This novel was written between 2009 and 2010.

I started writing in the summer of

2009 but many things came up during the summer so I couldn’t finish it then. I continued

writing in the beginning of 2010 and it came to a halt again. The summer of 2010 was like the

last with a lot of things coming up but I finished this book 1988. 1988 is the name of the

travel car the main protagonist is using. Originally the title of the book was just 1988, but the

subtitle is I Want to Talk with the World. I didn’t even think about this but author Murakami

published a book called <1Q84>. I kept calm but I had to change the title of my book. I tried

to change it numerous times but couldn’t find a title more suitable than 1988. For example,

it’s like deciding on a baby’s name a year before its born and finding out that your neighbor

named their newborn child a similar name. So you try to come up with a different name but

as hard as you try you can’t accept another name that satisfies your heart. So in the end I

decided to name the child <1988 – I Want to Talk with the World>.

If there is a future, it is 1988 – I don’t know either.

This story ends at the end of this book, I don’t know if I can start this story again.

Also I’ve never written a novel in this style. Everything I’ve done before was in preparation

for this book. Before I wasn’t sure I could narrate in this way but I’m already ready at this

dawn. Now let’s go. This book was written as a memento to my friends collapsing on the

streets. I’ll give this book especially to you; the girls in my life. When I used to go out with

you I’m not sure you understood my affection but I miss you regardless of whether or not you

had your buttons undone at that time.

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 1988
I Want to Talk with the World

The air is getting worse and I have to go soon. I drove a travel car that was consigned
from the factory in 1988 through a night scene that was hard to tell was fog or poisonous gas
and turned into Road 318. The car was cream-colored but all the girls said “wow it’s a milk
color!” 1988 had to be disposed but I bought it for the price of a scrap iron. One of my
friends is 1988’s savior. He restored 1988. My friend and I saw 1988 in the street. At that
time it only had its outer shell and frame.
My friend said, There is a car in the factory that I used to work at that’s exactly the
same that got scrapped because it got in a accident. Many of its parts can be used again and if
you buy a few more parts then it can become a drivable car when combined. You need this
much money. He stretched out his hand.
I asked my friend, How do I register this car?
My friend said, Maybe you can use the registration of the disposed car.
I said, Would the owner of the car consent to it? My friend said, He died. I said, Then
the relatives of the owner of the care won’t consent to it. My firend said, They all died in this
car. I said, Then isn’t that too immoral?
My friend said, Originally everyone would be dead but because of you the life of this
travel care can be extended. So you should make a name for this travel car.
I asked him, When was this car first consigned from the factory?
My friend studied the frame of the car for a long time then said it was the year of
1988.
So this is exactly how 1988 came to be.
This is the friend I am going to greet as he is being released from prison. I will say to
him, Great job, 1988 has never failed me on the road.

The air finally cleared up after 1988 and I drove on the road for over 3 hours. It was
only after I passed by a small village that I saw a glimpse of sunlight. There were small
villages on either side of the road, a black auto repair shop, and colorful bath houses lining
each side of the street. When I see stuff like this it seems like all the trades are targeted to
truck drivers driving through this road. I took a liking to a bath house called Jinsanjiao
because it was the only place where the lamps of the neon signs were all in place. Not only
that, but underneath the sign, five more signs were lit: “Sauna,” “Recreation Room,”
“Mahjong,” “Sleeping Room,” and “Finnish Sauna.”
I parked 1988 where the neon signs shone most brightly and pushed the door and
walked inside. The security guard lay sleeping underneath the ‘Yin Ke Song’ sign covered in
a military outerwear with his back to the street. I didn’t know where the receptionist went.
When I called for the receptionist the security guard slowly stretched out his arm and pulled
off the military outerwear revealing a girl half-sitting up. The receptionist walked towards the
counter as if she was sleep-walking while straightening out her hair. I felt a little sorry and
asked, Miss, what does the light above your heads reading ‘fen lan’ mean?
The receptionist expressionlessly said, ID.
I said, I didn’t bring my ID.
She finally showed a trace of expression. She said while looking at me, Then do you
have a driver’s license?
I said, I didn’t bring my driver’s license but I only need to stay just one night.
She said, I can’t accept that. Here we’re networking with the public security bureau
so you must give me some form of ID. What kind of IDs do you have?
I took out everything from all my pockets but I only had one pass. I asked feebly,

2
Can I use my pass?
To my surprise she accepted it eagerly. Afraid that she might change her mind, I
quickly put 1988’s pass in her hand. unexpectedly she put 1988’s engine number in the space
for the ID number then fumbled around in the drawer for a while and handed me a key
dangling from a wooden plank. She pointed to the right and said, The stairs are over there.

When I looked toward the direction she was pointing I saw the security guard
sleeping under the ‘Yin Ke Song’ sign again. He didn’t move throughout this whole ordeal. It
was only after the receptionist shut the drawer that he pulled up his outerwear again. Shit
isn’t this too automatic, I thought to myself. Then the receptionist suddenly said to me, ‘fen
lan’ is actually ‘fen lan yu.’
I forced a smile and said jokingly, If you put it that way I would have known right
away, why didn’t you put the character ‘yu’ on the sign?
The receptionist said in a scoffing manner, All the other signs are in two characters,
this is parallelism, it looks better this way.
I wanted to ask more questions but the security guard started to wave the sleeve like
a wing and the receptionist understood the signal right away, I’m going to stop talking to you,
go upstairs on your own.

I opened the door and looked around. It might be because my expectations were very
low to begin with but I thought that this was a pretty decent place. My only complaint was
that the window was too small and that it was barred with 6 metal bars probably from being
on the second floor. The sunlight was soon going to stream in, and there was a huge tree
outside. As I was lying down to sleep someone knocked on the door. I fumbled through my
pockets unconsciously thinking that I might have left something out on the check-in counter.
Except for the key to 1988 which was on the desk, everything was in place. I called out
towards the door, Who is it?
A female voice came from the door, Sir please open the door I’ll tell you in detail
when I come in.
I thought at this hour, it must be some kind of ‘alluring woman,’ so I leaned towards
the door and asked, Who is it, what do you want.
The female voice responded, Sir, my name is Shan Shan, if you let me come in you’ll
know.
I knew right away, this was ‘special service,’ so I decided to look through the peep
hole to check out her looks but I found out that this motel didn’t have a peep hole. Now I had
no option but to open the door and see Shan Shan. I’m a very honest person and when I was
traveling through cities and ‘special services’ came to my door, I would normally look
through the peep hole first and decline right away. Of course I asked one or two to come in
before. It was because they were pretty. I thought to myself that I need to be brave if I open
the door and a pig walks in. We would have already seen each other and how could I see her
disappointed face when I turn her away. At the beginning of this journey, I make a bet with
the sky, the girl behind the door is my style. So I opened the door.

Shan Shan looked very ordinary. But I couldn’t make her leave anymore for the sake
of saving face. Out of courtesy I have to get her laid. I asked her, What is your name. As soon
as I asked I knew that my heart was not here. I added to my questions, I’m asking for your
real name not your nickname, what is your real name.
Shan Shan said, My last name is Tian and people call me Tian Fang.
I said, Oh, then I’ll just call you Shan Shan.
Shan Shan circled the room once, closed the curtains and sat on the edge of the bed

3
and said, Sir, do you know what kind of services we have here?
I said, Tell me.
Shan Shan fiddled with her freshly manicured finger and said, The half set is 100 the
full set is 200.
I said, Then is the service here good?
Shan Shan looked at me and smiled while saying, don’t worry everything I’ll do for
you is good.
I asked without much interest, Do you have a ¼ set?
She turned her head and looking at me blankly asked, Sir, you’re not joking right.

After one set, she promptly put her clothes back on. I asked her, How did you know
that I checked in the hotel so quickly.
Shan Shan said, Because I haven’t been sleeping. You know, we have here around 30
‘service women,’ but most of the people who check in here are passing truck drivers so there
aren’t any regular customers. If we wait till “mother” gives us work, we might have to wait
for around 2 days so I put in the extra effort. While all the other sisters are sleeping I wait
crouching in front of the door. As soon as I hear someone going inside a room I knock.
Usually guests do not change girls in the middle of the night. My working hours are too few,
because some people, especially Canton people, have a tendency to like numbers and
therefore call number 8 and number 18 often, my number isn’t good so I can only rely on
myself. The next time you come you can call my number right away.
I said, I wish everyone worked as hard at their job as you do. What is your number.
She said, My number is 38.
I said, Ah, then I’ll just call you Shan Shan. Shan Shan, why did you change youre
number?
Shan Shan fixed the number card attached to her chest and said, Numbers from 1 to
40 make “house calls” and from number 40 and on are actual foot masseuses. Since I didn’t
establish a good relationship with “mother,” I didn’t get a good number.
I was a little sleepy, so I just wanted to say some last few words. I’m already not
innocent enough to tell a whore to stop whoring, but I am definitely going to advise her to be
careful of her health. Don’t be a workaholic. I said, Shan Shan, I have to sleep now, don’t
work too hard, look now….
I opened the curtains and the sun outside smeared the wall with its sunlight and
revealed the stained and discolored wall. I said, Look now, you’re working too hard in a
morning like this.
She said, sir, do you want to buy me for the whole night
I hesitated for a bit and thought to myself as I looked at the sunlight coming in, How
is this ‘whole night’ it’s ‘whole day’ now. I asked courteously, What can you do for the
‘whole day.’
Shan Shan replied, Whole day.
I smiled, It’s okay Shan Shan I’ll call on you next time, go back quickly.
Shan Shan said, If you want to buy me for the whole night it’s only 50 yuan more,
then you can do whatever you want when you wake up.
Now I’m feeling like things are getting a little cumbersome, because I’m afraid my
sleepiness will go away. The sunlight is already starting to dazzle my eyes, the sunshine
shone through empty cracks between the trees and onto my face. I got up and tried to close
the curtains but as hard as I tried to close it I couldn’t close it all the way. I thought that if I
can’t close the crack in the curtain then the sunlight will come in and disturb me from
sleeping soundly. I tried many different ways but I found out that I couldn’t close the curtain
without any cracks at all. I brought a chair and climbed on it and tried to pull the curtain rings

4
in an effort to close the curtain all the way.
At that moment Shan Shan asked, Sir, are you going to buy me for the whole night.
I got a little frustrated and said, I’ll give you 50 yuan if you stand in front of the
crack in the curtains and block the sunlight.
Shan Shan got on the chair and stood at that spot without a word and the room
instantly became dark. I was touched a little, but mainly felt disdain. I thought that sluts will
really do anything for money. I didn’t know what else to say, so I lay down on the bed and
pulled up the covers to go to sleep. My back was to the window but I felt a little strange, it
seemed like a girl hung herself from the chair. I would rather have the sunlight come in. I said
to Shan Shan without looking at her, Shan Shan, there is not end to making money. Go rest
there. You’re still young so you shouldn’t only think about making more money. What are
you going to do with all this money? You…..
A voice came from the window, It’s because I’m pregnant with someone’s baby, I’m
going to have this baby.
I slowly turned my head, Shan Shan was still standing atop that high place with her
arms outstretched, and pulling together the curtains closed. The sunlight that was coming in
from the very top where it was impossible to close perfectly outlined Shan Shan’s body in a
gold color. The curtain was slightly shaking and the light hitting the girl’s body shifted from
dark to light following the curtain’s movement. After staring for some time I said, Madonna,
come down quickly and sleep on the bed.

The next day it was already evening when we woke up. When I opened the window a
warm breeze wafted in. I started to examine the view outside the window, and dusk was
falling in the small town, gray roof tiles were displayed before my eyes. Along both sides of
the road ran store signs that were not pleasing to the eye. Freight car drivers were driving
along the road picking out restaurants to eat at. There was an empty truck parked beneath my
motel. There was a child playing with a ball beside the truck. A train passed by a railway
located a hundred meters away. I counted them and they were a total of 23 cabins. Counting
train cabins is a good way to spend time; the only downfall is that there is no way to check
your calculation. But what does this matter, I am spending this irritating time in full
concentration. The child below the motel was also counting the train cabins, after they all
passed by he turned towards his father and said, Daddy, there are 24 cabins.
At that time his father didn’t pay any attention to him and continued to direct the car
that was backing up.

Shan Shan woke up and ran towards the bathroom and puked. After she vomited she
asked me, Sir, do you want to do it one more time? I won’t calculate this and it’s included in
the ‘whole night’ package.
As soon as I lit my cigarette I put it out as soon as I saw her. I said, How can you not
even know who the father is, don’t you all use protection? Shan Shan said, Sir, other than the
‘half-night’ and ‘whole night,’ we have a package that doesn’t use condoms, you can just add
50 yuan for that option. I think the birth control pills that I’ve been taking don’t work
anymore.
I lit the cigarette again and said, Then you deserve this. It’s best that you go look for
the child’s father. How are you going to raise a child?
She said, I can raise it, tell me, what will my child do when she grows up?
I didn’t want to make future plans for her. Shan Shan continued to say, Anyways, I
will not let her take a job like this when she grows up. If I keep this job for 15 more years I
will be able to raise her. Look, I can make around 4,000 yuan a month, I’ve already saved up
20,000 yuan, I can use 10,000 to give birth to her and 10,000 for the powdered milk. I would

5
have stopped working for a year so I will have to start working right away. I will have to hide
the fact that I had a baby from other people. If I work for 15 more years and if I make 50,000
yuan in one year then this child can go to elementary school. If she has a future and gets in a
good college then I’ll be tight with money. The best way would be to try find another means
of making money. What I am most afraid of is going to parent-teacher conferences. This
place is too small, I can’t send her to school here. If I go to a parent-teacher conference and
see another child’s father, there is a possibility that he could be one of my customers. I have
to go to another town. After working for several years I have to change my work place, or
else everyone will know that my child’s mother does work like this. When this child reaches
the age 16, I will still be able to take care of her.
I said, You have a very specific future plan.
Shan Shan said while caressing her belly, Of course, I worship my mother, when I
was young my dream was to become a mother.
I said, Then aren’t you sorry that you don’t even know who this child’s father is?
Shan Shan retorted earnestly, I’m not sorry, my childhood dream wasn’t to become a
father anyways.

At that moment, the sun started setting again, our sleeping cycle was completely off,
we didn’t have a daytime. The sky slowly turned black as if it was being dyed with black ink.
I asked Shan Shan, Aren’t you hungry? I can’t stay stuffed here in a place like this the whole
day. I felt a need to open the door but I would just be stuffed in a larger space. The expression
on the faces that I’ll pass by will be depressing. Even so, I needed fresh air. I handed Shan
Shan her underwear and said, Wear it, let’s meet again next time.
Suddenly the door was kicked open. It was kicked open so forcefully that the
sawdust on the doorframe flew all the way to the curtains. The door hit the wall and bounced
back. I heard a voice go ouch from the door. I was wondering what kind of an employer
would be so bold when at least 10 people broke down the door and barged in. Before I had
even time to grasp what was going on I was surrounded by people saying stuff like “stop,”
“you’re caught,” “what are you doing,” one after another. I was already unable to move but
the people around me continued to pin me down. The first person tied my hands behind my
back. One person pushed me down at the waist with his knee, two people were pressing down
on each one of my legs, but it felt like at least three people were trying to join in. I felt sorry
because there was already no part of my body left to oppress. The second the people came in
I was already unable to move but they continuously surged towards my body shouting loudly,
Don’t move.
I saw Shan Shan in between their arms, she was surrounded by five people in the
corner. In addition a video camera was held up high above a photographer’s head, filming the
entire room. Shan Shan was covering her head and crouching down in the corner. I saw her
tugging the curtain, I think she was trying to wrap her body around it. Someone next to her
was scolding her, Don’t move, what are you doing. Shan Shan kept pulling the curtain and
instantly the atmosphere turned tense. The atmosphere on my side was a little lighter now and
two people got up and ran towards Shan Shan, they took out handcuffs and immediately
cuffed Shan Shan to the floor lamp, as they were cuffing her they pointed at her and
screamed, I told you not to move, what are you doing? Stay still.
I counted to myself, and I thought that these 15 people were probably scared that
Shan Shan would kill them with the curtain.

The air finally quieted down and I heard another person say A-ya, the people around
me looking for suspect stirred and found out that it was the photographer who made the
sound. The photographer awkwardly said to the people, I’m sorry I was only focusing on

6
filming and forgot to take off the lens cover so I only have the audio on tape, is that okay?
A man walked towards him with obvious displeasure on his face and said a few
words in a low voice, turned around and said to me, Just now when we were looking for
evidence here there was a little problem so we need to do it again, you maintain this
positions, where is the thing that was in his hand, here it is, hold tight to this underwear and
maintina this pose and don’t move.
I pointed towards Shan Shan and asked, Then what are you going to do about her,
she’s already cuffed.
The man thought for a while and said, Let’s do this, she won’t stay still and she
might jump out the building, what wouldn’t girls do, let’s leave her be, cuffed to the floor
lamp.
I said in despair, Please don’t portray me as an S&M fanatic, you guys cuffed her, I
didn’t cuff her.
The guy kicked me and said, You talk too much.
As soon as he was done talking they walked outside the door. But the door already
kept opening and wouldn’t shut well. The photographer took out his handkerchief and stuffed
it in the door crevice, the door finally closed fully.

The same man that was just talking to me forcefully kicked the door, but because it
was kicked on already once before, the hinges of the door was already loose and this time the
door frame fell off. The handkerchief flew away and is it was flying across my eyes in the air
it spread open fully. When I looked closely there was an embroidery of the Pagoda on the
towel. It fell right next to my feet, I quickly picked it up and threw it to Shan Shan. Shan
Shan hesitated for a moment after she caught it because she had to cover three places but
didn’t know which one to cover. I said in a loud voice, Cover your face.
Immediately someone kicked me to the ground.

When I woke up I was already in the interrogation room. My left cheek got hit by a
foot, the spot I got hit was near the temple. I started to shed tears but I wasn’t sad, I didn’t
know why I was crying. As I reached out my hand to wipe it off I realized that it was blood,
but how could blood be flowing from the corner of the eye? I asked for a napkin. The first
thing that the person sitting across from me smiling cynically said when he saw that I woke
up was, What is that girl’s name, when is her birthday?
I replied feebly, Tian Fang.
He sniggered and said, You’re wrong, her identity card reads a different name.

I thought to myself, Ah what a bitch, how can such an ugly name be her pseudonym.
As a frantic last-ditch effort I said, I don’t know, when I first met her she said her name was
Tian Fang. What are you going to do to me?
He stopped writing and said while looking at me, Labor re-education for half a year.
I asked, Is there any way I can get out of labor re-education.
He said, There is only one way and that is to sign a contract. The contract will say
that there is nothing wrong with you and if a problem comes up that it has nothing to do with
this law enforcement. Or you can sign a contract that says that if a problem comes up with
you when you are in labor re-education, that is has nothing to do with this law enforcement.
Just sign, you will be using the flaws in the process of our law enforcement to your
advantage. You won’t be as lucky in the future.
Afterwards I sealed the deal without hesitation.

There is nothing better in this world than getting out of prison, although the outside is

7
only a yard without high walls. The wall had red writing on it that was mixed with a lot of
different colors, but I don’t remember what was written on it, probably was four characters
four characters four characters four characters. The dark green iron gates looked exactly like
my childhood school’s factory gates. We always went in for fun and stole accessories. I sat
beneath a phone booth on the other side of the street to wait for Shan Shan. I don’t know
what that pregnant woman is doing or suffering from. I think that if she confessed the state of
her body she will be released immediately. No matter how grim the face is, if I’m not being
the one being criticized I can remember the sigh that escapes them in their carelessness. I
don’t think it is a despicability of easy satisfaction that comes from the oppression of human
kind but simply a communication between similar people that is born out of carelessness. But
when I tried to sell her out, the ground closed its lid and said, Friend, don’t even think about
it.
While I was waiting for Shan Shan, I went along with my feelings and reminisced
about the factory established by my childhood school.

It was a very peculiar factory. When I was attending elementary school there was a
children’s amusement park, I thought that the amusement park was very big. But when I went
to the first reunion my most well-off friend that used to be in my class stood on the 6th floor
and looking down at the children’s amusement park said, Look, when I saw this when I was
young I thought that it was extremely big but now that I see it again it’s not that much bigger
than my yard. We’re easily satisfied when we’re young.
I said next to him, Then you too small and now you’ve grown up so the point of
reference is different.
When I was young there was a terminal at our countryside. When I was young I felt
that the way there was very long, I had to walk at least half an hour. Later when I went back
to my hometown it didn’t take me that long, but that’s because our steps have become larger.
The most developed person said, The way you express walking is very interesting.

After the reunion, where we all introduced our jobs and statuses, ended, I went alone
to the amusement park and took a walk. Calculating from my steps, the length measured to be
around 48 steps and the width around 20 steps. It used to be my cutest memory from my
elementary school days but now it has become just a piece of statistical data. From my
memory I remember that during a lunch time when the sun was dazzling my eyes, I climbed
up a slide and flung my body to a flag pole, and with the rope and flag pole I climbed up
several meters more. I went to the highest point that none of my friends have ever been. I
looked down at the school while the flapping flag wrapped around my body.
Summer break is starting soon.

I was strenuously moving my bottom when my attention shifted from the teaching
building to the bathroom, there wasn’t much to see. Now I’ll start talking about the bathroom
at the time, in my memory during my very first puberty, I remember that our bathroom was
back to back with the girl’s bathroom, there was a wall separating us, the wall was 2 meters
high. I measured it. Right now I thought for a while, if Yao Ming came to our school and
defecated, he would be able to see the other side while pulling his pants up.
At that time I could hear the conversations going on the other side very clearly every
time I went to the bathroom, that’s because there are two shafts, one shaft runs above our
heads and one run beneath our feet, it’s the toilet shaft. So the girls talking on the other side
was like a stereo, since there were eight toilets it was a surround sound system. Their
chattering voices were so sweet, the content so evil, and the tone was so good to hear,
although it was the sound of urgent peeing. I imagined what would happen if one day the wall

8
fell down. I had fantasies like this hundreds of times when I was in elementary school.

I moved my bottom again on the flag pole and saw the factory that the school had
built. At that time the building had a small skylight on the roof. The roof window had green
moss over it because it wasn’t cleaned for a long time. I looked through the small space
between the clustered mosses. The factory workers inside were working busily, they were
polishing a thin and long object on a metal desk. It was definitely a fun object.

I was thinking to myself when I heard a whistle blow and I looked down but couldn’t
see anything, I had covered my view with my feet but I heard my P.E. teacher and teacher
Liu’s voices. They were talking extremely fast, Student, student, don’t move we’ll be sure to
save you.

I realized that I was already unable to move, and the place I was at was the height of
a four-story building, it was already too late to go back to the 2-story building height slide.
By now my palms were sweating. If I didn’t hold on to the hook that moves the flag up and
down I would probably make a free fall. The teachers were mobilized very quickly; they put
the mats where we do high jump, long jumps, and sit-ups underneath me. Teacher Liu was
responsible for keeping me calm, he told me to hold on tight and don’t be scared, and that the
school was organizing to save me.

I was burning on the flag pole, my beads of sweat were getting larger and I couldn’t
keep my feet hooked to the pole anymore. I looked at the teaching building, I saw all the
teachers moving the mats, so the students were already out of control. On the 6th floor of the
teaching building, I saw a neat colorful line of black hair.

My homeroom teacher looked at the mat, lowered his voice and said, This isn’t thick
enough it is possibly dangerous.
Teacher Liu pushed away my homeroom teacher and said, If this child falls I’ll catch
him.

A student who was watching wanted to participate came up with the idea of putting
his schoolbag beneath me too. Within a minute the students that were chattering up a storm in
the teaching building was crowding around me with their schoolbags shouting to save me. At
that time there were four classes in each grade and each class had 50 students and summing
up the six grades there was a total of 200 students which is a total of 200 schoolbags stacked
beneath me in 5 minutes. These schoolbags were stacked to well over three meters. Around
1,000 students surrounded the children’s amusement park, the school’s broadcast wouldn’t
stop announcing, All students please go back to their classroom, all students please go back to
their classroom. But not even one student went back inside.

The teachers were in a circle and discussing, the P.E. teacher thought, there are hard
schoolbags and soft schoolbags and if his head hits a pencil case when he falls it will be a
tragedy so we should try to use the mats as much as we can, but the mats are all covered up
and can’t play their role so we should take out these mats from underneath and then put them
on the very top.
At the scene my homeroom switched in and started shouting at me, he said, Hold on
tight, we’re all doing our best to save you, don’t look down and look forward, look at the
landscape, look at the town, don’t think about what you’re leaning on and think that you’re
home, don’t try to keep face and just think that you’re on your sofa at home, can you feel it?

9
 I couldn’t feel it. But I really didn’t try to keep face. The wind was getting stronger
and the flag pole started to shake, I was still at the highest point of the flag pole. Even the
security guards and the cleaning ladies all came out. But what puzzled me was that the doors
of the factory built by the school kept shut the whole time. The people kept working with all
their attention, one person looked up and then immediately looked down again and continued
to polish the accessories again. Despite this kind of important large happening they still were
able to maintain their work, what kind of work were they doing?

As a model person, I have already used up all my strength. The teachers were
discussing inside and the students were watching outside. At that time my eyesight was very
good, out of all the people I was locked on one person. Why haven’t I seen you before,
student, what class are you in, you’re looking up and the expression on your face is very
beautiful, although I’m high up I’m already completely surrendered to you, when I get back
down on the ground, I will definitely go look for you, student. A peach colored shirt with a
broken lattice pattern, a light navy colored dress, a ponytailed girl wearing glasses, you raised
your head and it looked like I was lifting up your chin with my finger, your curious eyes
looked like I was using my other hand to lift your bangs. Classmate, I love you. I didn’t know
that I would meet the first love of my life in a situation like this.
My attention was firmly on looking at this female student, and my heart started to
beat fast.

Underneath my feet the teachers were busily working to change the position of the
mates and schoolbags. While taking out the mats, the buffer layer of the school bags
collapsed to the bottom, this aroused complaints from the students, they thought that the
teachers were so selfish that they were trying to put the mat on top of their stuff. The P.E.
teacher said a sentence, he asked me, If you were to jump down like this, will it hurt.
I already felt it, through the public’s consistent effort, whether it was passion or
sincerity, the feeling of just watching and not getting scared that the situation will get bigger
was completed, like a weapons expert desiring for a war to break out, they were expecting me
to fall down so they could verify their product. But I don’t care about these things, I’m only
interested in the female student. She was wrapped inside the surging crowds, I was looking at
her firmly from beginning to end, my face identification system and automatic focus system
was working at full speed, whenever we looked at each other I felt like she was giving me
strength. Although I knew that we were only looking at each other and that we were looking
at each from one to a hundred, the people on the ground think that I’m looking at you but in
fact I’m only looking at her.

In my memory, I remember that she suddenly turned and walked away. It was
probably because she was scared of me looking at her. I stretched out my hand and tried to
grab her within a few meters. Ah! I fell down.

The feeling of free falling at the time – I already forgot it. Within the time it takes to
take a breath I had already fallen on the mat, there was a big uproar of cheering around me.
But when I got in contact with the schoolbag, my eyes were still in the black dark. I fell on
the seam of the mattress and chafed into the schoolbag. What I can remember is that a corner
of a book pierced my penis and it hurt very much. It was a yellow Saint Seiya bag. The
picture on the bag was my idol – the bird that doesn’t die – Phoenix Ikki. While enduring the
pain I took out the book and saw that it was an upper classman’s textbook, I put the book
back into the bag, while tightly dragging the schoolbag, Phoenix Ikki on the bag was looking
at me, there was a connection exchange between our eyes. Later I could hear my voice

10
getting lighter, I felt my stomach and solar plexus getting constricted, the teachers rushed
towards me, the P.E. teacher and my homeroom teacher ran here the fastest and held me and
said, What are you saying, say it in a louder voice, what are you saying, say it in a louder
voice, a louder voice.
Using all my strength I said three words, those three words that I said was for that
girl to hear, it was my heartfelt wishes, I only had thoughts of her in my head, it was the first
strange feeling of love, she helped me get away from this pain in my life. I grabbed my
homeroom teacher’s shoulder tightly and strenuously whispered repeatedly the three words –
not dying bird.

When I woke up I was already at the rural health center. Next to me – there was a
newspaper – 《Rural Scenery》. 《Rural Scenery》was a newspaper published by a cultural
center called Ting Xin Hyang, on the fourth page of the 《Rural Scenery》, impressively
written was 《An Elementary Student Climbs Up a Flagpole, All the Students and Teachers
Collaborate to Execute an Emergency Rescue 》, on the head of the newspaper it was
written:

Breaking News: A student from 5th grade class 4 carelessly climbed up an elementary
school flag pole and was unable to climb down. All the students and teachers actively created a
system for an emergency rescue. In total 36 mattresses and around 1,000 school bags were used.
The life of the elementary school student was successfully saved. The elementary school
repeatedly said thank you to the teacher after he was saved.

Next to the news a picture was published with it, in the picture I was crawled up in a
jade tree facing the wind. I saw the signature on the picture, to my surprise it was my
classmate, he was in the photography team, when I climbed up the flag pole they used me as
material in their creative progress, was it because that I’m easy to focus on?

Three days later, I went to class. It was only a slight concussion. When I went into
school I felt inferior immediately, of course all the students were looking at me, they were
discussing me, but they were calling me a monkey behind my back, because I was able to
climb up very high. I don’t like things that look like monkeys, but they were calling me a
monkey. I don’t care about these things, what I care about, is looking for that female student,
what grade what class which seat are you at?

My recollection came to a halt here, I brushed away from it and came back to reality.
The green iron gates slowly opened, a Haishi van rolled out, higher executieves were
probably in it. He turned on the right turn indicator but he ended up turning left. I suddenly
though of my 1988, 1988 was still probably underneath the Jinsanjiao Sauna. I called a
yellow all-purpose truck to go to Jinsanjiao, the truck driver asked for 10 yuan. In fact this
was a reasonable price but my bag was still back at the room so I only had 6 yuan. So I said,
I’m 4 yuan shy but can you still take me.
The driver said, I can take you but you can only sit behind in the cargo area.
I asked him, Isn’t the front seat next to you empty?
The truck driver answered very honestly and convinced me, he said, If you sit in
front I will feel uncomfortable because you didn’t pay the full price but it you sit in the back
it will make sense to me. This is a multi-purpose car, since you don’t have enough money
you’re not a passenger but only cargo.
I slowly walked to the back of the truck, with my hand holding the handrail I looked
at the county town. I was immersed deeply in the spring breeze. Although my face still hurt I

11
could still feel the breeze, and even though there was a steel railing beside me I could fling
my body on the road and get hit and die, how free is this
Right now I am cargo, 10 minutes later when I get my bag I will be a customer, just
don’t delay my journey. I will depart from here and go to the end of road 318. Don’t think of
this as a shallow road trip by myself, and don’t think of this as me floating around without
any roots, and think of me as my roots being dug deeply into the ground. For a time I thought
that I was a seed but following the monsoon season I was blown this way and that way and
realized that I wasn’t a seed but a plant with roots. I can’t say what kind of a plant I am
because I can’t see myself so you’ll have to ask another plant. The reason why I keep moving
around is because I am rooted in sand not soil.
For years I wandered around aimlessly with flying sand surrounding my feet. The
sand flooded me and it not only let me realized that I didn’t have another choice but also that
I had to fl when the wine blew. I spent my time passionately and unexamined. Surrounded
like this I went to the east, surrounded I went to the west, I was no better than the seeds that I
looked down on.
Until a week ago I said to the sand, Take me with the wind.
The sand said, If you didn’t have roots you would die soon.
I said, I collected enough water so I will be able to stay alive for a while.
The sand said, But the wind will keep you in the sky endlessly so you will be
dehydrated.
I said, I will have rain.
The sand said, The rain will flow into the ground and collect to become a pond, when
it’s in the sky it’s only a decoration.
I said, Then I will fall into the pond.
The sand said, Then you will drown in the water.
I said, Just let me do what I want, mind your own business.
The sand said, I will push you into the small sand hill, bow your head and look at
how many plants like you are stuck into us.
I said, If you have courage lift me up a little higher, show me that all plants in the
world is living like us.
The sand said, How can you defy me. I will gobble you up.
I said, Then let the west wind take me.
So I resolutely struggled and shot upward but actually wasn’t that strenuous. I left the
sand and I looked down at my feet, shit, I wasn’t a plant but an animal. These son of bitches
deceived me for over 20 years. As an animal with feet I was able to choose my destination. I
turned my head and looked at the sand. The sand said, You go, don’t tell the other plants that
they are in fact animals.
I will go to my destination and support my brothers from there.

The cargo truck arrived under Jinsanjiao. 1988 still looked like new even after all that
time. There wasn’t a bit of dust on it even though a whole night had passed. I don’t know
why. I’ve seen old cars like mine on the road but I felt that my car had a special light to it. I
lined up 1988 next to a similar travel car like it to compare and looked closely, to see if there
was a possibility that my car was comparably better, but these two cars were really the same
so I thought that this must be the power of my psyche. After I came out after eating a meal I
took the keys stabbed the car door at the wrong place. I realize now that this is the power of
prejudice. Anyways this is how I got to like 1988. I started up the car and since I trained the
carbonator well not a single drop of oil fell to the ground. As I was driving 1988 I went back
to the way I came from. I stood in front of the door like a undercover policeman and look
vacantly at each person coming out. I didn’t see her until the sun set. I think that it was

12
because it was to maintain a uniform punishment but they couldn’t find any evidence so they
released injured me, the customer of the whore, instead kept Tian Fang burden her with the
punishment.
I opened the door and walked to the security office, I said I was looking for a person,
I was looking for the person that was arrested with me, she’s already pregnant.
The security said, What is the name, and what division?
I said I didn’t know.
The security said, You’re looking for the person that came in with you, she’s still in
interrogation so you can’t see her.
I asked, What would I have to do to see her?

In the last strand of light in the dark I saw her trudging out of the door. I went to her
quickly and called, Shan Shan.
Shan Shan stared at me blankly for a while and said, I’m called Huang Xiao Na, Call
me Nana.
I said, I think my information will increase sharply, because of you I have to
remember four names.
Shan Shan looking at me said, Call me Nana.
I said, Why did you make so many name.
Shan Shan looking at me said, How can I whore myself out while using the name my
mother gave me, call me Nana.
I said, Okay, I’ll call you Nana.

Nana didn’t speak for a long time while sitting in the car. She asked me if she could
smoke. I said, Smoke. But she didn’t smoke. She opened the window and said, Did you pay a
big penalty too?
I said, I squandered all my fortune.
Nana said, I wanted to curse at you, why am I so unlucky when I’m with you , I’ve
been doing this work for year and this is the second time I went in.
I asked, How did you go in last time.
Nana rolled the window back up and said chicly, When I first started this job I was
saving 20,000 yuan to go back home and start a clothing business but when I was on my last
stunt, it might not have been my last stunt, anyways during my last few stunts I was caught
by them. I paid 20,000 yuan and got out. This time I saved 20,000 yuan again, these people
might be conspiring with the bank. They might always know how much I have in my card
and when it reaches 20,000 aren’t they coming to get me?
I couldn’t help but take my foot off the accelerator and say, Did you pay the penalty
of 20,000 yuan?
Nana said, Or else I had to spend half a year in labor re-education. A baby in the
womb develops hearing in 3 months and how can I let it hear what the prisoners are talking
about.
I said, Then what are you going to do without the 20,000 yuan.
Nana pulled out her folder phone like nothing was wrong, flipped it open and said, I
will find its father.
I asked suspiciously, how did you find out the father’s phone number?
Nana said, Two people asked for the no-condom service. When they were taking a
shower I called my phone with their cell phones, so that if something happened I could find
them. Whenever I meet someone I like or someone who wants the no-condom service I take
their phone numbers without them knowing. See, the phone is connecting. Hello, Sir Liu, I’m
Shan Shan. Do you remember me? Yeah that’s right, when are you coming back? Phone

13
number, you gave me your number last time, don’t you remember. Yes. Yes. I’ll ask, I’ll ask.
Nana hung up the phone. I asked her, What, why didn’t you tell him the truth?
Nana said, if I tell the truth then he’ll be scared and could run away, if he changes his
phone number I can’t find him again.
I said, It’s not possible, how can anyone hate their own child?
Nana said while fiddling with her phone, Many.
I searched for radio stations in the car, What did he want you to ask?
Nana sighed and said, That person wanted me to ask if there were any new sisters.
I said, Then you should say that there are.
Nana said, I should.
Nana called that number again, the call probably didn’t go through, she turned her
body and called again after finding a signal, but it rang once and lost the call again. Nana
turned on the speaker phone and asked me, Look at this, what is this situation?
I said, I know, before when I wanted to avoid my girl I would use the same strategy.
When it rang once I would immediately direct it to the busy tone, the person has put up a
firewall.
Nana asked, What wall.
I said, The person put your number on the blacklist.
Nana said, Oh.
I patted her head and said, It’s okay.
Nana swore, That bastard, he looked very neat and he was wearing glasses and
looked respectable, he bragged how successful his business was and that a man’s favorite
thing is to take responsibility, but now that something’s come up and I look for him he avoids
me like a coward.
I tried to console Nana but in the end it seemed like I was exonerating that guy, I
said, Nana, you didn’t tell him what was wrong and that guy probably just did that because he
didn’t want to hang out with you again. Send him a text message, he’ll probably see that text
message in the black list someday.
Nana said, Ah, you really are a person with a warm heart, you know everything.
I said, I only know this, because after my ex-girlfriend put me on the black list I sent
her a text message because I knew that she could see it.
Females are naturally curious about the development of other people’s love stories.
Nana temporarily didn’t interfere, she asked with much interest, What happened afterward?
I said, Later it was okay, her boyfriend returned my text message, it said, Today is
our one year anniversary and out emotions are very strong, don’t make a scene again.
Nana said, Damn, you must have been very sad then.
I said, Yeah it was, but it had only been two months since she and I broke up.
Nana was fully endorsed in the story and asked, Then why did you look for her?
I said, Outside she always lives as she wants and knows a lot of people, at that time
my friend was in prison and I just wanted to ask her if she knew anyone.
Nana started to extend the story and asked, What did your friend do to go in?
I said, He made a surprise attack on a chemical factory.
Nana asked, Who is chemical factory? Oh, you’re just talking about a chemical
factory, why did he attack a chemical factory?
I said, This story is a little long, I’ll tell you later, first send a text message to the guy.
Nana said, Ah.

Actually I was more nervous that she was, although we were friends that went
through a hardship together I had no feelings for her, I just wish that she will go through
everything safely and get out of my car. I hoped that the next person she contacts will help

14
her then she won’t need to borrow money from me. I have not intention and strength in
embarking again with her. She is just a whore that says a few more words during my journey.
We stopped my car at a mart on the street, and I gave Nana 100 yuan and said, Nana
go buy something I’ll wait in the car.
This mart was a very big mart in a mountain village, and the light was very bright,
inside the supermarket were outdoor pool tables covered with colorful tents, topless
youngsters were bending down and playing pool, on the other side of it was a very big factory
building.
Nana received the money and ran out and then came back, she asked me, What do
you want to eat?

I said, Anything.
While I was waiting in the car I kept looking for the local radio but there is only the
same kind of programs playing in villages located next to roads like this. I tuned in from FM
95 to 109 but all I could hear were audience calls, I’m incapable or that I have a STD, there
wasn’t even any music. Clamor started to build from the pool tables, a dark skinned guy with
a flattop took off his belt and hit two guys in the pool table on the other side, his pants came
down right away, he took off his jeans and threw it at the two guys. The two guys busily ran
away. The guy picked up the jeans and tied each pant lag to his waist, after tying it to his
waist he stood on the pool table and to the remaining ten or so people he said a bunch of
words, I didn’t know what the guy was saying but he looked very much like my brother.

I recalled the time after I fell from the flagpole again. During this journey I wanted to
recall all my childhood memories of waiting and vastness. Right, I forgot, I have an older
brother. As a household that follows the law and discipline very well I of course cannot have
an older brother, this person isn’t even my older cousin, he is my neighbor Ding Ding. He
was a college student and the idol of our region. During that time people usually went to
vocational school or technical school, because vocational school and technical school was the
most useful, After my brother got into college and the first week he was back many
vocational school and technical school students gathered around him to see my brother’s
textbooks. They wanted to know what my brother was learning and how different college was
from technical schools. My brother only brought two books. One book was 《Light in
August》, and one book was 《The Grapes of Wrath》, while taking it out he said, My book
list is already four pages.
We all knew that he was bragging but I still fell for him deeply. Brother Ding Ding
said, You like reading books the most, take a book and read it.
The third grade me picked 《The Grapes of Wrath》, because it looked the best. But
I read one page, and because it was nothing about grapes, but about me raising a chicken in
my house and planting grapes in the yard. The grape vines were already crawling up the
bamboo clothing rack. I wanted to know what the grapes were thinking about and what the
lives of grapes were like.
After a day, brother Ding Ding came to see me, he took back 《The Grapes of
Wrath》. He said, I saw about it last night and I don’t think you’ll be able to understand this
book.
Of all the people around me he was the only one I called brother with all sincerity.
It’s because I admire and respect him the most. His school grades are good, red-blooded, and
always brave, even though he was always brave for the older girls. Brother Ding Ding went
to many places, whenever he came back he would always tell me stories of his travels. He is
always the representative of here, representative of there, it’s always places where you need
to take a train to get there, but I haven’t even seen a train yet. The first time I saw a train was

15
when I rode on the front bumper of brother Ding Ding’s bicycle, he cycled without stopping,
I held the handles tightly. Brother Ding Ding said, I wish we had a motorcycle. I asked him,
Do you know how to drive a motorcycle? He said, Of course.
After an hour I finally saw railroad tracks, we waited for another hour and I fainlly
saw a red train pass by. With a child’s instinct, I started to count the cabins. Suddenly
something felt strange, I asked brother Ding Ding, Why aren’t trains green?
Brother Ding Ding said, That’s weird, I also saw that the first cabin was red,
probably was a cabin designated to national leaders, that’s why the color was red.
I immediately stood at attention and saluted towards the train.
Brother Ding Ding asked me right away, Say, what are you ding.
I said, I’m saluting to the leaders.
Brother Ding Ding said, The train is so fast, the leaders cannot see you salute.
However I still saluted very straightly.
The last cabin of the train sped by making a zipping noise.
Brother Ding Ding shouted loudly, End the ritual.
It was only then I put down my hand.

That day when I sat down my bottom hurt a lot, can you imagine sitting on a iron
pole for two hours without really much to do, how much would it hurt. But I still sat in the
front, because if I sat in the back, Brother Ding Ding could complete obstruct my view
because he is large. During our ride back it was hard for me to repress my excitement. It was
my first time traveling so far and brother Ding Ding took me to see the national leaders. Later
brother Ding Ding went to more and further places. He visited Hong Kong and even went on
an airplane. When he told his experience story of riding a plane around 30 people hurriedly
came from each region and surrounded him. Brother Ding Ding told us how to board and
how to go through security, and how big the thrust is when the plane is speeding on the
airstrip. Next he said, Takeoff, and we all lifted our heads at once and pretended to be
experiencing it. If there was something I didn’t know I would go to brother Ding Ding next
door and ask him. Of course me mother requested him to not do my homework for me.
However brother Ding Ding also had lots of homework he couldn’t understand competitions
he couldn’t participate in. He even practiced Sanda. Brother Ding Ding’s family conditions
were better off than ours and his house was three stories high. He often went to the rooftop
yard on the third floor of his house to practice Sanda. I looked up at him from the cement
floor. Once I started looking I would just look for 30 minutes. Since he was always backlit his
image was brilliant but it affected my eyesight greatly. I suspect that my eyesight went bad
because of this. One time I picked up a pair of sunglasses which I broke one of the lens by
stepping on it. The brand was Tuzi. Because one of the lens didn’t break I picked up the lens
and watched brother Ding Ding practicing Sanda with it from underneath the building.
Because I kept up this practice for so long brother Ding Ding shimmered in front of my eyes
until we saw the total solar eclipse together at school.

There were a lot of older brothers around me but they lived ignorantly. Among them
one even played marbles with us. His job always changed but he could never be a contract
worker. He was the oldest one out of all of us. My friends all called him the temporary
worked brother.
At that time playing marbles was our favrotie game. We named this game Da Dan Zi.
I had roughly 60 marbles, at that time a marble was 2 fen, I liked colored marbles. Of course
everyone loved colored marbles. At that time when we played marbles there was only one
rule, it was that after we crouched down we couldn’t move our feet, but then we were so
young that we didn’t have strength so we were allowed to stretch out our hands. I had 4 to 5

16
friends around me, they all had strong subjectivities. The temporary worker brother liked to
play marbles with us. We normally had around 20 to 30 marbles, he only brought 3 to 4, but
he had a big marble and a small marble. Because he was at the south part where he was able
to advance the best, onlt the south side had a big and small marbles. All the marbles were the
same size in our side. Whenever he hit our marbles he would change it to a big one and
whenever we would hit the marbles he would change it into a small one, everyday he would
take around 20 to 30 marbles from us by winning, but we couldn’t avoid, there were only a
few muds where we could play. Later we made a rule that you couldn’t change sized. The
temporary worker brother said, No, there is no rule in the constitution that says you can’t
change the size of the marbles. If you want to blame someone blame yourselves for not
having them and don’t blame me for having marbles with different sizes. We said we couldn’t
believe that, we were all Young Pioneers and therefore the laws were to protect us. At that
time he took out a book of constitution to our surprise. We looked at each one and found that
there really wasn’t a rule against changing marble sizes. We had no choice but to follow the
law, we kept being bullied by him.
A turning point appeared for us when the fiercest one of us emerged, he was also the
friend I worshipped the most. His nickname was number ten, because he liked soccer, he said,
I’m number ten.
I realized that the people I worship in my life are all hot blooded, although I’m not a
cold blooded person my blood is just on the warm side, I like to meet people that are hot
blooded like that, I want to become a person like them. I realized that when I’m blanking out
they are already thinking, when I’m thinking, they’re already taking action, when I’m taking
action, they’re already outstanding, then I lose all courage to take action. The outstanding of
these people have become the supreme things in my life that I look up to. It is my innate
nature to admire them. Their blood wants mine to be warmer as well.
That friend, number ten, he and us discussed how to punish the temporary worker
brother. Once he gathered us up and said, We need to revolt.
Three other friends asked, How do we revolt?
He said, When the temporary worker brother is squatting and timing I’ll strangle him
to death from behind with my shoe lace. All you guys have to do is not look at me and
pretend to play marbles. You can do it right?
I shook my head and expressed that I couldn’t do it. I think that if something this big
happened I would not be able to stop myself from watching.
He said, Or else we could put poison in his drinking water, lets put rat poison, all you
guys need to do is not confessing when the police questions us, you can do it right?
I shook my head and said, I can’t do that, my father would pinch my bottom over 180
degrees and I would confess everything.
Number ten then took out a language book from his schoolbag. He opened up the
page with Liu Hulan and said, Come here and look.
I was still at the lower levels then so I didn’t learn that sentence yet. What I was
curious about in my young memory was how could they all take out books at that moment? I
looked at Liu Hulan’s story carefully, I got very angry, I asked number ten, What does Liu
Hulan look like? You cut out all the pictures.
He unbuttoned his shirt and impressively on his white undershirt was a picture of Liu
Hulan. I think that this might be the origin of the Chinese cultural t-shirts. After showing me
he immediately buttoned up again. He said, I think that people like you would probably
confess because you are a coward. I’m going to look for another way.

That day the scene of playing marbles is still fresh in my memory. On our second
round temporary worker brother came like every other day. I studied temporary worker

17
brother’s face carefully, just like I was looking at a corpse. Temporary worker brother had
single-edged eyelids, a snub nose, big ears, a yellow tooth, smelly breath, was around 170cm
tall, and was wearing a Hui Li brand. I was so distracted while playing marbles that day that
soon I was only left with three.
I kept caution of number ten, number ten didn’t even bring water or a knife, and his
shoes didn’t have shoe laces, and there weren’t any bricks around. How was number ten
going to kill this person. When it was temporary worker brother’s turn he calmly took out a
big marble from his pocket and aimed at my color marble. Number ten was already behind
my color marble, temporary worker brother missed and spat on himself. Number ten picked
up that big marbles and darted towards the riverside. For a few seconds we were dazed and
unconsciously ran after him. At that time temporary worker brother started to show some
reaction. He was already three steps ahead of me, he outran me and was soon close to number
ten. Number ten was still a hundred meters away from the riverside. I knew that he wanted to
throw the marble inside the river, but the temporary worker brother was already only a few
meters away. Instantly he bent down and swallowed the big marble.
We were all stunned. Temporary worker brother went to him and said, Spit it out.
Number ten said, I’m going to die.
Temporary worker brother ran away, I look down on people who run away like that.
Number ten said again in our arms, I’m going to die, I can’t breathe, my stomach is very
heavy too.
We all started to blabber at once, Call the ambulance quickly. But we didn’t know
how to call the ambulance.
Number ten said, Don’t tell the adults, I am dying for you guys, from now on you
guys will fight and win him now that he doesn’t have the big marble.
I said, We can do it.
The friend next to me held number ten’s hand and said, That person still has a small
marble, we can never aim for that, I will eat that one.
Number ten said, Fuck, I eat the big one and you eat the small one, you really….
While he was talking his head suddenly fell to the side. We all cried. I said, Let’s dig
the ground and buy him. Another friend said, Number ten is not dead yet he’s still breathing.
Number ten turned his head again and said, I feel like I’m going to die soon, its very
agonizing. I have a few last words. I don’t have a female student I like yet and never loved
any girl my whole life, I only loved one person, and that person is Liu Hulan.
At that time a word kept circling insdie my head but I couldn’t say it for the longest
time, I had no words to express myself.
Number ten swallowed and looked at each of us, actually I feel very honored today,
and now I can honorably stand in front of Liu Hulan. Compared to her I’m not lacking
anything either, I am a tough guy. Because math teacher Liu bad mouthed me in front of a
public spread my ashes on his bed sheets after I die and since the disciplinary committee bad
mouthed me too spread my ashes in his pencil case. Although temporary worker brother
decided not to kill me, his marble killed me, so spread my ashes on his roof. I like my
grandmother the best, when the house’s hen laid eggs she wouldn’t let anyone else but me
touch the hen. Spread my ashes inside the chicken pen. I also liked my grandfather a lot.
When I stole from his wallet I saw my grandmother’s picture hidden in it. My grandfather
likes my grandmother. Spread my ashes in his vegetable field. I don’t like my mother, my
mother bought herself expensive shoes, but didn’t buy me sneakers. She said, I support
teacher Liu, so spread my ashes in her shoes. Because my father works at an ocean vessel
write him a letter and spread some of my ashes on it. How much ashes do I have?
I said, I saw when my grandfather died and it was a few handfuls.
Number ten said, That little?

18
 A friend next to me said, I have to go eat, I’ll come back after I eat.

That day we listened to number ten’s will until a very late hour. Now that I think
about it number ten did something that was of value. He ate one marble and made four people
listen to his words intently in turn. Later I told this incident to brother Ding Ding but I didn’t
tell him that number ten ate the marble because brother Ding Ding was an adult. Number
ten’s will said that we were not to talk about this to adults. I only told him how temporary
worker brother tormented us. Brother Ding Ding said, Wait a bit, I have a movie date later
and I’ll go solve this problem for you tomorrow.

It was a very long night, all night I waited for number ten’s mother to start the
funeral, the next day I went to the muds lifelessly, I saw number ten already there playing
with marbles. Number ten said, I didn’t die.
I said, I already saw.
Number ten said, This is the second time I barely survived. Last time I swallowed
gum. My mom said, You shouldn’t swallow gum or else you’ll die, but I waited for three days
and I didn’t die. I’m an undying bird, a phoenix.
I immediately got anxious and said, I’m a phoenix, aren’t you Cygnus Hyōga?
Number ten said, I didn’t die two times in a row so I’m not Cygnus Hyōga but
Phoenix Ikki.
I got so mad that my heart burned, I said, I’m Phoenix Ikki I fell off the flag pole and
didn’t die so I’m Phoenix Ikki.
Number ten said, Haha whatever. You think that you’re very cool but when you were
dangling on the top you looked like a coward. We all saw, at the end it was the bags that
saved you. If it wasn’t for that you would already be dead. But I ate the marble and still
didn’t die so I’m Phoenix Ikki. So I’ve decided not to give up Cygnus Hyōga either and I’m
going to be the Ice and Fire Warrior. I’m Cygnus and Phoenix Ikki.
This is the first time in my life when my beliefs collapsed. Before I kept thinking that
I was Phoenix Ikki. I thought that my life’s existence would be different from other people.
There must be a plan from the skies for giving a reason to put me on this earth. I don’t know
what the plan is yet but there must be a mission for me. So before I fulfill this mission I
cannot die. The only thing I trusted was that I wasn’t going to die. And I’m afraid of pain.
Because I can’t stand pain I’m not as free as other kids. I firmly believe that I’m not going to
die. Later when I was watching a cartoon movie I realized that the name for me was Phoenix
Ikki. We have five friends and we all distributed. The smallest kid was Pegasus Seiya, the
most girly one was Andromeda Shun, the one that fell down often and had lots of gentian
violet was Dragon Shiryu, and number ten was the first household to buy a refrigerator and
often used the icing function to make ice and throw at us so he was Cygnus Hyōga. At that
time my right to talk was very small and there were only 4 Bronze Saints so I didn’t get a
nickname. But as the plot got deeper Phoenix Ikki appeared and I got very excited. His and
my faith was identical. I immediately went around to houses and told them I was Phoenix
Ikki. Because it didn’t effect the status of the other four I become Phoenix Ikki without any
problem. I was deeply proud of this title. But at this day Cygnus Hyōga suddenly came to me
and told me to give him my title and that he’d keep his own as well.
Then what would become of me?

I’ve never been this brave many times in my life because I am depleted of everything
that supported me. I grabbed number ten’s collar tightly and said in my most powerful voice
said each letter each word, I am Phoenix Ikki!
19
 But when I grabbed his collar tightly the button of his shirt felt of and suddenly opened
widely. He looked at me surprised and bewildered with the spring breeze blowing the strands
of his hair. He didn’t fight back but when I saw Liu Hulan there was a flurry in my heart. I
looked around and my friends were all looking at me dopey faces. I suddenly realized, he
risked his life to get rid of temporary worker brother yesterday and still had his prestige so
how could I be so rude to him. However I must say what’s in my mind.
I let go of number ten and said, I am not the dead bird Ikki.

This was one of the most important lines of my life and I surprisingly messed it up. I
lost this title. Brother Ding Ding rode up next to me on his motorcycle. He was holding a
plastic bag in his hand. We gathered around him, I was the last one to. Brother Ding Ding
through the plastic bag to the floor, and with the sound of hualala hundreds of marbles spilled
out on the ground. We all shouted out in glee. Brother Ding Ding started up the engine again
and said, I talked to him in your behalf, he returned all the marbles, share it among
yourselves. After talking he twisted the accelerator. His shirt was as graceful as a windbreaker
and he changed gears tastefully. I fell for him again. At that time the only person who could
drive a motorcycle with multiple gears was him. During the time I was looking at him in awe
my friends were already breaking the marbles.
Number ten presided over the situation and said, This all came out from his immense
bravery. Since he is the saint amongst us he should be able to choose first, then the remaingin
four of us should choose. To be fair we counted how many marbles there are and there is a
total of 472. I didn’t know that the guy won so many marbles from us. Number ten chose
150, I don’t know how many the rest took, I only took the last 30 even though I was certainly
the one who lost the most.
We each hit our marbles at home and started a new game in the mud again. Everyone
thought they had a plan to win other people’s marbles. I only wanted to win number ten’s
marbles, he chose the marbles first so he had the newest and most colorful ones. When he
started, I didn’t expect him to take out the big marble. He slowly hit his marble. My blood
was boiling so hard that I swallowed his big marble without thinking. Number ten grabbed
my neck hard and shook my head and said, Give it back to me, give it back to me, I just
bought it how can you eat it right away, give it back quickly.

Strangely I didn’t poop out the marble again. The people thought that I had hid the
marble and wouldn’t take it out. Afterwards the four voted and abolished using different sized
marbles when hitting marbles. Later as the market economy advanced further, different sized
marbles started to appear in our village as well. What I’m curious about is where did that
marble go. It’s probably still in my body and became my youngest kidney stone.

Brother Ding Ding has a very nice body, he’s different from the other nerd. He likes
P.E. and takes off his shirt early. In May he is already walking around with a bare upper body
and does pull-ups with the basketball hoop. He can do thirty and I can do three. He taught me
how to grab the bar on the basketball hoop with my two hands and circle it once. The clothes
on my abodomenon had rust stuck on it. Brother Ding Ding even uprooted the basketball
hoop and put it somewhere else. According to him the place where the basketball hoop was
not good. He could see it whenever he was studying and it was distracting.

I trusted brother Ding Ding when he said he went to look for temporary worker brother
and hit him. But later brother Ding Ding told me, he only went and talked to him. He said, if
you fight you can solve your problem without a doubt but you can solve your problem by
talking through it as well. I said, Then why didn’t you fight right away like in a Hong Kong

20
movie?
Brother Ding Ding thought deeply for a while then looked at me meaningfully and put
his hand on my shoulder and said, That could hurt.
I nodded my head.
Brother Ding Ding said, I’m the school president at school and when there are
problems they can be solved through talking. I have leadership skills and brother Ding Ding
said, That day, when I went to look for temporary worker brother I asked him the reason why,
because adults like us don’t play with marbles.
I looked at brother Ding Ding, brother Ding Ding continued to talk while shaking his
head, Sure enough.
I asked him excitedly, Then what was the reason why he played marbles with us.
Brother Ding Ding said, Because he had to play marbles to win you guys. He didn’t
play only with you, he played with other kids too. It was because he had to buy a Hongdeng
brand tape recorder.
I said, Ah.
Brother Ding Ding said while showing his biceps, I told him, you can’t continue to do
this, doing this is tormenting children. Why do you need a tape recorder. He said, I need to
record a tape, I need to record a song and send it to my pen pal.
I said, he could borrow it from someone else and record it.
Brother Ding Ding said, Everyone has selfish interests, of course he wanted to listen to
it too. Later I took him to the cultural center and lent him a recorder myself.
I said, Wow, you know someone working at the cultural center too?
Brother Ding Ding said nonchalantly, Just a friend.
I said, What song did temporary worker friend sing.
Brother Ding Ding said, He recorded a song called《Temporal Relationship》.
I said, What is that song 《Temporal Relationship》?
Brother Ding Ding said, Don’t you watch dramas, it’s a OST.
I said, Oh.
Brother Ding Ding hummed, temporal relationships are like dreams, it changes several
times and it’s never calm. When it stops changing the whole body becomes haggard. Looking
back it wasn’t clear and it didn’t rain, it’s a dauntingly long road and I can’t control the
change. Many people taste calm justice while wandering around. And passion and warm
hearts turn into indifference and cold hearts. There isn’t much truth just loneliness. People
pass by with the wind, flowers bloom and fall, don’t care about the vicissitudes of life….
I cut off brother Ding Ding’s song and smiling said, Hahahahahaha, does temporary
worker brother know how to sing too?
What I wasn’t conscious about was that brother Ding Ding was singing at the time, and
it was the first time I had heard brother Ding Ding sing but I cut him off. Brother Ding Ding
looking at me said, Down the distant road, I can’t control change.
I sang along, Down the distant road, I can’t control change.
Brother Ding Ding said, This song is from last year, but there is still a good vibe to it
singing it this year.
I repeated it after him, It still has a good vibe!

At that summer brother Ding Ding taught me how to fake when playing soccer. Brother
Ding Ding said to me, I’m sincere when I play soccer, when I go left I really go left, when I
go right I really go right, and your body already tells your opponent everything. If you want
to be good at soccer you need to control the ball well under your feet. Also you need to learn
how to fake, your eyes would look right, your body would be facing the right, and you would
stick out your right foot, and everyone would think that you’re going right, when suddenly

21
you put strength on your left leg and actually go left, then you can deceive everyone. People
who are good at soccer must be able to fake, when I get back I’ll teach you how to fake.
In the spring, Brother Ding Ding packed up everything bought a train ticket and said
goodbye to me.
I said, Are you going to the south or are you going to the north.
Brother Ding Ding said, I’m going to go to the north.
I said, Wow, take me with you.
Brother Ding Ding said, No, you’re still too young.
I said, If I get on the train I don’t need to spend any money.
Brother Ding Ding said, No, you’re too big.
I said, Brother Ding Ding, what are you going for?
Brother Ding Ding said, I’m going to talk with them.
I said, Who are you going to talk with?
Brother Ding Ding earnestly said with a smile, With this world.
I said, Wow.

If brother Ding Ding is alive right now he would be around 38? 39? 40 years old? I’m
already confused. Nana was walking towards me with two big plastic bags of food. She
couldn’t go further than a few steps when she leaned on a trash can and started vomiting. I
hurriedly opened the car door. The door hit the elder person who was pushing a gas canister.
With no time to worry I ran across the road. The elder shouted loudly, Young man, stop right
there, do you want to run away after hitting me like that?
I stopped at my tracks. The people around started to look at me when they heard the
severe scolding. I looked back at the elder person and said, Sir, are you okay?
The elder person was so angry that he pointed at me with a shaking finger, I don’t
know if I’m okay or not yet.
Some of the people around, looked at me with contempt, helping the elder person
straighten out his clothes, and checking him from head to toe, asked him in a local dialect,
Are you okay, try moving, try moving quickly, say if there is any problem while there are
people next to you, if you are ill after everyone has gone it will be really unlucky.
The elder person moved his legs and arms, and while moving his arms several times
again said, My arms hurt a little.
I was looking at Nana on the other side of the road, she was vomiting severely again,
she was waving at me with tears glistening in her eye. I hurriedly took out 100 yuan and gave
it to the elder person saying, Sir, my friend is quite sick right now, I have to go and help her
carry some stuff so please go buy some invigorating food to recuperate, I’m sorry.
After giving him money I ran to her right away, the elder person folded the money
nicely without objection and put it in his pocket and slowly proceeded forward pushing the
gas canister. I looked once at the path he was heading from. Beyond a few meters, a
nightscape with orange light borders and there was an unknown factory hidden within the
fog. In front of the factory were two big canisters. The elder person was probably going home
after receiving the gas canisters. I tapped Nana on the back, Nana said, Don’t tap me, if you
tap me I feel more nauseous.
I said, They do this in dramas all the time, Nana.
Nana took a tissue out of a bag and wiped her mouth saying, Lets get in the car.

I brushed by the topless guy, he didn’t have the disposition like brother Ding Ding. All
he was, was a bully at an outdoor pool table. But the scene where he jumped up the pool table
and talked was something brother Ding Ding would do. Now I was already a year older than
what brother Ding Ding was at the time. But I felt that not even one part of me was up to his

22
standards. He carried his stuff and left with only a few words. But I prepared for a full four
years for this trip to go to the end of this road. Every time I only avoided it, saying I was
afraid that the car would break down

내가 윗통을 벗은 남자를 한번 스쳤다. 그가 띵띵이랑 같은 자질이 없다. 그가 단지

露天노천에 당구장의 깡패 뿐이고. 그러나 그가 당구대에 뛰어 올라서 말하는 한 장면이
Dingding 형이 할 수 있을법한 일인 것 같다. 지금 내가 이미 그당시의 띵띵 형보다 몇살 더
많이 먹었다. 그러나 내가 늘 어떠한 점도 그를 따라갈수없다는 느낌이 든다. 그가 짐을
지고 몇마디를 남기고 그냥 가버렸다. 그러나 내가 이 도로 끝까지 가려고 하는 것을 꼬박 4
년의 시간으로 준비했따. 매번 회피만 했다. 차가 고장 날까봐 아니면 내가 아직 준비가
안됬다고. 불과 5476kilometer 길이인데. 내가 머리를 숙여서 미터기를 보니까 이미 500 km
를 넘었다. 그러나 내가 지금 어느 省성에 province 夜幕밤의 장막 속에 있는지 나는
확실하지 않다. 내가 단지 내가 처음에 300 km 넘은 다음에 거기서 한 몇 개월동안 있었따.
내가 친구를 마중하러 갈 시간이 아직 안됬기 때문이다. 그가 감옥에서 나오는 시간이
변했다. 이번에 진정한 여행한 여행이될것이다.
나나 차안에서 말한다. 여기는 너무 시끌벆적 하다 우리 출발하자.
내가 말한다.좋아. 내가 살짝 오른쪽으로 방향을 돌리고 아직 1meter 를 가지 말고
한 어르신의 팔이 내 반사경에 부딪혔다.
가지마 총각
어르신이 소리를 지르면서 말한다. 내가 머리를 내밀고 보니까 다른 어르신이였다.
어르신이 나를 가르키면서 욕한다. 요새 젊은이들이 정말 예의가 없다. 차를 운전하면서
사람을 부딪혀도 차에서 내릴줄을 모른다.
Nana asked me, 무슨 일이니?
내가 말한다, 아무 일 없어 나나 내리지마
내가 차에서 내려서 민첩하게 지갑을 열고 또 100yuan 을 어르신한테 주면서 말을
한다, 어르신 아무 말씀하지 마세요 어르신도 몸보신하세요.
开在 I drove through the night scene. Nana said, 100yuan 손실/손해 입었다.
I said, I 200 yuan 손실했다
Nana said, you should’ve told me 나는 싸우는것에 일가견이 있다.
내가 드디어 음악이 있는 FM 을 锁定ㅇ I finally locked on to a FM station which
played music. 지금 Zhang Yusheng 의 <나의 미래는 꿈이 아니다>. 내가 한숨 쉬면서
말한다, 나나 됬어 그렇게 다투지마 불과 200yuan 이잖아. 그 사람이 어르신이 잖아 너와
어르신 싸움 붙이면 너 아무래도 吃亏손해를 볼꺼야.
나나는 좌석에서 소매를 걷고 말한다, 나는 임산부다.
내가 웃으면서 말한다, 당신들 倒是오히려 같은 계급이구나. 너 말해봐봐 너 여기서
창녀하기전에 뭐했어?
나나는 한 포테토칩 봉지를 풀고 말한다, 학생이였다.
내가 말한다, 음 아쉽게 너는 한 업종을 끝나고 다른 업종을 하는것이다 만약에
네가 兼职겸직을 하는것이면 더 많이 벌 수 있을텐데.
나나는 분명히 못알아들었다, 그녀가 포테토칩하나를 들고 내 입에 넣어주면서
말한다, 그럼 너 전에 뭐하던 사람이야? 내가 대답하지 않고 계속 앞을 바라봤다.
나나가 갑자기 내 옷을 걷어올린다. 내가 退缩 shrunk back and said, 너 왜 兴致가
이렇게 있냐.
나나가 말한다, 네가 사복경찰인지 아닌지 확인할려고.
내가 물었다, 이거는 어떻게 알아볼수 있어?
나나가 말한다, 가죽벨트를 통해서 알 수 있다. 내 자매들 이렇게 말한적이 있다,
사복 경찰들 일반적으로 옷을 바꿔도 가죽벨트는 경찰용껄로 쓴다.
내가 말한다, 그럼 너 잘 봤지? 난 사복경찰이 아니지?
나나가 말한다, 너 사복경찰아니다 그러나 만약에 네가 사복경찰이라면 나도 后台
배후 세력이 없기 때문에 나를 따라올 필요가 없다. 나 배고프다

23
 내가 물었따, 너 왜 또 배고프냐?
나나가 말한다, 임산부는 다 그래. 임산부는 다 쉽게 배고픈거 몰라?
내가 말한다, 나 모른다
한 로드에 갈라진 길 옆에 나나는 兰州 Lanzhou 拉面 Ramen 식당/가게을 마음에
들어했다. 그 라멘 식당이 확 눈에 띄고 그리고 장사가 아주 뜨겁다. 저 멀리에서 볼 수
있다. 가게 안에 식탕이 딱 네개 있따 그러나 이미 다 찼다. 추가된 식탁 거의 도로 双黄线
double yellow lines 까지 넣었따. 나나는, 4 两 ounce 의 국수를 시켰고 그리고 2 yuan 의
소고기를 추가한다. 그리고 특별히 서빙하는 종업원을 불러서 콜라 한병도 시켰따.. 그러나
몇입도 안 먹고 无辜 innocent 하게 나를 바라보면서 말한다, 배부르다. 이시간에 내가 시킨
소고리 粉丝당면/면 탕 아직 안나왔따. 내가 말했다, 너 뭐하는거야 너 배고프다며.
그녀가 가방에서 한 작은 수첩을 꺼냈다. 그 안에는 나 삼각 표시를 접었따. 그가
능숙하게 한 페이지를 열면서 말한다. 임산부는 多餐少食 끼의 수는 많아야되고 많이
먹으면 안된다.
내가 그녀의 책으 벗겨 보니까 책 이름 <임신성경> 그러나 计划生育의 宣传手册
brochure 처럼 되게 얇았다. 내가 말한다, 왜 이렇게 얇ㄷ다. 내가 엣날에 친구집에서
봣었는데 거의 辞海 사해처럼 두꺼웠다
나나 말한다, 어 그렇게 두꺼운 것도 있고 이거는 간력판이다. 노점에서 샀다.
내가 그녀한테 돌려주면서 말한다, 이것은 해적판이다.
나나가 말한다, 그런데 내용은 다 진짜야 내가 일부로 큰 서점에 가서 맞춰봤었어.
그가 생략한 것은 단지 생명의 기원, 생명의 형성, 생명의…
내가 그녀의 말을 끊어버렸다. 그리고 물었다, 그러면 이 수첩안에 뭐있어?
나나가 말한다, 이 수첩 정말 실용적이다 그가 우리 한테 임산부한테 무엇을
주의해야되는지 알려준다. 예를 들어서…
나나는 손가는대로 한페이지를 피면서 읽었다, 임신 기간에 사실은 성생활도 할 수
있따 그러나 그 자세를 주의해야한다. 아 미안해 내가 그냥 손가는대로 핀건데 난 일부러
읽은 것이 아니라 여기까지 읽지 않았다 여기는 임신 4 개월을 말하는건데 나는 2 개월박에
안된다.
내가 말한다, 어 너 이 책 다 읽을 수 있니? 글씨 다 알아?
말 끝나자마자 우리는 매우 길고 오랜 침묵에 빠졌다.
내가 시킨 소고기 粉丝당면/면 탕 시간을 아주 잘 맞춰서 나왔다. 내가 그를 몹시
뜨거운것을 고려하지 않고 머리를 숙여서 마구 먹었다.
나나는 낮은 목소리로 말한다, I’m actually 还好/okay 책 다 볼 수 있어. 거의 다
알아.
내가 신경을 안 쓰는 척하면서 말한다, 아 아무일도 아냐 나나 난 농담한 것 뿐이야
마음에 두지 마. 그리고 너 빨리 너의 두번째 손님 한테 전화해봐 아니면 네가 아이 낳을
돈도 모잘라.
나나는 가방에서 자기의 반짝거리는 짝퉁핸드폰 (짝퉁이지만 진짜 만큼 좋은) 를
꺼내서 핸드폰 번호부를 피면서 전화걸기전에 나를 몇번 봤다. 내가 말한다, 괜찮아 해
멀지 않으면 내가 너 데리고 그 사람 찾으러 갈께.
나나가 핸드폰을 보면서 한참 망설이다가 다시 가방에 넣었다. 내가 말한다, 겁날
것 뭐있어.
나나가 말한다, 나는 겁나는거 아니야
내가 말한다, 네 돈 이미 다 벌금으로 냈는데 네가 빨리 靠山빽을 찾아야지. 빨리
전화해
나나가 말한다, 안돼 안돼 나는 전화를 못하겠어.
내가 말한다, 전화를 왜 못하니
나나가 말한다, Not this guy. I can’t make this guy my child’s father. 그 사람이
아이를 나쁘게 가르칠 수 있어.
내가 말한다, 네가 그 먼일을 왜 지금 생각하냐 지금 빨리 자기를 맡겨줄 수 있는
곳을 찾아야지 빨리 해봐. `
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 나나는 더욱더 고집이 쎄진다, 핸드폰을 握紧힘껏 움켜쥐면서 말한다, 안돼.
내가 그 소고기 당면탕을 밀어 제치고 의자가 방향을 바꾸면서 몸이 나나의
맞은편을 향해서 진지하게 그녀에게 말한다, 나나 네가 이렇게 생각해야지 너는 돈도 없고
그리고 여관에 묵을수도 없고 넌 만약에 그 Jinsanjiao 에 들어가면 네가 감옥에 나오는
사람인데 넌 이미 crimincal record 이 있기 때문에 너의 메니저도 너를 다시 받아들이지
않을꺼야. 너는 아르바이트 하러 가면 너는 할 줄 아는 것이 아무것도 없잖아 그리고….
내가 <임신성경>을 抄起들고 임신 3 개월째 주의 사항에 있는 페이지를 펴서
첫마디는 임산부는 this month 에 제일 쉽게 유산할 수 있다. 그리고 쉽게 피로와 기면을
느낄 수 있다. 내가 사실대로 큰소리로 읽었다. 그리고 내가 말한다, 너는 다른 일 찾아서
한다는 것은 불가능해 제일 간단한 방법은 한남자를 찾는것이다. 나는 너를 책임질수 있는
방법이 없다. 나는 내 赶路길을 제촉해야한다. 보통 남자들 너를 책임 못져 네가 임신했기
떄문에. 너는 아이 아빠를 찾으러 가야해. 만약에 그 남자가 너 책임 못 지더라도 네가 돈을
받을 수 있따. 아니면 네가 그 사람한테 이렇게 알려준다, 네가 그 사람의 회사에 가서
말다툼 할 것이다 아니면 그의 와이프한테 말할것이다. 네가 아이의 양육비를 받아야되.
만약에 이 남자가 진짜 짐승이고 그리고 양육비도 안 주고싶거나 아니면 너희들 관계를 撇
清제쳐 놓고 싶다면 너는 그냥 양보를 하는 척하면서 그한테 이렇게 얘기한다, 네가 이
아이를 유산할 것이니 그러나 유산할 돈이 필요하다 그럼 네가 이 유산을 하는 돈으로 이
아이를 낳으면 되. 그럼 네가….
나나는 내 말을 끊어버리면서 말한다, 부족하다
내가 말한다, 비록 부족하지만 그래도 돈이잖아. 나나 내 말 들어봐. 나를 봐. 잘
들어봐….
그 라멘 가계의 老板娘 femal boss 사모님이 나의 말을 끊어버리고 말한다, 다
먹었으면 계산을 해 다른 손님들이 자리를 기다리잖아.
내가 15yuan 을 꺼내 식탁에다가 놓고 나나를 扶着 support 하면서 1988 를 향해서
갔다. 옆에 큰 신발매장이 2 개 있다. 한 가게에는 이렇게 써있다. 含泪 눈물을 머금고 싸게
팝니다. 소고기 가죽 구두는 한켤레에 29yuan 이다. 그 다른 가게에는 이렇게 써있다. 수출
상품을 국내에서 판매하다 시대적 유행하는 슬리퍼 2 켤레에 5yuan 이다. 딱 보니까 이
두가게가 서로 관계를 긴장하는 것을 알 수 있다. 두 가게 문앞에 다 저질 가정용
음향기기가 세워져 있다. 한 가게는 Leslie Chung 노래를 틀고 있고 한 가게는 Alan Tam 의
노래를 틀고 있다. 우리는 1988 를 탔다. 차문을 닫고 그러나 차문을 닫거나 안 닫거나 방음
효과는 똑같다. 나나가 말한다, 차를 후진시켜라.
내가 그녀에게 물었다, why?
Nana said, I don’t like Alan Tam. I don’t want to be in front of Alan Tam’s shoe store.
내가 차에 시동을 걸고 뒤로 한 20 미터 후진시키고 안전에 Leslie Chung 의
신발가게 범위로 들어간다.
내가 I pulled up the handbrake and turned to Nana and 语重心长 earnestly said, 내
말을 잘 들어봐, 나를 봐봐, 네가 꼭 기억해야한다. 너…
신발가게 사모님이 밖에서 내 창문을 두들기면서 큰소리로 말한다, 차를 여기다가
세우지마 내 가게 문을 다 막았짢아 내가 어떻게 장사를 해
내가 감정을 참으면서 물었다, 그럼 이 거리에서 어디서 차를 세울 수 있냐?
사모님이 앞을 가르치면서 말한다, 앞으로 20 미터.
나나가 말한다, 가자 세우지마 우리 그냥 출발하자
내가 차를 운전해서 이 번화한 갈림길에서 빠져나가서 울통불통한 로드로
들어간다. 맞은편에 거대한 Jiazhong 石化 petrochemical gas station 이 있다. 이 번화한 곳에
지나가면 앞에는 一片전부다 어둡다. 나는 이런 느낌없고 임신한 여자를 어두운 앞길을
데리고 가고싶은 생각이 없다. 그러나 나도 그녀를 이 번화한 이곳에서 버릴 수 없다. 나는
그녀를 여행중에서 한 친구, 한 가여운 엄마 라고 생각한다. 비록 나는 I’m not the father
that 内射 ejected inside so I 반드시 적당한 곳에서 그녀를 내려놔야 한다. 내가 不经意
부주의하게 기어를 바꾸는 척하면서 나나한테 말한다.
나나 내 말을 들어봐 그 남자를 찾으러 가 지금 바로 전화해 나도 너한테 돈 좀

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줄께 그럼 합쳐서 네가 아이를 낳을 수 있을꺼야. 네가 방법을 찾아서 돈을 좀 빌리면 그
아이는 몇 개월 조금만 키우다가 그런 다음에 고향에 돌아가 그 때는 네 부모님도
받아들일꺼야. 어르신도 다 아이 좋아하잖아.
나나는 단호하게 말한다, 나 돌아가지 않아. 나는 네 돈 필요없다.
내가 말한다, 그럼 네가 이 아이를 어떻게 교육 시킬것이냐? 이 아이를
교육시킬돈이 어디서 나와?
나나가 말한다, I’ll just go out and sell again.
내가 말한다, 그러면 네가 이 아이의 미래계획은 뭐 가 있어 Then what future plans
do you have for this child?
나나 말한다, 나가서 안 팔아도 된다는것이다 (나처럼).
I said, 그러나 만약에 남자 아이라면
Nana said, then I’ll send him overseas to study
I said, 너 어떻게 그를 유학을 보내 네가 무슨 능력으로 그를 유학을 보내
나나가 말한다, 내가 너한테 얘기를 하잖아 내가 40 세 까지 팔 수 있따고.
내가 말한다, 나나 내가 너를 흉보는 것이 아니라 너의 姿色자색으로 나가서
팔아도 장래성이 있지 않다. 너는 그냥 단지 200~300 yuan 밖에 못 받는다. 거기에다가
안정되지도 않아. 큰 사우나도 너를 받아들이지 않을것이고 네가 나가서 길에서
서있는것도 안전하지 않아. 네가 미용실에 가도 가격이 안 좋다/돈을 많이 못 받을 것이다.
내가 네가 타자를 치는 것을 배우는것을 제안한다. 그러면 네가 领导임원의 비서가 될수도
있고 아니면 机关기관에 가서 typist 가 될 수 있따. 나나는 머리를 돌려서 나한테 물었다,
너 연줄이 있어?
내가 말한다, 내 연줄이 없어 너 그냥 가서 해봐
나나는 웃으면서 말한다, 너는 정말 모르는거야 아니면 모르는척하는거야. 온
세상에 타자를 할 줄 아는 사람이 그렇게 많은데 연줄없이 어떻게 机关单位기관부서에
들어갈수있냐? 걱정하지마 나는 자본을 누적되면 내가 한 美容美发 미용실 beauty salon
차릴것이다. 밖에는 발마사지 하고 안에는 특별서비스 하고. 내가 자매들 몇 명을 찾아서
그럼 내가 그만둘것이다. 그냥 관리하는 일만 할것이다.
나도 웃었다. 复述 복창한다, 그냥 관리하는 일을 하겠다. 그래
나나는 되게 진지하게 자기 인생을 계획하고 있다. 우리 가게 만약에 기술자
다섯명이나 여섯명 있으면 나는 抽成공제을 하면 한 해에 100,000 을 벌게 된다. 나나가
두손을 펼치면서 모든 손가락를 움직였다 그리고 계속 말한다 – 그럼 만약에 여자
아이라면 그를 잘 키울것이다. 그녀를 공주되게 할것이다.
내가 참을 수 가 없어서 한마디를 껴들었다, 淫窝음탕한 소굴 공주
나나 분명히 기분이 아주 좋다. 말한다, 내가 당연히 그 아이가 내가 장사하는 것을
못보게 할것이다. I’ll just make her pretty and send her to a good school and make her
practice the piano starting from elementary school. 나중에 시집을 좋은곳으로 가야한다.
내가 사람들 많이 만났었기 때문에 내가 사람을 볼줄안다. 내가 반드시 그애한테 잘 把关
엄격히 심사하는 것을 도ㅈ도ㅈ와줄 것. 만약에 남자 아이면 내가 그를 유학 보낼것이다.
미국이나 프랑스는 너무 멀어서 보낼 수없지만 이웃나라로 보낼 수 있지. 예를 들어서 조선
같은 나라.
내가 나도 모르게 이상한 눈빛으로 그녀를 바라본다
여자들 미래를 구상할 때 늘 특별히 즐겁다. 나나는 始终시종일관 멈추려하지
않았다. 나나 계속 말한다, 그 떄 그 아이가 조선에서 深造학문을 더 닦아서 다시
돌아온다면 많은 외국의 선진한 지식을 배우게 되어서 국내에서도 좋은 일자리를 찾을 수
있을것이다. 아마 공무원도 될 수 있을것이다. 만약에 当官관리가 된다면 아주 좋겠다.
그런데 조선대학이 좋은지 안 좋은지 모르겠다. 그리고 조선에서 유학해서 돌아온다면
공무원이 되는것과 맞을지 모르겠다
내가 情不自禁 I couldn’t help but 插了一句한마디를 끼어들었다, 맞을 것이다.
나나가 동의를 얻어서 she was very happy 喜上眉梢, 그렇게 됬으면 참 좋겠다.
만약에 공무원이 되지 못한다면 그러면 그냥 장사를 하지 뭐. 그 떄는 내가 아마 적은돈을

26
남겨 둘 수 있을꺼야. 단지 마누라 얻는 것이 좀 번거롭다. 만약에 집을 살 수 없으면 그럼
외지의 마누라를 얻어야한다. 하지만 괜찮아 우리도 이 지역에서 외지 사람이잖아. 说不定
아마 외지의 마누라 얻을때 마침 우리 본지 사람일지도 모르잖아. 그러나 우리 본지도 좋을
것 없다. 穷乡僻壤산간벽촌이기 때문이다. 만약에 城镇户口 registered residence in a town
이 있는 마누라를 얻었으면 좋겠다. 대도시에 마누라를 얻으면 그게 정말 有出息
진보되는것이다. 예를 들어서 상해 마누라, 북경 마누라, 그럼 내가 정맣 좋아 죽겠다.
만약에 잘하면 외국 마누라도 얻을 수 있잖아. 조선 마누라. 그러면 정말 남보다
뛰어난것이다. 만약에 미국 마누라를 얻으면 하하하하하.
내가 그녀를 따라서 함꼐 같이 큰소리로 웃었따., 하하하하
나나가 갑자기 조용해졌다. 낮은 목소리로 말한다. 있잖아 내가 진짜 오랜 시간으로
20000yuan 을 모았는데 너도 알잖아 어떤 사람 정말 변태스럽다. 어떤 사람이 네가 춤을
추는것추 보는 것을 좋아하고 춤을 추면 하시간 넘게 춰야한다. 많은 손님들 술 먹고 어떤
방법을 써도 정자가 안 나온다/ 안 슨다. 어떤 손님이 dirty talk 상스러운 말을 하는 것을
시킨다. 어떤 손님은 키스를 해달라, 어떤 손님은 온 몸을 漫游만지라고 하고, 어떤 손님은
하다가 중간에 나를 보고 몸을 돌리라고 해서 나는 몸을 돌렸다. 그사람이 모르게 콘돔을
빼버렸다 나는 마지막에 알게 되었다. 내가 아주 조심한다 만약에 콘돔을 안 쓰면 내가 그
사람을 한참동안 검사를 하다가 문제가 없으면 하게 해주는것이다. 后来그 후에 내가 병이
걸렸다. 너무 긴장하지마 내 말 끝까지 들어봐. 나는 단지 거기 좀 불편하다. 나는 많은 곳을
가봤다. 너는 모를꺼야 내가 온 县城현도에 있는 telegraph pole 电线杆전신주를 봤다. 내가
하나씩 하나씩 비교한 후에 내가 한 place 에 갔다. 기술 제일 좋다고 들었다. 검사를
받아보니까 내가 여러가지 병이 걸렸다. 무슨 尖锐湿疣 Condyloma, herpes, syphilis,
gonorrhea 다 걸렸다. 나 겁나 죽겠다. 의사 선생님 나한테 말한다, 치료를 잘 받아야한다
아니면 cervical cancer 가 될 수 있다. 만약에 cervical cancer 가 된다면 아이를 다시는 낳을
수 없어. 내가 그 당시에 정말 많이 긴장했따. 의사 선생님 말로 그의 병원은 새로운 무슨
방사선 远红外治疗仪 far-infrared treatment instrument 이 도착한다고 했다. 빨간 빛을
발산한다. 한 疗程 치료코스는 빨간 빛으로 照비쳐한다. 치료 마다 30 분씩 한다. 이 한
치료코스는 총 10 번이다. 한번은 580yuan 이다. 내가 비치러 갔다. 내가 그 당시에
마음속으로 많이 괴로웠다. 나도 다른 사람에게 해를 끼칠까봐 한 보름달에 손님을
접대하지 않았다. 그냥 맨날 오후에 거기에 가서 掰开쪼개고 30 분동안 비쳤다. 한
치료코스가 끝난 후에 또 한번 피를 뽑았다. 그 의사 선생님말로는 이미 控制 control 된다
그러나 내가 이미 많은 병이 걸려가지고 두개만 완취가 된다 바로 Condyloma and syphilis
이다. 나머지 herpes and gonorrhea 는 남았다. 아직은 완취가 안된다. 한 치료코스를 더
해야한다. 치료코스의 내용은 계속 적외선으로 비쳐야된다 그리고 링거를 맞아야한다.
매번 나한테 무슨 염화나트륨이나 무슨 sodium cyanide 을 맞았다 매번 다.
내가 그녀의 말이 다시 끝나버리면서 말한다, 염화나트륨이다. 간단하게 말하자면
生理盐水 생리 식염수이다. 만약에 sodium cyanide 라면 너 정말 매번 다 맞아야되…
나나가 말할수록 더 气愤분개되서 말한다, 맞어 생리 식염수이다. 내가 의사
선생님한테 말했다, 이거 5 번만 비치면 안되냐? 내 카드 안에 돈이 별로 없어서. 선생님이
말한다, 5 번만 비치면 안된다 5 번만 비치면 复发다시 도질 수가 있다. 그 선생님이 나한테
물었따, 카드안에 돈이 얼마나 있냐. 내가 말한다, 충분하기는 한데 그러나 나도 먹고
살아야하니까. 선생님이 나를 비난한다, 먹고 사는게 중요하냐 아니면 몸의 건강이
중요하냐 그리고 네가 이런 병이 걸린 것은 성생활이 不检点바르지 못해서 그런것이다.
의사선생님이 나한테 나와 접촉했던 환자들 다 데리고 와서 치료를 받으라고 했다. 내가
의사선생님을 속이면서 말한다, 내 남자친구 출국했다. 의사선생님 말한다, 네 남자친구
외국에서 바르지 않아서 이런 병이 너한테 전염하는 것 같다. 그러나 네가 스스로 자신의
몸을 잘 보살펴야한다. 만약에 완치를 하지 못한다면 나중에 네가 다시 아이 낳을 수 없다.
나중에 아이를 못 낳을 수 있따는 것을 들으니까 내가 바로 한 치료코스를 카드로 긁었다.
두 치료코스가 끝난후에 선생님이 나한테 이제 완치 됬다고 말해줬다. 그러나 나 아직도
거기가 좀 불편하다는 것을 느낀다. 선생님이 말하기를 그것은 적외선 살균 효과가 너무
강력해서 일부분 좋은 세균도 동시에 죽여서 그렇단다 그래서 지금 질안에 환경이 조금
27
평형을 잃었다. 그러나 免疫系统면역 계통은 빠른 시간안에 자동적으로 스스로 搞好잘
처리할것이다. 내가 말한다, 알겠습니다 선생님 고맙습니다. 의사 선생님 나한테 Da Ke
Ning 라는 연고를 처방해줬다. 내가 말한다, 그것은 원래 무좀을 치료하는 것 아니냐. 의사
선생님이 말하기를, 이 연고가 止痒杀菌가려움을 멈추고 살균할 수 있따. 만약에 가려우면
좀 발라도되 그러나 지금 너의 체내 이미 병균이 없다. 내가 기분이 아주 좋아. 그날 갔을 때
시간이 이미 늦었어 내가 마지막 환자였어 내 주치의 선생님이 물건 다 챙기고 마스크를
벗으니까 他妈的 fuck 왜 이렇게 욕하냐면 이 사람이 바로 내가 몸을 돌렸을 때 콘돔을
빼버린 그 짐승이다. 이 짐승은 진짜 짐승이다 어떻게 자기랑 관계를 가진 여자도 못
알아보냐. 내가 생긴게 그렇게 쉽게 잊을 수 있냐? 정말 열받아 죽겠다. 내가 그 당시에 그
상황에 말다툼을 했다 그 사람한테 내 의약비를 달라고 했다. 그 선생님이 말하기를, 말도
안된다 그리고 자기가 이제 기억났다 자기도 이 병이 걸렸다 나한테 옮은것이다. 내가
말한다, 말도 안돼 나 예전에 늘 콘돔을 썼어. 그 사람이 말한다, 당신들 같은 아가씨 돈이
있으면 뭘 할 수 없냐 그리고 불결하다. 내가 말한다, 무슨 소리야 나 늘 위생을 조심했다.
그 사람이 말한다, 자기가 나한테 치료비를 달라고 하지 않는 것은 이미 내가
감사해야된다. 그 사람도 그 무슨 적외선으로 비춰서 치료했다고. 내가 그 당시에 너무 生
气기가 막혀서 就给바로 하나(적외선 치료기)를 깨트렸다. 내가 하나를 깨트린 후에 마음
속으로 이렇게 생각한다, 끝장났다 만약에 그 의사 선생님 나한테서 옮은것이라고 一口咬
定 insist 하면. 내가 세력도 없고 그리고 내 직업도 법을 위반하는것이라서 아마 내가 来不
及说理이치를 따질 겨를이 없이 바로 잡혀들어갈수있다. 그러면 정말 完蛋了끝장났다.내가
그 적외선 치료기를 깨트린후에 말한다, 됬어 나 이제 너와 따지지 않을께. 그 선생님이
나를 잡으면서 나한테 배상을 하라고 하면서 말했다, 이 적외선 치료기는 over 800,000
yuan 주고 산건데 지금 적외선 발사기 나 때문에 망가졌다. 내가 보니까 정말 내가
망가트렸다. 바닥에 다 깨진 罩子덮개 the floor is covered with the broken cover 내가
800,000 이 필요하다는 얘기를 들으니까 나 오히려 마음이 편해졌다. 내 생각에는 어차피
배상 할 능력이 없으니 너네들 나 어떻게 하겠어. 만약에 8000yuan 이라면 나 정말 反而
오히려 긴장 할 수도 있다. 나 이미 충분히 생각했다. 그 때는 내가 그 사람이 나를
강간할려고 했다라고 고발할 것이다. 내가 마음 편해지면서 사람도 정신적으로 긴장을 다
풀었따. 바닥에 있는 적외선 치료기의 发射口 emitter 를 주워서 보니까 너무 화가 나서
정신을 잃을 뻔했다. 그 덮개가 깨진 이후에 안에 복숭아 색의 작은 전구 뿐이였다. Fuck.
내가 이 전구에 대해서 잘 알고 있다 옛날에 내가 HengDian 에 있는 洗头店머리를 감는
가계에서 일했을 때 거기에 다 이런 전구를 걸었다. 나는 직접 몇십개를 拧 screw on 했다.
이 전구는 재가 되어도 나는 알아 볼 수 있다. 내가 생각 할수록 더 기가 막힌다. 내가 over
10000 yuan 을 썼는데 그냥 한달 동안 탁상용 스탠드로 비친 것 뿐이다.
내가 그때 웃음이 나왔다, 그리고 라디오에서 适时그때 한 병원의 광고가 나왔다:
Hui Xin 여자 병원. Hui Xin 여자 병원. 특색으로 치료하기 어려운 妇科疾病 gynecological
diseases 을 지료할 수 있다. 완취를 보장한다. 그리고 强大감대한 의료 단체가 있다. 선진한
의료 설비가 있다. 그리고 완벽한 개인의 사생활 보호도 되고, 당신이 꼭 질병의 고통에서
벗어나게해줄것이다. Hui Xin 여자 병원은 적외선 치료기 imported from Singapore newly
arrived. 그리고 수술 필요없이 약바르는거 필요없이 흉터가 안 남게 해줄것이다. 그리고
당신한테 청춘을 돌려준다. 이것이 끝난후에 Su Rui 의 < 奉献 공헌>이라는 노래를
방송했다. 긴길이 먼곳한테 공헌하고 장미 꽃은 사람한테 공헌하고 내가 무엇을 가지고
당신한테 공헌 할 수 있느냐? 내 애인…
내가 나나한테 물었다, 나나 네가 한달동안 비치는 것은 바로 이 싱가폴에서
수입한 이 적외선 살균 치료기 아니야?
나나는 거의 안전 벨트를 벗어날 정도로 의자에서 일어서서 라디오를 향해서
지목하면서 말한다, 바로 이거다 바로 이거다. 이거는 사람들 속이는것이다 내가 신고를
해야한다.
말 끝나자마자 나나가 빨리 핸드폰을 꺼내서 110 을 걸었다. 한참동안 얘기를 한
다음에 내가 나나한테 물었다, 110 은 뭐라고 했어?
나나가 말한다, 110 은 이렇게 말했다 그들이 이미 등록했는데 그러나 이런 일이
28
원래 상공부서에서 관리해야하는 일이라서 이 일이 消费者权益纠纷소비자 권익 분류에
속하는 문제라고. 그러나 네가 생각해도 이것은 완전 诈骗 fraud 아냐?
네가 생각해도 이것은 완전 诈骗 fraud 아냐?
내가 나나의 머리를 쓰다듬으면서 말한다, 나나 너 너무 성실하다
나나가 한참 反思 reflect 한 후에 나한테 말한다, 사실은 나도 성실하지 않아. 내가
그 사람들 한테 사준 콘돔 다 제일 안 좋은 브랜드 였다. 1yuan 으로 5 개 살 우 있다.
안전하기는 한데 되게 두꺼워 그리고 여러 색깔있어. 손님들이 다 까만색 싫어해 까만색
너무 작아보인다고. 하하하. 한번은 내가 손님꺼 벗긴후에 掉色색깔이 바래다는 것을
알게됬따. 하하하하, 그 손님 정말 얄미웠었다. 이게 정말 报应업보를 치뤘다 하하하하.
내가 나나를 보면서 참을 수 없어서 말한다, 나나 만약에 이 콘돔이 색깔이
바랜다면 그것도 네 몸 안에서 색깔이 벗겨지는 것 아니냐.
나나 바로 웃음을 멈췄다. 입을 벌리면서 놀라서 말한다, 哎呀 oh 哎呀 oh…. 내가
나나한테 물었다, 그럼 나나 그 일 어떻게 해결했냐
나나가 말한다, 내가 계속 말다툼했다 그러나 말다툼해도 아무 효과가 없었다.
그리고 원장님까지 오셨다. 내가 원장님이 운전하는 차를 보자마자 내가 没戏가망이
없다는 것을 알게되었다. 내가 이것은 가짜 상품이라고 말했다.. 그 사람들 죽어도
인정안했다 그리고 나한테 전구를 바꿀려면 비용이 40,000yuan 이 필요하다고. 내가 그
의사 선생님이 나를 강간했따고 말했다. 의사선생님이 말하기를, 너 증거있어? 내가 바로
그 사람한테 反问반문했다, Then do you have any evidence that I broke this? 의사가 말한다,
우리 당연히 증거 있지, 우리의 烟雾侦测器 Smoke detector 안에 camera 가 있다. 내가
순간에 傻멍 했다, 그 사람들이 말하기를 여기에서 일을 그냥 넘어가자고 서로 빚지지않고
그 사람들 스스로 재수 없다고 생각할것이다. 아니면 내 치료 동영상과 재산을 파괴하는
동영상들 다 인터넷으로 올리겠다. 나 그 당시에 불만이 가라 앉지 않았다 이것은
사기갈취아냐? 이것은 불법 촬영아냐? 이런 죄명 있어? Ah 개인의 사생활을 침범한다
이것은 개인의 사생활을 침범하는거 아냐? 나중에 원장이 말한다, 너 내 차 번호판을 봐봐
네가 말하는 그런 상황은 있을 수 없다. 너 나한테 미움을 산다면 괜찮아 너 다른 사람한테
미움시면 아마…. 물론 지금 법제 사회이지만 사람들 다 야만인이 아니고 우리도 너 같은
교활하고 포악한 여자한테 对付아쉬울 필요가 없지. 그러나 잘 생각해봐봐, 네 아이도
나중에 여기서 학교 다녀야되는거 아냐? 그리고 나중에 여기서 취직해야되는거 아냐. 그떄
네 아이다 어떤 어려움과 阻力저항에 부닥치지 않을까? 이런것들 다 당신이 잘
생각해야하는것이다. 어때? 오늘 여기까지 다들 그만하자. 우리는 이 손실을 책임지겠다.
그냥 네가 여자로서 너무 大手大脚 물건을 헤프게 써서 부주의해서 물건을 깨트린걸로
하자. 당신 병도 우리 병원에 전문가들 专家会诊합동진찰을 통해서 이미 완취가 됬다. 당신
이름 뭐더라? Oh 진료 기록에 있겠지. 아무튼 다들 退一步퇴일보를 하면 海阔天空
뭐든일이 다 해결된다. 우리 병원을 위해서 당신을 위해서 아이를 위해서 어때… phew
내가 원장 말을 듣고 나서 포기했다, 됬어 만약에 나중에 우리 아이가 여기서 살아야한다면
그 애 한테 여지를/leeway 남겨두어야 한다. 나는 단지 그 10000yuan 을 아까워할 뿐이다.
내가 50 몇명 손님들을 접대해야했는데. 나 같은 조건으로 50 몇명 사람이 나를 마음에
들어하는것은 쉽지 않잖아.
내가 나나한테 물었다, 그럼 네 병이 어떻게 됬어?
나나 숨을 쉬면서 말한다, 말도마 나중에 계속 불편했었어. 큰 병원에 가서 검사를
받았는데 宫颈糜烂자궁경관이 짓무르고/cervical erosion 그리고 尿路感染요로 감염이였다
/urinary tract infection. Few pills of Ke Le Bi Tuo 를 먹은 후에 다 낳았어. 이 약이 효과가
이렇게 좋은것을 보니까 지금까지도 내가 Coca Cola 를 계속 마시고 있다. 그리고 다시 复
发다시 도지지 않았다.
내가 한참 침묵을 하다가 말한다, 그래
I faced Nana and looked at her. Nana 는 한꺼번에너무 많은 말을 했으니 지금
주변을 扫视 glanced around 분명히 물을 찾고 있다. 그녀가 이제 생각났다 자기가 방금
샀던 간식 중에서 물이 있다. 그래서 뒷자석으로 기어가서 한참 찾다가 먼저 나한테 한병을
권했다. 나나 다시 앞좌석으로 기어 돌아온다. 내가 말한다, 나나 좀 조심해 이렇게
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기어갔다 왔다 하지마.
로드에 가로등 하나씩 하나씩 지나가면서 몇 개 꺼진 가로등을 隔着 cross 하면서
나나를 바라봤다, 이 여자는 예쁘지도 않고 못생기지도 않은 평범한 여자다. 너무 평범해서
이런 늘 봐서 신기하지 않은 가로등 처럼 It was so normal like the streetlights we see
everyday. 그가 (가로등이) 켜질때 네가 한번 더 보지도 않고 꺼질 때 네가 한 걸음 적게
가지도 않고. 내 방문을 두드린 이 여자가 내가 그를 데리고 이렇게 멀리 갈 줄 몰랐다.
그녀가 주동적으로 나를 초청을 하는 dance partner 같다. 나는 예의상 같이 한 춤을
춰줬는데 물론 나도 같이 춤을 췄을 때 세사람이 있는지 몰랐다. 否则만약에 그렇지 않으면
나는 严词拒绝과격한 말로 거절할 것이다. 임신성경에서 어떻게 썼든 이런 threesome 나는
받아 들일 수 없다. 그녀의 눈빛이 맑지도 않고 어둠지도 않아 그녀의 말이 文艺문예하지
않고 粗俗거칠고 저속하지도 않아. 그녀의 표정에 가득한 幽怨한이 있지도 않고 기쁨도
없다.
이런 여행은 내 어린시절에 无数무수히 회상을 했던 밤에 road 에서 내가 자기가
간절히 갈망한 여자를 데리고 자기가 간절히 갈망한 차를 운전하고 미지의 여행의 종점을
가는것을 회상했던 것이다. 미지의 여행에 어떻게 종점이 있을 수 있냐. 旅程여정중에서
피로와 困意잠기가 없다 우리는 영화와 음악에 관련된 얘기를 하면서 群山 mountains 丛林
jungles 을 지나면서 최종의 一泓无人 넓게 펼쳐진 사람이 없는 호수 옆에 세웠다. 한 경제
생각이 없는 사람이 운영하는 여관이다 . 깨끗하고 싸다.

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