We all recognise that a substantial part of the motivation for the parents is to vicariously live-out their own dreams

and frustrations through their children's lives and that in many instances this produces behaviour and outcomes that are unhealthy for both the parents and the kids but at what point along the continuum of Encouraging our kids to participate in activities can we say that these unhealthy effects occur? I've been prompted to readdress this issue with regard to my own family. As most of you know, our youngest son has been involved in athletics for a number of years now (along with football, cricket, swimming and any number of other sports) and we both, his parents, have become involved in the coaching, management and administration of the various clubs he has represented. My wife and I have a history of sporting participation at reasonable levels and it is a natural progression, in our eyes, to want to contribute to the development of kids in sporting activities. This weekend Alexander competed in his first serious multi-events competition. The North-West Combined Events Championships was held at Sportcity Manchester over Saturday and Sunday with the aim of determining the best athletes in this region of the country at the Under 17, Junior and Senior age groups for both men and women. The age groups are defined by the national sporting authorities and cover fifteen and sixteen year olds, eighteen to twenty year olds and those of twenty-one or older. Alexander is fifteen so only just qualifies for the Under 17 category and indeed can compete in it again next year as well whereas every other contestant in his age group was at least one school year older than him and will be in the Junior age group next year. For the Under 17 age group, competitors are expected to demonstrate their ability in an Octathlon; that is, an abbreviated decathlon with the Pole Vault and 100m omitted. The Juniors and Seniors compete over a full decathlon of events (100m, 110m Hurdles, 400m, 1500m, High Jump, Long Jump, Discus throw, Shot Put, Javelin throw, Pole Vault). They compete at four events per day over the two days (five for the Juniors and Seniors) so it is a gruelling competition as well as being a physically and mentally demanding test of strength, endurance, speed and determination. All performances in each event are converted into points scores by the officials using standard tables that are common across the age groups and indeed across all competitions in the world. The running events are one-off but the throwing events are organised whereby each competitor gets three throws and the jumping events are staged as normal specialist events, three jumps for the Long jump and a continuing successions of heights that need to be cleared for the high jump and Pole Vault. Running 400 metres in 60.4 seconds will score you 400 points or a time of 50.32 seconds will score you 800 points anywhere in the world. Throwing a Javelin 37.05 metres will earn 400 points or 64.09 metres, 800 points similarly. At the end of the competition, the winner is the one who has amassed the greatest points total over the two days. Neither my wife nor myself were multi-event competitors; I concentrated on team sports (football and cricket) and so did my wife (hockey) but she did get to a reasonable standard of representative County level in athletics (Long Jump and 400m)

so we understand the sport and have learned far more over the last few years. Alex has always wanted to do a whole range of events in athletics, not limiting himself or specialising in certain field or track events. He enjoys learning new techniques and relishes the chances to perform to a good standard across many events so multi-event competitions have been attractive to him for a while. He is really starting to understand the particular nature of the decathlon and its demands for a balanced approach between the competing requirements for speed, strength and endurance as well as the two-day nature of the competition, which is very different from other athletic disciplines. Alex took a major step forward in his athletic achievement this weekend. He came second in his competition, beaten by only one hundred points to the gold medal by a lad more than a year older and significantly bigger and stronger. He scored 3905 points with personal best performances in the 100m hurdles, Long Jump, Shot Put, Discus throw, Javelin throw, High jump and 1500m. To give an indication of what this amounts to, he is now in the top ten in the country for his school year. Its a terrific achievement. My wife and I thoroughly enjoyed watching him compete and felt some pride in his achievements. But heres the reason why I started this mail by referring to the Pageant Queens; what we felt, the achievement he produced and the significance of the weekend was all to do with him and not ourselves. We felt proud that he was beginning to demonstrate the qualities of competitiveness and intelligent application of his skills to achieve results that we had worked to instil in him. We felt that a number of things we had tried to explain to him over the years came into focus, such as the rewards that can come from honest and diligent application to learning something being its own reward. We also felt elated that he got some objective reward for his efforts that would confirm to him that he had made progress and it was not just us telling him he was doing well. The achievement was his and his alone; he got the medal, his name is on the record books, he gets to stand on the podium, he can refer to his points total not us; we just watched. The significance of his performance this weekend had nothing to do with us but has immeasurable implications for his development as a person and as an athlete. He recognised for himself how training and preparation gave him an edge over his fellow competitors. He now knows that if something is not going well that he must rely on himself to change the circumstances, he must correct his technique on the track, in the throwing circle, on the run-up. And only he can do that. And he came to realise that he is capable of doing just that; he can compete with the best in the country at an event he loves doing. The significance is all for him; he is growing up, learning and developing his own mind and body along tracks that neither his mother nor I have trodden before. We can help to indicate the way but his way is not following anything we have already been down. But we are looking forward to watching where it leads him.