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Madison Schaefer
For most of my life, I have been fortunate enough to find myself among members of the
other majority identities. I am even privileged in my ability to admit that I had to truly ponder
experience with my roommate last year and immediately felt distressed. I thought that we were
friends, as we hit it off very well at Orientation and in the first few months of school. Her
friends became my friends and I was finally beginning to feel at home when, out of the blue, she
decided to isolate me. She ignored my presence entirely, began to make plans excluding me, and
treated me like I was nothing. This experience left a lasting negative impact on my freshman
year. I was already having a tough time adjusting to college academically and now, my social
confidence, and who I truly am, which was something I had never really struggled with before. I
felt powerless and silenced because I was alone in the out-group and felt that I had nowhere to
turn since all of my friends were still close with her. As aggravating as this experience was and
as much will-power as this took, I decided to remain the bigger person and treat her with respect,
In retrospect when I consider the situation, it is apparent that stocks of knowledge were at
play. Since my roommate and I are not the same person and do not see the world in the same
way, situations were perceived in many different ways. For instance, I came to find out that she
believed I was “clingy” when really, I simply had a hard time making friends and genuinely
thought that we had a strong friendship developing. This experience truly helped me understand
the importance of acknowledging social location in everyday life. I became fully aware of the
notion that we, as people, were brought up a certain way and our different life experiences shape
DE/RECONSTRUCTING YOUR STRENGTHS 3
our perceptions on the world and how we view others. There are two sides to every story
however, it is important to respect that the other story was interpreted as it was for a cognitive
reason we cannot explain. Additionally, ideology and hegemony can be seen when considering
the role of our friend group. My roommate, who seemed to be the leader of our assemblage,
created an ideological norm in treating me poorly and the remainder of the group, although they
did not mimic her act, stayed silent. I have had two friends after the fact admit that they
recognized what was happening and did nothing about it, which proves that they bought into the
hegemonic norm established. Social location may have also played a minor role as I was the
In the future, if I ever find myself among the out-group in the future, I will do something
about it immediately. I intend to reflect on the situation and consider my behavior and how that
could be perceived by the other person. If I realize my actions led to a justified reason for my
out-grouping, I will assess myself and ponder how I can make positive personal changes that
would welcome me into the in-group. However, after consideration, if I stand to believe that my
actions are sound and I am unjustly being placed in the out-group, I will challenge myself to
question the narrative and speak up for my rights. I am a firm believer in avoiding passiveness
and addressing situations head on before they are handled immaturely or become too messy.
exclusion leads to silencing. In some instances, when bringing up the situation to the
counterpart, they may come to realize I have been unintentionally out-grouped and begin to
immediately change their ways. However, the out-grouping could very well be intentional. If
this is the case, I would cultivate a dialogue in which I attempt to understand why the in-group
feels this way towards me and help them understand why I believe it is wrong. By directly
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addressing any future situations, I can ease my own mind and in turn, possibly educate others on
However, I acknowledge the fact that solutions to out-grouping are not always as easy as
I have expressed above. Many people are out-grouped due to individualities they cannot control,
such as race, gender, sexual orientation and religion. One cannot simply change who they love
or the color of their skin in order to become a member of the in-group. The issue of out-
grouping and discrimination is an example of ideology and hegemony and cannot be changed by
the flip of a switch. Major issues like these often leave me to feel helpless and that there is not
much that I can do to make a difference. However, I have come to realize that the more
gratifying the problem, the more I actually can do to erase it. I must acknowledge any biases I
possess and consider if these lead me to unintentionally out-group someone. I should speak out
against instances in which I see out-grouping occur when I am simply a bystander. If we all just
sit and watch, waiting for someone else to make the change, it will never ensue. I would like to
challenge myself to lead by example by living my life with empathy, considering how ideology
and hegemony are at play in all social situations, and continually questioning what I can do to
help those perpetually finding themselves in the outgroup. However, through it all, I must
recognize my privilege and how I can use this notion to fight for those who are not as lucky as I
am.