PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.

UK
RISE & SHINE: BOOST YOUR MOOD WITH A MORNING ROUTINE UK EDITION

M AY 2 0 2 0 ●
£4
4.70
.70

DEAL Hope &

with your wonder
CRITICS
Take negative
LET THE
MAGIC IN!
feedback like WORKING
a champion FROM HOME?
Discover
LIFE SCHOOL new ways
● Recover from to thrive
an office affair
● How to date INTERVIEW

an introvert
Step up and
Sara
Cox
●

speak up
on hiring a
life coach
& shopping
16-PAGE at Oxfam
DOSSIER

YOUR ULTIMATE
SELF-CARE GUIDE
Don’t panic! Spread kindness in tough times
Manage your anxiety, be more resilient
NEW PRODUCT
d your
Balance
Floradix
Neuro Balance
with Ashwagandha

Vitamin C and vitamin B12 contribute to

the normal function of the nervous system,
whilst Ashwagandha root improves the body’s
resistance to stress.

No preservatives, colourings or flavourings

Pleasant tasting liquid formula

Available from selected independent

health food stores, pharmacies or direct
from Salus (UK) Ltd - 1744 815042 www.floradix.co.uk
 Contents
MAY 2020

Page
29

Page
40
Page
20
Regulars
7 EDITOR’S LET TER
46
Page
38
Page
26
8 LET TERS
Page
Page
30
16
9 I’D LIKE TO THANK …
Page
35 Page 11 THE FIX
46

98 PEMA CHÖDRÖN

Cover: Leigh Keily

16 * Interview
* COVER STORY
SARA
COX
“I try to step
away from
SAVE 50% social media
Subscribe at weekends”
today! 46 * The Dossier

Features The ultimate

20 * SPIRITUAL SIGHTSEEING
Nature lover Jini Reddy seeks the
magical in the landscape – and
self-care guide
finds a lot more besides … to build resilience
TWO 24 ADAPT AND THRIVE

YEARS Psychotherapist Julia Samuel’s

for the
price of
one!
‘Psychologies’ subscribers
benefit from life-changing
tools, mind hacks and advice
from top experts, plus free
membership of the Life Leap
Club – an exclusive coaching
club with a supportive online
community. Subscribe
today and save 50%, paying
£61.10 for 26 issues – £2.35
for each issue. See page 62
words of advice for inner strength
26 * ‘MY EXTRAMARITAL
AFFAIR HANGS OVER ME’
Our wise agony aunt, Mary Fenwick,
gives her unique perspective to three
readers with dilemmas
29 * MY SLOW YEAR
Suzy Walker wakes up to the benefits
of an intention-setting morning ritual
30 * OPPOSITES ATTRACT
When Rosie Mullender fell in love with
a man who hated socialising, she knew
they would have to compromise
48 LOOK AFTER YOURSELF
In this special Dossier, we invite you to focus
on self-care – because we can’t help others
when our reserves are low. We have collated
the best advice from Psychologies columnists,
writers and experts, who outline how to look
after ourselves, emotionally and physically,
during periods of adversity
58 HOW TO MANAGE YOUR ANXIETY
Anxiety presents itself in different ways for
different people. Take our test to identify what
lessens your ability to cope with life’s challenges

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 3
 28
Contents
MAY 2020

Features
35 * SPEAK UP
FOR YOURSELF
New columnist Lucy Griffiths
shares her life-changing
tactics on womanning up!
38 * ‘HOW CAN I THRIVE
WORKING FROM HOME?’
Award-winning coach Kim
Morgan mentors a woman
struggling with her newfound
freedom from corporate life
40 * LEARN TO DEAL
WITH CRITICISM
30
Heidi Scrimgeour is reduced
to jelly by negative feedback.
She aims to understand why,
Real Wellness
and find a way to get over it 74 MINDFUL WELLNESS
A frank and fresh perspective
to revolutionise your health
Real Eco holistically with Ali Roff Farrar
66 RE AL ECO AWARDS:
FACE CREAMS & DEOS
Eco Living Editor Ellen Tout
The Retreat
and our reader panel
82 SOUNDS GOOD
Get an earful of loving vibes
seek great products with

88
on a podcast date
green credentials
69 ECO WORRIER 84 4 8 HOURS
Claire Rowley’s wonderful
Ellen Tout’s thrifty and
weekend in Evian-les-Bains

24
creative tips for making
our food go further
70 ECO FASHION
Fashionista with a conscience
88 TASTE SENSATION
Experiment with flavour and
take pleasure in every meal
73
Kate McGuire helps us 94 THE WORDS
upcycle our clothes and Find solace, joy and escape
feel good about ourselves between the pages
Sign up
Get your weekly fix! now!
WHEN YOU’RE TRYING to create positive change, it can be challenging
to stay on track – so sign up for our weekly uplifting dose of inspiration,
with videos from top coaches, practical articles
on how to thrive, not just survive, and
inspirational and joy-filled quotes to brighten
your inbox, and your week. Go to bit.ly/2KN0B8z

4 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
Don’t feel alone…
Reach out to others
Join our free online support group today

We have created a wonderful

‘Psychologies’ Connected Community
group on Facebook to spread kindness,
not fear. Join us and feel the love, humour
and camaraderie. ‘Psychologies’ is the
UK’s biggest and bestselling mindful living magazine
and the ‘Psychologies’ Connected Community group
aims to support and connect all our readers, their
friends and family throughout this difficult time.

Editor-in-Chief,
Psychologies
JOIN US!
● Daily inspirational and uplifting content
● 1pm live broadcasts with top experts,
columnists, coaches and therapists
● How to homeschool your kids and stay sane

● How to create positive, healthy and happy habits

in uncertain and unsettling times

● Learn to be resilient, resourceful and courageous

● Take the opportunity to connect with the

Psychologies team and our amazing ambassadors

● Access free online events, courses and webinars

● Your place to feel safe, boosted and connected

to your tribe of Psychologies readers and friends

JOIN US TODAY: facebook.com/groups/

psychologieslifelabs
 Kelsey Publishing Ltd, The Granary, Downs Court,
Yalding Hill, Yalding, Kent ME18 6AL
(01959 541444, email letters@psychologies.co.uk) CONTRIBUTORS

OUR TEAM Meet three of the people who have taken part
Editor-in-Chief Suzy Walker in the creation of Psychologies
Design Director Lynne Lanning
Creative Director Laura Doherty
Features Director Elizabeth Heathcote
Production Editor Vee Sey Rosie Mullender
Deputy Production Editor Leona Gerrard Writer
Associate Editor Anita Chaudhuri
Rosie is a writer from London who has
Wellness Director Ali Roff Farrar
Eco Living Editor, Features Writer and Digital Editor Ellen Tout contributed to a host of national publications.
Food and Living Editor and Eco Panel Emma Coxon Celebrity and She recently finished writing her first novel.
Podcast Editor Rachel Dobson Contributing Editors Gut Eve Kalinik A dyed-in-the-wool extrovert, this month
Retreat Caroline Sylger Jones Digital Katherine Weir she writes about the challenges of dating an
ADVERTISING & PRODUCTION introvert (page 30). She says: ‘Learning to
TigerBee Media, Commercial Director Nikki Peterson (0782 556 1680) live with an introvert has been an interesting
nikki.peterson@tigerbeemedia.co.uk path but, by talking through every step, we’ve
Commercial Manager Faye Lisette Piper (0796 027 0329)
reached a place where we’re both happy.’
faye.lisettepiper@tigerbeemedia.co.uk
Copy Production Manager Melanie Ratcliffe (01733 362701)
kelseylifestyle@atgraphicsuk.com
MANAGEMENT
Chief Operating Officer Phil Weeden
Katherine Baldwin
Chief Executive Steve Wright
Coach
Managing Director (Lifestyle Brands & Circulation) Kevin McCormick Katherine is a love, dating and relationships coach,
Finance Director Joyce Parker-Sarioglu midlife mentor, speaker and the author of How To
Retail Director Steve Brown Fall In Love (Soul & Surf, £9.99). She specialises in
Subscriptions Director Gill Lambert helping people break free from self-sabotaging
Senior Subscriptions Marketing Manager Nick Mcintosh
patterns in their relationships with themselves
Events Manager Kat Chappell
Publishing Operations Manager Charlotte Whittaker
and others, form healthy connections and create
Print Production Manager Georgina Harris fulfilling lives. Katherine blogs for our Life Labs
website (lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk) and hosts live
SUBSCRIPTIONS
13 issues of Psychologies are published per annum broadcasts on Psychologies’ Facebook pages.
● UK annual subscription price: £61.10

● Europe annual subscription price: £74

● USA annual subscription price: £74

● Rest of World annual subscription price: £79 Heidi Scrimgeour

● UK subscription and back issue orderline: 01959 543747
Journalist
● Overseas subscription orderline: 0044 (0) 1959 543747

● Toll-free USA subscription orderline: 1 888 777 0275

Heidi is a freelance journalist and co-founder of Muse
● UK customer service team: 01959 543747; subs@kelsey.co.uk Flash, a training consultancy that specialises in online
courses for writers. She lives in Northern Ireland with
Find subscription offers on our website: shop.kelsey.co.uk/psy
her husband and children. In this issue, Heidi faces up
Manage your subscription online shop.kelsey.co.uk/site/loginForm
to her dislike of criticism (page 40). ‘This feature was
DISTRIBUTION & PRINTING
● Walstead Bicester Ltd, Chaucer Business Park, Launton Rd,
inspired by one of those critical remarks people make
Bicester OX26 4QZ; 01869 363333; walstead-uk.com without thinking,’ she says. ‘It became stuck in my
● Distribution in the UK: Marketforce (UK), 2nd Floor, 5 Churchill Place, head for longer that it deserved and persuaded me it
Canary Wharf, London E14 5HU; 020 3787 9001; Distribution in Northern was time to conquer my fear of criticism for good.’
Ireland and the Republic of Ireland: Newspread; 353 23 886 3850
Psychologies Magazine is a registered trademark. Copyright ©2002
GLOBAL EDITIONS
Psychologies Magazine is a registered trademark and is published monthly by Kelsey Media 2020©
all rights reserved. Kelsey Media is a trading name of Kelsey Publishing Ltd. Reproduction in whole or in Groupe Psychologies, 2-8 rue Gaston-Rébuffat, 75019 Paris, France. Tel: 01 44 65 58 00
part is forbidden except with permission in writing from the publishers.
Note to contributors: articles submitted for consideration by the editor must be the original work of
PSYCHOLOGIES FRANCE PSYCHOLOGIES BELGIUM PSYCHOLOGIES RUSSIA
the author and not previously published. Where photographs are included, which are not the property
of the contributor, permission to reproduce them must have been obtained from the owner of the Editor-in-Chief: Laurence Folléa Edition Ventures, Chaussée de Hearst Shkulev Media,
copyright. The Editor cannot guarantee a personal response to all letters and emails received. The views Louvain 431D, 1830 Lasne. Tel: + 32 2 379 Psychologies Russia,
expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those of the Editor or the Publisher. Kelsey Publishing Ltd PSYCHOLOGIES ROMANIA 29 90 Editorial Director: Marie-Christine 31 b Shabolovkaya Street,
accepts no liability for products and services offered by third parties. Ringier Magazines, 6 Dimitri De Wasseige (mc.dewasseige@ventures. Moscow 115162. Tel: +7 495 981 39 10
PRIVACY NOTICE Kelsey Publishing Ltd uses a multi-layered privacy notice, giving you brief details Pompeiu Street, Bucharest. Tel: +40 212
about how we would like to use your personal information. For full details, visit kelsey.co.uk, or call be) Chief editor (French): Christiane Thiry President: Viktor Shkulev
01959 543524. If you have any questions, please ask, as submitting your details indicates your consent, 03 08 00. Managing Director: Mihnea (christiane.thiry@ventures.be) (vshkulev@hsmedia.ru)
until you choose otherwise, that we and our partners may contact you about products and services that Vasiliu (mihnea.vasiliu@ringier.ro) Chief editor (Flemish): Barbara Van den Editor-in-Chief: Xsenia Kiseleva
will be of relevance to you via direct mail, phone, email Editor-in-Chief: Iuliana Alexa (iuliana. Abeele (b.vandenabeele@ventures.be) (xkiseleva@hsmedia.ru) Publisher
or SMS. You can opt out at ANY time via email:
data.controller@kelsey.co.uk or 01959 543524.
alexa@ringier.ro) Advertising Manager: Advertising Manager: Manoëlle Sepulchre and Advertising Manager: Ekatarina
Monica Pop (monica.pop@ringier.ro) (manoelle.sepulchre@ventures.be) Kerova (ekerova@hsmedia.ru)

Get your weekly fix! WANT MORE INSPIRATION, PERSONALITY TESTS AND INVITATIONS TO LIFE-CHANGING

6 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 EDITOR’S LETTER

Adjust and flourish

It’s as if someone pressed pause on our lives. Take a breath and
settle in, then turn to page 24, where acclaimed therapist Julia
Samuels, author of This Too Shall Pass, tells us how to adapt
and thrive in difficult times. Our first step? To create a good
relationship with ourselves. ‘It’s the pillar that influences every
other relationship in your life,’ she says. Our self-care Dossier Suzy Walker
Editor-in-Chief
(page 46) gives you plenty of ideas on how best to nurture
yourself through adversity, and back-page muse Pema Chödrön
counsels: ‘Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world.’
We welcome columnist Lucy Griffiths, who explains – from her sofa – how
introverts can learn to speak up on page 35, and we love Jini Reddy’s piece on
‘embracing the unknown and opening ourselves up to wonder and curiosity’ on page 20.
Kim Morgan shows us how to make working from home work for us (page 38) and
Sara Cox tells Rachel Dobson how a life coach helped her revamp her career (page 16).
We’ve already got the Life Leap Club for subscribers and we’ve just launched Psychologies
Connected Community for readers, their families and friends. Invite your people for live
broadcasts (details on page 5) and our #growyourself and
#createyourself initiatives. We’re planting, growing, writing,
learning, crafting and supporting each other. Join us!

SUBSCRIBE NOW! Get 2 years’ subscription for the price of 1

An investment in you
We’re offering you an unbeatable deal this month
– two years’ subscription to ‘Psychologies’ for the price
of one, which includes access to free coaching and our
uplifting online community. We’ll deliver every issue
to your door, so you’ ll receive your copy even if you
can’t go out. Let ‘Psychologies’ ONLY
be your beacon of hope and
light during this time. Join us
at psychologies.co.uk/life-
£fo2r .35
leap-club-new-subscribers each
issue!
(usually £4.70
)

EVENTS? SIGN UP FOR OUR FREE NEWSLETTER – DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO YOUR INBOX! GO TO bit.ly/2KN0B8z

M AY 2 0 2 0 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 7
Viewpoint
Send your letters to letters@psychologies.co.uk and tell us what you love about our
magazine. You could win a six-month subscription, plus access to our Life Leap Club!

Star FEELING SECURE

letter
Your Dossier on attachment style
(March) touched me deeply. My own
style is ‘anxious’. For a while, I haven’t
been able to acknowledge this, but
reading about the strengths of each
style and how I can flourish as an
anxious type has been so powerful
on my path to self-acceptance.
Life feels much brighter as I move
forward with new understanding
and compassion for myself. Thank
you so much ‘Psychologies’. Beth

Share with us…

Share your photos and comments on Instagram @psychologiesmagazine,
or tweet us @PsychologiesMag, both using #PsychologiesMagazine

@csmony: ‘Knowing yourself RIGHT: @the

is the beginning of all wisdom’ counsellingfoodie:
– Aristotle #quotes. The latest edition It’s been so long since I’ve sat
of @PsychologiesMag is filled with at my desk and read. So, this
interesting articles on self-exploration. is pretty much where you’ll
A perfect Sunday evening read. find me for the rest of the
day. I was a little giddy when
@Melly_Del: Loved the interview I received a subscription at
ABOVE:
with Emelia Fox in the March Christmas to Psychologies
@hannahs_
issue. She is one of my inspirations magazine and I’m looking
mindfulness_adventures:
@EmiliaFox in @PsychologiesMag! forward to flicking through
My lurcher loves Psychologies
the newest edition.
@Jini_Reddy: Last year, I was as much as I do. So much so that
fortunate to visit Aotearoa in New RIGHT: when I put it on our table to sit
Zealand and fell madly in love with the @beccaaaacollier: down and read, he jumped right up
country. Spending time with the Maori, Bubble baths make me on top of it so he could shout
walking in pristine natural landscapes, happy – as well as stacks about it to everyone. Another
spotting orcas – it was magical. ‘Land of @psychologiesmagazine. cracking issue. My to-read pile
of the gods’, the piece I wrote about it, What little things fill you gets at least one book longer
is in the March issue of @PsychologiesMag with happiness? whenever I read this magazine.

Get your weekly fix! WANT MORE INSPIRATION, PERSONALITY TESTS AND INVITATIONS TO LIFE-CHANGING

8 P S Y C H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 feedback
Letter of
gratitude
HUMAN INTEREST
I’m a new subscriber and, as a woman who struggled with
unexplained infertility, I was drawn to read ‘At the end of
the rainbow’ (March). It took me back to when I completed
I’d like to thank…
more cycles of IVF than I could count. With each failed
one, my hope morphed into sadness and despair. My new
neighbours,
Although I’m pleased for the writer, Laura Cannon,
stories like these are over-represented. There are many
who, after working through the heartbreak of infertility,
have used that strength to forge alternate fulfilling paths.
I am beyond grateful and touched by your
Psychologies does so much to celebrate women and
their varied lifestyles. Please continue to champion thoughtfulness and kindness. I moved to a
all humans, including those without children. Sarah new area just a few weeks ago with my little
one. This tough move followed a long and
PHOTO COMPETITION painful separation from my partner.
However, you invited us over for play
THIS IS A PHOTOGRAPH I took of a swimmer dates and unexpectedly cooked dinner for
attempting to cross the English Channel.
me. You welcomed me into your home on a
I have been very honoured to be part of
many people’s journeys to swimming this Sunday evening when you knew I didn’t have
infamous stretch of water. my boy at home, and you told me there was
Last summer, I witnessed some amazing enough roast dinner for me to stay for tea.
successes, but the best was being on board with
Connection with other humans is
Jody Jones’s team as she swam the Channel,
despite having stage 4 bowel cancer. everything and you’ll never know how much
Inspirational doesn’t even come close. Jason these small acts of kindness have made me
feel supported, happy and at home in our
The new house. Thank you with all my heart.
winner

I sabelle
CURRENT SUBSCRIBERS MAY GIFT THE PRIZE TO A FRIEND. EMAIL ELLEN.TOUT@
FOR FULL TS&CS, SEE PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK. OPEN TO UK RESIDENTS ONLY.

PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK. LETTERS MAY BE EDITED FOR LENGTH AND STYLE

This month’s gratitude

letter, star letter and
WOULD YOU LIKE to showcase your photographic
chosen photo win a
talent in ‘Psychologies’? What moment has made six-month subscription
you feel inspired, grateful or moved this month? to Psychologies worth
Capture it and tell us why. We’ll print the winner, £30.55, plus access to
plus you’ll receive a six-month subscription our Life Leap Club!
and access to our Life Leap Club! Share your
photograph with us and explain its inspiration
on Instagram @psychologiesmagazine with Send your letters to
the hashtag #PsychologiesPhoto or you can letters@psychologies.co.uk
email letters@psychologies.co.uk
*

EVENTS? SIGN UP FOR OUR FREE NEWSLETTER – DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO YOUR INBOX! GO TO bit.ly/2KN0B8z

M AY 2 0 2 0 P S Y C H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 9
NEW! from ‘Psychologies’
IMPROVE YOUR LIFE:
FIND YOUR CALM
OUR ‘FIND YOUR CALM’ bookazine
draws on cutting-edge global research to
help you understand your brain’s response
to stress and build peace and serenity into
your everyday life.

DISCOVER:
● What does life look like when you’re calm?
● What are the obstacles standing in your way?

● How is stress affecting you right now?

Be guided by the experts:

Let the experts steer you towards the answers
you need, and start living better today.
ORDER!
Everyone knows that stress is bad for your
health, relationships, productivity and quality
TOOD A Y
of life, but how can you avoid it? This bookazine NLY
shows you how, with clear, helpful advice and a
real-world focus on the little things that have
a great impact on your day-to-day.
£6.99 INC P&P*

● Reset: Improve your emotional intelligence

so you’re not hijacked by doom andgloom

● Rebalance: Discover practical ways

to avoid feeling overwhelmed

● Renew: Investigate how to manage stress

● Reboot: Harness your inner power

ORDER YOUR COPY TODAY

Order online at SHOP.KELSEY.CO.UK/CALM
or call 01959 543747**and quote CALM
Please allow up to 30 days for delivery. *Price is for UK only. EUR and ROW price is £8.99. All prices include p&p.
**
Lines are open Monday to Friday, 8.30am-5.30pm. Calls are charged at your standard network rate.
For full terms and conditions, visit shop.kelsey.co.uk/terms
 The Fix
News I Reviews I Books I Film I Art I Ideas
EDITED BY ELLEN TOUT

“Sometimes it is the people no one

imagines anything of who do the things
that no one can imagine
” ALAN TURING
ILLUSTRATION: EMILY MAYOR, FROM ‘BE MORE BEE:
HOW TO FIND YOUR BUZZ’ BY ALISON DAVIES

Bees play an important role in our ecosystems, and there is much to learn from them. Writer and bee
lover Alison Davies explains: ‘The bee has everything. It’s a magical marvel, a creature of flair and
talent, a friend of the earth and an advocate of girl power. Bees are an inspiration. These winged
wonders will delight you with their wisdom and teach you how to fly higher than you thought possible.’
Be More Bee: How To Find Your Buzz (Quadrille, £7.99), is a light-hearted guide to finding your inner bee.

M AY 2 0 2 0 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 11
The Fix
Thought-provoking culture, creative ideas, insightful science and inspiring gifts

♥
Our
kindness COMPUTING
project
THE BRAIN
If you’ve ever been on antidepressants,
you’ll know that finding the right medicine
can take time. But artificial intelligence
may be able to predict whether certain
drugs will suit individuals. Researchers
used electroencephalography (EEG)
to record electrical activity in the brain,
allowing them to see which of 300 patients
would respond well to sertraline.* Currently,
40 per cent of people are a positive fit for
IT’S A KIND OF the first meds they’re given, but with EEG
MINDFULNESS it rose to 65 per cent. Could this technology
If we consciously choose to be kind, the benefits
are greater than ever, writes David Hamilton be guiding doctors in the near future?

‘KINDFULNESS’ IS A BLEND of kindness

and mindfulness: to be mindfully kind; kind
on purpose. Kindfulness means being alert
for opportunities to be kind, because it’s
the right thing to do, and even being kind in our thoughts
about people and how we communicate with them.
Kindfulness triggers the five side effects of kindness: it
boosts happiness, is good for the heart, slows ageing and
improves relationships, reducing the emotional distance
between people, and it’s contagious. Kindness is strong in
us, in fact, it’s genetic – we are wired to be kind. So, when
we practise kindfulness, it can make us feel better, improve
our mental and physical health, and our relationships with
friends, family, co-workers and even romantically.
● David Hamilton is author of ‘The Little Book Of Kindness’ (Octopus,
£7.99) and ‘The Five Side Effects of Kindness’ (Hay House, £10.99)

Join ‘Psychologies’ kindness tsar, David Hamilton, live on

Facebook @Psychologiesmagazine for his 30-day kindness challenge, Long face
next on 14 April at 1pm. For access to more like this, join the ‘Psychologies’ vase, £14.99,
Life Leap Club, free when you subscribe to the magazine. For more about tkmaxx.com
joining us, our free coaching and kind online community, see page 62

Get your weekly fix! WANT MORE INSPIRATION, PERSONALITY TESTS AND INVITATIONS TO LIFE-CHANGING

12 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 68%
OF RUNNERS SAY
SUSTAINABLE GEAR
IS TOP OF THEIR
SHOPPING LIST, AND
97 PER CENT ARE
CONCERNED ABOUT
THE HIGH LEVELS
OF AIR POLLUTION
THEY’RE EXPOSED
TOWHILERUNNING.**
NATURAL CONCERNS
DURING A NATURAL
STATE OF HUMAN
MOVEMENT…

Culture
Roots manoeuvre
PHOTOGRAPH: JULES VILLBRANDT ©2020, FROM ‘PLANT TRIBE’ BY IGOR JOSIFOVIC
SIGNATURE PREDICTS ANTIDEPRESSANT RESPONSE IN MAJOR DEPRESSION,
AND JUDITH DE GRAAFF. *W WU ET AL, AN ELECTROENCEPHALOGRAPHIC

HOUSEPLANTS PURIFY the air and you embrace life, which is all around
bring uplifting greenery into even the us; buzzing, blooming and thriving.’
most urban of nests. ‘Plants play a Their new book explores the
‘NATURE BIOTECHNOLOGY’, 2020; **TRIBE SPORTS, 2020

key role in wellbeing, positive energy, fascinating relationship between plants

happiness, love and creativity,’ say
Igor Josifovic and Judith de Graaff,
interiors enthusiasts and authors
of new book Plant Tribe: Living
Happily Ever After With Plants.
They believe plants can teach
human beings important lessons:
‘Life changes with the seasons. Every
moment has a reason, and every
low will eventually pass,’ they say.
‘Embrace your love of plants as
and our wellbeing. It provides sneak
peeks inside the homes of fellow plant
lovers, such as Julie Hagan (pictured).
Julie has more than 600 plants in her
home and is heartened by the way
they become heirlooms, passed from
generation to generation to help keep
the memory of a loved one alive.
Cami, £52;
‘Plant Tribe: Living Happily Ever After bra top, £45;
With Plants’ by Igor Josifovic and Judith leggings, £59, all
de Graaff (Abrams, £25) asquithlondon.com

EVENTS? SIGN UP FOR OUR FREE NEWSLETTER – DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO YOUR INBOX! GO TO bit.ly/2KN0B8z

M AY 2 0 2 0 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 13
the fix

WHAT WOULD YOU

GREEN IDEAS

DO IF YOU DARED?
Yes, you can help create a
better world, says our Eco
2 in3
PEOPLE USE ONLINE LEARNING AS A
TOOL TO SUPPORT THEM AT WORK –
Living Editor Ellen Tout
AND 77 PER CENT BELIEVE DOING SO IS
ACTIVIST AND LAWYER Polly Higgins BENEFICIAL TO THEIR MENTAL HEALTH*
dedicated her life to campaigning for
ecocide – a law to make businesses and
governments criminally liable for the
damage they do to our ecosystems.
Higgins was a trailblazer of the green EAR’S A TREND
movement through her vital lobbying
work and determination to hold powerful Enjoy listening to podcasts? You’re not alone. A study**
people to account. ‘The earth is in need has revealed a spike in interest in podcasts about
of a good lawyer,’ she once said.
A year after her death, Higgins’ book,
mental health and wellbeing over the past four years.
Dare To Be Great, is a welcome antidote Journalling was the most talked about topic and hygge
to the current discourse. It explores the most popular, followed closely by sound healing,
how anyone can open pathways for
themselves and society as a whole.
seasonal affective disorder and cognitive behavioural
Through her story, Higgins shares how therapy. To hear ours, search for ‘Psychologies’ at
we can all live the brave, bold lives that we audioboom.com, and see our podcast picks on page 82.
imagine. It’s a call to arms for the changing
world in which we live – a world that
needs greatness now more than ever.

● Dare To Be Great:
Unlock Your Power
To Create A Better
World by Polly
Higgins (The
History Press, £7.99)

Worried about the planet? Our Real Eco

section of the magazine, from page 65, is packed with
information and advice. In Ellen Tout’s Eco Worrier Headphone
column on page 69, she explains we can make our food display stand,
go further by reducing waste. For more like this, go to £14.99,
psychologies.co.uk/real-eco and follow @ellen_tout prezzybox.com

Be an eco champion! ARE YOU KEEN TO LEARN ABOUT ETHICAL, PLASTIC-FREE PRODUCTS? THE ’PSYCHOLOGIES’
14 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 Film
of the
The Secret
month Garden
Directed by Marc Munden
BASED ON THE CHILDREN’S CLASSIC by Frances
Hodgson Burnett, this film, a visual treat, explores grief,
depression and the redemptive power of nature. This
version is set in 1947 and orphan Mary (Dixie Egerickx)
is sent back to England from India after her parents die
in a cholera epidemic to live with her uncle (Colin Firth)
and his housekeeper Mrs Medlock (Julie Walters) on
his vast estate, Misselthwaite Manor, in Yorkshire.
She discovers a beautiful garden, befriends a boy
named Dickon (Amir Wilson), who works in the grounds,
FILM REVIEW: DANIELLE WOODWARD. *DEMOS
and meets her sickly cousin Colin (Edan Hayhurst),
who has been shut away in the house and believes he
THINK TANK, 2020; **BABYLON, 2020
cannot walk. There are beautiful sequences bringing
Mary’s imagination to life and the haunting element
of a ghost story lends more magic, as she learns about
her mother and aunt, and their relationship.
Filmed in gardens all over the UK, The Secret Garden is
a tribute to the beauty of the world, creating the appealing
image of a lost place; a secret garden, with the power to
heal damaged souls through nature and friendship. DW
REAL ECO AWARDS PROMOTE HONEST, GREEN BRANDS. TURN TO PAGE 66 AND GO TO PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK/REAL-ECO
HACK INTO HAPPINESS
GOOD IN EVERYTHING
Focus on what you love to feel great, says
happiness expert and coach Kia Cannons
HAPPY PEOPLE live longer because life
satisfaction and positivity improve our
health. We tend to wake up thinking
about what we need to do; instead,
focus on that for which you’re grateful.
Face challenges by asking, ‘What
can I learn from this?’. Difficulties can
be opportunities to grow. Before bed,
acknowledge what you’ve achieved
during the day. The tendency is to list
what you didn’t get done, but you’ll be
Mindfulness
surprised by how much you did – and be mug, £12.69,
‘happy hacking’ your health in the process! intrinsiconline.com
Join Kia Cannons for our weekly ‘Do What You Love’ video series and more happy
hacks at lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk. Life Labs is a blogging platform where world-class
experts write about everything from productivity and work-life balance to improving
communication in relationships; lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk; happyhacks.libsyn.com
M AY 2 0 2 0 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 15
 Sara Cox
“It’s common for girls to
idolise their dads but, once
you have kids, you think
‘Mum did a lot for me’”
The broadcaster, presenter and author chats to Rachel Dobson
about rejuvenating her career, her wellbeing strategies, love of
family and what she does to help the environment as a country lass

PHOTOGRAPH LEIGH KEILY

S
ara Cox is berating herself for saying
she feels lucky. Her DJ pal, Annie Mac,
reminds her to say she’s grateful, not
lucky. And Sara is grateful. A few years
ago, her diary looked pretty sparse and, although
home life with her husband, advertising executive
Ben Cyzer, three children, two dogs and a kitten
was happy, she wasn’t confident about her career.
A lot of hard graft, some northern grit,
a massive dollop of creative talent and a gentle,
slightly piss-taking sense of humour landed
her the golden Radio 2 drive-time slot (All
Request Friday is unmissable in our house),
numerous television projects and a bestselling
coming-of-age memoir about growing up on
a farm with her mum, dad, brothers and sisters,
Till The Cows Come Home: A Lancashire
Childhood (Hodder & Stoughton, £9.99).
Her dad, Len, is hero of the book at first but, by
the end, it’s a love letter to Cox’s mother, Jackie.
‘How did they react?’ I ask, as we start our chat.
‘My dad hasn’t read it!’ she chuckles. ‘He’s too
busy with cows to feed and not a huge reader. My
husband’s not read it either – but that sums up
my family and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I can be interviewing Ben Stiller one minute
and on a red carpet the next but, as soon as I walk
through the front door, I’m wife, mum, daughter,
and the youngest of my siblings, and not taken
that seriously. I think that’s healthy. My mum was
thrilled, loved it and proofread the whole thing.
‘I think it’s common for girls to idolise their
dads but, once you have kids yourself, you think
“Mum did a lot for me”.’ >>>

16 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
interview
The interview
Your mother is a mini powerhouse – what have you
and your sister, Yvonne, inherited from her?
Yvonne’s a lawyer and she’s brilliant. Hilariously, my
mum once introduced us as ‘the beauty and the brain’
in an off-the-cuff moment. We remind her of this
occasionally and she’s mortified. My sister worked very
hard at school and is really successful. She wanted to
escape Bolton much more than I did. I thought it was the
bee’s knees and the centre of the universe, then I went to
visit Yvonne in Paris and realised there was a bit of world
beyond Lancashire! Mum has always worked hard. I’m
ABOVE DJ Sara
sort of the same when it comes to work because, when
in action in the
you’re freelance, you never lose that instinct to keep your
Sara Cox Presents
diary full and there have been times when my diary has Just Can’t Get Enough
been a desolate wasteland with tumbleweed whizzing 80s show last year
past and just one little radio show each week.
RIGHT Sara and
You had a career slump after the kids were born her mother, Jackie,
[Lola is 15, Isaac, 11, and Renee, nine] – how did you at the Tesco Mum
turn your work life around? of the Year awards
I wasn’t feeling very confident and I texted Davina McCall
asking for help and Davina, being Davina, rang me straight
back – which is lovely. She put me in touch with success
coach Michael Heppell, which was the best thing she could
have done. I had a meeting with Michael where I just
sobbed, and I had to draw a beach ball where one half is a fulfilling career and family life but, given the choice, I’d
your work life and one is your personal life, with lots of take my personal life being fully inflated over my career.
different sections in each area. [Ed: Like our life-coaching Sometimes, there are imbalances like my mad summer
wheel on page 45.] My personal life was fully inflated, but last year. I’d landed my dream job on Radio 2, had a pre-
my work side looked like someone had taken a steak knife recorded weekend show, Love In The Countryside, on ITV
to it – it was all deflated and caved in. and BBC’s Back In Time… but it was the summer holidays so
I didn’t see my family. I’d accidentally committed to all of it,
What steps did Michael help you make? but I thought: ‘Grit your teeth, get your head down and get
I had to list five people I could ring and ask for help. through it.’ I loved the work, but it was hard to be away.
Richard Madeley came out for a coffee with me and so did
Jonathan Ross. It wasn’t about asking for work – Michael How’s your beach ball now?
was encouraging me to step out of my comfort zone and I’m busy at work but I’m also home trying to write a new
do something quite alarming to boost my confidence. book, a novel. I do Loose Ends with Clive Anderson on
I’m a big believer that the squeaky wheel gets the oil and Radio 4. I’m about in the mornings to take the kids to school
I really mithered the head of BBC Radio 2. I didn’t get my every day. Because I’m on air at teatime, I miss out on
agent to call, I would pop in and see if he was free for a the homework and the afternoon school run, which is
cuppa; I’d email him and say I think I’d really fit in at the a notorious bun fight – but I get home for the nice bedtime
station. Eventually, he realised I wasn’t going to leave cuddles. Renee and I are reading The Midnight Gang
him alone, so I covered the 2am to 5am slot, filled in for by David Walliams before lights out, which is perfect.
Vanessa Feltz and covered the Breakfast Show.
How do you look after your mental health?
Did you believe your beach ball could be pumped I’m ready to put on my smug hat because at 6.10am I was
up all the way around? in my garage doing my YouTube favourite Pamela Reif’s
Yes. Michael gave me the confidence that I could have HIIT session, listening to Vanessa Feltz on the radio.

18 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 “I like to feel fit and
strong – the kind
of strong where I
could lift a pony off
someone. I have
a hero complex”
I do 20 minutes every day, either before the kids are up for
breakfast or after the school run. I love it and, if I don’t do it,
I feel crap. I like to feel fit and strong, but the kind of strong
where I could lift a pony off someone. I have a hero complex
and I’m always trying to help people and carry their bags; I’m
probably going to get done for mugging someone one day! I love
to cycle my Brompton foldaway bike into work too. When I get
there, my endorphins are flowing and I feel ready to broadcast.
What would your 20s have been like if social media had
been around?
They would have been really different! All I had was the press
to cope with and I could kind of answer back on the Breakfast
Show. I used to look at Heat magazine to help me remember
what I’d been up to the previous week. I try to step away from
social media at weekends. I don’t want to be glancing at my
phone, then looking up and 14 minutes have passed.
Do you think growing up on a farm made you more
conscious of the environment?
We were always quite thrifty and, being the youngest of five,
I wore hand-me-downs. I hate food waste and I’m a bugger for
food roulette – not with the kids – but, if food is a few days out
of date, I’ll still eat it. I turn off lights and put on a jumper
instead of turning up the heating, which isn’t easy when I’ve
married a southerner. I have an electric car but try not to use
PHOTOGRAPHS: REX/SHUTTERSTOCK
it to drive to work as you don’t need to drive in a city. With
veganism, that’s tricky because my dad’s a beef farmer,
although he doesn’t farm intensively. I think two days a week
without meat and dairy would make a huge difference.
You wore a lovely Oxfam vintage dress to the Brits too…
Oxfam’s campaign about how many thousands of litres of
water it takes to make a cotton T-shirt stopped my Zara habit.
Sara Cox’s coach
coaches you
Keynote speaker and bestselling
author Michael Heppell shares the
tips he gave Sara to help transform
her career from OK to brilliant
1 ‘Test, don’t try, these ideas,’ says Heppell.
‘It’s really important to use language
correctly – and testing something will give
you the result that you want, more than
simply trying something out.
2 ‘Work out your confidence DNA.
What I mean by this is: what
language do you use when you are feeling
confident? What’s your focus and what’s
your physiology? ‘You may say, for example,
“I’ve got this!”, focusing on the difference
you are going to make – standing
straighter, with your shoulders back
and breathing more slowly.
3 ‘Practise being confident by
incorporating these things – and notice
the difference from when you’re feeling
anxious. Learn to switch from anxious
mode to confident mode – feel the contrast.
Call each mode a name, such as “Super Sara”
for confident mode.
4 ‘Make a list of five people who can help
you in your career. Switch to confident
mode, pick up the phone and call the first one.
5 ‘Do say “I need your help”; don’t say
“I want to pick your brains”. Make it
clear that you want an hour of their time
over a drink to discuss your next steps
career-wise. Don’t ask for a job or for them
to be a mentor. People really do love to help.
If someone does say no, gather yourself
into confident mode again, pick up the
phone and call the next person on your list.
‘Sara was a brilliant client because she did
everything that I asked of her, and she got the
results she wanted.’
We recommend ‘How To Be Brilliant: Change Your
Ways In 90 Days!’ by Michael Heppell (Pearson, £12.99)
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 19
20 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0

Magical
realism
After an other-worldy encounter on a mountain in Spain,
nature writer Jini Reddy set out to seek the magical in the
landscape. In doing so, she found strength and her voice
A
few years ago, I was on a mountaintop
in the Pyrenees, alone with my tent,
no food except an apple and a few
nuts, and nine bottles of water. I was
there to fast for four nights and five days, to go
inward on a kind of vision quest, and let go of all
the emotional upset I was carrying inside. God
knows, I was carrying a lot so I knew I’d be lucky
if I could sort myself out in that time, but I also
knew that it is harder to access the deeper current
of your emotions when you’re surrounded by
distractions. I was eager to peel away the layers
and reconnect with myself in the raw, in the wild.
A Basque shaman, with whom I’d spent several
days preparing for this time, had guided me here.
It had been a challenging hike through a mossy
green forest, alive with burbling streams. At last,
he pointed to a peak with a flat top and beautiful
views of the valley. He declared that this spot
would be ‘just right’ for me.
I gave him my watch and phone to take back
down the mountain. My experience was going to
be about surrender too, an act of trust and faith.
self
I would be relying on myself, and nature; to hold
me and keep me safe. To me, the earth is alive
and full of potent spirit forces or energies, an
animating intelligence beyond our rational
understanding. I have always believed that if our
intentions are sincere, we can begin to connect
with these forces of nature and receive wisdom
from them. To put it another way, I had come to
attune myself to the magic, in the hope that
magic might visit me.
Speak to me, Mother Earth
The way I see it, you can either be a slave to the
rational and crave certainty, or you can follow
your intuition, embrace the unknown, and open
yourself up to wonder, curiosity and awe. If I had
to choose between mastery and mystery, I would
pick the latter every time. Back then, I said I
wanted to ‘hear nature’s voice’. I’d met people
from indigenous cultures on my travels and
was fascinated by the way that, for them, it was
natural to enter into a relationship with the sky,
the earth, the waters, trees, animals and birds. >>>
>>>
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 21
ABOVE The Mud
Maid figures in The
Lost Gardens of
Heligan, Cornwall

RIGHT Jini rests

in Lindisfarne,
Northumberland “I wanted to search for the magical other
in the landscape, guided by intention and
ABOVE RIGHT Fingal’s
Cave on the island
trust, in order to decipher the language of
of Staffa, Scotland signs and clues that might be offered to me”

I guess I wanted a taste of that, because,
well, who wouldn’t? I couldn’t imagine
anything more beautiful, poetic and
soul-nourishing.
My night-time caller
My guide had talked about the spirits that
dwelled here. It was enchanting, until we
came to where I would make my abode:
‘See those woods,’ he said, pointing to the
thick, dark forest near where I’d flung
my backpack,‘the yeti lives there.’ Then,
without so much as a backward glance, he
retreated down the track – ‘See you in five
days!’ Suddenly, I was alone. Or was I?
I may have wanted to hear nature’s
voice, but the yeti? I didn’t believe in a
giant hairy creature walking on hind legs,
did I? But the locals’ interpretation was
of a mystical lord of the forest… I shivered
“
I may have wanted
to hear nature’s
voice, but the yeti?
I didn’t believe in “
a giant hairy
creature, did I?
came a strange voice; an unearthly,
urgent whisper. I’d sought the ‘other’, but
now it was here and I was terrified. And
then, as suddenly as it began, it stopped,
and the night sounds resumed.
I’m still convinced that it wasn’t a
figment of my imagination. Did I summon
a nature spirit with my yearning? Was
it the lord of the forest? I cannot say. But
even a momentary connection with
bursting. At the time, I was writing more
about nature and the landscape, but I
was afraid that, in traditional circles,
my ‘way’ would be met with scepticism.
I was worried about being judged.
A mystical mission
In order to throw myself into the journey
I was plotting, I had to let go of that fear.
The only way to do that was to allow
myself to sit with my worry, feel it fully,
until it dissolved. Also, I began to realise
that it wasn’t my business to persuade
sceptics to see the world as I do. What
people choose to believe is up to them.
I only wanted to be true to myself.
I wanted to set off in search of the
magical other in the landscape,
here in Britain. I would let myself be
guided by intention and trust, and
PHOTOGRAPHS: COURTESY OF JINI REDDY;

and tried to put it out of my mind. something beyond our normal field of I’d rely on intuition, deep listening,
GETTY IMAGES. CHECK GOVERNMENT

When the sun went down that night, I perception can alter one’s trajectory. synchronicity, unexpected happenings
ADVICE BEFORE TRAVELLING

felt edgy, as if part of me knew something
was about to happen. And then it did.
Everything went eerily still, the trees
ceased to rustle, the night sounds died
and the hairs stood up on the back of my
neck. On the other side of the canvas
There was no instant, dramatic
transformation, but those five days and
nights left me feeling profoundly calm
and refreshed, emotionally freer – and
curious. My desire to connect with the
wildness we cannot see grew, until I was
and feelings of joy in order to decipher
the language of signs and clues that
might be offered to me.
It would be a bit like twiddling the
dial on a radio station, till the static gives
way to a clear broadcast – I’d need to get

22 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 self

Start your journey

into ‘Wanderland’
A beginner’s guide to being a
student of mysticism in nature

ABOVE A labyrinth
1 Set a sincere intention
to connect before setting
off on your journey, hike or walk.
on the beautiful
Intentions are important because
Cornish coast
they create focus and energy.

ABOVE LEFT Jini
felt supported by
the universe, and
reminds herself of
that in trying times
LEFT Visitors to
Lindisfarne, or Holy
Island, must wait for
the tide to recede
2
Intention is not the
same as exerting will,
pleading or expecting a result. Let
go of attachment to any outcome
– stay with your intention and
trust; be a humble, heart-centred
pupil of mystery and wonder.

out of my own way if I wanted to connect

with ‘Radio Magic’. It would be a journey
geographically too, across contrasting
landscapes: the inner and outer journeys
coming together.
If I eschewed a more prosaic metal
compass for my inner ‘divining rod’, what
might unfold? I’d be following a trail less
ordinary. I had no special gifts – I was
a regular person who, in the spirit of
playful experimentation, wanted to have
an adventure and take my soul for a stroll.
I hoped to expand my field of perception
and embody more of the magic I sought.
Abundant treasures
Finally, I put my plan into action. My
journey, which I write about in my book,
Wanderland, yielded some interesting
discoveries. A cult treasure map and
a hidden well that, at first, stubbornly
refused to show itself; a mysterious zodiac
in the landscape; an oracle-like labyrinth
overlooking the sea. I spent time with a
woman of the ‘old ways’, and was led to
secret land art. I attempted to connect
with the uncanny as an unsighted person
might, became addicted to an island of
great natural beauty and, the piece de
resistance, began a quest for a mystical
3 Accept that it may not
happen instantly.
Inviting the ‘other’ and feeling a
temple, sparked by a cryptic clue. magical connection – through
At the end of my travels, how did I feel? synchronicity, unexpected and
It was joyful, liberating and a revelation thrilling encounters, feelings of
to realise that it is possible to invite a wonder or a sense of knowing – are
connection with the mysterious, mystical the fruits of practice. Keep at it and
other. It’s like casting a spell, creating a your devotion will be rewarded.
ritual of a journey, invoking enchantment
and keeping hope and wonder alive. On
a personal level, I felt supported by the
universe, and I remind myself of that
4 You don’t need to be
a teacher, a guru or
an expert – every one of us is
when times are tough. capable of connecting in this way.
As for my fear of being judged, at first, We can draw inspiration from
I kept my experiences to myself or used others, but remember that this
general terms, unless I was speaking to is about your relationship with
friends of a more spiritual nature. Now, I’ve the other, and it is intimate and
begun to reveal more about my experiences unique. The key is presence, trust,
and people are genuinely curious. slowing down and, crucially,
Speaking my truth has allowed me to feel switching off electronic devices.
seen and heard for the first time in my life.
Magic appeals to us all, and connecting
with nature is richly, deeply rewarding. As
for my time up the mountain, I’m grateful
5 Enjoy nature, love it
and don’t lose sight of the
importance of protecting what we
to my visitor, whatever it may have been, love. Foster your bond with nature
for being the spark that lit a flame. and it will have the knock-on
‘Wanderland: A Search For Magic In The Landscape’
effect of amplifying your care
by Jini Reddy (Bloomsbury, £16.99) is out on 30 April and concern for the planet.

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 23
 HOW TO…
Adapt and thrive
in difficult times
Acclaimed psychotherapist Julia Samuel’s words of advice
to develop resilience and navigate life’s challenges calmly
Create a good relationship with
yourself. ‘The relationship you have with
yourself is the pillar that influences every other
relationship in your life. It is central to your
wellbeing,’ says Samuel. Write a journal,
discover what triggers you in terms of negative
emotions and how to handle those triggers in
the healthiest way possible. Every night, jot
down three things for which you are grateful.
Create good relationships with others.
Find ways to communicate your love and
what you need and learn to have difficult
conversations. Find ways to repair a rupture
after a row. Listen with your heart, speak
honestly and make your key relationships
a priority in your life.
Manage your emotions. Be aware of HALT:
Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. If you are feeling
one of those, you are vulnerable to responding
in an inappropriate way. Remember, feelings
WORDS: SUZY WALKER. IMAGE: SHUTTERSTOCK
are not facts. You become more emotionally
intelligent when you can identify your
emotions, gaining clarity on how to respond
to difficult situations.
Keep your focus on today. Practise
holding your attention on the present moment;
the task at hand. Breathe and plan what you
need to do today.
24 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
Cultivate a good relationship with
the mind/body. What you are thinking and
feeling affects your physical self and vice versa.
Make a clear decision to exercise every day,
follow a relaxation and meditation practice,
eat well, be aware of what you’re watching and
listening to every day – is it positive?
Learn to be assertive and say no
with confidence. Introduce boundaries,
which are crucial to our sense of order in a
world that can seem overwhelming.
Structure stabilises – it is a foundation
when your world feels shaky. Develop
beneficial habits, such as exercise first thing,
soothing pastimes and getting enough sleep.
This focusing technique will calm you
and enable you to meet the day: Close your
eyes and breathe deeply and slowly, in through
your nose, out through your mouth, three times.
Move your attention around your body until you
find the place with the most sensation. Breathe
into that place. Find a word to describe that
place… Does it have a shape or colour? It it
hard or soft? Create an image for it. If the image
could speak, what would it say? Follow where
the image takes you.
‘This Too Shall Pass: Stories Of Change, Crisis And
Hopeful Beginnings’ by Julia Samuel (Penguin £14.99)
emotional intelligence
Our agony aunt, Mary Fenwick, offers a new
perspective on whatever is troubling you

‘‘
I worry that my
daughter will start
‘‘
self-harming
MARY FENWICK is a writer,

Q
speaker and executive coach; she’s
I have recently discovered that my daughter’s also a mother, divorcee and widow.
boyfriend of two months is self-harming. I am GOT A QUESTION FOR MARY?
Email mary@psychologies.co.uk,
concerned for him, of course, but my big fear is that with ‘MARY’ in the subject line.
my daughter will start self-harming too. She had a
FOR MORE about her one-to-one
period of bad depression last year and is vulnerable. work and speaking and to sign up
I have tried to talk to her about it but she refuses to discuss for her free guide, ‘Reframe,
reconnect and resources – top 3
their relationship with me – I found out about the self-harm tips for approaching a problem’,
through another parent. They are both 16. I am so worried. go to maryfenwick.com
What can I do to support her? Name supplied

A
Self-harm is
frightening for all
concerned, including
the person doing it. You
want to defend your child against
anyone who tries to hurt her, but
what if she’s the one doing the harm?
When we went through this in
our family, I didn’t know about the
parent’s helpline at Young Minds,
because I was panicking and forgot
to do my usual research. I’ve now
spoken to them on your behalf.
saying this as a reminder that we
all feel overwhelming emotion at
times, and gentleness is a more
effective approach than attack.
A natural reaction as a parent
is ‘I just want this to stop’ but the
young person needs to find other
ways of managing their feelings.
The good news is that it sounds as
if the boyfriend has found a way to
let someone else know what’s going
on. At the same time, there’s a risk
that your daughter takes on a role
way in. The Young Minds website
has a list of 20 ideas of things to do
together for 20 minutes – including
baking a cake, sharing your music,
doing yoga or planting herbs.
If it feels right, start a
conversation by sharing your
own observations – ‘I’ve noticed
you seem a bit low’ – rather than
quizzing her. If you’re ready for the
next level, try ‘even if you don’t want
to say anything to me, I don’t mind
setting up therapy for you, and
PHOTOGRAPH: VICTORIA BIRKINSHAW

They confirm that the first
challenge is processing your own
emotions. The thought that your
daughter might be self-harming
can bring up feelings of guilt, anger,
fear and worry about whether
you’ve done something wrong. I’m
as his informal therapist.
With all that in mind, you want
to create a sense of comfort and
safety for your daughter. It’s better
to avoid face-to-face intensity, so
start with a text chat or find a reason
to go for a drive, which might be a
I won’t ask any questions’.
Your two main tools are comfort
and communication, while knowing
that you have some of the calm and
perspective that she needs.
Young Minds parent helpline: 0808 802 5544;
youngminds.org.uk/find-help/for-parents

JOIN OUR CLUB! WE’VE LAUNCHED A WORLD-CLASS ONLINE COACHING CLUB – AND MEMBERSHIP

“My infidelity with a colleague is making things tense at work”
Q Last year, I cheated on
my husband with a man
at work. I told my husband
straight away and we went about
working on our relationship. I also
work with a friend, and I confided
in her. Her reaction really took
me aback. She got angry at me
and was very judgmental. I was
shocked as I try to be kind and
non-judgmental with my friends.
She sits next to the guy I slept
with – the three of us were friends
– and continues to be pals with
him. How do I face going to work
on a daily basis with them both
there? Name supplied
“Is my grandmother’s odd behaviour deliberate?”
Q I used to enjoy seeing
my grandparents but my
grandma’s behaviour has
deteriorated and it is putting me
off visiting. For example, she coughs
over my food and drink, and I think
it could be on purpose as she has
said hurtful things in the past, like
questioning if I’ve got what it takes to
be a wife, as I’m single at the moment.
How can I address her behaviour
without hurting her? Name supplied
A
It sounds as if your grandma’s
understanding of appropriate
behaviour in social situations
has changed. She’s no longer showing
basic politeness to someone who loves
her and wants to help. As you say, this
could be deliberate, but it could also be
an early sign of something like dementia.
One straightforward way to check
IS FREE TO ALL SUBSCRIBERS. LEAP INTO A BETTER LIFE AT PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK/LIFE-LEAP-CLUB-NEW-SUBSCRIBERS
A
It sounds as if you are still
coming to terms with the
way events have unfolded
and I wonder if your question misses the
main point. There are four people in this
situation and you’ve chosen to prioritise
two: you and your husband. The man
you slept with is a distraction from that
primary challenge, your friend’s reaction
even more so. So the question becomes:
how can you minimise the risk of losing
focus on what really matters to you?
Acknowledge your own power to make
choices. All the research on getting past
infidelity says that taking responsibility
is key, but you also need to give yourself
time and create systems that will support
the level of understanding would be
‘Gran, you might not have noticed
but it looked as if you coughed into
my drink. Is everything OK with you?’.
Psychologist George K Simon has
written a book called In Sheep’s Clothing
(Tantor Media, £12.49), about how
to deal with people who are being
manipulative. He suggests that we
need to confront inappropriate behaviour
directly and label it for what it is. He also
advises us not to spend too much time
trying to work out the hidden meaning
– instead, we need to focus on actions.
I do think a more medical explanation
is worth keeping in mind because she’s
elderly, and it’s a clear shift compared
to the past. The Alzheimer’s Society
has a section on what causes behaviour
changes, which include trying to ‘hide’ the
condition from others, or having unmet
needs and no language to talk about them.
the life lab
your path to rebuilding your relationship.
I wonder if your friend’s judgment felt
harsh because you have already said
a lot of mean things to yourself. The link
below talks about what both parties
may need to recover and recommends
counselling, because infidelity often
makes couples feel ashamed and isolated.
There’s evidence that changing habits
is hard because our willpower runs out
quickly, and we need new external
structures to keep us on track. What can
you do to change the scene at work? At
the very least, change the room in which
you work, but you may need to consider
changing your job to support a fresh start.
greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/surviving_betrayal
Has anyone else who knows your gran
well noticed these changes? Whether
they have or not, it may be helpful to let
other family members know what’s going
on. I know you want to be kind, but it’s not
in anyone’s best interests to let this slide.
alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-
diagnosis/symptoms/what-causes-behaviour-changes
Be part of our tribe
Join the Life Leap Club and
receive free coaching from
our experts. All you have to
do is subscribe to access free
coaching videos, inspirational
resources and masterclasses.
Go to psychologies.co.uk/life-
leap-club-new-subscribers.
View video content with
Mary at psychologies.co.uk
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 27
good thoughts
good thoughts

“ What is sacred is what is worthy

of our reverence, what evokes awe
and wonder in the human heart, and
what, when contemplated,
transforms us utterly
PHIL COUSINEAU ”

PHOTOGRAPH: SIMON MATZINGER/PEXELS

28 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0

Let there be light
After the loss of her beloved dog, Suzy Walker feels lonely
and directionless. Craving a morning routine, she decides on
an age-old ritual that provides warmth, inside and out
L ast month, I said a final farewell to
my lovely old dog, Oscar. I have been
missing him terribly. Oscar went
everywhere with me. He came to work every day,
slept on my bed, demanded five daily walks and
greeted me with an ecstatic full-body wag every
time I came into a room. He was my mascot of
unconditional love, my loneliness antidote and
one of the big loves of my life.
Many studies have shown that stroking a
dog and even having one nearby can reduce
cortisol – stress– levels and increase oxytocin, the
hormone released when we are in love. Writer and
veterinary surgeon Pete Wedderburn says: ‘Dogs
become a central part of our lives, offering
unconditional love, continual company and an
alternative to loneliness. A dog is the ultimate
non-judgmental, loving companion.’
It’s no wonder I miss him. Oscar also gave
structure to my day. His soft, furry nuzzle was
my early morning wake-up call, plus his walks
punctuated my day with a stress-relieving
wander by the canal bank for a dose of sanity
and vitamin D. Since his death, I have found
ILLUSTRATION: GETTY IMAGES
myself lying in bed feeling a little low and
unmotivated. I’m also spending hours at my
desk and not getting out into the light all day,
and my teenage son keeps telling me to ‘stop
being so needy’ when I ask for a cuddle.
I didn’t want my mood to spiral downwards,
my slow year
so I have started a new, gentle morning practice.
I have decided to put my focus on lighting my
fire – both literally and metaphorically.
Mornings are cold on my canal boat, so what
better way to heat things up than by creating
a warming ritual.
Slow-burning reminder
As I screw up old newspapers, I set an intention
of letting go of yesterday’s worries. While
placing four logs on the pile, I think of four
things I’m incredibly grateful for in my life. As
I load up some kindling and smokeless coal, I
think about the ‘fuel’ I want to use today – the
opportunities and tools I have at my disposal.
Finally, I strike the match, which symbolises
the ‘spark of inspiration’. As the fire starts
to burn, I write about someone or something
that has inspired me as the flames slowly heat
up the boat.
Oscar naturally lit up my days and life.
Without him, I’m having to be more conscious
about how I look after my mental health and
mood, but I’m now starting to enjoy my new
start to the mornings. I still miss my lovely
dog, but I always end my morning practice by
raising my mug of coffee in gratitude for the
privilege of 13 years of love, and light, he
brought into my life. Love never dies.
@suzy_skywalker
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 29
 The power
of opposites
When outgoing Rosie Mullender fell in love with
an introvert, she knew compromise would be
necessary. Would they be able to make it work?
A
ttending a family wedding
together is a big first for
any couple. It says you’re
official and you expect
this one to go the distance.
When my cousin got married, I’d been
seeing my boyfriend, Don, for 10 months,
and was understandably nervous about
introducing him to my extended family.
The reception was in a marquee in my
aunt and uncle’s garden so, with the sun
shining and guests scattered around the
grounds, it took a while to introduce Don
to everyone. Then, halfway through the
afternoon, he disappeared.
‘When am I going to get to meet this
new man of yours?’ an uncle enquired.
‘Not right now,’ I blushed, ‘he’s sleeping
in the car.’
My uncle looked surprised, before
laughing it off. He thought I was joking –
but Don really was curled up asleep in the
back of my mum’s Mini. He hadn’t had a
late night or drunk too much champagne,
he was simply exhausted from the effort
of socialising with my family.
It was the first time I realised that
dating an introvert – especially when
you’re a dyed-in-the-wool extrovert –
comes with its own unique challenges.
30 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
But it certainly wouldn’t be the last.
‘There’s a body of research that looks
at what happens in our brains when
faced with external stimulation,’ says
psychologist Laurie Helgoe, author of
Introvert Power (Sourcebooks, £9.99).
‘For extroverts, that stimulation activates
dopamine pathways that are oriented to
seeking rewards – it gives them pleasure.
The brains of introverts, on the other
hand, go wild as they try to process
stimulation internally, which can be
exhausting. We all lean towards a sweet
spot of how much stimulation our brain
needs to feel energised but relaxed,
and introverts and extroverts hit that
spot in different ways.’
You’re not my type
I knew Don and I were different before we
met. When we started chatting on Twitter,
I worked for a glossy magazine, was signed
up to a slew of dating apps and went out
almost every night. Don had been single
for eight years, worked a traditional office
job and was addicted to his games console.
We seemed to have little in common so,
although he asked me out a few times, and
I had a terrible habit of accumulating
Twitter friends, we never actually met.
Fast forward four years and Don was
still single, while I’d been dragged through
a series of painful relationships. We’d
developed an online friendship so, shortly
after my last break-up and at a loose end,
I tapped out a message and asked if he
fancied a platonic drink (with emphasis on
platonic). We both worked in London, but
were such different characters, I was
certain our tentative online friendship
would fizzle out once we met. Instead,
we ended the evening kissing furiously
at the back of a dingy pub.
My non-date with Don was the best I’d
ever had – he made me feel completely
relaxed, had a great sense of humour and
was unrecognisable from the awkward
persona he projected online. That elusive
click I’d been searching for had been
under my nose all along and, within three
short weeks, we were officially a couple.
In time-honoured tradition, we spent
our early dates getting to know each other
over drinks in bars and quickly falling
in love. It was a month or so before Don
admitted he wasn’t really comfortable in
pubs and didn’t enjoy alcohol. He hadn’t
told me because he’d been worried I’d
be upset and, as a lover of lazy Sunday
afternoons in the pub, I was disappointed. >>>
 self

J A N U A R Y 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 31
relationships
But, at 37, I also knew that relationships
are about compromise, so I didn’t think
twice about changing our dates to meals
out or nights in front of the telly.
Love bubble
But, as the months wore on, I realised Don
was only completely content when we
were alone at home. Although he had
online buddies, he didn’t have any close
personal friends. Going out made him feel
anxious, to the extent that socialising in
a group of more than a few people would
exhaust him. Which is why, 10 months
into our relationship, I found him asleep
in the back of my mum’s car at a wedding.
‘I’m sorry, I just couldn’t keep my eyes
open,’ Don told me anxiously. He was
concerned I’d be angry, but how could
I be? I didn’t understand his outlook – as
an extrovert, I gain energy from big
groups, but I had to respect it.
We managed our clashing social styles
fairly well for the first couple of years. I’d
go out on the nights we weren’t together,
and we’d snuggle on the sofa on the
evenings we met up. But, when we moved
in together two and a half years later,
things became a lot more difficult.
Don’s beautiful relationship with his
sofa became less endearing when I never
had the flat to myself. Inviting friends over
was tricky, because he wasn’t comfortable
with his space being ‘invaded’. On the
occasions I could persuade him out, he’d
sit in the corner on his phone all evening,
so I stopped asking him. The result is that
he barely knows my friends.
Together apart
Our crisis point came during our first
summer of cohabitation. Don hates hot
weather so, while I was itching to find a
venue that serves cocktails in a breezy
roof garden, he prefers to stay inside (with
the blinds shut to keep the sun off the TV).
One afternoon, I found myself wandering
around a local fete, feeling intensely
lonely. Meanwhile, Don stayed at home
feeling horribly guilty. It was time to talk.
‘Going out with an extrovert when
32 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
Yin and yang
Use these insights from psychologist
Laurie Helgoe to navigate your
introvert-extrovert coupling
l Cover ground for each other.
Introverts can take a back seat
while their partner acts as a social
surrogate. In return, the introvert can
provide respite, encouraging their
partner to focus on their life together.
l Acknowledge your differences.
In relationships, we naturally tend to
provide others with what we need.
An introvert might assume their
partner wants space, while an
extrovert could interpret that as
neglect. If you speak two different
languages, be willing to translate for
your partner, and keep communicating.
l Embrace the chance to grow.
It can be easier if you both gravitate
towards the same social environments
– but, when you have differences, you
can stretch each other in positive
ways. If you’re willing to work on it,
you can expand your collective lives.
you’re an introvert can be stressful – there
are expectations on you, and you worry
that your decisions will be negatively
received,’ Don said, when I asked him how
it feels from the other side. ‘If I don’t come
out, I worry you’ll be upset, even if you say
it’s fine. But if I do, I won’t enjoy it, and that
will make you unhappy too. I get anxious
about doing the wrong thing.’
Discussing in detail how we both felt
was an eye-opener. I hadn’t realised quite
how anxious socialising made him – part
of me thought he was just being lazy – and
I don’t think he realised how agitated I get
when I’m itching to go out.
I also felt that sacrificing a social life
with my partner, which I feel is an
important part of a relationship, wasn’t
being acknowledged. To Don, it was
business as usual, but I was mourning
what, for me, was one of the best bits of
being in a couple – socialising with
friends, making memories and
experiencing new things together. When
the majority of your partner’s world
revolves around home and work, you
have to learn new ways of keeping your
conversations exciting.
As a result of our heart-to-heart, we
agreed that if an event is important to
me, Don will come with me, and make an
effort rather than switch off. He agreed to
come out more often when it’s just the two
of us, so we’re not always alone at home.
Equally, I’m not allowed to force Don out
when he really doesn’t want to go, and
must be patient if he needs some time out.
In-and-out compromise
The result is that I spend weekends on
days out with friends and try to arrange
as many low-key activities for the two of
us to enjoy as I can. As a consequence, we’ve
explored tourist attractions that often
pass Londoners by, which is wonderful.
Yes, our lack of a social life together
is frustrating – but beyond it, our
relationship is fantastic. Don is kind,
caring and makes me laugh like no one
else. We share the same world view and
love the time we spend together. ‘Why
would I want to hang out with anyone
else anyway?’ he asks me. Which is
flattering, but a lot of pressure.
This is new territory for me – all
but one of my previous partners were
extroverts – and I do sometimes wish
Don was more outgoing; if only so my
friends could see the funny, caring person
hiding beneath his antisocial exterior.
But, by sticking to our ground rules, we
have made our differences work for us.
Although we haven’t attended a
nap-free wedding yet, we’ve been together
for five years, and the upsides of our
relationship more than make up for the
down. ‘If you’re an extrovert living with an
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES
introvert, you get to be the person in their
life,’ says Helgoe, neatly summing up the
unique closeness I share with Don. ‘If we
select you, you’re the person we want to
focus on. And that can feel really special.’
drlauriehelgoe.com
 in partnership with Ollie School

Join Ollie’s army

Ever wanted to make a difference and train to become a coach?
With the Ollie School, you could be changing lives before you know it

D espite the very best efforts

of our education system, it is
struggling to cope with fully
supporting the emotional wellbeing
with undiagnosed dyslexia, decided
to set up the Ollie School.

of our children within the curriculum.
Ever felt that you would love to help, but
were powerless to act? Well, here’s your
opportunity to do something positive.
The Ollie School has opened its doors,
with plans to build an army of coaches
who can make the world a better place,
one child at a time. Ollie Coaching is
a holistic approach that leads all our
youngsters to a place where they can
thrive in the chaos of modern living.
So many schools are battling to provide
an appropriate mental health environment,
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES
Transformational work
The Ollie methodology is all about empowering
children to seek solutions and take control of Get in touch
their emotions, rather than be controlled by them. To train to become
The Ollie School trains coaches in a blend of an Ollie coach, find
methodologies that brings together NLP, CBT, a coach in your area
EFT and play therapy, to make sure they cover or book an event, visit
all bases. The Ollie methodology is all about ollieandhissuperpowers.
personalisation and identifying which com, or contact us
via email at info@
technique will work with each individual child
ollieandhissuperpowers.
– no one-size-fits-all approach here.
com. We would love
The Ollie School graduates are awarded to hear from you!
a certified qualification in NLP and a licence
to work as an Ollie coach. If helping children

and busy parents are up against it in our and their families to be more emotionally
fast-paced lives ruled by social media. resilient appeals to you, contact us for a
That’s why Alison Knowles, who prospectus and let’s talk about getting
was challenged throughout her life you with the programme.

New dates added! Due to unprecedented demand, start dates for additional Ollie
coaching courses in Manchester and London are available. See ollieandhissuperpowers.com

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 33

New
series
Pep talk from the sofa
How do you put yourself out there when you want to hide? Our new
columnist, coach and video strategist Lucy Griffiths, has a few tactics
T he world seems to be set up for confident
people, but what if the thought of putting
yourself in the spotlight has your stomach
turning somersaults? I know speaking up is good for
me, but I’d nearly always rather be at home in my PJs.
I’m the wallflower who likes to stay on the sidelines
at parties and events. Very often, I plan to be bold and
confident but, before I know it, I forget what I was going
to say and scuttle to the safety of the toilet. As an
introvert, the loo is the place to find solace and give
myself a quick talking-to. It’s my go-to escape route.
 Showing up in public still takes me back to my school
days, when I had to audition onstage with two left feet.
The mean-girl chatter continues inside my head: ‘I wish
I was wittier and wiser…’ Mrs Reed, my drama teacher,
used to tell me to breathe, and I didn’t really get it.
I finally understood what she was talking about years
later in yoga. She wasn’t asking me to do more of the
shallow, panicked breathing that I used to do; I had
PHOTOGRAPH: LAURA RICHARDSON
woman up
to learn to fill my lungs, right down to my bra strap
– also known as my diaphragm.
These are some ways that I’ve learned to be a little
bolder, even when I didn’t feel particularly courageous:
l When we’re scared, we often shallow breathe, so our
voice is high-pitched and our sentences trail off. When
you fill up your lungs, you have enough oxygen to say
what you want, calmly and with more authority.
l You know the phrase ‘it’s not what you say, it’s how
you say it’? Body language and tone of voice are crucial.
Remember to smile, hold your shoulders back and stand
tall. I feel more powerful when I stretch out and make
myself big using the technique described in Amy Cuddy’s
TED Talk ‘Your body language may shape who you are’.
l Get comfortable being uncomfortable! The more you
move out of your comfort zone, the easier it gets. Our
brain wants to operate from a place of safety. Acknowledge
your fear, but don’t let it be the reason you hold back. 
lucygriffiths.com
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 35
 Is the ongoing
news cycle
getting you down?
From 24-hour reporting on the coronavirus to trolling,
how does the media affect you? Professor Sarah Niblock,
CEO of the UK Council for Psychotherapists, explores
the impact of negative media and how to deal with it

We’re more John-Paul Davies explains the

informed and better profound impact of the media and
how it can change our mindset
connected than ever.
Rolling news allows

O
ur attention is naturally
us to follow events taking place on drawn to news that
the other side of the world as they frightens us.
happen, and social media connects Understandably, for many of us, there’s
a general perception that the world has
us across any distance. But it
become less safe. A common issue I see
can feel as if everything we see is anxiety, which is about feeling unsafe
and read is negative, as we’re in ourselves, in our relationships or in we’re looking for things that might go
bombarded by stories about world our environment. I also see a lot of people wrong to try to keep ourselves safe.
crises and conflict outside of our who have been in a highly stressed state That’s useful with real problems, but
for years and have responded by shutting often a small proportion of what we
control. This month, I ask UKCP
down their feelings. actually worry about. Through news
therapist, John-Paul Davies, We’ve evolved to survive and our media and social media, we have easy
how to cope with the onslaught default tendency is to automatically be access to a world of problems. Couple
and how psychotherapy can help. problem-focused. Often, subconsciously, this with our vast imagination and
memory and we can be left hypervigilant,
worried, angry or switched off.

About the UKCP and how to find a therapist
● The UKCP The UK
Council for Psychotherapy or
UKCP is the leading
research, innovation,
educational and regulatory
body working to advance
psychotherapy for the benefit
of all. We have a register of
over 8,000 individual
members who offer a range of
therapy approaches for
couples, individuals, families
and groups. We also have over
70 training and accrediting
organisations for those who
wish to become therapists.
●To find the right
therapist for you or
to learn how to become
a therapist, visit
psychotherapy.org.uk
Understand your triggers
We may be attracted to social media for
the good things it offers – connection and
creativity – but, as we start to compare
ourselves to others and focus on our
flaws, our mood may dip. Our brain has
a natural problem bias and a tendency
to automatically compare ourselves to
others, evident when we use social
media. Everything we take in affects our
feelings, our bodies and our thoughts. We

36 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 in partnership with UKCP

HOW I BECAME
A THERAPIST…
John-Paul Davies shares his
journey to becoming a professional
UKCP-registered psychotherapist

I STARTED TRAINING as a psychotherapist

on a one-year career break from working
in London. I had been a lawyer for 12 years,
recently had my daughter and needed to
take some time to reassess my life and
what I wanted from the future.
Over the course of the year, I did a
screenwriting course, some voluntary
work and completed a foundation course
in counselling and psychotherapy. As soon
as I began my therapy training, I realised
that being a therapist was much closer to
who I was and wanted to be. It felt less like
a job and more like a way of being. It also
fits better with the relationships I want in
my life. I never went back to law after my
career break. I’m genuinely grateful for
the life I now lead as a psychotherapist.
thistrustedplace.co.uk

need to understand and be conscious of

what intrusively sparks our fear, anger Five ways to build joy
or a switched-off state. Ask: Is what I’m Combat the adverse impact of the media by taking time to grasp its
looking at helpful, or is it harmful? If it’s effects and cultivate happiness. John-Paul Davies has this useful advice:
harmful, we need to find ways to bring us
back to the ‘calm and alive’ state, which
many of us call ‘happiness’. 
Therapy can help people explore all
these issues, developing our sense of
self-trust in a world where social media
1 Try to have
a little time
without external
distractions; to pause
and look inwards to find
3 Spend time
reflecting on
who you are,
your wants, needs and
goals for the future.
you consume and when.
Ultimately, you control
your relationship with it.
Make as much time as
you can for the things
and news is always drawing our attention out how you are doing. This will help you keep that help you feel calm
outside of ourselves. Therapy helps us a sense of self amid the and/or alive, including
focus on how to maintain internal balance.

The podcast
2 Regularly check
in with how you
feel in your body
and learn what triggers
external stimulation
from news and social
media. Try to do this
without comparing
physical movement
and/or more focused
interaction with others.

5
ILLUSTRATION: GETTY IMAGES

For more insight into you to feel anxious, angry yourself to others. Consider
how news and social or disengaged and, just talking to a

4
networks affect us
and how to develop a healthier as importantly, when Make an therapist
relationship with the media we you feel joy, relaxed and inventory who can help you reduce
consume, listen to Sarah Niblock in
conversation with John-Paul Davies inspired. You can then of the type of anxiety, build joy and
at tinyurl.com/ukcpmedia choose positive activities. media and social media work towards your goals.

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 37
 “ How can I thrive
working from home?”
Our award-winning coach, Kim Morgan, guides a woman who left the
corporate world and wants to make the most of being her own boss
ILLUSTR ATION ANDREA DE SANTIS

“Please help me feel less isolated and focus on the positives”

Session Lara* told me that until six months ago,
one she had spent many years working in a
large organisation. ‘I was just a number
there and I got sick and tired of the office politics. There
was another big company restructure coming up and
I couldn’t face it, so I resigned. I took the plunge and set
up my own small business, working from home.’
I congratulated Lara on having the courage to make
a radical change.‘Don’t congratulate me too soon,’ she
said, ‘I think I may have made a big mistake.’
Lara said that – having hated the endless corporate
meetings – she now missed the structure and support and
felt lonely. ‘I didn’t appreciate how much help there was in
a big company. If I wanted a leaflet designed, the marketing
department did it, and accounts paid the invoices. I now
have to do everything myself, including finding customers.
I was so naive! I thought clients would be queuing up to
pay for my services, but it turns out I have to sell and it’s
not easy. Maybe I am a corporate type after all?’
‘Is that the question you would like to answer in our
coaching sessions?’I asked.
Lara thought about it and then nodded. ‘I want to
know if working from home is for me and how I can thrive
and not feel lonely without the support of a large team.’
I asked Lara to do some thinking and to come to our
next session with answers to the following questions: By
saying yes to working from home, what am I saying no to?
By saying no to working from home, what am I saying yes to?

JOIN OUR LIFE LEAP CLUB. SUBSCRIBE NOW! GET FREE COACHING FROM WORLD-RENOWNED PSYCHOLOGISTS AND

38 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0

Session See the situation clearly
two ‘What did you learn from answering those two
questions?’ I asked Lara at our next meeting.
‘I found a lot more positives about my situation. I was
so focused on being on my own that I stopped seeing what
was good about working for myself.’ Lara read to me from her
notebook: ‘By saying yes to working from home, I am saying
no to boredom, predictability, tiredness, the long commute,
poor work-life balance, mental stagnation and freedom. By
saying no to working from home, I am saying yes to all of the
above – as well as disappointment in myself.’
Lara had been reminded that, if done well, working for
herself from home had the potential to give her the lifestyle she
wanted. She was fired up: ‘It’s the “if done well” part on which
I need to focus. I need to make more of an effort to get my
business off the ground, garner support and have interaction
with others, because that’s the bit I’ve been missing. I thought
I could just create a website and the business would take off. I
have a lot to learn about being a successful business owner.’
Lara’s first goal was to join a local business networking
group. ‘I’m going to give myself a year to make a go of this.
I have enough money saved to see me through 12 months.
If it doesn’t work out, I will have to rethink.’
“emotional
While we all have the same “
needs, we need them
in different quantities
Session Reassess and make a decision
three We met six months later. Lara had been meeting
other business owners and was no longer lonely.
‘But I’ve spent so much time socialising, I haven’t focused on
business development,’ she admitted. ‘I’ve made a loss and
I feel as though I’ve been playing at having a business.’
I asked Lara what her options were. ‘I’ve been offered a job
in a small local company and I am going to take it. I don’t think
I’m meant to run my own business just yet. I think working
in someone else’s exciting new business will give me the right
level of social life and involvement, without the responsibility.’
I secretly felt disappointed for Lara, but acknowledged that
NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED
was about my values as an entrepreneur. I was reminded
that, for most of us, change needs to be gradual. Our goals should
move us out of our comfort zone into a stretch zone, but not a
panic zone. Maybe, for now, Lara had found her stretch zone.
For more from Kim, see barefootcoaching.co.uk; @BarefootCoaches
*
EXPERTS WHEN YOU SUBSCRIBE. SEE PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK/LIFE-LEAP-CLUB-NEW-SUBSCRIBERS
the life lab
Coaching exercises
DISCOVER NEW WAYS TO MEET YOUR NEEDS
Human beings all have similar emotional needs that
must be fulfilled for our self-esteem and self-worth.
If we are not getting one of our core needs met, we
will feel unhappy although we may not realise why.
If some of your needs are not being met, this is a
great exercise to help you find a way forward,
enabling you to see other ways of meeting your needs,
while retaining the positives of your situation. While
we all have the same needs, we need them in
different quantities: You may have a high need for
attention but a low need for privacy.
How important is each of these needs to you?
Is it being met? Who or what is meeting it?
● Attention ● Security
● Privacy ● Belonging
● Status ● Achievement
● Sense of control ● Fun and intimacy
● Emotional connection ● Purpose and meaning
If your needs are not being met, think of fresh ways
to get them fulfilled. Make a list of people to support
you and things you can do to satisfy your needs.
THE SELF-EMPLOYMENT/WFH CHECKLIST
This is a useful list for when you are working from
home or working for yourself. It helps you assess
your qualities and behaviour and the practicalities.
It can reveal areas that require development and
areas in which you are strong. Give each bullet point
a score out of 10 (0 is you don’t have the quality; 10
is you have it in bucketloads. If you have a low score,
what can you do to up it?
● Adequate space to work
● Support from people closest to you
● Self-motivation/self-starter
● Resilient and determined
● Networker/relationship builder
● Flexible and adaptable
● Focus on business objectives
● Risk-taker
● Focus on finance and cash flow
● Happy to work alone for long periods of time
● Strong external support network
● Focus on self-care
 Critical
thinking
Does criticism reduce you to jelly? You are not alone.
Heidi Scrimgeour decides enough is enough – and
endeavours to understand why criticism upsets her so
H
ow do those seemingly
bullet-proof people who
shrug off criticism do it?
This morning, I got an email
pointing out that an article I wrote featured
products containing single-use plastics.
I hadn’t done anything wrong – the sender
simply felt their product would have been a
better alternative. While others might see the
email as a clumsy PR move, I let it noodle away
in my brain, leaving a lingering sense of failure.
It’s not an isolated incident. I’ve had several
encounters where I’ve cracked under criticism,
questioning my motives and self-worth. One
that sticks out is the time my son’s teacher
phoned to request a meeting because a parent
had made a complaint about his behaviour
towards their child. My husband and I had
arranged a rare date afternoon, so were in the
cinema when the teacher rang. I felt like a
terrible parent for being at the movies when I
ought to have been available to see the teacher.
The film was ruined and I felt sick and panicky.  when criticised – even if it’s unfounded and I
The unidentified parent didn’t want the
specific details disclosed – the purpose of the
meeting was to encourage us to chat to our son
40 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
and make him aware that his behaviour was
becoming an issue – but I remember feeling
so ashamed and humiliated that I got the kids
to meet me in the park around the corner at
pick-up time. I couldn’t cope with standing
at the school gates wondering who had
complained, criticising me and calling my
parenting into question – or so I felt. 
Lingering disgrace
I squirmed every time I bumped into the
teacher and even acted icily towards someone
I suspected of being the moaning parent, until
a level-headed friend stepped in, urging me to
hold my head up and let it go. Even though my
son has left the school, I still feel a degree of
awkwardness at the school gates. My daughter
now attends, and I long to get past that residual
feeling of criticism that hangs over my head
every time I set foot on school property.
I have less extreme examples, but the thread
that runs through them is that I go to pieces
can prove that I am not guilty of accusations
levelled at me, being criticised makes me
crumble. At its worst, my handling of criticism >>>
 psychology

J A N U A R Y 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 41
psychology
spirals to the point that it took weeks
of counselling and a year of anti-anxiety
medication to restore me.
My visceral reaction
Now, I am ready to upscale my business
– I co-run an online course for writers –
and I am frozen by fear of criticism. I’ve
had enough! I need to cope with criticism
without letting it derail me. I’m aware,
from the intensity of my reaction, that
growing a thicker skin is not the simple
answer; there’s deeper work to be done.
I need to understand why the voice of the
critic pierces me so.
I approach psychotherapist and coach
Karin Peeters for help. She recommends
an inward journey of discovery – a
reflective approach she says anyone can
try. The first step is to think about the
times criticism has unravelled you,
reflecting on the thoughts, feelings,
emotions and sensations experienced
in those moments. I recall a physical
sensation of panic. My heart thumps in
my chest and I feel hot and sick. My mind
races: Have I screwed up? I am gripped
by an overwhelming fear of what might
happen if the critic’s words are true.
What will other people think? Will I lose
friends? Could it affect my income?
Could I go to prison? When written
down, I recognise that these thoughts are
irrational but, at the time, they are as real
as the air I struggle to breathe.
Next, Peeters encourages allowing
one of the scenarios to come to my
consciousness. ‘Whichever one you
feel like following – allow yourself to feel
what it is like to be you in that moment,’
she says. ‘Look at yourself with kind eyes;
not judging your responses or criticising
your reaction, just being gently curious.’
I choose being called to my son’s
school. I realise that the anonymity of the
complaint makes it virtually impossible
to process well. As a parent, I feel as
though I have no recourse to challenge
the vague accusations and no grounds
to meaningfully address my son’s
42 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
“ The critic’s voice
seems loudest when
we’re doing things
that push our skills
and abilities… This “ Peeters advises considering the
is often a sign we’re
stretching ourselves
behaviour. Far from being a negligent
parent – as the generalised criticism
implies to me – I know I am doing my
best as a mother. Whatever my son did
to upset a classmate, it didn’t warrant
the mental backlash I am experiencing.
Looking for a common denominator
between the moments when criticism
has been hard to bear helps us spot
important patterns. I realise that my
criticism collapse seems to strike when
I’m trying to step out in some new way,
or being challenged in a nondescript way.
‘The critic’s voice can seem loudest
when we’re doing things that are new or
which push our skills and abilities,’ says
coach Ruth Thomson. ‘This is often a sign
that we’re stretching ourselves.’
This also explains why other forms of
criticism – an angry motorist gesturing
at me or my kids teasing me about my
dress sense – don’t affect me in the same
way. My driving skills and fashion sense,
and other people’s perception of them,
don’t matter to me, but critical voices that
question my character – my worth as a
“andMyfashion
driving skills
sense
don’t matter to me,
but critical voices
that question my “ emotional development stalled at not
character shake my
faith in who I am
mother or integrity as a writer – shake
my faith in who I am. Are they right?
Perhaps I am a sloppy journalist or a poor
parent. Maybe I am untrustworthy. If
I am who they say I am – a lazy writer
or an unfit mother – then what?
unconscious fear that underlies these
thoughts. ‘Our surface fear is often like
an onion – we can peel back the layers to
get to the thing we’re really frightened
of – it might be illogical, but the effect
the fear has on us is real,’ she says.
Where it began
A childhood memory springs to mind.
I’m five and trying to join dots that my
teacher has drawn to spell my name.
I can’t get it right. Frustrated, I rip my
work to pieces. I remember icy fear: what
will happen when she sees what I’ve done?
At this point in my session with
Peeters, I am overcome with dizziness,
certain I am going to topple off my chair!
She explains that I’m unearthing what
psychologists call a limiting belief, and
that dizziness is the psyche’s way of
slamming on the brakes. ‘That can
also happen in the form of immense
sleepiness, an angry resistance to the
suggested approach by the therapist or
feeling disoriented,’ she says. ‘It’s a sign
that something important is being
touched upon, but to take it slowly.’
Tentatively, I try to put words to my
limiting belief: If my work is wrong, then
it might as well not exist. And if I am
wrong, then I might as well not exist.
‘There you go,’ says Peeters gently,
as my tears fall. ‘This is why some types
of criticism hit you in your core.’
It’s telling, I think, that the memory
is about writing, since being a writer is
a fundamental part of my identity – and
PHOTOGRAPHS: GETTY IMAGES
specifically about trying to write
my name. It’s as if something in my
being able to express who I am in this
most basic way. Today, criticism acts
like a stick jammed in a bicycle wheel,

throwing me violently off course.
The limiting belief that underlines
my fear of criticism, Peeters explains,
is the exact definition of shame.
‘Shame says there is something
fundamentally wrong with you, which
is why it’s so toxic. Shame vibrates on
the lowest level in all of life, so in a way
it’s the closest frequency to death.’
Comfort the inner child
I find this immensely soothing to hear.
In my darkest moments of struggling
with criticism, I have experienced
suicidal thoughts. Certain kinds
of criticism seem to reactivate that
childhood encounter with shame.
Peeters asks if there’s anything I
would like to say to the little girl who
can’t write her name. ‘Don’t let them
hold you back,’ I say. ‘It’s OK to make
mistakes; they show you tried. Keep
your spirit and don’t let mistakes,
frustration or fear of what other
people might think stop you.’
I am flooded with calm. ‘When that
history gets rewritten – when the
five-year-old realises the conclusion
she drew is not true – her voice can be
liberated,’ says Peeters. ‘She’ll be able
to say, “Hold on, I might have made
mistakes – and I apologise – but your
criticism is unwarranted and I do not
deserve to be treated like this.”’
Instead of panicking at the thought
of being criticised, I feel a sense of
something having settled within me.
It occurs to me that criticism rarely
paints a full or fair picture of the facts
– just like that general complaint
about my son that we had no power
to counter or explore. My critics are
entitled to their opinions, but so am I.
innerpilgrim.com; ruthlouisethomson.com
psychology
How to handle
your critics
Ask yourself these questions to
help you cope with criticism,
says coach Ruth Thomson
l Could my reaction be a
legacy of my childhood?
‘I hated being told off at school
and feared doing something
wrong – and I feel the same way
at customs or passport control,’
says Thomson. ‘If you’re struggling
with criticism, remember that as
adults we have the power to change
how we feel. The human brain has
a huge capacity for change.’
l Is this assessment helpful?
Activate the judgment and critical
thinking part of your brain, the
prefrontal cortex, by asking
yourself rationally: Is this useful
feedback? If the criticism relates
to something you could improve,
commit to taking action to use
the criticism constructively. If it’s
unfounded or designed to be
hurtful, consider not engaging
with that person again, or work
on your relationship with them
if it’s a friend or loved one.
l Have I truly put the
past behind me?
Criticism can stay fresh in your
mind for decades, and it’s not
serving you. Author Denise
Duffield-Thomas has a lovely
exercise she recommends around
forgiveness – forgiving the person
who criticised you and forgiving
yourself. It seems strange the first
time you do it, but it works.
l Am I letting my internal
critic hold me back?
Counter this question by asking
what life would look like if the voice
of the critic didn’t hold you back?
What would you do if your internal
critic had no power over your
actions? What is the opposite inner
voice, your inner champion, saying?
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 43
“I want adventure and to feel
alive but my life is on hold”
Waiting for a major event to come to pass shouldn’t mean feeling stuck in all
areas of our lives. Resilience coach Pam Cottman helps a woman who is on
standby to move house and feels trapped by circumstance

The ‘Psychologies’- ASK THE EXPERT…

endorsed ‘Find
a coach’ directory,
with Barefoot
Coaching, provides readers with
a choice of top coaches, all
with postgraduate training
accredited by the University of
Chester and the International
Coach Federation. Find a coach
who suits you to help you
navigate and transform your life
– in the areas of money, work,
relationships, parenting, health
and leadership.
Editor-in-Chief
BAREFOOT COACHING
Psychologies’ partnership
with Barefoot Coaching
gives you the tools to find a coach
who meets your needs. Barefoot
Coaching has been at the
forefront of coaching and coach
training for 25 years. It has a
proven track record as a provider
of high-level coaching and coach
Pam Cottman specialises in helping clients build
resilience, grow in confidence and reach their
personal and professional potential
Q My husband and I moved in with his parents while we look for a house
so we can be chain-free. It was only meant to be for a few months, but it’s
been over a year and I’m starting to feel like my life has been put on pause. I feel
as if I can’t move forward while we are in limbo, but I don’t want my life to slip past
while I wait. How can I leave this numbness behind me, have adventures and feel
like I’m grasping life with both hands while in this situation? Georgina, 33
A House-hunting is stressful and the that make you feel like you’re truly living.
feeling of being stuck while waiting, Schedule regular time for them – how
plus moving into someone else’s space, can you dream big and take the first
steps towards having adventures again?
can have an impact on our resilience
reserves. When one area of life feels ● Start a gratitude practice. Making
beyond our control, it can affect our a conscious effort to notice the simple
ability to move forward with the rest. things we’re grateful for is a great way
But we always have options and the to shift focus towards positivity. Fill a jar
resources to make positive changes. with gratitude notes, listing three things
● Ask yourself what makes you feel for which you are grateful every day.
alive: take time to think/draw/write ● Ask for help. Talk to your husband
about how you are feeling about
about the places, people and activities
waiting to move. Discuss your options,
practically and emotionally, and ask for
his support to ensure that you make
time for yourself. pamcottman.com
training to organisations and Postgraduate Certificate
senior executives, nationally in Business and Personal
and internationally. Coaching is one of the most For more guidance
well-established coach training and inspirational from
Train as a coach with courses in the UK. Barefoot runs our columnists, experts
Barefoot Coaching regular, free introductions to Listen
The Barefoot Coaching coach training throughout the and team, listen to the
International Coach year. Visit barefootcoaching. ‘Psychologies’ podcast channel on
Federation- accredited co.uk/taster-mornings to book. iTunes, TuneIn and AudioBoom
or at psychologies.co.uk

44 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 in partnership with Barefoot Coaching

Rate how satisfied you

are with the degree of

HOME
10 FAMILY
adventure in your life,
then create a plan to up
it by 3 points this month

MONEY WORK

10 5 1 5 10

ADVENTURE FRIENDS
5

RELATIONSHIPS WELLBEING
10

The wheel of life

Cut out this page and put it somewhere visible. Use the wheel of life, a classic coaching tool, to improve
how you feel about the level of adventure on your life. The wheel allows you to focus on improving one
segment at a time, while giving you an overall picture of all the parts that comprise a happy life
CUT OUT AND KEEP

This month, we are
concentrating on adventure.
l Are you living life fully, in the moment,
or is your attention on the future or past?
Write down your definition of living a life
of discovery, enjoyment and adventure.
Score your life in this area, with 1 being
✂
hire a coach to find ways you can improve
your score by three over four weeks.
l Break it into baby steps. What would be
a positive step towards improving your
score by 1? What do you need to do to
create that? What can you do today?
l What would improve your score by
someone that inspires you? Is there an
accessible activity that fills you with a
sense of adventure: learning or walking?
l Psychologies subscribers have access
to free coaching. Do any of our courses
speak to you? Find out more on page 62.
l Every month, we address different

awful and 10 being brilliant. another point, and another? What action segments of the wheel – but feel free
l Brainstorm with someone you trust or can you take? Is there somewhere or to work on all parts at the same time.

M AY 2 0 2 0 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 45
Dossier

Look after
yourself
IN THIS DOSSIER, we invite you to practise a little
self-care. We have collated the best advice from
our columnists, writers and experts, who outline
how to tend to ourselves, emotionally and physically,
during challenging times. We have strategies for
going on a media diet and creating meaningful
support networks. We recommend uplifting books
and inspiring podcasts, plus give tips on how to
create daily wellness rituals. Psychotherapist
Sally Brown helps us manage our anxiety by
identifying what type of thinking feeds our angst
SELF-CARE
and how to counter it. COACHING COURSE
We hope the ‘Psychologies’ self-care manual helps The four-week ‘Conscious self-care through
wellfulness’ programme helps you develop a
unique wellness plan and create a lifestyle that
us all find new ways to support ourselves, now and serves you holistically. Wellness Director Ali Roff
Farrar guides you through four key areas to
in the future. We really are in this together. establish a conscious daily routine, environment,
nutrition and movement plan. This course is
PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES
perfect for when life changes direction suddenly
and covers how to set up healthy habits when
working from home, plus where you can
make positive changes, even if life
feels out of control.

TAKE OUR FREE ‘CONSCIOUS SELF-CARE THROUGH WELLFULNESS’ COURSE. WE RUN A FIRST-CLASS COACHING CLUB FOR ALL

46 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 t
Thsishalloo
pass
OUR SUBSCRIBERS. FIND OUT MORE AT PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK/LIFE-LEAP-CLUB-NEW-SUBSCRIBERS
Dossier
Extreme self-care
in times of crisis
Our Editor-in-Chief, Suzy Walker, talks to Psychologies experts,
columnists and writers and curates a manual for nurture and
resilience to help us navigate the challenges that lie ahead
D 1
uring my seven years as
Editor-in-Chief of ‘Psychologies’
magazine, I’ve interviewed so
many brilliant experts and met
some inspirational readers and leaders along
the way. Over time, I’ve realised that we are
so much stronger, more resilient and creative
than we think. We survive crisis upon crisis
through sheer adrenaline, will and thinking
outside the box. But I’ve observed – and
learned the hard way myself – that if we are to
sustain our efforts and momentum over time,
we need to address our self-care. In this
Dossier, we invite you to take a deep breath
and start to create some self-care practices
that will top up your energy levels, allow you to
rest and keep you grounded as we contemplate
an unknown future. If you learn to look after
yourself and your health, you will be in a much
better position to help the people you love and
those who need the most support.
We’ve asked our ‘Psychologies’ experts,
columnists and writers to share their best
self-care techniques, advice and wisdom.
We hope that even if you were to adopt just
a handful of these practices, you would feel
stronger and better able to cope with whatever
life throws at you… now, more than ever.
48 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
COACH YOURSELF
TO CALMNESS
Kim Morgan, CEO of Barefoot
Coaching and our columnist, shares techniques
to survive and thrive in difficult times
Create a strong support network
Even if you are physically in isolation, reach out
for help. Make a list of the people who you think
could support you in different ways to get through
the next couple of months, such as:
l People who have specific skills that could help you
l People who are great listeners
l People who lift your spirits and make you laugh
l People who are good at problem-solving
l People who are excellent organisers
l People who can connect you to others who may help
Allocate daily ‘worry time’
Rumination is the tendency to keep thinking about
things you can’t change, to worry about something
that has already happened or might happen, and to
replay events in your mind, wondering whether you
could have done them any differently. If you are prone
to worry and rumination, try the following: Set aside
a specific time every day to worry. Allow yourself only
15 minutes per day. Postpone your worrying until the
allocated period, when you can fret as much as you
like – but stop at the end of the 15 minutes.
It’s easy to get stuck focusing on the negatives in
your life, particularly when you are experiencing the
sense of loss and grief brought about by an unexpected >>>
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 49
Dossier
change in your life. To redress the balance, sit quietly
with a pen and paper and make a list of all the things
you are grateful for in your life. This will shift your
perspective and you are likely to:
l Realise what is important to you
l Appreciate other people more
l Feel a greater sense of calm
l Find it more difficult to focus on the negatives
l For coaching from Kim, see barefootcoaching.co.uk; @BarefootCoaches
2
CONNECT
WITH AND “If you start to
CHERISH make a regular
THE ONES YOU LOVE
Sarah Abell is an author,
habit of noticing
relationship coach and the what you are
founder of The Relationships grateful for, you
Academy. She shows us how
to create strong relationships will shift your
with our loved ones perspective”
Make this time count
I remember a well-known speaker advising his
audience to carve out time for their relationships
because ‘that slower day never comes’. For many
of us, it just has, so how can we take this opportunity
to build and improve our relationships with friends,
family and neighbours?
If you’re living with people, then this is going to
be an opportunity to create shared memories and
get to know each other a whole lot better. Take time
to talk about expectations. What are your hopes and
fears? How can you give space to the introverts
and create social engagement for the extroverts?
What activities can you do together to have fun and
build connection? For some of us forced into close
proximity with those we have issues with, this will
be more challenging. This is a time to face up to and
work on those relationships. If your relationship is
abusive, get help and get out. Being stuck together
may well make things worse. For the rest of us with
tricky relationships, take this time to work on them.
Sign up to an online course, get help or read a good
book around the issue. Be kind, be honest and spend
time really listening and talking to each other.
Get inventive with connection
If you have loved ones or friends from whom you are
physically separated, connect through the internet,
phone or writing. This will be particularly
50 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
important if you, or they, are on your own. Talk about
the things that matter and also the silly, fun or mundane.
Get creative and think of activities you could do together,
such as forming a mini book club, taking an online class,
doing indoor exercises or sharing a meal virtually. This
is also a time when we can reach out to strangers or
neighbours, and people we don’t know that well. Let’s
build new connections. How can you help people or
support them? For those in the NHS or other frontline
roles, how can we show our gratitude and appreciation?
None of us asked for this, but just
imagine the difference if we all decide
to embrace this opportunity to build
connection and to value those in our
lives. Every day, stop and ask yourself,
‘Who can I reach out to, connect with
and cherish today?’ Get creative
as you think of ways to do that.
l Take Psychologies’ online course ‘30 Days
To Save Your Relationship’ created by Sarah Abell.
See lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk/courses/72
l Read Sarah’s book ‘Inside Out: How To Have
Authentic Relationships With Everyone In Your Life’
(Hodder & Stoughton, £9.99)
3
ALWAYS BE KIND
TO OTHERS
David Hamilton, ‘Psychologies’
kindness tsar, explains why being kind not
only helps others, but is beneficial to you
Shift focus from ‘me’ to ‘you’
Studies on kindness show that it creates protection
from some mental health issues and even gives our
emotions a boost. One of the reasons for this is that
kindness takes us out of ourselves, even if only for a
moment at a time. As we move our attention to the
immediate needs of another person, our focus shifts
away from how we’re feeling. As this happens, brain and
body chemistry change towards a more positive state.
The thing with anxiety – and I speak from the personal
experience of having struggled with it in my life – is that
we want to shrink back when we feel anxious. Kindness,
on the other hand, asks us to step up. It invites us to think
of others, to empathise with their suffering, to consider
their needs and what we can do to help. In that moment,
our focus is no longer on our own anxiety but on the
suffering or needs of another. With that shift, some
of our anxiety begins to dissolve. The more we do this,
the more it dissipates, and our minds and brains begin
to understand that kindness really can heal.
l For kindness cues from David, see drdavidhamilton.com >>>
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 51
Dossier
practice is one of those gems where ancient Eastern

4 CREATE AN INNER
WELLNESS PRACTICE
Ali Roff Farrar, Wellness Director
at ‘Psychologies’, shares her three favourite
wellness practices
Do a self-care affirmation
Every day, I repeat an affirmation – a
short, meaningful phrase or word onto
“When we are
which you place the energy of your struggling,
awareness through repetition, focus or chanting ‘om’
meditation. The simple act of doing this
can make it your truth. The ancient has the ability
language of Sanskrit has a word for this to reduce
– soma – which, in essence, means the
flowing of energy through placing your
anxiety and
conscious awareness onto someone or create stillness”
something. But there’s some interesting
science behind it too. By repeating a thought, you
strengthen the cognitive connections associated with
it in the brain. These connections grow stronger and
stronger through a process called cortical thickening,
until the thought becomes more habitual, or even a belief.
You can rewire your brain, just as you can through
practising mindfulness, to be more present, kinder,
less reactive and less judgmental. If one doesn’t come
to mind, try, ‘This too shall pass’ or, one of my
favourites, ‘May I feel peace’.
Chant yourself away from suffering
If you’ve ever wondered why we chant the sound ‘om’
after yoga, you might be intrigued to discover that this
wisdom meets Western science. Researchers asked two
groups to chant different sounds and studied their brains
while they did this. One group chanted ‘om’; the other
‘sssss’. They found that the former experienced significant
deactivation of activity in the amygdala – a part of the
brain that sits in the limbic system,
where our fight or flight responses
live. The same deactivation was not
found with those chanting ‘sssss’.
‘Om’ creates a vibration that
stimulates the vagus nerve, which plays
a large role in feeding information
between the brain and the workings
of the body – the stimulation has a
calming effect on digestion, heart rate
and breathing, moving us into a state
of rest and digest. When we are
troubled or struggling with something, chanting ‘om’
has the ability to reduce anxiety, fear and perceived
threat, creating stillness and clarity in our minds. It’s
a great alternative meditation. Sit for three minutes
and release a long drawn-out ‘om’ with one breath, and
repeat. Pause for as long as you need after you have
finished and relax into the benefits.
Try a mindfulness practice
Close your eyes, bring your mind to your breath and ask
yourself, ‘How do I feel?’. Ask the same question again,
and then a third time, to focus on it and explore your
feelings in that exact moment. Once you’ve identified
an emotion, notice where it is in your body and try to >>>

Listen to feel-good, inspiring podcasts

Our Podcast Editor, Rachel Dobson, recommends three listens to lift your spirits

HAPPIER WITH
l l HAPPY PLACE l OPRAH’S
GRETCHEN RUBIN  WITH FEARNE SUPERSOUL
The bestselling COTTON CONVERSATIONS
author and award- I love Fearne’s Oprah’s list of
winning podcaster enthusiastic and podcast interviewees
investigates factors that help make emotional interviews, in which she comprises world leaders, health and
each of us a little happier. Gretchen, reveals as much about herself wellness experts and bestselling
in New York, teams up with her sister in as the people with whom she chats. authors – all no doubt in her personal
Los Angeles to chat about the latest Her roll call of interviewees ranges contacts book. As ever, her questions
ideas for leading happier, healthier from Joe Wicks to Nadiya Hussain, and conversations take you closer
and more productive lives. Funny and with each person talking about to becoming the person you hope to
lighthearted, but backed by research. what happiness means to them. be when you grow up!

52 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 53
Dossier
look at it with unbiased curiosity, asking whether it is particularly stressful period. A simple way to do this
negative or positive. If it’s negative, ask if you can sit is to dedicate five minutes to simply inhaling through
with it, looking at it without trying to push it away or the nose, filling the lungs completely, and slowly
change it. If it’s positive, ask if you can let it be there releasing the air through the mouth. 
without embracing it in a deeper way.
Turning towards our emotions, acknowledging Nourish your immune system
them and allowing them to be there without judgment, When eating to support the immune system, aim to
but with compassion, actually makes them more get plenty of plant-based foods in as many different
bearable to deal with; it often colours as possible. This will provide
diminishes their power and stops myriad sources of fibre and antioxidants
them shouting at us so loudly. This “The off-centre is for the gut and the immune system –
might take an element of acceptance; an ideal situation; remember that 70 to 80 per cent of the
not in the sense that we allow immune system is located in the gut.
ourselves to be ruled by our one in which we Vitamin C is important for the
emotions, but an active acceptance do not get caught immune system and can be found in
that this is the way things are – at foods such as broccoli, cauliflower, kale,
least for now, in this moment. 
and we can open peppers and all types of berries; as is
l Ali’s book, ‘The Wellfulness Project: A Manual
For Mindful Living’ (Octopus, £16.99), is out now
our minds vitamin A, which is in sweet potatoes,
beyond limits” butternut squash, peppers, leafy
greens, eggs and cheese. Fermented

5
foods, such as live yoghurts, cheese, kefir and
BREATHE sauerkraut, can provide sources of beneficial bacteria
AND EAT WELL for the gut. And vitamin D, which we get from exposure
Our columnist and Nutrition Editor to sunlight, is key – so consider supplementing.
Eve Kalinik suggests effective ways to support l For nutritional nous from Eve, see evekalinik.com; @evekalinik
your immune system and keep your gut happy

Keep calm with breathwork

I am a nutritionist but my best advice is to engage
in diaphragmatic breathing, sometimes referred to
as slow abdominal breathing, which helps to lower
stress and anxiety associated with the fight or flight
response, via stimulation of the vagus nerve. It can
also help to regulate heart rate, which can increase
when we are anxious or stressed.
Do it as part of a daily practice, or as needed in a
6 GO ON A MEDIA DIET
‘Psychologies’ writer Clem Felix
recommends being careful about
what, and how much, information you let in
Tune out to tune in
Last year, feeling overwhelmed by worrying news,
I took a media diet and wrote about it for Psychologies.
For one month, I read no news at all and logged off from >>>

Get comfortable with uncertainty

Pema Chödrön, our back-page muse and author of ‘When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice For
Difficult Times’ (HarperCollins, £9.99), writes about how to embrace the chaos

LIFE IS A GOOD TEACHER AND
A GOOD FRIEND. Things are always
in transition, if we could only realise
it. Nothing ever sums itself up in
the way that we like to dream about.
The off-centre, in-between state is an
ideal situation; one in which we don’t
get caught and we can open our
hearts and minds beyond limit.
It’s a very tender, non-aggressive,
open-ended state of affairs. To stay
with that shakiness, to stay with
a broken heart, with a rumbling
stomach, with the feeling of
hopelessness and wanting to get
revenge – that is the path of true
awakening. Sticking with that
uncertainty, getting the knack of
relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning
not to panic – this is the spiritual path.
l For sage counsel, see pemachodronfoundation.org

54 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 55
Dossier
all social media. It was life-changing for me. To anyone react to them. I am very aware of the effect news has on
who is feeling overwhelmed, I’d recommend taking a me – and I am much more confident in curating what
close look at the news and social media you’re consuming, information I allow in. The mute button on the remote
and how often. I now try to stick to reading news from control has become a good and well-used friend.
● Read more about this topic at psychologies.co.uk/
one trusted source, once a day.
sick-scary-headlines-take-media-diet
In the past, if I read something
alarming, I’d go from one website to
“The mute
another, to social media, and so on,
trying to find out more and more.
In the process, my brain would
button on the
remote control 7 GO WILD
IN YOUR
IMAGINATION
become overwhelmed and jam into has become a Adventurer, entrepreneur and coach
an anxious gear. Reading less helped well-used and Fi Macmillan has worked with
leaders across the world, helping them
me gain much-needed perspective.
It also helped me pace myself and good friend” inspire people in their organisations
process any emotions that came up.
As UKCP psychotherapist Fe Glover said to me: ‘It can be If you’re self-isolating, try these:
panic-inducing to be in silence and many people have a ● Put photos of your favourite outdoor places on your
tendency to go from one thing to another. When you’ve phone, desk or walls. 
got more mental space, your system shows you more. ● Sit by an open window, enjoy the sky, cloud patterns,
You start to notice your feelings and thoughts, which can and whatever beauty you can see in your view.  Give
be uncomfortable, but the cost of not doing this is that we yourself 10 minutes with no interruption doing this.
lose connection with ourselves. It is about balance.’  ● Put talismans of great outdoor experiences on your
I learned, when I read something alarming, to sit desk, such as favourite stones, flowers or feathers.
with those feelings, to really feel them, and that in doing ● Imagine the next outdoor adventure you are going to take. 
so they drained away. As a result, I found that I felt ● Follow a long-distance footpath or go wild camping up
much calmer and happier, and more adept at problem- a mountain. Imagine it, plan it and talk to people about it.
solving. I was able to respond to events, rather than ● For wild wisdom from Fi, see wildleadership.co.uk

Be a conscious consumer of words

Mary Fenwick, top coach and our trusted ‘Psychologies’ agony aunt, says seeking out stories
that provide food for thought and make us smile are balm for the soul during trying times

I’VE BEEN A JOURNALIST effect in both directions. One

FOR 30 YEARS, and the news
definitely has an inbuilt bias
towards the negative. Research
shows that reading or watching
tip is to find books, comedy
shows, or simply people who
you know will make you smile.
I read PG Wodehouse in the
HEALTHLINE.COM; **BLOG.BIOMEDICALCENTRAL.COM

positive things has a physical hospice while my husband

effect* – in the jargon it’s called was dying and still remember
‘embodiment’. Words and this, from the perspective
Year Of Wonders Tiny Beautiful The Artist’s Way
sentences that emphasise the of Bertie Wooster: ‘There are by Geraldine Brooks Things by Cheryl by Julia Cameron
positive activate the main facial moments, Jeeves, when one (HarperCollins, Strayed (Atlantic (PanMacmillan,
muscle used for smiling, while asks oneself, “Do trousers £8.99) Books, £8.99) £14.99)
negative statements or words matter?”’. Sometimes, all In the year 1666, Before the world Use the time you’re
activate the frowning muscle. I need to do is ask myself, a village pulls went mad for ‘Wild’, not commuting and
together against Strayed wrote this staying home to lap
Some evidence** indicates ‘Do trousers matter?’ and the bubonic plague. aptly titled book that up Cameron’s words,
that images without words I feel a tiny smile inside. More uplifting than will make you cry, but and work on your
have an even more powerful ● For more, see maryfenwick.com it sounds! only in a good way. creative reawakening.
*

56 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 57
Dossier

Test

What can you do to

manage your anxiety?
Anxiety shows up in different ways for different people. Take our test
to identify what lessens your ability to cope you when you are worried

1 You are most likely to

fret about whether:
■ You will be able to cope
l Mentally rehashing past
conversations or events
■ Spending too long
l Stop overanalysing
■ Have more self-belief

♥ Something awful might happen

◆ You’re doing something
making decisions
9 When you’re at your
best, you feel more:
well enough
l You made the right decision 5 You admire people who
appear to have unshakeable:
◆ Self-belief
l Clear-headed
■ Confident
♥ Content

2 When your resilience

is down, you’re most
■ Confidence
l Mental focus
◆ ◊Centred

likely to:
◆
◊ Feel let down or treated badly
♥ Inner calm
10 Your ideal future
self would:
♥ Think about the worst things
that could happen
■ Feel as though things always
6 You get a mood boost
when you’ve:
♥ Had a supportive conversation
♥ Live in the here
and now
◆ Be your own best friend
go wrong for you ◆ Been told you did something well l Take everything in
l Worry about everything from l Calmed your mind through your stride
your health to your bank account yoga or exercise ■ Believe in yourself
■ Done something you

3 Facing challenges is
always easier when you:
were dreading

7
WORDS: SALLY BROWN. PHOTOGRAPHS: GETTY IMAGES

l Feel calm and relaxed Sometimes, you wish Circle the answers
◆ Have enough support you cared less about: that most closely
♥ Have been through it before ♥ What might happen apply to you, then
■ Are in your comfort zone ◆ Doing the right thing add up the symbols.
l What people think

4
Read the section
A red flag for you that ■ What to do next
(or sections) you
all is not well is:
♥ Constantly overplanning for
every eventuality
◆ ◊Feeling criticised
8 People often say
you need to:
♥ Stop worrying
circled most to reveal
what you need to curb
to cope with anxiety.
by others ◆ Be less self-critical >>>

58 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 59
Dossier
What exacerbates your worry and needs addressing?
IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ♥
Catastrophising
Catastrophisers live in the future and their focus
is on what might happen. You may be particularly
vulnerable to catastrophising over things that mean
a lot to you, such as the health of your loved ones
or your career. Of course, it’s wise to be aware of
the potential consequences of events and actions, but
you need to maintain perspective and remember that
just because something could happen doesn’t mean
it will. Catastrophisers are often convinced that
worst-case-scenario thinking is a win-win – if it
happens, you’re prepared for it and, if it doesn’t,
you’re relieved. But the pay-off is peace of mind and
it’s a big drain on your mental energy.
Next time your mind goes into overdrive, ask yourself,
‘Am I planning, or am I catastrophising?’ Then try using
your breath as an anchor for your mind, and ground
yourself in the present moment by checking in with
your senses, noticing what you can hear, smell and see.
If you are open to sitting with anxious feelings, you
might be surprised to find that they start to dissolve.
IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ●
Overthinking
Overthinking is rarely insightful thinking and,
if your response to uncertainty is to plan for every
eventuality, you can get sucked into an overthinking
cycle. For some, overthinking can bring a temporary
illusion of control but, in reality, it makes you vulnerable
to low mood and anxiety. People can sometimes
mistake your overthinking for self-obsession but
overthinkers often spend a lot of time worrying
about other people. And, when your anxiety escalates,
your worrying may feel suffocating for others.
It might seem unsafe to resist the urge to overthink,
but try experimenting for a week with mentally
saying ‘stop’, then using distraction. Or schedule
worry time; if you catch yourself overthinking, plan
a 15-minute slot later in the day to ruminate on what’s
bothering you. Put it out of your mind until then.
The magical thing is that when it’s time for the
overthinking session, concerns will often seem
smaller and more manageable because you have
broken the grip overthinking has on your mind.
60 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ◆
Self-blame
When your natural tendency is to be hard on
yourself, times of anxiety can amplify an internal
critical voice. The result is a vicious cycle, with
your original feelings of anxiety compounded by an
inner narrative that berates you for feeling anxious.
As well as telling yourself that you should be able to
cope, you may also feel convinced that you should
have planned better, taken better decisions or
anticipated a situation in advance. But the truth
is, you make the best decisions you can based on
the choices and information you have at the time.
Another key sign of anxiety for you is becoming more
sensitive to criticism than usual or seeing criticism
where none was intended. You need self-compassion,
not self-criticism, when you’re dealing with uncertainty,
so treat yourself with kindness. Start the day by
taking some time to check in with yourself, and ask,
‘What’s the weather pattern like inside today? What
is my mind up to? How am I feeling?’ Then, think about
what small step you can take to be kinder to yourself.
IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ■
Self-doubt
Times of anxiety can undermine self-confidence and
self-belief, leaving you doubting your ability to cope.
Things that you may normally feel a little uncertain about
at times, such as going somewhere new, meeting new
people or taking on a new challenge, can feel especially
daunting during times of anxiety. Or you may find yourself
regretting agreeing to do something at a time when you
felt more robust. But, when your anxiety gets out of hand,
you start to doubt your ability to make decisions or spend
ages deliberating over even simple choices, such as what to
eat or whether to participate in an activity that boosts you.
Anxiety-induced procrastination may also affect your
work, increasing the time you take to get tasks done.
Think of self-doubting thoughts as noisy and
disruptive passengers on a bus that you are driving.
You can still get to your destination, even if you have to
take them along. And reset your mental negative filter
by ending the day with the ‘three Ws’. Ask yourself,
‘What went well today? What is there to be proud of?
What part did I play in making that happen?’
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 61
● SUBSCRIBE TODAY ● SUBSCRIBE TODAY ● SUBSCRIB

GET TWO
PRICE OF
Hello!
Subscribe
to our
magazine
right now
for some
powerful life-changing ideas
and interviews with the
Subscriber
Club benefits SAVE
best experts in the world.
A subscription to ‘Psychologies’
could be one of the most
valuable investments you
When you subscribe, you
automatically become a
member of the ‘Psychologies’
Subscriber Club, receiving:
50%
make, so why not treat yourself
or a friend to our never-ending
● SUBSCRIBER-ONLY
pot of self-care inspiration? OFFERS and discounts on
In this issue, we’re offering Psychologies products
you an unbeatable deal – get two ● FREE DELIVERY directly to your
years’ subscription for the price door in 100% PLASTIC-FREE,
of one. This means you save
carbon-balanced paper packaging
50% on the cover price! Plus,
we’ll deliver every issue directly ● OPPORTUNITIES to talk to the experts
to your door, so you’ ll receive a ● PLUS, FREE membership to the Psychologies
copy even if you can’t go out. Let
Life Leap Subscriber Club, unlocking
‘Psychologies’ be your beacon of
hope and light during this time. EXCLUSIVE coaching content

Editor-in-Chief,
Psychologies

Terms & conditions: Offer is for new

UK customers only and you’ll pay £61.10 for
26 issues – saving 50%. Savings are based on
the standard cover price of £4.70. Offer ends
31 May 2020. Your subscription will start with
the next available issue and you will receive
13 issues in a year. Prices correct at time of
print and subject to change. For full terms and
conditions, visit shop.kelsey.co.uk/terms.
Inspiring
Data protection: We take great care in
handling your personal details and these will only
features to
ever be used as set out in our privacy policy which
can be viewed at shop.kelsey.co.uk/privacy-policy.
You may unsubscribe at any time.
help you live
your best life
BE TODAY ● SUBSCRIBE TODAY ● SUBSCRIBE TODAY ●

YEARS FOR THE

ONE! Pay £61.10 for 26 issues
saving 50% on the cover price!

ONLY
£fo2r .35
each
issue!
(usually £4.7
0)

Don’t miss out – order today!

Order online at SHOP.KELSEY.CO.UK/PY0620
Call now on 01959 543747* Quote ref: PY0620
* H O T L I N E O P E N : M O N DAY- F R I DAY, 8 . 3 0A M - 5 . 3 0 P M . C A L L S A R E C H A R G E D AT YO U R S TA N DA R D N E T W O R K R AT E
good thoughts
good thoughts

“ ALLOW NATURE’S PEACE

TO FLOW INTO YOU AS SUNSHINE
FLOWS INTO TREES
” JOHN MUIR

PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES

64 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 Real Eco
“such
Babies are
a nice
way to start “
people
DON HEROLD
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 65
 CREAM OF
THE CROP FIVE OF THE BEST
This month, our panel of readers
has been testing eco-friendly
Eco-conscious
face creams. They’ve shared their
honest opinions, I’ve added up
face creams
the scores and these are our five
award-winning Real Eco products
and deodorants
Our testers choose the ethical best of two
that work. Any product I feature bathroom essentials – moisturiser and deo
on this page has been researched,
tested and meets our criteria.
It’s my aim to find the best
Handmade healing
plastic-free, eco-conscious and Winner of our Editor’s Choice
ethical products out there. award, this face cream is
completely plastic-free, natural,
Why not start by trying one of these vegan and cruelty-free. Handmade
face creams or natural deodorants? in Ireland, where possible the
Let me know what you think and ingredients are wild harvested
and selected for their natural
what you’d like to see us review next properties. The cream comes in
REAL
with #PsychologiesRealEco on a beautiful jar with a cork stopper. ECO
EDITOR’S
● Barbary Fig Moisturiser,
social media. Read more reviews at
psychologies.co.uk/real-eco. Enjoy!
”
£24, whitewitch.ie
CHOICE

This cream is excellent. “

It has been an absolute
Ellen game changer for my skin
SARAH, reader panellist, Wiltshire
Psychologies
Eco Living Editor

Follow us!
FOR MORE HONEST REVIEWS,
25% OF BRITAIN’S
LAND IS
NATURAL ENVIRONMENT. SINCE 2010,
ORDNANCE SURVEY LIMITED, 2020

TIPS AND VIDEOS GO TO: BUILDINGS COVER 10 PER CENT MORE

#PsychologiesRealEco
psychologies.co.uk/real-eco
BUT – EXCLUDING LONDON – GARDENS
@Ellen_Tout @PsychologiesMag ARE ALSO UP BY FIVE PER CENT. WE MUST
PROTECT OUR VITAL GREEN SPACES.*
*

66 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 real eco

From the Kent coast A natural remedy Our criteria:

Our panel loved this cream and gave it top scores, Winner of our Eco Champion award, this face cream
We want our Real
earning it our Readers’ Choice award. Haeckels is a is vegan, cruelty-free and certified organic, made
Eco awards to be
small business making products from sustainably using sustainably sourced, zero-waste frankincense.
honest, insightful
harvested seaweed and The company has top
natural ingredients on scores with the Ethical
and truly green…
the Kent coast. This Company Organisation
cream is vegan and has been carbon THAT’S WHY EACH product
and cruelty-free. neutral for over 10 years. is carefully scrutinised by
● Eco Marine REAL ● Frankincense Intense™
ECO REAL our Eco Living Editor Ellen
”
Cream, £48,
haeckels.co.uk
READERS’
CHOICE
Lift Cream, £60,
”
nealsyardremedies.com ECO
ECO
CHAMPION
Tout to ensure it meets our
standards. The chosen
I feel more confident “ This cream has “ products are then tested by
since using this cream. an incredible scent and our panel of 25 discerning
It absorbs into dry skin feels lovely on my skin readers to be rated and
KATIE, reader panellist, Kent TINA, reader panellist, Wiltshire reviewed. We will only ever
include brands we really
trust – if it doesn’t match
Refill and repeat Plastic-free winner up, it’s not getting in!
This face cream is certified cruelty-free and We’re pleased to give White Rabbit Skincare our Eco
vegan-friendly. Beauty Kitchen is a Champion award. This face cream is certified vegan-
registered B Corporation and runs friendly and cruelty-free. It’s packaged and delivered
a ‘Return, refill, repeat’
REAL plastic-free with recycled materials, and available in
Cuts out
ECO plastic
scheme, where packaging SHORTLISTED a recyclable aluminium inner tin,
can be returned by post or with or without a
at a Holland & Barrett store. bamboo outer case. Vegan-friendly
● Seahorse Plankton ● Coconut & Rosehip and cruelty-free
Really Radiant Calming Cream,
Moisturiser, £20,
” £28, whiterabbit Natural and
beautykitchen.co.uk ”
skincare.co.uk

REAL
organic
ECO Sustainable
This moisturiser smells “ I love this cream. “ ECO
CHAMPION
and ethical
gorgeous and gives my skin It ’s amazing and
a soft and smooth texture so restorative Shows real care
for the planet
ANDREA, reader panellist, London KAT, reader panellist, Bristol

FEEL FRESH WITH… One of our winning Real Eco deodorants

● EASY TO

● OUR ECO CHAMPION,
this deodorant is vegan,
plastic-free and organic,
and is delivered in
reclaimed packaging.
Fit Pit Natural Deodorant,
£10, thegreenwoman.co.uk
APPLY and
completely
natural, this
soda deodorant
ticks all the
boxes. It’s
● THIS FRAGRANT RANGE ● THIS SENSITIVE SKIN balm ● AWARDED OUR cruelty-free,
is vegan-friendly and certified supports the work of Save READERS’ CHOICE, this vegan and
cruelty-free, and the the Chimps and is part of the vegan, plastic-free and plastic-free.
company recently removed 1% for the Planet scheme. It natural balm from Pit Pure Natural
all plastic from its large jars. is natural and plastic-free. Putty smells amazing. Soda Deodorant
Orange + Bergamot Active Natural Deodorant Balm, Lemongrass Natural Stick, £9.95,
Balm, £11, naturaldeoco.com £9.95, purechimp.com Deodorant, £11, pitputty.eu benandanna.uk

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 67
 Hot flushes?
Night sweats?

“I really suffered with hot flushes

and these tablets have helped reduce
the severity”
!!!!!
®
feefo® customer reviews
Menoforce
Sage tablets
tab
blets
force
A traditional herbal medicinal product used for the relief of excessive
sweating associated with menopausal hot flushes, including night
sweats, exclusively based upon long-standing use as a traditional
remedy. Always read the leaflet.

For further information please visit www.avogel.co.uk 0845 608 5858.

Available from
Health Food Stores & Pharmacies
4038

“How can I make my food go further?”
This month, our Eco Living Editor, Ellen Tout, sows the seeds
for self-sufficiency and less waste, more taste in the kitchen
M any of us are worried about food
sources in light of recent events.
Could this be an opportunity to
cut down on supermarket shopping and shake up
your meals? Even the thriftiest of chefs might be
surprised to learn that 70 per cent of the food
households throw out could have been eaten.*
When we read stats like that, we usually imagine
wasted meals and forgotten leftovers, but a huge
portion of our waste is the food we don’t even
consider eating. By that I mean items such as
vegetable peels, offcuts and so-called scraps.
Stretch it, savour it
One of my favourite ways to make the most of my
food is compleating. Simply by eating all edible
parts of your produce, your meals go further, your
waste disappears, and your meal planning and
cooking is instantly more creative. How often do
you throw out vegetable peels and seeds? Why not
ILLUSTRATION: NAOMI WILKINSON. *WRAP, 2019
toss them in a little oil and salt, roast on a tray for
10 minutes and enjoy some homemade crisps?
Got some greens wilting in your fridge? You could
blitz them into pesto, bring them back to life in a
stir-fry or turn them into pici pasta – really easy
to make, delicious and nutritious!
Do you have a sustainability question? For planet-saving advice, email
ellen.tout@psychologies.co.uk with ‘Eco worrier’ in the subject line. Follow @Ellen_Tout
eco worrier
Produce such as carrot tops, herb stalks and
beet leaves can be used in place of lettuce to make
a salad. Fresh mint can be picked to make a
waste-free cup of tea. And any stale ends of bread
can be mixed with stock and baked in the oven
with sage, rosemary, onion and lentils, if you have
them – and viola, you’ve got DIY, low-cost stuffing.
And those vegetable scraps for which you lack Lovely leftovers
inspiration? Those can be saved in the freezer A comprehensive guide
to cooking with leftovers
to later boil and make your own broth. There’s and the parts of foods
lots more inspiration and recipes on the Love that we typically throw
away, with recipes and
Food, Hate Waste website. tips for enjoying it all.
Why not dedicate some time to starting that
l Too Good To Waste: How
vegetable patch? Now is the ideal season to sow To Eat Everything by Victoria
seeds for tomatoes, squash, kale, beans and more. Glass (Nourish, £14.99)
Love It TV has launched a free video series called
Dig For Victory, with step-by-step guidance to
get you growing your own food, whether in your
garden or on a sunny windowsill.
‘It saves you money and allows you to be
healthy, out in nature doing stuff that is good for
your head and body,’ says Daniel Dobbie, who is
leading the campaign. Put in the work now and Magic chickpeas
you’ll soon reap the rewards. Chop-chop! A favourite of plant-based
and experimental cooks,
chickpeas are a zero-waste
For more, see psychologies.co.uk/real-eco; lovefoodhatewaste.
com; tinyurl.com/loveitveg hero. Not only is the legume
versatile and nutritious,
but the water it’s cooked in,
aquafaba, works as an egg
substitute in mousses,
mayonnaise and meringues.
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 69
 A twist in
the coat-tail
Sustainable fashion activist Kate McGuire extends
the life of clothes by converting them. Here, she
helps actress Alicia Agneson transform a vintage coat

TWO YEARS AGO, collar, before adding the gathered thick

Alicia Agneson, star
of TV drama Vikings,
decided to stop buying
new clothes and only wear second-hand
or vintage, all in the name of sustainable
fashion. As her stylist, I’ve been creating
converted ‘wow’ pieces for her red carpet
appearances, but this was a new challenge.
‘I was given this Burberry coat by my
friend’s grandmother,’ said Alicia. ‘She
bought it in the 1960s but never wore it
– no event was ever special enough.
She gave it to me five years ago and I’ve
never worn it either. It’s one of my most
treasured pieces, but it’s too big for me and
not really my style. Maybe converting it
will mean I can actually wear it?’
I wanted to honour the iconic Burberry
style while stitching the essence of Alicia’s
personality into the coat. It deserved to be
worn and I was determined to find a way.
The most immediate issue was the size.
I turned the coat from double- to single-
breasted by folding in the excess fabric
and sewing it down to reduce the bulk.
black grosgrain ribbon as a trim. I used
ribbons from VV Rouleaux in Burberry
colours to line the collar and embellish
the epaulettes and wrist belts.
Yes frills!
Adding a frill is great for giving a coat more
shape and structure while softening a
mac’s slightly masculine feel. I cut out
a horizontal section, inserted black
grosgrain ribbon to match the collar,
gathered the off-cut fabric and attached
it as a new voluminous frill.
‘It’s divine!’ said Alicia. ‘It still feels like a
classic but with a stunningly modern twist.
I love that this coat has found its place in the
world 60 years after it was bought. It’s been
treasured for so long and finally it’s emerged
from the closet! I feel unique when I put it
on. This is why I don’t buy new clothes – my
relationship with my wardrobe has been
revolutionised by converting.’
Don’t be afraid to experiment. By
creating new pieces out of old, you’ll feel
more connected with your clothes and look
ILLUSTRATION: GETTY IMAGES. *LOVEYOURCLOTHES.ORG.UK

I narrowed the sleeves, removed a small truly ‘you’ in your bespoke wardrobe.
amount of fabric from the width to Kate McGuire is founder of the #conversionmovement;
enhance the A-line shape and reduced the @convertedcloset; convertedcloset.com; vvrouleaux.com

Did you know? We only have to wear our clothes for an extra
nine months instead of buying new to reduce our carbon, water and
waste footprints by 20 to 30 per cent.*
● Can’t sew? You don’t have to! The machinist at your local dry

cleaner, or a tailor, can do the garment conversion for you.

70 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 eco fashion
LEFT Actress Alicia
Agneson delights
in her coat’s fresh
style, with its
attractive frill made
from off-cut fabric

BELOW Transforming
the coat from
double- to single-
breasted, Kate
folded in the excess
fabric to reduce bulk

“Unworn clothes equals

unused fabric. We don’t
have to buy new; we just
need to get creative”

BELOW Striking
embellishments
– using Burberry
colours from
VV Rouleaux –
enhance the
wrist belts

Tips for converting

your clothing
Kate McGuire shares
her dressmaking secrets
ABOVE Gathered
● Use embellishments that pick grosgrain ribbon
out colours in the lining or from makes a stylish
collar trim; red
accessories such as scarves.
ribbon lines the
● Change the lining and
collar for a pop
roll up the sleeves to add
of colour
a splash of colour.
● Change the length – a coat LEFT Alicia’s
can become a jacket. unworn, oversized
● Either narrow the sleeves Burberry coat is
or make them bracelet length beautiful, but in
for the most flattering look. need of a revamp

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 71
good thoughts
good thoughts

“Flying or falling,
PHOTOGRAPH: FRANK MCKENNA/UNSPLASH

it’s up to us
” KAMI GARCIA

72 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 Real Wellness
“yourself,
When you’ve seen beyond
then you may find
peace of mind is waiting there
GEORGE HARRISON ”
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES

M AY 2 0 2 0 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 73
 Mindful
wellness With self-care in sharp focus, we think about conscious
choice, compassion towards ourselves and others and
nourishment through healthy food and movement
”
YEARNING FOR Thousands
WHAT EXACTLY?
of candles can
We may feel hungry
for many things be lighted from
throughout the day; not only a single candle,
for food, but for news updates,
movement after sitting for too long, Clarifying face and the life of
mask, £18.99,
the delivery of emails or Instagram upcirclebeauty.com the candle will
likes and even hugs from loved ones. not be shortened.
Often, we live on autopilot, feeding SCRUBS UP WELL
our hunger for these things without Beauty brand UpCircle started by saving
Happiness never “
checking in with how they make us
100 tonnes of landfill turning waste coffee
grounds into scrubs and serums, and decreases by
feel. Sometimes we feel satiated or chai spices into soaps. Now, they are

nourished and, other times, queasy

repurposing discarded olive stones from
the olive oil industry, powdered into face
being shared
scrubs, and a powerful anti-inflammatory. BUDDHA
or even hungrier than before.
This month, try the practice of
conscious choice to cleanse your
life of the things that drain or Mindful act
of kindness
malnourish you. We are not always Notice
hungry for what we may think at first. SET A TIMER for five
to 10 minutes. Bring your mind to
Psychologies Wellness your breath and rest here as your Frankincense
Director, mindfulness Intense
expert and yoga teacher mind settles and slows. Then bring Cleansing
Melt, £38,
someone you love to your mind’s nealsyard
eye, and tell them ‘May you be well’. remedies.com

See them smile. Do the same with

FOLLOW US! someone you feel indifferent about.
Now try it with someone you’re
#mindfulhealth@aliroff struggling with. If there’s social
@psychologiesmagazine, comparison, bring that person to
psychologies.co.uk
mind and say ‘May you be successful’.
See them smile, and smile back.
Multitaskskin
Neal’s Yard’s latest offering is
not only a make-up remover but,
as you massage into your face,
a nourishing oil. Leave for a few
minutes, apply water and it
becomes a cleansing milk, giving
you soft skin, and nothing more
to do than fall into bed!

74 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 real wellness

feel into your

inner wisdom

Mindful Health Club

What are you hungry for? And
how aware are you of the way in which
you feed that hunger? Try this practice
to create conscious choice around your
desires and needs, from scrolling
through websites choosing information
to reaching for a snack after lunch.
GOOD TO FEEL BAD What feeds you and what depletes
you or makes you feel queasy?
Science DO YOU SOMETIMES FEEL as if you’re on an emotional
rollercoaster? It’s natural and human to have a range of
emotions, happy and sad, and pushing away negative thoughts can make
them shout louder for your attention. Studies show that those of us who
1 Each time you notice a desire for
something, or are about to give yourself
something – food, information, movement
allow ourselves to fully feel both our positive and negative emotions – pause and take three deep breaths.
have better physical health over time.* Mindfulness asks us to notice
our negative emotions and sit with them, as if they are an upset friend.
They become more bearable as you learn compassion for yourself. 2 On the first inhale, ask yourself:
‘How will feeding this desire make me feel
in my body?’ Pause. Then exhale with your
answer or thoughts. (Did you listen to an earlier
news bulletin? Do you need another so soon?)

36% 3
● The Wild Journal
by Willow Crossley On the second inhale, ask
(Bluebird, £9.99) yourself: ‘How will feeding this desire
make me feel in my mind?’ Pause. Then exhale
with your answer or thoughts. (Will you feel
anxious about hearing the same news again?)
H HERSHFIELD ET AL, WHEN FEELING BAD CAN BE GOOD, ‘SOCIAL

of women suffer severe

4 On the third inhale, ask
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES. *MENTALHEALTH.ORG.UK;

anxiety when comparing yourself: ‘How will feeding this desire

Read
PSYCHOLOGICAL AND PERSONALITY SCIENCE’, 2013

their success to that of make me feel in my heart?’ Pause.

others.** Try practising
the ‘kindness towards
others’ meditation,
opposite, to turn social
comparison on its head.
It’s the thief of joy,
remember!
**
Wild child
This gem of a journal is full
of ways to connect with Mother
Earth. Along with beautiful
journalling space, it has recipes,
food for thought and inspiring
stories told through a lens of
compassion for self and love of
the world. This nourishing book
helps you reap the benefits that
the wilderness on your doorstep
has to offer.
Then exhale with your answer
WELLNESS or thoughts. (Will the news
EVERYWHERE make your heart sink?)
Do you enjoy my Mindful
Health Club practices? Read
my book, ‘The Wellfulness
Project’ (Octopus, £16.99),
5 How do you
feel now? Will
feeding this desire
and use mindful wellness to nourish you or drain
transform every area of you? With this in mind,
your life – food, home and what will you do now?
movement. @aliroff

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 75
 ”
Let go of your
mind and then
be mindful.
Close your ears
and listen
RUMI ”

ILLUSTRATION: NICKY COLLINGS AND AARON BLECHA

AWAIT THE TURN OF THE TIDE

In yogic philosophy, it isn’t debated where emotions live or where they originate, only how to
find less fluctuation between them, so that life feels less like a dinghy riding the waves of an
angry ocean, and more like a steady ship on the gently rolling sea. How? By focus and
awareness through meditation. l ‘The Wellfulness Project’ by Ali Roff Farrar (Octopus, £16.99)

76 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 real wellness

move to the rhythm

of your body

♥ WE LOVE YOGA
Discover the unique holistic
HIIT THE RIGHT NOTE health benefits of each asana
Science HIIT workouts (shorter bursts of exercise at higher intensity)
are a popular choice of movement as they can be done with
little or no equipment, anywhere and in minimum time. But a study found that
unless you’re achieving specific timings, HIIT could have little difference on
your fitness levels, compared to high-intensity training without more intense
intervals. Intervals of 30 seconds of work followed by 120 seconds of rest
brought no improvement. To make its mark, the study found that HIIT must
comprise intervals of 60 seconds of work followed by 60 seconds of rest.*

CAMEL POSE

DID YOU Ustrasana

This is a power pose for when you are feeling
●A Midlife
Cyclist: My Self-care KNOW? fearful or disempowered. It opens your heart,
physically and emotionally, and strengthens
Two-Wheel Yoga is great for the back, hips and thighs, so is therapeutic
Journey To Heal
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES. *THE PHYSIOLOGICAL SOCIETY, HIIT TIMING MATTERS FOR INCREASING

A Broken Mind your body, and it makes your for desk workers. Avoid if you are pregnant,
And Find Joy have a migraine or a back or neck injury.
by Rachel Ann
brain bigger! Research shows
FITNESS, ‘SCIENCEDAILY’; **SCIENCEDAILY.COM/RELEASES/2019/12/191212105851.HTM

Cullen (Bonnier that those who practise yoga ● WARM UP WITH SUN SALUTATIONS,
Books, £12.99)
increased their brain volume then come to your knees, hips elevated and toes
tucked under. Bring your hands to prayer position
in the regions associated with at your heart and tip your pelvic bowl under, so
decision-making (pre-frontal that your bottom tucks in.
Ride for your life
After discovering healing through
cortex), emotions (amygdala) ● NOW IMAGINE A PIECE OF STRING attached
to your breast bone, pulling upwards. Gently lean
running, injury left Rachel Ann and memory
Cullen lost without her backwards, lifting your heart.
mental medicine. (hippocampus
HELP US ● HAPPY HERE? Place your hands on your hips
Searching for something
else to manage her HELP YOU – which is the to support your back, and keep moving into your
emotional health, Our Life Leap Club has more than first area backbend, pushing your hips forward and heart to
she tugged her old 30 free online coaching programmes the sky. Happy here? Take one hand to your heel,
mountain bike out to guide you towards a happier, affected by then the other, letting your head hang back if that
of the shed… An
inspiring read about
healthier and more successful life. Alzheimer’s feels good. To go deeper, try without your toes
All you have to do is subscribe tucked under. To stop, sit your bottom to your
the ways we can
to ‘Psychologies’! Go to and shrinks
devote our actions heels, lifting your head slowly. Rest.
towards our wellbeing. psychologies.co.uk/ with age).**
free-coaching-when-you-
subscribe-today

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 77
real wellness

eat to nourish
not punish

Science
JAZZY BEANS
Cook
For a healthy, quick meal that’s
anything but dull, try these
OLDIE BUT
‘Jazzy beans’ on toast A GOLDIE
● 200g can baked beans in tomato sauce Forget faddy superfoods
● 1 tsp chipotle paste and grab an apple. Great
● 1 slice of good-quality bread, toasted for gut health, providing
● Butter or vegan alternative, for spreading friendly bacteria in the large
● 1 tsp very finely chopped shallot, spring bowel and adding fibre to
onion or fresh chives your diet, apples also contain
● ¼-½ avocado, diced polyphenols with antioxidant
● A few fresh coriander leaves, freshly squeezed properties, helping to prevent
● Lime juice, to taste type 2 diabetes, and can help
● American-style hot sauce, to taste protect against cardiovascular
disease, including stroke and
Warm the beans in a saucepan. Stir through the
heart attack.*
chipotle paste, to taste. Toast the bread and spread
with butter or a vegan alternative. Pour the bean
mixture onto the toast, then sprinkle over
the chopped shallot, spring onion or chives, the
avocado and coriander leaves. Squeeze over a little

60%
lime juice and a splash of hot sauce. Enjoy the jazz!
● LEON Happy Fast Food by Rebecca Seal, Jack Burke
and John Vincent (Conran Octopus, £16.99) is out 30 April

The additional
percentage of good
fats contained in
hi-oleic peanuts versus
standard peanuts.
For a protein boost,
add peanuts to a
coconut-based curry or
sprinkle on salads. And
everyone loves a satay!
Protein balls,
£1.99 for a 45g
bag, theprotein
ballco.com
Keep rollin’
So yummy and great for filling you up
when you’re craving a snack, The Protein
Ball Co’s 100% natural protein balls have
no added sugar and come in a lovely retro
range of flavours, including Peanut Butter
+ Jam, Raspberry Brownie, Lemon +
Pistachio and Cherry Bakewell. They offer
three protein sources and are fibre-rich.

78 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 connect to a deeper
meaning

● Sustainable
Escapes
by Lonely
Planet
(£14.99)
The world awaits
Sustainable travel is close to our hearts at Psychologies,
but we also believe travel is important – it connects us
to our planet, different cultures and people, nurtures
diversity and, if undertaken responsibly and when it is safe
to do so, can support communities in developing economies.
How can we travel more consciously? Lonely Planet has
compiled a beautiful book of sustainable destinations and
ideas to help you make more conscious travel decisions
and develop greener travel habits, so you can make a
positive impact while seeing the wonders of the world.
WORLDLY WELLNESS
Wisdom Country: France
For 2,000 years, lavender has been
used for wellbeing, since the Egyptians used it
as perfume. The Romans were the first
to use lavender for its medicinal qualities.
Today, Provence is the largest supplier
of lavender in the world, where it is produced
for its essential oils, known to encourage deep Ascent Pink
sleep, calm anxiety (even in patients about to Himalayan Salts,
£26, verdant
have surgery†) and soothe skin issues. alchemy.co.uk

QUOTES TO
AROMATHERAPY IN REDUCING PREOPERATIVE ANXIETY IN AMBULATORY SURGERY

Genuine concerns ”
PHOTOGRAPHS: STEVEN JOYCE FROM ‘LEON: HAPPY FAST FOOD’; GETTY IMAGES.

LIVE BY Ritual
PATIENTS UNDERGOING PROCEDURES IN GENERAL OTOLARYNGOLOGY, 2017
RESEARCH PROVIDED BY TOM SANDERS, PROFESSOR OF NUTRITION AND

FEELING AUTHENTIC
SCIENCEDIRECT.COM; †M WOTMAN ET AL, THE EFFICACY OF LAVENDER
DIETETICS AT KINGS COLLEGE LONDON WITH BRITISH APPLES & PEARS;

enhances self-esteem, Smell is a Fine dining

wellbeing, relationships People coming

and work performance. potent wizard together to eat is a

wonderful custom. If
However, feeling authentic that transports you are alone, make
an event of your
might not always sit in line with Real Boy
being authentic: We might
kitchen roll
holder, £36,
you across mealtime – it’s an act
of self-care you
deserve. Lay the
describe authenticity as living in
redcandy.co.uk
thousands of miles “ tablecloth, set the
table and raise a glass
accordance with our values, but people report
feeling most authentic when living in line with
and all the years to all that you’re
grateful for in life.

socially approved qualities, such as being you have lived ● Linen Zebra napkin,

£25, summerilland
extroverted, emotionally stable or hardworking.** HELEN KELLER bishop.com
**
*

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 79
 cetraben.co.u k

My eczema’s not
in charge. I am.

W h y shou ld m y eczema-prone sk i n

def i ne how I feel? I ma ke t he deci sion s.

I’ve fou nd what work s for me, a nd I

use it ever y d a y. A nd when m y sk i n

feel s bett er, I do t oo.

T he f i rst eczem a-prone sk i n

ca re ra n ge to be approved by

the Br itish Skin Foundation

NUMBER 1
GP RECOMMENDED
CREAM*

F i nd us i n t he specia l i st
*For verification please contact cetraben@thorntonross.com. sk i nca re section

Save up to £3 across the Cetraben range

Available at most Boots stores and boots.com
Offer ends 19.05.20. Available at most Boots stores. Subject to availability.
 The Retreat
“never
It’s hard to love yourself if you
“
spend time with yourself.
Alone time is necessary
IZEY VICTORIA ODIASE
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 81
Love listens
There’s nothing more arousing than sweet
somethings in your ear with a significant
other. Date night just got more sensual,
writes Podcast Editor Rachel Dobson
WANNA BE MY
EARBUDDY?
Here at ‘Psychologies’ HQ, we’ve
developed an exciting new trend
– date podcasts. Forget Netflix
and chill and boxset binges, it’s
about listening to the latest
instalment of your favourite
series with your favourite person;
making meaningful eye contact
then sweetly pressing play at the
same time, earphones firmly in…
Family may think you’re ignoring
each other, but you’re tethered
together by your listening.
But by far our most cherished
episodes are for long, formerly
boring joint tasks, such as
cleaning the house. Share the
love alternating ‘Lineker &
Baker’ (Gary Lineker and Danny
Baker’s chat about football; bear
with us) with ‘Fortunately…
With Fi And Jane’ (Fi Glover and
Email our Podcast Editor Rachel Dobson at rachel@racheldobson.co.uk
Listen to the Psychologies podcast channel on iTunes, TuneIn and AudioBoom or at
82 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
Jane Garvey chat about life
beyond football).
And, if you can’t be in the
same space as your beau, listen
simultaneously apart. Our
essential podcast at the moment
is the brilliant ‘The Other Latif ’
from Radiolab. Radio producer
Latif Nasser unravels how his
namesake, Abdul Latif Nasser,
detainee 244, ended up in
Guantanamo Bay detention
camp for 18 years. The journalist
travels to Latif ’s home in
Morocco and tries to find out
if there is a connection between
Latif and Osama bin Laden.
It’s gender neutral, addictive
and only six episodes, so not too
much of a commitment.  our stress and
Love is in the airwaves! Tell me
about your hot date podcasts.
“ I developed
that sneeze so
I don’t pop
“
my hernia
MEL GIEDROYC ON THE
MEL GIEDROYC PODCAST
DON’T MISS!
How to manage your
relationship with the news
UKCP talking therapies podcast
The UK Council for Psychotherapy’s Sarah
Niblock chats to compassion-focused therapist
John-Paul Davies about this relevant topic. The
two reveal insights into how the news and social
networks affect us, and how to develop a healthy
relationship with the media we consume. We
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES
need to know what’s happening in the world, but
taking care of our mental health and managing
anxiety is also
crucial, and they
explore how.

Audible book
Listen of the month
The Wreckage
by Robin Morgan-Bentley
THINGS WILL NEVER be the same.
Ben is driving on his usual commute
to the school where he works. It’s a
day like any other, until Adam, in a last
despairing act, jumps in front of Ben’s
car, killing himself and turning the
teacher’s world upside down.
Racked with guilt and desperate to
clear his conscience, Ben develops a
friendship with Alice, Adam’s widow,
and her son, Max. But, as he tries to
escape the trauma of the
wreckage, could Ben go
too far in trying to make
amends? Gripping and
sinister, The Wreckage
is guaranteed to keep
you up all night.
‘The Wreckage’
is available for
£19.99 or free
with a 30-day
Audible trial;
audible.co.uk
psychologies.co.uk. Families On The Edge, a UKCP talking therapies podcast, is out now
Podcasts
of the
month
MEL GIEDROYC IS QUILTING
with Andy Bush
MEL IS MEANT to be sewing with broadcasting
pal Andy Bush, but the pair are novice quilters
and sometimes can’t even see what they’re
doing (Mel has been known to forget her reading
glasses). It’s really the low-key chuntering of
two mates as they stitch samples of fabric sent
in from listeners and other comics. If only they
had a celebrity crafter who could pop by with
a square of fabric and join the chat, maybe their
quilt would actually be completed!
CTRL ALT DELETE
with Emma Gannon
YOU THINK IT’S about a career reboot, but
this wonderful podcast is always about the
successful and their passions. Emma is a rare
interviewer who’s gentle in her approach, allows
her interviewees expansive time to talk and
(hurrah) doesn’t constantly chime in with ‘me
too!’. Emma is a bestselling author and loves to dig
deep about the creative writing process. There’s a
huge, varied archive of episodes stretching back
to 2016 featuring, among others, Alain de Botton,
June Sarpong, Jojo Moyes, Jameela Jamil,
Matt Haig and, of course, Elizabeth Gilbert.
sounds good
OUR AUDIO
ADDICTIONS
This month’s top 3 podcasts
for health investigations
1 All Hail
Kale
Documentary maker
and broadcaster Tim
Samuels did a brilliant
job on the first series, which I can only
criticise for being too short.Thankfully,
series 2 is out now. Samuels is a sceptic
and his investigations into the latest health
trends are done with great wit, but also in
depth. He doesn’t mind being a human
guinea pig either.The All Hail Kale theme
tune is also a great earworm.
2 The Best
Thing
Since Sliced
Bread?
Science journalist Greg
Foot pulls in interesting experts to discuss
the latest fads in skincare, bug fighting and
claims from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop. If it’s
new, sounds too good to be true or is all over
Insta, Foot loves to play maverick and take it
apart, although how he could question the
magic of turmeric is beyond me. I especially
like beauty blogger Rebecca Humphries’
contributions, which will save you a fortune.
3 Give Me
Strength
Social media darling
Alice Liveing is as warm
and enthusiastic with
her interviewees as she is on her Insta. PT and
author Alice is knowledgeable about wellness.
Her intelligent interviews are far-reaching
– from people overcoming life-changing
accidents to female empowerment, all
approached with sensitivity. Her chat with
physiotherapist Helen Keeble is enlightening,
and a must for anyone with a pelvic floor!
M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 83
 Down by
the lakeside
We may not be able to travel right now, but we’re inspired
by Claire Rowley’s ride on a superfast boat, fine dining and
a spot of jazz in Evian-les-Bains. Noted for the future…

84 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
48
HOURS
the retreat

S
tepping onto Evian One, a dome-shaped
speedboat that looks like it belongs in a
James Bond film, I am whisked across the
water at 87mph to the Royal Hotel in Evian, seabirds
sitting on Lake Geneva skilfully ducking for their lives.
The Royal is a grand spa hotel located in Evian-les-
Bains, France, on the banks of Lake Geneva and at the
foot of the Alps, offering spectacular views of the lake
and mountains. The air is pure, like the water for which
it is famous – a charming place for a luxurious escape.
With pastel-coloured shopping arcades and the historic
funicular railway that chugs up and down to the spa
baths and their mineral-rich water, the resort is fit for
a king – literally. Built for Edward VII in 1909, it’s a
terrible shame he died before getting a chance to visit.

Shores of possibility
Evian-les-Bains is a genteel resort and you feel as if
you’ve stepped back in history to calmer times. You
could easily spend your days taking in the stunning
lakeside views as you stroll along the promenade but,
if you feel like something more strenuous, you’re
not short of exciting options: hiking or skiing in the
mountains; or watersports – sailing, kayaking or taking
a boat trip on the glorious, lapping lake. The resort is
also famous for its golf courses and usually hosts the
Evian Champions for women from July 23 to 26.
If you prefer to relax, book into the Spa Evian Source,
which has 24 treatment rooms, a relaxation room,
hydro circuit and heated indoor and outdoor pools.
If you are a foodie, try to get a reservation at Les Fresque
gastronomic restaurant, where chef Patrice Vander has
been awarded a Michelin star this year. I also plumped
for a bit of culture at La Grange au Lac concert hall, where
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES. ALWAYS CHECK GOVERNMENT ADVICE BEFORE TRAVELLING

a jazz show told the story of a girl pursuing her dream.

My sojourn beside the crescent-shaped lake left me
revived, inspired and more than a little enchanted.

Royal address
Claire stayed at
the Royal Hotel in
Evian-les-Bains; prices
start from £286
per night, including
breakfast. Flights from
London to Geneva
start from £50 with
British Airways.
hotel-royal-evian.com;
ba.com

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 85
in partnership with Queen of Retreats
Writing &
wellbeing
INSPIRATIONAL KICK-START
Skyros Holidays, Greece
Jimmy Carr credits Skyros Holidays for his life-changing
career in comedy and there are all manner of transformative
masterclasses on offer at the Skyros Centre that focus on
writing and wellbeing. Based in the traditional Greek village
of Skyros, they’re taught by world leaders in their field and
include morning yoga, afternoon music and arts drop-ins.
Review queenofretreats.com/retreats/skyros-greece
● skyros.com
Breaks with long-lasting effects
Select one of these focused retreats that deliver the
tools and know-how to change your life forever
Facilitated
healing
REDISCOVER YOURSELF
Middle Piccadilly, Dorset
Take time to reflect, review and reset at this heart-centred
rural haven, where potentially life-changing and
empowering holistic treatments facilitate the healing
transformation that you need. You’ll be fully supported
by hand-picked, skilful and sincere therapists in a truly
peaceful environment with delicious vegan and veggie fare.
Review queenofretreats.com/retreats/middle-piccadilly-england
● middlepiccadilly.com
86 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
Plan your
future
MAKE YOUR DREAM A REALITY
The Strategic Space Retreats, France
You don’t have to spend months at a monastery to see
a bigger vision for yourself – sometimes, you just need a
well-structured week with an expert strategist to call it to the
surface and plan for its eventuality. Choose an all-inclusive
retreat in Burgundy, a self-catered break in Paris or a virtual
getaway from home. You’ll leave ready to take on the world.
Review queenofretreats.com/retreats/strategic-space-burgundy-france
● thestrategicspace.com/retreats
Fitness
for living
PLEASURE AND WELLNESS
Costa Calida Retreats, Spain
Enjoy Pilates classes overlooking the sea, with levels to
suit all abilities, have the freedom to choose cultural
excursions, Spanish lessons, swimming, cycling and walking,
and experience the local food and wine. The takeaways?
Some great memories and valuable skills that you can
practise at home and will last a lifetime.
Review queenofretreats.com/retreats/costa-calida-spanish-holidays
● costacalidaspanish.com
 the retreat

Retreats that
come home
with you
A break to concentrate on
yourself is invaluable, says
Retreat Editor Caroline
Sylger Jones, but ongoing application
of newfound wisdom is better still

R
etreats are a chance to step away from your
life, but they are never an escape from it.
Wherever you go, you carry yourself with you,
so the healing trick on any retreat is to be able to pick up
the tips, tools and techniques you need to make your life
better, each and every day. I’ve been on many retreats
that have made me feel fantastic from the inside out,
from intense and sweaty yoga breaks to delve-deep
therapy weekends, and returned becalmed and toned,
cleansed and joyful, as I was meant to do – only to
find myself rapidly returning to, say, the ragged and
impatient self I had gone on retreat to sort out.
How do you replace the raggedness? Ensure that,
whichever retreat you choose, you open yourself up to
it and look, listen and learn enough to bring at least one
thing back to your everyday life that will truly make a
difference. It could be something as simple as a journal
you have been given that inspires a daily Morning
Pages practice (three pages of longhand stream-of-
consciousness writing) to help clear your mental clutter
and approach your day creatively; a recipe for an easy,
healthy meal when you’re time-strapped and starving; a
breathing technique for the school run when the morning
is not going well and you’re inexplicably angry as hell.
The longer or more intensive the retreat, the bigger the
take-homes: A deeply tense area of your body from which
a therapist has released pent-up emotion; a checklist of
actions a coach has helped you develop to ensure you will
deal with issues that have been holding you back; a new
skill that’s inspired you to welcome art or learning into
your heart; or to begin your own yoga or Pilates routine.
Retreats that offer takeaways – and, better still, after-
retreat support – are priceless. Open yourself up to what
they provide, and the effects will last. ● queenofretreats.com

Win! A soulful, restorative yoga retreat in the stunning

PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES. ALWAYS CHECK

Portuguese mountains, worth £1,000

GOVERNMENT ADVICE BEFORE TRAVELLING

Vale de Moses, high in the Enjoy your practice in a To enter, go to tinyurl.com/

Serra da Estrela, is one of
the top five yoga retreats in
Europe. Retreat at any time
of the year for inspirational
yoga, suitable for all, healing
massages and nourishing,
plant-based food.
beautiful glass shala with
incredible views; explore
pine forests; wild swim
and mud bathe in rivers and
immerse yourself in nature.
Our winner will glamp
in the heart of the forest.
winportugal. Closing date is 11 May
2020. There is no cash alternative
to the prize. Prices from £812 pp per
week. If you don’t want to wait to
hear if you’ve been lucky enough to
win, all readers have a 5% discount
if you quote ‘Psychologies2020’
when reserving your place online.
valedemoses.com; @valedemoses

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 87
feasting

You have to
taste this!
Enliven your senses and experiment with flavour to
bring unrivalled pleasure to your meals every day
EDITED BY EMMA COXON PHOTOGRAPHS BELINDA WILLIAMS

W HOT & COLD PICKLED TOMATOES

e have a lifelong love affair
with food; it’s central
to our lives, providing WITH CHILLI YOGHURT
nourishment and sustenance, decadence
and delight; given as gifts and enjoyed
The sweet tang of vinegar in this dish balances beautifully with the savoury
tomatoes. Adding chilli yoghurt makes the tomatoes sing and rounds off the dish.
solo or with others. However, when our
taste buds become impaired through
illness, age or medication, this pleasure SERVES 3-5 and Chilli Oil in a bowl.
can be lost. Thankfully, food writer, l 150ml red wine vinegar 3 To serve, spread the warmed
stylist and author Ryan Riley is on a l ¼ tsp fennel seeds breads with the chilli yoghurt, top
mission to bring back the life-enriching l 6 coriander seeds with both hot and cold tomatoes
pleasure of eating. After losing his l 2 bay leaves – discarding the bay leaves – and
mother, Krista, to small-cell lung cancer, l 12 mixed-colour cherry tomatoes, scatter over the mint.
and seeing how she lost her sense of halved or quartered
2 tbsp full-fat Greek yoghurt
taste through chemo and radiotherapy l
For the Chilli Oil
while battling the disease, Riley was l 1 tsp Chilli Oil (see recipe) MAKES 200ML
inspired to set up Life Kitchen, an l Warmed flatbreads or naan l 200ml rapeseed oil
award-winning initiative offering free breads, to serve
l 40g dried chipotle chilli flakes
UK-wide cookery classes for people l Handful of mint leaves, to serve l 20g red chilli flakes
living with cancer, that aim to bring
flavour and excitement back into food. 1 Stir together the vinegar, both 1 Place a saucepan on a medium heat
Incorporating advice from Barry Smith, seeds and the bay leaves in a bowl. and add the oil. Bring it to a simmer
director of the Centre for the Study of the Place a saucepan on a high heat – be very careful as the oil will be
Senses, and feedback from Maggie’s and pour in half the liquid, with extremely hot. After a few moments,
cancer centres, Riley’s book, Life Kitchen half the aromatics. Bring to the drop in a chilli flake: if the oil is hot
(Bloomsbury, £20), focuses on the joy of boil, then turn off the heat. enough, the flake will sizzle slightly.
eating, with dishes that genuinely taste 2 Divide the tomatoes between 2 Remove the pan from the heat and
good, have contrasting textures and smell two bowls and pour the hot liquid stir in both types of chilli flakes. Set
sublime. Try tangy ‘Lime falafels with into one bowl and the cold into aside and allow to cool completely.
curried mayonnaise’ or fragrant and the other. Leave for 5 minutes. 3 Pour the cooled Chilli Oil into a
zesty ‘Baked yoghurt with rose’. Meanwhile, combine the yoghurt sterilised jar and seal with a lid. >>>

88 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 LEMON POSSET TART
Creating a dessert with real impact, the Life Kitchen way, requires
a high ratio of tang to sweetness. Pomegranate has been added in
this recipe to increase tartness, with lemons adding an intense lift.
For individual possets, pour the filling into glasses or ramekins.

SERVES 6-8 4 Put the tart in the fridge to

l 500ml double cream set for 3-4 hours. When set,
l 200g golden caster sugar sprinkle over the remaining
l 2 limes, zest and juice pomegranate seeds and
l 2 lemons, zest and juice raspberries, then drizzle
l Small handful of raspberries over some pomegranate
l Small handful of molasses or Raspberry &
pomegranate seeds Rose Syrup, if you like.
l 1 shop-bought 23cm
pastry case
For the Raspberry
ROASTED BROCCOLI l Pomegranate molasses or
Raspberry & Rose Syrup (see
& Rose Syrup
WITH CHILLI YOGHURT recipe), to serve (optional)
MAKES 200ML
l 200g raspberries
AND ORANGE l ½-1 tsp rose water, to taste
1 Place a large saucepan on l 2 tbsp maple syrup
Broccoli pairs deliciously with aromatic a medium heat and add the l ½ lemon, zest and juice
orange, which provides an uplifting aroma cream, sugar and zest and
and acidity to balance out the other juice of both citrus fruits. 1 Place a saucepan on a
flavours. Ideal for a quick lunch. 2 Stir gently for about 2-3 medium heat and add all the
SERVES 2 minutes, until the sugar ingredients. Bring the liquid
l 230g long-stem broccoli dissolves. Then, bring the to a simmer and cook for about
l Olive oil mixture to a gentle boil for 5 minutes, until the raspberries
l 1 tsp capers 3-5 minutes, until thickened. break down slightly.
l Small handful of flaked almonds Remove from the heat and 2 Remove the pan from the
l 3 tbsp full-fat Greek yoghurt set aside to cool slightly. heat and allow the mixture
l 1 tsp Chilli Oil (see recipe) 3 Sprinkle most of the to cool. If you like your syrup
l 1 orange, zested and halved raspberries and pomegranate smooth, strain the mixture
l Sprinkling of sumac seeds evenly across the tart through a sieve into a sterilised
l Chilli flakes, to serve (optional) base and pour over the citrus jar – but, if you prefer it
cream mixture. chunky, just store it as it is.
1 Heat the oven to 180°C. Place the broccoli on a
baking tray and drizzle with olive oil. Spoon the
Cookbook
capers over and bake for 15 minutes. Sprinkle of the
the almonds over and bake for 5 minutes more, month
until the broccoli is tender and the almonds golden.
2 While the broccoli is baking, combine the Psychologies recommends
Life Kitchen: Recipes To Revive
yoghurt and Chilli Oil in a bowl. Peel and segment
The Joy Of Flavour by Ryan Riley
one orange half. As soon as the broccoli is ready, – a unique cookbook incorporating
squeeze the juice from the remaining orange science and highly nuanced work
half over the top, sprinkle with a good dusting around taste and the senses to
create vibrant and easy recipes
of sumac and orange zest and serve with a dollop
that reignite our pleasure in food.
of the chilli yoghurt (sprinkled with chilli flakes,
if you like) and the orange segments on the side.
 feasting
Half art. Serves you
Print, from £12 right! Bowls,
(unframed), £20 each, kelly
everlong hoppen.com
printco.com

Twin set. Oil

and vinegar
set, £20, Sweet lift.
amara.com Cake slice, £8,
debenhams.com

More in store.Storage jars, Spice of life.

from £4.99, homesense.com Garlic crusher,
Creamy creation. £13, habitat.co.uk
Yoghurt maker,
£23.99, wayfair.co.uk

Fork this way.

Forks, £25
for four, garden
Juice on tap. trading.co.uk
Ceramic juicer,
£23, thefind Daily grind. Pestle and mortar,
store.co.uk £4.99, homesense.com Blogger
spotlight
Savour
Mitty pretty. Oven gloves,
£7.99, tkmaxx.com the flavour
Elevate your cooking with some
store-cupboard staples. There are
many special ingredients that can
Secret garden. enhance the flavours in food; from
Allotment planter,
mint and garlic to garam masala and
£29, redcandy.co.uk
Parmesan. Consider growing your
Treat yourself. Fairfields own herbs for extra freshness, either
Farm crisps, from £1.89, in the garden or in a window box. Kellie Anderson is a
from independent retailers; Good kitchen storage is also key cancer health educator at
Minor Figures chai latte,
£1.95, ocado.com; Seasalt
so everything is within reach when Maggie’s Cancer Caring
& Lime milk chocolate, £6, whipping up a delicious dish: A large Centre in Edinburgh,
cocochocolatier.com; Select fruit bowl filled to the brim with zesty
coffee, £7.95, pactcoffee.com; with an MSc in public
citrus fruits; a decorative spice rack;
hot wholegrain mustard, £2.05, health. Her blog,
tracklements.co.uk; Rosemary, and plenty of jars to keep food at its
Thyme & Lavender drink, best. Let your culinary flair flourish! kelliesfoodtoglow.com
£1.89, hollandandbarrett.com (or @food_to_glow on
Instagram), is full of
nutritious recipes.
TASTE THE DIFFERENCE Recipes to delight the senses
Try her mouthwatering
‘Low-carb cauliflower
rosti with smoked salmon’,
her immune-boosting
1 2 3 4 ‘Turmeric, lentil
and lemon broth’ or
PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES

something sweet, such

as her ‘Chocolate-chip
cashew butter blondies’.
1 The Science Of Spice by Stuart Farrimond (DK, £20) 2 Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat It’s feel-good food
(Canongate Books, £30) 3 Sour: The Magical Element That Will Transform Your Cooking by Mark Diacono
(Quadrille Publishing, £25) 4 Season by Nik Sharma (Chronicle Books, £25) that’s good for you.

92 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 DON’T MISS OUT!
ORDER OUR NEXT ISSUE NOW AND GET FREE DELIVERY!

ORDER
NOW! e issue
Have the Jdutno your
delivere normal
door for therice*
shop p

Order online aat SHOP.KESLEY.CO.UK/PSYJUN20

Call now on 01959 543747** Quote ref: PSYJUN20
Order by 28 April and your copy will be posted to you. It should arrive byTuesday, 12 May
**H OT LI N E O PEN : M O N DAY- F RI DAY, 8 . 3 0A M - 5 . 3 0 PM . CA LL S A RE C H A RG ED AT YO U R S TA N DA RD N E T WO RK R AT E
*Terms & conditions: Please order by 28 April. £4.70 is for delivery in the UK only. An additional £1 will be added to all overseas addresses to contribute towards the postage costs. Cover subject to change.
The Words
Fewer screens, more books (and magazines) – that’s how we
roll! First, feast your eyes on our literary picks for the month

♥
Book of the

“
month
It occurs to me
as I fight so hard with
myself that these
cruel and persistent
voices are the echoes Discover
of trauma from the THE POWER
times when people OF DREAMS
“
treated me like I am now Did you know that we spend six
years of our lives dreaming? But

treating myself what exactly do dreams do for

THE GLASS HOTEL
By Emily St. John Mandel
(Pan Macmillan, £14.99)
A novel about second chances and
reinvention and whether it’s possible
to leave the past behind. The answer
appears to be no, as every character in
this luminous novel is haunted by loss,
regret and ghosts from yesteryear.
Bartender Vincent becomes the wife
of arch swindler, Jonathan Alkaitis, and
steps into the ‘kingdom of money’.
The story follows a cast of characters
caught up Alkaitis’s deceit; a fragile
web that includes Vincent’s drug addict
us? Could they be a source of
JENNY SLATE, guidance, inspiration, wellbeing
LITTLE WEIRDS
and empowerment?
Melinda Powell, co-founder
of the Dream Research Institute,
says research suggests dreams
work to give us emotional balance
and the capacity to overcome
fear, with the potential to live
more consciously. Permission
to nod off while reading!
● The Hidden Lives Of Dreams by
Melinda Powell (Bonnier Books, £12.99)
LOST IN TRANSLATION
Boketto (n)
Language: Japanese
EITHNE FARRY. PHOTOGRAPH: GETTY IMAGES

half-brother, an elderly painter and

EDITED BY ALI ROFF FARRAR. MAIN REVIEWS:

a hotel caretaker.
Let’s indulge in boketto
In lyrical, mesmerising prose, the
author explores the damage inflicted more often – gazing into
by Alkaitis and its emotional fallout, the distance daydreaming
as dreams and relationships come or thinking about nothing
undone over time. It’s a breathtaking
look at how upheaval can be a force for
in particular. It’s better
transformation, both good and bad. than looking at our phones!

94 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
 the retreat

TRUTH, LIES AND IN BETWEEN

Heartrending emotion, mystery and outright
thrills… Three stories to get you thinking

1 The Authenticity
Project By Clare
Pooley(Transworld, £12.99)
2 Q By Christina
Dalcher
(HarperCollins, £12.99)
This debut is life-affirming, with The author of Vox delivers
Paper
therapy HINDSIGHT IS a clutch of colourful characters
who bare their souls and
another disturbing, dystopian
novel. Her hot-button topic is
WONDERFUL Cath Kidston journal,
£16.99, wordery.com;
confront their demons. perfection, taking in education,
Sometimes we can’t see pencil set, £3.95,
rexlondon.com
Artist Julian writes about his eugenics and motherhood.
loneliness in a notebook. He Elena lives in a world where
the wood for the trees. leaves it in a cafe, where Monica, everyone is judged by their Q
Looking back on the the owner, reads it and works score (IQ; wealth; class). She’s
year so far, what can out a way to help him, before happy, until her daughter fails
adding her own story, a moving an all-important test and is
you see clearly now admission of how much she shipped off to state school.
that you did not see craves a family. More people Determined to find out what
before? Write down five write their truths in the book, goes on there, Elena discovers
which starts a chain of sharing, it’s worse than her wildest
things, and what you caring and heartfelt nightmares. A twisty and
have learned from communication. Charming. thought-provoking thriller.
them. Time shifts
perspective.
Jackee Holder is a coach, facilitator and
author of ‘49 Ways To Write Yourself Well’ (Step
Beach Press, £12.95); @jackeeholder; jackeeholder.com
2 Death In Her Hands
By Ottessa Moshfegh
(Vintage, £14.99)
Vesta, 72, is the narrator of this brilliant,
off-kilter mystery. In the woods,Vesta finds

“
a note that reads: ‘Her name was Magda.
At night you write out “ Nobody will ever know who killed her… Here

of guilt, but in the morning is her body.’There is no body, but Vesta,

with a troubled childhood and a damaging
you write out of hope marriage behind her, becomes invested in the fate of the ‘victim’.
Her research reveals how mystery writers create their stories and
ROGER DEAKIN, Vesta attempts to solve the ‘crime’. As her speculations mount, her
NOTES FROM WALNUT TREE FARM
past intrudes on the present, blurring reality. An eerie, affecting book.

M AY 2 0 2 0 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 95
 essentials
Change your career, your
life and the children’s! IN THESE CHALLENGING TIMES HOW DO
Become a registered Play Therapist. WE INSPIRE OURSELVES AND OTHERS?
A £2 billion boost in funding is being made available for In these challenging times how do we inspire ourselves and others?
children’s mental health in the UK. Many more
Learn how you can train virtually as a life coach and make a profound
therapists are needed.
difference to your own life and the lives of others.
15"� Summer School - 18th July to 1st August Discover our Accredited Diploma in Transformational Coaching at a
At lovely La Mouline in the beautiful Tarn region, South of France. free, no-commitment, virtual introduction event.
Air conditioned class rooms, heated swimming pool. Acres of Interested in learning more?
peaceful space. Stay at local gites with English speaking hosts. Make
Go to www.animascoaching.com
friends from many overseas countries.
It’s such a life changing course and I’ve never felt or call 0330 900 5555.
this way before. It was all amazing and so clever We look forward to speaking with you!
in how it all came together. KM
It is the most enriching and beautiful immersive
programme ever. The venue, the food, the
support, the group, the materials – everything
changed me and made my life and self better. AB

Or study at weekends - 14 convenient venues in the UK.

Find out more including one day introductory courses.
Susi, APAC
Tel: 01825 761143
Email: mokijep@majemail.com
www.playtherapy.org.uk
www.playtherapyregister.org.uk

WORK WORRIES?
CAREER • Struggling with new ways of working
• Sleepless nights, dreading work tomorrow
• Overwhelmed by your workload, feeling weighed down

RECONNECT WITH YOUR PURPOSE • Confidence low, fearful of difficult people or situations
• Facing Redundancy and need help with what to do next,
E your CV and/or Interview Skills
I’m a qualified career and life coach and
specialise in working with you, the

POW WORKSHOPS & TRAINING

QUALIFICATIONS
human behind your job title. I’ve helped
100’s of professionals develop the
clarity, skills and strength needed to
Utilitsing the
make the changes they want, happen.
IFEEL METHOD
You are not alone. I offer 1-2-1
telephone or live on-line coaching
sessions (via Skype/Facetime) to
support you during these challenging times.
LE Use this link to book a free telephone consultation and find out
exactly how I can help you:
www.achievemorelivemore.com/book-online
ore
NO EXPERIENCE book t:
OF HORSES IS Life Changing Career Coaching with Michelle Tranter
R E Q U IR E D

TO ADVERTISE CALL NIKKI.PETERSON 07825 561680


A SPECIALLY CURATED, UPLIFTING SELECTION OF
PRODUCTS AND SERVICES TO IMPROVE YOUR MONTH
Friendinabox
The perfect way to show you care when
you can’t be there. Thoughtful gifts in
an eye-catching letterbox-friendly blue
box with a“typewritten”letter. Ideal
for Mother’s Day, birthdays or to lift a
friend’s spirits. Popular boxes include:
Pink Pamper, Spa Night, Be Kind to
Yourself, Relaxation, Mindfulness.
● www.friendinabox.co.uk
PotterandMooch
Ear Wings climbers for a single piercing
due to the small wire bar that runs up
the back of the lobe. Made in England
on Sterling Silver, 14ct Yellow or Rose
Gold wires. SWAROVSKI Elements.
The perfect gift. Loved by all ages. From
£22 a pair. Hypo-allergenic. Nickel-free.
01903 331744
● www.potterandmooch.co.uk
shop
Livelifetothefullest.
Discrete, durable, and attractively
priced,Wearever washable
incontinence underwear is resistant
between 200 - 250 washes featuring
varying levels of protection against light,
moderate, and heavy leakage (up to
650 ml).Try our First Pair Guarantee:
Full Refund option on a 3 pack
● www.mypelvichealth.co.uk
Saskia’sFlowerEssences
A great little‘Survival Kit’to help you
deal with the emotional rollercoaster
that menopause can bring. Flower
Essences are really effective tools for
shifting how we think and behave.
Saskia’s award winning products are
made with love in Somerset and really
do work. £28 (+£3.50 p&p)
● www.saskiasfloweressences.com
psychologies promotion
Ommie
Ommie and the Magical Garden is a
yoga storytelling book for children aged
3-8, created so they can experience
the positive benefits of yoga in a fun,
innovative and accessible way.As
well as teaching new yoga poses,
Ommie helps children understand that
happiness can come from within by
simply enjoying and looking after the
world around them.
● www.ommie.co.uk
Experiencethefreedom
The Uresta Bladder Support Pessary
is a self-managed non-surgical device
solution that supports the urethra to
help significantly reduce or stop urine
leaks (stress urinary incontinence)
comfortably and instantly whilst worn
giving you the confidence to choose
life - not leaks!
● www.uresta.co.uk
 muse

Bteo kyionudrerself.
“
t hen l
And es flo d e t y ou r
kindn rld
t he wo
“

PEMA CHÖDRÖN
IMAGES: CHRISTINE ALICINO; GETTY IMAGES

Pema Chödrön is our favourite wise woman. Beloved Buddhist teacher, author, nun and mother,
she has inspired millions of people around the world who have been touched by her example and
message of practising peace in these turbulent times. The Pema Chödrön Foundation is dedicated to
preserving and sharing Pema’s inspiration and teachings in order that they might help us all awaken
wisdom and compassion in ourselves and the world around us. pemachodronfoundation.org
To buy her books, go to shambhala.com; bookdepository.com; betterworldbooks.com

98 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E M AY 2 0 2 0
TARGET
SPOTS
WITH
THIS
UNIQUE
HERBAL
MEDICINE

The natural, active herbs in HRI Clear Complexion

tablets target spots and blemishes to help keep your
skin beautifully clear and spot-free.
Using a unique blend of Blue Flag and Burdock root concentrated extract,
this traditional herbal medicinal product is used for the symptomatic
relief of minor skin conditions such as spots, pimples, blemishes, mild acne
and mild eczema. Based on traditional use, it has the THR symbol
to guarantee the highest quality and safety. Always read the label.

HR Iher balmedic ine.co.uk

 Join the Online Yoga Movement:
The ‘Netflix of Yoga’ (Vogue)

READER OFFER
50% Off
Annual Subscriptions
+ FREE 14-Day Trial
Use code PSYCHOLOGIES50

yoga anytime, anywhere.

MOVEMENTFORMODERNLIFE.COM