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Davi Faria

English 101

11/18/2016

How to Adapt to Your Parents’ Culture

In one occasion, T. S. Eliot defined the life of the Third Culture Kid (TCK) writing a poem;

he said:

We shall not cease from exploration.

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And to know the place for the first time. (quoted in The Third Culture Kid

Experience, Pollock, David, et all. page XII)

Third Culture Kids (TCK’s) are children who have a unique culture produced by blending

the family culture and the local culture from their resident country. TCKs can be children of

different kinds of international professionals, diplomats, or missionaries. If you are a TCK, you

probably visited different countries and adapted to many cultures’ customs. But, at some moment

you returned to your parents’ home country for vacations, and asked yourself “am I in a new

country?” The problems spring when deciding to move to that country to study or live. Like any

other country, you will experience a “cultural shock,” which is a conflict between two different

cultures. This cultural shock could produce social isolation and psychological issues. To avoid

these problems, it is necessary to face the parents’ culture as a new culture and adapt to it.
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To adapt to a new culture is necessary a lot of preparation and practice. Before arriving into

the parents’ home country, it is important to study their culture. Think what you already know

about your parents’ culture, and ask them about the main differences between your culture and

their culture and what differences you should expect. Ask your parents how you should present

yourself to others, or how should you act when visiting a friend’s house. Prepare yourself to see a

lot of different things there, and put in mind that you need to learn every moment. Humility is

necessary to learn from your parents, but also, one also need humility in order to learn from native

people of your parents’ country.

Once in your parent’s country, forget everything you learned. It can sound uncomfortable,

but remember that cultures are in constant change, and actions, expressions, and words will have a

different meaning according to the context. Do not be afraid to ask questions to the people near to

you, yet remember, you must be polite and respectful. Try to ask questions such as “What does it

mean?”, or “Why do people do it?”, and the most used “What is it?”. Also, accept that you will

make mistakes, and people probably will laugh. It is normal and completely comprehensible, so do

not be ashamed to try, and eventually fail. Be ashamed to not try it. With more corrections, you

will quickly learn more.

The first step to a good communication is speak the same language. Sometimes it seems

difficult to learn a new language or adapt to a different accent, but it just will be difficult if you are

not willing to learn. I remember a Brazilian friend that lived four years in a Spanish country and

never learned how to speak Spanish. Her husband is a TCK that speaks six languages, including

Spanish. Usually, he spoke Spanish and translated for her; so, she had few opportunities to practice

the new language. Also, she was afraid to speak and make mistakes. She did not want people

correcting her all the time, so she did not try it. After four years there, she is still having problems
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buying stuff in grocery stores or talking with people in the church. That show us how it is easy to

find a “comfort zone” in which you can understand and be understood, but, it does not mean that

you are communicating with people. To communicate with local people you need to express what

you think and feel according to the local culture, and it is only possible with frequent study and

practice.

After the learning and practice period, you will be in a period of contextualizing what you

already know, and you will better understand the behavior of the people surrounding you. Then

you will be able to remember what your parents taught you and use it in context. But never forget

that the culture constantly changes and you never will stop learning. I grew up in Chile, but my

parents are originally from Brazil. I remember asked my dad how to say cup in Portuguese, and he

said me it is Xávena. When I went back to Brazil, nobody understood what I was saying. Local

people said me cup is caneca, and the word xávena does not exist. Some years later, for my surprise,

I discover that in Portugal people call de cup as xávena, and the city that my dad raised still using

that word. Also, remember that you do not need to change your beliefs and accept everything in

the culture, yet, one must understand that change is necessary to provide a perfect communication

with others.

Finally, after studying about the culture, asking your parents and local people different

questions, making mistakes, and contextualizing actions and words; you will be adapted to your

parent’s culture. Adapt does not means that you will adopt that culture, but, it means that you

understand it and can live your own culture parallel to it, without generating conflicts and

communicating with people.

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Works Cited

Pollok, David C., Van Reken, Ruth E. “The Third Culture Kid Experience: Growing up

Among Worlds” Me: Intercultural Press, 1999. eBook Academic Collection (EBSCOhost).

Web. 4 Dec. 2016.