Lesson 3: The Husband

Loving Our Wives as Christ Loves the Church

Homework

1. Read Christian Living in the Home, Ch. 4-6

2. Husbands, Memorize Eph. 5:25-29
3. Wives, help your husbands memorize!

Goals
✔ To understand the Husband's Role as Christ's Wife
✔ To Implement Christ-likeness in life and marriage.

I. Introduction
A. Marriage is not a game
B. Review of Trinity
C. Developing a heart attitude, habit, and mindset that is Christ-like
D. Put off/Put on review
E. Reading review

II. The Husband is first a Wife

Husbands, love your wives just as

Christ loved the church and give himself up for her _______________________
to make her holy _______________________
(by) cleansing her _______________________
by the washing with water (sanctification) _______________________
through the word (gospel/scripture) and _______________________
to present her to himself as a radiant church _______________________
without stain or wrinkle _______________________
or any other blemish _______________________
but holy and blameless _______________________

Ephesians 5:25-27 (NIV)

A. As husbands, we are Christ's bride

B. As Christ's Bride, we are

i. Loved sacrificially (v.25)

ii. Being sanctified in order to be presented to Christ holy and blameless (v.26-27)
 iii. Fed and cared for (v. 29)

C. We must learn from Christ that we may do what he does for us, for our wives.

D. Since our wives are Christ's Bride as well, Christ is loving them in the same way.

• If you are married to a non-believer, then your goal is her salvation, through a

gentle witness.

E. But Christ's main way of loving wives is through their husbands.

The Husband is the Wife's Main Agent of Redemption

III. Role Details

A. Servant-Leader/Shepherd

i. Leading the family in humility and submission (emulates God the Father)

ii. Taking responsibility for the home and all the functions within it

iii. Vigilant to protect the wife from harm that may come through

• bad habits

• bad decisions

• bad teaching

• friends

• family

• media

• etc.

iv. Gently, kindly, compassionately

a) With a patient and prayerful demeanor

b) Without anger (anger is hurt)

v. Understandingly

a) Learning what motivates our wives

 b) Considering those motives in every decision

c) Asking our wives to teach us about themselves

d) Listening when they tell us!

e) Enjoying their differences

B. Student of Scripture (emulates God the Son)

i. Regular bible study

ii. Meditation on scripture

iii. Regular iron-sharpening

iv. Well-rounded study, rather than soap-box study

C. Teacher of Scripture (emulates God the Father, God the Son)

i. Of the facts of scripture

ii. Of the attitude of the Christ

iii. Of the faith of the Christ

iv. Of the character of Christ

D. Provides for his wife (emulates God the Father)

i. Financially and materially

ii. Spiritually

iii. Emotionally

iv. Practically

E. Daily developing a character that is Christ-like (Emulates God the Son)

i. Purity

ii. Fruits of the Spirit

iii. Passion for the things of God

iv. Passion for the family (beyond commitment)

F. Daily loves self-sacrificially (emulates God the Son)

 i. Giving up desires and wants

ii. Fulfilling needs of the wife

iii. Doing the dreaded (plunging toilets, cleaning hair out of drains, removing the dead

squirrels, cleaning the garage)

iv. Being focused on our wives' sanctification, rather than living as enjoyment-deprived.

“Thou hast seen the measure of obedience; now hear also the measure of love. Do
you wish your wife to obey you, as the Church is to obey Christ? Then have a solicitude
for her as Christ had for the Church (Eph 5:23, “Himself the Saviour of the body”); and
“if it be necessary to give thy life for her, or to be cut in ten thousand pieces, or to endure
any other suffering whatever, do not refuse it; and if you suffer thus, not even so do you
do what Christ has done; for you indeed do so being already united to her, but He did so
for one that treated Him with aversion and hatred.
As, therefore, He brought to His feet one that so treated Him, and that even
wantonly spurned Him, by much tenderness of regard, not by threats, insults, and terror:
so also do you act towards your wife, and though you see her disdainful and wantonly
wayward, you will be able to bring her to your feet by much thoughtfulness for her, by
love, by kindness. For no bound is more sovereign in binding than such bonds, especially
in the case of husband and wife.
For one may constrain a servant by fear, though not even he is so to be bound to
you; for he may readily run away. But the companion of your life, the mother of your
children, the basis of all your joy, you ought to bind to you, not by fear and threats, but
by love and attachment” [CHRYSOSTOM]i

G. Daily sanctifies his wife (emulates God the Son, God the Holy Spirit)

i. Promoting her own bible study and prayer time

ii. Making time for her to spend with God

iii. Listening to her hurts, burdens, trials, etc. and applying the truth of scripture gently

iv. Praying for her

H. Daily is affectionate and intimate (emulates God the Father, God the Son)
 i. Affection is a physical confirmation of the spiritual and emotional reality

• Affection without gentleness, kindness, self-control, etc., is manipulation

ii. Physical intimacy (sex)

a) builds intimacy

b) but must be laid on a foundation of good husbanding

c) is a physical practice of all the characteristics of a biblical husband.

I. Submission to God (Emulates God the Son, God the Holy Spirit)

J. Glorifies God (Emulates God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit

i. Recognizing the work of God when wife or children praise you

ii. Leads in worship

iii. Thanks God for the family

iv. Lives in the Grace of God

Recommended Reading:

The Exemplary Husband, by Stuart Scott

The Complete Husband, by Lou Priolo

i. Jamieson, R., Fausset, A. R., Fausset, A. R., Brown, D., & Brown, D. (1997). A commentary, critical
and explanatory, on the Old and New Testaments. On spine: Critical and explanatory commentary.
(Eph 5:25). Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.