THE SUBJECT WE REFUSE TO TALK ABOUT

Nachelle Baylon

One of the most anticipated moments in a child's life is their capability of fully comprehending their

surroundings. This marks the beginning of acquiring cinch to complex information the universe has to offer. Au

fait grown-ups are tasked with the crucial responsibility of educating the feebleminded youth using their hard-

earned knowledge of how the world works. Whether it's explaining how Harry Potter can fly on a broomstick or

why do people cry when they're cutting onions, children can talk to adults about anything under or maybe even

beyond the sun...unless it’s the infamous taboo everyone loves to laugh at but refuse to properly talk about: sex.

We teach our children 1 + 1 = 2, we inform them we live in an enormous blue planet that’s orbiting

around a cosmic fire ball, but when kids start inquiring where do babies come from, parents suddenly forgot how

to speak? I find it amusing how adults instantly lose their composure when faced with the ordeal of having to

explain sexual intercourse to the little ones. Can we really blame them though? The so called “birds and the bees”

conversation could be a deeply uncomfortable experience for anyone who has little to no accurate knowledge

about sexual health education. We need to do something in order to change that.

Decades have past yet until now, the subject matter of comprehensive sexuality education is still a

minefield of hearsay and rumination. Is it all about what two bodies are doing under the sheets? Will it encourage

the youth to have sex even more? These are just some of the many miscalculated speculations about sex

education which can be easily answered with its definition which is the instruction in various physiological,

psychological and sociological aspects regarding sex and their sexual health (Leepson, 2002). It involves a

comprehensive course of action calculated to improve knowledge and understanding, promote self-awareness

and equitable social norms, that will best protect the individual as a human and the family as a social institution

(Kearney, 2008).
 So to further prove my point, comprehensive sexuality education is not merely concentrated on

two different genders wrestling in sweat and moans under the pale moonlight. It seeks to impart essential

learning to future generations just like any other paramount studies concerning the human body.

There is still a great deal we do not know about the history of sex education. Its inception can be traced

back to the 19th century in England where the context of hygiene was given importance. The English mostly

focused their attention on senior girls and instructed them to have ‘self-reverence, self control and true modesty’

while the boys were directed to train in workshops. The outbreak of the First and Second World War led to a

rapid increase of sexually transmitted infections which had a dreadful impact on the lives of most of the

population. This resulted to an influx of school sex education sessions that aim to prevent the spread of syphilis

and gonorrhea. By the start of the 1970s and 1980s, sex education went through a significant number of changes.

Details of the human reproductive system became more precise, different methods of contraception were

introduced, and the number of programs dedicated to educating the public about sex education considerably

escalated (Reiss, 2005).

If one would compare today’s high school sexual health education to that of 40 years ago, modern society

would be put to shame. Ironically, sex education in the ‘70s was arguably more progressive than it is now (AJMN,

2016). Conservative oppositions are either strictly against the enforcement of sex education or they place too

much limitations on the curriculums until they can no longer serve their original purpose which is to spread

awareness. There is no doubt that the world has surpassed its past self in terms of the advancement of

information and technology, but what is the use of such intelligence if we as a society cannot even learn to accept

simple universal truths of the human body and its capability of affecting everything around it? As they grow up,

young people are bound to face important decisions about relationships, sexuality, and sexual behavior. The

choices they make can impact their entire well-being and also those who are related to them for the rest of their

lives. The youth are rightfully entitled to live healthy lives, and society has been entrusted with the pivotal

responsibility to gradually prepare them by providing a comprehensive sexual health education that introduces

age-appropriate information consistent with the evolving capacities of young people.

 From the moment of birth, children learn about love, touch, and relationships. Infants and toddlers learn

about sexuality when their parents talk to them, dress them, show affection, and teach them the names of the

parts of their bodies. As children grow into adolescence, they continue to receive messages about sexual

behaviors, attitudes, and values from the people surrounding them. In reality, human sexuality is simply not a

black or white area. Many people are still unaware of the fact that even a person’s sexual orientation is diverse,

contrary to common belief. Such unfamiliarity has justified the constant exclusion of the LGBTQ+ community

from sex education programs which further perpetuates a dangerous heteronormative conviction amongst the

youth.

The current state of queer sex education in the United States alone is enough to draw attention. Recent

data shows that only 22 states plus the District of Columbia requires sex education in schools. Twelve of those

states require sex education teachers to discuss sexual orientation. Three of those 12 states require teachers to

impart only negative information on sexual orientation to students. Yes, three states in the United States make

LGBTQ youth listen to discriminatory information directed at them by their own teachers. Take Alabama, whose

sex education instructors are required to teach that homosexuality “is an unacceptable, criminal lifestyle.” Out of

50 states and one district, only nine states have any form of positive LGBT-inclusive sexual education, a number

that is very disheartening for the overall well-being of many young people in the United States (Temblador,

2015). Research has also illustrated that some sexual health education courses present LGBTQ+ issues in a

negative light—portraying queer sex as something wrong, sick, or abnormal (Ellis and High, 2004).

Making children and adults believe that gender and sexuality are both a dichotomy could create the

impression that those who do not fit into the conventional binary should be alienated or ‘fixed’ thus leads to

unjustified violence against queer people. Not only can LGBTQ-inclusive sex education assist in eradicating the

stigma surrounding non-cis straight individuals, but it could also help decrease the mortality rate of queer people

suffering from mental health disorders due to ostracism and also physical contamination like STDs.
 Comprehensive sex education may have come a long way but it still has a number of shortcomings that

needs to be addressed immediately. The process of education knows no race, class, sex, or religion thus sexual

health schooling isn’t an exemption. Learning to become comfortable with your own sexuality takes a long time

and requires an immense amount of encouragement from peers and professionals. I genuinely believe that

starting from a well-built foundation of support from family members can have a titanic impact on a person’s

body image outlook in the long run.

Family is deemed to be the primal source of learning in a human being’s life. Parents or respective

caretakers should be the common avenue when it comes to enlightening youngsters of the basics of sexual health

education but unfortunately, this is not the usual case. Whenever grown-ups are around kids they tend to shy

away from any topic that involves the birds and the bees. Whether they are doing this out of modesty or distrust,

I think adults have failed to carry out their given responsibility which is to guide the vulnerable youth in knotty

domains like sex education. Analysis from around the world show that adolescents are unaware and unprepared

for the changes that are occurring in their developing bodies at the time of puberty. In 2015, a study was

launched Islamabad, Pakistan which stated that only 30 percent of adolescents knew about puberty before

they experienced it, while over 70 percent remained acutely unaware and were vulnerable to peer pressure,

early marriages, HIV transmission and social discrimination (APP The Express Tribune, 2015).

I clearly remember the time when I first got my period, I thought I was already on the verge of death. I

didn’t have anyone to look to for answers so I had to rush home as soon as I can and search on Google what was

happening to my body. Without a doubt I know I’m not the only baffled youngster who had been through such a

heart-stopping circumstance. Plenty of girls are still confused as to why there is discharge on their linen even

though their cycle is done for the month. Some folks also believe in the mistaken belief that females pee from the

vagina and not the urethra. Boys experiencing puberty for the first time wake up in the middle of the night

confused and alarmed when they see their nocturnal emission.

 If children cannot count on their own parents and teachers to teach them about sexual health, then from

whom are they supposed to learn? The lewdness of the media? A pastor who condemns promiscuity? Their

friends at the playground who don’t know any better than them?

One of the main reasons why a lot of people are against sexuality education is due to the recognized

misconception that it will implant in children’s minds to have sex before they are ready. Another viewpoint on sex

education, historically inspired by sexologists like Wilhelm Reich and psychologists like Sigmund Freud and James

W. Prescott, holds that what is at stake in sex education is control over the body and liberation from social

control. Proponents of this view tend to see the political question as whether society or the individual should

teach sexual mores. Sexual education may thus be seen as providing individuals with the knowledge necessary to

liberate themselves from socially organized sexual oppression and to make up their own minds. Parents and

teachers presume the establishment of sex education will be the root cause of corruption in a child’s mind. Not

only is this assumption false in so many levels but it rationalizes the harmful belief that a child’s innocence is

more important than their actual lives. Truth be told, sex education is not a battle for morality nor is it the lack of

it. It is clear-cut that the absence of moral value is the infringement of another person’s rights, not being aware of

one’s sexual health. Adults need to acknowledge the fact that they can help their kids comprehend what’s

happening to their bodies and still maintain moral dignity.

Stigmatizing behaviors does not prevent unhealthy events from occurring. Let us take for example the

stigma around sexual intercourse. According to Al Vernacchio (2015), a sexuality educator and LGBTQ+ advocate,

society is so sexually repressed to the point where it has become sexually obsessed. A disconcerting issue that

could be correlated to this is mainstream media’s disturbing practice of hypersexualizing young women. The

hypersexualization of girls can be referred to the female body being depicted or treated as a mere sexual object.

It also means sexuality is inappropriately imposed on girls through media, marketing or products directed at them

that encourages them to act in adult sexual ways. From commercials that sell automobiles to advertising high

fashion brands, females are unrealistically represented in a way that shows the only redeemable quality about

them is their sexuality. There is a giant difference between girls gradually learning acceptance of their bodily
features and reducing a person’s entire well-being to sex objects. Unlike the former, the latter has no consent

and it amplifies a toxic ideology that the female body is only useful when it’s either pleasurable or bearing babies.

So what impact does all of this have on young girls and also boys? Definitely not good. A task force report

by a group from the American Psychological Association found that girls who are exposed to sexual messages in

popular culture are more likely to have low self-esteem and suffer from several mental disorders such as

depression, anxiety, anorexia, etc. (Zurbriggen et al). Not only does the hypersexualization of adolescent women

add more fuel to the fire that is rape culture, its footprint on impressionable young men has its own set of

consequences. Boys that end up maturing in an environment where sexualizing young female bodies is

acceptable will more or less be susceptible to sexual abuse and deadly violence.

People are so terrified of the act of sex itself and those “rebels” who actively engage in such activity that

they set up abstinence-only programs in order to counteract what comprehensive sex education is fighting for.

This leads us to the next topic of discussion: between abstinence-only programs and comprehensive sex

education, which is more effective and efficient between the two contrasting agendas when it comes to

promoting the sexual health of the youth?

The National Survey of Family Growth analyzed the impact of sexuality education on sexual risk-taking for

young people ages 15-19, and found that teens who received comprehensive sex education were 50 percent less

likely to experience pregnancy than those who received abstinence-only education (Kohler et al., 2008).

Researcher Douglas Kirby for the National Campaign to End Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy examined studies of

prevention programs which had a strong experimental design and used appropriate analysis declared that two-

thirds of the 48 comprehensive sex education programs studied had astounding positive effects: 40 percent

delayed sexual initiation, reduced the number of sexual partners, or increased condom or contraceptive use, 30

percent reduced the frequency of sex, including a return to abstinence, and 60 percent reduced unprotected sex

(Kirby D., 2007).

 The results of abstinence-only programs, on the other hand, are counterproductive to what they initially

want to attain. Among adolescents participating in “virginity pledge” programs, researchers found that among

sexually experienced teenagers, 88 percent broke the pledge and had sex before marriage. Further, among all

participants, once pledgers began to have sex, they had more partners in a shorter period of time and were less

likely to use contraception or condoms than were their non-pledging peers (Bearman PS, Brückner H., 2001).

Up to now, no abstinence-only program has yet been proven through rigorous evaluation to help the youth delay

sexual intercourse for a significant period of time, help minors decrease their number of sex partners, or reduce

STI or pregnancy rates among teens. Based on the previous data that was cited, it’s safe to assume or wonder

why abstinence-only programs are still funded despite an almost close to zero number of contributions when it

comes to vastly improving the well-being of the youth in matters concerning their sexual health. Religious

institutions and conservatives may arguably be held accountable as to why the general public still prefers sexual

abstinence education over comprehensive sexual health. It’s ironic how how those traditionalists who stand for

abstinence-only schooling are also the same people who condemn teenagers for becoming early parents and

complain all day about the rise of minors contracting STDs.

How can we expect adolescents to know better about the aspects of sex at a very fragile age when they

are being continuously deprived of the knowledge they grievously deserve? That is like beating down a newly

born baby for not knowing how to instantly walk on their own two feet. Proponents of abstinence-only education

need to face the reality that there is absolutely nothing ungodly about wanting to learn a naturally occurring

process. If only religious fanatics looked at comprehensive sexuality education in a more practical light, then

maybe there would be less trouble over conflicting sides and more on generating solutions to keep the young

ones safe as much as possible. Maybe these believers would someday realize that whoever is up there would not

want his beloved creation to be suffering from willful ignorance.

 As someone who grew up in a strictly religious household and attended non-secular school for more than

10 years, I have been conditioned my entire life to reject anything that has to do with sex if I am not yet a married

woman. There’s always a constant reminder to not brood over sensual thoughts or else it might cause a decay in

my system of values. The pressure to stay righteous was at stake. Add to the fact that I am a female, I experience

a harsher kind of sexual stigma compared to that of men. Being part of the minority that is deemed the ‘fair and

gentle sex’, I was brought up to believe that the most precious gift I could ever give to my future husband is

found between my legs. Now isn’t that nothing short but demoralizing?

The noxious concept of virginity is a mere extraneous social construct created by the patriarchy in order to

obtain exclusive control of the female sexuality. Are lesbians still “virgins” if they engage in sexual intercourse

since the presence of a penis is not involved? What about gay people? Are asexuals also exempted from the

rules?

Virginity is nothing but a narrow concept that cannot possibly incorporate all sexual backgrounds nor can

it be physically determined. Some states though, regrettably do not know better. Research from around the

world shows countries practicing mandatory virginity tests in Asia, Africa and the Middle East (Brulliard, 2008).

Grade school girls must be invaded by a male physician to see if the hymen is still in tact before she can be

allowed to graduate. Virginity tests are sort of similar to gynecological exams but more traumatic in nature. This

unethical evaluation is not just severely flawed because the hymen can break even without penetration, but it is

also completely dehumanizing to have a total stranger handle someone else’s private parts without consent.

Imagine if you’ve worked your butt off at school only to be told you cannot receive a diploma just because your

hymen is broken. Or you’re not allowed to move to the next grade if you won’t spread your legs for the whole

world to judge whether you’re ‘tainted’ or not. And how are we sure that these girls are not being taken

advantage of in an extremely vulnerable situation? We need to stop upholding the notion that a person’s

virginity is tantamount to their immeasurable value as a human being. It is not anyone’s business whether a

woman or a man is committed to abstinence until marriage or sleeps with 10 different people every night.
Literally no one, and not even an overrated impractical social construct has the ultimate right to determine

someone else’s worth.

On the other hand, men go through a different struggle when it comes to the stigma around sexuality.

Their affliction may not be on the same level of intensity as what women go through but men must not be

discredited for they are also victims of the patriarchy that males had also imposed upon society. The unnecessary

pressure placed on masculinity has brainwashed men into thinking they must ‘man up’ at all costs and as a

consequence, everything has become a competition to them. Who is more buff? Who has the bigger junk? Who

has had more one night stands? Not only does this ridiculous convention inflict unnecessary aggression on males

which can result to barbarity, it also shames men if they ever show signs of femininity i.e. crying, expressing one’s

feelings, etc. As if females are the only ones entitled to exhibiting human emotions. Condemning femininity while

glorifying masculinity is just one of the many internalized misogynistic beliefs that continue to plague the

progress of modern civilization. One may ask, why does this pervasive issue even deserve significant time and

effort when there are bigger problems at the moment like world poverty, incurable diseases, global warming and

even terrorism? A brilliant quote by Full Frontal Feminism author Jessica Valenti perfectly illustrates why:

What’s the worst possible thing you can call a woman? Don’t hold back now.

You’re probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt, skank.

Okay, now, what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, girl, bitch, pussy.

I’ve even heard the term “mangina.”

Notice anything? The worst possible thing you can call a girl is a girl. The worst possible thing you can call

a guy is also a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult. Now tell me that’s not royally fucked up.
 So how is all of this related to comprehensive sexual health education? Well for starters, gender-based

sexuality education helps in promoting the insidious impact that gender discrimination has brought upon society.

This will further encourage the youth to be agents of change in a world where a person’s priceless worth as a

human being is degraded as a result of their gender, sexuality or even lack thereof. Comprehensive sexuality

education aims to teach young people the life skills necessary to assume responsibility for their own behavior and

to befittingly respect the rights of other people.

The current system that is in charge of comprehensive sex education is in dire need of modification. We

don't need to make this any harder for children to understand than it already is. It's time for modern society to

stop branding and dismissing teenagers as thugs who don’t know what responsibility means. Get rid of the

revolting idea that the victims of sexual assault “asked for it” because their situation is one of the leading reasons

as to why justice is slowly losing its formidable meaning. Non-cis heterosexual people are humans too so why are

we not acknowledging them more? The world needs to be reminded that this is my body, not the government’s

property or the church’s. The only person who is entitled to rightfully claim control my well-being is me. Each one

of us has that burning desire to make a difference, no matter how small or big they are it’s the decisions we make

that truly leave a lasting footprint.

I shall now end my essay with this:

In the amount of time that took me to write this outro alone which was exactly 20 minutes; more than 10

sexual assaults took place, 160 women became unintentionally pregnant, and 651 people were contaminated by

a sexually transmitted infection. If we don’t do something now, then when? If it’s not me who will start the

change, then whom?