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Keeley Olivia

Cover Artwork by the incredible Julia Kapeller from PussyGarden (an Etsy Shop)

To the brave souls who dare to think differently.

Introduction 1


Chapter 1: Teenage Dreams 7

Chapter 2: Learning to Orgasm 9
Chapter 3: Losing Myself 12
Chapter 4: Fantasies 17
Chapter 5: A Feminist Awakening 24
Chapter 6: Reclaiming Pussy 28
Chapter 7: Supernova 30
Chapter 8: Turning on the Light 33
Chapter 9: Hysterical Woman 36
Chapter 10: Masturbation in the New Meditation 44


Chapter 11: The Five Foundations of Holistic Sex 54

Chapter 12: The Magical Pussy Toolbox 58
Chapter 13: Eight Fundamental Pussy Practices 60
Chapter 14: Demonic Possession 64
Chapter 15: De-armouring Your Deep Vagina 67
Chapter 16: Your Cyclic Sexuality 69
Chapter 17: Playing with Sexual Identity and Archetypes 72
Afterword 74

Next Steps 76
About the Author 77


Anyone who has ever owned a dog will know that they take no more shame in shitting
than they do humping your legs or other dogs, loving you, fetching the ball, licking
their ungarnished nether regions and sniffing other dogs buts.  It’s all in a good days

Humans on the other hand have  different standards. Whether they are higher or
lower is up for debate. 


Throughout my childhood, I  distinctly remember my mother shaming me around

what she would call ‘ogling’, or 'goggle eyeing' some one or  thing of particular sexy
nature. Say for example, a beautiful woman. Of which she was one. 

It left me feeling like there was something wrong with me and that I was an
overly sexualised lesbian. 

I was particularly terrified of being a lesbian because my first sexual experiences had

been with a woman, well rather a girl. We must have been around 7 or 8 years old. 

We discovered that if we touched each others private parts - or fairies  as we called

them in my household - it felt rather spectacular. 

Oh my goodness. 

The innocent pleasure and electricity and aliveness and buzzing energy that could
flow all through my body. The holy grail of life. Life force at its best.

We would pretend we were Baby and Johnny dancing to Time of My Life in Dirty
Dancing, or play Doctors and Nurses and ‘operate’ on each other. 
Then one day her Mum found out and went fucking ballistic. Like full on bat shit

She told my Dad. He didn’t go mental, but still, I was mortified. 

And wildly embarrassed and humiliated. 

And very very ashamed. 

I spent much of the next ten years horrified at the thought of word getting out to my
school friends leading to further humiliation, shame and the ultimate demise of my
popularity & reputation. 


That was a lot for an 8 year old to carry. 


There haven’t been many studies done into the normal sexual functioning of children,
because, well, it’s so god dam taboo. 

Questions about childhood sexual experiences are left out of most epidemiological
studies being conducted to understand human development and functioning. 

Even though the statistics of sexual trauma in childhood are comparable to obesity in

childhood - the latter of which there is a global campaign to abolish. 

This book is not explicitly about sexual trauma, but for me the link between the
high prevalence of sexual trauma and our social embedded shame around sexuality is

We are a horny species.

We are also the children of a culture that has fed us the doctrine that sex is sin for
several thousands of years. 

These are the scars we are dealing with. 


In a few small studies that dared to ask the question on childhood sexuality, here’s
what they found:

>> 82.9% of respondents reported solitary sexual experiences before the age of 13,

>> 82.5% of respondents reported mutual sexual experiences with another child
before the age of 13,

>> 48% of children were reported to have engaged in interactive sex play prior to the
age of six as reported by parents. 

I’m guessing that doesn’t surprise you that much because you either recognise
yourself or your children if you’ve got them in those stats.

But to say that publicly - pretty fucking taboo right?


My intention with this book is twofold:

To open the conversation around female sexuality and offer an alternative to the
standard social narrative that says that woman aren’t that interested in sex and do it

only to satisfy their ever rampant male counterpart (and of course procreate, which is
apparently their sole purpose in life). 

I do this by sharing my own experiences in the form of a masturbation memoir (yes - a

masturbation memoir), in the hope that you find yourself there too, normalising, de-
shaming and owning your sexy erotic self. 

Secondly, this book serves as a magical Pussy guide. To show you what is possible in
terms of your own orgasmic magnificence & variety. Clitoral, cervical, G-spot orgasms
- they are all available to you exactly as you are.

None of them are the myths, and all of them are testaments to the absolute brilliance
of your femaleness. 

The key to having better sex is mastering sex with yourself. 

So if you’re reading this cos you want to have better sex with your partner, the gems I
share in this book are imperative to you achieving that.

The secret to having an epic relationship with someone else is having an epic
relationship with yourself right? 

Why would it be any different in the bedroom?

The power to your incredible sex lies inside of you.

That thing you deeply crave, it is your uninhibited wild organic primal raw wild
creative erotic expressive orgasmic sexual self. 

In this book, you will find your way to back to it. 

That is my promise to you. 

** A note on the word Pussy: I use the word to encompass the entirety of your female
genitalia - vagina + vulva + uterus + ovaries. If it triggers you, as it did me immensely a
year ago, I challenge you to reclaim it. Have you ever considered how utterly berserk it
is that the English  language has no scientific term to encompass all of  a  woman’s
sexual anatomy? The vagina is the internal canal, the vulva the external lips & clitoris,
the uterus is the uterus (or womb). We put them together and what do we get? We get
Pussy. Forget those ridiculous words you learnt at school or at home as a child. Say it
loud and proud with  your hand cupped over her: this is my Pussy and together we
conquer greatness. 


In a study where 200 male & female students completed a questionnaire about porn &
masturbation, women were much more likely to lie about their lone sexual activity.
The study had 3 groups: 1 group handed their finished surveys to a fellow student who
could see their answers, the second group was told that their answers would be kept
strictly anonymous, and the third group were hooked up to a fake lie detector test.
Men’s reports across all 3 groups were pretty much the same - similar levels of
reporting whether they were handing the survey to a fellow student or hooked up to a
lie detector test, however, women in the first group said they’d never masturbated, in
the second group they reported yes much more often, and in the third group,
women’s results were the same as men’s!

As the researcher - Terri Fisher - herself said “Being a human who is sexual, who is
allowed to be sexual, is a freedom accorded by society much more readily to males
than females”.

Chapter 1: Teenage Dreams

I remember sitting naked on the edge of my bed looking into the dresser mirror and
feeling waves of disgust, disappointment, and hopelessness course through my veins. 

My breasts were no where near as perky as I had hoped they would be; they
were covered in stretch marks, my belly was chubby with rolls and my skin was a veiny
shade of pale. 

I wholeheartedly hated my life, my body and my self. 

I spent my weekends getting drunk and snogging my mates. 

ALL of them. 

In the few years prior to high school I had  felt alive and free, and now, aged 15 I
was depressed and lost. 

I felt horny constantly, but my sexuality was on lockdown - controlled, dangerous,

and heaven forbid, would lead to my getting pregnant. 

I felt no sexual relief ever, even though I thought about having sex all  of the time. 

I didn’t know how to touch myself properly, no-body was teaching me that shit, and I
had learnt when I was 8 years old that  exploring my own body and sexuality led to
humiliation and shame. 

All anyone really wanted to do in those days was get laid. The norm was that the
female body was there purely for the gratification of male sexual pleasure, and if you
weren’t ‘fit’ or desirable, by even the most gross teenage lad, your inherent value on
this planet was nil. 

Everyone’s sexual energy was off the charts, but with no-where healthy to channel it,
it ended in awkward cop-offs in the park that were all about his pleasure. 

So I impatiently longed for the days when I could be a sexually free grown up where

all of  my sexual pleasures would be taken care of by someone else - someone who
knew what they were doing. 

I had this ever present sense that there was so much pleasure available to me but I had
no idea how to grasp it.

Even when I lost my virginity aged 17 and started having sex with my first boyfriend, it
never quite felt as good as I had expected. 

It was always about penetration and his orgasm. 

I decided that thinking about sex was better than having it and that orgasms
just weren’t in my radar. 

Chapter 2: Learning to Orgasm 

As time would have it,  I eventually went off to university and became a beautiful
young woman. 

For the first time in about 8 years I started to feel attractive and sexy. 

But it was tainted, I now fit the industry standard of what beauty was: young, slim, and
deeply insecure. 

In standard student fashion, I experimented with drugs and fell in love with the iconic
Manchester music scene. 

I had a cool musician boyfriend and loads of liberal friends. 

I was living the hedonistic dream, lost in my own world of freedom, love and trauma. 


I knew that my  boyfriend watched porn and something about  it bothered me. I felt
that it meant something about me.

Upon speaking to my best friend about it and  she recommended I stop concerning
myself with his sexual self habits and get myself some. 

So I did just that.

When you google the word porn a whole almighty world opens up to you. 

Now that I had my permission, I put on my snorkel and dove straight in. 

I tried the whole range of what was on offer:  straight, gay, lesbian, teacher-student,
orgy, hentai, interracial, euro - you name it, I watched it. 

I very quickly stopped caring anything about what porn my boyfriend was watching. 

I was getting the sex-ed I missed in school.

And I was having fucking orgasms!

I knew that I and all of the other female friends I had at school and uni were equally
and if not more so sexually aroused and horny as our male equivalents. 

Yet there was undoubtedly a social narrative that said the latter was biologically
programmed to hump all and spread his seed far and wide, and the former should
contain herself, aim only for monogamy or risk being a filthy slut who would never be
worthy of love. 

Science said that female orgasm was an enigma, perhaps a myth, an 8-thousand-nerve-
ending-accidental-by-product of the ultimately important male’s. 

On yer bike mate. 

Me and my clitoris were having multiple parties on the daily.

All from a few simple pelvic floor squeezes. 

Totally hands free. 

I learnt to orgasm like this: lying on my front, legs crossed, focussing on the
pleasurable sensation  in my clitoris and squeezing & pulling up  the muscles in my
pelvic floor, thighs and vulva. 

Once the initial sensation arose, I could squeeze myself to an orgasm in under a

And I could pretty easily make it happen several times in a row. 

I was ecstatic! 

I felt like I had joined a secret society of unfettered magic and mystery.

Me and my powerful Pussy, on an orgasmic mission to ecstatic bliss. 

Chapter 3: Losing Myself

My new orgasmic capacity was for me and me only. 

Penetrative sex wasn’t enormously pleasurable, and actually often painful. As a lot of
women do, I put out because I thought I had to - fake it till you make it as they say. 

Peggy Orenstein talks about research in her Ted Talk which shows that young women
measure their sexual satisfaction based on whether or not she experiences pain, if she
feels close to her partner and if he has an orgasm. 

Whereas young men measure their sexual satisfaction on whether they have an

My life was no different. 


I had had genital warts the year before I learnt to orgasm.

I was 19 and horrified. I went to the GUM clinic to get them burned off my cervix and
spent the next 5 years deeply paranoid that they would  return. 

Oh, the shame I felt! 

How crazy the stigma around sexually transmitted infections now seems.

This left some deep psychological wounds and created a huge disconnect for me
around my sexual pleasure. On some level I believed my vagina to be a scary dirty


Not long after learning to orgasm, a friend died in a tragic way and I developed PTSD
during my third year of uni. 

On top of this, all of my childhood wounds were showing up around me. 

Abandonment, alcohol abuse, depression, chronic anxiety, flashback nightmares,

feeling unworthy, unlovable, not good enough. 

There’s only so long you can drive in the fast lane before trouble shows up. No matter
how quick I tried to run from my problems, they were always right there behind me,
biting me hard in the ass. 

I was stuck in a world of electronic hedonism overwhelmed by uncertainty, pain and

trauma when what I really needed was some grounded stability and love. 

I was waiting for someone to save me. No-one was coming to save me. 

I found my only relief in the 1 hour yoga class I went to each week.

Little did I know it at the time, but my quest for healing had begun. 

Only when its darkest can you see the stars. 


On the plus side, I could have orgasms whenever and wherever I wanted. 

They would often arise spontaneously in public, and no-one was any the wiser - if
anything it looked like I was holding in a pee. 

I would feel a sensation of arousal in my clitoris and if I focussed on the sensation
while squeezing my legs together and tensing my pelvic floor muscles, I could have an

They happened on buses, in Topshop queues, in exams...

6 in my final organic chemistry exam.

Needless to say I got a first. 

It was a pattern of chronic tensing. A pattern that displayed itself across the entirety of
my life. 

Whenever I felt stressed or flustered I became aware of heightened arousal in my body

and could squeeze my way to orgasm pretty discreetly. 

I became a master of controlled rigid pleasure. 


Over the next few years, I spiralled further into a vortex of self-doubt, and deep
confusion about my life. 

To the outside world, it looked like my life was perfect - I was clever, beautiful, well
educated. I had loads of friends and fun. 

Inside, I felt like I was dying. My entire being was focussed on trying to maintain a
sense of internal control and stability and manage the chronic anxiety I felt all of the

I had a series of sexual relationships and encounters, mostly catastrophic in the

destruction they left behind. 

I fell in love a lot. 

"Life is timeless, days are long when you're young

You used to fall in love with everyone
Any guitar and any bass drum
Life is a drink and you get drunk when you're young”

It was painful; I felt constant guilt around my desire to be both sexually frivolous and
deeply monogamous. 

It seemed like promiscuity was ok if you were a guy, but not a girl. 

Especially in my own mind. 


In search of myself I travelled to South East Asia, started a Phd, left that  to travel
around Europe. 

All of these places left their imprints on me and gave me their clues, but the problem
was that I was always looking outside of myself for wholeness. 

I was weeding organic onions on a farm in the Czech Republic when the realisation hit
me; there was only one way to go from here, and that was inwards. 

The place I had been most afraid of my entire life. 


My life had been full on chaos for ten years, a constant after party. 

My nervous system was done. 

As I hit rock bottom I knew: it was time to quit. 

It was time to quit the bullshit. 

It was time to quit bullshitting myself. 

Toxic relationships ended or shifted in dynamic, cigarettes, alcohol and drugs were
gone. Facebook got deleted. Even my mobile phone went in the bin. 

Porn was off the radar, so was sex and messy love affairs with anyone but myself. 

I had to rethread the seams of my life back together, and I needed all the focus I could

It was finally time for me. 

I did all the things I had always wanted to do. With full permission from myself.

When loneliness crept in, I learnt to soothe myself. 

I got comfortable in my own company and stopped trying to please other people. 

I started meditating, went to shamanic circles, joined a gospel choir, did loads of yoga
and hung out with trees on the daily.  

My soul was coming back to life. 

Where volcanic ash once fell, the earth is rich in nutrients. 

Chapter 4: Fantasies 

I wanted to explore my orgasm in a more holistic way. 

Porn had been a great introduction for me into my own sexual exploration but, it just
felt so... biased.

Made primarily by (sexually un-evolved) men, for (sexually un-evolved) men. 

A gross perpetuation of the patriarchy, of which I no longer wanted to be a part of. 

Did you know that some 90% of the porn randomly sampled on Pornhub shows
violence towards women?

No thanks. 

So I did what I do best, I put on my hard hat and got to work. 

When she decides she’s gonna do something, ain't nothing stopping Pussy.  


You know how before you get behind the wheel to take your first driving lesson you
think it’s gonna be a total doddle...

You’re 17, you think your parent are total dicks, if they can do it, pffft, the government
might as well just hand you your licence right now cos you’ll need like half a lesson
before you’re a pro. 

Then the day of your first lesson finally comes, you get behind the wheel and you’re
drenched in sweat, butterflies in your gut, you never considered the close proximity

and awkwardness that would transpire   from spending a full hour with the weird
bloke who’s your driving instructor. 

You’re  paranoid you’re gonna crash this guys car, but  you can’t even get it in gear.
Once you do get going you panic and shout ‘which one is the break’ as you slam the
accelerator. The guy grabs the wheel with one hand while making the sign of the cross
across his chest with his other, evidently, praying for his life. 

After stalling 25 times and moving a maximum of 5 yards the lesson is over. You look at
each other with blank looks on your face, he’s as white as a ghost, he mentions
something about going home to lie down with a damp flannel on his face. That sounds
like a good idea.

You agree to meet same time next week and exit the car stunned,  unable to fathom
the disaster that just happened. 

Over the next week, you’re shaken confidence turns to resolve and renewed

If your total dick parents, and the rest of the world can drive, you figure must be able

You know you’re brighter than a lot of them you’ve seen with cars.; you’ve just got to
figure out what you don’t yet know. 


This is much of how my first 'holistic masturbation' session went. 

I had grand visions of deep states of organic orgasmic bliss - wave after wave of
pleasure coursing through my body in a deeply surrendered relaxed state of unity
with the universe.  

I expected orgasm after orgasm after orgasm to flow easily and effortlessly through my
whole being. 

A Tantric Goddess Manifest.


It did not turn out that way. 

The whole session was jarred. 

Jarred and stifled. 

I felt numb and frustrated; I couldn’t feel much pleasure at all. My vibrator (cos what
else was I supposed to use?) was almost knocking the sensation out of my clitoris and
yet I was not gonna stop until I had an orgasm. 

Remember that pattern of chronic tensing throughout my entire body? 

It was back. 

The only way I could feel any arousal was through intensely fantasising, and
chronically tensing my muscles. 

It was stressful. 

It was everything I had seen in porn - hard, fast, disconnected, goal oriented,
aggressive and serious. 

The fantasies weren’t exactly what I would call ‘holistic' either. 

They weren’t situations I wanted to have happen in the real world.

I didn’t feel like I was consciously choosing to go into the fantasy from a place of love
and nourishment - it was like forcing myself to go there just so I could have an orgasm.

It felt very reminiscent of the porn I had seen. 

Full of forcing and clenching and gripping.

The antithesis of true eroticism & pleasurable play - which is what I was now trying to
tap into. 

The fantasies often involved power dynamics, some sex scene with someone I didn’t
much know or like, often older, was (apparently) taking advantage or co-ercing me. 

Somewhere in there was the theme that I had the true power because I was the source
of their uncontrollable desire and arousal, but there was no healthy loving dynamic

I was trying to cultivate the latter in my life and I was immensely frustrated,
disappointed and confused with my seemingly failed attempts at wholesome


I have since come to understand that such fantasies are not uncommon in the female

There is the phenomena of the ‘rape’ fantasy, which more than 50% of women admit
to having at some point in their lives (the true number is probably even higher
because of the high degree of reporting bias for such a topic). 

I don’t like the term ‘rape' fantasy because it has nothing to do with the desire to be
raped in real waking life.

The fantasies are about desire, power, surrender, and forced submission in a safe and
controlled way (because it is in her imagination). 

It was Oscar Wild who said that 'everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is
about power.’

Women on large don’t know how to pleasure or please themselves, we aren’t taught to
fully explore the workings, eccentricities and capabilities of our bodies from an erotic
perspective. Yet we know intrinsically that their is a huge capacity for orgasmic bliss
and pleasure available to us. When their has been a chronic history of
disempowerment, the easiest way is to imagine we can have what we want is via the
means of someone else. 


The truth was that I expected to become a sex goddess in one session because I had
quit the porn. 

But it didn’t quite happen like that… I became aware of how bad I was at driving. 


Over time, my practice improved; I learnt to experience orgasm in a more relaxed

surrendered way, but still, always with a vibrator, always with fantasy and only ever
focussed on my clitoris.

Meaning that I did not involve the rest of my body, apart from my brain and pudendal
nerve of course. 

I experimented with fantasy and sometimes would imagine myself being celebrated
and revered by a circle of powerful Priestess women as I masturbated my way to

Sometimes I would flick back to the old type of fantasy - sometimes out of choice and
other times as a crutch. 

I was rewiring my brain to experience orgasm in a different way, and it took effort. 

A lot of fucking effort. 

As you may well know - old habits die hard. 


Imagine your brain is like a thick rich dense wild woodland - there are many well
trodden paths you have walked down before, if you try to take a different path, it is
difficult at first - you get destroyed by the brambles, skin torn apart and shredded by
thorns, who knows what scary animals lives in the unknown forest waiting to eat you?!
If you’re going to succeed at forming a new pathway, you need armour and tools and a
plan. If you persevere in creating your new path, eventually you will triumph and you
will discover the magic hidden in this corner of the wilderness. It will take a lot of
effort to form this new path and it will be much easier to take the old path that is
already well trodden and familiar, but if you commit to taking the new path,
eventually, this will become the easier path to take, and the old path will become over
grown with weeds and brambles. 

This is what rewiring your (sexual) habits that exist deep within your brain and
nervous system is like. Forming new paths is not  necessarily always easy - but it is
possible, and it is worth it. 

Just like anything you learned how to do - it took effort, commitment and
perseverance. It is even harder to unlearn something and learn it in a different way. 

Mind blowing, full bodied, deeply surrendered, soul shaking, life altering, beautiful,
wholesome, blissful states or orgasmic pleasure are available to you - but if you’ve
never before known how to get there - it will take a little bit of orienteering and
navigating the new lands before you easily know your way around. 

Chapter 5: A Feminist Awakening

After a year in my self created Ashram, it was time to move to a new city and fully
focus on my career as an academic researcher. 

I was full of youthful enthusiasm and ideas for saving the world; I was brimming with
excitement to implement my big ideas and start doing the research that would really
change peoples lives. 

I very  quickly realised that this was not what my life as an academic researcher was
going to be like. 

I was there to implement other peoples research ideas, most of which I thought were
rubbish and no where near as good as mine. 

I was a freakin creative genius waiting to be realised, and at this rate, it was going to be
at least 20 years before I could be running my own research studies. Even then it
would have to be in a field that the government decided was worth spending money
on; I was never going to have creative freedom. 

My life became endless meeting and politics. 

No-one cared a jot that my brilliance was going unnoticed; I was a no-body, a number,
replaceable - there to do my tasks in the way that the system demanded they be done:
I was an employee. 

I thought about what Joe Strummer was doing at my age. 

Releasing his first album with The Clash and changing the history of the world


That was the sound of my life. 

Not “Nananananananaaaaaaaaa” with the screech of an electric guitar behind it. 

The impulse to return to my hedonistic days was strong.

My soul was dingledodie - 

"mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time…"

I felt like I had spent 25 years in training to enter into what seemed to me like a
communist regime.

You grow up and you calm down

You're working for the clampdown
You start wearing the blue and brown
You're working for the clampdown

I was crawling up the walls. Losing my mind. Desperate not to fade away into the
inevitable white wash.

On top of this I didn’t have a flippin clue how to have a proper adult relationship with
my long term partner who I had recently moved in with.

We weren’t having sex. And neither was I masturbating. 

I didn’t think you did the latter in serious committed relationships.

We were meant to be having sex 3 times a week like everyone else as per Cosmo! 

Though WHO exactly was having sex 3 times a week I could not fathom - certainly not
anyone I knew.

I felt like I was failing at life and relationships.  I had never been in a sensible,  sober,
official, long-term,  committed, adult relationship before and I was stunned at how
unskilled I was at it.

I expected it to be perfect - I expected it to just ‘work’.

If it’s meant to be, it should just be easy.

Isn’t that just the lie they tell you? 

Also, for the first time in my life, I was becoming astutely aware that I was a woman. 

My eyes were opened as to what this meant in the context of the historic and current
state of the world. 

It was clear to me that being a woman in the workplace was different to being a man; I
knew that had I been male I would have had a different experience with many of my

Oh how I had been so naively ignorant prior. 

I had studied the women’s suffrage movement in school (and got an A for my history
GCSE on the early 1900 liberal reforms) but thought that was such a long time ago it
didn’t much matter for my life. 

I literally thought we lived in a liberal heaven. 

Gah! How wrong was I? 

I was in the depths of a  feminist awakening, and my entire universe  was about to

Chapter 6: Reclaiming Pussy

Is the system going to flatten you out and deny you your humanity, or are you going to
be able to make use of the system to the attainment of human purposes?


If you want to be free of the system, you have to own your own sexuality.

You have to keep your Pussy alive. 


Domestication:  to tame (an animal), especially by generations of breeding, to live in

close association with human beings as a pet or work animal and usually creating a
dependency so that the animal loses its ability to live in the wild.

Domestication usually involves removal of sex organs.


Or metaphorically. 


I blamed my partner for our sexless relationship. 

If I wasn’t feeling sexy, it was his fault, and further more, it was his sole responsibility
to fix it. 

I was the perfect human. 

I didn’t feel arousal or lust or desire and I truly believed that those feelings in my body
were instigated by someone else. 

After all, I had hitherto only ever felt them when I was attracted to another.

Or had I?

The truth was, every bountiful sexual feeling I’d ever felt in my body originated just
there - inside of me.  

It may have been inspired by others on occasion, but my body was creating my
internal experience and I had the power to influence that greatly. 

My Pussy was capable of birthing new life into existence, she was finely attuned to my
heart, mind, spirit and soul. 

If she wasn’t feeling alive, it was something in MY system that was off. 

I wanted to blame the relationship, it’s not easy accepting and seeing your own human
faults, and I was terrified of feeling vulnerable and ever going back to that dark place I
had experienced some years before.  

As much as I shirked responsibility for my lack of fulfilment and professed that I could
be happier elsewhere, I always felt a deep overwhelming sense of love and
compassion for my partner, and knew it was my path to stay. 

I now knew that the only way to deal with my problems was to turn and face them
head on.

I so desperately wanted to feel erotically and sexually alive.

It was time to take matters into my own hands, and so quite literally, I did... 

Chapter 7: Supernova

I signed up for  a course in female orgasm, and spent most of my time avoiding,
resisting and thinking up ways I could get out of doing the practices each week.  

The only reason I did any of the practices was because I had a weekly call with another
lady in the course to discuss our progress. 

Those calls were gold dust. Pussy calls of love and kindness. The kind of female
support and friendship I'd always dreamed of. 

The course was actually a ‘how-to' in female masturbation. Full bodied masturbation. 

It was a course in erotic awakening. Self-pleasure. 



It was here that I started to see just how sexually neurotic most of the human race is.

It wasn’t just me who had to use chronic tensing and dissociated fantasy to reach a
poky clitoral climax. 

This was common for many of the women in the course who had experienced some
form of orgasm; although many of them had never experienced an orgasm at all. 

I had thought I was advanced cos I knew how to have an orgasm and could do it quick.

I was not advanced. I was barely even amateur. 

The ability to have an orgasm has very little to do with sexual advancement. 

The neuroses I was carrying were deeply ingrained in my brain and nervous system in
the ways I thought, felt, believed, and moved with respect to my sexuality. Everything
I had learnt from my culture, my family, my school, my friends, my peers, my sexual
encounters - it was all hardwired in my body. 

Through the course and I was learning how to reprogram my sexuality in a holistic
and wholesome way through the practices I share in Part 2 of this book.

I had to unlearn all the bullshit I had absorbed, and restore the kind of free
uninhibited sexual freedom & pleasure I had felt when I was 7 years old - before much
of the shame and social conditioning began. 

I was learning how to engage, cultivate, connect, build and be present with full bodied
arousal and let go of my addiction to hard & fast. It was time to slow down and allow
myself to feel everything. 

I was back behind the wheel remembering how god dam awful I was at driving, but
now starting to understand how the gears and pedals worked. 


The practices weren’t solely genitally focussed as I expected; I was experimenting

involving my whole body in orgasmic experiences and cultivating turn on and
pleasure throughout my everyday life. 

Within a few weeks, I experienced my first deeply beautiful, and dare I say,
cosmic orgasm.

Instead of happening just in my clitoris it travelled throughout my legs and torso too. 

Tingles of pink and gold fairy dust fluttering through my body in waves and ripples.

This actually happened and I had not taken any hallucinogenics. 

Sexuality is a place to experience altered and profound states of consciousness - what

is orgasm if not total liberation from self?

During my cosmic orgasm, I was filled with a deep sense of pure love and goodness -
not a vibrator in sight, and no chronic tensing! 

For the next few weeks, the literal light of sunshine poured from my eyes and my
entire body radiated joy. I was deeply nourished and full of peace. 

It had been a very long time since I had felt an aliveness like it.

Euphoric life force was coursing through my veins.The kind they train out of you from
a young age. 

I was 4 years old again, running around naked in my garden eating bugs. Raw


They may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom. 

I was ALIVE. 

And free. 

I could do anything in that moment, and I knew:

This was the real power of my Pussy.  I had found the key to my wild orgasmic self.

Chapter 8: Turning on the Light

When you have the force of nature living in your underpants it is hard to keep her

Have you ever tried to contain a tornado or an earthquake or a volcano?

It is not humanly possible. 

Eventually the pressure becomes so intense that the entire system explodes in
catastrophic proportions. 

Like a champagne supernova in the sky. 

Your sexual awakening is going to happen in one of two ways, depending on your

A vortex of destructive transformative  power that i) inspires and moves you to your
greatest capacity and potential,  or ii) terrifies the living daylights out of you and has
you running for the hills.


Imagine what would happen to the earth if the sun stopped rising everyday.

If its light went out.

Life would die out pretty quickly. 

This is how most people are living their lives - numb, turned off, tuned out.

Deep inside your vagina exists a solar power as illuminating as the sun.

When this light is on, it illuminates your whole life. 

Your pussy is a filament. The filament of you. Your body is the glass bulb.

When electricity can flow freely through your vagina, vulva and surrounding tissues,
you glow with life force and become a beacon of light in the world.

You are attractive, and people are drawn to you. 

Most of us have felt this at some point in our lives, usually when we’ve just met
someone and are falling in love. 

When we're falling in love, life is magical and full of colour. We are turned on to life
and feel like anything is possible. Good things just seem to keep happening and we
feel constantly sexually alive and aroused. 

The disempowering part of this story is that we place our aliveness in the hands of our
partner - we believe it is because of them that we feel this way, and so, when
inevitably, the honeymoon period wears off, we go back to a dull existence and think
it is up to them to restore our sexual wholeness. 

What if I told you that you could live your entire life with your filament turned on
because you decided to?

You have control over the switch, not your partner or some stranger. 

After all, the concoction of emotions and hormones and orgasmic energy that you
were experiencing was originating from and existing in your body. 

They were merely a reminder of who and what you truly are. 

When you have the courage to walk head first into the parts of yourself that most
terrify, you will walk head first into your greatness. 

Chapter 9: Hysterical Woman

This chapter is included to offer you some historical context around the situation you
may now find yourself in. 

Hysterical woman
In the late 1800’s the electric vibrator was developed and widely used amongst the
medical profession as an effective prop in ‘genital massage’ which doctors would offer
to their female patients as relief from their symptoms of ‘hysteria’.

Hysteria was considered a mental disorder  characterised by excessive emotional

excitation and outburst, sexual desire, nervousness, irritability,  loss of appetite in sex
or food,  ‘a tendency to cause trouble’, and contraction and paralysis of muscles
unexplainable by simple anatomy. 

Hysteria was a psychiatric disorder found mostly in women. 

The word actually means ‘wandering womb’.

It was later discovered that trauma is at the root of hysteria. 

Between 33-50% of women have experienced some for of sexual trauma.

Malleus Maleficarum

The  Malleus Maleficarum was a book published in Europe in 1487 by a Catholic


It was essentially a guidebook for the identification, interrogation (through torturous

means), prosecution and charging - usually by being burnt at the stake - of witches. 

A bestseller, topped in popularity only by the bible itself.  

"Thou shalt not permit a sorceress to live”

The idea was that in order to preserve the positive pole of duality, one must destroy
the other. 

God was synonymous with man, and woman with the Devil. 

Witches were mostly female (80-90%) and were more prone to demonic possession
because of their relative ‘weakness in body and mind’, innate carnal desire and lust,
and lesser faith. 

Some historians have described  witches as having  'strong personalities and were
known to defy convention by overstepping the lines of proper female decorum’.

It is estimated that anywhere between several tens of thousand to millions of people

(mostly women) were condemned and murdered as witches in the span of 300 years. 

The witch hunts were a genocide of independent free thinking women. 


“Hero’s of old, 
Perseus the Greek,
He slain Medusa, 
His fame will never cease. 
His was the glory, 
The never ending story,
Hero’s of Ancient Greece.’

This was a song I learnt at primary school when I was around 8 or 9 years old. 

In the story I was told, Medusa was a terrifying Gorgon - an ugly winged beastious
woman with venemous snakes for hair who would turn anyone who looked into her
eye's into stone. 

Perseus - thank god - used a mirrored shield to trick her and cut off her head in her

Perseus was hailed a hero whose story is told to children for more than 2500 years. 

The bit they missed from the tale was that Medusa had once been a beautiful woman
but when she was raped by Poseidon - a God - in Athena’s temple her hair had been
turned to serpents and her face so ugly it would terrify any onlooker (and turn them
to stone).



And then it makes sense. 

Medusa is not Medusa after all, she is the epitome of female rage, female protection,
female power. 

Medusa is Kali. She is Regan MacNeil. 

Medusa is Lilith and Crone. 

Severed at the head by the patriarchy. 


Lilith in bed is what I hope for every woman.

Lilith has come to be represented in Judao-christian belief systems as - wait for it - a

sexual wanton female demon who is credited as being Adams first wife, created from
the same dirt as him (not his rib), and who left the Garden of Eden when she refused
to be subservient to him and have sex with him in the missionary position. 

It is worth noting that the words demon and daemon come from the  word diamon
which meant guiding spirit, lesser god or genius. 

Lilith’s origin traces back to ancient Mesopotamian religion. 

Lilith in bed is your wild, carnal, primal, powerful, uninhibited, free sexuality.

You can call of Lilith to invoke your wildest sexual desires. 

The Serpent

The Serpent is symbolic of the wild woman. It crawls on its belly close to the earth, it
sheds its skin and is thus intwined with the cycles of death and rebirth, akin to the
menstrual and moon cycles. 

The Serpent represents fertility, creativity, transformation, primal,  sexuality

and Kundalini awakening - the energetic opening of body and mind. 

In popular culture, The Serpent is portrayed as dangerous,  mistrusting, hypnotic,

power hungry, venomous. 

It was The Serpent who tempted Eve. 

Medusa’s hair was her true feminine power:

She was a prototypical Matriarchal Goddess. 


Female animals are ferocious. 

Especially when protecting their young. 

We learn that women should be anything buy ferocious; pleasing, pretty, dutiful,
amicable, gentle and good, 

Ferocious beauty: the two are not mutually exclusive. 

Female Virility

There is no word for the female equivalent of castration. 

There is no world for the female equivalent of virility. 

Castration is associated with loss of virility and power. 

Virility is the quality of having strength, energy, a strong sex drive, valour, heroism
and bravery.

You could say that  Medusa and Lilith were the original  symbols of female virility,
systemically castrated over several thousands of years. 

Chapter 10: Masturbation is the New Meditation

It happens when it happens. 

In one moment I discovered my G-spot. In two moments I had my first G-spot orgasm.

It was like nothing I had experienced before. 

A deep rumbling that seemed to emerge up from the undercurrent of my belly.

Waves of orgasm rolling through my entire being. 

Softer, deeper, slower, longer. 

If my clitoral orgasms were like a firecracker, this was of  earthquake quality. And it
most definitely originated from a different part of my physiology. 

Like a 3 or 4 on the Richter scale - tremendous but stable power. 

It turned out that I did have a G-spot after all.

The truth is that I found my G-spot through watching a youtube video entitled 'G-spot
pleasure - the ultimate guide’, which told me that my G-spot, which would feel the
ridge of a walnut, was likely much more closer to the entrance of my vagina that I had
been previously led to believe.

The video was right. 

It was fucking there! My G-SPOT!!!!!!

I was overjoyed!

Lilith was waking up. 


I was very much at a place in my orgasmic evolution which felt akin to developing
comfort behind the driving wheel but still freaking out when it came to parallel
parking or mini roundabouts. 

I would sometimes watch porn, after a long period of abstinence, but I felt much more
aware and in control of my choices and explorations. 

Similar with fantasy - there was choice and spaciousness and an awareness of
something other. 

When you move into the world sexual awakening you will find that there is a
prevalent culture of orgasmic hierarchy. 

A matriarchal overlord who says clitoral orgasms are of a lesser nature to G-spot and
cervical, the latter being the epitome of sexual domination. 

I don’t like to subscribe to that narrative, and I don’t want to perpetuate it here. 

But I did want to explore my orgasmic  options, and hearing that my cervix was the
holy grail or orgasmic bliss motivated me to find out for myself. 

These were orgasms that happened through the vagus nerve - and therefore affected
the core of your nervous system and major organs throughout the body as well as the
deep brain. 

No wonder they were considered to be transcendental and spiritual in nature. 

So I did what I do best, I went exploring, and what I found was a painful, definitely not
pleasurable, cervix. 

Where before I would have retreated and decided it wasn’t possible for me, I had
experienced now the hidden powers of my Pussy and I knew it was only a matter of
time before my magical cervix awoke. 


It took months of de-armouring my vagina before I even got a hint of pleasure.

De-armouring is like somatic releasing for your Pussy. 

You get stressed, you tense your shoulders/ neck/ back, you get pain, you go for a
massage to try and work it out of your body. 

Stress and tension and emotional baggage lives in the body. 

Frozen trauma gets stuck on our bodies and manifests as pain, stagnation and

Think of how much stress and tension and emotional baggage your vagina must be

“There is no greater way to make something unspeakable than not to name it.” 

Hence why I’m reclaiming the word Pussy. 

It’s not just your own stuff from weird situations or dysfunctional relationships that
lives on in your cells, but ancestral stuff from all women. 

That’s why I included Chapter 9 of this book - to offer some context as to what we’re
dealing with here. 

Trauma gets passed down in the way we hold our bodies, talk about our bodies, the
way we relate and allow others to treat us, the way we saw our mothers relate to their
bodies, what we see on the tv and in the wider world. 

The first law of thermodynamics says that energy cannot be created or destroyed, only
transformed from one form to another. 

The energy of our histories does not live outside of ourselves, it lives inside of our

If a tree falls in the forest and no-one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

It might not make a sound since sound implies that someone is hearing it, but it
certainly makes an impact and reverberation on the earth and surrounding

The energy of your history is waiting to be transformed from its original form (trauma/
pain/ suffering) into something greater. 

It won’t transform unless you DO something about it. Unless you do the work required
to liberate it. 

That is your potential energy. 

On more than one occasion when I have been having sexual intercourse with a loving
partner  I have had a visceral response and bodily memories/visions of women being
raped, even though I have never been raped myself, in this body, in this life. 

Having the courage to go into and feel that pain, and not dismiss it with your rational
mind, is the only way to liberate from the fabric of our collective consciousness. 

We cannot ignore our way to freedom. 

Centuries worth of shame, pillage, dishonour, disconnection and oppression takes

some serious correction. 

Allowing your heart to open can feel terrifying, but it is the path to healing. 

Your heart is connected to your cervix via the vagus nerve.

Your cervix can show you love like you’ve never known.

The kind of primal self love that nobody else is talking about. 

When my cervix first started to wake up I felt an intense burning pain and had the
most bonkers dreams about people who hadn’t been in my life for over ten years.

Some crazy old shit was getting processed. 

Tectonic shifts were happening deep in my subconscious.

This lasted almost daily for about 3 months.

Alongside de-armouring I was working with holistic sex practices to release old
trauma and awaken pleasure in my body. 

The word pleasure gives hint to only 1 millionth of what transpired. 

I started to experience what I now believe to be the natural state of the human body. 

Sensational ecstasy and buzzing aliveness pulsing through my cells; a fullness of life so
rich and wild and free I knew what it meant to be animal. 

"I am Diana of Themyscira, daughter of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons."

I was Amazon. 

I felt the raw atomic power of my existence. 

Nuclear fusion happening right there in my womb.

After about 5 months of consistent sexual practice, and much doubt about whether it
was ever going to happen, I experienced my first cervical orgasm. 

I birthed a new galaxy from my Pussy. 


The squeezy leg method was out the window. 

Holy fucking bananas.

More than once I felt a mushroom cloud of orgasmic energy explode out through my
body and into time and space around me. 

I want you to read that again…

M o r e  t h a n  o n c e  I  f e l t  a  m u s h r o o m  c l o u d  o f  o r g a s m i c  e n e r g y  e
x p l o d e  o u t  t h r o u g h  m y  b o d y  a n d  i n t o  t i m e  a n d  s p a c e  a r o u n d
 m e. 

Pink and purple and fluffy and soft. 
Pink and purple and fluffy and soft. 
Pink and purple and fluffy and soft. 

Like I was tripping again, but not. 

THIS ^^^ it actually happened!

It was kind of like what I had expected a DMT trip to be like, but when I had tried DMT
on a one-off occurrence 5 years prior it has been nothing like what my cervix was now
showing me. 

THIS was the experience I had been looking for back then but never found, and here it
lay; the jewels of my magical Pussy unveiling their full and true majesty to me in the
form or physical and spiritual bliss. 

That feeling of total obliteration, total oneness, total surrender and love and
connection and freedom and wholeness - all those things I had been searching for at
the bottom of a bottle, in the Manchester rave scene, in my hedonistic romantic
encounters of my early 20’s - here it was, deep inside of my vagina, available to me
right now as deepest love and peace.


My clitoris was just the tip of the iceberg that led to vast and vivacious depths - depths
that encompassed my physicality as well as my psyche and soul. 

I was cruising through the Swiss alps in a supercar wind blowing through my hair. 


Of course, I didn’t stay in the Swiss alps in my supercar with wind blowing through my
hair for all eternity. I had to refuel and the road was naturally bendy, plus I decided I
wanted to explore the German alps. But I did know how to get there again. I did know
what was possible and I was committed to my life long path of sexual awakening.


I believe that the way you masturbate can tell you a lot about your life in general. It is
like a magnifying glass for all of your habitual patterns and blocks. 

It is much like a meditation in that way. A way of cultivating presence, focus,

awareness and spiritual truth. 

How much can you allow pleasure in your body and life? How much pleasure do you
create for yourself? How much do you want to?

If you want to enjoy sex with another human being, a sexual self practice is integral to
knowing, growing and empowering yourself in that domain. 

Think of it like this: your Pussy is like a harp -  an instrument capable of producing the
most exquisite sounds when played by a skilled handsmithh. 

Imagine having the most beautiful harp in the word in your house and not being able
to play her and release her music, but instead living in the hope that one day
someone would visit who just happened to know exactly how to release her magic. 

This is what you are doing without your own self pleasure practice.

You have to practice playing to get better, and you probably need a harp teacher to
help you along the way - which is why I have written Part 2 of this book - but really it is
only your own exploration that will develop your craft. 

True spontaneity in any artistic endeavour comes only from years of dedicated

You don’t have to keep playing one dud note over and over again and you don’t have
to wait until someone visits who is a master harp player (they are few and far
between!) - but you can take matters into your own hands, quite literally, as I did those
many moons ago. 


Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.

I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a woman


Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Maya Angelou

Chapter 11: The Five Foundations of Holistic Sex

It is not fancy sexual techniques, positions or toys that lead you to your full sexual
expression, it is the process of reconnecting with your innate natural state. 

That is a big ask in the modern world we live in where just about everything in our
lives is set up to disconnect us from our wild primal instincts. 

Clothes, technology, public transport, processed foods, city living, desk jobs, law and
order, social norms - they all take us slightly further away from our wildness. 

I urge you, at any opportunity you have, to do any or all of the practices outside in
nature - ideally naked, in a place where you feel completely safe.

If this isn’t possible you can set up a beautiful space in your home or bedroom - Venus
inspired - it doesn’t take much to make a space feel nice - an essential oil, candle, nice
blanket, a quick tidy. Women do this naturally anyhow, and remember, you can tap
into your wild primal nature anywhere, it is not dependent on your surroundings. 

If a concrete slab is all you have, then so be it, that is as beautiful as the Scottish
highlands if you look with a certain perspective. The world, in its entirety, is majestic,
you can look for magic anywhere and find it; it is the innate quality of existence. 

The five foundations of holistic sex will bring you freedom, liberation and total
orgasmic bliss if you allow yourself to fully experience them. 

The first one is…

Breath - breath is life. Being intentional with your breath is the key to mastering your
internal state. For sexuality, you want a deep full open mouthed connected breath -
you breath in deeply fully through your mouth and out deeply through your mouth,
no pausing between the inhale and the exhale. Do this now for a minute and feel how

oxygenation of your body increases sensational experience and vitality. You cannot
think when you are focussed on your breathing. You might feel light headed or
muscle cramping at first, that’s ok, let your body come alive. 

Next is:

Sound - your body is a mass of vibrating cells animated by a universal intelligence

which gives it life. When I was studying for my Chemistry degree I had to learn about
energy states of atomic and sub atomic particles to understand the nature of matter. In
the quantum harmonic oscillator model of atomic energy states, electrons are excited
by an influx of energy to higher energy states, the absorbed energy becomes potential
energy and, on a most basic level, the particle always wants to return to its stable
zeroth energy state and release the shot of energy it absorbed. This is how I think of
sound in the body; it is stored as absorbed energy. When we are born as babies we are
untarnished pure beings in our ground stable energy state, as we get older we absorb
trauma and conditioning based on the world we are born into and the experiences we
have. This stores in our nervous systems and cells as ‘excited' atomic states that feel
like tension, anxiety, apathy, depression, stress and fear. Our natural state is pure love
and consciousness (in this model that is our stable zeroth energy state), we have to
discharge the absorbed shock of life to return to our natural state. The best way to
liberate this is through sound - literal vibrational release in your body. Breath into
your belly right now and sound out the sound of your belly. You do this in your sexual
practice and you will liberate blocked energy that is stored in the cells of your vagina
and reconnect to the original aliveness of her. 

I cannot stress enough how powerful sounding alone is for liberating stored trauma in
your body. It is not always necessary to have a rational explanation as to why you feel
blocked in a particular part of your body or life in order to become free of it, sounding
alone can take you a long way. 

Movement - allowing the natural impulse of your body to express through movement
will bring about a similar discharge of stress and reinstatement of aliveness as

sounding. Breathing into a part of your body - your pelvic floor for example - and
releasing the stored sounds and natural movements that arise from this place will
allow you to access the pleasurable sensation that be being blocked by numbness,
pain or trauma. Specific movements that are key to sexual liberation and awakening
include i) pelvic bounces - lying on your back with your legs up as if in bridge pose
and shaking and rocking your pelvis, ii) hip rolls - standing or lying down gently and
slowly roll your hips clockwise and then counterclockwise while focussing on the
sensations your feel in your hips, womb, but and pussy, iii) shaking your whole body
alive - this movement practice is described in full detail in chapter 13. 

Focus - where you put your focus is everything. If you are focussing on breathing,
sounding and moving your body, you cannot also be focussing on your insecurities,
your to do list or how hard you are finding your sexual practices. What you focus on
grows, if you are focussing on the pleasurable sensation in your body, it will grow. If
your mind wanders off on random thoughts, keep bringing your focus back to your
breath and the sensation you feel in your body. Masturbation really is the new

Energy - you can think of energy in your body as sensation in motion. So you are
focussing on the pleasurable sensations in your body and through the sounding,
breath and movement you are able to affect their movement. Sexuality is so much
more than hard, fast friction to a contracted genital orgasm that lasts only a few
seconds. When you learn to surrender cortical control and be in the constant present
moment with your experience, waves of ecstasy and pleasure can flow throughout
your entire being creating an energetic sexual awakening that stays with you as you
go about your daily life. 

Make time for your sensual play and your entire life will change. 

The key is to implement the 5 foundations of holistic sexuality at the same time - so as
you engage in erotic play, breathe into your pussy, liberate your natural sounds and

movement, focus on your sensation and allow the flow of sexual energy to move
throughout your body. 

You also want to SLOW RIGHT DOWN. Go way way way slower than you think - like
100 times slower. 

It helps you tune in to your experience and really pay attention. 

The final piece I want to offer to you in this chapter is setting an intention for your
sexual experiences. It is such a simple thing to do yet it is absolutely integral to getting
the outcome you desire, as in life, as in sexuality. 

Here are some examples of intentions you can use or create your own:

I set the intention to experience my wild orgasmic original sexuality. 

I set the intention to experience profound peace. 
I set the intention to fall deeper in love with myself. 
I set the intention to experience pleasurable sensation in my pussy. 
I set the intention to have a g-spot orgasm. 

Chapter 12: The Magical Pussy Toolbox

The following tools are what I consider essential for exploring your
awakening sexuality. 

Jade Egg - this is a little crystal egg made of Jade that you pop inside your Vagina and
do practices that strengthen your muscles, increase blood flow, make you feel like a
Taoist sex Priestess, and, if you’re into a bit of woo-woo, do some pretty powerful
sexual healing practices with. I carry mine everywhere and whenever I’m need of a hit
of pussy power (aka an energy booster) I do a 15 minute practice on the go. A Jade egg
practice is like yoga for your Pussy, and it works wonders for your orgasm strength. 

Crystal Dildo - you can get glass or stone dildo’s to explore the depths of your vagina
that you may not be able to comfortably reach with your hands (silicon is fine too as
long as you get body safe material). I personally have a moonstone dildo but my
favourite of all is glass. It is my magic wand. It is an essential tool for de-armouring (see
Chapter 15) and awakening your cervix to orgasms, and ultimately, birthing new

Oil - oil is good for body massage and exploring your pussy. People use almond,
sesame, coconut - anything that is body safe and agrees with your skins ecosystem. I
use plain old, good and trusty olive oil. It is my favourite for everything. I don’t
recommend using essential oils on your vulva or vagina. You can also use lube too if
you like that. 

Speculum - if you want to see your cervix, get a speculum and a hand mirror and go

A note on vibrators
I still have vibrators but I find the need to use them less and less the deeper I go into
my natural primal states using the 5 foundations of holistic sexuality. 

Vibrators do not mimic a normal human penis in the way that glass or stone dildos do,
and so dildo’s offer the opportunity to increase your sensitivity whereas a vibrator is
more likely to de-sensitise you, and if you’re a heterosexual female wanting to have
sex with men, dildo’s will increase your capacity for better sexual experiences with
real human penises.

Having said that, this is your sexuality and there are no hard and fast rules so find
what works for you and go with that. 

A happy Pussy leads to a happy woman which leads to a better world for all involved! 

Chapter 13: Eight Fundamental Pussy Practices

These are powerful and transformational sexual practices that will heighten your
sexual arousal and turn on, release old traumas and conditioning from your body,
increase aliveness and vitality, awaken your pussy and other erogenous zones, and
generally lead to a fucking awesome existence. 

I recommend reading through the full chapter then choosing the practice that most
speaks to you and trying it out everyday for a week - most of the practices can be done
in 5 minutes or less. 

1) Shaking Your Body Alive - this one is great to do out in nature, but you can do this
at home too. You want to stand on the ground about shoulder width apart and let the
natural shake of your body come alive. If you’ve never done this before you might
need to give it a kickstart by shaking your pelvis and knees and arms and neck and
basically any part of your body that wants to move. Your body has a natural impulse to
move, what you are doing in this practice is allowing this. Breathe - strong deep
connected open mouthed breathing and on the exhale, let the sounds of your body
express through you. If you get the impulse to move like a certain animal - go for it. Do
this practice everyday if you can, it is the best stress buster on earth! I kid you not. 2
minutes is enough if that is all you have. You can also do it to music, but note: it is not

2) Breast Massage - your breasts are your feminine power centre. They are the place
from which you lead your life. If you have spent your life hating your breasts, feeling
that they are less than or ugly, we have some work to do. If you live your life with your
shoulders caved in, subtly hiding your breasts for fear of unwanted attention,
excessively covering them up, keeping them stuffed in bra’s all day, then you cannot
be living your most magical life. Your breasts, along with your pussy, need to become
your best friends and your most trusted guides. They are not cancer bombs waiting to
explode and neither are they there for the sole pleasure of others. It is time to
reinstate them to their rightful exalted place, and you do this through daily breast
massage. A few minutes of breast massage first thing when you get up in the morning
will completely revitalise your life. You can do it over your clothes but best on bare
skin; put a few drops of your favourite oil onto your hands and rub them together
creating some heat, then turn your hands towards your face and speak all the qualities
you want to feel in your breasts into your hands - love, pleasure, happiness, joy,
freedom, peace, beauty - then blow some kisses into your hands and gently place
them on your breasts, holding your breasts still for a few moments. Then start to
massage down on the outside, up on the inside in slow movements and as you do this,
smile down into your breasts, if a smile doesn’t come naturally, force it, it will turn into
a real smile inside. Do this for a few minutes then gently bounce your breasts and tell
them how much you love them before going about your day. 

3) Five Senses Awakening - set up your sacred space in a way that is stimulating to all
of your 5 senses - luscious smells, music, a beautiful space, tasty fruits and your body
oil. You are going to give yourself a full body massage, starting from the tips of your
toes exploring every inch of your body, saying to each part ‘my body is a temple’.
Spend extra time on those parts of your body you have spent years shaming, judging
and wishing were different - for me this was my belly and breasts. Keep connected to
your open mouth breathing, and if emotions or memories arise, release them through
sounding and/or movement and return to your state of love. Speak anything out loud
to your body that comes up - you can tell her you’re sorry, that you love her, that you’ll
never judge her as not being good enough again. Spend time enjoying each of your
senses, savouring every moment. Go slow. Breathe. 

4) Transfiguration - this is a practice to connect you to your inner Goddess. Consider,

what qualities (e.g. love, power, sexiness, ecstasy, wisdom, bliss, joy) do you most want
to embody in the highest expression of your divine feminine sexuality and  how do
you want to feel embodying them (e.g. loved, powerful, sexy, ecstatic, orgasmic, wild,
free, happy)? Then visualise yourself with all of these qualities and feelings in detail
and vivid colour for 3 minutes. Continue  visualising yourself in your highest
expression of sexuality while now also feeling yourself  being penetrated by a force
of  nature. This can be the universe, the divine masculine, the earth, the jungle, the

forest, the ocean, the sun, the stars, the moon. Or it can be a universal quality like love,
joy, pleasure, beauty, kindness, freedom, eroticism. Do this part of the practice for a
further 2 minutes and then spend a moment in relaxation to integrate your experience
before reflecting on what you felt in your body and how you can carry this energy
forward into your everyday life. 

5) Butterfly Legs - in this practice you lie on your back like you are about to do bridge
pose (you can google 'bridge pose yoga’ if you need more info on what this is), then
inhale whilst opening your legs wide bringing your knees down to the floor and
saying out loud ‘YES’. Then exhale and close your knees back together again, firmly
stating ’NO’. Inhale, knees to the floor open your legs (seductively) saying ‘YES’,
exhale, knees closing shut firmly stating ’NO’. You can scream NO and kick and punch
your arms and legs if you get the impulse to do so. You can delight in your YES
touching your breasts and pussy if you get the impulse to do so. Let your body come
alive; you are reclaiming your sexual boundaries and unleashing your feminine power.
This practice can be intense so go gently with yourself, especially if you have ever
experienced sexual trauma or violence (and between 1 in 2 and 1 in 3 woman have.
You don’t want to re-traumatise yourself, and even if you’ve never explicitly
experienced sexual trauma yourself, the residue and fear of it’s threat that you have
always lived with can also show up in this practice. Make sure you feel stable enough
in your nervous system to explore this practice, you can always do it with the support
of a professionally trained sexuality coach and/or trauma specialist. If/when you do
feel able to do the Butterfly Legs practice, it is an enormously empowering embodied
and transformational practice. 

6) Orbiting Sexual Energy - You can move your sexual turn on through your body by
focussing your attention on the sensations and as you breathe, transfer your focus to
different parts of your body taking your sensational experience with you. This practice
is a little abstract until you’ve physically experienced it so give it a go if that didn’t
quite make sense! In this practice you are going to touch your body in a sensual and
erotic for 5 minutes to create turn on in your vulva and vagina. Then, focus on the
pleasurable sensations in your pussy, and as you inhale, move the sensations from

your vagina up towards your heart space and feel the turn on from your pussy expand
and fill your chest. Visualise a pink light coming up from your pussy and mixing with a
gold light in your chest as you do this. The visualisation helps to feel the motion of the
sensations through your body if it is difficult to feel them at first. Then, as you exhale,
focus on the sensations you feel in your chest and move them back down towards
your vagina, seeing them move as gold light down your spinal column, mixing with
the sensations and pink light in your pussy when it arrives there. Repeat this cycle 5 to
10 times and close by delighting in the wonders of your epically magical pussy! This
practice is delicious. 

7) Pussy Love - look at your Pussy in the mirror every morning and say ‘I love you,
you’re beautiful’. Get to know her like you know her face, her shapes, her colours, her
textures. Fall in love with her eccentricities. Put her in charge of your most important
decisions and watch the magic unfold around you. You can tune into her anytime you
want, She is always there, exploding with wisdom and lusciousness, just for you. Tell
her that you’ll always honour her boundaries and promise to listen to her guidance
from here on end. Know that she will never desert you and she will never let you
down. Cup one of your hands over your Pussy and declare ‘together we conquer
greatness, in you I trust’.

8) Pussy Dance - put on your favourite track and dance freely from your pussy -
running your hands through your hair, over your face, over your breasts and belly,
over your vulva and ass and down your legs. Celebrate life. Celebrate how fucking
awesome it is to be ALIVE. 

Chapter 14: Demonic Possession

When people enter altered states of  consciousness or trance states their eyes roll
in the back of their heads, their tongues lol out of their mouthes and their head flicks
back, their bodies may shake or move impulsively and they may make non-verbal
sounds - like grunts, wails or moans. 

As you follow your path to sexual awakening, it  won’t be long before you are
confronted with your fear of demonic possession.

It is a fear that has been so deeply indoctrinated into our collective western psyche
that any expression of our wild primal selves appears absolutely terrifying to our
internal landscape. 

Greek  colonisation of Italy, Roman colonisation of Britain, British colonisation of

America, Australia, India, Africa.

We are all descendants of indigenous peoples, be it Pagan, Shamanic, Native

American, Aboriginal, Massai, Tantric, each of these traditions, and many many more,
holds at its core rituals for accessing altered states of consciousness through dance
(movement), chanting (sound & breath), intentional space and symbolic acts. 

When you start to shake your body alive, liberate your sounds and movement you will
see how strongly that expression has been associated to demonic possession. 

When man doesn’t understand another, he has two choices, to react in love or fear.
The prevalent narrative of our histories has been one of fear. 


Think for a minute about how strong the lock down on alive human expression is in
our culture. We have to get obliterated on drink and drugs to allow ourselves the
confidence and ability to express our wild free natures in community with other
humans. We are so terrified of intimate connection and vulnerability we cannot bear it
sober and our lives plummet into deep dark depressions because what we deeply
crave is so far away from accepted normal life. 

When I was off my head on MDMA in my early 20’s shaking my body to electronic
tribal beats with my eyes rolling in the back of my head, dry humping the air and
declaring my profane love to any human who was next to me, I was searching for the
truth of myself. 

I was remembering my primal indigenous roots - trying somehow to get back to them. 


The film The Exorcist is a prime example in the way in which our culture has
demonised the sexual expression of women. A young women on the verge of
adolescence is possessed by a demon and her only hope of saviour is by a catholic
priest. In her possessed state she becomes overtly sexualised, her body contorts, her
voice changes, her eyes roll back in her head, she masturbates with a crucifix and begs
for sex. The most iconic line from the film is when the possessed Regan says to Father
Karras “Your mother sucks cocks in hell”. The idea that the priests mother would be
sucking cocks in hell is so astutely shocking because it epitomises all of the disaffected
ideas and beliefs that have been projected and vilified onto female sexuality. There is
the madonna/whore dichotomy - a mother cannot be sexual, and a woman who sucks
cocks is a degraded whore (never a respectable woman), who is of course hanging out
in hell cos she is doing the work of the devil. Her carnal primal animalistic sexual lust
and desire is portrayed as the absolute evil. 


It takes immense amounts of courage to go through centuries worth of insane archaic

projections filled with obscene amounts of actual physical emotional mental

psychological historical sexual abuse violence and defamation. The literal fear of your
death is guttural and real and raw and very very recent. 

It will rise up in you.

I’m here to tell you, you’ve got this.

Your wild primal uninhibited freedom exists on the other side of that fear.

It is safe to realise the truth of who you are and let all of life unfold through you. 

Chapter 15: De-armouring Your Deep Vagina

As I mentioned in Chapter 9 of this book:

'De-armouring is like somatic releasing for your pussy.’

If you feel numbness, pain, disconnect, tenderness or anything similar in your vagina
(75% of women have at some point), then de-armouring is the tool for you. 

It is a profoundly transformative yet simple practice, that allows you to release the
pain/numbness/disconnect and cultivate a pulsing alive thriving vaginal ecosystem.

Here’s what you do:

1) Spend 5-10 minutes activating, stroking, massaging your body, breasts and vulva to
create sensual turn on in your body and wake your energy up.
2) Get your crystal or stone dildo and hold it at the entrance to your vagina, just stay
there and breath for a few breaths. 
3) When you feel ready, ask you vagina if she is open to receive the dildo inside. If you
hear a yes, insert the stone dildo half an inch inside of your vagina. (If she says no, ask
her if there is anything she needs you to do to get to a yes then do that and ask her
again, if she is a plain no, save the practice for a different time when she is open to
penetration. It is important to never penetrate your vagina before she is ready.)
4) Next you are going to press the dildo into your vaginal wall at 12o’clock as you
inhale, and as you exhale, liberate the sounds and movements from the specific part of
your vagina which you pressed the dildo into. 
5) Stay at the same distance inside the vagina but repeat the exercise at 3, 6 and 9
o’clock. Inhaling, pressing the dildo into your vaginal wall and exhaling liberating the
sound and movement from that specific part of your vagina. 
6) Move an inch further down your vaginal canal and repeat the clockwise process

7) Keep moving down your vaginal canal towards your cervix an inch at a time,
repeating the clockwise de-armouring process so as to release your whole vaginal
canal from trauma and/or blocked energy.
8) When you reach your cervix, de-armour your cervix by pressing your dildo into
your cervix and exhaling the sounds of your cervix accompanied by any movement
she has. Be very careful because your cervix can be extremely tender and sensitive if
she has never been gently touched before. Do the clockwise motion around her edges
as well as pushing your dildo into the centre of her. 
9) You can stop here if that feels enough, otherwise you can repeat the cervical de-
armouring process and move back down the vaginal canal towards the entrance of the
10) Spend 5-10 minutes soothing yourself in relaxation. Cup your vulva with your
palm, stroke your body in a restorative way and send love to yourself. 

This is some deep work you have just done so be kind and gentle with yourself. 

You are healing the world. 

Chapter 16: Your Cyclic Sexuality

An orgasm can be explained as an experience of pleasurable sensation that expands

and grows to a peak state which creates an altered state of consciousness (mind shift). 

Just like anything it life, it can be deeply nourishing or equally depleting.

By cultivating the practices I have shared with you in this book you will start to
experience sexual pleasure and play in a way that is wholesome and restorative to
your life force. 

As you saw in my own journey in part 1 of this book, the path is not always easy; it will
sometimes feel impossible and at other times you feel like you are riding naked on a
unicorn through the galaxy on a starry night.

To get closer to the naked unicorn ride, you have to learn to love ALL parts of yourself
and make peace with your cyclic nature. 


Allowing your full range of emotion and experiences is key to a thriving sexuality. In
Tantric Philosophy, consciousness is everywhere. This means that Divine Universal
Intelligence exists as much in the untouched jungle as it does in all of the plastic in the
ocean, it is in your loving kindness as much as it is in your ignorant mindlessness. 

This realisation goes a long way in helping you to see the beauty in all that exists, it
makes it easier to accept and integrate your own shadow - the parts of your psyche
that you want to cast out, reject and ignore. 

You cannot run away from your shadow, and if you try to cut it off, it will create a
world of destruction around you. Going to war with your internal self creates just that:
war. You don’t want your internal landscape to be a battle ground, you want it to be a
roundtable where all voices and perspectives are heard, however unfavourable you
might think they are. 


Sometimes in your sexuality you will be on the path of pleasure - the good times, and
sometimes you will be on the path of purification - the challenging times. The latter is
your healing and transformation. The latter is when you burst out in tears of grief or
feel a deep rage or feel completely disconnected from any sensation and like your
whole body is numb. 

There is consciousness and beauty in all of the above. Let it be, move into it and come
out the other end. 


In Britain, everyone complains about the weather all of the time. I often wonder if I am
the only person who actually loves grey rainy days. I do, they make me feel cosy and
happy and I love the smell of the earth and the possibility that exists through them. 

When a culture tries to force it to only be one season all of the time, you see
phenomena like SAD (seasonal affective disorder), otherwise known as 'depression in
the winter'. 

My observation is that SAD is a cultural expression of the way in which we completely

fail to recognise the changing seasons and demand our planet and ourselves to be
ever prosperous, productive and “positive".

Even though there is less daylight we still work the same hours and wonder why we
feel so depressed and unhappy? 

We are so terrified of feeling our depression - which is our body's own way of telling
a dysfunction and try to numb the pain with medication. 

PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome) is the exact same phenomenon manifest in a woman’s

menstrual cycle. Ignore the changes, power on through, try to be the same everyday
and the same as everyone else and when it doesn't work out: make the body wrong. 

Over-fertilisation pillages and ruins soil. You - your ego/ your personality/ your will - it
can never win against nature, so don’t try to pillage your own body.

Your body is as much a force of nature as the planet, so you can expect your sexuality
to have seasons much like the Earth does. 

Sometimes you will sing your multi-orgasmic orgasmic pleasures from the rooftops
and shine with golden rays beaming from your eyes (summer), other times you will
feel the depths of despair and like nothing is working or happening and you will never
orgasm again (winter). Sometimes you feel the possibility of full bodied pleasure
(spring) and sometimes old wounds will arise to be transformed (autumn). 

You don’t have to be a perfect human. 

Remember that Spring always follows Winter and Autumn always follows Summer.
Prepare, allow, respect and find the beauty and lessons in each season. If you find
yourself always getting stuck in one season, that can be a great clue as to where you
healing lies. 

Chapter 17: Playing with Sexual Identity and Archetypes

The final piece in the path to unleashing your female O and realising your primal
sexual freedom is welcoming ALL of yourself to the table, and then making a
conscious choice as to which part of you is making the decisions. 

If, say, for example during sex your inner little girl who is terrified of intimacy or your
insecure teenager obsessed with how her body looks turns up to the party - you hold
them in love, tell them that they are safe, confidently convey that you’ve got this
handled and that they don’t need to concern themselves with your wellbeing right

In the internal fabric of your psyche literally see your little girl playing in the garden or
your teenager at a rock concert, and then call on your inner Sex Diva, embody her,
and let her run the show. 

The theatre of your imagination is where much of your healing happens, if you can
allow your creative intuition to flow here you will be surprised at how much innate
transformational wisdom you have. 

Below I have provided a list of some archetypes you can explore playing with in your
sexuality, or you can come up with your own. I recommend choosing one to start with
and finding a suitable playlist on Spotify or Youtube, then put a timer on your phone
for 15 minutes and for the duration of that time, fully inhabit your chosen archetype. 

Make sure you have total privacy so that you can go fully wild, and them move, dance,
sound, touch yourself, and express completely as your archetype. Remember to
breathe in a full and connected way, this will help you stay connected to your whole
body throughout your practice. When your timer goes off, thank your archetype and
make some mental (or physical) notes about what you learned from her.

Explore with as many different archetypes as you like or repeat the practice over and
over again with the same archetype to get a deep understanding of her expression if
there is one you feel really drawn to. 

You can also experiment with embodying archetypes in sexual play with partners
when you feel confident to do so. 

Archetype list
Virgin, Whore, Slut, Queen, Goddess, Wild Woman, Seductress, Nymph, Dominatrix,
Mother, Wife. 

Finally - let me know how it goes! I would love to hear about your experiences with
these Archetypes and any others that you experiment with!

I hope you have enjoyed reading this book and gotten much goodness from it. It is my
hope for all of humanity to experience their wild free pleasure filled nature as often as

Afterword: A Note on Mechanical Stimulation 

Friction is NOT necessary for orgasm. You can experience orgasm by focussing on
sensation and breathing or sounding alone. 

I have for years experienced orgasms during sleep.

It is as good as it sounds. 

When I was only having clitoral orgasms in my waking life, these were the kind I
would have in my sleep, when I started to experience cervical orgasms, these also
appeared in my dreams. 

Cervical orgasm sleeps are the best. The peak of orgasm is what wakes me up. 

Amen to that. 

Lady Gaga has publicly said that she can think her way to orgasm.

People can have orgasms in their breasts, their fingers, their anus, their vaginal lips,
their hearts, their brains and most probably their eyebrows. 

People without cervixes can still experience cervical orgasms and so too are
quadriplegics known to experience the big O. 

There really is no limit to the mind blowing orgasmic potential of the human body. 

Never let anybody's small mindedness or narrow viewpoint dictate what you allow
yourself to experience in this lifetime.

We are flying through an ever expanding galaxy on a chunk of rock at 1000 miles per

Let the truth of who you are unfold before your very eyes, and believe only that. 

Challenge what you know, challenge the status quo. 

From one Pussy to another, I see you.

You are magnificent. 

Next Steps
If you have loved reading this book I would love to hear from you - What moved you,
what challenged you, what inspired you, what will you be taking forward in your life
from it? 
You can write to me at
You can also send any questions you have to me there and I will do my best to answer
them personally. 

You can find me on the following social media profiles:

Facebook Keeley Olivia

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I publish weekly content on my blog at  and you can stay in

touch and up to date by joining my newsletter here: 

Thank you for being on this journey with me, thank you for being curious and open
and honest and brave and saying to yourself and this life. 

One orgasm at a time, we are changing the world. 

To infinity and beyond. 

Keeley Olivia, September 2017. 

About the Author
Keeley is a professionally trained Integrated Sex, Love and Relationship Coach with
the Tantric Institute of Integrated Sexuality.
She has practiced and studied Yoga for more than 10 years and specifically Tantra for
more than 5.
She has a first class Bachelors degree in Chemistry from the University of Manchester
and 2 Masters degrees, one in Regenerative Medicine and one in Medical Statistics.
She has over 10 years experience working as an academic researcher and scientist. 
Her mission is orgasmic world peace.


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