'My boyfriend won't move in with me.

It's the best thing that's ever

happened to us'

They're in their 50s and happily in love - but have no desire to share a home. Why is this so
surprising, asks Mandy Appleyard
„Despite the fact that we are rock-solidly committed and very much in love, Matt and I will never live under
the same roof.
Our practical incompatibilities are the main reason. Matt likes the bedroom icy cold with a window open, I
like it warm. He is sprightly at 6am, I favour a 9am start. He hates having the air-con on in the car, I can’t
travel without it. I love a healthy, leisurely breakfast at home, Matt wants to be out of the door as soon as he
wakes up, heading straight for a bacon sarnie at the local caff. And so on.

I couldn’t love Matt more. He is funny and kind. The fact that we haven’t moved in together seems to
surprise everyone but us. Were we younger and starting a family, we would no doubt be living together. But
we met in middle age (I am 55, he is 53), and each of us is well-settled in our homes and work. As an
erstwhile spinster of many years, I know I am horribly set in my ways and stubbornly independent.
As a widower with a teenage daughter, Matt enjoys familiar domestic routines in his home of nearly 20
years. I’m convinced our relationship thrives because we don’t inhabit the same space. Being together feels
special: it’s an occasion we both look forward to and get excited about.

But why would we? We relish our independent space and time. Of course, we’d be in financial clover with
one house rather than two. But I made the mistake once before of setting up home with someone largely for
reasons of money and convenience, and it proved to be disastrous.