by modern psychotherapy to describe the
act of expressing deep emotions often associated with events in the individual's past
which have never before been adequately expressed.
Religion
Another meaning under the heading of 'purging' can concern body and soul— in
religion, it concerns efforts made to come to terms with guilt and sin, as by penance
such as by chastisement (in modern use of that word, the meaning of punishment has
taken over from the original sense of purification), such as practiced by flagellants; a
testimony to the age of this use is the very name of the Cathars (a medieval sect).
In Mysticism, the end of human life and of philosophy is to realize the mystical return
of the soul to God. Freeing itself from the sensuous world by katharsis, the purified
human soul ascends by successive steps through the various degrees of the
metaphysical order, until it unites itself in a confused and unconscious contemplation
to the One, and sinks into it in the state of ecstasis.
Thus in the neo-Platonism of Plotinus, the first step in the return of the soul to God is
the act by which the soul, withdrawing from the world of sense by a process of
purification (katharsis), frees itself from the trammels of matter.
Cathartic Sacrifice
In early cults, the distinction between sacred and unclean is far from complete or well
defined (see Taboo); consequently we find two types of cathartic sacrifice: one to
cleanse of impurity and make fit for common use, another to rid of sanctity and in
like manner render suitable for human use or intercourse.
• The most conspicuous example of the first class is the scapegoat. Two goats
were provided by the ancient Hebrews on the Day of Atonement; the high
priest sent one into the desert, after confessing on it the sins of Israel; it was
not permitted to run free but was probably cast over a precipice; the other was
sacrificed as a sin-offering. In like manner in the purification of lepers two
birds were used; the throat of one was cut, the living bird dipped in the blood
mingled with water and the leper sprinkled; then the bird was set free to carry
away the leprosy. In both these rites we seem to have a duplication of ritual,
and the parallelism of sacrifice and liberation is clear.
As an example of the second class may be taken the sacrifice of the bull to Rudra.
MM. Hubert and Mauss interpret this to mean that the sanctity of the remainder of the
herd was concentrated on a single animal; the god, incarnate in the herd, was
eliminated by the sacrifice, and the cattle saved from the dangers to which their
association with the god exposed them. In the Feast of Firstfruits we have another
example of the same sort; comparable with this concentration of holiness is the
respect or veneration shown to a single animal as representative of its species (see
 Page 255

animal worship). In both these cases the object of the rite is the elimination of
impurity or of a source of danger. But the Nazarite was equally bound to lay aside his
holiness before mixing with common folk and returning to ordinary life; this he did
by a sacrifice, which, with the offering of his hair upon the altar, freed him from his
vow and reduced him to the same level of sanctity as ordinary men.

Return

Dantian (Abdomen)
Dantian or Tan t'ien (Chinese: Dāntián 丹田; Japanese: Tanden 丹田; Korean:
단전 DanJeon 丹田; Thai Dantian ตันเถียน) which literally means "cinnabar or
red field" and is loosely translated as "elixir field". It is described as an important
focus point for internal meditative techniques, and refers specifically to the physical
center of gravity located in the abdomen three finger widths below and two finger
widths behind the navel. It is important in qigong, neigong, tao yin and other
breathing techniques, as well as for traditional Chinese medicine and is also widely
used throughout East Asian meditation and martial arts theory, especially the neijia
school of Chinese martial arts.
The Dan Tian is sometimes divided into sections. The lower Dan Tian (at the navel as
described above) is associated with physical energy, and sometimes sexuality. The
middle Dan Tian (at the Solar plexus) deals with respiration and the health of internal
organs. The upper Dan Tian (at the Third eye) relates to your consciousness, or shen,
and your brain.
It is often used interchangeably with the Japanese word hara (腹; Chinese: fù), which
literally means simply "belly". In Chinese and Japanese tradition, it is considered the
physical center of gravity for the human body and by extension the seat of one's
internal energy (qi). A master of calligraphy, swordsmanship, tea ceremony, martial
arts or the like is said to be "acting from the hara" in Japan. Buddhist teachers often
instruct their students to center their mind in dantian, said to aid control of thoughts
and emotions. Acting from the dantian is said therefore to be related to the state of
samadhi.

Return

Laser
For other uses, see Laser (disambiguation).
 Page 256

A laser (from the acronym Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation)

is an optical source that emits photons in a coherent beam. The back-formed verb to
lase means "to produce laser light" or possibly "to apply laser light to".
Laser light is typically near-monochromatic, i.e., consisting of a single wavelength or
color, and emitted in a narrow beam. This is in contrast to common light sources,
such as the incandescent light bulb, which emit incoherent photons in almost all
directions, usually over a wide spectrum of wavelengths.
Laser action is explained by the theories of quantum mechanics and thermodynamics.
Many materials have been found to have the required characteristics to form the laser
gain medium needed to power a laser, and these have led to the invention of many
types of lasers with different characteristics suitable for different applications.
The laser was proposed as a variation of the maser principle in the late 1950s, and the
first laser was demonstrated in 1960. Since that time, laser manufacturing has become
a multi-billion dollar industry, and the laser has found applications in fields including
science, industry, medicine, and consumer electronics.

Lasers range in size from microscopic diode
lasers (top) with numerous applications, to
football field sized neodymium glass lasers
(bottom) used for inertial confinement
fusion, nuclear weapons research and other
high energy density physics experiments.
A dye laser used at the Starfire Optical
Range for LIDAR and laser guide star
experiments is tuned to the sodium D
line and used to excite sodium atoms in
the upper atmosphere.
 Page 257

Physics
See also: Laser science

Principal components:
1. Active laser medium
2. Laser pumping energy
3. Mirror
4. Partial mirror
5. Laser beam

A laser is composed of an active laser medium, or gain medium, and a resonant

optical cavity.
The gain medium transfers external energy into the laser beam. It is a material of
controlled purity, size and shape, which amplifies the beam by the quantum
mechanical process of stimulated emission, discovered by Albert Einstein while
researching the photoelectric effect. The gain medium is energized, or pumped, by an
external energy source. Examples of pump sources include electricity and light, for
example from a flash lamp or from another laser. The pump energy is absorbed by the
laser medium, putting some of its particles into high-energy, or excited, quantum
states. When the number of particles in one excited state exceeds the number of
particles in some lower-energy state, population inversion is achieved. In this
condition, an optical beam passing through the medium produces more stimulated
emission than the stimulated absorption so the beam is amplified. An excited laser
medium can also function as an optical amplifier.
The light generated by stimulated emission is very similar to the input signal in terms
of wavelength, phase, and polarization. This gives laser light its characteristic
coherence, and allows it to maintain the uniform polarization and monochromaticity
established by the optical cavity design.
The optical cavity, an example of a type of cavity resonator, contains a coherent beam
of light between reflective surfaces so that each photon passes through the gain
 Page 258

medium multiple times before being emitted from the output aperture or lost to
diffraction or absorption. As light circulates through the cavity, passing through the
gain medium, if the gain (amplification) in the medium is stronger than the resonator
losses, the power of the circulating light can rise exponentially. However, each
stimulated emission event returns a particle from its excited state to the ground state,
reducing the capacity of the gain medium for further amplification. When this effect
becomes strong, the gain is said to be saturated. The balance of pump power against
gain saturation and cavity losses produces an equilibrium value of the intracavity
laser power which determines the operating point of the laser. If the pump power is
chosen too small, the gain is not sufficient to overcome the resonator losses, and the
laser will emit only very small light powers. The minimum pump power required to
begin laser action is called the lasing threshold. Note that the gain medium will
amplify any photons passing through it, regardless of direction, however it is only the
ones that happen to be aligned with the cavity that manage to make multiple passes
through the medium and so have significant amplification.
The beam in the cavity and the output beam of the laser, if they occur in free space
rather than waveguides (as in an optical fiber laser), are often Gaussian beams. If the
beam is not a pure Gaussian shape, the transverse modes of the beam may be
analyzed as a superposition of Hermite-Gaussian or Laguerre-Gaussian beams. The
beam may be highly collimated, that is, having a very small divergence, but a
perfectly collimated beam cannot be created, due to the effect of diffraction.
Nonetheless, a laser beam will spread much less than a beam of incoherent light. The
distance over which the beam remains collimated increases with the square of the
beam diameter, and the angle at which the beam eventually diverges varies inversely
with the diameter. Thus, a beam generated by a small laboratory laser such as a
helium-neon (HeNe) laser spreads to approximately 1.6 kilometres (1 mile) in
diameter if shone from the Earth's surface to the Moon. By comparison, the output of
a typical semiconductor laser, due to its small diameter, diverges almost immediately
on exiting the aperture, at an angle that may be as high as 50°. However, such a
divergent beam can be transformed into a collimated beam by means of a lens. In
contrast, the light from non-laser light sources cannot be collimated by optics as well
or much.
 Page 259

A HeNe laser demonstration at the Kastler-Brossel

Laboratory at Univ. Paris 6. The glowing ray in the
middle is an electric discharge producing light in
much the same way as a neon light; though it is the
gain medium through which the laser passes, it is not
the laser beam itself which is visible there. The laser
beam crosses the air and marks a red point on the
screen to the right.

The output of a laser may be a continuous, constant-amplitude output (known as CW

or continuous wave), or pulsed, by using the techniques of Q-switching, modelocking,
or gain-switching. In pulsed operation, much higher peak powers can be achieved.
Some types of lasers, such as dye lasers and vibronic solid-state lasers can produce
light over a broad range of wavelengths; this property makes them suitable for the
generation of extremely short pulses of light, on the order of a femtosecond (10-15 s).
Though the laser phenomenon was discovered with the help of quantum physics, it is
not essentially more quantum mechanical than are other sources of light. In fact the
operation of a free electron laser can be explained without reference to quantum
mechanics.
It should be understood that the word light in the acronym Light Amplification by
Stimulated Emission of Radiation is typically used in the expansive sense, as photons
of any energy; it is not limited to photons in the visible spectrum. Hence there are X-
 Page 260

ray lasers, infrared lasers, ultraviolet lasers, etc. Because the microwave equivalent
of the laser, the maser, was developed first, devices that emit microwave and radio
frequencies are usually called masers. In early literature, particularly from researchers
at Bell Telephone Laboratories, the laser was often called the optical maser. This
usage has since become uncommon, and as of 1998 even Bell Labs uses the term
laser[1].
One sometimes also encounters other prefixes, based on the portion of the spectrum
in which a device emits, for example raser for a radio-frequency laser (or maser), and
graser for a gamma-ray laser[2]. This usage is also now uncommon.

History
In 1916, Albert Einstein laid the foundation for the invention of the laser and its
predecessor, the maser, in a ground-breaking rederivation of Max Planck's law of
radiation based on the concepts of spontaneous and induced emission. The theory was
forgotten until after World War II.
In 1953, Charles H. Townes and graduate students James P. Gordon and Herbert J.
Zeiger produced the first maser, a device operating on similar principles to the laser,
but producing microwave rather than optical radiation. Townes' maser was incapable
of continuous output. Nikolay Basov and Aleksandr Prokhorov of the Soviet Union
worked independently on the quantum oscillator and solved the problem of
continuous output systems by using more than two energy levels. These systems
could release stimulated emission without falling to the ground state, thus maintaining
a population inversion. Townes, Basov and Prokhorov shared the Nobel Prize in
Physics in 1964 "for fundamental work in the field of quantum electronics, which has
led to the construction of oscillators and amplifiers based on the maser-laser
principle."
In 1957 Charles Hard Townes and Arthur Leonard Schawlow, then at Bell Labs,
began a serious study of the infrared maser. As ideas were developed, infrared
frequencies were abandoned with focus on visible light instead. The concept was
originally known as an "optical maser". Bell Labs filed a patent application for their
proposed optical maser a year later. Schawlow and Townes sent a manuscript of their
theoretical calculations to Physical Review, which published their paper that year
(Volume 112, Issue 6).
Simultaneously, Gordon Gould, a graduate student at Columbia University, was
working on a doctoral thesis on the energy levels of excited thallium. Gould and
Townes met and had conversations on the general subject of radiation emission. After
that meeting, Gould made notes about his ideas for a "laser" in November 1957. In
1958, Prokhorov proposed an open resonator which became an important ingredient
of future lasers. The first introduction of the term "laser" to the public was in Gould's
1959 paper "The LASER, Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation".
Gould intended "aser" to be a suffix, to be used with an appropriate prefix for the
 Page 261

spectra of light emitted by the device (e.g. X-ray laser = xaser, UltraViolet laser =
uvaser). None of the other terms became popular, although "raser" is sometimes used
for radio-frequency emitting devices.
Gould's notes included possible applications for a laser, such as spectrometry,
interferometry, radar, and nuclear fusion. He continued working on his idea and filed
a patent application in April 1959. The U.S. Patent Office denied his application and
awarded it to Bell Labs in 1960. This sparked a legal battle that spanned three
decades, with scientific prestige and much money at stake. Gould won his first minor
patent in 1977, but it was not until 1987 that he could claim his first significant patent
victory when a federal judge ordered the government to issue patents to him for the
optically pumped laser and the gas discharge laser.
The first working laser was made by Theodore H. Maiman in 1960[3] at Hughes
Research Laboratories in Malibu, California, beating several research teams including
those of Townes at Columbia University, and Arthur L. Schawlow at Bell Labs[4].
Maiman used a solid-state flashlamp-pumped synthetic ruby crystal to produce red
laser light at 694 nanometres wavelength. Maiman's laser, however, was only capable
of pulsed operation due to its three energy level transitions. Later in the same year the
Iranian physicist Ali Javan, together with William Bennet and Donald Herriot, made
the first gas laser using helium and neon. Javan later received the Albert Einstein
Award in 1993.
The concept of the semiconductor laser diode was proposed by Basov and Javan; and
the first laser diode was demonstrated by Robert N. Hall in 1962. Hall's device was
constructed of gallium arsenide and produced emission at 850 nm, in the near-
infrared region of the spectrum. The first semiconductor laser with visible emission
was demonstrated later the same year by Nick Holonyak, Jr. As with the first gas
lasers, these early semiconductor lasers could be used only in pulsed operation, and
indeed only when cooled to liquid nitrogen temperatures (77 K).
In 1970, Zhores Alferov in the Soviet Union and Izuo Hayashi and Morton Panish of
Bell Telephone Laboratories independently developed continuously operating laser
diodes at room temperature, using the heterojunction structure.
The first application of lasers visible in the daily lives of the general population was
the supermarket barcode scanner, introduced in 1974. The laserdisc player,
introduced in 1978, was the first successful consumer product to include a laser, but
the compact disc player was the first laser-equipped device to become truly common
in consumers' homes, beginning in 1982.

Recent innovations
Since the early period of laser history, laser research has produced a variety of
improved and specialized laser types, optimized for different performance goals,
including
 Page 262

• new wavelength bands

• maximum average output power
• maximum peak output power
• minimum output pulse duration
• maximum power efficiency
and this research continues to this day.

Graph showing the history of maximum laser pulse intensity throughout the past 40
years.
Lasing without maintaining the medium excited into a population inversion, was
discovered in 1992 in sodium gas and again in 1995 in rubidium gas by various
international teams. This was accomplished by using an external maser to induce
"optical transparency" in the medium by introducing and destructively interfering the
ground electron transitions between two paths, so that the likelihood for the ground
electrons to absorb any energy has been cancelled.
In 1985 at the University of Rochester's Laboratory for Laser Energetics a
breakthrough in creating ultrashort-pulse, very high-intensity (terawatts) laser pulses
became available using a technique called chirped pulse amplification, or CPA,
discovered by Gérard Mourou. These high intensity pulses can produce filament
propagation in the atmosphere.
 Page 263

Uses
Main article: Laser applications
At the time of their invention in 1960, lasers were called "a solution looking for a
problem". Since then, they have become ubiquitous, finding utility in thousands of
highly varied applications in every section of modern society, including consumer
electronics, information technology, science, medicine, industry, law enforcement
and the military.
In 2004, excluding diode lasers, approximately 131,000 lasers were sold world-wide,
with a value of US$2.19 billion [5]. In the same year, approximately 733 million diode
lasers, valued at $3.20 billion, were sold [6].
The benefits of lasers in various applications stems from their properties such as
coherency, high monochromaticity, and capability for reaching extremely high
powers. For instance, a highly coherent laser beam can be focused down to its
diffraction limit, which at visible wavelengths corresponds to only a few hundred
nanometers. This property allows a laser to record gigabytes of information in the
microscopic pits of a DVD. It also allows a laser of modest power to be focused to
very high intensities and used for cutting, burning or even vaporizing materials. For
example, a frequency doubled neodymium yttrium aluminum garnet (Nd:YAG) laser
emitting 532 nanometer (green) light at 10 watts output power is theoretically capable
of achieving a focused intensity of megawatts per square centimeter. In reality
however, perfect focusing of a beam to its diffraction limit is somewhat difficult.

Consumer electronics

A laser harp.
 Page 264

Lasers used for visual effects during a musical performance. (A laser light show.)

Communication
In consumer electronics, telecommunications, and data communications, lasers are
used as the transmitters in optical communications over optical fiber and free space.
They are used to store and retrieve data from compact discs and DVDs, as well as
magneto-optical discs. Laser lighting displays (pictured) accompany many music
concerts.

Science
In science, lasers are employed in a wide variety of interferometric techniques, and
for Raman spectroscopy and laser induced breakdown spectroscopy. Other uses
include atmospheric remote sensing, and investigation of nonlinear optics
phenomena. Holographic techniques employing lasers also contribute to a number of
measurement techniques. Laser (LIDAR) technology has application in geology,
seismology, remote sensing and atmospheric physics. Lasers have also been used
aboard spacecraft such as in the Cassini-Huygens mission. In astronomy, lasers have
been used to create artificial laser guide stars, used as reference objects for adaptive
optics telescopes.

Medicine
In medicine, the laser scalpel is used for laser vision correction and other surgical
techniques. Lasers are also used for dermatological procedures including removal of
tattoos, birthmarks, and hair; laser types used in dermatology include ruby (694 nm),
alexandrite (755 nm), pulsed diode array (810 nm), Nd:YAG (1064 nm), Ho:YAG
(2090 nm), and Er:YAG (2940 nm). Lasers are also used in photobiomodulation
(laser therapy) and in acupuncture.
 Page 265

They are also now used in dentistry for caries removal, endodontic/periodontic
procedures, as well as tooth whitening and oral surgery procedures.

Industry
In industry, laser cutting is used to cut metals and other materials. Laser line levels
are used in surveying and construction. Lasers are also used for guidance for aircraft.
Lasers are used in certain types of thermonuclear fusion reactors. Lasers are also used
extensively in both consumer and industrial imaging equipment. The name laser
printer speaks for itself but both gas and diode lasers play a key role in manufacturing
high resolution printing plates and in image scanning equipment.

Law enforcement

Road safety
In law enforcement the most widely known use of lasers is for lidar, to detect the
speed of vehicles.

The surface of a test target is instantly vaporized and bursts into flame upon
irradiation by a high power continuous wave carbon dioxide laser emitting tens of
kilowatts of far infrared light. Note the operator is standing behind sheets of
plexiglass which is naturally opaque in the far infrared.

Military
Military uses of lasers include use as target designators for other weapons; their use
as directed-energy weapons is currently under research. Laser weapon systems under
development include the airborne laser, the advanced tactical laser, the Tactical High
 Page 266

Energy Laser, the High Energy Liquid Laser Area Defense System, and the
MIRACL, or Mid-Infrared Advanced Chemical Laser.

Experiment using a (likely argon) laser. (US military)

Popular misconceptions
The representation of lasers in popular culture, especially in science fiction and action
movies, is generally very misleading. Contrary to their portrayal in many science
fiction movies, a laser beam is never visible in the vacuum of space, and even in air,
beams or rays of laser light are not necessarily any more visible than rays from any
other light source. In air the beam can hit dust and other particles in its path and
scatter producing a glowing "ray", in much the same way that a sunbeam glows in
dusty air, an effect which can be used to make the beam more visible by increasing
the number of particles suspended in the air using, for instance, a theatrical fog
machine.
Moderate intensity (greater than ~10 milliwatts) laser beams of shorter green and blue
wavelengths and high intensity beams of longer orange and red wavelengths can be
visible in air due to Rayleigh scattering or at very high intensities possibly Raman
scattering. With even higher intensity pulsed beams, the air can be heated to the point
where it becomes a plasma, which would also be visible. This would also cause a
rapid heating and explosive expansion of the surrounding air which would produce a
popping noise analogous to the thunder which accompanies lightning. This
phenomenon is also capable of causing a retroreflection of the laser beam back into
the laser source possibly damaging its optics. When this phenomenon occurs in
certain scientific experiments it is variously referred to as a "plasma mirror" or
"plasma shutter".
 Page 267

Science fiction films special effects often depict laser beams propagating at only a
few metres per second—i.e., slowly enough to see their progress, in a manner
reminiscent of conventional tracer ammunition—whereas in reality a laser beam
travels at the speed of light, and would seem to appear instantly to the naked eye from
start to end.
Some action movies depict security systems using lasers of visible light (and their
foiling by the hero, typically using mirrors); the hero may see the path of the beam by
sprinkling some dust in the air. It is actually far easier and cheaper to build infrared
laser diodes rather than visible light laser diodes and such systems almost never use
visible light lasers.
In action movies laser weaponry is commonly portrayed as generating a 'zapping'
sound when fired. The only sounds emitted by real-world lasers are the sounds of the
equipment used to generate them, which is typically a low-pitched hum.
Several of these misconceptions can be found in the James Bond film Goldfinger, the
first film to feature a laser. In one of the most famous scenes in the Bond films, Bond,
played by Sean Connery, faces a laser beam approaching his groin while melting the
solid gold table to which he is strapped. The director Guy Hamilton found that a real
laser beam would not show up on camera so it was added as an optical effect. The
melting effect on the table was achieved by a man underneath the table holding an
oxyacetylene torch, while a real laser would have produced a fairly heat-free and
silent cut.
Besides in movies and popular culture, laser misconceptions are present some popular
science publications or simple introductory explanations. For example, laser light is
not inherently parallel light as is sometimes claimed. All laser beams spread out as
they propagate, due to diffraction. For a good quality "singlemode" beam, the
divergence (cone angle) of the beam is inversely proportional to the width of the
beam at its narrowest point, so a beam can be made more parallel by increasing its
minimum diameter. All beams eventually spread out, however, since the beam cannot
be infinitely wide at its narrowest point. Note that poor-quality laser beams spread
much faster with distance than singlemode beams do.

Laser safety
Main article: laser safety
Even the first laser was recognized as being potentially dangerous. Theodore Maiman
characterized the first laser as one Gillette; as it could burn through one Gillette razor
blade. Today, it is accepted that even low-power lasers with only a few milliwatts of
output power can be hazardous to a person's eyesight.
At wavelengths which the cornea and the lens can focus well, the coherence and low
divergence of laser light means that it can be focused by the eye into an extremely
small spot on the retina, resulting in localized burning and permanent damage in
 Page 268

seconds or even less time. Lasers are classified into safety classes numbered I
(inherently safe) to IV (even scattered light can cause eye and/or skin damage). Laser
products available for consumers, such as CD players and laser pointers are usually in
class I, II, or III. Certain infrared lasers with wavelengths beyond about 1.4
micrometres are often referred to as being "eye-safe". This is due to the fact that the
intrinsic molecular vibrations of water molecules very strongly absorb light in this
part of the spectrum and thus a laser beam at these wavelengths is attenuated so
completely upon its passage through the eye's cornea that no light remains to be
focused by the lens onto the retina. The label eye-safe can be misleading however, as
it only applies to relatively low power continuous wave beams and any high power or
q-switched laser at these long wavelengths will still obviously burn the cornea,
causing severe eye damage.

Categories
By type
For a more complete list of laser types see this list of laser types.

Spectral output of several types of lasers.

Gas lasers
The Helium-neon laser (HeNe) emits 543 nm and 633 nm and is very common in
education because of its low cost.
 Page 269

Carbon dioxide lasers emit up to 100 kW at 9.6 µm and 10.6 µm, and are used in
industry for cutting and welding.
Argon-Ion lasers emit 458 nm, 488 nm or 514.5 nm.
Carbon monoxide lasers must be cooled but can produce up to 500 kW.
The Transverse Electrical discharge in gas at Atmospheric pressure (TEA) laser is an
inexpensive gas laser producing UV Light at 337.1 nm.
Metal ion lasers are gas lasers that generate deep ultraviolet wavelengths. Helium-
Silver (HeAg) 224 nm and Neon-Copper (NeCu) 248 nm are two examples. These
lasers have particularly narrow oscillation linewidths of less than 3 GHz (0.5
picometers),[7] making them candidates for use in fluorescence suppressed Raman
spectroscopy.
Chemical lasers
Chemical lasers are powered by a chemical reaction, and can achieve high powers in
continuous operation. For example, in the Hydrogen fluoride laser (2700-2900 nm)
and the Deuterium fluoride laser (3800 nm) the reaction is the combination of
hydrogen or deuterium gas with combustion products of ethylene in nitrogen
trifluoride.
Excimer lasers
Excimer lasers are powered by a chemical reaction involving an excited dimer, or
excimer, which is a short-lived dimeric or heterodimeric molecule formed from two
species (atoms), at least one of which is in an excited electronic state. They typically
produce ultraviolet light, and are used in semiconductor manufacturing and in LASIK
eye surgery. Commonly used excimer molecules include F2 (emitting at 157 nm), and
noble gas compounds (ArF (193 nm), KrCl (222 nm), KrF (248 nm), XeCl (308 nm),
and XeF (351 nm)).
Solid-state lasers
Solid state laser materials are commonly made by doping a crystalline solid host with
ions that provide the required energy states. For example, the first working laser was
made from ruby, or chromium-doped sapphire.
Another common type is made from Neodymium-doped yttrium aluminium garnet
(YAG), known as Nd:YAG. Nd:YAG lasers can produce high powers in the infrared
spectrum at 1064 nm. They are used for cutting, welding and marking of metals and
other materials, and also in spectroscopy and for pumping dye lasers. Nd:YAG lasers
are also commonly frequency doubled to produce 532 nm when a visible (green)
coherent source is required.
Ytterbium, holmium, thulium and erbium are other common dopants in solid state
lasers. Ytterbium is used in crystals such as Yb:YAG, Yb:KGW, Yb:KYW, Yb:SYS,
Yb:BOYS, Yb:CaF2, typically operating around 1020-1050 nm. They are potentially
very efficient and high powered due to a small quantum defect. Extremely high
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powers in ultrashort pulses can be achieved with Yb:YAG. Holmium-doped YAG

crystals emit at 2097 nm and form an efficient laser operating at infrared wavelengths
strongly absorbed by water-bearing tissues. The Ho-YAG is usually operated in a
pulsed mode, and passed through optical fiber surgical devices to resurface joints,
remove rot from teeth, vaporize cancers, and pulverize kidney and gall stones.
Titanium-doped sapphire (Ti:sapphire) produces a highly tunable infrared laser,
used for spectroscopy.
Solid state lasers also include glass or optical fiber hosted lasers, for example,
with erbium or ytterbium ions as the active species. These allow extremely long
gain regions, and can support very high output powers because the fiber's high
surface area to volume ratio allows efficient cooling, and its waveguiding
properties reduce thermal distortion of the beam.
Semiconductor lasers
Commercial laser diodes emit at wavelengths from 375 nm to 1800 nm, and
wavelengths of over 3 µm have been demonstrated. Low power laser diodes are
used in laser pointers, laser printers, and CD/DVD players. More powerful laser
diodes are frequently used to optically pump other lasers with high efficiency.
The highest power industrial laser diodes, with power up to 10 kW, are used in
industry for cutting and welding. External-cavity semiconductor lasers have a
semiconductor active medium in a larger cavity. These devices can generate high
power outputs with good beam quality, wavelength-tunable narrow-linewidth
radiation, or ultrashort laser pulses.
Vertical cavity surface-emitting lasers (VCSELs) are semiconductor lasers whose
emission direction is perpendicular to the surface of the wafer. VCSEL devices
typically have a more circular output beam than conventional laser diodes, and
potentially could be much cheaper to manufacture. As of 2005, only 850 nm
VCSELs are widely available, with 1300 nm VCSELs beginning to be
commercialized,[8] and 1550 nm devices an area of research. VECSELs are
external-cavity VCSELs. Quantum cascade lasers are semiconductor lasers that
have an active transition between energy sub-bands of an electron in a structure
containing several quantum wells.
Dye lasers
Dye lasers use an organic dye as the gain medium. The wide gain spectrum of
available dyes allows these lasers to be highly tunable, or to produce very short-
duration pulses (on the order of a few femtoseconds).
By output power
Note that the significance of these figures varies; they represent peak power output.
Many lasers are designed for a high peak output with an extremely short pulse, and
this is technically very different from the technology behind a steady beam such as a
 Page 271

communication, data, or cutting laser. Also note that usually, output power is a small
fraction of the input power needed to generate the laser beam.
• 5 mW - laser in a CD-ROM drive
• 5-10 mW - laser in a DVD player
• 100 mW - laser in a CD-R drive
• 250 mW - output power of Sony SLD253VL red laser diode, used in
consumer 48-52 speed CD-R burner.[9]
• 1 W - output power of green laser in current Holographic Versatile Disc
prototype development.
• 100 to 500 Watt (peak output 1.5 kW) - typical sealed CO2 lasers used in
industrial Beam Laser Machines (cutting lasers). These are usually compact,
extremely reliable, inexpensive to run and can provide over 20,000 hours of
cutting before requiring service.[10]
• The National Ignition Facility is working on a system that, when complete,
will contain a 192-beam, 1.8-megajoule, 700-terawatt laser system adjoining a
10-meter-diameter target chamber.[11] The system is expected to be completed
in April of 2009.
• Manufacturers have expressed confidence that "no fundamental barriers stand
in the way of squeezing 1 kW out of a single 1 cm diode laser bar" [12]
• 1.25 PW - world's most powerful laser (claimed on 23 May 1996 by Lawrence
Livermore Laboratory).
Fictional predictions
First a device similar to laser by its function was predicted in Alexey Tolstoy's sci-fi
novel "The Hyperboloid of Engineer Garin" in 1927.

Return

Masers
For the Italian commune, see Maser, Italy.
A maser is a device that produces coherent electromagnetic waves through
amplification due to stimulated emission. Historically the term came from the
acronym "microwave amplification by stimulated emission of radiation", although
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modern masers emit over a broad portion of the electromagnetic spectrum. This has
led some to replace "microwave" with "molecular" in the acronym, as suggested by
Townes [1]. When optical coherent oscillators were first developed, they were called
optical masers, but it has become more common to refer to these as lasers. See the
section on terminology below for more on this.

History
Theoretically, reflecting principles previously discussed by Joseph Weber at the June
1952 conference of the Institute of Radio Engineers[1], the principle of the maser was
described by Nikolay Basov and Alexander Prokhorov from Lebedev Institute of
Physics at an All-Union Conference on Radio-Spectroscopy held by USSR Academy
of Sciences in May 1952. They subsequently published their results in October 1954.
Independently, Charles H. Townes, J. P. Gordon, and H. J. Zeiger built the first maser
at Columbia University in 1953. The device used stimulated emission in a stream of
energised ammonia molecules to produce amplification of microwaves at a frequency
of 24 gigahertz. Townes later worked with Arthur L. Schawlow to describe the
principle of the optical maser, or laser, which Theodore H. Maiman first
demonstrated in 1960. For their research in this field Townes, Basov and Prokhorov
were awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics in 1964.

Technology
The maser is based on the principle of stimulated emission proposed by Albert
Einstein in 1917. When atoms have been put into an excited energy state, they can
amplify radiation at the proper frequency. By putting such an amplifying medium in a
resonant cavity, feedback is created that can produce coherent radiation.

Some common types of masers

Atomic beam masers
• Ammonia maser
• Hydrogen maser
Gas masers
• Rubidium maser
Solid State masers
• Ruby maser
The dual noble gas maser [2] is an example of a masing medium which is nonpolar.
 Page 273

Uses
Masers serve as high precision frequency references. These "atomic frequency
standards" are one form of atomic clock. They are also used as electronic amplifiers
in radio telescopes.

Hydrogen maser

A Hydrogen RF discharge, the first element inside a Hydrogen Maser.

Today, the most important type of maser is the hydrogen maser which is currently
used as an atomic frequency standard. Together with other types of atomic clocks,
they constitute the "Temps Atomic International" or TAI. This is the international
time scale, which is coordinated by the Bureau International des Poids et Mesures, or
BIPM.
It was Norman Ramsey and his colleagues who first realized this device. Today's
masers are identical to the original design. The maser oscillation relies on stimulated
emission between two hyperfine levels of atomic hydrogen. Here is a brief
description of how it works:
 Page 274

• First, a beam of atomic hydrogen is produced. This is done by submitting the

gas at low pressure to an RF discharge (see the picture below).

• The next step is "state selection"—in order to get some stimulated emission, it
is necessary to create a population inversion of the atoms. This is done in a
way that is very similar to the famous Stern-Gerlach experiment. After
passing through an aperture and a magnetic field, many of the atoms in the
beam are left in the upper energy level of the lasing transition. From this state,
the atoms can decay to the lower state and emit some microwave radiation.
• A high quality factor microwave cavity confines the microwaves and reinjects
them repeatedly into the atom beam. The stimulated emission amplifies the
microwaves on each pass through the beam. This combination of
amplification and feedback is what defines all oscillators. The resonant
frequency of the microwave cavity is exactly tuned to the hyperfine structure
of hydrogen: 1.420405751 GHz.
• A small fraction of the signal in the microwave cavity is coupled into a
coaxial cable and then sent to a coherent receiver.
• The microwave signal coming out of the maser is very weak (a few pW) and
the frequency is extremely stable but can not be changed. The coherent
receiver is used to amplify the signal and change the frequency. This is done
using a series of phase-locked loops and a high performance quartz oscillator.

Astrophysical masers
Main article: Astrophysical maser
 Page 275

Stimulated microwave and radio wave emission is observed in astronomy, and this is
usually called "masing", even in the absence of the resonant feedback that would be
required for a true maser. Technically this form of stimulated emission is called
superradiant emission, and it is closely associated with lasing and masing. Such
emission is observed from water (H2O), hydroxyl radicals (OH), methanol (CH3OH),
formaldehyde (CH2O), and silicon monoxide (SiO).
Maser-like stimulated emission also occurs in nature in interstellar space. Water
molecules in star-forming regions can undergo a population inversion and emit
radiation at 22 GHz, creating the brightest spectral line in the radio universe. Some
water masers also emit radiation from a vibrational mode at 96 GHz.
Terminology
The meaning of the term maser has changed slightly since its introduction. Initially
the acronym was universally given as "microwave amplification by stimulated
emission of radiation," which described devices which emitted in the microwave
region of the electromagnetic spectrum. The principle of stimulated emission has
since been extended to more devices and frequencies, and so the original acronym is
sometimes modified, as suggested by Charles H. Townes [3], to "molecular
amplification by stimulated emission of radiation." Molecular is used here in the
sense of kinetic theory, where the base element of a kinetic system is a molecule,
even if it happens to be monatomic. This should not be confused with the usage of the
term in the molecular sciences, where it refers to a bound state comprising two or
more atoms.
Initially, visible light oscillators based on stimulated emission were called optical
masers, but this terminology has become uncommon. It is more conventional now to
refer to devices that emit in the X-ray through infrared portions of the spectrum as
lasers, and devices that emit in the microwave region and below as masers. There is
some debate over whether maser or laser is the correct generic term for all devices
that produce coherent electromagnetic waves through stimulated emission.
Distinct names were originally proposed for devices that emit in each portion of the
spectrum, including grasers (gamma ray lasers), xasers (x-ray lasers), uvasers
(ultraviolet lasers), lasers (visible lasers), irasers (infrared lasers), masers
(microwave masers), and rasers (RF masers). Most of these terms never caught on,
however, and all have now become obsolete except for maser and laser.
Masers in science fiction
Masers often appear as weapons in science fiction movies and novels. Their
characteristics often differ from those of real masers, however, and it is doubtful
whether a practical maser weapon such as these can actually be made.
Some notable science fiction appearances of masers:
• Masers are the most recognizable weapon in the Godzilla series and Toho's
other monster movies. Maser tanks are often deployed against monsters.
 Page 276

These fire a bolt of electricity, presumably created by amplified microwaves.

The maser tank is also present as a unit in Outpost 2. It is one of the weaker
units.
• Masers are used predominantly as weaponry, both from spaceships and by
ground troops in Peter F. Hamilton's Night's Dawn universe, as well as
appearing in his Commonwealth saga.
• In the anime series Gundam Seed, maser cannons are often equipped on
amphibious mobile suits "in lieu of beam weapons", which function poorly
underwater. Within the context of the series, masers are described as sound
waves focused in laser-like fashion.
• In the anime series GaoGaiGar, KouRyu, one of the female Symmetrical
Docking mechanoids created by Chasseur, takes the form of a large pink truck
armed with a Maser Cannon in her vehicle mode.
• The Chiss race in Star Wars use a weapon known as a charric, which fires a
maser-guided particle discharge.
• The Darkstars exo-mantle's principal weapons were maser units that could fire
energy blasts with pinpoint presicion.
• In the Doctor Who serial The Trial of a Time Lord, the Valeyard tries to use a
maser to kill the Time Lord judges.

Return

Mothra

Mothra's larval form (Mothra, 1961)

 Page 277

Mothra (モスラ, Mosura?) is a kaiju (monster) that has appeared in several Toho
tokusatsu films since her introduction in Mothra (1961). Generally regarded as female
by English-speaking audiences, she is a giant lepidopteran with characteristics both of
butterflies and of moths. The name "Mothra" is the suffixion of "-ra" (a common last
syllable in kaiju names) to "moth"; whereas the Japanese language does not contain a
"th" phoneme, it is approximated "Mosura" in Japanese. In the American dubbing of
Mothra vs. Godzilla, Mothra is also referred to as the Thing.

About Mothra
Since her first film, Mothra has been depicted in various stages of the lepidopteran
life cycle: Mothra's mammoth egg is decoratively colored in blue and yellow waves;
her larva, a giant caterpillar, is brown and segmented with glowing blue—sometimes
red—eyes; this caterpillar eventually spins a silken cocoon around itself—the pupa
stage; from this cocoon hatches the imago (adult) form, a gigantic moth-like creature
with brightly-colored wings that produce winds of hurricane speed during flight.
Mothra's life cycle—particularly the tendency of an imago's death to coincide with its
larva's hatching—echoes that of the Phoenix, resembling resurrection and suggesting
divinity. Though having wrought more destruction than most Toho daikaiju, she is
almost always portrayed as a kind and benevolent creature, causing destruction only
when acting as protector to her worshippers on Infant Island or to her egg.
Mothra has proven a formidable adversary in combat: in larval form she may use her
silken spray to wrap and immobilize an opponent, and has a knack for biting and
clinging to foes' tails. In imago form her powers vary widely from film to film,
including very animalistic scratching and dragging, incorporating several bolt and
beam weapons in the Heisei era, and often concluding with a poisonous yellow
powder (or "scales")—her last defense.
Mothra has become one of Godzilla's most challenging opponents, having achieved
the greatest success rate in battle[1]: She has once overcome Godzilla in imago form,
and twice Godzilla has fought her to her death only to later be bested by her newborn
larvae. It should be mentioned that Mothra has never beaten Godzilla alone (in her
Imago Form). The only victory by an insect(s) over Godzilla were the Mothra twin-
larvae in Mothra vs Godzilla in the Showa Era, Imago Mothra and Imago Battra in
Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle for Earth, in the Heisei series and the twin-larvae
and Kiryu (MechaGodzilla) in the Shinseiga (aka Millennium) Series.
In the Heisei Era (1984-1995), Mothra gained her own series of films dubbed in
America as the "Rebirth of Mothra" series. These movies were not called "Rebirth of"
in Japan, but just simply "Mothra" 1, 2 or 3 with a byline title...Adventure Under the
Sea or Advent of King Ghidorah. These series are not connected to the Showa, Heisei
or Shinseiga Eras and are stand alone films. Mothra is smaller in size. The movies
start off as the elder and last of her line puts the last of her energy into a new egg.
While fighting the new menance that is Death Ghidorah (or Desghidorah), her egg
 Page 278

hatches, revealing Mothra Leo. Mothra Leo is a small larvae who hadn't achieved the
"perfect" level yet. The elder Mothra later dies of old age and trauma from the first of
two battles with Desghidorah, and Mothra Leo goes off in search of a suitable
location among nature to undergo metamorphisis. It finds an ancient 10,000 year old
tree in the forest and spins a cacoon at the tree's base. It later emerges as a full-grown
and perfectly healthy Mothra Leo adult. Furthermore, it would prove itself to be the
most powerful Mothra in history, and even one of the more powerful monsters of
Toho's universe.
Mothra Leo is male, as opposed to the pure female Mothras before him (though the
English dubbing is inconsistent, going back and forth between "she/her" to "he/him").
He also has "ever increasing energy" which allows him to absorb energy from other
sources to become stronger. The tree in Rebirth of Mothra allowed Mothra Leo to
change into his Imago form as "Mothra Leo", with an amazing array of beam
weapons. In Rebirth of Mothra 2: Adventure Under the Sea, Mothra Leo is given the
power of Ghogo and becomes Rainbow Mothra (and Aqua Mothra to battle under the
sea). He uses these powers again in Rebirth of Mothra 3 (and Aqua becomes
Lightspeed Mothra). After being coccooned by his ancestors in the cretaceous era,
Mothra Leo becomes Armor Mothra. Armor Mothra is well-characterized by its
ability "Transcending Fate", which can utterly destroy anything it touches. Mothra
Leo's final form is "Eternal Mothra". Eternal Mothra is merely Armor Mothra after
releasing its armor. No powers besides flight are seen in this form, but it is assumed
he has the same powers as all his previous forms.
Mothra is one of the most powerful psychics in the Toho universe. She has had the
ability to use this power benevolently, to communicate with humans, or defensively,
to destroy her enemies. As suggested earlier, Mothra is assumed to be divine and
draws many parallels to the Phoenix, which makes her one of the more powerful kaiju
of the Toho universe.

Popularity

Mothra's imago form ("Godzilla: Tokyo SOS" 2003)

 Page 279

Toho had intended to follow 1989's Godzilla vs. Biollante with a revival of Mothra in
her own spinoff film, Mothra vs. Bagan, for 1990 release. However, following the
unimpressive box office performance of Biollante, Toho discarded the project in
favor of another Godzilla film, Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah (1991).[2] A 1992 survey
revealed that Mothra was Toho's most popular daikaiju among women, an
observation which inspired Toho to again revise its plans, abandoning a proposed
sequel to King Ghidorah in favor of a Godzilla–Mothra feature.[3] Following the end
of the Heisei Godzilla series, Toho produced a trilogy of Mothra films, known in the
U.S. as Rebirth of Mothra (1996–1998). Mothra thus became the first Toho daikaiju
to lead its own film(s) after its incorporation into the Godzilla franchise. From her
egg hatched Mothra Leo, whose adventures led him to adopt several forms with such
monikers as "Rainbow Mothra" and "Aqua Mothra".
Shobijin
Mothra is usually accompanied by two tiny priestesses or fairies (often called
shobijin—Japanese for "small beauties") who also speak for her. For Mothra's first
three film appearances these twin fairies were played by the Peanuts. In Mothra they
demonstrate telepathic ability, within speaking range with people and over great
distances with Mothra. As in all future appearances, they call to Mothra in prayer and
song, but they and Mothra are also connected on some deeper level beyond their
control. In Mothra vs. Godzilla they seem also to demonstrate short-range
teleportation, and in Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster they translate not only
Mothra's chirps but an entire conversation among three daikaiju. Decades later, in
Godzilla: Tokyo SOS, two other shobijin (portrayed by Masami Nagasawa and
Chihiro Ôtsuka) demonstrate telekenesis as well.
In the Godzilla films of the 1990s Mothra's priestesses (played by Keiko Imamura
and Sayaka Osawa) identify themselves as Cosmos, the last survivors of an ancient
civilization which had threatened, and eventually been destroyed by, the very life
force of Earth. They had constructed Mothra as their guardian deity, to which the
Earth life force had responded with Battra—a "Black Mothra" (as described in
Godzilla vs. Mothra) or "Battle Mothra" (as described in the Super Godzilla video
game manual).
In the Rebirth of Mothra trilogy, made in the late 1990s, Mothra's priestesses were the
Elias; the Elias differ from earlier incarnations in that they are not mindlinked twins
but individual persons, Moll (or Moru or Mona) and Lora. They are also seen to have
an older sister, a dark Elias called Belvera. In addition to accompanying Mothra, the
Elias would also ride smaller offspring called Fairy Mothras. Mothra would reprise
the role of ancient guardian, though with only a passing homage to the Cosmos, in
Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack.
The shobijin's famous song "Mosura No Uta" ("Mothra's Song") was written in
Malay, though the shobijin often sing Japanese approximations to the original
lyrics.[4] Other verses and entirely new songs (in Japanese) have been added by
 Page 280

various composers over Mothra's film history. The shobijin have also been portrayed
by Pair Bambi (Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster) and Megumi Kobayashi and Sayako
Yamaguchi (the Mothra Trilogy).
The original song went, as follows (in Malay and English)
• Mosura ya Mosura
• Mothra O Mothra
• Dongan kasakuyan Indo muu
• If we were to call for help
• Rusuto uiraadoa
• Over time
• Hanba hanbamuyan
• Over sea
• Randa banunradan Tounjukanraa
• Like a wave you'd come
• Kasaku yaanmu
• Our guardian angel!
Mothra in Other Media
• In episode 40 of the Kimagure Orange Road anime TV series, the cast are
making an amateur movie referencing certain elements from Mothra. They
use the Kasuga family cat to play the part of a giant monster heading towards
Tokyo with a final confrontation at Tokyo Tower and the Kasuga Twins
playing the part of lost princesses that the monster is seeking. The twins even
sing to the monster in order to calm it down and they ride on the monster back
to their island paradise.
• In the South Park episode Mecha Streisand, a parody of Kaiju films, lead
singer of the Cure Robert Smith transforms in to a large Mothra like creature.
• Mothra is one of two playable characters in the 1988 Nintendo game
Godzilla:King of the Monsters (the other playable character being Godzilla.)
In this game Mothra fights by firing red fireballs/energy blasts from her head,
and by flapping her wings and releasing her pollen/scales on enemies below.
Trivia
• In Mothra's eleventh film appearance, Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah:
Giant Monsters All-Out Attack, one scene shows Mothra flying gracefully
over Yokohama at night during a massive evacuation. Below, a pair of twins
is seen staring with hope at Mothra. The two twins were a homage paid to the
 Page 281

twin priestesses that worshipped Mothra in every past film appearance.

Director Shusuke Kaneko (director of the highly-acclaimed Gamera trilogy of
the 90's) had changed Mothra's origins and persona and also had to drop the
priestesses as one of Mothra's characteristics. Kaneko knew, though, that the
twins were an incredibly important and familiar part of Mothra, so he
"sneaked" them in, so to speak.
• Mothra is mentioned in the song "Mothra vs. We Are Scientists" by We Are
Scientists.
• Pioneering industrial metal band Godflesh made a track and single out of a
song named "Mothra."
• In Mothra's 13th and most recent appearance, Godzilla: Final Wars, a cut
scene in the end credits showed Mothra flying back to her island (earlier in the
film, she had perished in an explosion after sacrificing herself to destroy
Gigan). The scene had to be cut from the final product as it would not have
made any sense to the audience for Mothra to have returned alive and well
after supposedly dying.However,there is nothing exactly shown that Mothra
died after she destroyed Gigan,so she may have returned to the island to lay
her egg before dying.
• A recent episode of Pokémon, called Caterpie's Big Dilemma, seems to be an
obvious parody of the original 1961 "Mothra". After eating several growth
pellets, Caterpie heads toward a large city and it begins. It runs through a
bridge and a tower, as did the "Mothra Larvae". The tower represents the
Tokyo Tower. Then Team Rocket captures a professor. Team Rocket
represent the villains who capture the fairies, represented by the professor.
While this happens Caterpie evolves into the pupa form (Metapod, a Pokemon
resembling a chrysalis) and then Butterfree, the imago form of "Mothra",
except Butterfree is a butterfly-type rather than a moth.
Filmography
• Mothra (1961)
• Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964)
• Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster (1964)
• Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster (1965)
• Destroy All Monsters (1968)
• Godzilla vs. Mothra (1992)
• Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla (1994) (also as "Fairy Mothra")
• Rebirth of Mothra (1996) (also as "Mothra Leo")
 Page 282

• Rebirth of Mothra II (1997) (as "Mothra Leo", "Rainbow Mothra", and "Aqua
Mothra")
• Rebirth of Mothra III (1998) (as "Rainbow Mothra", "Aqua Mothra", "Light
Speed Mothra", "Armor Mothra", and "Eternal Mothra")
• Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack (2001)
• Godzilla: Tokyo SOS (2003)
• Godzilla: Final Wars (2004)

Return

Ion cannon
In science fiction, an ion cannon is a fictional beam weapon that fires beams of ions
(particles, i.e. atoms that have been affected in some way as to cause them to gain an
electrical charge). Due to its power it is usually classified as a superweapon. Ion
Cannon is actually a type of Particle Cannon; only the particles used are ionized. Due
to their electrical charges, they also have the potential to disable electronic devices,
vehicles, and anything else that has an electrical or similar power source. The science
fiction inspiration for this effect arises from the electromagnetic pulse generated by
nuclear detonation, which can be devastating to electronic devices. Because of their
classification as super-weapons, ion cannons have found their way into movies and
television shows that have a science-fiction based setting. Ion cannons are also
present in several games: Homeworld, Homeworld 2, Command and Conquer Series,
Unreal Tournament 2004, and StarCraft, for example.
Cultural references
• In the Star Wars universe Ion or DEMP (Destructive Electro-Magnetic Pulse)
weapons are quite common, ranging from handheld pistols to ship cannons.
Ion weapons are primarily used for disabling electronic systems such as
vehicles, droids and starships. The turrets on the cockpit of Y-Wing
fighter/bombers are ion weapons. In Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes
Back the Rebel Alliance uses an ion cannon on the planet Hoth to temporarily
disable Imperial Star Destroyers in the vicinity of the planet and prevent them
from firing on escaping Rebel ships. Ssi-ruuk ion cannons were used to
disable Rebel Alliance craft in the novel The Truce at Bakura. The Jawas used
ionization blasters to disable R2-D2.
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• In the television series Stargate SG-1, ion cannons were used as surface to
space weapons to protect the Tollan from Goa'uld attack. In this case, the
intent was not merely to disable craft: one ion cannon could easily destroy a
Ha'tak mothership with one shot; however, Anubis discovered a way to render
his ships invulnerable to the ion cannon.
• In Homeworld, the two factions have extremely destructive ion cannons
mounted on Ion Cannon Frigates, Destroyers, and Heavy Cruisers for use
against enemy capital ships. Ion cannons in Homeworld fire glowing beams
that instantaneously hit the target. However, due to the size of the weapon,
entire capital ships have to be built around them. Therefore, the weapon is
ineffective against the highly-manuverable targets, especially fighters and
corvettes.

The Global Defense Initiative's space-based Ion Cannon.

• In Command and Conquer Series, the Global Defense Initiative (GDI) uses a
satellite-based Ion Cannon device to attack Brotherhood of Nod installations
and forces; it is used at the end of the First Tiberium War to destroy the
Brotherhood's command centre, the Temple of Nod. In the canonically
unrelated Command & Conquer: Generals series, the United States has a
variant of the weapon called the Particle Cannon, which is also capable of
firing upon a target anywhere on Earth.
• Ion Cannons are also employed by the Eurasian Dynasty in the game Earth
2150 as a means of disabling enemy units in preparation to capturing them.
• In Unreal Tournament 2004, the Ion Cannon's official name is VAPOR WeP
(Variable Altitude Phased Output Remote Weapons Platform), and is rated at
two terawatts. The system is activated by designating coordinates with an
appropriate laser-targeting rifle. Once locked on, it fires and annihilates
everything within 50 meters of the target. Curiously enough, the system can
be seen if the player looks for it in the sky.
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• In G-Nome, an ion strike is used when the player leaves the boundaries of the
battlefield or when a target is "painted" for 10 seconds.
• In StarCraft, Raynor's faction is withheld from withdrawing because of
Tarsonis' ion cannon, which resembles the Ion Cannon from Star Wars
Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back (see above). The weapon is destroyed as
a mission objective and was never fired, leading to speculation that it may
have been designed for long range bombardment. Some screenshots of the
beta version of the game, however, show the cannon actually firing a beam of
light-blue.
• In the computer game Conquest: Frontier Wars, huge Ion Cannon space
stations can be built and are often used as deterrents against enemy incursions.
Although when the opportunity arises, they are built close to enemy terrority
as powerful assault weapons.
• In the Warhammer 40,000 fictional universe, the Tau use smaller versions of
ion cannons on their Hammerhead Gunships as an alternate main weapon. The
Tau fleet - the Kor'vattra - use larger Ion Cannon as anti-ship weapons in
Battlefleet Gothic. Also, Tau war engines use Ion Cannon as part of their
armament in Epic: Armageddon.
• In the online sci-fi game Ferion http://www.ferion.com/?p=317596, The Ion
Canon is one of many ship mounted weapons that can be researched. Its
requirments are 'Type III Laser' and 'Time'.

Return

Antiproton
The antiproton (aka pbar, ) is the antiparticle of the proton. Antiprotons are short-
lived in nature, since any collision with a proton will cause both particles to be
annihilated in a burst of energy. It was discovered in the year 1955 by University of
California Berkeley Physicists Emilio Segre and Owen Chamberlain, for which they
were awarded a 1959 Nobel Prize in Physics.

Their formation requires energy equivalent to a temperature of 10 billion °C, and Big
Bangs aside, this does not tend to happen naturally. However, at CERN, protons are
accelerated in the Proton Synchrotron (PS) to an energy of 26 GeV, and then smashed
into an iridium rod. The protons bounce off the iridium nuclei with enough energy for
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matter to be created. A range of particles and antiparticles are formed, and the
antiprotons are separated off using magnets.
Antiprotons are routinely produced at Fermilab for collider physics operations in the
Tevatron (where they are collided with protons).
In mid-June 2006, CERN succeeded in determining the mass of antiproton, which
they measured at 1836.153674 times heavier than an electron, with uncertainity of +/-
5 at the sixth decimal digit. This is exactly the same as the weight of a "regular"
proton, necessitating further research into the nature of difference between matter and
anti-matter, in order to explain how our universe survived the Big Bang and why so
little remains of antimatter today.
Andromeda
In the science fiction television series Andromeda, antiprotons were the basic fuel
source of Commonwealth civilization, lighting cities and powering spaceships from
star to star.

Return

Pope Innocent III

Pope Innocent III (Gavignano, near Anagni, c. 1161 – June 16, 1216 in Perugia),
born Lotario de' Conti di Segni, was Pope from January 8, 1198 until his death. As
Pope, Innocent III represents the height of the medieval papacy. His papacy asserted
the absolute spiritual authority of his office, while still respecting the temporal
authority of Kings.
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Birth name Lotario de' Conti di Segni

Papacy began January 8, 1198
Papacy ended June 16, 1216
Predecessor Celestine III
Successor Honorius III
Born ca. 1161
Gavignano, Italy
Died June 16, 1216
Perugia, Italy
Other Popes named Innocent

Lotario de' Conti di Segni was the son of Count Trasimund of Segni, a nephew of
Pope Clement III (1187–91). His father was a member of a famous house that
produced nine Popes, including Pope Gregory IX (1227–41), Pope Alexander IV
(1254–61) and Pope Innocent XIII (1721–24). His mother, Claricia, belonged to the
noble Roman family of Scotti.
Lotario was educated in Rome, Paris (under Peter of Corbeil), and Bologna (under
Huguccio); he was considered an intellectual and one of the greatest canon lawyers of
his time.
After the death of Pope Alexander III (1159–81), Lotario returned to Rome and held
office during the short reigns of Lucius III (1181–85), Urban III (1185–87), Gregory
VIII (1187), and Clement III (1187–91), reaching the rank of Cardinal Deacon in
1190. During the reign of Pope Celestine III (1191–98), a member of the House of
Orsini, who were enemies of his family, Lotario left Rome to live in Anagni.
On the day late Celestine III was buried, Lotario was elected Pope and took the name
of Innocent III. He was just thirty-seven years of age, and although a deacon, not yet
a priest. Throughout his career as Pope, Innocent III sought to reassert and extend the
plenitudo potestatis (the secular power) of the Holy See. The throne of the Holy
Roman Empire had become vacant by the death of Henry VI in 1197, and no
successor had yet been elected. Innocent III took advantage of the confusion to lessen
imperial (German) influence in Italy; his first act was the restoration of the papal
power in Rome. The Prefect of Rome, who reigned over the city as the Emperor's
representative, swore allegiance to Innocent III. The Pope demanded the restoration
to the Church of the Romagna and the March of Ancona from Markward of Anweiler
and used papal troops to bring this about. In a similar way, the Duchies of Spoleto,
Assisi and the Sora were taken from the German Conrad von Uerslingen.
The Pope also made use of the weakness of King Frederick II of Sicily (who was only
four years old) to reassert papal power in Sicily; he acknowledged Frederick II as
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King only after the surrender of the privileges of the Four Chapters, which William I
of Sicily had previously extorted from Pope Adrian IV (1154–59). The Pope then
invested the young Frederick II as King of Sicily in November, 1198. He also later
induced Frederick II to marry the widow of King Emeric of Hungary in 1209.
After the death of the Holy Roman emperor Henry VI in 1197, two princely parties
had elected competing Kings: Philip of Swabia of the Hohenstaufen family, and Otto
IV, Holy Roman Emperor of the Welf family. In 1201 the Pope openly supported
Otto IV, threatening with excommunication all those who refused to acknowledge
him. By the decree Venerabilem in May 1202 Innocent III made clear to the German
princes his view of the relationship between the Empire and the Papacy (this decree
was afterwards embodied in the Corpus Juris Canonici). The decree asserted the
papal rights to decide whether a King is worthy of the imperial crown and to arbitrate
or pronounce in favour of one of the claimants in case of a double election, as was the
current situation with the Empire. He argued this bull on the grounds that the
transition of the Roman Empire from Byzantium to the Holy Roman Emperor had
taken place only under papal blessing, and therefore all blessing, coronation, and
investiture of the Emperor was dependent upon the Pope.

Arms of Pope Innocent III and the House of Conti.

In 1207, Innocent III changed his mind and declared in favour of Philip, sending
cardinals to Germany to induce Otto to renounce his claims to the throne. But Philip
was murdered on June 21, 1208, and at the Diet of Frankfurt of November 11, 1208,
Otto IV was acknowledged as King. The Pope invited him to Rome and he was
crowned Emperor as Otto IV (1198–1215) in Rome on October 4, 1209.
Prior to his coronation, Otto IV had promised to leave the Church in possession of
Spoleto and Ancona and to grant the freedom of ecclesiastical elections; unlimited
right of appeal to the Pope; and the exclusive competency of the hierarchy in spiritual
matters. He had also promised to assist in the destruction of heresy (the stipulation of
Neuss, which promise he repeated at Speyer in 1209). But soon after being crowned,
Otto IV seized Ancona, Spoleto and other territories claimed by the Church, giving
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them to certain of his vassals. He also invaded the Kingdom of Sicily. As a result,
Otto IV was excommunicated on November 18, 1210.
At the Diet of Nuremberg in September 1211, the Pope convinced some imperial
princes to renounce the excommunicated Emperor and to elect Frederick II of Sicily.
Frederick II made the same promises as Otto IV had done; he was reelected by most
of the princes on December 5, 1212 and, his election being ratified by Innocent III, he
was crowned at Aachen on July 12, 1215.
Innocent III had forced Philip II of France (1180–1223) to be reconciled with his
wife, Ingeborg of Denmark, and Philip II Augustus became, thereby, Innocent III's
ally in the struggle over Otto IV. The Emperor allied himself with England (he was
nephew of King John 'Lackland') to fight Philip II Augustus, but he was defeated in
the Battle of Bouvines in what is now Belgium, on July 27, 1214. Thereafter Otto IV
lost all influence and died on May 19, 1218, leaving Frederick II the undisputed
Emperor. Innocent III played further roles in the politics of France, Sweden, Bulgaria,
Spain and especially England. In England, there was controversy over the
appointment of Stephen Langton as Archbishop of Canterbury, which was opposed
by King John. The King was forced to acknowledge the Pope as his feudal lord and
accept Langton.
Innocent III was considered as a strenuous opponent of heresy, and had campaigns to
force the heretics to convert, or be executed. Under his authority, massacres were
committed throughout the Papal States, first against the Manichean heretics and under
the leadership of Simon de Montfort, against the Albigenses (Cathars), the
Albigensian Crusade (1209–29). This was a prelude to the legitimisation of the
Inquisition in 1233, wherein heresy was said to be punished for the spiritual good of
the individual as well as for the preservation of the Church. The Pope supported two
new holy orders: the Franciscans and the Dominicans.
Innocent III had also decreed the Fourth Crusade in 1198, which was intended to
recapture the Holy Land. The Pope directed his call towards the knights and nobles of
Europe rather than to the Kings; he wished that neither Richard I of England (1189–
99) nor Philip II of France, who were still engaged in war, not to mention his German
enemies, should participate in the crusade. Innocent III's call was generally ignored
until 1200, when a crusade was finally organized in Champagne. The Venetians then
re-directed it into the sacking of Zara in 1202 and of Constantinople in 1204.
Innocent III was horrified by the attack on the Byzantines. Prior to the launching of
the Crusade he had insisted that no Christian cities be attacked. He sharply denounced
Boniface of Montferrat, commander of the so-called "Fourth Crusade" (1202–04) for
his actions:
"You rashly violated the purity of your vows; and turning your arms not against
Saracens but against Christians, you applied yourselves not to the recovery of
Jerusalem, but to seize Constantinople, preferring earthly to heavenly riches...
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"These 'soldiers of Christ' who should have turned their swords against the infidel
have steeped them in Christian blood, sparing neither religion, nor age, nor sex...
They stripped the altars of silver, violated the sanctuaries, robbed icons and
crosses and relics... The Latins have given example only of perversity and works
of darkness. No wonder the Greeks call them dogs!" (as quoted by Warren Carroll
in "The Glory of Christendom")
Innocent III also summoned the Fourth Lateran Council (12th ecumenical council) in
November 1215. It decided on another crusade to the Holy Land (the Fifth Crusade)
and issued some seventy reformatory decrees. Among other things, it encouraged
creating schools and holding clergy to a higher standard than the laity.
Innocent III died at Perugia and was buried in the cathedral there, where his body
remained until Pope Leo XIII (1878–1903) had it transferred to the Lateran in
December 1891. Although the papal power over Kings that Innocent III established
would be short-lived, he sincerely attempted to turn theological principles into actual
powers. Two of his Latin works are still widely read: De Miseria Humanae
Conditionis, a tract on asceticism that Innocent III wrote before becoming Pope, and
De Sacro Altaris Mysterio, which is a description and exegesis of the liturgy.

Return

Hikikomori
Definition
The Japanese Ministry of Health defines hikikomori as individuals who refuse to
leave their parents' house, and isolate themselves away from society and family in a
single room for a period exceeding six months. While the distinctiveness of the
phenomenon is varying depending on the individual, some of such youths remain in
isolation for a span of years, or in rare cases, decades. Many hikikomori may start out
as school refusals, or tōkōkyohi (登校拒否) in Japanese.
Situation
Japan
According to estimates by psychologist Tamaki Saito, who first coined the phrase,
there may be one million hikikomori in Japan, twenty percent of all male adolescents
in Japan, or one percent of the total Japanese population. Surveys done by the
Japanese Ministry of Health as well as research done by health care experts suggest a
more conservative estimate of 50,000 hikikomori in Japan today. As reclusive youth
 Page 290

by their very nature are difficult to poll, the true number of hikikomori most likely
falls somewhere between the two extremes.
Though acute social withdrawal in Japan appears to affect both genders equally, due
to differing societal expectations for maturing boys and girls, the most widely
reported cases of hikikomori are from Japanese families with male children who seek
outside intervention when their son, usually the eldest, refuses to leave the family
home.
Worldwide
While total social withdrawal seems to be mainly a Japanese phenomenon, there are
reports of similar phenomena developing in South Korea, Taiwan and Hong Kong.
Still, with the appearance of NEET in the United Kingdom and Twixters in the
United States in recent years, there are indications that hikikomori may be part of a
larger global phenomena in affluent and highly developed Post-Industrial countries,
although specific causes may differ from the Japanese phenomenon.
Causes
General Causes
Sometimes referred to as a kind of social problem in Japanese discourse, the
hikikomori phenomenon has a number of possible contributing factors. Young adults
may feel overwhelmed by modern Japanese society, or be unable to fulfill their
expected social roles as they have not yet formulated a sense of personal tatemae (the
public facade) and honne (the "true self") – both of which are needed to cope with the
daily paradoxes of adulthood.
The dominant nexus of the hikikomori issue centers on the transformation from
young life to the responsibilities and expectations of adult life — indications are that
advanced capitalist societies such as modern Japan are unable to provide sufficient
meaningful transformation rituals for promoting certain susceptible types of youth
into mature roles within society.
As with many advanced capitalist meritocracies, there exists a great deal of pressure
on adolescents in Japan to be successful and perpetuate the existing social status-quo.
A traditionally strong emphasis on complex social conduct, rigid hierarchies and the
resulting, potentially intimidating multitude of social expectations, responsibilities
and duties in Japanese society contribute to this pressure on young adults.
Historically, Confucian teachings deemphasizing the individual and favoring a
conformist stance to ensure social harmony in a rigidly hierarchized society have
shaped much of the Sinosphere, possibly explaining the emergence of the hikkimori
phenomenon in other East-Asian countries.
In general, the prevalence of hikikomori tendencies in Japan may be encouraged and
facilitated by three primary factors:
 Page 291

Middle class affluence in a post-industrial society such as Japan allows parents to

support and feed an adult child indefinitely in the home. Lower income
families do not have hikikomori children because a socially withdrawing
youth is forced to work outside the home if he cannot finish school, and for
this reason isolation in the room stops at an early stage.
The inability of Japanese parents to recognize and act upon the youth's slide into
isolation, soft parenting, or even a codependent collusion between mother and
son known as amae in Japanese. When a youth withdraws from life, parents
can act or respond in such a way that causes the child to become even more
seclusionary.
A decade of flat economic indicators and a shaky job market in Japan makes the
pre-existing system requiring years of competitive schooling for elite jobs a
pointless effort. While Japanese fathers of the current generation of youth still
enjoy lifetime employment at multinational corporations, incoming employees
in Japan enjoy no such job guarantees in today's job market (See Freeters and
NEET for more on this). Young Japanese people are savvy enough to see that
the system in place for their grandfathers and fathers no longer works, and for
some the lack of a clear life goal makes them susceptible to social withdrawal
as a hikikomori.
The Education System
The Japanese education system, like those found in China, Singapore, Taiwan, and
South Korea, and similar to the school systems in India, is demanding upon the youth.
A multitude of expectations, high emphasis on competition, and the rote
memorization of facts and figures for the purpose of passing entrance exams into the
next tier of education in what could be termed a rigid pass-or-fail ideology, induce a
high level of stress. Echoing the traditional Confucian values of society, the
educational system is still viewed as playing an important part in society's overall
productivity and success. In this social frame, students often face significant pressure
from parents and the society in general to conform to its dictates and doctrines. These
doctrines, while part of modern Japanese society, are increasingly being rejected by
Japanese youth in varying ways such as hikikomori, freeter, NEET, and parasite
singles.
Beginning in the 1960s, the pressure on Japanese youth to succeed began
successively earlier in their lives, sometimes starting before pre-school, where even
toddlers had to compete through an entrance exam for the privilege of attending one
of the best pre-schools. This was said to prepare children for the entrance exam of the
best kindergarten, which in turn prepared the child for the entrance exam of the best
primary school, junior high school, high school, and eventually for their university
entrance exam. Many adolescents took 1 year off after high school to study
exclusively for the university entrance exam. The higher the prestige of the
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university, the more difficult the exam, the most prestigious university with the most
difficult exam being the University of Tokyo.
Since 1996, the Japanese Ministry of Education has taken steps to address this
'pressure-cooker' educational environment and instill greater creative thought in
Japanese youth by significantly relaxing the school schedule from six day weeks to
five day weeks and dropping two subjects from the daily schedule, with new
academic curricula more comparable to Western educational models. However this
may be too little too late, as highly competitive Japanese parents are sending their
children to private cram schools to 'make up' for the newly lax curricula in the
Japanese public schools.
After graduating from high school or university, Japanese adolescents also have to
face a very difficult job market in Japan, often finding only part time employment and
ending up as freeters with little income, unable to start a family.
Another source of pressure is from their co-students, who may harass and bully some
students for a variety of reasons, including physical appearance (especially if they are
overweight or have severe acne problems), educational or athletic performance,
wealth, ethnicity, or even having lived overseas even for a short time. Some have
been punished for bullying or truancy, bringing shame to their families.
Symptoms
While many people feel the pressure of the outside world, and may feel
uncomfortable in public (or "social anxiety"), a hikikomori reacts by complete social
withdrawal to avoid all outside pressure. In some cases, they may lock themselves
into their bedroom or another room of their parent's house for prolonged periods of
time, sometimes measured in years. They usually have few, or no friends. A
hikikomori's days are characterized by long spells of sleeping, while their nighttime
hours are often spent watching TV, extensively playing computer games, surfing the
internet, reading, or other non-social activities.
This refusal to participate in society and fulfill their expected roles makes hikikomori
an extreme subset of a much larger group of the younger Japanese generation that
includes parasite singles and freeters. All three groups seem to be rejecting the current
social norms society has placed upon them in their own unique ways, with lifestyles
considered deviant by society at large.
The withdrawal from society usually starts gradually. Affected individuals may
appear unhappy, lose their friends, become insecure, shy, and talk less. Those in their
teen ages may be bullied at school, which, atop the already high pressures of school
and family, may be the final trigger for the withdrawal.
Hikikomori often set their own sleep schedule, waking around noon and going to bed
in early morning. While they are awake, they may engage in a variety of activities
shared with other people of their age, including listening to music, surfing the internet
or actively posting in internet forums like 2channel, which has become famous for its
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hikikomori population. While hikikomori favor indoor activities, most of them do

venture outdoors on occasion, though they may prefer to do that at night.
Effects
On the individual
The lack of social contact and prolonged solitude has a profound effect on the
mentality of the hikikomori, who gradually lose their social skills and the social
references and mores necessary to interact with the outside world. They may immerse
themselves into the fantasy worlds of manga, television or computer games, which in
turn become their only frame of reference. Due to a lack of interpersonal stimulus the
hikikomori may developmentally stagnate into routine behaviors as time passes,
sleeping all day and staying up all night only to sneak out into the kitchen for food
when the family is asleep. In extreme cases, the hikikomori eventually abandons all
diversions of books and TV and simply stares into space for hours at a time.
Should a hikikomori decide to give up his seclusion, whether on his own or through
the aid of a care worker, they may face the problem of lacking social skills and years
of education that their peers already possess through normal daily interaction with
society. Also making reentry into society difficult is the recent social stigma that has
come to be attached to the condition due to mass media attention since 1998. As a
result, some former hikikomori might be afraid that others will discover their past,
adding to their feeling of insecurity around people, especially strangers, in how they
should act. Also detrimental is the fact they lack a work history, making anything
beyond menial jobs difficult to acquire.
On the family
Having a hikikomori in the family is often considered embarrassing, so usually it is
acknowledged as an internal private matter of the family, and many parents wait for a
long time before seeking help by a third party within the hikikomori support industry.
Also, in Japan the education of the children is traditionally done by the mother, and
the father may leave the problem of a hikikomori to the mother, who feels very
protective of her child. Initially, most parents simply wait and hope that the child will
eventually overcome his problems and return to society by his own will. They see it
as a phase the child has to overcome. Also, many parents are uncertain about what to
do with a hikikomori, and wait simply due to lack of other options. An aggressive
approach by the parents forcing the child back into society is usually not taken or
only after a considerable waiting period.
In some cases, school homeroom teachers and social workers make inquiries, but
usually do not get involved with the situation. In recent years, due to widespread
media attention, having a family member who is a hikikomori has come to have a
social stigma attached to the condition akin to mental illness. Due to this stigma and
the resultant shame, many families strive to keep their child's hikikomori condition a
secret from those in the community, thus further delaying parents from seeking
outside intervention for their child.
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Controversy
Part of the reason that hikikomori gained worldwide attention was the fact that the
media attributed a number of high profile crimes to hikikomori. In 2000, a 17 year old
labeled as a hikikomori by the press hijacked a bus and killed one passenger. In fact,
it was discovered later that the hijacker was originally a hikikomori but his parents
didn’t know how to deal with him, so they admitted him to a mental hospital for two
months of observation. Allegedly, the boy felt betrayed by his parents as a result of
his hospital admission, and some argue that the violence during the bus hijacking was
directed at his mother by proxy. In the coming days, the media reported other
extremely violent cases as perpetrated by hikikomori, such as one man who
kidnapped nine year old Fusako Sano and held her captive for nine years and two
months, The Girl A case, or Tsutomu Miyazaki who in 1989 killed 4 girls to reenact
scenes of his pornographic hentai manga. As a result of the media spotlight, a great
social stigma of hikikomori being violent and mentally ill came to be attached to the
condition that exists to this day.
In 2004, 29-year old Japanese-Dutch film school student Danyael Sugawara[1] made a
film based on hikikomori called “Tamago". IMDB page of "Tamago"
The hikikomori's fear of the social pressure and the inability to effect change in their
situation may turn into frustration or even anger— some hikikomori have even
physically attacked their parents, though most of the time anger manifests in other
ways such as nightly harassment by banging on walls while the rest of the family
sleeps.
This hostility often arises when parents continue to exert pressure on the hikikomori
to come out of their rooms after many months of isolation, despite the fact a status
quo has been allowed to develop between the parents, usually the mother, and the
hikikomori. This status quo, called the Strange Peace, occurs because parents
passively allow their child to stay withdrawn and has many reasons but mostly
centers on an amae relationship between mother and son, the fear and social stigma of
the local community knowing the family has a hikikomori, and the simple notion that
it is better to have the child in the house even in isolation than as a runaway.
It was initially argued in the mass media when hikikomori came into public spotlight
that the loss of a social frame of reference might also lead hikikomori to commit
violent or criminal behaviors. However, it has been argued by hikikomori experts that
‘true hikikomori’ are too socially withdrawn and timid to venture outside of their
rooms, let alone venture outside the home and attack someone. If hikikomori
physically attack anyone, it is usually confined to family members.
Western youths who feel similar social pressures or bullying from peers and adults
may become depressed, withdraw similar to hikikomori, or even lash out with hate
and aggression. In some instances of the latter, their actions may escalate to the
extreme, such as in the arson committed by June and Jennifer Gibbons, the deadly
 Page 295

violence of Columbine High School massacre and Red Lake High School massacre in
the United States, or the Erfurt massacre in Erfurt, Germany.
Reaction
Treatment
There are different opinions about the treatment of a hikikomori, and the opinions
often split into a Japanese and a western point of view. Japanese experts usually
suggest waiting until the hikikomori reemerges, whereas western doctors suggest
dragging the hikikomori back into society, by force if necessary.
While there are a growing number of doctors and clinics specialized in helping
hikikomori, many hikikomori and their parents still feel a lack of support for their
problems on an institutional level and feel that society at large has been slow to react
to the hikikomori crisis. In the last several years, a hikikomori support industry has
sprung up in Japan, each with its own style or philosophy in treating hikikomori
cases. Despite this diversity, there seem to be two general camps for treatment:
The psychological approach suggests psychological help is needed for these
isolated young people, as many parents are overwhelmed with the problems of
a hikikomori child whom they don’t understand. The standard psychological
approach to hikikomori behavior in a youth is to treat the condition as a
behavioral or mental disorder and so admit the child to a hospital ward in
order to administer counseling, observation, and drug therapy using standard
institutional procedures.
The socialization approach to hikikomori treatment views the problem as one of
socialization rather than mental illness. Instead of clinical treatment in a
hospital, the hikikomori is removed from the original environment of the
home into a shared living environment and encouraged to reintegrate into
social groups through daily activities with other hikikomori who are already in
various states of recovery; this approach shows the person that they are not
alone in their condition and appears to be successful for most cases.
Acceptance
In contrast to the approach of treatment, some may argue that the Hikikomori status is
a personal personality style or choice of living to be accepted, or resolved, within the
respective families, as long as this choice is not leading to criminal or violent
behaviour affecting others. As there is a certain tendency in societies, especially
traditionally conformist ones like the Japanese society, to label individuals or
minority groups deviating from the perceived norm, be it physical, social,
psychological or sexual, "pathologically ill" and calling for their cure, i.e. re-
alignment with the mainstream, there must be a careful examination regarding the
actual wishes of the individual in comparison to the alleged harm to society (also see
Asperger Syndrome and Schizoid Personality Disorder regarding the treatment vs.
acceptance issue).
 Page 296

In some cases a Hikikomori partially or completely recovers in time when given a

free house or apartment of his own.
References in pop culture
• The manga Welcome to the NHK! created by Tatsuhiko Takimoto and
illustrated by Kenji Oiwa, currently serialized in the magazine Monthly
Shōnen Ace.
• The 2004 film Hikikomori: Tokyo Plastic by director Adario Strange.
• The manga Rozen Maiden created by popular manga authors PEACH-PIT
features a hikikomori as a main character.
• In the anime series Simoun, the extremely popular Neviril goes through a
hikikomori phase after the death of her partner in combat.
• In the anime series Marmalade Boy, main male character Matsuura Yuu also
goes through a hikikomori phase at age 12, when he learns that the man whom
he calls "father" may not be his real father.

Return

Tenjho Tenge
Tenjho Tenge (天上天下, Tenjō Tenge?) is a seinen anime and manga series drawn
and written by the manga-ka Oh! great (大暮 維人 Ōgure Ito). The title is said to be
from the saying of the Buddha when he was born: "天上天下唯我独尊 (Tenjō Tenge
Yuiga Dokuson)" which means "I alone am honored on Heaven and Earth." [1]
The manga is currently running in Shueisha's Ultra Jump in Japan. The manga is
being officially published in North America through DC Comics' CMX imprint. The
CMX English manga is edited to reduce the sexuality and market it with a T (Teen -
13 Yrs and older) rating, a controversial move in the eyes of many North American
fans. The anime is currently broadcasting in Japan, and it is translated into English in
Geneon's DVD release.
There is also a 2-episode OVA named Tenjho Tenge ULTIMATE FIGHT.
 Page 297

Tenjho Tenge

天上天下
(Heaven and Earth)

Genre

Manga: Tenjho Tenge

Authored by Oh! great

Shueisha
1

Publisher 1 CMX
1

Planet Manga
1

Serialized in Ultra Jump

1

Original run {{{first_run}}} – {{{last_run}}}

No. of volumes {{{num_volumes}}}

TV anime

Directed by Toshifumi Kawase

Studio Geneon

TV Asahi
Network
1

GMA 7

Original run 1 April 2004 – 16 September 2004

No. of episodes 26
 Page 298

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Synopsis
Two new students, Bob Makihara and Souichiro Nagi, arrive at Todoh Academy with
plans to rule the school. As they beat up everyone they come across, they encounter
Maya Natsume and Masataka Takayanagi. After being knocked out a window by
Maya, Souichiro lands in the shower room with Aya Natsume, Maya's younger sister.
Aya immediately falls in love with Souichiro, despite the fact that he has no interest
in her. As a result of the two new students' violent actions they catch the attention of
the Executive Council that runs the school. After the destruction of Bob's precious
motorcycle, the assault (rape in the manga) of Bob's girlfriend Chiaki, and the two's
defeat, all at the hands of one executive council member, the two decide to join the
Juuken Club. Maya is the captain of this club and Masataka and Aya are members
also. This group is opposed to the executive council and Maya has a long history with
the executive council president, Masataka's brother, Mitsuomi Takayanagi. Souichiro
and Bob are now at the center of a conflict they know little about.
As the story progresses it proceeds into a flash back that makes up the majority of the
anime which concerns Maya's older brother Shin Natsume, and the events
surrounding his death. Shin possessed the Dragon Eyes, allowing him to see the past
the present and the future and just about anything else he wanted. This power
awakened 8 years before the main storyline while Shin was just a boy. He was unable
to control it and it proved far too much for him, eventually driving him insane. As the
then freshman Mitsuomi enters the school and is taken under Shin's wing, Shin's
motorcycle gang, Katana is under attack by an unknown assailant called the Katana
Hunter. As Mitsuomi starts an affair with Mana, Shin's girlfriend, she gives him a
video to watch. The video starts out as nothing more than Shin and Mana's early
relationship, but then dramatically shifts to Shin killing innocents just for a
"distraction". Disturbed by this Mitsuomi is overwhelmed by fear. The members of
Katana figure out who the Katana Hunter is, Maya, and plan revenge. They
subsequently get beat nearly to death by Shin, who is extremely protective of, and
obsessed with his sister. Bunshichi Tawara, Shin's best friend goes to beat some sense
into Shin. He discovers Shin's recent actions are being caused by the Reiki, an evil
ceremonial katana {which is a nodachi but is called a katana in the series). After
Shin's defeat and the Reiki being taken away from him, Shin returns to normal. As the
schools annual tournament which decides what group will make up the executive
council arrives, Shin decides that he wants to compete. As all of the Katana members
but Shin, Mitsuomi and Bunshichi have quit, Shin forms the Juuken Club with the
three as members. Five people are necessary to compete and there is a rush to find
two more members before the tournament starts, though everyone is terrified of Shin,
and no one wants to join. Mitsuomi convinces Maya to join. Confident that the 4 of
them are more than enough to win Maya takes Kagesada Sugano (almost solely
 Page 299

referred to as his nickname Asshat in the manga), who has no fighting skills, and
forces him to be their fifth member. As the finals approach Shin is pulled aside by
Dougen Takayanagi, Mitsuomi's father. Dougen wants to create a true warrior in
Mitsuomi and believes to use evil to overcome is necessary to do that. Dougen wants
Shin to be this evil and attempts to return the Reiki to him at school in the hopes he'll
slaughter a lot of people and Mitsuomi will bring him down. Shin refuses the sword,
so Dougen trys the dishonorable method. He orders Fu Chien(Mitsuomi's sensei) to
attack Maya, Shin's precious sister to set him off anyway. As Shin arrives late for a
fight, his opponent opens the door to reveal Maya beaten and barely clothed. Shin's
dragon eyes activate and subsequently nearly kills his opponet and all of Fu Chien's
men. Mana runs to get Mitsuomi believing only he could stop Shin in that state, and
Shin fights Fu Chien. In the process of this fight Shin rips of Fu Chien's hands at the
wrist and as he starts to assault the innocent Emi Isuzu, Maya calls out to him
returning him to normal. Almost at the same time Mitsuomi bursts in and rushes Shin,
to stop him too Maya calls out to him. Shin is jealous and angry, his dragon eyes
activate again and be blasts Mitsuomi with a large quantity of ki (chi in china).
Mitsuomi is taken to the hospital and said to be fine, but later he is returned to the
hospital after coughing up blood.
As the finals start, everyone but Bunshichi and Kagesada have skipped. At the last
second Mitsuomi shows up and takes on the entire team alone. In three minutes he
defeats five of the top fighters in the school. Afterward he grabs his chest and leaves.
He meets Mana outside and collapses on her, and pukes blood. Mana as a member of
the medical club explains what has happened to his body. The large quantity of ki
fired into his heart by Shin has sped it up, far beyond anything drugs could mimic. As
a result his body is becoming super oxygenated, vitalizing his muscles, improving his
metabolism and even improving his brain functions. Essentially, he gets super human
abilities for three minutes. If he fights longer than that his heart rate will surpass 200
beats per minute, and will rupture. Even if Mitsuomi does not fight he has 2-3 years
of life left.
By this time Shin has become entirely insane. He decides to take over protection to
the extreme and kill anyone who is near Maya. Mitsuomi figures this out and plans to
free Maya by defeating Shin, he swears he'll take Shin down in 2 months. 2 months
later, Shin insists on a group photo, strange behavior as he did not want anyone near
Maya. He then challenges Mitsuomi to a fight to determine the executive council
president. Mitsuomi dominates the fight, until the Reiki decides it does not want to let
Shin die and activates his dragon eyes. Shin blasts through Mana and hits Mitsuomi
with the Takayanagi secret technique, the honed Iron needle attack. After pummeling
Mitsuomi and knocking out almost everyone in the room Shin has the dying Mana
assist him in taking his own life. Mitsuomi later removes his father from power and
becomes the head of the Takayanagi family estate. A lot of the story revolves around
the concept that they are repeating history, and that the characters are following the
same route as Shin.
 Page 300

Maya blames Mitsuomi for her brothers death, and opposes him as the executive
council president by becoming the new captain of the Juuken club. Originally there
were many members but they were all beat up by the executive council and quit
school.
Now informed of the past conflicts Bob and Souichiro plan to train and take down
Mitsuomi. But Maya discovers the Reiki is missing. Aya has taken it, as she has
dragon eyes like Shin, this causes quite the uproar. Mitsuomi even assists Maya in
finding Aya and taking it back. In the end they get the Reiki back, and Mitsuomi
agrees to put off his aggression until the annual tournament. Maya then plans to train
Bob and Souichiro to take down Mitsuomi. In the process Souchiro awakens the
powers of his family, the demon exorcist powers, or the Dragon Fist. Also
discovering there are 12 families that support the Takayanagi family each with their
own unique powers, the Natsume family's dragon eyes and the Nagi family's dragon
fist are some examples. The anime and OVAs end there but the Manga goes farther.
When Mitsuomi took over the heads of these families were removed from power also,
a new alliance of the original heads children has formed under Mitsuomi called 'F'.
Despite the order to wait for the next tournament, F attacks the Juuken Club anyway.
Soon it is discovered F does not follow Mitsuomi at all and is acting on its own, at the
orders of the man who not only formed F, but helped Mitsuomi remove his father
from power, Sohaku. It is also revealed Sohaku is Souichiro's estranged father.
Eventually Mitsuomi allies with the Juuken club to bring down Sohaku. The Manga
hasn't concluded this conflict yet, and is still in progress.
The above is until about volume 08 of the manga which is now done with volume 15
and just started 16. And a lot has happened and been revealed, again spoiler warnings
ahead. The first attack by "F" was by Tetsusen Isshiyumi on Souichiro(and Aya) soon
after he learned to open his Dragon chakra (gate). This attack was completely
independent by Ishiyumi, who actually held back his full strength, as a way to gather
information about Souichiro and Aya. And even though his right arm was completely
shattered during the fight(among other injuries) at the hospital another meber of "F"
used the Dragon Palm power to completely heal him in an instant. While Nagi won
the fight he had a hard time controlling the huge amounts of ki energy released when
opening his chakra. Soon after this the vice-captain of the Jyuukenbu shows up a
small (very small though he's the same age as Maya) boy who at first is mistaken for
a large-eyed alien Kurei Ichirou, and the lascivious Sugano Kagesada, "Asshat", one
of the founders of the Jyuukenbu, reappears for the first time since the flashback to
when Shin was alive. Asshat decides to come train with the Jyuukenbu and help them
in the election tournement after Nagi and Bob beat him in a "fight"(you'll have to see
it to know what I'm talking about).Up until now Asshat thought it was a waste of time
to oppose Mitsuomi and hadn't done anything since recovering from when he also
was wounded when Shin died. Next Tsumuji Mataza, another member of "F" leading
the Takayanagi family soldiers completely wipes out the Enmi family, a branch
family of the Natsumes who use the Dragon Pupil( a variation of the Dragon Eye of
 Page 301

the Natsumes) to make people see illusions, in Kyushu. The only survivors are
Mouki,a small boy and the current heir of the family, and Enma, a temple preistess
Tsumuji kept alive to torture(brutuly) for information. Nagi's mom leaves for Kyushu
when she hears what happens and Mouki turns up at the Natsume house. The
Hayabusa,Tsumiji's armored infantry division as they call themselves, basically 4
brothers on motorcycles working for Tsumuji show up at the Natsume residence and
take Mouki. However Aya's Dragon Eye(at this point she can't really control it) starts
working well and her and Souichiro are able to track them down on a scooter defeat
them and get Mouki back. Defying the direct orders of Maya, Aya and Souichiro take
Mouki back to Kyushu, with Kurei stowing away in Aya's backpack(Maya sent him
to keep an eye on them because she knew they'd go anyway). At the destroyed temple
at the Enma home they meet up with Tsumuji Mataza Yorihira, the ousted former
leader of the Tsumuji family and father of "F"'s Mataza. He reveals the reason the
family was attacked and what Mataza and "F" is after is the family's sacred scroll,
however when him and Aya find it, it turns out that it was really a microchip hidden
in the scroll they are after that Yorihira takes and then ditches Aya and Souichiro
telling them not to get involved.

Masataka Takayanagi, ready for fighting.

Characters
Japanese names are in Western order (family name is after the given name). The
anime released by Geneon uses the Western order while the CMX manga uses the
Japanese order.
• Souichiro Nagi (凪 宗一郎 Nagi Sōichirō) - Souichiro and his friend Bob
travel from school to school beating up the top fighters in each. However,
when they happen across the Todoh Academy (romanized as Todoh in the
English manga and Todo in the English anime), they encounter a formidable
challenge. The trouble he and Bob create draws the attention of the Academy's
Executive council, who order two of their 'enforcers' to straighten them out.
After a disastrous first meeting with one of them, in which Bob's girlfriend
 Page 302

Chiaki was also badly injured, Souichiro and Bob sign up with the Juuken
Club. It is later revealed that Souichiro may have latent abilities, which may
explain part of the council's attention. Souichiro's name is romanized as Nagi
Soichiro in the English manga.
• Bob Makihara (ボブ 牧原 Bobu Makihara) - Souichiro's friend, who is of
African descent. It is unknown how he and Souichiro met. Naturally athletic,
he fights using the Brazilian fighting style capoeira. Because of his ancestry,
when he first arrived some addressed him as "The Foreigner". He is the
conservative one of the pair, as unlike Souichiro, he does not let his rage
overtake him.
• Maya Natsume (棗 真夜 Natsume Maya) - Maya is the busty 17 year-old
captain of the Juuken Club. She can control her body by shrinking herself to
the appearance of an 8 year-old. She had a previous relationship with
Mitsuomi, but has now sworn revenge on him for the events surrounding the
death of her older brother Natsume Shin.
• Aya Natsume (棗 亜夜 Natsume Aya) - Aya, Maya's younger sister, becomes
infatuated with Souichiro after he falls through the roof whilst she is taking a
shower. However, he does not return her affections, even when she fixes him
lunches. She possesses the 'Dragon Eye', an ability which allows her to see
into the past and the future, as well as communicating with inanimate objects
such as Shin's motorcycle, which Aya was able to drive despite not learning
how to in the first place. Maya believes it is this power which draws Aya to
Souichiro, as he may well become the strongest of all the members of the
Juuken Club.
• Masataka Takayanagi (高柳 雅孝 Takayanagi Masataka) - A polite boy
who trains under Maya. He falls in love with Aya at first sight, but is crushed
when she goes for Souichiro. He's an excellent, but often overlooked, martial
artist, and can go into a berserker rage when pushed too far. He is currently
estranged from his older brother Mitsuomi, because of his association with
Maya Natsume.
• Mitsuomi Takayanagi (高柳 光臣 Takayanagi Mitsuomi) - The leader of the
executive council and Toudou's top fighter. He is Masataka's brother and is
obviously displeased with his brother's choice of comrades, presumably
because of the history between himself and Maya Natsume. He was at one
time a friend of Maya's brother, Natsume Shin.
• Chiaki Kounoike (鴻ノ池 千秋 Kōnoike Chiaki) - Bob's girlfriend.
• Shin Natsume - Has the power of dragon eyes like Aya, but was driven
insane by them. His possession of the Reiki is blamed for his insanity. A lot of
events in the series are based around Shin's actions and death.
 Page 303

• Bunshichi Tawara (俵 文七 Tawara Bunshichi) - Close friend of Shin and

Mitsuomi. He is the advisor (essentially their strategist) for the executive
council, he however never does anything insisting he is a member in name
only.
• Emi Isuzu (五十鈴絵美 Isuzu Emi) - A 3rd-year senior at Todoh as well as
the vice chairwoman of the Executive Community. Not only is she Mitsuomi's
second-in-command, but one who harbors a deep love for him. Because of a
misunderstanding, Emi sees Maya as someone she must kill. At first sight,
Emi appears to be a drop-dead gorgeous girl, but she is not called, "The Black
Blade," for nothing. To the untrained eye, Emi seems to able to pull out knives
from nowhere. However, Emi's true secret is that she can control her fat folds,
giving her the appearance of a gorgeous and model-figured girl. In reality,
Emi is gigantically obese, but with this and her ability to fold in her fat, she
can hide knives between her folds, confusing the enemy.

Masataka Takayanagi, in Tenjho Tenge anime opening scene.

Voice actors
Japanese version
• Souichiro Nagi - Souichirou Hoshi
• Bob Makihara - Shinichiro Miki
• Maya Natsume - Aya Hisakawa
• Aya Natsume - Minori Chihara
• Masataka Takayanagi - Tomokazu Seki
• Mitsuomi Takayanagi - Toshiyuki Morikawa
• Emi Isuzu - Haruhi Terada
• Bunshichi Tawara - Kazuki Yao
• Tsutomu Ryuuzaki - Kenji Hamada
• Kouji Sagara - Kenta Miyake
 Page 304

• Masahiro Sanada - Akira Ishida

• Chiaki Kounoike - Ryoko Shiraishi
• Dan Inosato - Junichi Sawabe
• Shin Natsume - Shuichi Ikeda
English version
• Maya Natsume - Wendee Lee
• Aya Natsume - Tiffany Hsieh
• Souichiro Nagi - Steve Cannon
• Bob Makihara - Jamieson Price (As Taylor Henry)
• Masataka Takayanagi - Johnny Yong Bosch (As Kevin Hatcher)
• Mitsuomi Takayanagi - Kurt Strauss
• Emi Isuzu - Kate Davis
• Koji Sagara - George C. Cole
• Chiaki Kounoike - Julie Anne Taylor
Episode list
1. Sanctuary
2. Defeat
3. Executioner
4. Suspicion
5. Punishment
6. Illusion
7. Breakthrough
8. Dragon's Eye
9. Enforcement
10. Memory
11. One With an Unusual Talent
12. Darkness
13. Magical Power
14. Hellfire
15. Yin & Yang
16. Conclusion
 Page 305

17. True Motive

18. Resonance
19. Activation
20. Stratagem
21. Spontaneous Explosion
22. Resolution
23. Binding Spell
24. Wandering
25. Dragon Fist
26. Budding

Return

raison d'être
Pronunciation

IPA: /'reɪzɔ̃ dɛtrə/ (or as French, below)

• Audio (UK)

Noun
raison d'être (plural: raison d'être or raisons d'être)

1. The claimed reason for the existence of something or someone; the

purpose of something or someone.

Surfing became his raison d’être.

Usage Notes
• As this is a foreign phrase, it is usually written in italics.
Related terms

• be-all and end-all

Return
 Page 306

Micro black hole

A micro black hole, also called a quantum mechanical black hole and inevitably a
mini black hole, is simply a tiny black hole for which quantum mechanical effects
play an important role.
The smallest mass it is believed a black hole could have, for the classical black hole
description to still make any sense at all, is probably of the order of the Planck mass,
which is about 2 × 10-8 kg or 1 × 1019 GeV. At this scale the black hole
thermodynamic formulae predict the mini-black hole would have an entropy of only
4π nats; a Hawking temperature of TP / 8π, requiring thermal energy quanta
comparable in energy to almost the mass of the entire mini black hole; and a
Compton wavelength equal to the black hole's Schwarzschild radius (this distance
being equal to the Planck length). This is the point where a classical gravitational
description of the object stops being retrievable with merely small quantum
corrections, but in effect completely breaks down.
The existence of black holes of this mass is purely hypothetical but if primordial
black holes exist, they might reach this condition as the final stage of runaway
evaporation due to Hawking radiation.
Such an energy is orders of magnitude greater than can be produced on Earth in
particle accelerators such as the Large Hadron Collider (maximum about 14 × 103
GeV), or detected in cosmic ray collisions in our atmosphere. It is estimated that to
collide two aggregates of fermions to within a distance of a Planck length with the
currently achievable magnetic field strength would require a ring accelerator about
1000 light years in diameter to keep the aggregates on track. Even if it were possible,
any collision product would be immensely unstable, and almost immediately
disintegrate.
Some string theorists have suggested that the multiple dimensions postulated by
string theory might make the effective strength of gravity many orders of magnitude
stronger at small distances (very high energies). This might effectively lower the
Planck energy, and perhaps make black-hole-like descriptions valuable even at
slightly lower masses. But this is highly speculative.
Others have wondered about the basic assumptions of the quantum gravity program,
and whether there is really a compelling case to believe in Hawking radiation[1]. It is
only these quantum assumptions which lead to the crisis at the Planck mass: in
classical general relativity, a black hole could in principle be arbitrarily small.
Physicist Brian Greene has suggested that the electron may be a micro black hole; see
electron black hole. Small black holes would look like elementary particles because
they would be completely defined by their mass, charge and spin. On this view, the
significance of the Planck mass is that it marks a transition where the Hawking semi-
classical approximation breaks down, and a fully quantum mechanical description of
the system becomes required. Gravitationally dominated "black hole"-like structures
 Page 307

might still exist with these lower masses, but the emission of Hawking radiation
would be suppressed by quantum effects, just as an electron constantly accelerating
round an atom does not radiate, despite the apparent predictions of classical
electrodynamics.
All that can be said with certainty is that current predictions for the behavior of a
black hole with a mass less than Planck mass are inconsistent and incomplete.

Return

Precession

Precession refers to a change in the direction of the axis of a rotating object. In

physics, there are two types of precession, torque-free and torque-induced, the latter
being discussed here in more detail. In certain contexts, "precession" may refer to the
precession that the Earth experiences, the effects of this type of precession on
astronomical observation, or to the precession of orbital objects.

Torque-free precession
Only moving objects can be in torque-free precession. For example, when a plate is
thrown, the plate may have some rotation around an axis that is not its axis of
symmetry. When the object is not perfectly solid, internal vortices will tend to damp
torque-free precession.
Torque-induced precession
Torque-induced precession (gyroscopic precession) is the phenomenon by which the
axis of a spinning object (e.g. a part of a gyroscope) "wobbles" when a torque is
applied to it. The phenomenon is commonly seen in a spinning toy top, but all
rotating objects can undergo precession. If the speed of the rotation and the
magnitude of the torque are constant the axis will describe a cone, its movement at
any instant being at right angles to the direction of the torque. In the case of a toy top,
if the axis is not perfectly vertical the torque is applied by the force of gravity trying
to tip it over. A rolling wheel will tend to remain upright due to precession. When the
wheel tilts to one side, the particles at the top are pushed to one side and the particles
at the bottom are pushed the other way. However, since the wheel is rotating, these
particles eventually switch places and cancel one another out. Precession or
gyroscopic considerations have an effect on bicycle performance at high speed.
Precession is also the mechanism behind gyrocompasses.
 Page 308

This concept is easier to understand by examining the effects of inertia, which is often
stated by the phrase "A body in motion tends to stay in motion." In this case the
"motion" of a rotating body is in its rotation. If an external force pushes upon the
rotating body, the body will resist the force by pushing back against it, but the
reaction is delayed.
Gyroscopic precession also plays a large role in the flight controls on helicopters.
Since the driving force behind helicopters is the rotor head (which rotates),
gyroscopic precession comes into play. If the rotor head is tilted to the right, its
counter-clockwise movement forces the aircraft to fly forward. To ensure the pilot's
inputs are correct the aircraft has corrective linkages which tilt the rotor head to the
right when the pilots push the "cyclic stick" forward, or to the left when the stick is
pulled to the back.

The physics of precession

Precession is the resultant of the angular velocity of rotation and the angular velocity
produced by the torque. It is an angular velocity about a line which makes an angle
with the permanent rotation axis, and this angle lies in a plane at right angles to the
plane of the couple producing the torque. The permanent axis must turn towards this
line, since the body cannot continue to rotate about any line which is not a principal
axis of maximum moment of inertia; that is, the permanent axis turns in a direction at
right angles to that in which the torque might be expected to turn it. If the rotating
body is symmetrical and its motion unconstrained, and if the torque on the spin axis is
at right angles to that axis, the axis of precession will be perpendicular to both the
spin axis and torque axis. Under these circumstances the period of precession is given
by:

In which Is is the moment of inertia, Ts is the period of spin about the spin axis, and Q
is the torque. In general the problem is more complicated than this, however.
For a layman’s explanation of Precession: we will have to imagine the wheel of a
gyroscope as a group of particles that are being forced to move in circle. Remember
the particles want to move in a straight line. In order for the particles to move in a
curved line there must be a force. This force is provided by the structure of the wheel
holding the particles within the wheel.
Now let’s see what happens to our accelerating particles when a torque is applied to
the spinning wheel. Assume the axis of rotation created by the torque is through the
center of the wheel at 90 degrees to the primary rotation of the wheel. Let’s look at a
particle that is on this axis of rotation. Since the particle is on the axis of rotation
there is no direct motion applied to the particle at the instant of the applied torque.
But let’s look at what will need to happen at the next moment in time. The particle is
 Page 309

now going to be forced to curve again. This time in the direction of the curve so as to
accommodate the tilt of the wheel. Now we have a particle that is already moving and
it wants to keep moving in a straight line. So the particle will exert a force on the
wheel. If you look at a particle on the other side of the wheel you will see that the
force of the second particle is in the opposite direction of the first particle. That pair
of unmatched forced is what causes the precession torque that is 90 degrees to the
applied torque.

Precession of the equinoxes

Precessional movement.

Main article: Precession of the equinoxes

The Earth goes through one complete precession cycle in a period of approximately
25,800 years, during which the positions of stars as measured in the equatorial
coordinate system will slowly change; the change is actually due to the change of the
coordinates. Over this cycle the Earth's north axial pole moves from where it is now,
within 1° of Polaris, in a circle around the ecliptic pole, with an angular radius of 23
degrees 27 arcminutes [1], or about 23.5 degrees. The shift is 1 degree in 180 years,
with the angle is taken from the observer, not from the center of the circle.
This precession was noted by ancient astronomers, and was explained by Newtonian
physics. The Earth has a nonspherical shape, being oblate spheroid, bulging outward
at the equator. The gravitational tidal forces of the Moon and Sun apply torque as
they attempt to pull the equatorial bulge into the plane of the ecliptic. The portion of
the precession due to the combined action of the Sun and the Moon is called
lunisolar precession.
 Page 310

Precession of planetary orbits

Precession of the perihelion (very exaggerated)

The revolution of a planet in its orbit around the Sun is also a form of rotary motion.
(In this case, the combined system of Earth and Sun is rotating.) So the axis of a
planet's orbital plane will also precess over time.
The major axis of each planet's elliptical orbit also precesses within its orbital plane,
in response to perturbations in the form of the changing gravitational forces exerted
by other planets. This is called perihelion precession or apsidal precession (see
apsis). Discrepancies between the observed perihelion precession rate of the planet
Mercury and that predicted by classical mechanics were prominent among the forms
of experimental evidence leading to the acceptance of Einstein's Theory of Relativity,
which predicted the anomalies accurately.[2]
It is generally understood that the gravitational pulls of the Sun and the Moon cause
the precession of the Earth's orbit which operate on cycles of 23,000 and 19,000
years. These periodic changes of the orbital parameters, as well as that of the
inclination of the Earth's axis on its orbit, are an important part of the astronomical
theory of ice ages. For precession of the lunar orbit see lunar precession.
An analogous phenomenon to apsidal precession is nodal precession (see orbital
node), which affects the orientation of the orbital plane.
Precession is also an important consideration in the dynamics of atoms and
molecules.

Return
 Page 311

(1) Jomon-sugi Cedar

"Yakusugi" is a generic name of a natural cryptomeria which grows up in the Yaku

island. Especially, more than 1000 year age of a tree is called "Yakusugi". They are
distributed within the range to about 1800m every above sea level 500m.
The longevity of "Yakusugi" are very long, they have the longevity of more than
2000 years. Each big "Yakusugi" have a peculiar name.Jomon-sugi Cedar is a typical
tree also in that.

(1) Jomon-sugi Cedar upper part

Jomon-sugi Cedar's height is 25.3m, the diameter is 5.2m, and surroundings of the
trunk are 16.2m. The origin of the tree goes back even to the Jomon age (about 1000
 Page 312

at B.C.).
The age is judged 2000 years or more, there is a theory that the age is 7200 in the
inside, too. Jomon-sugi Cedar has an overwhelming sense of existence. All the
persons who visit here are impressed by the appearance.

(2) Meoto-sugi Cedar

(3) Daio-sugi Cedar

 Page 313

(4) Wilson's Stump

Wilson 's Stump is a big stump that has 13.8m surrounding length. Several men can
enter in the stump. "Yakusugi" does not rot easily very much. The reason is that quite
a lot of resins are included in the trunk. Therefore, this stump does not rot for a long
time either.

Return

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead (Tom Stoppard)

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead is a humorous, absurdist, tragic and
existentialist play by Tom Stoppard, first staged in 1966. A 1990 film version starred
Gary Oldman and Tim Roth as the title characters and featured Richard Dreyfuss as
the Player. The play expands upon the exploits of two minor characters from
Shakespeare's Hamlet.
 Page 314

DVD cover

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.

Synopsis
The play concerns the misadventures and musings of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern,
two minor characters from William Shakespeare's Hamlet who are friends of the
Prince, focusing on their actions while the events of Hamlet occur as background.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead is structured as the inverse of Hamlet; the
title characters are the leads, not minor players, and Hamlet himself has only a small
part. The duo appears on stage here when they are off-stage in Shakespeare's play,
with the exception of a few short scenes in which the dramatic events of both plays
coincide. In Hamlet, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are used by the king in an attempt
to find out about Hamlet's motives and to plot against him. Hamlet however mocks
them derisively and outwits them, so that they, rather than he, are killed in the end.
Thus from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern's perspective, the action in Hamlet does not
make much sense. By contrast, the Player, also a minor character from Hamlet, seems
to know a great deal about theatrical conventions and Hamlet in particular, despite
being a character in the play himself.
The two characters, brought into being within the puzzling universe of the play, by an
act of the playwright's creation, and those they encounter, often confuse their names,
as they have interchangeable yet periodically unique identities. They are portrayed as
 Page 315

two clowns or fools in a world that is beyond their understanding; they cannot
identify any reliable feature or the significance in words or events. Their own
memories are not reliable or complete and they misunderstand each other as they
stumble through philosophical arguments while not realizing the implications to
themselves. They often state deep philosophical truths during their nonsensical
ramblings, however they depart from these ideas as quickly as they come to them. At
times one appears to be more enlightened than the other; however this position is
traded-off throughout the course of the drama.
After the two characters find themselves witnessing a performance of the Murder of
Gonzago, they take a boat to England with the troupe, are ambushed by pirates and
lose their prisoner before resigning themselves to fate.
As with many of Tom Stoppard's works, the play has a love for cleverness and
language. It treats language as a joy, a toy and a confounding system fraught with
ambiguity.

Themes
• Existentialism - why are we here? Why should Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
do anything unless someone asks them to? They find themselves as pawns in a
gigantic game of chess, yet make no effort whatsoever to escape.
• Free will vs. determinism - is it their choice to perform actions, or are they
fated to live the way they do? The implication the play gives is that it does not
matter what choices Rosencrantz and Guildenstern make, they are trapped
within the logic of the play, and cannot escape, being fated to follow a destiny
determined by the plot. Hamlet ends with the news of their deaths, so they
have to die.
• Search for value - what is important? What is not? Does anything matter? If
we are all going to die, why do we continue to live?
• Futility of Language - Do words always mean what we say they mean? How
do we know what words with multiple meanings mean? Why do words mean
what they mean? How do we interpret what is being said to something
sensible when it is not? How do words determine madness?
These themes, and the presence of two central characters who almost appear to be
two halves of a single character, are shared with Samuel Beckett's Waiting for Godot
and the two plays are often compared. Many plot features are similar as well. The
characters pass time by playing Questions, impersonating other characters, and
interrupting each other or remaining silent for long periods of time. Other authors
have also experimented with characters who (partially) understand that they are
fictional — for example, in Frank Baker's classic Miss Hargreaves: A Fantasy, in
Jostein Gaarder's Sophie's World, in Robert Shea and Robert Anton Wilson's
 Page 316

Illuminatus! trilogy and in Paul Wühr's Das falsche Buch. Jasper Fforde's Thursday
Next series also makes heavy use of characters who understand that they are fictional.

Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead in Television and Cinema

• The play was filmed in 1990, directed by Stoppard, starring Gary Oldman and
Tim Roth in the titular roles, respectively, Richard Dreyfuss as the Player,
Joanna Roth as Ophelia, Ian Richardson as Polonius, Joanna Miles as
Gertrude, Donald Sumpter as Claudius and Iain Glen as Hamlet.
• The Anime TV series The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya contains a
fragment of a performance of the play and a direct quote of the line "Consider
- One: Probability is a factor which operates within natural forces. Two:
Probability is not operating as a factor. Three: We are now held within un-,
sub-, or supernatural forces."

Return

Palme d'Or
The Palme d'Or ("Golden Palm") is the name of the highest prize given to a film at
the Cannes Film Festival. The prize was introduced in 1955 by the organizing
committee (it was previously known as the Grand Prix du Festival international du
film[1]) and is now regarded as one of the film industry's most distinguished prizes.
 Page 317

Golden Palm winners

Year Film Director Country

1939 Union Pacific [2] Cecil B. DeMille United States

Torment (Hets) Alf Sjöberg Sweden

The Lost Weekend Billy Wilder United States

Bodil Ipsen and Lau

Red Meadows (De røde enge) Denmark
Lauritzen

Lowly City (Neecha Nagar) Chetan Anand India

Brief Encounter David Lean United Kingdom

Portrait of Maria (María

Emilio Fernández Mexico
Candelaria)
1946
The Turning Point (Великий Fridrikh Markovitch
Soviet Union
перелом, Velikiy perelom) Ermler

La symphonie pastorale Jean Delannoy France

The Last Chance (Die Letzte

Leopold Lintberg Switzerland
Chance)

Men Without Wings (Muži bez

František Čáp Czechoslovakia
křídel)

Open City (Roma, città aperta) Roberto Rossellini Italy

1947 not awarded

1948 not held

1949 The Third Man Carol Reed United Kingdom

1950 not held

1951 Miss Julie (Fröken Julie) Alf Sjöberg Sweden

 Page 318

Miracle in Milan (Miracolo a

Vittorio De Sica Italy
Milano)

The Tragedy of Othello: The Moor

Orson Welles United States
of Venice
1952
Two Cents Worth of Hope (Due
Renato Castellani Italy
soldi di speranza)

The Wages of Fear (Le salaire de Henri-Georges

1953 France
la peur) Clouzot

1954 Gate of Hell (地獄門, Jigokumon) Teinosuke Kinugasa Japan

1955 Marty Delbert Mann United States

Jacques-Yves
The Silent World (Le monde du
1956 Cousteau and Louis France
silence)
Malle

1957 Friendly Persuasion William Wyler United States

The Cranes Are Flying (Летят Mikheil

1958 Soviet Union
журавли, Letyat zhuravli) Kalatozishvili

1959 Black Orpheus (Orfeu Negro) Marcel Camus France

1960 La dolce vita Federico Fellini Italy

The Long Absence (Une aussi

Henri Colpi France
1961 longue absence)

Viridiana Luis Buñuel Spain

Keeper of Promises (O Pagador de

1962 Anselmo Duarte Brazil
Promessas)

1963 The Leopard (Il Gattopardo) Luchino Visconti Italy

 Page 319

The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (Les

1964 Jacques Demy France
Parapluies de Cherbourg)

1965 The Knack ...and How to Get It Richard Lester United Kingdom

A Man and a Woman (Un homme

Claude Lelouch France
et une femme)
1966
The Birds, the Bees and the
Pietro Germi Italy
Italians (Signore and signori)

Michelangelo
1967 Blowup Italy
Antonioni

canceled due to events of May

1968
1968

1969 If.... Lindsay Anderson United Kingdom

1970 MASH Robert Altman United States

1971 The Go-Between Joseph Losey United Kingdom

The Working Class Goes to

Heaven (La classe operaia va in Elio Petri Italy
1972
paradiso)

The Mattei Affair (Il Caso Mattei) Francesco Rosi Italy

The Hireling Alan Bridges United Kingdom

1973
Scarecrow Jerry Schatzberg United States

1974 The Conversation Francis Ford Coppola United States

Chronicle of the Years of Fire Mohammed Lakhdar-

1975 Algeria
(Chronique des années de braise) Hamina

1976 Taxi Driver Martin Scorsese United States

 Page 320

Paolo Taviani and

1977 Father and Master (Padre padrone) Italy
Vittorio Taviani

The Tree of Wooden Clogs

1978 Ermanno Olmi Italy
(L'Albero degli zoccoli)

Apocalypse Now Francis Ford Coppola United States

1979 The Tin Drum (Die
Volker Schlöndorff West Germany
Blechtrommel)

All That Jazz Bob Fosse United States

1980 Shadow Warrior (影武者,
Akira Kurosawa Japan
Kagemusha)

1981 Man of Iron (Człowiek z żelaza) Andrzej Wajda Poland

Missing Costa-Gavras United States

1982
The Way (Yol) Yilmaz Güney Turkey

The Ballad of Narayama

1983 Shohei Imamura Japan
(楢山節考, Narayama bushiko)

1984 Paris, Texas Wim Wenders West Germany

When Father Was Away on

1985 Business (Otac na službenom Emir Kusturica Yugoslavia
putu)

1986 The Mission Roland Joffé United Kingdom

Under the Sun of Satan (Sous le

1987 Maurice Pialat France
soleil de Satan)

Pelle the Conqueror (Pelle

1988 Bille August Denmark
erobreren)
 Page 321

1989 sex, lies, and videotape Steven Soderbergh United States

1990 Wild at Heart David Lynch United States

1991 Barton Fink Joel and Ethan Coen United States

The Best Intentions (Den goda

1992 Bille August Denmark
viljan)

Farewell My Concubine
Chen Kaige China
1993 (霸王別姬, Bàwáng Bié Jī)

The Piano Jane Campion New Zealand

1994 Pulp Fiction Quentin Tarantino United States

Underground (Подземље, Federal Republic of

1995 Emir Kusturica
Podzemlje) Yugoslavia

1996 Secrets & Lies Mike Leigh United Kingdom

Taste of Cherry (‫ﻃﻌ ﻢ ﮔﻴ ﻼس‬,

Abbas Kiarostami Iran
1997 Ta'm-e gilass)

The Eel (うなぎ, Unagi) Shohei Imamura Japan

Eternity and a Day (Μια

1998 αιωνιότητα και μια μέρα, Mia Theo Angelopoulos Greece
aioniotita kai mia mera)

Luc and Jean-Pierre

1999 Rosetta Belgium
Dardenne

2000 Dancer in the Dark Lars von Trier Denmark

The Son's Room (La stanza del

2001 Nanni Moretti Italy
figlio)

2002 The Pianist Roman Polanski Poland

 Page 322

2003 Elephant Gus Van Sant United States

2004 Fahrenheit 9/11 Michael Moore United States

Luc and Jean-Pierre

2005 The Child (L'Enfant) Belgium
Dardenne

2006 The Wind That Shakes the Barley Ken Loach Ireland

Winners by country of origin

United States 18
Italy 12
France,United Kingdom 8
Denmark, Japan 4
Belgium, Poland, Soviet Union, Sweden, West Germany 2
Algeria, Brazil, China, Czechoslovakia, Greece, India, Iran, Ireland, Mexico, New
Zealand, Spain, Switzerland, Turkey, Federal Republic of Yugoslavia, Socialist 1
Federal Republic of Yugoslavia.

Notes
1. ^ Golden Palm. IMDB.
2. ^ This particular Palme d'Or was awarded in retrospect at the 2002 festival.
The festival's debut was to take place in 1939, but it was canceled due to
World War II. The organizers of the 2002 festival presented part of the
original 1939 selection to a professional jury of six members. The films were:
Goodbye Mr. Chips, La piste du nord, Lenin in 1918, The Four Feathers, The
Wizard of Oz, Union Pacific and Boefje.

Return
 Page 323

Geocentric model
In astronomy, the geocentric model (in Greek: geo = earth and kentron = center) of
the universe is the theory that the Earth is at the center of the universe and the Sun
and other celestial objects go around it.
Belief in this system was common in ancient Greece. It was embraced by both
Aristotle and Ptolemy, and most Greek philosophers assumed that the Sun, Moon,
stars, and naked eye planets circle the Earth. Similar ideas were held in ancient China.
Aristarchus of Samos proposed a heliocentric model of the solar system, but he was
clearly in the minority in believing that the Earth was not central.

This artistic representation of the geocentric model shows signs of the zodiac and the
solar system with world at centre.

The geocentric model was usually combined with a spherical Earth by ancient Greek
and medieval philosophers. Thus, it is not the same as the older flat Earth model
implied in some mythology. The ancient Greeks also believed that the motions of the
planets were circular and not elliptical, a view that was not challenged in western
culture before the 17th century.
The geocentric model held sway into the early modern age; from the late 16th century
onward it was gradually replaced by the heliocentric model of Copernicus, Galileo
and Kepler.
 Page 324

Classical Greece

The geocentric model entered Greek astronomy and philosophy at an early point; it
can be found in Pre-socratic philosophy. In the 6th century BCE, Anaximander
proposed a cosmology with the Earth shaped like a section of a pillar (a cylinder),
held aloft at the center of everything. The Sun, Moon, and planets were holes in
invisible wheels surrounding the Earth; through the holes, humans could see
concealed fire. About the same time, the Pythagoreans taught that the Earth was a
sphere, but not at the center; they believed that it was in motion around an unseen
fire. Later these views were combined, so most educated Greeks from the 4th century
BCE on thought that the Earth was a sphere at the center of the universe.
In the 4th century BCE, two influential Greek philosophers wrote works based on the
geocentric model. These were Plato and his student Aristotle. According to Plato, the
Earth was a sphere, at rest at the center of the universe. The stars and planets were
carried around the Earth on spheres or circles, arranged in the order (outwards from
the center): Moon, Sun, Venus, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, fixed stars. In the
"Myth of Er," a section of the Republic, Plato describes the cosmos as the Spindle of
Necessity, attended by the Sirens and turned by the three Fates. Eudoxus of Cnidus,
who worked with Plato, developed a less mythical, more mathematical explanation of
the planets' motion based on Plato's dictum stating that all phenomena in the heavens
can be explained with uniform circular motion. Aristotle elaborated on Eudoxus'
system. In the fully developed Aristotelian system, the spherical Earth is at the center
 Page 325

of the universe. All heavenly bodies are attached to 56 concentric spheres which
rotate around the Earth. (The number is very high because several transparent spheres
are needed for each planet.) The Moon is on the innermost sphere. Thus it touches the
realm of Earth, which contaminates it, causing the dark spots (macula) and the ability
to go through lunar phases. It is not perfect like the other heavenly bodies, which
shine by their own light.
Adherence to the geocentric model stemmed largely from several important
observations. First of all, if the Earth did move, then one ought to be able to observe
the shifting of the fixed stars due to parallax. In short, the shapes of the constellations
should change considerably over the course of a year. In reality, the stars are so much
further away than the Sun and the planets that this motion (which does exist) was not
detected until the 19th century. The lack of any observable parallax was considered
the death of any non-geocentric theory.
Another influencing observation was that Venus stays about the same brightness most
of the time "and therefore is always about the same distance from Earth".[citation
needed] In reality that is because the loss of light caused by its phases compensates
for the increase in apparent size caused by its varying distance from Earth. Other
objections included the idea, put forward by Aristotle, that the natural state of heavy
objects like the Earth was at rest, and that some force was required to move them. It
was also believed by some that the Earth's rotation on its axis would cause the air and
objects in it (such as birds or clouds) to be left behind.
A major flaw in the Eudoxan and Aristotelian models based on concentric spheres
was that they could not explain the changes in brightness of the planets caused by a
change in distance.

Claudius Ptolemy
Although the basic tenets of Greek geocentrism were established by the time of
Aristotle, the details of his system did not become standard. This honor was reserved
for the Ptolemaic system, espoused by the Greco-Roman astronomer Claudius
Ptolemaeus in the 2nd century CE. His main astronomical book, the Almagest, was
the culmination of centuries of work by Greek astronomers; it was accepted for over a
millennium as the correct cosmological model by European and Islamic astronomers.
Because of its influence, the Ptolemaic system is sometimes considered identical with
the geocentric model.
 Page 326

The Ptolemaic system

The basic elements of Ptolemaic astronomy, showing a planet on an epicycle with an

eccentric deferent and an equant point.

In the Ptolemaic system, each planet is moved by two or more spheres: one sphere is
its deferent which is centered on the Earth, and the other sphere is the epicycle which
is embedded in the deferent. The planet is embedded in the epicycle sphere. The
deferent rotates around the Earth while the epicycle rotates within the deferent,
causing the planet to move closer to and farther from Earth at different points in its
orbit, and even to slow down, stop, and move backward (in retrograde motion). The
epicycles of Venus and Mercury are always centered on a line between Earth and the
Sun (Mercury being closer to Earth), which explains why they are always near it in
the sky. The Ptolemaic order of spheres from Earth outward is:
Moon
Mercury
Venus
Sun
Mars
Jupiter
Saturn
Fixed Stars
The deferent-and-epicycle model had been used by Greek astronomers for centuries,
as had the idea of the eccentric (a deferent which is slightly off-center from the
Earth). In the illustration, the center of the deferent is not the Earth but X, making it
eccentric (from the Latin ex- or e- meaning "from," and centrum meaning "center").
Unfortunately, the system that was available in Ptolemy's time did not quite match
observations, even though it was considerably improved over Aristotle's system.
Sometimes the size of a planet's retrograde loop (most notably that of Mars) would be
 Page 327

smaller, and sometimes larger. This prompted him to come up with the idea of an
equant. The equant was a point near the center of a planet's orbit which, if you were
to stand there and watch, the center of the planet's epicycle would always appear to
move at the same speed. Therefore, the planet actually moved at different speeds
when the epicycle was at different points on its deferent. By using an equant, Ptolemy
claimed to keep motion which was uniform and circular, but many people did not like
it because they did not think it was true to Plato's dictum of "uniform circular
motion." The resultant system which eventually came to be widely accepted in the
west was an unwieldy one to modern eyes; each planet required an epicycle revolving
on a deferent, offset by an equant which was different for each planet. But it predicted
various celestial motions, including the beginnings and ends of retrograde motion,
fairly well at the time it was developed.

Geocentrism and Rival Systems

This drawing from an Icelandic manuscript dated around 1750 illustrates the
geocentric model.
Not all Greeks agreed with the geocentric model. The Pythagorean system has
already been mentioned; some Pythagoreans believed the Earth to be one of several
planets going around a central fire. Hicetas and Ecphantus, two Pythagoreans of the
5th century BCE, and Heraclides Ponticus in the 4th century BCE, believed that the
Earth rotated on its axis but remained at the center of the universe. Such a system still
qualifies as geocentric. It was revived in the Middle Ages by Jean Buridan.
Heraclides Ponticus is also sometimes said to have proposed that both Venus and
Mercury went around the Sun rather than Earth, but the evidence for this claim is not
clear. Martianus Capella definitely put Mercury and Venus on epicycles around the
Sun.
 Page 328

Aristarchus of Samos was the most radical. He wrote a work, which has not survived,
on heliocentrism, saying that the Sun was at the center of the universe, while the
Earth and other planets revolved around it. His theory was not popular, and he had
only one known follower, Seleucus of Seleucia.

The Copernican system

In 1543 the geocentric system met its first serious challenge with the publication of
Copernicus's De revolutionibus orbium coelestium, which posited that the Earth and
the other planets instead revolved around the Sun. The geocentric system was still
held for many years afterwards, as at the time the Copernican system did not offer
better predictions than the geocentric system, and it posed problems for both natural
philosophy and scripture.
With the invention of the telescope in 1609, observations made primarily by Galileo
(such as that Jupiter has moons) called into question some of the tenets of
geocentrism but did not seriously threaten it.

Phases of Venus

In December 1610, Galileo Galilei used his telescope to show that Venus went
through phases, just like the Moon. This observation was incompatible with the
Ptolemaic system.
Ptolemy placed Venus inside the sphere of the Sun (between the Sun and Mercury),
but this was arbitrary; he could just as easily swapped Venus and Mercury and put
them on the other side of the Sun, or made any other arrangement of Venus and
Mercury, as long as they were always near a line running from the Earth through the
Sun. In this case, if the Sun is the source of all the light, under the Ptolemaic system:
If Venus is between Earth and the Sun, the phase of Venus must always be
crescent or all dark.
If Venus is beyond the Sun, the phase of Venus must always be gibbous or full.
But Galileo saw Venus at first small and full, and later large and crescent.
Astronomers of this time period saw the result of this being unsalvageable for a
Ptolemaic cosmology, if the results were accepted as true. As a result, later 17th
century competition between astronomical cosmologies focused on variations of
Tycho Brahe's Tychonic system (in which the Earth was still at the center of the
 Page 329

universe, and around it revolved the Sun, but all other planets revolved around the
Sun in one massive set of epicycles), or variations on the Copernican system.

Gravitation: Newton and Einstein

In 1687, Isaac Newton devised his law of universal gravitation, which introduced
gravitation as the force that both kept the Earth and planets moving through the
heavens and also kept the air from flying away.
In 1838, astronomer Friedrich Wilhelm Bessel successfully measured the parallax of
the star 61 Cygni, which was considered conclusive evidence that the Earth was in
motion.
From the point of view of modern science, in particular in light of Einstein's theory of
general relativity, there is no absolute frame of reference, only frames which are more
or less convenient to use for the purpose at hand. A geocentric frame is useful for
everyday activities and most laboratory experiments, but is a less felicitous choice for
solar-system mechanics and space travel. While a heliocentric frame is most useful in
those cases, galactic and extra-galactic astronomy is easier if the sun is treated as
neither stationary nor the center of the universe, but rotating around the center of our
galaxy.

Geocentrism today
Main article: Modern geocentrism
Some Jewish, Christian and Muslim religious fundamentalists still interpret their
scripture as stating that the Earth is the physical center of the universe—known as
modern geocentrism.

In planetariums
The geocentric (Ptolemaic) model of the solar system is still of interest to planetarium
makers, as, for technical reasons, a Ptolemaic-type motion for the planet light
apparatus has some advantages over a Copernican-type motion. The celestial sphere,
used for teaching purposes and sometimes for navigation, is also still based on a
geocentric system.

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 Page 330

Baka-Tsuki: Copyrights

TLG Translation Common Agreement v.0.3

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Section A.1 All works(a), original and/or translated, belong to their respective
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This wiki is done with the intention to A) Improve my(c) English writing skills. B) To
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If you(b1) feel your(b1) rights are being violated due to the usage of this wiki up to,
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 Page 331

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Finally, Have Fun! :D

thelastguardian - August 08, 2006