WHO AM I? A SELF CRITICISM ANALYZING PERSONAL BELIEFS UTILIZING THE HUMANISTIC APPROACH Meel S.

. McDowell Belmont Abbey College William Vaughn/PC 308 December 15, 2009

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In clear and simple terms life is about growth and development. The exact stages of growth and levels of development vary according to the individual as well as to the amount of effort and sincerity put forth and exerted. In this paper I will attempt to be my own therapist and apply whatever remedies deemed necessary to cure the psychological maladies inherent. The degree of difficulty this self evaluation and criticism entails is also highly subjective; yet to procure an honest and substantial accounting of the thesis question, Who am I? there will need to be an investigation into the most sensitive areas of human activity. I will strive to be definite and precise, utilizing a simple language which may produce sophisticated thoughts in the hopes that the end result will be a positive transformation of self, ideology, and actions. My aim is to correlate a variety of philosophies and theories from various psychologists but my main focus will be on the humanistic/existential approach as it affects me. Although at times I may refer to other perspectives, that is - cognitive or interactionist perspective; my purpose is not only to correlate the close interrelations of personality and behavior but also show how no one approach, ideology, or frame of reference has the answer. Personality is a dynamic organization inside the person, of psychophysical systems that create the persons characteristic patterns of behavior, thought and feelings (Allport, 1961). Simply put, personality is a meaningful description of a human beings true self; his/her fundamental values, morals, principles, thoughts, beliefs, and norms which he/she reinforces in

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social settings. It is who you are; your mental, emotional, and psychological makeup. That is what makes us human. The noted psychologist Van Deurzen emphasizes that the fundamental objective of the approach is to enable people to rediscover their own values, beliefs, and their lifes purpose (Van Deurzen, 2002 p.185). She goes on to add that nobody can determine what another persons commitments and priorities should be; hence this psychological exploration. I will present a three-part examination of myself which includes: gender, religion, and an ethical/racial aspect. While these sub-topics may appear general at first, a more detailed look into the determining factors of personality will show an extremely more complex pattern of thoughts and actions guided, instilled, and learned through a unique form of socialization and belief. The existential approach characterizes human beings as creatures of continual change and transformation, living essentially finite lives in a context of personal strengths and weaknesses as well as opportunities and limitations created by their environment. The existential approach is all about exploring meaning, value, and learning to live authentically - that is, in accordance with ones own ideals, priorities, and values (Millhouse 1988). This approach is the bed rock of my dissertation and most commonly used perspective for reasons which will make themselves apparent shortly. In no way, form, or fashion will I pretend to project myself as a typical AfricanAmerican woman. Many of the qualities, characteristics, and behaviors I possess are not typical or average, nor will I maintain a bias or prejudice in my criticisms and evaluations of thoughts, feelings, and life activities. Although some level of bias may be

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unavoidable there will still be an attempt at objectivity. Throughout a lifelong search to find meaning I must first find my true self. I cognitivism, behavior is explained as guided by cognitions (for example expectations) about the world, especially those about other people. Cognitive theories are theories of personality that emphasize cognitive processes such as thinking and judging (Ryckman, 2004). I chose this approach because I have a known preference for reacting irrationally and emotionally without consideration of an alternative path. I admit that I am a doer, but my fianc who is a vociferous think then act advocate has been a constant influence upon me. The process of thinking, or utilizing the brain/mind to decode, identify, demystify, answer, solve, calculate, and/or categorize situations, circumstances, words and phrases carries a strong undercurrent with me, which brings to mind stiff indifference, dullness, along with egomaniacal control personalities. While it cannot be ignored that rational thinking with deliberate intentions is a good process of problem-solving, the instinctive response of reactionary, emotional so-called protestant ethic has its benefits also. Psychologist E.T. Higgins proposed that each person has multiple mental representations of the self, and that a discrepancy between any pair of these representations has emotional consequences. The three big categories of representations are actual, ideal, and ought self. The actual self is who one really is. The ideal self is who one would like to be. The ought self is who one feels it is ones duty to be (Higgins, 1987). The question of Who am I? is one that has been asked since the beginning of time. Surprisingly, the moment I found a quiet place to meditate and understand who I am, utilizing the cognitive approach, I became emotional and

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began to cry. After some settling down, I once again began to search my intellect for designs outside of any preconceived notions of identity. Never before have I looked at myself so thoroughly for answers. My faith teaches me that God is inside of me, so I assume therein lies the answer. Science propounds that I have the answer also, or the ability to find the answer I just have to ask the right questions. This examination is nowhere near complete or else the length would be too unwieldy and at best unreadable. Herein, I have attempted to present you with an unabridged view without dismissing any relevant facts or ideas which may impact the outcome, what ever it may be. GENDER: BLACK GIRL LOST One of my earliest memories is of my mother giving me a doll. I loved that doll and carried her with me everywhere; school, bed, and even in the bath. I imagined she was real and gave her a name Sharon. She was my best friend. Later, I noticed that my brother did not have any girl toys and did not want to play with mine. All of his toys were muscular fighting men and sports cars or plastic construction tools. I, on the other hand, had a plastic tea set and a miniature kitchen, plus an assortment of clothing and hair-styling utensils for my dolls. When my mother caught me playing with my brothers little green army men one day, she scolded me harshly, insisting that those toys were only for boys, and little girls should not be attracted to such rough and tumble, tomboyish activities. I still recall her voice sweetly reciting the poem about girls being sugar and spice and everything nice , while boys were spiders and worms and cricket legs or some other such foolishness. I was ashamed. Not that I was being un-lady like, but because I got caught! Boy toys are fun.

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Oftentimes we confuse sex and gender. An easy way to distinguish the two is that sex deals mainly with the physical organs, while gender entails a social characteristic; what a society considers proper for its females and males. In the United States, girls are consciously socialized into home-keeping and child-bearing frames of reference (think my mini-kitchen and cute baby doll). This is not uncommon in many homes for parents to behave this way even if their current reality reflects otherwise. Today's generation is more accustomed to two working parents in the home. So why continue to subject me to thoughts about life which are not reflective of reality? Psychologist Susan Goldberg and Michael Lewis (1969) conducted a number of experiments with six-month olds and their mothers, telling the parents it was to observe the infant's development. However, the true case subjects were the mothers. Goldberg and Lewis concluded after about seven months of detailed observations that in our society mothers unconsciously reward the daughters for being passive and dependent, but the sons for being active and independent (Goldberg & Lewis, 1969). Why would my mother want me passive and dependent; characteristics which are classically defined as weak? Did she not desire to see me occupy a dominant social position, not only at home but in society? This confused me and recently I asked her why. What I got in response was some antiquated, long-winded explanation about a woman's place. As I sat there and listened to my mom repeat (probably verbatim) the ignorance that had been told to her from her mom (probably also verbatim); I began to wonder if any of them realized how hypocritical and foolish they sounded? I began to recall the mixed messages I was sending my two daughters also. Was I teaching my fourteen year old how to cook so that she could please a man, or was I teaching her

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how to cook for the benefit of life? Did I give my ten year old dolls to nurture her motherly instincts? These questions birthed more inquiries harder to rationalize as 'the way things are'. What had I become?

The first group to have a major impact on a human is its family. Our experiences in the family circle are so intense that they have a lifelong impact on us. They lay down our basic sense of self, establishing our initial motivations, values and beliefs (Gecas, 1990). Our parents, grandparents and next of kin give us ideas about who we are and what we deserve out of life. It is in this context that we begin to think of ourselves as weak-or strong, intelligent or learning disabled, handsome or unattractive, plus many other qualities and characteristics we internalize which can stay with us for the remainder of our lives. There isn't anything wrong with teaching and raising a child with skills beneficial to their lives. Nor is there anything inherently wrong with supplying a child with toys, certain-colored clothing, or sports activities to help socialize them so they can 'fit in'. What is wrong is how I was going about this socialization process. I had taught my daughters what my mother had taught me and her mother before her. Could it be that I was taught wrong? Without pointing a finger at any one cause, I took another look from another viewpoint. The trouble with being your own therapist is that the aim is "to be able to consider the client's issues and dilemmas from a fundamentally open stance. She never assumes that she know or understands the client's point of view completely (Van Deurzen, 2002, p.98).

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These startling discoveries almost induced me into a panic! Had I been unconsciously pressing my darling little girls into accepting gender roles that I didn't fully believe in? Was I the hypocrite? I couldn't believe it, so I did what I always do when I have a major problem and need guidance. I got on my knees and called on the Lord. RELIGION: TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES "A religion is a unified system of beliefs and practices relative to sacred thing, that is to say, things set apart and forbidden - beliefs and practices which unite into one single moral community called a church, all those who adhere to them" (Durkheim, 1912). Beyond a doubt, outside of the formative years of my early life, religion has had the greatest impact upon me as a person. There was never a time in my life when I did not know God and feel his hand upon me. Whether or not I heeded His Divine Guidance is another issue but I know He was there. In the process of applying the cognitive and humanistic approach to my faith and beliefs, I stumbled upon certain issues that I don't normally contemplate. It's a common saying that 'we are born dying' or 'the day of my birth I began to die'. These are just two of the innumerable ways mankind has strived to deal with the 'inevitable'. My faith has provided me with guidance, if not an answer to life's most difficult questions such as the purpose of life, the reason for suffering, and if there is a life after life. In a way this has been my comfort and assurance that this thing called life is all worth it. Existentialism helps us not only define our life/afterlife but provides a 'feeling' of relief in knowing that it is not all for nothing. It is all about life and death. The events in between provide meaning or non-meaning according to the individual and

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his/her feelings of satisfaction with self. It has given me a family outside of my biological parents, who due to the doctrine of faith see me as a sister or daughter in the Lord. It is these types of positive reinforcements which made the humanistic/existential philosophy so appealing. Humanistic psychology emphasizes free will and contends that people have an active role in determining how they behave. There is no predestination, only responsibility. Humanistic theories are viewed as positive and optimistic which stress the tendency of the human personality towards growth and self-actualization (Combs & Snygg, 1949). Does this mean that God does not have a plan for my life? This can not be true because according to the word of God, the Holy Bible says, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an 'expected' end (Jeremiah 29:11, KJV) (emphasis mine). This is a classic example of the freedom versus determinism argument. Is our behavior casually or definitely decided by forces that is - God, outside of our control or do we exact freewill out of conscious choice? Behavioral theorists mostly believe that humans are passively shaped by their environments while cognitive and humanists propose that humans take a more active approach. Could there be a mixture? The issue with freedom and predestination is the internal conflict it causes because a person wishes to think that she is not a pawn or puppet that can be so easily moved! Is there really such a conundrum as choice if a higher power, for example, God, exists? "Our gifts and possibilities are real, but they exist only within the contexts and constraints of our lives, because our capacities, our time, our energies are limited. The awareness of our limitations, the threat of non-being, the ever-presentness of death itself heightens the preciousness of our potential, and the need to make choices and to

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act on them. Nonbeing is thus enhancing our awareness. In this way freedom and destiny facilitate each other, create each other (Pfaffenberger, 2007). There are many non-believers and atheists who think any religion is just a simple crutch mankind invented to cure his fear of the unknown. A friend, who is a non-believer, posed a question: What if everything you thought was true turned out to be a lie? I did not take her seriously at first because I thought she had an overdose of those Matrix movies, but after quiet nights tossing and turning, I decided to stop evading what was bothering my subconscious. I am not going to get all sacrilegious and speak blasphemy, but I did deal with one subject in particular. What if heaven isn't like I thought it would be? No gold-paved streets, angel's wings and pearly gates. What if all the physical sensations I expected weren't manifest? My fianc told me he had read a book similar in plot to what I was pondering titled, Captain Stormfield Goes to Heaven by Mark Twain. In it, he says, this Captain dies and finds out that all his preconceived notions and learned truths weren't actually true or feasible in a biblical heaven. This line of questioning not only began to irritate me but it also planted a seed of scrutiny at everything I had been taught in church. Karl Marx thought the existence of God was an impossibility. One of his most famous statements is "Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the sentiment of a heartless world...It is the opium of the people" (Marx 1844/1964). In essence he claimed religion was a drug that helps the masses of people forget their misery. It is the 'crutch' theory all over again. RACE/ETHNICITY: BLACK WOMAN IN A WHITE MAN'S WORLD Do not be misled by the above subtitle. In no way am I advocating or promoting the ownership of our beloved planet by anyone. We all can honestly lay claim to her

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quite easily, but what comes to the forefront of my mind is music. A society expresses itself distinctly through the medium of music. I can remember my uncle singing James Browns "This is a Man's World", or my cousins rapping Nas' "The World is Mine" and Tupac Shakur's "White Man's World". All of the above songs deal with gender in some aspect, but what is not readily identifiable is that they all deal with race specifically. Whose world is this anyway? A person's race is the inherited physical characteristic that distinguishes one group from another. This is one of those dry, politically correct definition that is afraid to get into the meat and bones of what race is due to the fear of being accused of being racist or prejudice. Race can most easily be broken down into skin color. Although there are other determining factors such as facial features (high cheekbones, slanted eyes) and hair quality (stringy, kinky); outside of a person's sex, race is the most distinguishing aspect of humanity. On the other hand, a person's ethnicity applies to cultural characteristics such as language, music, and religion. An astute psychologist could correctly assume my ethnic/racial background, close to 75%, by focusing on the three songs mentioned above. True indeed, it would be prejudice to say that only Blacks listen to James Brown, Nas and Tupac but the correlation is not too wide in spectrum. Even Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder could see it. As a Black American, I am classified as part of a 'minority' group because Blacks make up only about 12% of the U.S. population. The sociologist Louis Wirth (1945) defined a minority group as people who are singled out for unequal treatment and who regard themselves as objects of collective discrimination. This is an example of Seligman's (1978) Theory of Learned Helplessness, in which people who have a

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pessimistic explanatory style internalize and even accept the prejudices and stereotypes attributed to them. One can even conclude that by the use of my subtitle and the three songs I chose to sample are evidence of my own Learned Helplessness. To me the thought is shocking in that it may have an element of truth but it can also be easily explained as the only songs I knew which address this issue. If Black people are discriminated against in the United States, the Black woman is doubly so. In the workforce, I am paid less for equal work. In society, I am stereotyped as a welfare mom and cheated in places where men dominate such as auto-mechanic shops. In the home I am expected to cook, clean, shop and be a mom all with a smile on my face. In church I am the foundation of the believers who everyone expects to be married, trouble-free, and financially dependent upon a man. Any man, as long as it is a man. And of course, these could also be classified as stereotypes and prejudices but the fact is women's rights have always taken a backburner to everything else. The women's suffrage movement has given place to the lesbian, gay, bi and transsexual (LGBT) movement and American women, particularly Black American women are left holding the bag. To grow and develop into a healthy, psychologically sound Black woman, I found the need to redefine myself. Who am I? I know what I've been and discovering a small part of how I got there. The existential perspective emphasizes understanding persons in their beingness. According to May (1983) the term "existence" means "to emerge" and denotes not a static concept of the person but a process of becoming. Surely I have not 'arrived' and the future roads I must travel may be tidy and paved (I hope). I don't harbor any preconceived notions of how I should be or who I should be like. Although there are

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myriad role models, I think the unlearned experience is the best option for me. That way, without a road map and biased perspective on life, I can enjoy each moment in its fullest capacity and "emerge'' not out but into myself. Now that is power. That's love. Most of all that is healthy. CONCLUSION: IS THIS THE END? There is an old saying that life is a circle, it has no beginning or end. We begin life as children crawling on all fours, everything a marvel and majestic within itself. Then we elevate into adults, strong and vibrant. During our sunset years we look back at all our life's experiences and smile, remembering those feelings of invincibility. In this stage we share all our learned wisdom like King Solomon who sought to know and understand "all that there was new under the sun" (Holy Bible, KJV). Yet, "it is only in facing both positive and negative poles of existence that we generate the necessary power to move ahead. Thus well-being is not the naive enjoyment of a state of total balance given to one by Mother Nature and Perfect parents. It can only be negotiated gradually by coming to terms with life, the world and oneself (Van Deurzen 2002, p.185)

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References Abramson, L., M.E.P. Seligman, and J. Teasdale, (1978) Learned helplessness in humans: Critique and reformulation. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 87, 49-74. Allport, G.W. (1961) Gordon Allports personality definitions (http://inside.salve.edu/walsh/allport_2.html) Combs, Arthur W., and Snygg, Donald (1949). A New Frame of Reference for Psychology. New York, Harper and Brothers. Durkheim, Emile. The Elementary Forms of Religious Life. New York Free Press, 1965. First Published in 1912. Gecas, Viktor, Context of Socialization In Social Psychology: Sociological Perspectives, Morris Rosenberg and Ralph H. Turner, Eds. New Brunswick, N.J.: Transaction, 1990: 165-199. Goldberg, Susan and Michael Lewis. Play Behavior in the Year-Old Infant: Early Sex Differences. Child Development, 40, March 1969: 21-31. Higgins, E.T. (1987). Self-Discrepancy: A theory relating self and affect. Psychological Review, 94, 319-340. Marx, Karl. Contribution to the Critique of Hegels Philosophy of Right. In Karl Marx: Early Writings, T.B. Bottomore, ed. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1965:45. First Published in 1844. May, R. (1983). The discovery of being. New York: Norton. Mulhauser, G. (1998). Existential versus Person-Centered Counseling: a critical Engagement Pfaffenberger, A (2007) Different Conceptualizations of Optimum Development. In Journal of Humanistic Psychology 47, 501. Rychman, R. (2004). Theories of Personality. Belmont, CA: Thomas/Wadsworth. The Moody Bible Institute of Chicago. Ryrie Study Bible KJV (1972): Jeremiah 29:11, 1132

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Van Deurzen. E (2002a), Existential Counseling and Psychotherapy in Practice, 2nd Edition, London: Sage p.185 Wirth, Louis, The Problem of Minority Groups. In The Science of Man in the World Crisis, Ralph Linton, ed. New York: Columbia University Press 1945.