Sasi Ounpiyodom (Minnie) 1109

Phases of Fear

It has just reached sunset in the city of Brighton. I found myself standing on the

pebbly beach. With five layers of clothing, I should be able to handle the winter wind, but it

keeps piercing through my clothes like an arrow through a haystack. But Ive gotten used to

it, the numbness makes it bearable. Wintertime Brighton beach is an underrated place. People

should come here more often, or not. After all, the exact reason I am standing here at this

time of year is to avoid them.

I take a deep breath and step forward. I try my best not to trip over the rock-strewn

surface. The ocean waves keep crashing in closer and closer to my now tired feet. I stand still

for a moment, thinking about all the good things in life. I walk over towards the water. In no

more than three seconds, my body cannot help but pull back my feet automatically.

Thats enough for today, I think to myself. This is the 16th day I have tried to step

into the water. I know my progress is slow, but hey, I got two feet closer than yesterday!

Just a thought of the open ocean scares me to the point of running away.

It is starting to grow darker and colder. The wind has yet to stop drifting me in against

my will, against my way to work.

At least, theres no snowstorm, I think to myself to cope with this painful British

weather.

My head producer Jayden just called me to come in at 19:00. I can make it. The

recording studio is just two blocks away. The fact that the wind blows so violently makes me

want to just steal Aladdins gravity-defying magic carpet and cruise along the streets. That

would be a nice futuristic way of commute. Anyways, where are we now? I realize I got
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distracted and lost again. I should have taken a left earlier. I finally arrive the studio with just

30 seconds to spare.

These are just the usual things for me.

Glad you came, said Jayden.

Nothing feels like home except inside these four foam-padded walls. In here, I am

safe. Theres nothing to worry about. I plan to work here for the next ten years. It will be cool

to have so much work experience and to have met so many people during my work life. One

of the reasons why I chose this job is that mainly so I could stay away from water, but also

meet new artists who come in every day. I find it easy to just make friends with new people

rather sticking with the old ones. Maybe that makes me sound selfish, I wouldnt deny it.

However, some of them are just the same age as me, just graduated college, pursuing their

dreams.

Heres a secret. I have the ears of a bat when it comes to music. For every artist that

has come in to record at this studio, I can tell if they are going to make it to the top charts or

not. My hearing has never betrayed me. Maybe god had given me this talent to compensate

with my aqua phobia. Either ways, I hoped I chose the right job.

Bry! Good to see you here again, you talented fella! yells Alison as she tumbles

toward me, as tipsy as I suppose. This woman loves her voice when shes drunk. Alisons

songs has been hitting the UK top charts lately. Knowing that the closer she gets to number

one, she would only get more drunk afterwards, I am seriously concerned for her well-being.

To work here is to risk it all.

Careful, Alison! Get your nasty whisky away from me! I say as I brush her off as

quickly as I can, failing to realize how bad it would look if she werent drunk. Cautiously, I

resume to my synth table, trying to suppress my anxiety. I start to pretend to set up my things
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like usual, just to kill time until Jayden calls on me. Once everyone in the studio is ready, we

start recording. All these times, Alison has always stepped up her voice game every time we

record. Thats what throws her on the top charts. I never second guessed it.

The last note has yet to last on a night like this. It took her many tries to get a vibrato

on that single jaw-dropping yet warming note. She insists I dont auto tune it. She has always

been like this: stubbornly pushing her limits. Once she grabs the mic, its hard to let go.

From the corner of my eye, a waving of Jaydens hands called me back to reality. I

realize I zoned out again during one of her attempts and almost missed the record button.

Luckily, she continues to try again, so that mistake wasnt mine after all.

A long night has gone by and I have gone full circle on my energy level. Alison is

finally satisfied with what she poured her heart and souland liquor into creating. We

recorded a whopping total of one track which is supposed to be her lead single of her new

album.

Cant wait to hear that on the radio! I say in the most exciting voice I can, but no

one seems to notice my excitement. After all, I was drained of any energy my body has left to

offer. I decide to restlessly drag myself home right away.

Once I stepped into my three-story apartment, I hear a heartwarmingly familiar sound.

Bry Bry! Looking as tired as always! Why dont you talk to your girlfriend at least

before you hit the bed? excitedly shouts Madelaine, my lovely black-haired girl.

I am too tired to respond so I just present my exhausted face to her. Its fine. Shes

used to it by now. She is just getting ready to go to work at the movie set when I arrive. Its

always been like this on weekdays. We only actually see each other on evenings: when she

comes home from work and I just wake up. People say its a weird relationship but I find that
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meeting her only a short amount of time makes it worthwhile. Hell, the fact that we even met

is fundamentally weird. Im awkward. Shes awkward. Similars attract. I like to think that in

the entertainment industry, there has to be people like us--the awkward ones behind the

scenes. Awkward is the new forward, as she likes to say.

After Madelaine kisses me goodbye, I unintentionally violently throw my body on to

the soft IKEA bed. I cant be bothered to take a showernot that I ever do anyways. As I am

lying down, I look out the bedroom window and see the buildings almost blocking me from

viewing the vast sea. A faint sound of never-ending waves reassuringly haunts me until it

lulls me to sleep.

Ring!! my phone screeches aggressively as I reach my arms to shut it. I hit receive

and turn on the speakerphone mode in order to maintain my sleeping position. Genius.

What is it again? I say.

Alison says she wants to meet you today, Jayden says softly.

What? Does she want to retake that last note now that shes sober?

No. Quite sure its not that. She wants to meet you personally. Its a pretty serious

meeting this time. Dont make a fool of yourself. Rooftop Waterstones Tower, 9 A.M.

sharp. affirms Jayden.

Sure. So surprised of what she has to offer, I say disregarding what Jayden just said.

I quickly get up and walk out the bedroom door. The cold morning starts to warm up

as sunshine reflects on puddles of melted snow on the streets in front of my apartment. I

choose to take an UBER this time because I am simply too tired. I resist an urge to pull out

my phone as I force myself to look out the window and appreciate how beautiful Brighton is.

The giant Ferris wheel towers above the pier. The colorfulness of the amusement park rides
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on Brighton pier is suddenly covered with an orange glow from the sun; past that, there lies

the idle winter sea. Ive always questioned why I have this condition: this crippling fear of

water. It haunts me every time I touch it or even see it. Sometimes, I wonder about how much

of my precious time have been lost over worrying. Before I have a chance to bring my mind

back to real life, I arrive at the Waterstones tower.

I quickly grab my bag and go up the elevator to see Alison. On the rooftop caf, she is

sat there alone at a table for two. There is no one else around. My paranoia meter is starting

to rise, but I am able to quickly suppress it. Its weird to see her this way. I have never seen

her without her manager keeping her companied. Either ways, I walk up to her and greet her

like usual. Her face that once was red turns into a cold statue-like figure.

I messed up, says Alison. I need you to listen to me. I pause and try to figure out

what can possibly go wrong with her privileged life of fame.

Like Ive never listened to you. I listened to you all the time last night, I giggly say

in hope to break the silence.

This is not funny, Bry, I really need you to think about this, Alison continues.

Have you ever been arrested?

No, apparently I am a very wholesome citizen, I reply.

Have you ever considered breaking any law? Alison asks.

To be honest, I probably have at some point. But for now, I have no reason to, I

reply decisively.

Ive been threatened, Alison says while she lays her polished burgundy nails on her

forehead. I need you to get away from here as soon as possible, or else, or else,

No, Alison. Calm down, what is it? Im sure we can figure it out, I say worryingly.
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Theres a medium-sized wooden crate on the 24th floor. They need you to deliver it

to Newcastle port by 8 P.M. or else my whole career will be over. There will be helpers along

the way, but you have to carry it to the port yourself, she trembles. Ive known you for a

long time, I can trust you with this.

I feel an aura from her body. Its something familiar. I can sense that her body is filled

with fearsomething Ive never felt in her. She doesnt want this feeling to last much longer

and I can clearly tell that. So, as quickly as I can, I stand up and agree to her uncanny order,

even though I know it will put my life at risk. Then, I briskly walk away from the caf.

Why me? Out of everyone in the crew, I wonder as I walk into the elevator again.

Is this some kind of test? Is this to prove something?

I follow every instruction to her every single word. I disguise the dusty wooden crate

to make it look less like a drug container and more like a normal cardboard package. I take

the crate away to the nearest port. There are some masked up men in black suits standing to

help me handle it into the secret deck at the back of a nearby cargo ship. The men take care of

the crate as I take time to exhale for a second just to realize that I actually have to get on the

ship. At this moment, I could have panicked. I could have freaked out. But the last thing I

want to be here is noticeable, so I have no choice but to shut up and get on the ship.

I sit down beside the crate as I try to squish myself in between it and a large container,

with the crate sitting just below my eye level. Once the ship boarded at 13:20, it starts to hit

me. Shivers run down my spine and my body becomes uncontrollable. Now, the singular

giant mass that surrounds me is water. I can do nothing but close my eyes as I imagine my

soul not existing. Thats the most helpful thing I can do now.
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The ship starts to wobble as my eyes remain shut. I recognize that this is it. This is my

limit. I cannot go further than this. I can no longer deal with the excruciating feeling of fear

stabbing through my soul.

For a brief second, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I had everything

under control. I thought I was finally changing. I thought I was not the resentful guy everyone

wants to ignore. For once, my mind was at peace, but I cant possibly let it happen any

longer. It needs to stop. Too much peace puts my life in danger. And so, it gets worse. The

ship starts to wobble and lose its balance as I also do.

Boom! a crash rises from the distressingly silent atmosphere.

It is at that moment that I decide to grudgingly open my eyes; what I see is my

wooden crate disintegrated into pieces and its contents exploded out through the shattered

wood chips. Through my misty brown eyes, I can merely see something flickering with the

sunlight: photos of my childhood self piled up messily. Suddenly, my mind is woken up. Its

like my brain revealed a part of itself that exists but has never been shown before. After all

this time, I know why. I know why I have this condition. I know why Im suffering. Its the

accident from my childhood: the shipwreck that almost made me lost my family. I went into a

coma long enough for me to forget everything that had happened in that accident. I can

remember it clearly now after my memories have flashed before my eyes.

The ship has finally arrived at Newcastle Port and all there is left in the crate is some

nails and soggy old photos. I walk out even more drained of energy. As I am walking, I hear

footsteps creeping up closer to me. My consciousness slowly fades itself back in as I

recognize where the sound is coming from. Its Madelaines signature black high heels.

How was it? The revelation, she says in a neutral tone.

MadsI Its you isnt it, I barely verbalize the tangled thoughts in my mind.
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I asked how was it, chuckles Madelaine.

You answer my question first! Tell me this is all just set up!

Okay. Fine. Its all set up. The meeting, the ship, everything, she confesses but

without looking anywhere near guilty.

You did all of this just to reveal this secret?! You even got Alison and Jayden and

everyone into this. Right. This is just embarrassing, I say annoyingly.

Remember what you used to say about Alison? How she was pushing her limits and

stuff? Shes you now. Youve broken your limit. Be proud of that, says Madelaine.

Youre not only good at setting scenes in movies, but also in real life. No doubt

about it now, I say

Of course I do. If I dont keep it realistic, how would you possibly agree to this in the

first place? But more importantly, now you know why you have this condition, Bry. Ive been

wanting to tell you all this time but I never had a chance to. So I figured it would be better I

create one myself, she says as her smile gazes upon my face.

Theres nothing more fulfilling than knowing why things happen, I say as I feel a

sudden wave of feeling rushing through my body: the feeling of relief.