TABLE OF CONTENTS

RKYV # 7 {March 2008}

RKYV ONLINE LOGO - David Marshall { current }
- Roy G James { original }
- Randy Pare { original online adaptation}
Virtual Cover # 7 - art by Mohammed Abdullah Poetry -
- layouts by David Marshall Anna Gehmacher, Larissa Gula, L. E. Cable,
Editorial Column - Ruben N. De Leeuw
“Pass The Stuffing” - Randy Pare
Short Fiction - “Tapes”
World View - by Patrick J. Nestor, Jr.
“A Canadian Living in the USA”
- by Tom Rossini Non-Fiction - “Futurism in the Funnies”
- by Roy G. James
Featured Artist Review - by Tariq Rafiq
Family Life - “Cook Book for Working
Interior Artists - Families” & “My Journal” - by Amanda Fortin
Belinda Da Fonseca, Josh Bowe, Ignacio Rojas
Mohammed Abdullah, Stan Nelson, Giorgos Pop Culture -
Tsopanos, Bob Labute, Matt Hatt, Roger “Raised on Saturday Morning Cartoons”
Formidable, Tariq Rafiq, Lee Ann Marie - by Pauline Pare
Macdonald “Coffee and Cigarettes” - by David Marshall

Untitled - by Bob Labute

Untitled - by Josh Bowe
Abstract Study - by Josh Bowe
 Pass the Stuffing
Friends, contributors and readers... lend me your
ears! [What the hell did he need their ears for?
Had he pulled a Van Gogh? Somehow, I doubt
it... never-the-less...]

Welcome to RKYV # 10!!

The e-zine for those with discriminating taste...

well maybe not for the snobs. The e-zine for
creative people... well that’s hardly specific, I
mean c’mon lots of folks are creative [my
mechanic has often been quite creative when it
comes to billing]. Hmm... let’s see.

The free-zine for the frugal spenders... man that

sounds like our readers are cheap bastards [I am,
anyway]...... this isn’t working..... LOL.

How about:

“Welcome To RKYV - Your E-Zine to Share,

Contribute and Enjoy!”

Yep, that about covers it.

Untitled - by Bob Labute
The thing about this mag is it always trying to improve
and provide a quality forum for you the readers and
contributors to enjoy each month’s offerings. It is with
great pleasure that I direct your attention to this month’s
debut of a new ongoing column / section of RKYV. The
“Featured Artist Review” - by Tariq Rafiq will consist of
an interview with each month’s cover artist as well as a
review of some samples of the artist’s portfolio. I hope
you all enjoy this more in depth look into the incredibly
talented artists who grace our covers each month.

Next month the Shadow of Shazam fan fiction will

conclude with its third and final chapter. With that I
leave you to enjoy the rest of the issue. Adieu ..:)

R. J. Pare’, EIC of RKYV ONLINE

Coke Can - by Roger Formidable

 World view
A Canadian Living in the USA - by Tom Rossini
Over the last 12 years or so, many people have asked me this question and every
time, the same answer is given. It’s like living back home but with different
currency. However, the longer I live here in the USA, the differences between
these two countries become quite noticeable.
For years Canada has been referred to by many as the 51st state. But,
personally, that could not be farther from the truth. In fact, with each passing day, we Canadians are
gaining more and more independence from the USA. The relationship between Canada and the
USA is only in its infancy when you compare the relationships of the countries in the Eastern
Hemisphere. But, it has definitely blossomed into the most successful relationship in the world.
Canada and the USA are the world’s largest trading partners and share the world’s largest border.
This is reflected in the volume of bilateral trade.-approximately 1.5 billion dollars a day in goods
and the fact that approximately 300,000 people cross the shared border every day.

This does not mean that there have not been any trade disputes between the two countries, there
have been several and some are still going on today. A few of these disputes includes softwood
lumber imports from Canada, dairy products and the fisheries.

NAFTA — The trading over the Ambassador Bridge and the gateway to Canada

In 2006, over $500 billion in total trade occurred between the two
countries and the trade that crossed the Ambassador Bridge between Detroit,
Michigan and Windsor, Ontario equalled all the U.S. Exports to Japan.
Also, Canada is the largest importer of US goods then all 27 countries of the
European Community combined, and whose population is 15 times that of
Canada.
Oh Canada, Therefore it is safe to say that this trade is extremely important to the
Home Sweet Home citizens of the USA. Since 1994 and the implementation of NAFTA, the
trade between the two countries has increase 250% and that number is
That the Mackenzie expected to increase.
River is 4241 km long
and is the longest river
in Canada?
The Canadian flag was
established in 1967?
That Randy Pare’s
nickname in grade
school was Smurf? Canada & USA lapel pin
 Featured Artist Review
By Tariq Rafiq
Background:

Mohammed Abdullah is a young artist

from Kuwait. He was born in 1985. His
has been painting from an early age.
Mohammed works full time as an
Investment Officer and paints part time as
a hobby.

1.How long have you been an artist? How

did you get started?

Mohammed Abdullah Well my father is an artist so the idea of

gaming and playing was different for him.
Instead of having fun by playing with toys he taught me how to have fun and joy by drawing. As
you know human needs tend change as the grow and that’s what happened with me, now when I
draw something I draw because I want to express my feelings, love or passion toward someone.

2.Do you go to school and get formal training or are

you self taught?

I am a self taught artist.

3.Who in your life has been the biggest influence on

your art?

My father was the biggest influence on my art.

4.What is your favourite media to work with?

I first started drawing with charcoal. After releasing

Tablet PC’s technology, I moved to draw by my LG
tablet pc which saved a lot of papers and kept my
hands clean.

5.Do you use any special tools and techniques to

create your art?
I use windows journal to draw because my hand line
will be better and I usually use Photoshop to paint
Untitled - by Mohammed Abdullah
{Man with Glasses} - This artwork has a very
pop art feel to it. The contrast of the back-
ground colours work well with the image.
- Tariq Rafiq {review}
 and make some effects on my drawing.

6.What inspires you to paint and generate

new ideas to create a piece?

Women!! Because they have all the beauty

you need or one may find on this plant!!

7.What style do you consider yourself to be?

Well I will leave the answer for you and the readers…

8.Which famous artists have influenced you?

Why?

Milo Manara has influenced my art. His style

inspires me and I usually redo his work in my
own way or without changing any single line
Untitled - by Mohammed Abdullah
especially the hair.
{Lady with Yellow Background} - Beautiful contrast
with the yellow and brown colours. The line drawings
9. If you could met any living or dead artist,
are done very well. - Tariq Rafiq {review}
who would it be?

I would like to meet Vincent van Gogh.

10.What is the one question that you would ask him/her?

It would not be a good idea to ask someone with a bad

mental condition and disorder questions, but rather I
would like to watch him painting one of his
magnificent pieces art like “Starry Night“.

11. Do you think today‘s weak economy are effecting

artists?

Yes of course.

12. In today competitive world how to you set yourself

apart from other artists?

I like to share ideas with all the artists rather than

competing with them

13.How do you market yourself? Untitled - by Mohammed Abdullah

{Lady Lying} - Very expressive drawing. You
can feel the emotions of the subject in the
drawing. - Tariq Rafiq {review}
 By putting my drawings in your group gallery.

14. When you get a creative block while working on

a painting, how do you get yourself back into the
mood to paint and how do you keep yourself
motivated?

By remembering the reason or the person who lead

me to express my feelings in this way

15. Do you create your art full time or part time?

Painting is kinda of a hobby more than a job for me.

16.What other interests do you have besides

painting?

Playing football and travelling.

Untitled - Mohammed Abdullah
{newest pic} - This drawing is simple in nature yet
the point comes across very well. - Tariq Rafiq
{review}

17.What would you tell a young artist starting out

today?

I’m just 22 years old.. I am not old enough or wise

enough to preach.

18.Do you have any big plans or shows coming up

in 2008?

I want to get married and start a family..

19.Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Somewhere were I can be accepted and respected.

Full Moon - by Mohammed Abdullah

{cover art, Lady with Blue Eyes} - The subject has
very striking eyes. The black and white colors
enhances the blue eyes beautifully. - Tariq Rafiq
{review}
Untitled - by Bob Labute
 Poetry

Anna’s Poems - by Anna

Gehmacher
From one day to the other you turn away and say
"no more"
Three years of friendship you choose
to ignore

From one day to the other you change your ways,

Three years of friendship you throw away

From one day to the other I'm not important anymore

You're too busy fucking that stupid whore

I am worthless to you now,

Pastel Ida - by Belinda Da Fonseca
LUSUS NATURAE - by L.. E. Cable
I didn't ever matter anyhow
I'm not worth your respect anymore,
I'm no one to you now,
and me, stupid cow,
even got a present for your stupid whore.

You speak of hot livers

slipping,
pulsing upon your palm
and lick sticky fingers
remembering mixing bowls.

Red is the desired flavour,

in all it`s velvet clinging
on to life. A food spilled,
devoured with the past.

The heart you hold drains,

quakes with the anticipated
electric rush of angel wings
and you become God.

Untitled - by Bob Labute

 I Cut Myself Shaving - Ruben N. de Leeuw

You sit silently on my bathroom counter, hugging

the mirror
You both glare at me with satisfaction
What did I ever do to you?
I glance up, and to the right of you in horror

All you needed do was raze my roughage

But you sliced a slit in my unexpectant skin
Shocked, I recoiled
What a job...average

Imaginary Portrait 2 - by Josh Bowe

Dismal; depressed, I cover my shame

I try to stop my bleeding wound
But to no avail
Blood flows all the same

The pain stops eventually

Along with the bleeding
Replacing it is a horrid anomaly
Embarrassing evidence of self-harm for all to see

Elvis Costello - by Matt Hatt

 Dragonflies - by Larissa Gula
This is the type of night to avoid.
It’s the kind that should be denied existence,
Just as friends can deny us in moments
Of true need, or sorrow, or celebration.

This is the night that carries the worst of news –

The taking over of disease, cancer-like –
Probably cancer, though unconfirmed.

As the family goes to tears, only adding to misery,

I long to be drunk – not on alcohol. This family
Does not need two livers failing on them this month.
I want no more tears under this roof.

I just long to be drunk on is fresh air, by running streams,

Both untouched by the pollution of mankind.
In the fields that I long to feel under my feet,
I could run off as fast as a bullet, and like one, I

Untitled - by Matt Hatt

Could fly on looking for a target…

Looking for a stop to unload my baggage
Without overburdening the friends
Who denied me on this hated night.

As I run through my wishing-fantasy,

I am distracted by the dragonflies zipping about,
Over the soft corners of the streams in the field,
Looking for their lovers, to share their night,

And having better luck than I did.

How sad, when even in my imagination,
The reflection of my unspoken wishes,
The insects can obtain more luck than I.

Untitled - by Giorgos Tsopanos

Pare’s Poetic Perspectives - by R.J. Pare

Geni at Ten
I held you once,
cupped in my hands.

Miniature wonder.

Herculean obstacles,
for you to overcome.

One pound four ounce-er.

I watched you toddle,

fall and then run.

Crazy tumbler.

So much smaller,
than all the others.

My little girl.

I sent you off,

to school with the rest.

Proud achiever.

Your peers tower over you,

yet it never slows you.

Brave daughter.

Now you converse,

with surprising insights.

Brilliant progeny.

With a toss of your hair, Untitled - by Bob Labute

and innocent giggle.

My angel shines.
 Non - Fiction
Futurism in the Funnies - by Roy G. James
Selected Examples :

Figure 4, 5, 6 – Robots and Mechanical Men

Figure 5 – Metal Men # 11, National Periodical Publication, Inc. 1964. “The Floating Furies”
Robots and Mechanical Men

The pages of comics and science-fiction novels have been dotted with robot characters for many
years. The superheroes are usually cast in their roles as fighting crime or saving the earth from
the wrath of some sort of strange unearthly creature or a robot run rampant. That constitutes one
third of the average life of a superhero as battling some robot. Therefore, it becomes obvious that
robots are usually cast in the opposite role of villain with little or no personality (see figure 6). It
is easy for the writers to justify robots as threats to mankind in addition to finding it easier to
understand their ultimate destruction – if they were created by man, why shouldn’t they be
destroyed by flesh and blood?

Occasionally though, robots are thought of positively and may be cast in the role of hero or at
least as being a vital part of life, which may be a part of man’s future. Figure 4 shows robots
taking over the dangerous or the drudgerous for man merely because it is programmed to do so.

Figure 6 – Captain Marvel # 13, Magazine Management Co. 1969, “Traitors or Heroes”

Life will be considerably altered; the question is “Will man become obsolete?” especially when
his own physical recreation is at stake. Figure 5 shows a group of robot heroes created from the
base metals with abilities to think and change form because of the malleability of their
composition and to feel because of a new device called a responsometer.

Therefore, words such as humanoid, android, computerized brain, microscopic circuitry, etc. will
become part of our daily vocabulary and superheroes will not have to register with the
unemployment roles.
 Short Fiction
Tapes - by Patrick J. Nestor Jr.
Twin Valley Police Department
1613 Long Neck Road
Twin Valley, NY 11901

TO: James Fredricks

FROM: Walter Landers
DATE: 11/2/02
SUBJ: Freedman 10/31 Tapes

Jimmy,

Ok, I transcripted the tape like you

asked. Some of it was impossible to hear,
so obviously I have so noted at the
appropriate spots. I know I originally
said I wouldn't have this till Wednesday,
but I started listening last night and just
couldn't stop. It isn't as long as you might
expect, some of it is nothing special or
important, and lots of it makes no sense,
but the damn thing freaked me out pretty
bad. Keep the lights on when you read
this. (Ha Ha.)

Also, you'll find the photographs Tom

developed from the camera we found in
the Leeds girl's knapsack. Most of them
seem double exposed or something. I
couldn't make head nor tails of the
majority of the roll that survived (Tom
says that the camera was opened so the Untitled - by Giorgos Tsopanos
last few exposures were ruined, but he's
attempting to see what he can get from them) but maybe you can. The one of the dog is just
plain spooky. What the hell was wrong with that thing? Was it rabid? I guess if we ever
find it we'll know. Tom numbered them (on the back, in red felt pen). He told me to tell you
to pay special attention to numbers 16, 18, and 19. Despite the double exposure, you can see
what Freeman was doing to Dahley on number 18. I had to really look hard myself, but you
can see the spear or what ever it was. Funny though… I can't make out any rope or
anything. Why bother tying him up afterwards? The other two shots, 16 & 19… well, they
speak for themselves although, it's impossible to tell if they're laughing or screaming… at
least to me. You draw your own conclusions; you're in charge of the damn case.
Kerry called to say the Leeds girl still hasn't spoken anything other than the shit she kept
repeating when we found her. She also goes into hysterics if they turn off the lights. I hope
she comes out of this, her parents are nice people.

Mary Waters called here again, about twenty minutes ago, asking if her daughter has to
come in again. She's rather upset about having to do so, but says she wants to help find out
what happened to her niece. Besides telling us that those kids were out there Thursday
night when they were reported missing, I don't know how much more she knows and if she
can help us any more.

Dave Muller from the Library left you that book you asked for. "Upstate New York Urban
Folklore and Legends: History or Hooey?" Sounds like a real page turner. Interesting note:
He says he had two copies of it and the other's been checked out long over due for months.
Who has it? I bet you guessed it: Alan Freeman. Anyway, he left you some spots marked
with book marks that he thought you'd be interested in.

Remember, I won't be in again till Wednesday. I'm taking the boys fishing tomorrow (It's
gonna be FREEZING!) and we're spending the night at Michelle's folk's cabin out by
Willard's Creek.

Funny thing, I had a hell of a time getting to sleep after transcribing this buddy, and when
I finally did, I kept dreaming about the Leeds girl and that damn dog. I hate this kind of
shit. I almost forgot all those Urban Legends about Finger Annie… I didn't need this to
drudge them all up again. I heard most of them from my Grandmother when I was like
twelve or something. Amazing what your grandparents will tell kids huh? I'm not leaving
my dad alone with my kids ever again just in case.

What the hell where those kids doing up there Jimmy? What did the Smithson kid mean
when he said "recreate that night"? Where did Freeman go?

Damn, this shouldn't happen here.

Hope your Halloween was better than ours. See you next Wednesday.

- Walt

P.S. – The full names of the entire group are as follows (to make following the tape easier).
They were: Alan Freeman, Tabitha Leeds, Mike Dahley, Renee Waters, and Ross
Smithson. The dog was Dante. (That screwed me up at first; I kept wondering who the hell
Dante was.)

P.P.S. – Just took a quick look at this book. Nails. Ouch.

 SMITHSON: Ooo. A lifetime ago. (Laughter.
Pause.) That thing on?

FREEMAN: Not yet.

SMITHSON: Then why are you holding it like

that?

FREEMAN: No reason.

SMITHSON: I hate it when you record

everything. You're a freak about that shit man.

DAHLEY: Who the fuck cares? Can we get

moving please? I'd like to get there.

WATERS: Shit, this thing is heavy Alan. What

the hell did you put in it?

FREEMAN: Two of the field lights and

batteries. Plus there's a bottle of wine in that
one I think.

LEEDS: Red or White?

Untitled - by Stan Nelson SMITHSON: I hate wine man, why not beer?

TAPE ONE FREEMAN: You know why.

FREEMAN: Testing, testing, Sibilance, SMITHSON: Shit.

Sibilance…
LEEDS: How far is it Alan?
DAHLEY: From downtown Burbank, it's the
Tonight Show! (Simulated crowd cheers). FREEMAN: Not too far. About a mile and a
half.
FREEMAN: Nice.
SMITHSON: Get the fuck outta here! A
Tape is turned off. fucking mile and a half? We gotta carry this
crap a mile and a half?
Tape turned back on.
LEEDS: Oh cut it out you wimp. You walk
LEEDS: … out here? longer than that at the mall.

DAHLEY: Yeah, a long time ago. I think back SMITHSON: Hey! I cut that shit out years ago.
in '91.
FREEMAN: Cut it out guys, let's just get going guys tell anyone about tonight?
please? We have to be there before ten.
(Loudly) C'mon Dante! Let's move! LEEDS: No.

Tape is shut off. SMITHSON: Not me.

Tape is turned back on.
DAHLEY: Nope, you think I'm crazy?
FREEMAN: Mark two.
(Pause)
Tape is shut off.
Tape is turned back on. FREEMAN: Renee? (Pause) Awww, SHIT
Renee! How many times have I fucking said…?
FREEMAN: twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,
sixteen. Remember sixteen. WATERS: Jesus Christ Alan, calm the fuck
down. I only told my cousin!
DAHLEY: Sixteen what?
FREEMAN: Great, and she told her boyfriend,
LEEDS: Sweet sixteen? who told his buddies, who called a kegger…

Tape is shut off. SMITHSON: At least there'd be beer.

Tape is turned back on.
FREEMAN: Shut up Ross!
SMITHSON: (Singing) …over and over and
over again my friend. I don't believe, we're on WATERS: Stop it. She doesn't even HAVE a
the eve of destruction… boyfriend. She's not gonna tell anyone, and
she's certainly not out here so cut the shit.
FREEMAN: Shhhhhhhh! (Pause) What!?

SMITHSON: What? SMITHSON: No boyfriend huh? She hot?

FREEMAN: Did you hear that? Dante stop! WATERS: Dick.

(Dog barks) SMITHSON: Last time I checked, yep.

DAHLEY: What? FREEMAN: I heard something.

SMITHSON: Gimme a break Al. Wait till DAHLEY: Alan, I swear to God, if you have
we're there at least before you start with the someone jump out dressed like the killer from
cheap scare tactics. Scream, I'm gonna kill you.

LEEDS: Speaking of which, how much further LEEDS: Alan, I didn't hear anything. Maybe it
Papa Smurf? was just the wind or a squirrel or something.

FREEMAN: I'm not fucking around. Quiet! FREEMAN: I guess so. Let's just try and take
(Pause). There's someone out there. Did you this seriously though guys, ok?
 SMITHSON: Yeah, everyone be careful in case Tape is shut off.
we find Jason Voorhees screwing the Blair Tape is turned back on.
Witch while the Jersey Devil and Chucky
watch. (Pause) OK OK! Jesus Alan, lighten up SMITHSON: … BE A FUCKING OWL!
a little will ya? I'll be serious.
LEEDS: Christ that scared the shit out of me.
FREEMAN: Please. (Laughs)

Someone speaks, but it's too low to tell who it WATERS: Oh my God.
was and what was said.
LEEDS: You ok?
LEEDS: (Laughs) Yeah. Hey Alan, I'll ask
again… how much further? WATERS: I almost pissed myself.

FREEMAN: We're just about there.
SMITHSON: Then turn that thing off till we
get there will you?
FREEMAN: Fine.
LEEDS: You know, I wonder if this road is the
one where they fou…
DAHLEY (Sounding far away): I see him!
Dante!
FREEMAN: Dante get over here!! (Pause)
Right there, Ross.
SMITHSON (From a distance): Here?
FREEMAN: Yeah, near the bigger rock.

SMITHSON (A little closer now): Wow, this is

one fucking huge bolder man.

WATERS: Where's the shack?

FREEMAN: About two hundred yards past the

stump.

LEEDS: What kind of tree was that?

FREEMAN: Not sure. Oak I guess.

WATERS: Looks like a redwood.

FREEMAN: Believe it or not, redwoods are

much bigger. This isn't so large.

SMITHSON: Big rock, big tree stump… and

now I have a big thirst. Please tell me you
brought more than just wine.

Untitled - by Bob Labute

FREEMAN: Yeah, there's water in my pack.
(Pause) Catch.
SMITHSON: Beauty.
DAHLEY (Out of breath, panting.): He won't
come Alan.
FREEMAN: Oh for... DANTE!
Sounds like running through leaves here.
Barking of dog in distance.
FREEMAN: Come on Dante… cut the shit!
DAHLEY: He was over there.
FREEMAN: I see him. DANTE DAMMIT!
Barking of dog louder.
DAHLEY: Hey Dante, that's a good boy. Shit,
did he catch the owl? He's got something.
FREEMAN: I don't know. C'mere Dante.
DAHLEY: What the hell is that?
FREEMAN: It's just a bone I think.
DAHLEY: Not that… THAT! (Pause) Is that
it?
FREEMAN: (Laughs) Yeah, saves me the
trouble of scouting for it. Nice work Dante.
DAHLEY: I thought it was in the other
direction.
FREEMAN: So did I, even better Dante found
it.
Sound of someone calling is very faint in
background.
DAHLEY: WE GOT HIM!!! COMING!
(Pause) Wait… did you say a bone?
FREEMAN: What?
DAHLEY: A bone. You said it was a bone.
FREEMAN: What the fuck are you talk… oh,
the dog… yeah I think it's a bone. Lemme see
Dante. C'mon. (Long Pause) What
the…(Pause) OH FUCK!!
DAHLEY: SHIT! WHAT!?
FREEMAN: (Laughs) Damn. I thought it was a
fucking hand for a second. See? Looks like it
doesn't it?
DAHLEY: Fuck Alan, between the owl and
this, I've already had my fill of scares. (Laughs
nervously) Then again, that's why we're out
here though huh?
FREEMAN: That's right. C'mon.
LEEDS (In distance): Unintelligible… coming
back?
FREEMAN: Yeah, let's get everything set up.
LEEDS (Louder now): Ross started putting…
Tape is shut off.
Tape is turned back on.
WATERS: … bout ten sixteen.
FREEMAN: Excellent. We made good time.
Nice job Ross.
SMITHSON: That's me, the wannabe
woodsman.
FREEMAN: Ok, I'd like to get started now.
SMITHSON: I figured when I saw the tape
recorder.
DAHLEY: That's a nice one Alan. Where'd you
get it?
FREEMAN: Ryder's Surplus. Was used as a
field recorder for the U.S. Marshall's office.
Nice huh? It automatically goes from side A to he makes no sense, but my brother has told me
side B on it's own without losing more than like all about the stuff that does.
a few seconds of recording.
SMITHSON: You and your recording.
FREEMAN: So you've said a million times.
Can we get started?
LEEDS: Yes, lets.
DAHLEY: Ok Mr. Expert. How do we start?
FREEMAN: Time?
happened.
LEEDS: Oh my God. You're serious?
FREEMAN: Yeah. They're best friends. It took
like a good nine months, but every once and a
while Dillon will just start talking. He never
answers questions or anything, and lots of times
SMITHSON: Did he ever tell him about Nanci?
FREEMAN: Never anything that made sense to
him. You know my brother man. He's not into
this kinda stuff. He'd freak out if he knew I was
out here. (Pause) My brother said that Dillon
told him he still sees her. Every night… once
it's dark.
(Long pause)

WATERS: Ten Nineteen.

FREEMAN: Let's give it until Ten Twenty-

Five.

WATERS: Why?
FREEMAN: Cause that's when it started.

SMITHSON: Oh bullshit, how could you

know the exact time?

FREEMAN: Dillon told my brother.

(Pause)

SMITHSON: Bullshit! Dillon doesn't know

what year it is or even which was is up. I
doubt he's had an understandable thought in
two years. He told your brother crap.

FREEMAN: No really. My brother visits him

every month man. Has been since… (Pause) it

Clutching Torso Study - by Josh Bowe

WATERS: Ok, I'm officially creeped out now.
Mission accomplished Alan. (Everyone
Laughs). Hey, it's ten-twenty-five.
FREEMAN: Ok, let's go.
SMITHSON: This way?
FREEMAN: Yeah.
LEEDS: Give me one of those water bottles
Alan?
FREEMAN: Ok. So what we're go…
Tape is shut off.
Tape is turned back on.
WATERS: … ever.
FREEMAN: Fucking crap. It was off.
SMITHSON: It's not like you lost something
important.
FREEMAN: That's not the point. I hate leaving
it in the knapsack.
DAHLEY: Better than carrying it by hand
though. Hey, did you get a picture of that thing
Tabby?
LEEDS: No, should I?
DAHLEY: Yeah.
LEEDS (As you hear the camera snap): Got it. SMITHSON: That's fucking right! I don't
Hey, I still think you should just leave that here believe shit! It's fucking Halloween, and we're
Ross.
SMITHSON: Why? It's cool looking.
LEEDS: What if it was… (Long Pause)
SMITHSON: What? Nanci's? Tara David's?
Maybe… (Pause) … Finger Annie's?
LEEDS: Don't say her name! Alan!
FREEMAN: It's ok Tabitha. Saying it once
won't do anything. You have to chant it.
LEEDS: Still…
SMITHSON: You mean like… Finger Annie,
Finger Annie, Finger Annie, Finger Annie…
LEEDS: STOP IT ROSS!
FREEMAN: Hey Ross, cut it out!
SMITHSON: Relax. It's a fucking ghost story
you guys.
DAHLEY: But right next to the cabin… too
freaky… no more man.
SMITHSON: Finger Annie, Finger Annie,
Finger Annie… Wooooooooooo…. OW!
SHIT! Tabby you fucking bitch!
LEEDS: Stop it you asshole!
WATERS: HEY!
SMITHSON: I'll fucking stop it and start
breaking your fucking neck you smack me
again!
LEEDS: Just because you don't believe…
here to get all scared… great, I'm into that, but
I'm not gonna be a fucking feeb and start
worrying a hundred year old ghost is gonna
come get me because I say her name a few
times!
(Long pause)
FREEMAN: Ross, man… just… enough…
ok?

SMITHSON: You know Alan, I fucking love

you man, but you take this shit way too
seriously, ok? When you came up with this
idea, I was all like… cool… it's Halloween,
great idea. Everyone from around here knows
these fucking stories and this beats a stupid
dance or the Fright-A-Bowlathon, but
recreating the "last time" as you put it? Doing
everything they did? It's going too far. Let's
just camp out, and tell some ghost stories and
get good and creeped out and have a
Halloween to remember… ok?

LEEDS: I didn't smack you… I lightly slapped

you.

SMITHSON: There's a difference?

Crouching seated figure (abstract) - by Josh Bowe
LEEDS: Ross… just…
LEEDS: It's sweet. Alan, what are you doing?
SMITHSON: Ok, forget it alright?
FREEMAN: Something is wrong with this
LEEDS: Fine. thing.

FREEMAN: Leave that thing here man. Ok? DAHLEY: It happened again?

SMITHSON: JESUS! Ok, ok, ok. Here look... I FREEMAN: Yeah. I don't understand this… it
put the necklace back ok? Let's go. worked great all week. I'm gonna change the…

FREEMAN: Ok, thanks. C'mon Dante, c'mon Tape is shut off.

boy… Tape is turned back on.

DAHLEY: I really wish he'd drop that frigging DAHLEY: … works.

bone.
SMITHSON: Did we lose the stories?
Tape is shut off.
Tape is turned back on. FREEMAN: I think we did. I'd have to listen to
the tape to be sure.
WATERS: …like it.
SMITHSON: Dammit. I wanted a copy of
SMITHSON: I guess so. I normally don't like those.
wine, but this stuff is ok.
FREEMAN: If we did, I'll record some for you lean back.
if you want.
SMITHSON: Ooh yeah, reading my mind…
DAHLEY: Are they coming back? (Pause) … Very nice.

SMITHSON: Yeah, you know girls; always Waters says something unintelligible.
have to go to the b…
SMITHSON: Uh huh.
Tape is shut off.
Tape is turned back on. WATERS: Unintelligible…my hair. Careful.

SMITHSON: … this button? Yeah, there it SMITHSON: Wanna go back to the shack?
goes. You need a fucking degree in engineering
to work this thing. WATERS: Unintelligible…cabin? Why?

WATERS (Giggling): What are you doing? SMITHSON: Why not?

SMITHSON: I wanna leave something for Alan WATERS: You're crazy. Doesn't that creep you
to enjoy. (Pause) Something from me and you. out?

WATERS: Oh? And what makes you think I'd SMITHSON: I'm thinking of that bed.
let you record that?
WATERS: That bed's like a million years old.
SMITHSON: Cause ya love me baby…
SMITHSON: Let's test it. (Pause) Come on, I'll
WATERS (Laughing): Despite myself, I guess I protect you.
do.
WATERS: But…
SMITHSON: Come here. (Long Pause) I like
the ones that hook in the front Rey. (Long SMITHSON: It's ok. Here let me…
Pause) Ok… yeah…
Tape is shut off.
WATERS: Oh…oh my god, Oh Ross… holy Tape is turned back on.
shit.
WATERS: … weird.
SMITHSON: I like that don't ya?
SMITHSON: Who cares?
WATERS: What the fuck do you think? Oh
yes... No, not there… up more… yeah there… WATERS: You brought that thing with you?
(Long Pause) … God…God…God… (Long Didn't we leave enough? Come on Ross, no
Pause) Yes THERE! FUCK YES THERE!! more.

SMITHSON: Shhh! You'll wake them up. SMITHSON: Ok, in a second. Just let me move
this light. Hey, here's that necklace…
WATERS: They're all drunk on candy wine,

Black Wings Carry Me Down - by Stan Nelson
(Pause)
WATERS: Ross, I don't like it in here. Let's go
back.
SMITHSON: Why? It's fine.
WATERS: No, Ross… I can't, not here…
SMITHSON: What do you mean you can't?
WATERS: How can you even get it up in this
place? I want to go back.
SMITHSON: I can get it up anywhere baby…
WATERS: It's not funny Ross. I'm not doing
shit. I'm going back.
SMITHSON: Come on Renee! Hey, stop…
don't!
WATERS: Ross, fuck you. I'm not… not here.
So get over it. Let's go back. (Pause) Ross?
(Pause) Ross? Cut it out you asshole. (Long
Pause) ROSS PUT THE FUCKING LIGHT
BACK ON! (Pause) Ross STOP IT.
Someone (most likely Ross Smithson) says
something unintelligible.
WATERS: FUCKING STOP IT ROSS!! PUT
THE GODDAMN FUCKING LIGHT ON!!
(Pause) Please!! Ross? (Long Pause) What are
you doing? I can't see, where's the door? Is
that… (Pause) What, did you lock it? ROSS
CUT IT OUT! OPEN THE DOOR!
Someone (most likely Ross Smithson) says
something unintelligible.
WATERS: What? It won't open! It won't open!
(Pause. Banging Sounds) ALAN! SOMEONE
OPEN THE… (Pause) Stop. STOP! OH SHIT
THAT HURTS STOP IT ROSS!!! STOP IT!!!
(Pause. Very loud scream. Pause) OH GOD,
OH GOD!! OH!! FLOAT!
Sounds of crying. Someone is breathing
heavily. There are scraping sounds.
Someone says something unintelligible. Hard to
distinguish the voice.
Approx. Eleven minutes goes by. Twice a
scraping sound is heard. Someone coughs
once.
WATERS: Float.
Approx. three minutes goes by. Someone
giggles softly. Impossible to tell who it is.
WATERS (Very softly, hard to hear): Finger
Annie, Finger Annie, Finger Annie, Finger
Annie… (Pause) Long. Very long. (Pause)
Tulip. (Long pause) He beats his fists against
the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts!
(Crying) Fucking… fu… fu… fucking hurts.
Ross? Please? Ross? I'm sorry… (Pause) Ross? hell is that door made out of?
Someone (most likely Ross Smithson) says
something unintelligible.
WATERS: No.
Someone (most likely Ross Smithson) says
something unintelligible.
WATERS: It was fun. I liked it.
Someone (most likely Ross Smithson) says
something unintelligible.
WATERS: Why? Why? (Pause) No. oh
no…nonononononononononono (Very loud
scream, goes on a long time.)
SMITHSON: Number nine?
Approx. eighteen minutes goes by. No sounds at
all are heard, just dead air.
A dog barking can be heard, muffled. Loud
crashing sounds last about one minute.
Approx. four minutes goes by. Dog barking
constant throughout entire four minutes.
Distant voices are heard. A rattle, then banging
is heard.
FREEMAN (Muffled): Stop it Dante! Ross?
Open up the door, we know you're in there.
Come on Ross! Not funny guys!
LEEDS (Muffled): Renee! Open the door!
(Pause) Guys? (Pause) Alan, this is scaring me. Holy shit. Whose blood is that?
What if they got hurt?
FREEMAN (Muffled): They're just trying to
scare us…(Pause) Fuck it. Kick it in.
A loud bang is heard.
DAHLEY: (Muffled): Fuck that hurt! What the
LEEDS (Muffled): How can this door even…
(Pause) It's open!
FREEMAN: Guys? Hey… guys?
DAHLEY: Holy Shit!!
LEEDS: What the hell happened in here?
FREEMAN: Jesus, it looks like they trashed
the place! Hey! My recorder!
LEEDS: They couldn't have done this! Why
would they? Maybe someone else did and they
heard it and came to investigate.
FREEMAN: With my recorder? Where did
they go then?
DAHLEY: My flashlights dying… turn on that
light.
FREEMAN: What light?
DAHLEY: That one, looks like they brought
one with… (Pause). Holy. Fucking. Shit.
Someone (most likely Tabitha Leeds) screams.
FREEMAN: Out, get out… we have to get out
of here.
DAHLEY: Fuck that, we have to find them.
FREEMAN: Let's go.
DAHLEY: Fuck that Alan! They could be lying
around here hurt! We have to help them.
FREEMAN: WE HAVE TO FUCKING GET
OUT OF HERE. WE'LL GET SOMEONE TO
 COME UP HERE… THE POLICE! HERE!!

Someone (sounds like Tabitha Leeds) begins to Sounds like running through leaves here.
cry. Barking of dog in distance gets louder.

FREEMAN: Come on Mike. FREEMAN: What? What's…? (Pause) Holy

shit.
DAHLEY: We can't leave them.
LEEDS: Is that… oh my God, (Pause) Alan…
FREEMAN: Mike! Come back! Hey!!
FREEMAN: Where's the camera? (Pause)
DAHLEY (From a distance): We're gonna look Tabby!
for them first dammit!
LEEDS: … huh?
FREEMAN: Come on Tabitha. Hey… I
know… come on. FREEMAN: The camera! Where is it?

DAHLEY (From a distance): Cut it out Dante! LEEDS: In my pack…

Leave th… HOLY SHIT!! ALAN GET OVER
FREEMAN: Get a shot of that.

LEEDS: What? Fuck… Why?

FREEMAN: So the fucking police believe us

that's why!

Dahley: How is that going to… what the

FUCK!

FREEMAN: R…

Tape is shut off.

Tape is turned back on.

LEEDS: Oh please, oh please, oh please… oh

God, God, God, God, God… (Pause) Dante…
please… Dante… good dog… good dog. (Long
Pause). No. nononono, NO!!!

Sounds of a scuffle. Someone screams.

Approx. one minute goes by.

LEEDS: Mommy? Mommy help me. (Pause) I

want to go home… (Pause)…Cipher…

Someone says something unintelligible.

Smoker - by Josh Bowe

LEEDS (From a distance): I didn't want to. I… DAHLEY: ALAN! NO! STOP! HELP ME!
unintelligible … throw… unintelligible … I ALAN!! WHAT… WHAT…
can't… I can't. (Pause) Alan? (Pause). Alan?
Someone (most likely Mike Dahley) screams.
FREEMAN (From a distance): … Something heavy drags towards the
recorder, getting louder. The dog barks once.
unintelligible… here! It's here!
LEEDS: Finger Annie, Finger Annie, Finger
LEEDS: ALAN!
Annie, Finger Annie…
FREEMAN: Tabby? (Pause) Mike get… SHIT!
FREEMAN: Tabitha, we have to get out of
MIKE!!!
here. Tabby… TABBY!
DAHLEY (From distance): What?
LEEDS: Finger Annie, Finger Annie, Finger
Annie…
FREEMAN: LOOK OUT!!! SHIT! MIKE
LOOK OUT!!!
FREEMAN: TABITHA! STOP SAYING
THAT! WE HAV….
DAHLEY (Louder): What? I don't see…
what!?
Tape is shut off.
Tape is turned back on.
FREEMAN: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
FUCKING THING!? MIKE RUN!!
FREEMAN: … rock. Help me Tabby. Shit I
think my leg is broken. Tabby? Please?
DAHLEY: Alan! I can't fucking see… what the
fuck… Alan where did you…
LEEDS: What's in your hands Alan?
FREEMAN: MIKE RUN GOD DAMMIT IT'S
FREEMAN: What are you talking about? God
RIGHT FUCKING BEHIND YOU!!
dammit Tabby before that thing comes back!!
LEEDS: Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
LEEDS: What thing?
DAHLEY: What are you ho…? ALAN
FREEMAN: Tabby!!!!
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?
LEEDS: What's in your hands Alan? What is
FREEMAN: MIKE!
that? What are your hands Alan?
RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN
N!!!!!!
FREEMAN: WHAT!? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
A click is heard. The tapes shifts to Side B.
LEEDS: Long Alan. Very long.
LEEDS (Moaning): Cats cradle, cats cradle,
cats cradle…
FREEMAN: TABB…
FREEMAN: LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!!
Tape is shut off.
Tape is turned back on.
LEEDS: Why did we come here? (Pause) Screams.
There's blood on the rock.
LEEDS: There's your fucking number nine.
Tape is shut off. (Pause) I was supposed to remember sixteen
Tape is turned back on. Alan. I remembered. (Long Pause) Alan?
Unintelligible… yeah…right … (Giggles)
LEEDS (Singing and Crying): Jesus loves
me… this I know… cause the bible… (pause) Scraping noises.
tells me so. Something heavy falls.
Someone says something unintelligible.
SMITHSON (Mouth sounds like it's full): Jesus Approx. seven minutes goes by.
Wept. Wet sploosh like sounds are audible.
Someone says something unintelligible.
Tape is shut off. A single sharp dog's yip is heard.
Tape is turned back on.
Someone is whimpering. Impossible to tell who. FREEMAN: Float.

FREEMAN (Barely audible): Dante… Tape is shut off.

Tearing sound. Wet sounds are audible.

Approx. two minutes goes by.

FREEMAN: Long.

SMITHSON: N… Nanci?

FREEMAN: How long?

SMITHSON: Nanci?

FREEMAN: Is long?

SMITHSON: Where… what's happening?

FREEMAN (Straining): Ross. Trick or Treat.

(Giggles. Coughs. Cough sounds wet.)

SMITHSON: Alan… is that?

LEEDS: Trick or Treat Ross.

SMITHSON: Tabby! It's N…

Untitled - by Stan Nelson
Sound of something scraping. Then a tearing
sound. Then a wet sploosh like sound.
Someone (Most likely Ross Smithson)
Ginger Reeds Hospital TO: James Fredricks
870 Middle Stream Road FROM: Terry Marlow
Twin Valley, NY 11901 DATE: 11/3/02
SUBJ: Tabitha Leeds

James,

I received your request regarding Tabitha Leeds and I regret to tell you I will have to deny
that request for the unforeseeable future. Miss Leeds has been unable to respond to any
attempts to talk to her without extreme paranoia and rantings. We have had to sedate her
almost around the clock since her arrival here on Friday morning. There is no way you'll
be able to question her any time soon. Not only do I doubt she'd help your case any, there is
no way I could allow it for her sake. As it was, late this afternoon she managed to rip one of
her arm restraints off and smeared blood on the wall next to her bed screaming "There's a
dog loose in the woods!" She drew a rather disturbing scene using her fingers as a
paintbrush and her blood as paint. We took pictures of it so you can see them if you wish.
Rather gruesome and perhaps important to the case. You'll have to fill me in on this local
witch tale. I have never heard of Finger Annie, although looking at this picture, I might
have an idea of what she's supposed to look like.

You were correct about something however. Miss Leeds would not allow any female nurses
to go near her except for one of them, a young woman named Heather Marshall. She has
very short fingernails. Do I even want to know where you're going with that guess?

I'll keep you abreast

of Miss Leeds
condition, but I
wouldn't count on
her help with what
happened up there
any time soon.

By the way, I'm in

for the poker game
next Thursday if it's
still on.

- Terry

Untitled - by Bob Labute

Twin Valley Medical Examiners Office TO: James Fredricks
1610 Long Neck Road FROM: Anthony Marello
Twin Valley, NY 11901 DATE: 11/4/02
SUBJ: Walter Landers

Jim,

Just finished the autopsy on Walt. It's hard to tell exactly what was used to make those
wounds, but I will tell you, it was NOT the fangs of a dog, like Timmy Landers said. The
cuts are way too thick and the slices too smooth. I know how adamant he was that a dog
attacked his father, but look at it this way… those kids spent the entire night alone with the
body of their dead father in the fucking woods. Who knows what trauma induced
nightmares this gave them.

As for your message about possible fragments in the wounds, I did find a few tiny pieces of
something, but it's not too much help. There were small flecks of fingernail matter inside
the wounds. They might have been from Walt himself as he tried to stop the blood flow
from his throat. So far any DNA tests have been inconclusive. I'll keep at it until I find
something. To answer another question before it even gets asked, there is no way someone
could file fingernails sharp enough to do the damage this did. Let's not even get me started
on this insane rumor going around, ok? This sort of crap pisses me off.

Listen. The blood on the clothes of the two boys might actually help me a little, so get me
those clothes as soon as possible.

Hey, I'm really sorry. I know you and Walt were close. Don't worry, we'll find this asshole.
I have to tell you though, Bill told me there's still an APB out for that kid, Freeman, but
with all of the blood
found at the crime
scene from Thursday
night, if that kid
somehow survived,
he's lucky as shit to
be alive, and couldn't
(in my opinion) have
the strength to walk,
much less attack and
kill a Police Officer.

Again, my
condolences. Please
share them also with
Walt's family.

- Tony

Untitled - by Bob Labute

 Family Life
~Cook Book For Working Families~ - by Amanda Fortin
A simple and quick breakfast idea:

When cooking bacon, try adding a bit of maple syrup or soy

sauce. Not too much, just enough to add flavor.

Side ideas:

Adults prefered: {Soy Bacon} Eggs, toast w/ jam, grape fruit and
a beverage of choice.

Kids will love it: {Maple Bacon} Scrambled eggs, french toast
w/ jam or syrup, orange and apple slices and a beverage of choice.

Or do something as simple as a bowl of corn flakes, lightly sprinkled with sugar and topped off
with berries and fruit of choice. Even a medley of fruit. Wash that down with an orange juice and
you're on for a healthy day. Remember, Breakfast is the MOST IMPORTANT meal of the day,
it's where you get your energy from.

Stay healthy, eat fun! I sound like a commercial. hee hee

The Fish and the Secret Oranges - by Roger Formidable

My Journal - by Mandie Fortin
Surprise! I've returned out of nowhere to fill your heads with even more funny's or crap, it's up to
you to decide. I looked at my posts when visiting my column and realized something, nearly a
year has gone by now. My first posting was June 07'. My anniversary is almost upon us.
As you can see for all my faithful readers, that my picture has changed and there is a logo, it
belongs to yet another addicting facebook application called fighter's club. It's amazing how
addicting simple little games become once you
enter the paralells of objectives, conversations
and strategy moves, you never really know what
you're getting yourself into it but once you do,
you can't stop.

My daughters birthday party has come and gone.

Time goes by so fast. It seems like only
yesterday I was holding her in my arms not
knowing what the hell to do but love her with all
my heart and soul and now she is 8 years old and
acting mindlessly like an 18 year old with the
temper and attitude of a hippo with gas. This girl
will go off like a time bomb. One minute she's
as sweet and loving as can be then the next
everyone is running and taking cover. Having a
daughter kinda makes me see what it's like to
have a wife though. hee hee Sorry ladies but you
know it's true. We nag, complain, cry, and cause
a great deal of hublub and that is not including
the monthly visitor that turns us into........well
face it, if the possibility stands that in some
people's eye's God could be a Woman, well then
Untitled - by Belinda Da Fonseca
Satin may very well fit the perfect status of a
PMSing woman! Don't you agree? Eternal damnation to those that piss us off or just be in the
wrong place at the wrong time and say nothing at all but it was still wrong! Usually it's the men
standing at the counter snacking on a cookie and reading the newspaper but the instant the paper
crinkles.....look out! My daughter has picked up a bit of........snob.......from somewhere. Don't
look at me, I love everyone.

My middle child is so sensitive right now, it seems she's experiencing some serious winter blahs.
I can't wait till this beautiful weather comes and gives us the chance to bring our children out
without bundling them to a claustrophobic stage of winterwear. We patiently await the warmth
embrace of spring and summer. Where are you? I can't wait to watch my first thunder and
lightening storm of the year, those are my favorite once on the nature channel I listen to for
nature sounds at night....yeah yeah, go ahead and laugh but if you have my kind of sleep pattern,
you'll do what it takes to knock yourself out. IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 My son........he's still a boy but now his
fav word is, "NO!" The look on his face
is just the topping on the cake. A 4 yr old
trying to give you the evil eye is
just.....yeah, try not to laugh when he
does it to you!

It's late and I'm running on less then 3

hrs sleep. It's almost 3am and I am
starting to nod off. I'm getting a bit light
headed so off I go!
I'll be chattin again soon and sorry I have
no recipts lately. I've been too busy to be
creative with my kitchen! Soon. I
Untitled - by Belinda Da Fonseca promise. Soon!

*****************************************************************************
After waiting ever so impatiently for spring to finally show up, the rain comes down with
promise of greener days to come. Now the wait for the sun to shoot warm rays down upon us,
helping melt away the filthy patches of snow littering the sides of our roads. Once you see the
street cleaners out in full power, sweeping and washing away the remnants of winter, you know
that CAMPING is just around the corner. I am an avid camper and I'm not talking about campers,
trailers, RV's or cottages. I'm talking pitching a tent amongst the trees, mosquitos and black flies.
Skunks raiding our dining tent and squirrels taking off with our chicken bones....it's happened!

I love roasting marshmallows and

hot dogs over an open crackling
fire and watching fire flies in the
trees. Swimming at the beaches
and camping under the blue sky.
I'm so relieved that this beautiful
weather is finally amongst us. I
despise winter and am not sad to
see it go.

So everyone, welcome spring

with a smile and watch for the
robins. Speaking of robins, let me
know if you see one. I'm always
happy to hear a robin spotting.
Happy Spring Everyone.

Untitled - by Bob Labute

 Pop Culture
Raised on Saturday Morning Cartoons - by Pauline Harren Pare
I have caught several episodes of "New Amsterdam" and I am enjoying it very much. Good
writing and good characters make for a very watch-able drama with a supernatural twist. Keep up
the good work FOX!

Now I wish to rave about the best show currently on television. "Battlestar Galactica" returns on
April 4 for it's final season. If you haven't seen this show...you can easily rent it to catch up on
the plot. It proves that Science fiction does not have to be silly, campy or swamped with so many
special effects that the plot becomes weak. "Battlestar Galactica" is a serious and dark show with
deep moral dilemmas and realistic human behaviour form it's characters.

Several other show are coming back with new episodes filmed shortly after the strike ended. The
best post strike schedule I was able to find that included all networks is:

http://community.tvguide.com/blog-entry/TVGuide-Editors-Blog/Ausiello-Report/Wga-Strike-
Favorite/800032698

New Amsterdam - Fox Network

Battlestar Galactica - Sci-Fi Network
Coffee and Cigarettes - by David Marshall

Greetings and salutations, it's been a while since I posted an article but fortunately I found an old
one from the paper days of RKYV and decided to dust it off and use it again.

Randy has been on my back for the last several months asking, "Hey moron, are you going to
write a Coffee and Cigarettes article for this month or what?". Well, when put under such
pressure one tries to rise to the occasion.

There are several difficulties when trying to come up with ideas every month such as finding a
topic you can actually ramble on for one page about and making it lucid and interesting. So as I
sit here at my computer I try to come up with anything that will make Randy happy and interest
you fans at the same time.

Several ideas have popped in and out of my head for the last three weeks but nothing that I truly
felt passionate enough about to warrant a whole article. Perhaps I was so inspired watching my
Seinfeld DVDs that I decided to write a whole article about nothing and get away with it.

It gets very difficult after a while to continue talking about nothing and going on and on boring
the hell out of all of you readers, but believe me I will endeavour to finish this project and
continue to keep you wondering if I will ever run out of ideas.

Hey! Imagine that, 5 paragraphs already. Well I think this might be a good time to wrap this
whole thing up with clever statement so I will sound like I'm clever and witty. So I'd like to end
this very, very soon and not waste anymore of your valuable time.

Well I hope you enjoy this month's RKYV as much as I enjoyed writing this article and since this
is the last sentence I think I'll end it with a period.

(Note: After much medication and shock therapy, we are pleased to inform you that Dave has
recovered from his mental breakdown and from now on will strive to bring you an article that
actually talks about something)