Couple Struggles to Keep It Together During House Showing

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MAC: (HEAVING)
Okay. Oh, you know it.
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KELLY: (BREATHILY) Okay.
MAC: Okay.
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MAC: There we go.
KELLY: That's it.
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MAC: That's good.
KELLY: Okay.
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MAC: Okay.
KELLY: I'm okay.
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Ah!
KELLY: Shh.
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Do you want me to put a
pillow over your mouth?
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You gonna choke me or something?
What?
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Is it like
a new sexy thing?
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No, so Stella
won't wake up.
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Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I'll just be quiet.
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MAC: Okay.
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(WEEPING)
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Shh.
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I'm sorry.
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(STAMMERS) I'm
having a hard time.
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I'm a vocal lover.
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(MOANING)
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(STOMACH GRUMBLING)
(RETCHING)
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Oh.
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What was that?
Nothing.
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Just looked like you might throw up.
I'm fine.
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You're sure?
No, I'm fine.
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Is it me? Are you
nauseated by me?
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Come on.
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Baby, you're my bear.
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You look awfully nauseous.
I'm fine.
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Did you eat
a crab salad again?
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(SCOFFS)
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You did, didn't you?
No.
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(BURPING)
Oh, no.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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That's fine.
(CONTINUES BURPING)
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Stop. Just stop.
Sorry, it's...
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You're so sexy though.
Thanks, baby.
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You're sure
you're okay?
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Honey, I'm completely
and totally...
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(RETCHING)
(GROANING)
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Sorry.
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Baby, I think
I might be pregnant.
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That's great!
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(CHUCKLING) Sweetie, that's fantastic!
(KELLY CHUCKLING)
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BOTH: Ugh.
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Sorry.
(STAMMERS) Why don't we...
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Is it weird
that I came?
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They're gonna be
here in five minutes.
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I gotta poo!
You already pooed.
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I need to poo twice sometimes!
When I'm nervous I poo twice!
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You're gonna
have to poo later!
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Fuck! Fine!
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(BREATHING HEAVILY)
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Stella, how do you
keep finding
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Mommy's dildo?
(VIBRATING)
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Just put it away, okay?
No.
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When did she start saying
"no" all the time?
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I don't know.
Hide your unmentionables.
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Hide your bongs!
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(DOORBELL CHIMING)
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(GLASS SHATTERING)
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(BOTH PANTING)
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What's that smell?
It's bong water.
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Hey! Welcome home.
Hi!
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Yeah, come in.
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If you decide to buy
the house, that is.
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They might.
They like it.
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Yes. Great.
Well, yeah, so...
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Sorry. I know it's annoying
to keep on dropping in.
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No. Not annoying at all.
Not annoying at all.
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What's annoying
about this?
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So guys,
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here's the thing.
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We'll take it!
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(GASPS)
Oh...
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Oh, that was totally...
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All right.
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MAC: That was scary.
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We love suspense.
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Oh, boy. Look.
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Guess your daughter
found your vibrator.
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Stella.
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She just keeps
finding it.
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I don't know
what's going on.
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Stels, put that away.
No.
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Stels!
She just learned that word.
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Don't even worry. I think I have
that same one at home, right?
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(ALL LAUGHING)
But ours is in black.
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Black cock.
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Yeah. Uh-huh.
MAC: Dude.
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Maybe we should
sign some stuff.
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Why don't we.
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Yep. I think
we should do that.
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We sold our house!
We sold our house!
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We did it!
Whoo!
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Don't get too psyched
because you haven't sold it yet.
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You're in escrow.
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What's that bullshit?
Were you trying to fuck us over?
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What the fuck are
you talking about?
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I asked you months
ago if you understood
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what escrow was,
and you said yes.
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Just say it one more time.
Maybe say it one more time.
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You know, just
refresh our memories.
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Okay. Very simple.
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Escrow is a 30-day period
wherein the buyer of the new house
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gets to do
inspections and whatnot.
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And assuming
everything goes well
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and nothing changes with the living
situation to spook them or something,
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you close. Okay?
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So wait. Do we
have escrows on
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the other house we just
bought in the suburbs?
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No. You have no
escrow on that house.
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MAC: Why the fuck not?
(STAMMERS)
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Because that house
had multiple offers.
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And you screamed
at me,
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"Do whatever you have to do
to get that house."
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Yeah, I remember that.
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So, I did it. So you have
no escrow there.
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And then I asked
you three times,
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"Do you understand
what escrow is?"
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And once again
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you just nodded.
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Just like you
are right now.
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This is how the real
estate crisis happened.
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Buyers can pop by
at any time, okay?
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Okay.
Okay.
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So, your 30 days "do not fuck up"
clock starts now.
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Could you just watch
your language, please?
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She's holding a dildo.
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MAC: That's not a dildo.
That is a...
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Toy.
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From a cartoon.
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Japanese, anime cartoon.
Mmm-hmm.
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Well, I watch that cartoon
every night. (CHUCKLES)
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Ah, Jesus Christ,
man, we're getting old.
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Why do you say that?
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Because our friends
are dying.
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Who's dying?
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Do you remember Joe Waterston?
Yeah.
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Dead.
Really?
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Yeah. Had this little weird
mole on his shoulder.
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Was driving to get it checked out,
hit by a bus. Dead.
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Are you okay, man?
145
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No, I'm not okay, man.
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I'm freaking out about Paula
having a baby.
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I don't think
I can do it.
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Dude, you're gonna be a good parent.
Don't worry.
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No, I'm not.
I don't know anything.
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Do you know you can't leave
a baby alone?
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00:05:32,542 --> 00:05:33,542
If you're at home
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00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,384
and you want the baby to stay while
you go see a movie? Unacceptable.
153
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That I do know.
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You knew that?
I did know that.
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How the fuck are
you gonna have two?
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I don't even understand
how that physically works.
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I'm actually
not that worried.
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I'm a good father
to one daughter.
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I think I'll be a good
father to two daughters. (SNICKERING)
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Come on.
What?
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(LAUGHS) You're
not a good father.
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Fuck you. I'm
a good parent. Okay?
163
00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:56,646
Okay, okay, okay.
Yeah.
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Well, tell yourself that,
because before you know it,
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Stella is gonna be
a tween who hates you,
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and it's gonna be your fault because
you let her play with Kelly's dildo.
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Because you're
a bad parent.
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00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,203
Me and Kelly
are good parents.
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Don't take your
shit out on me, okay?
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00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:11,746
All I'm saying, thank God,
I'm having a boy.
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00:06:11,831 --> 00:06:13,961
'Cause girls
are fuckin' hard.
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00:06:14,125 --> 00:06:15,585
What are you
talking about?
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00:06:15,668 --> 00:06:17,418
Man, it's just easier
with boys, you know?
174
00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:19,463
Like, when a boy
gets laid, it's awesome.
175
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,670
When a girl gets laid,
it's bad.
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That's not true.
177
00:06:23,176 --> 00:06:24,486
You want your
daughter to have sex?
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You're gonna be like,
"Hey, Jimmy, good news.
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"Stella just got fucked.
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00:06:27,972 --> 00:06:29,412
"Come on over
let's have some beers."
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00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:32,894
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
182
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:34,814
(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
183
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ALL: Yay!
Yay!
184
00:06:55,833 --> 00:06:57,883
Welcome to Phi Lambda!
185
00:06:58,044 --> 00:06:59,134
ALL: Yay!
186
00:06:59,212 --> 00:07:00,802
This is such
an exciting year.
187
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,473
If you're lucky,
and you make the cut,
188
00:07:02,632 --> 00:07:04,132
you will be
joining a sisterhood
189
00:07:04,217 --> 00:07:05,717
and making best
friends for life.
190
00:07:05,885 --> 00:07:07,175
ALL: Yay!
191
00:07:07,345 --> 00:07:09,425
PHI LAMDA PRESIDENT: We're getting a hot tub.
(GASPS)
192
00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:10,682
Yay!
193
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:13,348
We have all brand
new feather duvets.
194
00:07:14,185 --> 00:07:15,185
That's dope.
195
00:07:15,311 --> 00:07:17,691
And we got a new chef,
and we're going gluten-free.
196
00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,395
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
197
00:07:20,775 --> 00:07:22,145
Hi. What are you doing?
198
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:23,401
(COUGHS)
199
00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:24,739
(INDISTINCT WHISPERS)
200
00:07:24,946 --> 00:07:28,616
I totally should've offered it
to you first, man. I'm sorry.
201
00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:30,331
Pecking order, you know?
202
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,043
Who hits it first?
No, you go for it.
203
00:07:32,203 --> 00:07:33,793
No, we don't hit
joints here, ever.
204
00:07:33,871 --> 00:07:35,849
That's against the rules.
You're gonna have to take that out.
205
00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:36,873
Cup!
206
00:07:38,543 --> 00:07:39,543
Cup.
207
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:42,417
This is $12. There's
hash oil in the middle.
208
00:07:42,547 --> 00:07:43,547
Cup!
209
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:44,840
(SIZZLES)
210
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:47,965
Your parties must
totally suck ass
211
00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:49,552
if you can't smoke weed.
Am I right?
212
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,720
Oh, damn!
213
00:07:50,805 --> 00:07:52,199
PHI LAMDA PRESIDENT:
We don't throw parties here.
214
00:07:52,223 --> 00:07:53,273
No sorority can.
215
00:07:53,349 --> 00:07:54,949
According to the
Greek Council, we can't.
216
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,387
(CHUCKLES) Really?
217
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:57,807
No, this is an actual,
real thing.
218
00:07:57,937 --> 00:07:59,267
In the United
States of America,
219
00:07:59,355 --> 00:08:02,145
sororities are not allowed to
throw parties in their houses.
220
00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:03,573
Only frats can.
221
00:08:03,734 --> 00:08:04,904
Google it.
222
00:08:05,069 --> 00:08:07,279
(KEYS CLACKING)
223
00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:09,527
SHELBY: Oh, my God! Really?
224
00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:10,910
You just don't party?
225
00:08:11,075 --> 00:08:12,575
No, of course
we party, stupid.
226
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,000
We just do it at frats.
227
00:08:14,078 --> 00:08:15,078
Yes!
228
00:08:15,288 --> 00:08:16,458
(ALL CHEERING)
229
00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:18,172
ALL: Phi Lambda!
230
00:08:18,583 --> 00:08:20,083
231
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,755
Hey!
Oh, hi!
232
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,922
Sorry, if I interrupted.
No, I...
233
00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:28,402
I don't actually
know anyone here,
234
00:08:28,426 --> 00:08:29,695
so I was just
rereading old texts,
235
00:08:29,719 --> 00:08:30,839
so I don't look
like a loser.
236
00:08:31,012 --> 00:08:32,142
So was I.
237
00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:34,143
No one was texting me.
(CHUCKLING)
238
00:08:34,307 --> 00:08:36,057
Are you rushing
Phi Lambda?
239
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:37,345
Yes, I'm Beth.
240
00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:38,596
I'm Shelby.
241
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,399
This is exciting, right?
Yes!
242
00:08:40,563 --> 00:08:41,563
First frat party.
243
00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,271
Yeah, totally.
244
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,397
Totally.
245
00:08:45,109 --> 00:08:47,279
Ten in the bucket.
Yeah, go.
246
00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:48,823
Hey, what's up?
Ten in the bucket.
247
00:08:48,905 --> 00:08:49,905
Okay.
248
00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:50,947
You're cool.
Get in there.
249
00:08:52,283 --> 00:08:54,123
Uh, no way.
This is all of my money.
250
00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:56,123
No, no. We got a runner!
Thank you so much!
251
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:58,080
(MUSIC PLAYING)
252
00:09:04,921 --> 00:09:05,921
(WHOOPING)
253
00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,326
Oh, my God.
I feel like this entire room
254
00:09:17,350 --> 00:09:20,310
is just a giant arrow pointing
upstairs so they can fuck us.
255
00:09:20,478 --> 00:09:21,478
Oh, my God!
256
00:09:25,983 --> 00:09:28,033
'Sup? You wanna
go upstairs?
257
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:30,453
Who are you asking?
258
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:33,163
I don't wanna be rude.
I really don't have a preference.
259
00:09:33,324 --> 00:09:34,374
No.
260
00:09:34,533 --> 00:09:35,533
'Scuse!
261
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:38,041
This isn't exactly
what I expected, you know?
262
00:09:38,204 --> 00:09:40,674
Yeah, you mean this
fucking sucks, right? Yeah.
263
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:42,267
And does no one
know that the same song
264
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,631
keeps playing
over and over again?
265
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:44,709
Oh, my God, I noticed!
266
00:09:44,794 --> 00:09:46,438
And it makes me want
to blow my brains out.
267
00:09:46,462 --> 00:09:47,481
NORA: Hi, I'm Nora,
by the way.
268
00:09:47,505 --> 00:09:48,875
Hi, I'm Nora.
Yeah, no.
269
00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:50,325
Let's get out of here!
Let's leave!
270
00:09:51,092 --> 00:09:52,802
I am so happy I
found you guys.
271
00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:54,385
That was the most
weird party ever.
272
00:09:54,512 --> 00:09:56,698
I thought college parties were
supposed to be fun or something.
273
00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:59,022
Yeah, I felt unsafe.
274
00:09:59,183 --> 00:10:00,733
It was super
rapey in there.
275
00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:04,193
NORA: If I'm being honest,
I've never done drugs before,
276
00:10:04,355 --> 00:10:06,065
but college is
about new experiences.
277
00:10:06,232 --> 00:10:08,862
And here I am,
and I'm gonna do weed.
278
00:10:09,235 --> 00:10:10,235
BETH: (CHUCKLES) Okay.
279
00:10:11,362 --> 00:10:12,532
Just take a little bit.
280
00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:15,324
Wow, that's a big hit.
281
00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,656
(COUGHING)
282
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:18,874
Oh, my God.
Are you okay?
283
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,956
Oh, my God. Do you need some water?
Are you okay?
284
00:10:22,373 --> 00:10:23,873
Oh, my God.
I think she's gonna boot.
285
00:10:25,001 --> 00:10:26,171
If she boots, I boot.
286
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:31,419
You're beautiful.
287
00:10:31,716 --> 00:10:32,756
(CHUCKLES) She's good.
288
00:10:32,842 --> 00:10:34,932
I think this is my thing now!
(ALL GIGGLING)
289
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:37,322
BETH: I can't believe you
never smoked in high school.
290
00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:38,532
What did you do
in high school?
291
00:10:38,556 --> 00:10:40,136
I didn't tell
you guys. Okay.
292
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:44,556
Um, I've been in a pretty intense
relationship since third grade.
293
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,647
Oh, my God,
like Cory and Topanga?
294
00:10:48,441 --> 00:10:49,691
Stop!
Yes, exactly.
295
00:10:49,859 --> 00:10:50,859
That's such a good call.
296
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,879
That's the cutest thing I've
ever heard in my literal life.
297
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,073
Yeah, exactly like that.
298
00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:57,368
Personally,
I've made love to three men.
299
00:10:57,533 --> 00:10:58,743
Two were black.
300
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:01,123
And one was Indian.
301
00:11:02,246 --> 00:11:04,536
Um, I've done like
everything, but...
302
00:11:05,583 --> 00:11:06,923
But what?
303
00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:08,423
Like everything you can do,
304
00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:10,593
but that one thing.
305
00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:13,629
You've never eaten
out a guy's ass before?
306
00:11:16,427 --> 00:11:17,637
SHELBY: No, no.
307
00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:19,263
No. I mean, I dunno.
308
00:11:19,430 --> 00:11:22,770
High school kind of sucked,
if we're being totally honest.
309
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:25,443
Yeah, my dad was super strict,
I had really early curfews.
310
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:26,997
When he dropped
me off at college,
311
00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:28,231
he gave me a rape whistle
312
00:11:28,314 --> 00:11:30,784
and this huge speech on how to
behave myself as a young woman.
313
00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:33,148
Yeah, I mean,
because of all that I guess
314
00:11:33,319 --> 00:11:36,659
I didn't really have much of a social
life when I was in high school.
315
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,532
Girl, you don't have
to say it. We get it.
316
00:11:41,786 --> 00:11:42,826
You had no friends.
317
00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:44,749
DUSTIN: Knock, knock, knock!
318
00:11:45,456 --> 00:11:47,286
Hey! R.A. coming through.
319
00:11:47,458 --> 00:11:49,128
What up, homies?
320
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:50,503
BOTH: Hi, Dustin!
321
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:52,509
Kind of smells a little
funky! (CHUCKLING)
322
00:11:53,214 --> 00:11:54,304
(DUSTIN SNIFFING)
323
00:11:58,260 --> 00:11:59,260
Hmm.
324
00:12:01,806 --> 00:12:03,636
Okay. Are we done here, guys?
GIRLS: Um...
325
00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,604
First warning,
just the first warning.
326
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:07,685
(BETH CLEARS THROAT)
327
00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:09,478
I'm kidding.
(CHUCKLES)
328
00:12:09,814 --> 00:12:11,364
You're adults.
You're in college.
329
00:12:11,524 --> 00:12:13,534
You scared the
crap out of me.
330
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:14,753
Were all of you
smoking weed?
331
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:15,777
We smoked weed.
332
00:12:15,820 --> 00:12:17,320
God damn it!
333
00:12:17,488 --> 00:12:18,818
I fucking knew it!
334
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:22,119
You don't do drugs.
Do you?
335
00:12:22,535 --> 00:12:23,945
Okay, we're cool?
336
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,620
I'll see you fools later.
Hit me up if you need me.
337
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:27,789
Peace.
338
00:12:28,124 --> 00:12:29,504
God.
339
00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:30,787
Oh, my God.
340
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:34,170
I am so sick and tired of all
these guys coming into our lives
341
00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:35,668
and trying to
tell us what to do.
342
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,192
BETH: We're not little
girls anymore.
343
00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:39,006
We are strong
adult women.
344
00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:41,321
Yeah, and sororities can't
even throw their own parties.
345
00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:42,965
We can't even
enjoy the frat party.
346
00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:44,715
We can't have
fun in our dorm.
347
00:12:44,849 --> 00:12:45,889
You know what
we should do?
348
00:12:47,351 --> 00:12:49,021
We should start
our own sorority.
349
00:12:49,395 --> 00:12:51,435
One that can party the way
that we want to. Mmm-hmm.
350
00:12:51,522 --> 00:12:53,522
And like,
most importantly,
351
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,442
we can make sisters for life.
Yeah!
352
00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:58,130
I wanna be your sister.
I wanna be your sister.
353
00:12:58,154 --> 00:12:59,164
Okay. Oh, my God!
354
00:12:59,363 --> 00:13:01,913
(CHEERING)
ALL: (CHANTING) BFF! BFF! BFF!
355
00:13:02,074 --> 00:13:04,624
I told you guys to
shut the fuck up!
356
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:06,869
(MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS)
357
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:08,657
BOTH: Poker night!
358
00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:21,386
Selfie stick!
359
00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:27,345
Yeah. So I've been designing
Outback Steakhouses.
360
00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:30,016
Congrats.
Lots of Outbacks.
361
00:13:30,102 --> 00:13:31,830
But, dude, tell me what's
going on with your app.
362
00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,234
Changing the world
and shit.
363
00:13:33,314 --> 00:13:34,734
You know,
one dick at a time.
364
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:36,192
(ALL LAUGHING)
365
00:13:36,609 --> 00:13:38,689
Seriously, that's a great idea, man.
Thank you!
366
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:40,946
An app that makes
pics of your dick bigger.
367
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,031
I meant to tell you,
I enjoyed your TED Talk.
368
00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:44,795
Oh, thank you so much.
Thanks for watching.
369
00:13:45,117 --> 00:13:46,487
You're so successful.
370
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,829
Well, I'm still a cop,
which is not that bad.
371
00:13:49,914 --> 00:13:51,374
You know,
it's a lot of rules now.
372
00:13:51,457 --> 00:13:53,247
We gotta wear body
cameras and all of that.
373
00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:54,654
I don't know why
they gave me one.
374
00:13:54,752 --> 00:13:56,062
It's not like I'm
gonna shoot myself.
375
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:58,506
But, hey, I figured
if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
376
00:13:58,631 --> 00:14:00,734
What are you up to, man?
How you doing? Yeah, that's real good.
377
00:14:00,758 --> 00:14:03,388
Work's been a little bit of
a bummer.
378
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,677
They eliminated
the shirtless models,
379
00:14:05,763 --> 00:14:08,933
so now I have to walk around
in this monkey suit.
380
00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:10,766
Looks like
a really soft sweater.
381
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:11,995
TEDDY: And then you
know what else, too?
382
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,609
I'm the oldest person
there now by six years.
383
00:14:14,772 --> 00:14:16,572
I had to cover
for my boss, Mason,
384
00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,440
because he had to
go to his "prom."
385
00:14:18,776 --> 00:14:20,896
When did everyone in
retail get so young?
386
00:14:21,362 --> 00:14:22,612
Hmm.
387
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:25,120
I just feel, like, really undervalued,
you know?
388
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,200
Yeah, for real.
389
00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:30,247
At least I have you guys.
PETE: You do!
390
00:14:30,329 --> 00:14:31,829
I love you guys, man.
PETE: You do.
391
00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:32,964
Delta Psi, man.
392
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,480
Once a week,
Delta week every Monday.
393
00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:35,583
Yeah.
Gotcha.
394
00:14:35,668 --> 00:14:37,668
So, uh, Darren.
Mmm-hmm.
395
00:14:38,254 --> 00:14:39,264
How much you
putting in?
396
00:14:39,630 --> 00:14:41,130
I'm going
397
00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:43,466
all in.
398
00:14:43,551 --> 00:14:45,301
Big hand!
(DARREN CHUCKLING)
399
00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:46,829
Man, what do you got,
a full house?
400
00:14:46,971 --> 00:14:48,061
Hopefully, one day.
401
00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:49,597
(CLEARS THROAT)
402
00:14:51,016 --> 00:14:52,016
(UKULELE PLAYING)
403
00:14:52,393 --> 00:14:55,313
(SINGING) Well, you done done
me and you bet I felt it
404
00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:57,269
Oh, my God.
Our song.
405
00:14:58,315 --> 00:14:59,725
What's going on?
406
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,320
I fell right
through the cracks
407
00:15:01,485 --> 00:15:04,145
Now I'm trying to get back
408
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:07,866
Oh, I won't hesitate
409
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,485
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
410
00:15:09,577 --> 00:15:11,497
No more, no more
411
00:15:11,662 --> 00:15:14,622
It cannot wait
412
00:15:14,832 --> 00:15:17,002
I'm yours
413
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,504
PETE: Oh, my God.
414
00:15:18,836 --> 00:15:21,166
The Greeks believed
we were each half of a whole.
415
00:15:22,131 --> 00:15:25,551
Peter, you are the half
that makes me whole.
416
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:28,054
This is happening!
Oh, my God! Is this happening?
417
00:15:28,137 --> 00:15:29,447
Look, I don't know
what the rules are.
418
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:31,771
I don't know who is
supposed to propose to who.
419
00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:33,326
And you're not a ring guy.
You don't have to wear it.
420
00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,190
You know, I guess.
No. That's okay.
421
00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,102
Wear it for me.
All right.
422
00:15:37,271 --> 00:15:38,623
Will you marry me,
Peter McCallister?
423
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,977
Yes, you know I will!
Yes! Put it on.
424
00:15:41,525 --> 00:15:43,355
Okay, one, two, three!
425
00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:46,358
(ALL CHEERING)
426
00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:52,121
ALL: (CHANTING)
USA! USA! USA!
427
00:15:52,411 --> 00:15:54,001
Did he ever tell
you about college?
428
00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:55,579
College was crazy, man!
429
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:57,876
He used to
just crush it.
430
00:15:58,042 --> 00:15:59,792
Slay tang.
431
00:15:59,877 --> 00:16:01,127
No.
Oh, wow.
432
00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:02,875
You were out of
your mind a little bit.
433
00:16:03,047 --> 00:16:04,377
I was figuring stuff out.
434
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:07,086
Yeah, figuring stuff
out knee-deep in pussy.
435
00:16:07,217 --> 00:16:08,257
Oh...
436
00:16:08,344 --> 00:16:09,554
I also used to...
437
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:11,390
I ate pussy.
438
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:13,890
Not as much as him.
439
00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:15,734
By the way,
is it cool...
440
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:18,479
Can we talk about the living
situation real quick?
441
00:16:18,562 --> 00:16:20,402
Dude, don't sweat that.
Yeah?
442
00:16:20,481 --> 00:16:21,821
Darren, you can
move in any time.
443
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:23,609
Dude, he's basically here
every night.
444
00:16:24,068 --> 00:16:25,898
Thank you so much!
Yeah. Right. Okay.
445
00:16:26,195 --> 00:16:29,235
Seriously, though.
Would it be cool if Darren moved in
446
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:35,041
and then you did
not live here anymore?
447
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:36,455
What do you mean? Why?
448
00:16:36,580 --> 00:16:39,080
I mean, we're engaged.
449
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:41,919
What did you think
was gonna happen?
450
00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:43,730
That you two would
move into your room,
451
00:16:43,754 --> 00:16:45,964
and that I would
live in my room.
452
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,723
For happily ever after.
453
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:50,340
We're thinking maybe,
because Darren works from home
454
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:53,967
that maybe we would
turn it into an office.
455
00:16:54,890 --> 00:16:57,690
And then, maybe one day
456
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:01,108
uh, a baby's room.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
457
00:17:01,438 --> 00:17:03,268
No, babies are real small.
They are.
458
00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:06,399
They're tiny, they're the size
of a little shoebox.
459
00:17:06,694 --> 00:17:08,204
Huh. Doesn't take up
the whole room.
460
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,738
Think of a counter
argument, but I...
461
00:17:09,822 --> 00:17:10,822
Yeah.
462
00:17:10,906 --> 00:17:12,276
Dude, I was just
fucking joking.
463
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,789
You were fucking...
Totally fucking with you.
464
00:17:14,952 --> 00:17:16,252
You know what?
465
00:17:16,412 --> 00:17:17,712
I need to go for a run.
466
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,057
You're gonna go
right now for...
467
00:17:19,081 --> 00:17:20,641
I'm happy for you guys.
I love you guys.
468
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:23,044
Bring it in, man. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
469
00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:25,878
Love you, dude.
Love you, man.
470
00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:28,723
Teddy, don't you wanna grab
your shoes, at least? (SIGHS)
471
00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:41,444
Look, ladies, the owner of this
house is super cool.
472
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,230
He's like me.
He's cool, he's dope.
473
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,524
You can do
anything here.
474
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:49,819
You can party, you can stay up all night,
play on your phones.
475
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,613
Snapchat that shit,
I don't care.
476
00:17:51,697 --> 00:17:53,027
And smoke weed.
477
00:17:53,157 --> 00:17:55,197
The question is can you afford it?
What's your name?
478
00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:56,367
Shelby.
Shelby.
479
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:57,663
Look, I'm Team Shelby.
480
00:17:57,828 --> 00:17:59,498
What's your name?
Nora.
481
00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:01,248
Nora. I'm Team Nora.
482
00:18:01,832 --> 00:18:03,002
What?
Beth.
483
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,288
Okay, I'm good.
484
00:18:04,418 --> 00:18:07,168
Look, girls, normally,
it's $25,000 a month.
485
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,804
But I'm willing to offer
it to you for $5,000.
486
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,587
Wow. Can you afford
five grand a month?
487
00:18:11,675 --> 00:18:12,675
No.
488
00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:16,175
(CLICKS TONGUE) Oh, I'm getting a call.
Hold on, please.
489
00:18:16,346 --> 00:18:17,506
(SOFTLY)
Did his phone ring?
490
00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,431
I'm so sorry.
I have to take this call.
491
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,310
It's another
ragtag group of girls
492
00:18:21,393 --> 00:18:22,753
trying to start
their own sorority.
493
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:25,021
They're real
alternative, real edgy.
494
00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:26,269
What to do?
495
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,001
Guys, we gotta act fast.
What are we gonna do?
496
00:18:28,025 --> 00:18:29,627
I don't know. We don't have
enough for a month.
497
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:31,031
Shit, what do we do?
(GROANS)
498
00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:32,422
I don't know.
You're looking at me
499
00:18:32,446 --> 00:18:33,757
and I don't
really know what to...
500
00:18:33,781 --> 00:18:35,531
NORA: Whoa.
Okay, guys.
501
00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:38,196
There is a beautiful centaur
sitting thoughtfully over there.
502
00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:39,832
SHELBY: Who are you?
503
00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:41,705
I'm Teddy Sanders.
504
00:18:43,624 --> 00:18:45,214
I used to live here.
505
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,520
SHELBY: Why are you limping?
BETH: Are you okay?
506
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:49,674
I just ran here, barefoot.
507
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:51,047
Really far.
508
00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:52,215
(CHUCKLES)
Huh.
509
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:54,194
You guys are thinking about
renting this place?
510
00:18:54,218 --> 00:18:55,218
Maybe.
511
00:18:55,302 --> 00:18:57,222
What do you guys want
with such a big house?
512
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:58,644
We're starting
our own sorority
513
00:18:58,722 --> 00:18:59,812
outside the system
514
00:18:59,890 --> 00:19:01,850
that can totally do whatever it wants.
NORA: Yeah.
515
00:19:02,059 --> 00:19:04,689
Mmm-hmm. Like throw dope-ass
parties and totally rage.
516
00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:06,153
A sorority
that can party?
517
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:07,606
Kappa Nu.
518
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,479
What's wrong with
fraternity parties?
519
00:19:09,775 --> 00:19:11,605
(SCOFFS) What isn't?
520
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:13,525
We threw
great parties here.
521
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:15,741
Pimps and Hoes,
522
00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:18,116
CEOs and Corporate Hoes,
523
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:20,405
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
Boise Boys and Ida-Hoes.
524
00:19:20,744 --> 00:19:22,414
They're, like, super sexist.
(SCOFFS)
525
00:19:22,621 --> 00:19:24,541
Every party is, like, themed hoe.
(CHUCKLES)
526
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:26,999
I mean...
527
00:19:27,084 --> 00:19:28,254
Jeez.
528
00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,707
Oh, no! Oh, God!
529
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:34,473
TEDDY: Mmm-hmm.
530
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:36,257
Yeah, I see your point.
531
00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,506
Honestly, though,
it's kind of a fucking moot point.
532
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:41,675
We got to figure
out something else.
533
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:42,885
We can't afford
this place.
534
00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:45,340
How much money do you guys have
between the three of you?
535
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:46,975
Maybe a few
thousand dollars.
536
00:19:47,062 --> 00:19:48,772
That's if you really
pool it all together,
537
00:19:48,897 --> 00:19:50,567
and that's for
the entire school year.
538
00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:52,531
So use that as
a down payment,
539
00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:55,029
throw a rush event,
get a bunch of members.
540
00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:56,449
They'll pay their dues,
541
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,820
plus you'll have an army of
people to make money for you.
542
00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:01,157
And then pretty soon, you're
a full-fledged sorority.
543
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:03,253
Right? Do you guys have
the rental agreement?
544
00:20:03,412 --> 00:20:07,422
I don't understand one thing
that you just said to us.
545
00:20:07,541 --> 00:20:09,461
Last week,
I was sleeping in a bunk bed.
546
00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:10,543
SHELBY: Yeah.
547
00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:11,877
I can't make an Eggo!
548
00:20:11,962 --> 00:20:13,552
I can't make one.
I don't know how.
549
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,590
We're 18.
We know what we wanna do.
550
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,797
We have no earthly idea
how to accomplish it.
551
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:20,298
I ran Delta Psi
for four years.
552
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,717
I could definitely help you.
Okay.
553
00:20:23,015 --> 00:20:25,055
I mean, would
that be, like,
554
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:27,603
of value to you?
555
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:31,976
Yeah, that'd be,
like, of tremendous value.
556
00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:33,316
Really?
557
00:20:34,568 --> 00:20:35,778
We should, like, celebrate!
558
00:20:35,861 --> 00:20:36,861
Yeah!
Okay.
559
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:39,405
Dude, who wants to
take a rip on the zip?
560
00:20:39,698 --> 00:20:40,967
NORA: Go for it!
Dude, check this out!
561
00:20:40,991 --> 00:20:41,991
NORA: Okay.
562
00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:44,750
I swear, we used to
ride this baby tandem.
563
00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:47,405
Check this out. Delta Psi!
564
00:20:48,332 --> 00:20:49,372
(GROANS) Oh...
565
00:20:49,458 --> 00:20:50,498
Dude, are you okay?
566
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:52,457
I'm fine.
Yeah, I'm good.
567
00:20:52,628 --> 00:20:54,418
Legally, this is
not my responsibility.
568
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,295
We'll take it.
569
00:20:57,341 --> 00:20:58,431
Dope!
570
00:20:59,843 --> 00:21:00,933
NORA: Are you okay, dude?
571
00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:02,253
TEDDY: Yeah, I'm totally fine.
572
00:21:02,429 --> 00:21:03,429
SHELBY: I'm really hyped.
573
00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:04,908
I think it's gonna be
the perfect house for us.
574
00:21:04,932 --> 00:21:06,075
NORA: Yeah,
I'm so excited, you guys.
575
00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,349
TEDDY: It's gonna be good.
576
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:09,187
I'll see you guys soon.
NORA: Thank you.
577
00:21:09,353 --> 00:21:10,353
SHELBY: Thanks.
578
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:11,437
Is that Teddy Sanders?
579
00:21:11,521 --> 00:21:13,151
Oh, shit. Oh, no.
Who are they?
580
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:14,611
Go, go, go.
Guys, go.
581
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,491
Go, get out of here.
I'll explain later, okay?
582
00:21:17,194 --> 00:21:19,034
Mac! Kelly! Hey!
Yo!
583
00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:20,196
What's going on?
584
00:21:20,364 --> 00:21:21,374
What's going on, man?
585
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,118
What are you
guys doing here?
586
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,200
You live here. Yeah, of course.
Who are they?
587
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,445
Don't worry about them.
588
00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:27,536
Okay.
589
00:21:27,621 --> 00:21:29,041
So, I see you
guys are moving?
590
00:21:29,206 --> 00:21:30,456
Moving on up, yeah.
(CHUCKLING)
591
00:21:30,624 --> 00:21:31,714
Well, heck. (CHUCKLES)
592
00:21:31,875 --> 00:21:33,686
You could have done that
when I was living here.
593
00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,210
That would have been nice.
(CHUCKLING)
594
00:21:35,379 --> 00:21:36,879
Yeah, I know.
Just weren't ready yet.
595
00:21:37,214 --> 00:21:39,554
I have a criminal record
now because of you guys.
596
00:21:40,384 --> 00:21:42,304
(LAUGHS) Look out.
597
00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:44,929
No, for real.
Like, it's hard to get jobs.
598
00:21:46,098 --> 00:21:47,138
So, it's been
really tough.
599
00:21:47,182 --> 00:21:48,451
So, what are you
doing here? Buddy.
600
00:21:48,475 --> 00:21:49,702
Yeah, what brings
you to the hood?
601
00:21:49,726 --> 00:21:51,226
You guys will
find out soon enough.
602
00:21:51,395 --> 00:21:52,395
What does that mean?
Huh?
603
00:21:52,479 --> 00:21:54,149
Don't worry about it.
It's cool.
604
00:21:54,564 --> 00:21:56,904
It's good to see you guys.
Kind of missed you.
605
00:21:57,067 --> 00:21:58,067
See you soon.
606
00:21:58,610 --> 00:21:59,820
MAC: All right. See ya.
607
00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:16,247
SHELBY: Yo. You wanna rush
the coolest sorority ever?
608
00:22:16,336 --> 00:22:17,586
This is the one.
609
00:22:17,754 --> 00:22:21,094
ALL: Kappa Nu
welcomes you.
610
00:22:21,425 --> 00:22:22,755
(MUSIC PLAYING)
611
00:22:37,107 --> 00:22:38,647
(ALL WHOOPING)
612
00:22:41,278 --> 00:22:42,988
What the hell?
613
00:22:44,281 --> 00:22:45,451
KELLY: Oh.
614
00:22:46,283 --> 00:22:48,043
There's people there.
615
00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:49,658
Somebody move in?
616
00:22:49,911 --> 00:22:52,081
Excuse me, ladies.
Excuse me. (CHUCKLES)
617
00:22:52,539 --> 00:22:54,119
Hi.
Hi.
618
00:22:54,207 --> 00:22:55,747
(MUTTERING)
What the fuck?
619
00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:57,594
What's happening here?
620
00:22:57,669 --> 00:22:59,629
"Kappa Nu. Wants you."
What the fuck?
621
00:22:59,713 --> 00:23:01,673
Hi! We're your neighbours.
Hi. Hello!
622
00:23:01,757 --> 00:23:02,757
SHELBY: Oh, hi.
623
00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,589
Mac and Kelly.
Hi, I'm Kelly.
624
00:23:04,676 --> 00:23:07,386
Are your parents around
or something like that?
625
00:23:07,554 --> 00:23:08,764
Oh, no, no, no.
626
00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:10,560
Meet the girls
of Kappa Nu.
627
00:23:11,058 --> 00:23:12,098
What's that then?
628
00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:13,595
It's our sorority.
629
00:23:16,063 --> 00:23:20,653
ALL: Hi, neighbours!
630
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,699
Do you want
a beer or a mocktail?
631
00:23:23,862 --> 00:23:25,572
Like a mommy mocktail?
Congratulations.
632
00:23:25,739 --> 00:23:27,029
Oh, sure.
I'll take a mocktail.
633
00:23:27,157 --> 00:23:29,037
Get this woman a mocktail.
(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)
634
00:23:29,117 --> 00:23:30,407
Great. Thank you.
635
00:23:30,494 --> 00:23:32,504
Shelby will get them for you.
Thank you.
636
00:23:32,662 --> 00:23:34,122
Thanks a lot.
637
00:23:34,539 --> 00:23:36,369
What the fuck?
638
00:23:36,541 --> 00:23:37,921
I don't fucking know.
639
00:23:38,001 --> 00:23:40,461
The buyers are not gonna
want to live next to a house
640
00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:41,837
with a fucking
sorority in it.
641
00:23:42,005 --> 00:23:43,232
Is now a good time to freak out?
No, no.
642
00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:44,456
Should I freak out?
No, no, no.
643
00:23:44,549 --> 00:23:45,985
Should I start screaming?
Come on. No, no.
644
00:23:46,009 --> 00:23:47,719
Okay, look.
645
00:23:47,844 --> 00:23:49,644
We've just gotta
convince them to chill.
646
00:23:49,721 --> 00:23:51,721
We just need them
to behave themselves.
647
00:23:51,807 --> 00:23:53,326
We just ask them
not to party while we're escrow.
648
00:23:53,350 --> 00:23:54,350
We'll be fine.
649
00:23:54,434 --> 00:23:56,774
As soon as we're not escrow,
go fucking apeshit.
650
00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:58,060
Hey, guys.
651
00:23:58,188 --> 00:23:59,688
Hey.
What's up?
652
00:23:59,773 --> 00:24:02,363
Um, can we have a quick chat
with you guys for a second?
653
00:24:02,442 --> 00:24:04,442
We kind of had
a question for you guys.
654
00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:06,911
You see, we live next door,
we just sold our house,
655
00:24:06,988 --> 00:24:09,028
and we're escrowing
for the next 30 days.
656
00:24:09,116 --> 00:24:12,446
And, basically, if anything happens
that spooks those buyers,
657
00:24:12,536 --> 00:24:16,366
they'll pull out of the deal,
and we'll own two homes and be fucked.
658
00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:20,710
KELLY: So it'd just be great if
you could be mellow and low-key,
659
00:24:20,877 --> 00:24:23,877
and just basically not party for 30 days.
And that's it.
660
00:24:23,964 --> 00:24:25,149
Then we'll be gone.
You go crazy.
661
00:24:25,173 --> 00:24:26,359
We'll be out of
your hair. Yeah.
662
00:24:26,383 --> 00:24:27,383
Um...
663
00:24:28,343 --> 00:24:29,553
Well, here's the thing.
664
00:24:29,719 --> 00:24:34,559
A really big part of us creating
this sorority is because
665
00:24:34,808 --> 00:24:37,518
fraternities are
allowed to party
666
00:24:37,644 --> 00:24:40,364
and sororities are
not allowed to party.
667
00:24:40,522 --> 00:24:41,732
Really?
What?
668
00:24:41,898 --> 00:24:44,228
SHELBY: Yeah, so partying is
a really big deal for us.
669
00:24:44,526 --> 00:24:46,396
And you guys have
a daughter, I'm sure
670
00:24:46,528 --> 00:24:48,408
you'd want her to have
equal rights as guys.
671
00:24:49,322 --> 00:24:53,622
As a man, I could not
agree with you more,
672
00:24:53,743 --> 00:24:56,833
and could not
support your cause more.
673
00:24:56,913 --> 00:25:00,173
I think my wife has
some thoughts though
674
00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:02,840
on maybe why you guys
could approach this differently.
675
00:25:03,086 --> 00:25:04,246
Kelly.
What?
676
00:25:05,297 --> 00:25:06,337
Take it.
677
00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:09,184
Ladies, we can come
to some sort of
678
00:25:09,259 --> 00:25:11,089
compromise here,
can't we?
679
00:25:11,178 --> 00:25:13,558
I'm sure maybe...
No means no!
680
00:25:13,930 --> 00:25:14,930
'Sup, neighbours?
681
00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:16,180
Teddy?
682
00:25:16,266 --> 00:25:17,516
Welcome to soon enough.
683
00:25:18,602 --> 00:25:19,852
What does that mean?
684
00:25:20,103 --> 00:25:21,523
You don't remember
when I told you
685
00:25:21,646 --> 00:25:23,056
that you'd find
out soon enough?
686
00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:25,530
I think a lot of this
is going on in your head.
687
00:25:25,609 --> 00:25:27,239
I'm mentoring this sorority.
688
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,650
Why?
That's a thing?
689
00:25:28,778 --> 00:25:29,778
Yes, it's a thing.
690
00:25:29,905 --> 00:25:30,945
Why are you doing that?
691
00:25:31,114 --> 00:25:33,494
I don't know.
Why do butterflies fly?
692
00:25:33,575 --> 00:25:34,655
To drink nectar.
693
00:25:35,410 --> 00:25:38,160
I don't know why things do what they do,
but what I do
694
00:25:38,538 --> 00:25:41,788
is facilitate the act of
partying in this house.
695
00:25:41,958 --> 00:25:42,958
What?
696
00:25:43,293 --> 00:25:44,843
So let's rage!
697
00:25:45,128 --> 00:25:46,628
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
698
00:25:46,796 --> 00:25:48,626
(ALL CHEERING)
699
00:25:50,550 --> 00:25:52,140
Missed you guys.
700
00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:57,391
TEDDY: These are the rules for
a successful sorority.
701
00:25:57,474 --> 00:25:58,484
Rule number one.
702
00:25:58,683 --> 00:26:01,483
Use these money buckets
to keep track of your cash.
703
00:26:01,561 --> 00:26:04,481
Five buckets a month
equals house rent.
704
00:26:04,773 --> 00:26:05,823
Rule number two.
705
00:26:06,316 --> 00:26:09,146
Keep getting pledges and you
can dress them up like idiots.
706
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:11,700
Minions! Minions!
707
00:26:11,821 --> 00:26:13,951
MAC: They got a hilarious
army of fucking Minions.
708
00:26:14,157 --> 00:26:15,877
I love Minions,
and now I have to hate them.
709
00:26:15,951 --> 00:26:17,511
They're making me
hate something I love.
710
00:26:19,454 --> 00:26:20,464
(SHRIEKING)
711
00:26:21,665 --> 00:26:24,165
TEDDY: Rule number three.
Throw the type of parties
712
00:26:24,251 --> 00:26:26,001
that show what you
guys are all about.
713
00:26:26,086 --> 00:26:27,666
Hillary Clinton.
714
00:26:27,754 --> 00:26:30,724
Joan of Arc orders
you to pass the joint.
715
00:26:30,966 --> 00:26:32,426
First Lady
Hillary Clinton?
716
00:26:32,592 --> 00:26:34,182
Or Senator
Hillary Clinton?
717
00:26:34,302 --> 00:26:35,802
Or future President
Hillary Clinton?
718
00:26:36,596 --> 00:26:38,716
Oprah, we're out of beer.
719
00:26:38,807 --> 00:26:40,847
Everybody look under their chairs.
(ALL GASPING)
720
00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:43,851
You're all
getting beer!
721
00:26:44,854 --> 00:26:48,284
You get a beer, you get a beer,
you get a beer.
722
00:26:48,525 --> 00:26:49,855
I love you, Oprah.
723
00:26:50,026 --> 00:26:51,486
Could you
please be quiet?
724
00:26:51,653 --> 00:26:53,363
MAC: Shut up!
KELLY: Shut up!
725
00:26:53,571 --> 00:26:54,861
(GIRLS CRYING)
726
00:26:56,449 --> 00:26:58,239
I cannot tell you
how thankful I am...
727
00:27:00,954 --> 00:27:02,964
I love you so much.
728
00:27:03,707 --> 00:27:04,707
(MOUTHING)
729
00:27:09,296 --> 00:27:12,166
TEDDY: It's not fair!
They're too young!
730
00:27:12,882 --> 00:27:14,632
(GIRLS CHEERING)
731
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:19,890
KELLY: Why don't
they shut up!
732
00:27:20,056 --> 00:27:21,376
MAC: Just stop it!
KELLY: Stop it!
733
00:27:21,474 --> 00:27:22,524
KELLY: Shut up!
734
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,520
(ALL SINGING)
735
00:27:34,195 --> 00:27:35,195
MAC: Please.
Please!
736
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:36,549
We're begging you!
All right, listen.
737
00:27:36,573 --> 00:27:40,163
I cannot shut down a sorority that's
trying to become independent.
738
00:27:40,243 --> 00:27:41,243
Why not?
739
00:27:41,328 --> 00:27:43,328
It's a PR nightmare.
740
00:27:43,413 --> 00:27:44,663
What's the nightmare?
741
00:27:44,748 --> 00:27:45,748
CAROL: For example,
742
00:27:45,832 --> 00:27:49,342
"Sexist female dean
shuts down sorority."
743
00:27:50,420 --> 00:27:52,420
That is reverse sexism.
744
00:27:52,589 --> 00:27:54,089
Which is,
in and of itself,
745
00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:55,384
a sexist thing to do.
746
00:27:55,592 --> 00:27:58,932
There's no such thing as reverse sexism,
Mr. White Man.
747
00:27:59,846 --> 00:28:01,766
Oh, okay. Hey,
don't talk to me like that,
748
00:28:01,848 --> 00:28:03,018
because I am Jewish.
749
00:28:03,099 --> 00:28:04,099
I am a minority.
750
00:28:04,225 --> 00:28:06,595
Well, less of you.
Like Labradoodles.
751
00:28:06,686 --> 00:28:07,766
Okay.
752
00:28:07,937 --> 00:28:10,767
Look, if they get three strikes
they have to shut down, right?
753
00:28:10,940 --> 00:28:12,980
As far as I'm concerned,
they have infinite strikes.
754
00:28:13,109 --> 00:28:15,449
I see we're playing outside
the rules of the system,
755
00:28:15,612 --> 00:28:17,742
so why don't
we go to Plan B?
756
00:28:17,906 --> 00:28:22,366
Here's a little something
to change your mind.
757
00:28:22,994 --> 00:28:24,334
Mmm.
758
00:28:27,123 --> 00:28:28,753
Do we have a deal,
chancellor?
759
00:28:28,833 --> 00:28:29,833
No.
760
00:28:29,918 --> 00:28:31,288
You know what,
fuck you!
761
00:28:31,378 --> 00:28:32,588
Unleash the hounds,
sweetie.
762
00:28:32,754 --> 00:28:34,884
That's how you talk
in front of your daughter?
763
00:28:35,048 --> 00:28:36,442
MAC: Oh, I think we know
how to be parents.
764
00:28:36,466 --> 00:28:38,836
She's a baby, "A."
She doesn't retain any of that shit.
765
00:28:38,927 --> 00:28:40,387
Well, yes she will.
No, she doesn't.
766
00:28:40,470 --> 00:28:41,470
Watch.
767
00:28:41,805 --> 00:28:43,425
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
768
00:28:43,598 --> 00:28:44,638
Fuck.
769
00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:47,805
What's she watching on her iPad?
Goodfellas.
770
00:28:48,019 --> 00:28:49,899
Ha, ha, ha.
Jokes on you.
771
00:28:49,979 --> 00:28:51,819
I don't know what she's
watching on that iPad.
772
00:28:52,273 --> 00:28:53,323
(IMITATES SIZZLING)
773
00:28:53,566 --> 00:28:54,646
KELLY: What are
we gonna do?
774
00:28:54,776 --> 00:28:55,986
We have an inspection soon.
775
00:28:56,152 --> 00:28:58,282
The buyers could literally
drive by at any moment,
776
00:28:58,363 --> 00:28:59,993
say, "Oh, the house
has a few leaks,
777
00:29:00,073 --> 00:29:01,743
"and there's 20
fucking psychopathic
778
00:29:01,825 --> 00:29:03,155
"teenagers living
next door."
779
00:29:03,284 --> 00:29:04,584
We're gonna
have two houses.
780
00:29:04,661 --> 00:29:05,821
And then we'll
have no houses.
781
00:29:05,870 --> 00:29:07,120
And then we're screwed.
782
00:29:07,247 --> 00:29:08,247
We're totally screwed.
783
00:29:08,331 --> 00:29:09,671
Hi, sweetie. Hi, baby.
Hey.
784
00:29:09,833 --> 00:29:10,935
We just got to
get rid of them.
785
00:29:10,959 --> 00:29:12,103
I couldn't talk
to those girls.
786
00:29:12,127 --> 00:29:13,312
No. We had middle
ground with the guys.
787
00:29:13,336 --> 00:29:14,456
We could talk
to the guys.
788
00:29:14,546 --> 00:29:15,916
Yes!
They look at us like
789
00:29:16,005 --> 00:29:17,942
it was like their grandparents
walked into that house.
790
00:29:17,966 --> 00:29:20,506
Right? Stella is not gonna
turn out like that.
791
00:29:20,593 --> 00:29:21,593
No.
No.
792
00:29:21,678 --> 00:29:23,298
She'll be our best friend forever.
Yeah.
793
00:29:23,430 --> 00:29:25,390
She loves talking to us. Yeah.
We're a team.
794
00:29:25,473 --> 00:29:26,563
Right, Stella?
795
00:29:26,641 --> 00:29:28,481
Come over here, Stella.
Come here.
796
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:29,940
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
797
00:29:30,770 --> 00:29:32,190
Honey, wanna
come over here?
798
00:29:32,272 --> 00:29:35,022
(WHISPERS) What the fuck?
What the fuck is wrong with her?
799
00:29:35,733 --> 00:29:37,693
Play with your toy, sweetie.
Play with your toy.
800
00:29:37,777 --> 00:29:39,630
Just keep playing with your toy.
Give him a kiss.
801
00:29:39,654 --> 00:29:41,494
You know who
kids listen to?
802
00:29:41,698 --> 00:29:43,828
Their parents.
Celebrities. Their parents.
803
00:29:45,702 --> 00:29:46,832
What's up...
804
00:29:46,995 --> 00:29:48,325
Hey, Dad!
805
00:29:48,455 --> 00:29:49,455
You started a sorority?
806
00:29:49,539 --> 00:29:50,850
You're supposed to
be living in the dorm,
807
00:29:50,874 --> 00:29:53,004
not in some old
dilapidated mansion!
808
00:29:53,084 --> 00:29:54,134
This is what you want?
809
00:29:54,210 --> 00:29:56,230
You wanna live like some
sort of a drifter murderer?
810
00:29:56,254 --> 00:29:57,554
I can do whatever
I want here.
811
00:29:57,714 --> 00:29:58,858
Dad, that's the
point of college.
812
00:29:58,882 --> 00:29:59,922
I'm my own parent.
813
00:30:00,008 --> 00:30:01,968
When did you start
talking like Eminem?
814
00:30:02,051 --> 00:30:04,181
I'm gonna talk like this.
I'm gonna talk like that.
815
00:30:04,345 --> 00:30:05,465
This is ridiculous!
816
00:30:05,555 --> 00:30:07,175
Look at that pizza,
how old is that?
817
00:30:07,265 --> 00:30:09,175
The cheese is moldy on that.
818
00:30:09,392 --> 00:30:10,522
SHELBY: Cheese is mold.
819
00:30:10,727 --> 00:30:12,227
I can eat it,
whenever I want it.
820
00:30:12,312 --> 00:30:14,192
God, have you
inherited my stupid gene?
821
00:30:14,272 --> 00:30:15,272
Look at you.
822
00:30:15,356 --> 00:30:16,996
So you get to be just
as dumb as boys now?
823
00:30:17,066 --> 00:30:18,316
Is that what you
learned here?
824
00:30:18,401 --> 00:30:19,601
You are going
back to the dorm!
825
00:30:19,652 --> 00:30:21,532
No! This is where
I chose to live.
826
00:30:21,613 --> 00:30:23,453
It is only Kappa Nu.
827
00:30:27,076 --> 00:30:29,536
Looks like my
little girl's growing up.
828
00:30:31,831 --> 00:30:32,921
Thanks, Dad.
829
00:30:33,875 --> 00:30:37,835
I can buy your girlfriends and you
some brunch, if you want?
830
00:30:38,004 --> 00:30:39,264
I kind of need
some new jeans.
831
00:30:39,380 --> 00:30:40,590
Oh, we can go
shopping then.
832
00:30:40,757 --> 00:30:42,007
Yeah, cool.
833
00:30:43,259 --> 00:30:44,819
How did it go?
Yeah. They gonna be cool?
834
00:30:44,844 --> 00:30:46,071
Did you punish
them or whatever?
835
00:30:46,095 --> 00:30:48,515
I tried my best,
but there's nothing I can do.
836
00:30:48,598 --> 00:30:49,598
What do you mean?
What?
837
00:30:49,682 --> 00:30:50,682
Ah. You'll know.
838
00:30:50,767 --> 00:30:52,227
When they're two
years old, you can
839
00:30:52,352 --> 00:30:53,871
get them to do
almost anything you want.
840
00:30:53,895 --> 00:30:56,095
Get a little bit older,
and it's harder to control them.
841
00:30:56,231 --> 00:30:58,651
I do not understand
a word she says.
842
00:30:59,067 --> 00:31:01,737
But it was good
to see her.
843
00:31:01,903 --> 00:31:04,573
(CRYING) The house is so quiet without her.
KELLY: Oh...
844
00:31:06,950 --> 00:31:07,950
(SNIFFLES)
845
00:31:08,201 --> 00:31:09,201
I'm fine.
846
00:31:09,577 --> 00:31:10,577
Gosh.
847
00:31:11,079 --> 00:31:12,289
Beautiful child.
848
00:31:13,873 --> 00:31:14,873
Can I hold her?
849
00:31:14,958 --> 00:31:17,628
No, no, no. That's okay.
That's great.
850
00:31:18,002 --> 00:31:19,882
Is that a dildo
dressed as a princess?
851
00:31:20,171 --> 00:31:24,221
Nope. That is a popular
children's cartoon character of today.
852
00:31:26,052 --> 00:31:27,642
MAC: Thank you
for trying.
853
00:31:27,804 --> 00:31:28,854
(GIRLS CLEAR THROATS)
854
00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:30,220
BETH: Hey, meanies!
NORA: Hi!
855
00:31:30,390 --> 00:31:31,720
You called my parents?
856
00:31:32,100 --> 00:31:33,480
Yes, we did
call your parents.
857
00:31:33,601 --> 00:31:34,981
Yes. We did.
We actually did.
858
00:31:35,061 --> 00:31:36,061
Oh, really?
859
00:31:36,229 --> 00:31:37,979
It's 30 days!
It's just 30 days!
860
00:31:38,147 --> 00:31:40,227
It's 30 days!
Then we won't be escrow!
861
00:31:40,316 --> 00:31:42,686
Then we'll be out of your hair!
It's 30 fucking days.
862
00:31:42,777 --> 00:31:44,567
It's all
we're asking for.
863
00:31:44,779 --> 00:31:45,819
It's on.
864
00:31:45,989 --> 00:31:47,239
No, no, no.
No.
865
00:31:47,323 --> 00:31:49,083
Nothing's on.
Why would it be on?
866
00:31:49,158 --> 00:31:50,988
No, it's on.
But we're turning it off.
867
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,389
If we turned it on, we can turn it off.
Can we just turn it off?
868
00:31:53,413 --> 00:31:54,413
It's on.
869
00:31:55,164 --> 00:31:56,174
(GIRLS WHOOPING)
870
00:31:56,457 --> 00:31:59,087
GIRLS: Hey, Mac!
Hey, Mac!
871
00:32:01,170 --> 00:32:03,670
Great! I see more
of you have moved in.
872
00:32:03,798 --> 00:32:04,798
(GIRLS CHEERING)
873
00:32:05,008 --> 00:32:07,678
This is private property.
You're trespassing.
874
00:32:07,844 --> 00:32:09,184
Hey, Mac.
875
00:32:09,345 --> 00:32:11,595
Looks like Beth needs some
suntan lotion on her.
876
00:32:11,681 --> 00:32:12,971
MAC: I think
she's okay.
877
00:32:13,057 --> 00:32:14,847
Leave me alone.
You're not going.
878
00:32:16,311 --> 00:32:17,771
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
879
00:32:18,187 --> 00:32:19,397
(YELLING) Where am I?
(SCREAMS)
880
00:32:19,897 --> 00:32:20,897
(TIRES SCREECHING)
881
00:32:24,193 --> 00:32:25,363
(PANTING)
882
00:32:25,445 --> 00:32:26,605
Oh, no.
883
00:32:26,696 --> 00:32:27,906
I killed a girl!
884
00:32:29,032 --> 00:32:30,662
I'm on painkillers,
motherfucker!
885
00:32:30,742 --> 00:32:31,782
Kappa Nu!
886
00:32:33,202 --> 00:32:35,372
What the fuck is
wrong with you?
887
00:32:36,664 --> 00:32:37,674
(GROANING)
888
00:32:38,166 --> 00:32:40,376
MAC: Get away! Go away!
889
00:32:44,380 --> 00:32:46,010
Get out of here,
you animals!
890
00:32:46,132 --> 00:32:47,632
MAC: This isn't working!
891
00:32:47,759 --> 00:32:49,339
You're only
making them sexier!
892
00:32:51,554 --> 00:32:55,144
I don't like it!
I don't like it!
893
00:32:55,350 --> 00:32:56,350
(POUNDING ON GLASS)
894
00:32:57,226 --> 00:32:58,896
What the hell was that?
Was that a bird?
895
00:33:00,730 --> 00:33:02,360
(POUNDING CONTINUES)
896
00:33:04,442 --> 00:33:06,192
What the hell is that?
897
00:33:10,031 --> 00:33:11,071
Oh, no!
898
00:33:11,199 --> 00:33:12,239
KELLY: Oh, God! Tampons!
899
00:33:12,408 --> 00:33:13,408
Oh, that's filthy!
900
00:33:13,534 --> 00:33:14,744
Stop it, you animals!
901
00:33:15,244 --> 00:33:16,754
Get off! Stop it!
Oh!
902
00:33:16,913 --> 00:33:18,043
Oh, my God! Mac!
903
00:33:18,414 --> 00:33:20,044
The other window is open!
904
00:33:21,709 --> 00:33:22,919
(GROANS)
905
00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:25,506
That was really funny!
906
00:33:25,588 --> 00:33:27,508
Where'd you guys get
so much fake blood?
907
00:33:27,590 --> 00:33:29,340
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, from our vaginas.
908
00:33:29,425 --> 00:33:30,425
That was real?
909
00:33:30,510 --> 00:33:33,050
Yeah, it was our
uterine wall sloughing off.
910
00:33:33,388 --> 00:33:34,928
You just threw...
911
00:33:35,098 --> 00:33:37,268
That was really gross.
912
00:33:38,935 --> 00:33:40,765
Ugh. Why'd
you do that?
913
00:33:40,853 --> 00:33:42,693
That was way
over the line.
914
00:33:42,855 --> 00:33:44,355
Whoa. That's,
like, super sexist.
915
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,190
It was really
fucking funny.
916
00:33:46,359 --> 00:33:47,399
You would've been like,
917
00:33:47,485 --> 00:33:49,380
(IMITATES TEDDY)
"It's so funny," if it was a bag of dicks.
918
00:33:49,404 --> 00:33:51,324
"Look, it's a bag of
dicks on the window!"
919
00:33:51,406 --> 00:33:52,616
No, that...
920
00:33:52,740 --> 00:33:54,120
(EXHALES)
921
00:33:54,283 --> 00:33:55,283
(CHUCKLES)
922
00:33:56,452 --> 00:33:58,082
A bag of dicks.
923
00:33:59,122 --> 00:34:00,422
(TEDDY CHUCKLING)
924
00:34:01,791 --> 00:34:03,791
Yeah, you got me.
That's funny.
925
00:34:04,669 --> 00:34:05,959
A bag of dicks.
926
00:34:07,964 --> 00:34:09,924
Here's the deal.
First inspection, tomorrow.
927
00:34:10,091 --> 00:34:11,881
We need help.
We have to get rid of the girls
928
00:34:12,009 --> 00:34:13,737
tomorrow, from the house,
between 10:00 and 5:00.
929
00:34:13,761 --> 00:34:14,761
Exactly.
930
00:34:14,804 --> 00:34:17,854
If our home owners see these girls,
our escrowment's gonna end.
931
00:34:17,932 --> 00:34:19,159
And these girls
are fucked, man.
932
00:34:19,183 --> 00:34:20,369
They're from
another fucking planet.
933
00:34:20,393 --> 00:34:21,829
KELLY: Yeah. They're
worse than the guys.
934
00:34:21,853 --> 00:34:24,313
Look. Brainstorming
sesh starting now.
935
00:34:24,647 --> 00:34:26,647
Guys, a play
on a classic.
936
00:34:26,816 --> 00:34:28,476
We "hoes
before bros" them.
937
00:34:28,651 --> 00:34:29,741
No, no, no.
938
00:34:29,902 --> 00:34:31,004
No. That's not gonna work.
Why?
939
00:34:31,028 --> 00:34:33,028
Because you put hoes
before bros. Always. Yeah.
940
00:34:33,281 --> 00:34:35,300
It worked with the guys.
Why won't it work with the girls?
941
00:34:35,324 --> 00:34:37,294
Because girls are
much smarter than guys!
942
00:34:37,452 --> 00:34:38,582
That is sexist!
943
00:34:38,745 --> 00:34:40,495
That's not sexist.
MAC: What is it?
944
00:34:40,663 --> 00:34:42,123
Not when it's
against guys.
945
00:34:42,206 --> 00:34:43,326
That's not sexist.
946
00:34:43,499 --> 00:34:44,999
I don't even
know what's sexist.
947
00:34:45,168 --> 00:34:46,418
Hey, men's rights.
948
00:34:46,586 --> 00:34:47,996
No, fuck you!
949
00:34:48,171 --> 00:34:49,648
KELLY: Are you okay?
Why are you itching?
950
00:34:49,672 --> 00:34:50,722
What's wrong with you?
951
00:34:50,798 --> 00:34:52,151
MAC: Did you get poison
oak or something?
952
00:34:52,175 --> 00:34:53,295
Here's the deal.
953
00:34:54,135 --> 00:34:55,135
We got bedbugs.
954
00:34:55,219 --> 00:34:56,849
No! Gross!
(YELLS) Oh, my God!
955
00:34:56,929 --> 00:34:57,990
I'm sorry.
I come to this restaurant.
956
00:34:58,014 --> 00:34:59,134
I don't wanna
be embarrassed.
957
00:34:59,182 --> 00:35:00,492
That's even worse!
Don't embarrass us!
958
00:35:00,516 --> 00:35:01,596
It's gross!
959
00:35:01,684 --> 00:35:03,662
Hey, it's fine, okay?
We're dealing with the problem.
960
00:35:03,686 --> 00:35:05,806
We tented our house.
We have to be out for three days.
961
00:35:09,650 --> 00:35:12,450
JIMMY: This is such a good idea.
These clothes have so many bedbugs.
962
00:35:12,528 --> 00:35:14,173
MAC: Just shut up,
we just gotta infest them fast!
963
00:35:14,197 --> 00:35:15,632
Here's some more pledges.
They're bedbugs!
964
00:35:15,656 --> 00:35:16,656
Boom!
965
00:35:16,699 --> 00:35:17,760
JIMMY: These are
my best pants!
966
00:35:17,784 --> 00:35:18,844
MAC: I don't care about
your fucking pants.
967
00:35:18,868 --> 00:35:20,748
All I care about is bedbugs.
Get it in. Hurry.
968
00:35:20,828 --> 00:35:22,908
It's so hot in here.
Can't see in this fucking thing.
969
00:35:23,039 --> 00:35:24,308
JIMMY: That sheet has
so many bedbugs.
970
00:35:24,332 --> 00:35:26,712
MAC: I feel them!
I can feel them! Get it off!
971
00:35:26,793 --> 00:35:27,883
JIMMY: Oh, my God!
972
00:35:28,211 --> 00:35:29,501
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
973
00:35:32,548 --> 00:35:34,218
Hello, hello!
974
00:35:34,383 --> 00:35:36,803
We're entering!
Put on your clothes!
975
00:35:36,969 --> 00:35:37,969
Hi!
Hi!
976
00:35:38,137 --> 00:35:39,887
Welcome!
Hello.
977
00:35:40,056 --> 00:35:41,676
Great! Good to
see you guys!
978
00:35:41,849 --> 00:35:43,118
Good to see you again.
Welcome back!
979
00:35:43,142 --> 00:35:44,522
The place looks great.
Yes.
980
00:35:44,727 --> 00:35:46,227
I brought my boyfriend by.
(CHUCKLES)
981
00:35:46,395 --> 00:35:48,725
Just kidding. It's the mold inspector,
the old mold king.
982
00:35:48,898 --> 00:35:50,459
You don't think there's actually
mold here, do you?
983
00:35:50,483 --> 00:35:53,743
We kind of smelled a little something
weird when we were here before.
984
00:35:53,903 --> 00:35:54,963
Just wanted to
double-check.
985
00:35:54,987 --> 00:35:56,067
Why not, right?
Yeah.
986
00:35:56,572 --> 00:35:57,572
Great!
Cool.
987
00:35:57,615 --> 00:35:58,865
That's why we're here.
988
00:35:58,991 --> 00:36:00,344
What's going on
over there, by the way?
989
00:36:00,368 --> 00:36:01,368
New tenants?
990
00:36:01,536 --> 00:36:03,036
Yes, a new family
moved in next door
991
00:36:03,162 --> 00:36:04,723
and they're just doing
a little fumigating.
992
00:36:04,747 --> 00:36:06,997
Very nice,
quiet, lovely family.
993
00:36:07,124 --> 00:36:08,134
Family, huh?
994
00:36:08,209 --> 00:36:10,689
It must be pretty big.
That place is huge, like eight bedrooms.
995
00:36:10,753 --> 00:36:11,753
It is.
It is.
996
00:36:11,838 --> 00:36:14,258
This is a very
religious family.
997
00:36:14,340 --> 00:36:16,840
They're Jewish,
and they're lovely.
998
00:36:16,926 --> 00:36:18,546
Yeah, why did you
just do... You know?
999
00:36:18,803 --> 00:36:19,933
Anyway, they're lovely.
1000
00:36:20,137 --> 00:36:22,427
I think there they
are now, actually.
1001
00:36:22,515 --> 00:36:24,725
Look! It's our Jewish neighbours.
KELLY: Oh, hello.
1002
00:36:24,892 --> 00:36:26,442
Proof they actually exist.
1003
00:36:29,230 --> 00:36:30,230
And she's pregnant.
1004
00:36:30,398 --> 00:36:32,438
Got another
little Jew in the oven.
1005
00:36:35,278 --> 00:36:36,380
Why don't we start
the mold inspection?
1006
00:36:36,404 --> 00:36:37,404
Come into your house.
1007
00:36:37,446 --> 00:36:38,866
Come on in.
Come into your home.
1008
00:36:38,948 --> 00:36:40,698
Why don't we start in your kitchen?
Yes.
1009
00:36:40,783 --> 00:36:41,833
This place is weird.
1010
00:36:41,909 --> 00:36:42,989
Yeah.
1011
00:36:43,244 --> 00:36:45,624
(VOCALIZING FOLK MUSIC)
1012
00:36:51,127 --> 00:36:52,797
Uh, Teddy, where are
you gonna be staying?
1013
00:36:53,963 --> 00:36:55,463
Uh, right now?
1014
00:36:55,631 --> 00:36:57,431
I'm helping a bunch of
girls build a sorority.
1015
00:36:57,592 --> 00:36:58,912
They're moving
into our old house,
1016
00:36:58,968 --> 00:37:00,528
so I'll probably
just move in with them.
1017
00:37:01,220 --> 00:37:02,850
It's a big step
forward for me.
1018
00:37:05,057 --> 00:37:06,267
Okay.
Yeah.
1019
00:37:06,434 --> 00:37:07,734
That's super weird.
1020
00:37:07,810 --> 00:37:09,850
It's actually not weird.
It's actually super normal.
1021
00:37:10,229 --> 00:37:11,874
Whatever makes you
happy, right? (CHUCKLES)
1022
00:37:11,898 --> 00:37:13,608
Darren, can you
back the fuck off?
1023
00:37:13,774 --> 00:37:15,484
Whoa, whoa,
Teddy! Relax!
1024
00:37:15,735 --> 00:37:17,695
I finally found somewhere
that I'm good at,
1025
00:37:17,778 --> 00:37:19,068
where I'm valued!
1026
00:37:19,238 --> 00:37:20,278
You want to
criticize that?
1027
00:37:20,489 --> 00:37:23,409
What I was saying is that
it's just a little weird
1028
00:37:23,492 --> 00:37:24,832
for a grown man
to be helping
1029
00:37:24,911 --> 00:37:26,251
a bunch of girls
make a sorority.
1030
00:37:26,329 --> 00:37:27,556
Doesn't that
sound crazy to you?
1031
00:37:27,580 --> 00:37:30,140
No... Did you know that sororities
don't have the right to party?
1032
00:37:30,416 --> 00:37:32,246
You know, there's no
legal right to party.
1033
00:37:32,335 --> 00:37:33,995
Yes, there is a legal
right to party...
1034
00:37:34,170 --> 00:37:35,800
Garf! Back me up, Garf.
1035
00:37:35,963 --> 00:37:37,024
Man, just leave
me out of it.
1036
00:37:37,048 --> 00:37:38,048
Okay.
1037
00:37:38,132 --> 00:37:40,360
Look, I'm your best friend.
I'm just trying to be honest.
1038
00:37:40,384 --> 00:37:41,434
Oh, yeah?
1039
00:37:41,510 --> 00:37:42,600
Well, took you
long enough.
1040
00:37:42,845 --> 00:37:43,965
What's that
supposed to mean?
1041
00:37:44,180 --> 00:37:45,890
You didn't tell me
your biggest secret
1042
00:37:45,973 --> 00:37:47,683
through all of
college, man!
1043
00:37:47,934 --> 00:37:50,444
Where is this even
coming from right now?
1044
00:37:50,519 --> 00:37:52,689
(STAMMERS)
You told Garf first!
1045
00:37:52,939 --> 00:37:54,729
He was bi-curious
most of sophomore year.
1046
00:37:54,815 --> 00:37:56,225
He was the logical
person to tell!
1047
00:37:56,317 --> 00:37:57,687
Sometimes you
gotta suck a dick
1048
00:37:57,777 --> 00:37:59,297
to realize you
don't like sucking dick.
1049
00:38:00,529 --> 00:38:02,699
You're just mad
because you're fucking lost.
1050
00:38:02,865 --> 00:38:05,025
The rest of us,
we've moved forward.
1051
00:38:05,201 --> 00:38:07,331
Garf's a cop,
Scoonie's got his own business,
1052
00:38:07,411 --> 00:38:08,911
I'm getting married.
1053
00:38:09,038 --> 00:38:10,868
And you're moving
into a fucking sorority.
1054
00:38:15,753 --> 00:38:16,803
You know what?
1055
00:38:16,879 --> 00:38:19,839
Those sisters are better brothers
to me than you ever were.
1056
00:38:20,549 --> 00:38:21,589
You're not my brother.
1057
00:38:22,051 --> 00:38:24,261
Don't say shit
you can't take back.
1058
00:38:24,553 --> 00:38:26,893
Bros before hoes.
1059
00:38:27,223 --> 00:38:28,723
Don't call them hoes.
1060
00:38:29,183 --> 00:38:30,943
That's not cool anymore.
1061
00:38:36,023 --> 00:38:37,983
All right, ladies,
we gotta talk finances.
1062
00:38:38,067 --> 00:38:39,527
Okay, it's really serious.
1063
00:38:39,610 --> 00:38:41,530
The fumigation took
so much of our money
1064
00:38:41,612 --> 00:38:42,923
that we're down to
two money buckets.
1065
00:38:42,947 --> 00:38:44,424
And I don't know what
we're gonna do about it.
1066
00:38:44,448 --> 00:38:46,578
Okay. What if we use
our Minions to make us money?
1067
00:38:46,659 --> 00:38:48,659
Oh, no. Their plates are
full cleaning the house.
1068
00:38:49,328 --> 00:38:50,748
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
1069
00:38:53,541 --> 00:38:54,541
Ahhh!
1070
00:38:55,501 --> 00:38:56,501
Maranda.
1071
00:38:56,669 --> 00:38:59,509
Doesn't your brother sell weed
on some farm outside of town?
1072
00:38:59,672 --> 00:39:01,012
Yeah, I did say that.
1073
00:39:01,173 --> 00:39:02,173
My brother, Daffodil.
1074
00:39:02,258 --> 00:39:05,588
Why don't we spend all of our
bucket money on Daffodil's weed
1075
00:39:05,678 --> 00:39:07,428
and sell it at
the tailgate this weekend?
1076
00:39:07,596 --> 00:39:09,056
NORA: Holy shit!
Fuck, yeah!
1077
00:39:09,223 --> 00:39:11,683
We can make it
rain on them hoes!
1078
00:39:11,851 --> 00:39:13,351
I love that idea!
We can make T-shirts
1079
00:39:13,436 --> 00:39:14,896
with glitter glue.
Kappa Nu.
1080
00:39:14,979 --> 00:39:16,769
It's not a good idea.
CHRISTINE: I like it.
1081
00:39:16,856 --> 00:39:18,686
It won't make enough money.
Excuse me?
1082
00:39:18,774 --> 00:39:20,335
Everyone at the tailgate's
gonna be selling weed.
1083
00:39:20,359 --> 00:39:21,359
NORA: I got it.
1084
00:39:21,444 --> 00:39:23,494
We're gonna corner
the market on weed
1085
00:39:23,571 --> 00:39:26,491
by ratting out every other
drug dealer in town.
1086
00:39:26,657 --> 00:39:28,617
That way Kappa Nu
1087
00:39:28,868 --> 00:39:31,998
is the only group selling
weed at the tailgate.
1088
00:39:32,079 --> 00:39:33,329
Fuck yes!
1089
00:39:33,414 --> 00:39:35,884
F you guys!
That shit's brilliant!
1090
00:39:35,958 --> 00:39:38,878
Guys, guys...
Guys, this is really risky.
1091
00:39:38,961 --> 00:39:40,188
(SING SONG) We gonna sell...
GIRLS: Weed!
1092
00:39:40,212 --> 00:39:41,812
CHRISTINE: We gonna smoke...
GIRLS: Weed!
1093
00:39:41,922 --> 00:39:42,922
What we gonna sell?
1094
00:39:43,049 --> 00:39:44,049
GIRLS: Weed!
1095
00:39:44,133 --> 00:39:46,683
God damn it!
God damn it! God damn it!
1096
00:39:46,927 --> 00:39:49,427
You're acting like children.
You need to listen to me.
1097
00:39:49,638 --> 00:39:52,268
I've been down this road.
I know what I'm doing.
1098
00:39:52,516 --> 00:39:55,036
And I have some wisdom.
And I feel like I'm protecting you guys.
1099
00:39:55,102 --> 00:39:57,772
(TEDDY CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
1100
00:40:18,167 --> 00:40:19,167
Am I right?
1101
00:40:19,251 --> 00:40:22,711
Teddy. We just voted and we've
decided it's best for you if you go.
1102
00:40:23,255 --> 00:40:24,255
When?
1103
00:40:24,381 --> 00:40:25,631
Just now.
1104
00:40:25,716 --> 00:40:26,796
With our phones.
1105
00:40:26,967 --> 00:40:28,087
What? No.
(SHELBY SIGHS)
1106
00:40:28,177 --> 00:40:29,177
No.
1107
00:40:29,261 --> 00:40:30,761
No, you can't do
this to me!
1108
00:40:30,971 --> 00:40:32,601
I thought
we were sisters.
1109
00:40:32,681 --> 00:40:34,311
We were supposed
to be a team.
1110
00:40:34,391 --> 00:40:36,351
Why is this happening?
You can't do this to me!
1111
00:40:36,602 --> 00:40:38,272
(STAMMERS)
I quit my job!
1112
00:40:38,562 --> 00:40:40,062
Well, we didn't
tell you to do that.
1113
00:40:40,231 --> 00:40:42,111
I liquidated my
401K for this.
1114
00:40:42,274 --> 00:40:43,404
What's a 401K?
1115
00:40:43,567 --> 00:40:45,067
I don't know, now!
1116
00:40:45,194 --> 00:40:46,634
Look, I'm so happy
that you helped us
1117
00:40:46,737 --> 00:40:48,157
get to this
place that we're in.
1118
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:51,579
You really let us spread our
wings and fly as women.
1119
00:40:51,867 --> 00:40:52,907
This is all I have!
1120
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:54,620
I thought we were
in this together.
1121
00:40:54,870 --> 00:40:57,210
You're not like us, dude.
1122
00:40:57,748 --> 00:40:59,288
You're an old person.
1123
00:41:00,167 --> 00:41:01,167
(EXHALES)
1124
00:41:03,212 --> 00:41:04,262
No, you're right.
1125
00:41:05,548 --> 00:41:07,298
I've been playing
for the wrong team.
1126
00:41:07,716 --> 00:41:09,176
(TEDDY BREATHES DEEPLY)
1127
00:41:09,927 --> 00:41:11,467
I'll be seeing
you around.
1128
00:41:12,054 --> 00:41:13,644
(CHUCKLES) Okay.
1129
00:41:17,643 --> 00:41:21,273
I wasn't, like, too harsh on him,
was I?
1130
00:41:21,438 --> 00:41:24,608
No, no. You were fine.
You were great. You were good.
1131
00:41:25,442 --> 00:41:26,782
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
1132
00:41:27,111 --> 00:41:28,111
It's fine.
1133
00:41:28,696 --> 00:41:31,196
Well, now that
Daddy's gone,
1134
00:41:31,490 --> 00:41:33,530
time to get feisty.
1135
00:41:34,451 --> 00:41:35,451
(CLEARS THROAT)
1136
00:41:36,996 --> 00:41:39,246
(IN PANICKED VOICE)
Hello? 9-1-1?
1137
00:41:39,415 --> 00:41:41,415
I need to report
three different addresses
1138
00:41:41,542 --> 00:41:43,502
that are currently
selling marijuana.
1139
00:41:43,669 --> 00:41:45,379
Yes, ganja.
1140
00:41:45,963 --> 00:41:47,763
Get on the fucking ground!
1141
00:41:47,923 --> 00:41:49,303
Get on the fucking ground!
1142
00:41:49,466 --> 00:41:50,716
Put it in your mouth!
1143
00:41:50,885 --> 00:41:52,175
Yeah, you like it,
don't you?
1144
00:41:52,344 --> 00:41:53,572
Watkins, what are
you doing, man?
1145
00:41:53,596 --> 00:41:55,506
This is your training day!
What's training day?
1146
00:41:55,681 --> 00:41:57,061
This is your
training day!
1147
00:41:57,433 --> 00:41:58,643
Get down!
1148
00:41:59,268 --> 00:42:00,268
(TASER CRACKLING)
1149
00:42:01,312 --> 00:42:02,312
(EXCLAIMING)
1150
00:42:02,605 --> 00:42:04,315
You're not in
the Academy anymore, private.
1151
00:42:06,275 --> 00:42:07,605
Oh, sorry.
1152
00:42:07,693 --> 00:42:10,863
Oh. You guys gotta come
to the precinct with us.
1153
00:42:11,030 --> 00:42:12,870
You ride in the car.
We got bottled water.
1154
00:42:13,032 --> 00:42:15,282
We'll stop at P.F.
Chang's, Chipotle, whatever you need.
1155
00:42:15,492 --> 00:42:17,792
Passing that mold
inspection was a miracle!
1156
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:19,750
Praise be.
Yeah. No shit.
1157
00:42:19,914 --> 00:42:23,634
If they drive past here
and they see the girls, it's over.
1158
00:42:23,792 --> 00:42:25,437
The worst part of
this whole fucking thing,
1159
00:42:25,461 --> 00:42:26,897
I'm so stressed out,
all I want to do
1160
00:42:26,921 --> 00:42:28,211
is chill out
and smoke a joint,
1161
00:42:28,380 --> 00:42:30,500
and my dealer doesn't have any weed.
He's fucking dry!
1162
00:42:30,549 --> 00:42:31,669
TEDDY: Good luck
finding any.
1163
00:42:31,759 --> 00:42:33,111
MAC: Jesus Christ, man!
KELLY: Whoa!
1164
00:42:33,135 --> 00:42:34,505
How the fuck did
you get in here?
1165
00:42:34,678 --> 00:42:35,888
None of that
matters right now.
1166
00:42:36,055 --> 00:42:38,617
I want to help you guys stop that
sorority before it gets too late.
1167
00:42:38,641 --> 00:42:39,641
Really?
1168
00:42:39,808 --> 00:42:40,938
That's right.
1169
00:42:41,060 --> 00:42:42,060
I'm switching sides.
1170
00:42:42,770 --> 00:42:44,610
Nice! That's awesome! Cool!
Yes!
1171
00:42:44,772 --> 00:42:46,902
FYI, Kelly,
I'm still down.
1172
00:42:47,441 --> 00:42:48,821
(CHUCKLES)
Stop it.
1173
00:42:49,318 --> 00:42:50,678
Okay. I know
you're not gonna fuck.
1174
00:42:50,736 --> 00:42:52,026
It still hurts
my feelings.
1175
00:42:52,112 --> 00:42:53,782
He's just having a joke.
1176
00:42:53,948 --> 00:42:55,818
Kappa Nu has cornered
the market on weed.
1177
00:42:55,991 --> 00:42:57,081
Oh, no!
Oh, God.
1178
00:42:57,243 --> 00:42:58,243
TEDDY: Oh, yes!
1179
00:42:58,410 --> 00:42:59,971
Until Monday,
they are the only purveyors
1180
00:42:59,995 --> 00:43:01,495
of weed in the greater
Ardendale area.
1181
00:43:01,664 --> 00:43:03,475
Holy shit! Do you think they'll
sell me some? Oh, my God.
1182
00:43:03,499 --> 00:43:05,379
No.
Fuck!
1183
00:43:05,459 --> 00:43:06,919
They have seven
pounds of weed.
1184
00:43:07,002 --> 00:43:08,962
They can sell it for $50
a gram if they want to.
1185
00:43:09,046 --> 00:43:10,506
That's over $1,000
an ounce,
1186
00:43:10,589 --> 00:43:12,049
$16,000 a pound.
1187
00:43:12,132 --> 00:43:16,102
All said and done, if they move it all,
that's over $112,000.
1188
00:43:16,262 --> 00:43:17,722
Dude.
We should do this.
1189
00:43:17,805 --> 00:43:19,265
You're incredible
at math.
1190
00:43:19,348 --> 00:43:21,268
Nah, I suck at math.
I'm good at weed.
1191
00:43:21,433 --> 00:43:22,433
It's the same thing.
1192
00:43:22,559 --> 00:43:24,189
No, this is weed.
1193
00:43:24,436 --> 00:43:26,414
Just pretend it's
seven pounds of meat, just try it.
1194
00:43:26,438 --> 00:43:27,938
Why would I even
be buying meat?
1195
00:43:28,107 --> 00:43:29,227
I don't know.
You're hungry.
1196
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:30,690
Are you talking burgers?
1197
00:43:30,776 --> 00:43:31,776
Steaks.
1198
00:43:31,944 --> 00:43:33,574
How much does
a gram of steak go for?
1199
00:43:33,737 --> 00:43:35,777
I don't know.
Why would I be selling grams of steak?
1200
00:43:35,823 --> 00:43:37,123
Fair enough.
1201
00:43:37,283 --> 00:43:39,163
Their plan is to sell
the weed at the tailgate.
1202
00:43:39,285 --> 00:43:40,995
And believe me,
that's enough for them
1203
00:43:41,078 --> 00:43:42,222
to stay in the house
through your escrow.
1204
00:43:42,246 --> 00:43:43,656
God.
What do we do?
1205
00:43:43,831 --> 00:43:46,151
If we steal their weed,
they won't be able to pay the rent.
1206
00:43:46,250 --> 00:43:47,727
All of the members
that they've recruited
1207
00:43:47,751 --> 00:43:49,131
will have to rush
other sororities,
1208
00:43:49,211 --> 00:43:50,211
and that will be that.
1209
00:43:50,379 --> 00:43:51,648
What's in this for you, bro?
Yeah.
1210
00:43:51,672 --> 00:43:54,432
Honestly,
I just want to be valued.
1211
00:43:54,591 --> 00:43:55,681
Well, it begs the question.
1212
00:43:55,759 --> 00:43:58,199
How the fuck are we supposed to beat them?
There's 15 of them!
1213
00:43:58,262 --> 00:44:00,472
No, they have
15 individuals.
1214
00:44:00,639 --> 00:44:02,349
They're not
a cohesive unit.
1215
00:44:02,516 --> 00:44:05,346
They don't understand the most
important rule of sisterhood.
1216
00:44:05,519 --> 00:44:07,399
There's no
"I" in sorority.
1217
00:44:07,563 --> 00:44:09,063
Yeah, there is.
There's two actually.
1218
00:44:09,231 --> 00:44:10,321
Actually,
there's just one.
1219
00:44:10,441 --> 00:44:11,611
No, that's a "Y."
1220
00:44:11,775 --> 00:44:13,235
No, in the middle.
That's an "O."
1221
00:44:13,402 --> 00:44:15,452
Two "I"s,
straddling the "Y".
1222
00:44:15,612 --> 00:44:19,032
S-O-R-R-I-A-Y-O-R-I-T-Y.
1223
00:44:19,366 --> 00:44:20,366
What?
1224
00:44:20,451 --> 00:44:22,345
There's a "U" in there that you
guys are all missing.
1225
00:44:22,369 --> 00:44:27,919
S-O-R-R-I-R-O-I-T-I-T-Y.
1226
00:44:28,083 --> 00:44:30,173
Sorriroi-tity?
KELLY: That's how you spell it.
1227
00:44:30,336 --> 00:44:31,479
You think
the "tity" is silent?
1228
00:44:31,503 --> 00:44:33,303
Look, we're all getting
sidetracked right now!
1229
00:44:33,672 --> 00:44:34,842
Guys, bottom line is
1230
00:44:35,007 --> 00:44:37,547
we need to figure out a way
to infiltrate that tailgate.
1231
00:44:37,968 --> 00:44:39,088
Tailgate?
1232
00:44:39,345 --> 00:44:40,345
Tailgate.
1233
00:44:40,721 --> 00:44:41,721
Tailgate.
1234
00:44:41,805 --> 00:44:42,845
Tailgate.
1235
00:44:43,098 --> 00:44:44,098
(PEOPLE CHANTING)
1236
00:44:44,224 --> 00:44:45,234
ALL: Tailgate! Tailgate!
1237
00:44:47,353 --> 00:44:49,443
(MUSIC PLAYING)
1238
00:45:21,011 --> 00:45:22,011
High pie!
1239
00:45:22,179 --> 00:45:24,559
Yes, you.
Come on! Pot pie!
1240
00:45:24,723 --> 00:45:27,393
SHELBY: Weed for women!
It's only 20 bucks!
1241
00:45:27,559 --> 00:45:29,649
Kappa Nu weed.
It's charity weed.
1242
00:45:29,812 --> 00:45:30,942
NORA: High pie.
1243
00:45:31,063 --> 00:45:32,290
BETH: Come on!
It's just $20 a slice!
1244
00:45:32,314 --> 00:45:34,324
Come get your pie!
Pot pie, guys!
1245
00:45:36,485 --> 00:45:38,605
First off, you look
fucking horrifying.
1246
00:45:38,737 --> 00:45:40,567
What? It's a clown, man.
People love clowns.
1247
00:45:40,823 --> 00:45:42,873
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
Jesus fucking Christ!
1248
00:45:42,991 --> 00:45:43,991
Stop doing that!
1249
00:45:44,159 --> 00:45:45,919
Don't do that again.
Okay? I will give birth.
1250
00:45:45,994 --> 00:45:47,794
Guys, listen!
Here's the plan.
1251
00:45:47,955 --> 00:45:50,615
I'm gonna get up on stage
and I'm gonna dance,
1252
00:45:50,791 --> 00:45:52,961
distracting the girls
just long enough for Mac
1253
00:45:53,043 --> 00:45:54,803
to run around
and steal the weed.
1254
00:45:54,962 --> 00:45:57,422
Kelly, Paula,
I need you both to drive getaway.
1255
00:45:57,506 --> 00:45:59,866
I can't have you running around
here 'cause you're pregnant.
1256
00:46:00,175 --> 00:46:02,175
Wait, just you
dancing is enough
1257
00:46:02,261 --> 00:46:03,641
to distract
the entire sorority?
1258
00:46:03,720 --> 00:46:04,720
I don't know about that.
1259
00:46:04,847 --> 00:46:06,517
That'll work.
It usually works.
1260
00:46:06,682 --> 00:46:08,201
I don't even know
where we are right now.
1261
00:46:08,225 --> 00:46:09,265
Okay.
1262
00:46:09,351 --> 00:46:10,351
MAC: I'm ready.
All right.
1263
00:46:12,146 --> 00:46:13,556
Oh, shit! Fuck!
1264
00:46:13,814 --> 00:46:14,984
What's wrong?
Damn it.
1265
00:46:15,315 --> 00:46:17,185
No! I don't have
the baby oil.
1266
00:46:17,317 --> 00:46:18,317
What's the big deal?
1267
00:46:18,402 --> 00:46:19,546
No, it's the most
important thing!
1268
00:46:19,570 --> 00:46:21,570
With baby oil, you get,
like, two extra lines here.
1269
00:46:21,655 --> 00:46:22,655
MAC: Really?
1270
00:46:22,698 --> 00:46:24,218
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
God damn it.
1271
00:46:25,534 --> 00:46:26,584
All right, let's go!
1272
00:46:26,994 --> 00:46:28,414
Ooh, that's hot!
(SIZZLING)
1273
00:46:28,579 --> 00:46:30,659
Oh, that's really hot!
Ow! It burns!
1274
00:46:30,747 --> 00:46:31,747
Rub that shit in.
1275
00:46:31,874 --> 00:46:34,384
All right, rub it in.
Rub it in.
1276
00:46:34,460 --> 00:46:35,460
Jeez. (PANTS)
1277
00:46:35,544 --> 00:46:36,754
Oh, my God!
God bless you, kid.
1278
00:46:36,837 --> 00:46:37,877
Kelly?
What?
1279
00:46:37,963 --> 00:46:40,383
What the fuck are you doing?
We're in a rush, Mac.
1280
00:46:40,507 --> 00:46:42,217
JIMMY: Come on, Mac.
Get his thighs. Okay.
1281
00:46:43,051 --> 00:46:44,195
Yo, what's up!
Clear the stage,
1282
00:46:44,219 --> 00:46:45,719
clear the stage!
(CROWD WHOOPING)
1283
00:46:45,888 --> 00:46:47,098
I got something to say.
1284
00:46:47,264 --> 00:46:49,894
This song right here goes out
to my girls in Kappa Nu.
1285
00:46:50,058 --> 00:46:53,058
I know we've been going through
some rough times lately.
1286
00:46:53,228 --> 00:46:54,428
But I love you.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
1287
00:46:54,521 --> 00:46:55,771
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
1288
00:46:55,856 --> 00:46:57,066
DJ, let's shake
that booty.
1289
00:46:57,232 --> 00:46:58,402
You got this,
right, Beth?
1290
00:46:58,567 --> 00:46:59,807
Yes, I got this.
I'm right here.
1291
00:47:09,745 --> 00:47:11,535
(CROWD CHEERING)
1292
00:47:16,126 --> 00:47:17,536
(GROANING)
1293
00:47:34,019 --> 00:47:35,019
Fuck!
1294
00:47:39,024 --> 00:47:40,034
(CLOTH RIPPING)
1295
00:47:40,275 --> 00:47:42,065
(CROWD CHEERING LOUDER)
1296
00:47:47,574 --> 00:47:48,954
(GIRLS SCREAMING)
1297
00:47:50,953 --> 00:47:52,663
No! He showed dick!
1298
00:47:54,665 --> 00:47:55,705
Oh, no!
1299
00:47:55,874 --> 00:47:57,544
The weed!
Oh, shit!
1300
00:47:57,709 --> 00:47:58,709
SHELBY: It's all gone!
1301
00:47:58,877 --> 00:48:01,457
Oh, my God!
It's all gone! It's all gone!
1302
00:48:02,297 --> 00:48:04,467
Chester the fucking
Cheetah took our weed!
1303
00:48:04,716 --> 00:48:06,036
BETH: Get the fucking
bag of weed!
1304
00:48:07,553 --> 00:48:08,643
Get the weed!
1305
00:48:08,845 --> 00:48:10,165
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
(HORN BLOWING)
1306
00:48:10,264 --> 00:48:11,274
(GROANS)
1307
00:48:11,348 --> 00:48:12,978
God, I hate clowns!
1308
00:48:13,100 --> 00:48:14,310
KELLY: Get out of the way!
1309
00:48:15,686 --> 00:48:17,806
Get another exit.
Find the exit!
1310
00:48:17,896 --> 00:48:19,216
I'm blocked!
I'll get another car!
1311
00:48:19,398 --> 00:48:21,018
KELLY: Go! Go!
Oh, No!
1312
00:48:23,902 --> 00:48:25,572
(CROWD CLAMORING)
1313
00:48:30,951 --> 00:48:31,951
(SHELBY GRUNTING)
1314
00:48:35,747 --> 00:48:37,037
Move, move, move!
1315
00:48:37,291 --> 00:48:39,001
(GROANS) Fuck!
1316
00:48:39,084 --> 00:48:40,254
Get out of the way!
1317
00:48:40,460 --> 00:48:41,780
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
(HORN BLOWING)
1318
00:48:44,006 --> 00:48:45,336
(JIMMY CONTINUES LAUGHING)
1319
00:48:47,217 --> 00:48:48,677
I got your weed!
1320
00:48:49,011 --> 00:48:50,011
Move!
1321
00:48:50,679 --> 00:48:52,259
Which one is it?
Where's the weed?
1322
00:48:54,808 --> 00:48:56,018
(HORN BLOWING)
1323
00:48:57,561 --> 00:48:58,841
SHELBY: Give me
the fucking weed!
1324
00:49:00,522 --> 00:49:01,522
(GRUNTS)
1325
00:49:01,940 --> 00:49:03,190
Who's laughing
now, clown?
1326
00:49:03,525 --> 00:49:04,645
Who's laughing now?
Ow! Stop!
1327
00:49:05,944 --> 00:49:07,954
It's garbage!
It's not weed!
1328
00:49:08,113 --> 00:49:09,113
JIMMY: Oh, fuck!
1329
00:49:09,197 --> 00:49:10,407
The weed! The weed!
1330
00:49:11,575 --> 00:49:12,615
Go for it!
1331
00:49:12,868 --> 00:49:14,038
(CONTINUES GROANING)
1332
00:49:14,328 --> 00:49:15,408
Oh, shit!
1333
00:49:16,204 --> 00:49:17,914
Okay, wait! Mac,
1334
00:49:18,957 --> 00:49:20,537
you can do this.
1335
00:49:23,295 --> 00:49:24,545
(INHALES DEEPLY)
1336
00:49:27,549 --> 00:49:29,219
WEED VOICE: (SING SONG) 4-20!
1337
00:49:30,886 --> 00:49:31,886
(GRUNTS)
1338
00:49:32,679 --> 00:49:34,059
(CROWD CLAMORING)
1339
00:49:35,140 --> 00:49:36,140
Oh, fuck!
1340
00:49:48,070 --> 00:49:49,320
On your right!
Take it!
1341
00:49:49,404 --> 00:49:51,704
SHELBY: I'm All-State track and field, bitch!
(SCREAMING)
1342
00:50:07,339 --> 00:50:08,339
(PANTING)
1343
00:50:10,926 --> 00:50:11,926
(GRUNTS)
1344
00:50:12,844 --> 00:50:14,144
(HORN HONKING)
1345
00:50:15,013 --> 00:50:16,313
(TIRES SCREECHING)
1346
00:50:17,349 --> 00:50:18,349
Come on!
1347
00:50:20,435 --> 00:50:21,595
Come on!
1348
00:50:21,687 --> 00:50:22,937
Hurry!
1349
00:50:27,317 --> 00:50:28,317
(SCREAMING)
Oh, shit!
1350
00:50:28,443 --> 00:50:29,443
JIMMY: Here she comes!
1351
00:50:30,612 --> 00:50:33,122
Free weed! Take it!
Free weed! Weed for everyone!
1352
00:50:33,615 --> 00:50:34,655
Free weed!
Free weed!
1353
00:50:34,950 --> 00:50:36,540
(CLAMORING CONTINUES)
1354
00:50:38,954 --> 00:50:41,374
NORA: That's all our weed!
How are we gonna pay rent?
1355
00:50:42,124 --> 00:50:44,884
You're really turning me on
with your muscles right now.
1356
00:50:45,001 --> 00:50:46,091
Two pounds coming!
1357
00:50:46,169 --> 00:50:47,669
You look...
Are you in pain?
1358
00:50:47,754 --> 00:50:49,554
They're just a little heavy.
Yeah. Yeah.
1359
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:51,970
I love you! Shit!
(FEEDBACK)
1360
00:50:52,134 --> 00:50:55,764
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
1361
00:50:55,971 --> 00:50:57,471
(HORN BLOWING)
Ah!
1362
00:50:58,014 --> 00:50:59,024
Oh, fuck!
1363
00:50:59,182 --> 00:51:02,812
MAC: This is a fucking shame, but it's also pretty fun.
KELLY: Whoo...
1364
00:51:02,978 --> 00:51:04,018
Thank you, dude.
Yeah.
1365
00:51:04,104 --> 00:51:05,944
Dude, those girls
were out of control!
1366
00:51:06,106 --> 00:51:09,736
No, those girls were out of
control until we controlled them.
1367
00:51:09,901 --> 00:51:10,962
You really controlled them.
1368
00:51:10,986 --> 00:51:12,130
You have to
remind yourself that
1369
00:51:12,154 --> 00:51:14,114
any situation is
actually controllable
1370
00:51:14,281 --> 00:51:18,411
because parents are smart and kids,
by comparison, are fucking stupid.
1371
00:51:18,577 --> 00:51:20,537
You have it figured out.
You can't do anything
1372
00:51:20,704 --> 00:51:23,794
until you know the answer
to one simple question.
1373
00:51:23,957 --> 00:51:25,627
"Who is Teddy Sanders?"
Mmm.
1374
00:51:25,792 --> 00:51:27,632
It's a very important
question to ask yourself.
1375
00:51:27,669 --> 00:51:30,629
Before I got anywhere
in life, I asked myself,
1376
00:51:30,797 --> 00:51:32,047
"Who is Mac Radner?"
1377
00:51:32,215 --> 00:51:34,005
And I said,
"Who are you, Kelly Dhundee?"
1378
00:51:34,301 --> 00:51:35,301
Your maiden
name's Dundee?
1379
00:51:35,343 --> 00:51:37,223
No, it's got
an "H." Dhundee.
1380
00:51:37,345 --> 00:51:38,345
Like Crocodile Dundee?
1381
00:51:38,513 --> 00:51:40,523
It's "Dhundee."
It's a different name altogether.
1382
00:51:40,682 --> 00:51:42,910
I know it's a different name,
but it's just a coincidence.
1383
00:51:42,934 --> 00:51:43,944
Crocodile Dundee.
1384
00:51:44,019 --> 00:51:45,399
(SHOUTS)
It's nothing like it!
1385
00:51:45,562 --> 00:51:47,112
No. Nothing like that.
1386
00:51:47,189 --> 00:51:49,779
But anyway, that's what you need to know.
Who is Teddy Sanders?
1387
00:51:49,983 --> 00:51:51,210
KELLY: Buddy, what are
you doing today?
1388
00:51:51,234 --> 00:51:52,404
Yeah, what's your...
1389
00:51:52,486 --> 00:51:54,196
What your overall
game plan here?
1390
00:51:54,362 --> 00:51:55,532
Just in life.
1391
00:51:55,697 --> 00:51:58,827
I'll probably play
some games on my phone,
1392
00:51:58,992 --> 00:52:02,042
and walk around for a little
bit until I tire myself out,
1393
00:52:02,204 --> 00:52:04,294
then go to sleep in my car.
1394
00:52:04,873 --> 00:52:06,123
Probably.
1395
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:08,210
(SOFTLY) So sad.
1396
00:52:09,211 --> 00:52:12,211
Um, do you wanna
maybe crash here?
1397
00:52:12,631 --> 00:52:14,301
Really, I won't
take up too much room?
1398
00:52:14,382 --> 00:52:15,662
You could sleep
in Stella's room.
1399
00:52:15,759 --> 00:52:18,049
She takes up
this much space.
1400
00:52:18,220 --> 00:52:19,350
KELLY: Yeah.
1401
00:52:19,554 --> 00:52:20,564
(SNIFFLES)
1402
00:52:23,433 --> 00:52:24,433
Thank you, guys.
1403
00:52:24,601 --> 00:52:25,731
No, thank you.
1404
00:52:26,186 --> 00:52:27,306
It means a lot to me.
1405
00:52:27,395 --> 00:52:29,435
I can see that.
It's not that big a deal.
1406
00:52:29,523 --> 00:52:31,363
No, it is a big deal.
1407
00:52:32,859 --> 00:52:33,899
Thank you.
Okay.
1408
00:52:34,986 --> 00:52:35,986
(MOUTHING)
1409
00:52:36,112 --> 00:52:37,532
Thank you.
1410
00:52:37,697 --> 00:52:39,258
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Do you have any more of these?
1411
00:52:39,282 --> 00:52:41,622
Yes, there's heaps in the kitchen.
Help yourself.
1412
00:52:41,785 --> 00:52:42,945
Are they baby food?
1413
00:52:43,078 --> 00:52:44,248
Technically.
1414
00:52:44,412 --> 00:52:46,212
Babies eat good food.
MAC: Yeah.
1415
00:52:46,373 --> 00:52:47,583
(CHUCKLES)
This is awesome.
1416
00:52:47,749 --> 00:52:48,959
Go get them.
1417
00:52:54,589 --> 00:52:56,879
MAC: (SOFTY)
That's cute. Look at him.
1418
00:52:58,301 --> 00:53:01,391
He inhaled so much weed smoke
he tuckered himself out.
1419
00:53:03,306 --> 00:53:04,676
All right.
1420
00:53:07,102 --> 00:53:08,852
Guys, we lost
our nest egg.
1421
00:53:09,020 --> 00:53:10,980
We lost all of our weed
and our rent is due.
1422
00:53:11,064 --> 00:53:12,194
What are we
supposed to do?
1423
00:53:12,274 --> 00:53:13,417
Beth, what happened?
I thought you were the one
1424
00:53:13,441 --> 00:53:14,710
stopping the old people
from getting the weed.
1425
00:53:14,734 --> 00:53:16,284
No! Do not blame me!
1426
00:53:16,444 --> 00:53:17,844
You saw what was
happening up there.
1427
00:53:17,904 --> 00:53:20,454
I am a human woman.
I had to watch that.
1428
00:53:20,657 --> 00:53:22,457
I was on the whipped cream.
You were on the...
1429
00:53:22,492 --> 00:53:23,636
(ALL CLAMORING)
We watch things together...
1430
00:53:23,660 --> 00:53:26,120
She was in charge of the weed.
You were in charge of the weed.
1431
00:53:26,288 --> 00:53:28,368
No, no! Stop it!
1432
00:53:28,540 --> 00:53:30,100
Stop it, don't you
see what's happening?
1433
00:53:30,792 --> 00:53:32,395
This is what the old
people want us to do.
1434
00:53:32,419 --> 00:53:33,959
They wanna tear us apart.
1435
00:53:34,212 --> 00:53:37,472
They know that if we're a united front,
we can't lose.
1436
00:53:37,549 --> 00:53:39,299
Because we are sisters.
1437
00:53:39,467 --> 00:53:40,695
And for the first
time in my life,
1438
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:41,919
I feel like I
belong right now.
1439
00:53:41,970 --> 00:53:44,390
This is so much better than I
ever thought college could be.
1440
00:53:44,556 --> 00:53:48,266
This is the most fun I've ever
had and I went to space camp.
1441
00:53:48,435 --> 00:53:49,805
I haven't slept in,
like, a week.
1442
00:53:49,978 --> 00:53:51,539
I just don't want to
miss out on anything.
1443
00:53:51,563 --> 00:53:52,653
You guys are so much fun.
1444
00:53:52,814 --> 00:53:54,444
We're never gonna
lose each other.
1445
00:53:54,608 --> 00:53:56,858
I mean, what do you call a house
full of united women?
1446
00:53:57,319 --> 00:53:58,319
A brothel.
1447
00:53:58,403 --> 00:53:59,863
No, man.
1448
00:53:59,946 --> 00:54:01,066
A sorority.
1449
00:54:01,656 --> 00:54:02,656
Oh...
1450
00:54:02,824 --> 00:54:04,664
Okay. This is the problem.
1451
00:54:04,993 --> 00:54:06,262
We're never gonna
solve our money issues
1452
00:54:06,286 --> 00:54:07,966
when we're in this
war with the old people.
1453
00:54:07,996 --> 00:54:09,682
What can we do?
We're gonna give the old people
1454
00:54:09,706 --> 00:54:11,142
a taste of their own
medicine. All right?
1455
00:54:11,166 --> 00:54:13,166
They tried to tear us apart.
Yeah.
1456
00:54:13,335 --> 00:54:15,335
So, what are
we gonna do?
1457
00:54:17,047 --> 00:54:18,127
We're gonna
tear them apart!
1458
00:54:18,256 --> 00:54:19,336
GIRLS: Yeah.
1459
00:54:19,674 --> 00:54:22,094
I mean, unless you guys think
that's too intense of a plan.
1460
00:54:22,177 --> 00:54:26,387
Shelby, they would never say you
were too intense if you were a man.
1461
00:54:26,890 --> 00:54:29,390
Yeah, own that shit, queen.
Yeah.
1462
00:54:29,559 --> 00:54:32,649
Let's do this,
team! Yeah!
1463
00:54:32,729 --> 00:54:34,019
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
1464
00:54:35,774 --> 00:54:37,324
Ah. What do
we think of that?
1465
00:54:38,318 --> 00:54:40,698
"Oh, my prince,
come for me!
1466
00:54:41,404 --> 00:54:42,414
"Come for me."
1467
00:54:42,489 --> 00:54:44,609
(IN DEEP VOICE)
"No, I won't. I'm not coming for you."
1468
00:54:44,824 --> 00:54:46,794
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Yellow stars.
1469
00:54:47,494 --> 00:54:49,044
What color for
her dress? Mmm?
1470
00:54:51,373 --> 00:54:52,713
TEDDY: What is
the water doing?
1471
00:54:52,874 --> 00:54:54,004
MAC: It's boiling.
1472
00:54:54,167 --> 00:54:56,537
Pretty cool, huh?
What we do now,
1473
00:54:56,711 --> 00:54:58,881
we're gonna add
the eggs to it. Okay?
1474
00:54:59,047 --> 00:55:00,567
You put eggs in the water?
Yeah. Watch.
1475
00:55:01,883 --> 00:55:03,433
Did you hear that?
TEDDY: (GASPS) Ah!
1476
00:55:03,593 --> 00:55:04,593
It's hot!
1477
00:55:04,761 --> 00:55:06,364
Oh, dude, don't fucking touch it!
I told you it's hot!
1478
00:55:06,388 --> 00:55:09,018
TEDDY: Oh, my gosh!
I thought it was like Jacuzzi hot.
1479
00:55:09,182 --> 00:55:11,062
MAC: No, it's boiling hot!
TEDDY: Oh.
1480
00:55:11,309 --> 00:55:14,099
Now, we add the eggs,
and we hard-boil them, okay?
1481
00:55:14,270 --> 00:55:16,270
Don't put the eggs in there.
It's gonna melt them.
1482
00:55:16,356 --> 00:55:19,026
No, it hard-boils them.
It makes them hard.
1483
00:55:19,192 --> 00:55:20,742
Why would it
make eggs hard?
1484
00:55:20,902 --> 00:55:22,782
What do you mean,
"Why would it make eggs hard?"
1485
00:55:22,862 --> 00:55:24,702
It makes pasta soft.
1486
00:55:25,615 --> 00:55:26,615
Whoa.
1487
00:55:26,908 --> 00:55:28,078
That's a good point.
1488
00:55:29,244 --> 00:55:30,504
KELLY: She looks fantastic.
1489
00:55:30,745 --> 00:55:31,745
Look at this.
1490
00:55:31,830 --> 00:55:33,250
I think this is
a gorgeous color.
1491
00:55:34,916 --> 00:55:37,786
Oh, I love coloring in.
(SOFTLY) I love it!
1492
00:55:38,420 --> 00:55:40,260
She's quite overdressed
really, isn't she?
1493
00:55:40,422 --> 00:55:44,262
She's just in a garden
somewhere in a ball gown.
1494
00:55:44,759 --> 00:55:47,049
Do you see people sometimes
that I don't see?
1495
00:55:48,555 --> 00:55:49,965
You can tell me.
1496
00:55:50,140 --> 00:55:52,390
TEDDY: Honey,
I'm home!
1497
00:55:52,559 --> 00:55:53,744
I've always
wanted to say that.
1498
00:55:53,768 --> 00:55:55,008
It's fun.
I say it all the time.
1499
00:55:55,061 --> 00:55:56,691
Really?
Yeah.
1500
00:55:57,772 --> 00:56:00,152
KELLY: "Dear Mac, I know
everything seemed good between us,
1501
00:56:00,233 --> 00:56:03,113
"but I've been lying to you and myself.
I'm freaking out. From Kelly."
1502
00:56:03,278 --> 00:56:04,278
What?
1503
00:56:04,320 --> 00:56:06,450
What's she talking about?
That's gotta be a joke.
1504
00:56:06,614 --> 00:56:08,074
She must be
fucking with me.
1505
00:56:08,241 --> 00:56:09,451
Yeah, she's joking around.
1506
00:56:10,869 --> 00:56:11,869
(MAC SCOFFS)
1507
00:56:13,413 --> 00:56:14,413
(PHONE CHIMING)
1508
00:56:18,001 --> 00:56:19,671
That is so fucked up.
You bad, girl!
1509
00:56:19,753 --> 00:56:21,383
Oh, yeah. It's on!
1510
00:56:21,629 --> 00:56:23,629
I'm gonna call her.
Definitely call her.
1511
00:56:23,798 --> 00:56:25,968
MARANDA: Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Fuck. He's calling.
1512
00:56:26,134 --> 00:56:27,486
MARANDA: Hang up, hang up.
Decline, decline.
1513
00:56:27,510 --> 00:56:28,600
What's going on right now?
1514
00:56:28,762 --> 00:56:30,932
It's okay!
CHRISTINE: Hang it up!
1515
00:56:33,141 --> 00:56:35,327
Just stay chill. Everything's fine.
What should I do right now?
1516
00:56:35,351 --> 00:56:36,641
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1517
00:56:41,274 --> 00:56:42,284
Huh?
1518
00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:00,463
(PHONE CHIMES)
Where did she go?
1519
00:57:00,627 --> 00:57:02,837
I know exactly
where she went.
1520
00:57:03,421 --> 00:57:04,461
What?
1521
00:57:05,423 --> 00:57:07,133
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1522
00:57:10,845 --> 00:57:13,925
Mac, I've been up all night!
I'm worried sick!
1523
00:57:14,099 --> 00:57:17,019
Please just text me
something. I'm worried.
1524
00:57:19,521 --> 00:57:20,521
(PHONE CHIMES)
1525
00:57:23,024 --> 00:57:24,034
KELLY: What?
1526
00:57:35,245 --> 00:57:36,445
Fucking Jimmy.
1527
00:57:36,538 --> 00:57:37,578
Let's go, I'm hungry!
1528
00:57:37,705 --> 00:57:38,825
Trying to get
this tweet out.
1529
00:57:38,915 --> 00:57:39,995
How do you
spell Trump?
1530
00:57:40,083 --> 00:57:41,383
KELLY: Jimmy.
1531
00:57:41,543 --> 00:57:43,383
Hey, what's up, Kel?
Where is he?
1532
00:57:43,711 --> 00:57:45,381
Where's who?
You're lying to me!
1533
00:57:45,463 --> 00:57:47,673
You're a fucking terrible actor!
Tell me where he is!
1534
00:57:47,757 --> 00:57:48,837
Uh, I don't know.
1535
00:57:49,008 --> 00:57:51,112
He told me that you'd pretend
you didn't know where he was.
1536
00:57:51,136 --> 00:57:52,296
Ow, no.
1537
00:57:52,387 --> 00:57:53,427
Hey, Kel!
1538
00:57:53,596 --> 00:57:56,096
Where is Mac? Mac is missing, and
Jimmy knows where he is.
1539
00:57:56,266 --> 00:57:58,266
Fucking tell her
where the fuck he is!
1540
00:57:58,434 --> 00:57:59,870
I was with you last night.
I don't know.
1541
00:57:59,894 --> 00:58:02,064
I know you're protecting
some stupid bro code.
1542
00:58:02,147 --> 00:58:03,517
Just tell me
where he is.
1543
00:58:03,606 --> 00:58:04,708
Bro code?
No, there's no bro code.
1544
00:58:04,732 --> 00:58:06,544
He likes you more than me.
He tells me that every day.
1545
00:58:06,568 --> 00:58:08,504
You're fucking lying to me, Jimmy!
1546
00:58:08,528 --> 00:58:09,648
I'm not lying.
1547
00:58:09,737 --> 00:58:11,417
Excuse me. Why is
there so much language...
1548
00:58:11,447 --> 00:58:12,447
This is an emergency!
1549
00:58:12,574 --> 00:58:14,844
My husband Mac has vanished,
and this man knows where he is!
1550
00:58:14,868 --> 00:58:16,238
Well, tell her!
Tell me!
1551
00:58:16,327 --> 00:58:17,577
Tell her!
Fucking tell her!
1552
00:58:17,829 --> 00:58:18,829
Whoa! Oh!
1553
00:58:18,913 --> 00:58:20,266
You don't have to do that.
Tell me!
1554
00:58:20,290 --> 00:58:22,000
(ALL CLAMORING)
1555
00:58:23,543 --> 00:58:25,423
He's in jail
for child porn!
1556
00:58:25,545 --> 00:58:27,875
What? No! I'm lying!
I don't know where he is!
1557
00:58:27,964 --> 00:58:29,344
BILL: No, no, no!
1558
00:58:29,424 --> 00:58:30,568
Call him on the phone now!
Call him!
1559
00:58:30,592 --> 00:58:31,632
You deserved that, Jimmy.
1560
00:58:31,759 --> 00:58:33,929
Hold on! Hold on! (STAMMERS)
Call him!
1561
00:58:34,012 --> 00:58:35,682
JIMMY: Here, here.
Fuck it!
1562
00:58:36,264 --> 00:58:37,274
(GROANING)
1563
00:58:37,599 --> 00:58:38,929
It broke the skin.
1564
00:58:39,100 --> 00:58:40,310
Kelly?
1565
00:58:40,476 --> 00:58:42,163
Why do you have Jimmy's phone?
Where are you?
1566
00:58:42,187 --> 00:58:43,987
Are you around here? Are you
hiding somewhere?
1567
00:58:44,022 --> 00:58:45,702
(CRYING) Where are you?
I'm in your office!
1568
00:58:45,773 --> 00:58:47,283
I've been looking for you.
1569
00:58:47,442 --> 00:58:48,544
I went where you
told me to meet you!
1570
00:58:48,568 --> 00:58:49,608
Where are you?
1571
00:58:49,694 --> 00:58:52,164
In Sydney, Australia!
What?
1572
00:58:52,238 --> 00:58:53,658
Outside the
Opera House!
1573
00:58:53,865 --> 00:58:55,065
You're in Australia?
1574
00:58:55,158 --> 00:58:58,038
Yeah, I just got off a plane.
I've been on a plane for 18 hours!
1575
00:58:58,328 --> 00:58:59,448
What's happening?
1576
00:58:59,537 --> 00:59:00,577
We've been hacked!
1577
00:59:01,247 --> 00:59:03,577
"Kappa Nu fooled you."
1578
00:59:03,750 --> 00:59:04,920
Kappa Nu?
1579
00:59:05,084 --> 00:59:07,054
Prank war!
Airbags, airbags!
1580
00:59:07,128 --> 00:59:08,168
Airbags!
1581
00:59:08,296 --> 00:59:11,046
BILL: Airbags! This is not a drill!
All butts up!
1582
00:59:11,216 --> 00:59:12,966
All butts up! Go!
1583
00:59:17,180 --> 00:59:20,310
I might do the bridge walk
and then I'm gonna come home.
1584
00:59:21,267 --> 00:59:23,137
SHELBY: It's a barely
used refrigerator.
1585
00:59:29,484 --> 00:59:31,244
"Old people shit?"
1586
00:59:38,826 --> 00:59:41,496
MAC: "Kappa Nu
steals from you."
1587
00:59:41,663 --> 00:59:42,963
They robbed us?
1588
00:59:43,039 --> 00:59:44,289
This is so fucked!
1589
00:59:44,332 --> 00:59:46,502
We should call the police!
We can't call the police!
1590
00:59:46,584 --> 00:59:48,424
We stole their weed.
We're in too deep!
1591
00:59:48,586 --> 00:59:50,506
You know what?
Girls are worse than guys!
1592
00:59:50,713 --> 00:59:51,803
I'm just gonna say it!
1593
00:59:51,923 --> 00:59:53,843
I know that's not feminist,
but fuck that!
1594
00:59:53,925 --> 00:59:55,402
At least they didn't
take Stella's toys.
1595
00:59:55,426 --> 00:59:56,487
MAC: Oh, don't
give me that!
1596
00:59:56,511 --> 00:59:59,101
I've been awake for four days.
I'm so tired!
1597
00:59:59,847 --> 01:00:02,227
It's 3:00 a.m.
where I am in Australia!
1598
01:00:02,475 --> 01:00:04,635
We are so fucked!
1599
01:00:04,727 --> 01:00:06,347
We're in a drug
war with teenagers.
1600
01:00:06,479 --> 01:00:08,540
We don't have any furniture.
We're gonna go bankrupt.
1601
01:00:08,564 --> 01:00:11,194
We made so many bad choices
throughout this process.
1602
01:00:11,276 --> 01:00:13,356
We're about to have two girls!
Two kids!
1603
01:00:13,528 --> 01:00:15,839
That's completely irresponsible of us.
We can't take care of one.
1604
01:00:15,863 --> 01:00:17,203
I know I'm not
a good parent.
1605
01:00:17,365 --> 01:00:18,685
Oh, fuck that.
I'm the bad parent.
1606
01:00:18,741 --> 01:00:20,661
Now, shut it down.
No. You don't get this one!
1607
01:00:20,743 --> 01:00:22,753
I'm the bad parent!
I'm the bad parent.
1608
01:00:23,037 --> 01:00:25,667
Last week, I found her
chewing on a nugget of weed.
1609
01:00:25,748 --> 01:00:27,309
I don't know how long she
had it in her mouth for.
1610
01:00:27,333 --> 01:00:28,633
Was it the Indica
or Sativa?
1611
01:00:28,710 --> 01:00:31,050
It was Indica! She slept for,
like, nine hours after.
1612
01:00:31,254 --> 01:00:32,464
I'm the bad parent.
1613
01:00:32,547 --> 01:00:33,877
When she was
six months old,
1614
01:00:33,965 --> 01:00:35,165
I dropped her
on her head.
1615
01:00:35,258 --> 01:00:37,218
So did I.
What?
1616
01:00:37,302 --> 01:00:39,762
One time, I went to Taco Bell,
I left her at home.
1617
01:00:39,846 --> 01:00:41,176
I forgot she existed.
1618
01:00:41,264 --> 01:00:42,366
She almost died
over a Gordita.
1619
01:00:42,390 --> 01:00:43,890
I'm such a bad parent.
1620
01:00:44,058 --> 01:00:45,558
Well, maybe we're
both bad parents!
1621
01:00:48,229 --> 01:00:49,229
(VIBRATING)
1622
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:50,480
(PHONE CHIMING)
1623
01:00:51,899 --> 01:00:52,899
Oh, no.
1624
01:00:53,401 --> 01:00:54,571
It's Wendy,
the realtor.
1625
01:00:55,028 --> 01:00:57,028
My clients are
backing out of escrow.
1626
01:00:57,405 --> 01:00:58,405
Yeah.
What?
1627
01:00:58,573 --> 01:01:00,703
We drove by the house
yesterday and saw Kappa Nu.
1628
01:01:00,867 --> 01:01:02,219
How do you know
the name of the sorority?
1629
01:01:02,243 --> 01:01:03,583
I went to college,
too, you know.
1630
01:01:03,745 --> 01:01:05,865
Omega Theta.
Let's roll out!
1631
01:01:06,039 --> 01:01:07,169
Why the hell
is he here?
1632
01:01:07,248 --> 01:01:08,668
I thought you
were my clients.
1633
01:01:08,750 --> 01:01:10,920
We hired him because you
just forgot to mention
1634
01:01:11,002 --> 01:01:13,922
the sorority that lives
next to our new house, so that's why.
1635
01:01:14,005 --> 01:01:16,085
Okay. Well, congratulations
because you hired a joke.
1636
01:01:16,341 --> 01:01:17,551
Oh, shove it, Wendy.
1637
01:01:17,675 --> 01:01:18,902
Oh, shove it right
back at ya, Oliver!
1638
01:01:18,926 --> 01:01:21,096
Why don't you shove it?
Shove it right back at ya!
1639
01:01:21,179 --> 01:01:22,759
We fucked once.
1640
01:01:22,972 --> 01:01:24,102
Not applicable.
1641
01:01:24,182 --> 01:01:25,892
I just feel like
we're escrowing apart
1642
01:01:26,017 --> 01:01:27,687
and we should be
escrowing together.
1643
01:01:27,769 --> 01:01:29,538
Exactly, guys. Can we just escrow
together for a minute?
1644
01:01:29,562 --> 01:01:31,082
And the truth is,
they're lovely girls.
1645
01:01:31,189 --> 01:01:33,359
Lovely girls. Super nice girls.
We promise you.
1646
01:01:33,441 --> 01:01:34,481
I don't think
that they are
1647
01:01:34,567 --> 01:01:36,777
because we literally saw
them robbing your house.
1648
01:01:36,861 --> 01:01:39,031
Well, thanks for
fucking stopping them!
1649
01:01:39,113 --> 01:01:40,924
You just stood there while
they robbed our house?
1650
01:01:40,948 --> 01:01:42,118
It wasn't like that.
1651
01:01:42,367 --> 01:01:44,617
You didn't tell us
about the sorority!
1652
01:01:44,786 --> 01:01:47,206
Is there anything we can do?
We're desperate!
1653
01:01:47,455 --> 01:01:50,059
Yeah, you can magically make the
sorority that lives next door to you
1654
01:01:50,083 --> 01:01:51,133
disappear by tomorrow.
1655
01:01:53,711 --> 01:01:54,711
NORA: Is it real?
1656
01:01:54,796 --> 01:01:57,216
No! Maybe it's just the old
people messing with us.
1657
01:01:57,382 --> 01:01:59,318
No. It's a real eviction notice.
I called the landlord.
1658
01:01:59,342 --> 01:02:00,778
Okay, maybe the landlord
was just one of
1659
01:02:00,802 --> 01:02:02,562
the old people pretending
to be the landlord.
1660
01:02:02,595 --> 01:02:04,135
No. We're actually
being evicted, okay?
1661
01:02:04,222 --> 01:02:05,772
We have no
money to pay for it,
1662
01:02:05,848 --> 01:02:07,768
because we spent all of
our money on the weed.
1663
01:02:07,850 --> 01:02:10,440
So now we need
five buckets of money
1664
01:02:10,520 --> 01:02:12,770
otherwise, we're gonna
get kicked out tomorrow.
1665
01:02:13,147 --> 01:02:15,000
We're gonna lose the house.
We're gonna lose the house?
1666
01:02:15,024 --> 01:02:17,753
We're gonna lose our sisters,
'cause we're gonna be put in separate dorms.
1667
01:02:17,777 --> 01:02:18,962
Then we're gonna
have no friends anymore,
1668
01:02:18,986 --> 01:02:21,156
and it's gonna be just like
high school all over again.
1669
01:02:21,364 --> 01:02:23,425
I mean, how do frats make money?
1670
01:02:23,449 --> 01:02:25,539
They throw parties and
they charge for them.
1671
01:02:25,701 --> 01:02:27,741
But no one's gonna pay money
to come to our parties.
1672
01:02:27,787 --> 01:02:29,848
NORA: Yeah, it's not like a frat
bro is gonna walk up and be like,
1673
01:02:29,872 --> 01:02:31,592
"Ooh, you look good
in your normal clothes."
1674
01:02:31,666 --> 01:02:32,786
Wait!
1675
01:02:32,875 --> 01:02:33,955
"I love your sweater!"
1676
01:02:34,043 --> 01:02:35,213
Girls, I have an idea.
1677
01:02:35,503 --> 01:02:36,503
Okay.
1678
01:02:37,046 --> 01:02:38,836
You're not going
to like it though.
1679
01:02:39,298 --> 01:02:40,468
We have to throw a party.
1680
01:02:40,550 --> 01:02:42,550
No. When we throw
parties we lose money.
1681
01:02:42,635 --> 01:02:44,505
No, not one of our
really fun parties
1682
01:02:44,637 --> 01:02:46,427
that we actually
have a good time at.
1683
01:02:46,514 --> 01:02:47,854
I mean it's,
like, empowering.
1684
01:02:48,015 --> 01:02:49,993
We have to throw a really
shitty frat brother party.
1685
01:02:50,017 --> 01:02:51,767
One where the frat
brothers like it so much,
1686
01:02:51,894 --> 01:02:53,654
they actually
pay us to come to.
1687
01:02:53,729 --> 01:02:55,165
And then they really
like it so much, they tell
1688
01:02:55,189 --> 01:02:57,569
all their other
douchy frat brother friends
1689
01:02:57,650 --> 01:02:58,900
and they all pay us, too.
1690
01:02:58,985 --> 01:03:00,315
Like the one we
met each other at?
1691
01:03:00,570 --> 01:03:02,320
The other option here
is losing the house,
1692
01:03:02,447 --> 01:03:04,157
and if we lose the house
we lose Kappa Nu.
1693
01:03:04,365 --> 01:03:06,155
I'm not gonna lose you guys.
1694
01:03:06,576 --> 01:03:07,786
Okay.
BETH: All right.
1695
01:03:07,869 --> 01:03:09,329
Let's go tell the girls.
BETH: Okay.
1696
01:03:09,495 --> 01:03:10,955
We don't want to
lose this sorority.
1697
01:03:11,038 --> 01:03:12,958
We don't want to
lose our house, okay?
1698
01:03:13,040 --> 01:03:14,710
That's why we gotta
1699
01:03:15,585 --> 01:03:18,335
dress a little
"hotter than we usually do."
1700
01:03:18,504 --> 01:03:19,514
I'm hot!
1701
01:03:19,589 --> 01:03:20,879
I fucked the pizza man.
1702
01:03:21,048 --> 01:03:23,048
I gave him five stars
on Yelp.
1703
01:03:23,217 --> 01:03:24,427
You have chips
in your hair.
1704
01:03:25,470 --> 01:03:26,470
Yeah.
1705
01:03:26,637 --> 01:03:28,347
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
1706
01:03:45,072 --> 01:03:46,758
KELLY: Look at the production
value on this video.
1707
01:03:46,782 --> 01:03:49,912
We are totally fucked!
We're gonna be bankrupt!
1708
01:03:50,077 --> 01:03:51,907
TEDDY: No, no, no!
Look closer.
1709
01:03:52,079 --> 01:03:53,159
They've lost their way.
1710
01:03:53,247 --> 01:03:55,537
They've become everything
that they've hated.
1711
01:03:56,542 --> 01:03:58,672
JIMMY: Jesus Christ.
KELLY: They're vulnerable.
1712
01:03:58,753 --> 01:04:01,343
They're relying fully on this
party to support this house.
1713
01:04:01,422 --> 01:04:02,422
He's right.
1714
01:04:02,465 --> 01:04:04,625
If we shut down this party,
the sorority will dissolve.
1715
01:04:04,759 --> 01:04:06,153
It's time to show
them who's adults,
1716
01:04:06,177 --> 01:04:07,427
and spank their
little bottoms.
1717
01:04:07,595 --> 01:04:08,675
I wanna spank them all.
1718
01:04:08,763 --> 01:04:10,773
Let's do what parents
do better than anything,
1719
01:04:10,932 --> 01:04:14,562
stop young people
from having fun!
1720
01:04:14,852 --> 01:04:17,102
(UPBEAT TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)
1721
01:04:20,983 --> 01:04:22,943
SHELBY: Come on
in, guys!
1722
01:04:25,404 --> 01:04:27,914
Hey, hope you let yourself
in this party later on.
1723
01:04:28,282 --> 01:04:29,782
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
1724
01:04:29,992 --> 01:04:31,332
You're funny.
1725
01:04:32,495 --> 01:04:34,245
Call your friends, okay?
Tell them to come.
1726
01:04:34,413 --> 01:04:35,623
And bring money!
1727
01:04:36,290 --> 01:04:38,960
We shut this motherfucker
down at all costs.
1728
01:04:39,126 --> 01:04:41,496
Y'all go in,
shut it down from the inside.
1729
01:04:41,671 --> 01:04:43,261
Me and Kelly stay,
call the cops
1730
01:04:43,339 --> 01:04:44,839
shut it down
from the outside.
1731
01:04:44,966 --> 01:04:46,966
Inside, outside.
Got it.
1732
01:04:47,134 --> 01:04:48,894
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
1733
01:04:54,183 --> 01:04:55,523
Now I'm ready.
1734
01:04:56,686 --> 01:04:58,556
Now, I'm ready. (MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
(SHRIEKING)
1735
01:04:58,646 --> 01:05:00,476
Jesus Christ, man.
Ow!
1736
01:05:07,363 --> 01:05:08,493
Hey!
Hey.
1737
01:05:08,656 --> 01:05:09,946
What's going on,
Kappa Nu?
1738
01:05:10,116 --> 01:05:12,010
Bro, it's only 20 bucks.
You've gotta get down here now.
1739
01:05:12,034 --> 01:05:14,834
They're gonna get wet everywhere,
I swear to God!
1740
01:05:14,996 --> 01:05:17,536
There's so many fucking hot bitches here,
it's ridiculous.
1741
01:05:17,623 --> 01:05:20,173
It's like a hot
bitch fiesta.
1742
01:05:20,334 --> 01:05:22,134
They're, like,
all ripe and ready to pop!
1743
01:05:22,211 --> 01:05:24,841
How much money have we made?
How many money buckets do we have?
1744
01:05:26,382 --> 01:05:27,722
This punch
tastes kind of funny.
1745
01:05:27,883 --> 01:05:29,473
We didn't put
out any punch.
1746
01:05:29,635 --> 01:05:30,675
Oh, no.
1747
01:05:30,845 --> 01:05:31,989
I'm gonna start
phase two, okay?
1748
01:05:32,013 --> 01:05:33,973
Phase two, is we have
to stop the old people
1749
01:05:34,056 --> 01:05:36,056
from calling
the cops, okay?
1750
01:05:36,225 --> 01:05:38,055
If you see any old people in
here, stop them!
1751
01:05:39,186 --> 01:05:40,726
I don't like this.
Me neither.
1752
01:05:40,896 --> 01:05:42,686
No! Stop drinking that.
1753
01:05:42,857 --> 01:05:44,817
Ha! My tongue is numb.
1754
01:05:45,151 --> 01:05:46,151
TEDDY: Just blend in.
1755
01:05:46,193 --> 01:05:48,323
Yes, blend,
blend, blend.
1756
01:05:48,404 --> 01:05:49,964
JIMMY: Oh, excusez-moi.
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
1757
01:05:53,409 --> 01:05:55,909
It's a good party.
I am gonna text my friends.
1758
01:05:56,078 --> 01:05:57,618
No, it's all a lie.
It's a deception.
1759
01:05:57,747 --> 01:05:59,327
They don't think
you're funny, okay?
1760
01:05:59,498 --> 01:06:01,328
What? (GROANS)
Oh, fuck me!
1761
01:06:01,542 --> 01:06:03,382
Oh, you okay?
What's wrong?
1762
01:06:03,544 --> 01:06:05,714
I shouldn't have
eaten that McRib.
1763
01:06:05,880 --> 01:06:06,880
It's no big deal.
1764
01:06:07,048 --> 01:06:09,526
I'm just having the worst cramps in
my life every five, six minutes.
1765
01:06:09,550 --> 01:06:11,340
Yeah, I think you're
going into labor.
1766
01:06:11,510 --> 01:06:13,390
No, no, no. The baby's
not due till tomorrow.
1767
01:06:13,512 --> 01:06:14,892
You're definitely
going into labor.
1768
01:06:14,972 --> 01:06:16,182
You need to
be timing this.
1769
01:06:17,266 --> 01:06:18,766
Oh, it's passed.
I feel great.
1770
01:06:18,976 --> 01:06:20,037
JIMMY: I told you,
she's not going into labor.
1771
01:06:20,061 --> 01:06:21,061
She's all good, dude.
1772
01:06:21,145 --> 01:06:23,225
Whoo!
There she goes.
1773
01:06:23,397 --> 01:06:25,107
You should
really go after her.
1774
01:06:25,274 --> 01:06:27,404
She's the boss of her
own body, all right?
1775
01:06:27,568 --> 01:06:28,778
The last night of freedom!
1776
01:06:28,944 --> 01:06:30,074
JIMMY: I love you!
1777
01:06:30,196 --> 01:06:31,276
I love you, bubba!
1778
01:06:31,405 --> 01:06:33,865
We have to get upstairs.
That's where the power source is.
1779
01:06:34,075 --> 01:06:35,515
What are you doing?
Don't drink that!
1780
01:06:36,035 --> 01:06:37,035
What's wrong?
1781
01:06:37,078 --> 01:06:39,118
Come on, dude!
Never drink the punch!
1782
01:06:39,413 --> 01:06:40,583
Oh. Whoo!
Let's go.
1783
01:06:51,801 --> 01:06:53,551
I saw you
with Teddy.
1784
01:06:53,719 --> 01:06:55,179
Why were you
with Teddy?
1785
01:06:55,554 --> 01:06:56,564
Shh.
1786
01:06:56,639 --> 01:07:00,429
We're gonna kill the power and
shut down the party.
1787
01:07:01,602 --> 01:07:02,942
What?
1788
01:07:03,604 --> 01:07:06,774
(GROANS) I got real
fucked up really quickly just now.
1789
01:07:06,941 --> 01:07:08,441
Me, too.
1790
01:07:08,609 --> 01:07:10,319
But all I had
was the punch.
1791
01:07:10,611 --> 01:07:12,531
Shit! We got Cosby'd!
1792
01:07:17,618 --> 01:07:18,618
Yes!
1793
01:07:21,622 --> 01:07:22,922
(INHALES DEEPLY)
1794
01:07:23,165 --> 01:07:24,785
Kappa Nu,
1795
01:07:25,251 --> 01:07:26,841
good night to you.
1796
01:07:31,465 --> 01:07:33,335
(MUSIC PLAYING DOWNSTAIRS)
1797
01:07:34,510 --> 01:07:35,800
(SIGHS)
1798
01:07:36,929 --> 01:07:39,469
They must have an alternate
power source.
1799
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:44,270
MINIONS: Banana! Banana! Banana!
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
1800
01:07:44,437 --> 01:07:45,977
NORA: Must stop you!
1801
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:47,770
(GRUNTING)
1802
01:07:48,733 --> 01:07:49,733
(GAGGING)
1803
01:07:49,942 --> 01:07:51,822
Oh, my God.
Look how big my tongue is.
1804
01:07:52,361 --> 01:07:53,801
(GIGGLING) Look
how big my tongue is.
1805
01:07:54,155 --> 01:07:55,485
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1806
01:07:56,198 --> 01:07:57,198
Ew!
1807
01:07:57,324 --> 01:07:59,204
NORA: Shit! Fuck!
1808
01:07:59,368 --> 01:08:01,368
Party's big enough,
let's call the cops. Okay.
1809
01:08:01,537 --> 01:08:02,537
SHELBY: Hey, sweet tart!
1810
01:08:02,705 --> 01:08:05,205
It's a little hard to call the
cops without a phone, ain't it?
1811
01:08:05,374 --> 01:08:07,004
Give us that back!
No!
1812
01:08:07,168 --> 01:08:08,288
KELLY: Drop it!
1813
01:08:08,461 --> 01:08:10,131
Whoa. Ah!
Ooh.
1814
01:08:10,504 --> 01:08:11,514
What the fuck?
1815
01:08:11,672 --> 01:08:13,012
Called a cord, dumbass!
1816
01:08:13,174 --> 01:08:14,804
Fucking old people phone!
1817
01:08:17,845 --> 01:08:19,135
What the hell?
1818
01:08:19,305 --> 01:08:20,425
Where are our phones?
1819
01:08:20,514 --> 01:08:21,514
Oh, what, these?
1820
01:08:21,557 --> 01:08:23,227
How'd you get those?
1821
01:08:25,436 --> 01:08:26,516
Come on.
1822
01:08:28,314 --> 01:08:29,666
Yo! I couldn't find
the power source.
1823
01:08:29,690 --> 01:08:31,440
Shelby took our phones.
Do you have a phone?
1824
01:08:31,525 --> 01:08:33,485
No, I don't have a phone.
I ran out of data.
1825
01:08:33,652 --> 01:08:34,702
Shit!
1826
01:08:34,862 --> 01:08:36,006
SHELBY: I'm in here, guys.
MAC: Garage.
1827
01:08:36,030 --> 01:08:37,620
SHELBY: Don't try and
find me though.
1828
01:08:40,075 --> 01:08:42,615
Oh, you're getting warmer.
Getting warmer.
1829
01:08:42,703 --> 01:08:44,213
You're definitely
getting warmer.
1830
01:08:44,371 --> 01:08:45,711
Ooh, ooh.
You're getting warmer.
1831
01:08:45,873 --> 01:08:46,963
Getting warmer.
1832
01:08:47,041 --> 01:08:48,131
Bingo.
1833
01:08:49,210 --> 01:08:50,250
TEDDY: Shit!
1834
01:08:50,336 --> 01:08:51,546
No!
1835
01:08:51,712 --> 01:08:54,191
I'm not gonna let you out until we're
done raising money, all right?
1836
01:08:54,215 --> 01:08:55,755
There's energy
bars in the corner.
1837
01:08:56,008 --> 01:08:58,069
There's some water,
and there's a poo bucket if you need it.
1838
01:08:58,093 --> 01:08:59,093
MAC: Shit!
1839
01:08:59,178 --> 01:09:00,888
You come back here,
young lady!
1840
01:09:01,055 --> 01:09:02,425
MAC: Kelly! Help us!
Shelby!
1841
01:09:02,598 --> 01:09:03,848
Come back here!
1842
01:09:04,558 --> 01:09:06,728
Come back here right now.
(GRUNTING)
1843
01:09:06,894 --> 01:09:08,904
It's locked. She locked it.
1844
01:09:09,063 --> 01:09:11,403
Okay. Calm down,
let me think.
1845
01:09:12,274 --> 01:09:13,904
All right
here's the plan.
1846
01:09:14,068 --> 01:09:16,448
We're gonna throw everything
we can at this door.
1847
01:09:16,612 --> 01:09:18,032
What are you doing?
1848
01:09:18,197 --> 01:09:19,557
I'm pooing!
When I'm nervous I poo!
1849
01:09:19,698 --> 01:09:20,698
Look away.
1850
01:09:20,866 --> 01:09:23,906
Suck it back up.
We gotta get out of here.
1851
01:09:24,078 --> 01:09:25,248
TEDDY: Yo, get out
of the way.
1852
01:09:25,412 --> 01:09:26,462
Big man!
1853
01:09:27,456 --> 01:09:28,456
(GRUNTS)
1854
01:09:28,791 --> 01:09:30,171
Come on!
1855
01:09:31,418 --> 01:09:32,418
(GRUNTS)
1856
01:09:32,753 --> 01:09:33,963
Ooh.
Shit!
1857
01:09:34,129 --> 01:09:37,419
(GROANING) I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
1858
01:09:37,883 --> 01:09:40,013
(GRUNTING)
Let's try something else.
1859
01:09:40,094 --> 01:09:41,224
I'm fine.
1860
01:09:43,097 --> 01:09:44,677
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
1861
01:09:45,933 --> 01:09:47,813
Oh, shit! Mac, you okay?
(GROANS)
1862
01:09:47,893 --> 01:09:48,893
I'm good.
1863
01:09:53,691 --> 01:09:54,691
Ooh.
1864
01:09:54,817 --> 01:09:56,237
You broke my bike.
1865
01:09:56,318 --> 01:09:57,648
That didn't work.
1866
01:09:57,778 --> 01:09:59,108
No! Do you got
another one in you?
1867
01:09:59,321 --> 01:10:00,451
I think...
1868
01:10:01,073 --> 01:10:02,413
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1869
01:10:05,244 --> 01:10:06,624
That's it.
1870
01:10:07,496 --> 01:10:08,956
That's our way out.
1871
01:10:10,624 --> 01:10:11,754
MAC: That's way too high up.
1872
01:10:11,876 --> 01:10:12,916
No, it's not.
1873
01:10:13,002 --> 01:10:14,752
What are you gonna do?
1874
01:10:15,129 --> 01:10:16,731
I don't have the keys.
Can you hot-wire it?
1875
01:10:16,755 --> 01:10:17,915
We can drive
through the wall.
1876
01:10:18,132 --> 01:10:19,412
No, I don't know
how to hot-wire.
1877
01:10:19,466 --> 01:10:21,636
But I do know
a thing or two about
1878
01:10:22,761 --> 01:10:24,011
airbags.
1879
01:10:26,640 --> 01:10:28,640
TEDDY: (SOFTLY)
Set it down really soft.
1880
01:10:29,476 --> 01:10:30,976
(MAC GROANS)
1881
01:10:33,647 --> 01:10:34,937
Okay.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
1882
01:10:35,274 --> 01:10:37,654
Now if we do
this correctly,
1883
01:10:37,818 --> 01:10:41,488
the force from that airbag should
blast us straight through that vent.
1884
01:10:42,031 --> 01:10:44,491
Okay. Who's gonna do it?
1885
01:10:44,658 --> 01:10:46,658
(SIGHS) I'm gonna do it.
Thank God.
1886
01:10:46,827 --> 01:10:48,287
I don't think
I could do this.
1887
01:10:49,788 --> 01:10:51,248
You okay, man?
1888
01:10:51,540 --> 01:10:53,880
Are we gonna still
hang out after this?
1889
01:10:54,043 --> 01:10:56,003
Are you gonna
wanna hang out with me?
1890
01:10:56,170 --> 01:10:57,500
Yeah.
1891
01:10:57,671 --> 01:11:00,221
And like even though,
like, the war is over,
1892
01:11:00,382 --> 01:11:03,392
I wanna, sort of,
be of value, you know, to you?
1893
01:11:04,303 --> 01:11:05,513
Yeah.
1894
01:11:07,473 --> 01:11:08,723
Prove it.
1895
01:11:09,016 --> 01:11:10,346
Prove what?
1896
01:11:11,393 --> 01:11:12,483
Hug me.
1897
01:11:14,229 --> 01:11:15,359
I'm good.
1898
01:11:15,731 --> 01:11:17,021
Give me a hug.
1899
01:11:17,191 --> 01:11:18,691
Give me a real hug.
1900
01:11:18,859 --> 01:11:20,239
What does that do?
1901
01:11:20,402 --> 01:11:22,402
It solidifies
the bond, bro.
1902
01:11:22,613 --> 01:11:23,703
(SIGHS)
1903
01:11:24,198 --> 01:11:25,368
Bring it in.
1904
01:11:28,702 --> 01:11:31,042
I appreciate you man.
Thank you.
1905
01:11:32,206 --> 01:11:34,036
This is actually
really nice.
1906
01:11:36,669 --> 01:11:39,169
Oh, man.
This just feels good.
1907
01:11:39,588 --> 01:11:41,378
Yeah, I like that.
Boom! Yeah! (GROWLING)
1908
01:11:41,548 --> 01:11:43,718
TEDDY: That's it.
Powerful. Power. Yeah!
1909
01:11:44,718 --> 01:11:46,298
Yeah!
1910
01:11:46,512 --> 01:11:47,682
Yeah!
1911
01:11:47,763 --> 01:11:49,433
All right,
that's a little much.
1912
01:11:49,598 --> 01:11:50,848
Thanks, buddy!
1913
01:11:51,016 --> 01:11:53,226
Oh, dude. I like this
broing down shit.
1914
01:11:53,394 --> 01:11:55,194
Dude, we are bros, okay?
Yes.
1915
01:11:55,354 --> 01:11:57,064
Let's do this man!
All right.
1916
01:11:57,231 --> 01:11:58,521
Okay, before
you do this,
1917
01:11:58,691 --> 01:12:01,691
maybe just make 100% sure that...
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
1918
01:12:01,777 --> 01:12:03,277
...you're all
lined up.
1919
01:12:03,445 --> 01:12:04,565
Get ready?
1920
01:12:04,697 --> 01:12:07,827
One! Two!
And three! Two! Three!
1921
01:12:08,993 --> 01:12:10,543
Oh, God!
(GROANING)
1922
01:12:10,786 --> 01:12:12,786
Oh, no!
Are you okay?
1923
01:12:13,038 --> 01:12:14,708
I'm fine. I'm fine.
1924
01:12:14,873 --> 01:12:16,213
I'm fine. I got this.
1925
01:12:16,375 --> 01:12:17,705
No, you don't
got this at all.
1926
01:12:17,793 --> 01:12:19,423
You for sure have
a concussion, man.
1927
01:12:19,586 --> 01:12:22,126
I'm okay. I just need 10 minutes.
Dude.
1928
01:12:22,339 --> 01:12:23,579
No! I'm gonna
take it from here.
1929
01:12:28,929 --> 01:12:30,349
(SOFTLY) Be careful.
1930
01:12:31,807 --> 01:12:32,807
Okay.
1931
01:12:33,934 --> 01:12:35,274
It's time.
1932
01:12:36,562 --> 01:12:38,152
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
1933
01:12:44,111 --> 01:12:45,951
(SOFTLY) Time
to save my family.
1934
01:12:46,530 --> 01:12:47,530
(GRUNTS)
1935
01:12:49,908 --> 01:12:50,908
(GROANS)
1936
01:12:50,993 --> 01:12:52,123
KELLY: Are you okay?
1937
01:12:52,286 --> 01:12:53,406
It worked!
1938
01:12:55,414 --> 01:12:56,624
Oh, God.
1939
01:12:56,957 --> 01:12:57,997
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
1940
01:12:58,959 --> 01:12:59,959
Whoo.
1941
01:13:00,085 --> 01:13:01,835
Hey, girls!
Guess what?
1942
01:13:02,004 --> 01:13:03,594
I got rid of
the old people.
1943
01:13:03,756 --> 01:13:05,626
They're trapped in
the garage. We're fine.
1944
01:13:05,799 --> 01:13:06,799
What is that?
1945
01:13:06,967 --> 01:13:08,247
MEN: (CHANTING)
Boob! Boob! Boob!
1946
01:13:12,639 --> 01:13:13,639
This party sucks.
1947
01:13:14,266 --> 01:13:15,926
I can't be
here anymore.
1948
01:13:16,101 --> 01:13:17,351
Guys, guys.
We're good.
1949
01:13:17,436 --> 01:13:18,476
Are we though?
1950
01:13:18,645 --> 01:13:19,975
MAN: Wet T-shirt contest!
1951
01:13:21,315 --> 01:13:22,475
No! Stop!
1952
01:13:22,649 --> 01:13:24,169
You're all winners.
You're all winners.
1953
01:13:24,318 --> 01:13:25,488
Yeah, baby!
1954
01:13:25,694 --> 01:13:27,154
I think I'm quitting.
1955
01:13:27,321 --> 01:13:28,321
Yeah, I'm quitting, too.
1956
01:13:28,489 --> 01:13:29,489
I'm out.
1957
01:13:29,615 --> 01:13:31,485
No! You all can't quit.
We'll figure it out!
1958
01:13:31,658 --> 01:13:32,788
Wait!
1959
01:13:32,910 --> 01:13:35,550
SHELBY: Wait! Girls, let's
just talk about this for a second. Okay?
1960
01:13:35,579 --> 01:13:37,039
Stop it! Slow down!
1961
01:13:37,206 --> 01:13:38,326
Hold up! Stop!
1962
01:13:38,499 --> 01:13:40,879
Just stop moving!
Okay? Look...
1963
01:13:41,418 --> 01:13:43,878
Oh, God.
The party's even bigger.
1964
01:13:44,838 --> 01:13:46,008
(GROANING)
1965
01:13:46,548 --> 01:13:48,008
What the fuck?
What happened?
1966
01:13:48,175 --> 01:13:49,545
I've been roofied,
so if anyone's
1967
01:13:49,635 --> 01:13:51,175
ever wanted to
have sex with me,
1968
01:13:51,261 --> 01:13:52,431
tonight's the night.
1969
01:13:52,513 --> 01:13:53,865
SHELBY: The plan is
almost done, okay?
1970
01:13:53,889 --> 01:13:56,479
I got the old people away.
Everything's fine.
1971
01:13:56,558 --> 01:13:57,638
We're Kappa Nu.
1972
01:13:57,726 --> 01:14:00,436
This isn't Kappa Nu.
This is not what we set out for.
1973
01:14:00,521 --> 01:14:02,481
That's what? That's it?
You're gonna quit?
1974
01:14:02,564 --> 01:14:04,534
Oh, come on. Don't blame us.
You ruined this.
1975
01:14:04,608 --> 01:14:06,108
I look like Nicki Minaj!
1976
01:14:06,193 --> 01:14:07,613
I look like Snooki.
1977
01:14:07,694 --> 01:14:10,364
I was the only one trying to save this.
This was all my idea.
1978
01:14:10,447 --> 01:14:12,567
You're literally
running away to quit.
1979
01:14:12,699 --> 01:14:13,939
Whole fucking
thing's imploding.
1980
01:14:13,992 --> 01:14:16,372
So we're gonna
destroy their friendship?
1981
01:14:16,495 --> 01:14:18,155
No, we're just...
1982
01:14:18,247 --> 01:14:19,457
We got escrows, dude.
1983
01:14:20,207 --> 01:14:23,337
We tried. We tried our asses off.
This is not gonna work.
1984
01:14:23,418 --> 01:14:26,708
The whole system is against us
and that's all there is to it.
1985
01:14:26,797 --> 01:14:28,967
All right. I give up.
1986
01:14:29,716 --> 01:14:32,386
We live in a sexist world and there
is nothing we can do about it.
1987
01:14:32,469 --> 01:14:34,049
I can't believe
this is actually over.
1988
01:14:34,429 --> 01:14:35,889
And now I'm gonna
lose all my friends
1989
01:14:36,014 --> 01:14:37,534
and it's gonna be just
like I was in high school.
1990
01:14:37,558 --> 01:14:38,888
I just wish we
had never started
1991
01:14:38,976 --> 01:14:40,726
this stupid sorority
in the first place.
1992
01:14:40,811 --> 01:14:41,941
I don't like this.
1993
01:14:42,020 --> 01:14:43,270
They shouldn't
be saying that.
1994
01:14:43,355 --> 01:14:44,565
They're just kids.
1995
01:14:45,357 --> 01:14:46,357
SHELBY: No, it's over.
1996
01:14:47,067 --> 01:14:48,397
(SIGHS)
No, it's done.
1997
01:14:48,569 --> 01:14:50,899
Hey, hey,
hey! Ladies!
1998
01:14:52,573 --> 01:14:53,663
Get your
shit together!
1999
01:14:53,740 --> 01:14:55,080
What's with
the meltdown?
2000
01:14:55,659 --> 01:14:58,789
You're strong, powerful women and
you're trying to buck the system.
2001
01:14:58,871 --> 01:15:01,751
You're just away from home for the
first time and you're scared.
2002
01:15:01,832 --> 01:15:03,002
I am scared.
2003
01:15:03,083 --> 01:15:04,213
You got this.
2004
01:15:04,293 --> 01:15:06,271
You know what the right thing to do is.
You know what's right.
2005
01:15:06,295 --> 01:15:07,438
We know the right
decision to make.
2006
01:15:07,462 --> 01:15:08,512
NORA: We know it.
2007
01:15:08,589 --> 01:15:09,909
What's the right
decision to make?
2008
01:15:10,090 --> 01:15:11,760
Don't give up
on yourselves.
2009
01:15:11,925 --> 01:15:13,215
Give us a little more.
2010
01:15:13,302 --> 01:15:14,737
You get knocked down,
you get up again.
2011
01:15:14,761 --> 01:15:16,761
They're never
gonna keep you down.
2012
01:15:16,972 --> 01:15:18,972
BETH: Did you just make that up?
I did.
2013
01:15:19,057 --> 01:15:20,477
Kelly.
2014
01:15:20,684 --> 01:15:22,644
Tell them to make
out with each other.
2015
01:15:23,729 --> 01:15:26,319
Tell them the house isn't Kappa Nu,
they are.
2016
01:15:26,648 --> 01:15:29,438
This house isn't your sorority,
you are!
2017
01:15:29,610 --> 01:15:31,150
No, the mom is right.
2018
01:15:31,361 --> 01:15:32,589
Why are we doing
this right now?
2019
01:15:32,613 --> 01:15:34,174
Why don't we just throw
the party we wanna throw
2020
01:15:34,198 --> 01:15:35,925
and worry about what's
gonna happen tomorrow?
2021
01:15:35,949 --> 01:15:37,489
It doesn't matter
if we lose that.
2022
01:15:37,576 --> 01:15:40,406
It matters
if we lose this.
2023
01:15:45,459 --> 01:15:46,919
(NORA CRYING)
2024
01:15:47,169 --> 01:15:49,419
SHELBY: You guys.
BETH: I'm so happy.
2025
01:15:49,588 --> 01:15:51,258
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
2026
01:15:51,465 --> 01:15:52,465
SHELBY: Ooh...
2027
01:15:52,549 --> 01:15:53,799
Sisters' hug!
2028
01:15:53,884 --> 01:15:56,474
(CHUCKLING) I wanna
see them kiss so fucking bad.
2029
01:15:56,929 --> 01:15:59,282
CHRISTINE: All right, let's kick all these
douchebags out of our house.
2030
01:15:59,306 --> 01:16:01,556
Good speech, sweetie!
Thanks, baby.
2031
01:16:01,642 --> 01:16:02,682
Where did that come from?
2032
01:16:02,809 --> 01:16:03,849
We have a daughter, baby.
2033
01:16:03,936 --> 01:16:05,121
What happens with
our escrows now?
2034
01:16:05,145 --> 01:16:07,373
I don't know, but I
think it's the best possible outcome.
2035
01:16:07,397 --> 01:16:08,397
Okay.
2036
01:16:09,650 --> 01:16:11,990
PAULA: Jimmy! Jimmy!
Where are you?
2037
01:16:12,236 --> 01:16:13,606
Oh, fuck! Paula.
2038
01:16:17,407 --> 01:16:20,287
Guys, I think
I was wrong.
2039
01:16:20,452 --> 01:16:21,752
It's not the McRib.
2040
01:16:22,663 --> 01:16:24,253
No!
Oh, my God!
2041
01:16:24,331 --> 01:16:25,581
MAC: (MUFFLED)
Oh, God!
2042
01:16:25,666 --> 01:16:27,246
It's got my foot!
2043
01:16:27,417 --> 01:16:29,377
Ugh!
It's a breech! It's a breech!
2044
01:16:30,003 --> 01:16:31,003
Go to the hospital!
2045
01:16:31,046 --> 01:16:32,206
Go to the hospital!
2046
01:16:32,422 --> 01:16:34,342
I love you.
I love you!
2047
01:16:34,883 --> 01:16:37,183
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
2048
01:17:04,663 --> 01:17:06,043
Are we gonna lose
our house?
2049
01:17:06,206 --> 01:17:08,666
I mean we have no money,
so we're definitely losing it. Yeah.
2050
01:17:08,750 --> 01:17:10,880
Well, we better
blow it out!
2051
01:17:13,297 --> 01:17:16,127
Guys, this party is
amazing. You did it.
2052
01:17:16,216 --> 01:17:19,426
The first sorority that can party.
We'd all love to join.
2053
01:17:19,511 --> 01:17:20,551
Who's "we"?
2054
01:17:23,807 --> 01:17:25,097
(ALL CHEERING)
2055
01:17:25,267 --> 01:17:26,307
(CHUCKLES)
2056
01:17:26,393 --> 01:17:29,733
Uh, drop your dues in the
bucket if you wanna join.
2057
01:17:29,896 --> 01:17:31,146
Do we have
to wear hoodies?
2058
01:17:31,315 --> 01:17:33,725
I mean, no offense to you guys,
but I like to dress pretty.
2059
01:17:33,900 --> 01:17:36,570
No, dude. You can totally
wear whatever you want.
2060
01:17:36,945 --> 01:17:38,485
Welcome to Kappa Nu.
(ALL GIGGLING)
2061
01:17:38,572 --> 01:17:39,912
Welcome, you guys!
2062
01:17:40,282 --> 01:17:41,622
(ALL CHEERING)
2063
01:17:43,452 --> 01:17:44,662
NORA: Oh, my God!
2064
01:17:44,745 --> 01:17:45,745
Come in.
2065
01:17:45,912 --> 01:17:48,672
Money in the bucket.
Just some money in the bucket.
2066
01:17:48,749 --> 01:17:50,459
Yeah, just throw it
in the bucket.
2067
01:17:51,418 --> 01:17:53,338
(GIRLS CHEERING)
2068
01:17:53,420 --> 01:17:55,260
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
2069
01:18:03,847 --> 01:18:04,847
Hey, Pete.
2070
01:18:04,931 --> 01:18:06,061
Pete.
2071
01:18:06,224 --> 01:18:07,734
Pete, wake up, man.
2072
01:18:08,268 --> 01:18:09,268
(WHISPERING) Pete.
2073
01:18:09,436 --> 01:18:10,846
Dude, what the fuck?
2074
01:18:10,937 --> 01:18:12,267
(STAMMERING)
What are you doing?
2075
01:18:12,439 --> 01:18:14,189
Just calm down.
Just listen.
2076
01:18:14,358 --> 01:18:16,108
(BREATHILY)
I'm sorry, okay?
2077
01:18:16,276 --> 01:18:17,936
I'm sorry.
2078
01:18:18,111 --> 01:18:19,201
When you two
got engaged,
2079
01:18:19,279 --> 01:18:20,909
I was in a bad place
2080
01:18:21,073 --> 01:18:23,283
and I thought I was
losing my best friend.
2081
01:18:23,450 --> 01:18:26,330
Then I realized I'm
never gonna lose you
2082
01:18:27,079 --> 01:18:28,829
because we're brothers.
2083
01:18:29,581 --> 01:18:30,791
Forever.
2084
01:18:31,291 --> 01:18:33,041
Right?
For life.
2085
01:18:33,960 --> 01:18:35,750
I'm not losing
a best friend,
2086
01:18:35,837 --> 01:18:37,957
I'm gaining a best
friend's husband.
2087
01:18:40,300 --> 01:18:41,430
DARREN:
Motherfucker!
2088
01:18:41,468 --> 01:18:44,138
Hey, hey, hey!
It's okay. It's all right. (GASPS)
2089
01:18:44,304 --> 01:18:45,504
Teddy and I are
just making up.
2090
01:18:45,555 --> 01:18:46,635
Okay.
2091
01:18:47,849 --> 01:18:49,229
(DARREN BREATHING HEAVILY)
2092
01:18:49,810 --> 01:18:51,650
Um, can I ask
you something?
2093
01:18:52,229 --> 01:18:53,269
Yeah, man.
2094
01:18:55,399 --> 01:18:59,319
Would you maybe
wanna be my best man?
2095
01:19:00,737 --> 01:19:02,447
Holy shit. Really?
Yeah.
2096
01:19:02,614 --> 01:19:03,800
Yes, I'll be your
best man, dude.
2097
01:19:03,824 --> 01:19:05,994
I love you.
Love you, dude.
2098
01:19:06,159 --> 01:19:07,489
You, too!
2099
01:19:07,661 --> 01:19:09,961
Come over here.
PETE: Get over here!
2100
01:19:10,122 --> 01:19:12,082
I have two brothers now.
(PETE CHUCKLES)
2101
01:19:12,582 --> 01:19:13,582
(KNOCKING)
2102
01:19:13,667 --> 01:19:15,877
(MUSIC PLAYING OUTSIDE)
2103
01:19:20,674 --> 01:19:23,014
I see your shitty
be-yourself party
2104
01:19:23,176 --> 01:19:25,796
is even more popular than
your fucking sell-out party.
2105
01:19:25,971 --> 01:19:26,971
So, that's fantastic.
2106
01:19:27,097 --> 01:19:29,677
Actually, it's really
good for you
2107
01:19:29,850 --> 01:19:33,480
because we are prepared to give
back to you for helping us
2108
01:19:33,687 --> 01:19:36,357
with your escrowdom.
2109
01:19:36,857 --> 01:19:38,857
We've made
a shit ton of money,
2110
01:19:38,984 --> 01:19:40,994
eight buckets,
actually, full of money,
2111
01:19:41,153 --> 01:19:42,863
and we have way too
many people wanting
2112
01:19:42,988 --> 01:19:44,668
to join our sorority
than we have room for.
2113
01:19:44,823 --> 01:19:46,863
Yeah, we can actually afford
to fill two houses now.
2114
01:19:47,033 --> 01:19:49,953
Can we rent your
house for overflow?
2115
01:19:50,120 --> 01:19:52,710
SHELBY: Yeah.
NORA: Just an idea.
2116
01:19:52,873 --> 01:19:57,543
We are prepared to offer you four
buckets of money per month in rent.
2117
01:19:57,627 --> 01:19:58,627
(SOFTLY) Five.
2118
01:19:59,713 --> 01:20:01,473
Five. We'll do it
for five buckets.
2119
01:20:01,631 --> 01:20:03,381
Per month.
Five buckets per month.
2120
01:20:03,550 --> 01:20:05,010
Five buckets it is.
2121
01:20:05,177 --> 01:20:08,137
Fuck, yes!
Eat shit! We win!
2122
01:20:08,722 --> 01:20:09,762
Give us more!
2123
01:20:09,890 --> 01:20:11,117
You can do this every month?
Yup.
2124
01:20:11,141 --> 01:20:12,141
When can
we move in?
2125
01:20:12,225 --> 01:20:14,435
Right now! Who cares?
Give us the money! Yes!
2126
01:20:14,519 --> 01:20:16,639
KELLY: We're gonna be landlords!
How hard could it be?
2127
01:20:17,397 --> 01:20:18,727
Fuck it.
Fuck you!
2128
01:20:18,982 --> 01:20:20,402
(ALL GIGGLING)
2129
01:20:21,234 --> 01:20:22,244
Thank you!
2130
01:20:22,402 --> 01:20:24,612
Overflow party!
2131
01:20:25,614 --> 01:20:27,204
(GIRLS CHEERING)
2132
01:20:45,383 --> 01:20:46,383
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
2133
01:20:46,676 --> 01:20:48,086
MAC: Oh, man.
2134
01:20:48,386 --> 01:20:50,216
I'm gonna
miss this place.
2135
01:20:50,764 --> 01:20:52,604
Our first house.
2136
01:20:52,766 --> 01:20:54,176
When Stella
was a little baby.
2137
01:20:54,351 --> 01:20:55,351
Mmm-hmm.
2138
01:20:55,519 --> 01:20:56,999
That's where she
took her first steps.
2139
01:20:57,103 --> 01:20:58,403
MAC: Yep.
2140
01:20:58,605 --> 01:21:00,045
That's where she
said her first word.
2141
01:21:00,106 --> 01:21:01,146
(MAC CHUCKLES)
2142
01:21:01,233 --> 01:21:03,533
Those are the little notches
when she was growing taller.
2143
01:21:03,693 --> 01:21:05,033
You see your
little notches?
2144
01:21:05,195 --> 01:21:06,775
Remember those, Stels?
2145
01:21:08,114 --> 01:21:09,124
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
2146
01:21:09,574 --> 01:21:11,374
It's all going
by so fast, huh?
2147
01:21:11,535 --> 01:21:12,785
Yeah, it's crazy.
2148
01:21:12,953 --> 01:21:13,953
Yep.
2149
01:21:14,496 --> 01:21:15,496
Okay.
2150
01:21:15,580 --> 01:21:16,920
MAC: Let's go.
2151
01:21:17,082 --> 01:21:18,582
Come this way?
2152
01:21:37,227 --> 01:21:38,557
MAC: It's our new house!
2153
01:21:38,645 --> 01:21:40,685
KELLY: You can't even
see the neighbours.
2154
01:21:46,236 --> 01:21:49,066
You know what?
I think we are good parents.
2155
01:21:49,155 --> 01:21:50,905
I mean, we parented Teddy.
2156
01:21:50,991 --> 01:21:53,831
We parented 30
crazy sorority girls.
2157
01:21:54,119 --> 01:21:55,749
Well, we're trying.
Yeah.
2158
01:21:55,829 --> 01:21:57,139
Because that's all
you can do, right?
2159
01:21:57,163 --> 01:21:58,373
I think so.
2160
01:21:58,456 --> 01:22:00,576
The truth is, it doesn't even
matter if we're
2161
01:22:00,667 --> 01:22:02,287
good parents or not,
because one day,
2162
01:22:02,377 --> 01:22:03,837
our daughters are
going to look at us
2163
01:22:04,004 --> 01:22:05,424
just like those
sorority girls do.
2164
01:22:05,505 --> 01:22:07,415
They're not gonna want
anything to do with us.
2165
01:22:07,507 --> 01:22:09,087
They're not gonna
wanna talk to us.
2166
01:22:09,175 --> 01:22:10,255
It breaks my heart.
2167
01:22:10,343 --> 01:22:11,343
STELLA: Momma.
2168
01:22:13,013 --> 01:22:14,013
Are you scared?
2169
01:22:14,514 --> 01:22:15,604
I'm scared.
2170
01:22:15,682 --> 01:22:16,682
MAC: Come on, sweetie.
2171
01:22:16,850 --> 01:22:17,850
(STELLA GIGGLING)
2172
01:22:19,853 --> 01:22:21,193
Come on,
sweetie. (GRUNTS)
2173
01:22:22,147 --> 01:22:24,067
Hey, cheeky girl!
2174
01:22:24,149 --> 01:22:25,689
Hey, sweetie.
How are you?
2175
01:22:25,859 --> 01:22:26,961
MAC: Do you wanna
go to sleep?
2176
01:22:26,985 --> 01:22:28,129
KELLY: Do you want
to go to sleep?
2177
01:22:28,153 --> 01:22:29,363
Not yet.
2178
01:22:29,446 --> 01:22:31,736
Not yet? You wanna just hang
out for a little bit more?
2179
01:22:33,491 --> 01:22:34,731
Can you play
Peek-a-boo? (GASPS)
2180
01:22:35,076 --> 01:22:36,076
Peek-a-boo!
2181
01:22:36,661 --> 01:22:38,291
(ALL CHUCKLING)
2182
01:22:38,538 --> 01:22:39,708
Ooh.
2183
01:22:40,582 --> 01:22:41,832
Peek-a-boo!
2184
01:22:42,250 --> 01:22:43,540
Peek-a-boo!
(SOBBING)
2185
01:22:44,586 --> 01:22:45,666
Peek-a-boo!
2186
01:22:45,920 --> 01:22:47,920
You'll always be really nice to us,
won't you?
2187
01:22:48,006 --> 01:22:49,358
You'll always be our
best friend, right?
2188
01:22:49,382 --> 01:22:51,182
We'll always have things
to talk about, right?
2189
01:22:51,384 --> 01:22:52,394
Mmm-hmm.
2190
01:22:53,219 --> 01:22:54,549
(BOTH CRYING)
2191
01:23:02,187 --> 01:23:03,477
Hey!
Hey, sweetie!
2192
01:23:03,563 --> 01:23:04,863
Hey, sweetie!
2193
01:23:05,023 --> 01:23:06,233
I'm not sad.
2194
01:23:06,399 --> 01:23:07,609
MAC: No, I'm fine.
2195
01:23:08,151 --> 01:23:09,321
I love you, sweetie.
2196
01:23:09,402 --> 01:23:10,612
I love you, sweetie.
2197
01:23:11,071 --> 01:23:12,451
Love you.
2198
01:23:23,249 --> 01:23:24,852
How do you feel? Good?
(PETE INHALES DEEPLY)
2199
01:23:24,876 --> 01:23:26,286
Yeah.
2200
01:23:26,378 --> 01:23:28,128
The nerves are kicking
in a little bit.
2201
01:23:28,213 --> 01:23:30,263
Well, you look great.
Thanks! (SIGHING)
2202
01:23:30,423 --> 01:23:32,633
You all right?
You seem really nervous.
2203
01:23:32,717 --> 01:23:34,717
I'm having a little
bit of a meltdown.
2204
01:23:34,928 --> 01:23:36,678
Just remember, man,
2205
01:23:38,223 --> 01:23:40,393
Darren loves you more than
anyone in the entire world.
2206
01:23:41,685 --> 01:23:43,595
Darren cherishes his
friendship with you.
2207
01:23:45,188 --> 01:23:47,898
Darren can't imagine
his life without you.
2208
01:23:49,484 --> 01:23:52,534
And Darren is proud
to call you his best friend.
2209
01:23:52,612 --> 01:23:54,242
You're not talking
about Darren, are you?
2210
01:23:54,322 --> 01:23:55,412
No, not really.
2211
01:23:56,282 --> 01:23:57,782
Let's get you
married though, huh?
2212
01:23:59,119 --> 01:24:01,159
All right, everybody.
Look alive, look alive!
2213
01:24:01,246 --> 01:24:05,246
We have Groom One and he is ready
to walk along with his best man.
2214
01:24:05,417 --> 01:24:06,457
You ready for us?
2215
01:24:06,626 --> 01:24:09,086
I'm proud of you, man.
You found your niche.
2216
01:24:09,212 --> 01:24:10,892
This just seemed like
a logical conclusion.
2217
01:24:10,964 --> 01:24:12,054
Gay wedding planning.
2218
01:24:12,132 --> 01:24:14,802
It's a great job, and you can
do it with a criminal record.
2219
01:24:14,884 --> 01:24:16,894
My only skill is
planning parties.
2220
01:24:16,970 --> 01:24:20,520
And, for some reason, gay guys specifically,
they just respond to me.
2221
01:24:20,640 --> 01:24:22,430
It's because
you're a great guy.
2222
01:24:22,767 --> 01:24:23,887
Thanks, man.
2223
01:24:23,977 --> 01:24:25,871
And they probably wanna
fuck the shit out of you.
2224
01:24:25,895 --> 01:24:27,725
Hey, I didn't say it.
2225
01:24:27,814 --> 01:24:28,984
You did.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
2226
01:24:29,774 --> 01:24:30,864
Delta Psi.
2227
01:24:31,192 --> 01:24:32,652
Delta Psi.
2228
01:24:33,319 --> 01:24:34,949
Let's get you
married, okay?
2229
01:24:35,113 --> 01:24:36,203
Yes. Let's do it.
2230
01:24:36,281 --> 01:24:37,451
And we are walking.
2231
01:24:39,159 --> 01:24:41,239
MAC: Hey, guys,
we're home with baby Mildred!
2232
01:24:41,786 --> 01:24:43,706
Welcome home!
How's it going?
2233
01:24:43,788 --> 01:24:44,788
How was
the birth?
2234
01:24:45,039 --> 01:24:47,169
It's over now.
Yes.
2235
01:24:47,250 --> 01:24:48,330
Did you shit
on the table?
2236
01:24:48,418 --> 01:24:50,298
No.
Me neither.
2237
01:24:50,378 --> 01:24:51,378
(EXCLAIMING)
Pro.
2238
01:24:51,463 --> 01:24:53,053
(WHISPERING)
So much shit.
2239
01:24:54,883 --> 01:24:57,013
Aw. You got a present for
your new little sister?
2240
01:24:57,177 --> 01:24:58,797
Baby's first dildo.
2241
01:24:58,887 --> 01:25:00,557
MAC: Thank you, Stella.
2242
01:25:00,638 --> 01:25:02,348
Oh, my God.
You guys are just like us.
2243
01:25:03,057 --> 01:25:04,137
JIMMY: Go on,
show them.
2244
01:25:04,225 --> 01:25:06,345
This is
Jimmy Jr.'s favorite.
2245
01:25:07,061 --> 01:25:10,231
We kind of have a "no veins rule"
with our vibrators.
2246
01:25:10,315 --> 01:25:11,876
Maybe get one without a
ball sack attached to it.
2247
01:25:11,900 --> 01:25:14,780
Put that away.
Put it away.
2248
01:25:14,986 --> 01:25:18,026
Are you ready to meet your cousin,
Jimmy Jr.?
2249
01:25:18,698 --> 01:25:19,908
Look at her.
2250
01:25:21,034 --> 01:25:23,874
JIMMY: Look at this.
Families are meeting.
2251
01:25:24,913 --> 01:25:26,623
Look at that.
Oh, my God.
2252
01:25:26,706 --> 01:25:28,996
MAC: (CARTOONISH VOICE)
"Hi, Jimmy Jr. I'm Mildred."
2253
01:25:29,250 --> 01:25:30,250
Cute.
2254
01:25:30,543 --> 01:25:33,963
JIMMY: (CARTOONISH VOICE) "Hi, Mildred.
One day, we are going to fuck!"
2255
01:25:34,047 --> 01:25:35,691
MAC: (CARTOONISH VOICE)
"No, that's never going to happen
2256
01:25:35,715 --> 01:25:38,085
"because my parents are
gonna teach me to respect myself
2257
01:25:38,176 --> 01:25:39,966
"and stay away
from guys like you."
2258
01:25:40,053 --> 01:25:41,553
I could do this all day.
I could, too.
2259
01:25:41,721 --> 01:25:43,199
We're gonna go.
We're gonna get out of your hair.
2260
01:25:43,223 --> 01:25:45,063
Thank you for watching Stella.
Thank you, guys.
2261
01:25:45,225 --> 01:25:46,515
Oh, my God. Anytime.
2262
01:25:46,601 --> 01:25:47,641
Bye. She's beautiful.
2263
01:25:47,727 --> 01:25:49,477
Thanks, you guys.
Thanks, guys.
2264
01:25:49,896 --> 01:25:51,016
JIMMY: Bye.
(SIGHS)
2265
01:25:52,065 --> 01:25:53,395
We did it.
We did it.
2266
01:25:53,483 --> 01:25:55,243
We had another kid.
We got another one.
2267
01:25:56,069 --> 01:25:57,399
I love you.
I love you.
2268
01:25:58,655 --> 01:26:01,405
Stella, you wanna
kiss your sister? Hey.
2268
01:26:02,305 --> 01:26:08,735
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Couple Struggles to Keep It Together During House Showing

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Couple Struggles to Keep It Together During House Showing

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