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Department of Psychology
nd
2014-2015 2 Semester
PSYC1001 Introduction to Psychology
2
Love and Marriage - falling in love and continuing love
1. Introduction
Love and marriage is always a hot topic for psychological research. It is natural that
the intensity of love and romantic feeling fades as time goes by which might lead to
unsatisfactory and separating relationship among couples. This paper first examines
how we fall in love at the beginning and what makes us continue love, then sought to
prove whether the western idea of avoiding boredom is effective in sustaining satisfying
and close relationships in an Asian society, in particular Hong Kong. This research aims
to find out what is ultimately important for Asian couples to continue loving each other,
and the hypothesis is that boredom plays an insignificant role in our context.
2. Literature Review
Regarding interpersonal attraction, past researchers have discovered the “Halo effect”
(Strong B., Cohen T. 2013) where people often infer good-looking persons with
desirable qualities such as being sensitive and responsive
1
. The “Filter Theory” (Harry
T. Reis, Susan Sprecher 2009) also suggests that propinquity or geographical proximity
primarily influence attraction.
2
Further, the “Self-Expansion Theory” (Konrath S. 2007)
relationships
3
. As for the significance of boredom, a journal report (Tsapelas, Aron, and
Orbuch 2009) has predicted less satisfaction and closeness between couples who feel
bored over time
4
. Besides, the report has suggested that there should be cross-cultural
research in the future which forms the rationale behind the study of this paper
5
.
1
Strong B., Cohen T. 2013. The Marriage and Family Experience: Intimate Relationships in a Changing Society. Cengage
Learning pp.163-164
2
Harry T. Reis, Susan Sprecher 2009. Encyclopedia of Human Relationships SAGE. Vol. 1 pp.360
3
Konrath S. 2007 "Self-Expansion Theory." Encyclopedia of Social Psychology. Ed. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE, 2007. 827-29.
pp.827
4
Tsapelas, Aron, and Orbuch 2009. Psychological Science 20: 543-545 pp.543
5
See n 4 above pp.545
3
3. Methodology
The two main methods adopted in this research are conducting interviews and
collecting online data from classmates. I have interviewed 2 pairs of dating couples and
2 pairs of married couples on how they fall in love in order to find out the factors leading
to interpersonal attraction. Besides, I have collected 22 couples’ responses via Moodle
regarding first, the factors making relationships sustainable; and second, the
significance of boredom in affecting satisfaction and closeness of relationships,
measured by the three items used in Tsapelas, Aron, and Orbuch (2009)
6
.
Physical beauty, good inner personality traits and having unique romantic
experiences are the common factors leading to inter-personal attraction as answered by
the couples in the interview. They emphasized the notion of “love at first sight” where
there is a sudden and irrational attraction which makes them fall in love. They would
also expect that the other is perfect, confirming the “Halo effect” described above. After
that, they would eventually reveal their inner-side such as their personality. Special
memorable events such as having the first dinner and going to theme parks would then
reinforce their attraction and increase the bonding between the partners. Besides,
intimacy, loyalty, similarity, sense of security and emotional support are the crucial
factors making a relationship sustainable and satisfactory as recognized by the couples.
While loyalty includes trustfulness, staying true and respect, similarity refers to having
common interests and goals. Moreover, economic security is especially important for
married couples, whereas emotional support such as caring and staying optimistic are
beneficial and more appealing to young dating couples.
6
See appendix at p.7
4
4.2 Effects of boredom on satisfaction and closeness
Table 4.1
7
Degree of satisfaction
8
Feeling of boredom
(responses) 22 in total
Very/Somewhat
Satisfied
Very/Somewhat
Dissatisfied
Very Satisfied
Sometimes/Often (12)
9 (75%)
3 (25%)
5 (41.7%)
Rarely/Never (10)
9 (90%)
1 (10%)
9 (90%)
Table 4.2
9
Degree of closeness denoted by overlapping % of circle
Feeling of boredom
(responses) 22 in total
10
50% Overlapping
>50% overlapping
Most overlapped
Sometimes/Often (12)
3 (25%)
9 (75%)
3 (25%)
Rarely/Never (10)
0 (0%)
10 (100%)
3 (30%)
In addition, couples with less feeling of boredom are more likely to have a closer
relationship with each other. From table 4.2, all R/N couples have chosen the pairs of
circles which are overlapped for more than their half, which is 25% more than the S/O
couples. Thus it could be deduced that R/N couples tend to devote more time and efforts
to each other, meaning more chances to do something new and exciting together,
therefore forming a cycle that would in turn increase closeness and satisfaction. This
result is consistent with the findings in Tsapelas, Aron, and Orbuch (2009)
11
.
7
nd
See n 4 above; As the 2 item: Participants are asked to indicate whether they are very/somewhat satisfied/dissatisfied with
their current relationship
8
st
See n 4 above; As the 1 item: Participants are asked to choose whether they sometimes/often/rarely/never feel that their
dating
is in a rut
9
rd
See n 4 above; As the 3 item: Participants are asked to choose among 7 pairs of overlapping circles of different degree to
show the closeness of their relationship
10
The fourth diagram in the Inclusion of Other in the Self (IOS) scale where the circles are 50% overlapping (Aron et al, 1992) /
See Appendix at p.7
11
See n. 4 above
5
5. Implication
6. Limitation
7. Conclusion
Love and marriage are important elements of life. They affect the overall mental
healthiness of citizens in urban societies as they help mitigate stresses and negative
perceptions of the working population. We need to prepare and make ourselves both
internally and externally energetic to attract people, as well as do more exciting
activities to sustain relationship. Yet in Hong Kong, economic and family stability still
have significant effects in continuing a fruitful relationship, therefore we should not
focus too much on avoiding boredom such as always going to travel or playing
exhaustive sports which we could not withstand at the expense of financial security and
safety.