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Research Paper-Self-Esteem

Research Paper Self-Esteem

Johana Farias

Pacific Oaks College

HD 341

Chiquita Waters
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What does self-esteem mean? Self-esteem is a realistic respect for or favorable

impression of oneself, in other words self-respect for oneself. Many people who have

grown up with strong attachment will most likely grow up with a high, strong self-

esteem. In the contrary, those who have low self-esteem would most likely experience a

non-attached relationship with a parent and/or caregiver that caused a major detachment

issue which affects their relationship. Self-esteem begins from a young age and should

change to become more positive if not affected by negative traumas as a child gets older.

Self-esteem can have many types of impacts regardless if there are negative or positive

outcomes. In many cases, those who have been neglected and/or abandoned did not build

a strong attachment with a parent or caregiver due to the fact they did not build a bond.

When a child has a strong bond growing up they will most likely grow to have strong

relationships with others. On the other hand children that dont have those strong bonds

could develop low self-esteem.

For this paper, I have researched the different variations of abandonment, which

include neglect and attachments. These traumas related issues have had an impact on self-

esteem, for many children who have experienced neglect while growing up.

When we think about attachment we automatically think about infants and young

toddlers because that is when the attachment bonds begin. Infants began to know

about attachments and understand that they can trust an adult when they need to be

fed, changed, sleep and provided attention. With a secure attachment then follows a

trust, which leads to self-esteem. Self-esteem also happens as young infants.

Philosopher Erik Erikson presented the Psychological Stages and proposed a

psychoanalytic theory of psychosocial development containing eight stages. The first

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stage is Trust Vs Mistrust, which is from 0-1 years old. After the attachment has

been build with the parents and caregiver, the trust comes into place and self-esteem

begins to form. The stronger the attachments are, the higher the self-esteem will be

for an infant and a child. In the book of Your Self-Confident Baby How to Encourage

Your Childs Natural Abilities-from the very start by Magda Gerber and Allison

Johnson, both share about how important it is to care for your child and his or her

needs as a parent, so the child can be feel confident and build a strong self-esteem.

Unfortunately, they are many who have lost the attachments since very young, and

that has affected their self-esteem as they grow up. (Gerber & Johnson pg, 26-28).

Children who dont have the bond of attachment when they are young have a hard

time with affection in relation. They often time develop a non-attachment with

families and/or caregivers. They also have a sense of loss and/or mistrust. The

neglect they endured as a child brings many consequences. One of the main results

of abandonment affects their self-esteem. Self-esteem affects a person whole self.

When your self-esteem is being challenged by yourself or others your self-respect

and identity interfere with negative thoughts about who you are. It can and will bring

health problems, keep you isolated and not to mention, can also lead to severe

psychological depression. In the book Dealing with the Problem of Low Self-

Esteem (p.21-23) it brings out the neglect and disinterest which magnifies the

problem of marital and sexual promiscuity. When a person who has been neglected

shows signs of abandonment these are some of the ongoing issues that they may

encounter. They may want to find comfort in people that show them affection in the

wrong way. These types of behaviors tend to stem from the abandonment and can
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also bring about the physical abuse and sexual abuse that comes from the struggles

with feelings in relationships.

There are other ways in which people who experience abandonment express their

feelings in relationships. I recently had an interview with a friend who has experienced

neglect during her childhood. She related to me how much it has affected her self-esteem

from childhood until her adulthood. I conducted this interview with a young lady, I will

call Channy. She is a 30 year-old married women with one son. The interview took place

at her home because I wanted her to feel comfortable about the subject matter. I decided

to ask her a total of five question.

Interview with Channy:

1. How was your childhood like? Unpredictable, inconsistent. It was like an

emotional roller coaster. Being put in between your 2 parents and not knowing

which one of the 2 parents were right or wrong because both of them had many

wrong decisions that I did not agree with. I was put into a lot of pressure in terms

of what they were asking from me and how many times I was asked to take sides

even when I did not want to.

2. Do you consider yourself a neglected child? Why?

Yes I do. I didnt have stability home and a nurturing home with my parents. I was

considered the blame and the cause of the problem and I was getting emotional

abuse primarily from my mother. She repeated several times to me how she regret

having me, and I how I was an unwanted baby.

3. Was your self-esteem affected and how?

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Yes and I had trouble building peer relationships. I began to lie to my parents

because I felt I couldnt be honest with them. I was afraid of their reactions and

never expected how they will respond to anything I would share with them. My

self-confidence was affected, I didnt feel I had a voice. I shutdown with peers

and I felt that I was a follower and not a leader. The only people I felt comfortable

with was a few friends and a few teachers. I

When do you consider that yourself esteem got affected?

In middle school was when I began experiencing low self-esteem and that

followed me into my high school years and my adulthood. I thought of myself

being ugly, not smart and how I was not good at anything I did.

4. How is your self-esteem now as an adult?

My self-esteem now is a work in progress. Is not as low and as bad self-esteem as

it was in in middle and high school, but it is still something I still struggle with to

this day. I have been in therapy several times since I have been an adult. I have

trouble with public speaking, and I still feel in cable and not successful in certain

things. I was not taught certain skills that prevented me from participating in

events with others and that has caused me to have low self-esteem.

The interview with Channy went really well. I decided to conduct this interview

because with Channy because she had both experiences of neglect and how that affected

her self-esteem. They were times where she did get a little emotional and she shared that

every time she remembers about her childhood and begins to think about all the neglect

she received during her childhood. Even though this was emotional she was very happy
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to share that her self-esteem has been better and that is something she is currently

working on. Channy was very excited to share that she has a few projects in mind that she

wants to work on. One of her goals is to be a college counselor to help college students

find their purpose and career goals. Channy is a very sweet person and I am very glad she

chose to participate in this interview.

Self-esteem affects the entire body and mind. Without a high self-esteem many

people keep themselves from social communication with others. In the book Messages:

The Communication Skills by Mathew McKay, Ph D., Martha Davis, Ph D., and Patrick

Fanning , suggests many essential key steps in which how to better communicate with

others. Many times self-esteem also may come from a very structure, traditional and

cultural home that also can prevent people from communicating with others, which can

lead to low self-esteem even such as eye contact and other body languages towards other

people (Messages, 2009). In this class of Communication for Empowerment we have also

had many exercises experiences with other students in the class to help improve our self-

esteem for our own personal growth and with others as well. One of the exercises our

Professor Waters conducted in class, was when we had to assign a classmate to observe a

throughout the entire class time. This exercise was on Tuesday September 20. This

observation included body language, tone of voice and the way the person expressed him

or herself when being spoken to or when speaking to others. Towards the end of class

some students shared about their observation in class and I was observed by another

student name David Torres. David shared that the observation he received of me was

confidence and how I was not afraid of speaking and expressing myself to others and

how I use my hands and arms to speak. I felt very honored when he shared this
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information with me and the class, because I have dealt with low self-esteem for so many

years and until a few years ago I was able to increase back my confidence which gives

me self-esteem. This has impacted me in a positive way to know that other people see me

and hear me, and that I now have a voice.

I personally decided to research on this topic on abandonment and neglect

affected self-esteem? I chose this because I have had an abandonment experience as a

child being abandoned by both of my parents. This has caused my self-esteem to go

really low. Self-esteem completely took my entire identity and it took many years to gain

it back up. Just until a few years ago I began to feel confident and believe in my self that

I was able to accomplish anything I wanted. I am very glad to have written on this paper

about this particular subject that has affected many people. Anything can and will affect

self-esteem, and the best way deal with this situation is to share it with others. This class

in general has helped me to better communicate with others, and I have learned best

practices to make that happen.

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References

Beck, Aaron T. McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages : The
Communication Skills Book (3). Oakland, US: New Harbinger Publications.
Retrieved from http://www.ebrary.com

Gerber, M., & Johnson, A. (1998), Your self-confident baby: How to encourage your
childs natural abilitiesfrom the very start. New York: J. Wiley.

Rugel, R. P. (1995). Dealing with the problem of low self-esteem: Common

characteristics and treatment in individual, marital/family and group

psychotherapy. Springfield, Ill., U.S.A: C.C. Thomas