Oh, the War Between the States was anything but civil

Now, the election of 1860

Featured quite a threat
The Dems couldn’t were split
And Lincoln fit the bill
This ticked off some states
Who decided to extricate
The stage was just being set
For this war of ours
Woo hoo!
Yippee!
Something’s stirring, yessiree!

So the South launched an invasion

Without explanation,
And Sumter’s guards started uttering exclamations:
HALT! We need supplies!
ALARM! We're under attack!
FINE! We surrender, take what you desire!
AAAK! I am killed by this cannon’s backfire!

Important slave states were right in between

Leave the Union? No, they stuck with it and remained
With the help of Lincoln’s federal men

Oh, the US, suffering until Lincoln,

A Copperhead here could talk
But now they open their mouths
One misspoken word
And they’re sent to the big house
Yes, Habeas Corpus!
Lincoln struck down that constitutional rule.

So in 1861 the battling was begun

Naïve sides thinking it would be one and done.
Bull Run
Shiloh
Antietam
Unprepared was R. E. Lee
Darn those errant smokes
¼ of his men gone, but no counterattack?
These slows, what a joke!
Vicksburg
Western fortress controlled the Miss
 Rumpled Grant set up a siege
His dash and flash got the Southerners thinking
Too bad their undermanned ship was sinking
Gettysburg
Cold Harbor
Lee’s final victory, massive Union slaying

Pressured from radicals, Abe gave in

Freeing rebel slaves after Antietam
“We are not desperate at all, you see.
“This proves it to the Brits and my own party”
Homestead Act
Homestead, Homestead, Homestead, get your cheap land here
Free-spending Congress giving acres here
Got a lot of territory land, and we make it clear
So come and get it as long as the southerners ain’t here!

Contract Labor Act

Pacific Railroad Act
New economic policies are starting to debut
With GOPs in Congress the bills are guaranteed to get through
Need subsidies for transcontinental tracks? Here you go!
Just make good use of federal land and the dough.
Trent Affair
Draft Riots
Did you hear the South’s printing money now?
Maybe they can use their cash to rebuild Atlanta after we burn it to the ground!

’64 election!
It came right in the middle!
’64 election!
Lincoln’s chances seemed little!
But he was re-elected with a few maneuvers and well-timed victories
And look, he regained the Presidency!

Cautious, cautious McClellan,

Never on the go.
Like a bunch of tranquilized bees,
Floating pollen on the breeze.
Not over the battlefield,
Absent from the trees,
Stuck in the post was he.
Fiddling in camp is where he was!
Fly where?
Into Lincoln’s doghouse!
 Constant pressure was his belief
Never letting up, not allowing relief
Unmoved, he was a butcher,
But at least he got the job done

Loyal Virginian Lee surrendered and finally the blues had won!
The winner!
Yippee!
Until on the battlefield you see
Johnny and Billy, young men who died,
At least they rest close to family.

A regal man,
J.D. fit the bill on paper and what an impressive arrival
But he dibbled, he dabbled,
And was actually inferior to his rival

I'm just a Bill

Yes, I'm only a Bill
And I won’t leave here until
I’ve hurt the Confed. army and punished Georgia’s people
So I’ll make a sentinel and tie a knot
And leave them with jack-squat
How I hope and pray that they lose their will,
But today I am still just a Bill.
(Everyone calls me William, though)

Lincoln was unable to see his results

Instead dying in a theatrical fashion

Putting the South back together was quite a task

But it was finished once the North lost interest

The radicals wanted a word of iron

To punish the South
Johnson
Carpet baggers
No mere floor covering carrier were they
Came to exploit the South’s decay
Perhaps they were good
Or maybe not really apropos
What’s certain was their love for the dough

Sharecroppers
 Support Reconstruction regimes, how could you!
What a traitor, we don’t need them!
Keep your help to yourself
We’ll just redeem ‘em
Radical Republicans/ Yellow Dog Democrats

Yellow Dog Democrats knew just one party

YDDs knew
The Republicans, to them, were taboo
Yep, man’s best friend over man’s favorite omniscient one, that’s what I always say.

Johnson’s state governments did not treat blacks well

“We thought we were free!”
They cried and yelled
But far from emancipated, it was nearer to (shh…) s-l-a-v-e-r-y

To help the Freedmen

Congress will make the transition not so bad
Southern whites got really mad
Protected the refugees from any undue wrongs
Don’t blink, it’s gone
Wasn’t there too long

Radical elephants wanted no more conservative

They knew the time had come
For them to take command.
It's very clear you're being unfair, Andy
No matter what you say, we won't obey.
Gonna hold a revolution now,
And we're gonna run it all our way

We're gonna impeach a president! (No more AJ)

He's gonna do what the Radicals want! (No more AJ)
We're gonna run things our way! (No more AJ)
No executive brancher is going to tell us what to do!

No, you’re not states no more, just provinces of the army

Follow Congress’s requirements
And you’ll be back into the big happy family
One side of the government took supreme
Legislative branch strong and booming
Watch out, though! Apathy and Redemption are looming!

Founded by Bedford, white hood tactics shocked

While scared blacks stayed home
 The vote was truly rocked

They wanted to try to tame the black government

And bring it down to size
To let it grow unchecked like this
Was “certainly” unwise

Radical reconstruction was so easy, with no opponents present

Ratified in Congress were three amendments
13 banned slavery, the next controversially struck the South, 15 forbade denial of votes and such
Results were laudable, but motivations? Not so much.

“Unconditional Surrender” was too loyal, too royal

His government men let him down
Any reaction? Just a frown
Whatever happened to integrity,
As businessmen and nice old G made a mockery of democracy

America was the land of hope,

Or so the legend told.
This was a good time for the crafty
So much dishonesty, truly it was bold

Tilden surely had that vote

Just one phone call needed
Oops! Must have been a misquote…

1876, full of tricks

Disputed election
US headed in the wrong direction
What a proper anniversary of the country’s conception!