ubject:

Commented [AB1]: ‘When people buy …..’ – ‘when’ goes

with simple tenses not continuous; a bit like the first
Some people consider price as most important thing to consider when buying a product (such as a conditional.
cell phone) or a service (e.g. Medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree? ‘When I go to the shops, I will buy food’.

Commented [AB2]: ‘people will’ – the same point as AB1 –

Answer: when + present tense + subject + will.

Commented [AB3]: ‘take into considerations’ – there is no

When people are buying products, there are many factors people would take into considerations. Some +s on ‘consideration’.

e.g. The candidate’s experience must be taken into

believe money is the most important thing for consumer. As far as I am concerned, I tend to be the consideration.

Commented [AB4]: ‘a consumer/ consumers’ – to avoid this

mistake, put +s on your singular nouns.
opponent to this statement. Commented [AB5]: ‘I tend to be opposed to this
statement’ – this sounds better and is more concise.

Commented [AB6]: ‘It is evidently reasonable for me to

believe …’ – this is more concise again. Try to avoid redundant
It is evidently reasonable for me to believe that there are many other factors consumers would consider to language.

Commented [AB7]: ‘are many other factors consumers will/

would consider’ – the present tense does not agree with
fulfill their different needs. First of all, quality would be a vital requirement for buyers if they are looking for ‘would’; only the present tense or ‘will’.

She said that she would visit me. – here the past tense agrees with
‘would’.
goods that are durable. For example, when parents are choosing car seats for their children, the quality that
Commented [AB8]: This is the same issue –
‘would be a vital requirement for buyers if they were’ / ‘will
be a vital requirement for buyers if they are ….’
meets the safety standard would become the first on the list. Equally important, various features of
Commented [AB9]: ‘when parents are choose’ – this is the
same as AB1 - when + present tense + subject + will.

Commented [AB10]: ‘the quality ‘ – this noun is

products or services are also essential when consumers have certain particular needs. To illustrate this, the
uncountable so you do not need ‘the’.

Commented [AB11]: ‘will’ – for the same reason as AB1 - when

+ present tense + subject + will.
promotions of the different options of deigns and functions of the phones by the companies show that
Commented [AB12]: You only need one of these word. They
both have the same meaning.

people have various preferences other than the price. In shorts, there are many other more important Commented [AB13]: ‘the functions of the phones by the
companies’ – ‘the’ goes before the first noun before ‘of’. The other
two nouns are plural so do not take ‘the’ – ‘phones, companies’.

things buyers would look at when purchasing goods. Commented [AB14]: ‘In shorts’ – no +s on this phrase.

e.g. He's disorganized, inefficient, never there when you want

him - in short, the man's a pain.

Commented [AB15]: ‘buyers would look’ – to agree with

We cannot deny that price could be fairly important when consumers have limited budgets. The financial the present tense ‘there are’; it makes sense to use the
present.

Commented [AB16]: ‘financial situation’ – this is a better

condition would affect people’s decision when buying and paying. In the meantime, some buyers tend to collocation.

Commented [AB17]: ‘would affects’ – you use ‘when’ here

so you can use ‘will’ or the present. You can also use ‘can,
compare the price and the market value of the goods to decide which products they would buy. For might and may' here too.

Commented [AB18]: ‘the goods’ - no ‘the’ with plural

nouns.

Commented [AB19]: ‘will buy’

instance, wise property buyers would carefully compare the prices of houses or apartments before they sign Commented [AB20]: ‘will carefully compare the prices of
houses or apartments before they sign’ / ‘would carefully
compare the prices of houses or apartments before they
signed’
the contracts. Nevertheless, it does not necessarily mean the price is the most important factor for people.

In the nutshell, we could safely conclude that money is not the most important thing that affect buyers’ Commented [AB21]: ‘In a nutshell’ –

e.g. Just tell me the story in a nutshell.

decisions. There are other more significant reasons for their choices. Commented [AB22]: ‘most important thing that affects’ –
because of ‘thing’ this must be +s.

Comments:

IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score

Task Fulfilment Addresses all parts of the task.

Presents a relevant position
throughout the text. Both sides 7.0
of the argument are clearly
defined. A balanced argument
with a clear conclusion as to
what the author believes. A
clear answer to the question.
Cohesion and Coherence Presents, extends and supports
relevant main well. The ideas 7.5
are on the whole well
organised. Uses a range of
cohesive devices appropriately.
Very good cohesion in your
essay. Clear and effective
connections can be seen.
Lexical resource Uses a sufficient range of
vocabulary to allow some
flexibility and precision but 7.0
attempts to use less common
vocabulary but with some
inaccuracy : ‘considerations; the
nutshell, in shorts’; however
generally appropriate language.
Grammatical Range Uses a variety short and more 6.5
and accuracy complex sentences. Makes
some errors in grammar but
minor in terms of articles;
however the overuse of ‘when’
and ‘would’ is something to
consider. These do affect the
comprehensibility of the text.
Overall Score: 7.0 Close to an excellent answer. You need to focus a little on the use of when +
present tense + will and use of ‘would’ with past tenses not present. However, some good ideas.