Gabriel Garca Mrquez
Eva est dentro de su gato (1948)
[Eva Is Inside Her Cat]
De pronto not que se le haba
derrumbado su belleza que lleg a
dolerle fsicamente como un tumor o
como un cncer. Todava recordaba
el peso de ese privilegio que llev
sobre su cuerpo durante la
adolescencia y que ahora haba
dejado caer quin sabe dnde! had dropped now who knows
con un cansancio resignado, con un
ltimo gesto de animal decadente.
Era imposible seguir soportando esa
carga por ms tiempo. Haba que
dejar en cualquier parte ese intil
adjetivo de su personalidad; ese
pedazo de su propio nombre que a
la fuerza de acentuarse haba
llegado a sobrar. S; haba que
abandonar la belleza en cualquier
parte; a la vuelta de una esquina, en
un rincn suburbano. O dejarla
olvidada en el ropero de un
restaurante de segunda clase como
un viejo abrigo inservible. Estaba
cansada de ser el centro de todas
las atenciones, de vivir asediada por
los ojos largos de los hombres. En
la noche, cuando clavaba en sus
prpados los alfileres del insomnio,
hubiera deseado ser mujer
ordinaria, sin atractivos. Dentro de
ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE NOTICED
that her beauty had fallen all apart
on her, that it had begun to pain her
physically like a tumor or a cancer .
She still remembered the weight of
the privilege she had borne over her
body during adolescence, which she
where? with the weariness of
resignation, with the final gesture of
a declining creature. It was
impossible to bear that burden any
longer. She had to drop that useless
attribute of her personality
somewhere; as she turned a corner,
somewhere in the outskirts. Or
leave it behind on the coatrack of a
second rate restaurant like some old
useless coat. She was tired of being
the center of attention, of being
under siege from men's long looks.
At night, when insomnia stuck its
pins into her eyes, she would have
liked to be an ordinary woman,
without any special attraction.
Everything was hostile to her within
the four walls of her room.
Desperate, she could feel her vigil
spreading out under her skin, into
her head, pushing the fever upward
las cuatro paredes de su habitacin
todo le era hostil. Desesperada,
senta prolongarse la vigilia por
debajo de su piel, por su cabeza,
empujando la fiebre hacia arriba,
hacia la raz de su cabello. Era
como si sus arterias se hubieran
poblado de unos insectos diminutos
y calientes que con la cercana de la
madrugada, diariamente, se
despertaban y recorran con sus
patas movedizas, en una
desgarradora aventura subcutnea,
ese pedazo de barro frutecido
donde se haba localizado su
belleza anatmica. En vano luchaba
por ahuyentar aquellos animales
terribles. No poda. Eran parte de su
propio organismo. Haban estado
all, vivos, desde mucho antes de su
existencia fsica. Venan desde el
corazn de su padre que los haba
alimentado dolorosamente en sus
noches de soledad desesperada. O
tal vez haban desembocado a sus
arterias por el cordn que la llev
atada a su madre desde el principio
del mundo. Era indudable que esos
insectos no haban nacido
espontneamente dentro de su
cuerpo. Ella saba que venan de
atrs, que todos los que llevaron su
apellido tuvieron que soportarlos,
que tuvieron que sufrirlos como ella
cuando el insomnio se haca
invencible hasta la madrugada. Eran
esos insectos los mismos que
toward the roots of her hair. It was
as if her arteries had become
peopled with hot, tiny insects who,
with the approach of dawn, awoke
each day and ran about on their
moving feet in a rending
subcutaneous adventure in that
place of clay made fruit where her
anatomical beauty had found its
home. In vain she struggled to chase
those terrible creatures away. She
couldn't. They were part of her own
organism. They'd been there, alive,
since much before her physical
existence. They came from the heart
of her father, who had fed them
painfully during his nights of
desperate solitude. Or maybe they
had poured into her arteries
through the cord that linked her to
her mother ever since the beginning
of the world. There was no doubt
that those insects had not been
born spontaneously inside her body.
She knew that they came from back
there, that all who bore her surname
had to bear them, had to suffer
them as she did when insomnia
held unconquerable sway until
dawn. It was those very insects who
painted that bitter expression, that
unconsolable sadness on the faces
of her forebears. She had seen them
looking out of their extinguished
existence, out of their ancient
portraits, victims of that same
anguish. She still remembered the
pintaban ese gesto amargo, esa
tristeza inconsolable en el rostro de
sus antepasados. Ella los haba
visto mirar desde su apagada
existencia, desde su retrato,
antiguo, vctimas de esa misma
angustia. Todava recordaba el
rostro inquietante de la bisabuela
que desde su lienzo envejecido
peda un minuto de descanso, un
segundo de paz a esos insectos que
all, en los canales de su sangre,
seguan martirizndola y
embellecindola despiadadamente.
No; esos insectos no eran suyos.
Venan transmitindose de
generacin a generacin
sosteniendo con su diminuta
armadura todo el prestigio de una
casta selecta; dolorosamente
selecta. Esos in sectos haban
nacido en el vientre de la primera
madre que tuvo una hija bella. Pero
era necesario, urgente, detener esa
herencia. Alguien tena que
renunciar a seguir transmitiendo esa
belleza artificial. De nada vala a las
mujeres de su estirpe admirarse de
s mismas al regresar del espejo, si
durante las noches esos animales
hacan su labor lenta y eficaz, sin
descanso, con una constancia de
siglos. Ya no era una belleza, era
una enfermedad que haba que
detener, que haba que cortar en
forma enrgica y radical.
disquieting face of the great grand
mother who, from her aged canvas,
begged for a minute of rest, a
second of peace from those insects
who there, in the channels of her
blood, kept on martyrizing her,
pitilessly beautifying her. No. Those
insects didn't belong to her. They
came, transmitted from generation
to generation, sustaining with their
tiny armor all the prestige of a select
caste, a painfully select group. Those
insects had been born in the womb
of the first woman who had had a
beautiful daughter. But it was
necessary, urgent, to put a stop to
that heritage. Someone must
renounce the eternal transmission
of that artificial beauty. It was no
good for women of her breed to
admire themselves as they came
back from their mirrors if during
the night those creatures did their
slow , effective, ceaseless work with
a constancy of centuries. It was no
longer beauty, it was a sickness that
had to be halted, that had to be cut
off in some bold and radical way.
Todava recordaba las horas
interminables en aquel lecho
sembrado de agujas calientes.
Aquellas noches en que ella trataba
de empujar el tiempo para que con
la llegada del da esas bestias
dejaran de doler. De qu serva
una belleza as? Noche a noche,
hundida en su desesperacin,
pensaba que ms le hubiera valido
ser una mujer vulgar, o ser hombre;
pero no tener esa virtud intil,
alimentada por insectos de remotos
orgenes que le estaban
precipitando la llegada irrevocable
de la muerte. Tal vez sera feliz si
tuviera el mismo desgarbo, esa
misma fealdad desolada de su
amiga checoslovaca que tena
nombre de perro. Ms le hubiera
valido ser fea, para tener un sueo
apacible como el de cualquier
cristiano.
Maldijo a sus antepasados. Ellos
tenan la culpa de su vigilia. Ellos,
que haban transmitido esa belleza
invariable, exacta, como si despus
de muertas las madres sacudieran y
renovaran las cabezas para
injertarlas en los troncos de las
hijas. Era como si la misma cabeza,
una cabeza sola, hubiera venido
transmitindose, con unas mismas
orejas, con igual nariz, con idntica
boca, con su pesada inteligencia, en
todas las mujeres, quienes tenan
She still remembered the endless
hours spent on that bed sown with
hot needles. Those nights when she
tried to speed time along so that
with the arrival of daylight the
beasts would stop hurting her. What
good was beauty like that? Night
after night, sunken in her
desperation, she thought it would
have been better for her to have
been an ordinary woman, or a man.
But that useless virtue was denied
her, fed by insects of remote origin
who were hastening the irrevocable
arrival of her death. Maybe she
would have been happy if she had
had the same lack of grace, that
same desolate ugliness, as her
Czechoslovakian friend who had a
dog's name. She would have been
better off ugly, so that she could
sleep peacefully like any other
Christian.
She cursed her ancestors. They were
to blame for her insomnia . They
had transmitted that exact,
invariable beauty, as if after death
mothers shook and renewed their
heads in order to graft them onto
the trunks of their daughters. It was
as if the same head, a single head,
had been continuously transmitted,
with the same ears, the same nose,
the identical mouth, with its
weighty intelligence, to all the
women who were to receive it
que recibirla irremediablemente
como un doloroso patrimonio de
belleza. Era all, en la transmisin
de la cabeza, donde vena ese
microbio eterno que a travs de las
generaciones se haba acentuado,
haba tomado personalidad, fuerza,
hasta convertirse en un ser
invencible, en una enfermedad
incurable que al llegar a ella,
despus de haber pasado por un
complicado proceso de censuracin,
ya ni poda soportarse y era amarga
y dolorosa... Exactamente como un
tumor o como un cncer.
En esas horas de desvelo era
cuando se acordaba de las cosas
desagradables a su fina
sensibilidad. Recordaba esos
objetos que constituan el universo
sentimental donde se haban
cultivado, como en un caldo
qumico, aquellos microbios
desesperantes. En esas noches,
con los redondos ojos abiertos y
asombrados, soportaba el peso de
la oscuridad que caa sobre sus
sienes como un plomo derretido. En
derredor suyo dorman todas las
cosas. Y desde su rincn, ella
trataba de repasar, para distraer su
sueo, sus recuerdos infantiles.
Pero siempre esa recordacin
terminaba con un terror por lo
desconocido. Siempre su
irremediably like a painful
inheritance of beauty. It was there,
in the transmission of the head, that
the eternal microbe that came
through across generations had
been accentuated, had taken on
personality, strength, until it
became an invincible being, an
incurable illness, which upon
reaching her, after having passed
through a complicated process of
judgment, could no longer be borne
and was bitter and painful . . . just
like a tumor or a cancer .
It was during those hours of
wakefulness that she remembered
the things disagreeable to her fine
sensibility. She remembered the
objects that made up the
sentimental universe where, as in a
chemical stew, those microbes of
despair had been cultivated. During
those nights, with her big round
eyes open and frightened, she bore
the weight of the darkness that fell
upon her temples like molten lead.
Everything was asleep around her.
And from her corner, in order to
bring on sleep, she tried to go back
over her childhood memories.
But that remembering always ended
with a terror of the unknown.
Always, after wandering through the
pensamiento, despus de vagar por
los oscuros rincones de la casa, se
encontraba frente a frente con el
miedo. Entonces empezaba la
lucha. La verdadera lucha contra
tres enemigos inconmovibles. No
podra no, no podra jams sacudir
el miedo de su cabeza. Tena que
soportarlo apretado a su garganta. Y
todo por vivir en ese casern
antiguo, por dormir sola en aquel
rincn, apartada del resto del
mundo.
Siempre su pensamiento se iba por
los hmedos pasadizos oscuros
sacudiendo de los retratos el polvo
seco cubierto de telaraas. Ese
polvo inquietante y tremendo que
caa de arriba, desde ese sitio en
que se estaban deshaciendo los
huesos de sus antepasados.
Invariablemente se acordaba de el
nio. All lo imaginaba, sonmbulo,
debajo de la hierba, en el patio,
junto al naranjo con un puado de
tierra mojada dentro de la boca. Le
pareca verlo en su fondo arcilloso,
cavando hacia arriba con las uas,
con los dientes, huyndole al fro
que le morda la espalda; buscando
la salida al patio por ese pequeo
tnel donde lo haban metido con
los caracoles. En el invierno lo oa
llorar con su llanto chiquito, sucio de
barro, traspasado por la lluvia. Lo
imaginaba completo. Tal como lo
dark corners of the house, her
thoughts would find themselves
face to face with fear. Then the
struggle would begin. The real
struggle against three unmovable
enemies. She would never no, she
would never be able to shake the
fear from her head. She would have
to bear it as it clutched at her throat.
And all just to live in that ancient
mansion, to sleep alone in that
corner, away from the rest of the
world.
Her thoughts always went down
along the damp, dark passageways,
shaking the dry cobweb covered
dust off the portraits. That
disturbing and fearsome dust that
fell from above, from the place
where the bones of her ancestors
were falling apart. Invariably she
remembered the "boy." She
imagined him there, sleepwalking
under the grass in the courtyard
beside the orange tree, a handful of
wet earth in his mouth. She seemed
to see him in his clay depths,
digging upward with his nails, his
teeth, fleeing the cold that bit into
his back, looking for the exit into
the courtyard through that small
tunnel where they had placed him
along with the snails. In winter she
would hear him weeping with his
tiny sob, mud covered, drenched
with rain. She imagined him intact.
haban dejado cinco aos atrs, en
aquel hueco lleno de agua. No
poda pensar que se hubiera
descompuesto. Al contrario, deba
de ser bellsimo navegando en esa
agua espesa como en un viaje sin
salida. O lo vea vivo pero asustado,
miedoso de sentirse solo, enterrado
en un patio tan sombro. Ella misma
se haba opuesto a que lo dejaran
all, debajo del naranjo, tan cercano
a la casa. Le tena miedo. Saba
que en las noches en que la
persiguiera la vigilia l lo adivinara.
Regresara por los anchos
corredores a pedirle que lo
acompaara, a pedirle que lo
defendiera de esos otros insectos
que se estaban comiendo la raz de
sus violetas. Volvera a que lo
dejara dormir a su lado como
cuando era vivo. Ella tena miedo de
sentirlo de nuevo a su lado despus
de haber saltado el muro de la
muerte. Tena miedo de robar esas
manos que el nio traera siempre
cerradas para calentar su pedacito
de hielo. Ella quera, despus de
que lo vio convertido en cemento
como la estatua del miedo tumbada
sobre el lino, quera que se lo
llevaran lejos para no recordarlo en
la noche. Y sin embargo lo haban
dejado all donde ahora estaba
imperturbable, astroso, alimentando
su sangre con el barro de las
lombrices. Y ella tena que
Just as they had left him five years
before in that water filled hole. She
couldn't think of him as having
decomposed. On the contrary, he
was probably most handsome
sailing along in that thick water as
on a voyage with no escape. Or she
saw him alive but frightened, afraid
of feeling himself alone, buried in
such a somber courtyard. She
herself had been against their
leaving him there, under the orange
tree, so close to the house. She was
afraid of him. She knew that on
nights when insomnia hounded her
he would sense it. He would come
back along the wide corridors to ask
her to stay with him, ask her to
defend him against those other
insects, who were eating at the roots
of his violets. He would come back
to have her let him sleep beside her
as he did when he was alive. She was
afraid of feeling him beside her
again after he had leaped over the
wall of death. She was afraid of
stealing those hands that the "boy"
would always keep closed to warm
up his little piece of ice. She wished,
after she saw him turned into
cement, like the statue of fear fallen
in the mud, she wished that they
would take him far away so that she
wouldn't remember him at night.
And yet they had left him there,
where he was imperturbable now,
wretched, feeding his blood with
resignarse a verlo regresar desde
su fondo de tinieblas. Porque
siempre invariablemente, cuando se
desvelaba se pona a pensar en el
nio que deba estar llamndola
desde su pedazo de tierra para que
lo ayudara a fugarse de esa muerte
absurda.
Pero ahora, en su nueva vida
intemporal, inespacial, estaba ms
tranquila. Saba que all, fuera de
su mundo, todo segua marchando
con el mismo ritmo de antes; que su
habitacin deba de estar an
sumida en la madrugada y que sus
cosas, sus muebles, sus trece libros
favoritos, permanecan en su
puesto. Y que en su lecho,
desocupado, apenas empezaba a
desvanecerse el aroma corpreo
que ocupaba ahora su vaco de
mujer entera. Pero, cmo pudo
suceder eso? Cmo ella,
despus de ser una mujer bella, con
la sangre poblada de insectos,
perseguida por el miedo en la noche
total, haba dejado la pesadilla
inmensa, insomne, para ingresar
ahora a un mundo extrao,
desconocido, en donde haban sido
eliminadas todas las dimensiones?
Record. Aquella noche la de su
trnsito haca ms fro que de
costumbre y ella estaba sola en la
casa, martirizada por el insomnio.
Nadie perturbaba el silencio, y el
the mud of earthworms. And she
had to resign herself to seeing him
return from the depths of his
shadows. Because always, invariably,
when she lay awake she began to
think about the "boy," who must be
calling her from his piece of earth to
help him flee that absurd death.
But now, in her new life, temporal
and spaceless, she was more
tranquil. She knew that outside her
world there, everything would keep
going on with the same rhythm as
before; that her room would still be
sunken in early morning darkness,
and her things, her furniture, her
thirteen favorite books, all in place.
And that on her unoccupied bed,
the body aroma that filled the void
of what had been a whole woman
was only now beginning to
evaporate. But how could "that"
happen? How could she, after being
a beautiful woman, her blood
peopled by insects, pursued by the
fear of the total night, have the
immense, wakeful nightmare now
of entering a strange, unknown
world where all dimensions had
been eliminated? She remembered.
That nightthe night of her
passagehad been colder than usual
and she was alone in the house,
martyrized by insomnia. No one
disturbed the silence, and the smell
that came from the garden was a
olor que suba del jardn, era un olor
a miedo. El sudor brotaba de su
cuerpo como si la sangre de sus
arterias se estuviera derramando
con su carga de insectos. Deseaba
que alguien pasara por la calle,
alguien que gritara, que rompiera
aquella atmsfera detenida. Que se
moviera algo en la naturaleza, que
volviera la tierra a girar alrededor
del sol. Pero fue intil.
Ni siquiera despertaran esos
hombres imbciles que se haban
quedado dormidos debajo de su
oreja, dentro de la almohada. Ella
tambin estaba inmvil. Las
paredes manaban un fuerte olor a
pintura fresca, ese olor espeso,
grande, que no se siente con el
olfato sino con el estmago. Y sobre
la mesa el reloj nico, golpeando el
silencio con su mquina mortal. El
tiempo... oh, el tiempo...!, suspir
ella recordando a la muerte. Y all,
en el patio, debajo del naranjo,
segua llorando el nio con su weeping with his tiny sob from the
llanto chiquito desde el otro mundo.
Acudi a todas sus creencias. Por
qu no amaneca en aquel
momento o se mora de una vez?
Nunca crey que la belleza fuera a
costarle tantos sacrificios. En aquel
momento como de costumbre
segua dolindole por encima del
miedo. Y por debajo del miedo
smell of fear. Sweat broke out on her
body as if the blood in her arteries
were pouring out its cargo of
insects. She wanted someone to
pass by on the street, someone who
would shout, would shatter that
halted atmosphere. For something
to move in nature, for the earth to
move around the sun again. But it
was useless.
There was no waking up even for
those imbecilic men who had fallen
asleep under her ear, inside the
pillow. She, too, was motionless.
The walls gave off a strong smell of
fresh paint, that thick, grand smell
that you don't smell with your nose
but with your stomach. And on the
table the single clock, pounding on
the silence with its mortal
machinery. "Time . . . oh, time!" she
sighed, remembering death. And
there in the courtyard, under the
orange tree, the "boy" was still
other world.
She took refuge in all her beliefs.
Why didn't it dawn right then and
there or why didn't she die once and
for all? She had never thought that
beauty would cost her so many
sacrifices. At that moment as usual
it still pained her on top of her fear.
And underneath her fear those
seguan martirizndola esos
implacables insectos. La muerte se
le haba apretado a la vida como
una araa que la morda
rabiosamente, dispuesta a hacerla
sucumbir. Pero estaba demorando
el ltimo instante. Sus manos, esas
manos que los hombres apretaban
imbcilmente, con manifiesta
nerviosidad animal, estaban
inmviles, paralizadas por el miedo,
por ese terror irracional que vena
de adentro, sin ningn motivo, slo
por saberse abandonada en aquella
casa antigua. Trat de reaccionar y
no pudo. El miedo la haba
absorbido totalmente y continuaba
all, fijo, tenaz, casi corpreo; como
si fuera una persona invisible que se
haba propuesto no salir de su
habitacin. Y lo que ms la
intranquilizaba era que ese miedo
no tuviera justificacin alguna, que
fuera un miedo nico, sin razn; un
miedo porque s.
La saliva se haba vuelto espesa en
su lengua. Era mortificante entre
sus dientes esa goma dura que se
le pegaba al paladar y flua sin que
ella pudiera contenerla. Era un
deseo distinto a la sed. Un deseo
superior que estaba
experimentando por primera vez en
su vida. Por un momento se olvid
de su belleza, de su insomnio y de
su miedo irracional. Se desconoci
implacable insects were still
martyrizing her. Death had
squeezed her into life like a spider,
biting her in a rage, ready to make
her succumb. But the final moment
was taking its time. Her hands,
those hands that men squeezed like
imbeciles with manifest animal
nervousness, were motionless,
paralyzed by fear, by that irrational
terror that came from within, with
no motive, just from knowing that
she was abandoned in that ancient
house. She tried to react and
couldn't. Fear had absorbed her
completely and remained there,
fixed, tenacious, almost corporeal,
as if it were some invisible person
who had made up his mind not to
leave her room. And the most
upsetting part was that the fear had
no justification at all, that it was a
unique fear, without any reason, a
fear just because.
a s misma. Por un instante crey
que haban salido los microbios de
su cuerpo. Senta que se haban
venido pegados a su saliva. S; todo
eso estaba muy
bien. Bien que los insectos la
hubieran despoblado y que ahora
pudiera dormir. Pero era necesario
encontrar un medio para disolver
aquella resina que le embotaba la
lengua. Si pudiera llegar hasta la
despensa y... Pero en qu estaba
pensando? Tuvo un golpe de
sorpresa. Nunca haba sentido ese
deseo. La urgencia de la acidez la
haba debilitado, volviendo intil la
disciplina que haba seguido
fielmente durante tantos aos,
desde el da en que sepultaron a el
nio. Era una tontera, pero senta
asco de comerse una naranja.
Saba que el nio haba subido insects no longer occupied her and
hasta los azahares y que las frutas
del prximo otoo estaran
hinchadas de su carne, refrescadas
con la tremenda frescura de su
muerte. No. No poda comerlas.
Saba que debajo de cada naranjo,
en todo el mundo, haba un nio
enterrado que endulzaba las frutas
con la cal de sus huesos. Sin
embargo ahora tena que comerse
una naranja. Era el nico remedio
para esa goma que la estaba
ahogando. Era una tontera pensar
que el nio estaba dentro de una
The saliva had grown thick on her
tongue. That hard gum that stuck to
her palate and flowed because she
was unable to contain it was
bothersome between her teeth. It
was a desire that was quite different
from thirst. A superior desire that
she was feeling for the first time in
her life. For a moment she forgot
about her beauty, her insomnia, and
her irrational fear. She didn't
recognize herself. For an instant she
thought that the microbes had left
her body. She felt that they'd come
out stuck to her saliva. Yes, that was
all very fine. It was fine that the
that she could sleep now, but she
had to find a way to dissolve that
resin that dulled her tongue. If she
could only get to the pantry and . . .
But what was she thinking about?
She gave a start of surprise. She'd
never felt "that desire." The urgency
of the acidity had debilitated her,
rendering useless the discipline that
she had faithfully followed for so
many years ever since the day they
had buried the "boy." It was foolish,
but she felt revulsion about eating
an orange. She knew that the "boy"
fruta. Aprovechara ese momento en
que la belleza haba dejado de
dolerle para llegar hasta la
despensa. Pero... no era raro
aquello? Era la primera vez en su
vida que senta verdaderos deseos
de comerse una naranja. Se puso
alegre, alegre. Ah, qu placer!
Comerse una naranja! No saba
por qu, pero nunca tuvo un deseo
ms imperativo. Se levantara. feliz
de ser otra vez una mujer normal;
cantando alegremente llegara hasta
la despensa; cantando alegremente,
como una mujer nueva, recin
nacida. Llegara inclusive hasta el
patio y...
Su recuerdo se tronchaba de
pronto. Recordaba que haba
tratado de levantarse y que ya no
estaba en su cama, que haba
desaparecido su cuerpo, que no
estaban all sus trece libros favoritos
y que ella no era ya ella. Ahora
had climbed up to the orange
blossoms and that the fruit of next
autumn would be swollen with his
flesh, cooled by the coolness of his
death. No. She couldn't eat them.
She knew that under every orange
tree in the world there was a boy
buried, sweetening the fruit with
the lime of his bones. Nevertheless,
she had to eat an orange now. It was
the only thing for that gum that was
smothering her. It was the
foolishness to think that the "boy"
was inside a fruit. She would take
advantage of that moment in which
beauty had stopped paining her to
get to the pantry. But wasn't that
strange? It was the first time in her
life that she'd felt a real urge to eat
an orange. She became happy,
happy. Oh, what pleasure! Eating an
orange. She didn't know why, but
she'd never had such a demanding
desire. She would get up, happy to
be a normal woman again, singing
merrily until she got to the pantry,
singing merrily like a new woman,
newborn. She would, even get to the
courtyard and . . .
Her memory was suddenly cut off.
She remembered that she had tried
to get up and that she was no longer
in her bed, that her body had
disappeared, that her thirteen
favorite books were no longer there,
that she was no longer she, now that
estaba incorprea, flotando,
vagando sobre una nada absoluta,
convertida en un punto amorfo,
pequesimo, sin direccin. No
poda precisar lo sucedido. Estaba
confundida. Slo tena la sensacin
de que alguien la haba empujado al
vaco desde lo alto de un precipicio.
Y nada ms. Pero ahora no senta
ninguna reaccin. Se senta
convertida en un ser abstracto,
imaginario. Se senta convertida en
una mujer incorprea; algo como si
de pronto hubiera ingresado en ese
alto y desconocido mundo de los
espritus puros.
Volvi a tener miedo. Pero era un
miedo distinto al del momento
anterior. Ya no era el miedo al llanto
de el nio. Era un terror por lo
extrao, por lo misterioso y
desconocido de su nuevo mundo.
Y pensar que despus todo eso
haba sucedido tan inocentemente,
con tanta ingenuidad de su parte!
Qu iba a decir a su madre cuando
al llegar a la casa se iba a enterar
de lo acontecido? Empez a pensar
en la alarma que se producira en
los vecinos cuando abrieran la
puerta de su habitacin y
descubrieran que el lecho estaba
vaco, que las cerraduras no haban
sido tocadas, que nadie haba
podido entrar o salir y que sin
embargo ella no estaba all. Imagin
she was bodiless, floating, drifting
over an absolute nothingness,
changed into an amorphous dot,
tiny, lacking direction. She was
unable to pinpoint what had
happened. She was confused. She
just had the sensation that someone
had pushed her into space from the
top of a precipice. She felt changed
into an abstract, imaginary being.
She felt changed into an in
corporeal woman, something like
her suddenly having entered that
high and unknown world of pure
spirits.
She was afraid again. But it was a
different fear from what she had felt
a moment before. It was no longer
the fear of the "boy" 's weeping. It
was a terror of the strange, of what
was mysterious and unknown in her
new world. And to think that all of
it had happened so innocently, with
so much naivete on her part. What
would she tell her mother when she
told her what had happened when
she got home? She began to think
about how alarmed the neighbors
would be when they opened the
door to her bedroom and discovered
that the bed was empty, that the
locks had not been touched, that no
one had been able to enter or to
leave, and that, nonetheless, she
wasn't there. She imagined her
el gesto desesperado de su madre
buscndola por toda la habitacin,
haciendo conjeturas, preguntndose
a s misma qu habra sido de esa
nia. La escena se le presentaba
clara. Acudiran los vecinos y
empezaran a tejer comentarios
algunos maliciosos sobre su
desaparicin. Cada cual pensara
segn su propio y particular modo
de pensar. Cada cual tratara de dar
la explicacin ms lgica, la ms
aceptable al menos, en tanto que su
madre correra por los pasadizos del
casern, desesperada, llamndola
por su nombre.
Y ella estara all. Contemplara el
momento detalle a detalle desde su
rincn, desde el techo, desde las
hendiduras del muro, desde
cualquier parte; desde el ngulo
ms propicio, escudada en su
estado incorpreo, en su
inespacialidad. La intranquilizaba
pensarlo. Ahora se daba cuenta de
su error. No podra dar ninguna
explicacin, aclarar nada, consolar a
nadie. Ningn ser vivo podra ser
informado de su transformacin.
Ahora quizs la nica vez que los
necesitaba no tendra una boca,
unos brazos, para que todos
supieran que ella estaba all, en su
rincn, separada del mundo
tridimensional por una distancia
insalvable. En su nueva vida estaba
mother's desperate movements as
she searched through the room,
conjecturing, wondering "what
could have become of that girl?" The
scene was clear to her. The
neighbors would arrive and begin to
weave comments together some of
them malicious concerning her
disappearance. Each would think
according to his own and particular
way of thinking. Each would try to
offer the most logical explanation,
the most acceptable, at least, while
her mother would run along all the
corridors in the big house,
desperate, calling her by name.
And there she would be. She would
contemplate the moment, detail by
detail, from a corner, from the
ceiling, from the chinks in the wall,
from anywhere; from the best angle,
shielded by her bodiless state, in her
spacelessness. It bothered her,
thinking about it. Now she realized
her mistake. She wouldn't be able to
give any explanation, clear anything
up, console anybody. No living
being could be informed of her
transformation. Now perhaps the
only time that she needed them she
wouldn't have a mouth, arms, so
that everybody could know that she
was there, in her corner, separated
from the threedimensional world by
an unbridgeable distance. In her
new life she was isolated,
aislada, totalmente impedida de
captar sensaciones. Pero a cada
momento algo vibraba en ella, un
estremecimiento que la recorra,
inundndola, la haca saber de ese
otro universo fsico que se mova
fuera de su mundo. No oa, no vea,
pero saba de ese sonido y de esa
visin. Y all, en la altura de su
mundo superior, empez a saber
que un ambiente de angustia la
rodeaba.
Haca apenas un segundo de
acuerdo con nuestro mundo
temporal que se haba realizado el
trnsito, de manera que slo ahora
empezaba ella a conocer las
modalidades, las caractersticas de
su nuevo mundo. En torno suyo
giraba una oscuridad absoluta,
radical. Hasta cundo duraran
esas tinieblas? Tendra que
acostumbrarse a ellas eternamente?
Su angustia aument de
concentracin al saberse hundida
en esa niebla espesa, impenetrable:
estara en el limbo? Se estremeci.
Record todo lo que haba odo
decir alguna vez sobre el limbo. Si
en verdad estaba all, a su lado
flotaban otros espritus puros de
nios que murieron sin bautismo,
que haban estado muriendo
durante mil aos. Trat de buscar
completely prevented from grasping
emotions. But at every moment
something was vibrating in her, a
shudder that ran through her,
overwhelming her, making her
aware of that other physical
universe that moved outside her
world. She couldn't hear, she
couldn't see, but she knew about
that sound and that sight. And
there, in the heights of her superior
world, she began to know that an
environment of anguish surrounded
her.
Just a moment before according to
our temporal world she had made
the passage, so that only now was
she beginning to know the
peculiarities, the characteristics, of
her new world. Around her an
absolute, radical darkness spun.
How long would that darkness last?
Would she have to get used to it for
eternity? Her anguish grew from her
concentration as she saw herself
sunken in that thick impenetrable
fog: could she be in limbo? She
shuddered. She remembered
everything she had heard about
limbo. If she really was there,
floating beside her were other pure
spirits, those of children who had
died without baptism, who had
been dying for a thousand years. In
the darkness she tried to find next
to her those beings who must have
en la sombra la vecindad de esos
seres que deban de ser mucho ms
puros, mucho ms simples que ella.
Aislados por completo del mundo
fsico, condenados a una vida
sonmbula y eterna. Tal vez estaba
el nio persiguiendo una salida
para llegar hasta su cuerpo.
Pero no. Por qu tendra que estar
en el limbo? Acaso haba muerto?
No. Simplemente fue un cambio de
estado, un trnsito normal del
mundo fsico a un mundo ms fcil,
descomplicado, en el que haban
sido eliminadas todas las
dimensiones.
Ahora no tena que sufrir esos
insectos subcutneos. Su belleza se
haba derrumbado. Ahora, en esa
situacin elemental, poda ser feliz.
Aunque... oh! no completamente
feliz porque ahora su ms grande
deseo, el deseo de comerse una
naranja, se haba hecho irrealizable.
Era por lo nico que hubiera querido
estar todava en su primera vida.
Para poder satisfacer la urgencia de
la acidez que persista an despus
del trnsito. Trat de orientarse a fin
de llegar hasta la despensa y sentir,
siquiera, la fresca y agria compaa
de las naranjas. Fue entonces
cuando descubri una nueva
modalidad de su mundo: estaba en
todas partes de la casa, en el patio,
been much purer, ever so much
simpler, than she. Completely
isolated from the physical world,
condemned to a sleepwalking and
eternal life. Maybe the "boy" was
there looking for an exit that would
lead him to his body.
But no. Why should she be in
limbo? Had she died, perhaps? No.
It was simply a change in state, a
normal passage from the physical
world to an easier, uncomplicated
world, where all dimensions had
been eliminated.
Now she would not have to bear
those subterranean insects. Her
beauty had collapsed on her. Now,
in that elemental situation, she
could be happy. Although oh! not
completely happy, because now her
greatest desire, the desire to eat an
orange, had become impossible. It
was the only thing that might have
caused her still to want to be in her
first life. To be able to satisfy the
urgency of the acidity that still
persisted after the passage. She tried
to orient herself so as to reach the
pantry and feel, if nothing else, the
cool and sour company of the
oranges. It was then that she
discovered a new characteristic of
her world: she was everywhere in
en el techo, hasta en el propio
naranjo de el nio. Estaba en todo
el mundo fsico ms all. Y sin
embargo no estaba en ninguna
parte! De nuevo se intranquiliz.
Haba perdido el control sobre s
misma. Ahora estaba sometida a
una voluntad superior, era un ser
intil, absurdo, inservible. Sin saber
por qu empez a ponerse triste.
Casi comenz a sentir nostalgia por
su belleza: por esa belleza que ella
haba desperdiciado tontamente.
Pero una idea suprema la reanim.
No haba odo decir acaso que los
espritus puros pueden penetrar a
voluntad en cualquier cuerpo?
Despus de todo, qu perda con
intentarlo? Trat de recordar cul de
los habitantes de la casa podra ser
sometido a la prueba. Si lograba
realizar su propsito quedara
satisfecha: podra comerse la
naranja. Record. A esa hora la
gente del servicio no acostumbraba
estar all. Su madre no haba
llegado todava. Pero la necesidad
de comerse una naranja unida
ahora a la curiosidad de verse
encarnada en un cuerpo distinto al
suyo, la obligaba a actuar cuanto
antes. Pero no haba all nadie en
quien encarnarse. Era una razn
desoladora: no haba nadie en la
casa. Tendra que vivir eternamente
aislada del mundo exterior, en su
the house, in the courtyard, on the
roof, even in the "boys orange tree.
She was in the whole physical world
there beyond. And yet she was
nowhere. She became upset again.
She had lost control over herself.
Now she was under a superior will,
she was a useless being, absurd,
good for nothing. Without knowing
why, she began to feel sad. She
almost began to feel nostalgia for
her beauty: for the beauty that had
foolishly ruined her.
But one supreme idea reanimated
her. Hadn't she heard, perhaps, that
pure spirits can penetrate any body
at will? After all, what harm was
there in trying? She attempted to
remember what inhabitant of the
house could be put to the proof. If
she could fulfill her aim she would
be satisfied: she could eat the
orange. She remembered. At that
time the servants were usually not
there. Her mother still hadn't
arrived. But the need to eat an
orange, joined now to the curiosity
of seeing herself incarnate in a body
different from her own, obliged her
to act at once. And yet there was no
one there in whom she could
incarnate herself. It was a desolating
bit of reason: there was nobody in
the house. She would have to live
eternally isolated from the outside
world, in her undimensional world,
mundo adimensional, sin poder
comerse la primera naranja. Y todo
por una tontera. Hubiera sido mejor
seguir soportando unos aos ms
esa belleza hostil y no anularse para
siempre, inutilizarse como una
bestia vencida. Pero ya era
demasiado tarde.
Iba a retirarse, decepcionada, a una
regin distante del universo, a una
comarca donde pudiera olvidarse de
todos sus pasados deseos terrenos.
Pero algo la hizo desistir
bruscamente. En su comarca
desconocida se abri la promesa de
un futuro mejor. S: haba alguien en
la casa en quien podra
reencarnarse: en el gato! Vacil
luego. Era difcil resignarse a vivir
dentro de un animal. Tendra una
piel suave, blanca, y habra en sus
msculos concentrada una gran
energa para el salto. En la noche
sentira brillar sus ojos en la sombra
como dos brasas verdes. Y tendra
unos dientes blancos, agudos, para
sonrerle a su madre desde su
corazn felino con una ancha y
buena sonrisa animal. Pero no...!
No poda ser. Se imagin de pronto
metida dentro del cuerpo del gato,
recorriendo otra vez los pasadizos
de la casa, manejando cuatro patas
incmodas y aquella cola se
movera suelta, sin ritmo, ajena a su
voluntad. Cmo sera la vida desde
unable to eat the first orange. And
all because of a foolish thing. It
would have been better to go on
bearing up for a few more years
under that hostile beauty and not
wipe herself out forever, making
herself useless, like a conquered
beast. But it was too late.
She was going to withdraw,
disappointed, into a distant region
of the universe, to a place where she
could forget all her earthly desires.
But something made her suddenly
hold back. The promise of a better
future had opened up in her
unknown region. Yes, there was
someone in the house in whom she
could reincarnate herself: the cat!
Then she hesitated. It was difficult
to resign herself to live inside an
animal. She would have soft, white
fur, and a great energy for a leap
would probably be concentrated in
her muscles. And she would feel her
eyes glow in the dark like two green
coals. And she would have white,
sharp teeth to smile at her mother
from her feline heart with a broad
and good animal smile. But no! It
couldn't be. She imagined herself
quickly inside the body of the cat,
running through the corridors of
the house once more, managing
four uncomfortable legs, and that
tail would move on its own, without
rhythm, alien to her will. What
esos ojos verdes y luminosos? En la
noche se ira a maullarle al cielo
para que no derramara su cemento
enlunado sobre el rostro de el nio
que estara bocarriba bebindose el
roco. Tal vez en su situacin de
gato tambin sienta miedo. Y tal
vez, al fin de todo no podra
comerse la naranja con esa boca
carnvora. Un fro venido de all
mismo, nacido en la propia raz de
su espritu tembl en su recuerdo.
No. No era posible encarnarse en el
gato. Tena miedo de sentir un da
en su paladar, en su garganta, en
todo su organismo cuadrpedo, el
deseo irrevocable de comerse un
ratn. Probablemente cuando su
espritu empiece a poblar el cuerpo
del gato ya no sentira deseos de
comerse una naranja sino el
repugnante y vivo deseo de
comerse un ratn. Se estremeci al
imaginarlo preso entre sus dientes
despus de la cacera. Lo sinti
debatirse en sus ltimos intentos de
fuga, tratando de liberarse para
llegar otra vez hasta su cueva. No.
Todo menos eso. Era preferible
seguir all eternamente, en ese
mundo lejano y misterioso de los
espritus puros.
Pero era difcil resignarse a vivir
olvidada para siempre. Por qu
tena que sentir deseos de comerse
would life look like through those
green and luminous eyes? At night
she would go to mew at the sky so
that it would not pour its moonlit
cement down on the face of the
"boy," who would be on his back
drinking in the dew. Maybe in her
status as a cat she would also feel
fear. And maybe in the end, she
would be unable to eat the orange
with that carnivorous mouth. A
coldness that came from right then
and there, born of the very roots of
her spirit quivered in her memory.
No. It was impossible to incarnate
herself in the cat. She was afraid of
one day feeling in her palate in her
throat in all her quadruped
organism, the irrevocable desire to
eat a mouse. Probably when her
spirit began to inhabit the cat's body
she would no longer feel any desire
to eat an orange but the repugnant
and urgent desire to eat a mouse.
She shuddered on thinking about it,
caught between her teeth after the
chase. She felt it struggling in its
last attempts at escape, trying to
free itself to get back to its hole
again. No. Anything but that. It was
preferable to stay there for eternity
in that distant and mysterious world
of pure spirits.
But it was difficult to resign herself
to live forgotten forever. Why did
she have to feel the desire to eat a
un ratn? Quin primara en esa
sntesis de mujer y gato? Primara
el instinto animal, primitivo, del
cuerpo, o la voluntad pura de
mujer? La respuesta fue clara,
cristalina. Nada haba que temer. Se
encarnara en el gato y se comera
su deseada naranja. Adems sera
un ser extrao, un gato con
inteligencia de mujer bella. Volvera
a ser el centro de todas las
atenciones... Fue entonces, por
primera vez, cuando comprendi
que por sobre todas sus virtudes
estaba imperando su vanidad de
mujer metafsica.
Como un insecto cuando pone en
guardia sus antenas as orient ella
su energa por toda la casa en
busca del gato. A esa hora deba de
estar an sobre la estufa soando
que despertar con un tallo de
valeriana entre los dientes. Pero no
estaba all. Volvi a buscarlo, pero
ya no encontr la estufa. La cocina
no era la misma. Los rincones de la
casa le eran extraos; ya no eran
aquellos oscuros rincones llenos de
telaraa. El gato no estaba en
ninguna parte. Busc por los
tejados, en los rboles, en los
canales, debajo de la cama, en la
despensa. Todo lo encontr
confundido. Donde crey encontrar,
otra vez, los retratos de sus
mouse? Who would rule in that
synthesis of woman and cat? Would
the primitive animal instinct of the
body rule, or the pure will of the
woman? The answer was crystal
clear. There was no reason to be
afraid. She would incarnate herself
in the cat and would eat her desired
orange. Besides, she would be a
strange being, a cat with the
intelligence of a beautiful woman.
She would be the center of all
attention. . . . It was then, for the
first time, that she understood that
above all her virtues what was in
command was the vanity of a
metaphysical woman.
Like an insect on the alert which
raises its antennae, she put her
energy to work throughout the
house in search of the cat. It must
still be on top of the stove at that
time, dreaming that it would wake
up with a sprig of heliotrope
between its teeth. But it wasn't
there. She looked for it again, but
she could no longer find the stove.
The kitchen wasn't the same. The
corners of the house were strange to
her; they were no longer those dark
corners full of cobwebs. The cat was
nowhere to be found. She looked on
the roof, in the trees, in the drains,
under the bed, in the pantry. She
found everything confused. Where
she expected to find the portraits of
antepasados, no encontr sino un
frasco con arsnico. De all en
adelante encontr arsnico en toda
la casa, pero el gato haba
desaparecido. La casa no era ya la
misma de antes. Qu haba sido
de sus cosas? Por qu sus trece
libros favoritos estaban cubiertos
ahora de una espesa capa de
arsnico? Record el naranjo del
patio. Lo busc y trat de encontrar
otra vez el nio en su hueco de
agua. Pero no estaba el naranjo en
su sitio y el nio no era ya sino un
puo de arsnico con ceniza bajo
una pesada plataforma de concreto.
Ahora s dorma definitivamente.
Todo era distinto. Y la casa tena un
fuerte olor arsenical que golpeaba el
olfato como desde el fondo de una
droguera.
Slo entonces comprendi ella que
haban pasado ya tres mil aos
desde el da en que tuvo deseos de
comerse la primer naranja.
her ancestors again, she found only
a bottle of arsenic. From there on
she found arsenic all through the
house, but the cat had disappeared.
The house was no longer the same
as before. What had happened to
her things? Why were her thirteen
favorite books now covered with a
thick coat of arsenic? She
remembered the orange tree in the
courtyard. She looked for it, and
tried to find the "boy" again in his
pit of water. But the orange tree
wasn't in its place and the "boy" was
nothing now but a handful of
arsenic mixed with ashes
underneath a heavy concrete
platform. Now she really was going
to sleep. Everything was different.
And the house had a strong smell of
arsenic that beat on her nostrils as if
from the depths of a pharmacy.
Only then did she understand that
three thousand years had passed
since the day she had had a desire to
eat the first orange.