"the history of every major galactic civilization tends to pass through three

distinct and recognizable phases, those of survival, inquiry and sophistication,

otherwise known as the how, why and where phases. "for instance, the first phase
is characterized by the question 'how can we eat?' the second by the question 'why
do we eat?' and the third by the question 'where shall we have lunch?'"
"the knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
anyone who is capable of getting themselves made president should on no account be
allowed to do the job.
far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral
arm of the galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. orbiting this at a distance
of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-
green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they
still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea...
there is a theory that states: "if anyone finds out what the universe is for it
will disappear and be replaced by something more bazaarly inexplicable." there is
another theory that states: "this has already happened...."
this planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the people
living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. many solutions were
suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the
movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it
wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
all my life i said i wanted to be someone...i can see now that i should have been
more specific.
life is wasted on the living.- zaphod beeblebrox iv
in the beginning i was made. i didn't ask to be made. no one consulted me or
considered my feelings in this matter. but if it brought some passing fancy to
some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their way through life's mournful
jungle then so be it.- marvin the paranoid android
to be, or what?- sylvester stallone
sex is hereditary. if your parents never had it, chances are you wont either. -
joseph fischer
"oh dear, i think you'll find reality's on the blink again." -- marvin the
paranoid android
"laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone. " anthony
burgess
"space...is big. really big. you just won't believe how vastly hugely
mindbogglingly big it is. i mean you may think it's a long way down the road to
the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space. " douglas adams
in the beginning, the universe was created. this made a lot of people very angry,
and has been widely regarded as a bad idea. - douglas adam
beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
save a tree. eat a beaver.
sorry, no quote today.
there are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who
can't.
gravity doesn't excist, the earth sucks.
blind men don't bungi jump, it scares the dog too much.
humor is mankind's greatest blessing - mark twain
humor is the shortest distance between two people - henry youngman
the trouble with my wife is that she is a whore in the kitchen and a cook in the
bed. - geoffrey gorer
"it is a good thing to follow the first law of holes; if you are in one stop
digging. " denis healey
in his novel ''dog years,'' gunter grass parodies heideggerese in the character of
a german air force auxiliary named stortebeker, who ''created a philosophical
schoolboy language that was soon prattled by many, with varying success.'' every
commonplace incident or object can be rechristened in stortebeker/heidegger's
hilarious language. underdone potatoes in the mess kitchen, for example, are
''spuds forgetful of being.'' stortebeker relaxes by catching rats, so they are
the object of some of his best ruminations: ''the rat withdraws itself by
unconcealing itself into the ratty. so the rat errates the ratty, illuminating it
with errancy. for the ratty has come-to-be in the errancy where the rat errs and
so fosters error.''
does anyone really read these stupid quotes?
ebius tagline. this is a moebius tagline. this is a mo
before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. that way, when you do
criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards.
all those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
he who laughs last thinks slowest.
okay, who stopped payment on my reality check?
time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
i don't suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it!
gravity is a myth, the earth sucks.
what has four legs and an arm? a happy pit bull.
i'm out of bed and dressed. what more do you want?
life is sexually transmitted.
a good laugh is sunshine in a house. (william makepeace thackeray)
my opinions may have changed, but not the fact that i am right. (ashleigh
brilliant)
i have great faith in fools--self-confidence my friends call it. (edgar allan poe)
i never make mistakes. i thought i did once, but i was wrong. (anonymous)
if karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would
have been much better. (karl marx's mother)
egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me. (ambrose bierce)
i'd probably be famous now if i wasn't such a good waitress. (jane siberry)
dilbert's words of wisdom: i can please only one person per day. today is not
your day. tomorrow isn't looking good either.
dilbert's words of wisdom: i love deadlines. i especially like the whooshing
sound they make as they go flying by.
dilbert's words of wisdom: am i getting smart with you? how would you know?
dilbert's words of wisdom: i'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
dilbert's words of wisdom: someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a
parked car.
dilbert's words of wisdom: there are very few personal problems that cannot be
solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
dilbert's words of wisdom: tell me what you need, and i'll tell you how to get
along without it.
dilbert's words of wisdom: accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days
you're the statue.
dilbert's words of wisdom: needing someone is like needing a parachute. if he
isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him
again.
dilbert's words of wisdom: i don't have an attitude problem. you have a
perception problem.
dilbert's words of wisdom: last night i lay in bed looking up at the stars in the
sky and i thought to myself, "where the heck is the ceiling?!"
dilbert's words of wisdom: my reality check bounced.
dilbert's words of wisdom: on the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the
escape key.
dilbert's words of wisdom: i don't suffer from stress. i'm a carrier.
dilbert's words of wisdom: you're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through
peanut butter.
dilbert's words of wisdom: do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like,
you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
dilbert's words of wisdom: everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
red meat isn't bad for you. fuzzy green meat is.
if you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
he who laughs, lasts.
i am not a vegetarian because i love animals; i am a vegetarian because i hate
plants. - a. whitney brown
ford prefect: we're safe. arthur dent: ah. good. ford prefect: we're in a cabin of
one of the spaceships of the vogon constructor fleet. arthur dent: ah. this is
obviously some strange usage of the word "safe" that i hadn't previously been
aware of.
announcer: far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the
western spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun. orbiting
this at a distance of roughly 92 million miles is an utterly insignificant little
blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that
they still think digital watches are a really neat idea.
arthur dent: you know, it's at times like this, when i'm stuck in a vogon airlock
with a man from betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that i
really wish i'd listened to what my mother told me when i was young. ford prefect:
why? what did she tell you? arthur dent: i don't know. i didn't listen.
announcer: men were real men. women were real women. and small, furry creatures
from alpha centauri were *real* small, furry creatures from alpha centauri.
marvin: it gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.
zaphod beeblebrox: computer, if you don't open that exit hatch pretty damn pronto,
i shall go straight to your major data banks with a very large axe and give you a
reprogramming you will never forget, capisco? [pause] okay. get the axe.
marvin: life. loathe it or ignore it. you can't like it.
slartibartfast: is that your robot? marvin: no. i'm mine.
dish of the day: good evening, madame and gentlemen. i am the main dish of the
day. may i interest you in parts of my body?
zaphod beeblebrox: hey, ford! how many escape capsules are there? ford prefect:
none. zaphod beeblebrox: you counted them? ford prefect: twice.
"life without you would be like a broken pencil." "how's that?" "completely
pointless." (blackadder, series ii)
98% of all statistics are made up. (anonymous)
blind people don't bungee jump. it scares the dog too much.
i want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. not screaming,
terrified, like his passengers.
when it's fall in new york, the air smells like as if someone's been frying goats
in it, and if you are keen to breath the best plan is to open a window and stick
your head in a building. -- douglas adams, mostly harmless
...and the aptly named 'sir not-appearing-in-this-film'. -- monty python
10 out of 5 doctors think it's ok to be schizofrenic.
2 + 2 = 5, for sufficiently large values of 2.
roses are red violets are blue some poems rhyme but not this
quotations are for people who aren't saying things worth quoting.
why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets anyways?
i'm a great housekeeper. i get divorced. i keep the house. - zsa zsa gabor
save a tree. eat a beaver.
there are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who
can't.