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asta Lipretto VocaLt Book ii The Musical Book by Thomas Meehan and Bob Martin Music by Matthew Sklar Lyrics by Chad Beguelin Based upon the New Line Cinema film written by David Berenbaum « MUSIC THEATRE INTERNATIONAL WAIT! BEFORE REHEARSING ‘COPYRIGHT WARNING (SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE) Miss esandaangn fmt ay cortaresnthskockreepropeyof ees (Soe ay peecad cone You orgies premance looters mating srychageecfa inate ocuare -chreot peg cop snnmsclorsti sees nese ry aes ictansneeargrdolouncenn oP ‘sngrmnrl caesarean une tonaryoeure oerounarasns: “omrgreorganrmaic rere povunasborsdstangsshllcoaswtanregment othe aur cnn rovanjpcyu ersresontocuasterdctna percent Unies Copnignserensomer spent THIS BOOKS RENTED ‘Tisteats eproperyothadmuaberetymattcancusnct or 0n Yu Ireveet penta frtonf areal Serre nary nay luce crn mthclargascrocer dette rdposigonelreret ruse amt ‘rman ot arora reser ynrepeoeienen spare PERFORMANCE LICENSE IS REQUIRED Faden entation coprigtonprnethe publ patorarc fhe oka eferaren iar MMedverfthe zr esnexomaa your you gate Fatomite Rayan marer anova Forearm oer ate ear “Telonrequie your organo cians peromance eens rom MT ror {Crerurng eBoy, Tootsnan st pevoranes kane ittahow rhea mga ia apype tng i nC ‘Book © 2010, 2012 Thomas Meehan and Bob Martin, All songs © 2007, 2009, 2010 Chad Beguelin Music (ASCAP) ‘and Matthew Sklar Music (ASCAP) All sights administered by WB Music Corp. All rghts reserved (Last Revised ~ July 2019) CHARACTERS BuDby Jove WALTER HOBBS EMILY HOBES MICHAEL HOBBS DEB MANAGER (MR. GREENWAY SANTA CLAUS ENSEMBLE ELVES, CUSTOMERS, FAKE SANTAS, ‘SECURITY GUARDS, EMPLOYEES, ee MUSICAL NUMBERS Aart 0 1 ab. re, 2 2 3 2. 4 7 verte ese Happy All The Time Let's Make Toys soon [Not Happy All The Time. Sit On Santa's Lap enn ‘World Greatest Dad ‘Whatta Yo Think That 1? In The Way eons Buddy Goes To Macy's Sparklejllytwinkleingley (Part 1) SparkleJolly Dance. Goodnight Jove so Fake Santa Fight rus “The Next Morning In The Way Reprise Biddy ad WANE nce Jost Like Him Greasy Souvlakl 732. Buddy Clogs aa, The Tintnabulation ofthe Bell. re. Te. 8 fe 8, Big Tree Music. Rockefeller Center Skating, ‘A Chaletmas Song... Baek To The Off nnn ‘World's Greatest Dad Reprise... a a a 7 2 33 35 38 a0 As 49 51 st 55 es a 66 66 % Aer Se. Entracte Se sen 84, After Entr'ecte se 7s 9. Nobody Cares About Sant on n 10. Never Fallin Love (With An El) 82 Wa. Goodby nnn : on UL, There Is A Santa Claus ren? ‘a Into the Asparagus Petch = oe 89 12, The Story of Buddy sen vs 9 12a, The Story of Buddy —Playof 98 12. We Have To Help Santa! 102 103 1B, Nobody Cares (Santas Reprise) — 38a. Thank You Santa. : 136.Snow Musle i a 109 1A. A Chulstmas Song—Reprit6 ves : 109 15, Flnale—Par¢1 vse a2 1. Finale—Pare 2 ANE) on ne acs m5 7, Bxit Music vou ACT ONE PRELUDE The OVERTURE ends andthe CURTAIN RISES on the livingroom ofa snowy centage a the North Pole. A lrg, ioitngensy char and a elevsion donate the room. SANTA CLAUS is discovered siting in the easy cuir beside a TV table on whic there a pitcher of eggnog anda bowl of Doritos. He lots slightly disheveled Fis jacket and bots are of hei woarng his rd pans a tshirt and suspenders, He picks up the remote and cic it SANTA 1 don’t believe i, (aallng off stags) Ithappened again! MRS. CLAUS (offstage) ‘What happened again? SANTA ‘The DVR thing. It ida’ tape the football game Iwas gonna watch. East Carolina vs. Boise state MRS. CLAUS (offstage) on, SANTA (calling off tage) What did Ido wrong? MRS. CLAUS (of stage) I don't know, dear SANTA (cating off tage) | mean, Ican fly around the world in one night but I cant set the DVR! What's wrong with me? -a- ELP=THe Musreat MRS. CLAUS (offstage) don’t know, dear He turns off he TV. Hy, They be here a se SANTA (to audience) laws. They come every year on Christmas day. [finish my rounds, just start to ‘unwind, then the door bursts open and the kids un in, start dancing with the elves and the elves get into the eggnog and stat riding the reindeer. Now, don’t get me ‘wrong I'm a big fan of Christmas. Its just, well, [had fifty bucks on Boise. What am I complaining about? It's Christmas! Lets read a Christmas story (Ee picks up a large boot) ‘Al, Here's one, The story of Buddy the E— el fe tong Ie wa un eel yet ea past, OL! Yous uno lal? Defer ‘we star 'm going turn off my cll phone. I's pretty iitating when one ofthese things goes off in the mile ofa story. Gonna tnwrap my candies now too, Okay, Ie begins once upon a time, ina litle village here atthe North Pole called Christmas ‘Town. Now this town s unique fr two reasons: One, there's no Starbucks; and ‘wo: everyone who lives here i el ACT ONE SCENE 4 (SANTA) (CHRISTMAS ELVES ENJOY THEMSELVES BY DONNING GAY APPAREL OR BY SINGING SONGS IN SANTA'S SHOP ELVES FALALALALAT SANTA (OF COURSE I ALWAYS LIKE IT WHEN THEY SING A CHRISTMAS CAROL, 1 LIKE IT EVEN BETTER WHEN THEY STOP NIGHT AND DAY THEY DANCE AND PLAY, ‘THEY NEVER SLEEP MUCH EITHER [WOULD SOME PEACE AND QUIET BE A CRIME? (OF COURSE I LOVE EACH ONE OF THEM, BUT SANTA NEEDS A BREATHER [BECAUSE THEY'RE JUST SO HAPPY ALL THE TIME ‘THEYRE ODDLY SANTA & ELVES HAPPY ALLTHE TIME SANTA UNGoDLY SANTA & ELVES HAPPY ALLTHE TIME SANTA, WHEN THEY SING UNTIL THEIR BLUISH ‘SANTA WISHES HE WERE JEWISH (CAUSE THEY RE SANTA & ELVES HAPPY ALL THE TIME SANTA, 1 SWEAR THEY'RE SANTA & ELVES HAPPY ALL THE TIME SANTA [BIZARRELY HAPPY ALL THE TIME? (Reveal ELVES. They yell, “Hi, Sental We love you, Santa!” Ete) ELF #1 WE'VE BEEN KNOWN TO SMILE SO WIDE THAT YOU CAN SEE EACH MOLAR. SANTA ‘SOMETIMES THEY PREFER TO SPEAK IN RHYME ELF #2 Wesublime! ELF #1 [WE'VE ONLY BEEN TO ONE POLE SANTA [BUT THEY STILL MIGHT BE BIPOLAR eLves [BECAUSE WE'RE CRAZY HAPPY ALL THE TIME! ITS STRANGE WE'RE BALL-CHANGE! WERE. SANTA AND EVERY SINGLE ELF THAT HAS HANDS HAS TO TURN THEM INTO JAZZ HANDS. ELVES CAUSE WERE HAPPY ALL THE TIME ITS CLEAR WERE HAPPY ALL THE TIME SANTA THEY'RE JUSTSO HAPPY ELVES ALLTHE TIME ELF=Twe Musteat SANTA ‘BUT THERE'S AN ELF CALLED BUDDY WHO MAKES THEM LOOK APATHETIC ELVES 1 HE WERE ANY SWEETER WE MIGHT END UP DIABETIC SANTA HE'S EVERYBODY'S BUDDY, ‘BUT HE'LL LEAVE YOUR EAR DRUMS RINGING SANTA & ELVES “CAUSE EVERYWHERE HE GOES HE HAS TO ‘TELL THE WORLD HE'S SINGING! BUDDY bursts chaoyfuly om upstage comer and runs down join SANTA andthe sssembled ELVES. BUDDY ELVES FMSINGING! Beday! ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS AND AND LOVE SANTASO PMSINGING! SINGING BUDDY Santa! SANTA You know Buddy that ast cus through my bran ike aka BUDDY Ymsony. (huge hr hard) ‘Can I give you a hug? SANTA ‘You ask frst then hug. Remember? BUDDY sony. SANTA Jost. (Gestures or him step away) personal space. Take a breath ELP-Tae Musreat BUDDY (takes breath) Can Ising now? SANTA Sore BUDDY (Loualy into SANTAYs face) YoU KNOW IM HAPPY ALL THE TIME. HELLO? TM HAPPY ALL THE TIME [AND CHRISTMASTOWN IS HEAVEN 50 HELLO FROM CLOUD ELEVEN ALL HAPPY ALL THE TIME BUDDY GUNG HOAND ALL HAPPY ALL THE TIME SANTA HES FREAKY HAPPY ALL ALLTHE TIME BUDDY (MY LIPS ARE HAPPY MY THUMBS ARE HAPPY (MY HIPS ARE HAPPY MY GUMS ARE HAPPY MY CRANIUM AND MY SPLEEN ARE HAPPY [AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN IS HAPPY YM HAPPY DOWN TO THE FOOD 1 EAT LIKE A PENGUIN I'VE GOT HAPPY FEET ELF~Tne Musieat BUDDY starts tep dancing. The Toy Factory whistles goes off signalling the start of the work day, SANTA Buddy. Enough with the dancing. You've got toys to make. Were in the home stretch, The big day is only two weeks away! Let's pick up the pace! (ashe exits) Don’t forget: every child in the world is depending on you! No pressure. BUDDY Yay! Time to go to work! Yay! DIDIMENTION 1M ELVES HAPPY ALL THE TIME BUDDY LIKE ATTENTION! ELVES HES HAPPY ALL THE TIME BuDDY MAKING TOYS I SO APPEALING ‘THAT SPEND EACH MORNING SQUEALING ELVES TRUEHES ALL HAPPY ALL THE TIME BUDDY WHO KNEW? TM. ALL HAPPY ALL THE TIME HE'S UNNATURALLY HAPPY ALL THE TIME BUDDY (Under the Last nos) HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY, ETC. ALL HAPPY ALL THE TIME! -a- ELF=Tne Musicat ACT ONE SCENE 2 [BUDDY and the othe eles are at Santa's Workshop, an assembly line on whi 4 the eloes make al of Sant’s toys, ‘The hands of large clock move to indicat he passage of time i's oom ater in the day BUDDY ts making Etc-A-Setches clumsily. Pieces ly from hie table. CHARLIE twats along the ine (CHARLIE How you doing, Buddy? BUDDY ‘Um, fine Chai, but..1 guess Tm gonna be a litle short on today's quote CHARLIE ‘That's allright, Badd. Just tell me, how many Etch-A-Sketches did you get Sista? (BUDDY enberased fights back ters) ‘Cmon, Buddy, how many? BUDDY 1 made, uh, eighty-five! [MUSIC out a all ELVES gasp and stare at BUDDY CHARLIE (snaps open his work schedule seal) Eighty-five? 15 ten am. and you've only made eighty-five? BUDDY ‘Why don’t you just say 12 Ym the worst toy maker inthe whole wide world. mma Cotton-Headed-Ninny-Muggins CHARLIE You're not a Cotton-Headed-Ninny-Muggins. You have lots of talents, uh, speci talents in fact, ke, uh... (tothe OTHERS) special talents? BOY ELF ‘You're the best Basketball player in the whole North Pole! ELE #1 ‘ven better than Santa! ELF #2 ‘And you're the only baritone inthe Jinglesinges! You bring us dawn a whole ELF #3 Ina good way! CHARLIE See, Buddy? You're nota Cotton-Headed-Ninny-Muggins. You're jus..speclal. ‘THE ELVES Yes special! CHARLIE Hey, these elves are getting pretty thitsty, Would you mind doing around with the cocoa cart? puppy Yay! Cocoa cart! Cocoa cat! ‘BUDDY lowes. CHARLIE motions to TIARA to join hi CHARLIE Hey, Tira TIARA Yeah, Charlie? CHARLIE hate to do this to you but do you think you could pic up the slack with those Etch-A-Sketches? BUDDY returns immediately with the coc cart. He listens, unnoticed by CHARLIE ‘and TIARA. TIARA No problem. CHARLIE appreciate it, Buddy's Kling me. TIARA Hey, that was quick thinking with that ‘special talents thing. -10- ELF-THe Musicat (CHARLIE | fee bad forthe big guy. Ijusthape he doesn’t got wise. TIARA ‘Will fhe hasn't lgured out by now that he's human I don’ think he ever il BUDDY Human?) Yim human? CHARLIE Oh no, (to another lp Getsantal BUDDY You ssid I'm human! CHARLIE No. No. TIARA No, not you Buddy. We were talking about some other Buddy. Some Buddy..lse, BUDDY (not belcong tem) No you werent! I'm not happy! BUDDY exits. TIARA and CHARLIE ae lf alone on stage CHARLIE ‘Way to go, Tiara. You broke is heart. TIARA ‘What, you think T mean to do that? CHARLIE Well itis kind ofa hobby of yours ist it? (CHARLIE storms off cbviously upset. TIARA (ollowing im) (Charlie! Do ot make this about us! ELF-THe Musreat ue ACT ONE SCENE 3 BUDDY runs outside. He's early upset. BUDDY (singing say) MY LIPS AREN'T HAPPY MY THUMBS AREN'T HAPPY MY HIPS AREN'T HAPPY (MY GUMS AREN'T HAPPY SANTA arrives, accompanied by panicky evs SANTA Buddy. BUDDY Santa? Ist true what they ssid? Am [uman. SANTA Good question. SANTA walks BUDDY over toa snow drift Here, Siton Santas lap. Thave to tell you a story (rocting to is woight) (Oh. You'rea big boy: Once upon atime there was thie young woman, Susan Welles she had a baby, but she pasted vay soon after he was born. That baby wes putin an orphanage and ane Christmas night he crawled into my toy sack and I brought, hhim back here by mistake. The Elves took hi in, raised him as ane of thei own, BUDDY Really? Whereis he? Is it Charlie? SANTA Bucy, i's you! Ifs your story! ELF-Twe Musicat BUDDY Tmnot an elf; I'ma human. And Y'man orphan. Just like Annie! SANTA [Not exactly. You have a human father, but he never knew that you were bor. He lives ina faraway land called New York City. [SANTA takes out a New York city snow globe and hands it to BUDDY. ‘And he works (points to he globe) sight there inthe Empire State Building. BUDDY Inthere? He mast be teeny-tiny! SANTA ‘Trust me, ts actually avery tall building ‘BUDDY trie to give the snow globe back but SANTA stops him. Keep it. Iva gift from me, Buppy ‘Thank you, Santa ELVES Awureworw, SANTA turns fo the gathered eos. SANTA Allright, Break it up. Nothing to see here, Back to work, BUDDY ‘What's my dad lke? SANTA (Oh, Well, he's avery successful man, An executive, He publishes children’s books. BUDDY on SANTA But [should tell you, be, uh..wellhe's on the Naughty Lis BUDDY [Not What did he do? Did he wet the bed? BLF-Twe Musreat SANTA No, he didn’t wet the—look, he just doosnt believe in me anymore BUDDY ‘Doesn't believe in you? Ts he insane? SANTA NNo lke alot of human beings these days, he's just lost the Christmas Spit. BUDDY ‘But Christmas Spirit what makes your sleigh fy! SANTA, I know. It's becoming a problem, He loks into the snow glo. Badal, it's time you went there to meet him, I'm going to miss you, tha’ for sure, ‘but you're like a bird; big hairy bird and it's ime that you left the nest BUDDY ‘Bat I don’t want to goto New York, I'm seared. SANTA Thors'e nothing to be acared of, New Yorke great place, But there’ one thing tha should know. And ifs very important. BUDDY What? SANTA ‘There are lke seven Ray’ plazas and they all say they are the original, but the real ‘one's on Sixth Avenue and Eleventh Street, BUDDY (Okay, Which direction is New York? SANTA walks BUDDY upstage tan iceberg. SANTA Ws south. Were atthe North Pole, Buddy: everything is South. Just head south ‘until you find yourself ina big, smelly, industrial wasteland, BUDDY ‘Ad that's New York? SANTA No, that’s New Jerey. Then you just go through the Lincoln Tunnel and you're there -1-