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Mitzvah Girls

A Book Review by Leora Balk


Azrieli - Foundations of Jewish Education - Fall 2016

In her intriguing book ​Mitzvah Girls​, author Ayala Fader explores educational and
child-rearing practices to which few readers have been exposed, as she recounts her
journey deep into the heart of Brooklyn to the Hasidic community of Boro Park. Dressed
in traditional Hasidic garb and ready to absorb the extensive culture shock that would
inevitably come her way, Ayala entered a world of Yiddish and Yinglish; cholent and
kiddush; kallah classes and beshows; and a people grounded in a belief system that
drives each and every decision of their lives.
Fader’s narrative explores the theme of gender roles and segregation as they
pertain to the Hassidic community, with particular emphasis on the different approaches
to educating boys and girls in order to prepare them for these pre-established gender
roles. While the boys are sheltered almost entirely from the outside world, the girls are
permitted to have limited exposure to the language, culture, and practices of their
neighbors beyond the bounds of their Hasidic bubble. Fader emphasizes how language
and communication factor into these respective gendered experiences. For example,
men and boys are expected to exclusively communicate in their native Yiddish;
however, women and girls speak Yinglish (a combination of Yiddish and English) and
when necessary, sometimes communicate in “pure” English. In order for the men to
remain as sheltered as possible and intensely focused on their Torah studies, their
female counterparts are charged with responsibilities towards their families which
require involvement in the secular world. In order to complete basic tasks such as
paying bills or scheduling appointments, they must be proficient in the English language
and cognizant of relevant social systems and expectations.
In the United States, most of us grow up impacted by the mindset of an
individualistic society, in which citizens are encouraged to become independent and
self-reliant and to cultivate a sense of uniqueness. By contrast, Fader discovered a

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collectivistic state of being among the Hasidim that emphasized communal needs over
personal interests. From the languages they are permitted to speak to the clothing they
are expected to wear, conformity to basic communal expectations was the norm among
these Hasidim; and none of them would ever dare challenge these demands.
Some of the most stark differences observed by Fader were in the context of
education. In early childhood classrooms around the globe, one can expect to find
imaginative play as a core component of any educational setting for young children. Yet,
Fader observed that Hasidim clearly favored practical life values to such an extent that
creative play was overshadowed, and in some cases, discouraged. For example, Fader
noted that children were expected by their teachers to portray artwork that reflected
realistic surroundings. If a child painted purple skies or blue apples, they might be
scolded that such depictions were not “truthful.” As children grow older, this cultural
trend is reflected throughout the Hasidic dating process. Hasidic girls of marriageable
age do not fantasize about the romantic aspects of a potential partner with whom they
dream of building a life together. The dating process is orchestrated entirely by their
parents, with many practical considerations specific to each family predominantly taken
into account. For instance, a rabbinic family with no money and a wealthy family with no
rabbinic legacy may choose to have their children marry in order for each family to
enhance its “yichus” status. More often, however, rabbinic families will marry into other
rabbinic families, the “baale batish” will marry into other “baale batish” families, and so
forth to maintain a consistent social hierarchy. While each Hasidic woman technically
has the final say before becoming engaged to a potential suitor, in most cases she
simply trusts her parents’ decision about what “makes sense” and “will be best for her,”
once again shelfing romantic or personal feelings in favor of “tachlis” (practical)
decisions.
In many learning environments, inquiry-based learning is seen as crucial to
cognitive development, yet Fader discovered that the practice of asking questions was
treated with caution by her Hasidic neighbors. It seemed to her that the Bobover
Hasidim discouraged asking “hard questions,” as they may appear to challenge the

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standards of the community; or, even worse, such questions may convey a yearning for
something beyond the boundaries of the community, and thus assumedly contrary to
Torah values. Fader witnessed these interactions among adults as well as children.
When Gitty questioned Fader dating in the secular world, the conversation was only
deemed acceptable because she was already married. In the classroom as well, Fader
observed that the children were expected to accept as fact anything they were told by
rabbis, teachers, parents, or anyone else who represents the Torah - since in their
minds, the Torah cannot be questioned.
Throughout Fader’s account, I was distracted by her apparent lack of familiarity
with the broader Orthodox Jewish community. As a result, her writing portrayed certain
religious and cultural practices through a homogeneous lens. Her book claims to record
pedagogical norms amongst Hasidim, but I found that much of its subject matter is not
specific to the Hasidic community; in fact, I recognized a number of the observations
Fader recorded as characteristic of my own non-Hasidic Orthodox upbringing. For
example, the author extensively reflects on the positive reinforcement utilized by the
“mitzvah note” system for the youngest of students. This practice is certainly not unique
to the Hasidic school system, but widely popular in all kinds of Orthodox Jewish
schools. Similarly, the accounts of Ayala’s bridal class experiences were not overly
striking as compared to a typical Orthodox Jewish course of the same genre. While the
author’s reflections in areas like these may be equally relevant to the Hasidic
community, exclusively relating such lifestyle details to Hasidim belied the authenticity
of Fader’s study. However, Fader’s writing reveals several educational and child-rearing
methods that are indeed characteristic of the Bobover Hasidim, and which I view with
admiration.
The Hasidim place strong emphasis on respect for authority. While they may take
the expressions of this respect a few notches beyond with what I would personally be
comfortable, I think we live in a world in which children often think they owe no respect
to anyone. From an early age, the Hasidim raise their children to respect their parents
and their elders; their teachers, who are so invested in their educational growth; and

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their rabbis, who guide them with Torah learning and values while maintaining a
backdrop of spiritual well-being.
Another quality of the Bobover Hasidim I would personally aim to replicate is their
emphasis on taking responsibility for one’s family. Their youngest daughters are brought
up to help around the house and to engage on a maternal level with their younger
siblings or other family members. I believe that strong family units serve as foundations
for learning and personal development, and the Hasidic family life reflects this value
well. Moreover, Hasidic parents strengthen the link between lessons learned at school
by reinforcing them at home. Fader heard Hasidic teachers mention to children at
school that “your mommy would be so proud of you,” strengthening the consistency of
the parent-teacher partnership in educating the youngest members of the Hasidic
community.
Finally, I was most deeply impacted by the realization that in this Hasidic world,
everything they live and learn is predicated upon a deeply rooted sense of ​emunah​.
They believe that if something is written in the Torah, it must be inherently good for the
Jewish people. If the Torah is the word of God, even if there are parts we cannot fully
comprehend, they believe it must be worth living according to its commandments. In my
own classroom, I would encourage my students to question as they learn and to search
for explanations that resonate with them; but as human beings, it is my perspective that
the search for meaning can only be productive when anchored in the belief of a divinely
authored Torah.

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