Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at

http://download.archiveofourown.org/works/1042409.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M, M/M, F/F
Fandom: Marvel (Comics), Avengers (Comics), Captain Marvel (Comics)
Relationship: Carol Danvers/Jessica Drew
Character: Carol Danvers, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, James
"Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanova, Clint Barton, Sharon Carter
(Marvel), Billy Kaplan, Kate Bishop, Elijah Bradley, Cassie Lang,
Vision, Teddy Altman (Young Avengers), Thor (Marvel), Sif (Marvel),
Stark Robots (Marvel)
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafs, Platonic Soulmates,
Food Porn
Collections: Marvel Big Bang 2013
Stats: Published: 2013-11-12 Words: 30857

put them back in poetry (if only I knew how)

by singalellaby

Summary

No one knows why Carol and Steve came home from the war and opened up a diner in
the middle of a recession, except Carol was nicknamed 'Cheeseburger' for a reason and
Steve apparently got those muscles from kneading a lot of bread dough when he was a
teenager. [Diner AU]

Notes

Written for the 2013 Marvel Big Bang.

This fic was a shameless excuse for:

Food porn
Carol and Steve being platonic soulmates
Kate Bishop being better than you
Abusing various staples of the Captain Marvel 'The Enemy Within' storyline

This fic also suffered:

Italics abuse
Endless sobbing over my super girlfriends tag on tumblr
 Late posting because, whoops, I got malaria (don't study tropical biology, kids)
Me not living up at ALL to the talent of my amazing artist, Amy, who does the most
phenomenal collages. Go and check out all of her stuff (ALL OF IT) but, first of all,
make sure you see the specific art she did for this story because it blew my mind. I
mean, seriously, look at this cover! Look at this collage! I am swooning happily.

Putting his hands in his pockets, Steve tried to take a step back. Tried to look past the dust and the
cobwebs and the way the ceiling tiles sagged. Tried to ignore the overly groomed realtor hovering
obsequiously at his elbow. The economic climate outside had made for a tired one inside and it
was obvious just by looking at the place that its appearance verified what the realtor had said
about them having struggled to find a buyer for it for a few years now.

(Its adifficult neighbourhood to canvas, he had admitted in his office, white teeth flashing
jarringly against spray-tanned skin in a smile that was probably meant to be reassuring. Youve
got the college students to the east and new gentrification to the west and the street hasnt quite
decided which way to go yet. Steve had made vague agreeing noises since he already knew all of
this, he had done the reconnaissance like any good ex-military man, but that hadnt dissuaded
Lance (Like the spear!) from condescending to him. If its at all reassuring, the last tenants
almost got their pet yoga studio business in the green before they decided to move to Mauritius,
Lance had said, too cheerfully, and that was the point where Steves polite smile had started to
hurt.)

A door squeaked. That was Carol coming out of the back and Steve recognised the dark look she
sent the hinges as the one she wore whenever she was tempted to get out the can of WD40 she
kept in her bag at all times. He grinned. She may not have cared about wearing odd socks or
objected to drinking warm beer, but household glitches made her twitchy. It could have made
taking her on viewings difficult, but this was Carol they were talking about. She took everything
as a challenge.

There might actually be a kitchen back there, buried under a tonne of junk, she said, but her
tone was more thoughtful than dejected. A decent-sized one as well. Some of Steves scepticism
must have showed on his face because she grinned suddenly at him, pushing a hank of dishevelled
blonde hair away from her forehead and leaving a streak of dirt behind. I know, I was surprised
too, but I got down on my knees to check the fittings and everything. Her smile cocked up more
at one corner than the other. You owe me for that, by the way.

Add it to my tab. Steve took a step towards her, which meant that Lance-like-the-spear took a
step as well, but Carol did that stern Major thing with her eyebrows and that was enough to make
even slick real estate types back off. People sometimes avoided Steve because he had broad
shoulders and a low fat to muscle ratio. People left Carol alone when she gave them reason to
because she could look surprisingly mean for someone with that nice a face. Is that a might we
can work with? Because, so far, there had been a lot that they couldnt have worked with. This
was the ninth site that they had seen since theyd cooked this idea up over lasagne, beer and
adjusting to the noises of a big city again and Steve was tired down to his bones. He didnt want
to have to see a tenth. He was also more patient than Carol was, so he would bet good money that
if he was tired, she would be downright frustrated.

Even if she was, she took the time to consider it. He saw her eyes go abstract the way they did
when she was thinking an aerial manoeuvre through or imagining fighting Darth Vader. Theres
a kitchen, but its not big, she said. Wed struggle to fit a grill and a bread oven in there. And
whats already in there will most likely need replacing. Steve watched her drum her fingers
restlessly against her bare upper arm. More kitchen dirt ended up on her skin. There was the
frustration, in her unconscious fidgeting, right up until they stilled and Carol smiled suddenly,
wide and bright. Screw it. We can knock down a wall and expand. And theres a little courtyard
out back.

Catches the afternoon sun! Lance-like-the-spear chimed in from behind Steve, but they both
ignored him.

that we could put some herb pots in.

Herb pots? It was so ridiculous that Steve had to grin. The kitchen isnt even cook ready and
youre thinking about herb pots?

Shut up, Rogers, its going to be all about the details and the ambience.

Details like herb pots.

Dont forget the fun wed have knocking down a wall. Carol was grinning as well. And have
you seen the floors? Thats something to thank the pet yoga dudes for.

Steves height made squinting at the floor whilst standing fairly unprofitable, so he saw no reason
not to kneel down and examine it close-up. The dust was months old and almost solid when he
ran a hand through it, but the grain of the solid wood underneath it was not invisible. It was dirty,
but smooth and Steve looked up towards the large windows at the front of the building as he tried
to imagine them clean and shining rather than opaque and cracked in one pane. He tried to
imagine the large room lit up with sunlight, with art on the walls and booths and tables and a long
counter depending on what customers felt like. He tried to imagine what it would look like when
he and Carol were done pouring all of their restless, pent-up determination into it.

Carol moved into his vision with sturdy, familiar grace as she crouched down at his level. She too
looked at the room with the eyes of someone seeing what could be if only a person worked hard
enough. Steve had seen her look at an F-16 jet that way once before. He also hadnt been sure if
he would ever see it again.

When she turned back to him, she still had dirt on her face and on her arm, but she looked brighter
than she had the entire time theyd been back Stateside. It was the focus in her eyes that cinched it
for Steve. Watching Carol look lost inside herself had been harder than hanging up his dress
uniform at the back of his wardrobe and feeling the weight of his companys betrayed glares. So it
was probably strange that this visually underwhelming building was the thing to put interest back
into her eyes, but if it woke her up then Steve would have happily traipsed around another nine
potential sites for their new life. Another ninety.

Houston, he said, earning another familiar smile, are we go?

Carols eyes were always blue, no matter what, but there was a light in them that had nothing to
do with whatever feeble sunlight was managing to struggle into the room. We are go, she said
softly.

(Great, said Lance-like-the-spear, clearly relieved and trampling all over the moment. Lets
sign the papers.)

Steve came home from Afghanistan with a tan, sand ground into the insides of all his shoes and a
pilot who couldnt fly anymore.
Carol came home from Afghanistan with less of a tan, none of the clothes shed taken out there
and a cat.

Steve moved in with his best friend from high school. Carol and the cat went to stay with her
brother. That lasted for all of two weeks before Steve opened his door to go on his morning run
and found Carol (and the cat, and a familiar army duffle bag) looking mulish and wary and not
much like the pilot he had seen smile like a good-natured shark right before she flew rings around
everyone in her squadron. Joe has a girlfriend who treats me like unexploded ordinance, she
said before Steve had even opened his mouth, defiance driving her words out of her. As if she
owed him any sort of explanation. And my mom keeps coming around and looking at me and
just crying.

Steves mother died when he was fifteen and, truthfully, he would have quite liked someone to be
there to cry over him when he came home from the war. He didnt say that though. His pain
wasnt hers. Instead, he said Buckys trying to make pancakes and stood aside to let her walk in.

They gutted the kitchen.

Carol was pretty ruthless when it came to the fittings. If they werent to her exacting standards,
they got tossed in the skip parked outside. Having eyed their budget with a gimlet eye, shed
decided they had enough practical experience (citing her own summers of construction work and,
in her words, Steves irritating ability to pick up skills after being shown them once) to do most of
the renovating themselves. And, to think, Steve had been worried about staying in shape without
the Armys punishing activity levels to keep him busy, but Carol could apparently give most drill
sergeants a run for their money when she was focused on a goal, even a civilian one. The
afternoon he spent lugging a greasy, stinking, heavy stove outside without the aid of anything with
wheels almost made him think wistfully of the days when hed been skinny and sporadically
asthmatic and nobody had ever bothered asking him to help drag things around (even though he
had invariably ended up offering anyway).

But the sweat was worth it. There was something strangely satisfying about tearing the place
apart, breaking something down with the intention of building it back up to be better. Plus, Carol
wielding a sledgehammer and gleefully taking down the wall as promised was something to
behold even if Steve was still finding plaster dust in his ears two showers and a bath later. He was
used to donating his sweat and blood to a cause. Granted, this one felt a little more selfish than
fighting for his country, but it still felt good. Honest. Difficult as well, especially when sorting the
wiring for the kitchen proved to be more complicated than disarming IEDs in the desert with
enemy troops breathing down your neck along with the noontime sun. Steve had always felt most
comfortable buckling down and working towards something though and Carol had his back. Or
he had hers. It depended which one of them happened to be more panicked about throwing all of
their combined savings into a fledgling business in the middle of a recession on that particular day.

That sense of being completely out of their depth was the most overwhelming at the point where
the building looked worse than it had when they had just bought it. In the middle of construction,
all Steve had been able to see were the bare pipes and the wires bundled messily everywhere, the
walls ugly and parti-coloured because of the plaster they had used to fill in all of the holes they
themselves had made, brick dust everywhere. At least that had been all he had been able to see
until he had reminded himself (and a vaguely neurotic looking Carol) that there had been plenty of
room for venting to be put in place, high ceilinged as the place was. Plus, Bucky had known a guy
who had known a guy who had sold them most of their kitchen at a discounted price in return for
Steve taking a look at (and subsequently rehauling) his vintage bikes engine, and Carol had
promptly fallen in love with her new stove, the one that was wider than Steve was tall and that
produced more heat than he imagined a dragon had, so that had been that potential meltdown
averted.

Then he and Carol had got gloriously filthy one day painting the walls white and the skirting Air
Force blue because she had won that particular arm wrestling match. And, after a lot of mopping,
scrubbing and having unexpected amounts of fun with a standing floor polisher, the boards the
yoga people had put in gleamed in their original glory, like the warm, golden local honey for
which Steve had already found a supplier. By then, coming as something as a surprise to Steve
who had been the one to warily send off all their paperwork, their food and drink license had been
approved and their health and safety certification had come through and they even had an
accountant droning about profit margins and portion control at them several hours a week, so it
was all coming together, miraculously, to the point where Steve could taste the menu he was
planning for their opening party on his tongue.

The week before they were due to open, Carol looked around with a mixture of amusement, pride
and fond exasperation at the front room, with its white walls and blue trim and red leather booths
Steve staunchly claimed had been cheaper than any other colour so, no, the colour scheme was
not deliberate, and said Were still not calling it Freedom Eagle.

Fair enough, Steve said and went to play with the speeds of his brand new, shiny industrial
mixer again.

Steve came home from Afghanistan because Carol did. She didnt ask him to, but he did it
anyway.

Steve stayed Stateside because Carol did. Again, she didnt ask. Again, he did it anyway.

Steve applied for a small business loan with Carol because she did ask him for that. But, as she put
it, the entire thing had been his big, dumb, inspirational idea in the first place and so, really, it was
his fault. Plus, she said that if they had a spreadsheet to keep score in their competition over which
of them had saved the others ass more times then she could probably trust him not to screw her
around when it came to profits. And, you know, the baking thing. That was useful too.

Given that Steve had been in the middle of experimenting with a recipe for beer bread because
hed finally given into Buckys pleading, he hadnt really been able to argue. And this was Carol.
God damn Chair Force Carol Danvers, with her big pilots ego and her bigger American heart and
a need to feel useful and productive that dwarfed even Steves own.

So what if the bit of the form where hed signed ended up with batter on it. Steve thought that just
boded well for the future.

Their future.

The diner opened the same week that the fall semester started and, in spite of Carol claiming that it
would be the best way to drum up new business, Steve refused to go from sorority stall to sorority
stall in a short-sleeved shirt with cupcake samples. Which, in Carols opinion, was just selfish of
him. Her business plan had an entire section dedicated to the triple attack of his biceps, his earnest
smile and the fact that he was a guy who knew how to make a lighter than air sponge. There were
worse crowds that the diner could attract than groups of freshman giggling over Steve in an apron.
As hed pointed out, though, if she was going to exploit his physicality then in the name of gender
equality she should join him and, firstly, Carol knew it had been a bad idea for Sharon to lend him
her flash drive of Womens Studies journal articles. Secondly, Carols last experiences with
teenage boys had been at the Academy where at least shed been allowed to slam them face down
into the mats in an arm lock. She had no desire to deal with more college jocks than she had to,
even if shed basically been one herself when she was there age.

In spite of Steves disappointing lack of willingness to take one for the team by making himself a
teenage heart-throb, their first month and a half of business was unexpectedly, improbably,
ridiculously good. Carol would have counted covering just the costs of their raw materials alone to
be a success. It wasnt that she was a pessimist, or that she didnt have faith in the food that they
sold, it was just that she had done her research she read faster than Steve did so she had ended
up racing through more of the business books and The Economist articles, which meant that she
had predictably ended up with the bleaker view of any small business prospects. Particularly
restaurants and cafes. People just werent eating out as much anymore because they couldnt
afford to.

But, as Steve had pointed out even as he wrestled depressing broadsheets out of her hands by
taking unfair advantage of his gorilla-like upper body strength, that was why they were a diner
and not a full-blown, sit-down family restaurant with higher overheads. People could eat in if they
wanted. Or they could take it out. They could have coffee or something sweet or the daily special
Carol herself would be in charge of out back by the grill. They were going to keep it simple and
unfussy, but most importantly they were going to keep it good and then quality would speak for
itself.

(Because thats why they invented spray cheese, quality speaking for itself, Carol had muttered,
but Steve had just laughed at her and then Bucky had actually gone out to buy spray cheese to
prove a point and the pair of them had effectively steered her away from worrying too much.)

So. Not pessimistic. Justcautious. Realistic. But it turned out that Carol neednt have worried.
The books forgot to mention that little old ladies were more curious than cats and so were the first
to scope out anything new in their neighbourhood. And little old ladies? Loved Steve. Even more
than teenage girls loved him. He would have won them over by being polite and respectful and
reminding them of my [insert dead husbands name here] alone, but he also genuinely enjoyed
listening to people from their grandparents era reminisce about their younger years. The way
Steve drank up stories from back then made Carol think hed been born in the wrong century.
And when he accidentally let slip that both of them were veterans, well, that was just the two-
toned raspberry and pomegranate buttercream icing on his white chocolate studded cupcake.

Truthfully, it made something behind Carols breastbone hurt whenever she thought of herself as a
veteran. But that was okay, because she was mostly out back sweating over their home-ground,
grass-fed burgers and whatever the interesting sausage of the week was while Steve was the one
taking orders and making coffee and being called a hero by admiring customers. He was bashful
about it as well, but blushing looked good on Steve. Carol just looked like a blood blister or
something equally unappetising. As a result, she pretty much hid where the customers couldnt
find her and therefore told everyone who asked incredulously about them already being ready to
look into hiring some wait staff that it was Steve who was responsible for their inordinate good
luck and narrow, but beautifully extant profit margins.

Its not like that at all though, Steve protested, aggrieved, ripping the label from his beer bottle in
long, neat strips. Bucky was grinning at him. Its not! Its more to do with us attracting the meal
crowd as well as people who just want something lighter. Were serving what people want to eat
andSharon, stop.

The third blonde in the room tossed Carol an amused look, but did to her credit attempt to stop
looking as if she found it all quite so very funny. Not that Carol blamed her. Youre good with
people, Steve, she said. Its the wholesome, all-American thing. You attract themnot
necessarily like that, Steve, dont give me that lookso Im not surprised that people are willing
to buy things from you. Or to bring their custom somewhere that feels morepersonal than
somewhere that lets you pay with an app on your phone.

The fact that the stuff you make tastes brilliant doesnt hurt either. Bucky pointed with his glass
at the platter surrounded by clingfilm remains and covered in powdered sugar (and not much of
anything else anymore). What did you call those again?

Pumpkin spice beignets, Steve replied.

See? Youve got a gift, man, Bucky said around the last piece, spraying a certain amount of
crumbs Carols way, which made her wrinkle her nose at him and kick him in the thigh. He
remained unfazed. Told you I took the wrong job when we were kids. Sharon made a
questioning noise at that. She hadnt known Steve as long as Carol, let alone Bucky, and the odd
anecdote was still new to her. Steve moved in with me and my mom when we were fifteen and
he wanted to get a job so that he could, in his words, earn his keep. He rolled his eyes at Steve
and Steve rolled them back and Carol would have needed a quantum computer to accurately
calculate just how many times shed seen that particular exchange. Course, I took that as a
challenge and I wanted to get one as well, so we both went job-hunting. I got a gig in an arcade
because, hey, what was cooler than working in a place full of games? And Steve, I thought he
was crazy because he found a baker and got up before dawn so that he could fit in his hours
before we had to go to school.

Ohhhh, Sharon said, enlightened, turning back to Steve. And that was where you learned to
bake?

Steve shrugged one of those massive shoulders of his and looked bashful. I already did the
cooking when Buckys mom was working late. And since the football team kept being less than
impressed by my try-out attempts, I figured I needed a hobby.

Steve was tiny back then, Carol explained to Sharon before she asked, then chuckled at her look
of incredulity. I know, I didnt believe it either. He was already a beefcake by the time I met him.
Bucky loves whipping the photos out any chance he gets, if you want to see

Predictably, Bucky was already reaching for his wallet. Carol didnt know if he actually had
pictures in there or whether he was just trying to get a rise out of Steve, but the ploy worked. Used
to the pair of them, Carol picked up her beer and Sharons wine so that their flailing limbs didnt
knock them over and calmly passed the glass to her. Cupcakes gave him muscles, she said
cheerfully.

Puberty gave me a growth spurt, Steve protested from where he was currently trying to bury
Buckys head under cushions stolen from the couch. And Erskine did everything by hand.
Kneading is harder than it looks.

I bet it is, Carol murmured sotto voce to Sharon, waggling her eyebrows and making her spit
white wine everywhere. While she gurgled, Carol leaned over and amiably thumped Steve in the
shoulder. Let him breathe, Rogers, youve made your point. Youre a big, butch baker now,
were all very proud.

Steve grimaced at herbut he did get up. When he was excavated, Bucky was red-faced but
laughing and he slumped contentedly against Carols shoulder even when she complained that he
was heavy. Says the woman with better biceps than me, he retorted and made gimme fingers
at his beer. (No one indulged him.) Seriously though, much as Id like to blame your lack of
bankruptcy on Steve-os dimples, you guys deserve having done well. You make good food out
of good ingredients and you dont charge the world for it. People respect that sort of honest
business more than you think.
Plus Carols pancakes, Sharon said.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Carols pancakes.

Across the table from her, Steve was sitting cross-legged on the floor and taking up remarkably
little space for a guy of his size. He caught Carol looking at him and, while Bucky and Sharon
competed over waxing embarrassingly eloquent over recipes both on and off their menu, smiled at
her. In spite of her headache from pouring over accounts earlier that evening, Carol smiled back
and didnt need him to put into words just why they were grinning soppily at each other. She
already knew he was just as relieved as she was that they were ticking over. That they were doing
better than ticking over, actually. Now we just need to keep it up.

His mouth quirked. Better look into hiring someone else, then, before you snap and start trying to
murder people with an Andouille sausage.

If Basic didnt drive me mad, I dont think too many hours locked in a hot room will, Carol
replied primly. Then she thought about what the dinner rush was like. Relived that particular sense
memory. Id at least make it the leg of Iberico.

In all honesty, they did need the help though, even if Steve had been baking since his teenage
years and Carol had mad barbeque skills (Buckys words, not hers) because a typical working
day went like this:

Steve was the one who got up at four in the morning to mess around with dough (Carol was
aware that mixing, kneading, proving and shaping was more complicated than that, but she was
asleep while he was doing all of this, so, mess around it was) and that made him the first one in
since camaraderie only went so far. On any given day he made wheat and rye, sourdough and
granary, and the long, golden, fluted baguettes that were Carols particular favourite because she
thought they made the best sandwiches. Then he had free reign over the special bread of the day,
be that pumpernickel or brioche or even bagels on days when he felt like adding having to boil
things to his already insane schedule. Carol, who was only imaginative where pancakes and aerial
formations were concerned, didnt know where the hell he got the ideas for some of his more
esoteric combinations frombut she didnt precisely care either, especially when he consistently
came up with glories like the loaf with the crunchy, crispy onion blossom things and the one
shaped like a flower where all of the petals were made out of a different sort of bread.

In between knocking air out of the first prove and doing complicated things with rounds of dough
and both hands that he made look effortless the times Carol had seen him doing it, Steve made
sweeter treats as well. Muffins filled with seasonal fruit and croissants and tray upon tray of
cupcakes. He worked his magic with flour and butter and a dizzying number of varieties of sugar
and by the time Carol arrived, yawning, to do her own prep hed already be pulling the bread from
the oven. Carols morning started with collaborating on whatever three pies they were serving that
day since pie seemed to be the natural meeting point between his specialty and hers and then
she went to oversee the churning of the vats of batter that served as the basis for the waffles and
pancakes shed be slinging out for the breakfast crowd.

Not that they ever stopped serving pancakes all day, actually, but people were more likely to order
a stack for dinner than they were to ask for a stuffed hamburger for breakfast. It made sense to
prep the breakfast foods first. Compared to what Steve had to do, Carols duties were less
complicated in comparison. Making sure her grill was heated to her satisfaction. Chopping fruit.
Pushing chunks of beautifully red meat marbled with fat through her hand grinder, mixing it with
pork shoulder and finely diced herbs, bringing everything together with eggs and deft hands.

Carol didnt count herself qualified the way that Steve was. Her particular talents just stemmed
from the fact that shed eaten enough hot dogs and cheeseburgers to love the idea and hate the
typical execution. Street food didnt need to be bad for you and they didnt need to be
pretentious either. Her burgers were thick and juicy, even if, fine, she was a little bit precious
about laying the ground strands of minced meat all in the same direction so that each mouthful
practically fell apart when a customer took a bite. And she liked her range of dogs to be an
interesting one so that people could sample sausages from all around the world in one diner if they
liked, though she had been quick to put Bucky in a headlock when hed wanted to make dirty
jokes about the way shed phrased that (in hindsight, it was a little bit unfortunate).

Steve was an artist, Carol thought. She just cooked to feed people because she liked to feel useful
and because, sometimes, you just needed a cheeseburger to make you feel better. But sometimes
you needed a sandwich made with homemade bread instead, or a nutella cupcake, or a slice of
apple pie, the one with the exact blend of spices she and Steve had spent six nights straight
fighting over. That was why they opened at eight am sharp, to feed people. To make them feel
better.

They mainly sold coffees and pastries the first hour they were open, with people occasionally
looking ready to come to blows over the last of Steves maple syrup and pecan cinnamon rolls if
they ran out early. Then the orders for pancakes and waffles and full fry-ups (meat, vegetarian or
Total Cardiac Arrest With Wholemeal Toast On The Side To Pretend At Being Healthy) would
slowly start to increase in number until Carol was wishing for extra arms, Shiva-like, as she
wielded a spatula like a weapon. Out front, Steve would be running around taking orders and
pouring coffee (they had outright given up on serving anything frothy and fancy based on the
singular fact that, in spite of them both being practical, ex-military folk, the espresso machines
loyalty had not been won by either of them) and boxing up baked goods left, right and centre.

Around eleven, requests for club sandwiches and dogs with homemade slaw and Carols
specialty, stuffed burgers (because her opinion was that the only way you could improve a
cheeseburger was to double the number of patties and put something delicious and calorific in
between them) would start to seep into the orders. When it was lunchtime proper, Carol would
pull the one barbeque option of the day (much as she would have loved to have a real smoker to
call her own, they hadnt had the capital at the start, so the customers would just have to deal with
pulled pork or brisket or ribs on any given day since there was only so much oven space that
wasnt dedicated to cupcakes) and by one Steve usually had to come out back and feed her
mouthfuls of cured ham, rocket and provolone sandwich on dark rye because her hands were busy
flipping things.

The afternoons were slower for her, though. People usually just wanted pie or a cupcake and a
place to sit and gossip, so Steve dealt with those while Carol took the time to catch her breath and
do her dinner prep. If orders were slow she even tried to take over cash register duty so that Steve
could have a break though his endurance was legendary. She had always admired his unflappable
calm and his ability to adapt to nearly every situation, which was why he dealt with the bulk of the
customers out front. Well, that and the fact that shed have been too tempted to eat half their stock
of sweet things. Being out back was safer for her and, in all honesty, she liked the immediate
urgency of cooking to order. It reminded her, just a little, of flying in gusty weather, the constant
need to make little adjustments and to be ready for anything.

The dinner rush usually lived up to its name and came out of nowhere, so Carol pushed on
through that, dishing up meatloaf and chilli and burgers, always burgers, because her flight
instructor had clearly been psychic when hed bestowed her call sign upon her. They closed,
theoretically, at nine because with how early they opened and it being just the two of them they
were pushing it if they stayed open any later. As it was, they werent too rushed to hurry stragglers
out, though Carol always kicked Steve out to go home to bed so that she could do clean-up on her
own because he had to be in earlier than she did. Luckily, her Academy days had instilled
efficiency into her where mopping and scrubbing were concerned and she may have been dubious
about whether an industrial dishwasher was necessary at the start but now she was ferociously
grateful for it.

Carol went to bed footsore, exhausted and damp from the necessary shower to get rid of the
grease and the sweat that was an integral part of being a grill chef, knowing shed have to do it all
over again tomorrow morningand loving it. In spite of what it was probably doing to her blood
pressure, she loved it.

(But at least she didnt have to get up as early as Steve. Shed always have that.)

They did end up hiring new staff though because there were days that neither of them ended up
eating all day, and because even if Carol had an almost supernatural ability to cope with high
temperatures she hadnt managed to sprout extra arms yet and keeping track of pancakes and
burgers and the line dividing the vegetarian block from the rest during the dinner rush was starting
to test even her now that their popularity was picking up. And unless Steve wanted to get up even
earlier (or, conversely, have to stay later to put the dough on to rise overnight) the demand for
what he made was starting to inch higher than what he currently had time to make. Especially
since he served everyone as well.

No, Sharon had said sternly when shed found out that the both of them had cancelled their gym
memberships because they worked dawn til dusk six days a week and were too tired on
Wednesdays to even think about exercising, this was not sustainable. (Actually, her words had
been you idiots, go hire some students at minimum wage, but Steve hadnt found that ethically
okay even if it was economically sensible and Carol was just ready to hand over toilet-cleaning
duty to anyone at this point.) So she had handed out flyers to some of her classes at the college,
the same way she had when they had first opened. Carol was eternally grateful for two things in
the world that Sharon, in general, existed, and that she and Steve had had an amicable enough
break-up that she was willing to smilingly intimidate a few of her students into working for him.

The first person they hired was a whip-smart girl named Kate. Carol had looked enviously at a
pair of suede boots that likely cost more than she spent on meat in a day and might have been
dubious about taking on a rich kid when someone else could have done with the job more, but
Kate was polite and she was driven and, most importantly, she knew how to use the espresso
machine. She impressed Carol with her stock lists and Steve liked her immaculate manners where
customers were concerned. Granted, she made them both feel painfully old, but then so did all of
the crowds of college kids that hung out in the corner booths and Steve seemed happy to let Kate
go and deal with them. The first time Carol stuck her head out of the kitchen in response to the
first tell-tale sounds of belligerent escalation and had seen Kate crisply, politely and ruthlessly
laying into a rapidly-deflating pair of frat-boys she had just smiled and resolved to give the girl a
raise even if she was already keeping all of her tips on Steves insistence.

Carol herself would have hired Eli to help her out back with the grill orders based solely on the
fact that he fell hilariously and hopelessly in love with Steve the first time the kid saw him. Steve,
of course, was hugely embarrassed by the awed adoration that Eli displayed since he was always
awkward when people treated him like the admirable person he was, and Carol figured that a
young man like Eli could do worse than using a guy like Steve as his role model-slash-man-crush.
If he hadnt been so obviously awful when it came to anything to do with baking, hed have
probably chopped off his own leg to be Steves apprentice, but Carol wanted him in the kitchen
with her because of his steady reliability, when Steve wasnt around anyway.

No, Cassie was the one Steve hired to be his apprentice and that was because of the startling
aptitude she showed for being able to go directly from tiny, delicate motions as she iced cupcakes
to the wiry, confident strength she needed to knead bread dough. She was quiet and more than a
to the wiry, confident strength she needed to knead bread dough. She was quiet and more than a
little shy, but that was why Steve had been a good leader in the Army, Carol thought. He taught
people the way they needed to be taught, rather than the way he thought they needed to be taught.
So he showed Cassie gentle, quiet faith in her abilities, tolerated Elis hero worship because it was
better to be passionate about something and over-enthusiastic than studiously apathetic and calmly
presented Kate with challenge after challenge to see her rise to the occasion.

So, Carol said, a little wide-eyed and wary because they were actually having a lunch break in
the little courtyard behind her kingdom and eating little spinach and goat cheese tarts whose edges
Steve had deemed a little too well-done to sell to the customers, but that still tasted good so Cassie
was clearly getting the hang of this, we have minions now.

Pretty sure theyre called employees these days, Steve said amiably, inspecting the crumb of one
of the tart bases and decidingCarol didnt know what, actually. She was useless at pastry. Hot
hands, or something, which she was okay with because Steve had palms like a glacier. Feet as
well. He left off examining the tart to squint good-naturedly at her. Why does that freak you
out?

Because were responsible for them? Carol hazarded. Because thats three salaries were
paying now? Because theyre in our diner, Steve, right now, without supervision and, oh my God,
theyre basically foetuses.

Steve was possibly used to these brief moments of panic that Carol was absolutely not admitting to
ever having and just patted her knee. One, he said, counting the points off on his fingers, the
ones that were still a little bit floury and had what looked like jam still under the nails, theyre all
older than you were when you went to the Academy--.

Yeah, and look at the trouble I got myself into thinking I was a hotshot, Carol muttered
rebelliously, but Steve (perhaps wisely) ignored her quiet little mutiny.

--Two, didnt you say just yesterday that you made Eli cook and recite the text montage from the
first Star Wars film and he still didnt overcook the burgers?

Totally a valid training technique, everyone should know that speech anyway.

And, three, there are all of four people in there, Carol, and one of them has been making a pot of
tea last for two hours now while she uses the free wifi. He grinned at her, the dumbass, and she
greatly resented how at ease he always made her feel. It wasnt fair. I think they can cope.

The thing about implicitly trusting Steve as much as Carol did was that it left her free to be
completely ungracious around him because he wouldnt be insulted by it, so she just sniffed at him
and stole the last tart. Fine, she said, but if total power over the cash register turns Kate into a
super-villain and she stages a hostile takeover from within the ranks, on your head be it.

So long as youre up against the wall with me, sure, Steve replied, far too happily.

Whats the story behind the name then? Kate asked boldly one slow afternoon when most of the
town seemed to be at a football game and even Carol had the time to come and drink coffee
behind the front counter. Maybe she was the one outspoken enough to actually ask, but Carol
could see Cassie looking shyly fascinated to her left. Eli, as usual, was intently watching Steves
hands, even if he was only putting cupcake boxes together. It would have been embarrassing if it
hadnt been so adorable.

I told Steve it wasnt acceptable to call a diner Freedom Eagle, Carol replied, shooting Steve
an amused look.
And Carols suggestion was Stars and Shakes, which was just as awful, Steve retorted mildly.

Steve wanted to name it after his favourite artist.

Carol wanted to name it after her first plane.

Whos your favourite artist? Eli asked immediately while Cassie, to Carols pleasant surprise,
giggled.

Kate just ignored him and displayed her usual persistence, the dogged determination that reminded
Carol of a combination of Steve and Bucky and was why shed got the job in the first place. But
is it a baking thing? Is it about your hair? Do you just really like Debbie Harry? Where on earth
did Blondie come from?

Carol looked over at Steve and shared an amused look before they gave in chorus the answer they
always gave when asked about what was stencilled neatly onto the front window. Name, rank,
serial number

Kate made a frustrated noise and went to wipe a table down to cool off, leaving the rest of them
chuckling before a sudden invasion of cheering, whooping football fans aptly signalled the end of
the game over at the college and which team had won, and Eli and Carol disappeared back into
the kitchen while Cassie stayed to help Kate and Steve take orders. The next day, though, when
Steve presented Kate with a double tray of blondies to sell and Carol wore her Heart of Glass t-
shirt, she thought the girl would explode.

(Everyone was glad she didnt; health code certification had been hard enough without bits of
college student in the muffin racks.)

Two months in and they definitely had regulars now, not to mention something vaguely
resembling a shift system even if Carol and Steve both usually ended up in six days a week (seven
if they used their day off to experiment in the kitchen) and this made Carol happy in the sense that
she was no longer assuming every week would be their last. Sure, there had been a slight drop off
once the novelty of a new business had lessened, but numbers had been steadier as well, which
was more productive and reassuring where their long-term prospects were concerned. Between
Sharon pointing out that Blondies coffee was cheaper than what was on campus at the end of
every one of her lectures in something that was probably against the colleges advertising policy
and Steves dimples charming everyone who walked through the door, custom was increasing as
well, to the point where they had to adjust their stock orders to accommodate their new daily
turnover.

Through luck or design, Lance-like-the-spears worries about the location had actually worked to
their advantage. The soccer-mom types and the more bohemian crowd liked that they were
staunchly organic and made a point of using locally sourced produce whenever they could. The
college kids liked the cheap coffee and the free wifi. And the people who frequented the gym
around the corner liked that they could sneak in after their light workout and feel as if they could
justify having an elephant ear with their large skimmed milk, please coffee.

Their proximity to Mjlnir nearly caused them as much grief as it earned them patronage though,
notably because Carol and Steve had both been loyal, avid members before their lives had become
diner-centric and they didnt have half an hour to spare to watch Deadliest Catch anymore, let
alone to work on their abs, but also because Thor Odinson was as passionate about exercise as
Carol was about grass- versus corn-fed beef.

He and Sif, the ponytailed, statuesque head trainer at the gym who was also one of the few
women who made Carol feel depressed about the muscle definition in her shoulders, ambushed
them as they were opening one Monday morning. Ah-hah! Thor exclaimed in a way that
managed to be both booming and disappointed all at once, while Sif loomed at his side like a
particularly judgemental avenging angel. Then the word in the locker room is true! You have
indeed abandoned us for the world of refined sugar and fast food!

All our sugar is raw, thank you very much! Steve protested, sounding stung, at the same time as
Carol said Oh, shut up, Thor, Ive seen you eat four hot dogs at once and thats because I ate five
and you sulked afterwards. Then a thought occurred to her and she narrowed her eyes at him.
Also, why are you talking about us in the locker room?

Because Stevens inspirational presence is sorely missed! Thor said, still basically yelling, which
was enough to send a curious Cassie scuttling back into the kitchen when she came out to
investigate where her mentor had gone, making herself as small as possible in the process. And
who is there to challenge Sif in your absence, Carol?

All the dude-bros who walk into your gym challenge Sif and it never ends well for any of them.

Precisely! And that is why you should return to us!

Thor, Steve said in a way that let Carol know he was still insulted by the sugar accusations,
Im sorry you feel as if we abandoned you, but we just opened a diner. Trust me, I miss working
out since I only manage to go running twice a week now, but we just dont have the time
anymore.

In any other setting, how horrified Thor looked by the idea of someone like Steve only exercising
twice a week and outside at that would be hilarious, but Carol could vaguely see bits and pieces of
their early regulars poking out from behind the two gym aficionados, waiting to get in. As
aggressive as they could be where their first caffeine fix of the day was concerned, no one was
apparently willing to argue with a long-haired blond guy who was even taller and broader than
Steve was. And Sif was just wearing running shorts and a sports bra, which meant that her abs in
themselves were distracting the line from deciding to turn into a mob. Nonetheless, something
needed to be done before coffee addictions drove someone into recklessness and Carol went
automatically into crowd control mode.

Steve, Cassie is probably freaking out because youve left her alone with lemon meringue tarts.
Kate. Who had just appeared and was eying Thor or Sif or possibly both at once with naked
appreciation. start serving coffee, ASAP. You two She stabbed a finger at Thor and then
Sif. come sit down and taste what were doing here before you act as if were inviting diabetes
and heart disease in with open arms.

And even though it was three minutes past eight in the morning, Carol went back to cook up two
of every kind of specialty hot dog she had in house and after tasting her Medisterplse Thor
demonstrated a remarkable change of heart, to the point where she smugly left him and Steve
discussing a potential discount that gym members could use whenever they bought anything in
Blondies. Which, by the way, caused enough of an increase in revenue that Carol stopped
worrying about whether taking on three new members of staff at once was a feasible financial
decision or not.

It was also why Steve got a little bit excited over experimenting with kale smoothies and kept
sneaking wheatgrass and coconut milk and carrots that didnt end up as carrot cake onto their
supply orders until Carol gave in and just bought him a fancy blender, at which point Sif and Thor
basically moved in, which didnt hurt business either.
Mjlnir wasnt the only other establishment to have Opinions about Blondie and Carol supposed
that was to be expected. The lot had been constantly changing for so long that anywhere that
looked like it was going to last had the potential to have an impact on the entire neighbourhood.
As a diner, they overlapped with a lot of other food places without fitting into any of their specific
categories. They werent just a bakery and they werent properly a restaurant, but neither were
they a food truck or a deli or a hot dog stall. And, in spite of serving coffee, they were not a coffee
shop.

In hindsight, what happened with their closest competition of that sort was inevitable.

Carol was consulting with Kate about how much coffee they were going through per week when
the goateed hurricane came whirling through the front door, barging right up into Steves personal
space. To his credit, Steve suppressed his training and didnt react as if the man was a potential
hostile, blinking at him instead even as he balanced two stacks of pancakes, a plate of huevos
rancheros with Carols best guacamole and the latest incarnation of what was becoming known as
the house kale smoothie on long forearms. Can I help.

Me? Not likely. Can you give my store manager five thousand dollars? Sure.

Steve frowned, visibly baffled, but he also wasnt someone who liked rudeness, let alone outright
belligerence. Im sorry, Sir, but I dont know who you are or what it is youre talking about.

Hes Tony Stark, someone growled behind Carol. Eli, freshly from the kitchen if the apron and
spatula were anything to go by, looked just about ready to leap between Steve and Stark like a
well-trained guard dog and Carol contemplated collaring him, just to be safe. Instead, she raised an
eyebrow in question. He owns Starkbucks.

Starbucks?

No, Starkbucks. Eli frowned even more and radiated righteous outrage like an angry little sun.
The coffee place on the other end of the street.

Oh. Carol felt her eyebrow shoot up even higher at that particular revelation. Egotistical
much?

If its not broke, dont fix it, Tony retorted. Unless its the coffee then, yes, do fix it. Which I
have. And which Im about to do with the drop in my stores pastry sales that happened to
coincide with you opening your little coffeehouse knock-off.

Oh, like you can talk about knock-offs, Eli said furiously, but Carol rubbed a casual knuckle
against his temple, earning an affronted look from him.

Down, boy, she told him. Back to the kitchen. Go on now. He looked like he was going to
argue, but she stared him down. Those orders arent going to cook themselves.

He stalked off, shooting her betrayed backwards glances as he did so, and Carol settled herself
back down to watch the show. Steve was holding onto his composure, but barely. It was possible
the other guys hot-tempered irrationality was catching if the way his left eyelid was twitching was
any indication. Mister Stark, he said, Im sorry if you feel that our opening has in any way
encroached upon your business territory, but it is a competitive market.

Dont talk to me about it being a competitive market, Stark interrupted again. I dont do
competition. I do serving the best product. He held out a hand, expectantly. So lets have it
then.

Steve looked confused and irritable at the same time. Have what?
Have your coffee. Starks face conveyed duh without him having to say it and Carol could see
the aggravated flush on Steves neck from where she was leaning on the counter. She could also
see, however, the affirmative gesture he made in Kates direction and, when she in turn looked to
Carol for confirmation, nodded. That left Tony and Steve glaring at each other while Kate hurried
to pour a cup and take it to the pair.

Isnt this the point where you should be intervening? The English accent and the empty teapot
being put down on the counter belonged to the student who had been one of their regulars from
the start, the one with the dark hair and the green eyes and the propensity to make a pot of tea last
as long as possible. Carol didnt know her name, but gave her a lazy smile nonetheless and took
the teapot since Kate was busy.

Steve can handle himself, especially against some corporate tool. She looked in the pot and
decided that, what the hell, she might as well give a regular customer new leaves on the house if
people were going to barge in here and potentially try to steal them away. When she glanced back
up, Stark was swilling a mouthful of coffee around his mouth like he was at a Goddamn wine
tasting and making unnecessarily disgusted faces. Emphasis on the tool.

Steve clearly had the same response because he drew himself up to his full height, which was
always an impressive sight to see, and looked down his nose at the shorter man. Is there a
problem with our coffee, Mister Stark? he asked in his Captain Rogers voice, which meant
sounding equal parts terrifying and courteous.

Stark spat the coffee back into the cup (making both Carol and the student let out quiet noises of
distaste) and pulled a flask from his pocket. Seven, actually, starting with how weak it is. Its like
youve never even heard of caffeol. Tell, me did you pick the blend because of some sort of lonely
hearts ad? Homely type, seeking bland relationship, likes cuddling better than sex?

Its organic.

Its basically water.

The plates Steve was holding made a worryingly loud clatter when he set them down on the table.
The wrong table, Carol noted, but since people were watching the show instead of eating, she
supposed it wasnt important. Look, he said hotly, you can insult our menu as much as you
like, but I am grateful and proud that customers like what we serve. Clearly, were doing
something right. There was a muffled hear-hear from somewhere in the room and Carol saw the
dark-haired student smile behind a hand, absently noting that it was the first such expression shed
seen on her. Steve wasnt smiling though. Actually, he was outright scowling and that was rare for
him. I know your type. You sell coffee and you dont care where it comes from--.

Screw you, I buy fairtrade.

Fine, then you dont care about the people you sell it to, or about what else you feed to them.
Steve was outright snapping now and Carol whistled, impressed. She hadnt seen him this angry
since Afghanistan. And all over coffee, apparently. Commercial guy hiding behind a knock-off
of a corporate logo. Take that away, what are you?

"A genius with genetically modified coffee beans that have more caffeine in them than should be
technically legal and a robot barista," Tony shot back immediately. "And I fund college
scholarships. How many impoverished prodigies have you sent to school, huh?"

Robot barista, huh the student said contemplatively and Carol snuck her a sideways look.
Are you that easily swayed by gimmicks? she asked and passed her the newly filed and
steaming teapot. You dont even drink coffee.

The smile she got in return was unexpectedly wicked. For a robot, I might learn.

Traitor, Carol said, but it wasnt unfriendly. She even smiled back. Then the exchange between
Steve and Stark turned into an outright shouting match and she sighed as she finally had to pitch
in, even as an elegant redhead with more freckles than Carol had ever seen on one person came
running in yelling Tony, what did I say? After that, it pretty much all devolved into chaos and
coffee-related insults and the students teapot getting broken, and that was how Carol and Steve
first met Tony Stark.

He called our coffee weak, Steve said sulkily.

I know, sweetheart. Carol hastily served him the mac-and-three-kinds-of-expensive-foreign-

cheese that she saved for really bad days. Hes just jealous because his pastries taste like sawdust.
Eli went and bought some and that was his report.

Franois Payard could have baked them and Eli would have still said they tasted bad, Steve
replied glumly, apparently too morose to pretend that Carols helper didnt worship the ground on
which he walked. Unfortunately, Carol couldnt argue with that. What she could do was double
the amount of creamy, carby goodness on his plate. So she did.

In all fairness, Steve-o, you dont brew the strongest coffee Ive ever tasted, Bucky said.

Not helping, Bucky, Carol sighed while Steve scowled around a mouthful of cheese.

Just saying.

The thing about Steve, Carol had found, was that he was reasonable, irritatingly so, about ninety-
eight percent of things. But where the remaining two percent was concerned he was an absolute
lunatic. And usually a competitive one as well.

Stop that, she told him when he asked all of their coffee-drinkers whether they ever bought their
pick-me-ups at Starkbucks.

Stop that, she told him when she found him and Kate huddled around their very basic espresso
machine trying to come up with novel flavours of coffee, with some guinea pig customers looking
a little green after the matcha-flavoured experiment samples.

Stop that, she told him, exasperated, when she caught Eli furtively bringing him a paper bag
with a sample of every edible item Starkbucks sold. Do not sink to his level.

Im not sure that Starks even at this level, Kate said, ignoring Elis outrage and picking up a
danish. She took a bite, made a face and put it back. That being said, ours are definitely better.

Steve looked undeservedly cheered by that. Dont look so smug, Carol told him severely.
Youre being a child and youre competing with Starbucks.

Starkbucks.

Whatever.
Luckily actually, Carol wasnt even sure if that was the right word here, but she was going with
it Kate was wrong about Tony not being at the same level of idiocy as Steve. Two days later, a
shaggy-haired man in an ill-fitting suit claiming to be a health inspector came into Blondie and
asked for a sample of all their ingredients.

ID? Carol asked while Steve hovered and the man visibly wilted.

Bruce Banner, he said when they were all squeezed into the courtyard. They being him, Carol
and Steve, with Eli, Cassie and Kate all jostling for space in the doorway, which begged the
question as to who was cooking or taking orders or making sure no one was robbing the cash
register, but hey. Sorry about this. Tony Steve made a disapproving noise at the mere mention
of his rival and Bruce blinked owlishly at him before continuing. Tony tasted some of your
cupcakes and now hes developed a Thing.

Over Bruces greying head, Carol could see Kate and Eli jostling in a not-so-silent battle of I told
you sos and pointed wordlessly towards the front of the diner. Eli looked like he wanted to
protest, but an eye-rolling Kate and a wistful-looking Cassie dragged him off with them. She
looked at Bruce, then at Steve (who at least had the grace to look sheepish and vaguely ashamed
of himself) then back to Bruce at whom she smiled beatifically. I know how that goes.

In spite of just having been caught impersonating an official government employee, Bruces
sensitive-looking mouth quirked up at one corner. He may or may not have done a survey of a
sample of customers who have been patrons of both establishments. He also may or may not have
concluded that there was a statistically significant preference in the sample for your baked goods.
He looked even more long-suffering. He also may or may not have said that there was no way
you could make things taste so good using organic raw ingredients, without any enhancements,
and wanted to do some quality assessments of his own.

Steve appeared to be torn between being pleased that his baked goods were coming out on top
and insulted at both the attempt at subterfuge to discredit him and how half-heartedly it had been
executed. Carol just figured Bruce had the look of someone who had been cajoled, or possibly
bullied, into this.

Why does he care? she asked bluntly. In all fairness, his coffee menu is far more varied than
ours. If thats what people want, theyll go to him, unless price is an issue.

Bruce just looked rueful. "I dont even really know," he admitted. "The coffeeshop isn't even his
main business. He designs medical robots for a living, and phones, and that new 3D game
software."

("Oh man," Eli said excitedly from somewhere out of sight, momentarily forgetting his 'love
Steve, hate Tony' way of life and also proving that he was incapable of obeying orders, "I've seen
the reviews of that, it's going to be awesome."

"You have no loyalty whatsoever," Kate told him witheringly. Carol agreed, but she was still in
trouble for not going back to work as well.)

"It's basically a write-off. And Starbucks keeps trying to sue him." Bruce, if possible, looked even
more world-weary. "I think he enjoys giving his lawyers the practice."

In spite of herself, Carol chuckled. Steve turned an expression on her that seemed to imply she had
just stabbed him in the back. Youre both being ridiculous, she informed him. Of all the things
to waste testosterone on. We dont even want people to come and just have coffee here, we make
far more profits from our food. And you hate the coffee machine.
Im getting better at it, he said, but even he clearly realised how defensive and lame that
sounded because he sighed, ran a hand over his face and, oh, there he was. There was the normal,
steady, sane Steve she was used to and Carol, watching his face, could pinpoint the exact moment
when he decided to be the bigger man here. If Mister Stark, he said with stilted courtesy,
would like to come and have a personal tour of Blondies kitchen then we would be happy to
oblige him.

Bruce smiled slightly. Ill let him know, he replied, equally polite. And Ill even try and
convince him to leave his spectroscopy kit at home.

Youre a good man, Carol said quietly, later, with one of her hips propped against the counter in
the bakery. Steve, who was occupied with scrubbing out one of his massive mixer bowls,
hunched his equally over-sized shoulders and made the awkward, wordless noise that was his
usual response to any sort of compliment he didnt believe he deserved, which amounted
essentially to any. No, really. Steve would take self-deprecation to an Olympic level sometimes
if he didnt have his face rubbed in the compliment until he at least pretended to accept it. Stark
was an absolute dick and, okay, you were basically behaving like a crazy person for a little while
there.

Hey!

but when it actually mattered, you manned up and put on your adult pants. Carol took it as a
victory that he was looking more aggrieved now than reluctant and grinned merrily at him. You
didnt have to invite him into your Secret HQ of Flour and Other Sweet Things, but you did.
Carol knew Steve better than most, at least in terms of the imperfect, human side of him that
generally got buried under the polite and forgiving side of him that anyone he did not know or
who had not proved that they deserved otherwise got from him, and while he was not the sort of
person to hold a grudge he had a surprisingly hot temper on him when he was provoked and could
be idiotically stubborn on topics where he assumed he had the moral high ground regardless of
any evidence to the contrary. She did not contest that he was a better man than pretty much
anyone she knew, but the people who believed that he was better because he was perfect were
wrong. It was the fact that he could be a dick just like everyone else and, most of the time,
managed not to be that made him good in her eyes.

He still looked dubious (or was possibly just working out how many of his more breakable
materials he would need to hide before Stark visited) so Carol settled for laughing at her perfectly
imperfect friend and spontaneously hugged him from behind. Even if she did then get covered in
flour, but that was one of the risks of being friends with a baker, and Carol could live with that.

Bruce, as agreed, acted as chaperone slash keeper slash mediator when he brought Stark along the
next day and Carol, cheerfully ready to throw Steve to the wolves if the wolves were corporate
sell-outs with too much money and overly-manicured facial hair, volunteered to work front of
house with Kate so that her partner could go and explain their criteria for ingredients (locally
sourced if at all possible, organic or at least free range if they could manage it, emphasis on
seasonality to try and cut back on their food miles). Luck or divine intervention meant that Stark
had turned up in the early afternoon lull, so covering Steve mostly ended up as Carol and Kate
hovering at the far end of the counter trying to eavesdrop. So far, there hadnt been any
explosions, which Carol was going to take as progress.

You could just go in there you know, Kate pointed out in exasperation after shed nearly fallen
off her perch trying to crane her head around the corner. Youre an owner as well.

This is Steves thing, Carol replied and she was rather proud of how unconcerned she sounded,
even if she was secretly dying inside to see Steves face as Stark shoved his face into all the
corners of his private sanctum. She happened to know for a fact that Steve had spent an hour and
a half longer than usual cleaning up last night, which meant that he actually cared what the other
coffeeshop owner thought.

Its also your thing. That earned the black-haired, tea-drinking student whose name was
Jessica Drew, apparently - a warm look from Carol. She was somewhat surprised that Jessica was
willing to abandon her laptop (which she had always previously been staring intently at from a
hunched over position whenever Carol had seen her before) to come join in the stalking-but-
pretending-not-to club at the end of the counter closest to the back part of the diner, but it was not
unpleasant. She had the greenest eyes Carol had ever seen before, especially set off by messy but
wonderfully thick dark hair, and it was just plain nice to be reminded that her stakes in the
business were equal to Steves even if people saw more of him and therefore tended to like him
much more than the crazy lady wearing a bandanna and wielding a spatula that they could only
really see through the order hatch.

The bakery is definitely Steves thing, she said despite her pleasure, staunchly loyal to her
partners genius when it came to what he could do with dough and batter. I like the kneading side
of things well enough, but my love affair with food started with street hot dogs and I suppose Ive
never really gotten over that. She smiled. They do say the first love hits you the hardest.

Kate, who had heard the story about why Carol and meat were BFFs, just chuckled and went
back to looking as if she wished she had extendable ears. Jess on the other hand seemed vaguely
horrified. Oh god, you dont mean those awful little carts where the meat sits there all day and the
condiments have who knows what in them?

Gets me hungry just thinking of them! Carol replied cheerfully, unashamed of this. If anything,
she found Jess look of fascinated repulsion adorable. It was something about the wrinkles around
her nose. My first serious boyfriend and I, we tried to sample every hot dog cart in our home
town on our dates. She had fond memories of Peter, but even fonder memories of searching for
the best kind of hot dog. When she looked back at Jess to see her still appearing all kinds of
bewildered, Carol just laughed. Dont let the kale shakes fool you, I was a fast food junkie at
heart to start with. Just because I then wanted to make food that tasted just as good and was better
for you as well doesnt mean that Ive forgotten my roots. I was originally going to suggest that
Steve and I buy a food truck before I realised that, with the shoulder span we have between us,
working in a tiny metal box was going to be a dumb idea.

Steve does have very nice shoulders Kate said happily, then shrugged her own when Carol
gave her a Look. What? Yours are nice too. This shop has an over abundance of nice shoulders.
I blame it on you being ex-military.

If Carol did indeed flinch ever so slightly at the blithe lack of tactlessness universally possessed by
the average teenager the bakery door swinging open luckily hid it. Everyone immediately focused
on it whilst simultaneously trying to appear as if they werent invested at all. That just translated
into Jess retreating off with her teapot and Kate scrubbing industriously at a perfectly clean bit of
the counter and Carol studiously examining the highest part of the ceiling before giving up on the
pretence and just grinning outright at Steve, Bruce and Stark. Well?

Steve looked harried. Bruce looked thoughtful. Stark looked like he had flour all over his probably
expensive suit and didnt care in the slightest. I mean its rustic because, seriously Steve,
youre wasting so much time insisting on kneading everything by hand when I could build you a
perfectly good machine that would still have this sensitivity that you keep harping on about, but
it all tastes damn good anyway. He talked very fast, which Carol had already noticed, but when
he wasnt being deliberately an ass it was almost endearing. Definitely engaging anyway. She
raised a questioning eyebrow at Steve.

Tony Oh, so it was Tony now? wants to cancel his contract with his pastry supplier and
use us instead, Steve said. He sounded exhausted, which didnt usually happen, even after a
wrestling session with Thor. But Carol also knew that he was a sucker for people paying
compliments to his cooking and enjoying what he fed them and could see that he was struggling to
stay entirely unenthusiastic.

She hid a smirk and instead chose to pin Stark, fine, Tony with an assessing gaze. Oh really
now?

Have you tasted the mans muffins? Carol let him think about that one for a second. Okay,
fine, dumb question. But Ive tasted his muffins. And I want them. Can I have them? Please,
Bruce, can I have them?

Bruce adjusted his glasses and tried to look stern, but Carol recognised his look of tolerant
amusement as one she felt herself wearing fairly often. Wed have to talk to Pepper.

And we cant commit to anything without assessing whether wed be able to supply it without
Steve and Cassie coming in even earlier in the morning. Carol liked the thrust of the idea
especially if it had the potential to give them another positive relationship with another local
business but she wanted to slow this down before Tony assumed it was a done deal.

Bruce seemed to appreciate her more cautious approach; Tony just looked crestfallen. Or
potentially mulish. Steve, the big lug, hated to see anyone disappointed and so he reached into the
display case. Peanut butter and apple cake? he offered consolingly.

Tony immediately perked up and took the proffered plate. You are a god among men.

Steve, ever one to be enthused by a positive reaction, even from someone hed been having a
strange and flour-related rivalry with for the past week, beamed down at him. Want a kale
smoothie to go along with that?

Lets not get carried away now, Tony said.

They didnt end up making the pastry deal, mostly because the effort wasnt worth the profit and,
in the end, Carol wasnt so sure about Steves homemade glories being served by robot. She had
been slightly worried that this would reignite Tonys grudge against them, but she neednt have
bothered; the end result was that he spent more time at Blondie then he did at Starkbucks.

Its fine, Carol assured Bruce when he asked. Its like having the worlds most opinionated and
best-dressed stray cat. And Steve already feeds the ones who are actually cats, so he wasnt
exactly going to refuse Tony.

Bruce looked doubtfully at where Steve was, with laughing exasperation, closing the door of the
bakery in a whining Tonys face. Well, if hes ever a bother

Oh, hes always a bother, Carol replied, chuckling. But dont sweat it. His Pepper has already
been in to give me her number. Six numbers in fact. So shes got it covered.

Oh good, Bruce replied, obviously relieved, and then didnt say no when Carol pressed a plate
of her meatloaf on him again.

It was Carols day off, which was to say that she wasnt going to be spending the day flipping
burgers or doing increasingly wacky things with hamburgers. What was to say was that she still
ended up doing a run to the bank to pick up more cash for the register since someone had
apparently insisted on paying for their cup of coffee and slice of lemon and verbena tart with a
hundred dollar bill, and it had been a choice between letting Kate murder him with a cake slice or
Carol going to get more change.

Still, the disaster had been averted and Carol was free to tow Cassie who was hers for the rest of
the day now that her baking shift was over and Steve could handle the afternoon dessert demands
out of the shop with her. Or she would have been if she hadnt nearly smacked into a doorway
full of British grad student.

Oh, hey Jess, she said once they were done with the clichd comedy of Cassie slamming into
her back when she stopped abruptly, bouncing off and then peering around her without any signs
of damage having been done. She piped up her own hellos, which Jess responded to with the
automatically absent-minded politeness Carol assumed was hardwired into the English genome.
Here for the day? she asked. The laptop bag and messy sheaf of papers certainly suggested so.
If you hurry, I think theres still one of the cinnamon rolls left.

Normally, that inspired an immediate sprint to the counter in people. Jess, though, just frowned.
Youre not working today.

Nope. Carol didnt feel too guilty about sounding cheerful about that even if Kate was probably
glaring resentfully at her back. Day off. She made a face as she amended herself. Sort of.

Ah

Carol was notoriously sceptical of her own ability to read peoples expressions, or at least people
who werent Steve or Bucky or those who were as transparently honest as, say, Thor. But she
could have sworn that Jess looked almostcrestfallen. Disappointed. It was as baffling as it was
potentially upsetting. Then Cassie made a strange, coughing noise at about Carols shoulder level
and, with an uncharacteristic level of forwardness for her, asked Do you want to come pick
pumpkins with us, Jess?

So whats grad student life like? Carols breath steamed as she spoke, but only a little. They
hadnt had any big freezes yet, which was precisely why they were doing this now, when the
pumpkins were at their best. Carol actually quite liked this sort of weather, as unbothered by the
cold as she was by the heat, and she had already caught Jess sneaking half envious, half aghast
looks at the thin sweater she was wearing.

Poor, Jess replied promptly. She, in contrast, was wearing a collection of various, knitted layers
and kept retreating inside the circle of her scarf like a particularly attractive turtle. Anti-social.
Will do anything to pay for pawning off my stats on someone else.

Carol was aware that her academic interests had promptly ended as soon as theyd pinned the
Second Lieutenant shoulderboard to her uniform and grinned ruefully. Journalism major, she
admitted. Not a problem I had.

I thought Kate said you were ex-military?

Still had to survive the Academy. Carol shrugged and bent down to rap investigative knuckles
against the side of one orange monster. And not all of us chose to add even more science and
engineering to our course load when flight school was going to have more than enough of that for
me. The sound wasnt hollow enough and she stood back up, moving down the line of damp
pumpkin vines. I liked writing better than mechanics.
I thought your menu was rather immaculately spelled for a diner, Jess demurred as she dutifully
followed Carol down the row.

I am choosing to ignore that implied slur towards diners, Carol said with great dignity, but only
because I think we want this pumpkin and because you still havent really told me what grad
school is like.

This one? Jess pointed at the pumpkin with her foot and Carol nodded. They both bent down
beside it. I dont know what there is to tell, really. I spend a lot of time in the lab.

And at the diner. Carol smiled at Jess then because she jerked a little and looked as if she was
worried that was a dig. It must have worked (she smiled tentatively back at least) but Carol
wondered why she appeared to care so much about what people thought of her.

Thats because if I didnt spend the time at the diner, Id have to spend even more time in the lab,
and Hank and Jan are lovely but Ive yet to work out whether science is the foreplay for sex or
whether sex is the foreplay for science, but either way the diner is safer. So much safer.

Even with all the teenage hormones flying around? As if thinking the same thing, Carol and Jess
both turned towards the opposite end of the field where Cassie and her ridiculously tall, almost to
Steve standards, boyfriend were doing the same thing they were. Carol knew he had a real name,
but for the life of her she couldnt remember it because everyone (Cassie included) just called him
Viz. His very existence was somewhat unexpected of their painfully young employees, Cassie
seemed the shyest and Carol wouldnt have necessarily expected her to have a boyfriend. But
theyd been together since middle school, apparently, and in all fairness they were hardly
responsible for the rampant unresolved sexual tension flying around the diner. That was reserved
for the teenage boys (and some older, admittedly) who worshipped the ground beneath Kates
stylish and wholly unaffordable boots and whom were treated with amused and completely
callous hauteur by the girl in question. Eli alternately glared daggers at these potential usurpers of
Kates attention and made calfs eyes at Steve, maintaining the worshipful side of things just
minus the sexual tension. Kate herself had apparently decided that having a crush on Thor was the
best thing to do and flirted with him with all the assurance of someone who had been effortlessly
popular at high school and the relentless determination of the average terrier. Carol was just glad
that Sif had decided to find this funny rather than to actively consider her a threat and had, more
than once, seen her egging Kate on. Probably in the hope of getting free wheatgrass and coconut
milk juice out of Kates aggressive and very, very young brand of courtship.

Are you kidding? Jess was chuckling, a rare enough sound that Carol automatically tilted her
head towards it. Maybe I should switch my thesis title around so that Im studying teenage
pheromones rather than insect ones. At least I could put my tea under experimental expenses
then.

The pumpkin was stubbornly inconvenient enough to be lying half on its side, so Carol pulled her
knife out of her boot top and handed it to Jess before she wrapped her hands around all that
corrugated orangeness. Do we get extra money for donating our teenage workforce to science?
she asked. They would make adorable lab rats. No, cut it higher, itll last longer if it has more
stem attached.

Once Carol had kindly bullied Jess into being less ginger with the knife, they both got to gaze
proudly at their prize. Or at least Carols gaze was proud. Jess looked more bemused than
anything else. Its veryorange, she said when Carol looked at her, clearly feeling as if she was
expected to offer some compliment, even though all she had done was allow herself to be
effectively kidnapped and driven to a choose your own pumpkin farm on the outskirts of town.

Shes a beauty. Carol patted it affectionately where it lay cradled in her arms, then hitched it up
higher onto her shoulder so she only needed one hand to steady it. But shes only number one
though. We still need twenty-nine more.

What does a person even do with thirty pumpkins? Jess asked, a trifle plaintively, while they
walked back towards Carols truck.

Oh sweet summer child, Carol said because there was only so many times a person could watch
their Star Trek DVDs over and over, and Sharon swore by Game of Thrones, youve never
tasted Steves pumpkin spice beignets. Or his pumpkin and ricotta cheesecake. And, my god, the
year he perfected his pumpkin eggnog I dont think we left the apartment for three days

Carol had always been susceptible to diving headfirst down the memory lane of food porn and she
lost a few moments to probably looking dreamy and smacking her lips a lot. When she
remembered that the real world existed again she resurfaced to find Jess looking rosy-cheeked,
messy-haired and surprisingly nervous in an affectedly nonchalant sort of way. Carol cocked her
head in silent question because she was being hard to read again.

Forgive me if this is rude, Jess started, but half the regulars are dying to know, and also Kate
said shed give a free slice of pie to anyone who actually asked Carol raised an eyebrow at her,
but while it made Jess blush it didnt deter her either. That wasnt wholly unsurprising; Jess was
awkward, but she was awkwardly bold as well. You and Steve? Business partners? Or partners
partners?

Really, Carol should have been expecting that. She gurgled a little laugh and nearly dropped the
pumpkin. If shed had a dollar for every time that someone had asked her that then she wouldnt
have needed to sell her soul to the bank for a small business loan. While she was making noises
like a particularly merry hippo though, Jess looked wary and like she was about to flee, so Carol
contained herself. Mostly.

No, sorry, thats justwe get that a lot. If shed been less certain of where she stood in Steves
life and he in hers then she might have been worried by it. Mostly, she was just amused by it,
while Steve oscillated anxiously between embarrassment and then assuring Carol he wasnt saying
she wasnt lovely but No, no, a thousand times no. Not even in the past, I swear.

Jess didnt look convinced. Seriously? she asked dubiously, pressing the fairly unique and one
time advantage she had of having Carol alone in a frosty field with only pumpkins and two distant
teenagers for company. Never?

This was the point where Carol usually started eye-rolling and making people run laps for being
too nosy if she had authority over them (and occasionally those over whom she had no authority,
but could shame into it nonetheless) but.she kind of got it. Why people looked at her and Steve
and their closeness and assumed that there was only one natural culmination for that sort of
affection. Im not saying that it was never a possibility. Steves Steve. I think its hard to not love
him. If I make myself think about ityeah, I could see it. Maybe I could even want it. She could
feel herself smiling a little, eyes gone distant, and it didnt even seem to matter that this was a
wholly inappropriate conversation to be having in a pumpkin field with a customer whose last
name she didnt even know. But a whole lot of Carols life was pretty damn inappropriate, so why
ruin a good running streak? And who knows? Maybe it would have been a good idea once, God
knows I was as impressed by his shoulder to hip ratio when I first met him as anyone else. But for
nowfor now, Steves the person I want to be, not the person I want to be with. I dont think its
healthy to get into a relationship with someone you think is that much better than you. Thats
either going to be a crap balance of power or someones going to get disappointed. And Steves
problem is that hes better than pretty much everyone else, so they get all upset when they realise
that, actually, sometimes hes not. Especially since I think hes so focussed on doing right by
people that actually working on his own relationships feels selfish. He can be kind of a lousy
boyfriend, actually. Ask Sharon about it when shes had a few glasses of wine, if youre
interested, its hilarious when she starts yelling about how his abs were too intimidatingly perfect
for them to have stayed together. SoI guess we could have tried the dating thing. But, honestly?
Id rather just have him in my life. And so long as I do, Im happy.

That impromptu, unexpected, inappropriately rambling speech had been long enough that they
were by Carols truck now and she grunted as she set the pumpkin down in the bed. That almost
necessitated a break in all of the personal shit shed been spewing and it was as if Carol had only
just remembered that this was likely more than Jess had asked for. She snuck a sideways look at
her, expecting awkwardness (or, worse, boredom) but instead Jess just lookedwell, Carol didnt
know what that look was. Interested? Sad? A mixture of the both? Carol didnt really do
embarrassment, certainly not anymore, but she felt curiously on the spot for her, like someone had
scraped away a little of her usually tough skin and left her uncharacteristically vulnerable. So she
played it off, rolling up her sleeves and smiling lop-sidedly, like this was all completely normal for
her. Plus, have you seen us? As a couple, wed look way too incestuous, even if our kids would
kill in one of those all American toddlers and tiaras pageants.

That made Jess laugh and make a dig at American television, which Carol saw as a fair opening to
make a sly comment about the crap special effects in Doctor Who, and that argument lasted them
until long after Cassie and Viz had joined them and they were driving back into town. But it also
occurred afterwards to Carol, when she was wiping down the last pumpkin and carefully stacking
it with its ginger brethren in the larder, that for someone who liked people in general but didnt
necessarily offer them that much insight into her, that had been a lot of talking. And shed been a
little bashful afterwards, sure, but nothing too painful. Jess was just that easy to talk to about the
big stuff, not just the trivialities, and Carol hadnt felt that with someone in a long time.

Not since Steve, in fact, all those years ago under the unforgiving desert sun

The less said about the time leading up to Thanksgiving the better.

Actually, the less said about the time leading up to Christmas the better because it just never
stopped.

Carol blamed the weather for basically not having time to stop and breathe, let alone sleep,
because apparently the moment it started getting chilly then everyone and their mother and their
second cousin twice removed wanted to huddle somewhere warm and gorge on carbs. She wasnt
entirely unsympathetic because even if she didnt mind the cold, she had an unholy grudge against
drizzle, and it meant that their profits took a cheerful leap into the comfortable realm well, Im
fairly certain we wont go bust this month at least. But it also meant that Cassie and Steve were
getting in at three-thirty rather than four to meet the demand for seasonal cupcakes (Carol had had
to order in three times as much cinnamon as usual and she wasnt even going to talk about the
gross weight of dried fruit theyd gone through in November alone) and that the carefully
balanced system of shifts she and Eli had worked out went out of the window they had to have
open even when it was sleeting because of how furnace-like the kitchen got when they had this
many orders to dash between.

They used up the pumpkins far too fast and Carol had to make another run to the farm, but Jess
was squirreled away in her lab frantically making up the hours before it got closed for the holidays
and so she had to take Bucky instead. He was more useful with the heavy lifting, but Carol felt
strangely bereft nonetheless. She might even have thought about doing a bit of wistful moping if
she hadnt just been so damn busy, which was a good thing in the end even if she did start having
dreams about apocalypses that had slouching, shambling stacks of sentient pancakes instead of
zombies.
Carol slept through Thanksgiving because it was her first real day off since the middle of October.
She and Steve would have tried to do the same for Christmas except Sharon staged an intervention
by nearly kicking down their bedroom doors and dragging them out into the living room to eat
Chinese takeout and drink one of Buckys mysterious vodka cocktails that tasted like winter and
punched like a soldier.

(Im so glad that Steve didnt permanently drive you away with his irritating perfection, Carol
said fervently around a mouthful of char siu pork and Steve made a half-heartedly wounded noise,
but Sharon just laughed and put more crispy seaweed on his plate and then everything was
alright.)

So even if the pious, guilty diet everyone went on in the New Year meant that a diner was the last
place most over-gorged indulgers wanted to be and their sales reflected that, Carol was actually
relieved for the chance to catch their breath. And at least Steves kale shakes were popular, for all
that people usually furtively bought a cinnamon roll with them, just this once.

They were still alive.

Winter hadnt even begun to think of thawing out yet when Carol heard a scream from out front.
She burst out of the kitchen brandishing her second best boning knife to address the potential
thief/sexual predator/pancake zombie and instead saw a dead deer standing in Blondies doorway.

Ooh, gimme, she said, handing the knife off to a baffled looking Kate, and advancing with
delightedly outstretched hands. Steve, she bellowed, Clint and Natasha are here.

Steve, floury and lit up from within in with surprised anticipation, poked his head out from the
bakery just in time to see the deer carcass shift enough to one side to reveal a sandy blond head
and, further back, the slim ranginess of the red-headed woman who was countering Carols grin
with a subtle smile of her own. Youre early, he protested with pleased accusation and bounded
forwards like the worlds largest puppy.

Blame the blizzard that drove us down south sooner than I expected, said Clint, smirking and
seeming not to mind the one hundred and fifty pound odd carcass slung over his shoulder, even if
it was threatening to drag on the ground since he was actually an inch or so shorter than Carol.
Nat was all for staying out there and proudly fulfilling her Russian heritage or whatever, but I
wanted to come back with the same number of fingers and toes that I had when I left.

Twenty seems excessive, Natasha said lightly. She wasnt carrying a whole deer, but neither
was she unburdened. She held out a brace of ducks and Carol actually made what she
unfortunately knew was the same noise that shed whipped out the first time shed seen Thor
doing one-armed press-ups. She loved having game to play around with and shed have hugged
them if, a, Natasha had been the sort and, b, Clint hadnt been more deer than man right now. So
she settled for laughing, taking the ducks and pushing Clint in the direction of their walk-in
refrigerator before Bambis mom made any of their patrons cry.

With the cheerful cruelty of the bosses, Carol and Steve delegated their respective shifts to Eli and
Cassie and took over the corner booth closest to the kitchen. Carol outright refused to be stuck on
the same side as Steve their shoulders made any sort of sharing difficult. And, besides, Steve had
always had a hilarious and unexpected thing for Natasha that everyone except the pair of them
found way too amusing. Steve was atypically flustered by it and Natashawell, who ever knew
what Natasha thought, except maybe Clint, and he just grinned like the Cheshire Cat any time it
was raised and pled the fifth.

So Carol ended up leaning companionably against Clint (who, admittedly, only had small
shoulders in comparison to Steve) smelling musk and frost and the beeswax he treated his
bowstrings with. She hadnt known him all that long Steve was the one who had served with
him on a mission long, long ago but Clint was her sort of person, equal parts good guy and
sarcastic douchebag, even without him and Natasha keeping them in stock with seasonal game to
give her a wider variety of meats to play around with in her sausages and burgers. Across from
them, Natasha was all serene, self-contained relaxation and Steve was trying to make himself as
small as possible so as not to encroach on her space.

Enjoying civilisation? she asked, Natasha ostensibly, but it was Clint who answered, sounding
long-suffering.

Far too much, shes had four baths since we got home, he complained. Long ones as well. Its
like she wants to morph into a prune or something.

Natasha looked beatific, Steve blushed and Carol made her best sympathetic eyebrows, then
promptly ruined it by asking Is that why you dont smell much better than the buck you brought
in? She laughed when Clint thumped her in the shoulder and held her hands up in mock
surrender. Im sorry, Im sorry, you smell likes roses and kittens and pot pourri.

Damn straight, Clint sniffed and then stretched out as much as he could in a small booth with
Carol tolerating his arm stretching along the top of the seat behind them. God, Im glad to be
back in somewhere with wifi and Mexican food and coffee again though.

Are you staying for long? Steve asked.

Natasha and Clint did that weird psychic communication thing again, the one where her face did
nothing and Clint moved his nose, cheeks and eyebrows around a bit before a silent consensus
was reached and he nodded. For a couple of months at least. There are fewer permits than usual,
but that actually suits us. I like being able to feel my nose and Nat has a dancing gig she can fall
back on.

In response to the question Steve was too polite to ask, Natasha inclined her head just so. Ballet.

Carol managed not to laugh at Steve looking twice as stricken by his polite devastation where
Natashas attractiveness was concerned than usual. Give us dates and well make sure were in
the audience, she assured her. She even thought Natasha looked quietly pleased by the idea. That
or it was just a trick of the light.

You mean you get actual evenings off? Clint asked, grinning like the little shit he was. What
kind of new business owners are you?

The kind doing better than your hipster Middle Earth ranger asses, Carol shot back.

Were actually looking at hiring a few more part-time staff, Steve said, more helpfully. Kate
and Eli are students, so there are only so many shifts they can pull, and Carol gets grumpy if shes
not allowed to have her monthly date with all of the Star Wars DVDs.

Carol looked around for something to throw at him, but was distracted by Clint suddenly looking
sly. That never boded well and she gave him the full weight of her suspicion. Id heard you were
employing child labour, he said blithely. And that one of them wanted to have Steves babies.
Carol relaxed when Steve sighed at the reminder of Elis continued and unwavering idolisation of
him, something that proved to be premature. And that Carol was making googly-eyes at a
student.

Even Natashas quiet laugh, a rarity in itself, wasnt enough to distract Carol from her lacklustre
mortification. One, Coulson is banned for life from here if he carries on texting you guys all the
gossip and then hell have to go back to buying his doughnuts at 7-Eleven, she said. And two,
shes a grad student. She hadnt even thought shed been that obvious, but apparently not, so
there was no point in denying it. Though if this was irritatingly common knowledge, then maybe
that explained Cassies weird little spark of bravery when shed invited Jess along to pick
pumpkins out of the blue

Which birthday did you celebrate this year again, Danvers? Clint shot back, straddling the line
between totally innocent and wicked as all fuck. Thirty-three?

Thirty-four.

Clint looked victoriously across the table, searching for approval. Natasha just raised an eyebrow
at him and Steve smiled apologetically at Carol like the adorable traitor he was. I like Jess, he
admitted, and this was definitely payback for Carol finding his completely out of character crush
on Natasha hysterical. She tells me interesting things about spiders.

Weirdly, Natasha looked approving. Clint just cackled. And CarolCarol knew they were only
joking, but the booth suddenly felt too small and there was that familiar sense of being backed into
a corner, everything else looming over-large around her and an imaginary but nonetheless painful
ache setting up in her head. It wasnt their fault for teasing her the way that everybody did with
their friends, but her shoulders hunched up nonetheless, unbidden but still definitely defensive.
Shes a customer, guys, she said shortly. Too shortly for her, even if she was the brusque one
out of her and Steve. Dont be idiots.

The silence that followed was just long enough to be awkward, empty and loud in the way that
uncomfortable quietness could be. Carol deliberately didnt look at Steve because she knew that
gentle, resigned look of not-pity-but-understanding-and-that-was-even-worse far too well. Instead,
she fixed stubborn eyes on Natashas left temple until the dark red curls there shifted in a brisk
moment and Carol was left surprised by the intensity of the calm in the other womans eyes, but
also the degree of quiet understanding there as well. A wild boar ran off with Clints clothes last
week, she said mildly and Carol could have kissed her then for the outraged squawk it wrought
from next her.

You promised you wouldnt tell! Clint yelped, outraged.

Natasha was all unrepentant easiness as she cut up one of the muffins from the over-flowing
platter between them (because Steve overfed the people to whom he was indifferent, let alone
those he harboured a secret-not-so-secret longing to run away to Russia with) and shrugged. You
also promised you wouldnt go swimming in that stream and yet you did so it serves you right.

Clints naked body wasnt precisely something Carol normally wanted to think about, but it was a
distraction, a glorious distraction. And the same way that shed pushed through Basic, Combat
Survival Training and the shitshow in Afghanistan that had resulted in a broken arm and three
fewer fingernails than normal for her, she pushed through her discomfort now, but a pall was cast
over her usual cheerfulness at seeing people with as many interesting stories as Clint and Natasha.
And it was all her, her own fears, that oppressive sense of the future that made it hard to breathe
when bleakness rolled in like a storm front inside her brain.

All her. Not them. Her. And even being given an impromptu butchery masterclass by Natasha
couldnt quite dispel the quiet, looming sense of despair that had denned down behind her
breastbone and didnt show any signs of thawing even with spring on the horizon.

Hey, Steve said after shed called out Yeah? in response to his polite knock on her (open)
door. He looked as if he might have been trying to be unobtrusive, but given how much of her
doorway he took up it was pretty futile and she rolled her eyes at him and pointed towards her
desk chair. He bypassed that though to sit next to her on her bed, tall and solid and dressed in
sweats she had a suspicion had been hers at some point. She half considered protesting, but she
was just too tired to fight off his concern at this point and went back to staring mutely, blankly at
the too-cheerful blue of her wall.

They sat like that for a while, the mood not in itself comfortable, but the silence between them
wasnt uncomfortable. They didnt necessarily need words, they just chose to use them when they
felt like being specific. Like Steve, like now, when he jostled her thigh with the long line of his
own. Sorry about the Jess thing, he said and the knot behind Carols breastbone turned a little
more Gordian. The Jess thing he called it, like it was actually a thing, like she had any right to be
upset about a pretty grad student shed picked pumpkins with once and didnt even see on a daily
basis, no matter how increasingly and alarmingly fond Carol was becoming of her... Was the
problem even Jess or was it just Carols entire, frustrated relationship with time?

She wanted a drink. But she also wanted Steve not to worry any more than he had to and she
thought admitting to that would just deepen the furrows in his brow. So instead of going and
challenging Bucky to do tequila shots until one or both of them passed out she sighed and brought
one knee up to her chest. Dont be, she muttered. Its not even a thing. Calling it a thing just
makes it a thing and its not. A thing, I mean.

Steve kindly didnt comment on just how little sense that made. That was because Steve did
everything kindly when it mattered, when she felt the mania chewing on the composure she held
at bay with business and sausage recipes and the frantic lunch rush. Which was why he just
didnt comment at all. Instead, he wrapped an arm around her and she leaned miserably into the
sturdy strength of a man who would have still been a soldier were it not for her own particular
brand of crazy. She didnt cry Carol had always saved her tears for other people rather than
herself, or tried to at least since circumstances conspired against this particular resolution but she
did stay there until the fire alarm going off announced that Bucky had taken it upon himself to try
and make dinner. Steve knew when to be quiet, but Bucky helped by not helping at all, not in the
slightest, and that was probably why she didnt yell too much at him for burning marinara sauce
onto the base of one of her copper-bottomed saucepans.

It didnt get easier, it just got worse. Or better, depending on how you looked at it.

It was better on Carols good days, when she actively enjoyed the smell of Jess hair or spent her
breaks trying to make sense of whatever science crap it was that she studied whilst the grad
student just laughed at her inability to pronounce the most complicated chemical names. It was
better when Jess stayed after they closed to help clean up and Carol got her turn to feel superior
when she saw quite how bad the other woman was at anything remotely related to food, which
just supported every stereotype about British cooking she said, earning her an aggrieved hip-bump
that sent shivers up her spine. It was better when she made Jess watch A New Hope for the very
first time, which just ended up in Carol being forced to smother her with couch cushions because
the little heathen didnt appreciate classic masterpieces and instead insisted on pointing out every
directorial and story-telling decision that she disagreed with (and the worst part was that Carol still
forgave her for such poor taste in films).

It was worse, however, every time Carol looked at her life and remembered just how much she
was failing at staying detached.

Kate, proactive little future world leader slash mafia boss that she was, suggested two of her
friends as candidates for the part-time staff positions Carol and Steve were looking for, and they
didnt see the harm in giving them an interview. Business was just starting to pick up again now
that people were slowly giving up on their New Year health kick and eating carbs again, so now
would be the best time to train them up while a shift wasnt hectic enough to send them screaming
for the hills. (Lure them in under false pretences, Kate had said with no loyalty to her friends
whatsoever and Carol had laughed and taken the numbers the younger woman had carefully
printed out for her on a napkin.)

Carol and Steve were there because duh. Eli was there because Steve was, but also nominally to
have a say in the short-order cook he might have a hand in training. Kate was there because of
nosiness and also to take notes since her handwriting was better than Carols and Steves put
together and Tonyno one knew why Tony was there (You dont even go here, Eli had said
accusingly. Im here to try and convince Rogers that robots are still the better option, Tony had
replied, which hadnt justified his presence at all) but it would have taken more effort to get rid of
him than to let him listen in, even if Steve was making Stern Faces at him in between smiling
reassuringly at the two candidates.

Kate, who was getting dictator-like in her managerial role, had evicted some hungover frat boys
from the largest table in the place, and now wielded a pen like she was some sort of political
reporter. Her notebook was full of her transcript of the interview process, written alarmingly fast
and yet in elegant cursive. The skinny one, Billy, all sharp angles and a twitchy sort of energy,
was trying to covertly read what shed written down and Kate socked him in the upper arm
without even looking at him. The cook candidate chuckled and glanced fondly at him with a look
that probably mean you deserved that. Billys mulishness and Teddys amusement aside, at least
Carol could be sure that Kate would keep them in line, which wouldnt necessarily be true if they
employed someone older.

She definitely liked Teddy. He looked her in the eye, called her Maam and had said that he had
had kitchen experience beforehand. He was a little like Eli actually, but even calmer if possible,
and without the Steve-worship. Billy seemed a little more erratic, a little more restless, but
intelligent in an insatiable sort of way. Either he was going to get bored of the job in a month or he
was going to start racing with Kate to see which of them could come up with the best business
innovation. He seemed strangely reluctant to be there, but Carol was inclined to chalk that up to
being interviewed in front of a friend who would out-rank him if he got the boss since teenage
boys were hardly the only specimens of their gender who got their y-fronts in a twist about being
subordinate to women.

Natasha and Clint (who had come in this morning with Natasha limping slightly and Clint making
snide comments about en pointe shoes before she had neatly kicked him in the shin with her
abused feet) didnt have a monopoly on silent communication. When Steve glanced her way, she
knew he approved as well and she slanted her mouth in the way that meant he could speak for the
both of them. He tended to sound more professional than she did anyway. Well, therell be a
probationary period of course, but Im hopeful, he said to them. Id like to organise a day for
both of you to shadow Eli and Kate before we actually start your training, but unless you have any
objections

Teddy was grinning like a blond Buddha, inspiring the same sort of expression in Carol. Kate had
been right when shed said that Teddy was one of the most immediately likeable people shed met
other than Steve. But she was also aware of Billy fidgeting, narrowing his eyes at where Steves
dog tags were jangling accidentally outside of his t-shirt and turned to look at him when he
abruptly squared his shoulders. Not unless youre planning on going against equal opportunity
employment, he piped up, voice young but sharp.

Steve like most people would if politics, not to mention federal law and non-discrimination acts
were brought up so candidly and without either warning or any sort of logical lead-in looked
baffled. Well, it wasnt on my list of things to do today, he said, maintaining his usual good-
natured quality, so I dont see us changing our hiring policy now.

He was being polite, but Carol suddenly had an inkling of where it was going. Billy was holding
himself like a freedom fighter and Kate was sending him looks that made Carol think that her
murdering him was a very real possibility. Teddy just looked like he wanted to put his head in his
hands and was only just managing to maintain a now rather forced smile. But, really, it was Billys
rebellious sort of aggressiveness that gave it away. That and the brittle, desperate tension that
Carol for once sensed underneath whatever internet petition soapbox attitude he was projecting
and recognised as something she herself had once felt. It was the look of someone about to do
something wrong for the right reasons and Carol was suddenly acutely remembered being a
teenager and feeling like every conversation with adults was a battle for her rights to be herself.

Billy looked cautiously belligerent, proving her suspicions right, as he reached for Teddy's hand
(who looked apologetically across the table at them, but didnt stop him from doing so). "But you
were in the Army, right? Doesn't that basically mean that you, like, endorsed 'don't ask, don't
tell'?"

The kid, Carol thought, was extremely young. And green. And a bit of a little shit if he was
ignoring the askance looks of his boyfriend to still be pushing Steve on this. But when she glanced
Steve's way, she saw him looking extremely old and just...tired. As if he'd been asked this
question too many times before. And it was suddenly worrying that, maybe, he had been that
made Carol frown decisively and lean over to cuff the teenager round the back of his head. She
ignored his startled 'Hey!' and just glared. "After I kissed my first girl and had my first freak out
about it, Steve snuck me off campus and took me to a ladies bar so I could celebrate it. And then
after I realised I still liked kissing dudes as well, he didn't ask me if that meant I was only half gay
or if I didn't think I was just being greedy, which is more respectful of my right to love whomever
the hell I want to than most of the baby gays running around with chips on their shoulder refusing
to accept that bisexuality is a valid lifestyle choice."

At least the kid had the shame to drop his gaze. That meant Carol got a good look at where Jess
was sitting in her usual corner, an odd expression on her face, and she mentally sighed. Next time,
maybe she'd remember to adjust the volume control when she felt the impulse to share personal
details like her clumsy, stumbling path towards working out whether she wanted a label at all, let
alone the bisexual one. "The world isn't perfect, kid, and we haven't all got the luxury of raging at
the machine when there are bigger things out there to fight for than being one hundred percent
honest. But we're trying. And, for the record, Steve? A hell of a lot more perfect than the world
generally is, I'll tell you that."

"Carolllll," Steve complained, but it was half-hearted. She grinned at him, unrepentant, and got a
quirk of the lips back. For her, that was enough, especially since Billy was looking like a kicked
puppy. She didn't regret having cuffed him down, but she could empathise - when you were
young, discovering yourself was world consuming. It was all you could focus on. And you
assumed the entire world was focusing on it as well, hence the defensiveness and the defiance. It
was a seriously dumb thing to have done, shoving an agenda down the throats of potential
employers who were far more likely to reject him for the job because of his attitude than because
of his sexualitybut she also looked past his aggressive defensiveness to the frustration with a
world that wasnt as good as the one he could see just out of his grasp, the one he could have if
only he fought these battles hard enough and changed enough minds, and she didnt need to ask
what had made him so prepared to be discriminated against, only trusted that it had happened and
that it had sucked. Once, she might have been irritated with him. Now she just felt weirdly
benevolent as she stood up and briskly tied her hair back with the elastic around her wrist. "So,
how do you boys take your burgers?"
Billy looked more than a little stunned, like hed already psyched himself up to storm out of the
place, fuming about homophobia and discrimination, and now didnt know what to do with
himself. Luckily, his boyfriend proved himself to be the sensible one. Kosher, no pickles, he
said, pointing at Billy, and Ive had your blue-cheese stuffed burger before and it was life-
changing. His voice was mild, but the gratitude was naked in his eyes. Carol let the corner of her
mouth crook at him and he did the same. Then she ruffled Billys hair, said Either you need a
hair-cut or you need to find a way to keep it out of your eyes when youre serving customers, and
Im making yours a double because youre too skinny and marched off to appropriate a corner of
her grill back from Clint who had offered to take over while she and Eli conducted the interview.

Dont worry, you get used to her doing that, she heard Tony say smugly, presumably to Billy.

Shes terrifying, the kid said, but it sounded awed.

She is, Kate chirped proudly, but shes also amazing. I want to be her when I grow up. And
Carol laughed softly to herself before the door swung closed and she went to indulge her genetic
imperative to feed people until they cried for mercy. Maybe young people werent wholly
irredeemable after all.

The end results of that exciting little interview were that Carol simultaneously gained herself a
new and wonderfully competent kid to take shifts in the kitchen and a baby gay who insisted on
regarding her with such wonder that she now knew what being Steve must have felt like.

(Youre an inspiration to the infant, Tony magnanimously lectured her, brandishing his beignet
like an Oscar. Take it as the compliment it is, Carol. Now I know it can be daunting, being a role
model to an impressionable young person, but as someone who has vast experience with people
wanting to be like me, if you ever want any help

Bruce chuckled into his chai tea and Carol rolled her eyes so hard that it hurt then threw a stale
baguette end at Tonys head, but he still insisted on printing out a pamphlet entitled Dont hate
me because Im awe-inspiring, a guide to being a shining example of exceptionality by Tony
Stark and reading excerpts out loud until she threatened to call Pepper.)

I am not marching in his first Pride with him like a PFLAG mother, Carol muttered rebelliously
into her meatballs after Billy had shown far too much interest in her romantic history and she had
tried to deter him and ignore how painfully aware of Jess presence in that corner of hers she was.

Aww, but you and Steve could hold his hands, Bucky had said, singularly unhelpful as usual.
Itd be cute. You could bring the entire nest of ducklings with you and show your combined
support.

It does occasionally feel like weve ended up a surprise batch of children, Steve said ruefully,
patting Carol supportively on the shoulder.

Yeah, well, I feel cheated of their cute if pukey phase. Carol was not mollified. The phase
before they start making dramatic statements about their sexuality.

Its yours and Steves fault for being so wholesomely respectable. Carol knew she was tired
because Bucky was stealing meatballs off her plate and she wasnt even fighting it. If you were a
little less representative of the All American Dream then maybe youd stop accidentally adopting
enough ethnically and sexually diverse teenagers that you could shoot your own United Colors of
Benetton ad.

The moment they start fighting about whose turn it is to get the front seat, were firing them all,
Carol told Steve, entirely serious, but he ruined the gravity of her threat by smiling tolerantly at her
and telling her to eat her creamed spinach.

Carols sense of unasked for parenthood was not helped by Eli turning twenty-one and Steve
suggesting they throw a party for him in the diner, but at least she wasnt so far gone that she felt
at all reluctant to buy him alcohol. A lot of alcohol. No, really, so much alcohol because putting
Bucky in charge of drinks was always a bad idea.

How many people are you expecting to come to this? she asked, aghast, when she saw just how
many crates he had piled in her previously beautifully organised kitchen.

That depends entirely on how many customers took the fliers Kate left out for them, Bucky said,
not at all sounding like he realised the doom-like movie sound effects he was setting off in Carols
brain. You only turn twenty-one once, Carol.

You only have to burn a building down once as well, Bucky. But that sounded paranoid even to
her and Carol sighed, shook her head and went back out front to go frighten the birthday boys
friends into submission or something. Even in the fifteen minutes shed spent helping Bucky out
the crowd in the diner had swelled considerably. Kate, for once, had managed to completely drive
thoughts of Steve out of Elis head for once by merit of wearing a retro violet number and some
seriously envy-provoking boots. Even Carol did a slight double-take before she shoved Kate back
in the foetus box and as for Eli, he looked like the war was not just won, but celebrating the
fiftieth anniversary of its armistice. The cat-with-cream look on Kates face as she imperiously
organised the arrangement of the food suggested that she was well aware of this.

Cassie and Viz were looking unconsciously adorable as they chatted with Teddy and the look of
fascinated terror on Billys face suggested that maybe he was about to make Sharon his new
mentor in modern gender equality, which was fine with Carol. Meanwhile, Steve and Thor were
taking up an entire corner all on their own while they created a singularity of blond muscularity
around whom the rest of the guests had to squeeze past. And, oh boy, there were already a lot of
them.

Plus two more, apparently. Since she wasnt yet occupied with conversation, Carol went to say hi
to Natasha and Clint when they walked in, though she narrowed her eyes at what he was carrying.
Oh my God, tell me you didnt buy Eli a bow for his birthday, she said instead of the intended
and somewhat more socially acceptable hello.

No, this is to show Kate, Clint replied, making Carols eyebrows feel as if they disappeared
immediately into her hairline.

Its not him suddenly developing a schoolgirl fetish, Natasha said with a smirk. Apparently,
socialites do archery now. Its all very Gossip Girl meets The Hunger Games.

It really, really pains me that you watch that show, Clint complained and got the expected zero
percent of shame from Natasha. Nah, we got the birthday boy real Russian vodka from Natashas
secret and potentially illegal sources.

Having drunk with Natasha just once before (and that was definitely, definitely enough) Carol
winced on Elis behalf and eyed the bottle in question with more than a little trepidation.
Between you and Bucky, were all going to die of alcohol poisoning, she said resignedly.

Oh, your roommate? Clint asked, but before Carol could answer three things happened at once.

One, Steve spotted Natasha and his face lit up with a quiet, bashful sort of radiance as he excused
himself from Thor and made to come over.

Two, Bucky banged noisily through the kitchen door, grinning fiendishly and holding a martini
glass that looked like it actually had dry ice running down its sides.

And, three, Natasha went very, very still in a way entirely different from her usual quiet, stately
grace, and said James in a queerly uninflected voice that still managed to have more potential
emotion in it than anything Carol had heard her say before.

With the usual sixth sense a room full of people had for any sort of drama, silence quickly fell and
Carol was automatically looking towards Steve, so she witnessed in excruciating detail the
moment a man trained to assess a situation in a glance picked up on the tense undercurrents
rippling around them all and his face fell. Beside her, Clint was equally quiet (for once) except he
was looking at Natasha, then at Bucky, then back to his friend.

Carol wanted to be by Steves side in that moment, except there was some unwritten law in play
that none of them could move until Natasha and Bucky did, and they were just staring at each
other, Natasha closed-down and Bucky with such naked shock that it had actually wiped away all
of his usual cockiness. Something nudged her hand and she looked unwillingly down to see the
vodka bottle extended mutely towards her by Clint.

She took it.

So, Danvers, spill, Tony asked later, after Natasha and Bucky had disappeared out to the
courtyard. Tell me you knew that your roommate and your pet wild woman had some sort of
torrid Arctic love affair in Canada years ago.

No one has torrid anything in Canada, Carol retorted snappishly. Tony though, the bastard, was
undeterred and just looked even more expectant. No, Carol had to admit. This is news to all
of us. And she sincerely wished it hadnt been because Steve was staunchly talking to Sif about
what looked like ab exercises, something about which he was normally endearingly enthusiastic to
a comic degree, but Carol was aware that romantic disappointment was one thing, but that
romantic disappointment because his best friend and his suddenly far less hilarious crush had
well, it wasnt good, and Carol was having to quell every instinct she had to go and hover
unhelpfully and protectively by his side.

She called him James though? Kate said, frowning towards the back of the diner as if she
could see through walls.

He is James, technically. James Buchanan Barnes. Except Steve calls him Bucky and so does
pretty much everyone else now. Carol had called him James all of four times before giving up
and just following Steves lead.

But doesnt Steve like Normally, Kates boldness was something that Carol liked about her,
but she must have looked extra forbidding or something because the girl didnt even finish that
question, just trailed off and looked over at Steve with a stricken sort of understanding. oh.

Oh indeed.

A little guilty about having shut Kate down quite so hard when the mess was entirely unrelated to
her, Carol didnt object when she took a beer, even if she wasnt even twenty yet, let alone legal.
The diner was technically closed, it was a private party and, frankly, she had bigger concerns than
a girl who had probably been given wine with every family evening meal since she was ten
having one beer. Besides, drama aside, this was Elis party and she was extremely conscious of
Steve not wanting to be the sort to ruin that because he was a fucking trooper like that. If he could
suck it up then so could she.

So she had her own beer, then another, and contended herself with just keeping an eye on Steve
and being irritably conscious of how Bucky and Natasha hadnt resurfaced yet. Especially since
that presumably meant that they were still occupying the courtyard and about halfway through her
third beer Carol suddenly, desperately needed some fresh air.

It was the middle of February, and a particularly nasty February at that, so the weather was
frightful even for Carol. The cold hit her like a punch to the face, but breathing in air that felt like
razors was still preferable to the claustrophobia that had surged over her without warning. Carol
huddled on their front stoop, tucking as much of her out of sight of the party going on behind their
wide glass windows, and tried to soak up as much solitude as she could before she made herself
go back in.

Youre really taking this tough, independent woman thing a bit too bloody far if youre refusing
to wear a coat at all, a voice said and Carol looked up to see Jess appearing out of the sulky
snowfall. In spite of her attempts at complete and total misanthropy there was still a silly little lurch
of surprised pleasure at seeing her. There always was these days, which just showed how much
Carol failed at pretending that the sight of Jess didnt usually brighten up her day.

Eli invited you as well? she asked, shoving her hands under her armpits and, for once, enviously
eying all of Jess excessive layers.

I think Eli invited everyone, Jess said, all wry self-deprecation and overt criticalness as she
looked Carol over. Is this an endurance thing?

Its a too many beers, too many people, too little air thing. Carol didnt feel like explaining that
she was having sympathy pains for the state of her business partners love life, or that feeling like
everything was just too much to deal with was something she had increasingly started to suffer at
the worst possible moments ever since shed come home from Afghanistan. Ill go back in a
second, once Ive cooled down a little. But, God, go in, I know youre a wuss about the cold.

She started to open the door, but Jess vehemently shook her head in a way that set the bobble on
her hat to shaking like it was suffering from a heroin withdrawal. In a minute, was her
inexplicable answer and Carol looked dubiously at her. That was not the outfit of anyone who
enjoyed spending time outside in the snow.

Sure? She made it a question, but Jess didnt answer. She didnt say anything actually and,
unsure, Carol just mentally shrugged and went back to what shed been doing before, watching
the snow fall. That was increasingly difficult to focus on though because she could sense Jess
tension like a palpable electricity in the air, rising and falling, gradually cresting
towardssomething. Carol, already frustrated and not a fan of being quite so shit at reading
people, was about to ask what was wrong when--.

Will you go out to dinner with me?

Carols eyebrows did the hairline disappearing thing again. She was that surprised that it was
involuntary. Im sorry? she asked, having apparently spent enough time with Steve that she had
absorbed his automatic politeness even when she was shocked.

Jess wrinkled her nose at her, flushing slightly, but seemingly patient as she repeated herself.
Would you like to go and get food with me some time?

Even Carol understood the significance of that. She wasnt that bad. But she just didnt seem able
to reconcile the three separate notions of Jess, herself and dinner in the same linear thought and,
crap, she was staring at Jess like a bimbo, wasnt she? Dinner? she repeated.

Jess, even faced with Carol being an idiot, seemed to find it amusing and chuckled. Dinner, yes,
she said, only mildly awkward compared to how much of a fool Carol was making of herself.
Ive been told thats a fairly safe suggestion for a first date.

And, oh God, it was actually a date, it was definitely a date, and Jess was being calm and sensible
and quietly hopeful in those impossibly green eyes of hers about it. It was a date, a date with a
beautiful, intelligent girl, a beautiful intelligent girl who was apparently into girls as well and Carol
hadnt even considered that being an option because shed tried so hard not to consider it at all,
because

Im sorry, Carol said, numbly, I cant, and watched in close-up as Jess smile fell away from
her face with the same miserable heaviness that the snow did from the sky.

It said a lot about Steve that even in the middle of his own horrific awkwardness he wasnt so self-
absorbed that he failed to notice something was desperately wrong with Carol. Shed thought she
was doing a decent enough job of masking her dull misery to avoid drawing attention to it while
they were cleaning up in the aftermath of Elis party, but apparently all Steve needed was the
space of a single look to basically see into her soul because he was an inconsiderate, empathic
bastard like that.

What happened? he asked after he had not so subtly chivvied her into the (relative) privacy of
the bakery.

Carol thought about playing dumb and living up to the stereotypes about her hair colour. Then she
caught the patient understanding in Steves eyes, bristled and just decided to play dirty instead.
What happened with you? she retorted, proving that he wasnt the only one who could play this
game. Are we actually going to talk about why youd rather be picking up beer bottles than go
back to the apartment?

Steves mouth did a thing where it looked as if it was thinking about turning inside out, like it was
either sucking on a lemon or doing a turtle impression. Possibly an impression of turtle that was
sucking on a lemon. It would have been hilarious if they both hadnt been so miserable. The
place needs to be tidy so we can still open tomorrow, he said, which definitely didnt answer
Carols question, which was entirely her point.

See? she crowed, triumph as bitter as strychnine on her tongue. You dont want to talk about
what happened either. And this is me respecting you not wanting to talk about it and backing off
because Im just that amazing a friend. She made Significant Eyebrows at him and, either
because of those or because he knew what she was like when she was being this stubborn and
emotionally constipated, Steve sighed and let it go.

Fine, but if you do decide you want to do the talking thing

Yeah yeah, I know, youre all sympathetic ears. Carol turned away, nominally to sling a
clanking bin bag over her shoulder and haul it out back, muttering Just dont count on it as she
did so.

In keeping with her pessimistic predictions neither of them did turn out to have a burning desire to
spill their guts about their respective problems and admit why they were unhappy. In Steves case,
it was just a massive elephant in the room because pretty much everyone already knew and so the
point was moot.

In Carols case, she had god damn young people to spill her guts out for her.

Oh my God, where is my bow, I am actually going to shoot Tony Stark in the scrotum.

Since that was an atypically violent entrance, even for Kate, pretty much all eyes turned to her as
she marched in in a righteous fury, all swinging dark hair and eyes that promised death and
vengeance and sharp, pointy things. Carol made a mental note not to let her hang out with Clint
anymore, raised an eyebrow and stepped between her and any of the aforementioned sharp, pointy
things. Firstly, hello to you too. Secondly, youre late. Which, in itself, was practically unheard
of for Kate. Thirdly, what did Tony do thats made you willing to risk assault charges?

Hes stealing our customers again!

As if on cue, all of the younger members of staff bristled and Carol sighed. Children, they were
just so overly dramatic. Then she caught sight of the look on Steves face and, nope, apparently
age didnt protect you from stupidity. Stop that, she sternly told him, wanting to nip that
tendency he had to still be unreasonable about Tony Stark whenever given the chance in the bud,
and with the exact same amount of patience for bullshit (namely none) steered the outraged Kate
towards a corner. Explain.

Well, I was just in Starkbucks, and--.

Wait, what were you doing in Starkbucks to start with? Billy looked peevish, mostly because
Carol had told him he couldnt leave until Kate had turned up for her shift.

She likes to practice flirting with Tony, Eli said, sounding all too resigned to this habit of Kates.

Oh my God, Kate. Billy sounded appalled. Hes so old. Which, really, was uncalled for given
Carol was standing right there and Tony wasnt that much older than her.

Hes not old! For a moment, Carol felt the urge to give Kate a raise. Well, not that old. The
moment passed. And, besides, older guys are hot. Look at Cassies dad.

Enough. Carol felt it necessary to call this trainwreck into some semblance of order, if only to
spare Cassie any further mortification, though she already looked as if her brain was melting a
little. Kate, you have one sentence and thirty seconds to explain this sudden shift from flirting
with Tony to wanting to castrate him.

Hes stealing our regulars! And, actually, I was just there to ask Bruce for help with my Quantum
Physics class assignment, but then I saw Jess sitting in the corner, and Wendy says shes been in
there pretty much every day this week

Carols stomach fell to somewhere in the vicinity of her kneecaps, violently enough that she didnt
even have the heart to point out that Kate had missed the one sentence summary thing. Well, that
explained why Jess hadnt been into Blondie since Elis party. Which wasnt exactly unexpected,
but it still drove another nail into Carols coffin of dejection and also made it apparent that she
neednt have bothered being a kitchen hermit as much as she had been lately. Jess hadnt even
been here for her to avoid.

The sad state of Carols love life aside, this was still only one regular. A beautiful, intelligent,
dumb enough to actually like Carol regular, sure, but still only the one. One regular hardly
amounted to poaching and theft and whatever other crimes her painfully young employees were
currently accusing Tony Stark of, but the degree of outrage from them right now was positively
off the charts. Carol was even pretty sure that Eli had just said, in scandalised tones, Well I
never! which would have normally been hilarious, but something was throbbing irritably behind
her left eye and she wanted nothing more in this moment than for them all to shut up and get back
to work.

Knock it off, kids, she snapped. One customer is not a good enough reason for you all to stand
around slacking off when theres work to be done. And, seriously, they didnt need to be giving
her looks of shock or betrayal the way they currently were, she was allowed to be pissed off that
they were messing around like this. Even Steve was in on it though, making surprised eyebrows in
her direction, and that just made her even more defensive. She was not being unreasonable. She
was not the one over reacting here.

Except for the part where, maybe, she was.

That thought alone was enough for her to make a frustrated, wordless noise that felt like it
originated in the minute space between her tightly clenched teeth. Her head throbbed like an open
wound, and that was never a good sign. Carol pinched the bridge of her nose, hoping to ward off
both the pain and the increasingly spooked looks of her colleagues. Neither venture was
successful, of course, and Carol felt very much like she was only just holding onto her sanity by
the barest tips of her fingers. Or not even that much which, in hindsight, was probably responsible
for her snapping. If Jess wants to drink her tea at Starkbucks then fine. Thats her decision. And
its a decision probably based on her having asked me out and me saying no rather than Tony
having wasted his time stealing her so, there, gossip about that instead of Natasha, Bucky and
Steve because thats clearly all that you do. Me, Im actually going to go and do some work.

So, breathing a little hard from all that unnecessary emphasis and wanting to be as far away from
their collection of stunned and wounded expressions as soon as possible, Carol whirled on her
heel and stalked off to try and not let her misery and burgeoning guilt contaminate her apple and
blackcurrant pancakes whilst bitterly congratulating herself on her ability to keep it cool and rise
above.

So, that was a dick move. Saying that about you and Bucky and Natasha I mean. The dick move
of all dick moves actually, soyeah. Sorry.

Carol said all of that to the ceiling because she didnt really want to look at Steve just yet. Her
insides were too busy churning with mortification at having lashed out earlier like that and her
bedroom ceiling was safer than whatever look of pity or reproach or understanding was on his
dumbly expressive face right now. She had enough of her own inconvenient feelings right now
and looking at him would only make them worse. Looking at him would make her feel guilty
because, in her own words, it had been a dick move to attack him with his own problems just
because she didnt want to face up to her own. So she didnt. Look, that was. Unfortunately shed
already done the lashing out.

Her eyes were fixed studiously on the slightly grimy whorls of her ceilings paint (was cleaning
ceiling a thing that grown-ups did? Had Carol missed that part of that magical lesson about how to
be a functional and well put together adult) but apparently Steve Rogers required eye contact to be
a good friend about as much as he needed his inhaler these days. She didnt need to be looking at
him to feel the way her mattress groaned pathetically underneath two blondes who wouldnt know
what a thigh gap was if it hit them in the face and she sighed before giving in to the fact that they
were clearly going to have A Talk and that there was nothing she could do about it. So much for
outright owning up to having been awful and hoping that would negate the need for discussing it
in excruciating detail

I said I was sorry, Carol said plaintively, turning her head to one and finally looking at him. Do
we still need to talk about this?
Well, Steve said, sounding entirely too reasonable, on a scale of one to ten, how has not talking
about it been working out for you?

Carol weighed up way their adolescent employees were currently tip-toeing around her, Thors
bewilderment when she had snarled at him for leaving a punching bag to occupy one side of their
biggest booth, Steves own wounded expression that she had been the one to causeand winced,
conceding the point. Its not cool when you play the reasonable adult card, she informed him,
but made herself sit up nonetheless.

One of us has to.

Ouch. Youre lucky I still owe you because of the aforementioned dick move because that hurts,
Rogers, that really hurts.

Carol had been aiming for bluffly jovial. Apparently shed just hit self-pitying because even
Steves eyebrows were currently conveying apocalyptic levels of sincere sympathy. Carol was
used to smugly (and, fine, proudly) watching from the sidelines as her friend beat even the most
defensive of charity cases into submission with just how earnest and lacking in judgement Steves
desire to help was, but receiving the full force of it must have been what being Catholic felt like,
namely guilty for everything and desperate to spill her guts. She hadnt wanted to talk about this,
not even to Steve, because talking about it made it real. Shed already told him she didnt want to
talk about it, the night it had actually gone down, so what the hell had changed between then and
now? When had she made the dramatic turnaround from telling herself she didnt even deserve to
be upset about this because it wasnt even that big of a deal to start with to feeling as if she was
just one shaky breath away from soaking his shirt with equal quantities of salt water and snot?

Probably around the third day, actually, when it turned out that the smell of the green tea she
was serving a soccer mom and the memory of Jess crooked, self-mocking smile and gryphon-
green eyes were so irrevocably intertwined in her head that shed only barely resisted drowning
herself in the giant vat of marina sauce that was always simmering out back.

She missed Jess. Which was ridiculous because shed never even had Jess and the point of all of
this was that couldnt actually have anyone. Carol had thought herself resigned to this, to all of it,
to the whole god damn conspiracy that her body had against her, but the look in Steves eyes and
the tightness lodged behind her own sternum proved otherwise.

Fuck, Carol said quietly, but with feeling and scrunched her knuckles into her eye sockets.
Behind them her eyes burned shamefully. Steve hadnt even had to really say anything and she
was about to cry. Some soldier she was. She just asked me out. I just said no. I dont know why
Im so messed up about this.

Carol, did it ever occur to you that it might be as simple as that you didnt want to say no?
When she snuck a look at him from behind the cage of her own fingers Steve was smiling, but
sadly. Wistfully.

No, Steve, it never occurred to me that I might have wanted to say yes, I just happen to take
offense whenever anyone wants to ask me out. That was acidly spoken, far too sharply, but that
was the trend for Carol right now, being mean when she never normally was. Biting sarcasm
didnt suit her, but then neither did actually admitting to hurting, and it felt safer to default to the
former. Even if this was Steve.

Because he was an infinitely better person than she was, he didnt get offended. He just raised an
eyebrow at her. So why didnt you say yes then?
Carol reared back like hed taken a swing at her, affront and incredulity dominating her face even
as her spine knocked painfully into her headboard. Youre kidding me? she said. Youre
kidding me, you know damn well why I cant say yes.

I know why you think you cant say yes. Even though she currently felt so raw that the last
thing she wanted was for any sort of physical closeness, Steve ignored her attempts to discourage
him invading her space and laid a hand over hers. And Im on your side, you know Ill back you
up in anything you decide to do or decide not to do but Carol His eyes, several shades
lighter than her own and with more grey mixed in, were so clear in their gaze and how obvious it
was that he saw her down to her bones that it hurt. Understanding why you think you have to
deny yourself this isnt the same as agreeing with you.

It was hard for Carol to swallow around how tight her throat suddenly was. She might have
preferred him actually hitting her rather than just being left feeling as if he had. Fuck you, she
whispered and meant it and didnt mean it, because it wasnt his place to say that, except it had
always been his place. He was the one person in the world allowed to sound as if he knew her
better than she did herself because he did. But it wasnt reassuring for Carol to feel the full weight
of that knowledge. It hurt having someone rip so completely through every faade she might have
ever put up, every lie she might ever have told herself, every single coping mechanism she had
desperately brought to life just to be able to carry on.

In that moment she hated Steve Rogers for quite how much he loved her.

She had just sworn at him, but Steve didnt seem to care. No, he knew her too well, knew what
those words really meant. He had to know because why else would have something cracked in his
expression before he dragged her in close? Or maybe it was her face reflecting the despair choking
her from the inside out that had done it. Maybe it was just that obvious that she needed a hug even
if she didnt want one. What the hell am I going to do with you, Danvers? he sighed into her
hair.

That more than anything else was what made her eyes brim over. Part of her wanted to push him
away because it was too much, far too much, but the rest of her the bits that trusted Steve Rogers
down to a molecular level was what made her turn her face into the familiar broadness of his
chest. See? Im this much of a pain in your ass and weve known each other for years. Why on
earth do you want me to inflict that on anyone else?

Momentarily his grip turned tight enough to make her bones creak into complaint, though he
caught himself soon enough. Having to remember all the time that lesser mortals didnt hold up
well under his insane muscles had to be a real bitch. You being a pain in my ass makes my life
better, Steve told her, and Carol at least believed him on that. It would have been hard not to
when the raw honesty in his voice vibrated through her right down to her bones. Id never
choose not to have whatever I can get with you. And thats just me, I cant speak for anyone
elsebut dont you think you should let her get to make that choice herself?

Carol didnt have an answer for him on that one.

Probably because she didnt have an answer for herself.

Later, Tony would speak in wounded tones of Carol being the first person in Starkbucks history to
walk past his robot barista without even glancing in his direction.

In Carols defence, shed already spent nearly fifteen minutes building up the courage to just make
herself do this in the first place. She didnt have it in her to be distracted by an AI whose sole
purpose in life was to make overly complicated caffeinated beverages. If she didnt do this
properly she wasnt going to do it at all, that had been her understanding of things. Which was
why shed taken a deep breath, willed her backbone to be made out of titanium and marched in
there and right up to Jess table in the corner before she lost her nerve.

Can we talk? shed blurted and, really, there were smoother ways she could have segued into
conversation. But whether shed been eloquent or not paled into significance really when faced
with Jess having said yes and, well, there they were. Granted, it wasnt ideal - the pokey courtyard
behind Blondie was never comfortable at the best of times and the look on Jess face alternated
between distrustful and outright inscrutable, which wasnt heartening at all but at least she was
there.

Well, no backing out now, Carol told herself. Go on then, punch holes in the sky. And it was
with her own personal battle cry, the one she had once yelled inside her head before each and
every mission, that she did the only thing shed ever done wholly consistently in her life.

She dove right in, head first, no looking back.

I owed you a better answer than just I cant.

Jess didnt look as if this was a gift. Carol hadnt expected her to. Pleasant as that sentiment is,
forgive me for not jumping up and down with joy just because you needed to say no to me in a
more in-depth fashion, she said, dryly but not with any overt hostility, something for which Carol
was profoundly grateful, though it also shamed her.

Thats-- She hesitated, unsure how to wrap her tongue around her own thoughts or how to
put into words the amorphous, nebulous sense of regret that swelled up inside of her. I didnt
want you to stop coming to Blondie.

Jess shrugged tiredly, just a subtle up-and-down of one shoulder. I figured we both needed some
space, she said. Some time to lick our wounds and recover our dignity. Her lip curled ever so
slightly and Carol couldnt work out whether it was bitter or just self-deprecating. Well, I needed
to recover my dignity after you shot me down.

Jess, God, no, Carol said, horrified. Did she really think so little of herself? Had Jess even met
herself? Its notI meanyou get that youre amazing, right?

Jess expression turned immediately pained. I really dont need your own version of the its not
you, its me speech right now, she said. You dont need to explain in painful detail how Im a
wonderful person, but just not wonderful enough for you, which is what that speech means by the
way. Seriously, this was why I wasnt coming to Blondie for a while, just so--.

Jess! Carol interjected. Stop, okay? Juststop. She was surprised by how upset she was
getting, just listening to Jess sound so cynical about herself. In hindsight, that was probably what
distracted her from her own awkwardness it was very easy to forget about your pride when you
cared enough about someone else to risk humiliation simply because the alternative wasnt
acceptable. Its not that speech. Except, okay, fine, it sort of is because it is me and not you. But
the problem with me isnt that I dont like you, I do. The problem is that its me who likes you.
Im the problem. The problem is me.

Apparently there was something about Jess, even when she was regarding Carol with none of her
usual reserved, sardonic affection, that made her physically incapable of sounding as if she had an
education. Or even as if she could string a proper sentence together. Carol winced at her own
verbal clumsiness and it was fairly clear that it hadnt escaped Jess notice either. The other
woman was staring at Carol with a mix of bewilderment and scepticism, but (and it was this
component to Jess expression that gave Carol sudden hope that all was not entirely lost) also a
grudging sort of amusement. I am less and less convinced that you actually majored in
journalism.

Carol barked a hoarse, short, not particular humour-filled laugh, but even being awkwardly
mocked by Jess was better than overt hostility or, worse, indifference. Its not like I wrote a
script.

I thought it was a speech.

An ad-libbed speech. From the heart. So its allgenuine and shit.

Jess lips quirked up at the corners in spite of themselves. Genuine and shit? Thats really what
youre going with? Carol couldnt help but smile back and, for a moment, it was okay. Except it
wasnt okay because she saw the exact moment when Jess remembered it wasnt okay and the
familiar amusement faded from her eyes like the last vestiges of sunlight at days end. Reality
settled back into the pit of Carols stomach, the gravity of the situation reasserting itself, and she
sobered up. Put herself back on track. Tried to do this again and do it right this time.

Do you know why I quit the Air Force?

Jess looked as if she hadnt quite expected that non sequitur and blinked at her. I figured you just
felt youd served enough time? she hazarded, cautious and bemused. Something alarmed
flickered in her eyes. Oh God, did something awful happen? Did a mission go wrong?

No, no, it wasnt anything like that, Carol was quick to assure her. Though, looking back at it
Okay, fine, a mission did go wrong. A lot of missions, actually. But that was part of service. It
happened. In fact, theyre probably part of why I stayed enlisted for as long as I did, theyre
definitely not why I quit.

A pain in her lower lip suddenly made Carol realise she was chewing on it really hard and she
forced her jaw to relax before she drew blood. The rest of her stayed tense though and, really, she
couldnt help that. This was a subject about which she hated talking. It made her tense and
miserable and unhappy. Normally, it was a topic she avoided discussing at all costs, one she hated
sharing because she didnt like people knowing it about her. Because when they knew it,
something changed forever in the way that they looked at her. It was private for a reason.

But she was also telling Jess for a reason, and that didnt make it go away and it didnt make it
easybut it did make it right.

I cant fly anymore, she said. Or, rather, my doctors all of them, which is far too many by the
way say that flying the sort of planes I used to pilot will kill me. The curl of her lips felt bitter,
so she couldnt even begin to imagine how unhappy it looked. I have an aneurysm in my brain.
An inoperable one. And sometimes I think I might as well risk it and just fly again because they
also say that it could burst at any moment, so why not just go out that way rather than sitting
around holding my breath and waiting to drop dead?

There it was, nearly two years worth of grief and denial and raging against the universe all
condensed down into some surprisingly neat sentences. That right there was Carols mortality,
Carols death sentence, and in the end it only took about twenty words to explain. But they were
twenty words that Carol had shared with practically nobody, just her family and Steve and
Bucky

and now Jess. Jess who was wide-eyed and stunned, her distrust forgotten. Jess who was
staring at her now with such disbelieving horror that Carol felt the urge to comfort her, which she
was aware was ironic. Jess who was clearly at a loss for words, incapable of working out what
she was meant to say in the face of such a revelation andyeah. Carol knew how that felt. Shed
had nearly two years of that after all.

I dont date, she said, sparing Jess from having to be the one to talk and, hey, if she was being
painfully, embarrassingly honest then she might as well go the whole hog. Not seriously anyway.
I dont think its fair. Not when I could be dead tomorrow or next week or next year. Because
whats the point? In getting attached, I mean. Its been hard enough for me to come to terms with
it without dumping it on someone else, and then when it does happen

Carol wasnt used to talking about her own death. Not saying it out loud anyway to anyone who
wasnt one of her too numerous grief counsellors. But now she was actually doing itthere was
something strangely freeing about it. It wasnt so much a lifting of a weight as a shouldering of it,
like settling a pack more comfortably across the shoulders. Carol almost felt detached from the
situation, as if shed taken a step back so she could get a clearer view. And she realised that it was
because it was out in the open now and all she needed to do was wait for Jess to change. The
people already in Carols life, they were stuck with her, she was their problem. But Jess was a
relatively new addition, however wonderful, and she could still walk away. She could look at all
of that complicated messiness, look at all that inevitable sadness, and justnot let it in. She could
walk away from all of it. She could walk away from Carol and Carol sure as hell wouldnt blame
her.

If she could have walked away from it as well, she wouldnt have hesitated.

People avoided talking about death because it was awkward as all hell. By extension, talking to
terminally ill people was even worse. Carol was all too familiar by now with the instinctive space
that people put between themselves when they knew death lingered on the horizon. Your loved
ones, okay, they clutched you tight. But the rest of the world almost automatically drew back to
protect themselves from the loss they knew was coming. Jess was a smart girl, smarter than Carol
definitely. She was a scientist. She was clinical, she was sensible. Steve was right, Carol realised,
Jess needed to know why being interested in her was a lousy idea. Then theyd both know and
they could both get back to living their respective lives. What was left of them anyway. So Carol
waited for Jess to decide that this was way too much to deal with, strangely zen-like, and absently
wondered whether this was what the mythical acceptance felt like.

Jess, however, had other plans.

So, you said no to me because you dont date? Because youre trying to, what, minimise the
damage when you do die? Rather than looking uncomfortable as all hell, Jess just frowned at
Carol.

Thatwasnt expected. Carol frowned back, but in a more caught-off-guard sort of way. Jess
version of the expression looked more like the one she tended to give to her laptop whenever her
stats programme wasnt giving her the answer she wanted. And that was a rather more direct line
of questioning than Carol was used to when she was telling people about the ticking time bomb in
her head. Pretty much.

Jess frown got more pronounced. So you decided not to datebut you also decided to set up a
business with Steve, one thats pretty reliant on you if its going to continue functioning?

Carol was starting to feel defensive now. This was not how people usually reacted. ThatsIts
different with Steve. I needed to do something. I still need to. I cant justwait to die!

So youll take a professional risk, but not a personal one?

The diner is personal, Carol snapped, feeling the blood race angrily to her cheeks. The diner is
the last fucking thing Im ever going to do with Steve. He left the Army when I had to quit the Air
Force. He did that for me because thats what we do, we watch each others backs. And I hate
that me dying will mess up the business, but I justI needed something. Anything. So when he
suggested it. It was unfair of Jess, Carol thought furiously, to make her feel selfish right now.
Didnt she have a right to be? I dont know how to do any of this without Steve, she said.
Thats the thing, Ive always needed him more than he needs me, but when I dits still going
to be hard on him. Harder than on me because, hey, Ill be dead, I wont feel anything. Hell need
to live with me dying and hes just a friend. If its going to be that hard for him, then what right do
I have to even think about anything romantic with anyone else?

You think its going to be easy on any of us when you die? Jess asked and, wow, apparently at
some point in Carols rant the dark-haired woman had gone from looking almost insulted to just
stricken. There was a depth of raw unhappiness in Jess eyes that Carol simply hadnt expected
and it shut her up more effectively than any other question so far. You think Im going to care
less about you dying just because you didnt go on a date with me?

Thats Carol hesitated. It wont be the same. Its one thing to lose a friend, its another to
lose someone you love.

Carol, Jess said, her gaze unflinchingly intense, I love you. Then, before Carol could flinch in
disbelief, she went on. Your staff love you. Your regulars love you. Pretty much everybody you
see on a daily basis loves you because you are kind and brave and funny and generous. You are
important. You matter. And dont think for a second that any of us care about what will make it
easier when the end comes, or that we want any less of you. Her voice softened, tenderness and
grief vying for dominance. Jess eyes were very, very green in that moment and Carol couldnt
look away, couldnt blink. Youre my friend and I love you. If we were dating, Id probably love
you a different way, but if you wanted to make it easier on me when you die then you should have
never marched into my life in the first place and served me the most amazing pancakes Ive ever
tasted.

Carol went from not being able to blink to suddenly having to blink a lot and she blamed her
aneurysm for that, for any weepiness she ever experienced, because she had never cried this much
before. Though she was also staunchly denying that she was crying, her eyes were just kind of
damp. And, really, could you blame her? If this is you still trying to persuade me that dating is a
good idea, youre--.

This is me saying that I want to be your friend more than I want to date you, Jess interjected
swiftly. Dont doubt that. But this is also me saying that I still want to date you. If anything, I
want to date you more because It made Carol feel a little bit better to see a glimmer somewhere
behind Jess lashes because she wasnt the only one with slightly damp eyes then. because
now I know theres a time limit.

You ran away to Starkbucks, Carol said thickly, clutching at straws, at any argument she could
find in the face of Jess care, of Jess intensity, of Jess refusal to give up. That didnt seem like
you wanted to be my friend.

In my defence, you gave me a shitty, ambiguous reason for shooting me down, Jess said dryly.
And, uh She looked sheepish. I amnot the best when faced with awkward situations. My
first reaction tends to be to run away. And, also, did you miss the part where I thought the girl I
fancied rotten thought I was repulsive or something?

My entire payroll teased me mercilessly about how much I liked you, Carol admitted, more
candidly than she might have intended, but she wanted, needed to chase away some of the doubt
that still lingered in Jess eyes when she even joked about that. Me thinking that you were
repulsive was never the problem. Quite the opposite.
So why does there need to be a problem? Jess was suddenly very, very, very close and Carol
couldnt breathe very well in the face of such underhanded techniques. If it was just that you
honestly werent attracted to me, I could get over that, but Carol, youre you. Her mouth was
smiling, but her eyes were deadly serious as she looked up at Carol. This close, the height
difference suddenly didnt seem that great. Ill take what I can get. Even if nothings certain, for
the chance of something good, dont you want to take a risk? I thought that was what you
specialised in.

And given that Jess knew Carol because of one of those risks, she couldnt even argue that there
wasnt logic in her reasoning. She wanted to, because shed spent so long telling herself this was
something she neither wanted nor could justify having, butbut it was so very hard to remember
that right now, with her traitorous heart aching behind her sternum and Jess reaching Steve levels
of earnestness in front of her.

Maybe Carol was just tired of holding back

"But why do you even want to try?" Carol heard herself ask wretchedly and this was a new low,
this was previously unexplored levels of humiliation, this was Carol staring an opportunity in the
face and being terrified of it and since when had she become someone who let that stop her?

"Carol, I hate to come across as crass," Jess said seriously, "but the way that you flip burgers?
Ridiculously sexy."

That flummoxed even Carol, and she had done some seriously irrational shit in her life. "That's it?
That's your basis for wanting to date me?"

Jess looked bemused in a hugely British sort of way, like she thought Carol was being
unreasonable, but was too polite to say so. "What's wrong with liking the way you look when
you're cooking?"

That threw Carol a little, because it felt obvious and yet, on the spot, it was remarkably hard to put
into words just why it was so. "...it's not very personality-based, is it?"

Jess chuckled and, oh, that was unfair because Carol's heart did a little, plaintive loop the loop in
her chest. "I will be the first to admit that this relationship lark isn't exactly my forte - my last
girlfriend called me 'emotionally damaged' and I can't say that I quite disagree with her, did you
hear me mention the running away at the first sign of trouble thing? - but I don't think it's
uncommon to first notice someone for purely shallow and selfish reasons. I thought you were sexy
because I saw you through the hatch moving like you had six arms rather than two and being
perfectly in control of it and it was hot." Her voice softened, turned huskier. "I wanted to date you
when I talked to you and you didn't freak out about me studying spider pheromones for the past
three years and also because you basically told the entire diner you were sometimes into girls
when you were smacking Billy down and I like that about you, that you just completely forget to
be scared about anything when youre defending someone else."

Carol's face must have looked as confused and miserable as her brain felt because Jess hesitated
and then grabbed one of Carol's hands in two of hers. "Carol, stop stressing. I can feel your
headache from here. Yes, I would like to go on a date with you so we can eat food that you
haven't cooked for me and have awkward conversations about our music tastes, and then maybe
let you get to second base on my doorstep." That was an unfairly attractive prospect and Jess
grinned unexpectedly at whatever Carol's face was still doing without any sort of direction from
her brain, looking more confident by the second. "But it's still just a date. And if you say no or it
doesn't work out, then it pains me to be clichd, I'll still want to be your friend." There was
something unjustifiably reassuring and familiar about the look in Jess' eyes, given how short a time
they'd actually known you for. "What was it you said about Steve? That so long as you had him in
your life you were happy?"

The very idea that Carol could be anyone's Steve was both terrifying and responsible for the
warmest feeling of wonder she had ever had bubbling up through the empty parts of her, like
champagne poured over ice. And the fear of the future was always there, the fear of an uncertain
future, but it always would be, wouldn't it? There were no guarantees. None whatsoever.

...but did she actually need guarantees?

Carol squinted at Jess. "You don't seem particularly emotionally damaged to me," she accused.

Jess didn't look particularly sorry. "Oh, trust me, I am," she said, inappropriately cheerful for the
situation. "But I figured it was your turn to be awkward and have an inconvenient emotional
crisis, and I'm always better at being brave when I have someone to be brave for. Don't worry,
you'll have plenty of chances to deal with my paranoia and self-loathing."

"We really need to work on how you sell an idea," Carol said, frowning, but she felt her mouth
twitching.

Jess looked sidelong at her, nothing polite about her sly wickedness. "It got you to use the word
'we', didn't it?" she asked archly.

And this was the point where Carol could have still said no, where Jess had already said she'd stay
her friend, where a date was just a date and it wasn't a big deal at all. This was where Carol could
have been pragmatic about the time bomb inside her brain. This was where Carol could have
played it safe and stayed conservative, except if she'd been that way then she'd have never even
tried to get into a cockpit for the first time, she wouldn't have deliberately stalled her jet into a dive
just to feel the soaring brilliance of free-fall and she certainly wouldn't have stared at Steve's back,
squared her shoulders and said "I have a proposal for you" over a year ago now. She wouldn't
have lost, but she also wouldn't have lived. And if there was only so much time left for the latter...

"...you really thought I was sexy slaving over a grill?"

Jess' smile was like the sun coming up, like the roar of a jet engine, like victory. "I don't even like
tea," she said as Carol's hands wrapped around the jut of her hipbones. "I only walked in for the
first time because I wanted to steal your free internet."

Carol laughed and they were close enough together now that the huff of exhaled air moved Jess'
hair. "Came for the wifi, stayed for the girl."

"Actually, I stayed for Steve's cinnamon rolls, but the girl was an added bonus," Jess said,
laughingly, then reeled Carol in by her belt loops before she could think of a retort.

The day that Blondie turned a year old, Tony tried to give them a robot barista.

Predictably, Steve objected. But he was also unreasonably proud of his staff members because
they did the objecting first and so he didnt have to.

Blondie is not about gimmicks and technological bullshit, Kate said in her poshest, haughtiest
voice and Steve was aware he was probably failing to hide his extremely proud, extremely
amused smile behind his hand. We dont need cheap tricks like this.

Firstly, wow, nothing cheap about this, do you know how much it takes to develop a genuine
artificial intelligence? Tony hugged the robot protectively and it wheezed and whirred at him in a
way that almost sounded affectionate. Secondly I know, baby, dont listen to the nasty lady,
shes just jealous - secondly, I think youre protesting just because youre aware he can do your
job better than you can.

While Kate spluttered at that, Cassie looked almost disapprovingly at Tony. I cant believe youre
giving Dummy away, she said, reproachfully for her. I thought you loved him.

The robot beeped erratically and let off steam the way their espresso machine did. Everyone
except Tony took a step backwards, but that was because Tony was too busy looking scandalized.
This isnt Dummy! Everyone, Steve included, squinted at him. Oh my God, you robot racists
you, assuming all AIs look the same, youre definitely not having Butterfingers now.

You wanted to give us a robot barista called Butterfingers? Steve asked. He frowned at Tony,
who was as cowed as usual, which was to say not at all. This remains your weirdest attempt to
sabotage our business ever.

No one is trying to sabotage anyone, someone said behind him and Steve turned around to see
Carol emerging from the kitchen, in the process of removing her apron. Dont go down the
competitive road again, boys, I will get the water gun out again.

Kinky, Tony said without missing a beat.

In your dreams, Stark, Carol shot back before frowning at Butterfingers. Tony, why is there
a robot at my party?

Because he had to build himself a date. That was Jess, also coming out of the kitchen and
combing her fingers through hair that looked more tousled than five minutes before, when she and
Carol had headed out back to check on the food.

Whats a guy meant to do when your girlfriend turns him down, gorgeous?

Jess snorted at Tonys flamboyance, but grinned at him nonetheless from where she was tucked
under Carols proprietary arm. Seriously though, whats with the robot?

Its our anniversary present, apparently, Steve said dryly, but felt betrayed when Carol
proceeded to thoughtfully eye the gift in question, apparently considering it. Carol, no.

What? she replied absently. We wouldnt have to pay it. That immediately ranks it above all of
our other servers in my books.

Hey! chorused said servers, respectively indignant and plaintive depending on temperament.

Carol was unmoved. Earn your keep then, she ordered. Go check on the smoker. Scoot. Dont
let my kitchen burn down, however nice the apple wood would make it smell as it did so.

To Steves eye it looked as if Billy was going to argue, but Teddy with the air of one used to
being the diplomatic side of his relationship dragged him away by one skinny arm. Eli did the
same with Kate and Cassie and Viz followed with the calm serenity of the emotionally
undramatic, leaving the adults alone.

Well. Adults. Steve wasnt sure Tony deserved the word without quotation marks.

Youve got them so well-trained, Jess observed, watching them go before slanting a look
Steves way. Are you two disgustingly proud parents?

Carols going to cry when they go away to college, he said with mock seriousness.
Theyre already at college, Carol pointed out, which is why theyre willing to accept the hours
we make them work. And screw you, Rogers, if anyones going to cry when they leave itll be
you. Youre the emotional one.

Its true, Steve, if one of you has to be the Mom, its not going to be Carol. Sometimes Steve
couldnt remember why he was friends with Bucky. But it was because he was friends with
Bucky that he knew to regard the multiple, clinking crates he was currently carting in with huge
amounts of suspicion, so every cloud had a silver lining.

Its going to be a small party, Bucky! he said, hearing the plaintive note in his own voice and
not feeling that it was unwarranted. Small.

So then theres more to go around fewer people, Bucky countered cheerfully and shoved a beer
at Steve. (Since it was his favoured brand, he magnanimously decided not to protest too hard.)
Though if this is it then I think you need to take your small and downgrade it to tiny. Did you
not invite your horde of teenagers?

One of thems twenty-one, Steve pointed out, uncapping his beer and gesturing with it towards
the kitchen. Theyre out back. He smirked at his business partner, who just looked innocent.
Carol delegated all of the work.

Thats what employees are for, she said placidly. If theyre good, Ill tip them.

Theyre probably just making out, Tony demurred. Or having orgies. Thats what college
students do, right?

What college did you even go to? Jess asked with morbid fascination as she stared at him.

Tony just shrugged. I was thirteen, he said, as if that explained everything. (Actually, the more
Steve thought about it, the more it did.) I just assumed I was too young to be invited.

Carol and Steve seem to only employ disgustingly wholesome foetuses, Bucky drawled.
Orgies are too radical for them. Theyre probably just doing that disgusting paired-off coupley
thing, you know, the one that makes anyone who wants to eat here lose their appetite.

Steve had to admit that Bucky had a point. An alarming number of their staff were dating each
other. And Eli and Kates first, tempestuous breaking up FOREVER (which only lasted three
days) had been, frankly, horrific for the working environment at Blondie. He didnt want to think
about the ramifications of any of them actually splitting with any permanencewhich probably
wasnt a sound approach to running a business actually, being concerned with the romantic lives
of his employees. But then Steve wouldnt have wanted to run a business where he didnt care
about the people he hired and he knew Carol wouldnt have eitherat that was the point of
Blondie, having created something that they could both be proud of.

I wasnt aware the coupley thing was restricted to the kids, Tony said slyly, looking
significantly at Carol and Jess. The latter just rolled her eyes at him, the former gave him the finger
and, in Steves opinion, the comment wasnt justified. Carol and Jess were a couple, but they
werent coupley. Sure, Carol had her arm around Jess shoulders now, but it was a casual thing.
Carol draped herself over a lot of people, himself included. It was what she did. Jess, however,
gave the impression of being far less comfortable with physical contact in general, or at least in
public, and Steve could count on one hand the number of times hed actually seen them kiss in
front of people who werent their immediate friends. They werent sappy, they werent
embarrassing and they werent overt in how much they cared for each other.

well, unless you knew what to look for.

It was mostly Jess actually, but that didnt surprise Steve. Possibly Steve was the only person who
actually noticed the way she sometimes looked at Carol, like she was taking a mundane little
moment of time and making a memento of it, committing every aspect of her to memory. He knew
what that was like, going about his daily business and suddenly being struck with the
remembrance that every day with her could be his last. He knew what it was like to treasure even
the most ordinary of moments spent with Carol and so, perhaps, he was more sensitive to noticing
it in Jess whenever she watched her girlfriend with a mixture of possessiveness and grief and a
love made all the more intense by how it couldnt ever be taken for granted.

Watching Jess watch Carol sometimes made Steve wistful and even slightly envious, because of
their boldness and their taking a chance and their refusing to let a finite amount of time cheat them
out of a good thing while they could get it. He was glad beyond words that Jess had managed to
be the one to convince Carol to do what Steve had wanted her to do all along namely to make
the most out of what time she did have left rather than cutting herself off from the world out of
some misguided attempt at selflessness but his trend in how he acted in his own relationships
tended to be the exact opposite of the advice hed give someone in the same situation. After all,
hed never plucked up the courage to ask Natasha out dancing, had he? And then her past with
Bucky with James - had come to light and, well, it wasnt awkward (he wouldnt let it be) but it
still sometimes felt like a missed opportunity, something he could have experienced if he had only
been brave enough to take a chance. One he wouldnt take now because he valued his friendship
with Bucky too highly to risk it and because he admired Natasha too much to put her in any sort
of awkward position.

Maybe that just meant that hed never wanted it enough to take that risk though. Maybe that
was why Carol had finally opened herself up to the idea of letting herself love someone, even if it
was just for a while. She had a better idea. Maybe, though there would never be a day when he
didnt wish he could change Carols prognosis, part of life was being able to see that there was
good even in the worst of dealt hands.

Steve didnt know what he would do when Carol died...but he did know that, while she lived, he
wanted her to make the most of it. To love. To be loved. To be herself. And he was part of that
with Blondie. Jess was part of it too, a big part, probably the biggest. And Bucky and Sharon,
Natasha and Clint, they couldnt be forgotten, nor could their painfully young employees. Hell,
even Tony and his robots and the way he fell into familiar, sarcastic bickering patterns with Carol
contributed to this life that theyd built here, the one that tasted the sweetest just because Steve
knew he had to treasure each good moment as it came because it could be the last.

(To soul food, he said when he was asked to give a toast later.

Carol smiled, kissed Jess temple and clinked her beer bottle against his. And the people we love
to eat it with.)

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