www.fitlads.net September – November 2008 | Issue No.

2 | FREE

The Ultimate Guide

To Meeting!

Interview with Horror Goddess WIN Blackpool

A holiday in

Olga Fedori TIPS on being

a successful gay
IGLFA WORLD male stripper!
CHAMPIONSHIP
2008
Fitlads
centrefold
pullout...
 4
What a total abortion of a summer it has been! IGLFA WORLD 10
Poor Fitlads was subject to some rather nasty CHAMPIONSHIP 2008 REX
electronic attacks at the hands of a jealous WO CKNER TIONAL!
wannabe competitor. A month down the line, WIN Blackpool A holiday in TAK ERNA
ES IT INT

I'm debating sending him a very large box of HOW TO DO Keith Anderson
BLACKPOOL Interview
chocks! Rather than see our demise, he's 16 FOR FIFTY QUID
18
inadvertently strengthened our IT systems and
THE 20
better still, increased the loyalty of our Top Ten
members.
TWINKLE Gay Movies
ZONE
So a big THANK YOU guys for sticking with us 22
Fitlads
through 'that c**t of a month'. IN

BOX
centrefold
There's loads of footy in this issue, to pullout...
24 NEWS ‘n’ BITS FOR FITLADS

celebrate Fitlads having sponsored the Gay 26

28
World Cup in London last month - an event TIPS on being 29
which saw hundreds of players get together a successful gay
from all over the world to fight it out. Better male stripper! FORUMS
still, England can finally say they've won the
Interview with Horror Goddess

##
World Cup again. Even if the pooves have to 31
do it for them! Olga Fedori
I hope you enjoy this second issue - it's been a 30
Sista #
blast writing it. If you want to get in on the 32 Hotbitch
action, then drop an email to mag@fitlads.net
KIDNAPPEIDNC. 33

Joe Hill
Editor Fitlads Quickie

BITES34
36

Published bi-monthly by Fitlads grab some poles...

David and Joe Ltd
ISSN 1757-5516 (Print)
Address: 12D Timber Bush,
ARRGH,
Edinburgh EH6 6QH shiver me 38
Editor: Joseph Hill
0131 510 5100 www.fitlads.net timber!
Thanks to Michael for proofreading id:born2make 37
© Copyright 2008, David and Joe Ltd.

Disclaimer: Fitlads The Mag is published by David and Joe Ltd. All right reserved.
The views expressed in Fitlads The Mag are those of its contributors and 40
GLBTin India
not necessarily shared by the company.

44
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Guide To Meeting!

Useless Fact: Ralph Lauren's real name is Ralph Lifshitz. 3

 IGL FA W OR LD
CHAM PIO NSHIP 2008
 Fitlads.net proud
sponsors of

ed host to the
At the end of August, London play
Football
annual International Gay & Lesbian
From its humble
Association (IGLFA) World Cup.
Games in San
beginnings as part of the 1982 Gay
wn markedly in
Francisco, this competition has gro
’s Leftfooters FC
the last ten years. This year London
host to more than
and Hackney Women FC, played
Clubs came from as
30 teams from around the globe.
Mexico, Japan and
far a field as Australia, Argentina,
ents from Europe
South Africa. With healthy conting
e British presence
and North America to add to a larg
alone), this was
(10 Clubs in the men’s competition
had been
the first time that all the continents
represented at the competition.

r 4 days at
The group games were played ove
finals being played
London’s Regents Park with the
. The teams were
at Leyton Orient FC in East London
formally of West
presented to Sir Trevor Brooking
Director of Football
Ham and England, and now the
Development.
 utes left took the Stockholm Snipers (USA)
A dramatic equalizer with only min
teams. With knock SAF GAY Argentina (Argentina)
competition with 4 groups of 5/6 game to penalty kicks. Again Leic
ester found
Men’s Division 1 s there were some London Titans FC (England)*
out stages for the last 16 onward themselves 3-1 down in the shoot,
only for the
round robin andic Side St Leftfooters FC (England)**
The open competition featured a thrilling matches. Dublin beat Icel Leicester’s keeper Gary Taylor to
make a superb save.
d London’s newall 2nd string Hotscots FC (Scotland)
qualifying format, and as expecte Styrmir 3-2 after extra time and Sto Stonewall would miss their next
two penalties as
ised through to the petition favourites Leicester Wildecats (England)
Stonewall Football Club Lions cru (Apprentices), who were the com Leicester held their nerve to win
the shoot out.
Argentina. The UK inst their 3rd String Sydney Rangers (Australia)
Semi-Finals along with SAF Gay had an uncomfortable outing aga ers and Hackney
Semi-Finals when a time before Great credit should go to Leftfoot Dublin Devils (Ireland)
had a second team through to the (Wreckers) who forced them to extr tournament. The
it through it 3rd h came as Women who put on an excellent New York Ramblers (USA)
London’s Falcons FC also made losing 2-0. The most dramatic finis DC next June
ing the line up. competition moves to Washington GFC Bournemouth (England)
place with Japan Samurai complet Yorkshire Terriers defeated Hotsco
ts FC from
es 2010, which is to
r the game before being included in Gay Gam DC Feds (USA)
Stonewall made short work of thei
r Japanese Edinburgh 4-2 on penalty kicks afte
be in Cologne. St Styrmir (Iceland)
winners in the first finished 1-1.
opponents, running out easy 10-0 *2 Teams)
lost to the Men’s Clubs (** 3 Teams Birmingham Blaze (England)
Semi. Falcons, who had narrowly Yorkshire would go no further as
Stonewall ublic)
up game, fancied Stonewall FC (England)** Friends from Prague (Czech Rep
Argentineans in an absorbing gro lst Sydney Rangers
progressed to the Semis 4-0, whi TRI Gay Mexico (Mexico)
. However, three ’s Titans FC team Falcons FC (England)
turning the tables in the re-match easily defeated Prague 7-0. London
midway through the Toronto Titans (Canada) Hogtown Nasty Pigs (Canada)
goals in the space of 15 minutes ico 3-2 whilst
1 narrowly lost out to TRI Gay Mex Yorkshire Terriers (England)
comfortable half ind to beat Japan Samurai (Japan)
first half gave the Argentineans a Leicester Wildecats came from beh
lly ran out 4-1 Florida Storm (USA) Pan Fodbold (Denmark)
time advantage and they eventua Dublin 2-1.
Some ideas to get started...
winners.
Argentine side Los
The Semi finals were tightly contest
ed. Sydney
CAPTION COMPETITION mandatory rectum
• Alright everyone... time for thesay
Stonewall has lost in the final to e part of the game
Rangers lead Stonewall for a larg aaah"
having beaten SAF told and they ran examination... bend over and
Dogos in Buenos Aires last year before being Stonewall’s pressure w how to play foot
Gay in the Quarter Final. They swi
ftly set about i Final Leicester left • Well lads, since we don’t knoben
out 4-1 winners. In the other Sem ball, we need another tactic.
d over and
Iain Drain game to score their winner
ensuring there would be no repeat. it until the last kick of injury time show em what we've got
never seriously r knees , balls
them an early lead and they were in a tense 2-1 victory over the Mex
icans.
• I wanna see ya touching you
Gay Argentina 5-0. to take one for
threatened as they outplayed SAF the final as they had between your legs and ready
ugh the Leicester had done well to reach
Stonewall succeeded in getting thro es (including an 8-1 the team
lost their opening two group gam easy to spot
competition without conceding a
goal, which had
defeat by Sydney) but having qua
lified 3rd they had • As Brian Mcfadden would say. It's
never been done before. tion went on. the gay one?
grown in confidence as the competi ages
• This line is going to take us fucking
fitlads.net
Email your suggestions to editor@
in the Final, they
Men’s Division 2 Twice in front against Stonewall to snort
Division 2 few minutes to play.
There was a different format for the found themselves 3-2 with only a
 Census won't count
R EX
...I’m
back! married gays
The U.S. government will not count married gay couples in the 2010 census,
the San Jose Mercury News reported July 12.

WO K
C K N ER Extremists
attack
Sofia pride
Instead, same-sex couples who accurately report that they are married will
have their response tabulated by the Census Bureau as if they had checked
"unmarried partners."
Same-sex marriage is legal in California and Massachusetts. In addition, New
TAKES IT
INTERNATIONAL! ’60 arrested
Yorkers who marry in those states or abroad are recognized as married in New
York state.
The Mercury News said the Census Bureau's decision was based on the
Arnorld Schwarzenegger More than 60 skinheads and
other extremists were
arrested for attacking the 150
federal Defence of Marriage Act (DOMA) "and other mandates."
DOMA, signed into law by President Bill Clinton in 1996, states, in part: "In

denounces effort to marchers in the first gay

pride parade in Sofia,
Bulgaria, June 28.
determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation,
or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the
United States, the word 'marriage' means only a legal union between one man

re-ban same-sex marriage They threw bottles, rocks,

California Gov. Arnold
Schwarzenegger has strongly
denounced the attempt to
amend the California
Constitution to
re-ban same-sex marriage.
then later on the Supreme
Court of the United States
followed, I think 10 or 12
years later. So I think it is, it's
good that California lead -- is
leading in this way."
eggs, firecrackers, smoke
bombs and Molotov cocktails
and one woman as husband and wife, and the word 'spouse' refers only to a
person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife."
Gary Gates of the Williams Institute, a think tank at the University of California
at the marchers. No one was
injured, thanks to the Los Angeles law school, told the newspaper that the bureau's decision "goes
presence of as many police against everything the census stands for."
officers as there were "It's a systematic hiding not only of married gay couples, but gay couples as
marchers.
families, which I would argue is a fundamentally political decision," Gates said.
Among those arrested was

U.S. Senate votes

The state Supreme Court
legalized same-sex marriage
May 15 and the weddings
began on June 16.
Appearing on TV's Meet The
Press on June 29,
Schwarzenegger was asked:
"You have a lot of
propositions on the ballot
again this fall. One of them
would mean a constitutional
ban on gay marriages. Do
you support that?"
"No, not at all,"
Calm down lads Schwarzenegger replied. "As
- It’s only a mike! a matter of fact,
I think the Supreme Court
made a decision there. It was
apparently unconstitutional to
Czech pride attacked, 20 injured stop anyone from getting
married. It's like 1948, the
The Czech Republic's first gay pride parade, held in the
city of Brno, came under attack from extremist and neo-
interracial marriage, when the
Nazi protesters June 28 and at least 20 of the 500 Supreme Court of California
marchers were injured. has, you know, decided it
was unconstitutional and
The 150 counterdemonstra-tors threw tear gas, fireworks
and eggs at the marchers.
I’ll be back...
Police and neo-Nazis clashed for about 45 minutes at
the parade's endpoint. About 15 of the troublemakers
were arrested.
"I personally believe that
marriage should be between
a man and a woman," the
governor added. "But at the
same time
I think that my, you know,
belief, I don't want to force on
anyone else, so I think we
should stay with the decision
of the Supreme Court and
move forward. There are so
many other more important
issues that we have to
address in California. So I
think to spend any time on
this initiative I think is a waste
of time."
It was not the first time
Schwarzenegger had
denounced the proposed
amendment, but it was the
first time he has done
so on national television.
Bulgarian National Alliance
leader Boyan Rassate. The
alliance had plastered Sofia
with anti-pride posters
saying, "Be Intolerant, Be
Normal."
The parade, organized by the
gay group Gemini, began at
the Lovers' Bridge behind the
National Palace of Culture,
proceeded down busy Evlogi
Georgiev Boulevard, and
ended at the Red House
Center for Culture and
Debate on Lyuben Karavelov
Street.
In Paris, meanwhile, half a
million people turned out for
the pride parade June 28,
including openly gay Mayor
Bertrand Delanoë. A big
dance party followed at the
Place de la Bastille.
It rained on Berlin's parade
June 28, but tens of
thousands of people showed
up anyhow. The parade
began, for the first time, in
the former East Berlin, then
traversed the boulevard Unter
den Linden to its destination -
- the Victory Column in the
former West Berlin.
to repeal HIV
travel/ immigration
The U.S. Senate
voted 80-16 on
July 16 to repeal
the nation's ban
on HIV-positive
foreign visitors
and immigrants.
Sens. John Kerry, D-
Mass., and Gordon
Smith, R-Ore., secured
a provision to repeal the
ban in the Senate's
legislation to
reauthorize PEPFAR,
the President's
Emergency Plan for
AIDS Relief.
The measure now
moves to a House-
Senate conference
committee, then goes to
President George W. simply bad public
Bush, who is eager to health policy," said
see PEPFAR re-funded. Rachel Tiven, executive
"We applaud the Senate director of Immigration
for rejecting this unjust Equality. "It is especially
harmful to gay and
and sweeping policy
that deems HIV-positive lesbian families, who do
not benefit from the
individuals inadmissible
to the United States," waiver available to
said Human Rights opposite-sex couples.
Campaign President The Senate's change is
welcome, and long
Joe Solmonese. "We
overdue."
call on the leaders of
the House and Senate PEPFAR will send $48
to retain the Kerry-Smith billion to Africa over the
provision in conference next five years to fight
and ensure it is AIDS, malaria and
included in the final tuberculosis. Sen.
legislation sent to the Joseph Biden, D-Del.,
president's desk." called the bill "the single
most significant thing
"The HIV ban is
the president has done."
ineffective,
unnecessary, and

10 Useless Fact: What is called a "French kiss" in the English speaking world is known as an "English kiss" in France. Useless Fact: It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA. 11

Jesse Helms is dead
Obama opposes California
marriage amendment
Democratic
presidential
candidate Barack
Obama has come
out in opposition to
the California ballot
measure that would
amend the state
constitution to undo
the state Supreme
Court's legalization
of same-sex
marriage.
Gay couples have been able
to marry since June 16.
In a letter to San Francisco's
Alice B. Toklas Lesbian Gay
Bisexual Transgender
Democratic Club, posted on
the club's Web site July 1,
Obama said: "I am proud to
join with and support the
LGBT community in an effort
to set our nation on a course
that recognizes LGBT
Americans with full equality
under the law. That is why
12 Useless Fact: An office desk has 400 times more bacteria than a toilet.
I support extending fully
equal rights and benefits to
same sex couples under both
state and federal law. That is
why I support repealing the
Defence of Marriage Act and
the 'Don't Ask Don't Tell'
policy, and the passage of
laws to protect LGBT
Americans from hate crimes
and employment
discrimination. And that is
why I oppose the divisive and
discriminatory efforts to
amend the California
Constitution, and similar
efforts to amend the U.S.
Constitution or those of other
states.
"I want to congratulate all of
you who have shown your
love for each other by getting
married these last few
weeks," Obama added.
Obama has said repeatedly
in recent months that he
believes marriage is between
a man and a woman, and that
he supports civil unions, but
not marriage, for same-sex
couples.
The former U.S. senator
from North Carolina –
Congress' most
vociferous homophobe
ever -- passed away
July 4 at the Mayview
Convalescent Center in
Raleigh. He was 86.
Among numerous other
outrages, Helms was
responsible for the U.S. ban
on HIV-positive foreign
visitors and immigrants,
which remains in force to
this day.
A search of this reporter's
archives found he had written
164 stories about Helms for
gay newspapers since 1985.
A few quotes from the late
senator:
So, his congratulating gay
couples on getting married
and his opposing efforts to
limit gay couples to civil
unions seem to mark a
change in his position. At
least that's how many anti-
gay activists interpreted the
letter.
Some gay activists, on the
other hand, wondered if
Obama wants to have his
cake and eat it too,
depending on whom he's
talking to.
Republican presidential
candidate John McCain
supports the push to amend
the California Constitution.
"I support the efforts of the
people of California to
recognize marriage as a
unique institution between a
man and a woman, just as we
did in my home state of
Arizona," McCain said June
26. "I do not believe judges
should be making these
decisions."
"I despise the abuse of the
word 'gay.' They are not gay;
they are repulsive."
"(Homosexuality is) deliberate,
disgusting, revolting conduct."
"I'm not going to comment on
(activist Larry) Kramer.
Remember, he and that ACT
UP put a giant condom on
my house."
"I don't hate homosexuals.
I don't even know any
homosexuals."
"There is a great big odor
rising from the manner in
which Congress is falling all
over itself to do what the
homosexual lobby is almost
hysterically demanding."
"Homosexuals and lesbians
are disgusting people,
marching in our streets
demanding all sorts of things,
including the right to marry
each other."
In fact, Arizona does not have
a constitutional amendment
against same-sex marriage --
the ban is just an ordinary
law -- although a proposed
amendment will be on the
ballot Nov. 4.
McCain's statement drew a
rebuke from the GLBT group
Log Cabin Republicans.
"His position on this
amendment hurts gay and
lesbian families," said
President Patrick Sammon.
"We ... do not believe he
should have interjected
himself into this state issue.
Supporting this amendment
is inconsistent with Sen.
McCain's belief in federalism.
Backing California's ban
sends the wrong signal to the
independents who will decide
this election because it
creates the impression that
he's pandering to social
conservative leaders."
Budapest
Gay Bar
Torched!
Someone firebombed the Budapest gay into a bar with people in it is attempted murder. We
bar Action on June 27 after first phoning to are afraid that the police (are sending) a message
be sure there were patrons present and to that serious crimes against LGBT people will be
announce his plan. tolerated."
The curtains in the bar's front room quickly went up A few hours before the attack, an anti-gay Web site
in flames but were doused by a patron with a fire published the addresses of gay businesses in the
extinguisher. No one was injured. city and suggested attacking them.
A second attack occurred July 2 at the gay
Several gay and gay-friendly organizations have
bathhouse Magnum. Four gas bombs were tossed
denounced the police for investigating the incident
as one of "vandalism" rather than "attempted into the building. The fires were doused with fire
murder." extinguishers.
"Vandalism is when you spray paint on a wall," said "We are doubtful if the police are really protecting
Gábor Kuszing of the Association of People the gay establishments as they promised," Kuszing
Challenging Patriarchy. "Throwing a petrol bomb said.
Sweden
Christians makes it
easier for
boycott gay Iranians
McDonald's
to stay
The American Family
Association called a boycott
Sweden's Migration At minimum, "We have
Board ruled June 28 documented brutal
of McDonald's on July 3.
that Iranian gays who floggings imposed by
fast-
The organization is upset that the seek asylum in Sweden courts as punishment,
al Gay
food giant has joined the Nation
will get it if they were and torture and ill-
erce,
and Lesbian Chamber of Comm ever out of the closet treatment, including
given it money, and put one of its
while living in Iran. sexual abuse, in police
.
executives on the group's board
custody," Human Rights
Such individuals are at
risk of persecution if Watch has said.
The AFA says its nearly 3 million
ney at returned to Iran, the "The legal machinery of
supporters don't want to spend mo
ote the board said. persecution is oiled,
establishments that actively "prom
ready and operating in
homosexual agenda, including Iran has the death
Iran," said Scott Long,
homosexual marriage." penalty on the books for
head of the group's
sodomy.
LGBT Rights Program.
Useless Fact: It's against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA. 13
 300 gay cops, staffers
march in Manchester
In the largest such grouping ever,
300 gay and lesbian police officers and
staffers marched in the gay pride parade
in Manchester, England, Aug. 23.
The cops came from 16
police forces around the
United Kingdom.
"I am totally overwhelmed
with the response we
have had this year," Sgt.
Julie Barnes-Frank,
coordinator of Greater
Manchester Police's
Lesbian and Gay Staff
Affiliation, told the Press
Association. "Each year
our presence gets
bigger and bigger and
this year it is true to say
ly publi cly gay ma n a t Olympics
On
wins gold medal
The only publicly
gay man
participating in the
Beijing Olympics
won agold medal
in 10-meter
platform diving
Aug. 22.
14 Useless Fact: A kiss for one minute can burn 26 calories.
there's never been
anything like it in the
world."
Meanwhile, England's
most southwesterly
county, Cornwall, saw
its first gay pride parade
Aug. 23 in the city of
Truro.
Some 600 people
marched and the Gay
Police Association flag
flew from the Truro
Police Station.
In so doing, Matthew
Mitcham of Australia
recorded the highest-
scoring dive in Olympic
history.
"I think it's something to
beat next time," Mitcham,
20, told the Sydney
Morning Herald afterward.
"Everything, absolutely
everything, has been
for this. I knew it was a far
chance but I did
everything, absolutely
everything I could, to give
myself the best chance of
doing it. It's actually
happened. I never thought
it would."
Mitcham's partner, Lachlan
Fletcher, attended the
Olympics on a grant from
Johnson & Johnson's
Athlete Family Support
Program.
T A H EA D L INE
HAVE I GO L O L
!
:-D
"Coming out publicly, that
was a first," said
(U.S., soccer), Lauren
Lappin (U.S.,
FOR YO U – LO L !!
Mitcham's mother, Vivien. softball), Victoria "Vickan"
"The highest score Svensson (Sweden,
awarded to an Olympic soccer), Rennae Stubbs
dive ever, another first. (Australia, tennis) and
Linda Bresonik (Germany,
How many more firsts can soccer). Outsports also
this child get?" took note of openly
bisexual U.S. softball
Mitcham came out in a player Vicky Galindo.
May interview with the
Herald. Hammerseng, Nyberg and
Kai also took home gold
Of the 10,500 athletes who medals.
competed in the Olympics,
only 10 were publicly gay, Lappin and Galindo won
according to silver medals and
Outsports.com. Bresonik snagged a
bronze.
The other nine were
lesbians: Judith Arndt
(Germany, cycling), Imke
Duplitzer (Germany,
fencing), couple Gro
Hammerseng and Katja
Nyberg (Norway,
handball), Natasha Kai
Useless
Useless Fact:
Fact: xxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxx XX
XX
 AC K POOL
O DO B L
HOW T TY QUID
FOR FIF
The writing is on the wall – we are now
officially in a depression. But don't get
depressed just yet. There are still ways to
paint the town red in Blackpool for £50!
Blackpool is full of firsts: the biggest vomit
rollercoasters, colossal clubs and even the biggest mirror
ball in the world. Though £50 is not a fortune, it's
enough to open up a Vegas-style experience that will
give you world-class shows, cosmopolitan restaurants,
vibrant nightlife and breathtaking scenery.
For a full night out in Blackpool, start your evening off at
Pepe's. Open daily from midday, Pepe's has a light-
hearted mixture of camp, strippers and 'mad happenings'.
Entry is free. There're always loads of drinks promotions
on premium spirit and postmix: £2.00, draught £1.75 per
pint! It's a great place to begin your drinking session after
doing the tourist thing. Find Pepe's on 94 Talbot Road.
After a thorough warmup at Pepe's, you might want to
head cross to Taboo. This very popular and gay-friendly
venue packs on various themes throughout the week
ranging from bingo, karaoke and cabaret. Taboo also has
a running drinks promotions. Entry is £2. Find Taboo at 96
Talbot Road.
If you're still looking for some camp fun, it's a good bet that
Miss Roxy Hart of Roxy's Bar will drive things up a notch.
Here you get the the best food and atmosphere with the
best classic and party songs and stage performances and
class drag. Drinks are a premium doubles at £2.20 and
staff get involved in the acts too! Find Roxy's at 23 Queen
Street, 2 minute's walk from Talbot.
If you're still slightly coherent, head to Funny Girls. As the
name suggests, Funny Girls is a very gay-friendly and
colourful venue. Shows start at 8:30 and the grand finale
at 23:30. Tables may prove a bit expensive for the
average gay punter who usually favours a standing ticket
for £3.00 on weekdays; £6.00 on Saturdays. Find Funny
Girls at 5 Dickson Road.
In my opinion, from here the only place worth going to is
The Flying Handbag, literally around the corner. This is
the place to go for the Saturday night floor fillers, and a
16 Useless Fact: A 13-year-old boy in India produced winged beetles in his urine after hatching the eggs in his body.
perfect warm up for clubbing at The Flamingo later on.
The Flying Handbag bursts with acts, strippers and drinks
promotions. Brandy Babycham will keep you going
through until 2-am with her bubbly personality and a mix
of top tunes. Entry is £2, inclusive of a 2-4-1 voucher for
The Flamingo Nightclub! FInd The Flying Handbag at 44
Queen Street.
End the night in the most iconic feature in Blackpool --
The Flamingo Nightclub. The Flamingo has been around
since the eighties, and is now based at Queen Street right
next door to The Flying Handbag. The club has seen
appearances such as Danni Minogue! There are always
special offers and some big names performances. Theres
a podium for dancing, fire eating, stilt walking
extravaganza – to end the night on a massive high!
Find The Flamingo on 44 Queen Street.
Enjoy! Hyan – Fitlads
WIN Blackpool A holiday in
The Two's Company holiday flats in Blackpool
have kindly offered a 5 day holiday to one of
our lucky readers.
Two's Company offer holiday flats in Blackpool at
reasonable prices - you can contact them on
01253 296509
If you'd like to join them on Monday 15th to Friday
19th December then just enter our competition!
Q. How tall is the
Blackpool tower?
Answers:
FITLADS A - 261 ft
FITLADS B - 398 ft
FITLADS C - 518 ft
Text FITLADS and then your
answer to 60060.
For example, to vote for A,
text FITLADS A to 60060.
Texts costs 50p.
Competition closes 5th Nov 2008
Keith Anderson

Taken by member id: scott

is an out and proud alternative
folk-rock musician based
in London and is Fitlads
musician of the moment.
Here he talks to Fitlads A.L. Harper about
his new EP Foxes, Arne Friedrich’s balls
and rugby player Ben Cohen’s smile.

Fitlads: You're just about to release your new EP Foxes.
In 25 words or less describe the music on it.
K: A collection of conversations with myself and others, set
to the strumming and rhythm of the world outside my flat.
Fitlads: How long did it take you to write and record?
K: The sessions took place over about six months. There
were other songs recorded for an album and I took a few,
which felt like a collection, just to keep people up-to-date
with where I was musically.
Fitlads: Foxes is just 5 songs; do you have a full album
planned?
K: Yeah, I've been really rejuvenated musically lately and the
album is going to cram in a lot of different musical styles.
There is a 50s rock ‘n’ roll song, an 80s synth-type song, and a
rock-a-billy song; as well as all the boy-and-a-guitar type tunes.
Fitlads: Do you think being gay has held you back in the
music industry?
K: It's a hard call. If I wasn't gay I wouldn't have had the
experiences that I have, and so I wouldn't be making the
music that I am making, or talking about the things that I'm
talking about. It would be a whole other artist you were
talking to. Having said that, I do think that people tend to
Fitlads: What is your most annoying trait?
K: I have a tendency to correct people's grammar, which
kind of derails conversation a bit.
Fitlads: Which footballer’s balls would you most like to kick
around?
K: Arne Friedrich (if he talks to me in German it ups his
hotness), or Fredrik Ljungberg. From the world of rugby, Ben
Cohen. Ben Cohen is my number one actually, he has a
lovely smile.
Fitlads: Do you prefer rugby players or footballers?
K: Rugby.
Fitlads: What famous musician would you most like to
spend a few hours on a tour bus with?
K: If it were as a fly on the wall I'd have to say Diana Ross
- I hear she can go from zero to bitch and back again in two
seconds. I'd quite like to witness that.
You can hear some of the tracks from Foxes
at K.Anderson’s MySpace space
(www.myspace.com/kandersonmusic).
You can catch K.Anderson on his latest UK tour

R
take a bit longer to 'get' what I'm doing. There is a bit more
at the following locations:

U
of a precedent for gay female singers doing the folky type
thing, there are still only a few boys doing it.

O
SEP 14 2008 15 MINUTE CLUB – PROHIBITION
ST KATS DOCKS, LONDON

T
Fitlads: Do you have a boyfriend now?
K: I'm not so great at relationships. I feel stifled easily. SEP 25 2008 LADYBOIS FUNDRAISER,
SATAN’S HOLLOW, MANCHESTER
Fitlads: So you're on the lookout?
OCT 1 2008 BLUE CAT CAFE, STOCKPORT
K: With winter on the way, I'm kind of getting that look in my eyes.
OCT 10 2008 SONGSMITH – THE MAYORS ARMS,
Fitlads: What qualities do you like most in a guy?
BRISTOL
K: I like someone who is a bit rough and tumble, is up for
anything. Will kick my arse if I get in a mood and gets my sense OCT 15 2008 THE LATEST MUSIC BAR,
of humour. I like to have separate lives too, so it's important that BRIGHTON
I'm with someone who is off doing their own thing.

18 Useless Fact: Approximately 75% of human poop is made of water. Useless Fact: Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand. 19
 1 Saddam Hussein starred in a gay porn film. In April 2003, Yahoo,

THE that bastion of impartial news reporting, carried the Weekly World
News article about Saddam chomping tube-steak with a side
order of soured creme to gurgle -- in front of the camera!

TWINKLE 2 Jesus portrayed as a fag in up-and-coming film. This bit of

inspired propaganda got over a million bleeding heart Christians
to sign a petition to stop the production. Of course, if any of these
bible-totin' morons had more than two brain cells to rub together,

ZONE
Though I get a devilish
pleasure in eavesdropping on
conversations in public places,
I'm often amazed at the level of
brain-rot people actually believe in
– urban legends, logical fallacies,
and just plain weird notions
that have no defining category.
they would have discovered that it was all complete bollocks.
Then again, it's easy to swallow a story about a long-haired hippy
in a skirt who lives in a cave with 12 other gays. Isn't it?
3 Bert and Ernie are live-in lovers. Though it's a bit odd that two
cuddly blokes could sleep in the same room without being
tempted to nail each others in the fluff, it does give a new
meaning to the term 'Open Sesame'. Interestingly enough,
according to the Daily Mirror in North Carolina, Rev. Joseph
Chambers tried to get Bert and Ernie banned under an anti-gay
law in Louisiana. My guess is it isn't just Bert and Ernie that have
a hand up their arses.
4 Ellen Degenerates Catastrophes. The ever enlightened
televangelist Pat Robertson raged on CBN's The 700 Club at the
Academy of Arts and Sciences for selecting Ellen Degeneres for
hosting the 2005 Academy Awards. Foaming at the mouth, he
barked that this Hollywood lesbian had 'invited God's wrath' in the
form of Hurricane Katrina and that it wasn't surprising that God
had struck down Miss Degeneres' hometown. He also pointed
out that the last time Ellen hosted the Emmys, terrorists attacked
the twin towers. I seriously wonder if Ellen also caused the 2004

Here's a short list of really weird

Tsunami by flushing her toilet.
5 Hold Sway. The Philippine police issued a warning to gay officers
gay urban legends that pass as fact not to sway their hips or risk losing their jobs! But not to worry, the
police department states that it does 'not discriminate against
with the dim-witted and gullible. homosexuals.' That's reassuring. I'm sure next they'll substitute
truncheons for water pistol. Whoops, that won't do either: long
things that squirt water at the end.
Hyan – Fitlads

Weird Sex Laws

No man is allowed to make
love to his wife with the smell
of garlic, onions, or sardines
on his breath in Alexandria,
Minnesota. If his wife so
requests, law mandates that
he must brush his teeth.
Clinton, Oklahoma has a law
against masturbating while
watching two people having
sex in a car.
In Connorsville, Wisconsin
no man shall shoot off a gun
while his female partner is
having a sexual orgasm.
A law in Fairbanks, Alaska
does not allow moose to have
sex on city streets.
In Florida it is illegal for
single, divorced, or widowed
women to parachute on
Sunday afternoons.
The owner of every hotel in
Hastings, Nebraska, is required
to provide each guest with a
clean and pressed nightshirt.
No couple, even if they are
married, may sleep together
in the nude. Nor may they
have sex unless they are
wearing one of these clean,
white cotton nightshirts.
Any couple making out inside a
vehicle, and accidentally
sounding the horn during their
lustful act, may be taken to jail
according to a Liberty Corner,
New Jersey law.
In Los Angeles, California, a
man is legally entitled to beat
his wife with a leather belt or
strap, but the belt can't be
wider than 2 inches, unless
he has his wife's consent to
beat her with a wider strap.
Consent should be given
prior to the event, as is
carefully stipulated.
In Michigan, a woman isn't
allowed to cut her own hair
without her husband's
permission.
In Nevada sex without a In Lebanon, men are legally
condom is considered illegal. allowed to have sex with
animals, but the animals must
An ordinance in Newcastle,
be female. Having sexual
Wyoming, specifically bans
relations with a male animal is
couples from having sex while
punishable by death. (Like
standing inside a store's walk-in
THAT makes sense.)
meat freezer!
In Bahrain, a male doctor may
In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for
legally examine a woman's
a woman to strip off her
genitals, but is prohibited from
clothing while standing in
looking directly at them during
front of a man's picture.
examination. He may only see
The only legal sexual position in
their reflection in a mirror.
Washington D.C. is missionary.
The penalty for masturbation
In Willowdale, Oregon no man
in Indonesia is decapitation.
may curse while having sex
Topless saleswomen are legal
with his wife.
in Liverpool, England - but only
In the state of Washington there
in tropical fish stores. (But of
is a law against having sex with
course!)
a virgin under any
In Cali, Colombia, a woman
circumstances. (Including the
may only have sex with her
wedding night).
husband, and the first time
this happens, her mother
must be in the room to
witness the act.

20 Useless Fact: Impotence is grounds for divorce in 26 U.S. states. Useless Fact: There are approximately 100 million acts of sexual intercourse each day. 21
Top Ten
Top 10 Gay
GayMovies
Movies
10 Jeffrey
This hilarious tongue-in-cheek movie is about a
man dealing with his fear of intimacy, commitment
and AIDS. Jeffrey swears off sex just before
meeting the man of his dreams. What follows is a Carry On-
esque rom-com that is tender and entertaining, particularly if
you like kitsch.
9 Boys Don’t Cry
Based on one of the most heinous hate crimes in
modern US history, Boys Don’t Cry, is the Academy
award winning independent film about the last few
months of transsexual Brandon Teena’s life.
Murdered in Lincoln, Nebraska because he was born a woman,
Teena was subjected to bulling, terrorising and a violent rape
before he was shot along with several of his friends. Hilary
Swank won the Oscar for her performance as Brandon Teena.
8 My Own Private Idaho
This critically acclaimed film charts the life of two
rent-boys, played to perfection by Keanu Reeves
and the late River Phoenix – in what would turn
out to be his magnum opus. Mike (Phoenix) and
Scott (Reeves) are hustling their way across the US and
eventually to Italy, with Mike looking for family and Scott
running away from family. It is widely believed that Phoenix
became addicted to drugs while filming My Own Private Idaho,
which would eventually lead to his untimely death.
7 The Adventures of Priscilla,
Queen Of the Desert
This camp classic about two men and a transsexual
woman (all drag queens) travelling through the
Australian outback, in a bus called Priscilla, Queen
of the Desert, is deceptive in its flippancy. What is, on the
surface a fun and frolicsome story of three outrageous
characters, is really the story of three hollow and frail individuals
looking for love and acceptance, in all the wrong places.
6 C.R.A.Z.Y.
Coming of age in the 1970s wasn’t easy for any
gay man, but Zac Beaulieu was also the fifth son
of a French-Canadian catholic. C.R.A.Z.Y. is an
exploration of love of all sorts, but mainly the love of
a father for his sons and the love of a son for his father. It’s
also a tale of a boy/man learning to accept himself and
eventually being accepted by the people he loves most.
5 Beautiful Thing
This beautiful urban fairytale is more than just
your usual coming-to-terms fare. Beautiful Thing
is the sober story of two young lads growing up
on an inner city council estate in South East
London. This film challenges many stereotypes, pushing the
boundaries of what many people think a gay man should act
like, dress like, and come from. Think gay in the hood.
22 Useless Fact: The condom was originally made of linen and was invented in the early 1500's.
4 Maurice
Based on the novel by E.M. Forster, Maurice tells
the story of homosexual love in Edwardian
England, and follows the love affair between
Maurice and Alec. After a long monogamous, primarily chaste
relationship at university with Clive (played by a very young
Hugh Grant), an uptight man deeply in denial, Maurice meets
Alec; a beautiful, young gamekeeper on a friend’s estate. This
film is a wonderful love story to be enjoyed in the arms of your
favourite hunk.
3 Philadelphia
Inspired by the true story Geoffrey Bowers. A New
York man sues his former employer for breeching
his civil rights, after being dismissed because he
had AIDS. However the story is more about the
relationship of the main characters, the gay AIDS infected man
Andrew Beckett (played by Tom Hanks) and his homophobic
personal injury lawyer Joe Miller (played by Denzel
Washington). While on the surface the story is about
Beckett’s wrongful dismissal, the underlying and more
powerful theme is acceptance by Miller of Beckett as a
man worth fighting for.
2 Bent
After living a decadent life in 1930s Berlin, Max
(Clive Owen) is arrested by the Gestapo and sent
to Dachau. Believing that he will fare better in a
concentration camp if the Nazis believe he is
Jewish rather than gay Max lies, so as not to be assigned the
pink triangle that denotes homosexuality, saying he is Jewish
and is forced to prove he isn’t gay by fucking a dead girl. It is
in the concentration camp that Max meets openly gay Horst
(Lothaire Bluteau). The star-crossed lovers strike up a
friendship/love affair that would never end well. Think a gay
Schindler’s List, without the list.
1 Brokeback Mountain
Easily one of the most widely
known and watched gay themed films of
all time. A story of the love that grows
between two cowboys – played ever so
convincingly by Heath Ledger (Ennis del
Mar) and Jake Gyllanhall (Jack Twist) –
Chat, meet and play at
the film follows them through their
clandestine relationship spanning 20
years from 1963 to 1983. Both married
to women, they meet-up every few
months to go “fishing” but it’s not enough for Twist who
urges del Mar to runaway with him. Ennis resists fearing
homophobic retribution from within the cowboy
community. However he eventually realises what he feels
is real love but too late as Jack has died tragically. The
first time a Hollywood blockbuster has treated
homosexuality as normal and acceptable.
A.L. Harper – Fitlads
 Chat, meet and play at

XX Useless Fact: xxxxxxx Useless Fact: xxxxxxxxxx XX


IN
BOX NEWS ‘n’ BITS FOR FITLADS
Is Lewis Hamilton
really F1’s newest
driving god? Yes,
his tight arse and
GQ good looks are
enough to make
any rectum romeo
sweat like a paedo
in a playground,
but is his driving
up to task?
Although up till
now Hamilton has
only really proved
that he can win
from the front, his
victories in
Germany and
Britain are
showing the true
potential of F1’s
leading hotty.
26 Useless Fact: Tug of War was an Olympic event between 1900 and 1920.
inbox@fitlads.net Naughty
GAY DRIVER. Weird
By A.L. Harper – Fitlads
Nazi
sex-romps
seem
profitable
FIApresident Max Mosely
has been awarded
An enlightened Italian judge has taken steps to drag Italy out of the primordial ooze this
month, when he declared that being gay cannot be considered a mental illness.
26 year old Danilo Giuffrida had to re-sit his driver’s test because the Italian transport
ministry felt that his "sexual identity disturbance" (ie he’s a cock-jockey) was a mental
illness and suspended his license. Eventually the breeders at the drivers license division
grudgingly allowed him to drive again but rather than renewing his license for the normal
ten years they granted him a disabled license, which must be renewed yearly. Afterall you
never know when a rectum romeo will spontaneously suck cock or mount his gear shift
(that knob can be ever so tempting).
“It's the old assumption” says Aurelio Mancuso, president of the Italy’s main gay rights
wanking
tips – No2
group Arcigay, “that if one is homosexual, then he is also psychologically disturbed”.
£60,000 in damages from Not surprisingly it’s the Italian military who grassed him up. When Giuffrida was called up
the News of the World for Italy’s mandatory year of military service in 2000, he told doctors at the physical that BEAT TO
he was a homosexual, hoping to get out of the service so he could continue working to
after the High Court ruled support his family – obviously a trouble maker. It was an over-eager, homophobic officer THE CLOCK
against the tabloid. The who sent the paperwork to the motor vehicle office reporting Giuffrida’s “mental disorder”. After you have masturbated
The Sicilian judge awarded Mr Giuffrida 100,000 Euros (£79,919) because Mr Giuffrida’s for a good, leisurely long
High Court’s ruled that constitutional rights had been breached and the transport and defence ministries had time (with many stops and
the paper had breached showed “evident sexual discrimination”. Looks like it’s time for Italy to wake-up from their starts!), set some kind of
long social hibernation – about time too. timer, alarm clock, or
Mr Mosley’s privacy when
Mr Giuffrida said that he would use some of the money to buy a new car. So if you’re digital watch to go off in
it published details of driving through Italy this summer, watch-out for a driver with a cock in his mouth! 10 minutes – and don't let
e s
Mosely’s now infamous
a m
yourself ejaculate until the
B a d B a b y N
sex-romp with hookers in timer goes off. You should
also have a digital clock in
a Nazi-themed, sado-
the room to note the time.
masochistic sex session. (This can be the same
clock as the one with the
Mr Justice Eady said that alarm, as long as it doesn't
Mosley had a right to display seconds – you
A nine-year-old girl has been Shelter (good for a quickie), Tracky Bottoms or Cookies
want to know the time to
expect privacy for any taken into care by a New or Midnight Chardonnay (a and Cream (for twins). Or if
Zealand judge to enable her good laugh after a bottle of the minute, but not down
Most recently Hamilton was stripped of his win in consensual sexual
you’re one of those who want
to change her name. Tulula wine). to go with the trend of to the second.) Refrain
Belgium after chicane cutting, taking the lead off
activities no matter how Does The Hula From Hawaii, naming children after where from looking at the clock
Strange baby names are
championship rival Kimi Raikkonen. Although the had refused to tell her friends they were conceived you for the first few minutes.
becoming more and more the
Englishman gave the Finn back his lead, he was “unconventional". Nazi her name, going by simply could always try – Tied To
in thing, with celebrity after As the ejaculation time
“K”, has now had her name The Bed With A Ball Gag In
still given a 25-second penalty knocking him uniforms and naughty changed.
celebrity doing it. Take draws near, occasionally
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris My Mouth, One I Didn’t
back from 1st to 3rd place. Didn’t Schumacher prison guards doesn’t In his ruling judge Rob Murfitt Knock Out While Wanking, or glance at it – but don't
Martin’s first child Apple
do very similar things in a certain red car just a attacked the culture of giving Martin (sounds like a In The Alley Behind The Pub. stare. When there's one
sound unconventional,
few years ago? Maybe Hamilton’s car just isn’t your children unusual names dessert), or Jordan’s minute left on the clock,
just an average weekend citing several that officials daughter with Peter Andre,
red enough for the FIA’s liking, or perhaps this is you'll go crazy with
had blocked including: Twisty Princess Tiaamii; and of
another desperate attempt by the FIA to keep the for any fascist leader. Poi; Keenan Got Lucy; Sex course you couldn’t have a Youthful Tip: anticipation because the
Fruit; Fat Boy; Yeah Detroit alarm could ring at any
F1 Championship alive to the end of the season. discussion about wacked-out Keep your face
and Fish and Chips (for baby names without talking second. Try to hover right
twins). about Bob Geldof’s children,
young and firm on the edge so you can
Nikki Lauda has been openly critical of
Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches by giving a orgasm immediately when
Hamilton’s past error-riddled performances, But it’s the list of names that
have been allowed that is
Honeyblossom Michelle blow job. The the alarm rings. It will
comparing Hamilton to the legendary Ayrton Charlotte Angel Vanessa, BJ workout
truly hilarious and horrifying seem like an eternity!
Senna. “He gave an outstanding performance Little Pixie and Heavenly
by turns. If you ever visit New
Hiraani Tiger-Lily – bad uses 34 It's especially good if the
(in Germany)” the former F1 champ said. Zealand look out for Violence
naming gone mad there. different facial
(probably don’t want to meet alarm has a fairly long
“If he continues like this, he will be So in the spirit of unusual muscles, and
him in a dark alley), the twins ringing cycle. If it
unbeatable.” Of course that was before he names I would like to suggest
Benson and Hedges (could
a few other names you might
on average, jizz continues to ring as you
came second in Valencia, missing out to be a fun spit-roast in the
like to consider – Chavtastic is only 15 begin ejaculating, it will
making), Number 16 Bus
Felipe Massa. Burberry, Tighty Whities, calories a shot. heighten the sense of
urgency and tension relief.
Useless Fact: In New York City, approximately 1,600 people are bitten by other humans annually. 27
TIPS on being
a successful gay
male stripper!
1 Make sure you have an audience!! If you don’t have
an audience then you aren’t a stripper, you are a lad
who likes to take his clothes off to music!
2 Make sure you have a big cock!! Yes really! If you
don’t then when you take your kegs off, people will
laugh at you!! Male strippers HAVE TO have big
cocks!
3 Be nice looking with a nice body!! BUT the bigger
your cock the less nice looking you have to be and
the less of a nice body you need!
4 Like your audience!!! OR at least pretend you do! If
you are on stage in front of 500 queens and you look
like you would rather be swallowing dog shit then
they will sense this and you won’t work in that venue
again!! AND word will get around!
5 Be prepared to be touched up! It will happen! They
aren’t allowed to but believe me it will happen!
Arguing the point to the promoter after someone as
touched you up is gonna end in two words ‘WHAT
EVER!’
6 DO NOT sleep with a club promoter until you have
your money in your hand!! If you do then I guarantee
you won’t get paid the full amount! The promoter will
think that having his cock in your mouth is part
payment enough!!
7 If you are working a straight venue then for
goodness sakes pretend you are straight!! Straight
women want to think they have a chance with the
fella stripping and if they know the fella is gay then it
will piss them off! Unlike gay men who think any
man is fair game!
8 Being a decent dancer is a good idea but once
again, the bigger your cock the less you have to rely
9
on your dancing skills!
DO NOT put baby oil all over your cock and expect
someone to suck you off!! Although we all know
someone who’ll do it but on the whole keep your
cock oil free!
10 When you are fully naked MAKE SURE that most of
your audience see you naked otherwise the ones
that don’t will start putting the word around that you
was crap only cos they didn’t see your cock! You
know how bitter some queens can be!
28 Useless Fact: Every day, the average person swallows about a quart of snot.
FORUMS Send all your top
gay stories
to id:dustylake
on Fitlads.net
Fitlads member id: dustylake
Brings us his two top gay stories that have been doing the
rounds on the net and gets some feedback from the Fitlads forum.
weeks on Bent Brains
It’s been a busy few
the Fitlads forum. A recent medical survey is claiming that gay people have
similar shaped brains to straight women, and that lesbians
Firstly, lets not forget our shameful performance at the have similar shaped brains to straight men.
Eurovision song contest, we knew we wouldn‘t win but boy
did we loose. I sincerely hope that we choose to stay in the "It proves that people are born gay," says id:meltyfox "But
competition - personally, the worse we do the more fun I have there are a few things to think about."
watching it. Bring it on! "What about bisexuals? Also, if in the future you can scan your
baby's brain to see if it is gay, then won't people start
Then there was uproar when Irish MP Iris Robinson boasted
on BBC radio that she like to refer gays to a psychiatrist to be "screening" their unborn foetuses?"
‘healed’ from their shocking disorder- the fitlads forum didn’t "Gay culling! Nooo!"
have many nice things to say about that and many of you But not everyone believed that the research proved anything,
signed the official Downing Street petition to get her sacked. "It does not prove that people are born gay.” thinks id: helmet.
On a positive note, there were many posts of congratulations “It is still conceivable that an individual is born straight but the
at the news that Paul O’Grady and Russell T Davis (Dr Who, influences of the environment cause their brain to change
Queer as Folk) were to be honoured in the aptly named during their process of growing up.”
Queens Birthday Honours List.
"All that the research proves is that grown-up gays' brains are
Bash the Bishop like grown-up women's brains. It says nothing about how the
brains of grown-up gays were like when these guys were
children or babies."
There was outcry amongst members of the Church of
England this month with the news that two gay priests took So is it nature or nurture? This month the final say goes to id:
part in a ‘marriage ceremony’ in a London Church. maesglasboi:
The Archbishops of York and Canterbury spoke of their "Couldn’t give a fuck to be honest, why question what you are
disappointment at the service and a whole heap of gay when you can just live life and have fun :P "
rights groups and Christian traditionalists have spoken Couldn’t agree with you more id: measgladboi.
about the controversial ‘wedding’.
But what do the guys on the fitlads forum have to say? id:
nyrangerfan1 thinks: "It's ridiculous how the media plays
the Archbishop of York, (I think that's the guy who has the The place for scally lads
gap in between his front two teeth) as some kind of hero, and their admirers.
"He cut up his dog collar on air and we were told to think
that it was some act of humanity because he sympathised
with the plight of the Zimbabweans... while at the same
time, he's so outwardly homophobic...
"give me a tutu over these hypocrites any day…"
id: transcendence takes a different view, "The bishops
represent their communities"
"Not that many gay people integrate themselves into the
Anglican church and the vast majority of congregations in
developing countries are likely to be homophobic
(unsurprisingly, if they've read the Bible), so the bishops
are only doing their jobs.
"If they are their firmly held opinions then I don't see what
Hang out and meet
they're doing wrong by representing them."
The Archbishop of Canterbury has been praised since
taking over the role for his liberal stance on such issues.
local lads. Join for FREE
Chat • Meet • Play
Though I think it would be extremely unfair to call him
homophobic, it was a shame that he did not use what
happened as an opportunity to further gay rights for in
the Church. .net
Useless Fact: The Olympics were originally held for the Greek god Zeus. 29
Interview with Horror Goddess # Sista # Hotbitch
##

Olga Fedori
With the recent Brit horror hit Mum and Dad
Fitlads.net id: hotbitc
h84

#
Sohail's ID on Fitlads.net is the ONE and ONLY id:hotbitch84.
Sohail is 24 and a crazy, fun loving kind of guy. He loves hanging out with
mates down Soho, making videos (not dirty ones, you bastards!) and being
a LEAST APPROPRIATE 'agony aunt' for our magazine.
So take it away 'Sista Hotbitch'
#
(dir. Steven Shiel), Olga Fedori is fast becoming
an acting tour-de-force. Behind her deceivingly # My boyfriend wants
wide-eyed looks, lurks a piercing ferocity that a threesome with
my older brother.
promises wrath and fury unleashed. In an
unusually canny, generous and friendly interview Dear Different Strokes.
in Edinburgh, Olga shared with me the trials and Hey Sista, My granddad Your boyfriend is clearly
devoted to you. He can't
tribulations of acting in Eastenders to landing a recently passed away, and
get enough of you, so he
I can't get over his death.
part in the up-and-coming classic remake of the What do I need to do to get goes for the next best
Wolfman with Hollywood director Joe Johnson. over something traumatic? thing - your brother. This
will bring all of the family
Priscilla John, and under the speed-of-light directions Dear Emo. Any psychologist will together. Why not get
from Mark Romanek, who was originally directing it, was tell you that the best thing to do some male cousins
a roller-coaster. When my boyfriend
with a trauma is to confront it a la involved as well? If you
What are the differences and challenges of gropes me, he
Norman Bates. Dig him up, stuff are still apprehensive, just
acting in Eastenders, compared to Mum and struggles to find
him, keep him in the attic, and let him go with your
Dad and Wolfman? my cock.
begin what will quickly blossom brother and relatives
Dealing with 6-week old babies in Eastenders was the into a healthy and fulfilling

#
Dear Nobhead. Having a instead.
first one; swallowing bloody teeth in Mum and Dad the relationship. Keep body stroking
mushroom penis has to be
second; and with only two days training, almost killing

Where does the name Olga Fedori come from?
It's a half of my actual last name, which is
Fedorishcheva. It's a Russian/Ukrainian last name, which
my papa graciously let me cut it.
#
painful and humiliating. I would to a minimum as limbs don't hot
half of the cast and producers driving a rickety horse
cart at full speed! leave your boyfriend out of it. glue so well. It's also not too late
Though you are recently 'new' to the Videotape yourselves jerking off, to get a refund on that stairlift.
international scene, what advice would you then sell it at your local bootsale. Once a year, take him out, beat
give someone wanting to break into acting? Trust me, there are lots of lads him off to dust him. Bar that, you
Wow, just watched an interview where Johnny Depp out there into distorted, eeky, are well on your way to becoming

You gave brilliant performances in Eastenders.
But prior to that, what acting gigs did you do?
Thank you! Enders was my third job in the UK. My first
gig was on the film So Christian Youth (not yet released)
#
answering the same question, so I don't feel particularly gnome-like nobs. If nothing else, a well-adjusted individual.
qualified! Someone give me GURU! The only thing that you'll meet other crips who'll join
keeps me happy is doing EXACTLY what I want. That's you in a circle jerk around a
all the advise I can give.
Jacobs Cream cracker.
Will you stay in the horror genre, or are you

by Stephen Parsons, where I play a religious fanatic.
Then came along that wonderfully insane episode of
Skins, (big thanks to Ben Schiffer for writing it) which
was pure fun, comedy and action! Before that, I was in
Share it - MMS
looking for new challenges?
You've just snatched a fantastically rude picture of your boyfriend on your mobile.
Ha, I haven't thought about it this way. Well, I think a
What do you do with it then? I say share it! Now you can upload them directly to
good old blond surfer movie is way overdue. Also, I am

theater, in Cambridge, Boston, and NYC. I feel very
lucky to have worked on a few productions with maestro
Jay Scheib, my mentor and simply a creative genius.
With your recent success at the EIFF with Mum
and Dad, what was the most disturbing thing
you had to do during shooting?
Wake up at 5am and going to sleep at 12am. The most
normal things start to seem very disturbing after a few
weeks of that.
How did you hear about the part - and get the
part - for the remake Wolfman?
your profiles! The picture will appear in your Fitlads gallery within ten minutes!
looking forward to doing a fairytale. Tell you a secret:
the very next one is not horror :)
If you could step back in time, what film in the
last 120 years of cinema would you have liked
to star in? And why?
Hmm? That's seriously cruel. I have at least 10 films
each year. Plus, I am not a fan of choosing: one ought to
have it all.
What's next?
Who knows! I would like to play a vampire-superhero
You'll need to find your security code, visit "my profile" then "upload
along the lines of Hancock. That makes Batman gone
by mms". Make a note of this, then, whenever you snap something you want other guys to
Charlie's angel, doesn't it?

see, MMS the picture to 0786 205 220, with the words FITLADS and your security code in
My agent sent me to audition for a different film which I
When the wolfbane blooms and the autumn moon is
the message body. Any problems? Message admin.
didn't get, but got Wolfman instead! But seriously,
bright, keep an out for the much-anticipated remake of
Wolfman was one of the most memorable rounds of
the Wolfman, due out April 2009.
auditions so far. Improvising with casting director Hyan – Fitlads
30 Useless Fact: One billion seconds is about 32 years. Useless Fact: One gallon of used motor oil can ruin approximately one million gallons of fresh water. 31
KIDNAPPEIDNC.
These days, you
can get anything with
a credit card. A life-size
rubber fuck-me doll;
someone to trample on
your bits; and now this
bizarre new trend in
New York and the UK
where for a few grand,
a company will arrange
to violently kidnapped
you in broad day light,
whisk you away, duct
tapped, insulted,
confused and scared,
and make you
disappear for up to
a few days.
Though 29 year-old Brock
Enright's company Video and
Adventure Services was
founded in 2002, it was just a
question of time before the
iconography of men in
orange overalls from
Guantanamo Bay or the
Jihad videos of American
hostages paraded on the
news would drip into the soul
32 Useless Fact: Queen Elizabeth II was Time Magazine's "Man of The Year" in 1952.
of American and UK viewers
to be regurgitated back as
social phenomena. Kidnap
chic has arrived and with it a
hefty price tag and a long
waiting list.
Taste for this weird fear
candy range from the quick
grab and gag scenario to the
Guanatamo Bay incarceration
in a dank dungeon for a few
days and nights with barely
enough water or food to live
on, mixed with psychological
warfare and beatings.
Opinions are divided though
as to the real value of such a
service. Working on the knife
edge of fiction and truth,
there has surprisingly not
been any cases of outraged
New Yorkers intervening in a
kidnap scenario on Manhattan,
despite the fact that many are
carried out on city streets in
broad daylight.
The kidnap 'victim' agrees a
time-frame for his abduction,
but the thrill really comes in
not knowing when or where
the kidnappers will strike.
Jason, a carpenter in his
early 30s, has gone through
the kidnap experience three
times already. 'I just wanted to
see if it was possible for me
to be in a situation like that.'
Psychotherapist Sheena
Hankin believes that we '...are
built for it. It gives us a sense
of satisfaction and
accomplishment.' She has
also shown an interest in
going through the kidnap
scenario herself. Hopefully
stuffing her in a bag and
beating the shit out of her
with sticks will buck up her
ideas as to whether or not
she really is 'built for it'.
There is a danger that the
Police will become desensitize
to kidnapping calls and loose
the 'golden hour' that could
save a child's life.
On the other hand, it could
also be possible for someone
to engineer a kidnapping for
someone they hate and
screw them up permanently.
The kidnappings are tapped
By Hyan Fitlads
‘The kidnap
'victim' agrees
a time-frame for
his abduction, but
the thrill really
comes in not
knowing when or
where the
kidnappers will
strike.’
and given to the 'victim' as a
sort of souvenir, either to get
their jollies off, or to analyze
whatever psychological kicks
they might extracted from the
experience.
During an interview with The
Guardian's Brian Logan, Brock
Enright claimed that his
kidnaps 'expose the grotesque
perversions found in advanced
capitalism', yet he's happy to
profit from his clients.
However, Brock admits that
the service is beginning get
out of hand and is becoming
too violent. One has to wonder
what other marvels lay in Mr
Brock's video tape vault.
‘ARFF’
ATING LIFE
the
IMIT
CRAFTSMAN Richard J Cann joined ARTIST GUILLERMO VARGAS was
serve and has nearly blocked from representing
Army in 2002. He continues to Costa Rica in the multi-cultural art
dal (Northern
received the General Service Me Bienal Centroamericana exhibit in
eration Telic).
Ireland) and the Iraq Medal (Op Honduras 2008 due to his
controversial art exhibit. Pressure
When I joined the army,
army at exactly the same groups had a bone to pick with him
time. I remember presenting about his exhibition featuring a stray
I didn't know it had become
a copy to the press officer. dog confined to a bare art gallery
legal. I did see it as, 'if I join
Somebody heard us talking, floor with no bedding, food or water
the army then nobody will
and it quickly spread around – until it starved to death!
think I'm gay .'
squadron. Friends that didn't
For my first operational tour
know were asking me, and Vargas wanted to highlight that the dog was untied and
the battalion's area of I said, 'Well, yeah. Actually people's hypocrisy by making free to wonder the gallery
responsibility was around I am.' an apparently sick and ill-fed except for the three hours the
Basra. One day I definitely dog the centre of attention exhibition was on. It was fed
Coming back off the break
I won't forget was "Sardar when it was presented as an regularly with dog food that
was actually the first instance art exhibit, even though many Habacuc himself brought in.
Saturday,' 8th of May, 2004.
of coming up against any of them would ignore the So where's the mongrel?
We were awoken by a same dog if they encountered
resistance to my sexuality. Well, not rotting under floor
barrage of mortar fire from it roaming the streets. boards or turning in the
I walked into my room and it
the local militia. We didn't Bienal Centroamericana in window of an Kabab shop.
had been trashed. Absolutely
have any early warning Honduras 2008 has apparently It apparently ran away one
everything everywhere.
systems. Nine times out invited Vargas to repeat the night after opening hours.
I found something that made exhibition, this time with a Vargas himself refused to
of ten the first warning would
it clear it was a targeted different pooch. comment on the fate of the
be hearing a bloody great attack. A stupid note, stating And as you would expect, dog, but noted that no visitor
had tried to free the dog, give
bang in the middle of the that this person didn't like the Animal rights activists and
bleeding hearts groups have it food, call the police, or do
compound. fact that I was gay. I ripped gone apeshit. A petition anything for it.
A number of gun battles were the note up and put it in the linked to dozens of blogs was In an interview with El Tiempo,
fought, and the sniper bin. You know, I'm made of signed in hopes of banning Vargas also explained that he
Vergas from exhibiting the was inspired by the death of
section were mobilised to a stronger stuff.
hotdog display. The groups Natividad Canda, an indigent
building inside the perimeter I am a serving British soldier sincerely believed the scraggy Nicaraguan addict, who was
of the Ba'ath party who just happens to be gay mutt was exploited, starved killed by two Rottweilers in
compound. I went up and sat and it is literally seen as that. and murdered. Bienal Cartago Province, Costa Rica,
with the snipers for 17 hours It's testament to the
Centroamericana in while being filmed by the
Honduras has received over news media in the presence
that day. With the Army, no professionalism of soldiers
four million signatures. of police, firefighters, and
matter what trade you are, today. Go back 20 years, security guards. No petition
The story of torment, torture
you are a soldier first. I suspect it would have been and death, however, is complete has ever been circulated in
defence of the homeless or
I wrote an article for Gay a totally different story. bollocks.
Director of the gallery Juanita victims of dog attack.
Times and came out in the Hyan– Fitlads
Bermúdez told the Guardian
cont>>>
Useless Fact: Actor Bruce Willis's real name is Walter. 33

Quickie
S
I E
BT
e x s t F o
S Fa
e quar ters of fish caug gs such as
ASBO • thgleuere, sost apis ,usmedargatorinmeakane dthinfertilizer.
Thre
• Bo ta ni ca lly
A man from Brighton
has recently been • Ba na na s consist en tly are the number one comp
given an ASBO
banning him from
seeing his girlfriend
after neighbours
complained about
their noisy fucking
• The scientific term for
sessions; complete
with screamed dirty
talk and banging
headboards. It took
neighbours two years
of complaining to
finally get the ban!
How
stupid
do you
have
to be?
34 Useless Fact: Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete.
You may know
Did you know?
that heart
disease is the The names of all the continents end with
the letter they start with.
biggest single
Tokyo was once known as Edo.
cause of death
in the UK, The Vatican is the world's smallest
country, at 0.44 square km (0.16
killing about
square miles).
150,000 people
Eskimos use refrigerators to keep food
a year.
from freezing.
o d F a c ts: This Women make up 49% of the world
ht are eaten -
year’s population.
coolest Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for
mountains to be higher than 15,000 metres.
gadgets?
is a Thomas Cook is the world's first travel agency and was
king, the banana
herb and the tom
sp ea
ato is a fr uit.
Readers of men’s
magazine Stuff have voted But did you
founded in 1850.
liant of
TIP
st people complain wh
en
the Apple iPhone 3G this
year’s coolest gadget.
know that To
grocery shoppers. Mo coffee drinkers
fact is that
bananas are overripe
or even freckled. The
ntent of
The faster, smarter, thinner
upgrade to the plain old are less likely Inspire
eeter, with a sugar co
is the acronym for...
spotted bananas are sw
more than 20%, comp
ared with 3% in a gre
en banana. iPhone, retails for around
£100 (half the price of its
to have heart
disease than
Promptness
the common tomato is
lycopersicon lycopersicu
m, which means "wolf
varieties
predecessor). iPhone 3G
was closely followed by tea drinkers?
are more than 10,000 the Nintendo Wii Fit, Sony So, next time
peach." However there
of tomatoes.
ented 48 years after tin
s were
PS3 40GB and Xbox 360
60GB. All must have
you boil the
kettle for a
World’s Highest
• The tin opener was inv gadgets, in this techno-
introduced.
ted bottles beca
use
centric age. cuppa, maybe
paid footballers
• Wine is sold in tin
wine spoils whe
n exposed to lig
ht. According to
ConsumerSearch.com
it should
be a 5. Michael Ballack (Chelsea & Germany) £9.1 million
content.
• Carrots have zero fat Durex’s line of
ultra-thin
coffee.
4. Wayne Rooney (Man Utd & England) £9.3 million
Central Scotland Police drove through a puddle, condoms is the 3. Ronaldo (AC Milan & Brazil) £12.7 million
have recently released a man who wanted a favourite
2. David Beckham (LA Galaxy & England) £15.8 million
some of the “wholly
inappropriate” calls that
postcode for a local police
station and a woman who
amongst its
user’s. And DID 1. Ronaldinho (Barcelona & Brazil) £16 million
999 received this year. bought a rabbit from a Durex Extra Sensitive is
YOU
They include a call from newspaper article, but it one of the strongest
a woman who had been didn’t have floppy ears (least likely to break)
KNOW? 5 sel l i ng
splashed by car when it as advertised. condoms on the market.
Anal mucus contains
The UK’ s To p
more HIV than cum?
Meaning, when you fuck
cars f or 20 08
without a condom the
5. Vauxhall Astra
mucus can enter your
4. Vauxhall Corsa
body through the end of
3. Ford Focus
your cock. And the
longer you fuck, the more
2. Volkswagen Golf
stimulation you
1. Peugeot 207
give/receive, the more
mucus is produced.
So use a condom!
Useless Fact: You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. 35
Fitlads grab TOP 10 THINGS
NOT TO SAY ARRGH, shiver me timber!
DURING SEX Or Why It's The Wood That Makes It Good
some poles... 10. Dad!?!
9. I lost my penis
piercing! in Portsmouth Historic Dockyard
TOP PLACES YOU’VE 8 Now I know why
he dumped you...
Any sailor worth it's salt will tell you
EVER SHAGGED 7. God, I'm glad that
was over quickly, that conflict brings men together.
I really have to take A billboard advertising historic tours in
Poll – Your list of the favourite places you’ve a shit.
shagged. According to a recent poll FitLads Portsmouth Dockyard has recently
6. I hope you don't
did, you’re a naughty lot, preferring “dark mind, I've video pulled off its advertisement billboard
rooms”, bathrooms and parties to the good old taped this. as being too 'graphic and suggestive'.
fashioned bedroom.
5. Can I clean my knob
• In a car – 50%
on your curtains?
• At a party – 50% Managing Director of the Portsmouth Historic
4. Can We Just Dockyard Robert Bruce stated that, 'We are
• At work – 12%
Pretend That Didn't surprised and quite intrigued by the sudden
• In a bathroom – 70%
• In a park – 50% Happen? burst of interest generated in this advertisement.'
• In a dark room – 65% 3. What's that smell?
Such 'innocent' double entendre is also found in
• At an orgy – 16% 2 Wait, you're alive?!? the American country and western singer Kenny
• In front of a camera – 21% 1. I'm Only 14 !!!!!!!! Roger's chain of restaurant opened in the UK
recently. The banner reads 'Kenny Rogers
TOP 10 PAID MOVIE ACTORS Chickens', followed by the sub-banner of 'It's
The Wood That Makes It Good!'
10. Mel Gibson ($30m) - Lethal Weapon 4
9. Leonardo DiCaprio ($40m) - Titanic Robert Bruce goes on to state that 'You should
8. Tom Hanks ($40m) - Saving Private Ryan look out for our next series of advertisements
7. Jack Nicholson ($60m) - Batman which will inspire you to come and SEE THE
STORY of the great attractions that are
6. Tom Cruise ($70m) - Mission Impossible

Txt in the city

Portsmouth Historic Dockyard!' Be on the
5. Tom Hanks ($70m) - Forrest Gump
lookout for Jolly Roger in Portsmouth.
4. Tom Cruise ($92m) - Mission Impossible 2
3. Tom Cruise ($100m) - War of the Worlds Hyan – Fitlads
2. Bruce Willis ($100m) - The Sixth Sense
1. Keanu Reeves ($206m) - Matrix Trilogy

BEST OF THE WEB

Here are ten cool vids from the net. They range from the cute to the outright gory.

Fitlads Mobile is a great way to grab your Fitlads messages on the run. Whether you're at work
1. http://www.sickipedia.org

or killing time on the bus, you can now access your Fitlads profile through your mobile phone!
2. http://encyclopediadramatica.com
3. Retarded Policeman. Look for it on Youtube.

This is not your usual crap of all hype and no balls. Fitlads Mobile was designed specifically for
4. Chow's on. http://www.filecabi.net/video/730655a133d9.html

mobile phones and blokes on the run. Meet real guys, wherever you are in the city. Starbucks.
5. Skateboarder's got balls. http://www.filecabi.net/video/4b4a3dd891.html

www.fitladsmobile.co.uk
6. Thump-di-thump-di-thump. http://www.filecabi.net/video/d665fcd2f6e7.html
7. Vandalism Karma. http://www.filecabi.net/video/vandalism-karma.html On the train. Waiting in a queue. It doesn't matter. The power's yours.
8. A day out with the parents. http://www.filecabi.net/video/russianmummaflip.html
9. Good samaritans. http://www.filecabi.net/video/cf212b319611.html
10. A little day dreaming can take you a long way.
http://www.filecabi.net/video/h264640480.html

36 Useless Fact: It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. Useless Fact: A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue. 37
 Some 2,000 GLBT people staged pride marches
in the Indian cities of Calcutta, Bangalore and
Delhi June 29 – the first such parades in the latter
two cities.
About 500 people marched in Calcutta, 700 in the high-tech
city of Bangalore and about 800 in Delhi.
"When the pride started (in Delhi), there were about 100
people and it looked like we were outnumbered by the
media and the police," said correspondent Vikram Doctor.
"By the time we started (marching), though... more and
more people were coming along and getting attached to
the end. I was walking back and forth, trying to help with
media requests, and I got a sense of how large it was
growing when I realized in addition to the main group
carrying the flag upfront, there was a second large group
behind with placards and doing dances -- and then a

Calcutta really large group of stragglers behind."

T in India
Calcutta's seventh parade focused heavily on Section 377,

GLB
the Indian law that bans gay sex under penalty of up to 10

Bangalore
years in prison. A court case, now at a crucial phase, could
see the law "read down" so it no longer applies to
consensual adult gay sex.
"India continues to stigmatize its transgender, kothi, hijra,

Delhi
gay, lesbian, bisexual and other communities of
marginalized sexualities and genders," organizers said.
"Section 377 ... encroaches upon a person's democratic
rights, goes against the spirit of the Indian Constitution and

By REX WOCKNER impedes life-saving sexual health work among sexual

minorities."
The parade was part of Rainbow Pride Week, which also
featured movies, a photo exhibit, a panel discussion and
a candlelight memorial for people lost to anti-gay abuse
or HIV.
"Clearly, Indian sexual minorities are not going to settle
for status quo and are garnering support from different
stakeholders, media included, in their struggle to be free
from discrimination, receive respect from all sections of
society, and function as equal participants in a progressive
and democratic India," organizers said at the parade's
conclusion.
The Queer Media Collective issued a statement saying that
GLBT people in India today find themselves at about the
same point U.S. gays were when the first pride parades
began in 1970.
"LGBT people face a lot of harassment from the police,"
the group said.
"Lesbians are subject to violence and even forced to
commit suicide by their families. Gay men are blackmailed
by organized rackets that involve members of the police.
Bisexuals are denied the chance to express same-sex love
and forced into opposite-sex marriages.
Transgenders are routinely arrested and raped by the
police. Same-sex couples who have lived together for
years cannot buy a house together, have a joint bank
account or will their property to each other without being
challenged by their families. ... Today in 2008, Queer
Pride goes national as a sign that the time for national
change has come."

38 Useless Fact: Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
 Terrence Higgins
Trust Launches
'Gay Britain' website and leaflets for migrant gay men
On 8 September, Terrence
Higgins Trust (THT) is launching
'Gay Britain', a programme of
work to help migrant gay and
bisexual men who have moved
to England and Wales stay safe
and well, while getting the most
out of living here.
A new website
www.chapsonline.org.uk/gaybrit
ain and a set of leaflets in six
languages have been produced
that include information on HIV
and sexual health, as well as a
guide to staying safe on the
'scene', information on how to
access healthcare and benefits,
information on immigration
issues and where to learn
English.
Evidence suggests that migrant
gay men are at risk of HIV and
other sexually transmitted
infections (STIs) not simply
because of a lack of awareness
and knowledge, but because of
other social and economic
factors relating to their
migration. According to
research conducted by Sigma
Research this is particularly
true for those with lower
educational qualifications and
little knowledge of English.[1]
Marc Thompson, Deputy Head
of Health Promotion at THT
said "Some gay men come to
the UK to escape homophobia
and abuse and to live a more
liberated life. But when they get
here they find things are more
difficult than they expected.
Problems with the language,
finding work and affordable
accommodation, as well as
new-found sexual liberation
and the highly sexualised
nature of the gay scene can
leave men vulnerable to picking
up or passing on HIV and other
STIs. The website and leaflets
aim to give men who are new
to the UK the information and
contacts they need to stay safe
and adjust to life in Gay
Britain."
The pocket sized leaflets have
been produced in English,
French, Italian, Polish,
Portuguese and Spanish. They
can be downloaded from the
Gay Britain website or ordered
by emailing Andie Dyer at THT
on andie.dyer@tht.org.uk
As well as the information for
gay men, THT has produced a
'Scene but unseen' resource
pack. This pack is aimed at
people working with gay men
or in the sexual health sector
who may have migrant clients
or service users.
'Gay Britain' is a CHAPS
campaign, funded by the
Department of Health. CHAPS
is a partnership of community-
based organisations, co-
ordinated by THT, which carry
out HIV health promotion work
with gay men in England and
Wales.

Terrence H ig gin s Tru st lau n c h e s

cam paig n targ e ti n g h o m op h o b ia
able to build bridges between gay children and other family

in families members who are struggling to accept the situation.

Marc Thompson, Deputy Head of Health Promotion at Terrence

Terrence Higgins Trust has launched a
campaign today against homophobia within
families. The 'Family Matters' campaign is
targeted primarily at mothers and aims to
highlight how homophobia can harm the
Higgins Trust said "Having a son or daughter come out as gay
can be shocking or worrying, but there is support out there.
By helping families cope, talk and avoid friction we hope to
reduce the physical and mental damage that can be caused
by estrangement. Keeping the family together is what
matters."

Chat, meet and play at

whole family.
When a child is excluded from the family or exposed to anti-gay
hostility they are more likely to experience depression, self harm
or attempt suicide. Education can suffer and there is potential for
loss of contact between the child and the family. Homophobia
can also lead to low self esteem, a factor that can influence
sexual risk taking and the likelihood of acquiring HIV.
The new campaign includes advertising in women's magazines
and a website www.tht.org.uk/familymatters as well as
confidential support via THT Direct on 0845 12 21 200.
Terrence Higgins Trust is working with FFLAG (Friends and
Family of Lesbians and Gays) on the campaign. FFLAG is
dedicated to supporting parents and their gay, lesbian or
bisexual sons and daughters. It can also put parents in touch
with local parent support groups.

The campaign specifically targets mothers as they frequently act The Family Matters campaign is funded by the Department of
as a catalyst for change within a family. Mothers might also be Health as part of the CHAPS programme.

40 Useless Fact: In a lifetime, an average human produces 10,000 gallons of saliva.

 GET THE
PARTY STARTED
WIT H
.net

FITLADS PARTIES
Meet wild and outrageous Fitlads
members in the flesh at Fitlads
Parties around the country.

Mingle and sweet-talk the hot bods in one of our venues in Manchester, Blackpool and Club X in
Cardiff where lads from around the country converge to for a night of throbbing music and

Chat, meet and play at

exhilarating atmosphere. Entrance before 12am is free to premium members.
Next party dates:
Essential, Manchester - 3rd october, free before midnight with voucher
Please check Fitlads for latest dates. Don't miss out!

42 Useless Fact: Approximately one out of four injuries by athletes involve the wrist and hand. Useless Fact: xxxxxxxxxx XX
 Muscle size does
matter. How big your
muscle is as important as to
how much (or little) you
should train it. Vanity aside,
be honest in gauging just
how muscly you really are.
If you're skinny and rippled,
you are not muscly, but just
defined. If you bulge out
and look massive, with a fat
index off the chart, you are
not muscly, but just a fat
porker. Flex. Dig through the
flab and touch the hard
muscle beneath. That will
tell you just how big your
muscle really is. And like
me a few years ago, you'll
be shocked just how little
bulk there really is.
Muscle Fibres. There are
two type of muscle fibres in
your body. Slow-twitcher,
and fast-twichers. The slow-
twitcers are none-explosive
and take time to warm up.
They are long in fibre and
used for long-haul stress.
Marathon runners are
riddled with slow-twitch
FITLADS
fibres. These fibres don't
bulk easily, which is why
marathon runners don't
have pillar-sized legs.
FITNESS
Fast-twitchers on the other
hand are shorter and
explosive. They're the
powerhouse of brute force.
Well, well, well. They explode fast, but also
You've come back for another grueling
die out early. And this here
punishment from Sergeant MuscleFarm. is a big clue as to why
Good. If you've followed the Top Ten reps/sets and muscle size
Tips from Fitlad's Issue 1 on How To are important in to how you
train. Being short and
Burn Fat, then at this point, you should
explosive, fast-twitcher are
have left your flabby arse on the floor prone to bulk, as found on
and be razor cut. powerlifters and
bodybuilders.
What follows is a bit technical but easily mastered. This is an
Enough theory. Now
all natural, steroid-free, approach to packing on extra muscle the nuts and bolts.
that'll make you look like a bursting sack of spuds in a t-shirt.
Here's what it really boils
Though every lad out there has a different body type, there
down to: when bulking up,
are some basic muscle growing principals that apply to
reps and sets have to be
muscle heads to great results. If you're serious about the
tayloured specifically to how
bulge, pay attention and read on...
big or little your muscle is.
Let's get a basic understanding of what makes a muscle The rule of thump is the
grow. Muscle grows because of stress. Think of a muscle as bigger the muscle the more
a water balloon. Every time you pump water into it, it sets it needs, (within a set
expands a little further each time. It's no different with parametre which I'll explain
muscle. You pump it with blood, the fibre walls stretch and in a moment).
over time – grow. This is why it's called pumping iron.
44 Useless Fact: Mass murderer Charles Manson recorded an album entitled "Lie."
What are big muscles?
Legs, chest, and back. The
small muscles are biceps
and triceps. Calves,
forearms and abs have a
special category, since
these are used all the time
for running away from the
'ol Bill, wanking, bending
and breathing. They are
harder to blast and grow.
As you now know, fast-
twitch muscles explode
quickly, but generally have
no endurance, and
therefore burn out sooner.
You can activate them
through a manageable but
heavy weight, in a fast and
explosive manner. Here is a
breakdown of how many
sets/reps that you actually
need to blast a muscle
properly without
overtraining it.
For large muscles; chest,
legs, and back, no more
then 5-6 sets of 10-12 reps
will do the job nicely. For
smaller muscles, 4 sets of
10-12 reps will kill the
muscle right and proper.
Abs, calves and forearms
need no more than 3-4 sets
of 15-20 reps! And that's it.
The only way to really
boost your ab size is to
burn fat. Abs take a long
time and lots of dedicated
work to bulge into olympic
size cobble stones. We are
talking years here.
However, a good fuck
session does wonders for
the lower abs too.
The next important factor is
weight. The correct weight
for a particular muscle
group is a tough first set in
which you can reach 10
reps. The last set should be
hard and done to failure at
a 7-9 range. That's when
you know you have the
right weight for the right
muscle. If you manage to
do all sets at all reps, then
add 5% of your overall
weight to your next session.
Speed of execution is
crucial in how your muscle
responds to training.
Explode the weight away
from you (don't jerk, but push
out in a controlled but
aggressive fashion) and drop
the weight back down, then
explode, drop, explode. Don't
do a 1 count pushing out,
and then a 3 count on the
negative side, that just burns
your muscle out too soon.
Though there is something to
be said for 'negative' reps,
this comes later once you
have to bulk to deal with
them. Explode, drop,
explode. Try it, it works.
And one last thing about
muscles. A confused muscle
is our friend. When a muscle
is confused and under stress
(by confused I mean it hasn't
adapted to your gym routine)
then it forces itself to adapt,
and it adapts by growing to
meet the demands of a load
of weight.
Here's another rule of
thumb; never do the
same exercise twice.
If today you're doing biceps
barbell curls, next session
do hammer curls instead,
and then next, do preacher
curls. This variation will
force your muscle to grow.
Beware of overtraining,
which is easily done. It
manifests itself as fatigue,
loss of appetite, mood
swings, and idleness.
Overtraining prevents the
muscle from growing, and
sometimes even shrinks it.
Avoid overtraining by taking
a week or two off, sleep lots,
eat well and find yourself a
hobby outside the gym.
What you eat is very
important too. Eat shit
and you'll look like shit. You
need five things in your diet.
Protein. Carbohydrates.
Vitamins and minerals and
fat? What, fat!?!? Yes. I'll
come back to that in a
moment. Instead of 3 meals
a day, sparse out into 5-7
smaller meals a day. This
will keep your body
saturated with proteins -- the
building blocks of mucles.
Each portions should have
Useless Fact: Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian, and had only ONE testicle.
white meat (prots that repair
and grow your muscle)
roughly the size of the back
of your fist; accompanied
with the same size portion of
rice or potatoes (carbs for
energy), a salad (vits and
minerals) with a little olive oil
(your fat to oil your joints). If
you follow this, you'll bulk
out quickly.
Swarzenenger, the poster
child for steroid use,
believed that you could put
on a stone of lean muscle
mass a year just by training
well and eating well. My
gains have averaged out at
about 7-9 pounds a year. Eat
before and immediately after
training and then an hour
after that, then fall back on
your normal schedule.
Only do cardio on your off
days to burn off the excess
calories you're consuming,
never on your training days.
Since your muscle is mostly
made of water, drinking
water is essential to
nurturing your muscle fibres
and to helping your system
digest all that food you're
eating. Drink a pint before
and after each meal, for all
five meals!
Can't join a gym because
you're broke? No problem.
Get a backpack, drop in a
couple of weights, books, or
water bottles and this can be
used as basic weights for
biceps curls, triceps burns during your training,
extensions, squats, and you must stop immediately
push ups. You'd be amazed and walk away. Injuries are
what you can actually nefarious little bastards that
achieve with just a backpack hang around if not rested
and a door frame. Think immediately.
about the basic mechanics
In a nutshell, eat well, train
of how to blast your
well; eat lots, train lots and
muscles and think of
stick with it. Don't be that
creative ways to simulate it
guy who's always talking
that at home.
and posing in the mirror at
If you are unsure about the the gym. Go in, work hard,
proper mechanics of lifting a get out quickly. This will
weigh, check out Lee Priest, keep your motivation level
or any other muscle bound high. If nothing else -- this
freak on YouTube, and will give you a stone-hard
examine closely where they arse that'll crack wallnuts
put their hands, the speed between butt cheeks.
of execution, the angle of
flex, and the Lilliputian, ...Keep at it.
steroid-ridden pimple lump
Write in to
in their shorts. That's
hyan@davidandjoe.com to
another reason why not to
let me know how you are
do steroids -- it shrinks your
getting on.
bollocks to a stub.
Did you know that muscle
doesn't grow in the gym but
in your bed? The gym tears
down the muscle and sleep
nits the fibres back up into
increasingly bigger fibres,
using the prots, minerals
vits and you have eaten just
before going to bed. So a
good, untroubled night
sleep is where all the
muscle growth actually
happens. In the morning,
you should have a fuller,
hydrated look.
It goes without saying that if
anything pings, stings and
45
 The Ultimate Guide
To Meeting!
Well, most of us are bound to me
sooner or later, no? Be it that we
g, a soul mate, or even just som
strong interest in the same thin
out and have a drink with. Sounds
The number of people who say
phenomenal these days, but not
than getting pessimistic and thin
me, they’re not!
all had our sha re of good and bad experiences of meeting peo
We’ve
heck, even I’ve had a few bad one
had many bad ones! But it’s all
hints for making meeting someon
1 Authenticity! Make sure they’re actually who they say they
are one way or another. The last thing you want is to go and
meet someone perfect in looks from the pictures then they turn
out to be the complete opposite! This is (in my eyes) the
biggest downfall in meeting up with people, but even pictures
can be deceiving – beware! (Although, a few of you lucky ones
will land a real catch, so bear that in mind as well)
2 Get to know the person. Now, what good is meeting
someone when you know nothing about them?! (unless it’s for
a quick shag, of course…!) There’s nothing worse than going
to meet someone and not having a single thing to talk about
and not knowing what to say. You never know, you might share
a strong interest in something no matter how remote it might
be! But remember, not everyone is after a quickie, so leave
that as an afterthought – not all gays are the same y’know!
3 Where to go. Well, this depends entirely on what you
both enjoy doing! Going out to the clubs/bars in either
hometown (especially if the other hasn’t been out there
before), grabbing a coffee in Starbucks, a nice meal in Pizza
Hut, a wander around the Lake District, who knows! But it’d be
best to discuss such activities before you go out the front
door! For you summer guys, a beach would be ideal!
4 What to wear. This will depend entirely on where you go.
You’d be stupid to wear a full-blown £500 suit to play volleyball
on Weston-super-Mare beach, nor would you wear Hawaiian
shorts and sandals to go for a quiet meal at Café Rouge! Find
out what you’re doing first, then decide on something you’re
perfectly comfortable with wearing without going too over the
top! (Unless, of course, you’re going out for a neon rave, then
go nuts!)
5 What to say. Regardless where it is, be it online, in a café
or in a club, the worst thing to ever mention is the subject of
ex partners or shags. No one wants to listen to someone rant
about how crap they were. Talk about something with meaning
and intelligence throwing in a bit of wit and humour or even
some randomness. No matter how negative you may feel Chris (a.k.a. id:LesAdieux)
about getting back into the dating game, nobody wants to
meet a misery - be happy! Apart from that, go with the flow of
the conversation!
46 Useless Fact: The national sport of Japan is sumo wrestling.
e a shine to
et up with someone that we tak
id: LesAdieux
having a
find them drop dead gorgeous,
eon e to go
easy enough though? Wrong…
quite
they’ve had terrible meet-ups is
t. Rather
to worry, practice makes perfec
er, trust
king all men are as bad each oth
ple,
c) I’ve not
s and (without being too egoisti
my top 10
a big learning curve, so here are
nce.
e a good and enjoyable experie
6 How to react. The best way would be to just take it on the
chin and go with it no matter how much in shock you are
about whoever you just met. If you want rid, be polite and kind
about it. It sucks to know someone just made a runner on you
for some unknown reason! You wouldn’t want that, would you?
On the other hand, being like an excitable kid wouldn’t go
down well either…play it coooooool!
7 When it gets going. Easiest approach – go along with it all.
Stay calm, cool and collected while having fun, which is the
most important thing. Relax, you have nothing to worry about.
Planning what you do kind of takes the fun away from it all,
though obviously, if it needs it, do it!
8 If the going gets tough…Ok so it’s getting awkward, what
do you do? Try and spark up a conversation about something
meaningful rather than trying to continue with mindless
chitchat. Or find something that could be a big distraction in
order to break up the tension. Try and have a few conversation
starters up your sleeve - there's nothing worse than dead air.
9 After all the madness. Well…what next? Keep in touch with
them! Assuming you want to and it wasn’t a disaster that is.
Ask them what they thought, how they felt, if they want to do
something else again. But if it gets into pestering…well, that
isn’t a good thing! It’s always a bummer that someone you
meet doesn’t keep in touch. Don’t let that happen to you!
10 BE YOURSELF! This can’t possibly be stressed enough!
DO NOT try and be someone that you’re not, otherwise you’ll
be liked for something you’re not, and then it’ll be an act all
your life. Who can honestly say they can do that for the end of
time? If they can’t like you for who you are, then they ain’t
worth your time.
Much love guys,
and happy meeting!