The first time for a guy to approach woman during his life, be it a senseless dare or pure admiration, somehow

or another, ounce of energy will gradually flow in you until it accumulates pass a climax, then a sudden urge of doing silly things to know her happens. Before you know it, everything happens in a flash, and when you think back, you wondered how on earth did you manage to do or say something as retard. I am in similar hypothetical situation. I observed her since two days and for some diabolical reasons, something stuck me, whispering to me in telepathy mode that I have to know her. Must have one of Cupid's bow shot went haywire and got into me - my eyes never left her. She is petite and small, with long flawless hair. Her features were well defined - especially her eyes that captured my soul in the first wink I caught from her. She is not those drop-dead gorgeous model's style, but when she smiles and her two dimples creases into her cheeks deeply, nothing on earth is sweeter than her. Her charisma and the air that saturates around her is angelic and when I am near her, to close for comfort (it's simply stressing), she smelled like a walking conditioner. I have to know her, if I want this piece of dream to turn into reality. If it were something of my forte, it would have been as simple as snapping my fingers, but I had never approach a girl before. What do you expect from someone who studied in an all guys school since Primary One and not even a single sister at home? Female of similar age don't exist in my environment since I graduated from kindergarten, which was like years ago? Today is the last day of school, which means starting from tomorrow, two months worth of vacation began. Then, my chances of seeing her will be zero because she doesn't even stay near me; she stayed near my good friend, Jerry, private estate. Fate has enabled us to meet because two days back, because I have been going to Jerry's house and I would only see her at the bus stop. So everything needs to be done today! She is sitting in front of me and my mind is virtually blank, thinking of a good way to start a decent conversation with her. Then, the bus appeared into sight and my set my pulse racing - I am losing my time resources! The bus slowed down to a gradually stop and we both board it. I chose a seat near the back and sat down, watching her walked passed me and sat behind. A wave of uneasiness washed over me as I could even sense her gaze on my back. There was an internal war waging inside me as I am fighting against trying to walk over to introduce myself and to remain rational. Finally our stop came and we got down. She walked at a quickened pace, reckoning that I am stalking her

Our relation are like good friends now.could get to know you and be your friend?? All the energy in me had expanded in this stuttering sentence I blurted. I was. we parted. But when he stressed his point. as if expecting all that would happen and gave me a curious look. Five minutes went by and everything happened as smoothly as any successful mission. She turned around. so late still never sleep ar?' I heard my mum's voice lurking in the background. I looked back at her for one final time. Jerry said that guys must be sweet talkers and romantic.. I guess she is gonna skin me alive.. Then she said she had to leave and with a dumb smile reciprocating her sweet ones. commanding me to finish the leftover food in the kitchen.. she sent me a message.was wondering if I. before running and yelling at the top of my voice that I made it. 'Just came back from school.. I delivered a light tap onto her shoulder. She smiled faintly and gosh. Hi. My face is beginning to blush red with shyness as I waited for any respond. When I came arm length distance from her. Her name is Yukiko. Words like these seemed like healing wards for the day fatigue. which means snow in Japanese ?like her unblemished skin. Before I could catch my breathe for walking back home from the bus stop.behind. fair and silky-like. you?' 'I waited for you to come online. If my mum knew that I ate in school already. I came home quite late and logging onto IRC and yes! She is there. I tried learning to be one. Did I mention knocking onto the lamppost and actually apologized to it? It was two months since I knew her and we have always talk online. that nearly sweep me off my feet. Every seconds is slipping passed me and beads of sweats broke out at strategic part of my forehead. I am none of the above. she is a half Japanese who came to Singapore to study. Watching her gradually moving towards her block is unimaginable.' Waited for me? Sometimes girls can be such cute little thing. 'Why leh? Miss me ar? HAHAHAHA!' . Come on Cloud you could do it! OR you are gonna lose this chance forever!? A surge of false strength filled my veins as I ran towards her. We exchanged numbers and I learned that she is not exactly local. Jerry told me to go after her. I can't let this final chance go by! She went through the gate of the estate by now and my mind is in state of desperation. Maybe because I had never had a girlfriend before and always have this phobia of relationship not lasting behind my head.I. 'Cloud... but my heart doesn't want to sacrifice this stable friendship for now. well.

Cloud.' Three months and you called that long? It's not even longer than a semester. answer you another time. gif me a smile ok? I treat you movie next time. it means that I can make use of this excuse to catch a movie with her! I am such a fast learner 'Ok! bye bye!' The next thing I see is the 'DISCONNECT' word on my computer. demanded that I finish the food left for me.?' Fate to me is like a legend.' 'Come on. Maybe that's why girls always tell one another about their personal problem? 'Well. thank God about it. Just when I am stuck with her questions. Err. I see you tomorrow ok?' Well. Grinning from ear to ear. I am a counsellor in school and people approach me for all kind of interpersonal relation problem. I am moody today. whereas they would share their pain and sorrow or cry with them. Couples not suited for each other being force to be together is a painful thing. everyone talks about it. it seemed that the treating trick always works. Hey. Maybe people involved will find it longer than it seemed to be. that's a good attempt.I know the laughter was just to cover my embarrassment. I am such a dickhead. 'Hey. Maybe that's why I have another point of view? But when it comes to myself. but hey. I have go off for now to eat supper. but when it comes to relation. my mum with her pissed off face come knocking at my door. they will be together right? Sometimes not being together is a good thing. Guys would normally tell them to move on with their life and stuff.' 'Fate. 'Cloud! You are finally here!' . so long. .' 'I seen them come together and they have been together for 3 months plus. 'If they were meant to be together well. 'Cloud.' 'Really. I skip my way to the kitchen.?' I always hated it whenever girls corner me with questions that neither YES nor NO is the right answer.' Somehow girls are very affected over things happening to their friends in matters of love. I have never gotten myself a girlfriend. you could say that?' 'Then are we fated to know each other.? What happen?' 'My good friend just broke up with her boyfriend today. rant about's getting common isn't it? Relationship are breaking up every now and then. so I know nuts about it.' 'You say wan ar.

after a period of time. Without it. People have to get to know and go through more relation before they could realise that who is the right one for them what. 'Cloud. I will try my best to be with her. I will also dunno what the do. even though are emotional creatures. they loved love.looked at the clock and it says 10 pm.' 'y? something is wrong?' Ok baby. everything will just be a memory of what had taken place. I don't even have a gf.' All woman loves romance. 'I don't want to get a gf for the SAKE of getting one. doing stuff together and most importantly. but he ignore her. guys of these days are not looking for serious relation. They are afraid to be alone . Be it emotionally.' A Chinese proverb came into my mind .' . whatever relation will be bland. it won't lar. Ok I admit. betray the trust you given to them and you will have to go through this series of utter disappointment and sadness. sexually or physically. whom you least expected it. then that guy said that he likes another girl. I watch TOO much TV. this would be the catalysis to explode my innermost views again. Really?. grow together. love their lovers. so poor thing. What about you Cloud?' Me? How come the topic is about me now? I always avoid questions whenever it comes to me in revealing my inner self.' Well.' 'Why? Go get one?' . 'Yah I told her to move on with her life. rather I am pretty early using IRC entering our usual chat room. in others. Why cry wasted tears over a relation that was never meant to be yours in the first place? Human. It is like exposing yourself to danger through speaking. 'She cried you know.I like it! Until maybe when the special one comes along. but she loved him so much and she couldn't believe that he like someone else. I am not late. my good friend tried to patch back with her bf today. No. It is like salt and sugar in cooking.' Don't know what to do? Make yourself happy instead of lingering in this sorrowful event? Sometimes I really wonder if woman are that dumb? Or is it love that is making woman a vulnerable creature? And what makes you think THAT it is love? Woman. People. if I am her.they WANT someone to walk by them. I don't mind being alone .Tian ya he chu wu fang cao. 'Me? What about me?' 'What if something like that happens to you?' 'Er. in their first love. its meaningless don't you think? Relation nowadays are going nowhere because people just want to be in a relation.

its almost 12 and my Cinderella has to leave.'Oh wait. I have to go already.ok I count to 3 and leave.Oh yeah. signalling to my victory of words. such is mentality of a woman.' She is such a poor liar. you say the other time you wanna treat me movie right?' Ok. Somehow.' 'Aww. naturally cute and THIS is the reasons that stop me from jioing her . '3. I don't want you to see me go. You are right Cloud. that why will also be like that. to guide her along. I want to stay single. its getting late.There was an unaccustomed silence after I type that paragraph. I love the way she is. 'You make me blushed. 'Cloud.gone!' . 'I girl mah.I can't take advantage of her innocence right? 'Cloud. ok!' My mind was cheering and screaming in rejoice. he retaliate and bites back. how could cute girls like her possibly stay single? Guys will try all sorts of ways to get her and she would finally succumb to one. She is too cute to stay single.' I can't believe I am doing this SILLY business. I loved to chat with her as she is way so different from all the other girls . HAHAHAHA!' Why is it that I must laugh every time I attempt a MUSHY statement? A lousy cover for my embarrassment.she is VERY naïve and this creates an impulse for me to protect her. my hypnotic statement has hinted her! YEAH! Lets watch movie together tomorrow ok?' Er. during these periods of knowing her.1. I have eventually emerge the winner as I continue to chat with her for the next two hours.2. no I am not cute. She showed me the real innocence of a young lady.' Hooray!! I could see my happiness on the computer screen. When you praise a girl pretty. untainted and pure. All hail cupid for the golden opportunity! Ok.' I have to leave too. When you say that they look like toilet. they would tell you they look ugly. ' From a close defeated battle. until the special one comes along too. My fingers speed through the keyboard and finally stop at the last word. but we talk everything else. Cloud you log off first. saying you look worst. . Oh @$$@! Have I just ruined my good impression? I discern its time to celebrate with Jerry about my first failure. I had never asked about the background of her family or sort.

more. I looked up and saw her smiling and making her way towards me. I guess it was just something to start conversation. I was daydreaming about today's soccer match I played and started pondering over life issues and soccer.' 'Nah.' 'It's ok. I can never forget. more female. she looked so cute. Slipping my favourite ice blended mocha. was weird but comprehendible. it grew some laughter in it. Her Japanese accent with little tint of singlish that comes along with it. I am just early myself. 'Sorry I am late. we made our way to the Cinema. but hey. It is not polite to be late for a date for the first time anyway. Woah. Hiak! . I am pro huh? HAHAHA! Smiling at my flippant words. I simply love girls wearing skirts.' She blushed and I nearly died saying that sentence. Nevertheless. It makes them looked. you never know when you gonna get hit by the ball in your face. What load of crap! As I was trying to entertain myself to relieve some amount of tension in me. its Ok. Hey. She looked really shy and reply with a soft thanks. I really meant what I said. It was comedy show and Jerry said that comedies is good way to remember a first date. Actually at times (lucky thing it wasn't frequent).Jerry told me to soften her up with the conversation as she will most likely be as tense as I am. At least she won't be crying while watching a sad movie and I had to cheer her up later. anyway what matter most is who I am watching with. White spaghetti straps top with jean skirts. totally excited about tomorrow's event. I waited. especially when she smiled that I have this burning urge to pinch her cheek. She is simply stunning and like a critical hit. We chatted for a while . I was stoned watching her coming. I did not understand what she was saying. she gain comfort from my company and from chatting. Life is like soccer. Gradually.40 pm and I was at Starbucks (20 minutes before appointment point) . Going out with a girl? I had never been out with one before! Praying at my bedside sincerely that nothing will crewed up on that day. after we decide and made purchase for Shallow Hal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------It was 8.I couldn't get to sleep on that day. the location we suppose to meet. erm. I sense her presence .Plaza Singapura. we will check it out later. not the show.the smell. After finishing our drinks. I commented on how gorgeous she looked today.' 'So what movie are we watching?. I bought another ice-blended mocha for her as she said she wanted the same. although horror show seemed like a whole lot better option to me.

I am not good looking . while she giggled uncontrollably. cute girls like. 'Because human like to see pretty things? I mean you would like to see good looking guys too right?' 'But good-looking guys don't give me security. What the hell? Well. Rosemary. while I tried to reassure her that the world was still spinning and it was only a show.' I know that sentence was just to cover her embarrassment. I always seen him talking to other passengers. which was my first fear. Gawd! I need the best of both world answer. you!' My system was undergoing this contained stress and it is making me go nuts every time she throws questions like these to stumble me. He judged woman by appearance and in the end he got hypnotize by this guy who made him sees woman by their character instead of physical beauty.' She shaped a smile from her lips. The story is a mixture of hearts. 'What about you Cloud? Do you like pretty girls too?' THIS KIND of question AGAIN? If I said yes. I think I am not gonna wash my hair today. at the very least she understand the story. that is the real world. . I asked myself and the answer that came up doesn't seemed too good. I think I prefer. 'Don't be silly. just like me laughing whenever I made mushy remarks. 'Me?' I was trying to buy time as she nodded her head almost immediately. the same bus 171 where we always take . 'Boy ar.' 'Why must guys like pretty girls?' I was momentarily taken aback by a sudden question.' My heart screamed another point of victory. I decided to sent her home by bus as I think this is the very least what a guy should do.I am decent looking. She blushed and tapped my head lightly. If I say no I am lying to myself. Even though she never really answered my question. without realizing that she is not what he thinks she looked like. We boarded the bus. That's why I don't like good-looking guys. Oh man. of course. 'Well. get to know her liao. laughs and emotions and at the end of the show. We choose a seat at the far back and sat down 'This driver is always very chatty.The movie is talking about Hal Larsen.last time you both dunno each other wan right?' It was the bus driver and I nodded in faintly agreement with him and smiled my way through. I could see watery tears rimming around Yukiko's eyes. the lead actress came into the picture and he fell in love with her.We recognized the bus driver. but I love her reply. the ultimate shallow guy. We walked out of the Cinema and out of Plaza Singapura. I will appear **** shallow. do you think there are people like that?' Sure. don't bother about him. the second closest to handsome. not bad ar.'Cloud.

' What do you mean that's all? Oh dear. but when is the right time? 'Cloud.I thanked her. Her parents are overseas working. Whatever problems she has. one for me. Noooooooo. Well. we chatted everyday and each time I felt that I am slipping into this pit of angelic darkness called love. said that I am wasting too much time on a single girl. I am in LOVE with TODAY. Maybe next time I would. every date has to part eventually right? I watched her fade into her estate and until I caught zero glimpse of her. after all life is too short to spend on one person. when it comes to expressing to HER. Maybe this is what true love is. One for you.' I looked at her origami made from bus tickets and wondered whether I should do something similar. Am I in heaven? I have nothing to give you. It's not good if I am being seen by my neighbours with a guy so late at night you know.' 'That all?. I am score an F9 for it.. she told me she couldn't go out very often as her guardian is very strict .Suddenly. I know she longs for my company like I longs for hers.' I nodded and finally relented. I have something to ask you. I appreciate her effort though . Look away first!' I did as I was told and after five minutes she hold my waist and put her fist onto my hands. she consulted me and I will be there to give my expertise advice. so I made this two heart myself. Finally her stop arrived and she had to align. Jerry. I decide to avoid the question using my avoidance tactics. someone to be there regardless of whether you two are together . not again? 'What do you think of me?. I have to say something that she wants to hear or forever I will be condemn in her eyes. I should have just pop the question and leave the thinking to her.. For the next few months.finally she is talking more about herself. . But the urge to reveal my feeling hasn't reached to such stage for desperation yet. peer evaluating time! Even though I speak easily to myself. We are like one in-separate-able pair of best friend. shield and depend. 'Cute? And you are a very good friend of mine. she took the bus tickets I was holding.' Oh no. leaving her all alone. We got down and I insisted in sending her all the way till her block. It's ok. the woman's men.' Oh ! .someone to guide. which contribute reasons for her character.

But regardless of what is it. lucky thing I manage to come out with this marvellous sentence. Before I could reply with anything. We went into Mac and sat near the window seats. As I looked up. but in this short span of time. . she stood in front of me. 'Waited long?' 'Only about 5 minutes.' Ok I have to go offline now. Must be the effect of those skin whitening Japanese beauty product. where we could look out towards the roadside. Five minutes went by and I am starting ponder whether I should reply anything. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------I arrived early as usual. this time about 15 minutes earlier. remember don't be so early ok?. Reckoning about her sudden wanting to meet me suggested motives. I am beginning to learn the trades of using words. her nick has quit IRC. with me. the effect of TOO much TV. waiting for her outside Macdonald patently. we meet at Mac at Parklane ok?' '/me nodded her head.' I smiled at her consideration for me. that's what TV drama always show. As I was busy throwing impossible scenarios into the pictures to cease my tension. 'Sure! What about your guardian? She allows you to go out?' 'Yes.'There is a lot of things in my heart that I feel about you. But it was for good cause. can we meet for dinner tomorrow?' Another date! Yeah I screamed literally at my computer scream as she is able to go out once more.' 'Ok. I can't express it out. she allow me to go out tomorrow. hiak. I feel bad if you have to wait for me. I noticed her face is getting fairer and whiter to the extend of being pale.' Phew. again. Guess that I have to wait for tomorrow to see her again. It seemed that after the episode of knowing her.' My first lie I made to her. I didn't know how to reply her smile and decide to leave it until she reply me with something else. borrow from me and then disappear into thin air. Maybe she needed a large sum of money. but nevertheless her sparkling eyes never loses its glow. I want to let you know that treasure you a lot. 'Cloud.

I realize that you are different from other guys that wanted to know me.' Good? What you mean good? You mean you want me to trick you to bed and after that meet about for sessions like this? Thinking back. I am NOT surprised. I looked into her eyes and her eyes seemed to tell me that she may have gone through a lot of in during these period. and must be fated that will know each other right?' Fate again. cute.' What? There are other idiots doing the same thing too? Oh well. I must have seen like a pervert or something to you right?. Sometimes I feel that she is the only person in the world that appreciate what I am doing .' 'Oh really?. I told myself never would I forget such day. Reached in while moment. silly.' She giggled out of a sudden and I wondered what she meant. What you mean?' 'Before those day when you wanted to know me. Suddenly she position and lean herself on my back with her head facing up.' I went to buy for her and decide upon Mac Nuggets Meal as she is a small eater. . I eat anything. We finished our meals and were playing with our straws like little kids.' You eat anything. dumb or whatever!. Somehow. I tried to cheer her up a little as the topic she started were on the emotional it stupid. As we had our little 'fighting'. why are you so good to me?. She seemed a little solemn today and I reckoned that if there is anything I could give in to her. It is not much. looking at the nightly sky.'What do you want. just revelling in nature's enjoyment. I should give in. The sky is densely clouded and the breezes is strong. I don't know what was the problem may be. Less than an instant. but she always responded. I was actually getting a little irritated when you stalked me. but all my mind was telling me was to make her happy . but just nice enough for comfort. we got out and walked close to the shores where the waves roar in protest from the raging winds. The first intimate bodily contact I had with a girl back to back. 'You are my best friend and appreciated it.simple and sincere. till now. only ******* guys would do that and being a good guy. Why must woman always bring up the topic of fate everytime when it comes to relation of any kind? I nodded my head a little. 2 packets of large fries. 'Can we go somewhere where I could see the sea?' We took a taxi down to Marina Bay. We sat down side by side and watched the waves continual sweeping up the shores. I spoke some joke and she giggled a little as we continue to our meals. We spoke nothing. I shall uphold my reputation. I buy for you. I noticed that she was looking at me with such mesmerizing effect that I nearly unbalanced myself 'Cloud. 2 large coke and two boxes of 6-pieces nugget was on the tray as I carried them. considering her lovable nature and attractiveness. But then again. just like two hearts melted in one.

is there something wrong?' She kept quiet.' Actually I was wondering why she sobbed.' 'Yes of course! I will!. little barrier and covers her head. I. I pray that I will never wake up from it. in the present moment. 'Why? I will never forget you. We studied each other gaze for a moment and after what seemed like eternity. its nothing much. 'I don't think I have computer or internet connection at my house. Girls of her age needs their parents to be with them more than friends. its ok. Don't tell me all the fantasy I am having is coming to an end? If this was a dream. It is **** dumb and I don't understand why am I doing such acts . but halfway through. and looked into me. 'I understand. have to go back Japan. 'Cloud. your parents are over there and they worried for you. the I could feel a drop of water falling on my skin.' Like a prick on bubbles. My hands formed a tiny. I nodded my head to her question and her gaze move onto the rough won't block the rain from drenching her..I have decide not to avoid it. she isn't my girlfriend or something. .' The atmosphere is getting intense and to make matter worst. rolling her vision between the sea and the sky before looking down.' I looked at the sky and to me. my gaze never left hers . but it seemed that maybe she wants to bring out something to tell me and I suspect it is nothing good. I could see a layer of wetness in her eyes. Even though I just had a shock from what she had just told me. it appeared as if it's going to rain soon. an internal implosion occurred within me. 'Will you come and visit me if I ask you to?. I had to put on a brave front. Well. Then she stopped leaning on me.The sky is beautiful right?. Can we still contact through IRC?' I was hoping for a small miracle. I can't demand her not to leave.' Even though I am fighting inside. in my mind. Then.' We both got up and walked hastily towards the road in trying to catch a cab. but at least I could still talk to her online. would you remember me?. we could chat on the phone whenever we can and I think we better leave now. the merciless weather started pouring heavily. it's going to rain. As if a soldier going for war. all I thought of is to shield her from the chilling rain as I didn't want her to fall sick.

the cab reached her place and lucky thing.Chicken Essence. she was in my embrace and I was stroking her soaked hair. but I can't bear to.' I actually managed to smile and kept this mask of mine. If she told me earlier. It has been a few months since I last saw or heard from her.Then. 'When are you leaving then. but if I were to see her off. the scene would be unimaginable. reality is extremely cruel . we both just walk off to our destination and never look back ok? She nodded and I could see her tears closed to spilling out. By the count of three. Working through last year papers has driven me to the pinnacle of madness.?' 'Tomorrow. again. Well. my feelings would be just like dying patients with the last stage of cancer .' Tomorrow? Did I just hear wrongly? What's the rush? Sometimes. Her eyes were kept closed and my fingers travelled to her cheeks.' It was close to my June examination and my mum knocked and came into my room. I never turn back to even have my last glance. there was shelter to her house. It remains on my face emotionlessly and dead.waiting for THAT day. we should just keep this the last meeting then.1.2. this brave front indestructible. come. for some reasons.' She is right. It's terrible! Would you see me off?. perhaps it's better if we keep it this way. I think. bringing me the usual examination brain tonic .heaven makes sport of men. I looked out of my room's window and thought of Yukiko. like an awaken baby in the morning. I told the uncle to reduce the air-con to the lowest and put my arms around her shoulder. she opened her eyes. drink this. I gulped down the entire bottle and sat by my study table in my room. I am suppose to tell you earlier. '3. As I .' In my heart. we were in the cab pretty drenched. I saw a coming taxi driving and I flagged it. 'You are so silly Cloud. My mind and soul won't be able to endure the parting scene. rubbing her arms to gain some heat. I feel that I already had my last glance when I spoke my last words to her. Gradually. there is this robust urge of seeing her every second.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------Boy ar. My index finger teased her dimples a little as she felt tickled and ruffled her head in between my arms and chest All good things must come to an end . After the scene at her estate and we promise not to look back at each other. I told the uncle to wait for a while and got out of the cab with her. Pinching lightly to fulfil my long awaited-desire.' The next thing I knew.

but I finally succumb to my inner self and wanted to make sure I won't think back and regret on the fact that I never check whether she was online that day. My happiness could not contain inside me and I need to release it.' . the unexpected rain. I went back to my books and paper and continue began working on it. but no she wasn't. but somehow I had this feeling that it was her.' Actually. the cuddle and every other tiny little details. you shall treat me movie the next time I see you. the movie. Boy ar! Your phone!' My phone? At such hours of the night? 'Hello?. Maybe she lost my number over there. 'Miss me?. 'How. Yukiko?? Is that you?' I was praying and gripping the phone hard. for not contacting me and making me so worried for her. I can't use the phone here for very long too. maybe she is busy adapting to her new life. the beach. I can't allow such feelings to overpower me. I went online that day and see if she was there using another nick. hoping that a miracle could happen. literally. For a guy's image.' 'For making me worried and missing you so badly. I don't mind the duration of her calls . I don't know why she never contacts me since then. Is this piece of dreamland meant to be only a dream? Tomorrow is the beginning of my exam. or maybe she has forgotten me? No can't be! How can that be? How can the scenarios that have been taken place be so easily forgotten? The day I knew her. 'Sorry. straws fighting.I just wanted to hear her voice so badly. I rubbed my eyes a little and stretched. dinner. I controlled myself emotionally and force my tears back to its origin. our chats. telling myself not to ponder over past issues as it may affect my exam performance. but I know she has her reasons.' There was no respond. how you know it was me?. Then I scolded her.' I smart what! Hey! I never hear from you SO LONG!' I emphasised on the words 'So long' as if I had never heard anything from her for few decades. The first thing I did was to told her to hang on for a moment and screamed at the top of my voice. I know it already passed midnight. in gentle tone.depart.

' Take lots of care ok? I can't wait to see you soon!' You put down first Cloud. Before I put down. For the sake of going over. that is when?' Maybe 28 May or slightly later. I was home.?' 'Yes? You want me to go over? Ok sure. Then. can't talk anymore. but I love the surprises Cupid has in store for me. remember that day when I ask you if you would visit me in Japan and you said you would.' Huh? A letter for me? I had never receive a letter addressed to me before. like all other days. I CAN'T WAIT ANYMORE! I want to see her so badly and life has been good to me. 'Cloud. I will go over right after my examination next sat. I examined the envelope and it wrote ' To Cloud' on the front. even though little setbacks filled along the way. a letter for you. tell me your address?. is the last paper. Curiously. My mum says that if I do finish this examination. In preparation for the coming trip to Japan. I was hoping in my heart that time will freeze so that we could chat till the end of time.I used the same trick again. although my mind wandered on the thought of seeing her again. I have been studying non-stop. Hehz. I thank you God for giving me this chance!! HOORAY! *Days passed* Finally I am close to finishing my examination . doing my revision. . From morning till night.' With that a heavy heart our conversation ended as I put the phone down. is there anything you want to tell me?.' I jolted down her contacts in Japan and kiss it. in amidst of studying. tell me your address. she would pay for my tickets. examination?. HAHAHA! We spoke on the phone and talked like old friends and the pressing examination stress seemed to have vanished. determined to do well so that I could psycho my mum to pay for my trip. I hurried my revision. Dear Cloud. Regardless.Yeah. I don't want you to see me hang up on you. my mum calls for me and I guess it must be regarding the trip over. Yeah I will see her soon! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------'Boy ar. everything is worth it. I tear opened and a letter fell out.' Next sat?. provided I give her my words that my results will be good when it is out. I got to go already.

But do not despair. or I am already in heaven watching over you. Actually I broke the promise. leaving my physical body. everything you did or said. to protect me from the rain today. I don't like them because I like guys like YOU unique and extraordinary. I would disappear from the surface of the world and they wants to be with me during this period. if there is one person I wouldn't want to see crying . if you receive this letter through mail send by my guardian. you are the best a guy could be. shielding you like what you did. your advices. You said you are not romantic at all. I hope that the cab could drive slower because I may not get the chance to cuddle in you would have been you. I guess I did. but no wrong liking you what right? You told me you rather wait for the special one. Cloud. .Before I began. You may find a girlfriend by then. leaving this world. it means that I am already gone. By then you would know the truth and I could see you for the last time. as I will always be around you. that's why I ask you if you would come to visit me if I ask you to. The success rate of this operation is only 30% and anything could happen. and I told you I will also wait for mine. I wrote this letter on the night when we parted and promise not to look back. very much. If there is one thing final question I want you to ask me. because I feared that I may not have the chance to see you again this lifetime. I apologise for not telling you everything about myself. My parents wants me to go back to take a major operation there because if this operation were to fail. During the time when I was cuddling in you. In this world. in vain. but to me. I am feeling a little tired writing this letter. just like Rosemary in the movie we watched together. I did looked back. No. My operation begins on 24 May and I will call you maybe a week plus before to fulfil the promise you said you would come over and visit me in Japan. This distinct character could only be found in you and I want you to kept it that way for I like the way you are. But then again. although you never express yourself to me. So I want to tell you that I appreciate your company. I know you are putting on a brave front because as a woman I could cry and I know you would be there to console me. it would be you asking me whether if I like good-looking guys. at least. but I am determine to finish what I had to say. but someone has to be the stronger one to console and reassure right? The reasons why I have to go back to Japan is because I am suffering from a rare case of a blood cancer that may claim my life very soon if it is not treated. I knew that you are the one. Perhaps it is just one sided. leaving my suffering and of course. I giggled to myself every night after we chatted online and I began to ask myself if I fell in love with you. not the way you looked. I love you.

I waited for the bus and soon. made me sink deeper into this whirlpool of depression.although this could never happen and thinking of it. Why DIDN'T I LEFT Singapore to Japan? I should have hack care about my examination to be with her. I should not. I was rooted to the ground. totally defeated. why your girlfriend not with you ar?. 'Nope! She is with me. I knew something is happening to me. at this time broke from my resistance barrier and roll down my cheek as I saw the date today .' I smiled at him and pointed to my heart. all the time. Decisions.' . it arrived. weeping silently to myself for the tears I owe her and for the lack of courage to express my feeling. have cruel consequences regardless of which options I chose. lying at the mercy of my ill-fated destiny. At the very least. I clutched my head tightly as trains of disillusioned thoughts sinks into my mind.Yukiko Tears I have been fighting back. I recalled that she still owe me a movie treat . Since that day. like a drama. I should not have delay the trip over. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As expected. I never spoke much because I was hurt. my results were good.27 May. most of the times. her final days. Clutching tightly onto the heart origami that she made. like a baby in crossfire. I was at the verge of mental breakdown. I took it and realise that it was the same bus driver again. I could let her know HOW MUCH she meant to me and how much I loved her. I was crying. I sat at the bus stop where I first saw her and every scene replay itself in my mind. disappointed and regretted beyond words. She was waiting for me to pop the question! And I never did! I should have fuc-king listen to Jerry. totally confused and helpless. 'Eh boy ar.

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