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Ivonne Cruz
HD300 IP
Pacific Oaks College
Early Childhood Themes and Life Cycles Issues
Research Paper
(How divorce psychologically affect children)
November 14, 2014
Research Paper #2
divorced parent of three boys. At the time of my divorce my children were ages 11,13
and 14. This was a very difficult time for myself and my children. I kept looking for
answers and solutions to avoid hurting them. I wanted to instill in my children what a
healthy marriage could look like and to teach them how to establish a secure love
relationship in their future lives and to possess the ability to create healthy attachments.
My children suffered separation anxiety issues during the time of the dissolution and
I was granted by the judge, in the court of law, with Joint Legal Custody. As the book of
What about the Kids? state under Joint Legal Custody, pg. 90 that Parents with joint
legal custody agree to share equally in decisions regarding their childs education,
religion, place of residence, health, and any other issues specified by their parenting
plan. I chose to remain living at the same residence in which my children were born
and raised at. My ex-husband moved out to live with his mother at her residence which
was located few blocks down our street. This seemed to work out and be a more
I had noticed that my children were suffering a mild depression, they became more
isolated, as they did not want to participate in family parties and reunions for a period of
Research Paper #2
time. As the book Helping your kids to Cope with Divorce pg.154 states While no child
years. Some mild depression is normal when a child is faced with a crisis like divorce,
and some degree of moodiness is typical of the preteen years. My children were facing
a significance degree of poor school performance and academics. Their teachers had
noticed their poor concentration at school and their unfinished homework and
assignments. The situation became more aggravated with my younger child of age 11.
His teachers had to be constantly calling me because of his bad grades and that he was
disruptive in class. This is when I realized that things were getting out of control and
had all three of my boys go under psychological therapy and family counseling. I knew I
had to be a strong, supportive parent who had to help my children express their
emotions and perhaps frustrations. I had to listen to them and be sensitive to their
always very honest with my children and always kept it real. I knew that they were not
as young anymore and they deserved to be spoken to with the truth. As the article
Helpguide.org. pg. 2 states that in general, younger children need less detail and will do
better with a simple explanation, while older kids may need more information. I just had
to be more tactful and careful on how much information I was going to share with them.
Coming from loving parents that stated together through the duration of their lives I
personally would have found it very difficult seeing them apart from each other and with
Research Paper #3
new mates. As the article Helpguide.org. pg. 1 states there are many ways you can
help your kids adjust to separation or divorce. Your patience, reassurance, and
listening ear can minimize tension as children learn how to cope with the new
circumstances. By providing routines kids can rely on. You remind children that they
can count on you for stability, structure and care. And If you can maintain a working
relationship with your ex-husband you can help kids avoid the stress that comes with
watching parents in conflict. Such a transitional time cannot be without some measure
of hardship, but you can powerfully reduce your childrens pain by making their well-
being your top priority. As the book What about the kids? Pg,110 state You may be
tempted to say, your dad is rotten or Your mom is an iceberg. Dont say it. On the
other hand youd sound foolish to idealize the person you are divorcing. How to strike a
balance?
After reading these articles and seeking for expert advice, sometime after the
helped minimized some tension, stress and unpleasant moments within the family.
Methology
For the purpose of this assignment I conducted three interviews of the population of
divorced parents of different ages ranging from ages 30 to 50 years old. These
Research Paper #4
interviews took place in various settings, such as Starbucks, a McDonalds and one of
the interviewees front porch of their homes. I have created a set of 10 questions
their children and how these parents were able to seek assistance in order to enhance
the level of their children to live more productive lives. The focus of these interviews
was addressed for the best interest of the children and how they can evolve in future
1. What were the ages of your children at the time of the divorce?
2. Did you have full custody of your children or did you have a sole custody?
3. Did you have any conversations with your children prior to the dissolution?
8. Do you feel your children resented you at any given time due to the separation?
9. Do you have any personal regrets on how you handled your marriage?
In the interviews conducted there were many similarities between the three interviewees
and their answers about them having full custody of their children. At the time of the
Research Paper #5
divorce the children of all of the interviewees experienced the same feeling of
While conducting the interviews, reading literature on this topic, and connecting
the interviews to the literature, I learned that children of divorced parents can have a
long and negative effect on their personal psychological development throughout their
lives. I learned that children are affected in various ways. Some major effects that
emerged from the data gathered include depression and withdrawal. This information
has been reflected on the results of my interviews. I believe that every child has
suffered from the divorce of their parents should be legally mandated to go under
psychological therapy. By taking these steps the society could be prevented from
Reference List
M. Gary Newman (1998). Pg. 159 Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce, the
Sandcastles Way
http://www.helpguide.org.articles/family-divorce/children-and-divorce-htm