Name: Jennifer Huerta Grade:17.5/24 (C) Grading Rubric.

Higher Order Concerns A B C D

1. Essay/Text/Genre addresses the assignment thoughtfully, setting a challenging task. Essay *
addresses the prompt/instructions. Essay has an appropriate title. Draft/Process Letter included.
2. Essay establishes a clearly focused controlling idea or main argument throughout the essay. *
Displays awareness of and a sense of purpose in communicating to an audience (thesis),
3. Introductory paragraph supplies sufficient context for essay's focus/discussion *
4. Essay demonstrates coherent, sophisticated organization throughout the whole paper. *
Paragraphs follow a logical order and do not jump around between ideas. Provides effective
connections and transitions between paragraphs. (Avoids jumps between paragraphs)
5. Paragraphs are focused, discussing 1 main idea. Topic sentences relate to controlling idea or *
main argument. Transitions/connections between ideas (in paragraphs) are effective.
6. Provides compelling support for and relevant analysis of generalizations/discussion. Defines *
and explains terms clearly (Avoids code words.) REASONING is illustrated, supported,
developed.
7. Cites relevant sources/support/evidence and effectively integrates them into paragraphs where *
appropriate. Provides transitions (intros and outros) for textual support/evidence.
8. Discusses relevance and significance of sources/texts. Provides clear analysis and *
interpretation of textual support/evidence. Draws logical conclusions from sources. Demonstrates
critical reading and understanding of sources/texts used. Reasoning is fair, effective.
9. Does not demonstrate a need for more revision. *
Lower Order Concerns
10. Essay has been proofread. Essay demonstrates careful editing with control of grammar and *
mechanics (conventions of Standard English). Edit for Punctuation; Commas; Verb Use; PN
Agreement;
11. Applies MLA Documentation and Style. *

Comments:

Hi Jen, I thought this was a good second draft. My first comment is dont be too discouraged by
your grade. It is a normal grade for this phase in the writing process (this is exactly why we are
encouraging a writing process, instead of encouraging you to turn in your first or second draft for
a final grade!). There is some work to be done.

I wasnt very clear of the direction you were trying to go with this paper. Your body paragraphs
seem to be developing well, but at the current moment, I feel like each paragraph is going
somewhere different. This may have to do with the fact that your thesis is not very strong.

Adding on to this point, one major thing I noticed was that your topic sentences do not relate to
your thesis. This is a big weakness, Jen. Think in terms of our RRs. You should have reasons for
your claim (thesis). These reasons should be your topic sentences. They should always connect
back to your thesis, as should the data you use to support them and the explanation of that data.
This is the reason your grade in section 5 of the rubric is so low.

Also, another thing you may want to consider is your use of quotes as of nowyou have not
met requirements for a direct quote or paraphrase (the directions as for the use of at least 2
different readings; you only use one). Be sure that your implementation of the quote/paraphrase
is very clear to the reader.

I suggest taking this paper along with the prompt to the Writing Center and having them peer
review and work with you on grammar for the final draft.
A- Excellent. a paper in this category
Addresses assignment thoughtfully, setting a challenging task. Demonstrates critical reading and clear analysis,
interpretation, and/or critique of literary texts. Establishes a clearly focused controlling idea. Displays awareness of
and a sense of purpose in communicating to an audience. Demonstrates coherent, sophisticated organization; makes
effective connections between ideas. Provides compelling support for and cogent analysis of generalizations. Cites
relevant sources and effectively integrates them into text where appropriate. Displays superior control of syntax,
sentence variety, diction, and conventions of Standard English.

B- Strong a paper in this category

Addresses assignment clearly, setting a meaningful task. Demonstrates critical reading and clear analysis,
interpretation, and/or critique of literary texts. Establishes a clearly focused controlling idea. Addresses audience
needs and expectations. Demonstrates clear and coherent organization. Provides clear generalizations and effective
support and analysis. Cites relevant sources, effectively integrating them into text when appropriate. Shows
consistent control of syntax, sentence variety, diction, and conventions of Standard English.

C- Adequate - a paper in this category

Addresses the assignment with some analysis. Demonstrates close reading and some analysis of literary texts.
Establishes a controlling idea. Demonstrates adequate organization. Provides support for and some analysis of
generalizations. Cites appropriate sources, adequately integrating them into text. Displays adequate control of
syntax, sentence variety, diction and conventions of Standard English; errors do not slow the reader, impede
understanding, or seriously undermine authority of writer.

Literacy Narrative: Grade Breakdown

Score Points Descriptions

Possible
13 15pts. Draft 1 Workshop
Submitted Draft 1 on SacCT on time.(5 pts)
Submitted Draft 2 and Revision Summary on SacCT on time. (5 pts)
-2
Participation in Draft 1 Peer Review. (5 pts)
11pts. Cover Letter
Reflects on your writing process during both drafts. (3 pts)
Answers all other questions in the cover letter guidelines. (5pts)
Displays evidence of careful editing and correct format. (3pts)
17.5 24pts. Final Revised Draft
50pts. PRELIM TOTAL: 30.5/50= 61% (F) Commented [VD1]: This is not your final grade. Your
final grade will be given to you after your final draft is
received.
Jennifer Huerta
Professor Vanessa Doutherd

English 5M

17 September 2017

My Literacy Voyage

I was too young to notice I was different then the rest. Listening to the kids scream and
yell as they were dropped off was something new for myself and im believing them too, but
during all this I was having more difficulties understanding the language then understanding it
was the first day of preschool. You see my parents immigrated to the U.S before any of my
siblings and I were born for the sake of a better life and our futures. The only language I had
known to man before school was spanish, spanish this and spanish that, everything was spanish
until my journey in a new home and a new school began. Although some people may find it hard
to believe, the action of me attending preschool (in which they only spoke english) was only the
beginning root of my literacy journey. No one can master a language without exposure to it so
after an excessive amount of essays and speeches I can clearly state how my journey as an ML Commented [VD2]: Can you maybe include
student began, and so it begins. something that links this main idea to literacy.
Challenging myself was the only thing i needed to do in order to jump into the rhythm of Commented [VD3]: So, from this, I understand that
the english language. Before moving from the Bay Area to The Valley I was just a small little you will only be talking about the beginning of your
journey as an ML student?
kid running around in a small community of Mexican families (like mines) that had immigrated
the U.S in search for a better life. After moving away we settled down in a city called Stockton, Commented [VD4]: Thesis/Controlling idea
CA with half of the population being White Americans and the rest POC. The neighborhood we Commented [VD5]: What in this paragraph supports
moved in was an all American speaking community something so unusual because we had this statement of you challenging yourself?
grown accustomed to people of our race and language. So after beginning school and getting
used to a new home my sister and I began to play more and more with the kids on the block and I
clearly remember me forcing myself to speak and sound just like them because I wanted to feel
more involved in the conversation than left out. As the years went on I remember my next door
neighbors teaching and helping me write and speak more fluent in english helping differentiate
which there to use and which were to use and it was until the 5th grade that their sponsorship
has helped me test out of a program called ELD which meant that I had domained and
exceeded my reading, writing, listening and speaking skills and was able to join the rest of my
classmates at the english level they were at.
Entering a new chapter in life was my second challenge as a ML student. I had Commented [VD6]: What new chapter? The stuff you
domained the English language by now and was very comfortable with it but also having trouble mention in the paragraph above?
coping with the idea of having harder classes that would expect so much of me (even though I
knew more than I did when I entered preschool) it was scary. The troubles I was facing in high
school were completely different to those in elementary. My troubles now were how to properly
write a well written essay with a clear thesis and formats such as MLA and APA formats. You
see now one my problems that was catching up to me, my resources, i had to work on my
english assignments and needed help at home but no help given because of this barrier between
my english and my parents only speaking spanish. I felt like Dora Lopez from Sponsors in
Literacy when stated A focus on sponsorship can force a more explicit and substantive link Commented [VD7]: Is this something Dora stated, or
between literacy learning and systems of opportunity and access (6) meaning that her resources Brandt? I dont know who Dora is or why you are
mentioning her.
were limited because of her family background just like how i was feeling at that moment. As the Commented [VD8]: I am not sure this is exactly what
years passed I saw the improvements in my writing after being exposed to more rigours styles of that quote means.
literature and skills. For example I began to write more structurally written out essays and knew
how to structure them depending on the prompt or the type of assignment it was. High school
helped me gain confidence for being a ML student in AP and Honors classes which were a
challenge but because of them Im more capable of performing tasks and writing assignments
with confidence than I was when i was freshly introduce to the english language. My teachers
became a symbol of my achievements as well as for their help helped me see the mistakes I made
and made sure I worked through those adversities.
How I feel being a current sac state freshman. Applying to Sacramento state was
something i've been longing to do. College was like a preexisting condition my parents wanted Commented [VD9]: What do you mean by this?
me to posses long before I was born. So when I applied I was scared to see if I was ready for
college english and if i would survive college english with my level of literacy. I feel like like if
anything my last english class from high school AP literature helped me find the distinction in
things and helped me be more critical about my literacy. No other class has gone far deep in
understanding simple things like logos, pathos and ethos, or how to simply write a prose essay in
30 minutes and thats why I felt like I couldn't wait to see how college english was different from
high school. My initial reaction for signing up for english was to take a normal english but I
decided to take english 5M. At first I didn't know what the M stood for and until I came to the
class and saw that it was a multilingual course. I doubted myself for a second and asked myself if
it were to be beneficial or a challenge but now that im fully integrated in the class im filled
with content that I decided not to change and take this as a way to see how myself and they're
multilinguals can be apart of the american college english.
Finally, to genralzie my overall journey into learning how to follow the standardized
english used here in the U.S has made me a better person and clearly a better writer. All these
events have led my writing career as a student and because of it I now feel more confident in the
way I write essays, give speeches and perform presentations. As I stated earlier no one can
master a language without exposure to it so after an excessive amount of essays and speeches I
can clearly state that I feel comfortable with the exposure Ive had throughout the years due to
literacy and the process of me mastering it.