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or another, ounce of energy will gradually flow in you until it accumulates pass a climax, then a sudden urge of doing silly things to know her happens. Before you know it, everything happens in a flash, and when you think back, you wondered how on earth did you manage to do or say something as retard. I am in similar hypothetical situation. I observed her since two days and for some diabolical reasons, something stuck me, whispering to me in telepathy mode that I have to know her. Must have one of Cupid's bow shot went haywire and got into me - my eyes never left her. She is petite and small, with long flawless hair. Her features were well defined - especially her eyes that captured my soul in the first wink I caught from her. She is not those drop-dead gorgeous model's style, but when she smiles and her two dimples creases into her cheeks deeply, nothing on earth is sweeter than her. Her charisma and the air that saturates around her is angelic and when I am near her, to close for comfort (it's simply stressing), she smelled like a walking conditioner. I have to know her, if I want this piece of dream to turn into reality. If it were something of my forte, it would have been as simple as snapping my fingers, but I had never approach a girl before. What do you expect from someone who studied in an all guys school since Primary One and not even a single sister at home? Female of similar age don't exist in my environment since I graduated from kindergarten, which was like years ago? Today is the last day of school, which means starting from tomorrow, two months worth of vacation began. Then, my chances of seeing her will be zero because she doesn't even stay near me; she stayed near my good friend, Jerry, private estate. Fate has enabled us to meet because two days back, because I have been going to Jerry's house and I would only see her at the bus stop. So everything needs to be done today! She is sitting in front of me and my mind is virtually blank, thinking of a good way to start a decent conversation with her. Then, the bus appeared into sight and my set my pulse racing - I am losing my time resources! The bus slowed down to a gradually stop and we both board it. I chose a seat near the back and sat down, watching her walked passed me and sat behind. A wave of uneasiness washed over me as I could even sense her gaze on my back. There was an internal war waging inside me as I am fighting against trying to walk over to introduce myself and to remain rational. Finally our stop came and we got down. She walked at a quickened pace, reckoning that I am stalking her
so late still never sleep ar?' I heard my mum's voice lurking in the background. I can't let this final chance go by! She went through the gate of the estate by now and my mind is in state of desperation. Five minutes went by and everything happened as smoothly as any successful mission. Maybe because I had never had a girlfriend before and always have this phobia of relationship not lasting behind my head. commanding me to finish the leftover food in the kitchen.' Waited for me? Sometimes girls can be such cute little thing. she sent me a message. She turned around. which means snow in Japanese ?like her unblemished skin. Watching her gradually moving towards her block is unimaginable. 'Cloud. Then she said she had to leave and with a dumb smile reciprocating her sweet ones.could get to know you and be your friend?? All the energy in me had expanded in this stuttering sentence I blurted.. But when he stressed his point. I looked back at her for one final time.. She smiled faintly and gosh. Her name is Yukiko. Did I mention knocking onto the lamppost and actually apologized to it? It was two months since I knew her and we have always talk online.. Before I could catch my breathe for walking back home from the bus stop. 'Just came back from school.was wondering if I. Jerry said that guys must be sweet talkers and romantic. Hi.behind. Words like these seemed like healing wards for the day fatigue. as if expecting all that would happen and gave me a curious look. Jerry told me to go after her. that nearly sweep me off my feet. I tried learning to be one. When I came arm length distance from her. fair and silky-like. before running and yelling at the top of my voice that I made it. you?' 'I waited for you to come online.. My face is beginning to blush red with shyness as I waited for any respond. I came home quite late and logging onto IRC and yes! She is there. but my heart doesn't want to sacrifice this stable friendship for now. she is a half Japanese who came to Singapore to study. I delivered a light tap onto her shoulder. 'Why leh? Miss me ar? HAHAHAHA!' . I was.I... we parted. If my mum knew that I ate in school already. I guess she is gonna skin me alive. Every seconds is slipping passed me and beads of sweats broke out at strategic part of my forehead. Come on Cloud you could do it! OR you are gonna lose this chance forever!? A surge of false strength filled my veins as I ran towards her. well. I am none of the above. We exchanged numbers and I learned that she is not exactly local. Our relation are like good friends now.
I have go off for now to eat supper. so long. that's a good attempt. demanded that I finish the food left for me.' 'You say wan ar.it's getting common isn't it? Relationship are breaking up every now and then.' 'Really. I am such a dickhead.' 'Come on. I am a counsellor in school and people approach me for all kind of interpersonal relation problem. it seemed that the treating trick always works. Couples not suited for each other being force to be together is a painful thing.?' Fate to me is like a legend. Maybe that's why girls always tell one another about their personal problem? 'Well. Maybe people involved will find it longer than it seemed to be. 'Cloud! You are finally here!' . 'If they were meant to be together well. rant about it. but when it comes to relation. whereas they would share their pain and sorrow or cry with them.I know the laughter was just to cover my embarrassment. Just when I am stuck with her questions. you could say that?' 'Then are we fated to know each other.? What happen?' 'My good friend just broke up with her boyfriend today. Cloud. .' 'I seen them come together and they have been together for 3 months plus. thank God about it. answer you another time.?' I always hated it whenever girls corner me with questions that neither YES nor NO is the right answer. everyone talks about it. Hey. Maybe that's why I have another point of view? But when it comes to myself. gif me a smile ok? I treat you movie next time.' Three months and you called that long? It's not even longer than a semester. they will be together right? Sometimes not being together is a good thing. I have never gotten myself a girlfriend.' Somehow girls are very affected over things happening to their friends in matters of love. it means that I can make use of this excuse to catch a movie with her! I am such a fast learner 'Ok! bye bye!' The next thing I see is the 'DISCONNECT' word on my computer.' 'Fate. so I know nuts about it. 'Cloud. 'Hey. I am moody today. Grinning from ear to ear. but hey. Err. Guys would normally tell them to move on with their life and stuff. I skip my way to the kitchen. I see you tomorrow ok?' Well. my mum with her pissed off face come knocking at my door.
I will try my best to be with her. What about you Cloud?' Me? How come the topic is about me now? I always avoid questions whenever it comes to me in revealing my inner self. even though are emotional creatures. after a period of time. my good friend tried to patch back with her bf today. Without it. if I am her. People have to get to know and go through more relation before they could realise that who is the right one for them what. they loved love. It is like exposing yourself to danger through speaking. this would be the catalysis to explode my innermost views again.Tian ya he chu wu fang cao. Why cry wasted tears over a relation that was never meant to be yours in the first place? Human. whatever relation will be bland. Really?. I don't even have a gf. grow together. but he ignore her. doing stuff together and most importantly. People.looked at the clock and it says 10 pm. it won't lar. I watch TOO much TV.' Don't know what to do? Make yourself happy instead of lingering in this sorrowful event? Sometimes I really wonder if woman are that dumb? Or is it love that is making woman a vulnerable creature? And what makes you think THAT it is love? Woman.' Well. 'Yah I told her to move on with her life. Be it emotionally. I am not late. Ok I admit. but she loved him so much and she couldn't believe that he like someone else. They are afraid to be alone . guys of these days are not looking for serious relation.they WANT someone to walk by them. 'Cloud. 'I don't want to get a gf for the SAKE of getting one.' 'y? something is wrong?' Ok baby. No.' All woman loves romance. It is like salt and sugar in cooking.I like it! Until maybe when the special one comes along. whom you least expected it. everything will just be a memory of what had taken place. love their lovers. I will also dunno what the do. its meaningless don't you think? Relation nowadays are going nowhere because people just want to be in a relation. so poor thing.' .' A Chinese proverb came into my mind . then that guy said that he likes another girl.' 'Why? Go get one?' . rather I am pretty early using IRC entering our usual chat room. in their first love. in others. 'Me? What about me?' 'What if something like that happens to you?' 'Er. sexually or physically. 'She cried you know. I don't mind being alone . betray the trust you given to them and you will have to go through this series of utter disappointment and sadness.
I love the way she is. he retaliate and bites back. no I am not cute. I have eventually emerge the winner as I continue to chat with her for the next two hours.' I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business.There was an unaccustomed silence after I type that paragraph. When you praise a girl pretty.' She is such a poor liar. naturally cute and THIS is the reasons that stop me from jioing her . signalling to my victory of words.1. My fingers speed through the keyboard and finally stop at the last word. . such is mentality of a woman. I don't want you to see me go.' 'Aww. its getting late. Cloud you log off first. during these periods of knowing her. HAHAHAHA!' Why is it that I must laugh every time I attempt a MUSHY statement? A lousy cover for my embarrassment. untainted and pure.I can't take advantage of her innocence right? 'Cloud. 'You make me blushed. but we talk everything else.ok I count to 3 and leave. I want to stay single. She is too cute to stay single. 'I girl mah. She showed me the real innocence of a young lady. Oh @$$@! Have I just ruined my good impression? I discern its time to celebrate with Jerry about my first failure. you say the other time you wanna treat me movie right?' Ok.gone!' . they would tell you they look ugly. '3. ok!' My mind was cheering and screaming in rejoice. how could cute girls like her possibly stay single? Guys will try all sorts of ways to get her and she would finally succumb to one. 'Cloud. until the special one comes along too.Oh yeah. When you say that they look like toilet. to guide her along. its almost 12 and my Cinderella has to leave. I had never asked about the background of her family or sort.she is VERY naïve and this creates an impulse for me to protect her. that why will also be like that. saying you look worst. Somehow.' I have to leave too. I have to go already.2. ' From a close defeated battle.' Hooray!! I could see my happiness on the computer screen. I loved to chat with her as she is way so different from all the other girls . You are right Cloud.'Oh wait. All hail cupid for the golden opportunity! Ok. my hypnotic statement has hinted her! YEAH! Lets watch movie together tomorrow ok?' Er.
she looked so cute. especially when she smiled that I have this burning urge to pinch her cheek. totally excited about tomorrow's event.' 'So what movie are we watching?. but hey.Plaza Singapura.' 'It's ok. I bought another ice-blended mocha for her as she said she wanted the same. I looked up and saw her smiling and making her way towards me. At least she won't be crying while watching a sad movie and I had to cheer her up later. I guess it was just something to start conversation. more female. Nevertheless. Hiak! . I commented on how gorgeous she looked today. Her Japanese accent with little tint of singlish that comes along with it. We chatted for a while . White spaghetti straps top with jean skirts. She is simply stunning and like a critical hit. 'Sorry I am late. I really meant what I said.' 'Nah. Gradually. its Ok. It makes them looked. I sense her presence . more.Jerry told me to soften her up with the conversation as she will most likely be as tense as I am. not the show. I am pro huh? HAHAHA! Smiling at my flippant words. although horror show seemed like a whole lot better option to me.40 pm and I was at Starbucks (20 minutes before appointment point) . anyway what matter most is who I am watching with. erm. I can never forget. I was daydreaming about today's soccer match I played and started pondering over life issues and soccer. was weird but comprehendible.I couldn't get to sleep on that day. she gain comfort from my company and from chatting. Going out with a girl? I had never been out with one before! Praying at my bedside sincerely that nothing will crewed up on that day. She looked really shy and reply with a soft thanks. What load of crap! As I was trying to entertain myself to relieve some amount of tension in me. you never know when you gonna get hit by the ball in your face. It is not polite to be late for a date for the first time anyway. the location we suppose to meet. Hey. Actually at times (lucky thing it wasn't frequent).the smell. we will check it out later. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------It was 8. Slipping my favourite ice blended mocha. After finishing our drinks. after we decide and made purchase for Shallow Hal. we made our way to the Cinema. I did not understand what she was saying. Woah.' She blushed and I nearly died saying that sentence. I simply love girls wearing skirts. I was stoned watching her coming. Life is like soccer. I waited. it grew some laughter in it. I am just early myself. It was comedy show and Jerry said that comedies is good way to remember a first date.
If I say no I am lying to myself. while she giggled uncontrollably. that is the real world. the ultimate shallow guy. That's why I don't like good-looking guys. the lead actress came into the picture and he fell in love with her.' 'Why must guys like pretty girls?' I was momentarily taken aback by a sudden question. I think I am not gonna wash my hair today. do you think there are people like that?' Sure. don't bother about him. I asked myself and the answer that came up doesn't seemed too good. without realizing that she is not what he thinks she looked like. you!' My system was undergoing this contained stress and it is making me go nuts every time she throws questions like these to stumble me.I am decent looking. We boarded the bus. which was my first fear. 'Because human like to see pretty things? I mean you would like to see good looking guys too right?' 'But good-looking guys don't give me security. 'Well. She blushed and tapped my head lightly. just like me laughing whenever I made mushy remarks. . Rosemary. 'What about you Cloud? Do you like pretty girls too?' THIS KIND of question AGAIN? If I said yes. The story is a mixture of hearts.' I know that sentence was just to cover her embarrassment. We choose a seat at the far back and sat down 'This driver is always very chatty. get to know her liao. I am not good looking . not bad ar.' She shaped a smile from her lips. We walked out of the Cinema and out of Plaza Singapura. Even though she never really answered my question. at the very least she understand the story. the same bus 171 where we always take . cute girls like. of course.We recognized the bus driver. 'Don't be silly. but I love her reply. laughs and emotions and at the end of the show.'Cloud.The movie is talking about Hal Larsen. I always seen him talking to other passengers. the second closest to handsome. while I tried to reassure her that the world was still spinning and it was only a show.last time you both dunno each other wan right?' It was the bus driver and I nodded in faintly agreement with him and smiled my way through. Gawd! I need the best of both world answer. I think I prefer. I could see watery tears rimming around Yukiko's eyes. What the hell? Well.' My heart screamed another point of victory. I decided to sent her home by bus as I think this is the very least what a guy should do. I will appear **** shallow. 'Me?' I was trying to buy time as she nodded her head almost immediately. 'Boy ar. He judged woman by appearance and in the end he got hypnotize by this guy who made him sees woman by their character instead of physical beauty. Oh man.
' I looked at her origami made from bus tickets and wondered whether I should do something similar.' 'That all?.. We are like one in-separate-able pair of best friend. One for you. Jerry. Noooooooo.' Oh ! . Her parents are overseas working. every date has to part eventually right? I watched her fade into her estate and until I caught zero glimpse of her. I am score an F9 for it. said that I am wasting too much time on a single girl. Maybe this is what true love is.' I nodded and finally relented. Well. Am I in heaven? I have nothing to give you. not again? 'What do you think of me?. she consulted me and I will be there to give my expertise advice. but when is the right time? 'Cloud. I should have just pop the question and leave the thinking to her. she told me she couldn't go out very often as her guardian is very strict . shield and depend. one for me. We got down and I insisted in sending her all the way till her block.' Oh no. For the next few months. peer evaluating time! Even though I speak easily to myself. Whatever problems she has. I have to say something that she wants to hear or forever I will be condemn in her eyes.' What do you mean that's all? Oh dear. we chatted everyday and each time I felt that I am slipping into this pit of angelic darkness called love. But the urge to reveal my feeling hasn't reached to such stage for desperation yet. I appreciate her effort though .. 'Cute? And you are a very good friend of mine. she took the bus tickets I was holding.I thanked her.Suddenly. I decide to avoid the question using my avoidance tactics. after all life is too short to spend on one person. I am in LOVE with TODAY. leaving her all alone. which contribute reasons for her character.finally she is talking more about herself. when it comes to expressing to HER. . Look away first!' I did as I was told and after five minutes she hold my waist and put her fist onto my hands. so I made this two heart myself. It's not good if I am being seen by my neighbours with a guy so late at night you know.someone to guide. I have something to ask you. someone to be there regardless of whether you two are together . the woman's men. Finally her stop arrived and she had to align. I know she longs for my company like I longs for hers. Maybe next time I would. It's ok.
where we could look out towards the roadside. I am beginning to learn the trades of using words. As I was busy throwing impossible scenarios into the pictures to cease my tension. we meet at Mac at Parklane ok?' '/me nodded her head. 'Sure! What about your guardian? She allows you to go out?' 'Yes. but in this short span of time. 'Waited long?' 'Only about 5 minutes. As I looked up.' My first lie I made to her. borrow from me and then disappear into thin air. remember don't be so early ok?. with me.' Phew. hiak. .' I smiled at her consideration for me. Maybe she needed a large sum of money. lucky thing I manage to come out with this marvellous sentence. Must be the effect of those skin whitening Japanese beauty product. the effect of TOO much TV. I didn't know how to reply her smile and decide to leave it until she reply me with something else. can we meet for dinner tomorrow?' Another date! Yeah I screamed literally at my computer scream as she is able to go out once more.' 'Ok. We went into Mac and sat near the window seats. I noticed her face is getting fairer and whiter to the extend of being pale. her nick has quit IRC. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------I arrived early as usual. again. But regardless of what is it. Reckoning about her sudden wanting to meet me suggested motives. But it was for good cause. I want to let you know that treasure you a lot. this time about 15 minutes earlier. Five minutes went by and I am starting ponder whether I should reply anything. Before I could reply with anything. she stood in front of me. I can't express it out. I feel bad if you have to wait for me. but nevertheless her sparkling eyes never loses its glow.' Ok I have to go offline now.'There is a lot of things in my heart that I feel about you. waiting for her outside Macdonald patently. that's what TV drama always show. It seemed that after the episode of knowing her. Guess that I have to wait for tomorrow to see her again. she allow me to go out tomorrow. 'Cloud.
But then again. silly.be it stupid.' She giggled out of a sudden and I wondered what she meant. Why must woman always bring up the topic of fate everytime when it comes to relation of any kind? I nodded my head a little. we got out and walked close to the shores where the waves roar in protest from the raging winds.'What do you want. why are you so good to me?. I tried to cheer her up a little as the topic she started were on the emotional side. I am NOT surprised. We spoke nothing. I spoke some joke and she giggled a little as we continue to our meals. I noticed that she was looking at me with such mesmerizing effect that I nearly unbalanced myself 'Cloud. Reached in while moment. We finished our meals and were playing with our straws like little kids. but all my mind was telling me was to make her happy . considering her lovable nature and attractiveness. and must be fated that will know each other right?' Fate again.simple and sincere. I don't know what was the problem may be. only ******* guys would do that and being a good guy. 2 packets of large fries. I told myself never would I forget such day. just revelling in nature's enjoyment. The sky is densely clouded and the breezes is strong. but just nice enough for comfort. 2 large coke and two boxes of 6-pieces nugget was on the tray as I carried them. As we had our little 'fighting'. Sometimes I feel that she is the only person in the world that appreciate what I am doing . The first intimate bodily contact I had with a girl back to back. I looked into her eyes and her eyes seemed to tell me that she may have gone through a lot of in during these period. cute. 'Can we go somewhere where I could see the sea?' We took a taxi down to Marina Bay.' What? There are other idiots doing the same thing too? Oh well. dumb or whatever!. till now. I must have seen like a pervert or something to you right?. I should give in. 'You are my best friend and appreciated it. Less than an instant. I buy for you.' 'Oh really?. I eat anything.' Good? What you mean good? You mean you want me to trick you to bed and after that meet about for sessions like this? Thinking back.' You eat anything. . What you mean?' 'Before those day when you wanted to know me.' I went to buy for her and decide upon Mac Nuggets Meal as she is a small eater. Somehow. We sat down side by side and watched the waves continual sweeping up the shores. Suddenly she position and lean herself on my back with her head facing up. It is not much. She seemed a little solemn today and I reckoned that if there is anything I could give in to her. but she always responded. just like two hearts melted in one. I realize that you are different from other guys that wanted to know me. I shall uphold my reputation. looking at the nightly sky. I was actually getting a little irritated when you stalked me.
would you remember me?. Don't tell me all the fantasy I am having is coming to an end? If this was a dream. 'Why? I will never forget you. . I pray that I will never wake up from it. I can't demand her not to leave. your parents are over there and they worried for you. in my mind.' 'Yes of course! I will!.' We both got up and walked hastily towards the road in trying to catch a cab. I nodded my head to her question and her gaze move onto the rough sea. My hands formed a tiny. Well. Girls of her age needs their parents to be with them more than friends. its ok.The sky is beautiful right?.' The atmosphere is getting intense and to make matter worst. and looked into me. 'Cloud. It is **** dumb and I don't understand why am I doing such acts .' Even though I am fighting inside. As if a soldier going for war. We studied each other gaze for a moment and after what seemed like eternity. Then she stopped leaning on me. in the present moment.I have decide not to avoid it. all I thought of is to shield her from the chilling rain as I didn't want her to fall sick. it appeared as if it's going to rain soon. but it seemed that maybe she wants to bring out something to tell me and I suspect it is nothing good. but at least I could still talk to her online. Can we still contact through IRC?' I was hoping for a small miracle. Even though I just had a shock from what she had just told me. an internal implosion occurred within me.. Then.' Like a prick on bubbles. the merciless weather started pouring heavily. little barrier and covers her head. I. 'Will you come and visit me if I ask you to?. it's going to rain. rolling her vision between the sea and the sky before looking down. but halfway through.' I looked at the sky and to me. I could see a layer of wetness in her eyes. 'I don't think I have computer or internet connection at my house.' Actually I was wondering why she sobbed. its nothing much. have to go back Japan. my gaze never left hers . she isn't my girlfriend or something.it won't block the rain from drenching her. I had to put on a brave front.. is there something wrong?' She kept quiet. 'I understand. the I could feel a drop of water falling on my skin. we could chat on the phone whenever we can and I think we better leave now.
2. If she told me earlier. 'When are you leaving then. It remains on my face emotionlessly and dead. I feel that I already had my last glance when I spoke my last words to her.waiting for THAT day. again. come. I never turn back to even have my last glance.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------Boy ar.' I actually managed to smile and kept this mask of mine. we should just keep this the last meeting then. for some reasons. I saw a coming taxi driving and I flagged it. I told the uncle to wait for a while and got out of the cab with her. she was in my embrace and I was stroking her soaked hair.?' 'Tomorrow. perhaps it's better if we keep it this way. My index finger teased her dimples a little as she felt tickled and ruffled her head in between my arms and chest All good things must come to an end . drink this.' Tomorrow? Did I just hear wrongly? What's the rush? Sometimes.Then.the cab reached her place and lucky thing. there is this robust urge of seeing her every second. Her eyes were kept closed and my fingers travelled to her cheeks. As I . It's terrible! Would you see me off?. I told the uncle to reduce the air-con to the lowest and put my arms around her shoulder. but I can't bear to. I think. Gradually. By the count of three. I am suppose to tell you earlier. the scene would be unimaginable. After the scene at her estate and we promise not to look back at each other. reality is extremely cruel .' In my heart. 'You are so silly Cloud. Working through last year papers has driven me to the pinnacle of madness. Pinching lightly to fulfil my long awaited-desire. My mind and soul won't be able to endure the parting scene. Well. bringing me the usual examination brain tonic . my feelings would be just like dying patients with the last stage of cancer . I gulped down the entire bottle and sat by my study table in my room. It has been a few months since I last saw or heard from her.' She is right. there was shelter to her house.' The next thing I knew.heaven makes sport of men. this brave front indestructible. like an awaken baby in the morning.1. but if I were to see her off. rubbing her arms to gain some heat. I looked out of my room's window and thought of Yukiko.Chicken Essence. '3. we both just walk off to our destination and never look back ok? She nodded and I could see her tears closed to spilling out. we were in the cab pretty drenched. she opened her eyes.' It was close to my June examination and my mum knocked and came into my room.
I don't know why she never contacts me since then. Then I scolded her. I controlled myself emotionally and force my tears back to its origin. I don't mind the duration of her calls . I went back to my books and paper and continue began working on it. 'Sorry. 'How.' I smart what! Hey! I never hear from you SO LONG!' I emphasised on the words 'So long' as if I had never heard anything from her for few decades. I rubbed my eyes a little and stretched. dinner. I went online that day and see if she was there using another nick. you shall treat me movie the next time I see you. 'Miss me?. the beach. telling myself not to ponder over past issues as it may affect my exam performance. Boy ar! Your phone!' My phone? At such hours of the night? 'Hello?. For a guy's image.' Actually. but somehow I had this feeling that it was her. how you know it was me?. maybe she is busy adapting to her new life. but no she wasn't. The first thing I did was to told her to hang on for a moment and screamed at the top of my voice. My happiness could not contain inside me and I need to release it. the cuddle and every other tiny little details. the movie. I can't allow such feelings to overpower me. but I know she has her reasons.depart. for not contacting me and making me so worried for her. hoping that a miracle could happen. Yukiko?? Is that you?' I was praying and gripping the phone hard. literally. Is this piece of dreamland meant to be only a dream? Tomorrow is the beginning of my exam. or maybe she has forgotten me? No can't be! How can that be? How can the scenarios that have been taken place be so easily forgotten? The day I knew her. the unexpected rain. in gentle tone. our chats. straws fighting.' . Maybe she lost my number over there.' There was no respond. but I finally succumb to my inner self and wanted to make sure I won't think back and regret on the fact that I never check whether she was online that day.I just wanted to hear her voice so badly.' 'For making me worried and missing you so badly. I can't use the phone here for very long too. I know it already passed midnight.
For the sake of going over. Before I put down. a letter for you. although my mind wandered on the thought of seeing her again.?' 'Yes? You want me to go over? Ok sure. HAHAHA! We spoke on the phone and talked like old friends and the pressing examination stress seemed to have vanished. Curiously. tell me your address. remember that day when I ask you if you would visit me in Japan and you said you would. Regardless.Yeah. Then. Yeah I will see her soon! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------'Boy ar. Cloud. determined to do well so that I could psycho my mum to pay for my trip. I examined the envelope and it wrote ' To Cloud' on the front. I don't want you to see me hang up on you. like all other days.' Take lots of care ok? I can't wait to see you soon!' You put down first Cloud.' Next sat?. In preparation for the coming trip to Japan. . but I love the surprises Cupid has in store for me. I thank you God for giving me this chance!! HOORAY! *Days passed* Finally I am close to finishing my examination . she would pay for my tickets. everything is worth it.' I jolted down her contacts in Japan and kiss it. in amidst of studying. Dear Cloud. doing my revision. I got to go already. tell me your address?. Hehz. can't talk anymore. is there anything you want to tell me?. From morning till night. I was hoping in my heart that time will freeze so that we could chat till the end of time. I was home. 'Cloud. I tear opened and a letter fell out. examination?. that is when?' Maybe 28 May or slightly later. My mum says that if I do finish this examination. I will go over right after my examination next sat.' Huh? A letter for me? I had never receive a letter addressed to me before. I hurried my revision.' With that a heavy heart our conversation ended as I put the phone down.today is the last paper.I used the same trick again. even though little setbacks filled along the way. I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE! I want to see her so badly and life has been good to me. my mum calls for me and I guess it must be regarding the trip over. provided I give her my words that my results will be good when it is out. I have been studying non-stop.
I giggled to myself every night after we chatted online and I began to ask myself if I fell in love with you. but someone has to be the stronger one to console and reassure right? The reasons why I have to go back to Japan is because I am suffering from a rare case of a blood cancer that may claim my life very soon if it is not treated. But do not despair. I love you. that's why I ask you if you would come to visit me if I ask you to. and I told you I will also wait for mine. very much. The success rate of this operation is only 30% and anything could happen. because I feared that I may not have the chance to see you again this lifetime. I wrote this letter on the night when we parted and promise not to look back. it would be you asking me whether if I like good-looking guys. but I am determine to finish what I had to say. in vain. leaving my suffering and of course. I don't like them because I like guys like YOU unique and extraordinary. If there is one thing final question I want you to ask me. or I am already in heaven watching over you. I did looked back. I guess I did. Actually I broke the promise. just like Rosemary in the movie we watched together. No. I am feeling a little tired writing this letter. Perhaps it is just one sided. you are the best a guy could be. I hope that the cab could drive slower because I may not get the chance to cuddle in you again. . but to me. leaving this world. if there is one person I wouldn't want to see crying . if you receive this letter through mail send by my guardian. I know you are putting on a brave front because as a woman I could cry and I know you would be there to console me. By then you would know the truth and I could see you for the last time. Cloud. So I want to tell you that I appreciate your company. You may find a girlfriend by then. your advices. But then again.it would have been you. My operation begins on 24 May and I will call you maybe a week plus before to fulfil the promise you said you would come over and visit me in Japan. During the time when I was cuddling in you. My parents wants me to go back to take a major operation there because if this operation were to fail. although you never express yourself to me. at least. I knew that you are the one. I apologise for not telling you everything about myself. everything you did or said. it means that I am already gone. not the way you looked. shielding you like what you did. This distinct character could only be found in you and I want you to kept it that way for I like the way you are. In this world. but no wrong liking you what right? You told me you rather wait for the special one. I would disappear from the surface of the world and they wants to be with me during this period. to protect me from the rain today. leaving my physical body. as I will always be around you.Before I began. You said you are not romantic at all.
At the very least. Since that day. totally defeated. Decisions. weeping silently to myself for the tears I owe her and for the lack of courage to express my feeling. like a drama. I knew something is happening to me. made me sink deeper into this whirlpool of depression. I was at the verge of mental breakdown.although this could never happen and thinking of it. I recalled that she still owe me a movie treat . I was rooted to the ground. I never spoke much because I was hurt. it arrived. I sat at the bus stop where I first saw her and every scene replay itself in my mind. I should not have delay the trip over.' I smiled at him and pointed to my heart. 'Nope! She is with me. my results were good. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As expected.' . her final days.27 May. totally confused and helpless. I should not. I could let her know HOW MUCH she meant to me and how much I loved her.Yukiko Tears I have been fighting back. at this time broke from my resistance barrier and roll down my cheek as I saw the date today . I waited for the bus and soon. I was crying. most of the times. Why DIDN'T I LEFT Singapore to Japan? I should have hack care about my examination to be with her. like a baby in crossfire. why your girlfriend not with you ar?. disappointed and regretted beyond words. I took it and realise that it was the same bus driver again. have cruel consequences regardless of which options I chose. Clutching tightly onto the heart origami that she made. I clutched my head tightly as trains of disillusioned thoughts sinks into my mind. 'Eh boy ar. all the time. She was waiting for me to pop the question! And I never did! I should have fuc-king listen to Jerry. lying at the mercy of my ill-fated destiny.
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