AEC Chart for Online Submission

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sheet to assist you on your commentary development

State Take # and color code it and date

State Take 1: September 11th, 2016 BABCOCK TAKE 1 COMMENTS

State Take 2: September 13, 2016 BABCOCK TAKE 2

State Take 3: September 15, 2016 BABCOCK TAKE 3

State Take 4: September 19, 2016 BABCOCK 4

State Take 5: September 21,2016 BABCOCK 5

State Take 6: September 27, 2016

State Take 7: September 29, 2016

State Take 8: October 3, 2016

State Take 9: October 16, 2016

Thesis Information:

Author: Abraham Lincoln

Prompt Name: The Gettysburg Address

Rhetorical Mode: Persuasive

Subject: Civil War

Audience: Civilian and Military alike

Occasion: Battle of Gettysburg

Tone: Solemn

Shifts: Lincoln shifts from past to present to future

Purpose: Motivate the union to continue their confrontation cease the conflict of come together
to end the WC in the war

SQ (Sexy Quote): The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can
never forget what they did here. ...this nation...shall have a new birth of freedom (Lines 17-
18). CITATION pick another one

Why: Reunite the country by and applying enforcing <-WC AWK a true sense of justice, liberty,
freedom, and equality

Thesis Sentence: Within Abraham Lincolns persuasive piece entitled The Gettysburg Address
regarding the Battle of Gettysburg during the Civil War for <-WEIRD INCLUSION OF AUDIENCE
 the civilians and military alike, he shifts from past to present to future in order to motivate the
union to cease the conflict of war YOUR PURP IS A BIT OFF so that ..this nation..shall have a
new birth of freedom and reuniting the country by enforcing a true sense of justice, liberty,
freedom, and equality (Lines 17-18). THE FLOW AFTER YOUR SQ IS WEIRD...SMOOTH IT
OUT AND REWRITE BELOW.

Within Abraham Lincolns persuasive piece entitled The Gettysburg Address regarding the
Battle of Gettysburg during the Civil War that affected civilians and military alike, he shifts from
past to present to future in order to motivate the union to come together to end the war so that
this nation...shall have a new birth of freedom by reuniting the country and enforcing a true
sense of justice, liberty, freedom, and equality (Lines 17-18). REALLY GOOD; JUST A LITTLE
WORDY AFTER THE SQ (YOUR INCORP -) REVISE AND REWRITE BELOW

Within Abraham Lincolns persuasive piece entitled The Gettysburg Address regarding the
Battle of Gettysburg during the Civil War that affected civilians and military alike, he shifts from
past to present to future in order to motivate the union to come together to end the war so that
this nation...shall have a new birth of freedom by reuniting the country with justice, liberty,
freedom, and equality (Lines 17-18). FLOW AFTER SQ IS WEAK; REVISE AND REWRITE AT
THE BOTTOM

Assertion 1 Concept: References the sacrifices made by the fallen and respects the
living soldiers Nationalism

OK, SO I AM LOOKING AT YOUR DEVICES AND YOUR EVIDENCE; YOUR ASSERTION IS

TOO WEAK AND IS NOT ALLOWING YOU TO CHOOSE STRONG EVIDENCE. YOUR NEW
ASS IS NATIONALISM - PICK NEW EVS AND PICK ONE TO DEVELOP

Author: Lincoln
Assertion Concept: References the sacrifices made by the fallen and respects the living
soldiers Nationalism
To/by Statement: to justify
Purpose/why: Ending the war with full support from everyone in the nation the support needed
from the people to unify the country ADD IN PURPOSE A BIT MORE

Assertion Sentence: Lincoln references the sacrifices made by the fallen and respects the
living soldiers conveys nationalism to justify the support needed from the people to unify the
country. GOOD; REWRITE IN A CLEAN VERSION BELOW
Lincoln conveys nationalism to justify the support needed from the people to unify the country.

ADJ + DEVICE + COMMENTARY:

TEXTUAL EVIDENCE:

1. Vivid imagery: The Lincoln describes how the soldiers bravely fought on the field and
brave men, living and gave their all whether they are still alive or died in battle.
dead, who struggled
here , have
consecrated it, far
above our poor power
to add or detract(Line
10). CITE <-TOO
MUCH QUOTE -CUT
TO 5-7 WORDS

2. THIS IS A REALLY
 WEAK DEVICE
3. Patriotic Abstract
Language: ...conceived
in Liberty...(Line 2)

WRAP BACK

4. Honorable Kairos Lincoln gives the urgent message for the nation to finish the task
Deduction: It is for us which the soldiers left for them while being respectful to those who
the living, rather, to be gave their lives.
dedicated here to
the ...unfinished work DEVELOP THE EPIPHORA FIRST
which they who fought People being united within their community - standing together as
here have thus so nobly one country - facing the future together
advanced (Lines 13- Directed at the audience - repetition emphasizing that the people
14). CITE are important to the country - supporting that the people have a
say WHY DOES HE USE THE EPIPHORA - THE REP. AT THE
CANNOT USE END OF THE PHRASE? HOW DOES THAT CONVEY HIS PURP
PERSUASIVE PERFECTLY? YOU NEED MORE ON THE ACTUAL DEVICE
ELEMENTS AS MAIN Emphasized at the end to create a powerful meaning
DEVICES - YOU CAN POWERFUL MEANING IS EMPTY - WHAT KIND OF
REF IN THE POWERFUL MEANING? that the people are what will change the
COMMENTARY ; SEE country EXPLAIN HOW THAT IS SEEN - DONT TELL, SHOW
PREVIOUS COMMENT WHAT PERSUASIVE ELEMENT IS SEEN WITHIN IT?
WHERE IS YOUR DISCUSSION OF BABY DEVICES?
1. United Epiphora: HOW DOES THIS PROPEL HIS PURPOSE FURTHER?
people (Lines 18-19). People being united within their country - standing together as one
country - facing the future together
Directs speech towards the audience - uses epiphora to emphasize
the audiences importance - persuades them using pathos WE
DONT CALL PATHOS PATHOS that their contribution helps out
the country - unites them through the feeling of importance GO
FURTHER
Epiphora used to create a powerful meaning in the word people -
that government of the people, by the people, for the people
(Lines 18-19) - shows how the people are the basis for what the
country stands for KEEP GOING
(Baby Device) diction people - uses people other than citizens or
some other term - isnt being discriminatory by using the general
term people GO FURTHER WITH THIS
THERE ARE OTHER BABIES THAT YOU CAN PULL IN!
People being united within their country - standing together as
one - facing the future together
Directs speech towards the audience - uses epiphora to emphasize
the audiences importance - persuades them using emotion WHAT
KIND OF EMOTION? and passion to convince them that their
contribution will help out the country - unites them through the
feeling of importance - motion to take action because they will
have an impact with what they do
Epiphora used to create powerful meaning of people - that
government of the people, by the people, for the people (Lines
18-19) - shows how the people are the basis for what the country
stands for - the people within the country are in charge of how its
run and what happens to it - civil war breaks up the harmony
 between the people which causes an unstable nation - unstable
nations are looked down upon by other, bigger nations in the world
(Baby Device) Diction people - uses people other than citizens or
some other specific to general term - isnt being discriminatory by
using a general term - Lincoln cared about seeing people as equals
and wanted to end slavery - feels as if even the slaves have a say
in how the world is run
CONSIDER THE ORDER OF YOUR COMMENTARY
Directs speech towards the audience - uses epiphora to emphasize
the audiences importance - persuades them using passionate
feelings to convince them that their contribution will help out the
country - unites them through the feeling of importance - motion
to take action because they will have an impact with what they do
People being united within their country - standing together as
one - facing the future together
(Baby Device) Diction people - uses people other than citizens or
some other specific to general term - isnt being discriminatory by
using a general term - Lincoln cared about seeing people as equals
and wanted to end slavery - feels as if even the slaves have a say
in how the world is run
Epiphora used to create powerful meaning of people - that
government of the people, by the people, for the people (Lines
18-19) - shows how the people are the basis for what the country
stands for - the people within the country are in charge of how its
run and what happens to it - civil war breaks up the harmony
between the people which causes an unstable nation - unstable
nations are looked down upon by other, bigger nations in the world

WRAP BACK

5. Respectful Pathos Lincoln affirms his position by completing this task given to the
Symbolism: ..For us to nation by respecting the lives of the fallen and not letting them die
be here dedicated to without peace.
the great task
remaining before
us...that these dead
shall not have died in
vain (Lines 14-15).
CITE
6. SEE PREVIOUS
COMMENT
7. Fresh Ambiguity: ...new
birth of freedom
(Line 18).

WRAP BACK
Thesis Sentence: Within Abraham Lincolns persuasive piece entitled The Gettysburg Address
regarding the Battle of Gettysburg during the Civil War that affected civilians and military alike,
he shifts from past to present to future in order to motivate the union to come together to end
the war so that this nation...shall have a new birth of freedom by reuniting the country by
enforcing justice, liberty, and equality (Lines 17-18).

Assertion Sentence: Lincoln justifies JUSTIFIES SOUNDS A BIT WEIRD unifying the nation as it is the
only way of the OF THE SOUNDS WEIRD LOVE WHAT FOLLOWS preservation of liberty, equality, and
justice.
Lincoln encourages unifying the nation as the only way of maintaining the preservation of liberty, equality, and
justice.

EV Sentence: The extended metaphor of the nation being a child DONT USE QUOTATION MARKS
AROUND IT illustrates that the nation is young, immature, and has further ability to unify the nation as the
United States of America. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR EV SENTENCE. REWRITE BELOW
The epiphora of people used at the end of the speech demonstrates the importance of the people unifying as
one to pull the nation back together, and the people turn the nation into a bigger force to be reckoned with.

Commentary: Lincoln speaks directly to the audience within his speech to focus on the fact
that they are important to what he is trying to convey. He uses epiphora to refer to the
audience with a passionate and direct tone to emphasize that he needs the audience to
remember that they are the key to his plans. Lincoln uses that sense of importance to
bring the audience together so that they can stand as one country. The feeling of that
importance conveys to the audience that they can strive the future despite who they are
or what race they are. Lincoln doesnt refer to a specific group within the United States,
but he refers to the audience as people that includes the Caucasian citizens and the
African-American slaves. He wants to treat everyone as equals not as groups separated
by the color of their skin. This idea supports Lincolns ideals of ending slavery by treating
the African-American slaves as equals to the Caucasians that rule over them. Lincolns
most imperative motion is that the government is for the people and that the people tell
the government how to run. The civil war going on is disrupting the harmony of the
nation and it is causing an unstable nation. The larger nations would look down upon the
United States for being unstable and fighting within itself, but uniting together would
show the other nations that they can stand up to them.

BABCOCK 8

The epiphora of people USE Q MARKS AROUND TE AND CITE used at the end of the speech
demonstrates the importance of the people unifying as one to pull the nation back together, and
for people to turn the nation into a bigger force to be reckoned with. /Lincoln speaks directly to
his audience to focus on the fact that they are important <-STOP WITH THE REP OF THIS
WORD to what he is trying to achieve VAGUE. By using epiphora to refer to the audience, the
passionate and direct tone emphasizes that Lincoln needs the audience to remember that they
are the key to his plans.<-I LIKE WHAT YOURE SAYING HERE, BUT STRENGTHEN THE WAY
YOU SAY IT / The sense of importance brings the audience together and encourages them to
stand as one country. Since the audience feels as if they are necessary <-DEVELOP THIS
SENSE OF IMPORTANCE FIRST, they will strive for a better future for the country despite who
they are or what race they are WHYC ARE YOU BRINGING RACE INTO THIS?. /Within his
speech, Lincoln doesnt refer to a specific group within the United States, but he refers to the
audience as people which includes all races, even African-American slaves. RACE ISNT REL.
HERE He wants to treat everyone as equals not as groups separated by the color of their skin.
Lincolns ideals of ending slavery supports the goal of equality in the United States. /By having
equality throughout the country, the government is run by the people, for the people (Lines 18-
19). However, the civil war going on is disrupting the harmony between the people who stand for
the government which causes an unstable nation. The larger nations would look down upon the
United States for fighting within itself. By uniting together, it would show the other nations that
the people can stand up to them. IDK WHAT YOUR LAST S ENT IS SAYING

WHAT IS THE DEF OF EPIPHORA? DEVELOP THAT! MORE THAN JUST REPETITION

YOU NEED TO DEEV OF BY FOR

The epiphora of people (Lines 18-19) used at the end of the speech demonstrates the
importance of the people unifying as one to pull the nation back together, and for people to turn
the nation into the. By using epiphora to refer to the audience, the passionate and direct tone
emphasizes that Lincoln needs the audience to recognize that they are the vital key which can
open the lock that is restraining the country. Speaking directly to his audience, Lincoln focuses on
the fact the audience is can alter the country to fit their perspective. By altering the country to
their wishes, it develops an influential feeling within the audience towards future goals. Gaining
this sense of importance brings the audience together and encourages them to stand as one
country. Since the audience feels as if they are necessary, they will strive for a better future for
the country despite all of the hardships they have gone through. Noting that the government is
run by the people, for the people (Lines 18-19), the people control the countrys outcomes by
their actions. If the people dont take action sooner rather than later, then their hopeful
perspective of how the country should be will diminish. However with the civil war going on,
there is a disruption the harmony between the people, who represent the government, which
causes an unstable nation. The larger nations would look down upon the United States for
fighting within itself. If the people unite together instead of fighting, it would show the other
nations that the people within the United States are worthy adversaries that can stand up for
themselves.
 Within Abraham Lincolns persuasive piece entitled The Gettysburg Address regarding

the Battle of Gettysburg during the Civil War that affected civilians and military alike, he shifts

from past to present to future in order to motivate the union to come together to end the war so

that this nation...shall have a new birth of freedom by reuniting the country by enforcing

justice, liberty, and equality (Lines 17-18).

The epiphora of people (Lines 18-19) used at the end of the speech demonstrates the

importance of the people unifying as one to pull the nation back together, and for the people to

turn the nation into a stronghold. By using epiphora to refer to the audience, the passionate and

direct tone emphasizes that Lincoln needs the audience to recognize that they are the vital key

which can open the lock that is restraining the country. Speaking directly to his audience, Lincoln

focuses on the fact the audience can alter the country to fit their perspective. By altering the

country to their wishes, it develops an influential feeling within the audience towards future goals

for the country and life within the country. Gaining this sense of importance brings the audience

together and encourages them to stand as one country. Since the audience feels as if they are

necessary, they will strive for a better future for the country despite all of the hardships they

have gone through. Noting that the government is run by the people, for the people (Lines 18-

19), the people control the countrys outcomes by what they put into the country. The peoples

actions reflect the current state the United States is in whether it be a time of war or a time of

peace. If the people dont take action sooner rather than later, then their hopeful perspective of

a peaceful and efficient country will diminish. However with the civil war going on, there is a

disruption the harmony between the people, who represent the government, which causes an

unstable nation. The uniting of the people would strengthen the community of the nation so that

eventually the United States is in a state of fortitude. As the people of the United States move

towards a stable nation with a vast amount of battle scars, the people can definitely birth the

new nation in freedom.

Since these hard times, the United States has become one with its people and past. The

people living within it have shaped the nation into a model example for other countries to follow
by. The nation no longer fights within itself, but international conflicts have become a frequent

event in todays world. Events in Pakistan and Afghanistan keep the United States on its toes to

prevent future conflict from reaching her turf. The United States runs on the power to find and

execute justice in all parts of the world. People practice the religion they want here as if the

United States has become a safe house for those looking for religious freedom. Recent laws have

been passed to support the marriage of homosexuals which is a major breakthrough for youth of

this day and age. Innovations in science are rapidly discovered over the years as an attempt to

keep up with the diseases like Ebola and Zika that spread across the globe. The Constitution is

edited every so often to add more articles protecting the peoples rights as it is for the people.

The government decides upon laws and rulings that favor the people as it is by the people. The

United States is of the people because the people are the key to opening the locked potential of

a country.