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© 2013 by H.Fierstein.

KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13


1.

KINKY BOOTS

Book by Harvey Fierstein


Music & Lyrics by Cyndi Lauper

3/29/13 - FINAL PRODUCTION SCRIPT

MUSICAL NUMBERS:

ACT ONE

PRICE AND SON THEME - Factory Workers

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD - Mr Price, Young


Charlie, Young Lola, Nicola, and the Factory Workers.

PRICE AND SON FUNEREAL (REPRISE) - Factory Workers

TAKE WHAT YOU’VE GOT - Harry & his Band, Charlie & Pub Gents

THE LAND OF LOLA - Lola and the Angels

THE LAND OF LOLA (REPRISE) - Lola and the Angels

STEP ONE - Charlie

THE SEX IS IN THE HEELS - Lola, Pat, and the Angels

THE HISTORY OF WRONG GUYS - Lauren

I’M NOT MY FATHER’S SON - Lola & Charlie

EVERYBODY SAY YEAH! - Charlie, Lola and company

ACT TWO

PRICE AND SON REDUX (REPRISE) - Factory Workers

WHAT A WOMAN WANTS - Lola and the Women

IN THIS CORNER (BOXING MATCH) - Angels, Pat & Trish, Lola &
Don and Factory Workers

CHARLIE’S SAD SOLILOQUY/SOUL OF A MAN - Charlie

EVERYBODY SAY YEAH (Reprise) - Factory Workers

HOLD ME IN YOUR HEART - Lola

RAISE YOU UP - Lola, Angels, Charlie and Company


© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
2.

JUST BE - The Company

COMPANY

CHARLIE PRICE - Late twenties. A bit confused, a bit


unfocused, a hero hiding under a victim’s mantle. Rock belt.

YOUNG CHARLIE - This is our lead as a seven year old boy.


Lost, quiet, reflective. He works in the opening and closing
sequences.

LOLA/SIMON - Early thirties. A prize fighter’s physique


draped in satin. A heterosexual cross-dresser with a killer
voice and winning ways.

YOUNG LOLA/SIMON - This is LOLA as a ten year old boy who


already knows he’s destined to wear high heels.

NICOLA - Twenties. Charlie’s long-term girlfriend. Driven,


uncompromising. Pop voice.

LAUREN - Twenties. Beautiful and strong working class girl.


Belt and pop.

DON - Lola’s nemesis. Burly hypermasculine bear of a factory


worker.

PAT - Officious office manager who will let loose her wild
side when allowed. Lola’s love interest.

TRISH - Factory worker with a husband and kids to worry over.

GEORGE - Factory manager keeping up traditions. Reserved.

MALE ENSEMBLE

THE ANGELS - These are the drag performers who populate THE
BLUE ANGEL NIGHTCLUB. This ain’t a job for no wall-flowers.

MR PRICE - Charlie’s father in the opening and closing


sequences. A PUB PATRON, FACTORY WORKER and more during the
rest of the show.

SIMON SR - Lola’s father. An unforgiving tower of anger. HE


works in the opening, and two scenes in ACT TWO. Otherwise he
will play the HOMELESS MAN, A FACTORY WORKER etc.

HARRY - A contemporary of Charlie’s but his opposite. HARRY


is successful, self aware and confident. During the rest of
the show he will be a FACTORY WORKER, PHOTOGRAPHER etc.

RICHARD BAILEY - Nicola’s boss. An overtly attractive and


© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
3.

successful man. One of the HOOLIGANS in Act One. Otherwise,


FACTORY WORKER etc.

HOOLIGANS, PUB PATRONS, CLUB PATRONS, REFEREE, PHOTOGRAPHERS


etc.

FEMALE ENSEMBLE

FEMALE FACTORY WORKERS, MILAN STAGE MANAGER, PUB PATRONS.


© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
4.

PROLOGUE

HOUSELIGHTS are still full when...

DON enters, hurrying toward the


factory door entrance. HIS mobile
phone rings and he stops to
answer...

Houselights begin to dim.

DON
Oi. I can’t talk now. Got to get to work. -
Because it’s time to get to work. - No, I can’t
text you. No calls. No texts. No photos of any
kind. And none of that annoying vibratin’.
Who’s the lonely wanker who come up with the
idea that vibratin’ is silent?
(Taking in the audience with a menacing
look.)
So I’m understood?
(Back to his friend)
All right then. Powering down now. Ring you at
the break. Cheers!

DON hits the button on his phone,


shoves it into his pocket, and
enters the factory as...

The houselights go out...

ACT ONE

MUSIC: PRICE & SON THEME


(Ensemble)

The unseen WORKERS sing. Lights


illuminate the PRICE & SON SHOES
factory sign.

WORKERS (O.S.)
TRUST YOUR FEET IN PRICE AND SON
OUR WORK IS TRIED AND TRUE
PRACTICAL, PRAGMATICAL
STEADFAST AND STURDY, STURDY TOO.

IF YOU STROLL OR SAUNTER,


AMBLE, WALK, JOG, HOP OR RUN
THE PRUDENT SHOE FOR YOU TO CHOOSE IS
PRICE AND SON.

MR PRICE enters, a soccer ball


follows soon after.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
5.

HE tosses the ball back to his


son, YOUNG CHARLIE, who catches up
with his dad.

PRICE & SON FACTORY:

MUSIC: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN


THE WORLD (MR PRICE, YOUNG
CHARLIE, YOUNG LOLA, NICOLA,
CHARLIE & FACTORY WORKERS)

MR PRICE addresses the BOY...

MR PRICE (ME 1)
YOU MIGHT THINK BEAUTY COMES IN SPRING AND SPARROW
OR WHEN THE SUNRISE HITS THE MORNING DEW
BUT IF YOU WALK THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW
YOU’LL FIND THE ELEGANCE AND COMFORT IS A....
Do you know what the most beautiful thing in
the world is, Charlie?

YOUNG CHARLIE
A shoe.

MR PRICE (ME 1)
A shoe.

The FACTORY is revealed. WORKERS


go about their routines...

MR PRICE (ME1) (cont’d)


THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD, CHARLIE
THAT I KNOW,

MR PRICE (cont’d)
Sing it. Charlie.

MR PRICE & YOUNG CHARLIE


THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
THING IN THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD,

MR PRICE (CONT’D)
CHARLIE IT’S BEAUTIFUL.

TRISH offers YOUNG CHARLIE a


bisquit. THE BOY then runs to help
another WORKER at a conveyor belt.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
6.

MR PRICE (ME 1) (cont’d) WORKERS


FOUR GENERATIONS HAVE PAVED HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, OOH.
THE WAY BEFORE YOU
YOU’LL BE NEXT IN LINE WHEN HA, HA, HA, HA, OOH.
MY TIME IS THROUGH
AND THERE’S A SAYING HANDED AAH.
DOWN I’VE FOUND OF VALUE
SON YOU CAN TELL ABOUT A
FELLA FROM HIS...

YOUNG CHARLIE
Shoe!

MR PRICE (ME1) & WORKERS


THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD
CHARLIE, THAT I KNOW, I KNOW
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD,
CHARLIE, IT’S BEAUTIFUL
IT’S BEAUTIFUL

THE BOY addresses his FATHER with


dismay...

YOUNG CHARLIE
But what if I don’t want to make shoes?

MR PRICE (ME 1)
You’re a right funny kid, you are.

A LIGHTING SHIFT - A SUDDEN LOUD


SOUND: A SHOE ALARM (a musical
signature) announces the arrival
of something new:

A STREET BENCH IN CLACTON:

YOUNG LOLA, is sitting on a bench,


slipping a pair of RED HIGH HEELED
SHOES onto his feet.

HE stands up proudly.

MUSIC accompanies his first


tentative step. HE takes another,
and then another and then he is
skipping and whistling and dancing
with abandon in his RED SHOES...

MUSIC SWELLS...
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
7.

WORKERS
OOH.
OOH.
AHH.
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD, CHARLIE
THAT I KNOW, I KNOW THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
THING IN THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD, CHARLIE
IT’S BEAUTIFUL, IT’S BEAUTIFUL.

YOUNG LOLA
FEELS LIKE I’M DANCING ACROSS A HIGH WIRE
OR BRAVELY SOARING OFF INTO THE BLUE.
JUST LIKE A ROCKET LIFTS WITH SPARKS AND FIRE
FEELS LIKE THE MAGIC NEVER ENDING IN THESE...

SIMON SR appears and hollers


angrily at his son...

SIMON SR (ME 4)
Take those things off your feet and get inside
here! Stupid boy!

YOUNG CHARLIE watches as LOLA


withers with embarrassment and,
slipping the shoes off his feet,
follows SIMON off.

SHOE STORE IN LONDON:

SHOE ALARM sounds again and a shop


display appears featuring a pair
of RED SHOES. NICOLA, views them
with excitement.

MUSIC CONTINUES TO VAMP....

NICOLA
Charlie, here are the shoes I told you about.
Come, have a look-see.

YOUNG CHARLIE rushes down the


stairs and midway is replaced by
his older self. It is ADULT
CHARLIE who arrives,
halfheartedly, next to his fiance.

NICOLA (cont’d)
(breathless over the shoes)
Aren’t they the most necessary things ever? If
you want to slip a ring on my finger, you’ll
first slip these shoes on my feet.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
8.

CHARLIE
A tad posh for life in Northampton, wouldn’t
you say?

NICOLA
Then good thing we’re moving to London. And
won’t they make a fitting farewell to the stink
of cattle farms and tanning leather? We may
have been born in a small factory town, but we
sure as hell don’t have to die there.

CHARLIE
You see the price? There’s three month’s rent.

NICOLA
Pinch ‘em or pay for ‘em, that’s up to you. But
these shoes are in my future.

NICOLA (cont’d)
TO NEW BEGINNINGS
HELLO TO SUNNY DAYS
WE'RE UPWARD MOBILE NOW
GOODBYE TO SMALL TOWN WAYS
‘TIL IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND
A TRACE OF WHAT WE LEFT BEHIND
AND THE DEFINING ELEMENT IS IN THESE...

NICOLA (cont’d)
Shoes!

CHARLIE works his way back to MR


PRICE.

NICOLA (cont’d) MR. PRICE & WORKERS


THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN
THE WORLD THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN
THE WORLD, CHARLIE THE WORLD,
THAT I KNOW, I KNOW THE MOST I KNOW THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFUL
THING IN THE WORLD THING IN THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN
THE WORLD, CHARLIE THE WORLD, CHARLIE
IT’S BEAUTIFUL, IT’S BEAUTIFUL,
IT’S BEAUTIFUL. IT’S BEAUTIFUL.

CHARLIE rejoins MR PRICE. They are


in mid argument...

MR PRICE (ME1)
Your life, your future is right here in this
factory. You belong here.

CHARLIE
No, I belong with Nicola in London.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
9.

MR PRICE
No, you belong here.

CHARLIE hands his father a glass


of champagne.

CHARLIE
Will you toast my journey?

MR PRICE
But, to leave your family and home for a job
shopping in London...

CHARLIE
(Amused)
Marketing. Richard Bailey has offered Nicola
and me positions marketing real estate.

MR PRICE
You’re breaking my heart, Charlie.

CHARLIE
To you, Dad.

MR PRICE lifts a glass and turns


out to address the WORKERS
assembled below for a farewell
toast...

MR PRICE (ME1)
Shoes can protect a man’s journey, but only his
heart can choose the path. And so a toast to
our own Charlie. May you never fail to point
your shoes back home.

ALL (ADD ANGELS OFFSTAGE) WORKERS (FE1, FE3, ME2, ME6)


To Charlie IT’S BEAUTIFUL, IT’S
To Charlie BEAUTIFUL

DON, GEORGE, ME1, A1, A2, A3 ALL WORKERS, A4, A5, A6


To Charlie. BEAUTIFUL, IT’S BEAUTIFUL

The music explodes again as


CHARLIE watches, dumbfounded and
purposeless, in the center of the
stage.

The FACTORY WORKERS tend to their


jobs.

YOUNG LOLA holds her RED SHOES to


her chest.

NICOLA stares at the store shoes.


© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
10.

And MR PRICE proudly stands over


his factory.

MR PRICE (cont’d) WORKERS & ANGELS


THESE SHOES ARE SYMBOLS BEAUTIFUL
OF OUR FAMILY HISTORY. BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL

NICOLA WORKERS & ANGELS


THESE SHOES WILL CARRY
ME BEAUTIFUL
TO WHERE I WANT TO BE. BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL

YOUNG LOLA WORKERS & ANGELS


FEELS LIKE I’M DANCING BEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL

MR PRICE NICOLA
THESE SHOES ARE SYMBOLS
OF OUR FAMILY HISTORY. THESE SHOES WILL CARRY ME
TO WHERE I WANT TO BE.

YOUNG LOLA
DON’T YOU GO ANYWHERE
‘CAUSE YOU BELONG TO ME.

CHARLIE steps out freezing the


action...

CHARLIE
You do realize they’re just shoes.

The MUSIC explodes again drowning


him out.

ALL
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD, CHARLIE, IT’S

ALL MEN ALL WOMEN


BEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFUL

ALL MEN ALL WOMEN


BEAUTIFUL
BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFUL!

ALL
BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD CHARLIE,
THAT I KNOW I KNOW THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD CHARLIE IT’S
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
11.

ALL MEN ALL WOMEN


BEAUTIFUL
IT’S BEAUTIFUL, IT’S BEAUTIFUL,
IT’S BEAUTIFUL, IT’S BEAUTIFUL,
IT’S BEAUTIFUL. IT’S BEAUTIFUL.

THE MUSIC ENDS...

LONDON FLAT:

...and we find CHARLIE and NICOLA


cuddling on an unmade bed
surrounded with packing boxes.

NICOLA
Gawd! This flat is dirty and small and dreary
and every thing about it needs replacing
except...

CHARLIE
Me.

NICOLA
The address!
(Each pronouncement is punctuated with a
kiss.)
We’re in London, Charlie! - London - London -
London!

CHARLIE
Where’d you say we were?

NICOLA
London!
(Big kiss.)

CHARLIE
So, you’re happy, Nic?

NICOLA
I’m ecstatic. Aren’t you?

CHARLIE
I’m happy if you’re happy.

NICOLA
Is that really the best you can do?

CHARLIE
(Meekly)
I love you.

NICOLA studies him sadly.


© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
12.

NICOLA
You can always go back and muck in with your
dad.

CHARLIE
And make shoes? That’s not what I want.

NICOLA
What is it you want?

Charlie’s mobile rings. HE


answers...

CHARLIE
Hello... Yes. This is his son... When? How?

PRICE & SON FACTORY:

MUSIC: PRICE & SON THEME


(FUNEREAL)

The theme takes on a funereal tone


as CHARLIE walks solemnly past a
column of WORKERS.

CHARLIE climbs the stairs to his


father’s office.

With factory manager, GEORGE,


watching, CHARLIE studies a line
of portraits of his forefathers on
the wall which ends with his
dad’s.

FEMALE WORKER (FE3) PAT & WORKERS (ME1, ME2, ME3,


TRUST YOUR FEET IN PRICE AND ME4, FE1, FE2)
SON OOH
OUR WORK IS TRIED AND TRUE
PRACTICAL, PRAGMATICAL OOH
STEADFAST AND STURDY TOO.

IF YOU STROLL OR SAUNTER, OOH


AMBLE, WALK, JOG, HOP OR RUN
THE PRUDENT SHOE FOR YOU TO OOH
CHOOSE IS
PRICE AND SON. OOH

GEORGE
Your father would be proud to see you standing
here, Mr Price.

CHARLIE
Cripes, George. You’ve known me all my life.
Call me Charlie.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
13.

GEORGE
Price & Son must have a Mr Price, Mr Price.

GEORGE starts to place Mr Price’s


work-coat on Charlie.

CHARLIE
I’m glad you brought that up. You see... My
father always assumed that one day I’d take
over the factory, but I never said I would...

GEORGE
(Interrupting.)
Excuse me, sir. If you can just... They’re all
waiting below.

And then GEORGE indicates the


WORKERS who are all looking up at
the office.

GEORGE (cont’d)
A word or two, sir? They’d appreciate hearing
from the new head of Price & Son.

CHARLIE
Oh, that’s not really necessary is it?

GEORGE
Just a word, sir.

GEORGE nudges CHARLIE forward. HE


stands facing the WORKERS not sure
what to say.

CHARLIE
Right....

DON, a big tough worker, snickers


along with his PALS and LAUREN.

DON
Oi! Quiet down. The little prince got somethin’
to say.

CHARLIE
Hello. Hi. Cheers. Thanks for the flowers...
and the notes... and whatnot.
(HE’s run out of words.)

GEORGE
(Nudging him along.)
Perhaps a word of encouragement about the
future.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
14.

CHARLIE
(finally gets a bright idea)
Ah. Yes. Let’s keep making shoes. Great shoes.

No one moves.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
And... good luck with that.

LAUREN
Wow, that wanker’s got a way with words.

LAUREN and DON share a laugh.

GEORGE waves the workers away.

PAT, a rather non-descript office


manager, calls to CHARLIE from
below...

PAT
Mr Price, come quick. Chamber’s has sent back
their entire shoe order.

GEORGE gestures CHARLIE to take on


the challenge.

GEORGE
After you, Mr Price.

CHARLIE shoots down the stairs to


find a DELIVERY MAN waiting with a
trolley full of shoe boxes.

DELIVERY MAN (ME4)


Can someone sign so’s I can get the rest of
these shoes off my truck?

CHARLIE
Is there something wrong with them?

DELIVERY MAN (ME4)


Ask someone who cares. Sign all three copies.

CHARLIE starts to sign...

CHARLIE
All right Pat, I guess we should put these in
the store room.

PAT
The Chambers’ winter shoe order is already in
there.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
15.

CHARLIE
What are these?

PAT
The Chambers spring shoe order.

CHARLIE
And we’re currently manufacturing...?

PAT
The Chambers summer shoe order. And it’s a big
one.

CHARLIE
(To Pat)
Are you telling me that we have a year’s worth
of shoes and no one to buy them?

PAT
Started some time back. Chambers cut down
orders. But cutting back production would have
meant cutting back worker’s hours and your
father wouldn’t hear of it.

GEORGE
I would have thought he’d told you. But then
you were busy at university and with your girl.

CHARLIE
But what’s to be done with all these shoes?

GEORGE
Once or twice your father sold overstock to the
discount chains.

CHARLIE
So it’s happened before.

PAT
Never as bad as this.

GEORGE
Actually, of late, he seemed less concerned. He
said he had settled on some sort of a plan.

CHARLIE
A sort of plan? What sort of plan?

George rushes away...

MUSIC: INTO THE PUB


© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
16.

LONDON PUB:

A PUB appears: A bar and some


GENTS enjoying their evening.

A BAND of three finishes their


song...

ENSEMBLE MEN
SINGIN’

ALL ENSEMBLE
WHOA...
WHOA...
SINGIN’

ALL ENSEMBLE (cont’d) HARRY


WHOA...
WHOA... Ladies and gents, the band’s
on a break. Back in five.

The SONG ENDS.

HARRY, the lead singer, joins


CHARLIE.

HARRY
Not bad for a discount shoe salesman. Eh?

CHARLIE
Really terrific, Harry. To you.

CHARLIE hands HARRY a drink.

HARRY
To your father. Aye? He was a gent.

CHARLIE
(toasts)
And to yours.

HARRY
Well mate, I assume you didn’t come all the way
to London just to buy me a drink.

CHARLIE
(drinks)
Seems we find ourselves with six hundred pairs
of brogues and no buyer.

HARRY
Chambers finally cancelled your orders
completely. I heard.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
17.

CHARLIE
(Powering through)
But then I remembered the time your father
found his stock short and my dad, at no small
expense, took on the task of filling the
shortfall.

HARRY
No fair conjuring ancient history.

CHARLIE
I’ll give them to you at cost. Cost, Harry. For
old time’s sake.

HARRY slips off his shoe and hands it to


CHARLIE.

HARRY
See these, Charlie? I import them from Slovakia
and sell them for a fraction of your cost.

CHARLIE
But they’re shite. A Price shoe will last a man
a lifetime. The poor sod who buys these will
need new ones in a season.

HARRY
And I’ll be right there to sell him a pair at a
very affordable price.

CHARLIE
(Tossing the shoe back pointedly.)
Ever hear the saying; poor people stay poor
because they buy cheap shoes?

HARRY
You ever hear the saying; No matter how far
down the wrong road you’ve gone turn back?
Selling off inventory is only going to prolong
the inevitable. But tell me, Charlie, is
manufacturing shoes really what you had your
cap set on?

CHARLIE
Is selling cheap imports your aspiration?

MUSIC: TAKE WHAT YOU GOT

The BAND starts to play...

HARRY
If my life was nothing more than shoes, you’d
find me swinging by my tie from a steam pipe.
(Indicating his guitar.)
My guitar, my mates, and music are my escape.
(MORE)
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
18.
HARRY (cont'd)
It ain’t perfect, but it’s what I got.

REMEMBER THE PUB WHERE OUR FATHERS WENT


TO SPEND THE END OF THEIR DAY?

CHARLIE
REMEMBER THE YARD BEHIND THE PUB
WHERE WE’D RUN AND PLAY?

HARRY
WELL, NOW THE PUB IS A LAUNDROMAT

CHARLIE
NOW THE YARD IS A HIGH RISE FLAT

HARRY
YOU CAN’T GO BACK
YOU CAN’T MAKE IT LAST.

YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE WHAT YOU’VE GOT


EVEN WHEN YOUR LIFE IS IN KNOTS.
YOU TAKE AIM, TAKE YOUR SHOT
SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO REWRITE THE PLOT
YOU GOT TO TAKE WHAT YOU GOT.

CHARLIE
YOU’D ALWAYS SAY THAT ONE OF THESE DAYS
YOU’D GET OUT OF NORTHAMPTON TOWN

HARRY
YOU’D ALWAYS SAY THAT YOU WOULDN’T STAY
NO, YOU WOULDN’T STICK AROUND.

CHARLIE
NEVER KNEW WHAT I WANTED BEFORE
NOW I’M EVEN MORE UNSURE

HARRY
YOU CAN’T MOVE ON
IF YOU’RE STILL IN THE PAST

YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE WHAT YOU’VE GOT


EVEN WHEN YOUR LIFE IS IN KNOTS.
YOU TAKE AIM, TAKE YOUR SHOT
SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO REWRITE THE PLOT
YOU GOT TO TAKE WHAT YOU GOT.

CHARLIE is isolated in his own


thoughts...

CHARLIE
EVERYBODY’S TELLING ME
WHAT I NEED TO BE.
CHANGE WITH THE TIMES
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
19.

MOVE TO LONDON TOWN


OR LIVE OUT A LEGACY.
WELL, MAYBE THIS TIME I TAKE A CHANCE
LEAP INTO THE VAST EXPANSE.
MAYBE IT’S TIME TO SEIZE MY DESTINY
MY DESTINY...

Reality returns.

HARRY
If you’re on the wrong road - turn back.

CHARLIE
So, you’ll help me out?

HARRY offers a handshake.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
Thank you, Harry.

The MUSIC explodes into a final


chorus...

HARRY
TWO, THREE

CHARLIE, HARRY & ENSEMBLE MEN ENSEMBLE WOMEN


YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE WHAT
YOU’VE GOT YOU’VE GOT TO TAKE WHAT
EVEN WHEN YOUR LIFE IS IN YOU’VE GOT
KNOTS.
YOU TAKE AIM, TAKE YOUR SHOT TAKE YOUR SHOT
SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO REWRITE
THE PLOT

CHARLIE
YOU GOT TO TAKE WHAT YOU’VE GOT

HARRY
YOU GOT TO TAKE WHAT YOU GOT

CHARLIE steps out into the street.

CONSTRUCTION SITE OUTSIDE THE PUB:

A HOMELESS MAN approaches CHARLIE.

HOMELESS MAN (ME4)


Have you something to spare for a thirsty man?

CHARLIE
Here.
(he hands over the shoes)
A Price and Son shoe will last a man a
lifetime.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
20.

HOMELESS MAN (ME4)


Do I strike you as a man whose problem is
shoes?

CHARLIE’S attention is grabbed


by...

SOUND: BREAKING GLASS followed by


voices, catcalls and whistles as a
FEMALE runs on-stage pursued by
THREE HOOLIGANS... It’s all very
dark and shadowy.

FEMALE VOICE
All right, fellas. Let’s go easy now.

HOOLIGAN 1 (ME6)
However you like it, darlin’. We can start out
easy and take it from there.

HOOLIGAN 2 (ME5)
I’m all for progress.

CHARLIE steps between the


HOOLIGANS and their target.

CHARLIE
Come now, gents. I think maybe you’ve had your
fun.

HOOLIGAN 1 (ME6)
And what if I said mind your own business?

CHARLIE
Let the lady go on her way...

HOOLIGAN 1 (ME6)
You can take her place if you fancy...

The FEMALE figure deftly slips off


her high heeled boot and swings it
over her head to build momentum...

LOLA
Step aside, Sir. I can handle the likes of
these.

CHARLIE turns and takes a step


toward LOLA just as she releases
her boot which smacks Charlie
square on the chin.

HE teeters and then goes down,


unconscious, to the ground.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
21.

The HOOLIGANS take off laughing.

MUSIC: THE LAND OF LOLA

MUSIC begins to vamp as the ANGELS,


aka DRAG PERFORMERS, appear from the
wings to escort CHARLIE offstage while
SINGING...

ANGELS, PAT & FE2 (O.S.)


LOLA, LOLA, LOLA, LOLA

THE BLUE ANGEL CLUB stage appears.

THE ANGEL CLUB STAGE:

LOLA sheds her coat and begins to


pace the apron of the stage,
taking in the audience.

LOLA
He wasn’t the first man to fall for me. And I
promise, he won’t be the last.
(SHE sings)
LEAVE EXPECTATIONS AT THE DOOR
JUST LET YOUR EYES EXPLORE
MY CINEMATIC FLAIR
FROM MY BOOT TO DERRIERE

I’VE GOT A LACY SILKEN FEEL


WITH ARMS AS HARD AS STEEL
I AM FREEDOM, I’M CONSTRICTION
A POTPOURRI OF CONTRADICTION

LEAVE THAT HUM-DRUM PACE OF GLUM BEHIND


ONCE YOU WALK INSIDE THESE DOORS YOU’RE MINE
NOW LET ME BLOW YOUR MIND.

LOLA (cont’d) ANGELS


AND LIKE SHAZZAM SHAZZAM
AND BAM
HERE I AM
YES, MA’AM
I’M LOLA LOLA

LOLA (CONT’D) ANGELS


AND LIKE JE SUIS JE SUIS
OOH-WEE
THAT’S ME
EBONY
I’M LOLA LOLA
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
22.

ANGELS LOLA
STEP IN
STEP IN TO A DREAM
WHERE GLAM
GLAMOUR IS EXTREME
WELCOME
WELCOME TO OUR FANTASY

WE GIVE GOOD EPIPHANY WE GIVE GOOD EPIPHANY

LOLA ANGELS
SO COME AND TAKE MY HAND
WELCOME TO THE LAND OF
LOLA. LOLA

LOLA (cont’d)
(Focusing in on one audience member.)
No need to be embarrassed. I like to be looked
at. And you like to look. I know a way to make
us both happy.

ANGELS
LOLA, LOLA, LOLA

LOLA
GOT GINGER ROGERS SAVOIR FAIRE
WITH THE MOVES OF FRED ASTAIRE
I’M BLACK JESUS, I’M BLACK MARY
BUT THIS MARY’S LEGS ARE HAIRY

LOLA ANGELS
I’M YOUR COCO BUTTER BITCH OOH
NOT JUST COOKIE CUTTER KITSCH OOH
I PROVIDE THE UNEXPECTED OOH
WITH A PRIZE THAT’S OOH
UNDETECTED.

LOLA & THE ANGELS


LET LOLA LIFT YOU TO YOUR HIGHEST HIGHS
LET’S EXPLORE YOUR FLIGHT OF FANCY TONIGHT

LOLA & THE ANGELS (cont’d)


I’M/SHE’S GONNA TREAT YOU RIGHT.

LOLA (cont’d) ANGELS


AND LIKE SHAZZAM SHAZZAM
AND BAM
HERE I AM
YES, MA’AM
I’M LOLA LOLA
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
23.

LOLA (CONT’D) ANGELS


AND LIKE JE SUIS JE SUIS
OOH-WEE
THAT’S ME
EBONY
I’M LOLA LOLA
ANGELS LOLA
STEP IN
STEP IN TO A DREAM
WHERE GLAM
GLAMOUR IS EXTREME
WELCOME
WELCOME TO OUR FANTASY

WE GIVE GOOD EPIPHANY WE GIVE GOOD EPIPHANY

ANGELS (cont’d) LOLA


STEP IN
STEP IN TO A DREAM
WHERE GLAM
GLAMOUR IS EXTREME
WELCOME
WELCOME TO OUR FANTASY

WE GIVE GOOD EPIPHANY WE GIVE GOOD EPIPHANY


LOLA ANGELS
SO COME AND TAKE MY HAND HOO
WELCOME TO THE LAND OF OOH
LOLA. LOLA
LOLA LOLA
LOLA LOLA
LOLA LOLA

LOLA ANGELS
SO COME AND TAKE MY HAND HOO
WELCOME TO THE LAND OF
LOLA. LOLA

The song ends.

MUSIC: VAMP CONTINUES

LOLA and the ANGELS bow. We follow


LOLA backstage to...

LOLA’S DRESSING ROOM:

...her tiny cramped overstuffed


dressing room.

LOLA enters to find CHARLIE just


coming back to life.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
24.

LOLA
Ah... He lives. Hello. They call me Lola
because... it’s my name.

LOLA, undisturbed by the company,


immediately begins to strip down
and redress into a new costume.

LOLA (cont’d)
Very sweet; you riding to my rescue. Very
Prince Charming.

CHARLIE
You don’t appear to be in much need of rescue.

LOLA
A girl’s got to know how to look after herself.
There are some very funny people out there.
How’s your chin?

LOLA reaches to touch CHARLIE but


he pushes her hand away.

LOLA (cont’d)
(laughing)
Don’t flatter yourself. I will say one thing
for you: You’re hard headed. Your jaw whacked
my heel clean off.

SHE tosses CHARLIE her boot with


the snapped off heel.

CHARLIE
Oh, I could fix these for you, but they’re just
cheap boots.

LOLA
Very expensive boots. But cheaply made. I’d
give my left tit for a shoe that could stand up
to me.

LOLA starts to pull on another


pair of boots. SHE struggles.

LOLA (cont’d)
But it’s my curse to love these things...

CHARLIE reaches in his pocket,


extracts a shoe-horn and helps
LOLA into her boot.

CHARLIE
Allow me.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
25.

LOLA
Thank you again, mister... Not to be
presumptive, but you are a mister?

CHARLIE
Charlie. From Northampton.

LOLA
Well, Charlie from Northampton, if you’ll
excuse me, I need to start the second show.
There’s a room full of people waiting to feel
normal by comparison. But please, feel free to
join in the fun.

CHARLIE
Very kind. Thank you. But I’d best be getting
back. I’ve got a factory full of folks need
firing tomorrow morning.

LOLA
And they call me kinky? Well, as Oscar Wilde
said, “Be yourself. Everyone else is already
taken.”

And just like that, LOLA takes her


leave...

ANGEL CLUB STAGE:

A MUSICAL VAMP GROWS...

MUSIC: LAND OF LOLA REPRISE

WE follow her back on-stage where


all of the ANGELS are lined up.

ANGELS, PAT & FE2 (O.S.)


LOLA, LOLA, LOLA

LOLA

LOLA
Ladies, gentlemen, and those who have yet to
make up their minds... I invite you to look
around. You may see something you want.

LOLA catches CHARLIE watching the


show from the wings. HE
absentmindedly still holds on to
LOLA’s boot. SHE winks at him and
HE runs away.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
26.

LOLA (cont’d) (CONT’D)


Did you catch that? I just made a man disappear
with one wink. What a shame. My girls so wanted
to meet him. Isn’t that right?

ANGELS react seductively toward


the audience.

LOLA (cont’d)
Don’t worry, you’re perfectly safe. My girls
are harmless. But then again, this is live
theater. So, you never know.

LOLA (cont’d)
LEAVE EXPECTATIONS AT THE DOOR
JUST LET YOUR EYES EXPLORE
MY CINEMATIC FLAIR
FROM MY BOOT TO DERRIERE

Action freezes on this scene. THE


MUSICAL VAMP CONTINUES through...

PRICE & SON OFFICE:

...where CHARLIE faces TRISH, a


female factory worker who is
nearly in tears. (On the desk we
see LOLA’S BROKEN BOOT.)

TRISH
A two week notice? And then what?

CHARLIE
As I’ve said, I’ve found someone to buy our
current stock, but with no orders for next
season we’ll have to shut down.

TRISH
Please, Charlie, my girl’s just started school.
It’s the uniforms, love. And me with no husband
to help...

CHARLIE
I’m sorry, Trish, but Chambers has cancelled
our contract so what else can I do?

TRISH
Is that what all this is about; Them Chambers
shoe returns? All right, so you’ve had some bad
news, but chin up, chum. As my mother used to
say, “Don’t worry today because today ain’t
tomorrow.” So, thanks for the chat, Charlie.
And good luck.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
27.

SHE jumps to her feet and is


off...

CHARLIE
No, Trish. It’s not like that. I have to...

And WE return to...

THE ANGEL CLUB STAGE:

...where the song continues.

LOLA (cont’d) ANGELS


AND LIKE SHAZZAM SHAZZAM
AND BAM
HERE I AM
YES, MA’AM
I’M LOLA LOLA
MUSICAL VAMP CONTINUES....
BACK TO THE OFFICE:

CHARLIE is now faced with DON.

CHARLIE
So, I’m giving everyone their two week notice.
We’ll use the time to ratchet down production,
take inventory, clean the machines...

DON
Who are you kiddin’? I been workin’ here since
you and me was kids. I’m third generation Price
& Son.

CHARLIE
The fact is that nine out of ten shoe
manufacturers are shut down already. So unless
we can find a miracle buyer... What else can I
do?

DON
Do what you like, but you can’t fire me.
Remember, back at school, when you tried to cut
me off your rugby team. Remember what happened?

CHARLIE
You shoved me down a flight of stairs and got
suspended.

DON
Yeah. But I stayed on the team.

Back to...
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
28.

BACK TO THE STAGE:

LOLA (CONT’D) ANGELS


AND LIKE JE SUIS JE SUIS
OOH-WEE
THAT’S ME
EBONY
I’M LOLA LOLA

CHARLIE is faced with LAUREN.

CHARLIE
But what else can I do? We can’t keep making
things that no one wants...

LAUREN
Then make something they do.

The MUSIC COMES TO A SCREECHING


HALT.

CHARLIE
“Make something they do” what?

LAUREN
Make something they do want. Change the
product.

CHARLIE
This is a shoe factory. We make shoes.

MUSIC - starts up again as a vamp.

LAUREN
Not ones anyone wants. Over at the Whitcomb
factory: They noted a lack of all-weather
hiking shoes. So they started making all-
weather hiking shoes and saved the factory.
Toby’s has started making sandals. All the sods
who survived went out looking for an under-
served niche market and aimed to fill the void.
They didn’t sit up in their offices whining,
“What else can I do?”

THE SHOE ALARM sounds along with


the telephone in CHARLIE’S OFFICE.

SHOE STORE FRONT IN LONDON:

NICOLA stands in front of the SHOE


STORE from the opening, her cel
phone in hand.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
29.

CHARLIE is rifling about, looking


for something on his desk...

NICOLA
Well, my wedding shoes are still here. But my
fiance is no where in sight.

CHARLIE
Sorry, Nic. I’m completely underwater...

NICOLA
You saying you still haven’t left? Charlie, we
have an appointment. If we lose this hall we’ll
wind up getting married in a fish and chip
shop.

CHARLIE
Now that sounds like fun.

NICOLA
Are you seriously standing me up?

CHARLIE
C’mon, Nic. Do we really need a showy wedding?
In the end, shouldn’t it be about us?

NICOLA
A wedding announces to the world who you, as a
couple, are going to be.

CHARLIE
I’ve just given two-week notices to George,
Don, Maggie, Trish...

NICOLA
(Interrupting)
Cripes! I forgot to ask Maggie to be a
bridesmaid. She’ll like that, eh?

CHARLIE
I think she’d like getting a paycheck better.
Honestly, Nic, wouldn’t saving all those
people’s jobs tell the world a bit more about
us than having a fancy party in a pair of nine
hundred quid shoes you’ll wear once? Talk about
your niche market!

MUSICAL STING.

CHARLIE suddenly stares at the


broken BOOT.

CHARLIE(cont’d)
Talk about your niche market.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
30.

MUSICAL STING.

NICOLA
Talk about what niche market?

MUSICAL STING.

CHARLIE
“Take what you got”. “Change the product”.
“Find an under-served niche market”. And they
are certainly a completely under-served niche
market!

NICOLA
Have you gone off your nut?

CHARLIE
Nic... I’ll ring you back.

THE MUSICAL VAMP RAMPS UP AGAIN...

Excitedly, CHARLIE calls out over


his microphone...

CHARLIE (cont’d) (CONT’D)


Lauren to the office! Lauren come see Mr Pri...
Charlie in his office! NOW!

LAUREN meets up with CHARLIE in


the office. HE grabs her hand and
pulls her back down the stairs
toward...

BACK TO THE STAGE:

LOLA’S SONG resumes exactly where


it had broken off. CHARLIE and
LAUREN appear in the club...

ANGELS LOLA
STEP IN
STEP IN TO A DREAM
WHERE GLAM
GLAMOUR IS EXTREME
WELCOME
WELCOME TO OUR FANTASY

WE GIVE GOOD EPIPHANY WE GIVE GOOD EPIPHANY

LOLA ANGELS
SO COME AND TAKE MY HAND
WELCOME TO THE LAND OF
LOLA. LOLA
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
31.

LOLA joins them at a table.

LOLA
(to Lauren)
You’ve got a dark horse in this boyfriend of
yours.

Both jump at the suggestion.

CHARLIE LAUREN
She’s not my... I have No, no, no. Nothing going on
another... here. He’s got another girl.
I just stuff his boxes. At
least for the next two weeks.

LOLA (cont’d)
(to Charlie)
What are you staring at?

LAUREN
You’ll have to forgive him. We don’t get many
transvestites in Northampton.

LOLA
Don’t kid yourself. You’re never more than ten
steps away from some kind of cross-dresser. In
any case, those are not transvestites. They’re
drag queens.

LAUREN
There’s a difference?

LOLA
A drag queen puts on a frock and suddenly she’s
Cleopatra. A transvestite gets done up and,
often as not, looks like Winston Churchill in
his mother’s knickers.

CHARLIE
And so you are...?

LOLA
Insulted that you need to ask.
So, you fired this lovely girl?

CHARLIE
Things aren’t very good in men’s shoes.

LOLA
Certainly I’m not.

CHARLIE
How much do you weigh?
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
32.

LOLA
Exactly the right amount.

CHARLIE
For a man. But you’re wearing women’s boots.

LOLA
And I thought you weren’t paying attention.

CHARLIE
Well, it’s all wrong.

LOLA
Hasn’t stopped me yet.

CHARLIE
A heel made for a woman cannot possibly support
a man’s weight. You need something special.

LOLA
And I deserve something special.

CHARLIE
Well, if you trans-vet-erans are everywhere,
like you say, then there must be a niche market
for properly built-to-last women’s boots for
women who are men. Yes? No? The international
shoe exhibition is in Milan next month. If we
had something new to show... Something no one
else in the world has to offer... Might just
save the factory.

LAUREN
(getting it finally)
Ha!

CHARLIE
I’d like to measure you up, go back and make a
sample pair.

LOLA stands, lifts her skirt and


offers her leg. CHARLIE takes out
his tape measure but is stopped by
LOLA...

LOLA
First riddle me this: Who gets to keep the
boots? I’ll give you a hint: The correct answer
is, “You do, Lola”.

CHARLIE
You do Lola.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
33.

LOLA
Where do I pick them up? Price’s of
Northampton, is it?

CHARLIE
No! I’ll bring them to you. I come to London
all the time.

LOLA
You don’t want me to come to Northampton, do
you?

CHARLIE
No.

LOLA
Sorry, but I have a terrible habit of doing
exactly the opposite of what people ask, which
might be why I’m wearing this frock today. See
you in Northampton.

LOLA starts to leave but turns


back...

LOLA (cont'd)
And... make them RED.

LOLA exits along with the CLUB.

MUSIC: STEP ONE

CHARLIE is suddenly alone in his


office...

PRICE & SON FACTORY:

Accompanied by his musical vamp,


CHARLIE chooses a bolt of leather
and rolls it out on his desk.

Charlie launches into cutting,


stitching, shaping and creating a
boot.

CHARLIE
DO I BELONG HERE?
AM I WHAT’S WRONG HERE?
KNOW WHAT I’M DOING?
OR AM I A FRAUD?
DO I FIT IN?
WHERE DO I BEGIN?
SAME OLD CHARLIE,
FRIGHTENED AND FLAWED.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
34.

SO, I PRETEND
AND KEEP MY HEAD UP LIKE I
KNOW HOW THIS WILL END.

MAYBE THESE PIECES


ARE FALLING TOGETHER.
MAKING ME FEEL LIKE
I’M NOT ALONE.
PUNCHING HOLES
INTO THIS LEATHER
THIS KIND’A FEELS LIKE
I’M BACK HOME.

I’M WATCHING MYSELF


AND I KNOW WHAT TO DO.
HEY LOOK AT ME NOW
IT’S A SHOE.

Hours are passing and the WORKERS


are showing up at their places.
There are many eyes trying to see
what Charlie is doing.
THIS IS THE TIME FOR A SHAKE UP,
LOOK AT ME WAKE UP
TAKING CONTROL.
THIS IS A NEW BEGINNING
MY GEARS ARE SPINNING
LET’S ROCK AND ROLL

JUST PUT
ONE FOOT
ONWARD AND FORWARD
I USED TO BE A ZERO
BUT NOW I CLEARLY FEEL
THAT I MAY BE THE HERO
WHO REINVENTS THE HEEL

I MAY BE FACING THE IMPOSSIBLE


I MAY BE CHASING AFTER MIRACLES.
AND THERE MAY BE THE STEEPEST
MOUNTAIN TO OVERCOME.
BUT THIS IS STEP ONE.
HEY, THIS IS STEP ONE.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
35.

WHO KNEW I HAD IT IN ME


LET ME BEGIN SEE
WHERE THIS CAN GO
I’VE GOT KNOWLEDGE AND KNOW HOW
DON’T STOP THE SHOW NOW
DON’T STOP THE FLOW

JUST PUT
ONE FOOT
ONWARD AND FORWARD
I USED TO LIVE IN LIMBO
NEVER DYING TO BEGIN
BUT NOW IT’S SINK OR SWIM SO
I BETTER DIVE RIGHT IN

I MAY BE FACING THE IMPOSSIBLE


I MAY BE CHASING AFTER MIRACLES.
AND THERE MAY BE THE STEEPEST
MOUNTAIN TO OVERCOME.
BUT THIS IS STEP ONE.

IT’S NOT JUST A FACTORY


THIS IS MY FAMILY
NO ONE’S GONNA SHUT US DOWN.
Not while Charlie Price is around.

WE MAY BE FACING THE IMPOSSIBLE


WE MAY BE CHASING AFTER MIRACLES.
AND THERE MAY BE THE STEEPEST
MOUNTAIN TO OVERCOME.

WE MAY BE FACING THE IMPOSSIBLE


WE MAY BE CHASING AFTER MIRACLES.
AND THERE MAY BE THE STEEPEST
MOUNTAIN TO OVERCOME.
BUT THIS IS STEP ONE
LOOK WHAT CHARLIE BOY HAS DONE
THIS IS STEP ONE.

CHARLIE hoists his creation


proudly in the air for all to see:
a large, clunky, burgundy boot
with a block heel.

MUSIC ENDS WITH A STING.

LOLA appears at the top of the


factory stairs. SHE grabs the boot
like a dirty diaper...

LOLA
What is this?
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
36.

CHARLIE
Your boot.

LOLA
Burgundy?

CHARLIE notes that all of the WORKERS


are staring at LOLA in disbelief.

CHARLIE
Something wrong?

LOLA
Please, Lord, tell me I’ve not inspired
something burgundy.

CHARLIE
At the club you said...

LOLA
Red.

CHARLIE
You didn’t specify...

LOLA
RED.

CHARLIE
Burgundy is a red.

LOLA
(building from a soft growl)
Burgundy is the color of hot water bottles.
RRREEEDDDD is the color of sex. Burgundy’s for
cardigans and golf apparel. RED is passion and
danger and signs that say “DO NOT ENTER”.

PAT, fascinated by Lola, steps


forward.

PAT
I’ve always been partial to pink.

LOLA
(playing right back to her)
Pink is for playthings. Yellow’s for warnings.
Purple for princes. Black for wannabees. Green
is for pickles. But Red is for sex.

CHARLIE
(trying to jump back in)
At least try them on. I guarantee they’re
comfy.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
37.

LOLA
SEX shouldn’t be comfy.

TRISH
Oh, good. I thought it was just me.

LOLA
Comfy is what’s putting you out of business.
You want to save this place? You’re going to
have to start manufacturing sex. Two and a half
feet of irresistible tubular sex.

CHARLIE
At least look at the heel. You sort can dance
all night, beat up a football team, and this
heel will still be whole. Isn’t that what you
wanted?

LOLA
Not if it means looking like a Ukrainian folk
dancer.
(to the ladies)
Ladies, would you go out in something like
this?

The WOMEN all shake their heads.


But DON offers...

DON
But I say you’d look all right in them,
sweetheart.

LOLA stops to take him in. SHE


saddles up seductively, sitting
down on his lap.

LOLA
And what’s your name, darling?

DON
It’s Don to you, sweetheart.

LOLA
Well, Don, if you can’t get women to wear
them...
(dropping her voice an octave)
...you’ll never get them on blokes like me.

The WORKERS laugh and DON turns


beet red. HE buckles with disgust.

LOLA (cont’d)
(referring to Don)
And that’s the color red you need.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
38.

EVERYONE laughs again. LOLA


returns to Charlie and tosses the
boot to him.

LOLA (cont’d)
And if you want to put them over the top,
Charlie, look to the heel.

MUSIC: THE SEX IS IN THE HEEL

LOLA takes over the floor of the


factory and sings.

LOLA (cont’d)
THE SEX IS IN THE HEEL EVEN IF YOU BREAK IT
THE SEX IS IN THE FEEL, HONEY YOU CAN'T FAKE IT
JACK IT UP 'CAUSE I'M NO FLAT TIRE

LOLA (cont’d)
MACK IT UP SIX INCHES HIGHER
THE SEX IS IN THE HEEL SO JUST EMBRACE IT

LOLA (cont’d)
Hope you don’t mind, I brought my own back-up.
Ladies, tell the man what you need!

LOLA waves toward the upper door


of the factory...

SIX ANGELS appear in traveling


attire and join the number.

LOLA & THE ANGELS


FROM LONDON TO MILAN
STILETTOS ARE AN ISM
IN RED AND NEON LIFE
GIMME JIMMY CHOO, CHOO, CHOO, CHOO, CHOO, CHOO, SHOES
NEW YORK, PARIS, HONG KONG
LIVE IT LIKE AN ISM
SEDUCTION AMPLIFIED
THE HEEL IS THE TRANSMISSION

PAT
(rapping for her life)
ASSERTING ACTUAL SCIENTIFIC REASON
HEELS TENSE THE LEG AND THE HINDQUARTER REGION
LIFTING THE REAR AND MAKING IT APPEAR
PERT AND READY FOR MATING SEASON

LOLA
(flirting with PAT)
That’s the scientific view. But you know what I
say?
THE SEX IS IN THE HEEL
FIERCE AS YOU CAN MAKE IT
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
39.

THE SEX IS THE APPEAL


KINKY BOYS CAN SHAKE IT

LOLA (cont’d) ANGELS, LAUREN, TRISH & FE1


PUMP IT UP PUMP IT UP
TILL IT'S OSTENTATIOUS
FUNK IT UP FUNK IT UP
TILL IT FEELS CONTAGIOUS
THE SEX IS IN THE HEEL SO
JUST EMBRACE IT

LOLA, ANGELS, LAUREN, TRISH, PAT


& FEMALE ENSEMBLE
FROM LONDON TO MILAN
FEED THAT CHIC HOT FEELING
IN RED AND NEON LIFE
WON’T GO NOWHERE WITHOUT
M-M-MY MANOLOS
NEW YORK, PARIS, HONG KONG
STILETTOS LEAVE ‘EM REELING
SEDUCTION AMPLIFIED

ALL (NO DON)


THE HEEL SHOULD HIT THE CEILING
THE HEEL SHOULD HIT THE
THE HEEL SHOULD HIT THE CEILING

(DANCE BREAK)

During the dance the ANGELS


present LOLA with sketch pads onto
which she draws fabulous glittery
boots.

LOLA
(whispered)
THE SEX IS IN THE HEEL

LOLA & TWO ANGELS (A2 & A3)


THE SEX IS IN THE HEEL

LOLA & ALL ANGELS


THE SEX IS IN THE HEEL

ALL (NO DON)


FROM LONDON TO MILAN
STILETTOS ARE AN ISM
IN RED AND NEON LIFE
GOTTA LOTTA P-P-P-P-P-P-PRADA
NEW YORK, PARIS, HONG KONG
LIVE IT LIKE AN ISM
SEDUCTION AMPLIFIED
THE HEEL IS THE TRANSMISSION
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
40.

CHARLIE, GEORGE and LAUREN huddle


over the sketches...

LAUREN
These are brilliant. I’d wear any one of them.

CHARLIE
You are not our niche market.

GEORGE
There are some very interesting ideas here.

CHARLIE
They’re all stiletto heels. It’s physically
impossible to make a stiletto that can bear the
weight of a full grown man.

GEORGE
Not so fast.

Suddenly GEORGE breaks out in


song...

GEORGE (cont’d)
IF WE COULD MOLD THE STEEL
ONE PIECE FROM BALL TO HEEL
WE’D UNDERPIN IT, AND REMAKE IT
SO NOT EVEN DON COULD BREAK IT.

CHARLIE
Sorry?

GEORGE
I said...
WE’D UNDERPIN IT, AND REMAKE IT
SO NOT EVEN DON COULD BREAK IT.

CHARLIE
Yeah? You think?

GEORGE
We can do it.

LAUREN
We can do it.

CHARLIE rushes to LOLA...

CHARLIE
We can do it!

ALL (NO DON)


FROM LONDON TO MILAN
STILETTOS ARE AN ISM
IN RED AND NEON LIFE
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
41.

GIMME BIG RED BOO, BOO, BOO, BOO, BOO, BOO, BOOTS
NEW YORK, PARIS, HONG KONG

MALE ENSEMBLE WOMEN


WATCH OUT WORLD
WATCH OUT WORLD

ALL (NO DON) (cont’d)


HERE WE COME!

LOLA and THE ANGELS finish the


number in front of the factory.

FACADE OF THE FACTORY:

CHARLIE rushes after LOLA who is


on her mobile phone.

CHARLIE
Lola! Did you hear me? I said we can do it.

LOLA
All right, but you’ve got to be quick. We have
an eight o’clock show.

CHARLIE
Seriously. We think we have a way to make the
boots. And if we can, and if you’re right about
never being far from a cross...customer, we
might just have something.

LOLA
That there’s cause for celebration.
(Into the phone)
Yes, I need a van to take seven to the train
station.

CHARLIE
You’ve got to stay.

LOLA
(Into phone)
I’ll ring back.
(to Charlie)
Me? Stay? Here? Yes? No. Charlie my boy, I
abandoned the provinces years ago and your
fellow Don in there was a stellar reminder why.

CHARLIE
Forget about Don. He’s just...

LOLA
Just like every other man in Northampton.
Charlie, I escaped this life once. I’m not
doing it again.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
42.

CHARLIE
So you head back to London and I’m here trying
to save a factory that four generations of my
family poured their life’s blood into.

LOLA
Get to the part that applies to me.

CHARLIE
I’m willing to gamble the fate of this whole
enterprise on you as a designer.

LOLA
(taken by surprise)
Me a designer? Now who’s kidding who? Hand me
glitter, feathers and a hot glue gun and I can
make the world a pretty place. But me a
designer?

CHARLIE
I’ve been force-fed shoes since childhood but I
never seen nothin’ like what you just drew.

LOLA
They’re drawings. The silly scribblings of a
bragarty sissy boy who doesn’t know when to
shut his yap.
(Seriously.)
Have a gander at me, Charlie. I wouldn’t trust
me to baby-sit a cactus.

CHARLIE
You are passionate about shoes. I haven’t heard
anyone talk about a heel that way since... Not
since my father. Do you know how rare it is to
feel that way about something? You know how
jealous I am? I never been passionate about
nothing. Well, maybe snogging.

LOLA
Ah, but we’re forgetting something: I don’t
know how to make a shoe.

CHARLIE
Just so happens I do. If we’re to succeed we’ll
need to produce a boot unlike anything anyone
has ever seen before. That’s where you come in.
And, if we don’t want to be laughed out of
Milan, they’ll have to be executed so
impeccably that no one can deny we’re comers to
be reckoned with. And that, God help us, is
where I come in.
(Stops and regroups his thoughts.)
Three weeks. Three weeks, Lola. That’s all I’m
asking.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
43.

LOLA starts to wave to the unseen


TAXI.

LOLA
Is that a taxi or a police car? Guess I’ll find
out when I offer him money.

CHARLIE
Opportunity has fallen into your lap. The easy
thing, maybe even the sensible thing, would be
to walk off and have a laugh about the time
some nutter offered you a job designing kinky
boots. But I promise, if you do, the rest of
your life you’ll wonder, “What if I had said
yes? What if I had stayed?”

CHARLIE turns and walks back into


the factory.

LOLA kicks her heels at the


sidewalk.

LOLA
A designer? A designer! Guess I could get used
to that name; Kinky Boots. Or better yet,
Lola’s Kinky Boots...
(Following after CHARLIE)
Hope you know you’re gonna have to make me a
new sign. And I warn you: It had better be RED!

SHE exits into the factory.

PRICE & SON FACTORY EXTERIOR:

WORKERS
IF YOU STROLL OR SAUNTER
AMBLE, WALK, JOG, HOP OR RUN
THE PRUDENT SHOE FOR YOU
TO CHOOSE IS PRICE AND SON

FACTORY INTERIOR:

CHARLIE, with GEORGE and LAUREN at


his side, addresses the assembled
WORKERS.

CHARLIE
Price & Son spent the last century making a
range of shoes for men. We will begin this
century making a range of shoes for a range of
men. There’s no denying it’s do or die. But
“do” we will. Are there any questions?

EVERYONE raises their hands.


CHARLIE decides to ignore them.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
44.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
All right then. Let’s make shoes!... Boots!

The machines turn on and the


WORKERS get busy. GEORGE presents
papers and a pen to CHARLIE.

GEORGE
If I can just get your signature on these
checks, Mr Price.

CHARLIE
George, it’s Charlie...

GEORGE
(Insistently)
Mr Price! You’ve earned it. Today, at least.

GEORGE leaves. CHARLIE turns to


LAUREN, quite proud of himself.

CHARLIE
Mr Price, eh? Better than being What-Else-Can-I-
Do Charlie. I’m Take-Charge Charlie all the
way now.

LAUREN
Very impressive.

CHARLIE
Thanks to you.

LAUREN
Anytime.

CHARLIE
(Dead serious)
No. I mean it. Thanks to you. Thank - You.

A WORKER enters with a


schematic...

MARGE (FE1)
Charlie? Can I get your opinion here?

MUSIC: THE HISTORY OF WRONG GUYS

CHARLIE
(To Lauren)
‘Scuse me.

LAUREN, working at her boxing station,


muses...
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
45.

LAUREN
(Punching herself.)
Oh, no. You don’t dare. Girl, girl, girl, I’m
warning you! No! Think I have a crush. I can’t.
I think I’m falling for him.
OH, NO
WHY NOT?

WOMEN HAVE BEEN MAKING BAD CHOICES


SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME.
ARE YOU GONNA BE ANOTHER ONE OF MINE? OHHH

CHARLIE disrupts her thoughts...

CHARLIE
Lauren? Lauren.

LAUREN
(Moony eyed)
Huh?

CHARLIE
I was thinking, keeping you on the production
line is a waste of your talents. I’d like you
to work with me on the Milan show.

LAUREN
You don’t owe me a job.

CHARLIE
No? All this started with you having a fit.

LAUREN
I had a fit, but you had an idea. That’s why
some of us get our names on factories and the
rest on punch-cards.

CHARLIE
As someone whose name is on a factory, I am
asking if I may please place your name on one
of his executive punch-cards?

LAUREN smiles at him.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
Good. Good.

CHARLIE notices that LAUREN is


mooning at him.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
What? Have I got something stuck in my teeth?
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
46.

LAUREN
Just funny how you can know someone all your
life and not really know ‘em at all.

CHARLIE
Well, I guess I’ll be seeing you later.

LAUREN
Sure thing, boss.

CHARLIE heads up to his office and


LAUREN...

LAUREN (cont’d)
USED TO THINK YOU WERE FROM OUTER SPACE
WHO’S THIS BRIGHT EYED GUY IN YOUR PLACE?
YOU’RE KIND OF CUTE
WHEN YOU’RE NOT SO SHY.
OH.

BUT I’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE


HAVE I COME BACK FOR MORE?
ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE HISTORY OF WRONG GUYS
YOU USED TO BE SO “EH”
A LIMP LACKLUSTER BORE
BUT NOW YOU’RE CHANGING INTO
SOMEONE I JUST CAN’T IGNORE.

SHE turns back to watch CHARLIE in


the office above.

LAUREN (cont’d)
CHARLIE, HONESTLY
I’VE BEEN HURT LIKE THIS BEFORE
IS THERE REALLY MORE TO YOU
THAN WHAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT?
HOW CAN YOU SURPRISE ME ANYMORE?
OH. OH. OH.

CHARLIE waves. LAUREN waves back


until she realizes that NICOLA has
entered behind her and that’s who
CHARLIE is waving to. LAUREN
shrinks with embarrassment.

LAUREN (cont’d)
He’s got a girlfriend, you flake. Why are they
only nice when they’re unavailable?

DON’T WANT TO BE ANOTHER STAR CROSSED LOVER.


WE ALL KNOW HOW THAT ENDS.
I’M BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM
WE’RE BETTER OFF AS FRIENDS.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
47.

CHARLIE comes down, talks to


NICOLA who has brought him a
bagged lunch.

LAUREN (cont’d)
BUT I’VE BEEN HERE BEFORE
HAVE I COME BACK FOR MORE?
ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE HISTORY OF WRONG GUYS.
YESTERDAY NO SPARK
NO HEART ACHING ALLURE
BUT TODAY I’M FEELING
SOMETHING I JUST CAN’T IGNORE.

CHARLIE, HONESTLY
I’VE BEEN HURT LIKE THIS BEFORE
OH, OH, OH

THE HISTORY OF WRONG GUYS:


CHAPTER ONE - HE’S A BUM
TWO - HE’S NOT INTO YOU
THREE - HE’S A SLEAZE
FOUR - LOVES A GIRL NEXT DOOR
FIVE - LOVES A BOY NEXT DOOR
SIX - DON’T LOVE YOU NO MORE
- MAKES YOU INSECURE
- MAKES YOU SO UNSURE
- IS SO IMMATURE
- LOVES HIS MOTHER MORE
- OR...

...has a girlfriend named Nicola.

NICOLA leaves. CHARLIE merrily tosses


LAUREN an apple from his lunch and
invites her to follow him upstairs...

CHARLIE
Ready to get to work?

LAUREN
CHARLIE, HONESTLY
I’VE BEEN HURT LIKE THIS BEFORE
I CAN SEE THERE’S MORE TO YOU
THAN WHAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT
BUT I WON’T BE BURNED ANYMORE
OH, OH, OH

LAUREN takes a bite of the apple & grabs


her purse from her packing station.

TRISH
Where you off to?

LAUREN
I been exec-utized.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
48.

MUSICAL STING. LAUREN joins CHARLIE in


the office.

PRICE FACTORY INTERIOR:

DON is laughing with two other


MALE WORKERS near the factory
entrance as GEORGE comes by...

GEORGE
I didn’t hear the tea cart. Don’t you boys have
work needs doing?

WORKER 1 (ME6)
(Aping a gay effect)
What’s the matter? Fretting that the Mistress
will slap you down for not doing her bidding?

GEORGE
You’re as clever as you are rich.

DON
C’mon, George. He’s gone and made Price & Son
the town joke and you know it.

GEORGE
Happens I know no such thing.

DON
At FIST’A CUFFS PUB last night, the fellas from
Delaney Shoes was callin’ us “Slaves of the
pouf”.

GEORGE
With Delaney’s about to shutter one would think
those boys would do better than drink their
money away. Meanwhile, last time I looked, you
lot were still drawing a paycheck here. So why
don’t you stifle your yaps and earn your keep.

GEORGE moves off.

WORKER 1 (ME6)
(Poking fun)
You’ve been put in your place now, haven’t you,
Don?

DON
Ah, get stuffed, the both of yis.

MUSIC: LOLA’S VAMP (reprise)

ANGELS (O.S.)
LOLA
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
49.

DON
And here comes her royal highness now.

DON and the MALE WORKERS watch the


door as ...

LOLA appears in the doorway


wearing men’s clothing. SHE looks
completely uncomfortable.

WORKER 1 (ME6)
What the...

WORKER 2 (ME5)
Just when you was sure ya seen it all...

ANGELS (O.S.)
LOLA

DON and the WORKERS can hardly


contain themselves.

LOLA steels her courage and walks


slowly, steadily, down onto the
factory floor and right up to DON
who stares at her while feeling
quite superior.

LOLA
Have you got any toilets down here?

DON
I’m afraid all’s we got is Men’s and Women’s.

Quick light shift...

OFFICE:

...LAUREN calls breathlessly to


CHARLIE.

LAUREN
Charlie, quick. Lola’s gone and locked herself
in the loo. Hurry.

CHARLIE rushes to the factory


floor.

CHARLIE
All right. I’ll talk to her. But I’m not going
into the Ladies’ room. You go and get her to
come out.

LAUREN
She’s in the Gent’s.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
50.

This stops CHARLIE cold.

CHARLIE
The what?

LAUREN
The Men’s Room.

CHARLIE
Well, of course... she... is...

Light shift.

MEN’S ROOM OF THE FACTORY:

CHARLIE enters the empty bathroom.


(LOLA is hiding in a stall.)

CHARLIE
Lola? It’s Charlie. Are you sick?

LOLA
Depends who you ask.

LOLA opens the stall door and


CHARLIE gets a look at his
clothing.

CHARLIE
No! Did someone nick your frock?

LOLA
I come up with the daft idea that maybe I
should try to fit in.

CHARLIE
Probably get a lot more work done this way.
Less bits and bobs to catch in the machines.

LOLA
Thanks for your support. Gawd! In a gown I can
bellow Brunhilde in front of five hundred
drunks and have a laugh. But put me in men’s
clothes and I can’t sodding well say Hello.
What am I doing here, Charlie?

CHARLIE
Becoming a designer.

LOLA
Did I ever ask to be one?

CHARLIE
Did you always want to be a performer? I mean,
when you were a kid.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
51.

LOLA
Whatever it was I wanted as a kid, my father
beat out of me.

CHARLIE
Your dad hit you?

LOLA
(Amused at the concern)
Not like that. He was a boxer.

CHARLIE reacts again.

LOLA (cont'd)
Yup. A proper prize fighter he was, who never
got the title match he wanted. But presented
with a baby boy..? Well... If he couldn’t raise
a champion’s belt over his head, his son would.

CHARLIE
He didn’t know about...?

LOLA
Of course he knew. But he figured if he pushed
me... Trained me himself. You heard right - I
am a professionally trained boxer with a dozen
amateur bouts to my name, so don’t try me. But
when I appeared for a fight in a white cocktail
dress... He disowned me. Refused to see me.
Even when he come down with lung cancer. It’s
ironic really; fags got him in the end.

THEY share a laugh.

LOLA (cont’d)
And you? You like making shoes?

CHARLIE
The day I was born dad set me down next in line
of Price and Son. For him a done deal. But for
me? First opportunity I grabbed my childhood
sweetie and hopped the next train out of town.

MUSIC: I’M NOT MY FATHER’S SON

LOLA
What was it you ran off to do?

CHARLIE
Anything but what he wanted.

LOLA
And yet here you are.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
52.

CHARLIE
Here I am.

LOLA
WHEN I WAS JUST A KID
EVERYTHING I DID
WAS TO BE LIKE HIM
UNDER MY SKIN.
MY FATHER ALWAYS THOUGHT
IF I WAS STRONG AND FOUGHT
NOT LIKE SOME ALBATROSS
I’D BEGIN TO FIT IN.

LOOK AT ME POWERLESS
AND HOLDING MY BREATH
TRYING HARD TO REPRESS
WHAT SCARED HIM TO DEATH.
IT WAS NEVER EASY
TO BE HIS TYPE OF MAN
TO BREATHE FREELY
WAS NOT IN HIS PLAN
AND THE BEST PART OF ME
IS WHAT HE WOULDN’T SEE.

I’M NOT MY FATHER’S SON


I’M NOT THE IMAGE OF WHAT HE DREAMED OF
WITH THE STRENGTH OF SPARTA
AND THE PATIENCE OF JOB
STILL COULDN’T BE THE ONE
TO ECHO WHAT HE’D DONE
AND MIRROR WHAT WAS NOT IN ME.

SO I JUMPED IN MY DREAMS
AND FOUND AN ESCAPE.
MAYBE I WENT TO EXTREMES
OF LEATHER AND LACE.
BUT THE WORLD SEEMED BRIGHTER
SIX INCHES OFF THE GROUND
AND THE AIR SEEMED LIGHTER
I WAS PROFOUND
AND I FELT SO PROUD
JUST TO LIVE OUT LOUD.

I’M NOT MY FATHER’S SON


I’M NOT THE IMAGE OF WHAT HE DREAMED OF
WITH THE STRENGTH OF SPARTA
AND THE PATIENCE OF JOB
STILL COULDN’T BE THE ONE
TO ECHO WHAT HE’D DONE
AND MIRROR WHAT WAS NOT IN ME.

THE ENDLESS TORRENT OF EXPECTATIONS


SWIRLING INSIDE MY MIND WORE ME DOWN
I CAME TO A REALIZATION
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
53.

AND I FIN’LLY TURNED AROUND


TO SEE THAT I COULD JUST BE ME.

CHARLIE
I’M NOT MY FATHER’S SON
I’M NOT THE IMAGE OF WHAT HE DREAMED OF

LOLA
WITH THE STRENGTH OF SPARTA

LOLA & CHARLIE


AND THE PATIENCE OF JOB
STILL COULDN’T BE THE ONE
TO ECHO WHAT HE’D DONE
AND MIRROR WHAT WAS NOT IN ME.

LOLA offers a hand to shake.

LOLA
WE’RE THE SAME, CHARLIE BOY
YOU AND ME.
Charlie from Northampton, meet Simon from
Clacton.

CHARLIE
Let’s make boots!

THEY shake hands.

THE MUSIC ENDS as they exit the


washroom and we travel back to..

FACADE OF THE FACTORY:

NICOLA is on the sidewalk setting


up a display easel alongside a
young handsome businessman,
RICHARD BAILEY.

CHARLIE comes out to greet her. HE


is flushed with excitement.

CHARLIE
Sorry. You wouldn’t believe what’s going on in
there.

NICOLA
Hey, stranger, don’t I get a kiss?

HE kisses her quickly.

CHARLIE
Sorry. I’m just excited. Nic, I’ve found the
craziest solution for the factory.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
54.

NICOLA
Slow down, Charlie. You said you’d hear us out.
Yeah? Like I told you on the phone, some of
this is going to come as a shock, but you
promised you’d listen with an open mind.

RICHARD steps up to them.

NICOLA (cont’d)
Charlie, you remember my boss Richard Bailey.

BAILEY (ME2)
I was almost your boss, too. Eh, mate? Sorry
about your dad. But I hope, once the dust
settles, maybe you’ll come back and work with
us.

CHARLIE answers with a blank


stare.

BAILEY (cont’d)
In any event, I have to say that I am cranked
on this project. Not all buildings deserve a
second life, but yours is special.

CHARLIE
Second life?

NICOLA
Let the man talk, darling.

BAILEY proudly unveils the drawing


on the easel.

BAILEY (ME2)
Price & Son Condominiums! One, two and three
bedroom loft style homes with all the
amenities...

NICOLA
How exciting is that?

BAILEY (ME2)
Look at the detail. It’s not what you change
about a building, it’s what you preserve that
marks a great conversion.

CHARLIE
What makes you think we’re up for conversion?

NICOLA
You promised to hear the man out.

CHARLIE
Price and Son is not for sale.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
55.

NICOLA
Actually it is, unless you want to see it
foreclosed.

CHARLIE
If you’d listen you’d know that I’ve found a
solution...

LOLA bursts out of the factory


door. SHE wears men’s clothes, but
on the flamboyant side.

LOLA
Charlie, come quick. The Angel’s train just
pulled in, the first pair of boots are on their
final polish, but we can’t unveil them without
you.

NICOLA stares. CHARLIE blushes.


LOLA takes the temperature.

LOLA (cont’d)
Oh, hello. I’m Lola. I’m the one designing
Charlie’s new line of transvestite footwear.

LOLA offers a long-nailed hand


which NICOLA backs away from.

LOLA (cont’d)
There’s a slight chill in the air, or is it me?
Maybe I should just... go away.

LOLA retreats inside.

CHARLIE
That was.. You really have to know him,...
Listen, Nicky, I have not gone into this
lightly. There actually is a market out there
for...

NICOLA
Before you make a complete fool of yourself
it’s time you heard the truth. Selling the
building was your father’s idea. Yes, your
father’s idea. He approached Richard months
ago.
(To Richard)
Tell him.

BAILEY
It’s true. Your dad and I had several meetings.

BAILEY shrugs with embarrassment


and then moves away.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
56.

NICOLA
You yourself told me that he had a plan.
Remember? Well, this was it. The contracts were
almost done when he passed. We can show you the
papers. Richard came to me first lest you think
your father doubted you could run the business.
But, don’t look so down. This is all good news.
The deal Richard’s put together will rid you of
the factory, settle your family’s debts and
insure our future with a career-defining
selling opportunity. We even get a model flat,
rent free, while we’re selling.

CHARLIE
(Desperate)
I’m asking you to have a bit of faith...

NICOLA
Stop! Are you deaf? Your father was cashing
out! You owe him nothing. The prison door is
open. You’re free, Charlie. All you need do is
walk away.

MUSICAL STING: CHARLIE’S SOLILOQUY


(reprise) CHARLIE is alone with
his thoughts...

CHARLIE
YOU WERE ALWAYS TELLING ME
WHAT I NEED TO BE
BUT YOU NEVER REALLY HAD
ENOUGH FAITH IN ME
DAD, YOU GAVE UP THE FACTORY.
WELL, THIS TIME I’M GONNA TAKE THAT CHANCE
LEAP INTO THE VAST EXPANSE
THIS TIME I’M GONNA SEIZE MY DESTINY.
MY DESTINY....

PRICE & SON INTERIOR

CHARLIE enters the factory as THE


SHOE ALARM sounds.

LOLA stands next to a pair of


outrageous THIGH HIGH RED SHINY
BOOTS. THE WORKERS are all around
her awaiting CHARLIE’S reaction.

LOLA
Well, boss, is this what you had in mind?

CHARLIE steels himself, studies


the boots, and for the first time
shakes his head in affirmation...
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
57.

CHARLIE
Yeah!

LOLA
Yeah?

CHARLIE
Yeah!

LOLA
Yeah?

MUSIC: EVERYBODY SAY YEAH!

CHARLIE leaps up onto a conveyor


belt and leads the company in
celebration.

CHARLIE
YEAH!!!!!
LET ME HEAR YOU SAY YEAH, YEAH

GEORGE
YEAH YEAH

CHARLIE
YEAH YEAH

WORKERS (ME3, FE1)


YEAH YEAH

CHARLIE
SAY YEAH

GEORGE & WORKERS (ME2, ME4, ME5)


YEAH YEAH

CHARLIE
SAY YEAH

LAUREN & WORKERS (ME1, ME3, ME6, FE1, FE3)


SAY YEAH

ALL (NO ANGELS)


YEAH

CHARLIE
YOU CAN THROW OUT THE OLD WAY
‘CAUSE IT’S BEEN DONE

LOLA
WE’RE GETTING READY FOR THE NEW

CHARLIE
WITNESS THE FUTURE OF PRICE AND SON
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
58.

LOLA
PAPA’S GOT A BRAND NEW SHOE

HAS A LIFE OF BROKEN HEELS


GOT YOU DOWN?

CHARLIE
WELL, WE’VE GOT YOUR SOLUTION

LOLA
GET UP

CHARLIE
GET IT ON
AND GET IN STEP

CHARLIE & LOLA


WITH THE KINKY REVOLUTION

CHARLIE
LET ME HEAR YOU SAY YEAH, YEAH

LAUREN
YEAH YEAH

CHARLIE
YEAH YEAH

LOLA
YEAH YEAH

CHARLIE
LEMME HEAR YOU SAY YEAH, YEAH

LAUREN & WORKERS (FE1, FE3, ME1,


ME3, ME6)
YEAH YEAH

CHARLIE
SAY YEAH

PAT, TRISH, GEORGE & WORKERS


(FE2, ME2, ME4, ME5)
YEAH!

ALL
YEAH!

CHARLIE
Welcome to our future. No longer are we making
shoes. We are making two and a half feet of
irresistible tubular sex. So let’s do it!

MALE WORKER (ME5)


I PUNCHED THE HOLES
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
59.

TWO FEMALE WORKERS (FE2, FE3)


I SEWED THE SEAMS

PAT
AND I’D PULL THE LEATHER TIGHT

GEORGE
I PUT THE STEEL INSIDE THE HEEL

ALL WOMEN
NOW WE GO OFF LIKE DYNAMITE

CHARLIE
CAN YOU PICTURE THIS
A GLAMOROUS FASHION EXHIBITION

LOLA
I SEE FLASHBULB LIGHTS
AND FASHION HEIGHTS

ALL (NO ANGELS)


I SEE PRESS AND TELEVISION

CHARLIE
LET ME HEAR YOU SAY YEAH, YEAH

LOLA, WORKERS & ANGELS


YEAH YEAH

CHARLIE ALL (NO ANGELS)


YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

LOLA ALL (NO ANGELS)


HE WANTS TO HEAR YOU SAY
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

LOLA
SAY YEAH

ALL (NO ANGELS)


YEAH! YEAH!

PAT & TRISH


SYNERGY, MY PETS
IN PATENT LEATHER REDS
SAY WHOA!

ALL (NO ANGELS)


WHOA!

PAT & TRISH


TELL ME THIS IS KISMET
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
60.

CHARLIE
NOW IF YOU ARE WITH THIS LET’S

ALL
GO! EV’RYBODY SAY YEAH!

LOLA waves offstage...

LOLA
Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome our niche
market!

The ANGELS ride on atop the


conveyor belts.

DANCE BREAK

ALL
OI, OI, OI, OI

TRISH
(ad lib)
Charlie! Help! Get me off this thing!

CHARLIE
EV’RYBODY

LOLA
EV’RYBODY

ALL
EV’RYBODY

CHARLIE
SAY YEAH YEAH

LOLA, WORKERS & ANGELS


YEAH YEAH

CHARLIE WORKERS & ANGELS


YEAH YEAH
YEAH YEAH

LOLA WORKERS & ANGELS


UH, HE WANTS TO HEAR YA SAY
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

LOLA WORKERS & ANGELS


YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH
YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH

CHARLIE & LOLA WORKERS & ANGELS


SAY YEAH!
SAY YEAH
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
61.

CHARLIE & LOLA WORKERS & ANGELS


SAY YEAH
SAY YEAH! YEAH!

CHARLIE WORKERS & ANGELS


SAY YEAH
YEAH

LOLA WORKERS & ANGELS


SAY YEAH
YEAH

CHARLIE WORKERS & ANGELS


SAY YEAH
YEAH

ALL
EV’RYBODY, EV’RYBODY, EV’RYBODY
SAY YEAH!
YEAH YEAH!

INTERMISSION.

ACT TWO

MUSIC: ENTR’ACTE

As the HOUSELIGHTS fade, WE hear


the WORKERS singing an updated
version of the PRICE & SON THEME
as...

TWO WORKERS carry on a ladder and


set it under the PRICE & SON sign.
ONE climbs up and attaches a BIG
RED GLITTERY BOOT to cover the
drab brown men’s brogue that was
there before.

MUSIC: PRICE & SON REDUX

WORKERS (V.O.)
TRUST YOUR FEET IN PRICE AND SON
OUR WORK IS TRIED AND TRUE
PRACTICAL, PRAGMATICAL,
STEADFAST AND STURDY, STURDY TOO.

WHETHER YOU'RE HIGH BROW OR PURE


OR POSH OR WORKING CLASS
GET YOUR MITTS ON KINKY KICKS
AND KICK SOME ASS.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
62.

PRICE & SON INTERIOR:

On the factory floor, LOLA appears


carrying bolts of leather. CHARLIE
catches up to her.

CHARLIE
Where do you think you’re going with those?

LOLA
Something’s not quite right. I want to see the
colors in daylight.

CHARLIE
What did we talk about the other day? I thought
we agreed on what constitutes proper working
attire.

LOLA
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You look
adorable.

CHARLIE
Did you approve the lining fabrics and the
fittings for the bags?

LOLA
Right after lunch.

CHARLIE
And did you call the modeling agency? They
needed to start casting yesterday. Get it done
now.

CHARLIE is already rushing away.

LOLA
Yes, boss.

CHARLIE
Now! I mean it.

LOLA
Love you too.

LOLA turns with her bolts and


bumps right into DON. All the
bolts fall to the floor...

DON
Careful there, big lady. Or is it little man?

DON and a few CRONIES laugh.


© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
63.

DON (cont’d)
Need a hand? Or a boot?

LOLA
Tell me, Dapper Don, what can I do that will
allow you to go on with your life undistracted
by my sharing the planet?

DON
You could try dressing like a bloke, for
starters.

LOLA
Jealous?

DON
What I got to be jealous of?

LOLA
All the attention I get from the ladies?

Other WORKERS begin to gather


around to see what’s happening.

DON
You? Ladies?

LOLA
(To the WORKERS)
Raise your hand if you look to see what I wear
to work each day.

All of the WOMEN raise their


hands. Of the men, only GEORGE
does. DON stares him down.

LOLA (cont’d)
Now raise your hand if you care what Don wears.

Not one does.

DON
You tryin’ to tell me you ain’t tarted up to
get blokes?

LOLA
Why would I do that? Blokes that fancy blokes
fancy blokes.

DON
You like women?
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
64.

LOLA
I adore them. I worship them. My whole being is
dedicated to loving them and they love me right
back.

DON
Then why don’t all men wear dresses?

LOLA
A question I’ve been asking all my life.

DON
A woman wants a man what acts like a real man.

LOLA
And what does a real man act like?

DON is stumped.

LOLA (cont’d)
Ladies, care to help Don out? Tell him what you
want!

FEMALE WORKER (FE1)


Me? I don’t need much. A bit of companionship.
A mate. A mate with benefits.

TRISH
I like big hands.

FEMALE WORKER (FE1)


Oh, and affection.

TRISH
I like to bite.

PAT
I want sensitivity and compassion.

LOLA
Companionship, affection, sensitivity and
compassion.

MUSIC: WHAT A WOMAN WANTS

LOLA (cont’d)
Traditionally - female characteristics,
wouldn’t you say?

DON
You’re off your raft.

LOLA
Really?
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
65.

STAND BACK
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS TO SEE
STAND BACK
MR I-KNOW-EVERYTHING
BUT IT’S WHAT YOU BLINDLY SEE.
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS

DON
MASCULINITY.

LOLA offers her hand to PAT and


they begin to dance a very sexy
tango where the lead switches back
and forth between them.

PAT
WHAT A MAN

LOLA
SENSITIVITY.

PAT
WHAT A MAN

DON
IN A FANTASY

PAT
WHAT A MAN

LOLA
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS

PAT
WHAT A MAN

DON
A MUSCLE TO CLUTCH

PAT
WHAT A MAN

LOLA
JUST A TENDER TOUCH

DON
YOU DON’T GET OUT TOO MUCH
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
66.

LOLA
TO KNOW THE SMOOTHNESS OF HER SKIN
WITH A GENTLE CARESS
FEEL THE FEATHERY QUALITY OF HER DRESS
WHAT SEPARATES A MAN LIKE YOU
FROM A MAN LIKE ME
I’M A REFLECTION, HER PROTECTION
I’M HER CURIOUS MYSTERY

PAT
WHAT A MAN

LOLA
WHAT A WOMAN

PAT
WHAT A MAN

LOLA
WHAT A WOMAN

WOMAN 1 (FE1)
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN

LOLA
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS

WOMAN 2 (FE2)
WHAT A MAN

PAT, WOMAN 1 & 2 (FE1 & FE2)


WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN

TRISH
WHAT A MAN

LOLA
WHAT A WOMAN

TRISH
WHAT A MAN

LOLA
WHAT A WOMAN

TRISH, LAUREN, WOMAN 3 (FE3)


WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN

LOLA
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS

ALL WOMEN
WHAT A MAN
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
67.

DON
Come on, we all know that what a bird really
wants is a rock solid -

LOLA
Commitment?

(LOLA & PAT DANCE BREAK)

LOLA (cont’d)
LOOK AT ME
DEVILISHLY DEBONAIR
LOOK AT YOU
DIVINELY DULL, DRAB, AND DUMPY

DON
A WOMAN WANTS
A MAN TO GIVE AS MUCH AS SHE CAN TAKE
JUST LIKE ME

ALL WOMEN
A LIBIDINOUS LOTHARIO ON THE MAKE.

DON
Piss off.

LOLA
I have a challenge for you:

LOLA fetches paper and pencil from


GEORGE.

LOLA (cont’d)
Write down what you think I need to do to be a
real man. I’ll do the same for you. Whatever
you tell me to do, I will have to do. BUT, you
will have to do the same for me. Deal?

DON
I ain’t wearin’ no poufy dress.

LOLA
Chickening out already?

DON snatches the paper from her.


The dance continues...

WOMAN 2 (FE2)
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
68.

LOLA WOMAN 2 (FE2)


WHAT A WOMAN WANTS WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN

LOLA ALL WOMEN


WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS

LOLA
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN

LOLA ALL WOMEN


WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A WOMAN WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A WOMAN WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS. WHAT A MAN

LOLA ALL WOMEN


WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
IS ME WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A WOMAN WANTS WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN WHAT A MAN
WHAT A MAN

DON hands his piece of paper to


LOLA who reads and laughs...

LOLA
You’re on!

ALL WOMEN
WHAT A MAN

LOLA strikes a pose.

MUSIC ENDS.

FACADE OF THE FACTORY:

It’s nighttime. CHARLIE and LAUREN


are rushing down the road toward
THE FIST’A’CUFFS PUB.

CHARLIE
Why didn’t you warn me?
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
69.

LAUREN
I thought you heard. Everyone else did.

CHARLIE
Do you think I would have let it go this far?
And why didn’t you stop it?

LAUREN
Have you ever tried stopping Lola from doing
anything? Lola told Don he could give her any
challenge at all and this is what he chose.

CHARLIE
A boxing match between Lola and Don at the
FIST’A’CUFFS PUB? It’s going to be a bloody
slaughter.

LAUREN
Have some faith. I’m sure Lola has a few moves
up her sleeve...

CHARLIE
It’s not her I’m worried about. Lola is a
professionally trained fighter.

LAUREN
She’s a what?????

CHARLIE
Come on!

CHARLIE rushes off followed by


LAUREN.

MUSIC BEGINS: A rhythm is heard


as...

FIST’A CUFFS PUB:

EVERY FACTORY WORKER is in


attendance gathered around a
boxing ring in the local pub. (The
women will be in LOLA’S corner
except for TRISH. The men will
cheer on DON.)

MUSIC: IN THIS CORNER

MUSIC continues to build as LAUREN


and CHARLIE rush into the scene.

THE ANGELS, enter. One is dressed


as a ROUND GIRL who holds up the
cards announcing where we are in
the fight.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
70.

Another is dressed as the REFEREE.


A third is THE ANNOUNCER.

WORKER (ME6)
Um hmmm. Looks like there’s gonna be trouble.

ANGEL ON LOLA’S SIDE (A3)


Oo wee. He don’t know what he’s messing with.
Uh. Huh.

The ANNOUNCER climbs into the


ring.

LOLA enters in a gold robe. PAT is


dressed as his “corner-man”.

REFEREE (A5)
Ladies and Gentlemen and those who have yet to
make up your minds...
IN THIS CORNER
LEAN AND BROWN,
WEIGHING IN
IN A GOLD LAME GOWN

IN THIS CORNER
HERE TONIGHT
IN THE CRADLE
OF THE BRIGHT WHITE LIGHT

PAT & ANGEL ON LOLA’S SIDE (A3)


HIT HIM IN HIS BIG MOUTH
HIT HIM IN HIS INSECURITY.

PAT, ANGEL (A3), GEORGE, FEMALE


ENSEMBLE
YEAH.

PAT & ANGEL ON LOLA’S SIDE (A3)


HIT HIM OFF HIS HIGH HORSE
HIT SO EVERYONE CAN SEE.

PAT, ANGEL (A3), GEORGE, FEMALE


ENSEMBLE
YEAH.

TRISH steps forward and yells


toward LOLA.

TRISH
Who do you think you are? Coming to our town
lookin’ like a penny sardine on a five-star
plate. You better watch your back.

DON enters in a robe surrounded by


his supporters.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
71.

ANNOUNCER ANGEL (A5)


IN THIS CORNER
HEAVY WEIGHT
WE MEAN HEAVY
LIKE A BUTTERMILK CAKE

CAN A REAL MAN


EVER CONFESS
HE WAS BEATEN
BY A GUY IN A DRESS?

TRISH & WORKER (ME6)


HIT HIM IN THE LIPSTICK
HIT HIM IN HIS FEMININE MYSTIQUE.

TRISH, WORKER (ME6), MALE


ENSEMBLE
YEAH.

TRISH & WORKER (ME6)


HIT HIM OFF HIS HIGH HEELS
HIT HIM IN THE CHEEK
AND SEND HIM BACK TO LONDON TOWN

TRISH
Sequined freak.

PAT
You’re just gonna get slapped, slapped,
slapped.

THE REFEREE calls the fighters to


center ring....

REFEREE (A5)
Listen up, you two. I want a clean, fair, but
artfully performed fight. I don’t want to see
any blows below the belt or hairs out of place.
(to LOLA)
Hang on, darling, you’ve a tick of lipstick on
your teeth.
(She fixes it)
All right then. Get to your corners and come
out fighting!

DON and LOLA return to their


corners and disrobe as THE MUSIC
CRANKS. DON looks as one would
expect, but the shock is LOLA who
reveals a beautifully developed
physique.

TRISH
He ain’t half the man Don is!
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
72.

PAT
(Laughing)
You can say that again!

PAT, ANGEL (A3), GEORGE, FEMALE


ENSEMBLE
IN THIS CORNER
WOW THE CROWD
TAKE HIM DOWN
AND MAKE US LADIES PROUD

TRISH, WORKER ME6, MALE ENSEMBLE


IN THIS CORNER
DOMINATE
SET HER UP
SO WE CAN SET HER STRAIGHT

The ROUNDS GIRL holds up her ROUND


ONE placard and the BELL sounds.

LOLA and DON take to the ring and


begin to dance around one another.

ANNOUNCER (A5)
Round one!

MUSIC: DRUM SOLO

LOLA is dominant right from the


get-go. DON is almost helpless.

MEN, WOMEN & ANGELS


HIT HIM IN HIS BIG MOUTH
HIT HIM IN HIS INSECURITY.
YEAH.
HIT HIM OFF HIS HIGH HORSE
HIT HIM SO EVERYONE CAN SEE.
OOH, YEAH.

The BELL RINGS. ROUND ONE is over.

REFEREE (A5)
Back to your corners, you beasts!

DON and LOLA return to their


respective corners. While DON gets
the usual water and bucket, LOLA’s
team has a cocktail shaker and
martini glass waiting.

ANGEL ON LOLA’S SIDE (A3)


Care for a Grasshopper, darling? It’ll keep ya
bouncy.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
73.

PAT
If you finish him off quick we can still get
Kimchee at the Korean’s.

DON
SO YOU GOT A GOOD SHOT
DON’T GET COCKY

LOLA
I AM PRETTY AS ALI
AND TOUGH AS ROCKY

DON
IF YOU’RE LUCKY I MIGHT
LET YOU OFF EASY

LOLA
DON, YOU KNOW I GET EXCITED
WHEN YOU TEASE ME.

TRISH
WHAT’S THE MATTER, DON
YOU LOOK A LITTLE PALE

LOLA
I FEEL LIKE A HAMMER

DON
I FEEL LIKE THE NAIL

TRISH
COME ON, DON
KNOCK ‘EM BLACK AND BLUE

PAT
HERE COMES AN UPPERCUT, A LEFT HOOK
AND A PIROUETTE TOO

ANNOUNCER (A5)
Round Two!

The BELL RINGS. The ROUND GIRL


holds up a sign, “ROUND TWO”.

DON and LOLA are back in it...

MEN, WOMEN & ANGELS


HIT HIM IN HIS BIG MOUTH
HIT HIM IN HIS INSECURITY. YEAH.
HIT HIM OFF HIS HIGH HORSE
HIT HIM SO EVERYONE CAN
EVERYONE CAN, EVERYONE CAN

LOLA has DON on the ropes... HE’S


staggering...
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
74.

barely able to hold himself


upright. LOLA is about to throw
the final punch which will take
DON down...

LOLA stops, looks around at the


horrified faces on the MEN. SHE
then looks at DON who is almost
shaking his head... “NO”. SHE
stops, drops her arms and offers
up her chin...

DON, seeing his chance, gives out


one last punch and, almost in slow
motion, LOLA goes down...

REFEREE (A5)
Un, deux, trois!

A moment of silent shock...

And then the MEN surround DON in


his victory and cheer!

MEN, WOMEN & ANGELS


HIT HIM OFF HIS HIGH HORSE
DON REALLY LET THAT BIG FIST FLY, YEAH
HE HIT HIM WITH HIS BRUTE FORCE
NOW HE CAN HOLD HIS HEAD UP HIGH, OOH YEAH

TRISH, DON, MALE ENSEMBLE


Don, Don, Champion! Don, Don, Champion! Don,
Don, Champion!

MUSIC ENDS as everyone recovers.

CHARLIE helps LOLA back to the


bar.

CHARLIE
Less than a week ‘til Milan and you somehow
figure a boxing match a good idea?

LOLA
I thought watching Don slap me around would
boost morale.

CHARLIE
I suppose I should thank you for not crippling
him.

LOLA
Anything for the war effort.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
75.

DON walks up to LOLA carrying to


glasses of vodka...

DON
Charlie. Lola.

CHARLIE
Congratulations.

DON
Thanks.

CHARLIE
Why don’t I leave you two lovebirds to make up.

CHARLIE moves away so that the


couple is alone. DON offers LOLA a
glass...

DON
They say vodka’s your preferred.

THEY clink glasses and down their


drinks.

DON (cont’d)
Why’d you do it? Why’d you let me win?

LOLA
Really?

DON
(Checking to see they are not overheard.)
Really.

LOLA downs her drink in a gulp.

LOLA
Because I didn’t want you to walk into the
factory tomorrow and feel disrespected.

DON
And how about you?

LOLA
Compared to my challenge, losing a fight is a
polka in the pansies.

LOLA takes a piece of paper out of


her robe and hands it to DON. DON
opens the note and reads it with a
quizzical stare...
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
76.

DON
“Accept someone for who they are.” What’s that
mean?

LOLA
Just what it says.

DON
You lookin’ for me to say men in frocks is all
right?

LOLA
I’m not looking for you to say anything.

DON
(Making sure he’s got it.)
“Accept someone for who they are.” How’s that
make me a man?

LOLA
Try it.

DON
Anyone?

LOLA
Anyone at all.

DON
And that’s it?

LOLA
Good luck.

LOLA walks away leaving DON to


ponder as the FACTORY OFFICE
reappears around him...

FACTORY OFFICE

PAT, LAUREN and CHARLIE are


arguing over a computer screen...

CHARLIE
Everyone just stop talking.

THEY do.

CHARLIE (cont'd)
Now... Now, one of you, please, cut to the
chase.

PAT
We miscalculated. The Milan trip is going to
cost more than we budgeted.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
77.

CHARLIE
It can’t cost more because we have no more.

LAUREN
It’s me. I’m the blunderer. I never ciphered
land transport in Milan.

PAT
Or the import taxes.

LAUREN
No. I figured the taxes for the samples. But
only one pair of each. I know - Stupid.

CHARLIE
Not brilliant.

LAUREN
It’s all your fault for putting me in charge.
What do I know about producing a bloody fashion
show in bleedin’ Italy?

CHARLIE
If we can’t get our boots to Milan then all of
this work has been for nothing.

PAT
What say we call the bank? Maybe, seeing how
close we are, they’d carry us?

CHARLIE
“Good day, Mr Banker. We gone tits up making
the best shoes in England, but we’ve chucked
all that to make boots for trans-gentries so
how’d you like to bunk in with us?”

LAUREN
It would be an awful burden, I know, but how
about a short term mortgage on your new flat?

CHARLIE
Just did that. It’s how we got to today.

CHARLIE heads down the factory


floor as LOLA comes running
excitedly.

LOLA
Charlie! Charlie! I was sittin’ on the loo when
I was struck by lightning!

PAT
Oh, Kitten, you ought to close the window
first.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
78.

LAUREN
I spoke to a nice chap down at the Postal. Let
me see if he can figure any leeway on the
taxes.

LAUREN leaves.

LOLA
Would someone listen to me?

CHARLIE
We’re in crisis here.

LOLA
Charlie, you want me to hire Italian models and
hair and make-up staff. Why?

CHARLIE
At last one question to which I have an answer.
I want you to hire models and hair and make-up
because we are putting on a show.

LOLA
But why are we using fashion models?

CHARLIE
I’ve got this one too. Because we are putting
on a fashion show.

LOLA
But why are we using professional fashion
models.

CHARLIE
This really is my day. Because we are putting
on a professional fashion show.

LOLA
Let’s take the girls from the club.

CHARLIE
The Angels?

LOLA
Who would be more fun to see on a runway: A
bunch of personality-free pretty boys prancing
about, or a gaggle of fabulous drags who can
demonstrate what these boots were born to do?

CHARLIE
You’re not serious. You want me to gamble my
family’s business, this building, my home and
the very shirt on my back on a ramshackle bunch
of broke-down, cross-dressing...
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
79.

LOLA
There ya go biting the hand that feeds.

CHARLIE
I don’t know which is more daft; what you’re
saying or what you’re wearing.

GEORGE enters with a couple of


sample boots proudly in his hands.
TRISH follows close behind.

GEORGE
Want to have a look at these, Mr Price?

CHARLIE studies the shoe and is


not happy.

CHARLIE
The heel’s wrong. This isn’t the design.

GEORGE
True enough, but up against the deadline we had
to improvise...

CHARLIE
It’s nothing like the drawing.

GEORGE
We had to put the heel on a different angle.

CHARLIE
Why?

GEORGE
Else we’d have to create an entirely new steel
shank.

CHARLIE
Then do it.

TRISH
We’ll have no sewing time if we have to wait
for a new heel.

LOLA steps in...

LOLA
I told them to go ahead like that.

CHARLIE
But it’s not what you drew.

LOLA
One’s a drawing. One’s a shoe.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
80.

CHARLIE
I didn’t give you approval.

LOLA
No. All you give me is deadlines.

LOLA heads up to the office to


make calls.

CHARLIE
We’re going to do it right or not at all. Let
me see that one.

TRISH hands over another boot and


CHARLIE looks it over.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
These seams aren’t straight. You’re rushing. Do
them over.

TRISH
‘scuse me?

CHARLIE
And the zipper’s set wrong... People, this is
for Milan. For the most sophisticated shoe
buyers in the world.

TRISH
So?

CHARLIE
So I don’t want to be the laughing stock of the
industry. We’re on thin ice putting these out
in the first place.

CHARLIE rushes about the factory


floor to check on the other boots.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
No. Stop sewing! Trish, George, have a look at
these. They’ve got to be picked out and redone
correctly. They all have to be done over.

TRISH
It’s Saturday.

CHARLIE
And?

TRISH
I don’t mind a bit of “Rah Rah Kumbaya” for the
sake of the team, but some of us have a life
outside this factory.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
81.

OTHERS around stop working to


watch the scene.

CHARLIE
And you’ll have a bloody lot more of it if I
fire you. Do it over.
(Catching himself)
Please.

TRISH takes the boot back to her


machine. CHARLIE notices DON
staring at him.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
(Challenging)
You have a problem?

GEORGE steps between them before


anything can happen.

GEORGE
All right, everyone. Back to work.

DON backs off.

CHARLIE
Here’s what I don’t understand; Why am I the
only one who cares?

GEORGE walks away biting his


tongue as NICOLA comes through the
gate and right at CHARLIE. SHE
wears the red shoes from the
opening.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
(Trying to fend her off)
Not now, Nic...

NICOLA
Don’t even think about putting me off, Charlie.

CHARLIE
Sorry, Nic, but I’m up against a bit of a
crisis here.

NICOLA
You mortgaged our flat without even discussing
it with me? There I am, having me supper -
alone as usual - and along comes a man to
measure up the garden for the bank note.

CHARLIE
I can explain...
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
82.

NICOLA
No one can ever say I didn’t stand by my man.
And I’ll stand by you still if you give me but
one reason.

DON, on his way to his machine,


overhears all of this.

CHARLIE
The reason is right in front of you. Isn’t
saving Price & Son worth everything?

NICOLA
Where was all this passion when I was trying to
make us a new life in London?

CHARLIE
London was for you.

NICOLA
For us.

CHARLIE
For you. You wanted London and I... went along.

NICOLA
Really? Well, you could have fooled me. And
what about us? Was getting engaged just for me
too?

CHARLIE has no answer.

NICOLA (cont’d)
And this... Who’s this rubbish for? Don’t tell
me it’s for your father. He’s probably spinning
in his grave over what you’ve turned his
factory into. So who’s it for, Charlie? That
fancy friend of yours? Doin’ special favors for
him? Something going on there I should know
about?

CHARLIE
Don’t be ridiculous.

NICOLA
Well how should I know who you’re bunking in
with? Certainly hasn’t been with me.

CHARLIE
(Indicating the WORKERS)
I’m doing it for them.

NICOLA
Who?
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
83.

CHARLIE
Them. Our friends. No? We grew up with these
people. We’ve known them all our lives. And now
their whole livelihood is riding on what I do.

NICOLA
So you’re hankering to be a hero? Charlie to
the rescue, is it? Well, how do I get Charlie
to rescue me?

Silence between them.

CHARLIE
(Studying her)
You look nice; all done up.

NICOLA
Richard’s put me on a new project. Big time
stuff. I’m headed back to the city for good.
Are you coming?

CHARLIE looks down and sees her


shoes for the first time.

CHARLIE
Aren’t those the shoes we saw...?

NICOLA
How long was I supposed to wait?

NICOLA gives CHARLIE a kiss on the


cheek and leaves.

NICOLA (cont’d)
So long, Charlie.

LOLA comes down from the office,


very pleased with herself.

LOLA
If you’re done making wedding plans, can we
finish discussing the Milan show?

CHARLIE
There’s no discussion to be had. We’re using
professional models. Done.

LOLA
Then you’d better get on the phone because I
just called and cancelled them.

CHARLIE
I never told you that you could...
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
84.

LOLA
Think, Charlie. My girls don’t need to be paid.
They’ll do it for cocktails, giggles and the
chance to walk a professional runway. And my
girls do their own hair and make-up so there’s
the money we need to get us to Milan.

CHARLIE is barely holding back his


temper...

CHARLIE
How do I get this into your head? We are
marketing to the world’s most sophisticated
buyers...

LOLA
Half of whom probably watch the evening news
wearing their wives’ brassieres.

CHARLIE
News-flash for Lola: There are a whole lot of
us who don’t watch the evening news in
brassieres.

LOLA
Well, bully for you, but you ain’t my buyers.

CHARLIE
Then here’s another news-flash: I’m not flying
all the way ‘cross Europe just to sell to your
chums.

LOLA
We won’t be selling to anyone if we can’t get
to Milan.

CHARLIE
Well there’s no reason to go if all we’ve got
to show is a bunch of Nancy-boys stomping about
in skirts. We need to show our boots on women.

LOLA
Women?

CHARLIE
You heard me.

LOLA
That was never the deal.

CHARLIE
Then the deal was wrong.

LOLA
What did that girl say to you?
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
85.

CHARLIE
I am not embarrassing the name of Price & Son
by parading a planeload of misfits -

LOLA
Misfits?

CHARLIE
- at the most influential footwear show in the
world. Listen to me, Lola. These boots can be
mainstream!

LOLA
Drag queens are mainstream. Just this morning I
was offered a gig singing at a nursing home. A
nursing home, Charlie. In Clacton.

CHARLIE
And maybe that’s just where you belong. Look at
you. You’re meant to be a business person. How
many successful designers do you think go about
camped up like the entertainment at a low-rent
tea dance.

LOLA
After all I’ve shared with you - you still
think I’m wearing this for lack of a pair of
trousers?

CHARLIE
I get it. I understand. All of this fru-fru
protects who you really are. I heard you.

LOLA
You heard nothing.

CHARLIE
I’m telling you - you don’t have to hide. Once
the industry sees your work you’ll be able to
stop all this and have a normal life.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
86.

LOLA
You’re a fool.

CHARLIE
Am I? I’d wager if we stood side by side and
asked passersby which one of us is fooling
himself most of the votes would swing your way.
Why am I the only one here who believes in you?

LOLA
You believe in my shoes. I’m not my shoes.

CHARLIE
No. You’re a joke. You think you’re being all
mystical and deep representin’ the best of both
sexes but I’m here to tell you all you are is
daft. You say you want to be treated like a
man; then start acting like one. I’m sorry, but
sometimes the truth hurts.

LOLA
(Roiling with anger)
The truth? The truth? We’re done here.

LOLA walks away from him.

CHARLIE
And Simon... That’s right, Simon... When you
show up at the airport, try to look something
like your passport photo. Yes? For both our
sakes.

LOLA stares at him, angry,


nonplussed, destroyed... SHE fades
back and away...

PAT chases after LOLA.

CHARLIE snatches the resewn boot


away from TRISH.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
This is shite. Do it again.

TRISH
You’re out of your bloody mind.

CHARLIE
This is for Milan!

TRISH
Milan. Milan! You don’t even know what Milan
is. You never been there. You’re just guessing.
And I’m going home.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
87.

CHARLIE
I don’t have to guess to know what’s good.

TRISH
They’d be good enough for your father.

CHARLIE
I am not my father.

TRISH
Truer words were never spoke.

CHARLIE
Do it again.

TRISH
(staring him down)
As the sayin’ goes - you want something done
your way... Have at it.
(To the other workers)
What say we clear out and leave the man from
Milan to his stitching.

THE WORKERS all begin shutting


down their machines and exiting.

CHARLIE
(Pleading to their backs)
We’ve all these samples to make and no time. If
you go home now, what have we been working for?
Pete? Marge? Trish...? George! George?

GEORGE goes out leaving CHARLIE


alone.

CHARLIE moves about the empty


factory...

CHARLIE (cont’d)
WHO WAS I KIDDING
THIS SCHEME WAS SKIDDING
MY FRACTURED ATTEMPT AT
TAKING CONTROL.

I TRIED IN VAIN, NOW


I’M TO BLAME
NOW I’M LEFT WITH A
DEEP DARK HOLE.

SO CONFIDENT
SO COLLECTED AND SO COOL
HEY, LOOK AT ME NOW
I’M A FOOL.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
88.

CHARLIE shuts down the factory


electrics.

And now a rock beat kicks in as HE


moves out front of the building
where he takes in the PRICE & SON
sign....

MUSIC: THE SOUL OF A MAN

CHARLIE (cont’d)
I'M BAD NEWS A
BLACK AND BLUESER
WHO’S A LOSER-
A MERRY GO ROUND’S SPIRALIN’ DOWN

I'M ALL USED UP


I’M CHAFED AND CHEWED UP
WHO'S JUST SCREWED UP
THE SAME OLD CHARLIE HITTIN’ THE GROUND

‘CAUSE I'LL NEVER BE


THE SOUL OF A MAN
NOBLE AND WISE,
LIKE THE SOUL OF A MAN
WHO LIFTED ME HIGH
LIKE THE SOUL OF A MAN
HEROIC AND TRUE
LIKE THE SOUL OF A MAN
THAT I LOOKED UP TO
WHAT ELSE COULD I DO?

STUPID HUBRIS
NO EXCUSES,
BLEW MY FUSES
I GUESS I'M JUST A RUSE IN
MY FATHER'S SHOES

NOT AMUSIN’
NO CONFUSIN’
THIS STREAK OF LOOSIN’
TOTALLY BRUTAL AND USELESS TOO
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
89.

CHARLIE (cont’d) ENSEMBLE (ME2, ME3, FE2, FE3,


A5, A6)
HOW CAN I BE
THE SOUL OF A MAN SOUL OF A MAN
NOBLE AND WISE, OOH
LIKE THE SOUL OF A MAN SOUL OF A MAN
WHO LIFTED ME HIGH HIGH
LIKE THE SOUL OF A MAN SOUL OF A MAN
HEROIC AND TRUE OOH
LIKE THE SOUL OF A MAN SOUL OF A MAN TOO
THAT I LOOKED UP TO
WHAT ELSE COULD I -

JUST WHEN I'M REACHING FOR THAT RUNG AT THE TOP


I'M THAT BROKEN HEEL UNSTEADY AND READY, READY TO DROP

CHARLIE (cont’d) ENSEMBLE


WHEN WILL I BE
THE SOUL OF A MAN SOUL OF A MAN
NOBLE AND WISE, OOH
LIKE THE SOUL OF A MAN SOUL OF A MAN
WHO LIFTED ME HIGH HIGH
SOUL OF A MAN SOUL OF A MAN
HEROIC AND TRUE OOH
LIKE THE SOUL OF A MAN SOUL OF A MAN
WHO I LOOKED UP TO TOO
WHAT ELSE COULD I DO?

CHARLIE (cont’d) ENSEMBLE


SOUL OF A MAN
I’LL NEVER BE
NO I’LL NEVER BE SOUL OF A MAN
I HAVE GONE AND LET YOU DOWN
OH! SOUL! SOUL OF THE MAN SOUL OF A MAN
HERE COMES THAT FAMILIAR
SOUND SOUL OF A MAN
SAME OLD CHARLIE HITTIN’ THE
GROUND AHH

MUSIC ENDS.

LAUREN approaches CHARLIE who is


sitting on a crate.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
Just keep walking. You want no part of this.

LAUREN
Down, doggie. Like every mutt I’ve ever met,
you only growl because you’re scared.

CHARLIE
Dogs growl to protect something. I got nothing
left to growl over.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
90.

LAUREN
You’re a funny one, Charlie Price. I always
took you for a spoiled twit waiting to have the
world handed to him.

CHARLIE
Don’t hand me nothin’ unless you want it
destroyed.

LAUREN
(Signallying Charlie to make room)
Budge up.

LAUREN sits beside CHARLIE.

LAUREN (cont’d)
Feelin’ sorry for ourselves? I felt the same
way when my dad died.

CHARLIE
Yeah?

LAUREN
I was so lost. After the funeral, the
undertaker handed me a shoe box of his stuff
and said “That’s what he left.” And I looked at
him and said “No.”
(Pointing to herself)
“This is what he left.”
What a body leaves behind ain’t in his pocket.
Sometimes it’s what he inspired in others. Turn
around, Charlie.

CHARLIE turns and realizes that


all of the windows of the factory
are now lit.

CHARLIE
What’s going on? Why’s the factory all lit up?

LAUREN
Go see for yourself.

Puzzled, HE approaches the factory


door and opens it.

INT. FACTORY:

...inside the WORKERS are back at


their machines, busily finishing
the boots.

CHARLIE faces LAUREN...


© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
91.

CHARLIE
You did this?

LAUREN
Me? No. Don. Don done it.

LAUREN points to DON who salutes


CHARLIE with a smile and gets back
to work.

LAUREN (cont'd)
Lola challenged him to accept someone for who
they are. I’d say he rather rose to the
occasion.

CHARLIE
So, Don got everyone back to work just by
accepting Lola?

LAUREN
No, Charlie. You. Don accepted you.

DON walks up to CHARLIE, an


envelope in hand.

DON
Heard you’re runnin’ low on funds. Last week’s
paychecks...

HE tears the envelope in half.

DON (cont’d)
Who needs to eat?

DON and CHARLIE share a knowing


moment.

TRISH, PAT and GEORGE approach


CHARLIE nervously carrying a pair
of boots.

TRISH
Here we go, mates. Shall we see what he thinks?
Well?

CHARLIE lifts the boots, examines


them carefully and then a smile
creeps over his face and he nods
his approval.

TRISH (cont’d)
My Gawd! The man from Milan says YES!!!!

MUSIC: SEX IS IN THE HEEL


(Reprise)
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
92.

WORKERS
LONDON TO MILAN
STILLETTOS ARE AN ISM
IN RED AND NEON LIFE.
GIMME KINKY BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO BOOTS!

A cheer rings out from the WORKERS


as the set shifts to...

EXT. FACTORY - DAY

LAUREN and GEORGE take charge of a


trolley loaded with shoe boxes and
luggage. CHARLIE looks around with
deep concern.

LAUREN
That’s the lot, eh George? We got it all?

GEORGE
Van should’ve been here by now. Maybe he’s
gone around to the loading dock. I’ll check.

GEORGE goes off.

CHARLIE
Lola’s not here. She’s not coming.

LAUREN
Ring her again.

CHARLIE
I’ve rung a dozen times. I can’t even get Pat
to answer my calls.

LAUREN
Maybe they’re flying straight from London. She
would never miss this.

CHARLIE
After what I said?

Looking up the road.

LAUREN
Ah, here comes the van. I’ll load the boots.
You try Lola again.

LAUREN leaves. CHARLIE dials.

CHARLIE
(Into the phone)
Hello... Lola. Guess who again. We’re on our
way to the airport but there’s a monumental
hole where you should be. Which is no surprise.
(MORE)
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
93.
CHARLIE (cont'd)
Whenever you leave a room, there’s always a
great big gaping gap. Just how life with you
is.
Anyway, I want you to know that I don’t blame
you for being angry. The way I shot off my yap,
I’d walk out on myself if I could. Leave it to
me to finally find my passion and use it to
hurt someone I love.

LOLA is slowly revealed in flowing


gown, upstage.

CHARLIE (cont'd)
But forget me. Forget Milan. Forget the boots
and business. What I wanted to say was; if
anyone ever tries to tell you you’re something
less than a man, you have them see me. If being
a man means being brave enough to take on the
entire world then you’re the ONLY man I’ve ever
known. Certainly the best. You challenged Don
to change his mind, but I’m the one who really
needed that lesson.

MUSIC: HOLD ME IN YOUR HEART


(vamp)

CHARLIE (cont'd)
So, this is Charlie from Northampton telling
Simon from Clacton he’s so terribly sorry.
Goodbye, Lola. And thank you.

HE hangs up the phone.

INT. SMALL RECREATION ROOM

LOLA steps forward and begins to


sing.

LOLA
YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME ANYMORE
YOU CAN'T LISTEN TO ME LAUGH OUT LOUD
YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME DANCE
YOU CAN'T EVEN TAKE THE CHANCE
THAT IT MIGHT REFLECT ON YOU

YOU MISSED OUT ON THE BEST PART OF ME


THE PART THAT MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY.
OH, BUT THE BEST PART OF ME
IS STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU
AND LOVES YOU ANYWAY.

HOLD ME IN YOUR HEART


TILL YOU UNDERSTAND
HOLD ME IN YOUR HEART
JUST THE WAY THAT I AM
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
94.

OH, WITH ALL YOUR FAULTS,


I LOVE YOU.
DON'T GIVE UP ON ME
I WON'T GIVE UP ON YOU.

WELL, YOU TOOK MY HAND


TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE STRONG
WELL THAT'S HOW I PICKED UP
WHEN WE WENT ALL WRONG.
I KNOW THAT I HURT YOU
AND YOU HURT ME TOO
BUT YOU MEAN MORE TO ME
I MUST MEAN MORE TO YOU.

HOLD ME IN YOUR HEART


'TIL YOU UNDERSTAND
HOLD ME IN YOUR HEART
JUST THE WAY THAT I AM.
OH, WITH ALL YOUR FAULTS,
I LOVE YOU.
I NEED YOU
TO LOVE ME THAT WAY TOO.

The song ends.

WE can now see a MAN in a


wheelchair wearing an oxygen tube.
There’s also a sign that reads
“CLACTON NURSING HOME WELCOMES
LOLA”

LOLA (cont’d)
Thank you for welcoming me to your lovely
facility. Believe it or not, I grew up just
down the road. Anyway, it was my pleasure to
come. You are not my usual audience. And I’m
probably not your usual entertainment and that
is because I am actually... a man. My name is
Simon. Thank you for listening.

LOLA begins to leave, but then


stops, bends down and whispers
into the MAN’S ear...

LOLA (cont’d)
It was good to see you, Daddy. Goodbye. I love
you.

LOLA stands up straight and


proudly walks off as...

BACKSTAGE OF THE MILAN SHOE FAIR -

A RED CURTAIN covers the Milan


stage.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
95.

A fastidious STAGE MANAGER,


wearing designer platform shoes
that she can’t walk in, enters
with a clipboard calling out...

STAGE MANAGER

(FE1) (o.s)
Attenzione! Hallo! Peoples, can you hear me?
Attenzione! This is multo importante! (onstage)
Donatella, che cosa fa questa media “Kinky
Boots”? Prego - Can I see the exhibitors from
PRICE & SON?

CHARLIE’S head pops out from


behind a dressing curtain.

CHARLIE
That’s me.

STAGE MANAGER (FE1)


Aha. And your dressers?

CHARLIE
That’s me.

STAGE MANAGER (FE1)


Aha. And your models..?

CHARLIE
Me.

STAGE MANAGER (FE1)


Aha. Then you have everyone you need to
proceed. Si? Si! Perfetto. Your presentation
begins in due minuti. Inglese pazza!

STAGE MANAGER stomps off as LAUREN


enters with GEORGE.

LAUREN
Not a sign of anyone. No one. No one at all.

CHARLIE
Go out front and sit with George. I want at
least two friendly faces in the crowd.

LAUREN steps behind the screen to


get a peek.

LAUREN
Charlie, you’re not really going to...
(SHE tries to stifle a laugh)
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
96.

CHARLIE
Shoo! Off with you. Go...

LAUREN
We’re going. We’re going.

LAUREN, smiling widely, takes


GEORGE’S arm to lead him away.

GEORGE
Is he really going to..?

LAUREN
It appears so.

GEORGE
Does he look Sexy?

LAUREN
To me? Very.

GEORGE rushes off as LAUREN is


caught in a spot...

MUSIC: WRONG GUYS - REPRISE

LAUREN (cont’d)
CHARLIE, HONESTLY
HOW CAN YOU SURPRISE ME ANYMORE
OH, OH, OH

LAUREN’S thought is cut off by...

MUSIC: RUNWAY MUSIC

LIGHTS shift....

FASHION RUNWAY:

A RUNWAY appears with a well


healed AUDIENCE flanking either
side.

LAUREN joins GEORGE as the FANFARE


starts to play.

LAUREN
(to herself)
C’mon, Charlie. You can do it.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
97.

And then CHARLIE’s appears. He


pulls himself onto the runway:
There stands CHARLIE in a shirt,
suit jacket and tie. No pants.
Just boxers and a pair of bright
red mega-high-heeled boots.

The MUSIC STOPS.

HE steps out onto the runway


teetering desperately. HE finally
manages to steady himself and stares
out at the audience like a deer
caught in headlights.

HE strikes a seductive pose nearly


falling. HE catches himself up and
now tries to walk... One step... Two
steps... and his feet shoot out from
under him as he goes down - splat -
onto the catwalk.

The CROWD gasps. DARKNESS.

And then... THE SHOE ALARM rings.

LIGHTS catch LOLA, dressed in


signature red, at the top of the
runway.

LOLA
Don’t you go thinking it was your sappy phone
calls that brought me here. I have come for one
thing and one thing only; Adulation!

RUNWAY MUSIC EXPLODES

LOLA (cont’d)
People of the world, Price & Son proudly
presents LOLA’S KINKY BOOTS!

CHARLIE scoots out of the way as


THE ANGELS, one by one, come down
the runway modeling the BOOTS as
those watching applaud wildly and
FLASHBULBS FLASH.

LOLA sashays triumphantly down the


runway to CHARLIE...

CHARLIE
Thank you, Lola.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
98.

LOLA (cont’d) ANGELS


ONCE I WAS AFRAID BUT THEN OOH
YOU CAME ALONG,
YOU PUT YOUR FAITH IN ME
AND I WAS CHALLENGED TO BE
STRONG
WHEN I LOST MY WAY
YOU WERE THERE TO SEE ME
THROUGH
NOW LET LOLA LEND SOME LOVE
AND DO THE SAME FOR YOU

LOLA & THE ANGELS


FEED YOUR FIRE
TO TAKE YOU HIGHER
WE'LL LIGHT YOU UP LIKE A LIVE WIRE
CELEBRATE YOU
TO ELEVATE YOU
WHEN YOU STRUGGLE TO STAND
WELL TAKE A HELPING HAND

LOLA ANGELS
IF YOU HIT THE DUST IF YOU HIT THE DUST
LET ME RAISE YOU UP LET ME RAISE YOU UP
WHEN YOUR BUBBLE BUSTS WHEN YOUR BUBBLE BUSTS
LET ME RAISE YOU UP LET ME RAISE YOU UP
WHEN YOUR GLITTER RUSTS WHEN YOUR GLITTER RUSTS
LET ME RAISE YOU UP LET ME RAISE YOU UP
AND UP

ANGELS
RAISE YOU UP!
RAISE YOU UP!
RAISE YOU UP!

CHARLIE struggles to his feet with


help from LOLA...

CHARLIE
NEVER PUT MUCH HEART IN ANYTHING BEFORE
YOU STRUT INTO MY LIFE
AND HELP ME GO FOR SOMETHING MORE

CHARLIE (cont’d) ANGELS


NOW I STAND UP FOR MYSELF OOH
NOW I STAND OUT FROM THE
CROWD
NOW I'M STANDING ON HIGH OOH
HEELS
IF MY DAD COULD SEE ME NOW

THE CELEBRATION continues.


© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
99.

CHARLIE, LOLA & ANGELS


FEED YOUR FIRE
TO TAKE YOU HIGHER
WE'LL LIGHT YOU UP LIKE A LIVE WIRE
CELEBRATE YOU
TO ELEVATE YOU
WHEN YOU STRUGGLE TO STAND
WELL TAKE A HELPING HAND

CHARLIE & LOLA ANGELS


IF YOU HIT THE DUST IF YOU HIT THE DUST
LET ME RAISE YOU UP LET ME RAISE YOU UP
WHEN YOUR BUBBLE BUSTS WHEN YOUR BUBBLE BUSTS
LET ME RAISE YOU UP LET ME RAISE YOU UP
WHEN YOUR GLITTER RUSTS WHEN YOUR GLITTER RUSTS
LET ME RAISE YOU UP LET ME RAISE YOU UP
AND UP

ANGELS
HOO RAISE YOU UP!
RAISE YOU UP!
HOO RAISE YOU UP!

LAUREN dances up to CHARLIE.

LAUREN
I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU
I KNEW WHAT YOU COULD DO

CHARLIE
YOU BELIEVED IN ME
LET ME BE RIGHT FOR YOU.

LAUREN ANGELS
YOUR STUMBLING DAYS ARE DONE OOH
NOW WE’RE WALKING ON AIR

CHARLIE ANGELS
I WAS A LOOSE SHOE OOH
BUT YOU NEED TWO TO MAKE A
PAIR.

LAUREN cuts off the music.

EVERYONE stops as she faces off


with CHARLIE...

LAUREN
Hold it right there, buster. Are you saying
you’d like to take me out?

CHARLIE
Yes.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
100.

LAUREN
You saying you and Nicola are through?

CHARLIE
Yes.

LAUREN
You saying you’re actually available?

CHARLIE
Yes.

LAUREN
And you still like girls?

CHARLIE
Yes.

LAUREN plants a big fat kiss on


CHARLIE.

LAUREN
Carry on!

THE MUSIC EXPLODES right where it


had left.

CHARLIE, LOLA, LAUREN & ANGELS


FEED YOUR FIRE
TO TAKE YOU HIGHER
WE'LL LIGHT YOU UP LIKE A LIVE WIRE
CELEBRATE YOU
TO ELEVATE YOU
WHEN YOU STRUGGLE TO STAND
WE’LL TAKE A HELPING HAND

DON appears and takes center stage


now. HE sports a pair of the RED
BOOTS.

DON
LOOK OUT MILAN
HERE COMES DON
AND DON HAS BROUGHT SOME FRIENDS ALONG
WHEN YOU’RE STUCK INSIDE UNCERTAINTY
THE ONES YOU LOVE
CAN SET YOU FREE
YEAH!

The stage is flooded with all of


the FACTORY WORKERS who appear in
boots, happily modeling their
product for the audience.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
101.

ALL
FEED YOUR FIRE
TO TAKE YOU HIGHER
WE'LL LIGHT YOU UP LIKE A LIVE WIRE
CELEBRATE YOU
TO ELEVATE YOU
WHEN YOU STRUGGLE TO STAND
WELL TAKE A HELPING HAND

IF YOU HIT THE DUST


LET ME RAISE YOU UP
WHEN YOUR BUBBLE BUSTS
LET ME RAISE YOU UP
WHEN YOUR GLITTER RUSTS
LET ME RAISE YOU UP
AND UP

ANGELS
RAISE YOU UP!
RAISE YOU UP!

ALL
IF YOU HIT THE DUST
LET ME RAISE YOU UP
WHEN YOUR BUBBLE BUSTS
LET ME RAISE YOU UP
WHEN YOUR GLITTER RUSTS
LET ME RAISE YOU UP
AND UP

ANGELS
RAISE YOU UP!
RAISE YOU UP!

ANGELS & WORKERS


RAISE YOU UP!
RAISE YOU UP!

LAUREN, NICOLA, LOLA, ANGELS & WORKERS


CHARLIE, DON & GEORGE
JUST BE
RAISE YOU UP
RAISE YOU UP RAISE YOU UP

The MUSIC changes mood...

The lights shift...

YOUNG CHARLIE and YOUNG LOLA enter


as do MR PRICE and SIMON, SR. The
BOYS run into their fathers’
loving embraces as CHARLIE and
LOLA watch.
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
102.

LOLA ALL
WE’RE THE SAME, CHARLIE BOY
YOU AND ME OOH

With a last look, the FATHERS and


SONS leave the stage. CHARLIE and
LOLA hug!

The MUSIC morphs again into...

MUSIC: JUST BE.

ALL
JUST BE
WHO YOU WANNA BE
NEVER LET ‘EM TELL YOU
WHO YOU OUGHT TO BE

JUST BE
WITH DIGNITY
CELEBRATE YOURSELF TRIUMPHANTLY
YOU’LL SEE, YOU’LL SEE
JUST BE, JUST BE

CHARLIE and LOLA step forward as a


team...

LOLA
Ladies...

CHARLIE
Gentlemen...

LOLA & CHARLIE


...and those who have yet to make up their
minds.

CHARLIE
As customers all over the world clamor for
Kinky Boots...

The COMPANY cheers.

CHARLIE (cont’d)
...it’s time for us to get back to our factory.
But before we go, we’d like to leave you with
the “Price & Simon” secret to success.

LOLA
You’ve all heard of the Twelve Step program. Well,
whatever you can do in twelve, we can do in six.
And it goes like this:
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
103.

ALL
ONE:

PAT
PURSUE THE TRUTH.

ALL
TWO:

TRISH
LEARN SOMETHING NEW.

ALL
THREE:

NICOLA
ACCEPT YOURSELF
AND YOU’LL ACCEPT OTHERS TOO.

ALL
FOUR:

LAUREN
LET LOVE SHINE.

ALL
FIVE:

CHARLIE
LET PRIDE BE YOUR GUIDE.

ALL
SIX:

DON
YOU CHANGE THE WORLD WHEN YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.

ALL
JUST BE WHO YOU WANNA BE
NEVER LET ‘EM TELL YOU WHO YOU OUGHT TO BE.
JUST BE
WITH DIGNITY
CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE TRIUMPHANTLY

The COMPANY move downstage and


join together...
© 2013 by H.Fierstein. KINKY - B'way Final 3/29/13
104.

ALL MEN ALL WOMEN


YOU’LL SEE IT’S BEAUTIFUL
YOU’LL SEE IT’S BEAUTIFUL
JUST BE IT’S BEAUTIFUL
JUST BE

YOU’LL SEE IT’S BEAUTIFUL


YOU’LL SEE IT’S BEAUTIFUL
JUST BE IT’S BEAUTIFUL
JUST BE

ALL (cont’d)
BEAUTIFUL!

MUSIC ENDS TRIUMPHANTLY.

BOWS.

ALL (cont’d)
FEED YOUR FIRE
TO TAKE YOU HIGHER
WE'LL LIGHT YOU UP LIKE A LIVE WIRE
CELEBRATE YOU
TO ELEVATE YOU
WHEN YOU STRUGGLE TO STAND
WELL TAKE A HELPING HAND

IF YOU HIT THE DUST


LET ME RAISE YOU UP
WHEN YOUR BUBBLE BUSTS
LET ME RAISE YOU UP
WHEN YOUR GLITTER RUSTS
LET ME RAISE YOU UP
AND RAISE YOU UP
AND UP
AND UP
AND UP!

The HAPPY ENDING.