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ORIGINAL

There is a notion that learning history is a waste of time. However, this conception has both sides: history
brings advantages and also disadvantages to our life.

School curriculum has been set and history is a subject included. For children, learning history but not
usually use the historical knowledge in real life is very boring. They are likely to learn more creative
subjects like maths or arts which seems exciting to them. Studying about ancient world is quite a dry
subject. Besides, each historical events have their own lesson but learner cannot actually study from
history so it becomes an useless subject.

On the other hand, learning history is a very important. Firstly, it helps young generations understand
their own culture and how the country develop. Then they could more appreciative attitude toward their
ancestor who made their nation what it is today. History teaches not only children but also adults valuable
lessons about human nature so that they can identify their quality and form good characteristic. School
needs history to educate children to be better in…

Despite having both disadvantages and benefits, subjects like history still plays an essential role in
teaching student.

CORRECTED

1. Intro

There is a notion that learning history is a waste of time. However, this conception has both sides: history
brings advantages and also disadvantages to our life. While this notion may be true to a certain extent,
it would be absurd to ignore some important benefits that history brings to learners.

Câu thesis có một chút vấn đề. “Niềm tin này có hai mặt”… Niềm tin (notion) mà em đưa ra chỉ có một
mặt là: history is a waste of time.

2. Body A
- School curriculum has been set and history is a subject included. There are several reasons why
history is thought to be a waste of time.

Câu này mở đầu đoạn A, nhưng lại không giới thiệu được ý chính của đoạn này là về mặt trái của việc học
sử.

Viết như trên thì người đọc hiểu là đoạn này sẽ viết về một vài lí do mà học sử mất thời gian.

- For children, learning history but not use the historical knowledge in real life is very boring. History
is often seen as a boring subject with little application to real life.

Chỗ này đại ý là lịch sử là một môn học chán, không áp dụng được vào cuộc sống.

- They are likely to learn more creative subjects like maths or arts which seems exciting to them.
As such, young students prefer to choose more stimulating subjects such as math or arts.

Tạo cầu nối, vì lịch sử chán thế kia, nên học sinh đổ xô sang các môn thú vị.
- Studying about the ancient world is quite a dry subject. Besides, each historical events have their own
lesson but learner cannot actually study from history so it becomes an useless subject. Commented [VD1]: Each historical event has its own
lesson
Câu này anh không hiểu lắm nên chưa chữa được. Có sự lặp ý ở đây: dry subject = boring subject (trên nói
Commented [VD2]: learners
boring rồi), learners cannot actually study from history = use the historical knowledge in real life.

3. Đoạn B

On the other hand, learning history is very important.

Đơn giản, nhưng thông báo được nội dung của đoạn B là về sự quan trọng của việc học sử.

Firstly, it helps young generations understand their own culture and how the country develop. Commented [VD3]: has developed

Giúp hiểu về văn hóa và sự phát triển của đất nước. Câu sau em sẽ mở rộng hai từ “văn hóa” và “phát
triển”

Then they could more appreciative attitude toward their ancestor who made their nation what it is today.
Through history classes, students understand how their ancestors made their home country what it is
today, which fosters a sense of national pride among the students.

Hiểu được ông cha ta đã dựng nước và giữ nước ra sao, học sinh sẽ có tinh thần dân tộc hơn.

History teaches not only children but also adults valuable lessons about human nature so that they can
identify their quality and form good characteristic. School needs history to educate children to be better
in…

Ok. Câu này lại khó hiểu rồi… Đến lớp nói tiếp nhé.

Despite having both disadvantages and benefits, subjects like history still plays an essential role in
teaching student.

4. Conclusion

Kết luận: Đầu bài yêu cầu gì thì trả lời vậy.

In conclusion, although history appears to be a dry subject, it brings some unique benefits…
ORIGINAL

There is a heated topic of controversy over the amount of time and money spent on saving wild animals.
People think that resources should better be spent on human being’s problem instead of wasting for
animals. In my books, I’m inclined to the view that we should give priority to human over anything.

First and foremost, there is still natural process in the absence of humans. Dinosaurs roamed the earth
for millions years until their sudden extinction about 66 millions years ago. Obviously, human interference
is not the only reason for the extinction of wild animals. Although human is to blame for because of our
activities that have had impact on the habitat of other species, we don’t need to spent large amount of
time and efforts, especially money on saving them. If extinction happens due to the rules of nature, such
efforts are in no use.

On the other hand, instead of wasting to much time on saving those animals from extinction. We could
find solutions for our urged problems like disease and pollution. Human race is the highest species with
mind and languages. So we should put more effort on protecting ourselves than those animals whose
extinctions are hard to ignore. The truth is human take a part of responsible for causing threat to other
kinds of species but we don’t have to waste resources more on preserving wild names.

In conclusion, people still need to protect animals but not that much. Insted, we could find ways to reduce
the pollution and cures for diseases.
Commented [VD4]: Cân nhắc khi dùng cụm này. Các từ
CORRECTED như debate / controversy / heated… xuất hiện rất nhiều
trong bài viết của học sinh, gần như trong list cấm dùng của
1. Intro anh rồi =)))

There is a heated topic of controversy over the amount of time and money spent on saving wild animals. Commented [VD5]: Nối với câu trước
Commented [VD6]: Quá tổng quát rồi, không phải ai cũng
Wild animal protection has been placed high on the agenda of most countries around the world. (Bảo nghĩ vậy. Some people thôi
vệ động vật là ưu tiên hang đầu ở hầu hết các nước)
Commented [VD7]: Problems / issues
Hãy mở bài thử một kiểu khác ít máy móc hơn. Commented [VD8]: Rather than saving endangered
species
However, some People think that resources should better be spent on addressing human being’s problem
Commented [VD9]: Dùng văn nói
instead of wasting for animals. In my books, I’m inclined to the view that we should give priority to human
over anything. Commented [VD10]: Nếu được thì tránh ngôi ‘we’
Commented [VD11]: Anything nghe có vẻ “mạnh” quá.
2. Đoạn A Văn học thuật thường không có những từ mạnh thế này.

First and foremost, there is still natural process in the absence of humans. Dinosaurs roamed the earth Commented [VD12]: Hãy viết một câu có đại ý là:
for millions years until their sudden extinction about 66 millions years ago. Obviously, human interference Tuyệt chủng vẫn xảy ra kể cả khi không có con người tác
động.
is not the only reason for the extinction of wild animals. Although human is to blame for because of our
activities that have had impact on the habitat of other species, we don’t need to spent a large amount of Commented [VD13]: million

time and efforts, especially money on saving them. If extinction happens due to the rules of nature, such Commented [VD14]: không viết tắt
efforts are in no use. Commented [VD15]: The law of nature
Commented [VD16]: No use là văn nói.
FUTILE
Đoạn này không liên mạch ý, ba câu đầu đại ý là phần lớn tuyệt chủng là do thiên nhiên. Câu tiếp lại phủ
định lại.

3. Đoạn B
4. Conclusion

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