Transactional Analysis Journal

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Book Review: Is It Love or is It Addiction?

Curtis Steele
Transactional Analysis Journal 2009 39: 173
DOI: 10.1177/036215370903900211

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 Book Reviews
Curtis Steele, Editor

Is It Love or Is It Addiction?
by Brenda Schaeffer
Hazeldon, 2009 (3 rd ed.)
216 pages, $15.95

Reviewed by Curtis Steele

Transactional analysis has been blessed with some excellent writers, and I am delighted to include
Brenda Schaeffer among them. This book, now in its third edition, is lucid, educational, and readable
from onset to end. It has been updated and expanded to include material on the biology of addiction,
the impact of technology and relationships, and new chapters on sex and romance addiction. Schaef-
fer describes what love addiction is and is not, how to identify it, and how to get out of it, using case
material to illustrate her assertions. She also explores the influence of past abuse and trauma on the
predisposition to love addiction.
Initially, I thought that perhaps using the word “addiction” in the title was a bit strong, but Schaef-
fer took care of that concern early on by offering a comprehensive definition:
For our purposes we will characterize addiction from three perspectives: (1) as a dysfunctional
habit that has become unconscious; (2) a compulsive ritual that is no longer choice; and (3) a
psychological attachment to the object, often characterized by withdrawal or intensity of symp-
toms when the object is removed. Focus on the object can cause an interference with the normal
social, occupational, recreational, emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects of a person’s life.
There is a minimizing or blatant denial of the abuse or pain resulting from this focus, and there
remains a continued involvement with the object in spite of negative consequences. Addiction
is a malignant outgrowth of our normal human inclination for arousal, fantasy, and satiation.
(pp. 11-12)
Schaeffer goes on to describe three types of addictive love: love addiction, in which there is an
unhealthy dependency on the object of love; romance addiction, in which there is an addictive rush
of intoxicating feelings toward a romantic object and which often ends in a vicious Victim/
Persecutor game; and sexual addiction, which starts with the exploitation of others in the service of
sexual gratification.
As I read this book, I became increasingly aware of both the prevalence and the power of these
addictive behaviors. In print, on television, and on the Internet, there are daily reminders, including
news events, advertisements, advice columns covering the spectrum from the romantic to the lurid.
Pornography abounds, the slippery slope of professional boundary violations is revealed, sexual
harassment in the workplace is documented, divorce proceedings are voyeuristically presented, and
so on, without end. Oh the storms that we encounter in the process of being human! It also brought
home to me that a thorough knowledge of transactional analysis psychodynamics, sociobiology, and
neurochemistry proffers absolutely no immunity from these effects.
Schaeffer’s book includes concise but extensive discussions of the biological, cultural, spiritual,
and psychological roots of addictive love. In particular, I was moved to recall my experience of the
power of the various neurochemicals that are activated during various stages of sexual attraction and
arousal. She also addresses a basic problem in facing any addiction, which are the defenses erected
in support of continuing it even long after the destructive consequences become manifest.
Schaeffer obviously knows this material inside and out. I would recommend this book to all
Transactional Analysis Journal readers and to clients as well.

Vol. 39, No. 2, April 2009 173

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