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à  

Oh! How I remember like it was just yesterday, we were crossing over a bridge full of chaos
and misery. I got distracted for a minute and when I turned around to look for you, you were
already half way across. I stood still trying to see if you·d noticed that I was no longer at your
side. It took me another minute to decide and realize that out of all those people walking
passed you; you didn·t realize that I wasn·t beside you. I took a deep breath then ran towards
you, grabbed you by your hand then you turn to look at me with those angry stare. I held your
hand tighter but as we got closer to the other side, you removed your hand against my grip and
searched for your cigarette and lit it up. As you begin to smoke, I moved three feet away from
you thinking of a happy ending to the feeling of loneliness. Oh, how time passed by, I
remember like it was just yesterday that I held your hand as you kissed me on the cheek.
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I made a list of every reason why I loved and hated you, but this was just an excuse to think of
you. I tried to remember everything I· had been through with you and as a result everything
that I thought for the list that I loved you were parts of your body that I have been imagining to
touch once again. On the other side of the paper everything that I hated you was about your
arrogance and pride. As I tallied up the results, I remember tearing the paper thinking that I
love you enough and that ´LOVEµ is enough reason for me to stay.
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The saddest part of all the endings that I had been picturing was; the part that I was still not
ready to move on when you were already over me. I didn·t see it coming, not this way. I was
trying to think that I was strong enough to move on but I guess I was wrong. I was trying to let
go at the same time I was trying to hold on. To hold on to everything that you had left me... I
became nothing as you watched me crumbled into nothing. Even my friends are trying their
best to let me know that I should already be moving on, but it hurts inside thinking that I was
just one of those girls you had for the sake of having fun. I·m still waiting for that day; for the
day that will make you realize to stay with me and say these words I·ve been dying to hear:
´Baby, I·m sorry I left you. That was the biggest mistake of my life. I love you. Can you ever
forgive me? ... Baby, please stay with meµ
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‘his time I·m done with your stupid lies.
‘his is the time to change; to make everything work out.
‘his time I won·t fall because I know someone will catch me once I fall.
‘his is the time to move on with life, no more excuses.
‘his time you won·t break me ²

I confess I had my share of lies but compared to yours, your lies cuts like a knife.
I·m always the one who·s hurting.
‘his time I will break free of the curse you·ve cast on me.
I won·t go back; it·s time for me to move on.

You·ve already got the best of me but now I·ve seen things more clearly...

Back to ‘op

   
I am the girl you lied to;
I am the girl that you can manipulate;
I am the girl who was so in love with you;
I am the girl that you·ve stood up more than once.

I am the girl who keeps on waiting for you;


I am the girl that watches over you when you sleep;
I am the girl you broke down into pieces by saying ´I Love You.µ

I am the girl who trusted you;


I am the girl who adored you;
I am the girl that despite everything that happen between us,
I am still the girl that you·ve fell in love with...

And most of all, I am the girl who·s weak to say the words:
´You and I are overµ

Back to ‘op




  
 

If only you knew how much I have missed you counting every second that passed by
Ònowing I·m not with you, listening to stupid tragic love songs thinking about you and me.
I know I·m still alone and that you won·t be here with me anymore now that you·re pissed off.

I know you·re gone and whatever I may say you·ll just erase this and forget everything.
I wish it wasn·t true, hoping that we·ll make it through.
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To be with you is to be nowhere fast
To be with you is next to impossible
To be near you is what I wish for
Too long for you is what I·m doing
To care for you is what my prayers are all about
To love you is what I'm still feeling
To see you with someone else would be the death of me
To say your name is like a curse
To say I love you scares me because it may not be mutual anymore
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It·s okay, don·t say a word, just leave me again cause that·s what you do best...
No, don·t look back... Please... Don·t tell me you·ll stay when I know you·re already gone.
It·s okay, I·m not ashamed I know that in my heart my love for you is true...
It·s alright to move on since I know you won·t come back for me.

It·s okay to move on to admit my own mistakes.


Don·t look back.... Don·t regret... Just forget...

Baby, don·t look back, it·s okay... I will be fine sooner or later, it·s alright, it·s okay...

You don·t have to say a word just leave...


Please don·t say that you· stay when your foot is already at the door...
You were just waiting for me to give up on the feeling of love...

You·ve said once, and done it a million times... move on it·s so easy to forget.

Now, looking back I realized that it was only my imagination that you and I were together.
When in reality all we had was fiction and fiction is nothing more but a waste of your time.

I said it once, I·ll say it again. It·s alright to admit to my mistakes and admit that I was foolish to
fall in love with someone like you.
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I thought I knew you so well... I·ve been memorizing a pattern that you·ve been displaying
whenever we·re together. It·s a bitter sweet feeling I feel right now. I know I may have said a
lot of cruel things about you but despite everything my heart remained loyal to you. In the end
I still love you.

And after all that is said and done, I still wait impatiently because that·s just who I am.
You·re like a drug that I can·t quit but every time I try I get more addicted to you.
Though I know you·re uncertain of your feelings right now, I still wish the best for you.

I may be cruel with my words and actions, know that I care... And this game that we·re playing
never gets old since we·re fighting for our life. The last time that we spoke I only said my
goodbye·s it·s not that obvious but in my every goodbye there·s always a near hello.

So, I say to the uncertain heart of yours, I hope you find your way and that you will always
remain happy with the path you·ve chosen...
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Ready, Set, Go... It·s time to let go... go... go... This crazy feeling, this game we·re playing. Just
the two of us having the time of our lives... But, oh baby it gets too serious at times, we let the
worst of each other get the best of us and eat us alive...~
It·s a complicated game that we like to play, one moment we·re on top of each other fighting.
‘hrowing a punch left and right, a kick to the gut oh how that feels so right. Screaming on top
of our lungs... boy, there·s nothing better. Another moment that had passed by we·re now
getting a hold of each other, with every grip it gets tighter neither one of us could break free.

Oh baby, how I missed those times when we get so mad, you and I lose control. I·m already at
the edge and you·re just waiting for the right time to push me off the edge... Wanting me to
fall... fall... fall...

But baby they don·t understand how we play the game. It·s so simple, we just need to get high
that neither one of us will be in control. Punch me once again and I·ll kiss you until you run
out of air... Oh how I look forward to every day that we pay this game called love.
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à
  
‘he unwanted tears, the misplaced kiss those were the days when you and I were still together.
Holding hand in hand, going to our secret haven. You·re killer grin took my breath away. With
all those lies and promises you never did gave any meaning to any of it. You·ve led me onto a
dead end. It·s such a shame that we had to end a real good thing.
Back to ‘op

   ! 


It·s a bitter, I should know... the feeling of being denied of something that I thought was
already mine. Maybe it was too soon to make a joke of something that was special but you I
have to move on as fast as I could before it ran me down.
It·s a bit cliché when people around me always advises me to think positively but who could
blame them, there is nothing wrong wanting to search for a better ending or a new
beginning...

I know form first hand that it is harder to move on when you linger to the feeling of depression
and utmost loneliness. But the thing is even though you know you will still compare situation
to others, you will find reasons to linger more like: ´you·re not the only one having the same
problem with life,µ therefore you have an excuse to stand still...

‘here are times when you will feel that everything becomes so hard and complicated to you
would tend to push other people in your life (especially the people close to your heart).

‘here will be times that you would lie to yourself and convenience yourself that you are trying
so hard to move on but in reality you never even left the place where it all end. You will find
yourself standing on the same spot, unmoving, waiting for that person who had hurt you to
come back. ‘he truth is you·re a 100% sure that the out-come of your fantasy will be nothing
but a fantasy...

You will begin to imagine that, that person who hurt you would come back, you will begin a
play by play on your head on what that person would be wearing, the conversation that you
will be having, the place and the environment, the simplest and most detailed thing that you
can think of and that you've already thought of, it will all be there to haunt you...

It hurts to try... It hurts to think... And it will absolutely hurt more doing nothing....
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"#   
I·m sure I met you before; I think I know you somewhere from my past. ‘hinking back, I think
you and me back then we were an item. It·s a bit unreal seeing you right her, right now. I
never imagined I would see you again after everything that I had said and done.
I know you·ve already moved on with that girl. Once again, I feel my shame, I was different
back then. Never thought I would go back and regret. I was scared, we painted a beautiful
picture of our lives together, but I hid myself away from you.

It was my mistake to let you go like that, you were one of the best parts of my life, but I was
young and foolish, thought that you would wait for me. Never did I expect that you will forget
about us, knowing how much I loved you.

I wonder if it was easy for you to forget about us and the time we·ve spent our lives together.
As you walk passed by me with her, I wonder if you·ve noticed my cold stares following your
every move? Have you forgotten the promise you made with me? ‘he secret that I made you
kept all these years.

I see you·ve met with my eyes, you smiled at me... I suddenly saw the pain that I left you with.
May be its wrong of me to want the old you, I know that you·ve already changed yourself for
someone else. ‘he feeling of loneliness starts creeping in my body once again. I sit here on the
corner wishing I was the girl making you laugh.

I don·t know how to say this but maybe, just maybe this is my way of asking for your
forgiveness. ‘wo years too late... I was building up my momentum as I speak of the words that
I fear. ‘ime had passed by it hurts to admit to oneself that after all these years, ´I·m still in love
with you.µ Hoping with these words you·ll forgive me, I know I probably don·t deserve it. I·ve
hurt you a lot but this is my way of saying ´I was wrong and I·m sorry for hurting you the way
that I did.µ
Back to ‘op

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My mind is clouded with the thoughts of you--you are the darkness that consumes my every
being. ‘he way I think, the way I move, it all revolved around you. It's only fair to compare the
way you have affected my life to virus that strikes a person internally in which affects both the
mental and physical physique of a person.
Even after you have shattered my heart and broken my spirit, my thoughts are still haunted by
you. ‘he way you move, they way you act, the way you speak, that arrogant walk that you
always do, it is still embedded on the back of my mind.

‘hose lies that you speak of, I pretended to believed them just to avoid confrontation ... It
amazed me how things works out the way you wanted too, as I watch myself act the way you
wanted me. I became your puppet, I knew I could resist everything that you wanted me to do
but I was afraid that in the process I would disappoint you and you would leave me. ‘hen
again, I never expected that you would leave me either way...

Mesmerized by your mysterious charm, I stayed by your side thinking I could handle
everything that you would throw at me. I was proud of myself knowing that I could, better yet
in my perspective I perfected catching everything you threw at me... But one time you threw
something at me that I never expected I thought I caught it with my two hands but when I
looked down to see what was in my hands, I was surprised to see nothing but my bare hands
clasp against each other.

For the longest time I lied to myself that I was okay with every foolish decision that you made. I
questioned everything about you, from the way you think, the way you spend your time and
also the way you spend your money. I tried so hard to keep lying to myself that this was just a
phase that you·re going through. ‘his was something that I can tolerate. I was cocky and
confident that I would be the reason that you would change your ways. But instead I ended up
having to adjust to your every wants and needs.

With all the lies that you had said to me as well as the lies that I had said to myself, it blew out
of proportion. As a perfect finally to everything else, I took a matchstick lit it up and burned
every lie that we made. "Fire 'f lies", I thought to myself.
Back to ‘op






$ %  
I need to know the answers to all my burning questions before you disappear once again. Give
me honesty and I promise you I won·t let you see a single teardrop. Just tell me the reason why:

Why did you promise me you would never leave, but you left with just a text message on my
phone? Why did you need time for yourself, when we barely see each other? Was our
relationship all a big joke, a meaningless game that you just wanted to play?
You never opened up to me; you said that you don't speak much about yourself but I wonder if
she knows you more than I do. I know she came before me but I thought I was far better than
her. I tried to give you everything I had and more, but you just had to leave out that door.

Wish I could turn back time maybe it would be better if we never tried to be together. Maybe
you and I were never meant to be; after all it was just a mistake that we ended up meeting each
other. A weird twist of fate that made you a part of my world; my punishment for every wrong
doing that I had done in the past, but you are an odd one, one heck of a bitter-sweet
punishment.

Would you believe me if I say that "I still don't know where I stand" was I really your girlfriend
back then or was I just one of your plain old toys that you used for the sake of killing time. It·s
hard to point out what is real and what is not when it comes to you. Safe enough to say that
when I·m with you I don·t know what is wrong from right.

I wish you would be honest enough to tell me the things that I need to know the reasons
behind everything we've done. We both know we did something wrong along the way but
would you mind if you tell me the truth?

I·m guessing for the answers to all my unanswered questions in my head. I just want to hear
the truth behind the lines.
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Why are you staring at me with those blank look in your eyes? You sit there thinking ² why do
you even try to avert your eyes, do you think I wouldn·t notice those brown eyes? You try too
hard to avoid it but later on you·ll be doing the same thing all over again.

What is it with you, why do you need to stare at me? Do you know the word confused is
written all over your face? Do you need my help in finding yourself or are you staring at me
searching for the answers to all of your queries.
Wish I could help you, but as you can see I·m trapped just like you. I·m isolate, I·m sure you are
aware of that; sitting here as well waiting for the next move to be done.
I watch you closely as you try to figure things out. It's funny to see you like that; trying so
hard... I can see it in your face, you·re determined yet still, no matter how hard you try you feel
that you can't do anything about.

‘here you go again, I wish you'd stop staring and start seeing yourself, for who you are, stop
wishing that you·re the other side, I envy you.

You only see me through that broken glass when you pass by; I only exist when you·re staring
at yourself in front of that broken mirror. In perspective, you know that the mirror that you see
is not the one that's broken but the person looking through it. It seems to be that you·re the one
who's broken inside and out. Once again I feel isolated unable to give aid to you knowing that
you need it the most.

Wish you'd stop consuming yourself... instead I wish that when you look at me one more time I
would see you smile. Stop seeing yourself on the other side and start living your life as it is. ‘o
myself, if I told you that I love you, would you love me back?
Back to ‘op

   & 
It takes a moment to alter a story. It started from being the most tragic story you could ever
imagine that is now shaping into something else. It takes only one alteration of a story for one
lead character to like another character from a different book.

Just recently I escaped from my reality and went to someone else·s reality...

I found a wise magician who was very mysterious; I wanted to learn his tricks on how to use
magic. He asked me about my life story and in return he will teach me. I told him about my
life, my family, my friends and what I did for a living. He was fascinated to know my life; I
guess he wanted to know if I was criticizing me if I was worth of learning his magic.

After he learned my life story, he decided that he would teach me a few things off of his sleeve.
For that moment I let myself be totally vulnerable in his presence. I looked for the tricks that he
was going to teach me, I did my best to grasp every word that he was saying for me to learn
how to use magic.

As it was getting late in the morning, we both got tired. I learned everything that I could I
crammed all the information in my head. I tried to stay as long as I could but physically and
mentally speaking we were really getting tired. Despite feeling weak from everything that
we·ve done, I was amazed with the magic that he had shown me, I was captivated both by his
presence and his magic tricks. I was starting to fall for him, for the first time I felt like the
world revolved around me.

I thanked him so many times that day but I knew in my heart it wasn·t enough. I wanted to
know more but I said to him ´I really have to goµ but in my mind I didn·t want to leave his
world yet. As we parted and said our goodbyes, I looked him in the eyes with the heavy heart
for leaving his world. I reminded myself that I needed to go and go back to my own reality and
try to create my own magic. For one last time, I looked at him as he was walking away from
where we were standing.
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'
 

I have to say that I had been in and out of a relationship a lot of times, it only take a year or so
for it to last. It maybe my fault wanting to fall in love with someone I knew I liked. It just so
happens that you are one of those guys that I have fallen for... I·m scared to lay my heart out
once again knowing I haven·t fully healed from the last time that it broke.

I don·t mind having you as my company because you make me feel safe unlike the others that
tried so hard in getting my attention, knowing they have an ulterior motive why they do those
things. I wish I knew how to say no to them and so I try, yet they still pursue.
Reing with you take a load off the pressure of what I·m feeling when I·m alone with myself. I
know it·s a weakness for me always have to say that I need someone to hold me tight. Rut as of
these past few months that·s all I ever think off. I·m selfish, I fully taken notice of that; it·s a
part of who I am. ‘his might sound like an excuse to you but, I have never been straight
forward to a person that I like I have been with you... It may not seem like a lot to you.

‘hese feelings, I·m still not sure where it would take me I·m still trying to uncomplicated
myself. I don·t want to drag you along with me. It·s too much of a risk for you, I know myself
so this may also serve as a heartfelt warning...

‘o you, from me... with love...


Rack to ‘op

 
(
It·s funny how I could now looked back at things and remember parts of my life that I never
thought I would go back to try to remember the events that went on... Like the first time when I
had my first relationship with a guy. I don·t know if it·s applicable to me when others say that
the first is always the hardest...

I have spoken with my first ex-boyfriend now turned to so-called best friend, we talked about
our relationships both mime and his, went back and forth to thinking what had happened and
remembered about the blog that he made for me when we were on the edge of breaking up our
relationship. I can never forget the term he used at that time. In his blog, he wrote so many
things that I can·t exactly remember anymore but one thing that never left my mind was the
use of the phrase ´stepping stone.µ We all know that, it is a term that one person would use if
and only if someone took advantage of the other person to advance his or her career, or so they
say...

We laughed about it then I asked him ´Why did you use that term?µ he answered ´I was mad
at you...µ I smiled not knowing what to reply next and carried on so many other conversations
putting the past behind us.

I admit not everyone can forgive and forget after everything that was said and done, we try to
convince ourselves that we already have but the truth is we just hide and pretend to be okay.
Well, in this case, I can honestly admit that I have forgiven the person and forgotten the tone
on that word when he first used it.

We all look back for all the same reasons, such as... to remember, to laugh, to regret, to cry, to
forgive, to compare and contrast the life that we have right now just to check on how much
you improved yourself or how much you have changed whether for the good or the worst... It·s
not bad to remember the past every once in a while just to remind ourselves on how we lived
our life, regret once and move on... compare yourself and see the great changes about you...
forgive people who have had hurt you and love them for being human just like you...

This is the time to look once more in past the so-called stone ages and forgive yourself in this
future on what we call the modern ages... to move forward with life as it is...
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@  &
Can we both stop pretending?
I know that it·s only me who·s hurting
Deep down inside I know that I should just move on
Rut every time I come to a decision you start sweeping me off my feet
You should know that I·m done lying to myself
For wanting everything to be alright between the two of us
‘hough I·m still hoping you would come clean
And tell me the awful truth but I deep inside I know that you·ll never
Give in to what I want

My stupid heart won·t quit on screaming the words I love you


‘hough in my mind I already know that I should be moving on
Can we stop lying and pretending just this once
And let·s just say what·s on our mind
Cause we both know that you have never loved anyone but yourself
And you·re just using me for all the games that you·ve been playing
It scares the hell out of me
Cause I want to know the awful truth that you·ve been hiding for so long
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Do I pretend to still love you even when I doubt you?
Does it mean that I am weak cause I don't know how to let go
And if I decide to let go, what will become of me?

Adding another person to the list that I once knew...


Is it that hard to let go of the one you love
Even though you know that person has been lying and cheating?
Or does it mean that I·m strong enough to know that every end of the day you will come back
to me once again... to pretend all over again....

I know that I have never caught you cheating but you lied to me once before and I·m sure that
cheating comes close to that.... So what now? Should I wait for the verdict of our lustful love...
Could we go on and on or wait for the day... to end it all.... and when that day comes I do hope
that I·m strong enough to let go of you and move on with my life....

‘o find a love that is true...


Back to ‘op

 #)*+ (,-

Stop!I think you had enough of me for one life time...


I had it too fast, too soon to say the things that I had said without thinking about the
consequence of my action...

Let me just rewind, backtrack to a memory when I stayed that night.


Give me a minute to pause and reminisce that moment when we had our first kiss.
‘he room was dark and silence was in the air, my heart was pounding fast and I let my
emotions got the best of me...

Now, give me another minute to erase this from your memory.


I never meant to hurt you and make you regret the years that you met me.
Fast forward to the present, I was foolish and again I said some things that wasn't meant to be
heard, I don't regret but know I that it would complicate things between us,
I had time to think and I just want to rewind things... Go back to the way it was before, back to
when I was just a schoolmate.

‘hose three words, was meant to be my secret but feelings got in the way.
I got to stop the time and let it rewind it back, to make you forget everything.

I would deny anything that I have said and let you be you...
One thing that I learned is that I can't force myself to be a part of one's life knowing I'm not
wanted in theirs... ‘his is one way of taking my elf out of the equation and let you have the
memories that you had before you even met me...
Back to ‘op

 #)*+& -

Stop!Now, let me take it all back now, let's rewind and slow things down...
I know I was too fast too soon, never thought I'd hurt you on the process only thought about
myself...

And I'm not the type of girl who takes things back, but if I had too
I would deny everything for us to remain just where we were... as friends...
‘hinking about it, had too much at stake and everything to lose but I had faith that my words
were true, and it would be heard...

Rut I remember that you we're never mine, so I have to shut up or speak up but guess I made a
mistake, caught you off guard and made things complicated.
And if I could I would turn back time and erase those days...
I never meant to hurt you nor anyone...
Only thought about myself, I was selfish and wrong to believe that I had a chance but I won't
let you change your mind.

You're happy right now and that's all that should matter...
So, let me rewind those days and slow things down... down... down...
I'll make you forget and never make you regret...

So let just rewind and unwind the things that were said and done...
Forget everything my dear...
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.

) 

Come, here sit with me, take my hand for one last time I'll be your company just for tonight.
I know you're leaving soon and never coming back, as I lay my head on your shoulder
picturing the past on how we used to be...

Oh! How the days had past and I'm here waiting for this day to come my way... I had you for
too long it·s not fair that you have to go, but I can't keep holding on to nothing.

It's getting all too quite now and I think the bus is coming soon. Preparing myself for the
ending of us, with a last song goodbye...
We both know, I won't be here when you decide to come back, your leaving me for good and
keeping a piece of my heart with you... So baby, I'd sing a last song goodbye to keep you
entertain as we wait for this moment to end...

‘ime is against us to say the least, but there's no turning back we have to move on and
separate. It·s the only way to forget... time heals that's all they say but what about the feeling of
emptiness now? How do you cope with this goodbye? Raby, tell me how. I need to learn and go
on my own but how could I forget when you're making me regret.

All the things we've been through those are all just memories now. I have to burn them out, I
need to go; you need to leave there's nothing to hold on to now... Please, one last time let's say
those words together and mean it with all our heart.

I·m letting you go, baby just go on... never look back so that we could forget the life we had...
this is my last song goodbye.
Rack to ‘op

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