Love Pain

and
Other Traumas

Help for Sufferers

by
Roger J. Callahan, PhD.

Copyright 1994
Revised 2009
 UNDERSTANDING LOVE PAIN
Introduction

When I first began doing psychotherapy full time, I had

favorable results with some rather seriously disturbed clients.
The word got around to some of my fellow therapists and
they would often refer their more seriously disturbed clients
to me.

The main reason I enjoyed working with severe problems

was due to the dramatic changes that were possible. These
people were pretty much at the bottom rung of life.

It became clear after a person made some significant prog-

ress that further dramatic improvement was possible in their
life. And, if a good love relationship could be developed, much happiness.

This put my focus on love relationships and I was intrigued and at the same time,
baffled by the fact that there seemed to be so few people who had a very good long term
romantic love relationship. There are, of course, many people who stick it out over the
years, but that is not quite the same as I am referring to. I mean an enduring romantic
love relationship where the intensity of the love is still a powerful and relevant factor
after many years…

FRIENDSHIP – SPIRITUAL AFFINITY

Love means a close attachment, a concern about, a caring for someone or something.
You can love a friend for example. Aristotle said that a friend is another self. It implies
that a certain easy understanding is possible between friends; certain basic values are
shared.

Affinity refers to an attraction. Spirit refers to our basic essence; in chemistry affinity
refers to the attraction between two separate substances. Spirit in chemistry refers to the
basic distilled essence of a substance.

I like the comparison because although we use chemistry as an analogy, the term
SPIRITUAL AFFINITY refers to the degree of attraction in friendship which is based
on some commonalities of deep values held. Your friend feels similar to how you feel
about deep issues. There may be radical differences between lovers when relatively
superficial issues are involved; however, on the deeper issues there is typically this com-
mon feeling.

LUST
Lust refers to physical attraction and how it makes you feel sexually. Lust is a term
that isolates pure sexual attraction. This person arouses your hormones and sexual lust
and it results in intense sexual attraction. It is a most interesting reaction and it varies
from person to person. That is, what turns one person on may be quite different from
that which turns on another.

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 Naturally all of these qualities exist in degrees. Intense lust means a very high degree
of automatic sexual attraction. You may not be able to explain it, but you know that it is
present.

In a purely lustful relationship, with no other major basic factors present, one might
tend to lose interest after sexual gratification is achieved.

Lust by itself can be a powerful and an enjoyable experience. However, totally by

itself, its rewards, though quite pleasurable are not usually enduring over time.

An intense lust can turn into indifference or even complete boredom after sexual grati-
fication is achieved.

ROMANTIC LOVE
When one finds BOTH spiritual affinity and intense lust in one person, one has the
constituents of passionate romantic love. Romantic love is a very explosive mixture of
spiritual affinity (friendship) and intense lust. Without sex there is no romantic love.
But obviously it is much more than just sex; it is the unique combination within one per-
son which creates the explosive and powerful emotion of romantic love.

Some experts consider romantic love a necessarily neurotic or disturbed relationship.

Since the emotion can be so powerful [FOR GOOD OR ILL], it is easy to understand
why so many see it that disturbed way. However, even if most people are quite dis-
turbed in their romantic relationships, that does not mean it is the necessarily the fault of
the romantic love itself.

We can and do bring many problems to our love relationships. In fact, it is common
that when we are intensely passionately in love, problems seem to come out from under
the rocks.

ENDURING ROMANTIC LOVE IS RARE

Many people are able to have enduring relationships buy very few are able to have
enduring romantic love relationships. It seems that the very intensity, the passion itself
becomes a source of great trouble.

One of the greatest and rewarding achievements in life is to have an enduring roman-
tic love relationship. Since this is so, why is it so rare? I believe it is due to the destruc-
tive prevalent effects of what I call love pain. It is why I consider the treatment proce-
dures for love pain to be so important; not just for elimination of present pain but for the
long run effect of diminishing the destructive elements in love pain.

PREVALENCE OF LOVE LOSS

Being rejected by a romantic lover is one of the worst emotional events that can hap-
pen to a person whose life is otherwise rather normal.

The emotional devastation is great when a lover leaves. It totally disrupts a person
more than most terrible things in life.

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 The horror of romantic love loss is highly related to the positive wonder of successful
romantic love. If one thinks about all the good things that successful romantic love can
bring, and then considers that when this is lost all of these wonderful things are gone out
of one’s life, it is easy to understand the pain that is generated.

LOVE PAIN STRESS TRIGGERS ONSET OF

OTHER PROBLEMS
A good many murders and suicides take place as a result of love pain. (Witness the
Nicole Simpson tragedy in Los Angeles). A number of severe psychological problems
can be traced to the severity of a love loss.

Governor Dukakis, the former presidential candidate had a number of named psy-
chological difficulties, such as his wife’s drug problem, to cope with in his campaign
and after. In one newspaper story there was an article about his brother, who was in a
mental hospital. The story happened to mention that the older brother was hospitalized
soon after his girlfriend left him.

I once knew a very successful acting coach who fell madly in love with one of his
beautiful students. He was so much in love that he allowed himself to love her with a
completeness and non-defensive quality that he hadn’t felt since he was a young adoles-
cent.

I spoke with him a couple of years after she left him to have a relationship with a
handsome and highly successful actor. He told me of the personal devastation this
wrought in his life; he was in his later 40’s at the time. But most impressive to me was
the deep conviction he conveyed when he said NEVER AGAIN! Never again would he
allow himself to be as vulnerable as he was to this woman. He than whispered, “I don’t
think I could survive another experience.” The importance of the love pain therapy is
that it can minimize such a tragic impact on people’s future.

ANCIENT HISTORY?
Once I worked with a very successful gentleman whose wife was about to leave him,
after what he thought was 35 years of a happy marriage. She had been miserable for
decades due to the commonly heard female complaint that she received no feeling of
emotion coming from him. She had complained for years and he ignored it.

He finally agreed to go for help but by that time, his wife felt it was too late.

He was interested in exploring what might have been a problem. He was intensely
guarded in his emotions centering on love and I questioned him about his past loves
prior to his marriage, since he never showed love to his wife.

He reviewed his love life with care over several sessions and after we gave up looking
for a source of the problem and had changed the subject to where might he meet new
women friends; he suddenly interrupted and asked/ “Would it count if it was in the third
grade?”

I said it would count any time. He then told me the story of how much “puppy love”

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he had felt and communicated to this young girl when he and she were about 8 years
old. He was in his middle 50’s. When I asked him the name of the girl, he didn’t miss a
beat and rattled off her name.

He had been carrying this painful relationship on his shoulders for all these years.
Experiences like this are severely traumatic, a severe and painful psychological shock.
Shocks such as this lead to the protective fear of what I call “amouraphobia”, the fear of
romantic love. Of course to be precise it is the fear of being severely hurt again.

AMOURAPHOBIA
Once I heard a nightclub comic succinctly express the problem of amouraphobia and
its defense. He said:
“I got it all figured out, marry an ugly person.
If they run off with someone else, WHO CARES!”

This is of course an extreme defense and the flaw in the defensive strategy is apparent
when one contemplates the amount of wonderful pleasure that one would miss with this
plan.

LOVE PAIN TREATMENT CUTS DOWN ON

THE LOSSES IN LOVE
If one considers the wonderful pleasure that can only be had in a happy romantic rela-
tionship; although it is risky, it seems like one of the best emotional investments that can
be engaged in.

Is there a way, however, to cut our losses? When I wrote (with Karen Levine) the
Book-of-the-Month Club alternate selection “It Can Happen To You: The Practical
Guide to Romantic Love (out of print), I was just beginning to develop my rapid and
powerful treatments for psychological problems.

THE LOVE PAIN TREATMENT

One of the most difficult problems presented to psychotherapists and marriage coun-
selors is to attempt to help a client whose lover just left. As mentioned above, this is
one of the most emotionally devastating difficulties that can happen.

Like other therapists I used to attempt to cheer up the devastated one and remind them
that in time they would recover from this, life goes on, etc.

However, when I discovered how to remove the pain of lost love in most people
within minutes, I realized that this treatment could help people get more and lose less in
the very important realm of romantic love.

UNDERSTANDING THE TREATMENTS

The treatments for love pain, like my other treatments for psychological problems, are
revolutionary. That is, they are far more powerful than conventional treatments and my
treatments cannot be explained by conventional psychological theory. A radical new
approach to understanding is required because the categories and orders of conventional

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 theories simply cannot begin to account for the results of my treatments.

It is not possible to go into the depths of my theory in this setting, but I wish to point
our a few obvious features to you.

Most people when confronted with something they never heard of before, attempt to
“understand” it by trying to fit it into something they THINK they already understand.

For example, I have treated several hundred courageous volunteers with a variety of
psychological problems on radio and television shows. When we remove their problem
quickly, which is done about 90% of the time (within minutes) they often will “explain”
to me why it worked. Their “explanations” include such ideas as hypnosis, distraction,
placebo, or some form of therapy they have heard of before. All these attempts at expla-
nation are totally wrong.

I began discovering these treatments about 15 years ago (now 30 years ago), and have
been striving to understand how they work ever since. It is much easier by the way, to
do the treatments than to understand them.

I have been studying quantum physics (especially the work of David Bohm) and ad-
vanced theoretical biology (especially the work of Rupert Sheldrake) and am beginning
to develop a comprehensive theory and am currently writing a new book on the subject.

Briefly, it can be said that my discovery basically consists of the idea that all psy-
chological emotional disturbance is caused by what I call PERTURBATIONS in a
THOUGHT FIELD.

Most of us believe that it is what happens to us that causes our emotions but my
therapy requires a re-examination of that commonly held idea.

To illustrate what I mean, observe the love pain DVD and watch the young man
whose girlfriend just left him. We show a clock in the background so you can get an
idea of the small amount of time needed for this treatment.

Before the treatment, you can look at his face and see severe pain and anguish. A few
minutes later, after the treatment you can see that he is much stronger. The simple love
pain treatment accomplished this seemingly impossible goal.

If you believe that his girlfriend leaving him was the cause of his pain; please keep
in mind that AFTER the treatment, his girlfriend was still gone. Yet he was obviously
much stronger. We didn’t get his girlfriend to return to make him stronger; what we
did was to REMOVE THE PERTURBATIONS IN THE THOUGHT FIELD associated
with the loss of his girlfriend.

In his case, the treatment lasted. Sometimes the treatment needs to be repeated. In
any case, when the PERTURBATIONS in the thought field are removed the person is
much stronger EVEN THOUGH EVERYTHING ELSE IS THE SAME!

His life isn’t the same as when he had his girlfriend. After all, a loss is a loss. How-
ever, the stronger we can be in the face of a loss the better chance we have to get our life
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back on track and to improve the future. When we are chronically miserable and weak
we are not in much of a position to improve our future and it negatively effects our
health.

If we wish to attempt to win back our love and assuming that there might be some
small chance of doing just that; we dramatically increase our chance of winning the
stronger and more confident we are. In other words, the love pain treatment can put you
in a better position to win back a love, if that is relevant.

Though sometimes we may get someone to come back out of pity, the person is usu-
ally not coming back for the correct reason and the relationship will remain on shaky
grounds.

The strongest possible position is to have the person come back because they, as well
as you, will have a better chance to be happier than if they don’t come back. In other
words, it is important that the reason the lover returns is due to seeing that they have a
much better chance at enduring happiness than if they do not return to you.

LOSS FROM DEATH

Any love loss can be catastrophic. In some respects the loss of a lover from death is
worse, and in some respects it is not as terrible as loss through being rejected by your
lover. In any case it is still a terrible event.

The difficult aspect of death is that one must struggle to face the grim fact that there is
no possibility of return of the love one. An extreme adjustment to reality is required and
it is here that these treatments can offer a great deal of help.

On the DVD one can see how the woman who lost her husband is quickly helped to
gain strength through the powerful treatments. Please keep in mind that reality remains
the same after the treatment. Also, not that there is no attempt to take her mind off the
loss, but rather she focuses on the fact of the loss while the treatment is taking place.

ANGER AND JEALOUSY

Jealousy, I discovered is a combination of love pain and anger. If you are suffering
from jealousy repeat the treatments as you focus on the motion of jealousy. The little
finger is often a therapy point associated with anger and it is for that reason that it is in-
cluded in the love pain treatments. Jealousy is an extremely negative and self-defeating
emotion. Repeat the treatments as often as necessary in order to minimize the effect of
this destructive emotion.

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 SUCCESSFUL TREATMENT or “I can’t think
about it anymore.”
When you are thinking about or tuned into a disturbed emotion, such as love pain and
after the treatment you “have trouble thinking about it” that is a sign of a highly effec-
tive and successful treatment. Some people wrongly think that the treatment distracted
them and that is why they are no longer upset.

In fact it is impossible to be distracted from any intense problem. Love pain is usually
so painful that it becomes obsessive; i.e., one can’t get it out of their head.

We become so accustomed to being upset whenever we think about a love loss that
if we are not upset we mistakenly conclude that we must not be thinking about it. The
treatment demonstrations on the DVD are obvious in demonstrating that there is no dis-
traction. The cause of the upset which are what I call perturbations in the thought field
are gone due to the therapy.

The fact that it is NOT the situation which upsets us, but rather it is the perturbations
in the thought field, is the basic fact that allows therapy to be effective.

TREATMENT
The treatment is an algorithm (recipe) which refers to a rather simple formula or step-
by-step procedure which solves a problem.

It is astonishing that an algorithm could be found which regularly helps a psychologi-

cal problem; especially the severe problem of love pain. But about 30 years ago, I did
indeed develop such an algorithm. Most experts believe it is impossible to help psycho-
logical problems quickly let alone FIND AN ALOGRITHM FOR DOING SO.

In the case of phobias, again most experts believe it is impossible to cure a phobia.
Not only do I cure phobias, but I have developed algorithms for curing most phobias.

Fortunately, I have also found an ALGORITHM for love pain. This treatment is IN
STRIKING CONTRAST to the common treatments for such problems. The common
treatment is to relive the suffering over and over again. Actually this treatment reminds
me of the old days of medicine where they used to bleed patients and practically killed
them due to blood loss. This represents my view of such treatments; I think they are
cruel and unusual punishments and ought to be abandoned.

Now the algorithm is effective in helping most people or solving most problems. The
mind can be very intricate and complex, however, and alas NOT ALL problems can be
solved by an algorithm. The surprising fact is that any severe mental problem can be
solved by an algorithm.

THE TREATMENT
When you are suffering from some form of love pain, it is hard to think of anything
else. It is important at the start to write down a number from one to ten which repre-
sents the degree of pain YOU FEEL AT THIS MOMENT, 10 is the most severe degree

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of pain and 1 is no pain at all.

Make a note of the number. You would be surprised how easy it is to forget AFTER
THE TREATMENT how strong the pain was.

Surprisingly, this happens a great deal; which, of course, is quite a tribute to the power
of the treatment.

1. Tap the beginning of your eyebrow.

(About 5 good taps, but not hard enough to hurt.0

2. Now tap under your eye, tap solidly but not nearly hard enough to hurt. Tap 10 times.

3. Now tap under your arm; about 10 solid taps.

4. Tap the inside tip of the little finger. 10 taps

5. Tap one of the collar bone points 10 times.

6. If your pain has reduced significantly go to the next step – the nine gamut series of treatments.

If there is no change in the pain, you may have a block, which I call “psychological
reversal”; to remove the block tap the side of your hand – where you would deliver a
karate chop. While tapping say three times “I accept myself, even though I am in pain.”
Then go back and repeat the above treatments.

7. The nine gamut series is as follows: tap the gamut spot on the back of the hand (see
drawing). Tap continually while you do the following:

Keep tapping while you do the following; tap about ten times for each of the steps.
• Eyes open
• Eyes closed
• Open your eyes and put your eyes down and left
• Put your eyes down and to the right
• Whirl your eyes in a circle, all the way around
Keep tapping all the while
• Whirl your eyes in the opposite direction
• Now we hum a little tune – more than one note, while you continue tapping
• Now count out loud to 5 while tapping
• Hum again.

[if ever you don’t improve after a series of treatment, repeat the psychological reversal
correction, karate chop spot, treatment; there may be a block]

Now repeat the earlier series:

• Tap the beginning of the eyebrow [see diagram]
• Tap under the eye
• Tap under the arm
• Tap the inner tip of the little finger; about 10 good taps
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 Now tap the collar bone point [see diagram) ten times.

If your pain didn’t go all the way down to a 1 tap the karate spot on the side of your
hand and say three times, “I accept myself even though I still have some pain.”

Now do the floor-to-ceiling eye roll. Keep your head rather level; put your eyes down
to the floor, not your head just your eyes, and while tapping the gamut spot slowly raise
your eyes all the way to the ceiling; keeping your head rather level.

This should bring you to a 1

Remember this is not a CURE for love pain, it is a very powerful TREATMENT for
love pain. Since love pain is due to a great loss, As you have experienced and seen on
the demonstration DVD; it is a very powerful treatment and you may repeat it as often
as you need it.

Keep this tapping procedure handy for future possible problems in love pain for you
or for members of your family.

You should see a dramatic improvement immediately after finishing the treatment. If
you do not, please call our office for advice.

I sincerely hope that you find my love pain treatment makes a contribution to having
less pain and more happiness in your love life.

If you find that your problem is too complex for the algorithms provided, please call
(760) 564-1008 for information about our telephone treatments.

So with best wishes for your future romantic happiness,

This is Dr. Callahan, saying Good-bye for now.

Visit our web site, www.TFTRX.com for information about new products, trainings
and live events.

APPENDIX

HELPING OTHER TRAUMAS

All of us have suffered from the traumatic pain of love loss. The very same treatment
given for love pain is used to help any trauma. The therapy professions refer to the gen-
eral problem as post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.

Included under PTSD are war trauma, the traumas that result from natural disasters,
accidents, rape trauma, mugging trauma, being robbed, losing your job and financial
loss. An example of this was on a demonstration video, where the former director of the
FBI in Los Angeles reporting on a severe case of child abuse. This 8 year old young-
ster was allegedly abused when 3 years old and had been an elective mute and showing
other severe signs of trauma ever since. She had been going to a very capable therapist
9
for five years, but according to the report she showed no improvement.

After two brief sessions using the trauma procedures, her symptoms according to her
mother simply vanished. Thus far we have a five year follow up and she appears to be
holding the gains made in the two brief treatment sessions.

About ten years ago, I treated a young woman who had experienced a particularly
horrible rape in that she and her three year old child were held prisoner by a gang of five
youths in her apartment. She was continually raped and she and her son were repeat-
edly threatened with death.

After this experience, I saw her five years after the incident she could not date men,
had bad dreams and showed other symptoms of this horrendous event. In less than five
minutes, all traces of the emotional upset were gone. We had a three year follow up and
the symptoms did not reappear.

Many Vietnam and other war veterans have been treated with great success with this
simple procedure--see the strong testimony on the last page given us by the CHIEF
MEDICAL OFFICER OF KOSOVO, the equivalent of our Surgeon General.

SUMMARY: HOW TO TREAT TRAUMAS

The trauma victim is simply asked to tune into or think about the traumatic event and
then the same “Love pain” treatment is applied. The success rate is high, in the neigh-
borhood of 90%.

HOW LONG DOES IT LAST?

Surprisingly, the treatment of a past and non-active trauma usually lasts. It is more
unusual for the problem to return than for the treatment to last. Of course, if it should
return we recommend that the treatment be repeated again.

TELEPHONE THERAPY
The surprising fact is that these simple algorithm or treatment recipes dramatically
help the vast majority of people with their traumas or their love pain. However, if it
is important to get help for any of these problems and the present program was insuf-
ficient, you might be interested in getting private help with our telephone treatment
program. Call (760) 564-1008 for details.

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 Copyright ©2009 Callahan Techniques, Ltd.
Do not modify or reproduce without written Permission

11
Fear of Romantic Love – Amouraphobia
Before you read a word about amouraphobia, look at the following quiz. On a sheet of paper
number one through eighteen, and as you read each of the following statements write either
“true” or “false” next to the appropriate number. Put the paper aside until you’ve finished read-
ing. At the end of reading compare your answers with those I give in my discussion of the quiz.

Amouraphobia Quiz
1. I’ve never met the right man/woman, but I know exactly what he/she will look like.

2. All the really sexy men/women don’t want to be in committed relationships.

3. As soon as you sleep with someone, things fall apart on a deeper level.

4. Powerful, Masculine men and beautiful, sexy women just aren’t very smart or
sensitive.
5. All the good men and women are already taken.
6. There aren’t any available men and women in (where you live).
7. I want to be taken care of and protected.
8. I’m not ready for a relationship.
9. Men and women don’t find me attractive, interesting, etc.
10. I want someone who knows exactly how he/she feels about things and is consistent.
11. Change makes me nervous.
12. I’m looking for a hassle-free relationship.
13. If someone loves me, he/she won’t care about how I look.
14. I need a lover who understands that my work comes first.
15. As soon as one thing goes wrong, everything falls apart.
16. All relationships get boring after the newness wears off.
17. There’s no such thing as an enduring, intense romantic relationship.

18. As soon as someone knows you care, they take off.

Amouraphobia Quiz Scoring

18 Questions – rated 0 to 2 each.
0 = no agreement, 1 = mild agreement, 2 = high agreement

Total Score
25 to 36 = Severe Amouraphobia – Very disruptive to a successful romantic relationship – get expert help
20 to 24 = Strong Amouraphobia – work on problem with self-help procedures from book and
experienced therapist
10 to 19 = Moderate Amouraphobia - work with potential mate with self-help procedures from book
and/or experienced therapist
5 to 10 = Mild Amouraphobia – apply self-help procedures from book
0 to 5 – Enjoy your freedom from Amouraphobia.

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